#im fine lmao just tired now
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//lurking for a bit, tired myself out throwing up dinner :(
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going to complain for a second whatever
#kind of tired of everything i need/want getting put off til the last moment/as long as possible#and now it's starting to interfere with my school life??#like yeah okay if we can't make it to the bookstore even tho u promised we could#cuz it got pushed back because my sister wanted to have a sleepover. okay fine#but i've been trying to pay an exam fee for a week and now it's late and there's going to be extra fees bcuz it's late. I NEED TO PAY THIS#like yeah im the oldest. but i still have needs and wants lmao!!#ive been so angry this week i just need to cry it out but we have guests so like !! yay !!
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also picking raspberries turned out to be.. really fucking hard
#it's so physically demanding broo ToT#idk i feel like im just weak af because some people there seem to do it so easily and i can barely#do half a day#and they want me to do a full day tomorrow bro#like#I'm so tired after half a day..#i genuinely feel like i might just collapse or something#i do want that bit of money tho but it's sooo exhausting#i went there for half a day today and it killed me bro i was just lying in bed#and i didn't want to fall asleep cause it was like noon already but#i didn't even have the energy to look at a phone lmao#well it's gonna be over this week probably cause#the raspberries are going to stop growing in a few days apparently they're saying in 2 days#we're going to be done#I'd love to make more money but I don't think i can fucking do ittt#its so physically demanding whyyyyy#and why are there grandmas working with me in that field and they seem just fine BROOOO TOT#but yeah now that im thinking about it this also might be part of my problems cause#im soo much.ore irritable rn just cause im literally exhausted all the time ughhh#i came back home 3 days ago and i haven't even had the time to sit down at a desk and draw something#not even mentioning energy aughhh
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resignation letter is the most potent painkiller. i love you resignation letter i love you one month notice <3
#tmi but im regular again and literally the only change is because i've been eating enough to shit daily#i was in such a bad headspace these past few months that i could barely bring myself to eat#i'd go to sleep with my work uniform still on and wake up willing myself to get up for 30 mins and then brushing my teeth and going to work#with the same clothes i slept in#i stopped hanging out with my friends. i had nightmares abt my job.#i can only take care of myself on my days' off and i cant grok anything other than shallow entertainment like wrestling#everything else is too much for my brain to handle. i'd simply forget everything i read or play or even listen to#those three months are miserable lmao#its not just my job... its also the family issues i've been dealing with#yknow remember when i said i could have died? yeah that shit was real. fuckin love it when my mom admit my dad have the capacity to be a#family annihilator. but... since my dad have a job to keep him busy and we moved to a house where me and my sister and#my mom and dad get to have our own rooms... and my dad get to live near his old friends and family...#things have been getting better. usually we had a physical fight every two months but it hasnt happened yet and i seem to get on with him#better now. so... i guess im gonna be okay. i've been so tired and trapped#stuck between two places that are both physically and emotionally draining with no reprieve#things are changing. and i find that to be comforting despite how up in the air the future might be. i might be screwed but also? what if#i'll be fine? im at a point where im accepting any drastic changes even if its for the worse#funny how i used to like my job a lot. i guess im not to be comfortable with anything long term#posts about my life
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No way they had to actually nerf aventurines story boss fight 😭😭
#SPACE CAPITALIST FOUL LEGACY FACES THE FATE OF THE ORIGINAL 😭😭#listen im the first one to call out how the omgggggg its hsr childe O___o shit with aven is just. dumb (& if anything hes hsr komaeda lmao)#but this is just so fucking funny 💀💀 poetic irony#(yap alert) n yes yes sure ik they do share some memeworthy similarities in the narrative roles they serve and some surface level aspects#such as. to stay on topic. the powered up form featured in a now-nerfed story fight threatens big population in attempt to draw out someone#thing. but as characters they rly couldnt be further apart. motivations and skillsets and worldviews and personality its . nothing lol.#like. they rhyme at times but thats not the same as rly being alike much at all and im tired of seeing it#but anuway yeah its. its so funny the boss fights for both got the fateful nerf i cannot believe this 💀💀#i kind of get why tho like. aventurine had hands. i did double sustain jic and was fine bc fx blocked the CC enough but ya#hsr#hsr spoilers#2.1 spoilers#rambles#name a more iconic duo than me and not fucking keeping it curt and on topic in the tags
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do you mind if people make blogs inspired by this one for different games? i'd love to make a splatoon version of this!
I mean. go ahead yeah! I myself got the idea from another blog, and even if it was an original idea like... honestly? do what u want forever people do not own the concept of gimmick blogs
#starposting#ask stuff#we have funsies here lmao#ALSO while im here; my apology on missing like 2 fridays worth of updating lmaoo#sometimes i ghost it for a week bc hashtag busy life and tired#and then i got. technically sick? this last week so it was like. damn. guess we doin bodily struggles now#for the record im fine now it wasn't anything severe just tireness and soreness for a bit#i will probably update the posted songs here soon and post more this week's friday
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the lord is testing me so hard rn. holy fuck. give me a break
#hbbbbbb spent what i built up after the semester on the mortgage i'm tired i have a full shift tomorrow and now the powers out and#i need a charger block for my phone cause i need to wake up tomorrow. wanted a shower. mom was gonna make a quiche i don't want wendy's lmao#i also do not want to start crying in front of her i am just. grumpy. and it is fine. but i need to not be tearing up when i get to the#pharmacy because my friend works there and will ask what's wrong and im not crying in cvs. so. hough. okay.#stop tearing up. get meds. get shitty stupid dinner i'm so sick of chicken holy fuck. go home. mom is also extremely overwhelmed i don't#want to get upset in front of her idk how to not do that. hhhgh. sucks. it sucks and it's bad and i'm tired
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I think about that tiktok trend where you like paint your partners eye color on your nails or make a bracelet or something with the color a lot actually
#like its so cute honestly but sometimes i wonder how hard it would actually be to like find the right color match#maybe one day... but for now probably expect oc art with this trend in it maybe 💀#the thing about it too is i have like dark eyes and idk if ive ever seen like a dark brown nail polish. beads or thread yeah but ya#oh nvm i googled. it exists i just dont pay attention ig#OH you know what i can do... i can paint pepperonis eye color on my nails.... my baby... my kitty......#dude it feels like 5 am why is it only 2#amyways. 4 monsters was a big mistake i think... i feel quite icky...#it doesnt help i didnt eat for a majority of the day it was just monster. im really unhealthy. need water maybe#wait i was talking about nail polish how did i get here#i just want to actually do cute couple things. i must heal. im gonna be so healthy.#its fine. lmao. i just know im not ready#oh i did eat btw dont worry lmao i had. chicken nuggets#i actually have to eat more bc i need to gain back some weight or they wont let me donate plasma#my extra pokemon money..... nawr...#i dropped like 10 pounds. my current job is very physical. lots of scuttling around.#i thought about working out too? i had a short phase last year in like spring or something where i started doing workout type stuff#so like.. maybe. probably should. healtly mindset shit yk#i also maybe want some more clothes. like update my wardrobe a bit. really figure out my style.#like some cool shirts and maybe pants. cause i wear a lot of the same stuff#also again. dropped weight so. need better fitting pants.....#i want more mens pants. big pockets... gender....#anyways. nice chatting with you besties. love you guys my silly little tumblr besties.#some of you that follow this sideblog have supported me on here for a while. i see you. i appreciate you. thank you 💖#genuinely there are names that pop up and im like !! hello!!! its you!!!!!#you guys probably know who you are. go get yourself a little treat you deserve it. or like. idk what you enjoy.#play a good game. watch your favorite show. idk. be happy. love yourself.#this also goes out to those of you who are more passive on my blog. i appreciate you too!! thank you!#all my little tumblr followers.... my besties..... unles you are a bot i havent cleared out lmao#k i might have to go to bed idk im tired well see
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so so tired from work this month but hey. at least im off now until the end of the year :3
#x#i need to find a new job#like i knew this already obviously but w the new manager and all now it’s like. man i Really need to get out of there fr#he’s fine or whatever he just stresses me out a little#and also i’m SO fucking tired all the time i’m sorry im not built to do full time cleaning i can’t do it im exhausted n achey every single#evening n the weekends are NOT enough to recover. i need some kind of office job stat#< says this with absolutely no experience lmao#i can do admin work if you tell me how to i prommyyyyy just gimme a chanceeee 🙏🙏🙏
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can my body figure out whats wrong with it please and thanks
#coni speaks#im so tired and its only 1pm#my blood is *fine*. theres nothing wrong with it now! so theres just more problems#idk man its probably depression or smt lmao#let me do the things i want to do please
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I would like to thank tumblr for a decade worth of 'heres what you do in an emergency' posts, because just now on my way home I watched a cyclist wipeout into a ditch, and I was able to successfully call 911 and get him help and everything happened basically as correctly as it could
#i have his bike on my porch and i scribbled my contact info on a cvs receipt and tucked it in his backpack#(and told him where i was putting it)#so now I just have to make sure it gets back to him. presumably this wont be for a day or two idk. but yes#i definitely wouldnt have known remotely what I was doing wouthout all those step by step posts with advice#so i appreciate it and theres a kid who got better help today than he would have#my only regrets are that a) i was tired and nearly drove past without asking if he needed help and YES HE VERY MUCH NEEDED HELP#and b) i should have asked his name right away while i was helping instead of after the 911 call but thats fine i did ask it after#lori chat#im like 'im fine?' but also i can feel my body having a stress response around me so like i will take this one step at a time lmao
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typical 7 am judas moment where im sobbing over what i could have been and accomplished if my parents had loved me :)
#what a waste of a life this has been#i gotta go to work now at my job i fucking hate and pretend im not constantly tormented by how much better i couldve done#if id just been loved and had the money to succeed#explodes and dies forever lmao#what did i do that was such a crime even as a baby that they hated me since the day i was born#what is so wrong with me#what is so intrinsically wrong with me that they have hated me since i was born?????? i drive myself crazy thinking about it#im totally fine and calm and collected enough to go to work (im not. i wish i was fucking dead. i cant take this anymore) lol#anyways broken record i know yall are tired of hearing about it. imagine how tired i am of living like this for 24 years lmao
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the cycle ARJHRHRGEGRGHRHRHHRHRHRHHR
#its not that bad but like#man im tired#the school/work misery cycle SUCKSS#like my whole scedules just go to schools go to rehearsals like 2 days out of thr week and even saturdays sometimes go home them repeat#and on top of that school itself getting my work done is so difficult for literally no reason now#i love math so so much but im so bad at it lmao#i miss having free weekends to look foward too#i miss getting home from school and actually being motivated to do stuff#i miss coming home from school and getting the motivation to go on my computer and have fun until its time to go tk bed#alsos missing my family rn#ought it’s literally so fine#i gotta get used to it especially when college hits but oguh man#my school play ends next week so after i get a break at least 👍👍👍
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hey i might be controversial but im not really feeling the 12th doctor so far
#idkk idk what to thinkkk#i finished s8 today#im just nottt feeling ittt#i just think i might hate how moffat writes no matter what it is fdvxcdfdfv#i actually don't know WHAT is wrong because it's like... things i SHOULD be enjoying but im not it feels like its bad#idk idkkkk#i just feel there's something lacking and i felt the exact same way through the entire 11th doctor era#its just even worse now because i guess im tired#like im so desperate to enjoy this doctor like i did 9 and 10 and i just cant?? cant enjoy the companions and side characters as much eithe#idk man :(#i need to watch some older dw stuff and see if im idealizing the old episodes lmao#because i really want to have a fair opinion of this showww#heeeelpp ToT#i think i just dont like the writing? but i dont know enough about writing to actually say what's wrong#theres just something wrong#ouough#i still hold so much hope everyones always so excited about 12 and i was very excited and its just not ittt#ough ok byeeee#ok wait#like i think his personality is fine and stuff is fine it's just.. the stories? the way they present them? i dont knowwww#i just dont really like moffats dw i gues...#SAD
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inktowbew days 18-24!!
the rest you will probably get later today lol
#styx says#my art#homestar runner#inktowbew#the cheat#strong bad#dangeresque#dangeresque too#cutesy buttons#renaldo#stingy relenque#strong sad#trogdor#sweet cuppin cakes#oooogh i have done so much drawing lately and im still behind lmao#its fine i just have to finish day 16 and i have yesterdays sketched.... but for now i eep it is almost midnight and i have school tomorrow#um. sorry for falling behind btw my brain chose a really bad time to be mean and rude you get it#n e wayz. ill elaborate on some stuff when i wake up im Tired goodnight
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anyway yeah relevant to that post abt being deaf/hoh and ppl excluding u from conversation bc of it (even unintentionally), that's smth that's been really deeply bothering me lately bc there are a few ppl I routinely have to deal with who do it a lot and it Pisses Me The Fuck Off I've lost all patience w them. giving up and calling it ableism and walking out idc anymore 🚶♂️
#theres a guy at work whos incredibly annoying for it but tbh hes bad at his job in general anyway n everyones annoyed at him all the time#so at least i get some solidarity from my other coworkers (who are generally rly accommodating of my deafness)#i dunno how he hasnt got the memo ive explained im deaf so he needs to face me n make sure he has my attention n enunciate multiple times#but nope still not getting thru to him! so half the time if he starts mumbling i just pointedly ignore him until he either speaks more#clearly or goes away lmao#and same with a friend of a friend im sure hes a nice guy and everyone else seems to like him n hes in our main discord server so i cant#avoid him as easily and ive been so tolerant of it but hes worn thru my patience entirely and idc abt trying to be nice anymore#if he comes on call and starts mumbling and sidelining me from the conversation i just put him on mute im not dealing with that anymore#i dont fucking care if its petty and rude to do that. im tired of trying to understand him and dealing with how left out he makes me feel#i hope he picks up on the hostility n feels unwanted so maybe then he'll understand what its like for me and fix his behaviour 👍#bc i have no other way of communicating that with him anymore. since I CANT FUCKING HEAR HIM!!!!!#he also has a lot of other annoying behaviour which is fine but this is my limit its so disrespectful and outside of my control#make space for my disability or go away forever#not sure if we could even be friends if he did change now bc hes soured my impression of him so much by this point.#sad! well theres other guys#im glad everyone ive met at climbing so far has been pretty good abt it. really not that hard to do!#anyway rant over lol. at least the guy at work is only on a temp contract so only have to deal w him for a few more months#unfortunately since the rest of that group is friends w this other guy he'll prolly be around longer. but oh well lmao#just crossing my fingers he'll drift away n never open discord again so ill never have to deal w his shitty crackly mic mumbling#or maybe he'll stop fucking calling from whatever wind tunnel hes in and properly join in on our movie nights instead!!!!!#it is sad bc i think he has similar music taste to me. there are def some things we have in common that could form a basis for friendship#but hes gone n ruined it innit#aaaanyway oops started complaining again... the bitch grind never ends#im gonna shower n go back to elden ringing it.... fare thee well#.diaries
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