#im actually so fucking tired but i cant sleep what is life

[ttroubledwaters]

It's 3 in the morning and I'm bouta try to go to sleep but I just wanted to tell everyone i am NOT insomniac, sometimes I just can't sleep. And by sometimes I mean like every single night, even with melatonin or any other sleeping draught I'm still up for hours BUT STILL IM NOT INSOMNIAC.

[halinski]

.

[izzy-b-hands]

My doctor messaging me at 12:30 in the morning to tell me she wants to do a telehealth visit abt the side effects I'm having with my new Lamotrigine dose (including worse insomnia than my usual insomnia, as u may have guessed lmao) is. something.

[im2tired4usernames]

They stole any possible joy of motherhood I could have possibly wanted they stole my entire childhood they stole my teenage years my twenties and they continue to steal my future they won't be happy untill they've taken my whole life

[coloursofaparadox]

im still not over the sleep thing one sec i gotta rant about this shit

[stuck-in-the-ghost-zone]

i love christmas in theory but its scary to me how little i remenber to do things

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[beecampbell]

been crying a lot. sad a lot. was a bad idea to get into a long distance relationship. didnt learn from lilsimsie.

[phagodyke]

didnt think it was actually physically possible to experience worse period cramps than I was already getting every month but being back on the pill again has proven me wrong 🫠🫠🫠🫠

[sensitivegoblin]

Vent

Tw: SH and su!c!de

[puppmeo]

Have you ever been assumed to be romantically attracted to someone and even just the thought of that makes you want to throw up . Anybody

[dreamingpine]

do you think my characters hate me for loving them and hateing them and putting them thru it?

[echoesofadream]

im an idiot

[boysbeware2]

all the old tptm girl journal entries w the new (if anyone wants to see them again and compare them)

please proceed with caution as many of these could be upsetting to read

disposable girl (jordyn)

(old)

i cant fucking stand this. i try so goddamn hard to make friends, to be attractive to people, to be even somewhat appealing to them etc etc. it never works. i thought it would get better the older i get. thats what i was told. guess what! i was fucking lied to!!! im alwasy left out of EVERYTHING i never get invited to shit and my own friends ignore me all the time. everyone looks at me weird. i cant go in public anymore im so fucking terrified of everyone. nobody fuckinf wants me, man. im so close to doing something stupid i feel so gross and ugly and dumb i should actually just die id be doing everyone a favor LOL

(new)

man, i havent been on here in forever. the internet is kind of dumb. what is there to say? my friend group celebrated our outpatient graduation anniversary the other day, that was pretty nice. we’re all trying to figure out housing stuff, nora’s been helping with that. freyja + mayra + kairi found a place already (how are they so responsible??) and the rest of us are trying to find places near them so we can visit more often. i never expected to have such a big group of friends. if you told me 2 years ago that i’d be living like this, i wouldn’t believe you. it’s still surreal to me. i’m not sure what i did to deserve them. same goes for my girlfriends. i don’t wanna say who just yet, we’re still figuring things out, but i’m just so thankful for them. i feel so lucky to have a second chance at life. i really didn’t believe people when they said it would get better, and then it did. how funny…..

irreverent girl (kairi)

(old)

I do not want God to see me anymore. I do not want anymore eyes on me. This is near unbearable. I have no one to turn to. My mother is in the church. Many of my friends are in the church. They would tell me to find hope through Christ. They would tell me to pray to Him. They would tell me that He will save me. He must not remember He made me, and if He does, He simply does not care. I know this is unbecoming of me, and I don't mean to be dramatic. I am simply depressed, nervous, and I cannot tell what's real and what isn't anymore. I know I'm supposed to hear God speaking to me, but I do not, and I am tired of straining my ears. I just want to see a doctor. I want some kind of tangible solution. I do not want to pray anymore. Praying hurts. I only do it when I am afraid, but I am afraid much of the time. I don't want to be unheard anymore. I do not want to hold out hope for someone who does not act like they're there. I am hurting. I am hurting. I am hurting. Belief is hurting me. The idea of God is hurting me. I need an out. I am hurting.

(new)

When I have a job and money and I can move away from my shitty Mormon parents

splitter girl (tahira)

(old)

theres something so broken in me thats beyond saving. so i dont know why i keep trying to be saved. i meant to kill myself when i was 18. i didnt. all ive wanted to do lately is kill someone or something. i havent. im too much of a pussy to plan anything concrete, no matter how much i hate everyone around me. no matter how much i get off to videos of people dying or how much i love cutting myself i cant actually take action against other people. i am fucking purposeless. i was born from evil and i will always be evil and i cant even live up to that. i hate myself i hate myself i HATE myself and the universe hates me too. i dont know what to fucking do at this point. i talked to one of my friends about wantingto die and they said smthn about hospitalizing myself. maybe. i dunno. i dont know what else there is for me/. my eyes are fucking burning from lookign at my computer for so long adn not getting any goddamn sleep. i am not a good person. i dont think i can be helped but i just dont wanna fucking keep goign to school and being around people and pretending like everything is norma;l. i cant keep doing it. what the fuck is wrong with me whagt happened. why cant i be loved or feel love for other people when did something change in me that switched the aggression and affection parts of my brain. im hyperventilating ill be back. maybe

(new)

getting myself onigiri from this one good boba place 2nite bc im 8 months clean…… its the little things~ ^^

fainéant girl (freyja)

(old)

i know i dont hate being disabled... i just hate being disabled in a society that makes existing difficult... but sometimes i really just dont want to be disabled anymore. i dont want my family to lecture me about how i could be helping out more, or how i should get a job. i dont want teachers to keep asking me whats wrong or the fuckin uni counselor to try to get me hospitalized. i dont want to be in so much pain anymore, to feel so exhausted that i cant even do so much as prepare food for myself, let alone do anything meaningful or fulfilling. its not fair. i shouldnt have to stay inside and sit in the dark all day,. i should be able to have friends. to talk to people and to go out with them and to feel like i am alive. its lonely and traumatic to suffer through this and on top of that no one around me understands, and they never fully will. i am tired of trying to justify my existence to everyone, to explain the pain that i am in and why i shouldnt have to experience it. i know the problem isnt me. i know i live in a world that isnt built for me. but if the world cant change then sometimes i truly feel that i should just stop living in it. my lifespan is already shorter than everyone else's anyways. what difference does it make

(new)

my qpps didnt seem to appreciate me playing Alien Kids Alien Rap for them. Do they even love me

caliber girl (nora)

(old)

唉～It is 3 AM and I should go to sleep but I can’t. I have a work zoom meeting early in the morning and I gotta hit the gym also because I haven’t done leg day in like… weeks. Oh well, it doesn’t even matter. My value is depleting but I don’t think I care anymore. The turnaround date for my code is also in a couple of days and I haven’t made any progress. I keep getting the same error and I’m too tired to figure out what’s wrong. I might get fired at this rate LOL(笑). If that happens, I think I’ll just consider ending it all. Not that anybody will miss me. God I sound so weak and pathetic right now. When did it get like this. How did it get like this. I’m sure I’ll be fine. I’ve been through worse before and this is nothing. Ugh, why is it so hard to breathe? My chest hurts and I feel like something is wrong but I don’t know how to make it go away. Should I call someone about this? No. No one is awake or around to help. I’ll be fine. I’ll just sleep it off. Shake it off… shake it off…

(new)

My Tamagotchi beeped during a meeting fml

chocolate box girl (morgan)

(old)

i thought i was doing better but i cant stop thinking about them. their touch, their interests, their smile, everything. the worst part is that i miss them, after all of what they've done to me. i was 13. i dont even feel justified calling it rape since our relationship was so muddy... they never yelled at me or was angry at me, they just got so sad when i tried to speak my mind, and got all my friends to hate me when we finally broke up. i never said no so i feel like im insulting actual survivors by feeling violated. i wasnt even trying to get into a relationship with them, it just happened... i feel like everyone around me wants me in the same way they did, even though im an adult now and i dont even try to make myself appealing. i wish i could trust people not to take advantage of me, and i feel disgusting and selfish for feeling like everyone has ulterior motives of getting me to fall in love with them, or worse. that's so self centered of me. i dont know how long i can keep doing this

(new)

girl help i cant stop looking at anime figures on japan yahoo auctions !!!!!

taxidermy girl (mayra)

(old)

I don't remember ever not having a sex drive, is that normal ? I was born and then it was all downhill from there, something happened to me sexually i think, I don't know what happened, because I don't remember much, but something happened and I was beaten for it and yelled at and my mother hated me, and now I am an adult and I try to have sex, and I'm not there mentally, even if my body is participating, I feel like I am in the past again, being beaten and yelled at . I want to keep trying, I want to have fun, to feel safe in someone else's arms, to reach the heights of pleasure, but my mind scares me so much, I haven't been able to eat anything today because I feel so horrified by my body . If I was good I would have been born as a nonsexual being, no parts, no desires, no instincts, a blank slate, too empty to be enjoyed . Do you know what it feels like, to have your mother tell you people want to sexually abuse you when you are a child, and then to be made fun of by your peers for being so ugly, to have your middle school and high school classmates joke about how much they don't want to have sex with you ? I am illicit and undesirable at the same time, I am everyone's last option, I am nothing and still too much, rotting deer meat on the side of the road . I wish I had been born as something beautiful and pure, I wish I could start over, that whatever that initial sin was had never been committed .. I want to start over

(new)

Went to a kink event the other night and everyone was so nice … The low lights were fucking with my vision so one of the hosts helped me navigate the place . I ❤️ you random disabled ally with a pup mask on

chemical girl (joy)

(old)

LMAOOOOO im too angry and miserable to be around. i think i just need to give up at this point because theres clearly like. something broken inside me that cant be fixed. that has 2 be it because i try to talk and i just sound cold, i try to make a joke and it comes out overly edgy and unfunny, i try to be like everyone else but its too much. i cant even be a collection of the positive traits i see in others, i try to replicate it and it comes out warped and wrong. im either fucking enraged or in abject misery or way too happy and nobody can keep up with me. the thing is i dont even blame them. i wouldnt want to be around me either. do u know what thats like? being someone you wouldnt want to know? i keep hoping that one day ill wake up and suddenly be normal, the mood swings will be gone and everyone will like me and i wont do stupid shit that pisses them off. but i know that day isnt coming. theres no hope for me and i want to say sorry to everyone who has ever had the misfortune of knowing me but i know it wouldnt do anything. theres nothing i could ever do to make myself right

(new)

i need to convince my gf to take me to Round One again soon

refraction girl (nataana)

(old)

i don't want to do this anymore. i'm going somewhere better

(new)

talked with my psych and i’ll be starting TMS soon, it’s some thing where they put magnets to ur brain and it’s supposed to treat depression.. trying to temper my expectations bc i’ve tried so many treatments that just do nothing for me, but i’d be lying if i said my hopes weren’t riding on this. i want to confidently say i’m glad to be alive. i feel like i’m getting closer to that

nurse parallel/machine girl (xiomara)

(old)

I am so excited... Tomorrow my experimental outpatient treatment plan begins!!! I'm beyond delighted. I have complicated feelings about my DID being in remission, but it's nice to feel stable enough to be in charge of something this big, and to not have terrible gaps in my memory anymore. I still don't remember everything that happened to me, but maybe I don't need to. At this stage of my life, I feel content. I can confidently say everything was worth it. I want to help others feel that way, too. I think I can.

(new)

I’m meeting up with a new friend tomorrow… I feel nervous, but it’s a good nervousness, I think!

[bkgml]

MORE EX BF BAKUGO STUFFS PLSSSSSS

actually my fav trope it’s an illness 🙈

*incoming call from kirishima*

is the notification lighting up your screen.

it’s 3am, is what the clock is telling you as you crack an eye open while groaning.

“fuck.” you whine as you grab your phone, sliding your thumb to the answer button.

“hello?” you croak, still tired from sleep.

you hear an uneasy sigh from the other line.

“uhm. hey yn. it’s kirishima.” he says.

you can hear the urgency in his voice even though he’s desperately trying to hide it.

“hi kirishima. why are you calling me?” you say as politely as you can for it being 3 in the morning.

“i know it’s late, i’m sorry. bakugou got in an accident, it’s bad.” he says and your heart drops.

“that sucks, i’m sorry. we’re broken up though. so uh… what does this have to with me?” you ask timidly.

“is that her? let me fucking talk to her!” you hear the voice of your ex boyfriend in the background.

“i don’t want to talk to him.” you say calmly.

you hear a sigh from the other end followed by a ‘hang on’.

“i know. the situation is complicated though, can you let me explain?” he asks and you can hear the pleads in his tone.

you pause before speaking.

“…alright fine.” you breathe.

“thanks. bakugou man im going in the bathroom for a second!” he calls to katsuki.

you hear rustling and shouting before the click of a doorknob.

“okay. he needs you.” he says slowly, cautiously.

“kirishima-“ you frown.

“i know.” he cuts in.

“we got attacked by villains today and he got hit with a memory loss quirk.”

“so… what does he remember?” you whisper.

“pretty much everything important. except…”

you stay silent while you wait in anticipation for his response.

“the breakup.”

your breath hitches.

“kirishima, open the fucking door! i need to talk to her!”

you can hear the pounding.

the pounding on the door.

along with the pounding of your heart in your ears.

“yn. he needs you. i know this is awful to ask of you. we don’t know how long this will last and in his mind, the love of his life is refusing to see him after he’s been injured. please come. please.”

the pounding continues.

“yn! baby, can you hear me? what did i do?? just let me talk to you. kirishima let me talk to her!”

he’s pleading through the door. like he was on your last night together.

“fuck. fine. i’ll be there in ten but i want all of you to delete my number after this.” you say as you rip the covers off your body in annoyance.

you walk up the stairs of your ex boyfriends apartment building, where you left your heart six months ago.

you knock on the door and kirishima half opens it, restricting you from bakugou.

“hey. thank you for this.” he says, quietly.

you switch your weight on your feet and glance at you hands.

“yeah… what do i need to do exactly?” you sigh.

kirishima clears his throat awkwardly.

“well. knowing him he will probably kick me out so it’ll just be the two of you. since he has no memory he’ll probably act however he would after a fight with you.” he replies.

“so he’s going to kiss and hug me?” you frown, raking a hand through your hair.

kirishima sighs before the two of you hear loud footsteps, barreling towards you.

“baby?! hey, what did i do? hm? come inside.” bakugou mumbles out, reaching for your arms.

you smile weakly before you’re being pulled into the apartment by your wrist.

he brings the two of you to sit on the couch and you look at kirishima.

“act natural!” he mouths to you.

“hey, suki.” you softly say, nickname foreign on your tongue.

“did we get in a fight?” he asks.

you gulp, playing with your fingers.

“yeah. kind of.” you reply.

he huffs to himself.

“i cant fucking remember. i still cant. damn quirk should’ve worn off by now.” he glares at his coffee table, arms crossed.

you hesitate but eventually place your hand on his back, rubbing comforting circles into his skin.

he looks at you softly.

“can we fight tomorrow when i remember? just wanna sleep with you.” he whispers, frown present on his face.

you sigh, taking a moment to think to yourself.

“okay, katsuki.” you smile wearily.

he leans forward to press soft kisses to your lips.

you exhale into the kiss, bringing your hand up to cup his face.

he shift to kiss down your neck before nuzzling into it.

“okay guys, i’m still here.” kirishima says awkwardly.

you laugh lightly and katsuki frowns at him.

“are you stayin over?” katsuki asks. he’s familiar with kirishima needing to stay the night after dangerous missions. his own home seeming too empty and dark.

kirishima nods and katsuki stands from the couch, pulling you with him.

“night.” the boys say to each other as kirishima settles on the couch and katsuki pulls you to his room.

you look behind you and kirishima sends you a comforting smile.

as soon as the door shut behind the two of you, you felt katsukis hands under your arms until he tosses you on his bed.

you laugh lightly, your mind feeding you bittersweet memories of moments just like this one.

katsuki crawls up the bed until he reaches your stomach, flopping down onto you and burying his face into your shirt.

“hi.” you say sweetly.

soon your shirt is lifted and he’s pressing open mouthed kisses into your skin.

“hi. ‘m sorry we fought. love you.” he mumbles, lifting himself on his forearms and crawling higher up on your body.

you nod. failing to reciprocate his love.

he frowns and sucks the skin under your collarbone.

“love you.” he repeats again, frown on his face.

“kats-.” you whine, voice breaking.

“what’s going on? was our fight bad?” he soothes, rubbing circles into your cheek with his thumb.

you feel your tears bubble over as you nod.

going to wipe your tears before he could see them. he beat you to it, kissing them away then pressing a warm kiss to your temple.

“it’s over now, yeah?” he asks.

you whimper and tuck your face into his neck.

“i want it to be but when your memory comes back you’re gonna leave me again.” you cry, fisting his shirt while tripping over your words.

he shushes you, bringing a hand to the back of your head and scratching your back.

“it’s okay, sweet thing. we’re okay.” he whispers against your neck.

“just go to sleep, yeah?”

you nod hesitantly and katsuki rolls onto his back with you clinging on.

you cuddle up sweetly on his chest and he scratches your back until you drift off.

“are we broken up?” katsuki asks shakily.

kirishima turns to see katsuki standing in the doorway.

“uhhhh. i don’t think you and me were ever together.” kirishima laughs uncomfortably.

“you know what i fucking mean.”

kirishima groans, dragging a hand down his face.

“i’m trying to stay out of this.” he frowns.

bakugou clenches his fists.

“i deserve to know.”

“katsuki?” you call from the bedroom.

“you’re telling me tomorrow.” he frowns at kirishima.

kirishima nods in reply and katsuki walks back into the bedroom.

“hi sweets.” he smiles, climbing into bed with you and kissing your neck.

you scratch at the base of his hairline in appreciation.

“why’d you go?” you ask softly.

he knows you’re trying not to sound scared.

even though you both know you were a little tense.

“my memory’s still gone.” he smiles, giving you soft kisses.

“just needed some water.” he says against your lips.

“mmm.” you hum into the kiss, relief washing over you.

“let’s lay down, yeah?”

“let’s lay down, yeah?”

“i cant.” you sputter, gasping through sobs.

his hands are on your face, wiping your tears with his thumbs.

you shake your head while stepping back, using your hands to push at his chest.

“baby.” he reasons.

“you can’t call me that.” you whine.

“i love you so much, just sleep here with me.” he pleads.

you wrap your hands around his wrists and tug his hand from your face harshly.

“is that you talking? or the commission?” you say coldly.

his face turns solemn, allowing his arms to drop.

“i just want you to be safe.” he whispers.

you fist his shirt.

“you keep me safe.” you cry, tears flowing freely.

he wraps his arms around you, tightly.

“the commission doesn’t think so, sweets.” he replies, his own eyes filling with tears.

you watch as the love of your life’s memory comes back.

and he watches while yours fill with tears.

you grab onto his shirt with the tightest grip you can muster.

“please don’t go, katsu.” you whimper.

his face morphs into the familiar face that plagues your dreams.

“no.” you plead.

“no. no. no.”

he drops his head so his face is in your neck.

“i need you safe. you’re not safe when you’re with me.” you feel tears on your neck.

“i don’t wanna be safe. i want you.”

he brings his head up to look at you.

“i want you too.” you smile through your tears at his words.

he kisses your cheeks softly.

“but we can’t be together, baby. at least not for now.” he says, pressing his forehead to yours.

the two of your cry together, entangled in each others embraces.

until you fall asleep, dried tears on your faces and his lips on your forehead.

part 2

[bazooka-overkill]

i cant stop drinking oil i just cant stop /ref

I CANT STOP DRAWING THESE.... GHRRRRR THESE GAY PEOPLE!!11!1!!!! explodes

erm sum headshots + explanations as to how they r during contender mode, TD, and when sandman wins his title back (2009 wii version btw......,,)

also again im still trying to figure out how 2 draw everyone so sandman might look odd lmao

the headshots themselves:

more info under cut cuz theres a lot of info

contender mode:

clementine 🍊

after working with sandman for over a decade, he's EXTREMELY confident that sandman will keep his title; he'll only lose it when he retires.

however, after seeing that star punch... he may have some doubts. but that's okay.

paperwork has been a steady stream and never ending, but that's the usual. sponsorships have been interested in little mac vs sandman, and clementine is happy to entertain the idea of more media attention.

he's excited to see his champ win another round. plus, he's got his two week vacation soon. woohoo!

sandman ⏳

he's been at the top for years. there's no one that can bring him down.

he's heard of the little guy— what was his name? little mac?— running through the circuits. he was at bald bull so far, and that fight was scheduled for next week.

sandman's not really worried. he has been training more often, just in case. clementine's been helping out a bit with that.

TD:

clementine 🍊

well, shit. there goes his vacation.

sponsorships are pulling in and out, the media somehow found out where he lives, and there's so much happening that clementine thinks he's going crazy.

clementine thought he had imagined sandman's haircut.

he hasn't slept in god knows how long; the paperwork wormed its way into when he's supposed to sleep.

and, shit, the time he ISN'T at work is spent falling back into old habits.

he's *trying* to get a meeting with sandman to discuss what the hell happened during that match, but he isn't answering any of his calls or texts.

no one has seen him, but clementine knows where he is: training.

he'll go down to where he thinks sandman is in a minute. just... he needs to lay down first.

sandman ⏳

livid doesn't cover half of how pissed he is.

he fucked up badly. lost the title he held for however long he had.

now look at him: a mess. a tired, bloody-knuckled mess.

he hasn't slept, hasn't eaten, hasn't been anywhere but his apartment and the gym.

he needs to train. even if his knuckles are bleeding, even if his body aches, even if his phone is blowing up with texts and calls and whatever else.

sandman wants his title back. that's *his* title.

fuck the sponsorships.

fuck the cameras.

fuck the money.

he's the world champ.

title won back:

clementine 🍊

he's seen a lot in his career, but a real life speedrun of a boxing career? never.

in just under a year, clementine watched someone absolutely pummel the competition, become the champion, and then retire.

while clementine was absolutely thrilled that sandman got his title back, he was worried. very worried.

knowing sandman's anger problems, especially seeing the building he broke, clementine recommended— forced— sandman into therapy. the last thing he wanted for him was his license being suspended due to anger issues in the ring.

clementine put himself back in therapy as well. surprisingly, the WVBA actually accepted both of them going into therapy. go figure.

paperwork has slowed down, but it's still there. the media is still harassing him, but that's normal.

all that matters is that sandman is fine.

and that his fuck ass haircut is gone.

sandman ⏳

the once familiar weight of the belt feels... odd.

his title is back in his hands before.

sure, his record was now 31-1, but maybe that's the reason why he feels weird.

yeah. that's why. no other reason.

no... other reason.

just focus on protecting his title from now on.

me working on this: