#im ashamed for everything i am lol

[tardis--dreams]

this night is actually going amazing. Started with mild nausea, which developed into strong nausea, which turned into throwing up for the first time in like 4 years (like. A lot of throwing up considering the fact there's literally nothing in my stomach).

Which has led to me turning on the light in my bedroom when i came back from the bathroom. Where I saw one of my favorite creatures on the planet. A big one. On the floor. Moving. Up the wall. Behind my door. So i was trapped in my room and started crying like a child. As one does.

My mother wasn't even mad at me for waking her. Maybe she felt bad because I probably caught that stomach bug from her. Or she acknowledged that that spider was fucking huge and therefore definitely worth screaming about.

Now sitting in my bed with two dogs to keep me calm, and steadily increasing nausea again ♡

I don't think i should be allowed to live ♡

[bunnihearted]

🐰🕸🌙

[penisbilt]

the bittersweet but absolute flood of relief that comes from admitting defeat at living independently, to have to move back in with parents. we tried! we gave it our best shot for almost 3 years! but living like this (being on our own) is just not possible for us at this time of our lives. we've finally proved it to ourselves that we can't do it. it'll be okay to let ourselves rest now

[lovinggreeniehours]

i can't read the folk of the air at school (i Will start crying i guarantee) so im microdosing on it to wind myself down. im just reading the parts that i highlighted. im not crying but oh lord this book fucks so hard

[snekdood]

I wonder if theres a privlege component to meme poisoning, bc I feel like I mostly see leftists who are white that are like that, who like just cant seem to take anything seriously

[maplesyrupsainz]

˖⁺｡˚⋆˙slut! | CL16 MV1 ˖⁺｡˚⋆˙

pairing: charles leclerc x model!y/n reader (she/her) x max verstappen, lestappen x model!fem reader

genre: social media au, polyamory, established relationship x new relationship

warnings: polyamory lol lestappen, mentions of cheating & slut shaming

summary: in which you and your boyfriend get a new boyfriend and everyone gets confused, or in which no one considers polyamory before branding you a slut

a/n: i wanted to make this so bad ever since i got the request & now is the time 🙏

request!!!: I was thinking maybe when model!reader dating Charles and she starts hanging out/becomes friends with Max, and then everyone thinks that she cheating plot twist they are all dating

fc: sophia birlem

my masterlist

instagram ->

charles_leclerc

liked by landonorris, yourusername, and 813,754 others

charles_leclerc 💋

tagged: yourusername

view all 9,138 comments

user1 my fav couple forever

user2 y/n is so hot

user3 her leg on him🥹🥹

yourusername love when im in almost every pic

charles_leclerc duh, you are beautiful

user4 stop ittt

maxverstappen1 beautiful couple

liked by charles_leclerc, yourusername

user5 oh hi max

user6 are max & y/n friends?

maxverstappen1 posted a story

liked by yourusername, charles_leclerc, and 692,418 others

user7 OMG Y/N???

user8 hottest girl in the world wtf

user9 where's charlesss

user10 max are you third wheeling

user11 i am no better than a man 🥵

yourusername

liked by yourbff, maxverstappen1, and 812,018 others

yourusername bahrain bahrain bahrain

view all 13,027 comments

user12 aww i love that she's friends with max now

user13 y/n are you a lestappen shipper like us

yourusername yes x

user14 OMGGGG

user15 she's insaneeee 😍

charles_leclerc what is that picture

yourusername you and max

maxverstappen1 he's ashamed of me 😢

yourusername he's so nasty

charles_leclerc no.. what the?

twitter ->

instagram ->

maxverstappen1 posted a story

liked by charles_leclerc, pierregasly, and 614,788 others

yourusername BECAUSE IM A GIRL LEAVE ME ALONE!!

maxverstappen1 😂

user19 shaming her for why

user20 where r u going

charles_leclerc she needs lots of outfits okay

maxverstappen1 dont defend her!

user21 they're spending sm time together lately and where is charles

yourusername posted a story

liked by danielricciardo, charles_leclerc, and 634,802 others

user22 got any games on your phone

user23 WHERE ARE YOU GOINGGG

charles_leclerc be kind to eachother

yourusername we are 😅

charles_leclerc hmmm

user24 i need more info on this friendship

f1wagupdates

liked by user21, user9, user16, and 231,044 others

f1wagupdates an image has emerged of max verstappen and model y/n y/l/n, who is famously known as charles leclerc's girlfriend of almost four years. is she cheating on him with one of his own friends?

view all 8,024 comments

user25 what the actual eff

user26 IS SHE CHEATING ON HIM??? WELL OBVIOUSLY LOOK AT THE EVIDENCE

user27 wtf im spinning around in circles

user28 just threw up

yourbff everyone always thinks they know everything 🙄

user29 huh??? what is she on about

user30 the pics there to prove it.. 🤡

user31 what is going onnnn

yourusername

liked by charles_leclerc, francisca.cgomes, and 915,274 others

yourusername my job is so fun

view all 12,837 comments

user32 is cheating fun too

user33 what the hell???? so shameless

user34 charles still in the likes?

francisca.cgomes ily

yourusername ilysm 🥰

yourbff hot girl

yourusername real

charles_leclerc my perfect girl

yourusername 💋 love u

user35 ??? does he not know

user36 im so lost

f1wagupdates

liked by user13, user34, user4, and 283,615 others

f1wagupdates we are here once again with a y/n y/l/n sighting, this time once again with her boyfriend charles leclerc. does anyone know what is going on? lol

view all 10,732 comments

user37 can someone explain to me what the hell is happening

user38 maybe she's dating both of them lol

user39 😂😂😂

user40 she did say she shipped lestappen 💀

user41 omg slut much?? wtf is going on

user42 grid bunny

user43 this is sick and twisted

twitter ->

messages ->

instagram ->

yourusername

liked by maxverstappen1, charles_leclerc, and 1,233,017 others

yourusername & if they call me a slut u know it might be worth it for once

view all 28,962 comments

charles_leclerc my girl 💋

liked by yourusername

maxverstappen1 my girl ❤️

liked by yourusername

user48 wait guys...

user49 they're all dating arent they

user50 OH MY GOD?!!??

user51 poor y/n LOL

francisca.cgomes 🫶🫶

pierregasly 🩷

carlossainz55 ❤️

yourbff proud of u all 😘

lilymhe 💜💜💜💜💜

user52 we're sorry y/n

THE END ❤️💙

[sugar-omi]

Saw your last ask about the eloping and then was just thinking if the MC left with Mr. Wedding planner considering some of his lines in the DLC and the Taylor Swift song (and I am so sorry Cove I love you too but oof this went straight to my brain from all the angst and wanting on both sides)

ahhhh im,,, assuming youre thinking what im thinking n that is MC leaving cove to be w baxter bc that angsty idea came into my mind in the middle of writing that request and i have some ideas on it :(( listen to this playlist for the full effect 👍👍 ik a lot more songs i could add but i left it w olivia rodrigo n conan gray

tags : Angst (with happy ending for cove lol), (emotional) cheating, breaking up, your family n friends ar upset w you to say the least, your fam and friends goes low/no contact

synopsis : you leave cove to be with baxter, this is how everyone reacts.

[this is based off this post: "eloping with baxter", where alternatively you leave cove for baxter.]

*edited because i forgot to add derek's reaction.

please break it off before the wedding. if you leave him at the alter, cove would be thoroughly destroyed and your immediate family would prbly end up disowning you and/or going very low contact.

breaking off the engagement was and is a really hard thing, but you do it anyway to be with baxter

i wanna touch on how your family n friends reacts to the break up first...

well lets just leave it at cove's parents don't talk to you anymore and you are not welcome even near their house

in fact cliff even moves out of sunset bird because he's so distraught and if cove comes to visit, which he does and even moves in with his dad, he sees how sad cove is and it kills him

he regrets ever moving to sunset bird and asking you to be his friend.

cliff never forgives himself for this, even though it isn't his fault, he feels like it is and even if (and when) cove gets over this betrayal, cliff hates that this happened anyway.

cliff doesn't send you any text, he just blocks you

but if you send a text before he can do so, which is possible since he's busy comforting his son

then he responds like this..

"please don't text this number anymore. and leave my son alone. you've really betrayed him.. me too. i thought you were a good person y/n. i hope you're happy with him"

kyra leaves you a very scornful message and then blocks you

she refuses to waste her breathe or time on someone who hurt her baby

she starts by saying how much she loved you and everything you did for cove, but ends it with how she can never forgive you for leaving cove like this

"don't bother apologizing. everyone had their faith in you to love and take care of cove but you've really blindsided him. you're no longer family to us, leave us alone."

your family is very disappointed

even though they don't cut you off, you're distant and if you marry baxter, they don't come celebrate with you

your mom is surprisingly very tender about it and she is the one who misses you the most

she cries over your pictures when you were growing up, and when everything was perfect

she knows you're an adult and things happen, this is the way the cookie crumbles sometimes but the holden's were like family too and everything is just hard

she can't even look at cove when she sees him

once she even broke down crying in front of him, she could see the dark circles under his eyes and yet he still smiled at her and gave his best "hello"

cove ends up comforting her in the middle of the grocery store parking lot...

she doesn't leave the house for awhile. she's so ashamed and embarrassed because she can hear the whispers of the townsfolk

"i wish they were kids again..."

your ma calls to yell at you.

ma doesn't ever get mad, if anything mom was the "bad cop" growing up and did most the iron fisting

but your ma can't believe you'd do this. she understands that sometimes you fall out of love with someone or have deeper feelings for someone else but.. you knew cove for 15 years and you leave for someone like baxter, who hurt you?

shes just blinded with rage and sadness, even thought she's yelling she ends up crying

she tells you not to come around for awhile, she can't bare to look at you and look at cliff (and cove) the next day

"please don't bother coming home, you're not welcome here for the foreseeable future. i thought we raised you better than this."

your sister doesn't know what to do

she never expected this from you

she hugs you while you cry, you're still her sibling but she also can't forgive you so easily

she and cove weren't close, but definitely closer than baxter and she saw how much he loved you. and she sees how much he's hurting, as he's slowly gathering all his stuff out of your shared house.

she helps him pack his stuff and gives him a hug, lets him cry and tells cove that he's always been like family, and will always be

she watches him cry in his car before finally driving off and suddenly liz is so mad

all this upset and upheaval for what? a traumatized, flirty victorian-emo man who stayed for a summer and told you to fuck off and then came back 5 years later?

she doesn't yell, but between the quiet and half empty house, liz scolds you and flies back home the same night...

"i love you but i can't believe you threw this all away for someone you knew for ONE summer 5 years ago... i'm so disappointed in you."

lee is the one who comforts you the most when you cry

but you can see the disappointment in her eyes

she calls you a lot less, and she doesn't scream in excitement at you anymore. especially if you're with him.

one night, she even whispers into the dark room, having thrown a blanket over you and thinking you are asleep.

"i thought you were better than this..."

your friends are so surprised

they never saw this coming at all

im (not) sorry to say but you are now friendless :)

miranda is the one with the greatest fury

she leaves several voice messages where she is yelling and cussing you out...

"lose my number! i can't believe you'd leave cove for your wedding planner! someone who hurt you 5 fucking years ago!" "you need to get a grip on reality if you think you're gonna live happily ever after. screw you, you-"

terry is with miranda at the time so she cut off the last message before she could share her new nicknames for you

terry's disappointment is immeasurable.

he tries texting you and asking whats going on before he asks you to meet him for coffee

thats the last time you see him before he sends you on last text...

"i hope you're happy y/n... i really cherished our friendship but i can't trust someone who did this to their partner and one of my best buddies... goodbye."

derek is ready to fly over to cove immediately, and he does.

derek helps cliff get cove settled and calmed down, he even makes dinner while cliff helps cove at least get a grip on reality again...

"i'm so surprised you did this y/n... i thought i knew you better but i guess not... listen, i gotta finish dinner, cove hasn't eaten in a couple days. i'm sorry but cove is my best friend, i hope you're happier now.. goodbye."

cove is ruined, to say the least.

somehow he expected it though..

you were dating cove when baxter came that summer, but he saw how you looked at him... it was with a sense of longing. he supposes it was only a matter of time before you decided you wanted a taste of baxter ward, he just hoped it would never come...

you dated baxter that summer, and he saw how distraught you were when he left you so brutually.. cove thought you really loved him, that you finally got over baxter. but apparently he was wrong, you were just patching your wounds until baxter could put you back together...

you never dated baxter, but cove saw how you looked at him with longing and cove always wished you would look at him like that. i guess you just turned your eyes to him until you could finally have the one you wanted...

cove loved you so much, and now that you've broken up he feels like he'll never recover

cove's personality does a whole 180

if he was "warm", he's not anymore. he can't bring himself to smile and laugh and socialize when his chest feels so hollow yet like he's been stabbed with pins and needles...

if he was already "cold", i need you to imagine him being even colder...

he still says his "please and thank you"'s whenever its necessary, but anything other than a hum when affirming to the cashier that he found his groceries okay

or telling the fast food worker what he wants to eat, which he usually orders online in that case, then he doesn't really talk too much

everyone can see how distraught he is even though he tries to distract himself

he cooks meals from scratch, he even learns how to make bread just to keep his mind away from it all

he tries to surf or look for shells but it just ends up hurting more because he as so many memories of those things with you

his whole childhood was with you... you gave him a childhood and you're the reason he enjoyed life so much, you made him so happy...

cove really tries to keep his head above water but even with the love and care from his parents, he's drowning...

its like when he was a little kid all over again but this time he's the one going through the break up

sometimes he snaps at his dad to please leave him alone and he runs off to the guest room crying.

he's so overwhelmed, overstimulated in every way and hurt.

he feels like he'll never recover from this one

when he does "get better", its still a total change from who he used to be

he definitely keeps his friend circle tight and dating isnt even on the table, and wont be for a long time.

fuck it probably takes him another 15 years to get over you.

all he knew for the last 15 years of his life was you, and now he has to do without you so its hard.

some days he falls apart again, because things are so much harder now that he has to take care of himself in every way possible

you reopened his trust and abandonment issues...

he has a date with olivia rodrigo and conan gray (see above for playlist)

when everyone finds out you eloped with baxter they lose their fucking minds

your ma doesn't even text or call you. you can't even hear her in the background when your mom calls because she can't believe you'd elope to him after all this, no matter how much time goes by...

your mom feels hurt again. it just makes everything so real and she feels sick thinking that baxter is now her son-in-law

your sister calls to yell at you. its less than a 5 minute phone call, she just can't believe you married him...

lee doesn't bother sending any congratulations, doesn't even like your pictures on social media. the next time she texts you she blames it on work, and thoroughly avoids talking about baxter

you better hope miranda and derek don't see it.

derek was certainly the most peaceful when the break up happened, but he would definitely unblock you just to tell you how disappointed he is and he definitely cusses at you.

""i can't believe we were ever friends.""

terry is angry too, but he cries more than anything

he misses having all of you together, this just reopens the wound of how things turned out...

if and when cove finally sees or hears the news, if this happened soon after your breakup he would lose his shit.

if you elope soon after breaking up: it takes everything for him not to throw his phone.

he definitely goes to the gym for a bit to work out some energy. he's so sad but most of all he's angry

that should've been you getting married but you're with him instead.

if you elope later after breaking up: it hurts for awhile. but it doesn't tear him up as long as it did when you broke up

but the first night he does look at your smiling face and he misses you.

in the morning he's talking to his dad and he does realize that its better like this

that you just decided that baxter had everything you needed, and its not cove's fault

he hopes you're happy with yourself

unfortunately, this isn't a bad bone in cove's body to wish you ill.

but he does hope you aren't as happy with baxter as you were with him <3

if he runs into you for any reason, maybe because your moms finally let you come over or you happen to be in town or something

cove smiles at you...

it's unsettling

especially since this is the first time you've seen him since the breakup and its been years

you start talking a bit, you with very big eyes and a shaky voice

cove used to be so sensitive but now that he's in front of you again he seems so unaffected...

"y/n." "y-yes?" your heart is jumping in your chest... "i hope you're happy now." you pause, looking down and twisting your wedding band on your finger. "i dont know... some days i'm happy enough, but most days i.. i think about the what if's...." cove nods. somehow he feels satisfied hearing that, but he'd never admit it. "well i hope you can get over it, you made your decision so you need to make it work. goodbye y/n..."

in the end cove is so much stronger, of course he's still vulnerable with people, he's still a crybaby but the walls he's built around himself are high and it took a lot of therapy for him to get over the betrayal

when cove does start dating again and if he gets married especially, your mom's are in the pictures...

he looks so happy, so does cliff and kyra

if your mom's are in the pictures, especially the wedding pictures, it saddens you because you have no pictures of your family with baxter, it doesn't matter how many years go by.

hopefully you're happy with your decision <3

[just-orbiting-you]

I’m confused why V decided to join this trip? He looked bored and kinda done with everything in episodes 4-5, he was on his phone A LOT and distracted most of the time. He barely participated in anything and even went to do something somewhere alone (or with other ppl idk) without jikook. So why did he come? Kudos for jikook though for having fun and doing their own thing despite the grumpy guest lol

seriously what was the reason? when tae was gone in the morning i really thought he left early before they clarified. and the kicker is during the short interview at the end that they showed in ep 3 and 5, he literally begins to look small and a little ashamed. and jikook do the “it was fun you were here, i played around like i was a kid again.” because they’re nice.

honestly it really might have been the namjoon comment when jimin says “you know this show is for the two of us” and even if he used not feeling well as the excuse, he still took a large step out of the spotlight in ep 4 and 5. despite kind of making it a vmin ep 3.

i think it goes back to “why am i being left out” because again as ive said before, tae is very haphazard and that often comes at other’s expense. i also think he doesn’t quite think things through. its giving a dash of narcissism, “if im not apart of it im making it about me” and he had no regard for jikook’s plans, it literally took them talking to him twice about it for it to really sink in that this is for jikook.

i think tae forgot who his friends are, what their relationship looks like outside of him and maybe realized halfway through why this show was created for them.

i also think its a one to one with that jungkook suchwita ep, because tae shows up on his own accord. sits to have a meal but adds absolutely nothing to jungkook’s discussion with yoongi. he did the exact thing: “awe let me in it will be fun,” but doesnt follow through on becoming a third member of the show. both times you’re left with “what is he doing here?” hard to figure out if he disengaged because was bored or just realized he shouldn’t have come, so found other places to be. either way not doing good for his character in my book.

[whovianshifts]

returning to shifting

although admittedly documented for only a few short weeks online, this time last august, i was obsessed with shifting. it was something i was thinking about it 24/7. i was so desperate to shift and i think this sideblog got to catch a small glimpse of, that desperation, that obsession, that intense pressure to shift . last year taught me loads about shifting, about spirituality and about myself but mostly that constantly thinking about something makes it 10x harder to accomplish in the end.

and so, with the acknowledgement that, in that sort of obsessive mindset, i would never shift, i decided to take a break. but, with exams, and university, and everything else, it became a year long break from shifting.

but now im back! and having had a year to reflect, here are some resolutions-

social media: constantly being bombarded with shifting content on my socials wasnt helpful *at all*. of course, it can undoubtedly be a useful tool but with all the different feelings, opinions, ultimately it detracts from the fact that shifting is a personal, spiritual journey and overcomplicated shifting too much. this time round, im taking a social media detox and looking into myself for answers to questions, rather than relying solely on shifttok/shiftblr (a bit ironic as im posting on here lol but anyways)

desired reality: i finally understand the issue with the phrase 'desired reality' because it really does set our drs on a hugeee pedestal! whilst i love doctor who, the immense fascination and awe i have for the universe didnt help with this. i constantly viewed it as an elevated realty, a reality so much better than my current one, that shifting felt unattainable. and thats why...

new dr: with a fresh perspective, i felt like i needed a fresh start with my dr and so i decided that i want to shift to the hunger games universe! and i just want to clarify that this is NOT a violent kill dr - i will not be participating in or have anything to do with the games. i simply want to explore the world as i am curious about the cultures, districts etc. i feel like, as it is a dystopian world as well, i honestly cannot place it on that same pedestal as doctor who. its a semi-realistic world, honestly not so different from ours. anyway, more about my new dr in another post!

belief: for the longest time, i naturally thought a lot of my doubt in shifting was to do with my beliefs. that, deep down, i didnt believe in it. but i dont think thats true. i believe in shifting. i just think that i mistake disbelief with feelings of doubt and shame i associate with believing in shifting. i dont know if that makes sense. what i mean is, shifting has an awful rep online. and sometimes, i think, rightly so. all the edits and povs honestly sort of make shifting a natural extension of stan culture, which, though harmless and innocent, makes it seem like crazy fan behaviour rather than a spiritual practice. and so, when i say i believe in shifting, some of those external opinions about shifting - where people make us feel crazy for our beliefs - make me feel ashamed. but im happy to say that im changing that; im starting to see shifting as a part of my spirituality - something that others may disrespect, but can never delegitimise. because we never do this for religions, so why shifting? why should other people, who have a biased perspective, be allowed to slander what i believe in.

finally, obsession: as i talked about at the beginning, the desperation and obsession to shift made the actual act so much more difficult. i constantly felt this pressure and anticipation before bed, finding myself always feeling a sort of performance anxiety (lol) and associating shifting with this. and so, this time round, im detaching from shifting. of course, its super exciting, its super cool. im allowing myself to feel that all, just in a healthy way. this is an *aspect* of my life but its not my *entire* life. i will shift. its a fact of inevitability now. its like sleeping, its a natural part of my life now so it will happen.

there are many more things that have changed, many things that arent perfect. but shifting doesnt have to be perfect. your mindset doesnt have to be perfect. there really arent any requirements for shifting, just an intention and a willingness to understand yourself which is pretty much the formula for doing anything else in life so,

to anyone who got this far,

happy shifting

tish x

[bunnihearted]

🥡

[nutal]

man, sometimes I dunno why I come up with stuff in my head, then let my brain beat the shit out of me and tell me that I just suck in general at everything, but im still gonna come up with a pair of headcanons cuz yes, this time abt Eve >:))) (again, it may age as bad as milk but just hear me out and here we go)

So pretty much, kinda like what I said before on an older ask, I'm pretty sure that unlike Lilith, who had a strong desire for independence, Eve was a lot more obedient and dependent on Adam. And that Adam loved her a lot more than Lilith (you could say that Lilith was like a middle/high school crush for him, while with Eve, they had a more truly loving relationship, since Adam now has more experience and is more mature than he was before)

Then, when Eve ate the apple, the both of them (Adam and Eve) fell down to earth and had to suffer there

Tho I am more leaning with the theory of Eve = Roo, what if she wasn't actually evil, even tho she was Roo? Hear me out for a bit:

Basically, when the two went down to earth and stuff, while in Adams point of view (like I said in that older ask), he saw Eve becoming colder and more distant, until she disappeared, in Eve's point of view, she was so ashamed of not listening to Adam's countless warnings to NOT eat the apple (to which, she did eat the apple), that she thought Adam hated her now. With the amount of self pity and self hatred she had for herself, she just disappeared, thinking that he wanted her gone for good, and with that, she also died of grief and being alone, just like Adam did when Eve left him.

Tho on one hand, since Adam didn't ate the apple (which meant he went to heaven by default, but didn't actually have any choice), on the other hand, Eve DID eat the apple (which meant she committed the first sin, so she went to hell, BUT she had free will, so that could've meant that she actually chose to go to hell bc, again, of her self-pity and hated for herself, but also bc of her strong want for revenge against the ones who gave her the apple, aka Lilith and Lucifer)

In her time in hell, she basically let her sins transform into the very monster she thought she was (and actually dreaded to have become), because, again, her intense anger towards Lili and Luci, and with that intense anger, somehow gave her a lot of power (Little did she know, when she ate that specific apple, it caused her to also have a little devil on her shoulder. Roo, the root of all Evil. I mean, what better way to start, then to convince the person who started sin to give in into their own sins, and give them all of the power of the sins itself? Eventually becoming one with each other? :)) (I may of not phrased that well but I tried lol)

And with that, Eve became Roo. The root of all Evil. Wishing that one day, she'll take revenge on Lilith and Lucifer.

Now this is where I start to get into sinner Adam stuff >:)))

Okay, so we prob know that Adam most likely didn't eat the apple? Which meant that he doesn't have any free will and just goes to heaven by default, because again, he got no freedom. boiiiiiiii (ok ok im joking xdd, but u get what I mean)

WHAT IF, when Adam's soul (in hell) eventually reaches to Roo (Eve), she might have actually felt.. even worse?

I think that, if Roo finds that Adam, the one she really loved, died right there, in front of her. Even if Eve let Roo consume her with evil, she still felt something sting inside of her deeply. She even felt.. even ANGRIER at Lucifer for doing this to Adam. She might of seen Adam already move on with another girl (Lute), she still wanted to at least help him out a bit.

So, she revives him with his soul, and he becomes a sinner in hell. Hoping that maybe.. maybe she helped with something. Maybe even helping him see Lute again, even if Eve still loved him on the inside. (its tragic af ik)

Now here's where I think, on how Roo/Eve got defeated.

So, in the very final battle, when Roo/Eve finally manages to reach the Hotel to get revenge, she sees Adam. And Adam sees her.

Adam, instead of wanting to fight her, looked he wanted to forgive her and help her out (may or may not have learned the forgiveness and helping side of things from Charlie XDDDD). Tho Lili and Luci were more reluctant about reasoning with Roo than Adam was at first, they eventually agreed to try their best.

So, together with the help of Lilith and Lucifer to give him a hand (or multiple hands), he tries desperately to reason with her, as Roo is in control now. Lilith and Lucifer would try to reason with her aswell, but it wouldn't work out so well for them.

But then, when Adam told her how much he regretted for not taking care of Eve well enough, that it was NEVER her fault.. suddenly, something clicked inside of Eve, realizing that all this time... Adam NEVER hated her to begin with... and all this time.. she was wallowing in self-pity for NOTHING. That SHE just made him suffer this much all along...

But when Roo is about to try to kill him, with no hesitation or pity whatsoever, suddenly, something deep inside, stop her immediately. Even if Eve indeed, let Roo consume her almost entirely, ever since she went to hell, THIS TIME, she wasn't letting Roo harm Adam. Not even Lilith and Lucifer.

As she was having the most intense internal battle she had ever had in her entire life: Eve between Roo, Eve cries on how much she made Adam suffer, how much she made everyone else around her suffer.. how she let Roo literally become one with her.. and how much she just wallowed herself in self-pity and hatred.. because of HERSELF.

But this time.. she was going to stop all of this. SHE was going to end all of this. By pulling Roo to the grave with her (Eve).

And with enough force from Eve, she rips her whole chest, revealing that she'd taken out her own rib from the inside out with her bare hands (I kinda have the head canon that Eve's rib is basically her pulse, so without it, she dead fr fr)

Adam, Lilith and Lucifer would be in complete shock. Then, Eve would fall to her death.

Adam, even though he was still trying to comprehend on what just fucking happened (bc it was so fucking traumatizing), he tried to catch Eve, only for him to find her body completely lifeless on the ground below. Just motionless and gone.

As he lays there in shock, Lute comes immediately to comfort him, and Adam would just try in Lute's arms.

Lucifer would also come to be next to Adam's side (bc they eventually forgave each other in the course of Adam staying at the hotel, becoming friends again like in Eden), and Lilith would check if Eve was still alive. Realizing she was dead, she would just take a deep breath, and just let her body stay there a little bit, before Lilith picked it up to, at the very least, put it somewhere more peaceful, to pay respect for Eve's death (Lilith ain't that of an asshole man, even if she's a bit biased UnU, bc I low-key also want Eve and Lilith to be deep to make the story 1000x more interesting)

so uhh, ye, just felt like dumping my imaginary stuff upon u cuz I wanna make u even more insane than you already are >:)))))

OH LORD THIS IS BATSHIT INSANE OHMYGODHEKDBDN 😭😭😭 EVE STILL WANTING TO HELP HIM OUT EVEN AFTER KNOWING ADAM’S WITH LUTE NOW AAAAGGHEGDHGHD THE ANGST MAN!! And yeah I def do agree that in terms of relationships, Lilith was a lot more like independent and wanting control while Eve was on the exact opposite end being extremely obedient and like reliant on Adam

ALSO THE ROO EVE STUFF IS VERRY INTERESTING and dude eve wallowing in self hatred man…

and then like, adam trying to catch eve in his arms only for him to just find her lifeless body and lute tryna comfort him and he’s just crying in her arms jesus christ bruh

THIS WAS SO WILD TO READ BRO AN ACTUAL ROLLERCOASTER IM TWEAKING

[divorcedwife]

your art is gorgeous and deserves all the notes in the world. i love all of your fashion and outfit designs and the way you draw poses and facial expressions is always so perfect. don’t let the internet fool you into thinking more numbers means more liked. i think your art is some of the most beautiful art i have ever seen

oh thank you!! i definitely think you're right that it's good to face what we want and that there's no shame in wanting attention. i've been trying to not be so ashamed of everything in general because i've realized that most people deal with that too, and that being at ease with myself helps people be at ease with me too

but in general, i am very happy with the amount of attention and kind words i get, and i definitely agree that more numbers =/= more joy. i used to chase certain milestones and think that i would reach a point where i'd be content and satisfied, and reaching a milestone is cool but it's still just numbers. ultimately, it means more to me to get thoughtful feedback, or when an artist i respect likes it, or to see the same people stick around for months and years :-) i do notice that & i love to see it

and not to be mean, but i also really don't vibe with how some people i follow on instagram, that are popular artists, act very demanding of their audience's attention and money. i don't think following someone online means you pledge your eternal loyalty to them, and i never would want people to think that if they scroll by an art piece of mine without interacting, or just liking, it's a deep betrayal lol. it's fine! ultimately, my feelings are mine to deal with, and it's not on anyone else to provide validation to me at all times. i really don't want anyone to feel guilty for that

like people are not entitled to free labor from artists, but artists are also not entitled to a "fandom". i remember being really not impressed back on deviantart with how popular artists talked to their followers and tbh i think some people are rude to feel more like rock stars. it's not cute.... i don't like it... i feel like the respect has to go both ways

also im kinda glass half full-ing my way through life - if something doesn't work out, i'm like well, this is a good way to practice failure and emotion control. can't go through life with everything going smoothly at all times, that's just how it is. i cant control what happens, only what i do about it. if i post something and it doesn't work as well as i thought, oh well, it's ok, i'm learning to detach value from notes, i'm going to be just like the buddha very soon

god this is so long. im sorry, i have so many thoughts re : being an artist online and handling metrics and so on. the TLDR : i really love being there on tumblr dot com and i feel really lucky that so many people like my art, like my original characters, and it's a pleasure to be there :-) thank you again!! <3333

[babyfairy]

here’s a much needed life updates post! even though generally speaking not a whole lot has happened lol

life has been pretty difficult since i lost my grandpa truthfully. it’s been a lot of struggling since then. lately in particular (as in the last few months) i’ve been struggling mentally more than ever. i think im going through one of those really painful transitional/growth periods (which figures, it’s about time for my saturn return) but i also think i am neurodivergent in some way? as in im like 99.99999% sure i am neurodivergent. i can’t think of any other explanation for the way my brain works and for the way i am struggling.

it’s weird because i have a lot of guilt about exploring the idea of possibly being neurodivergent. i’ve been talking with my doctor about it and every time we’re done talking i feel like im a liar or that im manipulating her or others into believing i could be neurodivergent in order to have an excuse for just not being a good person, friend, daughter, sister etc. i’ve been talking with her about OCD specifically. there are a lot of things im learning about OCD that i relate to and that have been completely taking over my life since the death of my grandfather. but i also relate to a lot of the traits of autism, so truthfully i don’t really know what’s going on and not knowing has been isolating and sort of difficult and scary. i have this intense need to know what’s “wrong” with me or why i act/think/feel the way i do. i think that in and of itself is a symptom but i’ve always been that way. i think i have trouble relinquishing control. and lately i just feel very out of control. my work, friendships, family life, self esteem, and everything all just feel extremely unstable lmao and i know the primary reason is me. because i’m always bracing for the next terrible thing to happen and i’m always worried about ruining everything or hurting someone or i don’t even know what. i worry every moment that i am awake.

i’ve been adjusting my meds under the advice of my doctor and a psychiatrist and im trying to get back into therapy but god is it intimidating lol! i don’t know why! i think the thought of starting all over with a new therapist just scares me a lot. i know i have to do it though because i can’t manage this on my own anymore at all. and i have no idea how to make it any better or manage my stress. so physically and mentally im doing really poorly. i think maybe worse than ever. but i’m alive lol and i’m trying to get back to a point where i feel ok and not so paranoid and distressed all the time. im just trapped in this horrible cycle. it’s really frustrating. and i just want to understand why but i don’t for now and i have to be ok with that.

it isn’t all bad though lol and i do have things to look forward to. im trying my best to build and deepen new relationships so i feel less isolated. being agoraphobic in your early 20s really does a number on your social life!!! i managed to get beyoncé tickets and im planning on flying to visit some of my closest friends later this year. so i have things to look forward to and that helps keep me going on the days where i just want to give up. it’s hard 😅 but hopefully it won’t be this hard for too much longer and i’ll be able to look back on this time period and feel proud of myself for pushing past it. because right now truthfully i just feel ashamed and sad most of the time. i think shame and guilt are like my primary emotions lol. and just general tiredness. but i’m trying my best to claw my way out of it

[sighonaraa]

hi!!!

so sorry for sending another ask lol. i went through every post under the football kiddo au and omg omg omg!! getting such a huge brain rot rn. i recently fell in love with ted lasso and i didn’t realize there was a fandom (most live action shows don’t rlly have one) im just so excited to go more into this wonderful fandom and read these fics along with the post and yk. everything ab being a fangirl lol (wish i got into this show and fandom earlier but better late than never) anyway, i have my own thoughts ab this au that i would love to share.

who can forget everyone’s fav kitman, will! can you imagine will but not a baby will. instead he’s around fifteen or sixteen and had his own emotional trauma and baggage (bcuz every character deserves a good old angsty backstory). and he just helps the kids by giving them water and helping injuries (my highschool has an athletic trainer program. idk if uk schools do but it would be fun). like he’s just a teenager who lives in richmond with everyone else and just starts showing up to help their makeshift football club. and like practically gets adopted my trent and ted. and he sees roy as this older brother (my personal headcanon is will’s an older sibling who ends up being the parent in his house due to his parents being neglectful) and for once he gets to be treated not as a parent. and jamie and sam and the other boys remind him of his younger siblings. also, once he graduates highschool. everyone, the kiddos, ted, roy, beard, trent, rebecca, higgins, etc all show up to his grad. and are screaming from the audience along with his siblings (and his parents aren’t there ofc but his found family is)

also, rebecca is such a cool aunt. like she grows a soft spot for the kids and treats them like she treats nora

sorry about my rambles, i just love this fic so much and i can’t wait for more. also brb gonna read your other works. just i think we both can agree how much we love this little found family.

so much love <33

hi hello hi!! it's so lovely to have you join the fandom, it's a very fun and sweet little corner of the internet and i'm so glad you're here with us now :-) and weeps? WEEPS! i'm overjoyed to hear that you're enjoying the football kiddos au -- i am slowly but steadily working thru chapter 4 and getting comments like this shrimply makes my day.

first of all: I LOVE YOUR WILL THOUGHTS. PLEASE KEEP TALKING. i am ashamed to say that i forgot will existed sjdkfj but i do adore him and his funky ways and i am very [eyes emoji] about a teenage will herding his wee siblings of various ages around town while the adults follow behind and keep anyone from running off into the street. the entire team coming to his graduation........... oh weeps :') this is everything i adore. he'd be so gentle and caring with all of the kiddos but particularly the younger ones, and able to tease the older ones in such a specific Older Brother way. this is so!!! ough. i'm rotating a new plotline for will in my head as we speak.

second of all: you are SO correct about rebecca that is in fact EXACTLY how she's going to be once she finally meets the kiddos. and nora!!! nora my beloved. she and rebecca will be having a large role to play in this fic Mark My Words.

and third of all: please do not apologize, i adore hearing people's rambles about my fics and i cherish each and every comment with all my heart. and yes, we CAN agree on that. this little found family is very incredibly special to meeeeeeee. so much love to you right back!! <3

[anti-rq-enot]

hiya!! you seem rad so ig i just wanted to hop in here to get a second opinion on something (if you’re uncomfortable with what im about to say or just generally don’t wanna respond feel free to delete/ignore)

but like. am i the only one that’s really uncomfortable with para flags and stuff like that?? (like as in pedo, zoo, etc not things like objectum bc its objects wtv go crazy yk)

this could just be me being ignorant or even ableist so feel free to call me out if it is, but like when i see people like talk about their attraction to kids and animals and stuff in a casual non negative way and like make flags for it i just feel gross. for context im a minor and somewhere on the alterhuman spectrum, and i LOVE animals (in like a normal way), and like im cool with paraphiles that like get help and like discuss their illness in certain places in a normal way but like when they’re like “yeah i wanna fuck kids lol” and make flags saying that they wanna fuck animals or kids or something even if they’re anti contact it just feels so gross to me and makes me feel unsafe. shrug.

i just cant tell if im the only one that feels this way bc like a lot of ppl in the anti rq community dont feel the way i do about this and think all that is fine as long as your anti contact and idk i just cant tell if its ableism or if its not but it just makes me feel icky.

apologies for rambling i just kinda wanted a second opinion bc idk if im just being a douche or not. again feel free to ignore/delete if this aint something you wanna respond to idm

oh boy my first ask :D

Okay so I will admit I am rather new to this community but I feel like what you're saying here is completely valid. As a kid yourself I'd imagine it's pretty terrifying to see people creating these flags that are pretty much openly stating that they're proud of their harmful urges (Again, I could be very wrong about this.) Like yeah i have very graphic intrusive thoughts about violence but I'm definitely not proud of it and actively do everything I can to make sure I never hurt anyone-- you can tell if I'm angry or scared because I'll shove sharp objects away from myself.

Again, I bear no hatred towards people with these urges as long as they seek help for it and try to minimize their risk of harming people as much as possible. (And as for nonharmful paras like objectum I don't really care what you do, you're not hurting anyone.) If someone does some crazy shit with their (ADULT, HUMAN, CONSENTING) partner I don't care, but if you proudly display the fact that you want to screw toddlers in your posts and aren't ashamed of it don't be surprised when I don't trust you around my younger friends.

Someone might call me bigoted for this but if anyone disagrees or I got something wrong PLEASE let me know. I am genuinely curious to see what others have to say about this.

[alinktoana]

local elderly girl sells stickers at a japanese food festival

not gonna lie, the entire experience is very emotional to me and it's been a month but moon channel's vid essay about cool japan, and the release of smt5 vengeance (lol) inspired me

tldr: i made some stickers, got real existential about it, will keep making more c: if youd like to check them out, here's a link

ive always wanted to draw, i used to say i was gonna become a painter or a fashion designer when i grew up. none of that happened, but i did go to film school. my final project was a script for an animated short highly inspired by nbc hannibal, majora's mask (i know, it was 2016, it makes sense to me lol) and a huge loss in my life from which i havent fully recovered, 10 years later.

the point is, ive always been art adjacent but i never really drew, until i got inspired by_hannibal itself_, noel fielding, kylux (LOL) and a roommate who was who was really inspired by art youtubers like frannerd and drew around the house, so i picked up a pencil and started drawing hannigram fanart bc i was so insanely in love with that show lol i remember who i was before i drew. i spent my days reading and watching tv, bc i love stories and stuff, but i was a consumer. and once i got a job after college i felt so incredibly isolated and directionless. do i have a direction now, as i work as a """"designer""" for a company that sells a mental health app? no. but like demifiend was force fed a magatama and got demon powers (LMAO BEAR WITH ME I JUST BOUGHT SMT3 HD REMASTER), i caught the art demon (like steven zapata says). and i caught it bad. i spend my day to day rushing through my work and chores and everything so i can have enough time to draw in the evening, to do whatever, and sometimes the need is so immense i cant do anything bc im not good enough, my skills are fading, im worthless, what's the meaning of all this? so i took a chance and showed my work at an arts alley on a japanese food festival i was helping organize. mind you, i was juggling that with my 9/5, promoting the event, finishing drawings from years ago. and when i got there, nobody got it. people looked at the stickers and didnt recognize the characters, and went on to buy the stickers my friends had that were more current. it was all japanese fanart. we were there with the single purpose of baiting weebs like us lol

ive always dealt with clients, im used to this. but im used to business to business, bc sigh i am a corporate girly. and im a beginner in the demon arts of arting. i felt so ashamed people were preferring other people, that i had the audacity to think i was worth anything. but i stood there, standing still with my brain boucing off my skull wanting to leave but also enjoying the experience and hoping someone, anyone would get it. and some people did. to my surprise, jack frost was my best selling sticker, lol. jack frost, from the smt franchise, a franchise im so new to but i love so dearly. im 100% a poser, ive never finished a megaten game. but… it just speaks to me. and thats where my cool japan feelings come from bc, like i said, i was selling at a japanese food festival. people my age, from the country i come from, were exposed to dragon ball and cardcaptor sakura from birth. and learning about history and the atrocities of the japanese empire is just. who can you trust. but ive aways resonated with one thing from japan, and it's the way they portray sadness in their works. it's become a ritual since last year that i will listen to smtv's ost when im on my period bc it literally brings me back to life. no one but i know how many times ive drawn goro majima and taiga saejima bc their mere existance and their sorrow resonates with me so immensily and i dont wanna see them being sad, nor do i wanna see me being sad. it's. it's really difficult to be to admit that im from brazil, bc our country sells happiness as an export but for many, many years the most popular genre is butthurt country music, and it makes sense, you know? people dont wanna admit they're sad. and i can only imagine what it's like for regular japanese people, bc we (i) get to see their big exports of bittersweetness… i dont know, maybe other people get to see that from brazil too, i dont know. the arts in brazil, or specially where i live, it's just isnt in the cards for us. but ill keep trying, you know. and i know fanart is a hack. but im trying. despite everything and everyone wanting us (me) to work for mining/metal/oil companies, make the most money, have the least health, drink all the alcohol (but call an uber), consume, reproduce and die, i. i just wanna draw tiny people, you know. it's. not that big a deal. all this to say that yes im gonna keep drawing and making stickers and, who knows, you know. these are stickers that i wont ever find near me, or that im too broke to get them from artists/official stores, so if youre like me, here's some pdfs in case you wanna print them and stick them wherever c: ty if you got this far, this is a big ramble… but it's been years in the making and despite everything im happy about it c: