#im drained in every way possible

[arcwrath]

.

[du-hjarta-skulblaka]

Vent post ugh

[ilostyou]

5sos said it's so hard to watch everything i want spinning down the drain which is true however. even worse than that is not even getting to watch everything spin down the drain bc you thought everything was actually fine and the drain was plugged and nothing was going anywhere so your attention wanders a bit and you come back thinking everything is still fine except it's not bc everything you ever wanted disappeared while you were weren't looking while it was completely out of your control while you were under the assumption it was all fine so you didn't even have the chance to process the fact that it might ever go away that everything you want could spin down the drain or is actively spinning down the drain bc everything was fine it was all supposed to be fine

[vitiateoriginator]

I've been going thru a major creative block recently and I'm really depressed over it

[sparkelingspectres]

.

[karinasbaby]

sim jaeyun — sense.

P. spiderman!jake x fem!reader (17+) | W. unprotected sex, sir kink, somewhat hard dom jake, tying up, pet names, making out, jake is desperate and needy, breeding kink, creampie, cursing, other filthy shit | WC. around 3k im assuming | A,N. wanted to write smth for spiderman jake so here we are ! pls read a,note at the end !

in which.. jake gets affected by an unknown aphrodisiac potion in the middle of a fight.

limping towards your apartment building at two am wasn’t the ideal situation jake was hoping to find himself just a few hours ago.

yet here he is. right hand pressed against the bleeding gash on the side of his waist while his left hand loosely wrapped around his red mask. an unfavourable situation really. seeing the friendly neighbourhood spiderman walking funnily down the streets of queens.

crimson red leaking between his fingertips and bleeding through his suit, multiple small cuts adorned his legs and angles, ripping apart the high-tech suit that was crafted by mr.stark for him only, weeks of hard work wasted down the drain in the matter of a few villains.

yet none of those tragedies were processed inside of jake’s foggy mind. as ridiculous as it sounded, he felt all the blood rushing from his body to the middle of his legs. adding more to his lightheartedness overall.

he couldn’t figure out what the fuck the stupid robber threw at him in that filthy glass bottle of his. the glass shattering right next to jake’s jaw letting the liquid seep into his suit and before he could even realise it, he had ingested way too much of the unknown liquid mid fight due to his stupid habit of licking his lips and heavy breathing.

tongue pressing against the dampened fabric that was soaked with what he assumed was a potion of some sort because it fucked him up entirely.

he was rock fucking hard. in the middle of the street. with multiple injuries. at two am.

to say that he was sexually frustrated would be an understatement. his body was aching in every way possible. his senses heightening further than they normally should be, hearing his heartbeat drumming loudly in his ear drums as he dragged himself closer and closer to the brick wall of his favourite building.

he almost moaned when he lifted his head upwards to face the windows of the apartment, throbbing, tortorous pain pulsing all throughout his veins and body. he could barely remember all the scenes from the unnecessary assault, from the stinging kicks to his abdomen to the tenderness he felt in his knuckles due to his calculated punches that had the guy knocked out on the floor after hours.

knowing your tendency of asking him countless questions from his fights and encounters with criminals, he tried to prepare himself to relief all your confusion. key word: tried. because he felt his legs beginning to shake under him. breaths turning heavier with each passing second.

he inhaled a deep breath to ground himself just for the next few minutes. eyes focusing on the sight of your window still open, you were still waiting for him. jake’s fingers loosened in relief before he lifted his right arm upwards to shoot a long, thin web. connected himself from the ground to the side of the brick wall.

the translucent web kept his weak figure balanced against the pull of the gravity, feet lightly pressed under the rough ridges and corners before he finally pressed his knee against your window sill.

jake’s half lidded eyes desperately searched for your presence, widening in complete delight when he spotted your figure laying on the bed. one hand wrapped around your favourite novel while the other adjusted the volume of your headphones. your fingers instinctively pressing against the negatively symbolised button before a blur caught your attention. the sight making your heart drop.

your gaze quickly met jake’s exhausted one. “jaeyun?” you whispered in surprise, taking in the appearance of his battered body. shit, how did he get hurt so bad when he left not even an hour ago?

before you could realise it your feet carried you away from your mattress and towards your lover who was now holding onto his stomach in pain. eyes closed and head lowered to swallow down the bile that rose in his throat at the pure anguish his body was going through.

he felt each nerve pulsing with white hot heat. ache circulating his body stemming from the cuts and punches along with his confusing boner that made his head spin in need.

“i’ll go get the first aid kit.” taking off your headphones, you rushed towards the door of your bedroom before disappearing. unaware of the way jake was desperately reaching forward to just stop you. to tell you that his cuts didn’t matter at the moment. and that if he didn’t have you under him in the next few minutes his mind might erupt.

his body ran on his impulse at this current second. head pushing away all his pain and burn from his small cuts and bruises (in comparison to his previous injuries) to focus on his leaking cock that pulsed between his unusually tight boxers.

he felt ridiculously hot and warm. it was uncomfortable to stay in his suit when his body ached to hold yours, he was struggling. so much.

“sit down on the bed, baby.” you walked back inside the room carrying the small box in your hands, attention caught on the ointment that was in the middle of the box surrounded by the multiple bandages that you mentally counted in your head, they seemed like a good amount.

“how did this even ha—?” your words got cut off when jake wrapped his arms around your waist and harshly pulled you against him, the sudden movement causing the first aid kit to fall out of your hands and clatter quietly on your carpet, “get on the bed right now.” jake practically whined into your ear, breath hot against your skin as his desperation was evident in every word.

you were confused, bewildered to say the least. how was he even able to move with such horrendous injuries that were probably excruciatingly painful for him right now? “baby wha—“ “please, baby. i’m begging you. please strip and get on the bed.” he groaned, hands loosening around you as they pushed you gently against the bed.

“but jake your inju—“ rip!

a punch of pieces of fabric just fell onto the ground as jake harshly ripped your clothes off. you didn’t even have the time to process what happened before he buried his face into your chest, hands cupping your breasts that were decorated in his favourite dark red lacey bra. he adored the sight of his favourite lingerie on you, but at this current second he loathed every fabric that was on both of your bodies.

“fuck— baby, i need you so bad. i-i don’t know what’s going on, i got hit with this random liquid by this stupid fucking— oh my god—“ he cut himself off when he felt you leaning closer to him, the slight brush of his dripping cock against your thigh made him almost cum in his suit. “i need you so fucking bad.” he whined before pressing his lips desperately against your lips, relief washing down his body when you reciprocated and stopped asking questions.

truth was you were more than confused at the moment. but with the way your lover was a few seconds away from getting on his knees to beg you so you allow him to fuck you was… an experience indeed.

you really loved seeing this side of jake. functioning on nothing but pure desire and need.

he quickly pushed you towards the bed, falling right after you on top of your soft mattress before he connected your lips again, sucking on your tongue needily while he humped your thighs. his breaths were heavy, soft whimpers of your name and how much he needed you left his pretty plump lips while you felt your panties growing wetter by the second.

you brushed your fingers through his fluffy hair while he tried to kiss you and hump you while simultaneously trying to remove his suit. the frustrated fucks and shits leaving his mouth when he would pull away to get a quick breath before kissing you again.

once his suit was off he couldn’t keep his hands to himself. pushing his body on top of yours, burning skin on skin as he felt countless beads of sweat roll down his body. his body was completely on fire. a depraved urge to fuck you till sunrise centered itself in his head. and before he knew it he was ripping your panties in half and spreading your legs wide open.

you moaned in pleasure when his dripping cock settled on top of your cunt, the precum running down his base almost like he had already came. he cursed under his breath before he used his strength to move you around to his liking.

“you know i’m not the type to do this, but today i just can’t baby. i’ll make it up to you.” he rushed out as he lifted your wrists up above your head, you confusedly look at him before he shot multiple webs around your wrists and the bed. trapping you under him entirely.

your heart dropped to your stomach as jake was the complete opposite of whoever was on top of you right now. he never truly fucked you, he made love to you every chance he got. wrapping himself around you and gently pleasuring you because your pleasure was his. he was so tender and loving. a drastic contrast from the man that used to kiss your wrists when you were coming down from your high to the man that just tied your wrists by using his web fluid. and you can’t say you weren’t excited.

he settled onto his knees, taking in the breathtaking sight of you sprawled out on the bed in front of him, legs spread widely with your cunt dripping. your hole practically begging him to fill you up. he slapped his cock against your soaked folds a few times. riling you up further as you squealed under him at the jolts of shock rushing throughout your body from your clit.

“look at you baby… you looking so beautiful. so pretty for me.” he breathed out dazedly, a soft smile carving its way onto his lips as your pretty eyes glossed over while your bottom lip got trapped between your teeth, “gonna be a good girl for me tonight, hm?” he teased as he brushed his pulsing length between your folds, dipping the tip just in slightly before pulling away and enjoying your mewls of his name.

“yes— yes, yes! i’ll always be your good girl, please.” you choked out, the need for him pulsing throughout your body. “please what?” he paused his movements as his eyes pierced into yours. “please, sir.”

“such a good girl for me.” he chuckled when he pushed his length in, you gasped as he thrusted in deeply, brushing against all of your sweet spots in one go. you were seeing stars at the way he filled you up, his thick length always stretching your walls out just right. he was perfect.

“fuck— baby, you feel so fucking good.” he moaned, his pace becoming completely out of control as he felt his need and desire becoming more intense, his emotions stirring with his thoughts while the only thing he knew his body needed was to release. to fill and stuff you full of his cum and hopefully the effects of the potion will come off.

you moaned his name so sweetly for him, hands struggling against the webs as he spread your legs wider against your bed, his eyes entranced on the way his length disappeared inside of your soaked cunt before it came out glistening, multiple threads of wetness connecting you both as the wet sounds began to echo in your room. “sir— i’m so s-so close.” you mewled out as he continued to pound into you.

at your words jake switched his position, from balancing himself on his knees on your mattress to hovering above you, placing your legs back atop his shoulder as he sank in deeper this time.

broken moans of his name left your mouth as his tip kept abusing your sweetest spots over and over again. eyes rolling to the back of your head when jake slipped his hand between the two of you and used his thumb to rub tantalising circles on your swollen clit, coaxing your orgasm out.

“wanna cum for me baby? cum all over my cock like a good girl?” teasing you, he leaned down to leave bite marks over every inch of skin he could access, his body jolting with electricity and excitement when you arched your back against him, jaw going slack as the coil in your abdomen tightened more and more.

jake felt his mind reeling when you finally tightened unbelievably around him to the point pulling out almost felt painful. he relished in the way your body convulsed while he switched from rubbing your clit to landing slaps against it. each wet slap resonating in the room accompanied by your desperate moans while you creamed around his cock so prettily.

he felt like he was floating through a cloud of euphoria at the view of you shaking beneath him, because of him. his hips continued to pound into you, dick pulsing in need inside of you as his own climax was right around the corner.

you desperately pulled at the webs, twitching under jaeyun as he continued to fuck you through and overstimulate you from your orgasm, your body felt like it was lit ablaze as he pleased you while he chased his own release. “feels good baby?” he asked as lowered himself this time to kiss along your chest, smiling against your skin when you nodded with a soft “mhm”. unable to produce any coherent response.

jake’s other hand came up to rip your bra off, swiftly and with ease the thin fabric landed on the floor next to the other garments while one of jaeyun’s hand came up to massage your breast as his lips wrapped around the other.

you threw your head back when his tongue and fingers played and pulled at your sensitive nipples teasingly. the sensation of him fucking himself so deep inside of you while he toyed with your breasts shocks of pleasure travel across your spine. every nerve ending blasting with ecstasy as jake overstimulated you.

“shit— baby i’m so close.” he moaned against your chest, swollen lips wrapped around your nipples while he absentmindedly thrusted his hips sloppily, his body running on his impulse to get him off as soon as possible, his own abdomen tightened in pleasure as he could taste his orgasm on the tip of his tongue

“please fill me up, please sir. i need you so much.” you moaned out in need, craving the feeling of his warm cum spilling inside of you. “yeah? how bad do you need me?” he breathed, littering kisses down the middle of your breasts as his mind spun continuously. “so fucking bad. i need you to breed me and stuff me full with your cum, sir. please please give it to me.” he groaned as your words seemed to push him right down the edge.

his body jerked above you while his cock twitched, spilling out rope after rope deep inside of you. you both moaned in euphoria at the feeling, so fulfilling and satisfying for both of you as jake began to grind against you, riding out his release before falling on top of your body.

the two of you were catching your breaths, basking in the blissful aftermath when you realised jake was unusually silent. “jake…?” no response.

“jake i swear to god if you fell asleep and left me in these fuckass webs i will chop—“ and then you heard him snoring.

.. on the brighter side atleast he’s no longer affected by a sex potion.

a,note. this is not proof read or edited and will 100% be rewritten when i have the time cuz i hate how it turned out its so fawking rushed like this came out from 30 mins but pls take this as i try my best to write my full heeseung fic im trying my best thank you !! ♡

[phantom-does-a-thing]

im poking around my google doc like I might possibly get some writing done tonight, I have not a single bit of energy left my battery is completely empty. Nothing else is getting done tonight

[yawn-emoji]

[tojisun]

I would like to suggest Simon getting cucked. I wanna see Keegan knock my big beefy wife down a peg. ùwú

I WAS THINKING SO TOO!!

!! smut; mentioned daddy kink 🫨

thinking about simon seeing keegan and knowing instantly that he’s your type. thinking about simon making an arrangement for a threesome. thinking about simon teasing you, making you needy as the arranged date arrives.

thinking about simon underestimating keegan’s charms.

simon was expecting to at least be in control. that he would tell keegan how to fuck you; tell him your sweet spots and watch as keegan reduces you to a whining mess—all because of simon.

but what a joke those assumptions had turned out to be because the moment keegan saw you, saw the pretty little doll that simon’s been obsessed with the moment he laid his eyes on you, keegan turned into a beast.

the other man was all-consuming, devouring every inch of your flesh. you trembled and cried and screamed, back arched and throat exposed, your blunt nails scratching at keegan’s tanned back.

“keegan! kee- ah!”

your cries are wanton, mewls so adorable that it had simon gripping the hand rests of his seat because that’s what he’s been reduced to—a spectator, someone who exists beyond the bubble that keegan wrapped you up in.

you moan keegan’s name like you belong to him and that is what’s damning the most.

simon wants to make it stop. he wants to get in between you two and pull keegan from humping your tight cunt, but-

but.

simon’s cock is so, so fucking hard.

keegan looks up like he knows what got simon growling to himself, his sharp eyes tracing simon’s tensed arms, seeing the way his fists are balled to the point that they’ve been drained of blood, before flitting those addicting eyes to the obvious tent in simon’s jeans.

simon breathes in sharply when keegan’s pussy-drunk smile gains edge like he’s found a new plaything.

he watches as keegan bends towards you again, his kiss-swollen lips tracing the shell of your ear. you two exchange words, voices too soft for simon’s ears to pick up, but then you’re already shifting: head tipping backwards from where it was pillowed to meet simon’s eyes as best as you can.

he almost whimpers at seeing just how messy your face had become—makeup running, lips spit-slicked, eyes swollen from the onslaught of your pleasured tears.

“si?” your voice rings out like a gunshot. “please join us?”

simon goes parched, his chapped lips parting for a reply, only-

“daddy gave me permission to invite you.”

the breath in simon’s lungs get knocked out.

keegan croons, nuzzling his nose against your cheek. “s’my good girl,” he praises, and he’s right.

you are a good girl—were only simon’s good girl but not anymore, huh baby?

simon swallows past the dryness in his throat. “is that right?” he grits out, meeting keegan’s eyes again and seeing the man’s mean grin.

keegan hums. “only if you say ‘please’.”

the wooden hand rests creak at simon’s grip. he almost snarls, almost reminds keegan who made it possible to get to this arrangement in the first place, but you’re looking at simon with such a starry-eyed look that simon buckles.

he heels. then, he says, “please, keegan?”

keegan groans, the sound rippling in ragged pleasure.

“good boy.”

im so breathless w need bkvggf!!!

[prettieinpink]

Being that girl once again- back to school!

It’s back to school season everyone, and my favourite times of the year. In this post im going to give you stuff to do for back to school + advice in specific areas of your school life! I hope everyone can take away something from this post <3 

THINGS TO DO BEFORE BACK TO SCHOOL <3

Revise your past term content in your core subjects, ensure there’s nothing you do not understand(it’s better to understand now than have to understand later)

Review what you are going to be learning for this current term in your core subject, you don’t have to study it, just familiarise yourself. 

Catch up with your friends- hang out, call or text before the new school term. My favourite thing is to create predictions of drama, couples etc in the upcoming term w my girlies!

Create SMART goals for you to achieve that term, in any aspect you want. I say; 1 goal for academics, 1 goal for social and 1 goal for extracurriculars/sports. 

Clean your room !! do a deep clean and declutter. E.g wipe down all surfaces, hover pillows, vacuum floor, clean mirrors, take out any clothes you dislike

Do an everything shower + face masks!!

ACADEMICALLY

Everyday afterschool, revise everything that you’ve learnt today + the things that you struggle on

Anytime you get homework, complete it as soon as possible. Most of the time, it’s easy and non time consuming. 

Create study guides for exams/tests while actually learning instead of when the assessments are actually coming up. It saves you a lot of time, which you can use for studying effectively.

If you don’t already, have a specific learning/studying style that works for you. E.g flashcards, blurting, mind map, spaced repetition, the feynman technique. (ofc you can have multiple). Just know the pros and cons of each studying technique. 

Or, what I do is that I assign specific studying techniques to different subjects e.g science - blurting, HASS - flashcards, maths - the feynman technique. This may be different to what you have the most success learning.

Have a place, time every day or at least most days, where you can study without distractions. I like to study at the library afterschool, it’s chill and literally void of any distractions.

The only advice in which i’ll say is not optional– do practise questions under the said test conditions. Stop using websites, listening to music, being on your phone etc. Get in the zone and transfer the environment. 

SOCIALLY

Make an effort to say hi or goodbye to some people, even if you do not know them that well. If you’re up for it, ask them how they are going or how their day has been.

Start remembering names and birthdays. This will literally make people like you so much more, it’s so simple but people swoon over this. Process names in your mind and write down birthdays in your calendar. 

Don’t be afraid to talk to others. Most people do not care if you talk to them, and some are glad that you talk to them. This is how people become well-known or well-liked. 

Watch videos on how to converse with people you do not know well effectively and become close with them. TED x has a lot of videos on this, and are usually helpful. 

Don’t try to fit in with the crowd. It’s so draining, and even if you think they do, they most likely dislike you(sorry!) . Instead, find/be with your people. 

Join a club/extracurricular. You meet so many like-minded people this way, while still developing your own skills. I say everyone should at least have one solid extracurricular. 

If you are in a talking stage, three weeks is enough time for him or you to decide if you’re willing to date them. It’s not the 1920s anymore, we have imessages, facetime, skype and others to communicate and get to know each other without contact

Call out your friends if you notice them doing something toxic or generally anything they shouldn’t do. E.g gossiping, getting mad at others, bullying someone. If they continue, it will influence you in the long run.

MENTALLY 

Reframe your mindset. I know most of us do not favour school, but do not dwell on negativity and find ways to be positive/neutral about your circumstances. You’ll feel so much better.

Detach. Detachment is literally essential in highschool, there’s so much drama and most likely you will somehow get tied up in it. Stop absorbing what happens and let it influence you, observe what happens and learn from it. I have a post on this here. 

Start saying affirmations everyday. I know affs are usually viewed as a manifestation thing, but it doesn’t have to be. It can be a simple one minute way to cultivate a neutral/positive perspective of yourself. 

Journal. Things will happen, so journaling is a great way to discuss your circumstances, feelings, trauma, relationships etc and develop a sense of identity at the same time. I have a post on this here. 

Meditate. It can be go-go-go constantly, but just take a break and gain some mental clarity and see how much better you feel decluttering your mind. 

Embrace a change and growth mindset, especially in an environment where we are constantly required to adapt. 

PHYSICALLY

Start stretching.. seriously. You sit at a desk for like 5 hours a day excluding lunch and recess, everyday, which is of course going to do a number on your body. It can relieve pain in many different areas.

Have at least 1 form of exercise you do everyday. I know being students, we have to sit at a desk constantly. But, do not give up on practising good exercise habits. Not only can it help with results, it’s good for you.

Get the recommended sleep of 6-8 hours per night, which is good quality sleep without disruptions. It helps with long term memory and you’ll feel better. 

Start packing healthy but tasty lunches to school instead of buying. You’ll save so much money in the long run, and it’s better for your body. 

BEAUTY 

Get your uniforms tailored just a bit. Not too noticeable, but enough that it fits better on your body. Especially for button formal shirts, as they make you look 10 times as bulky than what you actually are. 

Buy new jewellery, earrings, necklaces or whatever you’re allowed. Subtle but noticeable jewellery makes girls look so pretty.

Learn new hairstyles!! Don’t just wear the same hair everyday, mix it up, it’s fun and makes you look attractive. 

Get a good eyebrow gel + clear mascara. Legit life changer, I look so much better everyday because I look put together without make up.

apply  vaseline on areas you would apply highlight, but avoid your eye area. 

Have a good skincare regime!! Being a student is stressful, getting pimples is a sign of stress. 

Okay that's it. Happy back to school everyone! Here’s an affirmation for you <3

I am intelligent and capable. I am skilled and confident in my abilities. I am perceived well by others. I am healthy. I am wealthy. I am looking for this term to be full of good grades, vibes, friends, growth and fun. 

[libingan]

—beneath the mask.

summary: in your love, simon finds the strength to shed his ghostly mask, becoming a man once more—a man who dares to feel and hopes to heal.

a/n: im out of horny juice. im so drained. sometimes i forget this blog exists, but im back yall!!!! have some soft simon moments

the first time you saw him, the sight of him—a figure swathed in black, his eyes cold and impassive behind a mask—was like meeting a living shadow. ghost was more than just a soldier; he was a specter of war, a manifestation of relentless duty and unyielding resolve. his presence was imposing, his movements precise and calculated, embodying the essence of a machine built to fulfill its purpose with ruthless efficiency. in every battle, ghost was a legend—an entity to be feared, his name spoken in hushed tones, evoking a mixture of awe and dread.

but as you ventured into his world, you discovered the layers beneath the imposing exterior. it was through the quiet moments between chaos that you began to see the man behind the mask—the fragile human who had long been overshadowed by the ghost he had become. your love was a beacon that cut through the relentless darkness, illuminating the parts of him that had been buried under years of combat and emotional suppression.

your touch was the first sign of his transformation. each caress was like a soothing balm to his battle-worn soul. when your fingers traced the contours of his face, feeling the rough texture of scars and the tense lines of his jaw, it was as if you were mapping a landscape of pain and resilience. the warmth of your skin against his was a stark contrast to the coldness of his soldier’s facade. he could feel the gradual melting of his defenses, the rigid walls of ghost beginning to crumble under the gentle pressure of your affection. with each touch, he felt a flicker of something he had thought was lost—hope, tenderness, the possibility of healing.

every kiss you shared was a sacred exchange, a promise that even in his darkest moments, he was still capable of feeling deeply. your lips, soft and yielding, pressed against his with a reverence that spoke volumes. the way you kissed him—slowly, deliberately, with a tenderness that seemed to erase the harshness of his past—was a revelation. each kiss was a quiet rebellion against the ghost’s indifference, a testament to the warmth and love that could still exist within him. these moments of intimacy became sanctuaries where he could shed his armor, where he could allow himself to be vulnerable, to simply be simon.

your words were a lifeline, a gentle stream flowing through the arid landscape of his emotions. each whispered reassurance, each tender declaration of love, was a lifeline that reached into the darkest recesses of his heart. you spoke with a softness that cut through the noise of his inner battles, finding the places he had buried under layers of stoicism and grief. your voice, rich with understanding and compassion, was a melody that drew him out of his shell, inviting him to share the quiet spaces where his true self could emerge. you spoke of futures he had only dared to dream about, of a life beyond the battlefield, and each word was a seed of hope planted in the fertile soil of his heart.

when you looked at him, your gaze was a tender invitation to step away from the shadows that had long defined him. your eyes, filled with warmth and unspoken promises, offered him a vision of a life where he could be more than just a ghost. in your gaze, he saw the possibility of redemption, of a future where he could be loved not for his legend but for who he truly was. your eyes reflected a future where he could be seen, valued, and cherished—something he had thought was beyond his reach. through your gaze, he learned to see himself not as a weapon of war but as a man deserving of love and affection.

you became adept at recognizing the subtle shifts between the two facets of him. there were moments when the cold, unfeeling ghost would recede, and in his place, you would find simon—the man who could be softened by your touch, who could be moved by your kiss, who could find solace in your words. there was a depth to his gaze then, a vulnerability that he rarely allowed himself to express. you could feel the weight of his past lifting with each embrace, each moment of connection. when he held you close, there was an intensity in his touch that spoke of a longing to be more than just a shadow, a desire to be fully present in the warmth of your love.

ghost was a soldier, a figure forged in the crucible of war, who could take lives with a cold, detached efficiency. but simon riley was the man you loved—a man who had endured unimaginable hardships and emerged on the other side, still standing, still fighting for a sense of normalcy and connection. with you, he could let go of the ghost, if only for a moment. he could find solace in the sanctuary of your embrace, where the world’s harshness faded, and he could simply be simon.

in the quiet moments you shared, when the chaos of the world outside seemed to dissipate, you would find him surrendering to the peace you offered. he would bury his face in the crook of your neck, his breaths steadying as the rhythm of your heartbeat became a lullaby that soothed the restlessness within him. in those precious seconds, he was no longer the ghostly figure of war, but a man deeply entwined in the present, finding peace and comfort in your arms.

with you, simon riley could be vulnerable. he could drop the pretense, lay down his weapons, and allow himself to be loved. you provided him with something no battlefield ever could—a place of refuge, a space where he could heal and hope. you were the light that pierced through the darkness threatening to engulf him, the one who saw through the mask and loved the man beneath it all.

and in return, simon gave you everything he had left to give. it wasn’t always easy; the ghosts of his past often tried to reclaim him, and the weight of his history would press down heavily, making it difficult to breathe. but even then, even in those moments of darkness, he would find his way back to you, drawn by the promise of something more, something better.

with you, he could be simon riley, and for a man who had spent so long being nothing more than a ghost, that was everything.

[lifeonmarz-blog]

Sexual Fantasies: Mars in Composite 1/2

TAROT EDITION

Im on my 50 shades of grey erotica shitttt make the pronouns fit however you need to

1H/Aries: The Devil: This person has stamina for daysss. They love to see you whimpering, gripping the sheets begging for mercy. Sex with them is so much fun, its so spontaneous you love having sex all over the house. Sitting on top of the bathroom counter pent against the mirror thats still steamy from the shower yall just took. Bodies still wet. 9 of Pentacles: Come put that pussy on my lap! They want you to come sit on their lap and tell them about your day. Page of Pentacles: Lets go on a date but heres the twist he has you put on vibrating panties. Foreplay the entire car ride to dinner. You arrive at a very nice restaurant, one of your favorites. You get settled in the vibes are emulate the lights and dim the music is soft and comforting. Your making eye contact over a perfectly sweet and sharp glass of wine. He begins to enjoy watching have control over you with the push of a button. Ace of Wands: He's going to teach how he likes he likes to be touched. He talks you through it very softly but still so direct. Two of Pentacles: This goes along with touching him, he wants to put you to work so attentively you notice every little twitch and deep breath. Song: Discipline- Janet Jackson

2H/Taurus: Six of Cups: They love to buy you gifts. They want to know with certainty there serious about you and want you to enjoy the fruits of their labor. Thats the type of love they make too. Slow and steady you gotta get yours first. Seven of Pentacles: He takes you shopping then bends you over in the dressing room lifting up the dress he just bought you. Ten of Wands: He hand feeds you grapes as he's bonding you up. You feel the pressure from the ropes, deep breaths send shocks through your body. Your calm. Bent over on all fours. He looks at you and ask, Are you ready for your discipline? Judgement: Giving you backshots your bodies mesh into each other so well the rhythm so perfect. He leans down towards you feeling his weight on your body makes you moan he pulls you up towards him ''shhh be quiet". Four of Pentacles: He's so attentive to your body massaging you from the scalp to the soles of your feet. He knows all the tricks he has up his sleeve for you and needs you as relaxed as possible. Song: Say Yes- Floetry *i pulled a lot of the same cards in 3H and had to re pull you should read that one too*

3H/Gemini: King of pentacles: He plays it cool in public you may even think he's not even interested but in reality hes undressed you with his eyes so many times thinking about all the different places and positions he would put you in. Ofc sexually but its more than that. He has plans to change your life, making sure he's forever imprinted on you. Nine of Wands: You would go to war for each other. The bond you share deeper than you ever thought it would be. You balance each so well. The physical and spiritual have come together in harmony. Nine of Swords: Girl... You wore him out. He didnt know you could go for so many rounds. You drained everything out of him literally. Justice: He's never experienced sex the way he has with you. He's so happy to have met someone like you. It feels like hes been waiting for so long. Always being the person to satisfy in the bedroom but never satisfied. He feels he met his energetic equal. Five of Swords: The way he eats your pussy puts you in a trance. He moves his fingers in and out of you so precisely feeling your ques making your body levitate. It leaves you speechless. Song: Speechless- Beyonce *this one isnt as sexual i pulled alot of the same cards in 2H you should read that one too*

4H/Cancer: Four of Cups: The sexual appetite is unequal someone can also be ungrateful for the efforts applied by the other. Knight of Pentacles: This person can look so unsuspecting then you come together and they end up being so freaky your truly surprised to realize they study tantric sex practices. Always learning something new about sex teaching their partner new ways to experience something they may have done many times before. The Fool: Late night pull up, Off the don julio act a foolio! They pull up on you with the vibes. The mood is set, lights dim, incense burning, smoking and sipping the conversation just flowing over a fire ass playlist. Yall take yall time catching up its no rush. Then you get to doing what grow folks do when they grown and in love. Ten of Swords: This person will literally go to war about you. This makes me think of a video i seen where a couple was on an escalator and a person pranked them by flirting with his girlfriend infront of him and he yolked him up and she was so unbothered. Nine of Wands: Yea this placement gives toxic vibes, a lot of jealously and possessiveness. Some people like that though. Song: Mine- Kevin Gates / Hate it here- Moneybag Yo

5H/Leo: King of Pentacles: Its early in the morning, He's in the kitchen leaning against the countertop drinking a cup of coffee on a business call. You approach him still naked and blissful from last nights rendezvous. Ever so lightly kissing his left cheek then the right. Moving your way down to his neck, then the chest, making your way slowing down his body unzipping his pants looking into his eyes as he attempts to maintain his poise. Emperor & Empress: The fact that i pulled both the cards together says alottttt. This is a vibe. Your energy flows so well together. Sex with this person feels like you've met your equal. The relationship is so fun because you both enjoy the same pleasures, you both feel lucky to be with one another. When on dates everyone pays attention the energy is so strong, almost intimidating. You look so good together and everyone can tell it goes down in the bedroom. The intimacy builds stronger through the patience and the simple pleasures you experience together. Queen of pentacles: It turns him on to see you relaxed and in your element. Your tied to the bed eyes covered your senses are taken on a journey. Lighting brushing a peony up your body then bringing it around to your nose. Deep inhales and light moans taking in the light citrus scent. The room is covered in fresh flowers, it smells like love. Song: Dangerously in love- Beyonce *the cards picked for this one.... chefs kiss*

6H/Virgo: Knight of Cups: Both of you let the flood gates loose if you know what i mean. I just keep thinking about that 50 cent song have a baby by me baby be a millionaire. They think about what life will be like once you have a family together. Two of Cups: A dinner date but its in house candles lit the night is beautiful the stars are out. He cooks you a wonderful meal you enjoy it over a nice glass... or two or three... of wine then you become the meal. Page of Pentacles: Your meeting his family for the first time everyone loves you. Your sitting at the dinner table hes on the left of you. He puts his hand on your thigh squeezes. Your legs brushing up against one another. Adrenaline ripples like waves through your body. Six of Pentacles: He calls you over to him he has a stack of money in this hand smiling at you he re positions himself in the chair he pats his lap and motions for you to come to him. Straddling him you whine back and forth feeling him grow under you. Kissing, your bodies pressed into each other the bills start to shower you. Three of Wands: Laying in bed watching the sunrise talking about your future together, creating scenarios of what life will be like once you have children together, what their names will be, how you'd imagine they'd look, what you'll be spending time doing. Manifesting your life together watching the sunrise in each others arms. Song: Baby By Me- 50 Cent

Like for part 2!

[appleblueberry-pie]

MORE YANDRE MILES PLSS I LOVE THEM

im just gonna put whatever comes to mind. trying to be as unhinged as you guys let me be. tell me if you want worse/weirder. fem reader.

Miles stopped caring about how fucked up he became when it comes to you. It doesn't matter when you're his only form of bliss he can find anymore. he kills every night. he can't sleep. he drains his mind and body every day. he has school grades to worry about and how he's gonna get the next 5 thousand from that one gang he made an agreement with two weeks ago. and, yet with the drugs he sees being slipped into people's hands on the way to school, and the syringes he feels cracking under his clean J's, the only thing that's pure enough to cleanse his mind, body, and soul is you. everyone wears the same shit to school every day, but you make it fit your personality and looks perfectly.

cut to the chase, he can't help but imagine being skin to skin with you every night. he wants you to rake your fingers into his scalp. fuck the fresh braids, he needs your nails on his skin. scratch his back, scalp, arms, anything. he wants marks of you on him any way possible. too young for certain activities, but when it comes to you, he'll fucking murder anyone. drug anyone, kill anyone for you. he hates when you pass him and he catches a whiff of your perfume, or even better, your natural musk. because he'll just stay in his head for the next few days. you're his high. he needs you.

he wants you to talk into his ears all damn day and never stop. he wants to hear you whisper, talk, laugh, cry, yell. everything. he never sees you crack a single smile in the science class you guys take together. But when he sees you howling your fucking ass off with your close friends, pushing, grabbing your friends, giggling, squealing with them, it just sets his whole body on fire. he's so fucking jealous of them, he just breaks anything in his vicinity at the thought of not having what you're giving them. he then began to wonder how he could have you for himself. he just wants you to give him all of you, and he'd obviously give you himself. why can't he have that?

when you pair up with him for a project in that science class you both share, he never thanked god so so so much in 15 seconds like he did when you began walking over to where he sat.

it gave him an excuse to stare at you and drink in every square inch of your body like he'd see an angel once and never see it again until he died. he greedily drinks in your scent while you speak. being able to see, hear, smell, and feel you if he tries hard enough, is almost overstimulating for him. he's great at hiding his emotions, but on the inside he wonders if this is what it feels like to take heroine. when you ask him a question about possible presentation ideas, he almost asks you to sit on his lap so he can hear you better.

Miles has been having maladaptive daydreams about you for the past year or so. so it was very difficult in that moment for him to separate his dreams from reality when he finally got a chance to communicate with you. before you left the class to get to your next period, you had already typed your number in his phone. he had already formed in his mind a way to locate your exact living apartment number. that way he can sneak in when you aren't there. miles needs you in his arms as soon as possible.

[deformedcat]

The 5 love language

pairing: artist male y/n x childhood friend oc

warning: vomiting, stalking, obsessive behaviour, gore, open ending, not proof read, v rushed 📣📣

Valentine's Day, a day to spend with your loved ones, something you didn't have.

Forget spending Valentine's day with anyone- you had work at the convenience store. Sure, you're an artist, but money won't magically appear onto your kitchen counter.

Despite that, it didn't bother you as much as the sight you saw around you that day. (though bother might not be fitting, more like envious) There were couples everywhere on dates, holding hand and showing their affection towards each other. Bleh. (translation: when is it my turn?)

Either way, you could complain all you want but life still goes on. Sighing, you walk towards your apartment, staring down at your phone to avoid the sights of couples. It wasn't until an envelope at your door caught your attention.

The envelope had a simple yet design with a heart shape sticker on it, you hesitantly take it and enter your apartment.

After sitting on your couch for abit, you cautiously and gradually opens the letter, wary of any potential pranks, but nothing happened.

"Dear y/n

Happy Valentine's day, well, it's not Valentine's day yet but it will be soon.

I've always had a big crush on you, but i never gotten the chance to confess to you directly. Truth to be told, i'm not a courageous person, but you give me the strength to do so today :).

You are the most strongest, admirable person I've met. Whenever i listen to your music, I'm hit in awe with how talented you are. I fall even harder everytime i see you. Your presence is already enough for me to keep going.

Do you know the saying "the 5 love language"? They are words of affirmation, acts of service, receiving gifts, quality time, and physical touch. I would love to know which one is your love language, but instead of asking, I want to let you experience all of them. I aim to make you feel loved in every way possible, starting with words of affirmation!"

..Ah.

A secret admirer,,?

You honestly didn't know something so cliche that would be done in a high school romance movie would happened to yourself, in real life.

The rest of the kettle had you fuming like a kettle, was this person a fan of poets? They sure had their way with words.

As sweet as the letter sounds, you couldnt help but feel crept out by this, how much does this person knows you? Do you even know this person?

You could only hope that it's not someone creepy, like a stalker.. You opened your phone and take a picture of the letter, sending it to your childhood bestfriend.

y/n:

photo.jpeg

hyeon:

?

what's this?

y/n:

love letter,

saw it in front of my

apartment

hyeon:

does someone have a lil crush on little y/n :0?

y/n:

hyeon:

Daniel's got a competitor 😄

y/n:

NEVER

im forever loyal to daniel

👎👎

hyeon:

haha

why are you showing me this?

y/n:

idk

felt a lil crept out

dont u think its weird??

how did they know where i lived? idfk who they are

hyeon:

hmm, thats true.

maybe it's a neighbour? they mentioned they could hear your music, they might be living around your area ?

y/n:

that make it even worse

hyeon:

lock your doors and windows, you wouldnt want to entice your little 'admirer' to break in do you?

y/n:

gtg, bye

hyeon:

i was just joking D:!

I'll be back from Russia soon, i promise <3

y/n

mm, maybe dont.

take care tho

A few days went by and nothing happened, you were beginning to wonder if the letter was just a prank from the kids around the area.

Regardless, you didn't care, you were to tired from your work ealier. Getting yelled at by your manager in front of the customers, for something rather silly. (you looked really tired but manager took it as "mf u dont like ur work isit) This was far fron the first time, and not the worst thing that had happened, but it didn't make it less draining.

you went into your apartment, turned on the light and fell right onto your couch. Rent was due in 3 weeks,, you were mentally preparing yourself to starve for the next few days to be able to have a roof under your head.

everything was tiring you out, and you just want a car to come running into you already, but the house isn't going to clean itself. You had to do chores because you have been putting off chores for a few days now. It's going to pile up the more you tell yourself "i'll do it tomorrow." so you pushes your body off the couch to start.

maybe you can start by taking out the trash.

problem was, the trash was missing. you stared at the empty, new plastic bag over the trash you didn't remember replacing. are you hallucinating?

you went over the sink to wash the dishes, to find them cleaned and kept neatly inside the cabinet. huh.

you must be going crazy, you were sure you did not wash those dishes nor keep them. even if you did, you wouldn't store them as neat as this.

are you going insane?

you quickly check the laundry, and sure enough, they were all done up. the dirty clothes were washed, the one that you didn't bother folding was folded and put away in your bedroom. Neatly.

was your landlord here this morning? Even if he was, he wouls never done something like this. He only ever told you to stop being so lazy and clean the messy apartment. He even once demanded you to clean everything up while be watched but thats it.

you hit your head against the wall, hard, to check if you had not actually fallen asleep on the couch and this was all just a dream. you winced at the pain on your forehead, that sure gave you an answer that youre not hallucinating.

maybe you're just overworked..?

you sat on your bed, noticing a familiar envelope with another sticker on your pillow.

what the fuck.

you opened the envelope, which in it read,

"dear y/n,

Surprise, it's an act of service this time! you're so hardworking that you tire yourself out,, so i decided to do somethinf to lighten the load for you. Remember to take a break when you need it okay?

I also cooked dinner for you, it's your favourite :). They're in the fridge, please enjoy, it's not healthy to starve yourself.

Eternally yours,

Your secret admirer 💌"

you wanted to kill yourself.

your stalker is in fact, a stalker.

how did they get in your house?

how did they know your habits?

you didn't even bother eating the food in the fridge, letting it sit there as you spend the night searching for cameras in your house.

y/n:

hyeon,

they broke in

the mf that sent the letter broke in

photo.jpeg

hyeon:

broke in?

how? didn't i told you to lock the doors and windows?

y/n:

idfk hyeon

they broke in and like

did my chores

and even cook dinner for me

saying its an act of service

hyeon:

are you safe?

y/n:

i dont know am i

i know this sounds weird af but im

not joking

i dont feel safe in my house rn

hyeon:

call the police.

y/n:

with what evidence

tell them that someone sent two envelope, broke into my bouse, did my chores and cooked a meal for me??

ill sound like a maniac

then they'll send me to a mental hospital

hyeon:

you'll never know unless you try,

y/n, this sound dangerous, your life could be on the line bere.

please just call the police and see if they can do anything about it.

do you still have that previous letter with you?

y/n:

yeah

hyeon:

show that to them, including the new one.

y/n:

ok

ill try

hyeon:

okay.

i wish i wasnt in russia right now.

im so sorry, please wait a bit more, ill come back soon.

update me whenever you can.

y/n:

dont be sorry,

thank you.

you never had a peaceful sleep for the next few days, the only thing keeping you sane is messaging hyeon everyday.

you have been so worn out from what happened that night. you had gone to the police, but after they didnt found anything suspicious in your house besides the two letter, they then left and told you to contact them if anything happened.

useless. you texted to hyeon.

neither did the police nor you could find any hidden cameras around your house, but that didnt mean you were safe. they could missed them, or not search at the right place.

you were sitting on your couch, scrolling down your phone to distract what had happened. suddenly, someone knocked on your door.

you groaned, thinking it was your landlord, you got up, walked to your door and peek from the peephole. nobody was there.

you opened the door slowly, immediately notices the stench behind the door. sitting on the floor in the dark hallway were two boxes wrapped like gifts with a gold ribbon.

crimson liquid was seeping through the boxes, on top of one of the box was an envelope, the one you had received a few days prior.

you suppressed the urge to throw up as you felt your breath getting quicker and shallower. you opened your phone and called the police and messaged hyeon

y/n

hyeon

when the polices arrived, they opened the boxes and envelope. one of the polices seems panickes and quickly rushes to you bringing the envelope, making you read it.

"Dear y/n,

Two, the number of hands one would need to do a heart, i thought it would be romantic to give you two gifts. After all, what's Valentine's day without gifts?

I've seen the way those two treated you, i couldnt stand watching them mistreated you. How prideful that human trash must be to push all his mistakes onto you then punishes you? Just because he's a manager? You don't deserve that, dear, so, this is for you.

And that bastard landlord of yours, the way he stares at you and put his hand at you is so disgusting. If he's gonna look at you like that, he don't deserve his eyes. Just because he's your landlord, does not mean he can put his hand on you like that, so i cut them off.

i hope you enjoy the gifts, dear. I guess this can be considered to be acts of service too? I look foward to spending some quality time with you. I can't wait to finally have you in my arm.

ps. inside the hand of your manager is a necklace. <3

Eternally yours,

Your secret admirer 💌"

you glanced at the content of the boxes, puking at the side after seeing the blood hand of your manager and your landlord's head with his eyes gouge out.

you felt helpless.

you had nowhere to go.

you didnt wanna stay here anymore, you dont feel safe anywhere.

you just want to die.

as the police patting your backs and gives you a bottle of water, you receives a text message on his phone.

hyeon:

hey, i'm here now.

i'm sorry i couldn't reply to you earlier, i just arrived in south korea.

y/n:

hyeon thank god

please

can i stay at your place for a while

i cant stay here anymore

hyeon:

Of course, i'll pick you up.

when you finally met hyeon, you collapsed into the taller man's arm, letting the tears out you have been holding in as hyeon holds you close, embracing you in much needed warmth and comfort.

"here," hyeon placed down a plate of fried rice in front of you, coincidentally it being your favourite food but you dont have any appetite after what happened.

"i can tell you havent been eating well, it's all i have at the moment, but its better than nothing."

you appreciated him, but didnt wanna eat anything at the moment, the sight of your landlors was still fresh in your mind.

"thanks, but i feel really sick right now." you felt bad for putting hyeon through the trouble, only to turn it down in the end. "i'll heat it up and have it tomorrow."

"maybe you at least drink some water?"

"sure." Hyeon was already pouring a warm cup of water for you, you were glad you at least had hyeon to come to.

you two spent a while in an awkward silence, it was like hyeon would not ask what had happened until you were ready to talk about it yourself.

"do you have work later?" you asked to distract yourself.

No, hyeon had alarms around the house. He would be notified of any suspicious activities detected.

"no, my manager said he'll take care of it."

"oh.."

then the silence were back again, until hyeon opened his mouth.

"are you going to sleep now?"

"I.." you were sure you would not be able to sleep tonight, you do not know where that stalker was, what if they too breaks into hyeon's house? will you put him in danger as well?

Even so, you're still on edge.

"do you want to share a room?"

"what?"

"you don't have to sleep alone when i'm right here for you to cuddle with!"

you sighed, "hyeon-"

"no really, maybe im just overprotective but i really dont want to leave you alone. We can catch up on the past month, and maybe if i talk enough, it might put you to sleep?"

you cried into his arms for the second time that night.

you could not remember the last time you was help to sleep, you didnt think there was ever a time actually. when he slept besides hyeon, the latter would always wrap his body around you like a koala.

not that it surprised you, hyeon had always been handsy with you ever since the two was young, but only around him.

whenever they ate together, hyeon would reach his hand out to wipe a grain of rice or a drop of sauce off your face.

whenever they play fight, hyeon would always hug you as a way to "immobilize you". when hyeon suggested decorating the house for Valentine's day to take your mind off of things, he would hold your hand and guide you through tying ribbons and hanging decorations.

And when you still couldnt stop the anxiety from rising, hyeon would hold you so close, no matter what time it is, he would remind you to breathe, and prepare plastic bags for you in case you pukes.

Heck, he even made sure that you had fallen asleep first before he would.

you felt safe by hyeon's side.

On the morning of Valentine's day, hyeon was still asleep which was expected, he had waited for you to fall asleep the night before.

You carefully and quietly slipped out of hyeon's tight hold, and headed towards the washroom, you decided to clean hyeon's office then cook a meal for him.

walking toward hyeon's office, you noticed a few paperwork on his table. It seems like it was the paperwork hyeon's had been doing last evening.

His handwriting was exceptionally neat, it had been quite some time you last seen it, but you could remember envying the man for having such a neat writing.

you noticed a half opened file on the floor, you picked it up and read the content of the files out of curiousity

they were mostly a bunch of statistics and numbers, percentages and whatnot. you wanted to stop reading but you felt drawn in his handwriting. To you, it looked familiar, like you've seen it before.

you stared longer at the words until you realized,

realized why he found it familiar.

you flipped to the next page, why did hyeon have your landlord personal informations?

you felt arms hugging you from behind, "what are you doing, snooping around my work like that? what if it's confidential?'

you didnt answer.

"y/n?" hyeon seemed to noticed you tensing up, "sorry, did i scare you that badly? you just seemed so focused on those papers, i just had to-"

"Hyeon."

"Yeah?"

You didnt know what to say, you did not know what to ask. You didnt know how to ask him.

you wish you were just dreaming.

Because.. wasnt hyeon in russia all this time?

"y/n?"

Hyeon couldnt have been in south korea. He couldnt have went into your apartment. He couldnt have place those.. letters abd boxes in your apartment if he wasnt even in the same country as you

ah.

"y/n, are you okay?"

"hyein,, can i take a look at your passport?"

"my passport? why?"

"i just want to.. confirm something."

Hyeon looked at you for a while, before letting go of you "sure, let me go get it."

As he went back to his room, you held ontobthe table tightly to avoid collapsing.

its okay.

you just had to look into his passport, then you would realize how dumb you are to suspect hyeon, the person that sheltered you when you had nowhere to go. the man that's your childhood friend who would sacrifice anything for you-

Hyeon returned, with his passport in hand. "here you go." you were about to take the passport from hum until you saw it

or more like the lack of it.

instead of handing the passport to you normally, hyeon had flipped it to the latest page. Hyeon had supposedly flew to russia first of december last year.

The last time he travelled, according to the passport,

was back in june.

"you were wondering about this, werent you?" hyeon stepped closer towards you, "when did it click?"

"your handwriting you bastard."

"ah right, that was my mistake, but dont you think it took too long for you to notice?"

Hyeon took the papers one by one, putting them together neatly, as if he was having the most normal and mundane conversation.

As if he wasnt the one that sent you all of that letters.

As if he was not the one who broke into your apartment.

As if he didnt sent that severed head and hands to you..

"i guess i should expected that, after all, i'm never the one whom you'll ever have eyes for, am i?" he smiled bitterly.

"Hyeon.." you wanted to be proven wrong, you wanted to be wrong so bad.

you wanted to believe hyeon was not capable of this.

you wanted to believe him, your closest friend, would never do such thing.

instead, you received a hug that felt so cold.

you wanted to strangle hyeon so bad. you wanted to strangle yourself.

you just felt so weak.

as much as you wanted to avoid it, the clues were all right in front of you, mocking you.

there was no one in the world who had heard and appreciated your music, who observed and knew so much of your lifestyle and habits besides ivan.

when the puzzle started coming together, you could feel yourself falling apart.

"so y/n, please tell me:

what is your favourite love language?"

you just want to die.

[draft messages]

y/n:

thanks for taking me in

im glad i hv u in my lufe

you better not tell anyone i said this,

but i dont think theres anyone else i trust

anyone else more than you

thank you.

a/n: zzzzz goodnight (disappears)

[ferigrieving]

when hell freezes over.

⊹ ࣪ in which touya todoroki finds himself.

a.n sorry this took so long i rewrote it like ten times because it wasnt going where i wanted to and it still lowkey isnt but i think this is the best ill do and im too excited to get to the later chapters so i might just rewrite them all to be better when im done ! i dont know im just really passionate abt this fic i literally got a writing notebook just for it...

tag list ; @itgetzweird08 !

⤷ masterlist ; requests open ; two – 2006 ; four – 2010 ; 4.4k words

touya todoroki was eight when his hair began to turn white.

his father had given up on him. said there was no point in training him. not when his quirk began eating away at his body everytime he used it.

every night, you would find more, and more burns. some more severe than the others, the skin peeling and rotting in ways you didn't know was possible. and every night, you’d place your cold, cold hands on him, and heal him as best as you could.

sometimes, you wanted to stop. your quirk made you feel like you had been plunged in an ice cold bath, hands holding you down as you struggled to breath. you could feel the ice creeping into your veins, threatening to freeze you from the inside out. but you kept on pushing. for touya. for the boy who couldn't give up, even if he wanted to.

“enji went to the doctor’s today.” touya spoke, leaning against the trunk of the big oak tree. “said i cant use my quirk anymore. ‘parently i have my mom’s body or… whatever.”

you could hear the anguish in his voice. his dream, no. his father’s dream was now a lost cause. all the hours, all the blood, the sweat, the tears, down the drain in an instant. all because he lost the genetics lottery. 

“what… what now?”

touya pushed away from the tree to look directly at you as he waited for his answer. the sun was beginning to set, casting an orange glow on both of you. you two never met in the daytime. afraid your parents would find out, that endeavour would find out. you were both on edge, and today’s news didn’t help at all.

“i dont know, toy’.” 

"you don’t know?” touya responded in disbelief. he was angry at the situation, and angry at himself. “of course you don’t know. you don’t know anything. do you even care?”

touya’s voice was harsh, cold. he didn’t mean to hurt you, he really didn’t. 

but when you’re an eight year old child who just had your dreams snapped away from you days after your birthday, it was a normal reaction. or as normal as one can be in a situation like this, anyway.

he began pacing, hands tugging at his hair with so much force you were afraid he would rip it from his scalp. touya’s hair had begun turning white in some places, and you didn't know whether it was from his mother, or from stress. you don't know which one you would have preferred.

you didn't know what to do. your parents never trained you on how to use your quirk at all. sometimes, selfishly, you wished you had a father like endeavour. a figure in your life that would help you hone your quirk the way enji did to touya. you could take it, the harsh words, and the unforgiving regime, if only it meant you could relieve the pain touya seemed to feel in every waking moment.

“i’m—” he mumbled, stopping to look at you.

touya looked like a mess. his skin was littered with burns and scars you couldn't heal all the way, his eyes bloodshot from tiredness and stress, hair messy and greasy.  his voice was soft, and if you really listened, you could hear him trembling.

“i didn’t mean that. i’m sorry.”

touya slowly walked over to your spot and sat down wordlessly. his shoulders slumped, and he brought his knees to his chest.  he didn’t say anything for a long time. the sound of cicadas surrounded the two of you, and the last of the sunlight faded away. the sky was dark, and a few stars had already begun to appear. the moon was half way dark, peeking out from behind the clouds in the night sky.

as touya rested, you slowly inched closer to him until your shoulder touched his. he didn’t flinch away, and instead slowly rested his head on your shoulder. 

after a few moments, he spoke softly, his voice barely above a whisper.

“what am i going to do?”

touya was a just a kid, but sometimes you forgot that. you forgot that he was just a child, not some grown adult that could handle the pressure of the world on their shoulders like endeavour had made him out to be.

“have fun.”

touya’s head moved from your shoulder to look at you. 

”have fun?” he responded in disbelief. “i can’t really have fun when my quirk— when my whole life is falling apart, can i now?”

"your whole life doesn't have to revolve around your quirk, touya."

“how is it not supposed to revolve around my quirk?”

touya sat up straighter, putting distance between the two of you. he looked at you with an incredulous look, like you had just suggested he run away with his tail between his legs.

“all i’ve ever done is train, train, and train. train and work my butt off for a quirk i never even really wanted. and now it’s all going down the drain like i’m nothing more than trash.”

touya sat back against the tree again, leaning his head back and looking up at the stars, emerging from their cocoon once more.

”this is all i’ve ever had. without my quirk, i’m nothing.”

he was bitter and resentful. at his father, for lighting this fire under him. at his mother, for giving birth to him. at himself, for not being enough.

to touya, the idea of suddenly stopping everything he knew seemed impossible. being the number one hero was the only thing on his mind since the day he was born. it was engraved into his brain, and all he knew to do. 

so now that he was stripped of that, where did that leave him? what was he supposed to do? who was he, if not the less than perfect successor for his father?

“what am i gonna to do now, huh? play outside? play with others? run around like a freakin’ kid?”

“yeah, actually.. you should play with me.”

“play with you?” touya responded sceptically, raising an eyebrow at you. “what are we supposed to do? have a tea party?

the idea of playing, especially in his current state of mind, seemed like a foreign concept. you two played sometimes, yes, but touya sometimes felt like he was going through the motions, if anything. he never really found anything in playing house with you, or pretending he was a villain and you, a monster. at least thats what he told himself, anyway. he’d rather keel over and die than admit he enjoyed spending time with you.

“if you wanna.”

touya looked dumbfounded. like you had just sprouted a second head. he knew you could be a little slow sometimes, but this was too much.

“seriously? we’re like… eight. we’re too old for that. we’re basically teenagers. ‘n’ you want to spend your time playing tea party? ” he said, making a face. “when we could be doing something actually fun, like skipping rocks or something? don't you have anything else in that head of yours?”

“...we could go to the park?”

“the park?” touya repeated, staring at you, a sarcastic lilt to his voice. “why do you wanna go to the park? so we can sit and spin around on the roundabout till we fall off?” 

“i mean.. no one's gonna be there. its late, so we’ll have it all to ourselves, touya.”

“that’s…” he began before stopping.  it actually sounded kind of cool. the idea of sneaking into an empty park at night with you. the idea of getting caught… excited him.

he let out a grumble, looking away. “fine. let’s go to the park.” he relented.

touya slowly got up from the ground and dusted off his pants before sticking his hands into the pockets of his hoodie.

“this better not be stupid,” he muttered as the two of you began making your way through the park.

it was late, meaning there was basically no one out except the occasional night-shift worker or the local drunkard. the only sounds to accompany you were the cars driving past, or the songs of the crickets. as the two of you walked, touya glanced over at you.

he noticed the way you walked confidently, almost with purpose. he would often catch himself stumbling as he walked, still not used to his gangly limbs. you, on the other hand, seemed to move so flawlessly. he was premature, and as a result, was shorter than fuyumi, and probably natsuo when he becomes of age. he was taller than you, sure, but that wasn't a feat by any means considering your height.

he kept his gaze on you for a few more seconds before looking away.

“hey,” he spoke suddenly, breaking the silence. “how come ya’ never play with other kids?”

it was a question that was bothering him for a while now. you never seemed to want to go hang around other kids, opting to stick by his side. touya could never really figure out why. maybe he didn't want to. he couldn't tell.

“why would i, touya,” you grinned, stretching out his name and slinging an arm around his shoulder, relishing in the way he recoiled. “when i have you?

a scoff.

“don’t say that,” he said in a deadpanned voice, but there was a light flush beginning to spread across his face.

he wasn't used to receiving praise from anyone, but when it came from you… it made him uncharacteristically embarrassed. touya didn't particularly know his emotions very well, especially not one that made him so flustered he wanted to throw up. not one that only ever seemed to show its face whenever he was around you.

“seriously, though. i’ve never seen you talk to anyone else like you do with me. how come?”

touya continued walking, casting an expectant glance in your direction. you didn't know what to say.

he had no idea why he wanted to know so badly. why the idea of you talking to other kids bothered him so much.  and he knew it was stupid. you were allowed to make other friends. hell, he was the one not letting you make friends with other people. but the thought of you talking to anyone else other than him sent a sharp pang to his chest.

he shook the thought away, forcing the feeling of possessiveness down.

after a few moments of silence, he spoke again, keeping his gaze straight ahead.

“...what makes me so special, anyway?”

“shut up, touya.”

touya let out a surprised huff of air at your response.

he stopped walking and spun around to face you so suddenly, that you nearly ran into him. there was a scowl on his face, and his eyes were narrowed.

“don’t tell me what to do,” he replied in a low tone, trying to sound intimidating the way his father seemed to be so effortlessly.

he wasn’t quite sure why. maybe it was the thought of you giving your attention to someone other him, or maybe he just wanted some sort of response from you. 

he leaned closer, using his barely-there advantage of height to loom over you. he watched your face, trying to figure out what was going through that dumb head of yours.

touya’s face inches closer to yours, close enough that you could feel his warm breath fan across your face. his eyes were locked onto yours, watching intently as you began to shift uncomfortably.

your hands began to feel a lot colder than usual as your fingertips began to turn white. the warmth in your veins was quickly replaced with a chill that you were all too familiar with.

your heart was beating quick and fast. you hadn’t realised how hard it had been beating until you felt your heart thump against your chest. you were sure touya could hear it, with how close he was. 

you could feel the heat rising to your cheeks as he leaned in even closer, his eyes still locked in onto yours. there was a determined look in his eyes, like he was trying to figure you out.

“whatever. i wanna go on the seesaw.”

touya’s expression soured at your nonchalant reaction. instead of the nervous stammering and stuttering he was hoping for, you had calmly responded, not giving him the slightest show that he had any sort of effect over you.

he watched as you looked away, avoiding his gaze. there was a faint redness to your cheeks, and a part of him felt satisfied at the sight of it. but there was also an undercurrent of annoyance at the idea of being dismissed like that.

he let out a scoff and backed away, putting some distance between the two of you.

“the seesaw?” touya repeated, raising an eyebrow. “what are ya, five years old?”

he wasn’t quite sure what he had been expecting you to propose, but it certainly wasn’t that. the thought of standing on a children’s toy, awkwardly swinging up and down and up again, was laughable.

you, on the other hand, seemed completely serious as you nodded. “yeah!”

he stared at you for a moment, contemplating whether or not you were messing with him. but your expression was as deadpan as always, giving no hint that you were anything but sincere.

he let out a heavy sigh, rolling his eyes as a look of resignation crossed his face. “fine. let’s go on the damn seesaw.”

you grinned, bounding over to it with way too much energy someone should have in the dead of night. touya rolled his eyes again at your excitement. he was not particularly enthusiastic about going on a child’s toy, but he begrudgingly followed you to the playground. you practically dragged him over to the brightly painted seesaw, eagerly taking a seat on one side.

he reluctantly took a seat on the opposite one, the metal frame of the seesaw creaking under his weight. he glanced over at you, a frown on his face. "this is stupid."

you, on the other hand, were having the time of your life. you bounced up and down on the other end of the seesaw, giggling as the metal frame made squeaking sounds. touya sat on the other side, arms crossed, but you could tell by the way his shoulders were squared that he was trying not to fall off without giving in and actually play.

"come on," you said, gesturing for touya to bounce as well. "it's more fun when both of us are doing it."

"having fun yet?" you called out, still bouncing up and down like a hyperactive child. the metal frame between the two of you was starting to groan in protest.

touya let out a huff. "this is dumb," he repeated. "i'd rather be doing literally anything else right now."

he continued to bounce, but his movements were more restrained than yours. the whole thing seemed so childish, especially with you gleefully giggling away on the other end.

“fine! lets go on the swings then.” you frowned, peeling yourself off the seesaw sadly and trudging over to the swingset.

touya let out a scoff, his hold on you reluctantly loosening “of course its the swings,” he said with a roll of his eyes, shifting his hands to rest on your hips. “you always wanna go on those stupid things.”

“yeah i do. they're the coolest!”

you quickly regained your composure, however, and looked back at touya with a raised eyebrow. "slides are lame. swings are where it's at. you can go up and down!"

he let out a scoff again, shoving his hands into the pockets of his hoodie. "slides are better. they're faster. there's more adrenaline. now c’mon,” he murmured, walking side by side with you, absentmindedly matching the way you walked. left, right. left, right.

touya watched you closely as you sat down, his hands resting gingerly on your shoulders until you were safely seated on the swing. he stood there for a moment, his heart skipping a beat as your hair blew softly in the wind, framing your face with a few strands of hair.

he quickly brushed the feeling aside, shaking his head as he walked around to stand behind you.

“im gonna push you now, alright?”

“‘mkay!”

touya positioned himself behind you, his hands wrapped around the chains of the swing. his heart felt like it was trying to beat out of his chest. he took a deep breath, praying silently that you didn’t notice how nervous he actually was.

“okay, on the count of three…”

he began to count down, softly at first but gaining momentum as he reached the end. on three, he pushed you gently, propelling the swing forwards.

as you began to swing, touya let out a long exhale, his breath leaving him in a shaky whisper. he stood behind you, watching as you soared through the air, a smile on your face bigger than the moon. 

he couldn’t help but notice how… carefree you looked. how your hair would sometimes brush against his knuckles as he pulled you backwards. how you would throw your head back in laughter every time you reached the peak of the swing. touya pushed you again, watching as you ascended even higher this time.

the sight of you swinging back and forth, your hair blowing in the gentle breeze, made his heart flutter. touya couldn’t tear his gaze away from you, his eyes fixated on your figure as you gained momentum.

he swallowed hard, trying to steady his breathing. he didn’t know why he felt so flustered, he had been pushing you on the swings for years.

this time felt different though. maybe it was the way the moonlight shone on your skin, or the way your shoulders shook with quiet giggles.

“push me touya! higher!”

touya let out a scoff of mock annoyance, though he knew he couldn’t deny you. 

“you’re such a pain in the ass,” he muttered under his breath, pushing the swing with more force. 

watching you go higher and higher, your laughter filling the air, touya couldn’t help but smile to himself. he wanted to know what it was like to be up there, to see the moon, and the stars. to feel free, even for just a moment. 

and touya never understood why in movies the main characters always seemed to be ‘stuck in place’. stood there, looking like an idiot as something that could have easily been prevented from happening in front of them. he was old enough to understand that it was for the plot, but he couldn't help but feel frustrated when a character wanders back into the house with a killer in it for the nth time.

but now, he was frozen, his whole body seizing as the you swung up, and up, fingers slipping from the chains and your body falling, encapsulated by nothing but the light of the moon.

time seemed to slow down at that moment. he could hear the thumping of his own heart in his ears, like a primal drum, beating in time with the seconds ticking by.

he tried to call out to you, to warn you about the impending fall, but no sound came out of his agape mouth. he could only watch, feet glued to the ground, as you came back down towards the ground at an increasingly high speed.

touya’s heart skipped a beat, his blood turning to ice as he saw you slip from the swing. he wasn’t sure what overtook him in that moment, but he felt his body moving on its own. 

within seconds, he found himself darting forward, arms outstretched as he tried to catch you midair. panic surged through him like electricity, his thoughts racing a mile a minute.

touya had no time to think, no time to weigh the risks or the consequences of what he was about to do. he acted, pure instinct taking over his body.

he moved with an almost superhuman speed, his long legs covering the distance between you and him in the blink of an eye. touya felt his adrenaline spike as he stretched his arms out towards you, his eyes locked onto your falling form.

he knew, somewhere in the back of his mind, that this was a terrible idea. that he was putting himself in danger too. but in that moment, all he cared about was saving you.

time seemed to stretch on into infinity as he caught you, his arms encircling around your waist. he held you tight against his chest, the force of the impact causing him to stumble backwards. 

he fell onto the ground, landing on his back with a thud. the air left his lungs in a sharp exhale, his body tense as he tried to process what had just happened.

for a moment, touya laid there, his chest heaving as he struggled to catch his breath. his arms were still wrapped around you, holding you impossibly close against him.

“....touya?” your voice was small, eyes blown wide and terrified of every little thing that went bump in the night. you were always so strong, never wavering or faltering whenever you were around him. but here, right now, there was nothing you needed more than him.

"i got you," he breathed out, his voice shaky and ragged.

he held you closer, his hold on you tightening almost possessively. touya didn't know why his heart was pounding so hard, why his whole body felt like it was on fire.

he inhaled deeply, savoring the faint scent of your hair. it was a subtle, sweet fragrance that reminded him of wildflowers and sunshine.

"you're okay. i've got you," he repeated, more for his own reassurance than yours.

he sat up slowly, the movement causing him to wince slightly. his back was definitely going to hurt later, but he didn't care about that right now. all he cared about was making sure you were alright.

touya's eyes trailed over your form, searching for any signs of injury. he lifted a hand to gently cup your chin, tilting your face upwards so he could look at you properly.

he didnt know a single thing about taking care of others. didnt know how to put on a bandage, didnt know what medicine was what. didnt know how to comfort anyone, if at all. all he knew was what he saw his mother do, time, and time again.

his gaze softened as he looked into your eyes, taking in the sight of your tear-stained face. the sight tugged at his heartstrings, but he tried his best to keep his emotions in check.

he held your chin a little tighter, his thumb gently rubbing over your skin in a comforting motions.

"you're crying.”

“shut up. no– no ‘m not.”

touya couldn't help but roll his eyes at your reaction. even in moments like these, you were as stubborn as ever.

he let out a huff of amusement, shaking his head slightly as he used his thumb to wipe away the tears from your eyes.

"yeah, yeah, whatever you say," he said in a sarcastic tone. "because your tears are definitely just sweat, right?"

you nodded, shutting your eyes tight as you willed the world to stop spinning. you didn't know how people stomached going skydiving or riding rollercoasters, and you didn't think you ever would.

touya chuckled, his hand moving from your chin to pat your head fondly.

"you're an idiot, you know that?" he teased, his voice softening at the sight of your tear-stained face.

he hated seeing you cry. more than he knew he should.

the butterflies in his stomach stirred as he continued to hold you close, his hand still tangled in your hair. he tried to shake the feeling off, reminding himself that he was just being a good friend. that's all.

but as he sat there, with you in his arms and your tears staining his shirt, he couldn't ignore the fluttering in his chest.

he sat there for a moment, his fingers gently threading through your hair as he tried to catch his breath. he knew he should make sure you were actually okay, that your little stunt didn't actually get you hurt.

but right now, all he could focus on was you. the way your eyelashes fluttered against your skin as you blinked back tears, the way your lower lip trembled ever so slightly.

it was driving him crazy.

“can… can we go home?”

touya's heart ached at the sound of your soft, shaky voice. the way you looked so small and fragile in his arms right now made his chest tighten with an unfamiliar feeling. it was nauseating. you were always so strong around him, but seeing you like this was like flipping a switch in his brain.

he gently patted your head once more, his fingers lingering on your hair for a moment, before nodding.

"yeah," he responded, his voice quiet and hoarse. "yeah, we can go home."

he’d have to sneak you through the window again. as much as he wanted your parents to check you out now, it’d be too much of a risk.

touya's mind raced with thoughts as he helped you up onto your feet, his grip never loosening from your waist. 

he knew the drill by now. he would have to sneak you back into your room through your bedroom window, without getting caught by your parents. he took a deep breath, trying to calm his racing heart. he could do this. he'd done it several times before.

touya always walked you home after the first night. it was the least he could do, anyways. his father was cruel, but not cruel enough to not raise a gentleman.

and touya didn't mind walking you back home. in fact, there was a secret part of him that actually relished in the time alone with you. the comfortable silence, the gentle brush of your hand against his, the way the dim street lights illuminated your face.

he could pretend, even if just for a moment, that it was just the two of you in the world. no parents, no rules, no responsibilities.

it was a foolish dream, but he clung to it like a lifeline, nonetheless.

[milkcryy]

thinking about sinister mark and sigh.

hopping on the bandwagon. i have some choice Thoughts about him that id like to air out.

(keep in mind that i am NOT A DARK BLOG!!! stuff i say in this post is Very close to toeing the line of being borderline SCARY TO ME. im a soft bitch) also no non/dubcon bc consent is important to me.

minors dni with this post cause it gets a little spicy under the cut..

these dark blogs kinda make me see the sinister mark vision.. like..... theres so many possibilities when it comes to him

CW: he eats you out while youre on your period + more. it gets bloody.

that is a man who KNOWS what he wants and GETS it. so desperate and borderline animalistic about you that when he rushes in a blur to pin you to a wall, it cracks. muttering and panting in your ear about what hes about to do to you, and you just know both of you wont make it out of this without blood being involved. hes pressing up against you, still in his stupid suit. smooth as the material rubbed against your back, stinking with his sweat.

hed start out considerably gentle with it, hands shaking from holding himself back from the worst of what he was fantasizing of doing to you. pinning you hips down to keep you from squirming despite your quips about you being on your period. he'd lick his lips, his heart racing even faster when he pulls down your pants. even better, he rasps, dragging his hands down your thighs and leaning in close between them. you couldnt see his eyes through how opaque and dark his goggles were, but you could tell his eyes were blinking heavily with lust just to swallow you whole without remorse.

and maybe you let him, spreading your legs for him. like a bunny letting a wolf clamp its jaws around the other's neck. he was going to drain you dry.

he wastes no time eating you out, lips and tongue working at your sweet spots in the best way possible. something something his grip on your hips bruising you. something something he haphazardly spits on your clit as if it wasnt slick enough, the room filling with the biting scent of metal. mercilessly tonguing you even after youre finished, thighs squeezing around mark's head, unable to compose yourself when every nerve is ridden with overwhelming pleasure.

before you know it, youre forced on your hands and knees. a rough hand at the back of your head forcing your face down onto the bed when his tip rubs at your bloody, dripping entrance. he mustve ripped the crotch area of his suit off, you barely have time for the thought to process when he's hurriedly pushing his dick inside you, when the tip presses just a little painfully against your cervix, he relishes the squeak you let out, muffled by the bedsheets.

mark wastes no time with this, hips moving at a relentless pace, coaxing - no - forcing moans and squeaks from you as if he were pulling the pathetic sounds out of you with his bare hands. and his grip was a vice, merciless thing. though there was no relief when his hand lets go of the back of your head, arms shaking and struggling to prop yourself up. licking your blood off his lips, mark leans in, his chest pressing against your back. grunting in your ear. your eyes shoot open to the feeling of mark's teeth clamping harshly down onto your shoulder. you cry out, whether in pain or pleasure, you didnt know, but the harder his jaw clamped, you were sure it was some mix of both. your skin gave way, sharp canines piercing your shoulder like he was some feral dog. the small drops of blood that slithered from the wound were quickly lapped up by a rough, bloodthirsty tongue.

when both of you are finished, you dont stop leaking his cum from your hole for a whole day. you body is practically covered with livid bruises and bite marks. and whenever you see them in the mirror, you brandish them like its a shining, bright fucking gold medal.