#im a horrible patient
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I'm probably super late & no pressure to respond but I want to share a scar story! (Maybe it can inspire writers who want to read a firsthand experience about some OUCHITY OUCH pain.)
I have a tiny straight line of a scar along the nail of my big toe. But the interesting bit is just, the painful part tbh. It's wild but might be squick. So again, no need to respond or read it all. Bail if it gets too squick. Nothing life threatening or gorey, just big ouchers.
(CW: I had a Matrixectomy/partial nail removal. But he forgot the local anesthetic.)
I was like 14 yrs old and had a really infected spot on my toe where my nail had become ingrown that kept getting infected again if I stubbed my toe etc. so my mom took me to a medical clinic & they performed a Matrixectomy. But without a local anesthetic.
So it's one nurse, one doctor guy and my mom. He just gets right to it after all of the tools are brought out and was pushing teeny mini scissors/cutters into the infected skin area that was really tender and painful by just barely walking on it, cutting a straight line on my nail to the base of the nail to remove the problem area. With No injection for numbing. I was like a 90lb stickboy of a beanpole but my mom had to help the nurse hold my legs down bc it was so hard to stay still and not roll around in pain. I tried not to cry too much and didn't scream bloody murder because I didn't want to inconvenience the doctor or freak my mom out but that shit HURT. Then he applied the acid with a q-tip or something that scars the area so the nail in that section doesn't grow back. That also hurt.
Once it was over I sat up and nearly passed out so they had to make me lay back down, & brought me a wet towel for my forehead. Once I was good to get up we walk out the door to pay or whatever, idr, I just know I almost passed out in the hall on the way to the counter, and then one more time in the parking lot before I got in the car to go home. The gauze was so tight my toe was throbbing, I was literally just writhing in pain on my mom's bed for 1 or 2 hrs till I loosened the wrapping and the pain finally went down enough that I could sleep it off with an Ibuprofen.
A couple weeks later the nail still curled into my skin and got infected again. 🫠 I nearly cried when I saw the pus it was gross and I didn't want to go through the procedure again, I was an anxious wreck over it. We go to another clinic, get told the first guy did it wrong/incorrectly somehow, then get directed to a podiatrist to fix it for real this time.
That podiatrist was the nicest doctor in the world. When the nurse brought out the tray with the tools right before they were going to start my eyeballs took one look at the instruments and just WEPT without my say-so. It didn't even feel like crying. It just felt like water coming out of my eyeballs without my consent. They were so understanding about it. 😭 I felt like I was being a big fat wuss, or a crybaby. But I was scared. "Sorry. I'm good. It just really hurt last time." And they'd heard the story so they knew so I was gonna trust them to NOT do that they reassured both my mom and I they'd make sure it didn't hurt.
Then he injected the local anesthesia to numb my toe and get to work. All I felt was him vaguely pushing my toe around for a better angle and a little bit of pressure and then bam. It was over and done. 0 pain whatsoever. It was fuckin INCREDIBLE. 20/10 experience.
IDK why that first guy kept going when the patient was clearly in so much pain or distressed he had to be held down. I was like 14. >:( But it makes for a good story to tell.
& that's my traumatic scar horror story of the smallest scar I have. :D
THATS INSANE. SOME DOCTORS ARE SO DUMB AND SHOULD NOT BE PRACTISING. also yeah i know abt this procedure bc .. i obsessively watch videos w it.. dont even. dont even say anything. i know. i know.
im soooo sorry u went thru that shit thats so bad. but im glad it got fixed later.
#i had smth cut out of my foot when i was younger that idk the name of in english but i can confirm the local anaesthesia part#it rly does numb the area#but the needle was fucking huge my mom said she was waiting for it to just go thru my entire toe and come out the other side lmfao#anyway i also didnt make a sound bc i was afraid of inconveniencing the doctor#i do that w every doctor ever#im a horrible patient#they tell me 'hey let me know if it hurts' and im like ok :D and then stay silent. so silent.#im just so afraid of being a nuisance#ANYWAY#asks#scar stories and gore stories
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car & some coffee
p8re0n reward for @ donlalo.jr on instagram!
#ive been so late w rewards because ive had the most horrible year#ty for all being so patient w me#i went thru a lot in february#im finally recovering#furry#furry art#furry character#furry artwork#furries#fursona#ford#ford focus#donlalojr#not my oc
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#poll#adhd#baby’s first poll#also tagging#deadbiwrites#bc she is very patiently putting up with me right now lmao#the disorder is disordering#i hate it#i know why its doing this#logically i know its not a big deal#but It Is#please dont judge me for this horrible grammar im tired on every single level today
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7 sentence sunday
tagged by @spotsandsocks @shitouttabuck @devirnis @lover-of-mine @wikiangela @honestlydarkprincess @cowboy-buck @callaplums
I cannot believe whump won the poll with u horny bastards. but here's a little bit of a sickfic I impulsively started and wrote 1k words of at approximately 2am last night 🤪
“Oh, Buck,” he murmurs, and Buck starts suddenly, lifting his head like he’s only just noticed Eddie’s there. His lips quirk upward into a weak smile that Eddie can’t help but return. “You’re here,” Buck says, voice raw and scratchy. Eddie moves to his side, sitting on the half of the coffee table that isn’t already occupied by a six-pack of ginger ale, an uncapped bottle of Pepto Bismol, a bottle of water, and a sealed sleeve of saltine crackers. It paints a fairly obvious picture even without the lined wastebasket on the floor beside Buck’s head. Eddie reaches out to flatten his palm against the base of Buck’s neck. His skin is hot to the touch, and Eddie’s hand comes away damp.
tagging @eddiebabygirldiaz @eddiediaztho @diazblunt @arthursdent @singlethread @loserdiaz @bigfootsmom @911onabc @elvensorceress @sibylsleaves @disasterbuckdiaz @monsterrae1 @giddyupbuck @bucks118 @gayhoediaz @theotherbuckley
#do not be fooled this isn't actually angsty or anything#its like if whump was crack. basically#just buck being an absolutely horrible patient and Eddie being in love with him so hard#vomit tw#<- implied but still. just in case your emetophobia is as bad as mine#im facing my fears fr by writing this#ur welcome everyone (standing in front of an empty auditorium)#wip tag#tag games#untitled: sickfic
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people love to use ffxiii’s messy development as a reason to completely shit on the game but honestly the fact they managed to sneak in so many little details in the gameplay in a way that reflects the characters and story despite all the miscommunication between the dev sections is just impressive to me
#was xiii horribly planned out and missed out on a lot of important feedback because of the poor time management? absolutely#does that mean you cant be impressed with what the game achieved regardless of whether you liked it or not? fuck no#also the fact theres next to no bugs (not counting the pc port because... yeah) is amazing all things considered#and the graphics still hold up to this day#the linearity is everyones main issue with the game but look at x dude#x was linear as hell too but it makes sense bc yuna had a pilgrimage to follow#just as how it makes sense for the xiii cast to not have time to stop and explore cocoon while they were being hunted by the government#thats why you have so much more freedom to explore when youre on pulse#theres not even anything objectively wrong with having a game be linear in the first place#and the people complaining about the story being ''incoherent'' are just... wrong?#they give you enough hints within the dialogue to piece the story together yourself while also not leaning on exposition dumps to tell it#and if you cant do that then the datalogs are right THERE#games have relied on ''notes'' to tell parts of their story for ages now and i dont understand why its suddenly bad when xiii does it#i dont like sitting through exposition dumps and i like being able to analyse and theorize about a plot WHILE im experiencing it#and a lot of other people feel the same way so its not an objectively bad aspect of the game's storytelling#you just need to pay attention and be patient and wait for the story to unfold#i went off the rails but ANYWAY#aki stfu#final fantasy xiii
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complaining about gender clinic again
mid-may: coincidentally finds out that the gender clinic offers [resource] they never informed me or nearly anyone else about, gets help from one of the nurses to order [resource] except she's going to send me more info over email first :)
(late july: my GP can also order [resource] for me and does so, it's different than the one i ordered through gender clinic because i wasn't sure if gender clinic was going to send me the [resource i ordered] or not. GP order goes through immediately)
early august, back from travelling: well i haven't received any emails nor word about [resource] so i'll shoot them a message
mid-august: well i haven't received any replies to my message so i'll call them even though their call times are a scarce two hours every weekday. i'm told they'll call me back over the week
this monday: over a week has passed and i received no call. i will call them again! the lady on the phone says i should contact the regional centre because that's where they send [resource orders] :) and if i don't want to do that i should call [different number that has call times only twice a week]
today: "hello special gender clinic number i really want a follow up about this thing one of your nurses promised but i have been completely unable to get a single word about despite contacting you multiple times"
"oh no!! i see you sent us a message weeks ago and nobody answered it! this isn't supposed to happen!"
"one would think"
(and then she actually emailed me!!!!! yippee!!!!!!!!!!!!! THIS TIME IT BETTER GO THROUGH I SWEAR TO GOD.)
#as far as gender clinic fuckups go this is not as horrible and awful as their many other crimes#but it's so deeply annoying and frustrating#no wonder i as a patient had to contact them multiple times to check if they had forgotten about me for half a year#also i wouldnt usually assume the gender of strangers but we know for a fact that gender clinic doesn't hire trans people#and they don't understand the concept of gender noncomformity. so i think this is a safe assumption#they are so deeply incompetent#and i know they're 'under resourced' but maybe they'd have more resources fi they weren't constantly trying to sabotage their own services#all their head doctors talk as if they are a terrible horrible service that shouldn't exist but they are the last bastion#and if they don't have a monopoly then trans people would actually get to transition and we can't have that.#sorry im so angry with them aughehbdasjkdashk dsfjkdas it's fine! im fine. it's fine#the lady on the phone today was actually nice and helpful AND kept her promise. how fucking hard can it be
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I messed up today, didnt put the dishwasher on when I was meant to, which meant my housemate/friend didn't have any cutlery for their dinner. they said it was fine, but even after apologising over text I was panicking about it, worried that i fucked up irreparably and that they hated me, etc etc the usual spiralling. I wanted to hide in my room but instead I made myself go out and apologize properly in person. and it was okay! I got reassurance that they weren't mad, I said that I would try harder, and I felt better about it all, and now I will be able to sleep tonight without working myself up into an anciety attack or whatever over it
I've been trying to force myself to face things in person more, to walk out of my room and up to my friends and talk about whats worrying me. confrontation fucking sucks, especially if they are actually upset at me, but its a lot better than hidinv away and letting the conflict fester, or tie myself up in knots over a non issue.
#its far from the first time ive messed up re: household chores. im an incredibly bad housemate#i feel horrible but my friends are so patient with me and even though i dont understand how they can still like being around me. im grateful#for it#avpd#.txt
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for the violence ask game: 8 common fandom opinion everyone is wrong about. for milgram. i know exactly what you're going to say i just want to see you go off again
Hiii bestie. You do know what I'm about to talk about. Yippee
Disclaimer that this whole essay is like. For fun and how I say things is ramped up to be funny. I don't mind if you disagree w me cuz like that's the nature of things! We disagree but we can get along.
Anyways short answer for people who don't wanna see the essay: organ harvesting theory. This is about shidou.
Idk how prevalent it is rn since not many people even talk about shidou but it was prevalent enough in June when I got into milgram that I believed it for a bit anyways the rest in under the cut cuz I'm insane sorrg
SO the main reason I think the theory is WRONG (hyperbole‼️) is because I just think it's unrealistic. Man works in a hospital in Japan. How would he pull it off. Scuff an operation bad enough to cause braindeath/death and I'm p sure they suspend your medical licence, if he participated in an organ harvesting operation pre-family-accident his case would then be black and white cuz he was doing it in complete sound mind with no regard for human life. Also it wouldn't justify the extreme reaction he's had to realizing, specifically, "what I've been robbing people of" (t1 voice trailer), and he wouldn't have as heavy a focus on the relatives' feelings and reactions. At least story writing wise it'd make less sense since it doesn't allude to anything if that's the end goal? Imo at least. Idk maybe this is because I really like tragedies in media. Also because it'd be a really disproportionately severe crime compared to every other direct murderer???? Like. We have strangled someone, stabbed someone, bludgeoning, bludgeoning, kicked someone to death. Organ harvesting looks cartoony in this context. It's also not a very prevelant issue in Japan iirc.
Also to prove my point further. If we use this theories the murders would be
Strangling, abortion??????, cyber bullying, stabbing, organ harvesting, toxic r/s, telling the truth (lmao), bludgeoning, bludgeoning, bludgeoning (minus weapon). Organ harvesting is goofy cuz it seems so.... Extreme,,,,,,,
ALSSOOOOO funny point. If he's not directly involved in his murder (as in, unintentional and indirect) that makes 5 direct and 5 indirect. Silly.
Also also his murder seems somewhat tied to how he feels about his job itself ("I wanted to contribute to society (about his career choice)/I had thought my work was a contribution to society", use of past tense) and to me it reads like hes disillusioned w his job esp since his reason for getting a highly sought after, high paying and high social ranking job is "I wanted to contribute to society". Doctors with that empathy can be affected by the death around them more severely and I think that's a fun topic to look at
I count this under "common fandom opinion" cuz it was common enough around June (whenyours truesly got into milgram) that I believed it. I mean I introduced shidou to my friend (hello clown) as "maybe Dr malpractice. Organ harvesting dude" and said friend (hello again clown) is also the one who's heard me bash the organ harvesting theory like 6 times at least now so. Yippee.
Take none of this seriously I just got off a plane and am so very eepy. If you like the organ harvesting theory good for you!!!!!!!💥💥💥💥💥 you do you bestie !!!!!!!!!!!!!! I literally do not think less of anyone who believes that theory I just personally dont lmao
#sand speaks#hiiiii bestie my silly mutual. youve heard this rant before now for it poorly formatted in text#i mean its better formatted than when i actually talk abt it cuz if i wrote it the way i originally did the points would not be organised#like at all. itd be so bad#anyways all of this is lighthearted i dont think less of anyone with different opinions i just. dont believe the theory at all#i like the tragedy thag comes woth it technhcally not being his fault but also kinda being his fault.#like maybe he had really bad manners towards relatives. or horribls bedside manner (youre in my way just die already“ like ok mr kirisaki.#dont say that to a comatose patient my dude. but yeah it can be argued that morally hed be in the wdong#or if he persuaded relatives to dknate patients organs. which is rude and also malpractice (coercion and taking advantage of ppl in vulnerab#and with his themes of lying (covers) i fhink it could wither be lying to relatives of patients OR. him seeing hsi work and the promise of#saving people from illness or death as a lie and a hoax becasye so many people died anyways despite those promises#anhwyas im insane about this man. characters with extreme worldviews entirely of their own making my beloved#like nothing told him to believe this. he just does and thats whats interesting to me#anywasy suuper sorry about the big essay and the many tags. i love this fandom#i have so much to say but so little phone battery. and mental battery its Zzzzzzzzz time#tell me if abything in here sounds mean or anything btw im too used to being mean as a jokiing thing so im worried ill offend someone
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This is a difficult post for me to make, but to anyone whos commissioned me and is waiting on it, it may take a little longer than I wanted. My cat, Sammy, passed away last night and its really taking a toll on me and my mental health. Its difficult to work through but I'll be doing my best. Thank you for the patience so far with it all, and I'm sorry to ask for more of that patience. Thank you for understanding. Let me know if theres any issues regarding the wait, sorry again.
#cant guarantee ill be on top of my game. yknow#he passed in my arms#he was well loved but he was sick and there wasnt much else we could do#its been weighing heavy on me since he got sick but having him pass in my arms on the way to the vet was horrible. i cant#even begin to express how devastated i am. he was my baby. my youngest cat. but he always had health issues yknow?#i guess it was inevitable but it all feels like a bad dream#idk. sorry guys#im used to death. used to grieving. but it still doesnt feel real. or right#the last time we experienced a pet death was for our realllly old childhood dog. she lived a long time#my sammers was so young.#he deserved so much more time. he was so loving and sweet. and he had little fangs and tufts on his ears.#and hed lay over my boots when i came in the room. hed curl up against my legs and purr like a motor.#hed always be making biscuits when he saw people. with his big paws. they felt so big compared to his long lanky little body.#misha and rin (our other two cats that were around him most) have been laying with me for hours. rin slept on me all night#misha slept in sammys cat bed. like he knew#idk. im sorry#ig ill tag this for any triggers#pet death#animal death#sorry.again thank you all for being patient with me. i have unending guilt. im sorry#seraph.txt#if anyone has questions or comments youre welcome to comment or reach out. ill try and reach out too.sorry
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"delusions/mania/psychosis doesnt make you says/do/believe X" they literally can tho. ppl who have delusions or are experiencing manic/psychotic episodes would never normally say/do/believe the things that make up delusions. psychosis makes people VERY susceptible to believing things that are not true. thats like....one of the most common symptoms. thats what makes them DELUSIONS. come on guys
#vanilla talks#i thought we all agreed that delusions can make u believe things that are not true. like this is basic knowledge#delusions/psychosis are NOT indicative of a persons actual beliefs or character.#yes this includes people who act out violently.#if u want to hold ppl accountable for the harmful things they say/do while psychotic do it AFTER theyve returned to baseline#and most importantly be patient and understanding. know that ppl are not in their right mind while experiencing delusions#and while that does not invalidate any potential harm they may have caused to others#it does NOT mean that person is inherently horrible or that they WANT to hurt others.#youre allowed to be hurt and hold ppl accountable without kicking mentally ill ppl while theyre down is all im trying 2 say.
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my bf being a therapist is actually really enlightening because I've learned a whole lot about how to spot a bad therapist
#hes someone who's like legitimately dedicated himself to being a genuinely good therapist#his patients are pretty much exclusively people that have felt like other therapists gave up on them#he talks every day about them in non hippa violating vague terms but hes always so happy talking about them#& just being like oh my Thursday patients making really good progress im really proud of them stuff like that#he takes on overnight er shifts at the hospital so they call him in if they need psych evals for er patients#he does that because i guess a lot of the time coming in thru er is really rough & can be traumatic for ppl already in a bad spot#so he really tries to turn it into at least a less horrible experience I mean nobodies having a good time if they're there for er psych yk#but hes just extremely dedicated to trying his best to be a good therapist for people & really takes his ethics seriously#i feel a lot of like pride by proxy & im glad hes doing something he really loves
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we have to do an assignment for english where we discuss things/events that had an impact on our literacy (like if we were encouraged to read as a kid, how we grew as writers etc) and i was vividly reminded of the time i was reading a magic treehouse book to my mom and i couldnt get past a chapter title called "open sesame" and my mom refused to help me and forced me to sound it out a million times and i was literally crying for like thirty minutes until i figured it out. i was like six or seven i think
#this is less of a trauma thing and more of a hey what the fuck is wrong with my mom thing#bc honestly it didnt affect me that much bc i was otherwise crazy good at reading and writing and my teachers gassed me up#kaya.txt#sometimes im like my mom isnt a horrible person i need to be patient with her#and then i remember shit like this and im like no actually you're a demon and should never be around children
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thanks for that post. 10 years of medical training, humiliation and exams, followed by lack of employment due to cutbacks to healthcare, just so I can read your reblogged little post about how doctors say they know everything and humiliate patients. And the notes about how all doctors do is tell people they're fat. Which of course is the truth 100% of the time. Right. Great. Good to know nothing I ever did amounted to anything, that my own generation hates me. Thanks for that, thanks for the anxiety attack, for making me cry on the bus home, you shitbrick. There's no good doctors, mate, you're absolutely right. This doesn't hurt anyone, we don't try to go into this field because we care, because we want to help. We just want power and money, right? Because we're famously overpaid, us the doctors? True, right? Love and peace. I wish you the best. I'm going to fucking kill myself
crazy how you’re studying to become a doctor when you can’t read
#ask#are you fr#in that post i literally noted that i have had good doctors that have helped me very much#but yes it’s all my fault you’re feeling this way. GO TO THERAPY#look im not looking to be mean. but you clearly misinterpreted my post#took it extremely personally#and then sent me this unhinged ask saying youre gonna kill yourself bc i made a post discussing how a field you happen to be in#sometimes hurts people and its a systemic issue#yes all doctors are horrible money grubbing little bastards who do nothing but lie. thats exactly what i said no misinterpretation there#dawg if ten years of dedicating your life to something can be cut down by one person on the internet#giving critique and sharing their experience#then well i dont know what to tell you. that sounds like a personal issue#sorry if youre feeling bad but i need you to realize that this is a deeply weird message to send to a complete stranger#if you would allow me to play doctor for a moment. i think you could maybe use a good long nights sleep and a snack with protein#maybe i worded the post badly. and i’m sorry if i did. i could have done better. but this is not a fucking appropriate response#you could simply open a dialogue and ask me to elaborate#ya know. learn from patient experiences so you can be a better doctor#i would have been happy to have a conversation about it and explain what i meant#but now you called me a shitbrick and blamed me for your depressive episode so. now i’m not being nice
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why does self discovery have to feel so BAD
#even if i decide on what i want the only trans friendly clinic in my area has a 4 year long waiting list#ive been so distracted by this horrible feeling to do anything... work is a struggle and i had to drop my exam prep...#and i know its not new because this happened years ago but my dumbass said hey lol itd be pretty easy to just ignore it indefinitely right#& im PAYING FOR IT NOW#it kinda feels like ive been stuck waiting for my life to actually start for 20 years. and anything telling me to just be patient!#itll happen someday! feels like a big fuck you
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being a pharmacist is like, yes everything sucks because we're understaffed and ran like as a for profit business and the healthcare system is in shambles and meds are always fucking out of stock and there's people verbally abusing you the whole day because of things beyond your control, but it's also like there's the regulars that you get to know seeing them day after day, the ones who will remember when you tried everything to help them out, the people that you might not help because the healthcare system is so fucked but they'll thank you for taking the time to listen to them and believe them, and so yeah, despite how much it might suck some time, i do genuinely just try doing my best with what i have and i guess it is actually gratifying
#not to be cheesy or anything but ive had a shift that was horrible in terms of workload today so im reflecting#the specific pharmacy i work at sucks ass and the environment is so damn toxic#so i probs wont stay there specifically longer than a year tbh but being a pharmacist as a whole ? yeah im not mad about it#every day im like blehhh i dont wanna have social interactions but then i talk to patients and its nice#today a girl i hadnt seen in a while recognized me bc i helped her out with#her asshole doctor and her adhd meds and she was like 'oh you changed your hair !! :)' and it made me happy#i also have a soft spot for the methadone/suboxone patients bc i see them every shift i work so ofc we just talk and it's nice !#поехали
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...
#head instructor to the TAs in the lab section i TA for: how r u guys feeling abt the workload?#me who hasnt graded anything since week 1 and spent an hr that morning filling out a patient safety plan: 🙃#listen. we r experiencing symptoms that make us shitty at our job. which is not helpful for a positive outlook#i was also experiencing horrible cramps at the time bc i lost my ibuprofen and 2 days ago i stopped the birth control in a desperate effort#to stop feeling terrible. but in this moment i feel alright. its wild to go from drastically unhappy to like lol wtf was that? anyway stop#being a bby loser. for no obvious reason. im gonna start the birth control again to see if i get depressed again or if that was just me lol#i dont think my therapist understands the depth of my executive functioning issues tho. bc im a grad student and can meet deadlines. like#let me tell u im a fucking disaster abt starting things. i will go back and forth and get nothing done forever. or i do things halfway and#make everything 30 times more difficult later bc no one else understands how my brain works#ah well. itll b fine. sometimes i just get freaked out that i wanna b better and i dont kno how to do that. so i spiral in despair a lil#ill b fine. im good at catching myself before i get too out of control. annoyingly tho i am not currently beating the bip0lar allagations#bc whatever tf is wrong with me i do probably fit the diagnostic criteria for bip0lar 2. i dont kno y that freaks me out so much. i guess#its bc it feels like something i cant just make better thru force of will and i grew up in a home that was very obsessively#health conscious to the point my dad gets anxious abt taking a single ibuprofen. so like ive been conditioned to get freaked out by#medication. literally my grandma will call me and tell me to b suspicious of doctors and to not take medicine unless absolutely necessary.#like lady u r the genetic reason i have 0cd shut the fuck up. also it feels like something that would more negatively affect how ppl think#of u than saying oh yea i get depressed or i have anxiety. like the connotation feels worse im used to just telling ppl whatever tf#my problem is. so the idea of holding something back feels weird. which annoys me bc i dont think there should b so much of a stigma. its#bullshit. anyway idk. im tired. i was trying to think of a comfort tv show with my therapist and all i could think was the terror#when im depressed i wanna watch those English mother fuckers suffer and die. i just lov that show so much. harry g00dsir my beloved. the#most me coded character to ever exist#unrelated
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