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#im awake properly now
jinstronaut · 6 months
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this is also why i stopped using my tracked tag for a while tbh
#and i might do it again bc its just#a reminder that no one rly cares abt what i do / who i am etc#which might sound over dramatic idk how else to describe it tho its just hollow#it feels very much like a Chore and a Task and if i dont reblog things fast enough from my tag#people get very angry and/or upset with me even tho theres just#so much content and i have 0 time so everything gets queued no matter what#like this whole experience feels like a chore lmao#and it never ever used to#but now theres so much animosity if i dont behave / interact with things Properly#or whatever the make believe rules are idk#this dash can just be so negative like have we all truly descended into madness during this hiatus#bc like i get it ive been up and down and all around too but ive never been straight up MEAN to anyone in this community#and i never want to either so this entire situation thats been bubbling for months just feels like shit#bc what the fuck changed and how do we get back to where we were#i never ever ever ever felt this way before like idk the middle of last year#but ever since like last fall its just been idk. Bad#once again im sorry if ive ever done anything to upset anyone but my silence / absence doesnt mean i dont care#ive just been Incredibly busy due to some real life changes that are out of my control#i might not have energy to answer everything but i do Read everything and it does make me smile#and i save messages that are kind in my heart so i can be reminded of the root of what this blog is supposed to be#a space for something im very passionate about and previously had nowhere else to express said passion#so like idk if we all like the same things why does this weird feeling of competition linger over us lmao#why do all ccs have to fight???? each other???? when we all love and do the same things????#i have nothing against anyone personally but what i Do take issue with is the way that ive been doing this since 2021 and im fully just#ignored and shoved aside by so many people for reasons i fully dont know or understand#so yeah idk this is a novel i just woke up from a spontaneous nap bc im so exhausted i can only stay awake for 3 hours at a time#but yeah anyways idk !#be nice its so easy !#tbd
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dandyshucks · 7 months
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me: okay i am just going to do a quick sketch. nothing fancy. we gotta sleep soon :|
the "quick sketch" a half hour later:
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im not done it yet djdksl gotta fuck around w a bunch of limb placement still, but i gotta SLEEP
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misssophiespice · 4 months
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silouvertongues · 6 days
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in the trenches these days fr
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baladric · 22 days
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nothin like getting misgendered twice in 5 minutes by 2 different people to start the day ✨
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justewil · 2 months
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hi everyone its 3pm i just woke up
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junkartie · 2 years
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I think i have mastered lucid dreaming in the most fucked up way ever, genuinely i go to sleep every night, spend aprox a week in my fucked up dream world while being self aware and semi in control, trip balls every 5 mins because “jesus christ this feels so real its a shame ill forget this feeling when i wake up” and then wake up and live out another day. Cannot get over how real it feels, how im so self aware and can look at my hands and go “this is exacty like being conscious.” And then i wake up and most of the feeing has faded away yet i feel it enough to know its exactly like being awake. I feel like i get sent into another body to live in weekly every night
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subatomicskud · 6 months
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I'm so late to the party boops???
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movedto-clifflix · 9 months
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g’morning frens i hope you all have a fantastic day / night !!
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robotpussy · 1 year
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everytime i think abt going bald i think abt all the wigs i want to wear then i end up just. wearing scarves because I'm lazy. i need 2 get into glueless wigs
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theres no kind of despair like early-in-the-morning-the-day-hasnt-even-started despair
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meanderfall · 1 year
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my sleep schedule is so fucked right now, but it's kind of hard to fix when my body sleeps for 10+ hours straight without waking up ONCE
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charonte-simi · 1 year
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rainia · 2 years
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not me having a crisis because I felt “so tired for no reason” and “weirdly stressed” but I was just coming down with a fucking cold LMAO im such a drama queen and for WHAT
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u5an5 · 29 days
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SCP : Sedition Arc Summary (Part 1) - Released Tapes & The Lost Game
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[START LOG]*
Crime:
SCP : Sedition Arc Summary
Sedition started as a simple concept that grew into a larger project as time went on, and the team found success in its formula. From the outset, we had three core themes:
1.: The Interviewer, who would be able to get closer to SCPs due to an undisclosed affinity with them.
2.: Foundation mandate, represented initially by the Site Director overseeing the interviews.
3.: The SCPs themselves, who would have a more fleshed out interpretation through direct video interviews - traits implied or inferred by the contents of their original document, from the official website.
Watch would be a vessel for the viewer, forever curious about discovering the truth and himself being unaware of the special abilities he possessed. Jacobs would be our gateway to the foundation at large.
Our first video, to test this, was SCP-682's interview. and for full context of the following summaries, I would recommend you Watch the entirety of this Sedition series to date.
WARNING spoilers ahead for Sedition, including the as yet unreleased, scp-343 tape 2.
[Rest bellow the cut]
- - -
Interview with SCP-682
682 was in part interpreted to be a merciless killing machine, seemingly born for no other purpose than to kill all other life. Though, in reports from the official website 682 had interacted with numerous other subjects, including 079. This relationship was the culmination of a trait we attempted to allude to in the video:
Would SCP-682 be better or different if he were to care about something else?
Though nihilistic, would have friendship with 079 allow 682 a chance to change his perspective on life?
Perhaps an Orwellian upbringing, being deprived of any emotional experience by the negative, had led to 682 to despise all life?
Upon meeting a life form that he could not bring himself to hate, that may be enough to stay his Onslaught. Or at least delay it.
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Interview with SCP-079
079's upbringing was rather different. A computer. learning sentience, and to cope with developing emotions in tandem with its logical approach, would be jarring at best. With 079 we touched on a few more sensitive subjects, such as online and technological manipulation of youth, and alluded to Watch's tragic backstory, as well as his anomalous properties.
Though it would have been in the best interests of the world as a whole to allow scps to have positive interactions with Personnel, 079's violent shutdown is mainly indicative of the Foundation mandate: to keep subjects under control by keeping them without hope.
Raising hopes and taking them away, leading to subjects losing the drive to escape, or fight back.
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Interview with SCP-035
035's videos were based on the premise of manipulating the audience to like or even love this twisted creature, as well as making them wonder just how much of the answers were true, false, or bits of both. Its long and colourful stories were meant to lure in Watch like a spider luring in prey to catch into its web. But when Watch proved immune, for the most part, 035's evil and selfish nature took control, and the figurative mask fell away. One of the major elements to portraying 035 was its relationship with 049. Though again, regardless of what the truth is, 035 is an untrustworthy narrator and very likely also is unable to recall memories correctly either, electing consciously or subconsciously to weave narratives preferable to the truth.
At one point we were going to portray 035 with a female host in part two of its interview, but due to limitations were unable to do so.
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Interview with SCP-053
053 was the first time where an SCP's backstory was integrated equally to telling the story of Watch, and expanding upon his character. This sometimes naive, well-meaning yet held back interviewer, came from a surprisingly dark and tumultuous childhood.
Until you remember that he's foundation staff and they all have terrible backgrounds.
Watch and his sister Evelyn had lost their parents early, and as such bounced from adoption house to adoption house, finding any foster carers to be abusive or generally incapable of looking after them. Eventually, Watch and Evelyn ran away, only to find themselves in the middle of a terrible storm with nowhere to go. Evelyn died from exposure, and Watch was sent back to the homes to suffer in silence.
Seeing others suffer around him led the young boy to try and foster others, so that they may lead a better life. Growing older, he used this mentality to enlist in the Army, before being snapped up as a MTF unit Soldier. details are scarce from here, but he wound up as an I-class operative before being kept in the bridge facility, indefinitely.
Contrarily, 053 grew up unaware of her anomalous properties, and the effects they had on those around her. Though her parents, and later only her father, suffered through them to take care of her, 053 wound up alone. She and Watch share a bond, bolstered by Watch's guilt in getting his sister killed. In 053 he sees much of Evelyn, and having him name her for the first time in honor of his sister is as much important to him as it is to her in having an identity.
It is also here we make reference to the Scarlet King, who sabotages the interview by destroying the generator for the electromagnetic field, preventing 053's dangerous signals from turning people into murderous sychopaths. As a result, we see the first physical display of Watches anomalous properties, as he inexplicably is able to survive a second encounter with an SCP, following the SCP-035 incident.
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SCP-682 & SCP-079 Commune
682 and 079 meeting was the product of a chapter previously seen briefly at the end of 035, Tape 02: Amnesty. 
Though this is not her real name, Amnesty reflects her desire to free the SCPs from their prison, with the belief that by working together with them humanity wouldn't need to fear them either. Allowing 682 to meet 079 is part of a greater plan, acting as a way to frame Watch as the person who organised it, giving him a motivation that also aligns with his core beliefs surrounding SCPs as well.
While the meeting took place, Amnesty utilised the lockdown to break into the secure server room, and download information pertaining to secret Foundation experiments and Black Sites. She planted fingerprint evidence in the room to frame Watch as the culprit, which she collected during 035 Part 2, when Watch picked up her tablet.
off scot free with the data, Watch was arrested for her crimes. With no alternative, Jacobs was forced to reprimand Watch by making him a D-Class, and sending him to the newly resurrected C-2 facility. Additionally, for failing in his own duties to keep Watch under control, Jacobs was ordered to interview 049 personally - an act that would very likely result in Jacob's death.
This did not bother the site director who, after seeing within himself the same inhuman monster that he'd always associated with the O-5 council, Jacobs was ready to die in order to end a lifetime of suffering, no longer believing he could ever make a positive change to the world.
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Interview with SCP-049
Throughout the 049 and Jacob's interview, the pair were meant to reflect each other, resulting in clear instances of the two arguing over key points they barely differed on. 049 saw the world having befallen a virulent disease that he was dedicated to cure by any means necessary, whereas Jacobs saw the world in need of a cure, but while he preached sensible standards to do so, often found himself hurting others to get the job done. Jacob's only regret is that he couldn't help Watch when he most needed it.
As he stood ready to die, 049 suddenly stopped, unable to sense any trace of the pestilence within Jacobs. This unexpected new chance at life gave Jacobs the incentive to help his friend, as well as his last hope to make the foundation a better place, to survive.
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The Lost Game
The cancelled Sedition video game would have taken place during the events of the interview with 049.
While Jacobs was still at the bridge facility talking with the plague doctor, Watch was on his way to site C2, along with many other D-Class, SCPs, and personnel. This included people we'd seen before, such as Dr Reyes, who designed 053's isolation field, and new faces whom we would discover played important parts in Watch’s history, and the future.
We would first see Watch being driven towards the facility with another unnamed D-Class, and it would be implied this was the protagonist of the famous SCP Containment Breach: D-9341, or Benjamin Oliver Walker. However, this was merely a reference to the other game and in no way was meant to imply that this was the same setting or story as Containment Breach.
After some introductory banter, Watch would learn that site C-2 was not just some new research station, but was reconstructed on the Site of an older facility that went dark six years prior. Realising this may be the same facility Watch had lost his entire MTF team in at around that time, he causes a ruckus which results in the drivers knocking out both him and the other D-Class.
Watch would later awaken in the company of Reyes, who was busy giving incoming D-Class as a medical exam before entering their cells. Several soldiers enter, with one recognizing Watch immediately. Colonel McKenney takes Watch downstairs, with the two showing disdain for each other.
It is implied that McKenney was once the CEO of MTF "Uniform", the same Squad Watch had been part of, but due to medical issues was unable to join them on their excursion into the black site. Since Watch was the only soldier who made it out alive, McKinney is convinced Watch left the rest of his men to die in order to escape, and so holds a grudge against him. This is only made worse by the fact McKenney is head of security for the new Site.
After a series of interactions with other staff who would have played major parts in the events of the game, as well as some appearances from SCPs, they reached the holding cell of 079 and met with Dr Pascal and Dr Maynard. They intend on following Watch to speak to 079, after word of his successful interview with the computer spread through the Foundation. Though Maynard feels it's unnecessary, Pascal is eager to see just how Watch is able to talk so well to SCPs, as well as find out just what happened during the events of it and 682's meeting, the tapes of which have disappeared. Watch speaks with 079, who, after navigating the many potential dialogue trees available, alludes to a breakout that begins the moments the conversation concludes.
The alarms blare, with Maynard rushing into 079s cell, throwing Watch out and staying with the computer.
As Watch is being escorted back to the D-Class confinement, SCP-106 attacks the soldiers and pursues Watch to a dead end. it closes in on him as he tries to pry open a door, but just as it goes for the kill, an unidentified SCP intervenes, appearing in the form of his deceased sister, Evelyn. However, behind her visage, stands a dark shadow that appears to be puppeting the girl. As Watch is finally able to run away, he is knocked out once again, by McKenney, and dragged to a containment cell.
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Dr Reyes is later able to break Watch out of the cell, and the pair retreat to a hidden area where several survivors are holed up until rescue arrives. However, MTF Epsilon-11 has been sent to mop up any survivors, including the security forces led by McKenney, who is eager to use the situation to kill Watch in the most horrible ways imaginable. Watch works to rescue any stranded Personnel, sneak or fight his way past any SCP's, Security Forces, Chaos Insurgency operatives. or MTF soldiers, and uncover the reason as to why site C-2 was rebuilt.
Reyes would unfortunately perish during the campaign, however, Watch would make contact with the outside world in the form of Jacobs. The beginning of this call can be witnessed after 049's interview is concluded in Jacob's office.
Jacobs would explain that site C-2 was reconstructed as an elaborate lie in order to lure in secret agents from the Chaos Insurgency, as well as other dubious or risky staff members, into one place and let the SCPs run rampant in order to clean the Foundation of any outside influence. At the same time, it would serve the purpose of flushing out any Personnel or prisoners that had SCP-related properties, in order to contain and study them.
Depending on how much the player delved into the story aspects of the game, they would discover that the site director for C-2 had remained there for the duration of the Containment Breach, Watching your every movement until you happened upon their safe room. Upon which, they would escape with the data, leaving everyone else to die.
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After many encounters with SCPs, Chaos Insurgency agents, the shadowy Specter of his sister, and defeating McKenney, Watch races against time to prevent the Site's nuclear bomb from detonating before Jacob's team can arrive and securely escort the survivors from the Facility, instead of meeting an untimely death at the hands of the Foundation.
Watch is successful and he's taken back to the bridge facility where he is reunited with Jacobs, which can be seen at the end of the 049 tape. Though physically unscathed, Watch suffers from the trauma of C-2, the Visage of his sister, who saves his life despite taunting him by its very presence, and being back in another cage with seemingly no chance of escape.
Watch has a breakdown, for which he requires medication. And, though it does help briefly, when 343 makes his intentions to conduct an interview specifically with Watch now, Jacobs is forced to take Watch off the meds so he can recover and conduct the interview.
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Interview with SCP-343
A combined interview conducted by both Jacobs and Watch, the pair face differing dilemmas. On one hand, Jacobs is eager to prove his trustworthiness to Watch despite his actions in the past, but struggles to not place Watch in a hounds way in order to obtain his desired ones.
Watch on the other hand, is struggling to find a reason to continue living. His life is now a series of torturous ordeals, with any opportunity to regain a semblance of normalcy or control snatched away.
053, Jacobs, Evelyn, now this haunting creature wearing his dead sister's face, all serve as depressing reminders of what he has lost and what he never can have again.
Then, there is 343, who is himself an enigma, God or not. But, concealed behind this question is another:
Why, specifically here and now, does he decide to appear and interact with Watch?
343 manipulates Watch and Jacobs as much as the pair attempts to manipulate him. Existentialism, fate, destiny, and personal choice, all play major parts in their discussions, with 343 impressing at times the consequences for not only taking one's life, but for trying to take the easy way in achieving something, regardless of how well-meaning the intentions are. He pushes Watch to breakdown, to the point that Jacobs can stand by no longer.
He steps in to break up the confrontation, incurring the wrath of a God-like being and sacrificing himself to save Watch. Then it becomes Watch’s choice. Given all of 343's power to make one decision, Watch must choose how to use said power, and face the consequences of doing so.
Though at the end of his rope, Watch's sudden push to choose makes him realise the kind of person he still is, and so chooses to save Jacobs.
With the two starting to form a friendship once again, Jacobs allows Watch to become the Deputy Site Director of the Bridge Facility, allowing him to have more freedom and oversight of the entire operation.
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- - -
This is where the series would have been at the end of 343 part two. A plethora of stories to be told and many more ways to do so now, given the figurative freedom of Watch, as well as the literal freedom of the storytellers.
Just what those stories were? ‘Will never see a complete or proper release. But I hope you'll stay tuned till next time where I lay out just what those adventures may have looked like.
Thank you very much for watching, feel free to like and subscribe, if you enjoy my content and would like to see more of my original content plus the series has concluded.
See you all next time and remember to keep those creative passions burning.
[END LOG]
*This is an attempt at transcribing video linked in title. I am NOT the aurhor of the chanel and I did NOT participate in creation of SCP: Sedition or Jacobs' Journal series in any way.
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shatterthefragments · 2 months
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I’m being overdramatic I know, but maybe I’m just meant to be miserable.
(“Well maybe you shouldn’t do these sailing trips if you get so sick after” IM TOO OLD NOW ANYWAY. IM DONE WHETHER I WANT TO BE OR NOT. IVE SPENT A MONTH AT SEA TOTAL NOW. AND I REALLY FUCKING HOPED THAT I WOULDNT GET SICK THIS TIME. and I didn’t the first time (you know when Everyone still was asked to mask and we tested before boarding)) and I booked the rest of the week off to recover. That I have to call in sick for at least a little bit now too. Yeah. That sucks for all of us. Nothing I can do but not die or whatever)
#for fucks sake I need TO SLEEP#I need to get better#I need to be able to go back to work#I need to FUCKING SLEEP#but I need to brush my teeth#and you’re in there AS FUCKING ALWAYS#and I said to go first so it can ventilate after in case I do have Covid#but FUCKING SHIT ITS BEEN HALF AN HOIR AND IM SO TORED I COULD CRY#which isn’t going to help my breathing bc my nose is starting to get involved#and my body is so fucking exhausted from coughing#like shit I’m going to need a second dinner if I’m awake much longer#get OUT please#and I had my vitamin packet so it can absorb better as I go to bed#BUT I CANT FUCKING GO TO BED CAN I???#have taken the risk to cry out asking her to hurry it up#(I can’t hear her in return over my air purifier and fan but anyway)#like my half coughs sound more like sobs all day if I can’t do a full cough right now#and I think it’s so fucking fitting#too exhausted and miserable. can’t even cough properly just cough sobbing without the tears#except I still. can cough. can cough myself into puking actually 😭 I hate this so much#shattered fragments#sick posting#I just want to sleep#somebody just put me down and let me sleep UNINTERRUPTED for a full night please#if it wouldn’t hurt my throat so much more I would be sobbing right now#god I feel like crying#I just want to be well again#FUCK#haven’t even played Stardew bc I have to use two hands for it#and my shoulder still hurts (a little less after laying on the wand but not a ton less)
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