#im going to have a period in a week and im already upset

[izzy-b-hands]

I know it's probably just a part of restarting the lamotrigine, but. holy fuck does it have me short on spoons and patience and. Everything mentally today lmao

[kurthorton-moving]

me spending weeks going "and i probably cant afford the eras tour and thats okay i just have to deal with it" during my breakdowns vs. eras not even coming here and only doing 5 shows in australia so probably being impossible to get tickets to

[greppelheks]

everything is a lot right now

[iamyoubutcuter]

keep silent // Kylian Mbappe

warning: english is not my first language, im so sorry :)

Kylian returned from training in a bad mood. It was obvious from the expression on his face. "Hey!" – you said and smiled at Kyky, he silently took your face in his hands and started kissing your lips. You didn't have time to react properly and enjoy the kiss, as he picked you up in his arms. Your legs are positioned on his waist so as not to fall. Kylian is moving towards to your bedroom, and you are thinking about how to stop him, since you had been on your period for several days, but you never told him about such things. Also, he was busy all this week, so he was really tired. Kylian always noticed a package of tampons in the bathroom, which you pulled out and put on a shelf in the closet to make it easier to take from there. You grew up in a fairly strict family where you didn't talk about natural things. But this time you decided to move the packaging to another place where it will not be visible.

Kylian put you on the bed in front of him and took off his t-shirt, but as soon as he freed his head, he saw that you weren't lying down, but standing next to him. He raised his eyebrows and looked at you, thinking about saying something. "I don't want this today, Kyky," – you looked at the floor and went to your side of the bed, where there is a nightstand. "Why?” – he was holding a t-shirt in his hand, showing with his whole appearance that he was dissatisfied. "Not today. Something happened? Why are you angry and upset?" – you sat on the bed with your back to him and you bit your lip, hoping he wouldn't ask any more questions. He didn't answer you. Mbappe dropped his t-shirt to the floor with a sigh. He slammed the door behind him. You shuddered, closing your eyes.

You have already changed your clothes and were lying under the blanket. You heard your boyfriend take a shower, eat in silence. It was difficult for you to say something to him, because you needed time and an explanation of why everything happened the way it did. Kylian came, undressed and got into bed next to you. He just turned his back on you, you turned your back too, and so both fell asleep.

The next morning you woke up alone because Kylian had a football training and then a massage. Since yesterday, the burden of this situation has been on your shoulders. During the day, you went to the shower and noticed that your period was over. You were glad of that, because you couldn't keep quiet anymore, and you did whatever you wanted with Kylian.

16:50

You opened the door: "Finally at home," – you said and tried to kiss him, but he just smiled and turned away, just hugging you. You frowned, but you didn't say anything. "I'm really hungry," – he put sports bag on the floor by the door and went to the kitchen. You followed him. "I'm hungry too," – you came closer to him and put your hand on his chest. You looked into his eyes, and he understood what you needed.

"Then let's go somewhere and have a delicious dinner. Get ready." - he hugged you again with one hand and went to the shower. You didn't know if he was offended or not. After he went out and took a shower, he noticed that you were not preparing, but just lying in a nightgown and watching videos on your phone. The towel was hanging on his hips, he began to look for clothes. Suddenly you started pulling him by the towel, he grabbed it and turned to you. You were sitting on your knees on the bed. Kylian looked down at you, and you untie your silk nightgown, looking into his eyes. He saw your body in gorgeous red lace underwear and on these garters that hung around your thighs. Kylian quickly turned away from you. You didn't understand this move. Then he turned to you, coming closer, and you were already excited. He leaned into your ear and said: "Get ready, let's go eat," – and he tied your nightgown. You were just shocked by what just happened. Kylian has never given up on you. "I haven't even kissed him once today," – you thought. You are ready, wear a short black dress with long sleeves and a square neckline. You gathered your hair and applied a minimum of makeup. Kylian stared at you and smiled. You were looking in the mirror, but you felt his gaze and looked back at him with a brief smile. He didn't even take your hand when you left the house, as he did before.

You've already sat across from each other in a restaurant, although Kylian has always tried to sit next to you until today. You watched him eat, and at some point he felt something under the table. You moved your foot up and down his shin. All the while watching Kylian's expression. He was surprised, but didn't show it. Of course, there was a desire inside him to just go home and show all his feelings, but he couldn't. You decided to go further and have already touched his knee. He put his hand under the table and gently removed your leg. You looked at him, and a veil of tears began to appear in your eyes. But you decided not to show it to him, so you smiled, looking down.

You didn't say a word to each other in the car. "What happened? Are you offended by yesterday?" – you said as soon as he closed the door behind them. "No, not today," – he took off his outer clothes and went to your bedroom. "I've had enough of this," – you ran your hands through your hair, taking off your shoes. "And what? if you didn't want me to touch you anymore, you would just say so," – he said and went to the bathroom. "You didn’t understand me. And tortured me all day, Kylian," – you sighed. He rolled his eyes in the bathroom and started searching in the closet to find a replacement razor attachment, and found an open package of these tampons. Then it dawned on him this was the reason. He immediately felt guilty about you.

When you got into bed, Kylian moved closer to you, hugged you and kissed the top of your head. He covered you with short kisses all over your face. You giggling because he moved to your neck and you're always tickled. "I'm sorry about today. Yesterday I had a fight with Hakimi and sought solace in you." – he said and kissed your lips. His tongue found yours and you rolled your eyes with pleasure, because you really missed him. – "All day I just wanted to kiss those lips and touch you. I swear, today I felt like a virgin who went on a date with a girl for the first time." – you laughed together. "I should have told you right away, but we never talked about such things, so I felt ashamed," – you looked into his eyes and kissed him on the lips again. "Next time we both need to say it all at once," - Kylian really couldn't tear himself away from you, especially when you were under him.

[girl-failure]

Transwoman needs answers

this isnt an easy post to write and it's going to be full of info about me that's personal and embarassing but I am desperate for answers and assitance so please bear with me. Long story short, im almost 3 years hrt (may 19th will be exact) and it's like nothing has changed. More info under the cut.

I'm going to try and explain everything to the best of my memory, but exact dosages and stuff might be fuzzy and inexact. I began HRT on May 19th 2021, when I was 22. I took one and a half 2mg pills, twice (morning and night) daily. I took them sublingually. I was also prescribed Spironolactone, though the exact dose escapes me (i remember it was 1 pill nightly). I had only come out as trans in the December the previous year, so i considered myself unfathomably lucky to get to start so soon. I had done this through informed consent at a planned parenthood and was excited by the possibility of a future where my own body didn't make me want to die. The idea of changing my body gave me a feeling of control in my life that had been entirely absent until that point. I knew I wanted all the help I could get with breast development (the women in my immediate family are well endowed) and I had read & heard from other trans women that prog could help, but I'd have to wait to ask for it.

I think it was on December 15, 2021, I was officially prescribed 100 progesterone nightly. At this point I had began to notice softer skin, lighter hair, the few bits of acne left over from high school had gone entirely, and the inklings of breasts beginning to form. My libido had all but dissipated entirely at that point, but I was told (mostly by other trans women) it would come back, especially after starting prog, and that my body would likely experience pleasure differently, and that my orgasm would be very different. The fat from my stomach (i wasn't overweight or underweight, i was pretty average for a man my height, but I did have a masculine stomach I despised) hadn't relocated at all, but I knew HRT wasn't a sprint, but a marathon, and I had a long way to go. This continued for a long time, eventually i would be bumped up to two 2mg of E (sublingual pill) twice daily (8mg total), and my Spiro would change to 200mg a day EDIT: My Spiro dosages did fluctuate, though again I don't recall the exact dosages, (I initially got it confused with my prog dosage, sorry), though there was the occasional few week period where I'd be bumped back down to one and a half E pills because I had timed my blood-work poorly. It had been a while since starting HRT and I was starting to worry. My libido never came back, I was unable to feel the sensation of pleasure entirely, my breasts & nipples never became sensitive or had growth pains, and my breasts really hadn't grown at all. My stomach still made me feel awful and masculine because fat continued to pile up there instead of in the feminine places I was told and led to believe it should!!! I was scared and frightened and upset. I'd say I developed an eating disorder but my eating was already disordered. I was afraid of food. Afraid it'd just make me look manly, instead of going to my hips/waist/whatever and breasts like it was supposed to. I began to feel like the hrt that was supposed to save my life was just making me feel worse.

On October 23rd, 2023, I finally started seeing a doctor again after 9 years of not being able to afford it, and only then because a parent got insurance through their work. I was officially prescribed Estradiol Valerate (.3mL intramuscular, and the bottle itself is 20mg/mL) , and quit Spiro outright. Now that I was talking to a doc, especially one who had been working with trans people in my area for years, I was starting to have hope again that maybe injections would solve my problems. After all, they're supposed to be more powerful right? Well after some blood-work revealing that my T levels were so low they were undetectable, we started fiddling with my injection dosages. I went down to .25mL. Nothing changed. I went down to .2ml. Nothing changed. I stayed at .2mL and was prescribed a med called EstraTest (.625mg E and 1.25mg T), a single pill which has both E and T in it, to try and raise my T levels back to measurable levels and hopefully find that golden ratio of E and T where maybe my body will start working again and start changing. But that brings us today. I still don't feel any sensation of pleasure (masturbating is pointless, intimacy just feels like I'm disappointing my partner), let alone a female orgasm (which as embarrassing as it is to admit, I was really looking forward to), my nipples still don't get sensitive and my chest doesn't get sore or get growing pains. My breasts look the same way they did 4 months into hrt. I've still had practically no fat redistribution, though I've gotten better about eating and not being afraid of food. I'm even beginning to notice my acne slowing starting to come back. I feel like I'm losing my mind. Why has nothing worked? Why does it feel like I'm regressing? I lost my health insurance earlier this week, and I can't afford to see my doctor again with my dumb pizza delivery job, so I haven't been able to ask to try anything more drastic to try and fix these issues. My current theories are that maybe my body is just more resistant to E? Which would be awful, but might be handled by just tripling my dose or something? Or

that my receptors are fried, and that the only solution would be to stop taking my HRT for a while (maybe even a long while). I pray that isn't the case, because I'd sooner off myself then let my body regress any further.

So this is a call for help. If anyone has any idea what could be causing these problems for me, or knows how I might be able to fix them, PLEASE let me know. I've lost hope in having a future as a woman, or even just feeling apathy towards my body (instead of intense self-loathing) at this point.

Here's my ca$happ if anyone wants to throw some money my way and maybe I'll be able to see the doctor again. cash.app/$occultChloe

[luvhughes43]

Period Pains | Jack Hughes x reader

request: Can I get a fluffy jack hughes fic where the reader comes on her period whilst they are at the lake house and she has nothing with her. And she just wants cuddles. Maybe one of the other boys makes a comment about her being clingy and is like oh someone’s on their period 🙄. And she gets upset

word count: 0.8k

You had just arrived at the lake house a week ago, and having gone practically all summer without seeing your boyfriend, you were just too busy to take a much needed trip to the store. You had stupidly left all your period supplies at home, claiming that you would just buy more. But with all the much needed time you were spending with your boyfriend jack… you just hadn’t gotten around to it. Which led you to the predicament that you were currently in. 

You had bad cramps last night, and with all the busyness that comes with being at the lake house, you had not clued in to the warning that your period was about to start. Leaving you stuck in the bathroom, in a house full of men with absolutely no supplies. 

Luckily for you, you brought your phone into the bathroom with you, so you quickly called Jack as he was outside hanging out with his friends. He answered his phone on the second ring.

“Yeah baby?” Jack spoke into the mic. You could hear the guys laughing and talking in the background.

“I really need your help right now” you replied and you could hear Jack hastily slide open the slide in door, “what’s wrong? Where are you?” he responded clearly worried.

“I'm in the upstairs bathroom” you groaned in pain as you felt another cramp hit you. “K im coming” was all he said as he hung up the phone. You placed yours back on the counter and waited. You could hear Jack running up the stairs and the fact that he cared so much about you made you smile. 

Jack knocked on the bathroom door, “can I come in?” he asked to which you responded with a faint yes. Jack walked in to find you hunched over on the toilet,  your arms on your thighs and your head down. “Are you good?” he asked obliviously. 

“I started my period and I have nothing to deal with it. Can you run to the store for me real quick?” you asked, and Jack just nodded. “Yeah uh just give me a list of what you need��.

You got out of your hunched position and grabbed your phone, texting Jack a small list of everything you needed. “Okay ill be right back, love you” he said as he gave you a quick kiss on the cheek before walking out of the bathroom.

About 15 minutes later, Jack was back from the small store up the road with everything you needed in hand. He walked into the bathroom and passed you a bag full of your requested items. “Thank you” you whispered to Jack as you felt another painful cramp in your abdomen. “Of course. When you're done in here why don't we cuddle in my room? It might help with your cramps and stuff, "Jack said. “Sounds perfect” you replied and he left the bathroom letting you clean yourself up. 

After you finally got everything sorted out, you brought your grocery bag into Jack's room. He was already sprawled across his bed and when he heard you creak the door open he smiled up at you. Before getting into bed, you took an ibuprofen, and changed into a pair of Jacks sweats. 

You climbed into Jack's bed and he laid one of his arms across his bed so you could cuddle up into him. With one of his hands wrapping around your shoulder he snaked the other around your waist pulling you closer to him. You were both facing the door, facing away from each other, and soon enough your legs were getting caught up into each other as you snuggled closer to each other. 

However, your peaceful cuddling season was quickly disrupted as Trevor Zegras bursted into Jack's room. “Where did you go man? I thought you were only going to the store” he basically yelled as he walked into Jack's room. He hadn't seen you two cuddled on the bed but when he finally realized you two were wrapped up into each other he smirked. “Never mind then… I see!” he barked out a laugh.

“Go away Trevor” you said irritated that he disturbed your peace you had created with Jack.

“Ooo someones on their period!” he laughed as you got up and threw a pillow at his head. Trevor just laughed harder. 

“Seriously Trev, go” Jack said, also sitting up. Trevor laughed some more and lifted both hands as if he was surrendering. He backed out of Jack's room quickly, shutting the door as he went. 

You and Jack both laid back down and you felt so frustrated. “I hate when people say things like that” you say, turning around so you were face to face with jack. He brushed a few strands of hair out of your face, “I know baby, I'm sorry. Trevs an asshole”.

Jack started playing with your hair which promptly lulled you to sleep. 

[wowa-bublord]

Mentally lying on my bed and kicking my feet like a schoolgirl while joyously waiting for more Zack and Cloud sketchies ❤️ In your AU is Cloud completely conscious and aware when he first breaks out of his coma? Or is there a sort of in-between zone for awhile? If there is, is Zack overjoyed or worried out of his mind (or both)? Does Cloud struggle with allowing somebody to take care of him?

Sending you virtual hugs should you want them or a crisp and respectful nod of the head if not!

IM SORRY this ask only just showed up in my inbox but it says it's from march 24th?? tumblr killing me with daggers,,,, This is going to be a long one sorry!! I'll explain the stages of his coma first, and then the stages of waking up from it.

In the beginning, while they are on the run, Cloud is in.. something close to a catatonic state. He can perform basic instincts, such as blinking, swallowing, the small stumble-steps he's shown doing in gameplay, and making small noises. In my au/headcanon, this is because of the Mako keeping his body up and functioning in spite of his intense poisoning. Because of the Mako, his muscles also don't atrophy during this period. He has no memories from this era at all.

After this, a little before the battalion but mostly after, his body begins to heal from his Mako poisoning. Which is good. but the lack of the access Mako leaves his body with far less functions. He begins to lose the ability to eat, becomes unable to even stumble, his eyes shut and don't open again. He falls into a full comatose state. Which, although it is very scary for Zack, and takes a lot more work and medical equipment, is actually a good sign for his healing. Fighting off mako poisoning this far is already rare.

(In this segment, he is kept fed and hydrated through his IV, but he switches to an NG tube after he wakes up, due to the inconvenience of the IV and continued difficulty swallowing.)

His first signs of waking up were a few weeks before he opened his eyes. He began responding to stimuli, ears flicking at noises, hands tensing, eyes occasionally opening but not for long. It's at this stage that he also starts having nightmares, and becomes more aware of his environment. He has blurry memories from this era, but in the moment he was mostly just confused and distressed, and didn't process it. this took up most of the few weeks.

After some time, he began to have more moments of consciousness and rational thought. He could start to respond to simple questions or requests such as blinking or closing his hands. He only vaguely remembers this. It lasts a few days

when he actually began to wake up, initially he was incredibly upset and confused, not being recovered enough to actually process the situation. This resulted in him lashing out, not knowing where he was and initially not recognizing zack, he struggled and tried to pull his tubes out. This was the final stage to his waking up, only lasts an hour? possibly a few hours? and he was finally fully awake after this!!

When Cloud woke up from his coma, his body was incredibly weak from being bedridden so much. His muscles had atrophied severely over the few months, which put him in a wheelchair as they worked on him recovering.

In this stage, he is mostly determined to improve again. He feels a lot of gratitude towards Zack for taking care of him so much, and a lot of frustration towards himself for not recovering faster.

his next stage was crutches, he recovered his arm strength faster than his legs. He begins to pick up on zack overworking himself, but he's unsure how to approach it, and often ends up saying the wrong thing. (He still uses an NG tube in this era, but he begins to be able to eat on his own, so he doesn't have it in for much longer)

His next stage is using a cane, which he ends up using for a long while. Even after his muscles have recovered, he maintains knee/hip pain for the rest of his life. He also has migraines and memory issues like in canon. At this stage, he begins to get frustrated with Zack more and more. He appreciates Zacks help, but feels frustrated with feeling like Zack doesn't trust him to take care of himself, and upset with how Zack prioritizes Cloud so much over himself. Due to these frustrations, he grows more confrontational. (<- comic linked is not 100% canon to this au, just an example.) Zack is overjoyed that Cloud is awake. He thought Clouds return to consciousness would help his fears and guilt ease, but for some reason he finds himself more worried than ever. He always backs off when Cloud says he wants space, but he finds himself worrying about what Cloud is doing now that he isn't able to be monitoring him all the time, and then guilty for feeling so worried.

[fairycosmos]

Hey Chloe! I hope you’re doing alright. I dont really know who to go to in regards to things like this, and its just been making me upset all week. I know how understanding and thoughtful you are so I thought maybe I could confide this to you. I was having a conversation with my bf about how I wasnt all cheerful like I usually am because of my horrible period cramps. We’re long distance so I usually keep my complaints to myself, but today it was really excruciating and I had to tell him when he asked why I’ve been so silent. He was really repulsed when I brought it up. I didn’t go into that much detail, all I said was that my period cramps really hurt. He said he’s grossed out because it made him visualize it all in his head and I just ended up apologizing for bringing it up at all. I cried shortly after and it made me feel pretty horrible. I want to tell him that it hurt my feelings but I don’t know if I should. Or if I’m just overreacting…

is he literally 10 years old???? you absolutely are not overreacting like this is some of the most immature behaviour anyone can ever exhibit 😭😭 im so sorry you’re having to deal with this on top of already having a tough time and being in a lot of pain - i want you to know that objectively you are not being ridiculous and in fact he is the one being stupid as fuck shaming you over a normal bodily function. honestly if he can’t handle hearing about something that is perfectly normal then idk if he has the emotional maturity or range to be the type of partner you truly deserve. i definitely encourage you to voice your thoughts and feelings on this though and if he gets mad or whatever then that’s just another display of his weak character. you have every right to talk to him about this and to speak on your perspective. you can’t control his response ofc but you can control how you react to it. sending you so much love ❤️ im wishing you the best and i hope he reflects on how he’s been acting towards you bc it is not acceptable behaviour in a relationship imo. X

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

aita for getting into a screaming match with a neighbour after he harrassed me for months for being sick?

im gonna start this by saying i dont *think* im the asshole. i more just wanted to share this insane story and maybe get some other points of view on it.

i (22nb) got really sick back in april. like rush to a&e multiple times sick. i tested multiple times but it wasnt covid. it later turns out my cold-like symptoms and my horrendous cough were caused by allergies. it took about 3 months to finally dull it down and feel okay again. i take meds everyday and im still not 100% because the allergen (pollen) persists.

but in this 3-month period of me being sick we found we kept getting knocks on our door. it was our upstairs neighbour (approx 50m). the first time he knocked at 3 in the morning to complain about how my coughing was keeping him awake. he rambled through the door for like 15 minutes about my coughing and demanded we move our bed to the front room so he couldnt hear my coughing anymore.

i, having already been feeling guilty and anxious about being sick because my fiancé (27m) had to take care of me and i lost my job over the situation, decided i was gonna go for a walk. i was really upset and i wanted some fresh air (which at the time i thought would help).

the next morning, the neighbour came down again to inform us that we should keep sleeping in the front room until i recover because he slept so great that night. we informed him that we in fact did not sleep in the front room and i hadnt even been in the flat.

a few days go by and we get another knock at the door. its thankfully daytime and hes talking through the door again. hes demanding that we move into the front room because we are the ones causing the noise disturbance. (once again, i am very sick. paramedics were round at our house 2 days prior to look me over).

we say no to this and he says hes going to get our estate agent to resolve this because we, and i quote, "are being selfish".

a few more days pass and our estate agents inform us that theyre coming to do an inspection. naturally they get here and they want to know my fiancé and i's side of the story. we tell them im very sick and they are very understanding because the neighbour said as much when they put in the noise disturbance complaint. they tell us not to worry and theyll tell the neighbour that hes being silly.

two or three weeks go by and we hear nothing. until one day, whilst my fiancé is at work, he decides to harrass me personally because he knows im home alone. he demands to know exactly what im doing to fix this, tells me how its bothering our other neighbours (who had said nothing to us) and tells me its affecting his quality of life. (i was the one coughing so hard i was vomiting for about two weeks but his quality of life was the one inconvenienced???) in the end, he slinks off back upstairs like usual and i then ring the estate agents to complain about his continued harrassment.

this happens again another time when my fiancé and we start arguing through the door again. it was pretty much like the last few times.

but then, heres where we might be the assholes of the story. after weeks of repeated knocks and lengthy complaints and demands, he knocks again. it was 8am, my fiancé was still sleeping for work. my fiancé woke up to him complaining at me through the door again and lost it. this man was knocking to ask if it was okay to move back into his bedroom because the coughing seemed to have gone down. he wanted us to assure him that i wouldnt get sick again. we opened the door to him for the first time (after giving warning) and got into a screaming match with him. of course in the time it took between giving warning and opening the door, he had scurried upstairs and was yelling at us from there.

i think theres a possibility we are the assholes because the screaming match would have been heard by our downstairs neighbour who was not involved in this at all. we did write him a letter to apologise for this but i still feel kinda shitty about it.

i went back to the estate agents after and reported him again saying if they didnt deal with him, id look into taking legal action for harrassment. its been about a month now and weve heard nothing from him since.

What are these acronyms?

[safetycar-restart]

Hi! Congrats on surviving exams and getting some sleep! Im so glad and impressed! May the rest and recovery be yours.

Some tired thoughts:

So much ducati drama! But happy thoughts. The moto boys have an unusually large break now, in the dom au are they spending all their time with their doms?

Is someone basically under for like a week? Who is having the hard impact scenes that are very impractical when racing? Who is being pampered and petted all the time? perhaps someone is having all the overstimulation? Is someone shibari artwork?

Cheers

🏍 anon

Oh my god 🏍 anon I have missed you so much and I have missed your Motogp thoughts so much. During my little unplanned hiatus I actually got even more into MotoGP so this is just... 10/10. For everyone else: if you send me Motogp thoughts they will get answered embarrassingly quickly.

So let's discuss a few riders with this long break in the D/S AU!

ENEA:

So I really like the idea that you first became Enea's dom last season and you kinda had a baptism by fire because of his injury in the first race of the season and so you had to support him throughout the recovery period. Because of this, you never really had a normal progression of a professional dom/sub relationship? Because you just immediately started practically living with him.

In other words, you raised a kitten in quarantine and now you can't leave him alone. All of this is to say that of course you're with Enea during the strangely long break.

However, I think maybe Enea surprises you with a trip to see your family? Like you think you'll be spending the break with Enea at his house helping him train and scening with him, but no. Enea knows how insanely lucky he is to have you and he wants to show that! So he plans to go with you back home and spend time with your friends and family and he is truly just the bestest boy ever.

(Also, of course Enea is so so scared when Ducati announce that they've signed Marc to be Pecco's teammate because he's so scared that you won't come with him wherever he moves. But obviously he need not worry, you're going with him. Maybe this even prompts you to officially collar him??)

MARC:

Marc is absolutely THRIVING this season. Not only does he have a good bike, but also he just has so much support?? He's got his brother as his teammate and his dad in his garage at all times and his dom and he's just so happy.

But I also think he's putting so much pressure on himself, because he feels like he should have gotten his first Ducati win by now and he's punishing himself for not doing that. He's still crashing and making mistakes and he beats himself up for it.

So I actually think you'd have to put your foot down during this break? Marc says he's happy and ready to train hard and focus on racing this break so that he can get his first Ducati win, but you actually put your foot down and tell him that no, no he's not going to do that.

You've been Marc's dom since he started at Honda, and you've collared him years ago. You know him. And he knows better than to try and argue when his dom orders him. You can see that if Marc keeps on pressuring himself like this and beating himself up for losing, he's gonna end up in the same bad headspace he was at Honda so you put your foot down. You tell him that you and him are going away. He can keep up his workout schedule, but no bikes and no meeting with Ducati personal or anything. Just Marc relaxing and floating in subspace.

He's a little upset when you first say this, throwing a little hissy fit and trying to disobey you. But after a week, he admits that you were right and he's already starting to feel better. It serves a reminder about just how much you know Marc and how you're the best dom he could ever have.

FABIO:

Fabio is definitely one who spends a week in subspace. In fact, fabio doesn't even try to plan for the break, the moments he finds out about it, he just immediately tells you. He doesn't even have to ask for you to plan the break, because he knows you will.

For the first week, it's just you and him in Andorra and when you tell him this he is just so happy. You scene with him the entire time and he's just this happy, giggly sub floating in subspace and being a good boy and being fucked hard every day.

But then after that week, you spend a day slowly getting Fabio to come out of subspace and he just SO happy. He feels so so good and he knows he still has two weeks with you and it's perfect. And then... then you tell him that actually you two are spending the next week with his family?

Which naturally prompts fabio to just burst into tears because he can't believe how lucky he is and he's so excited to spend a week with his family and his dom.

Only after that week is fabio allowed to do some proper racing and working with Yamaha and of course fabio is just in the best headspace possible for that work.

JORGE:

So as we all know, Jorge has just confirmed his new contract with Aprillia next season and obviously that wasn't an easy decision. For a long time leading up to that decision, he was just so stressed and so worried and so confused.

You support him of course, making sure he's entering subspace regularly and not letting him fall into spirals and whatnot.

But now that it's all confirmed and he has this long break, it's the perfect time to just relax and calm down and recover. It's just the two of you and you do everything to make sure that Jorge feels the least amount of pressure.

He can be as needy as he wants and trust you to look after him.

[blkkizzat]

Kali losing her virginity story time when

sis lmfao it's not glamorous... ngl i 18 and i was crossfaded af at a college party and "superman" by eminem was playing.

LMFAO A MESS, ill talk about it but i don't wanna trigger anyone so under the cut. tw sex under the influence; dubcon

i probably wasn't in the right mind frame to consent or anything tbh (so please dont be like me stay safe). well, honestly now that i think about it, i think it was just that last bong hit that had me out of my mind. although i was already naked atp lol so i was down to have sex. but right after that's when i blacked out and when i came to i was literally moaning as ol'boy had a mouth full of my pussy hjdfasdjhfasdjh. i just wanted to lose my v and get it over with so i was happy to go with the flow. (disclaimer: back in the day when i was drinking hard dark liquor and mixed it with weed i would literally black out, but not go unconscious but just lose that time and not know wtf i was doing for the last 20 mins. But people have told me i was talking/acting like normal so idk.bdjhsdfjh but it happened then too. its only happened to me like 3-4 times tbh all when i binge drank heavy in college and smoked a fuckton of weed. so no it wasn't like i was unconscious and he was hooking up with me anyway).

that said, ngl that was some of the best sex i ever had in college. high sex is always great for me tbh and i dont remember it hurting much (but he had also just ate me out for like 45 min) but i think me and ol'boy just had good natural chemistry. he lived on the 3rd floor and my friends on the first floor said they heard me kfjhsdkjshdfkvjhsd.

one awkward asf thing though is the guy did not know i was a virgin and i would have told him if i wasnt so fucked up fjkhrfkdhgkdf.

also just wanna note, im not sad or upset at all. i always gave zero fucks about the construct of virginity (personally, please if you want it to be nice and special that is your preference and nothing is wrong with that). and sidenote thats why other than the one virgin!reader fic i will write (she wont really give af either tho tbh), i dont like writing virgin!reader cause i dont believe in idealizing it.

honestly i just wanted to lose it cause up until that point i was scared to use a tampon and was tired of being in the bloody dirt trenches with pads fhsdfjkhasfjaksh. like it wasnt even about "losing my virginity to a tampon", i was just scared to put it in. but literally got my period a week later and was like "well a dick has been in me" and found the courage to put it in. i was a silly bitch im fully aware LOL!

but i will say, it was this weird thing after where i felt bad for NOT feeling bad. like i had other friends who idealized virginity so much (then were all pikachu face when they found out i didnt want to tell them i had sex), i felt like there was something wrong with me for not thinking it was a big deal. even sometimes now, i wont want to discuss it just because so may people do idolize it its annoying to have to deal with their reactions and reassure them "no i dont feel like i was SA'd, no i dont regret it, yes i actually enjoyed the experience."

however i will say now im in the middle.

these days im alot more selective with who i fuck as personally i subscribe to the ideas of tantra/tantric sex. That while you can have sex without emotions, you can't have it without an energy exchange. sometimes ive felt shitty after one-night stands or liked the friends with bennies for the pleasure in sex but felt off after. i realized that those feelings weren't due to guilt from slut-shaming but the fact that their energy was off and it was now having an effect on me. so rn im DTF 100%—but yo energy gotta be right. and usually i cant tell that just from the bar or first meeting so ive been waiting more.

i rambled again jsdhsdjhbj but oh well.

[mystargirl-interlude]

𝑴𝑰𝑹𝑹𝑶𝑹𝑩𝑨𝑳𝑳

Billy Hargrove x singer!reader

Living in Hawkins is probably the most boring thing possible but it has its perks.

I woke up to the screeching of my alarm at 7:30 am letting me know I have to get up to go to school, I sit up and see my cat stretching and yawning as it seems it also awoke to my alarm.

Groaning I get up and start getting ready for the day, thankful that it's a Friday for one reason it's the weekend and the other is that I go to the bars open mic nights. I've made good friends with the regulars already.

As I'm brushing my hair I hear the honking of Steve's car outside my house.

"Shit shit shit shit shit!"

Running out barefoot with only socks on, my bag over my shoulder and my sneakers in my hand I get in the backseat of his car.

"Hey nance!"  I greet Nancy

"Morning y/n!" Steve and Nancy reply in sync

"Well aren't you a lovely disaster this morning" Steve teases

"Fuck you i had to shower " I reply laughing

As we pull up to the school I managed to pull myself together and not look homeless.

Last night wasn't one of the best. My mother suffers from a handful of mental illness one of those being bipolar disorder and there are times where she can hate my guts and other times where she acts like nothing happened, she's had one of her episodes last night and screamed at me for my room being messy and threw my mirror at me making it shatter into a million pieces.

On Monday we got a new student his name was billy and he came from California. What is he doing here? I have to fucking idea. We didn't exactly have the best first interactions I guess? On his first day he's befriended Tommy and his group. Unfortunately for me I wasn't my nicest looking as the night before I had another argument with my mom which led to her kicking me out of the house so I went to school the next morning red eyes and a messy bun.

Monday morning

When I arrived on school on Monday Tommy and his group were staring at me. Im popular but not how you think. I don't have a large group of friends nor am I rich. Through all the hate I received throughout my childhood I have made a promise to never give hate no matter how much I receive. I don't have 𝑩𝒂𝒅 𝒃𝒍𝒐𝒐𝒅 with anyone in this school. At least not that I know of.

"Hey y/l/n you good?" I hear carol ask

I turn to look her way and see her friends and the new kid staring at me

"Uh- yeah, just hard night, you know" I replied

Carol might seem like a total bitch but she isn't once you befriend her, she's known of my home life for a while now

I take another glance at the new kid once again and we end up making eye contact for what seems like forever until I enter the actual school.

Present time

Me Nancy and Steve walked into the school and going out separate ways as we all the different classes, I head to my seat in the back of the class and start doodling in my journal watching the class fill up as the bell rings.

Keeping my eyes on my journal I see someone out of the corner of my eye take the desk next to me.

"Hey y/l/n" i hear the voice of billy say as I look up

"Hey, morning" I reply smiling

"What're you drawing?" He asked with a small smirk playing on his lips

"oh, just doodles to pass time" I reply slightly inhaling as he gets closer to see

I'm enjoying the time we spend talking until some girl next to him gets his attention by whining his name and then proceeds to ask him out.

Slightly upset that he chose to ignore me I turn my attention to the window showing the outside track by the gym.

This class period is one of the longest classes I have being 3 hours long so that gives me time to work on random things, I've been writing this song since last week labeling it "mirrorball" as mirrorball was the original name of a ball covered in shattered pieces of a mirror before getting the name "disco ball" as they were used in the 70s at discos

While finishing last minute things on the song I see billy look at my journal through the corner of my eye.

Quickly not sparing him a glance I close my journal just in time as the bell rings and being the first one out of the class

"Y/n!" I hear billy yell

Turning around I reply "hey?"

"Sorry about earlier uh yeah " he says scratching his neck

"Why?"

"Oh cause you know, Emma"

"Oh that! Yeah don't worry about it" I fake smile

It's awkward silence for about 5 seconds

"Um sorry I'm gonna head to class" I say walking away before he can respond

Time skip

As I make my way inside my house I hear the phone start ringing, rushing to it I answered

"Hey y/n" I hear on the other side of the phone that it's Eddie

"Oh hey Ed's! Are you ready for tonight?" I ask him because he is the keys during my set

"Yep, so do you want me to pick you up?"

"Yeah that would be great see you then!"

Changing into my outfit for tonight it's a flowy purple dress with ruffles and bell sleeves pretty much giving a hippie fairy is what I hoping for

<3

Me and Eddie arrive to the bar a bit before I go on to set up and try to get there before it gets busy

After setting up I begin seeing people start to pour in as the sun sets, unfortunately I still have a quick sound check before.

Making my way to the bathroom I see billy sitting at the bar with Emma with his tongue practically down her throat

Part two https://www.tumblr.com/mystargirl-interlude/721670506571513856/%F0%9D%91%AD%F0%9D%91%B6%F0%9D%91%B9-%F0%9D%91%AD%F0%9D%91%B9%F0%9D%91%AC%F0%9D%91%AC-bh

[banned-for-horny]

Comeuppance

So maybe Kylar's attempts with Sydney and Whitney didn't work exactly as intended, but dealing with Robin should be easy, right?

cw: graphic description of violence

kinda wrote this in a heat of the moment. im definitely expanding upon this once i can get an ao3 account

It’s easy for Kylar to pick up Robin’s schedule. In fact, he already sort of knows it after observing him with you for so long: go to school at 8:00 AM, attend classes until 3:00 PM, loiter around the front until 5:00 PM (or earlier, if you are there with him), then stay in the orphanage until 8:00 AM the next morning. The only deviation he has to worry about is the weekends, when Robin sets up a stand to try and make some money. 

Granted, there was that one period of time where both you and Robin disappeared for two weeks, right after Kylar released Whitney.

(Well, released as in he had to blind and gag him and toss him in an alleyway for someone to find him, but that's besides the point.)

At first, he'd assumed Robin had taken you and fled, but then the delinquent vanished too and-oh, just thinking about it makes his stomach boil. How dare that-that jerk you away for so long. Him and Whitney must have worked together. Just what kind of terrible things were they doing to you when you three were alone?! When you'd finally come back to Kylar, you’d been so scared of everything and clung to Robin’s side for months. Robin must have hurt you, a-and the moment Kylar gets his hands on that orphan bastard he’ll-

Kylar shoos those thoughts away with a violent shake of his head. No, no. He needs to focus. Revenge will come in due time. Whitney has already been dealt with, leaving the orphan. Even if Robin is one of the nicer students around the school, that doesn’t mean he can get away with keeping you away from your one true love for so long.

So Kylar crouches behind the bushes, gnawing on his lip as the orphan continues to set up his hot chocolate stand. Winter air nips at his nose, skin raw and tender as he burrows into his scarf. It’s a Sunday, so you’re off preparing for mass at the temple with Sydney. Whitney and his friends are off at the lake ice skating. It’s cloudy, too, so the only people around are bums and joggers. It’s the perfect time to strike. 

That’s what Kylar tells himself as he starts digging through his duffel bag. Red bondage rope? Check. Chloroform and rag? Check. Fake cum in a pump bottle designed specifically for close-up shots in a porno? Check. Illicit drugs he asked Whitney to grab in exchange for never leaking those photos Kylar took of him during their, uh, ‘training session’ together? 

He picks up the plastic baggie filled with multicolored tablets. He wonders if that might cross a line, then quickly shakes his head again. From what he’s discovered, you wouldn’t care if your lover wasn’t a virgin or if they were a delinquent, so Kylar is kind of running out of options here. The only foolproof way to get Robin out of the picture is to send him to prison, so…

“Sorry, Robin,” Kylar mutters before continuing his prep. He has a blanket spread out already to keep him and his future victim dry, plus a burner phone with a camera ready to send the evidence to authorities. And finally, where his switchblade would normally be, he pats an unmarked silver canister. He doesn’t plan on killing the guy since that would make you upset, but…well, better safe than sorry, right?

Right. Kylar nods to himself and grabs the bottle of chloroform, soaking the washcloth and allowing the shock of cold chemicals to settle his nerves. He can do this, he says as he tucks the bottle away. He has to. It’s for you. He was willing to learn how to have sex properly with Sydney for you. He was willing to kidnap Whitney and collect a lifetime supply of blackmail in exchange for his silence for you. It’s all for you, it always will be, and-

“Hey!” Robin calls your name excitedly. “You’re here!”

And Kylar shoots to his feet in alarm, just in time to receive a cup of scalding hot chocolate to the face. 

“AAAHA-” His scream is cut short when his back slams into the ground. Weight crushes his stomach and hands seize his wrists, and his instincts overtake him. He thrashes side to side, then yanks his arm over his face, teeth latching onto the wrist of his assaulter. Whoever’s on top of him hisses in pain and rips their arm free, only to wheeze when Kylar’s fist connects. The weight thuds to his right. He rolls left and frantically scrubs the mocha from his eyes.

It’s Robin. Of course it’s Robin. The orphan’s crouched at the opposite end of the blanket, pupils dilated and wrist dribbling red. 

Kylar swallows. The hedges block them from prying eyes, but not from ears. If one of them screams, they’re bound to attract attention, and considering all of the illegal substances scattered around, there’s no way he can have that happen.

Robin seems to come to the same conclusion, because he says in a low voice, “W-What are you planning, Kylar?”

“I-Wha-”

“Don’t,” Robin hisses, “lie to me.” His fingers curl into a tight, scarred fist. “I-I heard you muttering to yourself back here, and I know you did something to Sydney and Whitney, and I know you’ve been stalking me and-”

“I wasn’t stalking you,” Kylar cuts in, because it’s only the truth! He was stalking you. Robin just happened to be in the way like he always is.

“My point exactly,” Robin snaps. “You’re stalking us.”

Us. The bitterness in his voice jolts Kylar out of his thoughts. Everyone in school always said the orphan was one of the nicer ones, and he’s experienced Robin’s kindness first hand. But this sudden personality change only hardens the boy’s decision. Someone as bitter as him can’t possibly make you happy, right? If anything, Robin is a threat to your own safety.

Kylar's hand reaches for his pocket. Robin's eyes dart down, then up, and for a brief moment, the smaller boy thinks the orphan is about to throw all caution to the wind and start screaming for help. 

Instead, Robin lunges across the blanket and sends them both into the thicket. Kylar's thick winter coat spares him from the branches, but that doesn't stop the orphan from shoving his face into it. Thin lines slice at his dark cheeks, snag his hair, snap under his weight. Underneath his instinctual panic, the smaller boy's thoughts work in overtime. Robin is bigger. Robin is stronger. 

Kylar thrashes in Robin's grip and slams his heel straight into the orphan's ankle. He lists like a drunkard fresh off of Connudatus Street, teeth bared, but Kylar lifts his foot and tries again. This time, his foot throbs as it hits dirt. Missed. Robin shoves his leg between them, knee nearly colliding with Kylar's privates until he doubles over to dodge. With teeth clenched, he rams his head right into the larger boy's stomach and sends them both sprawling over the duffel bag. Its contents scatter across the blanket in a loud and obnoxious clatter that's definitely going to draw attention. He needs to end this and fast.

Kylar plants himself on Robin before he can recover, scratching at his face and biting at whatever limb gets too close. His nails are nothing more than pathetic stumps from years of habitual gnawing, but that doesn't stop them from leaving angry red lines all over Robin's soft cheeks. When the orphan tries to shove him off, he rams his elbow into his nose. A spurt of blood splatters his sleeve in the process. 

The blow seems to stun both Kylar and Robin, because the former slows down just enough to catch a glimpse of black under the orphan's shirt. Even in the winter, all Robin has to protect himself is an unzipped jacket and white shirt now speckled with blood. It almost looks like permanent mark-

Kylar's head snaps to the side, nearly knocking him out as Robin rears back. He jerks left before it can connect, eyes zeroing on the orphan's crooked nose. If he can't send Robin to the prison, disfigurement will have to do. 

Kylar rears back his right fist. He swings with all his might. 

Robin tucks his chin and arms in, twists to the left under his fist, and drags Kylar down into a crushing hug. His left arm catches under the orphan's shoulder, left leg quickly tangled under Robin's right. He tries to use his right arm for leverage, but Robin is bigger and Robin is stronger, and Robin shoves his hips up and twists and flips them over. 

The first swing clips Kylar's jaw, the second hits his cheekbone. The third, fourth, fifth snap his head left, right, left until he finally has enough common sense to throw his arms up. One hit bounces off his forearm, and he tries to scratch at Robin's face, throat-anything. All he catches is the collar of his shirt, its flimsy fabric ripping from the force of its wearer's swings.

It's like the noise flipped a switch. Robin lets out a desperate scream and wrenches Kylar's arm away. He braces himself for another rain of blows, but nothing comes. When he finally manages to peel his swelling eye open, it's to the sight of Robin frantically hugging his jacket close, shielding his exposed chest from the world. An opening. 

A burst of adrenaline hits Kylar at the sight, and he rips the canister from his pocket and sprays. Robin screams even harder at that, hands flying to his face as pepper spray coats his eyes. His jacket falls open as he flops back, writhing in pain. And maybe Kylar should try the chloroform now, or definitely start running because that scream was loud, but the burning rage from before returns tenfold. See? Robin is violent. Unstable! If Kylar didn't step in, who knows what kind of misery you would go through under the hands of someone so awful?! He stumbles to his feet and tries to aim at Robin's face again. He has the orphan down now. If he can take him out for good, there'd be no one to get in the way. 

Kylar shoves Robin's shoulder, forcing him onto his back as the orphan begins to sob. Blood and pepper spray leak down his chin in an angry red slurry, and Kylar's eye follows a fat droplet until it hits Robin's exposed collarbone. 

164. The numbers 164 are carved into Robin's skin. 

His moment of hesitation ends when Robin's leg sweeps Kylar's from beneath him. His world tilts and jolts, vision spotting as blood rushes to his head. 

"Stay away!" Robin snarls. Blood and pepper spray and boiling rage stain his skin a bright red as he towers over Kylar. He drives his heel into the smaller boy's wrist, punting the canister into the bushes. "Stay away from them!" 

Kylar's vision starts to blur. 

"Stay away from me!"

His mind feels fuzzy.

"Don't ever touch either of us AGAIN!" 

"Stop!"

Your melodic voice drags Kylar's consciousness back to his body. There you are, struggling your way through the thicket. Even the clouds seem to part above you, bathing you in the radiant light you deserve. You must be descending from the heavens, Kylar thinks, reaching out to take away all the pain he's endured-

"Robin!" 

…huh?

Kylar blinks. You're not reaching out for him. You're clutching Robin's shoulders tight, fingers ghosting over the orphan's injured face as he trembles. 

"Hey," you coo softly, "I'm right here, Robin, it's okay. Can you hear me? Can you tell me where you are?"

Robin hiccups, swaying on his feet as blood pools down his face. "T-The park. I-I'm in the park."

"That's right," you say. "You're in the park, the sun's out. Do you feel that? The sun?"

Robin's head jerks in a shaky nod. 

"God, what are you, a therapist?" a familiar voice sneers out of Kylar's view. 

You frown and turn towards the hedges. "Cut it out, Whitney, this is serious."

…Huh?

"Damn right, this is serious." Heavier footsteps trod through the bushes until a hulking shadow with piercings blot out the sun. Kylar's blood runs cold at the sight. "Be glad I dragged your sorry ass out of the mass. Otherwise your loser boyfriend would be a murderer."

…HUH. 

Kylar groans, drawing your gaze. Good. Yes. That's what this was for. All of this prep, this pain? Just to have your eyes on him again. 

"Oh, thank god," you sigh in…relief. That has to be relief, right? Why did it sound so sad and why why why are you looking away from him? "Robin, what the hell happened?"

Something broils in Kylar's gut, mouth falling open in a desperate attempt to call your name. What comes out is a choked gurgle that neither you nor Whitney acknowledge, all eyes on Robin as he gasps and sniffles. 

"I-I heard-" he hiccups, "I knew Kylar was-was planning something, a-and I know you s-said to wait until the service was over so that you could bring Sydney, b-but then he was here and I got s-scared, s-so I-"

"So you beat his face in?" Whitney finishes with a raucous laugh. "Fuckin' hell, this was great. Hey, slut, next time you're in the library, you better suck the life right outta his dick."

"Wha'?" Kylar slurs. "Whaddya mean?"

Whitney glances at you. You're still preoccupied with coddling Robin, peeling off his jacket and shirt to try and wipe the pepper spray from his face. Seizing his chance, he courteously crouches by Kylar's face. His lips curl, a feral smile fit for a starving dog eyeing his dying master's corpse. "Was just feeling a little generous and thought we could kill two bastards with one stone." He gently pats Kylar's cheek. "You seriously thought I would let you get away with all that bullshit you put me through when you threw me out, huh?" 

"Whitney," you call in irritation as you and Robin sit down. You've shed your own winter coat to wrap it tight around the bloodied orphan, baring your delicate shoulders to the cold. They're smooth, perfect, beautiful in the way anything is when seen for the first time. All Kylar notices are the thick, blocky numbers inked into your skin: 163. "Stop it and call an ambulance already."

"Yeah, yeah, slut," Whitney drones. He crawls right over Kylar, making sure to dig his knee into the smaller boy's side as he drags the duffel over. After a moment, Kylar hears the telltale rattle of pills being stuffed somewhere they shouldn't, followed by the delinquent popping one in his mouth.

Kylar's lips tremble. "W-Wait-"

"What?" Whitney pops another, crushing the powder between his teeth. "They're just fizzers."

Fizzers. Candy. 

Your lips downturn. "Whitney-"

"I'm calling already, bitch, shut the fuck up!" Lazily, Whitney retrieves the burner phone from the side pocket, dials 999, and props it up against one ear. From this angle, sprawled out on the floor, Kylar catches a glimpse of black ink, somewhat hidden under his shaggy blonde hair: 162. 

Kylar's vision starts to blur, blotted out by his swelling eyelids. He still manages to stare at your flawless skin. 163. 

Beside you, wrapped under your coat, is Robin. 164. 

Bloody sap trickles down the back of Kylar's throat as he stares at the sky. His face aches and his stomach aches and everything feels like it needs to be checked by a doctor, but all he can focus on is that sliver of jealousy coiling through his stomach.

He was right, he thinks. They did steal you from him. 

[audrinawf]

omg i’m not sure if i sent in this ask or not so if you see this question twice i apologise :((

from your recent post, “I manifested my dream apartment , dream engagement and dream life in just 2 months”

i get that everyone’s journey is different but i would love to know if you could list out things you did to get where you are?

be it law of assumption, void, shifting, spiritual things, non spiritual things, i love that u give long answers so i’m already so excited to read your answer to this!

im really gonna take a good look at myself, start now and not stop till i get what i want. I think your blog is very helpful too!!

ooooh I love this question!

So I would say I did 3 things mainly.

First I tried to think of what kind of person I had to be to manifest my dream life. It can be hard but I realized that I was going to be someone that didn’t worry about money so I stopped any kind of talk about money. I didn’t discuss finances with friends. I absolutely never complained about money. I noticed that I had a lot of friends that would make self deprecating jokes about money or that their paycheck sucked and I made sure not to engage in those conversations cause I didn’t want to make it a habit to talk negatively about money. Once we start to do this we realize how much we actually engage in negative self talk. It’s such an unconscious behavior we don’t even realize it.

And I think you can apply this to other areas as well. Like if you’re looking to manifest a relationship then don’t engage in negative talk about the gender you’re looking to date and vice versa.

Second thing is I created a routine that I was serious and disciplined with. My routine was meditating every day even when it wasn’t fun. I did five minutes to start with. And then I visualized my ideal life every night as I was falling asleep. The trick was to get into the hypnogogic state which is the state where you are between wakefulness and asleep. When you’re in that state you’re brain shuts down it’s defenses and doesn’t attack you with negative beliefs that you’ve picked up on over the years. This is also when you’re brain literally believes everything you think and imagine. Cause the logical brain is sleeping so if you image yourself in your dream house your brain actually thinks you are in fact in your dream house. And this works cause whatever you believe will manifest. So the key is to attack your brain with things it will believe when it’s in the hypnogogic state. I think a lot of the times our manifestations don’t come true cause we don’t believe we can have them. See one part of us does but the part of our brain that is awake and functioning 99% the time doesn’t so we never get our manifestations. So this is how I bypassed my brain every night. It was hard at first cause I would rather watch TikTok’s at night then to sit and visualize a life that was very unclear to me but it became clearer every time I did it.

Now as I researched and learned about the hypnogogic state I learned more about hypnosis and the link between hypnosis and manifestations which is how I created my hypnosis that I’m releasing next week. So instead of just meditating I did the hypnosis every day and the visualizations at night. That’s when I started reading up on Neville Goddard and the law of assumption and started to do these quantum jumps, now I know the term quantum jump is not from Neville but I discovered it around the same time.

Also another thing on my strict spiritual routine was that I unfollowed so many people on social media, I took a break from so many friendships (nothing dramatic I just declined invites and spent that extra time by myself during this period). It was a true detox. I unfollowed influencer and anyone that had a negative mindset or a lack mindset. I took a break from reading the news, engaging in anything that would upset me such as politics and animal rights activists on social media. I took a huge break from reading the news and watching any tv shows that triggered any of my traumas. I was only listening to feel good music and watching cozy feel good shows. Oh and I almost forgot but I was a HUGE crime junky I loved listening to crime podcasts but that also had to go during this period.

And the third thing was that once I finally stuck to a disciplined routine of meditating and hacking my subconscious for 2-3 weeks I could finally have fun with my manifestations journey. This is when I did a physical vision board but also one on my phone that I had as my Lock Screen. Cause at this point I had been visualizing my ideal life and every time I did it it became clearer and clearer cause the first time I did it I had no idea what I wanted my life to look like beyond a few shallow manifestations here and there. At this point I could see exactly what my ideal day looked like. I knew the kind of food I was eating, the way i dressed, looked and carried myself and even how people reacted to me. The picture was crystal clear. So now I knew exactly what to put on my vision board cause vision boards are POWERFUL! I manifested two apartments in the span of 7 months using a vision board (btw that’s a story I love to tell my friends and I realize now that I haven’t actually shared it here yet so I will do so in a different post) but there’s legit something magical about vision boards but you have to prime your mind before you do it.

I also had a love list and a digital manifestation journal that I made where I would plan elaborate luxury trips and make lists of all the expensive furniture and items I was going to buy and every single think in my journal came true. The trick was that I would plan my vacation itinerary with the belief that is was going to happen. You see I don’t believe I need the money right now to plan my trip. I can plan my dream trip now and the universe will find a way for the trip to happen. And I applied that to all of my manifestations. I can definitely elaborate on this technique if you guys are interested but it’s a very fun technique that works for me. I also used my digital manifestation journal for other things not just trips!

And lastly for now cause I’m going to bed but I promise that I will make so many more posts on this topic. So because I was meditating everyday I strengthened my intuition and so I used my intuition to make new choices every day. If you’re looking to manifest a whole new life you need to be making different choices from the ones that led you to your current reality. And of course we can’t know exactly step for step how our manifestations will turn out but we need to take one new step every day. So that’s what I did. Instead of getting paralyzed by uncertainty and fear of how my manifestations would happen I trusted that the universe would reveal the way step by step every day. And IT WORKED! I got new ideas every single day and I followed my intuition every day and trusted my gut and that how all of my manifestations revealed themselves to me.

[dearweirdme]

did u already discuss your take on tae and his supposed gf in Paris and Jk doing lives around that period?

if u did, pls direct me to those posts 🙏🏻 if not, im wondering what u think? do u think Jk cared or not? did he seem affected to you or unbothered..?

Hi anon! Ah, I have spoken on this.. but I have trouble finding the posts 🙈.

In general I think Jk didn't seem affected in his lives. If I'm correct Jk went live on the 24th of april (after the Dream premiere... also quite interesting). The Taennie Paris walk was the 18th (17th) of may and Jk then went live again on the 24th of may. I do recall think he was taking his sweet time, because at that point we were all kinda used to him coming live more often. Are those things connected? No clue.

Jk must've known about the Taennie walk at least a few weeks before it happened. I think as soon as Tae knew about it Jk would also have known. So he had time to prepare. Waiting a couple of days to go live after the walk dropped also gave him time to process all the shit that hit the fan.

Tae and Jk (and all members) have learned how to controll their emotions (at least to some extent) when they're on screen. They know how to not entertain certain topics. So if Jk was upset (and he probably didn't like it at all) we wouldn't have noticed it in a way some people would expect. You also have to filter in that to them this is different than it is to us. They actually live in the world of entertainment and showbizz.. they have seen things and heard of things we have no clue about.. so their normal is different from ours. But, there have probably been several things about this that Jk absolutely hated. Seeing the actual footage everywhere, seeing Tae get hate, not being able to say something, possibly see Tae being sad... etc.

Most of my thoughts about Taennie are in my Taennope tag.

[spookyserenades]

I’VE NEVER WANTED TO PUNCH SOMEONE IN THE SKULL MORE-

but I wanna punch u in like a loving way ya know 🥹🥺🙈🙊🙉😭

i-

ok i didnt have time to talk abt last chapter, but honestly all u have to know is that i loved every single word, every punctuation mark, every period, every space-

omg this chapter was wild i cant-

yoongi and y/n, I’ve never met a couple whose good and bad at communication at the same time i cant- no cause like him writing a song for her bc of her, when he played it i imaged Butterfly for some reason, the melody is so beautiful on the piano 🥺🥹 omg not him with his shirt off at the b-ball court. He rlly flexing huh, yeah sure ur too HOT 🥵 omg she got a vision, LIKE HER MOM! Will this be a reoccurring theme with her? Oooo. OMG THAT FIRST KISS WAS SO SWEET WHEN IT SORT OF CAME FULL CIRCLE WITH YOONGI ASKING HER TO KISS HIM! AND THEN HIM ASKING FOR MORE OMG ITS SO HOT WTF I KNOW I SHOULDNT BE THIS HORNY YET BUT UR WRITING IS JUST 🤌🏼 💋 THEY ARE IN LOOOOVE FR LIKE WE KNEW THEY BOTH HEAD OVER HEELS, SO HEAD OVER HEELS THEY COULDNT GET SLEEP FOR WEEKS/DAYS~ OH MAN SECRET RELATIONSHIP YEAH WELL-

omg wtf yeah secret relationship went down the drain lol. Either hobi’s hearing is super good and he’s near the room or everyone heard y/n fucking whining into yoongis mouth dam. Or he saw that quick kiss in her room omg ur cliffhangers dana drive me INSANE! Hobi is such a tease too! Now him teasing her for her heart palpitations poor girl cant handle all the handsome men around her like same girlie pop-I do wonder how this will effect the hybrids dynamics with each other and her 🤔

omg jinnies b day he deserves the world. Not him feeding her, he KNEW what he was doing and in FRONT of everyone too 😏 him warming up her hands with his breath i cant- and then going to take cooking class in February. HIM SAYING HE DOESNT WANT TO GO WITH ANYONE ELSE BUT HERRRR 😭 him saying lets go home bc home is smth he never truly haddd and he feels safe mow eeek😭😭😭😭

Omg not tae driving the way home- KNOWING THE WAY HOOOME. No cause like you can tell they probably all know the way home by heart bc they cherish her and the house sm its means so much to them i cant i actually had to stop reading after that line bc i got so emotional. Omg tae is taking his photography seriously 🥰 im so glad hes really delving into his passion! Omg their ID’s lol they must be so cute and funny 😆

ofc jimin is a responsible cutie we love, cant wait to see more scenes with him later~ but him saying y/n looks good in any photo ✋ stop sir u are such a charmer i cant- eeeeeek

omg joonie so cute. He cares for her sm and he’s the type of person to not beat around the bush. He cares and wants her to be straightforward when shes upset 😭 eeeek

omg the scene with jk- i LOVE BANTER SM and their scenes always crack me up. Jk’s dialogue is so fun! No not her giving the puppy dog eyes 🥺 and it not working… or maybe it did 😏 omg and her being bold with that KISS ON THE CHEEK- i was imagining jk when he gets surprised or zones out 😲 its so funny 😂 omg y/n has W Rizz for sure~

omg ben already predicted this my mans was just waiting for her to catch up- its so good to see him again I love y/n’s friends. Him lifting her up but also humoring her is SO what i would do if my friend was in a similar situation! Like Y/N GIRLIE POP I ARE THE IT GIRL U GOT NOTHIN TO WORRY ABT!

THANK YOU SM FOR THIS UPDATE I LOVE U SM DANA!!!!! KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK!!! Remember, make sure to take care of urself first and foremost! 😤 Love you byeeee~

FDJSKAFHDSAF I GIVE YOU PERMISSION TO PUNCH MY SKULL LMAO!! I'm so so happy that you loved the last two chapters, there was SO much that went down, I can't wait to chat about them hehehe 💜

SO fhdjsaf you're right on the money with Yoongi and MC not knowing how to communicate with each other for SHIT. Like I think they rely on telepathy or vibes too much, neither of them are mind readers... so much of their conflict these past two chapters could have been resolved if they just sat down and talked calmly about things for an hour or so!!! 💀BUT stop it right now Butterfly is one of my favorite BTS songs, so so gorgeous on the piano, and I could imagine a very similar melody that Yoongi would write for MC being something like that too. 🦋

HNNNNGGGFF Yoongi all sweaty on the court without his shirt.... damp long hair....teasing MC the whole way UGH I just know that I'd be drooling! 🥵And with that vision WHEW I'm so happy I could incorporate that into MC's character finally, I will say that this is something that will begin to happen more frequently for MC-- ever since she has been diving more into her spirituality and practices, her psychic abilities have been getting stronger.

The kiss. THE KISS!!! I'VE BEEN DYING TO WRITE SOME ROMANCE FOREVER NOW MY GOODNESS IT TOOK 13 CHAPTERS!! I just feel like Yoongi is such a 0 to 100 kind of guy when it comes to kisses, sweet and tender to begin with, then BAM super passionate and intense. I really really loved writing that scene, I'd say that Yoongi was truly desperate and yearning for MC for so long that he couldn't help but beg for more hnnnnngggg. But now they have to tip toe around for a little bit until they figure out how to tell the others, which turns into MORE yearning and AH I wanna chew on my drywall!!!! 👹

djkafdakfdask I'm excited to continue off where we left off! You know I always gotta leave you all on a cliffhanger. I wonder how MC is going to dodge Hoseok's questioning, and we don't know if he heard those two making out (he shouldn't have been able to, the music room is soundproofed...) or was perceptive to how weird MC and Yoongi were being with each other. I also feel like if Hoseok heard them, some of the others would as well, and I can think of a few (Namjoon, Tae, Seokjin for ex.) that would probably bust down that door!!! But also your theory of Hoseok possibly catching their kiss in the hallway is something that could have happened eeeee. Also I love teasing Hoseok as well he raises my blood pressure... poor MC can't even hide her heartrate from them!

UGH Jinnie's birthday he's such a sweet darling, I love that he was able to go out somewhere yummy to eat and spend time with everyone. I also really love when he feeds MC... it's so hot to me idk why like yes PLS grab my face and stare at me and treat me like a princess Jin!!! Always making sure she's warm, wanting to go to the cooking class with just her, and feeling truly at home with her and in their house I CAN'T He's just such a love. 😍

Tae baby... just like Jin, he knows where home is now and AH they're just all getting so close. You're so right, they really cherish her so so much. Tae and his photography too is so fun to write about, it's nice that he gets to express himself creatively and the other hybrids let him take their ID pictures was a sweet hidden moment that I'm happy you noticed!

Definitely more Jimin on the way!! It's been the Yoongi show for a bit, but that's just how I've planned these few chapters. Don't worry, each of them will get their turns to be the stars, which I'm super excited about in the future! Charmer Libra Jimin is my Roman Empire, totally more of a flirt and a romantic as time goes on. Joon UGH!! My little wolf, he's warmed up so much to MC, and he's very straightforward and stern like you said-- ever since the Incident, he seems to be very concerned about weather or not MC is feeling upset.

HA I love writing MC and Jeongguk's interactions, they're both such little shits and you can tell when they get on each other's nerves, but it's less antagonistic these days and more playful. He totally called her out for pouting, and while it might work for some of the others, it doesn't on him LOL. But she got him back with that kiss, huh? I bet she's been dying to do that for months...

I'm PSYCHED you mentioned Ben. He's my favorite side character to write, and it's nice that MC is able to confide in him about any of her worries. You're right, he totally caught onto her having crushes on all of them (it's probably dead obvious to him) But ahh it makes me so happy that you love him as well!! I agree, I'd probably act the same way towards MC if I were Ben-- teasing her but trying to encourage as well. 🫣

FDJAKSFH THANK YOU FOR READING AND SENDING ME SO MANY LOVELY COMMENTS!!! As always I look forward to what you have to say about updates, and I love you sm as well! Hope you had lovely holidays and a fun new year my sweets! 😘💜