tmabutlesbian

[tmabutlesbian]

i already made a reblog about this but I’ll probably do the rest so i thought it deserved it’s own post

i suffered making this without premium but it will be useful for when i relisten in this order

[tmabutlesbian]

everytime i read a fic or see any art pertaining to gerard keay a part of my brain absolutely loses it i start eating my clothes and rattling him around like a box of nerds i need him so bad i love him so deeply he is my one and only my angel my beloved my bad bitch of a best friend

[tmabutlesbian]

"Girl" is completely removed from the concept of Being Female in my mind at this point it's barely even connected to femininity girl is about the vibe. Girl is a mindset

[tmabutlesbian]

GUESS WHO IT ISSSSSSSSSSS

Martin Blackwood from my band au!!!

[tmabutlesbian]

[ID: Three drawings of Martin Blackwood from TMA. He’s depicted as a fat, pale man, with short orange curly hair and a beard. What he’s wearing ranges from a blue sweater to a red hoodie to a graphic t-shirt, and sometimes he’s wearing his glasses. In the drawings he’s smiling, sometimes blushing, with hearts surrounding him. End ID.]

some martins!!!! :D featuring: his dimples! i love him 😭😭😭😭

[tmabutlesbian]

Hello. Im thinking abt martins mother. N this might be an unpopular idea or even hc but i just think its tragic so.

I think the reason martins mother is so distant n cold is not just because of her sickness or his father + martins likeness to him. Ofc, her sickness impacted her mental health, especially as she got older alongside martin. N ofc her husband leaving her, mostly like because of her sickness didnt do wonders for her mentally. But i read a manga one time, where the sick person intentionally made their loves ones hate them just so its easier to move on when they die.

Martins mother probs knew her life expectancy wasnt great, n unless a miracle came, martin had to take care of her from very young. Not smth a parent wants for numerous reasons. N i think his mom didnt necessarily want martin to just give up so much for her. Not because shes ungrateful but because its unfair to him

"i dont love you cuz u look like him, i still love u cuz ur my son. I cant look u in the eye but i want u to live ur life. I want you to do what i cant do: move on." N what better way to make thay happen if not to make martin hate/not care for her at all. After all it was easy for his father, n they already look so alike, why wouldn't martin take after his father like this as well. But he took after her in this, he wont let go, he cares. His mother turned almost a widow cuz her husband left n she needed to feel devastated by it (n she did); martin took care of hia sick n divorced mother because he is supposed to care for her n therefore so this for her as her son (he does care).

N then i think she regrets this a lot. Because as much as she tried to make martin hate her he kept coming back, he gave up college, he's paying for her med bills, hes keeping her alive while she was nothing but wretched to him assuming he'd discard her one day n that just didnt happen. N now, when he got worse, when they moved to london, when she left their home for the hospital. I think she tried, mental health deteriorating all the while, to at least be a lil softer. To not be so cruel. Just cold. Neutral. Not hostile. N then when she finally left, refusing his calls, one last attempt at keeping him away from a walking dead woman, she felt so alone. But also like it was right. He shouldn't be hung up on her. Move on, live ur life. Let me die.

N i think thats just so tragic

[tmabutlesbian]

thank you so much!!! n yes his age is the one thing that i'd rly like to officially know, but this seems fucking great!! our boyo is almost 40!! he's like. 8-9 years older than jmart which is cool to know

i need to study mike crew's character cause i wanna ship him n integrate him in more of my hc's. this is me, reacting to his wiki page.

love that the only thing they say abt mike at the start of his page is that he's an avatar of the vast. like yh no shit

oh damn we have his date of death, i always forget tma is like. very well dated?? like months n days n shit i always forget, i assume its all very. up to interpretation. some of it definitely is. we dont got no bday tho :((( thats kinda sad

mike is: thin, pale, short, has the iconic scar on his neck n back, n has pale eyes. he also smells of ozone. king <3

ok, age 8, boy got hit by lighting, n then because his life might as well get worse, he gets chased around by a spiral avatar (not the distortion, which is always fun seeing other interpretations of the fears outside of the more iconic or reoccurring ones), that tormented him with illusions of storms, poor guy

omfg????? boy became an orphan by 17 cuz he found some corruption leitner n it killed his parents. king moved on tho n right away wanted to search for more, hoping it would help him with his spiral problem. pretty cool. true that i cant remember how he reacted during his statement, the wiki is just here to inform n shit, but hes very practical in a way. parents die because of powerful book. hes being chased by a powerful entity. theres gotta be some book that can help him. smart n practical, might also be a way to like. quickly move on from his parents' death by just. focusing on a goal. he sure is stubborn, so many years still alive whilst being chased by a monster is amazing

ok, 1996, we dont know how old he is, but he finds boneturners tale, tries to remove his scar, doesnt work cuz he's full of fractals ig so he leaves it in some library with some other books. he probs doesnt like his scar for trauma reasons, might also be for insecurity reasons, we all know how cruel children n teenagers can be

1997-98, he found ex altiora after frequenting some library. he bound the spiral creature to the book n devoted himself to the vast. i mean, shit, me too, u go ur whole life being tormented by some monster, some other power kills it, i too would devote myself to it, if anything for the fact that it can provide some type of protection. again, mike's a pratical n smart guy, but he obviously doesnt rly know know a lot abt the fears, hes kinda winging it, which is. very impressive. all that he's learned has been on the fly (not a pun either)

2005, he becomes a stalker, 2006 he keeps doing it n feeds his god of the vast by freaking one of the guys out. this is in paris, which means hes travelling around. probs already used to doing so on the hunt for leitners, he might as well keep going now that he has funky sky powers

2017 he meets our boy jon. scar is still a sensitive issue, which is valid, so he fucks jon up a bit after he offended mike abt it. he gives a statement but then he is killed n buried which is. just sad. he was so iconic

im gonna go down the statements n add anything else of value.

mag 4: page turner: love that the spiral creature is stuck there on the book, with mike's scarring, its kinda cool. also this was in 2012, statement in 2013. im assuming dominic n mike r of the same age since they used to play together, so i was hoping to see some hint abt his age.

also mike smells of ozone constantly probs due to becoming n avatar of the vast, since the book ex altiora also smelled of ozone. interesting.

mag 46: literary heights: mike is a uni student, or at least looks like one. so im gonna assume he was in his 20s?? during 1998. he also keeps his scar hidden.

books on demonology?? does he think the spiral monster is a demon? kinda fair tbh. also what kinda akward situations arose from mike having to run away from the spiral thingie everytime he smelled the ozone? did he leave in the middle of multiple classes?? did it catch him mid piss one time?? actually what if he was in the bathroom chilling n smelled ozone?? wtf do u do???

ok, mike being a bit of a hermit n staying inside his home for weeks, bunch of latin shit around him, probs from the demonology books. he stole ex altiora n then fled not after herbert found him but when the creature found him n he ran, with herbert giving chase.

mike performs some ritual with latin to bind the creature to the book in exchange for his devotion to the vast. he throws himself out the window with the creature following behind. jon believes the mike was using the book to protect or ward him, which yh seems like it.

ah ok the spiral thing is the lichtenberg figure which is what gives mike his scars ig. interesting how smth so related to the vast can actually be from the spiral depending on what it does n means, with the illusions of storms n what not. we always assume anything sky related is vast but here lighting is very much spiral. thats cool.

mag 75: a long way down: mike is described as a short young man. event happened during 2006, so rly it depends on what young man means for the statement giver. if in 1998 he was in his 20's, in 2006 hes around 28 years old, maybe. hes also wearing a grey faded suit so 1) not much for colors huh n 2) wears shit until they break, same

mike feeding the vast in a pretty chill way, probs very happy to be free of torment n also have cool fear powers. he does seem bored so it could be more of a chore for him than anything else, mike just wants to live basically. also pre leitner mike must be different from post leinter mike, since jon notes ppl change after using leitners. so theres also that. the loss of ur humanity might also do that to u but idk

mag 89: twice as bright: jude is in her 50s!! didnt know that.

mike hangs around with the fairchilds, which is just jude's way of saying hes from the vast. id assume mike wouldnt hang out with them, just feel like hes used to dealing with things alone. also he is closer to jon's lot than hers, which could mean several things. i guess mike did search for knowledge everywhere for a while, even if it was all for survival n not for a need to know.

mag 91: the coming storm: love how jon goes to meet mike n he offers him tea, which means they r at mike's house, he has a home. with tea in it. i wonder if hes good at making it or not. mike likes his privacy n also that jon should learn how to respect others, which tbh just feels like he is older than jon which yh, if this is 2017 n if in 2006 he was around 28, he is around 39, maybe.

theres no lasting damage from his lighting incident the doctors say, except the trauma i guess. "Lichtenberg figures are fractals and while he could not see them, his fingers could feel them on his skin. When he felt them in the dark they went on and on" now thats pretty interesting, no wonder he didnt like his scars much if they felt all weird n funky like that.

i just googled them n see this: "Lichtenberg figures are fern-like patterns that may appear on the skin of lightning strike victims and typically disappear in 24 hours." thats not what happened to out boy!! might been because it was a supernatural thing tho so yh. wonder if his doctors freaked out a bit, also wonder what kind of treatment he got from his unusual scarring. but i also think this might happen, but its rare.

after touching his scars, the spiral thing started chasing him. it tricked him by making him think a storm was always coming, n it never hurt him but it always terrified him, which is fair cuz i mean wtf

ohhh very much avatar of the spiral with the corridors, making him dream of endless lighting corridors. then he woke up, went to his small garden at the back, n he saw an endless dark forest, the branches reached down from the sky n there was a strong smell of ozone. its interesting how this is an avatar of the spiral but its so laden with the vast.

after parents die he understands theres more to the supernatural n starts exploring. "The creature that followed him was a branch of the Twisting Deceit, which had, perhaps foolishly, taken a form from the sky" interestinggggg so the entities can take forms of things related to other entities, this is so cool!!

"he faintly remembers feeling resigned and desperate, though he cannot understand these feelings now" hmm so post leitner n post becoming an avatar he doesnt remember why he felt resigned before doing so, but like, ure giving up ur humanity n shit, n mike did it cuz he wanted to live in peace, like ofc. its like choosing the lesser evil n shit.

he has killed multiple ppl since he says its hard to keep track, but also i feel like his memory is not the best, considering he cant remember the night he became an avatar correctly.

can be punched n killed pretty humanly so theres that as well. might also be because daisy is from the hunt tho.

thats all i have, this was kinda cool. my boy mike <3<3

[tmabutlesbian]

MARTITTY!!!! (finally finished this wip god bless)

below there's alternate versions with different colors on the overlay :))

[tmabutlesbian]

Fell asleep listening to Magnus Archives, woke up, and immediately made this image

[tmabutlesbian]

If you’re a real human person still using the default tumblr avatar, consider changing it.

why should you change it?

When you guys pop up in our notifications, most seasoned tumblr users will suspect you’re a bot and block on sight.

why do we block immediately?

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So now I have to reblog stuff AND change my pfp?

Well, of course that’s up to you! I just want to explain why you may have been already blocked by an artist/blogger you may have discovered recently, and how you can avoid it in the future.

Reblogging does help creators more than likes because your reblogs will show up on the dash of those that may follow you. Plus, reblogging puts that post on your own blog, and in case the original gets deleted or edited by the OP, it’ll be on your blog like that–forever (or until you delete your blog). Nice.

Here are some free icons created by catalyststuff on freepik. Highly recommend their art for a simple replacement!

[tmabutlesbian]

having sashabelle thoughts....... considering my sasha aro hc, she actually uses this as an excuse to not think abt annabelle in any interest. like yes i care for the sexy spider lady, but i mean i dont LOVE LOVE her n apparently thats like super bad in this society so yh i cant like her :/// im gonna ignore all the signs of me wanting a relationship with her. i'll just have sex with her, that makes us both happy haha

n then u have annabelle, very much in love, thinking (actually both of them thinking) its all one sided affection, n letting it stay that way since she knows it would only make things harder if they were together in any meaningful way.

so u have annabelle always flirting, hoping it will one day be just for the funsies n not real, while sasha ignores this n doubles down on her hate for annabelle because 1) shes an avatar 2) shes technically speaking an enemy of theirs 3) she freaks out her friends, n she doesnt like that and 4) shes an avatar of the web, so shes a manipulative cunt. therefore sasha doesnt trust her, doesnt like her, no shes not sobbing at 3 am in bed having a mental breakdown abt ther feelings.

martin is the only one who tries to wingman sasha just to make her less miserable. jon is not gonna help for obvious reasons (spider monster lady) and tim is not gonna help also for obvious reasons (spider monster lady). martin comes for the rescue n locks both women on some closet n snaps "talk abt your feelings NEOW" n leaves for a few hours.

sashabelle is that type of ship that is like. enemies to friends with benefits to enemies to one sided lovers to enemies to friends??? to nope-enemies-again to why-cant-we-be-friends to maybe-friends to maybe-enemies to (finally) lovers (obviously in a qpr, sasha is aro but she wants a relationship okay??? also i love s1 archives crew polycule so shut up annabelle is in there too)

this explains my thought process when choosing songs for my playlist of them. also i am thinking of them since im drawing a playlist cover for said playlist so yknow. yh. also im gay

[tmabutlesbian]

I have never felt more validated in my entire life

[tmabutlesbian]

extremely sad about martin in mag22 talking about how he "disappeared" for those two weeks. like he had no idea everyone thought he was safely at home sick. he really truly thought he vanished off the face of the earth for weeks at a time and not one single soul bothered to come and look for him ! : ' )

[tmabutlesbian]

can the beholding mind its business

[tmabutlesbian]

Relistening to The tale of a Field Hospital be like

"SUPPLEMENTAL im in the tunnels i was exploring and I gOt l0sT-"

"There were uh-a coupl'o spiders, so i changed route and found-i think its a gas main-''

[tmabutlesbian]

Martin probably only left the house for like 10 minutes, but they missed him nevertheless.

[tmabutlesbian]

oliver study time? oliver study time. lets get to know ollie boy!!

i had tons of fun with mike crew so i'll be doing this to oliver banks now since i always get confused with his personality n also death so.

avatar of the end, duh. he sees tendrils tied to ppl who are abt to die. so like only ppl who r close to dying have those tendrils then? i'm assuming so.

originally he dreamed of ppl's deaths 10 days before their death. around 2014, maybe 2013, he started seeing the tendrils awake as well.

he has 3 aliases: antonio blake, the coroner (cool ass title), and Dr. Thomas Pritchard (random ass name but we move on)

he died by satellite impact but came back ofc, at a research vessel near Point Nemo

descriptions: tall, dark n handsome. lmao, he's tall, he's black, he's careworn???? don't know what that means. n also has worry lines on his face. boy is anxious. oh careworn means "tired and unhappy because of prolonged worry". boy is depressed and anxious, mood.

2000-2006: boyfriend Graham!! in 2000-2001. dated 6 years, lived together, broke up before 2007. Ollie moved to london around 2005 "to do his undergraduate degree at the London School of Economics and started working at Barclays directly after graduating" boy went to school! undergraduate means this is his first degree btw! also wtf is barclays? oh i googled it its a back. heh oliver banks. works in a bank. hehe. oh shit, boy got too stressed, had a breakdown after barely a year n had a dramatic exit from his job around 2007. his dreams started soon after.

ok i just saw graham's page. he died in 2006. no wonder they broke up, oliver probably realized smth was wrong or the notthem ruined their relationship. poor boy :( but also i cant remember if graham broke up with ollie before or after his death. hmm. they might have broken up since graham was obsessed with that table n eating notebooks n shit.

around 2013: 2015, oliver was working on a magick shop. king. they sold crystals n tarot cards. jane prentiss mentioned him looking at her with deep sadness n even fear. this is where jane worked not oliver

oliver worked on a shop that in soho that had a sign saying "Crystals. Books. Tarot" pretty straight to the point. he asked jennifer what she was listening to even tho she had no headphones on n when altered to this he just walked away muttering a warning abt protecting her ears. so. he's awkward as well. how cute

march 2015: he gives a statement, under antonio blake, abt gertrude's death. so gertrude died around this time then.

mid 2015-2018: "Oliver assumed the identity of a chemist and boarded an unnamed research vessel in the hopes of getting some restful sleep" boy what. how do you go from A to B here. i'll read the statement in a bit to get more context but this sounds WILD w/o context. n then when he notices theyre all abt to die cuz of the vines he. kills the captain? n leads everyone to a location that gets hit by a satellite killing them instantly.

2018: oliver gives the statement to coma jon, saying the web sent him, which is interesting how the web has so much power but its all so behind the scenes. when georgie encounters him he uses his alias antonio blake again, but she knows shes an avatar of the end right away n that he reminds her of someone evil which. yikes!

post-change: he has his own domain, corpse roots, n gives jon another statement, also theorizes abt the ruined world. he's a nerd <3

still unsure of his age but! if he started his undergratuate in his 20's in 2005, then by 2016, the start of the podcast, he's around his 30's, probs 31.

let's get into the statements

mag 11: Dreamer: ok so his work stress also had a hand on the breakup actually, n he left their home to stay with some friends. he slept on his friend's Anahita's sofa, n thats when he started having the dreams.

the dreams were irregular throughout the years, so at least it wasnt everyday. he read tons of books abt esoteric dreaming but found nothing of value.

he also saw his father's death, n couldnt stop it. even after his death, he saw his father in his dreams for a month and a half

he lied to get into the institute to give his statement to gertrude, knowing she would die soon. poor boy just wanted to help somebody, even if he couldnt help his father :(

mag 42: Grifter's Bone: interesting that jennifer did not die but oliver still warned to protect her ears. she didnt even suffer damage since she took precautions. how did he know? did he see a ton other ppl with tendrils in their ears? did he actually change the trajectory of her death by being a puzzling man warning her to protect her ears?

she did kill herself by hitting her head with a hammer. does this mean that, even tho she didnt die by the grifter's bone, she still did die? like oliver sees when ppl r going to die n the only thing he can maybe change is the way that it happens? thats fucked up

mag 121: Far Away: he can feel the tendrils when they appear irl! he feels a chill when he touches or brushes against one. he isolates himself since he doesnt want to see ppl's deaths, but he cant escape that entirely. probs saw neighbors n shit, or when he went grocery shopping. or just looked out the window, oof

point nemo is a point in the ocean that is the furthest place away from any civilization. the lonely must like him a little as well, damn. he cant dream abt the place since the vines dont let him. he finds out theres a scientific voyage going to point nemo, he replaces one of the members who is fated to die n takes his identity, deposing of the corpse. him n martin are so alike sometimes how fun. no wonder martin felt threatened lmao.

he has dreamless sleep for a while, keeping to himself. finally got the context lmao. but the vines return when they get to the destination, n he understands their fate n his purpose (as an avatar of the end? as a bringer of death? damn). he makes it so they reach the place where the vines originate from n they all die. this time, he's the one to cause the deaths, not just be a bystander. i bet he also wanted to die a little bit, loosing hope of having a normal life and just wanting it to stop :((

oliver embraces death, becoming an avatar. he also states he's going along with what "she" wants, which could be annabelle cane or just the mother from the web.

mag 168: Roots: (iconic "martin, are you jealous?" episode, just fyi) his alias here is The Coroner, which is rad as shit. he sees the veins of the end, n he has no power to stop the fate of death, but even if he could he wouldnt. "for to rob a soul of death is as torturous as its inevitable coming" grim poet over here lmao

interesting that he measures how close somebody is to death by "stretches" which are "waves" of terror or whatever. some ocean terms here, probs since oliver died in the middle of the ocean, so nice lil detail.

he likes to watch ppl be afraid of their inevitable deaths, even the inevitable deaths of others. we love a lil evil in out handsome men ofc.

he also has his concerns. the ppl will die, but without ppl to die there's no End. he may need other victims from other domains, but that will result in conflict. theres probs not new humans being created, so the humans will eventually run out if the apocalypse keeps going. and when that happens, all the fears will end and this reality will be rid of them. even then, there's no action to be taken to prevent this. the other fears will feed into The End, n he will see this happen, n while this might have terrified him before, he's too much of an avatar to be what he was before, he's more of the end than oliver banks now.

so! oliver is a handsome, tall, black man. he is anxious n also very sad, and awkward. a pretty chill guy regardless. he cares abt ppl, even those he doesnt know. he slowly comes to terms with death tho, n he just starts to like. not care less but just understand that it doesnt matter if they will all die n shit. he will also lie to get his way, n he has mostly good intentions, he's just desensitized to death now. also he might be into magick's. n he used to be a banker but that didnt go well. n also he's gay. king <3<3<3