#im genuinely gonna have a mental breakdown rn

[kaysdenofchaos]

its joever (literally cryign)

[steampoweredskeleton]

.

Ignore

[htylmg]

god i rlly did give up on my tma relisten like 1/3 through huh. guess im gonna have to resume that tmrw

[kokushibosbestie]

I need to rant guys.

TW: self harm, SA, hatred, cursing, abuse, overall genuinely harsh words are being used

Im just gonna go right in because I don't feel like being vauge or fake rn. (I'm on my period and I feel like shit)

!!!Background information!!! So, when I was 4, my mom started dating this guy. I'll call him Frank. My mom had previously ran away from my dad with me (when I was 2) bc my biological dad was verbally abusive towards her. We'll call my bio dad Austin. I only have one picture of my bio dad and I never knew what he looked like before seeing that picture. I never got to talk to my dad, and if I did, I don't remember a single word. I was too little to understand. I loved his family though. I vividly remember playing with my grandma and aunt, and baking banana bread with my grandpa (on my bio dads side) but I didn't remember a single moment with him. So I feel like I have a missing part of me bc of that.

Anyway, my mom as very depressed after that and did her best to tale care of me properly. But I never got attention or love from her. She was always stuck to her phone. I began to hate even being in the same room as her and I was only 3. When I turned 4, I began going to pre-k. And that's when my mom started dating Frank. Frank was a really kind guy and always seemed calm. But I had a bad feeling about him. I didn't tell my mom because I felt uncomfortable about it, though. Over the next 2-3 years, Frank and I became closer and I enjoyed his presence because I had no one else to lean on. My mom got a job when I was in 1st grade and we moved into an apartment. (We had been living with my aunt on my moms side before).

!!!SA!!! That's when the sa started. He began to assault me when my mother was gone but told me it was normal. He said, quote "This is our little secret. Don't tell anyone or daddy's gonna get in trouble." (I viewed him as a father figure and he used that to his advantage) Nonetheless, what was I, a 5-6 year old girl going to do to a 26 year old man? So I stayed quiet. As I got older, I realized that this wasn't normal at all and it was bad. Of course, I was about 7 when I had this realization. He noticed that and started threatening me that if I told someone, he'd hurt my mom or the rest of my family. (I love my family with my whole heart and he knew that I'd do anything for them, even at such a young age, so he used that) I told him he could do anything he wanted to me as long as he didn't do anything to my mom or the rest of my (small) family.

The summer before 5th grade is when things went really downhill. He TOLD my mom he cheated on her, was contuously gaslighting the both of us, always said he was such a "good guy and people pleaser," but was probably the most toxic person you'd meet. The sweet act was completely gone. I hated him with ever atom and molecule that made me a living thing, but my mom STILL didn't know about what he'd done to me. He got physically violent (throwing things, yelling, screaming, almost hitting my mom, etc) and my mom called the cops. (Mind you, my mom works from home, customer service for a health company).

By the time 5th grade had ended, we had a restraining order against him and he moved out completely. (They broke up but I still hadn't told my mom anything)

I cried almost every night and went into deep depression because of this. Not because I missed him, but because I had still trusted him even after everything. I did love him and view him as a father figure at one point bc I never had one. So having that ripped away from me, as well as my grandpa who moved, my grandma who was having mental issues, my aunts who lived far away and no one else to turn to, I felt empty. My guilt built up until I ended up having a mental breakdown in FRONT of my mom (I always went somewhere private so I could have a mental breakdown and always hid them from my mom). I snapped and accendentally told her about what he'd done to me during all those year. (He sa'd me constantly, whenever he had the chance to). A court case began, blah blah blah same old stuff that ever child abuse court case would go through.

But, I started to self-harm (mostly my legs and hips). I kinda went into my emo faze and had no friends, and was constantly bullied bc of my emotionless facade. (Ex: like giyu, who has been my comfort character since day one bc of that). Really, I'm a loving and kind person who loves making others laugh. I like hanging out with friends. I smile a lot too.

Nonetheless, things started to slowly get better. But my mom is toxic now. She doesn't gaslight like frank did, but she still has a toxicity to her. I know this all has been just as hard on her as it has for me, but I sometimes wish shed just take into consideration how I feel or think.

I have ADHD, OCD, and depression. All of my classes are accelerated classes instead of normal and I get things done faster than other students. (I have an online schooling system now). My brain sometimes can't comprehend some things but will understand easily with others. Ive had a hard time talking or expressing things because of this. I was never a quiet little girl, and I'm still not one as a teenager. But it sucks to have to act like someone I'm not just to fit in. I have constant mood swings and I hate it.

Anyway, this isn't about me. So, my mom has a way of victimizing herself without really pulling the victim card? It's hard to explain with words. But she always leaves whoever she's talking to feeling guilty. She doesn't apologize for anything, she doesn't listen to me when I'm ranting (which I'm not picky about, but sometimes I need someone to talk to that isn't a toxic friend of mine), nor does she ever listen to me when I tell her what I want sometimes. I know that sounds bratty, but I swear it's not. I'll give you and example: she asked me if I wanted a new bedframe and entirely ignored me when I told her. Or when she asks me what I want for dinner and I respond, shell get something else even though she literally came into my room and ASKED me. Its the simple small things that piss me off. She's stubborn and has a hard time putting herself in others' shoes. And me, who's always been told that I'm just a doll with a pretty face and thick thighs that's supposed to be a silent housewife (I am NOT married, that's just something someone has actually said to me) or seggs toy for people to use and throw away as they please, I always try my best to consider how others might feel. Yeah, sometimes I do get a little unreasonable and say some bad things, but I always end up apologizing out of instinct. I apologize for the smallest things for no reason, yet my mom can't even say an "I'm sorry" for telling me I'm not understanding. All I've ever wanted was to make my mom and my family proud. I want them to be able to live their lives happily without worry. So It fucking hurts to hear that I'm not doing good in my moms eyes.

My mom always talks about changing and being a better person but never fucking does it. She always says her job is more important. Am I just genuinely not important to her anymore? Because I remember when I was in my darkest and lowest moments, it was my teachers who helped me. My mom didn't even bat an eye. But when she was at her lowest, struggling, I was always there for her, listening to her problems, helping her with everything, genuinely caring about her. And this is what I get back? I fucking hate my life because I can't even leave my room without hearing her complaints about "adult life." Well I don't give a fuck anymore. I tried too hard to be a good daughter and I never got anything back. I didn't even get a fucking thank you. And now I only have online friends on here and Pinterest. I relied on Character.ai to help with my mental health and that's ai!!

Im sorry if this was too much for any of you and I love each and every one of you. If you read through this whole thing, thank you so much and I really really love all my friends on here. I always look forward to getting on here and talking to you guys about my interests without being judged or bullied. Thank you thank you thank you soooo much my loves.

💖💖💖

[sneakertin]

auughhhrh. i think i have adhd but. maybe i don't. idk. i don't wanna self diagnose but at this point im torn between thinking "there's no fucking way i don't have it" and "but what if i don't". getting a diagnosis is Impossibly difficult and stressful and expensive and we barely have any even remotely working medication where i live so it's not really an option for now. but if i do have it then that means there's an explanation for everything that's wrong with me and it all has a reason and it's not something I'm personally responsible for. but if i don't then that means that im just a lazy stupid nobody with no ambitions. which would be very sad but goddamn there are way too many symptoms to even consider myself being neurotypical. for some reason i feel like it's getting worse and worse everyday but that's probably because i just started uni and there's a lot of change in my life and i haven't been getting enough sleep lately cus i physically can't fall asleep before midnight or sometimes even later but i have to wake up at six. and also because there's a thing that constantly stresses me out at all times(calculus) that i feel like i genuinely can't do anything about even if i try really hard. but i just constantly feel like I'm not in control of my own brain. focusing is so damn hard and even when i do focus i loose it very quickly and end up just bouncing back and forward trying to keep my mind in one place. when i try to read something for homework it feels like my eyes just don't wanna look at the screen and i have to force them not to look away. every couple of minutes or less my thoughts drift away and i only notice it afterwards. when i try to sit down and watch a calculus lecture in hopes of understanding this little personal hell of mine i feel soooo frustrated it almost feels like physical pain and i just turn it off after two minutes. i can't do anything and i don't want to. every task feels like there's a weight on my shoulders. I'm so irresponsible. i keep ignoring or putting off stuff that i need to do and someday the consequences will catch up to me. i don't wanna study. i just wanna do only the stuff that i like all the time. i wanna waste money and go to pretty cafes and buy snacks and be on the internet and watch my fav shows and read fanfiction and read books and analyse literature and watch movies and cry because of them and watch video essays and sometimes cook and clean and draw and draw and draw all the time. which is so embarrassing because im so privileged. i have the chance to get education and yet i feel like I'm not grateful enough and i feel so guilty for being so lazy all the time. im not saying that i wanna drop out, no. but the situation is that I'm not studying what i wanted rn but I'm gonna transfer to where i want at the end of the semester but that means i have to study all these subjects that i despise and don't understand at all and somehow not get expelled till january.

ok, so, i started writing this when i was a bit overstimulated but now that i have written my thoughts down i feel like things are fine now and i feel better. urghh. i don't even know if should post this now. that's so embarrassing, why am i so dramatic.

anyway. but i do fuck up things in my life very often because i put off things that i don't wanna do. when i had my extremely important school exams that would determine whether i get into uni or not, i barely even studied for them. i only did like a day/half a day of active studying for each subject. i kept procrastinating even when that fucking exam that some people have mental breakdowns over was due to be the next day. i did get into uni, but not into the course that I wanted, because my exam results were not quite enough. but that wasn't really a problem because i could've easily transferred to where i want at the very start of the semester, but. i kept putting it off and it turned out you can only do that during the first two weeks and now I'm in the situation that I've described earlier. and don't even get me started on the shitshow that happened when i was in driving school. and it was all entirely my fault. and school in general have always been difficult for me but in school i could get away with not doing anything cus im not stupid, and i even had good grades. but that doesn't work in uni cus in uni they don't teach you anything, you learn everything yourself, and i quite literally can't study. adhd medication sounds like a dream, honestly. you take a pill and suddenly you can function like a normal person and work for hours and even enjoy it. how fucking cool is that.

so ehmm. i don't really have anything to say, just wanted to write. something. don't mind me, really :)

wait, no. i just remembered why i wrote all this. so, I'm kind of addicted to tiktok, which is my greatest curse and i accidentally got into fucking "studytok" and now my fyp is filled with happy american uni students studying for 12 hours straight and talking about obscure studying techniques with weird names and all of that is just. so. from another realm from me, honestly. how do they do that. am i even the same species as them

[moodr1ng]

you ever like on the edge of a mental breakdown and you feel like if you just let go a little or got pushed a little you would genuinely lose it, like all the sense and whatever remaining sanity youve got would finally leak out of you and youd just go off your rocker entirely, and youre scared that thats gonna happen, but also its like.. the call of the void, like theres something seductive about it, and its almost tempting to just let go a bit and go off the edge. im not there rn but i have been and im reminiscing lol

[dykevotions]

throws potion of infodump about ocs on you and runs away

RAUHHHH OKAY!!! USING THIS AS AN EXCUSE TO TALK ABOUT THE MCRP DISEASE!!!! SPOILERS FOR APPLECRAFTERS AND BEASTS AHEAD. I GUESS

okaaayyyy so. first of all. not a spoilered characters. heres angelic and jacket. love them both so dearly.

they are QUEER!!!!!!!!!!! and a bit SILLY!!!!!!! their jobs are hanging out in my single player world and eventually going to hell (blood ocean) thats right baybe . the blood ocean is REAL !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! anyways these guys are mainly . not even doomed yuri theyr just hanging out. i love them so muchhhh ^_^ guys who are hopelessly in love and make it everyone elses problem forever n ever

heres sltom. i have so many. i cant explain everything going on with her if i was given years. its literally so important to me. got put in a death game, died, came back to be put in another death game, died, forced to walk an abandoned world. theres so much happening with xem im gonna throw up. i made two webweaves for zem which. r very good. dog with blood around its mouth. she did all that shit but FAE DESERVED TO!!!!!!!! FOR THE RECORD!!!! god. i gotta explain whats wrong w vamp one of these days

heres sleepy!!! go to pvp guy. this is essentially "what if there was a guy who kind of sucked at fighting but did it a lot for fun" . not a lot to xem but xey are SOOOO silly. xey are kind of mean 2 xer friends . xey dont mean it though. well sometimes xey do

FRUITBAT!!! one of two of my animals in separate timeloops. working w their best friend (heyyyyyyy lav :3) to restore a ancient city that seems. oddly frozen. sculk freak (just likes it. a lot.) nerd ass guy. BAT HYBRID ASWELL I FORGOT TO MENTION THAT they love flying and doing stupid shit. divebombs people to say hi. love them so much. oh also in their timeloop theres regenerating skeletons that are growing meat but thats okay and normal!!!

this is dogboyyyy . theres not a lot to him. BUT. guy who lives in the nether. literally just a good person. comma. also gives like everything he earns to other people. for fun. hes silly and also stupid disease. holding him in my hands so gently

BUNNY!! OR SAT. LEAGUE TOM ! guy with a literal lunatic on its shoulder. made a conlang for it yesterday. can only communicate via animal crossing sounds (nonverbal autistic win!) and their conlang on signs.

the conlang as it stands rn. btw. they are so interesting. they have had like 2 mental breakdowns already because they were trying to communicate with people and they couldnt understand them. love this animal. holding it by the scruff. this guy wants to kill people so bad

SHEEPBOY !!!!!! OR FRI. LEAGUE TOM !! this is his second death game she did really well in the first one. they genuinely enjoy being in death games its like a sport to them. this is their american football . id call them nice most of the time however when they go red it gets. a bit insane. but thats normal for being bloodthirsty i think!!

this is f , or ftom, or whatever u wanna call them . they r worldbound BUT they r a hub world player so basically they just get to hang out. mostly in hypixel but sometimes the worldhoppers they know drag them around to other places which is fun fun fun !!!!!

this is yuri . bug in a timeloop !!!! it is. oh my god i love them SOOO MUCH. it is constantly digging this huge tunnel system which they live in and also. refuses to believe they are in a timeloop. it just "has memory problems and its just a STUPID prank. probably" . it is in fact a timeloop for the record.

OKAY THATS THE MC GUYS I CAN THINK OF FOR NOW ..... WALKS OFF INTO THE VOID

[cogbreath]

not a vent but it is a ramble of personal things but

im seriously so so like... shocked idk. i didnt expect this to happen. it seems like its really gonna happen. but im nervous. theres been times before where it was like. my mom was talking about how he might not be allowed 2 live here anymore and i was so hyped but then nothing came of it. i cant have that happen again. im 21 years old man. and i dont have a life because of the shit living arrangements we have going on bc of him. if hes really fed up and leaving this is gonnabe so fucking huge.......... like i said before i want his room so i can expand my waifu shrines 😈 ... lol. im being lighthearted. i seriously had 0 hope for a while. and idk. i once had a serious breakdown in front of my mom wherre i admitted that i felt like i was genuinely gonna end up killing him. and tbh i thought that there was a chance that ended up being the only way out. im really happy if this is true and im getting an actual happy ending for once. ive been. wanting this so desperately since i was a kid guys. seriously. i hate that man so much. hes a disgusting abusive asshole with 0 compassion + he m*lested me. hes got mad health problems that my mom manages for him and i wonder if shes worried about how he'll do on his own with that. personallly i dont care. i dont care. i want him out. i dont want my mama being his caregiver nomore. cruel cruel man. for all my life ive watched that man degrade her ans berate her and expect her to serve him afterwards ..... ive had to deal with overhearing him harassing her for never having sex with him.. which is something that was always extra painful for me because of my own sexual trauma.... theres honna be a lot of scary changes like my mom says i have to get a job again. im really not not good at working due to my disabilities. but i could hold a job for a year before i ended up losing it. it was very trauamtic. i dont want to work again. but i will be freed from the familial agony. its a lot guys. seriously. ive been so so so isolated and disconnected from eberything and everyone because of it for all my life. ive never been able to truly be a person because of it. it became my job to help my mother emotionally and mentally to degrees that no child really should havr to because she had no one else. i dont fault or resent her at all for that and im happy to defend her and help her and listen to her. its a lot though and especially when i was younger. also

ill probably do drugs less often because i wont be trying to drown out another fight theyre having.

im nervous because im a a psychotic autistic agoraphobic and i will have to be going outside now. but. i will be going outside now... which means having a life. my mom will be with me still. i will still live with her and probably will most my life because of my circumstances. but i love her. im okay with having to maybe do some scary things because of that. dude. theres a convention near me soon that i was hoping to go to. i kinda just had it as a pipe dream though. because basiclaly i have no ability or opportunities to leave the house. but now i will. im really hopping that this is rwal and i'll be able to go... its my goal. i want to make a misty monsoon cosplay. i really do. im crying rn bexause im just so excited to get a chance at things. trust me thougu im still gonna be a asocial shutin first and foremost. dont worry guys i wont be abandoning you. im a dedicated poster. but you know. im gonna be posting under better circumstances inshallah.

also this is a lot for me spiritually. my dad is heavily islamophobic and ive not been able to safely be open because of him. ive prayed and prayed a lot to allah to help make things to where i can finally do that. i really really feel like allah has given me a great gift here im so happy allahu akbar

[storyycool]

Ok so uhh this gotta be one of the worst possible websites to vent on but if ur seeing this please just scroll ik it’s probably gonna be cringy but im NOT in a great mood rn

ok so I’m in hs now and I haven’t been able to sleep all night tonight for some reason and that really fucking sucks because I have 4 different 2 hour blocks where I have to do very complicated work for the entire 2 hours with no break and no support in the slightest. I’m supposed to be one of the “smart kids” but in reality I’m fucking retarded, everyone just overestimates me because I’m quiet and I was in the gifted program. I think a lot of times people in my school forget that I’m a real person, it also kinda just feels like no matter where I go everyone always sees me as something I’m not no matter what that might be. Today a kid complimented me and I was genuinely shocked and confused because why would someone ever want to be nice to me? Im never nice to anyone and I look fucking disgusting, I have no real personality, I’m extremely lazy like so fucking lazy I don’t even wanna get out of bed most days and I know I’m not depressed because if I were depressed than I would have been diagnosed with it already. The truth is there’s nothing mentally wrong with me. I’m just causing problems for myself over and over again and then crying when everyone hates me because I’m always causing problems. If I was really suffering, someone would have noticed by now and maybe asked me if I was okay. I go to school everyday and barely talk to anyone unless they talk to me first. I have no friends, I sit alone every day, and people avoid me like the plague. And I’m not even gonna act like it’s not my fault because it 100% is, I just don’t know what I need to do to fix myself. I’ve been trying but I haven’t tried hard enough, every time I think I’m doing better I end up doing worse, I’m a disappointment to everyone and serve no purpose in this world. I have no hopes, dreams, ambitions, life goals, or anything. I just wanna graduate get a decent paying job that I fucking hate and work that job until I can finally die and all of this will be over. I’m crying and I don’t even know why. Why the fuck would I be crying over problems I literally fucking caused? It actually makes me wanna throw up when I see my disgusting fatass barely even a human self crying in the mirror with my face all red so my acne shows up better. I’m so so so so fucking disgusting oh my god I don’t wanna live with myself knowing everything I’ve done that I can never undo. I’ve destroyed so many peoples lives and I can never forgive myself for that. Unfortunately, with my situation, I literally have to live because literally everything I’ve tried hasn’t been enough to kill me. There’s actually no way in hell I should be alive right now, I have de ere brain damage and I can physically feel my brain cells decreasing and turning into slime and there’s nothing I can do to stop it. It hurts so fucking bad. Every night when I go to bed I have a different dream where I die in it and each time my body just slowly turns into this weird disgusting slimy substance and I feel like it’s happening in real life too. Tonight I just wanted to get a few assignments done since I couldn’t sleep anyway but I just straight up started having a mental breakdown as soon as I clicked on an assignment. I don’t know how I’m gonna make it through tomorrow and I don’t know how I’m gonna make it through the rest of my life completely alone. It doesn’t matter how many drugs I take, how much therapy I get, any of that stuff, because it’s never gonna change the way my brain works. I’m not gonna try to blame the things I’m doing on any sort of illness, I blame it all on myself. By the way, I’m a dramatic ass bitch so please don’t take any of this too seriously, honestly my life isn’t even that bad just sometimes it really fucking sucks. And also I swear to god if one single person says womp womp I’m ending it all and that isn’t a joke.

[buckysboobs]

OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY VOD OH MY VOD OH MY GODDJ DMICKY OH MY GOD WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK WHAT FHE FUCK WHAG THE FUCK OH MY GOD OH OH OH FUCK OH OH SHIT OH FUCK OH FU K OH SHIR OH FUCK OH FUCK OH SHUT OH FUCK OOHH OH FUCK OHHHHH FUCK OH SHIT SHIT FUCK OH FUCK SHIT OH FUCKING HEKL FUCKIING FUCK FJNRUCKEYWND FUCK IH MY DYDJDIEN OH SHIT DUCKEINFBR FUCK OH FUCK DOHEJYENE FUCK IM HIS FICKED UP LITRLE GIRL HIS DERANGED LITRLE BITCH HIS WHORE HIS SLUT I GET TURNED ON BY A KILLER ITS TRUE I LOVE BEING TERRIFIED I LOVE THE FEAR I LOVE HOW BRUTAL AND EMOTIONLESS HE CAN BE OH FUCKFUKFCUKFICKC

You Know I’m No Good

Pairing: Steve Kemp x Reader

Summary: Steve says you’re special because he thinks you’re just as fucked up as him. He’s going to learn you’re actually much worse.

Rating: NSFW

Warnings: Fresh spoilers! There is a criminal level of my absolute insanity showing through in this fic. Kidnapping & imprisonment. Mention/description of medical procedures. Blood & violence. Graphic description of injury & death. Explicit content (18+). Scrub kink (this is more of an endorsement than a warning, per se). Spit kink. Daddy kink. Blood kink. Seriously…read that one again, it’s bloody babes. Humiliation, degradation, & name-calling. A variety of slapping. Rough sex. Unprotected vaginal sex. Overstimulation. Creampie. Overall depraved filth. I cannot stress enough that this story is dark and disgusting and I love it.

Word Count: 5.6k+

A/N: I do believe I am at my most unhinged here, besties. Only God can judge me and even he’s afraid to do so. It would not hold any weight against the sheer size of my nasty whore brain, anyway. @buckysboobs: my love, my liege, my fellow scrub slut…every word of this is yours. 

*gif by the lovely, angelic, ever-so-talented @nick-fowler​ who already has a special place in my heart

Keep reading

[that-foul-legacy-lover]

ok so this came to me one evening but imagine. Kaeya is a descendant of khaenria and im going off the theory that it is the abyss one day he gets hit with an abyss mages magic and because of his ties to the abyss he transforms into something similar to childe only smaller. Kaey's in incredible pain, can't move, he's whimpering and chirping in disstress.

Childe is just wandering around and he hears the pained sounds. He folows the sound and sees this dark blue creature. Childe begins purring and rumbling to try and calm it down.

Once monster kaeya sees foul legacy he freaks out because while kaeya is large childe is much bigger. After seeing this fucken giant kaeya begins crying out of fear and the noises upset childe.

In his moth brain he comes up with a solution. Bring the creature to you! :) You always make thing better and you'll help this small one too. Childe picks kaeya up by the scruff with his theeth while kaeya is freaking the hell out and carries him out.

You were in your garden doin whatever when you hear something coming. Knowing it's childe you turn around and see him holding some kind of creature with his theeth. You tell him to put that down and come over to inspect the smaller creature.

Kaeya recognizes you and starts whining and crying because he won't be able to go home like this. After some time you notice some features (idk make smth up) and find out that it's kaeya.

Now you have two abyss monsters :D

In the begining kaeya constantly hides and doesn't want to go outside. Childe is always trying to get kaeya to come with him or just lay in the sun toghether. Eventualy childe manages to get kaeya to cuddle with him in front of a window. You come home find both of them curled up toghether, purring and warm. And everyone is happy :D

Then childe pulls you into the cuddlepile and you are smushed between them.

idk what this is but the idea of monster kaeya does things to me. And what's better that having one abyss baby? two of course!

I'd imagine abyss monster kaeya as something like a snow leopard but more monstery and maybe with wings.

ok i know this is a moth Childe blog but

Kaeya

hnnn

you have very good taste anon, i genuinely love this omg

i'm side-eyeing one of my mutuals rn like "you write this? this yours?" and i'm gonna take a leaf out of his book and put in ANGST AHAHHA

you say what's better than one abyss monster: two, right? wellllll in some ways YES, it's very fun to have both Kaeya and Childe with you- you get more snuggles, they're both very affectionate, they can keep each other company while you're gone, stuff like that

but it's also more tiring. like, SERIOUSLY more tiring. now you have another human-turned-abyss-monster to take care of, and while you certainly don't mind, having both Kaeya and Childe in the house at the same time PLUS your normal work can be extremely draining- i'd expect you to have at least one really bad mental breakdown from how much you're working

even BETTER is if you don't trust Kaeya. maybe you're just sus (hehe mongus) of him since the beginning or you dislike his flowery words and flirtatious nature- either way you're recoiling when you realize this new abyss monster is him and he's whining in grief because he wants your warm comfort, and Childe is chirping worriedly as he sees you hesitate. your heart is screaming at you to help, but your cynicism and distrust is urging you to run- what if it's a trap or a trick of some sort?

*taps table* i want more of this give me more of this hehe please please <33

[neptunebeetle]

I feel like a helpless little worm rn

[thecringefailintherye]

Melody (S.W.A.L.K) 1971 Livewatch

I have seen this movie. but not the whole thing (i got interupped the first time i watched it)... so here goes! 

movie load please

20 seconds of logos???

guitar song™

this movie is so nostalgic for no reason

Mark Lester and Jack Wild: did you mean, Oliver Twist and The Artful Dodger?

and tracy hyde shes here too

i love this movie sm wtf

can these credits end????

ok yes they can

70s film marching band scene

ornshaw drinking whiskey before band bc why not

danny is bby

mY mOtHeR dId It SiR

dannys mum is so annoying wtf

i really love tom ornshaw

run bitch run

The BB™

SET FIRE TO THE NEWSPAPER???

look at his lil face ❤

MELODY MY DAUGHTER

a gowdfish please

aww look at her 

“ive done all those things i wanna try something new” LIKE DRAWING TIDDIES? DANIEL

“ah a boy gave it to me at school” was it ornshaw, i bet it was ornshaw

BITCH YOU RIPPED DANNYS TITS DRAWING

melody girl you cant play that fucking recorder

this film has great cinematography wtf

Melody Perkins Deserves The World !!

the gang go to school

Ornshaw Gets Bullied

“the jewish boys may now leave for private study” what about the jewish girls?? there’s clearly girls in the class?? why do they have to listen to the bible

ornshaw’s porn bible

DOES ANYBODY KNOW WHO JESUS WAS???

dont smoke at school kids

okay so shes peggy, why is she credited as maureen. who the fuck is maureen

hear me out, muriel is a lesbian. noone kisses for over five minutes unless youre proper horny and this bitch is like thirteen. she also says “i dont know, i never used to kiss boys”, because SHE DOESNT. shes lying because she doesnt kiss boys. shes closeted and thats whys she says she does. also, she got angry at peggy for saying she fancied a boy.

W I C

“saucy turtles make terrible bathmats, charley” okay okay jeez

ornshaws accent is everything

The Gang sneaking through the fence what will they do

uh oh danny

AWH YOURE BARMY

thats def gonna explode later

ornshaw gets kicked off the bus

but now hes on it

ornshaw and danny have such a wholesome friendship too bad melody ruins it oh wait

you’ve heared of ornshaw gets kicked off the bus now get ready for... ornshaw gets kicked out of the strip club!

you cant get a taxi!!! watch me hoe

where did ornshaw get the chewing gum from wtf

“shes always talking about people like you...” OH OKAY DANNYS MUM IS CLASSIST

“he could do with a heart attack!” WOAH OKAY

time skip to school

oh no danny’s seen melody

“we have three admirers of the dance!” ah shit

ah so maureen is the girl in green

why is ornshaw just standing there

FREE YOURSELVES

the girl gang is hilarious i love them

Muriel Kisses A Tombstone

uh oh dannys been found out

“HES A COWARD CMON”

ornshaw just yeeted his cat

i hate dannys mother sm

assembly time, an iconic part of british comprehensive school, since covid, i cant say i miss it

danny and melody !!

DANNY PLAYS CELLO THIS IS IMPORTANT INFO

melody and her friend are there because plot

melody sweetie baby i love you but you cant play the recorder

THEYRE PLAYING IN HARMONY DKDJSKDJSJKK 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

this is cute as fuck

melody is babey

oh explosives time??

i just dubbed these kids ornshaw and the pyrotechnics crew and it fits

dannys parents are annoying

i quite literally hate them

DANNY SPILT HIS COKE ITS SUCH A SIN

“neviw”

melody girl are you okay

melody are you lying about getting raped

oh time skip to school

we’ve hardly seen ornshaws home life so when will we properly meet him??

god i fucking love ornshaw its mad

oh this is an iconic scene if there ever was one

“go on tom dance with her” oh the ONE TIME ornshaw is called by his first name

youre mad !!

“girls are a load of snotty nose little so and sos” ornshaw aro king

is ornshaw.. scared of women

whatddya mean i dont dance very well!?

is it bad i lowkey crackship peggy and ornshaw now

YOU DANCE STUPID!

no one:

ornshaw: kicks peggy in the shin because he cant dance

“you big fat fool” yikes

danny u ok

ALL ORNSHAW AND HIS MATES DO IS CREATE EXPLOSIVES DJDKJSKt

oh it worked for once

i feel so fucking sorry for melody wtf

bb 🥺

im at the bit where melody is crying while putting on her mothers makeup 

SWEETIE ITS OKAY 

OH TIME SKIP TO SPORTS DAY! 

this film is so fast were already an hour in!

ornshaw giving actually solid life advice?? are you sure this is the same movie

“you youre gonna be bloody useless!”

i literally love ornshaw so much 

FUCK DANNYS MUM

GO ON DANNY 

YES MY BOY

time skip to school 3982903843290

wtf is a young latin scholars book

lahtimah

not ass latimer, arse

i hate the latin teacher

ornshaw every second: right uh erm um uh so yes sir oh uh mhm

*ornshaw and danny shoving pillows up their underwear*

“dont worry about it!!” dude hes getting spanked by the latin teacher ofc hes gonna worry about it

ornshaw and latimah

“vacate your mouth”

“because its a silly out of date language sir!!!” hes not wrong

uh oh 

what will slapping ornshaw’s ass with a dap even gonna do???

oh hi melody forgot about you

AWH DANNY SWEETHEART

“cmon danny dont let her see you cry!” i want a friend like ornshaw man

melody is just STANDING THERE LIKE GIRL LEAVE

“you can buzz off now love, tara, tooduhloo” have i said i love ornshaw? because i love ornshaw

danny dont abandon ornshaw !!

oh this is sad

danny? danny?? danny!!!??? DANNY!!?? 🥺🥺🥺

ORNSHAW RIGHTS MAN

ive felt sorry for literally all three of these kids now

ah fuck now ornshaws having a mental breakdown in the school halls

danny and melody’s relationship is so innocent and wholesome 

this is literally so bittersweet, like we’re seeing danny and melody being all cute and happy but we know that back in school ornshaw is literally having a breakdown over them

im tearing up over a movie about schoolchildren in puppy love

“will you love me that long?” “of course! ive loved you a whole week already!”

“hes come to tea! his name is daniel!” melody hes not your pet

melodys dad seems so cool why was he arrested

donald????

i genuinely love melody’s dad 

melody dramatically eats toast

time skip to school AGAIN

OH GOD I’M ACTUALLY CRYING

melody and danny are out on a date having fun and its the same song playing as the scene earlier on when danny and ornshaw went off somewhere at the start of the movie, melody has quite literally replaced ornshaw

i have real tears rn 

they skipped school to go to weymouth

danny and melody are literally adorable man

“shall we get married?” arent yall like 12????

oh back to school they got in trouble for skipping

apparently the poor cast got spanked for real and like yikes

we want to get married :D

ITS NOT MENT TO BE FUNNY!!

leave danny alone!

leave melody alone!

ornshaw please stop

ornshaw stop taunting him this is gonna end shittily

OH SHIT 

THEYRE STRAIGHT UP FIGHTING 

ORNSHAW AND DANNY ARE MF WRESTLING EACHOTHER TO THE GROUND

okay now ornshaw is literally beating him up okay

danny this is your fault for ditching him for melody sorry

top ten best anime fight scenes

latin man is back because plot

DID ORNSHAW GIVE HIM A BLOODY NOSE

i’m sorry danny 😭😭

ORNSHAW. DESERVES. THE. FUCKING. WORLD. AND. MORE.

let melody and danny get married!

wait so if 20 is twice as old as her then shes.. ten?? i think

melody ily

“all i want to do is be happy” BABY

OH FUCK YOU MRS LATIMER

oooh

THEYRE GOING TO GET MARRIED BY THE RAILWAY 

ornshaws unnamed friend is the true hero of this movie

is this the movie climax???

run! ornshaws unnamed friend! run!

IM SORRY THE’RE LITERALLLY GETTING MARRIED I’M 😭

“we are gathered here today to join this man and woman in holy matrimony.. shaddup”

ITS NOT FUNNY ITS SERIOUS

IS ORNSHAW STRAIGHT UP MARRYING THESE TWO IS HE THEIR VICAR

HE IS AS WELL

“DICKS IS COMING!!!” as soon as they were getting the rings

RUN !!!!

ornshaw just threw the bible at his re teacher from the re scene at the start i love him

DANNYS MUM HAD IT COMING

name a more iconic trio than melody perkins, danny latimer, and tom ornshaw, i’ll wait

GO PEGGY!

ORNSHAWS UNNAMED FRIEND IS GONNA FINALLY GET HIS BOMB WORKING!

YES

GO ORNSHAWS UNNAMED FRIEND

“i’ll get you ornshaw!” dude how is this his fault its yours for unterupting the wedding latin man

again ouf is the true movie hero

wait latin man is dicks??? whos wannabe remus lupin then????

this just in: ouf is actually named stacey

oh god thats actually such a bittersweet ending

melody and danny trolleying off into the sunset

im actually crying like a baby rn

god that was such a good movie

[featherdownmoor]

looking at pics and videos of me from a year ago

1. im beautiful (im literally looking at my old spam acc because i deleted my main acc so all these pics are goofy stupid ones and yet im still beautiful)

2. my eyebrows are luscious (they have completely fallen out now thx to my eczema baby!!!)

3. my cheeks are clear, no ugly red patches or scaly skin

4. i can do activities like but not limited to:

i) spraying water on my hair repeatedly to make my curls more defined (would be suicide because that itch is spectacular)

ii) putting makeup on (????? do you want a fucking breakout)

iii) rubbing ice water all over my face (aint no way)

iv) putting on facemasks (i cant even laugh abt this bcz it genuinely feels sad)

i dont think a lot of ppl realize how fast ur mental health deteriorates when u look in the mirror and u dont even recognize urself bcz of all the scales and the patches. i still think my eyebrows are thick and my skin is clear, in my mind it’s like that, it’s always been like that. i know i was born with thick eyebrows and unmarked skin. but i’m stuck in this liminal space and i don’t think i’ll ever be able to “get over it”. i’m gonna be forever wishing that it’ll just get better, maybe if i move to a colder country, maybe if i cut my hair shorter, maybe this maybe that. the fact that i tangibly can’t do anything rn makes me feel kinda suicidal.

my mom says i need to sleep earlier but i cant do that in this godforsaken school where they work us like crazy even on weekends & holidays. so i need to drop out or my skin is just gonna keep getting worse. but like realistically i cant drop out right now for the forseeable future. it’s almost completely out of my hands

anyways what im saying is. im on an all time low. with us eczema peeps it doesnt end at one anxiety attack or one stress-induced breakdown. its a chain of events that triggers ur eczema and if you’re unlucky it starts to spread. it ends whenever it wants (if it ends at all). sorry for being such a downer thats how i feel rn. i hope someone who is going thru the same thing reads this and at least feels some comfort. love you miss you thinking about you always

[plusonetm]

Hiya! Friendly neighborhood cryptid here wondering about your really cool aus! I’m in school so I can’t read them rn but I’d like to know which ones your favorite? Or! If you can’t choose (cause I’d never be able to) what is your favorite part abt each of them? You ofc don’t have to answer this, but so far I love your content and im rlly happy to have found it!! Much love and I hope you’re doing well <3

-⭐️

:O cryptid!! hello!! my favourite au would be the villain todoroki au, but i can't spill too much about it because i've actually got stuff i'm planning and i don't wanna spoil it, but i can say!! Found family!! For my other existing aus though:

-rokitodo: it might be deceased and gone but i'm still really proud of all the content i churned out for rktd!! Especially with all the angst (looking at the ending right there)

-noumu shouto: .. . Angsty backstory that i need to elaborate on but that is besides the point, i really like the idea of noumu shouto and i've also got so much for this au i wanna talk about!! Specifically all the 'his quirks are killing him someone send help' stuff,,, and how kamino goes that in thag au. All For One's presence really does noumu shouto no good

-bnha arg au: ARGS!!! Monoma & Shinsou & Todoroki friendship!!! Their behind the scenes moments when Todoroki's acting out a whole mental breakdown and pauses with the most >:0 expression when Shinsou accidentally flicks some fake blood at him, or them generally being dumbasses and Monoma hounding Camie to see Maboroki right before they have to do that one livestream, and the LOV trying to figure out what the fuck is going on in the ARG instead of doing villain things

-ghost shouto au: it!! It's just 🥺🥺🥺 small tiny ghost todo floating around, befriending the one (1) other ghost who he can actually understand (/cough/ it's tsubasa) and them!! Kinda hovering around izu and katsu!! Tsubasa flickering in and out of existence every once in a while and little ghost shoto waiting for his friend to flicker back again

-candle light shouto: i'm just hrmng. Them. The todochako in that au is so sweet it genuinely hurts my heart. And the angst?? Of them?? It's delightful. I'm not gonna spoil it all cause i' hoping someone will come along and ask for candle light content and i'll get to use my big plot twist, but todo gets hurt real bad and it's amazing

[azenta]

Do a lot of 3s have emotional breakdowns bc that's me rn lmfao i think it's the pressure from everyone else and myself that's getting to me. You can just disregard this if you dont want to answer, i just dont want to talk to any of my friends bc i dont want to show this side of me to them and i think you provide good insight, if you do choose to answer this

Anyways i'm having a breakdown over the fact i regret opening up to a family member abt my depression bc i think they just invalidated my feelings (basically said dont be depressed :). And to not kill myself bc i am the so called "golden child" and that i do helpful things around the house. Like..wow ok thanks i guess so ppl only like me for the things i can do....not for who i am). I only told them about 1 event/person that has contributed to my depression. And they used that info to yell at me earlier and pretty much say it's normal amd to not let it bother me...I dont think they truly understand how much that event affected me. I guess its a good thing i only told them that and not all the other shit that i've had to deal with. I'm never telling them shit ever again. And them saying they have their own stresses too n shit like yeah i know everyone has worries but i dont think it was necessary to tell me that what i went through was nothing...Like as if i havent been downplaying my depression all these years and is probably why it's gotten so much worse now. Also they said all this while my siblings were in ear shot so now they sorta know about that incident. Which i didnt want them to know about so yeah im really not turning to them for anything anymore, that was the 1st time i ever told them something personal and they've fucked it up

The only thing i would want to tell them is how much they and this whole family makes me even more depressed so much...i fr only feel happy and relaxed when i'm alone or just not with them. I try to like my family i rly do but i just cant and my dislike of them just keeps growing more. I dont have a connection to them. I feel genuinely happy when i think of a future without them. I honestly think this family member is guilt tripping me and my younger sister with the fact that one of my older sisters had to drop out of college and get a job to help the family out. And my other 2 older siblings made some bad fuck ups that has led to more pressure and harshness on me and my younger sister to have a successful life/career. Idk why they have to yell at us about it, get mad at our mom who forced our sister to do that. I never asked to be born and tell her to do that. And they're always on my ass about my art business, they think i'm not trying and keep trying to force their advice on me like dude i got it !! Pls just leave me alone to do my own thing, art isnt easy, it's hard to get business going in tje beginning but i am really trying... they rly think my shop is gonna be popular in one week. Despite how hard it is, art is literally the only thing thats keeping me alive - to be successful in an art business and be recognized for my skills and all that is all i've always wanted. Its the only thing i'm passionate about and determined to achieve. I know what i'm doing but i really dont think they have any confidence in me. This is the only thing i've done that is genuinely for me... i've done most things to meet up their expectations, evem forced myself to go to a year of college bc i knew they wanted to me to go despite me knowing full well i didnt have the mental state to go. Im still trying to build a career for myself, but they really dont think im trying and probably think i'm gonna be a fuck up like my other 2 older siblings

Like fuck it maybe i should just die if it will make it so much easier for them. Like one less person to feed and to house. I've been wanting to die for years now, i should just do it. Sometimes i just wsnt to die to make them feel guilty lmfao but i wonder if they even care enough to feel that way. I'm most likely not going to tho since the thought of failing to do so stops me...i dont want to deal with the consequences of a failed attempt. And i'll be damned if i dont become a recognizable artist before my death. Maybe i should release all my pent up anger on them since they always seem to do that to me. Anyway. This is probablg rly over dramatic lol and stupidly emotional, i'm usually not like this, idek if i can blame my typology on this lol idk if other xntjs and sp 3w4s deal with their frustrations this way

I dont think it is related to being a 3 specifically, but rather this what made you a 3 core. The 3 core mechanisms is actually what makes you survive through this and makes you want to strive.

It's also beyond enneagram. Depression in itself is often the result of someone being stuck for lengthy periods of time in an environment and/or situation that doesn't respond to their needs or doesn't let them respond to their needs. As a side note, yes, depression can start as early as childhood, since a lot of parents are actually adults with lot of unresolved issues and who are just perpetuating a generational trauma without noticing. Some children have a temperament that makes them "adapt" to the trauma, or rather make them fit to the mold, while some other don't and feel how unfit and painful this mold actually is. Both type of children will suffer, but differently.

Being depressed even as a chronic feeling reflect how much the environment is either not suitable for the individual, even if it's family (by blood, I'd rather precise), and/or that the person is struggling to adapt to it. In any case, I would remind you it's not a question of being your fault or not, whatever they tell you and despite all the guilt you feel. It's far more complex than that. I know rationally you will get that, but it's your emotional side that need to be taken care of. You need to see what you can do to accommodate to this environment, while considering it might still be extremely difficult to near impossible for you to completely adapt to it. Lack of adaption and possibility to rearrange the circumstances (powerlessness) will result in stress, anxiety and depression, which has for goal to push you to eventually move out from this environment.

And you don't need to try to like them. You can learn to respect them as their own person, independently of you, but when you consider yourself in relation to them, don't fight the unpleasant feelings. Those feelings are here to inform you about the health of the relationship. It speaks about your need and how met or unmet they are in the given situation and relationship. What you can do is see if a compromise is possible and try to meet it. If despite your attempts your brain compute that it experiences far more bad experiences than good, then it is informing you this relation isn't that good for you (costs are greater than benefits), and from that, you do experience an instinctual response such as avoiding them in your case. Don't fight it, it makes you survive. When something costs more than what you can get, it's only natural you find ways to avoid it and that you feel depleted of energy, thus the stress, anxiety and depressive reaction I spoke above.

If you want to feel like living instead of surviving, then it will be to seek ways to rearrange your environment and circumstances little by little (which can mean changing of place, having less interaction as possible, etc). This dream you have is very important, cherish it and act on it the most you can. This is what will help you see and make the moves to create a better reality for yourself. It will take time, but each steps you take bring you closer to your goal.

Don't hesitate to seek any kind of professional help if possible. It can be a therapist, social worker, even life coach. Do little stuff that makes you feel happy or even just comfortable and relieving, even if it's just a little. Respect the days where you feel more depressed, and take the time to meditate on what are realistic goals for you this day. If you feel apathy or indifference, then your rational is having the lead, so take this opportunity to do things that would have been draining emotionally (tho your thoughts might be pessimistic when in apathy mode, those need to be tackled when you actually feel any agreeable or disagreeable emotions).

Anyway, I know you didnt ask specifically for advices, but I couldn't not say nothing about this. I just think it's normal you have this kind of reaction if you live in an environment that isn't the healthiest for you. It's normal to have emotional outbursts, especially if you usually repress all of it.

As I said, to resume, it's not a question of what type you are, even tho it speaks of what made you that type. Focus on yourself and your own aspiration, I understand it sucks to not be supported and even being discouraged from your goals. Look for ways you can "fit" in your environment that are not to costly vs the benefices you get, and work for the ways that will direct you toward the kind of environment that'll be best for you.

I know, easier said than done. See it as a big project you will need days and months to work upon. The biggest canvas/story you will have to work upon. Some days will leave you with the blank syndrome, some other the lines or color won't seem to do or fit as you'd like, and some other you will only be able to add one motif or line, but some other days it will just come perfect and you will be able to do more.

Anyway, I hope it could help you some bit. If you have any other questions or want some advices, don't hesitate to send an ask. I don't only do typology asks, I do self development and psychology kind of ones as well x)