#and yeah i regret it and yeah a lot of things i say is applicable on me as well and im self aware abt it and yeah idk :p

[bunnihearted]

🥡

[lipglossanon]

Because

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puppy!Leon S. Kennedy x fem!reader (one shot)

Shoutout to all of those who gave me the inspo! There are many anons and mutuals; the few I can remember are 🐶 anon, @rusty-phasma, and 🪷 anon

big kisses to everyone not listed as well; you guys are all amazing and thank you for encouraging me! 😭 💜

Warnings: 18+, puppy!leon, hybrid!leon, pet/owner dynamics, eager Leon, switch Leon, kissing, licking, dirty talk, oral (f receiving), collar and leash play, mounting, knotting, unprotected sex, breeding kink, creampie, reader says no but doesn’t really mean it so slight noncon if that’s triggering

Not proofread ✍️

Title from Because by Alice Cooper (cover of the original Beatles version)

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“He’s so cute!”

“Oh, he’s just adorable.”

“What’s his name?”

You let the chatter of strangers disappear into the background when bypassing the mall’s pet shop window as you walk to the parking garage. 

“Thinking about adopting him?”

High pitched laughter, “With those list of issues, no way!”

“Thought you said he was cute!”

“He is, just not that cute.”

Frowning to yourself, you turn to see what new addition they added to the storefront to garner so much attention. 

Oh.

He is cute. 

You glare at the retreating backs of the group of people laughing and giggling as they walk away from the window.  You step closer, now that you’re able, and just watch the hybrid as he tinkers with something in his hands. He looks really sweet, blue eyes almost shielded by his sandy blonde fringe. 

You step a little closer and he tilts his head to the side before raising it all the way to look up at you. He smiles, floppy ears perking up on his head as his tail wags. Internally, you’re yelling at yourself not to do it, but you find yourself looking down at the little page of information taped to the glass. 

“Leon, huh?” you murmur, eyes glancing over at him before going back to the paper. 

You can understand why they were snickering to themselves; he’s never had an owner and looks like there’s still a lot of room for improvement since he’s not fully house broken yet. Your eyes skim through the rest, but it’s just height, weight, etc. 

Turning back to him, you see that he has moved closer to the glass, eyes watching you excitedly. 

“Leon,” you mouth at him and he nods, stepping up to the window and placing his hands on it. 

Sighing to yourself, you hope you don’t regret this later, you place your hand on the glass with him repeating the gesture. 

You smile at him and his tail wags back and forth so fast it’s almost a blur. 

“Hi.”

You adopt Leon on the spot, probably the most spontaneous thing you’ve ever done in your life. The clerk helps you with all of the paperwork, happy the hybrid wouldn’t be stuck here too long. He informs you of the do’s and don’ts of hybrid care, giving you a folder full of information as well as a little duffle of items.

“He’s excitable so you’ll have some issues with him trying to run off. I’d keep him leashed til you get home,” the clerk hands you a leash, leading you to the back where Leon was taken as you filled out the application. 

“Hi,” his smile makes one appear on your face. 

“Hi, Leon, you’re coming home with me today.”

He dashes across the room startling you as he pulls you into a bear hug. 

“I’m so lucky, you’re so pretty and smell so good, and—“

“Leon,” the clerk’s firm voice cuts him off, quickly slipping a collar on his neck. 

Leon’s ears droop and he scuffs the floor with his shoe, “Sorry miss.”

“It’s okay,” you murmur where the clerk can’t hear, “I know you’re just happy.”

His ears perk up and tail starts to wag, “Yeah, yeah I really am.”

Leon bares his neck to you for you to snap the leash clip on his collar. He preens as you lead him out of the store and through the mall. Luckily you were headed home to begin with, so taking Leon straight there isn’t an issue. He behaves the entire drive home much to your relief, a little worried about what the clerk meant by excitable.

You find yourself falling into an easy pattern with Leon; he’s a fast learner, so he adapted to your routine pretty quickly. The housebroken issue resolved itself (he just never lived with anyone before so they had to say that on the form). He enjoys having his own separate room and loves taking baths. 

Leon even helps with chores around the house so by the time you’re home from work, you can cook a light meal for the two of you and relax on the couch. He always waits for you by the door, eagerly pressing against you and licking your neck and face in greeting. 

Today’s routine jars you when coming home, there isn’t a happy Leon waiting at the door. Frowning to yourself, you kick off your shoes and drop your bag on the counter. 

“Leon?” you call out.

Walking further into the house, you pass by your half closed door and hear whining. You pause and peek past the door frame, surprise making your eyes wide. 

Discarded knotting toys from the pet shop lay scattered all over the floor— obviously used recently as they’re all dripping with jizz. Looking over you can see Leon completely naked on the bed, buried in a pile of your clothes as he ruts into a toy. He looks fucked out already, hazy eyed and tongue lolled out, panting. 

“Leon,” you murmur, stepping inside the room. 

“Miss owner,” he whines, tail thumping against the bed, tears making his blue eyes seem bigger, “‘m sorry for making a mess. Hurts.”

Your heart beats fast as you take in his pitiful face. 

“It’s okay, it looks like a rut or heat of some kind,” you keep your voice soft, stepping up to the bed to ruffle his ears. 

He whines again, pressing up into your touches as hips keep humping into his toy, before looking at you with big eyes, “Oh no, oh I’m—“

He growls and you watch as his cock knots the toy, cum bubbling out of the sleeve until it’s spilling down the sides and coating your shirts and panties underneath. 

“Leon,” you watch dumbfounded as he ruts down, smearing the cum across your underwear specifically. 

“Smell so good, miss,” he moans, dilated eyes staring at the hem of your skirt, “makes me wanna—”

“No, Leon,” your voice is firm, “the toys are okay, but you can’t be… doing this every time, okay? This is my bed and clothes and it’s just inappropriate.”

He whimpers, head ducking down as he shrinks in on himself. 

Your hand hesitates but you softly brush his fuzzy ears, “Hey, I’m not mad, Leon. We just need to learn boundaries, okay? This is a very,” you pause trying to think of a way to say it. 

“Personal moment,” you gently move his head to look up at you, “I don’t want you to feel bad for something natural.”

“Not mad?” he sniffles, tail sluggishly wagging. 

You smile and pet him more, “Not mad, baby. You’re such a good boy for me.”

He smiles through his tears, “Love being your good boy, miss.”

Your eyes drop to the mess covering your sheets and he flushes hotly. 

“I’m gonna clean it up, just,” he trails off embarrassed, “I have to wait for my knot to go down.”

“That’s okay,” you stroke his ears one last time and step back, walking to the door, “I’ll go make dinner, just clean up and meet me at the table.”

“Yes, ma’am,” he murmurs, tail beating against the bed. 

A week goes by and there isn’t another incident, although you’re sure you’re missing some clothing items but you can’t for the life of you figure out what. 

Leon’s whines and whimpers can be heard throughout the house late at night, disrupting your sleep but you don’t have the heart to tell him to stop. He’s already mentioned how painful it can be if he goes too long without any relief. 

After endless google and Reddit searches, you’re at your wits end on how to help. The answers are all over the place but all agree that the toys are a temporary fix. You stumble across a thread run by hybrids themselves with much more informative and helpful answers. You bite the bullet and post your question to the page under a throwaway account. In no time at all, you have dozens then hundreds of replies. 

Aside from the silly joke or meme answers, you get a lot of information, all of it basically saying you should offer your hybrid help with his rut. A simple handjob can stave off urges for weeks at a time. You bite your thumb nail as you read the more steamy answers, feeling a pulse of arousal throb in your clit at picturing Leon in such a way.  

You hold off but by the end of the second week of Leon looking miserable, you finally cave and offer to help him (your own bubbling arousal and curiosity peaking). His eyes light up and you gesture for him to sit down on the couch. 

“Only my hand, Leon. And if you misbehave then you’re going to be sent to your room.”

“Promise I’ll be a good boy,” he nods so hard one of his ears flip backwards making you giggle. 

He smiles at you and licks your cheek, “So pretty, miss owner.”

“Leon,” you roll your eyes feeling shy, “sit next to me so I can help you.”

He quickly undresses and sits down, thigh pressing against yours, legs easily falling open as his cock bobs and leaks everywhere. 

Whining, he nuzzles into your shoulder, “s’this okay?”

You hum, “Yeah, you’re okay, Leon.”

Your hand reaches out and grasps his hot throbbing dick, making him arch up with a sigh. Biting your lip, you try to ignore how much you’re getting turned on from this. 

“Thank you,” he mouths at your skin, “thank you so much, promise to be so good for you.”

You suppress the shiver those words give you and slowly stroke along his thick cock. 

“You’re really big,” you mutter out loud before thinking twice. 

He groans, “That’s good, yeah?”

“Yeah,” you laugh softly, “it’s very good, means you’ll feel good inside someone.”

His cock kicks in your hand, globs of precum dripping from the tip to coat your fingers. You lick your lips and tease across his fat tip, coaxing more precum to dribble out. 

He pants and whines into your shoulder as you tease him, dragging out your quick handjob into something that edges him for hours. 

He’s slurring and whining against you, shoulder and neck soaked with his spit as he laps and licks at the skin he can reach. 

“Miss owner, I wanna cum, I’ve been such a good boy,” he whimpers, “wanna knot your hand, please. You said I could.”

“Not yet,” you’re so turned out, your panties are wet and sticky with slick, “wanna see how long you can last.” 

He growls and whimpers but lets you keep teasing his cock, playing with the head before feathering your fingers across his balls and knot. 

You watch as tears drip down his cheeks when he clenches his eyes shut. Feeling a little bad for him, you pick up your pace and jerk him off, getting a little rougher in your movement. 

“Oh, oh, that’s so good,” he mumbles, “gonna knot you, gonna knot my sweet owner.”

Your thighs clench together trying to alleviate the want building in your core. He growls and grunts as he pushes up into your fist, knot bumping against your fingers as it gets bigger. 

Snarling against your shoulder, he humps the tight tunnel of your fingers until sticky cum spurts from his tip, coating your hand as it drips down onto his knot and sac. 

“Good boy, Leon,” you keep your voice warm and soft, “you did so good for me.”

He keens in the back of his throat and nuzzles your spit covered skin.

“Thank you, I feel better,” he sighs happily, ears drooping as he yawns, “gonna take a bath.”

“Okay,” you reply as he shuffles to his feet and makes his way to the bathroom. 

You listen for the door to click before you bring your hand up to your mouth. Just pure curiosity is what you tell yourself as you press two cum covered fingers into your mouth. A moan slips past your lips as Leon’s salty flavor coats your tongue. 

Your phone buzzing jolts you from your illicit deed, arousal and shame warring in your chest as you quickly head to the sink to wash your hands. You look into your own eyes through the mirror; you were just curious that’s all, you project to yourself. 

100% nosey curiosity. 

So what if you got even wetter at tasting Leon’s thick cum. 

Now that you know what it’s like in your mouth, you’ll never have to think about it again. 

Totally not a big deal. 

Period. 

Hours later as you lay in bed, glaring at your watch face reading 2:37am, that little voice of doubt chimes in that maybe it was a big deal after all. 

You muffle a groan into your pillow, tossing and turning until you can find a comfortable spot. That Reddit page said you could offer a lot more than just your hand.. is the last thought you have before you finally succumb to the sweet embrace of sleep. 

The next morning Leon is rousing you much too early for four hours of sleep. 

“But you said we could go to the park today,” he pouts, his blue eyes pleading.

“I did, didn’t I?” you sigh to yourself, scrubbing a hand over your sleep filled eyes, “alright, I’m up.”

“Thank you,” he jumps onto the bed, tongue lapping at your cheek making you giggle. 

“Leon!” you laugh harder as he crawls completely on top of you, pinning you down to lick across your jaw and ear. 

“Thank you so, so much,” he hums against you, mouth panting as he licks across the seam of your lips. 

“Leon, don’t—“

Your words are drowned out as he licks into your mouth, sloppy puppy spit dripping all down your lips and chin. Whining, you try to push him off but he has your arms pressed down into the blankets. 

He hums louder, tongue now slowly lapping into your mouth making you squirm underneath him. Moaning, you go limp as his tongue flutters against yours, drooling all in your mouth so much you swallow it down before you choke. He takes it as a sign you like it, making sure to drip even more puppy spit into your mouth. 

Your nipples tingle as he deepens the sloppy make out, Leon rocking his hips down onto you as he keeps up the slow motion of pressing his tongue in and out of your mouth. When you shift your thighs, you can feel how your wet panties cling to your cunt. 

Moaning, you start to suck on Leon’s thick tongue, crossing that imaginary line you drew for yourself. You want this so why not let yourself have it? Leon notices the change and excitedly presses his mouth closer, now using his lips to messily kiss you instead of just licking into your mouth. 

At some point, Leon shifts enough for you to move your arms, but you only bring them up to tangle in his hair—being mindful of his soft ears. You sigh and mewl as he gets more aggressive, teeth nipping your lips before fucking his tongue roughly into your mouth. After deep, sloppy, spit filled kisses, Leon finally pulls away. 

“God, you smell so good,” he pants and chuffs against your neck. 

“W-what,” you clear your throat, feeling all out of sorts, “what about the park?”

“Can we still go?” his ears perk up, making you chuckle. 

“Yeah, but I need to get dressed.”

“Will you wear that pretty dress?” Leon leans up to look at you bashfully. 

You squint up at him, a confused smile on your face, “Sure, I guess. If the weather is nice enough.”

His tail wags, “It is! I’m gonna go get my collar.”

He scrambles off the bed and beelines it for his room, leaving your door open. You sigh and stare up at the ceiling for a moment, feeling like you should take a cold shower. 

Lugging yourself out of bed, you grab your change of clothes and head into the en suite bathroom. You finish your ablutions and change—shooting yourself a thumbs up in the mirror as you leave the bathroom. 

Stepping back into your room, Leon’s already crowding you, collar on as he presses the clipped leash into your hand. 

“You’re so pretty,” he gives you a wide smile, blue eyes gazing down to your dress hem, “smell so good.”

He drops down onto his knees and presses his face under your dress, burying his nose against your panty clad pussy. 

“Leon!” you gasp, hand tangling in the leash and pulling, but he rears against the pressure, tongue lapping at the thin lace gusset of your panties. 

You pull harder and he groans, bringing his palms up to press on your hips, sending you stumbling back against the wall. He quickly shifts with your body, nosing your thighs before sloppily licking against your cunt. 

You shakily pull up the edge of your dress until you can see Leon’s face. His dilated eyes flicker up to yours, hair ruffled and messy, ears twitching. 

“Leon,” you whimper, feeling his teeth tug and nip the fabric until he’s able to rip a hole into it. 

His tongue slips into the tear, making it larger until you’re basically wearing crotch less panties. Tugging on the leash just makes him grunt and moan into your pussy, tongue licking up the slick dripping from your hole. 

“Fuck,” you rock your hips making Leon growl, tail wagging behind him as his tongue flutters in your clenching hole. 

He moves up, tongue dragging through your pussy lips to circle your sensitive bundle of nerves til you’re whimpering.  

“G-good boy, Leon, right there, oh god,” you grind your sensitive bundle against his mouth as he suckles it between his lips. 

He whines and teases your pudgy clit with his lips and tongue as you yank his leash to keep his face right where you want. He pants and moans, moving his mouth against your pussy, tongue fluttering in and out of your hole. 

You tighten the pull on his leash and ride his face with a moan. You can hear how wet you are from the messy sounds of Leon’s mouth. He moves back up to lap and suck at your clit, tail thumping against the floor as he groans against the sensitive bud like he can’t get enough of your taste.

He finally pulls away with a huff, mouth swollen and shiny with slick. Before you can say anything, he’s standing up so fast you lose grip on the leash and he’s shoving you over the edge of the bed and flipping your dress up. Your panties are ripped in half and you feel his thick cock pressing into your hole. 

“Leon,” you try to raise up but he snarls and boxes you in, sinking his cock into you fast and deep. 

You wail and thrash as he grunts, rocking his dick deep into your soaked pussy until the tip grinds against the opening to your womb. 

Clenching and moaning, tears bead your water line, “S’too much.”

He licks the shell of your ear making you shiver, pulling halfway out of your pulsing walls to fuck back into your cunt. 

“Been wanting to knot your pussy for ages,” he whines, the sound of skin slapping together making you clench against his dick. 

“So naughty, letting me fuck your hand, cumming all over you, letting other pups know you’re all mine,” he mouths and lick all over the back of your neck and across your shoulders. 

“Just wanted t’help,” you mumble, feeling your pussy throb as he bullies his cock against your g-spot, bottoming out on every thrust.  

“Mm but you are helping now, miss owner,” Leon chuffs the back of your head, hips flexing as he ruts his dick into your greedy cunt, “sweet pussy all wet and willing for my puppy knot.”

You clamp down hard on his thick cock with a loud whine, “Oh, f-fuck.”

He picks up on that instantly and growls low, “Like my puppy knot? Wanna feel it lock me inside your tight wet hole?”

Hot arousal curls in your abdomen, clit throbbing at the thought of Leon knotting you. 

“Leon,” you mewl, fingers twisting in your sheets, cunt squelching loudly around his dick as you get even more wet and tight. 

“That’s it, miss owner,” he rumbles low in his chest, sloppily licking your shoulders, “get that pussy nice and slick for my knot.”

You’re coated in puppy spit and precum at this point, nipples hard and pointed as Leon drags you back onto his cock. 

“Gotta show you how good of a mate I can be,” he nips at your neck, “show you I can fill you up how you need, give you lots of pups.”

“Leon,” you whine as he bullies into your soaking wet hole over and over, “n-no pups, you gotta pull out.”

“But I gotta give you my knot,” he licks across your shoulder blade, “gotta breed your pussy deep.”

Shuddering, your arms give out, forcing your back into a deeper arch allowing Leon to fuck your pussy harder. 

“Gonna make you my bitch,” he growls into your ear, drooling all over your neck, “gonna mount you whenever I want, knot you so good you’ll beg for it.”

Hearing him call you a bitch in that low growl makes you press back harder into his thrusts, pussy squeezing his cock like crazy. 

“Leon,” you drag out his name with a moaning pant, “we can’t.”

“Why? Tell me one good reason why and I’ll stop, miss owner.”

“Cause,” your mind’s foggy with arousal, “cause…”

You shiver as he ruts deeper into your slick pussy, bullying that spongy spot in your cunt that makes you clench on him repeatedly. 

“Why?” he licks your ear, “cause you like it too much? Don’t want my dripping puppy cock filling you up? Giving you a thick creampie to make you feel nice and full.”

“Yes,” you moan, “I shouldn’t—“

“Miss owner, just let me do it one time, just so we both can see how it feels,” his voice is sweet making your thoughts syrup thick, “just let my fat puppy cock knot you one time.”

You shudder, pussy pulsing and fluttering around him as slick leaks down your thighs, “Just once?”

He growls in satisfaction, “Yeah, just once. Promise.”

You both know as soon as he knots you, you’re going to like it too much to stop. It’s why he laughs into your shoulder making you moan. 

“Can’t wait to empty my balls in your fat pussy,” he grunts. 

You wail as his tip knocks against your cervix roughly. 

“Love the way you sound,” he nips your neck, “love the way you smell, love how sweet you taste,” his voice dips into a deeper octave, “love how your hot pussy grips me so fucking tight. She’s really working for that puppy knot, huh?”

Drooling into the sheets, you whimper in reply, walls fluttering and clenching around his thick cock. The way he’s thrusting into your hole grinds your clit against the bedspread, orgasm steadily building higher and higher to its peak. 

“G’nna cum,” you slur out, toes curling as your hips shake, “gonna cum, fuck, Leon!”

You bury your face in the sheets as you cry out, cunt pulsing and milking his cock as he keeps railing you into the bed. 

“Yes, yes,” he snaps his teeth over your shoulder, “feels so good, gonna make me pop my knot early, fuck, take it, take it, miss owner, take my fucking cock.”

You keen pitifully as he bares down over your body, pressing his knot past the wet, clenching hole of your pussy with a low howl. Feeling his knot seal you together, your cunt clamps down around him tightly squeezing around his cock and knot. 

“Mmm so perfect,” he huffs against your ear, “doesn’t that feel so good? So warm and sticky inside? So much puppy cum filling you up.”

You mewl pitifully as he rocks against you, cock grinding all against the spongy spot in the front of your cunt making a second orgasm wash weakly through you. 

“Can knot you all day, miss owner,” he kisses the side of your cheek, “instead of going to the park,” he licks the corner of your mouth, “can I? Promise it’ll feel so good.”

You turn your head to suck his tongue into your mouth. He moans and eagerly licks into your open mouth. 

“S’fine, Leon,” you pull away with a sigh as he grinds your clit against the bedspread, “this’ll help, right?”

His tail wags happily, “Uh huh, help me out so much. S’okay to knot you again and again right? As much as I need?”

Brain feeling like thick syrup from the best orgasm of your life, you nod, “As much as you need.” 

[palmtreesx3]

Prologue

SexShop!Steve x Reader : SexShop!Robin x OC

Series Masterlist

Series Summary: Steve and Robin have about had it with Hawkins, so on Robin's 25th birthday, the pair decides that there's nothing holding them there anymore and they start packing their bags. The friends move to Chicago and quickly find an apartment to call their own. As luck would have it, Robin stumbles on a no-strings-attached job offer for both of them - what could be better?! Now just to break the news to Steve…. This multi part story will both explore their platonic relationship and their chaotic experience working at the sex shop together as well as their own paths of self discovery as they plant their roots in their new city and finally deal with the invisible baggage they drug along with them when they moved. 

Warnings: no warnings...this time. Some non cannon relationships in this AU but cannon themes and Easter eggs a-plenty.

Chicago: Summer of 1993

It's only his 5th trip up and down the steps in the last hour, and Steve has about had it. Being left to haul a car full of Robin's personal belongings and boxes up the three flights of spiraling staircases to their brand new apartment building while she goes off in search of dinner and some help wanted signs seemed like a good idea at the time. It wasn't until he opened the hatch and saw how MUCH she actually packed did he immediately regret his choice to stay behind. He stood there regretting his current situation in an unfamiliar, bustling and loud city while sweat beaded on his hairline and flush spread across his cheeks in the humid June air.

Muttering to himself as he passes a redheaded teen girl carrying a skateboard who refuses to get out of his way on the staircase, he finally pushes his way through their doorway and he's thankful to feel the window unit he threw in first thing after they arrived starting to rev up and cool down the space. Steve repositions the particularly heavy box full of Robin's things on his hip while he reaches over for his cup of iced water setting on the counter and pooling condensation. Desperate for the reprieve, Steve gulps down an extra large sip and attempts to swallow but all sense of relief washes away as something slams into his whole left side. The glass he is holding ricochets down to the ground while Robin's box of nostalgic memorabilia topples over and spills out too. Hawkins High all over the floor. 

 "Jesus Christ, Robbie, what the hell!?" 

Bending over to start collecting all of Robin's teenage memories, the last threads holding her down to a town that didn't love her as much as she loved it - Steve doesn't hear anything she says when she first lifts her fists over her head and into the air in celebration - barely registering that she body checked the boy as she threw open the door. 

"Rob. Robbie, what the fuck are you saying? You're doing the thing… " he waves his hand in her general direction. 

"Oh fuck, sorry." Closing her eyes, she takes a deep breath to regroup, realizing now that she came in making a whole lot of noise and saying not a damn thing at all.

She takes a deep breath and with a gleam behind her eye proclaims "I landed us a job, Dingus!" Both fists jolting upwards into the air again, he now sees the job applications crumpled up in her fists and yielded like torches. 

"Dude, gimmie that." Steve says. "You're gonna ruin it before I can even fill it out. We can't start a new job being that unprofessional. Christ… . What are we doing anyway? Gotta be better than that restaurant gig we both bombed before we left Indiana."

"Ok so, yeah, yeah this has the potential to be better than that. Definitely better than Family Video. For sure. And there's no stupid costume like Scoops. God. That sucked. We should pretty much know how to do a lot of it already and the manager seems like he's kinda chill. I told him I don't really know much about the ... uh...topic…but uh…that I'm a fast learner and he said we start on Monday and to bring the paperwork with us." She rambles, motioning to the pages Steve now holds in his hand. 

"O-oh kay Robin. Details please. You know them in your head but I don't yet. You-you gotta share." 

"Ha! Yeah! Sorry about that, I mean…." while she trails off and starts to fidget, Steve immediately knows there's more to the story.

"Robbie. What are you not telling me? " 

"It's called The Hideout. It's on Clark St, just a few streets over. 20 minutes walking - tops."

"20 minutes is doable." he says, and then quips back "Man, don't tell me it's a restaurant. I really didn't want to eat shit at that job all over again. I guess I'll take what I can get so we can at least get on our feet… "

" It'snotarestaurantit'sasexshop!" Robin blurts out in one rushed garble of words. 

"I'm sorry, WHAT did you say?" Steve stands with his hands on his hips, looking at her incredulously. "Did you say SEX SHOP?" 

Steve is freaking out. He's immediately embarrassed for something he hasn't even done yet. He can feel the tips of his ears going hot and shades of red staining his face and neck in splotches. Are those hives? She's giving me hives, he thinks to himself.

"What am I supposed to tell people when they ask what I do?! What are we supposed to tell the kids back home when they start to call non-stop? What am I supposed to say to my DAD, Robin?" He can feel her mere existance giving him heart palpitations while she looks on at him sheepishly, shrugging her shoulders. All he can do is focus on his breathing so he doesn't blow a gasket on his friend. 

Among the myriad of other things this move has going for the pair, Robin sees moving to Chicago as her opportunity to live who she is out loud and finally be free of the confines a small town puts on someone who looks a little different, thinks a little different and loves a little different. Steve, just happy for the fresh start and the chance to maybe do things for himself for once, was not really thinking this is how it would all start out, but looking at the excitement on Robin’s face made him soften just a little. 

Now pacing back and forth across the entryway to dispel her nervous energy, she looks on at her exasperated friend and he gives her an almost indistinguishable nod of the head in agreement. She smiles softly at him and says, "Anyway, I distinctly remember you once encouraging me to talk about boobies with you, Steve. Lighten up and get ready for tits, dicks…all of it! I'm ready and this city is my sexual awakening!" 

Divider by @firefly-graphics

Taglist: @livsters

[heartfullofleeches]

Do it. Show us the personal trainer reader and V!!! >:3c

[suggestive... If you squint? Just V being his normal gross/creep self so fair warning]

Of all the things he's ever done to gain the upper hand - this has got to be the dumbest of the lot by far. A man of reclusive nature like himself, Vince Alisa Carbone was no stranger to his physical strengths or lack thereof. With his sheltered upbringing, this hadn't been an issue majority of his life and would have remained as such had it not been for the new neighbor a door down and ten miles out of his league.

Outgoing and upbeat; it didn't take long for him notice. For someone like him, all it took was a smile It was.. enduring. Early morning jogs and daily exercises beside their window dragged that attraction along, and revealed their dedication and interest in physical activity. With their looks he figured them to be a fitness influencer, but when he checked all that came up was a listing for training at a gym not too far from home. Disappointed by the lost of quality material, his search was not entirely fruitless as his sleep deprived mind came up with a better alternative. The answer was right in front of him. If he wanted to get closer to them, all he had to do was sign up. By the time morning rolled around, the seeds of regret had begun to sprout, but it was too late to back out now.

Waiting for them at check-in, V had never felt more like a fish out of water. Sure there were others like him about, but for every thin figure there were three more he considered to be the peak of human physique and more attractive than him because of it. They probably came everyday, just like them. He wondered if anyone had tried to make a move on who he already thought of as his. The stress was enough to give him a headache. He should probably head home.

"Wah!"

V flinches as someone claps their hands before his eyes. He couldn't hear a thing with his headphones on, but after reading their lips each time the syllable was pronounced, he knew exactly what they were saying.

"V?"

Even muted, that voice gave him chills. V drops his headphones around his neck as that same smile he had made his lockscreen shines. Spreading their arms out wide, his trainer tackles him in a hug that knocks the air clear out of his lungs. V shoved his own parents and sibling away when they tried to hug him, but if it was you - he guessed he could endure it for a little while.

"It's so good to see you out of your appartment. I got so excited when I saw your name on the application, I didn't know what to do with myself. Was the walk over alright?"

"Yeah..." To be honest, V was already winded from a stroll that took no less than ten minutes, but at this very moment he felt like he could run a marathon. You were looking forward to your time together - how could he not. He swore his heart had bursted, but soon realized the gore he imagined to be leaking from his shirt was condensation bleeding from yours. You were sweating - the front of your tee drenched in the product of your hard work. Seeing the small patch on his shirt as you break free from the hug, V makes a vow to himself to never wash it again.

"Hope you weren't waiting here too long. Been here since opening to get a little warm up in before you showed. Just give me a sec to freshen up then we can go over today's workout."

You swing the towel from around your neck onto your palm. As you dab at crevices of your damp neck and chest with the sweat-soaked rag, V undergoes fatigue leagues beyond your own and his previous weariness as he leans against the counter for dear life and what little decency he had left. At this distance, the sweet stench wafting off is overwhelming; his tongue a lick way from a taste of the intoxicating perspiration drooling from your spent body and dampening your tee. That towel was ruining the mood already.

What he wouldn't give to take its place. Wiping you down with nothing but his tongue and the shirt off his back. Easing the tension in your muscles with his hands and praise. Given the hour, he would jump at the opportunity of being your personal rag; lapping at your sweaty skin like a dehydrated animal lead to water. Just a single drop would give him the will to live on for another decade.

Draping the towel around your neck, your expression twists to that of confusion. "You doing okay? You're looking a little clammy there yourself."

V blinks - unable to fully process your question. Smearing the drool hanging from his lips into his skin, he nods his head furiously. "Yup! I feel great. Fantastic. Never felt better..."

Your legs must've gotten good exercise too. He'd kill for a chance to have you wrap those things around his head and...

"sit on my face."

Your towel falls to your shoulder. "Pardon?"

V snaps back to reality. "towel...Your towel! Haha... worked up a sweat just by walking over here. You mind if I use your towel to dry off? Please?"

"Ah, well I'm sure you wouldn't want anything soaked with my sweat. I'll grab you a spare while we head over. Speaking of which, we've wasted enough time here. You ready to get started?"

You tilt your head in the general direction of the other half of the gym. V doesn't share the same enthusiasm as you, but he has other reasons to happily comply.

"Oh, wait before we head over - here." He reaches out to grab your hand as you turn, ignoring the shudder down his spine to enclose your fingers around a small white box.

You inspect the case as he lets you go. "What's this?"

"It's a fitness tracker. I overheard you mention something about losing yours, so I bought this for you as thanks for helping me out. I' can help you set it up later."

"Aw, that's so sweet of you, Vince." You lightly jab his shoulder. "I knew you'd be a good guy once we got you away from that monitor."

V laughs off the pain as he rubs the sore spot on his arm. You had no idea.

-

"And that's how you do a proper push-up. Remember to keep your feet spread at shoulder-width and try to stay off your knees. Think you got it this time, V?"

"I might need...just a little more guidance."

This has got to be the smartest thing he's ever done. There was the very real consequence of every bone and muscle in his body screaming at him when he got home, but V had no cares for any future besides the one where he could watch you bend over to touch your toes again. V wasn't the best at following instructions with one demonstration alone, so you had to perform most workouts twice or even three times depending on the position you were in. Showing off the different ways you could make your body contort and stretch - it made V sweat more than all of the exercise he had to do.

"Alright, then get back down here." You pat the mat besides you. V dives to the floor and places his hands down just like you told him. He watches you from the corner of his eye as he straightens his legs and lifts. Your hands fly out and rest right beneath his sternum, sinking into the tightened muscles as his lungs eject a wheezed breath.

" I told you, try not to let your stomach hit the floor when you lower yourself. Keep yourself as steady as you can."

Feeling the sudden urge to not disappoint, V does as many pushups as he can before his limbs give out at eleven. You call it there and tell him to catch his breath. He heads over to the benches where your water bottles sat. You thought it was such a funny coincidence you had the same bottle. V switches his with yours and downs the water as you roll up the mats and put them back where they belong. The liquid had never tasted more saccharine than it did then.

-

Returning home, V body immediately failed on him as soon as he dragged himself through the door. He hobbled himself over to the couch and collapsed as if his bones weighted tons. He could not do that four days a week. Fatigue overwhelms him - he almost didn't hear his phone going off with a new notification. You must've set up the watch without him and gone on another late night jog. At least this time he knows what route you're going in, and so he lets exhaustion catch up to him without fuss.

[cal-daisies-and-briars]

🌌 🌌 🌌 🌌 🌌 🌌 🌌 🌌

You guys are getting SO much of the next chapter of this one hahaha. Love how much it's being requested.

Here are 24 new sentences:

---

“I don’t know where to go from here, Buck. But I do know, outside of all of this, you’re my best friend. You’re my best friend, and I hurt you, and I regret it.”

“Yeah,” Buck sighs. “You did.” 

The thing is, he doesn’t entirely blame Eddie. Part of this has to be the fault of some inadequacy of Buck’s, right? People don’t flee worthwhile potential partners so easily. Buck doesn’t remember much about Eddie, but he thinks that logic is sound in its application. So part of this must be on him, too. 

Buck wishes whatever it is about him that sent people running simply ceased to exist. If only Buck’s wishes came true as easily as Eddie’s. 

“Let’s keep going,” Buck mutters, voice sounding dead, even to his own ears. 

“What?” Eddie asks. “Really?

“I’m not going to abandon you in a fast food parking lot.” 

“Not that I wouldn’t deserve it,” Eddie looks at the concrete. 

“Chris sure doesn’t,” Buck fires back.

“Right,” Eddie whispers. 

“We can figure out what to do and how to get our memories back later,” Buck says. He thinks he’s earned a small amount of executive decision making. 

Eddie nods. “Okay.”

As Eddie goes inside the restaurant to collect Chris, and Buck returns to the Jeep - which is miraculously no longer overheated - his main complaint is that he doesn’t have a single second to himself to really fall apart. 

[warmaidensrevenge]

Always seen you.

Pairing: Eddie x Insecure!Fem plus size reader

If you want to read my other work you can find it HERE

A/N: Ok lovelies. Sorry it took me so long to get these last two parts out. I've been working a lot. So the only time I can write is during my breaks. So a warning. This is a little sad. But with hopeful ending. I hope you guys like it. Thanks for reading. As always feedback is greatly appreciated. Kay love ya bye.

Warnings: 18+ language angst, fluff, body insecurities, slow burn, sexual situations, heartache and not proof read and no word count.

Summary: You finally got your guy. But something always gets in the way. Does true love conquer all?

Part 13

💔🎶

Two weeks after Eddie had met the producer he received the best news. He and the band were invited to tour. And not just that. But to also record.

They were to fly out to LA and start in a month. Which was perfect because the guys needed to get their affairs in order before heading out.

It was hard to believe that graduation was only 5 months away. Time seemed to be moving at a snails pace. Your time was filled with SAT prep courses. College applications and essays. Even traveling for clubs.

When Eddie told you about the plan, all you could think about was him dropping out of school. You guys actually had a very heated argument about it.

It was only a few days after Eddie told you, you decided to voice your concerns.

" Eddie. I just...you worked so hard. I hate to see you throw that all away."

You were sitting on his bed and he was on top of his dresser.

" I don't see why you just can't be happy for me y/n."

" I-I am."

" Then why are you trying to talk me out of it?!"

" Eddie I'm not. All I'm asking is for you to think about it...I get that this is an amazing opportunity. But it won't be the only one. You don't always have to jump on the first offer you get."

" This is our chance y/n. Please don't ask me to choose."

"I'm not asking for you to choose between becoming a rockstar and staying here. All I'm trying to say is that graduating is important. Getting a diploma is a good thing Eddie. You don't know what can hap-"

Eddie narrowed his eyes and cut you off. " So you really think I need a fall back? You know what." He shook his head and gripped the edge of the dresser until his knuckles were white. "It's really nice knowing you never believed in us."

You felt a prickle of tears coming. That's not what you were trying to say.

" Eds no. That's not it...you know I think you guys are amazing-"

" Are we really? Or were you just saying that because you have feelings for me?"

" Y-yes. You guys are very talented. And sure maybe my love for you influenced me a little. But I wouldn't say something I didn't mean."

Eddie scoffed. To be fair you did tell him they were good before you started dating. And you actually made a tape of them. Showing whoever you could when he still had it. But right now it felt like you wanted to hold him back. Didn't you know that he finally could be someone you could be proud of?

"So you're just being selfish?"

You looked at him and your heart sank. He looked so mad. And that was because you couldn't keep your mouth shut.

" W-what?"

" Yeah. So you get to go off and live your dreams. While I stay here being miserable and wait for you...or is it that you are just being clingy and don't want me to leave?"

Eddie knew he shouldn't have said that. He immediately regretted it as soon as it came out. You weren't like that at all. To be honest, he wasn't really mad at you. He loved the shit out of you. It was just he had gotten into it with his uncle about the same thing earlier that morning. He always thought Wayne supported his dream. But after the exchange of heated words, all he cared about was your support. Which now he felt like he didn't have.

You looked away. Was that really what he thought? Were you only saying this so he would stay? Were you being overbearing and way too attached?

Maybe

You stood up and went to him. "I love you Eddie. And all I want is what's best for you... I'm sorry."

You kissed his cheek and went home. Finally letting yourself cry along the way.

He felt like such a dick. He knew he fucked up. And though he wanted to chase you and apologized for being that way. He decided to take some space to calm down. To go over the conversation. He didn't want to come back together just to fight again.

You really didn't say anything bad. Just for him to consider his options. Which to be fair he really didn't think about. When he was talking to the producer he kinda got too excited and said yes immediately. Without even talking to his band mates about it.

Still he really wanted to do this. And so did the guys. So he had to. Not just for him. But for them...for you. So that you guys could have a good life together.

Eddie was already planning what he was gonna do as soon as he made enough money. He was going to buy you a house. Then get married. After traveling for a couple of years. You guys would finally settle down and start a family. Sure the plan could change. But as long as it was you and him he didn't care how it changed.

Just a little after you left he grabbed his acoustic guitar and sat on the bed. This was how he dealt with overwhelming feelings. Pouring his heart out in song.

Leaving Eddie's was hard. You wanted to stay and talk about the issue. But you didn't want to cry in front of him.

He had already seen you cry too many times. And you hated it. Also a part of you thought that he was being way too harsh on you. He was your boyfriend, but most importantly your friend. You should have been able to talk to him. To say how you felt and not fear how he would react to it.

You could understand that yes this was his dream. But walking the line was also one too. Why couldn't he do both? Why couldn't fame wait until after graduation?

Maybe you were being selfish. Maybe the thought of him running off scared you. What if he found someone better? Someone he had more in common with. Someone who could be there with him.

Yes you knew that eventually things were gonna change. But you didn't expect it to change this fast. You had barely had any time with him. And now he was already moving on.

When he leaves, would that be the end of the relationship? Or would it end sooner?

So many damn unanswered questions ran through your head. That all they did was make you cry even more.

You sat at your desk and started to draw. Not really having anything in mind. You just drew. Sometimes you did this when you were upset. And right now you were hurt.

Before bed you packed your overnight bag for tomorrow's debate competition in Columbus Ohio. You looked out your window and saw Eddie putting in his pajamas.

You caught his eye and he waved. You looked away and turned off the light.

Eddie was getting ready to go over and sleep with you like he did almost every night since you guys got together. But when you didn't wave back he figured you needed more time. He must have really hurt your feelings if you couldn't even look at him.

His instincts told him to just go over anyways. But he didn't.

...

In the morning Eddie woke up from the worst sleep in his life. He was up in the early morning hours thinking of a way to show you how truly sorry he was for saying those awful things to you.

When he finally did fall asleep, his alarm went off an hour later. The first thing he did when he got up was peered out the window into yours. You should have been up by now. But he didn't see you.

He got dressed and went over. He knocked and was greeted by your brother.

" Eddie. What's up?"

" Uhh came to drive y/n to school."

" Did you forget? She had that debate thing in Ohio."

Eddie palmed his forehead. " Fuck!"

Matthew chuckled. " Yeah you forgot. It's cool. You have a lot on your plate. "

" Shit I didn't even get to say bye."

" Dude she's coming home in two days. Don't freak out."

Eddie nodded. Now he had to sleep without you again. How could he forget you were leaving? And how the hell was he going to make it without you?

He turned and started for his van.

" Hey hold up. Y/n said to give this to you when I see you."

Eddie turned back to your brother who disappeared into the trailer and came back after a second. Handing him your sketch book.

He went to his van and looked through the book. You must have worked on it all night. The first couple of pictures were of D&D characters. He saw your version of what everyone's character looked like. Then as he kept going he saw the cartoon you watering flowers. And as soon as they were big enough, you picked them and gave them to the cartoon version of him. Saying you were sorry for making him upset.

Then his cartoon apologized for saying mean things to you.

Eddie smiled seeing the drawing of you two kissing. The last picture was him and Corroded Coffin on a stage performing. With a little you holding up your horns in the crowd.

...

Eddie had half the mind to drive to Ohio. But he didn't. So he went to school to try and convince someone to give him his diploma.

The whole competition was a blur. All you could think about was Eddie. It was so bad that you actually lost.

This was the first time that happened. You didn't even get a second place award.

Worried that Eddie was still upset you went straight home instead of going to see him.

The moment you came back Eddie was at band practice. He was having a hard time concentrating too. To the point where he decided to call it a day.

When he went home he saw your light on. He quickly ran over.

You were in the kitchen fixing supper when he walked in.

"Angel?'

You glanced at him and put on a fake smile. This was the longest you've guys been apart since you got together. The pain in your heart for not seeing him was terrible.

" Hi"

Eddie walked to the small kitchen and pulled you away from the stove. Embracing you.

The way he held you, made you feel so much better.

" Baby, I don't want to fight anymore. I'm sorry. I never meant to hurt you. And I'm really sorry for not coming over the other night."

"I'm sorry too Ed's."

He looked down at you. " You don't need to apologize for anything. I know you were just trying to talk. I was the dick for thinking you were doing something that you weren't. I don't want you to think that you have to hold back when it comes to saying how you feel. Especially when you talk to me."

You turned off the stove and took a few steps away from him.

" Eddie, I didn't mean to come off like I don't support you. Of course I do." You hung your head. " And...and if I'm being too needed. I'm sorry."

Eddie felt even worse. You weren't like that at all. If anything he was the super clingy one. He basically followed you around like a puppy. Hanging off every word you said. Touching you whenever he could.

He shook his head and went to you. Lifting your face so that he can look into his favorite pair of eyes.

" No. You're not needy or clingy or any of that. And I really didn't mean it. If anything I want you to be more. "

" I just don't want to be too much for you. I know I can be annoying sometimes."

" Never. You could never annoy me. I love you."

You wrapped your arms around him and buried your face into his chest.

" I missed you Eds."

He kissed the top of your head. " I missed you too baby."

After a bit he sat at the small table while you continued to cook.

" So did you win?"

You quickly glanced at him. " Umm no."

" Oh Angel I'm sorry. I know how hard you worked for it."

"It's okay... can't win them all I guess."

You fixed Eddie and yourself a plate and sat with him.

You weren't really hungry anymore so you just picked at your food. " When...when do you have to leave?"

Eddie grabbed your hand making you look at him.

" In about a month."

You nodded and your heart sank again. You looked back down at your plate.

So soon.

You faked a smile and Eddie knew it.

"Y/n. Look at me."

You fought back your tears and did.

" I want to spend every second with you."

You nodded.

"And before I go. I'm gonna need your help."

" With what?"

He tried to smile. But he wanted to cry.

" I need help with a schedule."

"A schedule?"

" Yeah. I want something to follow. I want us to make time for each other. I know that I'm gonna be busy and so will you. So we have to have a set time for us to call one another. And if for some reason we can't talk. Then we'll write."

You started to feel a little better knowing he still wanted to talk to you after he left.

"Umm so we're still going to do this?"

He tilted his head and furrowed his brow. " What do you mean?"

" Be together."

Eddie pulled his hand away. " Do-do you not want to be?"

" I do. I want to be with you."

" But?"

You shook your head and looked away again. " But, are you sure?"

" Sure about what?"

" That you want me. That you're willing to do the distance thing with me...I can understand if you don't....if you meet someone else."

" That's what you're worried about? That I'm gonna meet someone else."

You stood quiet.

" Y/n." He stood up and you moved to face him when he kneeled in front of you. " Don't you know that you're the one for me? This just started and I'm not ready to just let that go. And to tell you the truth. I'm never gonna want this to be over."

" I just don't want to hold you back."

" Baby, I'm doing this not just because it's my dream. I'm doing this for you...so I can give you the life you deserve."

" You want a life with me?"

" Yes! I want you."

You finally let the tears fall. " I want you too...always."

He wiped your tears away. " And you have me. Forever."

You sniffled. " Umm excuse me."

Eddie got up and watched you go to your room. He sat back down pulling his plate and chair closer to yours.

When you came back you had two brand new daily planners and two pens.

" Okay Munson. Let's do this."

Eddie smirked and kissed your cheek. " Ready baby."

...

Eddie didn't lie when he said he wanted to spend every second he could with you. He even kept going to school just to see you.

One day two weeks later you went home to get changed while Eddie got ready for band practice. The guys wanted your opinion on a new song they came up with.

There was an unfamiliar car parked in front of your trailer.

When you walked through the door there was someone sitting in the living room talking to your brother.

" Hey sis "

" Hey."

" Umm this is Mr. Davidson."

" Hello." You said walking to him and held out your hand.

Mr Davidson stood up and shook your hand.

" It's very nice to meet you Miss L/N. I am the Administrative Officer for MIT."

Oh shit!

" Oh. Hi. Um yes it's nice to meet you as well."

You all took a seat as Mr Davidson continued.

" Miss L/N. I was just telling your brother that MIT would like to invite you to visit our campus in two weeks. I saw that you submitted an application to the school for next fall."

" Y-Yes."

"Well normal we wait until February to send out our early action letters. But the school thought I should reach out earlier than that."

" Umm. Are you saying I've been accepted?"

Mr Davidson smiled. " Yes. You will still be getting a letter in the mail. I assume MIT wasn't the only college you applied for?"

" Yes sir. But MIT was my first option. It's my dream school."

" Good. That's very good to hear. So the reason the schools inviting you to visit is because we would like to see if MIT would be the right fit for you. We understand that there are many colleges that have similar programs and that are much closer to home. However, we would be honored to have you join the school the summer after graduation."

The summer?

You looked at your brother and he grinned at you. MIT was really the only school you actually wanted to go to.

" I umm. Wow. This is...wow. thank you."

" You're very welcome. But Miss L/N you don't have to make the decision now. We encourage all our applicants to visit other schools to make sure they are making the best choice for their higher education."

You nodded.

Mr Davidson pulled open his brief case. " I have here some information for the week of the visit if you choose to participate." He handed you a piece of paper. " The week will be filled with activities and introductions of courses. You will see the dormitories and mess hall. You will also get information about the local area if you choose to explore that as well."

" That sounds fantastic."

" Mr Davidson, I have a question about tuition."

He looked at your brother. " Yes of course. It is with great pleasure that I can offer Miss L/N a full ride."

Your mouth dropped open. Not only did you get an early acceptance but a full ride. And to MIT.

This can't be happening.

You and your brother were speechless.

" I-i-i."

Mr Davidson laughed. " I know. It's a lot. But like I said. MIT wants you to consider it while you make your decision. You are incredibly bright. I can see by your grades and extra curricular activities that you will go far. You stood out amongst other applicants with all your work and progress you've made throughout your academic career. And with the schools help, we can narrow down what exactly you will be majoring in. Then you can have your choice in the abundance of jobs that will be offered to you once you graduate

All you could do was nod. You wanted to accept the offer right then and there. But you really had to go over your options. There was now someone who made things a little more challenging. And he was leaving.

As you said your goodbyes. You and your brother just stood there for a second. Then you jumped into his arms.

" OH MY GOD!!! MIT!"

" See kiddo. I knew you could do it." Matthew said while spinning you around in his arms.

With tears in your eyes. You pulled away and palmed your forehead.

" We have to celebrate! Let me call Bethany and you go get Eddie."

You watched your brother jog to the kitchen phone and dial. Your smile faded into a frown.

Eddie...

...

When Eddie got home he was so happy. He had your support and after a lot of convincing he had his uncle's too.

When he was getting his guitar he didn't know how he could make it through practice without touching you. Without kissing you. Especially after you heard the song he wrote just for you.

When he went to his van a smile found him. He watched you walk over from your place. There was something different. You seemed happy but your eyes told a different story.

When you came to him you hugged him... hard.

" What's going on Angel?"

You pulled away and grabbed his hand. Leading him to the steps to sit down.

You sat there with his arm around your waist.

" I just had a visitor."

He tried to meet your eyes. But you didn't look at him.

" Who?"

" The uhh administrative officer from MIT."

" Really?"

You nodded. " He offered me a full ride."

"WHAT?! OH FUCK! BABY!"

He jumped up and pulled you into his arms. When you hesitated to hug him back he leaned away to look at you.

" Why aren't you as happy as I am?"

" I am. Really."

" But?"

" I...I got invited to visit the school."

" Uhh okay. That doesn't explain why you're not jumping up and down right now."

You tried to hold back your tears.

" Eddie, the weekend I'm supposed to go and visit...is the weekend you're leaving."

His heart sank. " O-oh. So you won't be here when..."

You shook your head.

Eddie let you go and backed away. All he wanted to say was not to go. He wanted to beg you to stay so that he could be with you until the moment he had to get on the plane. But he couldn't. He shouldn't. You didn't beg him to stay with you. So he couldn't ask you to do that.

" I don't-"

Eddie cut you off. " You should go."

" No. I have to be here."

He came back to you and held your hands. " Where is the school again?"

" Massachusetts."

Eddie brought your hands up and kissed them. " Maybe I can leave from there. I can try to change my ticket."

" You would do that for me?"

" I would do anything for you."

Now you couldn't go. He had to know that you would do the same for him.

" I'm staying."

" No Angel."

" Yes Munson. The school will still look the same after you leave."

" No I'll go with you. Besides. I want to see if the place is good enough for my girl."

" What about the guys?"

" I'll meet them in LA."

" Eddie-"

"Baby. I'm going with you. And that's final."

You sighed. No point in arguing about this.

" Okay."

He smiled. " Okay. So no practice tonight. We are celebrating. I'm going to tell the guys."

" Umm if you want, invite them join us."

" Yeah. I'll have one of them bring a cake or something."

Eddie smirked and hugged you lifting you up a little.

When he let you go he shouted.

" DO YOU HEAR THAT HAWKINS? MY GIRL GOT INTO MIT! "

...

You guys actually drove to MIT. The fourteen hour drive was awesome. You all switched off when someone got tired. And when you guys finally got to the hotel, you passed out.

Eddie didn't bring it up or even try. Which was also nerve wrecking. He spent most of the time either on the phone or just holding you. He seemed to be getting sadder with each passing day.

This was a first. Sharing in a hotel room with Eddie. You were nervous because this was the last few nights together. You weren't sure if you should let Eddie leave without you two having sex. Not that you didn't want to. It's just you didn't want it to be forced. And every day that got closer to him leaving felt like you had to.

Every time he looked at you now all he wanted to do was cry. He knew leaving you was gonna be hard. He just didn't expect for it to be this hard.

For the past two nights he had been silently crying. Wishing for you to just come with him. Sure he still had his friends and he had the schedule for when you guys could talk. But he knew the moment he left he would leave a piece of himself behind.

He didn't want to ruin this moment for you though. The way your face lit up when you explored the school. How absolutely excited you were to go there. He hated it. Well not really. He just didn't like the fact you guys were gonna be so far apart. But he swore to himself he wasn't going to regret this. He swore to support you just as much as you've supported him.

As the final day crept closer you felt the reality of what was happening finally setting in. You tried to make the best of the situation. However, two nights before he had to go he got a call from Gareth saying he had to leave the next morning. Something about picking the wrong day to fly out.

Eddie hung up the phone and went to find his ticket. And sure enough it said he was supposed to leave in the morning. He sat on the bed waiting for you to come back with more towels. Cursing at himself.

When you got back he immediately got up and hugged you.

" What's wrong Eds?"

He pulled you to the bed and sighed.

"I have to leave in the morning."

Your initial reaction was silence. But then you started to stutter.

" Wh-what? N-no. We-we have two-two more d-days."

" I screwed up Angel. I guess I asked for the wrong day."

" You what? Eddie I told you what day."

" I know. I'm sorry."

You got up and shook your head. You were supposed to have two more days with him.

" I.. fuck!"

" Baby, come sit down."

" No! I..."

He got up and tried to hold you but you moved away from him.

" Y/n don't-'

" No Eddie. You're leaving tomorrow."

" I'm sorry."

" Stop! Stop being sorry."

Eddie stood quiet watching you pace the room.

" I had this whole thing planned Eddie."

" I-I know."

You looked at him seeing the tears in his eyes. There was a comet that was supposed to pass tomorrow night. You had planned on taking him out to dinner and watch it after.

Then once you guys got back you were gonna ask him to make love to you. But now all that was ruined.

It was already difficult as it was. You weren't ready to say goodbye. Now you were forced to do it early.

" I'm not ready." You said, wiping away your tears.

You finally let Eddie hold you.

" I know baby. I'm not ready either."

After a little while you helped him pack. Crying every little bit.

Once everything was ready to go, you guys got ready for bed. You pulled him into your arms and held him.

Eddie hugged your torso and started to sing.

🎵

So caught up in you, little girl

And I never did suspect a thing

So caught up in you, little girl

That I never want to get myself free

And baby it's true

You're the oneWho caught me baby you taught me

How good it could be

🎵

As he continued to sing tears fell down the side of your face.

Eddie could feel your body tense slightly under him. He looked up to you.

" Baby please don't cry. I'll be back as soon as I can."

" I know. I'm just happy. Happy that you came, happy that you chose me to spend your last night with, happy that you still want this. Even when you don't have to. I'm happy because you make me feel so loved."

You met his gaze.

" Make love to me Eddie."

" Are...are you sure? I don't want you to feel like you have to just because I'm leaving."

You sat up. " I want to...I want you. All of you."

" Okay Angel...okay." he whispered kissing you.

He slowly undressed you as you helped him out of his clothes.

As the kiss deepened you straddled him wrapping your fingers in his curls.

"Do you have a condom?" You asked just above a whisper.

He nodded. You rolled off and he reached over for his wallet.

You watched as he pulled out a foiled square. Before he put it on he leaned on his elbow and caressed your cheek.

" Y/n. Seriously we don't have to do this."

" Do you not want to?"

" I do. I just-"

" Eddie. I love you. And I'm ready now."

He leaned in and kissed you.

Once the condom was on he got on top of you and pressed himself between your legs.

You closed your eyes and tried to calm your nerves.

" Are you nervous?"

You opened your eyes and peered deep into his. The second your eyes met. You weren't so nervous anymore. He looked at you with so much love. That all you could do was smile.

" Not anymore."

He grinned. " I am."

You moved his bangs. " Why?"

He looked away.

" Eds look at me."

He did.

" If you don't want to-"

" I do. I'm just worried that I'll hurt you."

" Do you want me to get on top?"

" Y-yeah."

He slid off and helped you straddle him again. You bent over to kiss him and lifted your bottom so he could align himself with your entrance.

You had both hands on the either side of his face then moved one to put on his chest.

As you took him in you, you pulled away from his lips and met his forehead with yours.

Eddie's hands held onto your thighs while you slowly sank down on him. Fingers digging in harder with every inch that disappeared in you. Your incredible warmth surrounded him. Gripping him like a vice. Your soft gasps turned him on even more.

Feeling the stretch he was giving you was amazing. You could feel yourself practically dripping for him.

You kept going until he was completely in. The second he was, you gasped so loud that Eddie thought you were hurt.

He quickly cupped your face. " Baby let's stop."

You moved back a little " What? Why?"

" I hurt you."

" N-no Eds...well yes. But it felt...I don't know. Good...I never felt that before."

"The spot where my tip is touching?"

You nodded.

" Oh baby. I'm sorry. I should have been on top and eased that for you."

You gave him a sweet smile. " it's fine Eds. I'm fine. I just wasn't expecting it."

"Are you sure you don't want to stop?"

" No Eddie. I want to keep going."

" Okay... Let's just go slow."

You bit your lip and pulled yourself to sit up. You hurried and pressed your lips together to stop another loud gasp.

The pain was well.. painful. But you didn't know why you wanted more.

You swiveled your hips back the forwards painfully slow. And when the spot got hit again you threw your head back and moaned.

When Eddie saw that he sat up and held you still. He moved his hips so that he could thrust up into you. Being as careful as he could.

Your arms wrapped around his shoulders. Moans and grunts filled the room. Them becoming more frequent the faster Eddie went.

"Ed-Eddie. I'm close"

"Shit. Me too."

" Can...can I move my hips?"

Eddie's hands let up a little. " Yeah Baby....fuck...yeah."

Eddie stopped moving and let you rock your hips. He could feel your body shake every time you got him to hit that sweet spot. And with every bitter sweet hit he also felt your walls pulsate like crazy. Drawing him closer and closer to his release. Then your rocking became short and fast .

" I'm cu-cumming." You warned

" Jesus H!!" Was all he could say before he came too.

Your hips slowed until you felt Eddie twitch.

You guys held each other until you caught your breaths.

You laid down so tired. Eddie pulled you into his arms after he took off the condom.

" Are you okay Angel?"

" Mmhmm. Are you?"

" So good baby. So good."

"Promise?"

Eddie laughed a bit. " Pinky promise."

He held out his pinky and you hooked it with yours.

" I love you so much Eddie."

" Promise?"

You giggled a little. "Pinky promise."

You held out your pinky this time.

" I love you too y/n."

As you laid there you got sad again. And so did Eddie.

You started outlining his tattoos with your finger tips. While Eddie rubbed your back.

You both knew you were worried about one another. But instead of ruining this moment with tears you both continue to say I love yous and kissed until you both fell asleep.

...

Eddie woke up at the ass crack of dawn. When he opened his eyes you were spooning him.

He grinned to himself and slowly got up so he wouldn't wake you. He tipped toed around putting on his clothes. He went to the bathroom to brush his teeth and hair. He looked down into your toiletry bag and saw your favorite light blue green scrunchie. He plucked it out and put his hair in a low bun.

He went back out into the room and saw that you moved. You were laying down on your stomach with your leg doing a figure four under the bed sheet.

He smiled again and went to squat next to the bed.

He moved your hair out of your face and over your shoulder. Your beauty took his breath away and made his stomach do flips. His eyes fell to his ring as his hand resting on your back. He pulled it off and slid it on your finger. After he stood up and gently kissed your forehead. Hovering for a second.

" I'm yours baby... evermore."

Before he went out the door he placed a note and his keys on the pillow.

He took one last look at you. " I'll be back soon...I promise."

...

@chloe-6123 @irishhappiness @idkidknemore @hiscrimsonangel @hellv1ra @browneyes528 @b-irock @erinsingalong @salenorona23 @eddie-is-a-god @screaming-blue-bagel

[neptoons1998]

Nannying a CEO

A/N: Okay as promised a new multi-chapter fic! Tell me if y'all me to finish this one.

Chapter 1/4 - New begins

Tag gang: @pantherheart @mal-urameshi @somethingcleaverandwhitty @xblackreader @karimwillia

Summary: Shuri is dealing with a lot between the late passing of her dear brother and sister in law Nakia; as well as the recent passing of her mother. The new CEO is holding on by a thread, can a new nanny for Toussaint change that for her?

Shuri is over her head, she knew her therapist was right about her not truly coping with all the loss she delt in the pass three years but she was needed from the average workers in her company to her sweet boy Toussaint. 

Shuri  devastated when her brother and sister-in-law passed away. She was now the sole guardian of her young nephew, Toussaint. She was determined to be the best motherly figure auntie she could be for the little boy, but it was hard. Shuri closed her ipad shut looking at the stock number,  they aren’t going to magically changed itself she thought as she looked up at the ceiling in her townhouse. Her neck snapped back up when she heard a noise there was  her small nephew in pjs, “Aren’t you supposed to be in bed?” 

 she gave a small smile as she patted down on the couch, Toussaint quickly tumbled to sit nearby his auntie. 

“Why are you up at this hour? Please don’t me, you’re getting my sleeping habits,” Shuri asked as the boy curled around her. The small boy didn’t responded, Shuri held her frustration to herself afterall she wasn’t mad that Toussaint isn’t speaking. She remember what the therapist said that he had selective mutism. They just have to wait it out but for how long? Did she cause him so much trama that he would rather not talk anymore? Shuri thought as she rocked the small boy. 

“All I’m saying is that you should hire someone,” Aneka said to Shuri. The pair just finished the second meeting of the day. Shuri gave a tired sigh, “That’s the one thing I don’t want to do. I want to be there for all Tousiannt’s days good ones and the bad ones. T-that’s what T’Challa and Nakia would have wanted it.”

Aneka looked at her, “I’m saying  you use a nanny for everything but when you have big projects and you’re going to be home late. Tousiannt deserve someone who going to be there for him yes but also someone who interacting with his world as well.” 

Aneka patted on Shuri on the shoulder before she left to her office, “And you can’t do that if you’re dead on your feet, can you?”

Shuri prused her lips, she’ll have assistant help her to find a nanny. 

We appreciate the time and effort it took to pass on your details and your desire to join our team. We received a great deal of interest for this role and a large number of applications.

As a result, we regret to inform you that your application has not been successful at this stage and you will not continue to the next stage in the selection process.

“Agh are you kidding me?” Riri exclaimed as she looked on a cracked screen phone. She sat on her bed as she stratched her head in frustration. 

This wasn’t supposed to happen, Riri thought as growled in frustration. She was a graduate of MIT, she should have her job in engineering by now. Everytime she applied she was quickly denied. MJ poked her head in Riri’s room. The roommate came in her room as she place a hot cup of coffee in Riri’s hand, “Denied again?”

Riri nodded as she took a big gulp of the caffine, “Yeah. I want to give up.I hate captilism so much, y’know animals don’t have jobs all they do is reproduce and eat.”

MJ pushed the small woman’s shoulders. She knew she need to stop Riri from spirling but she could help but agree with her at times, “Don’t. You need to think more positively.”

Riri glared at her roommate,”Yeah, like how?”

“Well,” MJ said as she stretched herself out on her roommate’s bed, “You’re young like super young. You graduate MIT at 21, so yeah some companies don’t think you’re ready. How about you try a job that you need would’ve picked out.”

Riri took another sip of her coffee, “I always - you promise you won’t laugh.”

MJ crossed her heart, “I promise.”

“I always wanted to try watch over some kids, like a cool scientist teacher that all the kids would love,” Riri said as she thought about one of her favorite teacher fondly. 

“Then apply for something like that,” MJ  stated to her friend. Riri thought about worse case she was be denied from another job, best case, she gets a job. 

“You're right,” Riri said as she downs the rest of her coffee.

[lovemesomesurveys]

Have you ever been hurt by a narcissist? Yes. I found out I had been used and played by him the whole time. He used his charm and complete BS to get me interested even though he wasn’t that interested in me. He figured I’d be easy to manipulate and I’d be there for his convenience until he decided he was done. Despite me expressing how I felt, including the hurt, which took a shit ton for me to do, it was clear he didn’t really care. He didn’t get it. He didn’t understand what the big deal was. All he thought about was himself and didn’t consider who he was hurting in the process. 

What does forgiveness mean to you? This reminds me of that movie, “Just Friends”, where Anna Farris’ character is a singer and has a song that goes, “forgiveness is more than saying sorry”, and yeah I agree. But as far as me doing the act of forgiving, I tend to forgive and give out many chances. I never forget, though.  

Have you forgiven everyone who's wronged you? No.

What's your favorite thing to do at sunrise? I’m generally asleep. 

How are you celebrating Earth Day this year? I don’t do anything on Earth Day.

What is God teaching you right now? I know He’s been using these past several years, especially this past year, to teach me a lot. I have many things to work on and things I needed my eyes open to. I think He’s also been building our relationship. I admittedly have been distant and fallen off track, but I really want to get back. 

What does Notre Dame Cathedral mean to you, and how has its fire affected you? I don’t have a connection to it. 

Are you prophetic? No.

What is something you miss from your past? So many things. My childhood, especially. 

Are you beating yourself up about a stupid decision you made? Oh hunny, only all the time.  

What's the last dumb decision you made that you beat yourself up over? Ugh, but there’s so many. Definitely the stupid decisions I made and the decisions I never made at all and just ignored instead. 

What's your favorite version of the Bible to read? If applicable, do you underline verses in your Bible? The NIV.

When was the last time you went to church? I haven’t physically been to one since 2016. I had been attending the livestreams, thought, for awhile. I slacked off this past year and I’m actually really upset about it it’s something I need to change soon.

Do you surrender to Christ every morning? I need to start my mornings talking to Jesus. 

What's the last song you listened to on repeat? The new Barbie song with Nicki Minaj. 

Have you ever smoked weed, and if yes, did you like it? Yeah and yes. I stopped doing any of that stuff back In 2013 and only got back into it a few months ago. I wanted to try it and see if it’d help the health related issues I have, especially anxiety. I will say my method of choice is the tablets. 

Do you have any big regrets in your past? I have many big regrets. 

If you've ever talked to a counselor, did it help? Mehhh, a little but honestly not much. I really didn’t feel I gained much from it. Granted, that was my first counselor and I know it can take multiple times to find the right fit for you. Perhaps I should look again. Does your town's hospital have a good reputation? Yeah.

What is your hometown known for? Nothing good. My city is shit.

What is your hometown's symbol? --

Who do you miss from your past? I miss several people from my past.

Are you longing for and missing a toxic person? Not anymore.

What's your greatest longing? Ugh, to get better and be able to get out of this damn bed and actually go somewhere. I need a vacationnnnn.

Have you ever read a Bible verse and thought, "this isn't true"? If so, what do you do when that happens? No.

What are you behind on? Life.

Is there someone who's stolen from you and never got caught? I don’t think so.

Do you wish you could talk about spiritual things with someone? No.

When was the last time you had a deep conversation with someone? My mom and I have a lot of those.

How long has it been since you weren't lonely? I’m not physically lonely too much, it’s more so emotionally I guess. Just being stuck in my own damn head all the time.

Have you been lonely for most of your life? I’ve definitely felt that way.

What color is your sleeping bag? I don’t have a sleeping bag.

When was the last time you used a sleeping bag, and what for? I used one we used to have one winter when it was shockingly super duper cold. It was wild and I loved it.

Do you prefer to sleep under the stars or in a tent? I prefer to sleep inside on my bed.

Do you live near the woods? No.

What do you want to be for Halloween this year? List 1-3 ideas. I don’t dress up for Halloween anymore. I stopped doing that years ago.

List five things people have been jealous of you for. Uh, nothing???

List five things you have felt jealous of other people for. I mean, I feel envy for those who appear to be happy and in decent health and are able to take fun trips all the time and have a fun social life. I don’t have any of that and yeah, it’d definitely be nice. 

Do you start to feel jealous of someone after they've hurt you? I don’t think so.

Does your astrological sign match up to your personality? No. I’m so opposite of a Leo.

Which bugs do you hate the most? ALL BUGS.

What is your favorite shade of brown? Coffee brown.

Do people tell you you look sick when you wear a certain color? If yes, what color? No, just based on my overall appearance in general. 

Do you find yourself exhausted much of the time? All of the time.

Do you find that people call you lazy, even though you're always exhausted? I call myself lazy even though I know I have things getting in the way and making it much harder to do things and I don’t have the energy or motivation to do them.

What color is your toilet seat? White

Would you rather live in an apartment or a house? A house.

What's one thing you had growing up that you miss now? I miss being a kid and just playing Barbies for hours and hours, no cares in the world. 

List three ways in which you are a hippie. I’m not.

Do you prefer kale, lettuce, or spinach? Spinach.

[lettersforthe7thcircle]

Week 1

Good morning, listeners! You are listening to 104.3 FM's Five Minute Hotseat, the only radio show bringing you the latest scoop on all things up-and-coming in the Dublin rock and metal scenes. I'm your host, Roland Terry, here today with the lead singer and keyboardist of The Irish Lads, Daniel Condren.

R: How ya doing today, Dan?

D: I-Im doing pretty good, Roland. A little nervous but happy to be here.

R: I must say, and I mean no offense here, your appearance today came as quite a shock. You certainly don't look like the kind of lad that would enjoy metal at all!

D: [laughs] Yeah, I get that a lot. I work at an office during the week, so I tend to keep the wardrobe and such pretty mellow. I kinda like it, though. Subverting expectations and all.

R: Well, Daniel, I think you and your band would have managed to surpass any and all expectations even without the suit. I had a look at that video from your performance the other day and was absolutely blown away! An absolutely outstanding cover of Fiddler's Green's "Victor and His Demons" with quite the impressive vocal work and keyboard improvisation.

D: O-oh, thank you so much! We really didn't expect that video to blow up as much as it did. It was just some silly recording Spi- I mean, our manager - took to boost popularity.

R: Smart man. I would say that his plan most certainly worked! Were you nervous about him posting a video of your singing on the internet?

D: Honesty, I didn't even know about it until after it had well over ten thousand views! Then I was super nervous to hear about what folks thought about it. Just sat there refreshing the page for a good few hours. I think a lot of people enjoyed it, though, which was quite the relief.

R: I could only imagine. Now, I have to ask: only you and your guitarist? That's quite the bold move to form a band with no drummer. Is there any particular reason for this?

D: We, uh. It's less of 'having a reason to not have a drummer' and more of a 'we haven't been able to find one'?

R: Is that a callout for drummers I hear?

D: Oh! Um, n-no. We-. I-.

R: That's quite alright, Dan. You hear that, Dublin? Send your applications his way if you're feeling lucky. Who knows, maybe one morning you'll be on the show!

R: Well, listeners, our time is almost up. Go check out the video of The Irish Lads' latest performance up on our web page; that's 104.3FMFiveMinuteHotSeat.com. Trust me, you won't regret it. Thank you so much, Daniel, for joining us today.

R: Heard of a new local band that you'd like to promote? Shoot us a message over at 104.3FMFiveMinuteHotSeat.com. Coming up next, we have the latest hit single all the way from America. It's the Banana Bus Squad, "Façade"!

---

Got any questions? Comments? Concerns? Send us your feedback here!

Thank you so much for having Daniel on the show this week. It's nice to see him getting the big break he deserves! I've known him for over a year now, and while I knew he was making music, I could have sworn that they just performed pop covers. And that Dan only played the keyboard! I'm so happy to see them branching out in their creativity :)

Much love,

-A

[she-ra-ra-skirt]

Ok story time. I'll warn you now that I talk in general terms about abusive relationships and how they affected me, again in general terms. You can read this paragraph because I will end it by saying I am safe, happy and thriving and I hope the same for you.

So I met my ex when I was young and in a shitty situation at home, and I needed to get out, so I jumped at the chance to get together with him.

He was 5 years older than me and seemed so charming and sophisticated and everything I needed in a man, calm, kind and generous but it was all bullshit. Slowly, over time, well, after we had got married and he'd trapped me, it deteriorated into a coercive, controlling relationship. I wouldn't even call it a relationship, just a situation I was in.

After many, many years, I got a new job with good pay and met some amazing, lovely supportive people and knew I had to leave to save myself. It was also the year that a Act came into law in the UK that recognised coercive control and a woman successfully got her husband charged with it, so I knew it would be taken seriously as it's so hard to get proof of being controlled.

Anyway, I left with just the clothes I stood up in, and yes, that is an expression you read in books but you don't know what it's like until you literally only have the clothes on your back. Anyway, I moved to somewhere safe and even with my crushingly low confidence and self esteem, I hung onto my job as I needed something consistent in my life and to see the people I was friends with.

Covid hit and with it lockdowns that, well, really messed with my head but at least I lived safely on my own and I got through it.

Whilst at work, I wanted something easy to do so I begged for some easy work even though I usually got complicated stuff, due to being experienced. I have to say, as soon as I got it, I regretted it, as it was actually quite boring! Yeah, you can't win with me, so I kept my mouth shut and did the best I could with it.

There was a consultant who had put in the application that I was working and I was on sick leave when he rang and I answered the phone, not telling him I was off sick as I really liked his voice. Well, we talked for 2 hours and I was enraptured.

It turns out he was too, so we phoned and text a lot during lockdown and really got to know each other. Geographically we live miles apart from each other but we were both single and got on so very well, that we quickly became friends. And then he asked me out and I said yes!

I told him all about what happened to me and he was super supportive and it was exactly what I needed and I slowly but surely fell in love with him.

Now I'm Generation X, but I do believe people can get to really know each other through technology and that what we have is a 'proper' relationship unlike my Boomer parents. So for years, we've been backwards and forwards and really getting to know each other. He had to sell his house that he owned with his ex before he'd move things forward with me, so it's ben years and I adore that man so much, I could get very mushy about him right now, but won't.

He sold his house at the start of this year but I've been finishing off my therapies for the abusive relationship, so we haven't physically met yet but we want to. Well, last month he invited me to visit him and stay with him in a fancy hotel whilst he's away with work. So it's somewhere neutral and that he thinks will impress me, which I'm really not bothered about, but he is. I'm soooo excited.

The thing is, that it's at the end of next month and I'm getting really nervous about it. I have put safety measure in place so I can just look forward to meeting him, but still, my nerves are building.

I know we'll get on in person exactly as we do online so that's not a worry but it feels like things will suddenly move forward for us.

I do believe in marriage, despite my last one being shitty and it's important to me to have his last name, as I changed all my names, first, middle and last so my ex husband can't find me. It's therefore important to me to change my name to the same as his to show that we're a family and I want to share my whole life with him. I know he wants me to take his name so that we are more...I don't know, a couple together. He thinks names aren't that important and you should 'wear your name lightly' as Terry Pratchett said, but to me it's the opposite. I chose my name and it means the world to me, and I really want to take his so that I feel like I've really connected my life to his and I'm proud to tell everyone that I'm his wife.

So yeah, I also really like sparkly rings so I'm hoping for a lab grown diamond ring and a romantic proposal, although I won't get my hopes up. although it is too late if I'm honest, ha, as I've said I'll move into somewhere rented with him whilst we decide where to live permanently. Rented isn't such a big commitment as I could move out if things went wrong, even though I know they won't.

So after the worst period of my life, where I met this amazing man who helped me through it and asked for nothing in return, I'm about to get my romantic fiction book ending. Where we get married and live together and have a soft, gentle home where everyone is welcome and where I'll have a little sign saying 'leave your armour at the door' as it won't ever be needed in my house.

I'm so excited for my future and I've been planning my wedding on Pinterest. Although my friend pointed out I've been planning it for a long as she's known me and I was still married to my ex husband at the time heh heh.

I wanted to say this out loud, well in writing anyway, as it makes it real and I can feel how happy and relaxed I feel about being with him, which means it's the right thing for me.

[mankatzu]

Ok full post because some f@g dared me to answer every question

here we go. all 50 oc questions about shino. From this post

Do they have any crafting hobbies? - Not really, but Shino does take up watercolor painting post-canon, so that's crafty.

Do they wear perfume/cologne? If so what scents do they prefer?- I don't actually know how common straight up perfume was in this era of japan but I'm positive shino has like, 5 perfume oils on rotation. I actually just found out people would leave their clothes over incense burners to catch the scent so she definitely did that. Shino's "scent" in particular however is pomegranates, it's a part of her skin routine to dry them, turn them into powder and rub them with water over her skin to make it smooth.

Do they enjoy cooking? - Yes more or less, but she is NOT good at it. Like she will poison you if you let her make you bento. like just raw onions in there.

Do they enjoy baking? - Not really applicable since most japanese sweets to my knowledge don't involve stereotypical ovens like most of us in the west do. She enjoys baked food/deserts but just doesn't make it much.

Do they have any tattoos? If so what are they and do they have any special meaning? - She has no tattoos.

If they were badly injured, and for whatever reason couldn't go to a hospital, who would they go to for help? - Her mother and sisters, her teahouse is her safehaven.

Do they have any unusual fears? - Shino is afraid of the dark because . It's not like she can never be in darkness she has to sleep after all but she REALLY doesn't like being alone in the dark. Her kitty zakuro helps with that.

Do they collect anything? If so what and why? - if collecting clothes count, than yes. But nothing significant. She definitely collects gifts from her patrons.

When they're sick what do they do to feel better? - Resting, eating warm food and taking lots of baths.

Do they have any regrets? - Yes. I can't say what because of spoilers but lets just say she wishes she never became an actress.

Do they have any addictions? - Shino definitely becomes how you say, addicted to cigarettes post canon as she originally only smoked a pipe but yknow. its in like the cool and sexy way.

Do they have any sense of style? Regardless of the answer do they believe they have a sense of style? - Absolutely, I mean it's tough because fashion back then wasn't as diverse as it is now but shino is like. absolutely the person to match her kimono colors to the season and find the perfect coordinate each time.

Do they enjoy poetry? - She doesn't write it, but she has a moderate appreciation I'd say.

Do they have a hard time opening up to people? - Yeah, Shino has a hard time shifting out of "customer service" mode when she gets to know people. She usually does it to not ruin her perfect image but if you're around her enough (okita-kun) she'll relax around you.

What kind of sense of humor do they have? Or do they have one at all? - Absolutely, Shino is so fun and has a good-spirit about most things, she's just not like yknow. kevin hart at the apollo with her humor.

Do they have or want kids? - Shino would LOOOVE to have kids. it's just hard with the whole yknow amab gay thing.

How easily would they be convinced to do something that goes against their morals?- It would be hard. Shino may be someone living on the edge of the law technically but if she really disagrees with something morally I don't think she'd do it. MAYBE if it was like "you have to do this to save x person" kind of thing. i.e. trolly problem.

How easy is it to become their enemy? - hard, Shino isn't the type to really hold grudges, like she definitely might not like you but she'll dislike you in a mean girls way not "you're my ENEMY" way. like oh that bitch. that sort of thing

How easy is it to become their friend? - pretty easy, but only if you're becoming like a friendly acquaintance/work friend. Yknow the kind of person you see around often and strike up a conversation with but you wouldn't know their birthday. To become her true friend takes a lot more committed time.

Do they have a strong connection to their culture? - Yes and no? Like I think culturally she's very japanese and loves her own culture but I don't think she feels particularly attached to the concept of being japanese. like she's just vibing. I think like most in this time period until commodore perry and his goons knocked down their door the idea of like. Oh there are others completely different from me? didn't really cross her mind. Exposure to foreign influence in the way of their neighborhood doctor, "Shigu-sensei" (sigfried) has helped, though.

What is more important to them, friends or family? - Easily family. It's a found family but its found family nonetheless.

Would they ever betray someone for money? - Depends on the person and depends on the money and depends on the depth of betrayal... I think generally she probably wouldn't but depending on the amount she'd be very tempted. And if she went through with it she'd feel really bad about it.

How would they want to die? - Soundly in her sleep without any pain. or preferably in the arms of a loved one.

Do they have any enemies? - Nah. maybe someone who thinks she's the enemy but otherwise no.

Do they have a daily/nightly routine? - Yes! Every morning she wakes up early and eats breakfast with her family, and feeds Zakuro. Then she does their family's assigned chores and spends the early afternoon just chilling, might have a nap if she's feeling sleepy. Around I'd say like five or so she gets ready for customers and spends until 11pm or so serving. Then around 12-2 am she helps clean up, has a bath, and then turns in for bed. I'd say like once a week she has to do her little pomegranate ritual to keep herself clean.

stay tuned for part 2 ✌️ I had to split it because of block limit.

[humansun]

SUCCESSFUL BRAIN DRAIN!

Written Friday, August 11th, 2023 at 4:23AM

Good morning! Hello brain drain. I have plenty to write about today.

A few thoughts are:

Tanya + another aunt’s birthday is coming up, sweet!

There’s a million things running through my mind this morning

How do humans handle having so much stimuli in their life and head?

I was just thinking of something but it left me

Oh yeah sleeping an adequate amount of time every night actually affects my day and mood completely

Getting out of bullet points for a second to retrieve myself. I had an ample amount of sleep last night and I feel for the most part, very recovered from an exhausting day yesterday. Working out on less than 6 hours of sleep does not work for me and I have to accept that if I sleep late, I won’t be working out at 5am, because I won’t even put in my best for the workout. Plus, I’m lucky enough to have Fuzzy’s place as a backup gym!

Some thoughts that came into my mind this morning and crystallized in my mind was whether I genuinely like the person my partner is. The answer after all that thinking is yes, because he is a kind, integrity-based, and considerate human being, that cares about me and the people around him. 

As for the other traits that I’m not the hugest fan about - him sometimes being on his phone for long periods of time, his downtime is watching TV, his mealtimes are watching TV, he doesn’t really enjoy going to museums as much as I do, and he’s a super duper homebody. There are pros and cons to all of these traits like I get to be the person who travels while he holds down the house or something, but at the same time it would be nice to be with someone who’s on the same page about deep convos, living life relentlessly, etc.

However, I also recognize that he’s a Ravenclaw, and for that I am grateful. There are many traits he has that I don’t have, and the love he gives me is beyond what I could ever ask any human being for. I am hoping we grow together and build a world that makes us both happy and excited to continue to live and be great humans!

These mosquito bites and/or eczema are killing me! I don’t have enough self-control to not scratch. Anyways, that’s a little bit of what I was thinking about lately. Oh! I had LinkedIn Learning for the past month and didn’t use it except for 1 ⅓ of courses and now I am regretting my time not using it, since there was a lot of free information in there that would cost me $20 a month.

I guess it’s not the end of the world to pay $20 for usable knowledge, but it’s okay because I can potentially finesse to get that education somewhere else! I also am so proud that I’m now spreading my awareness of high-yields savings accounts with my friends and family. Let’s go! Let’s grow our moneys!

I’m really grateful I get to spend time with people that I love whether in the household, in my workplace, in my daily life, etc. I’m determined to continue to find ways to make my life sustainable because I deserve to live a colorful life, I do.

Jesus, there were a million and one things I was thinking about but now they all fled my mind. I guess another thing is my creative practice at this moment. It looks like its off as I’m applying to some programs that require written application materials, so I’m only exerting my energy towards that direction adn not necessarily towards storytelling or character building. I’m not going to lie, my life does feel a bit empty not practicing those things and I want to figure out how I can do it a little bit everyday.

Living a logistics filled life honestly feels boring, and I never thought I’d say this after years of doing logistics work in all of my event management jobs. I’m proud to have come this far and I wouldn’t be sure I’d think these thoughts had I not quit my normal 9-5 and questioned my life a little harder. I know I took a leap and it comes with its own challenges, but learning how to invest in myself time and energy wise is something I wouldn’t take back for the world.

At this time, perhaps I’m not the most financially free person in the world, but I’m also deeply aware that I want to live a normal person life and do normal people things like take vacations throughout the year and have trips to look forward to. I’ve never spent more than probably $500 on one person, but I’m learning that there is a gift of giving and surprising someone you love with something they would appreciate immensely.

Speaking of someone that I love, back on the topic of my partner because it’s important. He got a health screening and his health is alright, but I can’t help but think that I want my partner to take care of their own health so it doesn’t become a burden on me. I believe I could be thinking this way because I take my mom to the doctor pretty often and I almost feel like I’m parenting her.

I wouldn’t be parenting my partner, because obviously, he could handle his own doctor’s appointments, but in the case that anything sudden were to happen, I would take the grief and all the hits for another human’s lack of proactivity.

Perhaps its because I know how to take care of myself healthwise that I’m also projecting these feelings onto my partner. But - at the same time, my partner could also say the exact same about me and where I’m putting my money and how I’m not really working a full-time job, getting health benefits, etc. Thinking about the future is a really tough thing and how its going to pan out, but I’m hoping things continue to change in a way that is amazing and difficult and growth-oriented!

There were two things that were sitting in my mind yesterday that I wanted to massage out. The first one I’d say is how being grateful for people, even if what they do isn’t the greatest thing (to a certain extent, this thought) can be helpful. For example, my grandma’s crappy behavior may fuel a plotline in my story. Of course, I’m never grateful for the trauma we experience at all. But, I realized that all stories and characters experience conflict, and that conflict is usually inspired by our lives. It’s really interesting realizing that because it’s a very zoomed in thought.

Another thing, I was thinking about how there really is no way I can’t get to where I want to be when I’m this young, determined, excited, and pumped about what is to come in the future. There is no way I can’t. Especially if I keep trying. If I keep trying, then people will know about me, my path, and who I am. Even if I tried and things never worked out, something would eventually work out, even if it wasn’t what I thought it was going to be.

Like, I realized that I doubt myself alot and my work ethic and who I am. Like I think people hate me or dislike me, but I realized that a lot of people think I’m a cool cat and want to spend more time with me (although I don’t allow it because I’m busy and have a bajillion things to do). Realizing this gave me the confidence at least for yesterday to keep moving through and knowing that at some point all of this would pay off. Like there would be fruit to my labor. And I’m not super confident that I have faith, but I’m confident based on my experience, who I am, what I do to make people feel what they feel, etc.

I have a huge desire to use my Knott’s season pass like crazy right now. I think because when Fall and Winter come, it’ll cool down, and I’ll be able to go as often without worrying about the heat, and also to get our money’s worth! For some reason, I feel like we didn’t go that much this year and that bothers me. Why did they put time restrictions and meal limits to the season pass meal options? Why! It would be such a steal to come in and out without buying any food for a whole year - I could just sit there and do my work while eating some good junk!

Calorie deficit update - dude. The weight fluctuation is insane. Maybe 1270 or whatever the number is supposed to be is way too crazy for me. I still was able to weigh 129 about two times this week, which is surely a good sign. But I’m not entirely sure about how the progress will pan out for the rest of this month. Regardless, I’m proud of myself and think I’ve come very far since starting! Hopefully, I don’t burn out later.

Mom. She’s doing good. There is no point in my life that I am not grateful for her. Even if I’m mad, crying, or frustrated, I still feel grateful or her and I love her very, very much. Grandma is a different story but I still love her. It’s a lot of weight I’m holding, but I am happy to help as much as I can, even if I get mad.

The Artist’s Way is a next level book. It’s like reading a introductory wall text in an art museum that I’ve been waiting to go to for a long time. And I’m finally here, and I’m savoring every word. I think I could feel the intentionality that went behind this book and I feel that if there is a significant amount of intention behind any creative project, that viewers and people will recognize and relate to that intention. Jeez, finding intention behind all of my own projects is difficult. Even formatting a screenplay without the appropriate tools is hard too.

At the end of the day, I still feel like I’m at the very beginning of perfecting my craft and I’m okay with that. I think I’m okay because I got started and starting on anything is better than not starting at all. I’m curious to know if I could shoot something next week. That would be really fun! It’s really easy for me to get distracted when I type on the laptop, but I think using a bit of mindfulness and discipline will make it work.

Last thing, (wow, morning pages really work. I just want to keep writing because I keep thinking about things!) mindfulness was another thing that was sitting in my mind that I really am grateful for. Mindfulness keeps me grateful, in control, happy, content, etc in my life and without it, I think we would all go a little crazy. To spend more of my life being mindful means I will be living a more rich and happy life. Wow, so many things I wrote about today and I finally let out my brain drain. That was fun and I’m definitely coming back for more! 

P.S. Waking up at 4am is incredible because of the silence in the house and I highly recommend it to myself and others. 

[fleetstreetpies]

Anyone else notice that it’s standard practice for employers to Irish exit on potential employee candidates when the candidates don’t get the job??

Like yeah. I got forced against my will to apply for MULTIPLE front-facing customer service positions recently by my grandmother who does not comprehend agoraphobia or that I’m disabled or anything. Multiple customer service jobs, which I do to some extent have a semi-okayish mask for (I can usually do the basic “Hi! How can I help you?” or “Hey, welcome to Starbucks! What can I get started for you?” stuff and handle questions about product because that’s a basic script and while that is in fact INCREDIBLY draining it’s more possible than a lot of other jobs socially).

And all companies except one had the nerve to never call or email me back after saying they would get back to me in three or four business days. All of my applications but one got the old duck and run treatment. Ignorance is corporate bliss or whatever.

The only company I heard back from was Starbucks, whose hiring team sent back a very polite rejection letter (I very likely have EDS and use a cane a lot of the time which means I wasn’t a good fit for the job anyway; my hand was literally forced for that one). Starbucks. The notoriously bad Starbucks that has had debates and controversies about unions and using the prison industrial complex to its advantage. They were the only ones polite enough to actually say no.

I say this because I know a lot of people are asking why places are so short-staffed all of the time and why nobody wants to work.

We do want to work. I may be a cane (soon to be forearm crutch) user, but I am capable of working still and I want to work.

The only glitch in the plan really is that employers won’t get back to us. No call back, no email, no acceptance or rejection, nothing.

I get it, you want good quick service in a clean environment with relatively friendly people wherever you go. But that isn’t gonna happen if employers work their current employees half to death and intentionally ignore and Irish exit on potential candidates. All that does is perpetuate cycles that ultimately hurts the employees and customers alike (and eventually that catches up to the business and the business goes under). But the business (whether big or small) could start by actually taking on some of the applicants and not Irish exiting on everyone else.

Like nobody owes anyone a “why you got rejected” letter or anything; just a polite email saying “We regret to inform you that you have not been selected for the position. Please feel free to send in other applications to other locations or to seek other options. Thank you for your time.” THAT IS LITERALLY ALL THAT YOU HAVE TO SAY.

I do believe that employment in the modern sense and the global economies in the modern sense are all major scams and have MASSIVE flaws (I view myself as completely anti-money and pro-equitable distribution but being stuck and forced to survive in a late-stage capitalist/neofeudalist hellscape) but god damn all the ethics issues aside for one minute I think the big thing employers could do better is actually just be polite and responsive.

Tldr: your employee candidates aren’t bad tinder dates; don’t fucking ghost them.

[alsjeblieft-zeg]

303 of 2023

What made you happy in the last 24 hours?

Not necessarily in th last 24 hours, but the vacation in Poland. In the last 24 hours, having longer sleep.

What was the last book you read?

Nala’s World. Such a wholesome book. It’s about a man who travel around the world with his cat.

What was the most fun thing you did in the last 24 hours?

12 hours long road trip.

Have you done anything adventurous lately?

 Does travelling around the country count?

What was the last thing you regretted doing (or not doing)?

Not being brave enough to talk to this guy.

What was the most delicious food you ate in the last 24 hours?

Rice pudding with cinnamon.

Do you like the way your hair looks right now?

Not really, needs to be washed.

Do you think it rains too much where you live?

I know it’s raining too much lol. This is Belgium.

What color is your laptop?

It’s black.

Is your computer slow? Is it having problems?

No, it’s not. It’s 3 years old and still works well.

Do you worry a lot, or do you live carefree?

A mix of both, really. It depends on the situation.

Do you have a Bible that’s falling apart?

I don’t own any Bible.

What did the last pair of earrings you wore look like?

Just plain silver rings, the tiny ones. I wear these in all my ear piercings.

What is the next fun thing you are planning to do?

We’re going to Brussels with our friends.

Do you suffer from chronic pain?

Yeah, I do. My back and other joints because they’re kinda loose.

What was the last thing you did outside?

Carried all the bags home.

Do you need to clean your room?

I’m in the process of doing it.

Have you ever read the Bible all the way through?

Yeah, but it was painful.

Do you collect mason jars?

I don’t, but I find them useful.

What was the last thing you decorated?

Probably the Christmas tree lol.

What’s on your floor?

An empty bag.

What was the last piece of candy you ate?

I rarely eat candy, so none.

Are you wearing shorts right now?

Yeah, cropped jeans.

Who was your first best friend?

A girl named Martina.

Who was/is your last or current best friend?

My husband.

Do you have a best friend currently?

See the previous question.

Are you lonely?

Not at all.

Have you spent most of your life lonely?

Yeah, but not anymore.

Did you answer your phone in the last 24 hours?

Nobody called, so.

What’s your favorite magazine to read?

I don’t really like magazines, but if I have to pick, then anything tech or science.

What color is the sky right now?

Blue with occasional white clouds.

Do you like the name Skye?

Nah. I don’t even know how to pronounce it.

Do you want to have kids?

Not in a million years. I’m fine being an uncle, but not a dad.

When was the last time you ate taffy?

WTF is taffy? I’ve never heard of it.

Name three toppings you like on a salad.

No toppings, thanks.

Do you like pineapple?

I hate it.

Would you rather visit Asia or Europe?

The whole Europe, then Asia.

Do you know anyone who travels all the time?

Yeah, myself.

Do you think it’s selfish to travel all the time, when most people can’t?

No, sometimes people travel with good intntions. What’s selfish there is bragging about it in front of people who can’t afford it.

Would you ever consider studying abroad?

Yeah, I would.

What was the last thing you ate?

Rice pudding with cinnamon.

Are you happy with your life right now?

Let’s say I’m content.

What color was your first phone?

Silver.

Do you remember your high school locker combination?

We had keys, not encrypted locks. Also, no lockers in our secondary school.

If you’re a YouTuber, list three companies you’d like to sponsor you.

I don’t care about such shit.

Do you miss someone?

Yeah, my parents already.

If applicable, how long did it take you to grieve the loss of your best friend?

Very long. He didn’t die, just his depression locked him away. I hope he eventually gets out.

Do you wear flip-flops?

Omg nope. I’d never wear them.

Which do you like better: cacti, palm trees, or maple trees?

Maple trees. Such pretty leaves.

What type of tree do you see most of where you live?

Chestnut trees, linden trees, pines, occasional birch trees.

Have you ever seen fireflies?

I don’t think so.

Can you see the moon from your bedroom window?

Yeah, it faces the southeast.

[dzpenumbra]

3/20/23

Today didn't feel like much, but I actually got quite a bit done. I finished another 5 runs in the desire path project, the path is now pretty much done, actually. It's crazy how quickly it came together, I really wasn't expecting it to be that fast. 15 trips back and forth was all it took. Visual markers made a huge difference, which... I guess... is what trail blaze is about, so... makes sense. But it was crazy how quickly that turned into just... barely wandering at all.

I spent pretty much the rest of the day working on my hoodie. This was the result... I am now actually kinda regretting having bought so many of these fabric pens. Because the fabric paint that I bought? I'm basically using exclusively that. And it was kind of an impulse buy. I did a lot of area fills with silver and white today, and... I actually ran out of silver. Halfway through a ring section. And the silver paint I have does not match that pen paint at all, so I actually had to paint over the progress I had made. But transitioning into the paints unlocked some doors for me. I don't know why I've been so averse to using paint brushes... stubbornness, I guess? Pencil/pen has been my primary medium for ages, but I was forced to major in Painting and painted a ton because of it. Haven't really painted much since, now that I think of it... maybe that's why it's so foreign... just never really made the time for it, I guess.

But painting is actually working pretty well. It takes a bit longer to get solid lines because you don't have a solid sturdy applicator(? I don't know what word to use there) of color. The paint brush bends, basically, and pens are sturdy, that's what I'm trying to say. That has its advantages and disadvantages. But painting came back super quick, and very naturally, I'm having no real problems with it. Except... buyer's remorse... I got a ton of these pens, all different colors.

They aren't bad pens, I mean that. The color is very opaque, they don't really smell at all... which is nice... good flow... They just don't have a lot of ink in them. And the ink is basically paint, so... I might as well buy paint and get... more paint for my buck... right? And the paint, ultimately, is better quality. The silver is very vibrant, very impressive. So yeah. I'll definitely use the pens. I have lots of uses for them. But, in the future, I'm opting towards these paints instead, especially for large-scale pieces.

I did laundry, that was a win. But that... was basically my day.

For real. I did yoga, I ate cereal and did the desire path thing, I showered, I worked on the hoodie, I did laundry, I ate dinner, I worked on the hoodie, I played Noita for like... 15 minutes... until it crashed... and here I am. That's all, that was my day.

I was considering going skating, but I got sucked into... Civilization-style "one more turn" mode. I was making the desire path, and went... "yeah, I just have a few more sections to do, I'll wrap that up real quick, shower, then I'll go skate a bit." Then when I finally wrap up and look at the clock? 6:50PM.

I honestly... I have no idea how the sidewalk conditions even are. I haven't left the building since I skated during the storm, that was almost a week ago. If the sidewalks are good, I really should put this plan into effect: reserve the shared car, ride my hybrid board over there, drive to the skatepark, buy a new skateboard and a helmet, skate for a bit to break it in. That sounds like a good way to spend an afternoon. It's just... something I have to plan a little in advance (I think) due to the car reserving thing, and... hasn't been synergizing well with this PTSD going-to-bed-at-dawn bullshit. I'm sure writing this at 4AM is doing me favors...

I will get there, I mean it. I mean... on weekdays, the park is open until 8PM... That's easy as fuck to make work. The only caveat there is... skating back to my apartment in the dark after dropping off the car. I have no lights at all, I usually wear pretty much all black, I need to get that figured out ASAP before I take that thing out at night, that's unbelievably unsafe.

So yeah, I guess I'll gauge that as I go.

I had that kinda stuff lingering in my mind today. What do I even go and do to meet people? Where do I even go? I mean... eating out is so goddamn expensive. Like... I'm trying to envision it. Do I go to this American cuisine/bar place nearby and get dessert there for like a $12 slice of cheesecake that could fit in my palm, and just sit at the bar and eat that and hope the people nearby are even remotely similar to me? Do I go to this boardgame cafe and pay a $6 entry fee to... just kinda lurk around because it's supposed to be a place you bring a date or your friends to to play games together? Do I go to a trivia night at the bar up the street and sit in the corner and play by myself because I don't know anyone? Every one of these options sounds awkward as hell, and not worth the effort. At least with the skatepark, I have something I can actively do. I can embarrass myself in skating ways, instead of awkward loitering ways.

Since I was 17, I had a tool to smoothly escape awkward social situations, and to meet new people. It was called a cigarette. Not sure if you've heard of them, they're pretty rare nowadays. They're basically leaves from the tobacco plant that are dried, shredded and rolled in a tube of paper, with a synthetic fiber filter at the end. Like a joint, but with tobacco. Um... god, I feel like I'm losing the reader here... um... OH! Like a vape pen, but like... using the actual natural plant that the concentrated liquid is extracted from. Those things.

Last night, I was writing a comment to someone who was posting in an online smoking cessation support group I had been a part of off-and-on for like... 10 years. They had severe anxiety and panic disorder, they wanted to know if quitting was going to make their anxiety more severe. First... duh. Second... bro, there are much bigger things you need to worry about than 2 weeks of being super stressed out. I wrote a bunch and then deleted it, because... I've just been doing that a lot lately. I just... ugh. I feel like I'm going to get pounced on if I post anything at all on Reddit, it's such a fucking cesspool lately. Also, PTSD.

But I was writing about exactly this. How that person who has been smoking since they were 16 really needs to talk to their therapist pronto about developing some kinds of tools for a) stress management, b) getting out of social situations (stepping outside regularly), c) meeting new people (approaching and smoking with people), d) getting up and periodically moving throughout the day. If they are anything like me, these will be dramatic changes, and cigarettes become completely entwined with your life that way. The only way you get up and step outside? To smoke. Your reward for accomplishing something? Cigarette. Overwhelmed by a group event? Step outside and smoke. Wanna go somewhere more quiet? So does your cigarette. Hey look, some people smoking, I can casually approach them and ask them what they're up to, I fit in there.

Being crammed into "smoking areas" built a sense of comradery, which... for those of us who have an aversion towards extroversion... and try to respect peoples' boundaries to a paranoid degree... became a bit of a dependency for socializing. So... yeah. I'm feeling it big time. And I really, really wish weed could fill that void for me. I really do. And maybe someday it might. But right now? It just makes me feel like I'm sitting and chatting with a bunch of Russian spies or reptilians or organ harvesters, or whatever sci-fi bullshit my imagination is on that day.

But here's the sad part - which, I guess, is kind of a good part? I guess? I don't know anymore... - even if I said fuck it and picked up that insanely expensive habit again... I really don't think anyone around here fucking smokes anymore. I really don't see a lot of people out smoking, not even outside of bars. Not like it used to be. I smell tons of people smoking weed in their apartments, like... at least half of the apartments out of the 11 apartments between me and the mail room door. But I don't think people really smoke cigarettes as much anymore. Which, to me... honestly... is weird... since alcohol is like... clearly a much more dangerous substance, in pretty much every aspect I can think of, really. People just... don't like smoked substances. Kinda like they think skateboarding is dangerous when it's "loud", and then a bicycle flies by at twice the speed, with half the wheels, and is a giant pretzel of metal that could severely fuck up anyone it hits, and they barely bat an eye. That whole Karen syndrome, where science is simply a tool used to push an agenda.

But hey, after what happened last time they tried to get rid of booze? I don't blame them for never trying again. I guess smokers are bigger pushovers. It's easier to push around chronically depressed, anxious messes than it is to push around raging alcoholics. They are literally some of the most dangerous people on the planet, imo.

Have I made my case? XD

I honestly am not even sure I'd want to smoke again even if I did get those advantages back. I don't miss the shortness of breath. I don't miss the dizziness. I don't miss stinking all the time, despite it "covering up" other smells and providing me a sense of anti-anxious security. I just need to develop a habit similar to it.

What am I going to do? Go out to the parking lot and just... stand there for 5 minutes and look at my phone? Every 2 hours? Just approach people who are smoking and just sit with them and not smoke, just go "hi, I came out here to try to meet people the only way I remember how." Any options there that don't make me look creepy as shit?

Everywhere I look, every option is awkward as fuck!

Except for going to the skatepark. So... that's bumped to the top of the list. But now, it's 4:30, so I really gotta wrap things up here if I have any chance of making it tomorrow.

Lots of good work done today, and my orchid got watered, so no worries there. I'm so glad it's still doing well, I feel like I've had that thing for like... 2 months or so now. Still looks healthy, too!

[piinemartens]

hi gang what’s up no one asked for me but !! Here I am!! Ok let’s see hm hm

January - Scrawny by Wallows (oh?? This sounds super optimistic, since the song is about being confident about yourself in a crowd that seems cooler than one is. That sounds…?? Good?? Manifesting in it)

February - Remember When by Wallows (lmfao second wallow song in a row I see… ok this one doesn’t really make sense to my monkey brain since it’s about reminiscing about a past lover but fun fact yet being haunted by them. Fun fact! I don’t have a lover?? Lol?? But I really like this song though, to me it sounds like two childhood friends reminiscing over the past but they’ve grown distant because of distance. Sounds like someone I know… hopefully I get to see them soon? They were a cool person I miss them.)

March - Dirty Imbecile by The Happy Fits (oh dear, this song is about the 2 personalities a person presents to ppl, the insecure quiet voice and the loud and confident one. At the end, they combine together to make a whole person, who’s flawed. This sounds like a negative character arc from the January song LMAO maybe I lose my confidence then.)

April - She Wants Me (To Be Loved) by The Happy Fits (Oh GOD??? What is up with the romance songs?? Yknow I think the title of the song is enough to say what this song means,, uh I like this one girl so maybe it’s about that …? This month sounds particularly rough. Womp Womp ah well at least it’s a jam.

May - Cold Turkey by The Happy Fits (GOD WHY SO MANY HAPPY FITS SONGS…. This is what I get for listening to them on repeat every morning for a month lmao. Uh this song is about the bitter aftermath of a breakup..??? I’m worried what the hell…. Doubt I would get into a relationship but still, I’m a lil concerned but ok)

June - Fight or Flight by Conan Gray (not a happy fits or wallows song which is new?? Yay?? But instead a CONAN GRAY song which is about a BREAKUP. YEAH. What is future me UP TO???? Clearly I am. Going Through It. It’s about a relationship not ending on your terms and singing about the pain. Man looks like I’m going to go through a rough time? Maybe the relationship change and a breakup means change. And change is scary but it doesn’t have to be a bad thing. Just sounds like lots of high emotions rn.)

July - Comfort Crowd by Conan Gray (another Conan Gray song… lmao. Ok so this song is about your close friends. Like you’re so close with them that even if a conversation cuts short or a silent follows it’s not awkward, it’s comfortable because you know them THAT well. Pidge healing arc after uh what seems to be a couple months of breakup??? Yay W)

August - So Alright, Cool, Whatever by The Happy Fits (GODDAMN I THOUGHT WE WERE OVER THIS?? The song is about lingering regret and longing for a past partner. GODDAMN… it seems that I was really smitten with this person enough for a GOOD two months worth of heartbreak huh. And even continuing into this month! I mean it’s a good song at least. Sounds like a rollercoaster of emotions ASDFGHJKL)

September - Out of My League by Fitz and The Tantrums (Uh this song sounds positive for a change ?? It’s about having such an amazing partner that you’re scared that it’s too good to be true and they’re too good for you, hence “Out of My League”. Sounds like I found an amazing partner but insecurity is talking. Wow can you imagine /j but seriously I hope this relationship isn’t spoiled later on.)

October - Boys Will Be Bugs by Cavetown (Ok I actually don’t get this one. Like this song is about toxic masculinity and the pressure forced on men to conceal their feelings? And I’m not a man so this isn’t really applicable to me. But maybe it’s about someone close to me that’s going through it. But he’s graduating this year :( or could be about a new guy joining the guard and facing criticism for doing a “girly” thing?? Theorizing here but that sounds really rough for that hypo-guy. Ouch. BUT ALSO this song sounds really bitter in general. Like kit if meaning. Huh.)

November - Burning Pile by Mother Mother (At first I was worried. Like what. It sounds negative but maybe it doesn’t have to be that way? To me, it sounds like I’m really tired of everything and I’m throwing all of my problems to save for a future me. But rereading the lyrics, it could be about taking all of the anxieties, all of the worries, all of my problems and throwing them in a theoretical burning pile so I can have a peace of mind. Maybe I’m moving on from that rough relationship earlier, letting it go. Wow do I need that LMFAO.)

December - Moving by The Happy Fits (GODDAMN not another one! This song is about the fragile tensions of a relationship, maybe I’m going through a rough time with this partner yet I don’t want things to go to hell like it did last time so I’m begging them to stay?? I dunno I’m sick of writing my thoughts on a romance song PLS I’m tired of this romance arc what a year, what a year omfg…)

GODDAMN I wrote a monster ermmm I guess I Think Too Much but anyhow

@thegarlicthief @otterlydisastrous @birdwren @ariddesolation @causeofcharlie get over here gang I wanna see what your playlist cooks up

i wanna start a tag game so: let your spotify predict your 2024!

shuffle your on repeat playlist, and the first twelve songs represent your 2024

january- guns and ships- hamilton (idek what this could represent but okay)

february- we fell in love in october- girl in red (PLEASE)

march- say no to this- hamilton (…i have nothing to say about this)

april- castles crumbling- taylor swift ft hayley williams (damnit sad month then?)

may- you’re losing me- taylor swift (FUCK TWO SAD MONTHS?? breakup songs are even worse now that im actually in a relationship. please. better not be accurate)

june- astronomy- conan gray (please stop why am i having so many sad songs)

july- stoned- ed sheeran (oh fuck this)

august- new year’s day- taylor swift (hm okay. idk what to say about this)

september- heather- conan gray (i consider heather to be a happy song AND it’s mine and my partners song so i’m taking this as a good one)

october- 18- one direction (yessss we’re going okay now)

november- king of my heart- taylor swift (YESSS)

december- all too well (ten minute version)- taylor swift (i take it back ugh)

no pressure tags!!- @autumnleavesforwinter @weeping-in-the-willows @swiftieannah @felizusnavidad @jittyjames @anixknowsnothin (please help me get this off the ground, but also if this flops you saw nothing)