#im a horrible patient

[whumpshaped]

I'm probably super late & no pressure to respond but I want to share a scar story! (Maybe it can inspire writers who want to read a firsthand experience about some OUCHITY OUCH pain.)

I have a tiny straight line of a scar along the nail of my big toe. But the interesting bit is just, the painful part tbh. It's wild but might be squick. So again, no need to respond or read it all. Bail if it gets too squick. Nothing life threatening or gorey, just big ouchers.

(CW: I had a Matrixectomy/partial nail removal. But he forgot the local anesthetic.)

I was like 14 yrs old and had a really infected spot on my toe where my nail had become ingrown that kept getting infected again if I stubbed my toe etc. so my mom took me to a medical clinic & they performed a Matrixectomy. But without a local anesthetic.

So it's one nurse, one doctor guy and my mom. He just gets right to it after all of the tools are brought out and was pushing teeny mini scissors/cutters into the infected skin area that was really tender and painful by just barely walking on it, cutting a straight line on my nail to the base of the nail to remove the problem area. With No injection for numbing. I was like a 90lb stickboy of a beanpole but my mom had to help the nurse hold my legs down bc it was so hard to stay still and not roll around in pain. I tried not to cry too much and didn't scream bloody murder because I didn't want to inconvenience the doctor or freak my mom out but that shit HURT. Then he applied the acid with a q-tip or something that scars the area so the nail in that section doesn't grow back. That also hurt.

Once it was over I sat up and nearly passed out so they had to make me lay back down, & brought me a wet towel for my forehead. Once I was good to get up we walk out the door to pay or whatever, idr, I just know I almost passed out in the hall on the way to the counter, and then one more time in the parking lot before I got in the car to go home. The gauze was so tight my toe was throbbing, I was literally just writhing in pain on my mom's bed for 1 or 2 hrs till I loosened the wrapping and the pain finally went down enough that I could sleep it off with an Ibuprofen.

A couple weeks later the nail still curled into my skin and got infected again. 🫠 I nearly cried when I saw the pus it was gross and I didn't want to go through the procedure again, I was an anxious wreck over it. We go to another clinic, get told the first guy did it wrong/incorrectly somehow, then get directed to a podiatrist to fix it for real this time.

That podiatrist was the nicest doctor in the world. When the nurse brought out the tray with the tools right before they were going to start my eyeballs took one look at the instruments and just WEPT without my say-so. It didn't even feel like crying. It just felt like water coming out of my eyeballs without my consent. They were so understanding about it. 😭 I felt like I was being a big fat wuss, or a crybaby. But I was scared. "Sorry. I'm good. It just really hurt last time." And they'd heard the story so they knew so I was gonna trust them to NOT do that they reassured both my mom and I they'd make sure it didn't hurt.

Then he injected the local anesthesia to numb my toe and get to work. All I felt was him vaguely pushing my toe around for a better angle and a little bit of pressure and then bam. It was over and done. 0 pain whatsoever. It was fuckin INCREDIBLE. 20/10 experience.

IDK why that first guy kept going when the patient was clearly in so much pain or distressed he had to be held down. I was like 14. >:( But it makes for a good story to tell.

& that's my traumatic scar horror story of the smallest scar I have. :D

THATS INSANE. SOME DOCTORS ARE SO DUMB AND SHOULD NOT BE PRACTISING. also yeah i know abt this procedure bc .. i obsessively watch videos w it.. dont even. dont even say anything. i know. i know.

im soooo sorry u went thru that shit thats so bad. but im glad it got fixed later.

[vpvrtment]

car & some coffee

p8re0n reward for @ donlalo.jr on instagram!

[housewifebuck]

7 sentence sunday

tagged by @spotsandsocks @shitouttabuck @devirnis @lover-of-mine @wikiangela @honestlydarkprincess @cowboy-buck @callaplums

I cannot believe whump won the poll with u horny bastards. but here's a little bit of a sickfic I impulsively started and wrote 1k words of at approximately 2am last night 🤪

“Oh, Buck,” he murmurs, and Buck starts suddenly, lifting his head like he’s only just noticed Eddie’s there. His lips quirk upward into a weak smile that Eddie can’t help but return.  “You’re here,” Buck says, voice raw and scratchy. Eddie moves to his side, sitting on the half of the coffee table that isn’t already occupied by a six-pack of ginger ale, an uncapped bottle of Pepto Bismol, a bottle of water, and a sealed sleeve of saltine crackers. It paints a fairly obvious picture even without the lined wastebasket on the floor beside Buck’s head. Eddie reaches out to flatten his palm against the base of Buck’s neck. His skin is hot to the touch, and Eddie’s hand comes away damp.

tagging @eddiebabygirldiaz @eddiediaztho @diazblunt @arthursdent @singlethread @loserdiaz @bigfootsmom @911onabc @elvensorceress @sibylsleaves @disasterbuckdiaz @monsterrae1 @giddyupbuck @bucks118 @gayhoediaz @theotherbuckley

[bunnihearted]

🕸🎀˚.⁺⊹

[akimojo]

people love to use ffxiii’s messy development as a reason to completely shit on the game but honestly the fact they managed to sneak in so many little details in the gameplay in a way that reflects the characters and story despite all the miscommunication between the dev sections is just impressive to me

[bogkeep]

complaining about gender clinic again

mid-may: coincidentally finds out that the gender clinic offers [resource] they never informed me or nearly anyone else about, gets help from one of the nurses to order [resource] except she's going to send me more info over email first :)

(late july: my GP can also order [resource] for me and does so, it's different than the one i ordered through gender clinic because i wasn't sure if gender clinic was going to send me the [resource i ordered] or not. GP order goes through immediately)

early august, back from travelling: well i haven't received any emails nor word about [resource] so i'll shoot them a message

mid-august: well i haven't received any replies to my message so i'll call them even though their call times are a scarce two hours every weekday. i'm told they'll call me back over the week

this monday: over a week has passed and i received no call. i will call them again! the lady on the phone says i should contact the regional centre because that's where they send [resource orders] :) and if i don't want to do that i should call [different number that has call times only twice a week]

today: "hello special gender clinic number i really want a follow up about this thing one of your nurses promised but i have been completely unable to get a single word about despite contacting you multiple times"

"oh no!! i see you sent us a message weeks ago and nobody answered it! this isn't supposed to happen!"

"one would think"

(and then she actually emailed me!!!!! yippee!!!!!!!!!!!!! THIS TIME IT BETTER GO THROUGH I SWEAR TO GOD.)

[avpdyapping]

I messed up today, didnt put the dishwasher on when I was meant to, which meant my housemate/friend didn't have any cutlery for their dinner. they said it was fine, but even after apologising over text I was panicking about it, worried that i fucked up irreparably and that they hated me, etc etc the usual spiralling. I wanted to hide in my room but instead I made myself go out and apologize properly in person. and it was okay! I got reassurance that they weren't mad, I said that I would try harder, and I felt better about it all, and now I will be able to sleep tonight without working myself up into an anciety attack or whatever over it

I've been trying to force myself to face things in person more, to walk out of my room and up to my friends and talk about whats worrying me. confrontation fucking sucks, especially if they are actually upset at me, but its a lot better than hidinv away and letting the conflict fester, or tie myself up in knots over a non issue.

[stuffedsand]

for the violence ask game: 8 common fandom opinion everyone is wrong about. for milgram. i know exactly what you're going to say i just want to see you go off again

Hiii bestie. You do know what I'm about to talk about. Yippee

Disclaimer that this whole essay is like. For fun and how I say things is ramped up to be funny. I don't mind if you disagree w me cuz like that's the nature of things! We disagree but we can get along.

Anyways short answer for people who don't wanna see the essay: organ harvesting theory. This is about shidou.

Idk how prevalent it is rn since not many people even talk about shidou but it was prevalent enough in June when I got into milgram that I believed it for a bit anyways the rest in under the cut cuz I'm insane sorrg

SO the main reason I think the theory is WRONG (hyperbole‼️) is because I just think it's unrealistic. Man works in a hospital in Japan. How would he pull it off. Scuff an operation bad enough to cause braindeath/death and I'm p sure they suspend your medical licence, if he participated in an organ harvesting operation pre-family-accident his case would then be black and white cuz he was doing it in complete sound mind with no regard for human life. Also it wouldn't justify the extreme reaction he's had to realizing, specifically, "what I've been robbing people of" (t1 voice trailer), and he wouldn't have as heavy a focus on the relatives' feelings and reactions. At least story writing wise it'd make less sense since it doesn't allude to anything if that's the end goal? Imo at least. Idk maybe this is because I really like tragedies in media. Also because it'd be a really disproportionately severe crime compared to every other direct murderer???? Like. We have strangled someone, stabbed someone, bludgeoning, bludgeoning, kicked someone to death. Organ harvesting looks cartoony in this context. It's also not a very prevelant issue in Japan iirc.

Also to prove my point further. If we use this theories the murders would be

Strangling, abortion??????, cyber bullying, stabbing, organ harvesting, toxic r/s, telling the truth (lmao), bludgeoning, bludgeoning, bludgeoning (minus weapon). Organ harvesting is goofy cuz it seems so.... Extreme,,,,,,,

ALSSOOOOO funny point. If he's not directly involved in his murder (as in, unintentional and indirect) that makes 5 direct and 5 indirect. Silly.

Also also his murder seems somewhat tied to how he feels about his job itself ("I wanted to contribute to society (about his career choice)/I had thought my work was a contribution to society", use of past tense) and to me it reads like hes disillusioned w his job esp since his reason for getting a highly sought after, high paying and high social ranking job is "I wanted to contribute to society". Doctors with that empathy can be affected by the death around them more severely and I think that's a fun topic to look at

I count this under "common fandom opinion" cuz it was common enough around June (whenyours truesly got into milgram) that I believed it. I mean I introduced shidou to my friend (hello clown) as "maybe Dr malpractice. Organ harvesting dude" and said friend (hello again clown) is also the one who's heard me bash the organ harvesting theory like 6 times at least now so. Yippee.

Take none of this seriously I just got off a plane and am so very eepy. If you like the organ harvesting theory good for you!!!!!!!💥💥💥💥💥 you do you bestie !!!!!!!!!!!!!! I literally do not think less of anyone who believes that theory I just personally dont lmao

[xythlia]

my bf being a therapist is actually really enlightening because I've learned a whole lot about how to spot a bad therapist

[dykesbites]

we have to do an assignment for english where we discuss things/events that had an impact on our literacy (like if we were encouraged to read as a kid, how we grew as writers etc) and i was vividly reminded of the time i was reading a magic treehouse book to my mom and i couldnt get past a chapter title called "open sesame" and my mom refused to help me and forced me to sound it out a million times and i was literally crying for like thirty minutes until i figured it out. i was like six or seven i think

[butterscotch-brigade]

"delusions/mania/psychosis doesnt make you says/do/believe X" they literally can tho. ppl who have delusions or are experiencing manic/psychotic episodes would never normally say/do/believe the things that make up delusions. psychosis makes people VERY susceptible to believing things that are not true. thats like....one of the most common symptoms. thats what makes them DELUSIONS. come on guys

[sunshinesalmon]

thanks for that post. 10 years of medical training, humiliation and exams, followed by lack of employment due to cutbacks to healthcare, just so I can read your reblogged little post about how doctors say they know everything and humiliate patients. And the notes about how all doctors do is tell people they're fat. Which of course is the truth 100% of the time. Right. Great. Good to know nothing I ever did amounted to anything, that my own generation hates me. Thanks for that, thanks for the anxiety attack, for making me cry on the bus home, you shitbrick. There's no good doctors, mate, you're absolutely right. This doesn't hurt anyone, we don't try to go into this field because we care, because we want to help. We just want power and money, right? Because we're famously overpaid, us the doctors? True, right? Love and peace. I wish you the best. I'm going to fucking kill myself

crazy how you’re studying to become a doctor when you can’t read

[piplupod]

it really is kind of crazy how much lifelong abuse warps your nervous system's idea of safety and comfort. like I'm still living with my abuser(s) but every time i get home from the centre where they treat me kindly, i feel some kind of fear as if I've done something wrong while I was out but also this vague relief to be back at the place where abuse happens. it's so strange. i have such a wonderful time in a place where they listen to me and are interested in what i have to say and they treat me with kindness and respect, and then I come home to this hell house and I immediately feel ill but relieved because all of the niceness I'd just experienced feels so wrong, but now i'm back where i am hurt so that is comfortable. its what is known and expected.

it really is like abuse is just... what is comfortable for me. and I hate that. when I'm around people who treat me kindly I am always waiting for the metaphorical other shoe to drop, and also having to control my urge to ruin it purposefully before I ruin it accidentally. like some part of me sometimes wants to goad people into being angry at me because that feels like it's what is Supposed To Happen.

[lunarlicorice]

why does self discovery have to feel so BAD

[karamazovdmitri]

being a pharmacist is like, yes everything sucks because we're understaffed and ran like as a for profit business and the healthcare system is in shambles and meds are always fucking out of stock and there's people verbally abusing you the whole day because of things beyond your control, but it's also like there's the regulars that you get to know seeing them day after day, the ones who will remember when you tried everything to help them out, the people that you might not help because the healthcare system is so fucked but they'll thank you for taking the time to listen to them and believe them, and so yeah, despite how much it might suck some time, i do genuinely just try doing my best with what i have and i guess it is actually gratifying