#they wanna reconnect so badly but they just assume its better if they dont

[tmabutlesbian]

Hello. Im thinking abt martins mother. N this might be an unpopular idea or even hc but i just think its tragic so.

I think the reason martins mother is so distant n cold is not just because of her sickness or his father + martins likeness to him. Ofc, her sickness impacted her mental health, especially as she got older alongside martin. N ofc her husband leaving her, mostly like because of her sickness didnt do wonders for her mentally. But i read a manga one time, where the sick person intentionally made their loves ones hate them just so its easier to move on when they die.

Martins mother probs knew her life expectancy wasnt great, n unless a miracle came, martin had to take care of her from very young. Not smth a parent wants for numerous reasons. N i think his mom didnt necessarily want martin to just give up so much for her. Not because shes ungrateful but because its unfair to him

"i dont love you cuz u look like him, i still love u cuz ur my son. I cant look u in the eye but i want u to live ur life. I want you to do what i cant do: move on." N what better way to make thay happen if not to make martin hate/not care for her at all. After all it was easy for his father, n they already look so alike, why wouldn't martin take after his father like this as well. But he took after her in this, he wont let go, he cares. His mother turned almost a widow cuz her husband left n she needed to feel devastated by it (n she did); martin took care of hia sick n divorced mother because he is supposed to care for her n therefore so this for her as her son (he does care).

N then i think she regrets this a lot. Because as much as she tried to make martin hate her he kept coming back, he gave up college, he's paying for her med bills, hes keeping her alive while she was nothing but wretched to him assuming he'd discard her one day n that just didnt happen. N now, when he got worse, when they moved to london, when she left their home for the hospital. I think she tried, mental health deteriorating all the while, to at least be a lil softer. To not be so cruel. Just cold. Neutral. Not hostile. N then when she finally left, refusing his calls, one last attempt at keeping him away from a walking dead woman, she felt so alone. But also like it was right. He shouldn't be hung up on her. Move on, live ur life. Let me die.

N i think thats just so tragic