#im actually super. concerned.
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HOLY CRAP??? WHAT DID I DO?????
#im actually super. concerned.#like logically i know i must've hit my leg on somwthing at work but GODDAMN.#ive never gotten a bruise THIS BAD at work?? and i run into things a LOT at my job#simply cus im a klutz#but it has been YEARS since ive had a bruise this bad#im hoping that all it is is that i bunoed into smth at work vid my other more frightening theory is spider bite#based on the pain and that there's also a very small scab#its not centered in the bruise tho.... and its like an OLD scab so either the spider bit me a while ago and i JUST noticed or it healed fast#idk#or whatever i ran into just. nicked me through my jeans which is also possible#but seriously i do not get worried or concerned over bruises cus on any given day i am likely to have at LEAST 2 bruises#if not MORE#so me losing my shit over this is how you know its a BAD bruise#damn dude the only reason i even looked at put was bc i was like 'gosh my legs are sorta sore. are there bruises on my thighs?'#and well. i wasnt WRONG. there IS a bruise.#its on the fucking back of my thigh where i couldnt see it unltil i was LOOKING for it#best part is i don't even think i got it today i think i probably got it yesterday#but DUDE. DUDE. THAT'S ALL I'VE GOT.#shh ac
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Impulsively shoving a guy's hand in your mouth after having the thought "oh just like when my little sister used to prick herself on a rose thorn" and then immediately being treated like a pet who ate something they shouldn't have? Wonderful. Thank you, Thane.
(also not pictured is Thane apparently trying to scrape your tongue with his hand BEFORE pouring the holy water down your throat because NO. BAD.)
#bewitching sinners#palmier baker#thane verashkova#accidentally ingesting vampire blood because of big brother impulses is wild#also the reason hes so alarmed is bc in that world you kinda soulbond to others and thats how you soulbond as a vampire#you drink each others blood and so hes flipping out because while he hasnt had your blood yet#hey your ex is going to absolutely kill me if we bond on accident and i dont think i wanna die like that!#which is VERY cool to know thank you thane im so glad your concern is actually less of being bound#but about being murdered thats really cool#also the fact thane is found in the library studying with arshem my beloved ex and is BRIBED TO LEARN RECIPES#by arshem with vials of mixed blood hes just CASUALLY CARRYING is like hey man#thank you for being group mum i love you for it#and then later on arshem actually is like oh thane you can drink my blood later since you havent fed for a while#and thane is super chipper about it like HECK YEAH THANKS !#hey boys youre adorable thank you for existing in this incredibly fucked up world#im in a choke hold with this otome im sorry#you ever try to be nice to a guy and think surely this will help him a little bit then you get background lore#and you realize youre probably making things A LOT WORSE FOR HIM by being nice#im going through it with my emotions as i learn about palmiers actions pre game swap so like#dude please i am BEGGING YOU palmier please have ONE redeeming quality in you at some point#i want to adopt one of the love interests as my son though and im obsessed with the fact he can speak fish#my son can speak to the fish and he gives me fish as a present bc i might need it later#and i do actually in fact need said fish later for another quest#thankyou my son i love you and i appreciate you youre amazing#gonna have to draw arshem at some point and everyone will immediately go yeah that makes sense
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SUBMIT THROUGH THE FORM IN THIS POST, NOT MY ASKBOX, FOR YOUR BLORBO'S SAKE. I WILL LOSE SUBMISSIONS IF THEY AREN'T ALL IN ONE PLACE!
Hi! I've never run a poll blog before, but I like the "do you know this character" type blogs and I searched and didn't find one for ADHD characters so I decided I'd make one!
Submission Guidelines
Both canon and non-canon ADHD characters are allowed, but YOU MUST PROVIDE EVIDENCE FOR NON-CANON ADHD CHARACTERS! I completely understand just looking at a character and going "oh they have the Vibes" but it's not enough to be posted on this blog. Even just "they exhibit a lot of impulsiveness and distractability" is enough for me to go on - just give me SOMETHING to work with. However I reserve the right to not post a character if I don't think the evidence is compelling enough, i.e., if you don't list any traits that are specific to ADHD.
You may not submit real people, only fictional characters. I find it disrespectful and uncomfortable to speculate on the mental health of real people, and will not be posting those for my own comfort, even if those people will likely never see it. Also, the point of this is characters, not real people, so even people who have said they're ADHD won't be posted.
YOU MUST SUBMIT THROUGH THE FORM, NOT MY ASKBOX. I am, of course, ADHD myself, and I need all the submissions in one place or I'll lose them.
Got it? Here's the link to the form.
About the Mod/Blog
You can call me Mudkip if you'd like, or my name, Réka. She/her only please, do not use any other pronouns for me including they/them. I am an adult. I was diagnosed with ADHD at a very young age and have it bad enough that I consider myself disabled. So ADHD rep is very important to me! And I'd like to both learn about ADHD rep I might not have heard of, and spread awareness of what ADHD people are like through the characters that people might not even realize are like us.
My icon is the character 707/Seven from Mystic Messenger, I chose him because although it's a bit hidden he is canonically ADHD! There's a call where he talks about how he talks to himself, and if you say "I heard people with adhd talk to themselves a lot..." he agrees with you, as well as displaying other ADHD traits through the whole game.
...is this entire blog partially part of my agenda to spread the word of canon ADHD Seven? Maybe.
Header is Zack Fair from Final Fantasy VII; he's not canonically ADHD but there's strong evidence for it and I couldn't resist using the "Me? Gongaga." meme.
I often can't resist making non-poll posts on this blog, although I swear I try. If you're just here for the polls you might want to filter the tag "not a poll"!
My main is @hungarianmudkip69 .
Tagging System, for your searching or filtering convenience
#poll - the polls. this only includes "do you know this character" polls, not any other polls I might do.
#not a poll - anything that doesn't get the above tag. Including other types of polls. You know what I mean.
#canon adhd character - polls for characters that are canonically ADHD.
#noncanon adhd character - polls for characters that aren't canonically ADHD, but have solid evidence behind the headcanon.
#poll results - a reblog of an ended poll with calculations of how many people know the character and what percentage of those people know/see the character as ADHD.
#poll reblog - any reblog of a poll that isn't poll results.
#other polls - polls from other blogs.
#blog management - anything about the running of the blog.
#ask - asks. I don't know what else to tell you.
#approval inquiry - asks asking if a character has been approved for posting.
#submission inquiry - asks asking if a character has been submitted.
this was part of the original pinned and I always like seeing this part of poll blog pinneds so I'm leaving it
I'm supposed to tag other polls for visibility, right? This was largely inspired by @who-do-i-know-this-man and @doyouknowthisdisabledcharacter as well as @do-you-know-this-queer-character !
If you want to know if someone's been posted, check below:
Polls in progress:
707/Saeyoung Choi from Mystic Messenger (canon)
Kyle Klimson from The InBESTigators (noncanon)
SpongeBob SquarePants from SpongeBob SquarePants (noncanon)
Sherlock Holmes from the original Sherlock Holmes stories (noncanon)
Evan "Buck" Buckley, from 9-1-1 (canon)
Meg Murry, from A Wrinkle in Time (noncanon)
Bokuto Koutarou, from Haikyuu!! (noncanon)
Finished polls (under the cut):
Quicksilver/Pietro Maximoff from the X-Men movies (noncanon)
Rumpleteazer from Cats the Musical (noncanon)
Bobby Drake/Iceman from DC Comics (noncanon)
Karlach Cliffgate from Baldur's Gate 3 (noncanon)
Evelyn Wang from Everything Everywhere All at Once (canon)
Osana Najimi from Komi Can't Communicate (noncanon)
Barbara Gordon/Batgirl/Oracle from DC Comics (noncanon)
Sora from Kingdom Hearts (noncanon)
Dr. Coomer from Half Life VR but the AI is Self Aware/HLVRAI (noncanon)
Johnny Gat from Saints Row (noncanon)
Bart Allen/Impulse from DC Comics (noncanon)
Michael Tate from Greater Boston (canon)
Uraraka Ochako from My Hero Academia (noncanon)
Etcetera from Cats the Musical (noncanon)
Richie Tozier from IT (noncanon)
Gary Smith from Bully/Canis Canem Edit (canon)
Leslie Knope from Parks and Recreation (noncanon)
Leonardo from Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (noncanon)
Mungojerrie from Cats the Musical (noncanon)
Achilles from the Iliad (noncanon)
Tajima Yuuichirou from Ookiku Furikabutte/Oofuri/Big Windup (noncanon)
Benrey from Half Life VR but the AI is Self Aware/HLVRAI (noncanon)
Crowven Corvuson from Cemetery Mary (canon)
Martlet from Undertale Yellow (noncanon)
Zell Dincht from Final Fantasy 8 (noncanon)
Skimbleshanks from Cats the Musical (noncanon)
Goku from Dragonball (noncanon)
Yuma Tsukumo from Yu-Gi-Oh Zexal (noncanon)
Moritz Stiefel from Spring Awakening (noncanon)
Sydney 'Syd' Novak from I Am Not Okay With This (noncanon)
Yuki Takeya from Gakkou Gurashi/School-Live! (noncanon)
Annabeth Chase from the Percy Jackson series (canon)
Maria von Trapp from The Sound of Music (noncanon)
Lift from The Stormlight Archive (noncanon)
Tim Drake from DC Comics (noncanon)
Monkey D. Luffy from One Piece (noncanon)
Apollo Justice from the Ace Attorney games (noncanon)
Stella from Winx Club (noncanon)
Roy Harper from DC Comics (canon)
Michelangelo from Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (canon)
Tony Stark from the Marvel Cinematic Universe (noncanon)
Aiden Clark from School Bus Graveyard (canon)
Serpaz Helilo from Vast Error (canon)
The Doctor from Doctor Who (noncanon)
Ronan Lynch from The Raven Cycle (noncanon)
Leo Valdez from the Percy Jackson books (canon)
Moth Flight from Warrior Cats (canon)
Ramona Quimby from the Ramona books (noncanon)
Joey Pigza from the Joey Pigza books (canon)
Anne Shirley from Anne of Green Gables (noncanon)
Spinner Mason from Degrassi: The Next Generation (canon)
Lupin III from Lupin the Third (noncanon)
Rainbow Dash from My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic (noncanon)
George Beard and Harold Hutchins from Captain Underpants (canon)
Alex Woodroe from All the Feels (canon)
Agent Curt Mega from Spies are Forever (noncanon)
TG from Castle of Nations (canon)
Shawn Spencer from Psych (canon)
Sydney Scoville Jr. from Grrl Power (canon)
Marinette Dupain-Cheng from Miraculous Ladybug (noncanon)
Zagreus from Hades (noncanon)
Sherlock Holmes from Sherlock & Co. (canon)
Ash Ketchum from Pokémon (noncanon)
Misfire from Transformers (canon)
Herlock Sholmes from The Great Ace Attorney Chronicles (noncanon)
Christine Canigula from Be More Chill (canon)
Aubrey Little from The Adventure Zone: Amnesty (canon)
Lt. Columbo from Columbo (noncanon)
Billie from Billie Bust Up (canon)
Wei Wuxian from Mo Dao Zu Shi (noncanon)
Jimmy Casket from VenturianTale (noncanon)
Sara Eriksson from Young Royals (canon)
Magnus Burnsides from The Adventure Zone: Balance (noncanon)
Scout from Team Fortress 2 (noncanon)
Luz Noceda from The Owl House (canon)
Zack Fair from Final Fantasy VII (noncanon)
Percy Jackson from Percy Jackson and the Olympians (canon)
April Polls' Day posts, for posterity - ran polls on non-ADHD characters:
Twilight Sparkle from My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Zenos yae Galvus from Final Fantasy XIV
P.I.X.A.L. from Lego Ninjago
Brutus the Ducky from Real Life and also Rubber Ducky Hell (our only canonically non-ADHD poll subject)
Sophia from Stranger of Paradise: Final Fantasy Origin (please play it)
#poll#poll blog#adhd#actuallyadhd#actually adhd#disability#neurodiversity#neurodivergency#uhhhhhh what else#we will see how this goes i guess#if youre familiar with me you can probably guess who i am but im not super concerned abt being found out lol#just anon for now
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Anyway
Todays episodes
Idk
I dont know what the future one was trying to tell me
But poor puppet trying to get info and everyones like WTF
like an alternate future that dosnt help at all
#are they showing what couldve happen what could happen etc idk#anyway poor sun. also HEY SOLAR??? ALRIGHT BRUH??#anyway earth talking about moon was frustrating but its not like. i dont know why#but damn being the viewer and knowing things sucks because the other character dont know osmething#but all in all earth proving that no one reading the red flags of the situation#i thought yall were exagerating but no. no. everyones convinced moons super bad and cant be forgiven#and its??? i think sun more or less understands somethings wrong but like... in a different way wntirely#i feel bad for sun for hearing all that and just 'i dont believe that'necause yeH??? thats???#that SHOULD be having everyone going Well thats WEIRD and OFF.#while hilarious that earth and ruin agreeing with moons weirdness last episode#anyway wowewo im disappointed in everyone BUt Lunar and sun#and thats cause lunar didnt say much just stares atmonty 'u talked to old moon???'#yknow like HUH YEAH OF COURSE THAT DIDNT HELP MONTY#THE MAN WAS FRAGILE ENOUGH MENTALLY AND U MADE IT WORSE BY... literally going#'we'll just get rid of u and bring the old one back'LIKE THAT WASNT A CONCERN FOR NEW MOON#i dont a want a virus moon now i want this man to be literally just be handling#earth herself doesnt have an excuse for that old moon stuff-#anyway i hopw theres resolve because actually thats wild 'well we cant forgive him-'#MAYBE??? MAYBE ACTUALLY??? FORGIVE BECAUSE YALL?? JUST.?? okay anyway ik good im fine#just baffled by how earths response was really and like i think shes processing it all but likw Damn#New Moon i hope u stay buddy#sun and moon show spoilers
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The most frustrating part of engaging in any of this discourse with pro-Israel people is that they claim there's just something ineffable about "seeing and understanding" how supporting Palestinian liberation is directly calling for the eradication of Jewish people (as if that type of rhetoric isn't exactly how actual antisemitism often manifests in online spaces but that's a topic for another day)
They get through people debunking the "the land belongs to the people of Israel anyway" argument and the "LGBTQ Palestinians are safe in Israel" argument and the "Genocide isn't what's happening here so you should educate yourself" argument and when all of those points are meticulously disproven over and over they still stand with "Well, myself and your Jewish friends see the hate you have in your heart for us" and it truly doesn't matter what you say at that point because even if you yourself are Jewish they will claim that refusing to support the state, government and military of Israel is inherently hateful and bigoted, as if a religious ethnostate is some inherent human right that is being taken away from them. I know many of them are blinded by the relentless propaganda that's been around their whole lives and how hard it is to break free from a belief system that is so tied to your core identity as a human being but it is so frustrating watching people being led straight to the point over and over again and just turning around and refusing to see it.
It's also so frustrating to see people using the momentum of this movement to casually tack on actual antisemitism to these discussions, as if having Jewish people in positions of power is why the US bends over backwards to excuse the actions of Israel and not, yknow, the fact that our government directly benefits from having a military stronghold in the middle east. I've talked to some well-meaning pro-Palestine friends irl who casually use antisemetic talking points because they've ALSO bought into the narrative that Israeli = Jewish and so they blame the actions of Israel and the IDF on Jewish people's "religious values" and ignore the fact that this conflict really has almost nothing to do with religion itself and everything to do with capitalism, imperialism and maintaining the US's status as a so-called "global power".
#dont get me wrong there are lots of people on the pro palestine side who are very much aware of and vigilant against antisemitic rhetoric#but i genuinely worry about some of my non-jewish leftist friends and allies falling down some super shady pipelines because of all of this#i spend a lot of my time on my public facing social media sharing articles and graphics and whatnot about antisemitism#and how careful we need to be when calling out these atrocities and our government's complicity in them#but when one side is genuinely claiming with no evidence or argument that being against colonial occupation is just antisemitism#it makes it so hard to call out actual antisemitism within these spaces bc it delegitimizes antisemitism as a concern#i just want to scream#like. im not even jewish and i vividly remember when we had a special lesson in girl scouts about how wonderful Israel is#and they had us make little mini versions of the israel flag and they told us that israel stood for the safety of the jewish people#and i came home and i told my mom about how cool israel was#and she promptly pulled me out of girl scouts#which at the time felt unfair because she didnt explain why#but also how do you explain the horrors of colonialism and imperialism to your newly zionist 10 year old#anyway the point is that if i as a non-jewish girl scout was exposed to that kind of propaganda#i can only imagine how inescapable it must be for many american jews in the US#and i truly empathize with the amount of unlearning that needs to be done#and how hard it must be to let go of some of these ideas#but that doesnt make it any less frustrating to watch these dynamics play out on such a massive scale#and i hold so much respect for people in white jewish communities re-educating themselves and standing on the right side of history#as well as for all of the people of color and especially American Palestinians standing up and using their voices as much as they do#personal
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do you ever see a parasocial moment that is so completely unhinged that it actually upset you? because, uh yeah ive been feeling weird for like an hour
#i stumbled upon a post talking about david tennant and georgia's relationship and it was so intrusive it actually made me super uncomfortabl#i dont know how people openly “discourse” about someone else's realtionship and their “proof” is 2 instagram posts#made me upset like watching something so intrusive it actually feels weird like i feel like i just accidentally saw someone being pervy#anyways dumb feelings about things that do not concern me but im very sensitive sometimes and had to let it out#honestly this is just my typical response to most convention content people on conventions just dont always act right lmao#rambles
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In case you forgot, I make Youtube videos too.
Yeah once again I have to publicly sulk about how it takes me forever to make anything for this channel I started five fuckin years ago, but I wanted to plug this because I'm like 99% done with a video right now and it's gonna go live this Saturday. What I really want to talk about though is the fact that it was originally envisioned as an additional side piece to my review of Metal Gear 1 and 2. I had the idea while working on the video and I figured it'd be a nice extra video I could push out quickly while reusing a lot of the gameplay I had already recorded. That was eight months ago. After finishing the video, I wanted to take a little break, but then executive dysfunction, ADHD, dysphoria, lack of motivation or confidence, and a bunch of really stressful and depressing shit in my life all kept me down for several months and I'm only now starting to get back into the swing of things. I promise the next video I make after this won't take as long.
#personal thoughts n stuff#youtube channel update#metal gear#splinter cell#yeah this video actually concerns both franchises and not just more metal gear#also if youre gonna watch my vids i recommend the last four or five i made as those are the best#ESPECIALLY Anime As an Adjective im still super proud of that one
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ngl the pcp i found here fucks so hard . shes like . the first doc ive had in a while that is focusing on problems instead of just reducing everything 2 my weight
#i mentioned my parents had been bitching me out abt weight and she was like. well. im seeing You. not your parents. is that a concern 4 u rn#morgan.pdf#shes also been super validating insofar that she agrees that how the whole POTS situation was handled was bullshit#and has also made it Very Clear that theyll monitor my liver BUT actually explained 2 me in a way i could understand#the actual results of the bloodwork and how the results arent like. scary. end of the world type results
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I was struggling to draw (on the day I scheduled this post) so I drew a quick warmup sketch of Althea Eigengrau, the personal cyborg secretary of the Ares CEO.
#im gonna ramble bc i dont think ive posted anything of althea yet#okay so althea was made from a deceased ares employee's body#theyre kinda very serious and concerned for safety although they have a sentimental side that only comes out Occasionally.#that Occassion happened to be when Marun cyberstalked them. oops.#their username is Alt+E which is close to their name and also the shortcut for Edit#and speaking of edit. theyre controlled by a remote owned by their boss and theyre Super strong (even stronger than tekuka)#so theyre sometimes used for retrieval of uncooperative cyborgs (cough. tekuka) or those that pose a threat to Ares (especially kori.)#although soru wont actually let althea kill kori bc thats his sister. although he doesnt mind tossing his overpowered buff cyborg guard dog#secretary at her anyways.#drawing#artists on tumblr#drawings#manga#anime#artist#mangaka#original character#rkgk#original character art#althea eigengrau#myrios series#poisoned memories#cyborg oc#original characters#oc#ocs#oc artist#doodle#sketch
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i saw her friend today and in a way i think it really ehlped cuz she was the one who was being so kind and like 'how are you doing i know this must be hard but i still want to be friends' and it really touched me cuz iw as stressed cuz i was paranoid they were talking shit about me or smth. she also told me she was also shocked when she found out that she broke up w me so i guess it feels good knowing im not the only person kept in the dark i guess but its like if its something she couldnt even tell her friends about then what made her do it. cuz when i asekd her friend 'did she ever seem concnerd about the relationship or anything' her friend was like 'no.... not.... not really?' which idk if i fully believe but i dont think she was totally lying cuz she did seem to at least consider it. so if she wawsnt lying then i still dont understand what compelled her to dump me
#and i mean this is a friend shes CLOSE with. like super close with#and yeah there is the possibility shes lying just to keep her privacy which i understand but still like the fact even she was shocked when#she found out she dumped me ?? like that has to mean something#however when i asked 'how is she doing' her friend was like 'shes alright' and idk why but that kinda hurt#and idk if she was just saying it cuz maybe she thought it would make me feel better or if she didnt want to give too many details#or if she really truly was doing 'all right' but like what the fuck do you mean shes doing alright#like am i seriously sobbing on 1am walks around campus because i miss her and shes just doing alright????#like what the fuck#i really hope its mor ethan that because thats actually goign to break me#hres teh thing though like i dont doubt that she felt some sort of emotion cuz she was crying when we broke up and our entire relationship#she was so genuine about all of it but its also that annoying part of me thats like did she ever care#because how was she the one to tell me she wanted a relatoinship with me and how was she the one to tell me 'i love you first'#only to dump me not even 5 months later??? i just dont fucking understand any of it#im so fuckign confused about it all#all i can even hope for is that somehow she realizes she messed up and comes back to me and ill take her back immediately man#but she dosnt seem the kind to do that#i just wish i understood why she didnt want to give us even a CHANCE to fix whatever issues she thought we were havign#CUZ SHE NEVER EVEN SAID ANYTHING ABOUT ANY ISSUES!!!! SO I DONT UNDERSTAND#LIKE SHE BROKE UP W ME OUT OF THE BLUE!!!! NEVER SAID ANYTHING TO ANYONE???#unless her friend is lying when i asked about whether she seemed concerned#but still
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been feeling mixed on some of my friends recently
#i love them but im gonna explain#i don’t want this to boil over like the twins did#but one of my friends i feel so cast off sometimes#i get it bc shes full time adult job employed now#in healthcare no less#but im just getting fully annoyed at her lack of availability and it makes me sad#im getting even sadder actually bc she also always seems to have time to hang with her uni friends whuch hurts#like im like okay i know you have this from 6-7 so how about we meet for dinner at 7:30 bc i wanna see you casually and she says no#and i think i really need to talk to her bc it makes me sad and then i feel slapped in the face#even on nights out we always have to go home early. which my friend basically said:#i think in future if you wanna go home you can but others shouldn’t have to too#bc my other friend got so sad she was forced to come back early and i was like yea i would have liked to have sat at manly with yall#bc i feel we don’t do this any more#i honestly think it’s better to just let her figure it out and go#i don’t want me to sweep so much shit under the rug until i despise her#bc i know this isn’t her fault i just wish she would let loose or make an effort#my other situation is my childhood best friend#i love her a lot she’s amazing. but but but. sometimes i feel she can be too protective of me.#it comes from a place of knowing me for so long#and i do trust her opinions on people who i surround myself with bc she fucking hated those twins#but sometimes i feel she has been treating me differently since my neurodivergence diagnosis#even with a certain high school friend she held this dislike even when i said she was not like the twins#bc she was hanging out with the twins at the 21st#like this girl was also having her issues with the twins and was the person in the firing line of the breakup#even when i was in nl she was so worried about me and its nice to have her have my back#bc after that guy kissed me directly on the lips she suddenly became concerned about ppl taking advantage of me#and its like to me great she cares but also i did in fact learn from it#but she gets super defensive when ppl take advantage of me and i just wanna her to step back#i just feel sometimes i don’t need her feeling like she needs to protect me or that i need to hang neurodivergence up like a flag#idk its a lot. thank u for listening
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Sometimes I still think about how sweet it was when that anon checked on me last year when I was posting overly dark jokes. Thank you whoever you were, that was kind
#i am so much better now but last year was a bad one for me#there was a time in the fall where i literally couldn't get out of bed just because it felt pointless#anyway my mom also forced me to make a doctors appointment and luckily my doctor is super kind and got me on a good medication#but it also was just from stuff like losing my job struggling in school and going through the hurricane etc#im just so glad that i was pushed through that by concerned folks because im enjoying life much better now and that wasnt that long ago#anyway if you're struggling badly right now pls know its not hopeless#reach out for the help youre given and try to see yourself as worth it to fight for#take it little steps at a time#celebrate the small victories like having a shower or taking a walk or answering a call#the best thing for me other than the doctor was just finding ways to be around other people more#instead of feeling defeated i had to think of ways i could fix the loneliness that was affecting me so much#i had to get proactive like i started volunteering and started a book club etc#also i just made myself be very honest with the friends i already had about my struggles and it helps with feeling closer to them#and less alone in it all#because its not that uncommon to have those kinds of struggles and it helps other people open up about their own or just know how you are#the hardest things to do were the most rewarding things in the end#volunteering gave me a reason to get out of the house meeting new people and trying new things and feeling good about myself and#i had to remind myself that i was able to offer things of value and that other people like having me around actually#like the book club is something my friend group looks forward to so much and made new friends through and i started that!#even though i was nervous about it and didnt know if theyd like it at all#other people need you just as much as you need them and thats the truth bby#p
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#stfu chris#im not super concerned about keeping like. a 'clean' art tag here on tumblr#but i still wanna know if people here would actually be interested in seeing my scribbles
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feeling like im being driven to my execution (its a drs appointment)
#p#also thats a little dramatic but i do hate them so much#i was feelin like well ill be uncomfortable n miserable but its not the end of the world#buuuut then i remembered (TMI AHEAD U HAVE BEEN WARNED)#that last month ish when i was here for an actual concern (n agreed to this physical bleh)#i was told im overdue for another pap smear n like they cant force me into it ofc but i know its smart to do it#cuz i already have lots of anxieties abt what if i secretly have some disease or condition n im gonna die blah blah blahh#but last time it was so awful n i was like crying thru it cuz of the pain which. isnt normal#googling it afterwards i found ppl saying stuff like 'it might be weird n uncomfortable but not too bad'#so i was like well ok thats just me then i guess :/#n anyway i def think i have that condition called w/e cuz ive never been able to do any kind of like. anything in there#not like day to day its a huge deal but for this its not too fortunate :/#so long story short i remembered ill have to decide if ill let them do it again at this appt#n i was reading abt the process again n then uh oh crying -_-#omw now n idk what ill do tbh. def wanna say no but also idk i shld be responsible or smth#dies instead.#n anyway even if its just the super basic physical theyre gonna do ill still wanna become an incorporeal entity thing#hate it hereeeee (body)#its a PA im seeing who i remember being nice some other time i saw her so theres that at least#theyre gonna wanna weigh me tho i forgot that too jeez#i said no last time but idk. kms
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I keep seeing a little of what the entire internet sees in Astarion and I am interested in seeing more of that person but every time you get a glimpse of it he immediately covers it up by being an insufferable jackass. Whenever I replay I'll have to put up with enough of the jackass to see more of the other person, but he makes it really hard to want to interact with him for that long.
#bg3#apparently other people have different taste in insufferable behavior#bc Laezel is also constantly a jackass but she does it for me.#and clearly many people have that reaction to Gale but as far as Im concerned hes perfect#i have been finding even the characters I definitely don't click with are enjoyable people when they're in their quest specific space#karlach super doesn't do it for me but I like seeing her talk about touch#this post was about Astarion#Wyll actually clicks meaningfully better now than he started out doing. ill probably do a solo playthrough as him at some point#i wonder how Ill feel about canon Shadowheart when Im no longer interacting with Ash's version of Shadowheart#anyway great game#Im comedically anti-Astarion-fandom just bc I don't get it at all and it takes up so much space on here#but I think that guy is awesome actually. i mean even the things I dislike in him are very characterful#he's just hard to be around
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all eugenia posts are bad but the worst are like "she was so beautiful here <//////3 why can't she go back to this. " and it's a photo of her just like slightly less anorexic but still. pretty anorexic.
#ill say it the only reason shes so notorious is bcs shes one of the like ''ugly'' skinny anorexics#actually the worst is people being like why isnt this freak dead yet like legitimately whats wrong with you#like you can fucking tell shes still super underweight in the like 2 pictures spresd around she just doesnt have ana face#concerned people on the internet like please stop being ugly tell me youll stop for me#its so like#its evil what people say to her honestly and the things she does r like way overblown people hate her bcs shes ugly thats it. thats it#everything else is desperately trying to find justification. nit-picking or misunderstanding anorexia symptoms as character flaws#its literally the same as like amberlynn ried shit not even in the opposite direction it all stems from the same place#tw#ed m#im not exaggerating on the word evil btw the fact she hasnt livstreamed some frantic act of mutilation bcs of the swarms of the worst most#triggering comments to ever exist she gets on a daily basis is legit a miracle
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