#im TIRED of living like this folks
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chaoticbards · 10 months ago
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tinseltina · 2 months ago
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trying to make fanart of leona from @kiame-sama's humans are extinct twst au (warning it is a yandere au and 18+ so minors DNI)
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du-hjarta-skulblaka · 14 days ago
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Some mild existential dread in the house today
#im just feeling reeeeally really drained#works taking a LOT out of me#like. it feels less intense day to day? or maybe im reacting less? but its still very much piling up#and im just feeling very...idk. like im still waiting for permission to live my life#except now the permission osnt coming from any one person its. having the money to docit#and the time and the energy#and i guess thats just what adult life is? waiting#and hoping#and along the way losing sight of what i even wanted in the first place because im so *tired*#idk. i definitely need a project of some kind but im struggling to settle on something and then organise it#i have stuff to do today anyway. alfie had a lil bit of emergency cash saved so i need to go shopping#and i need to tidy the kitchen and do some dishes#and have a bath and shave at some point#i also want to draw but again. struggling ti pick something and idk if ill have the executive function spare#AND i want to try and be more social and talk to folks but thats its own kind of difficult#part of me would like a disc server that just has all of my friends in it bc i find it easier to dip in and out of conversarions#but i imagine that would be weird for folks who dont know each other#idk. lot goin through my mind when all i really want is sleep#which also hasnt been...greeeeat lately#mainly because Alfie wakes me up in the mornings bc they dont like being alone but also have a very different sleep schedule to me#and can take multiple smaller naps over a day whereas i really need a solid 8 or so hours or i just. dont fully switch on#but theyre also struggling atm (mentally and also they got an injury at work AND seperately broke their foot ffs)#so they need me more and its just#this never ending cycle of SOMETHING needs my attention#and its fucking exhausting asfghfkd#but!!! we keep goin!!!!! been applying for a bunch of jobs and havent heard anything positive yet but. we keep tryin huh
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cyanide-sippy-cup · 6 days ago
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All I've seen on the left this election has been a loop of
"I'm not voting Harris cause she's pro-genocide"
"But then you're letting Trump into power! It'll be on you when trans kids die!"
and
"I'm voting Harris cause I don't want Hitler Jr in charge again"
"So Palestine doesn't matter to you? Someone finally showed their true colors!"
I feel like we're saying the same things here. Some coordination would be nice, people.
#seriously I've seen so many “so Palestine doesn't matter to you” comments under like mattxiv posts even though he talks about it often#and then there's the blaming pocs and queer folks like “you're letting your greedy want for rights get in the way of true justice”#and not to mention the antisemitism that's come from a lot of folks#but then on the other side there's more blaming pocs/queers with the “it will be your fault when your rights are stripped away”#and there's the folks that act like voting stein is gonna “destroy the electoral college and free us of the 2 party system”#like sweetie what world are you living in where it's that simple#personally as a punk i agree with sticking to your guns and i also believe there are more than one fucking cause to fight for#like i voted for Harris but I'm not pro genocide. only one of those two is gonna be president and id prefer the one we can actually#put pressure on. like push comes to shove kamala is a Democrat and a coward. she's gonna do whatever to get votes which means we can push#no tags this is a personal rant#I'm so tired of seeing people scream “FUCK THE SYSTEM” and completely misunderstand what fucking the system actually entails#like punk isn't just doing the opposite of what you're told. it's taking care of people. which means not being racist towards people who dis#disagree. like im not a Boomer whos all “back in my day we could be friends despite our differences”#but i think we're so busy attacking each other the literal Nazis become a secondary thought to our hatred towards other people with the sa#same goal. we're all trying to save lives. lives republicans are trying to destroy. lets get our heads out of our asses for five minutes#accidenti
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dragons-and-yellow-roses · 21 days ago
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Had an ADHD assessment a few years ago and the fuckwit that assessed me said, as a direct quote, "You're too smart to have ADHD." Like that's not any type of paraphrasing, that stupid fucking statement is burned in my brain forever and has been since I heard it.
I talked to my psychiatrist about getting a referral to a different psychologist for assessment, and she agreed and sent it in.
Today I got a call that said they don't agree that I need reassessment, and I'm welcome to pursue it elsewhere, but they won't provide reassessment. Which is just.
I don't even know where to start with that one. I just needed to get it out. I'm so tired.
#'we really dont think youre adhd so were not even going to let you pay to check again'#WHAT#thats an option?#they can just say that they really dont think its a problem for me so they wont waste their time?#the first fuckwit that assessed me said im too fucking smart to have adhd!!#thats not a fucking compliment and every professional ive spoken to since then has said 'yesh thats not right tey for reassessment'#i just had to write this down because#this morning i was showering before work and they called me and left a message#so i checked the message right before work cuz i saw it was them and i assumed they wanted to set up the reassessment#because i got a referral. but theur message literally just said that bullshit#and because it was right before work i had to pack that away#because trying to deal with that in addition to a shift at fucking mcdonalds wouldve killed me#but because i set it aside i just keep forgetting about it. so i needed to write this down to remind myself#that this is my life and this is the bullshit i get to deal with in this life#im so tired. i dont even know what to say here. what to think or anything#'youre too smart to have adhd. we're so sure of that that we're not gonna check again. waste someone else's time. bye!'#i wish the world worked the way healthcare 'professionals' think it works#what a beautiful world it would be. you could lose weight just by trying and when you lose weight all of your health problems disappear!#you cant have any mental health problems if you are smart or seem kinda normal or are a woman#i am resisting the urge to. i don't even know. i want to do something angry and destructive but i don't even care#at least now i dont have to drive two hours and pay $160 just to be told that i am too smart to have problems#and actually all of my problems are due to my anxiety and the fact that im female#god i wish that was the case. ill go on t if it makes my problems valid. would you like that?#what do i have to do to convince people i have problems? i will fully physically transition to be taken more seriously#would that help?? would that fucking help???????????????#anyway. i was about to say i wish i wasnt mentally ill. but i dont#being mentally ill is chill. its like a roommate that lives up there and weve lived together awhile so its chill#the only problem are the idiots they pay to deal with mental illness. at this point i dont think they have qualifications#theyre just bringing in men off the street. and theyre the real problem. goodnight folks#dont have the audacity to be mentally ill in this economy. its not worth it
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jaredthebc · 4 months ago
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Might be a bit of a hot take, but I honestly do hate how we went from being justifiably critical of Respect Your Elders rhetoric to just, being downright mean to older people minding their business for no reason
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erzvolnes · 6 months ago
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augh.. the glutening..
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moonfableflor · 1 year ago
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Honestly I'm just filled with rage that so many people are so fucking stupid they can't even begin to conceive the idea that people are literally just meant to eat and drink and watch the stars and be content with life and whatever helps you do that as long as it doesn't hurt anyone else is fine but then here comes along Moneys Richson Jr and he wants ALL the money and to make ALL the people suffer and to get in ALL of everyone's business and judge them for just feeling happy in themselves and OOOH NOOO A PERSON DOESNT FIT INTO MY TINY BOXES AND EXTREME STANDARDS IM GOING TO USE ALL MY MONEY (because I'm Moneys Richson Jr) TO MAKE IT EVERYONE'S PROBLEM AND SAP THE HAPPINESS OUT OF HUMANITY WHICH IN THE METAPHORICAL SENSE ALREADY DIED I just want to like punch some people or something,,, like WHO CARES IF HE FEELS BETTER AS A GUY WHO CARES IF SHE FEELS BETTER AS A GIRL WHO CARES IF THEY FEEL BETTER AS NEITHER WHO CARES IF HE USES HE/HIM AS A GIRL WHO CARES IF SHE USES SHE/HER AS A GUY WHO CARES IF THEY'RE BOTH A GUY AND A GIRL WHO CARES HOW THEY RELATE TO THEMSELF WHO CARES WHO THEY DO OR DON'T FUCK OR LOVE ROMANTICALLY OR LOVE PLATONICALLY OR LOVE QUEERPLATONICALLY WHO CARES IF THEIR BRAIN DOESN'T WORK LIKE YOURS WHO CARES IF THEY NEED MORE THINGS THAN YOU TO NAVIGATE THE WORLD BETTER WHO CARES IF THEY NEED HELP WHO CARES HOW OLD THEY ARE WHO CARES HOW THEY LOOK WHO CARES WHAT THEY THINK IS ABOVE HUMANITY AND PART OF THE UNIVERSE WHO CARES ABOUT THEIR HAIR OR FACE OR EYES OR ANYTHING WHO CARES!!!!! WE'RE ALL HUMAN AND THAT'S THE ONLY THING WE NEED TO KNOW AND WE SHOULD CARE ABOUT EACH OTHER!!!!! WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS GODSDAMN MONEY-CULT
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mellomadness · 7 months ago
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sometimes I wonder if I should take a gender studies class just so I can bitch every day about how an imaginary boyfriend is often seen as a requirement for a woman to feel safe enough to have fun at a club, or the idea that an imaginary person with a fake “claim” over me has more influence over predatory men than my own voice saying “No, I’m not interested, get lost”
#venting#hnnnnng the double standard is really really making my teeth hurt recently#(in that I’m grinding my jaw at the mere thought of this particular breed of injustice)#I honestly miss going out with my friends. I miss going to bars and clubs and enjoying the night#but I wanna go with my friends and leave my boyfriend at home for once#he gets to go out and enjoy himself all the time with his friends and they never even have to deal with unwanted flirtation#meanwhile I go out in a tshirt and jeans and get fucking catcalled or flirted with just fucking getting groceries#and it’s not a narrative on beauty or anything. it’s about men’s perception of women#specifically predatory men and men who don’t realize they’re BEING predatory#perhaps it’s because I’ve been going to this fucking gamer school for far too long#and I’ve interacted with so many socially inept/incel men from there#who don’t know what no means or dont take women seriously when they do say no#or they literally cannot read between the lines of a woman politely declining their advances#‘but she was being so nice to me’ yeah bc if she wasn’t you’d either call her a bitch or try to force her anyway#anyway. I’m angry#im tired of living in fear of morons#I’m tired of not being able to go out on a Tuesday night and just walk the town with my friends#specifically my femme friends#we should be at the club!! instead we’re trying to make sure the group is like a school of fish so we’re less of a target#and like. I could talk about this on twt or reddit but. cmon. let’s be real here#MelloMoans#really does feel like we’re going backwards when it comes to gender equality and feminism#especially with the influx of the whole sigma male/high value male bullshit#I understand how it came to be I really do but that plus the whole pick me girl thing is just another toxic view of gender identity#and all it has resulted in on both sides is a wider degree of separation between the genders#therefore allowing both extremes to dehumanize every one that doesn’t identify as sigma male or not like other girls YET AGAIN#(and therefore also opens up the door for dehumanizing lgbtq+ folks but. let’s be real. that hasn’t really gone away yet :/
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slutforsidewalks · 8 months ago
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I don't care about the long-term negative effects of chronic stress, I care about the short term one of all my dreams being horrendous and bad and full of situations that I can't win
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savage-rhi · 9 months ago
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✨️Magenta🔥
#looking at the mental health and therapy positions open in my area#therapists are leaving left and right that a clinic i used to work at that treated me like utter shit is almost offering 140k in salary#to keep folks retained#i remember just a few years ago the max a therapist made there was 75k#seeing other places too where its like 67 to 85 an hr with sign on bonuses upward to 5k#its not a good sign professionals are leaving in droves#but damn it do i wish i had my license already so i could hop on and not live in poverty for a hot minute#im not fooling myself based on how inflation and the economy is running if you make over 100k its gonna be like making less than 45k#cause we getting gutted#but still god damn it#i got 2 and a half more years to go#fuck if i made that much right now i could get out of debt and spend a good chunk on people that need it#cause i don't need much else to keep my ass happy#this is the little flag that gives me hope#I'll be able to make a living doing something i love and helping people and getting my damn fucking bread#if i could make a living full time writing tho that would be fucking amazing#same thing with my voice over stuff too#god theres so much i aspire to do i got the ambition for it alright#but i got the disability that makes me take ten steps back and i live in a capitalistic hellscape that wants me tired and exhausted to where#i can't accomplish anything else but keeping the machine going#i feel like my writing sucks lately thats probably just burnout but god damn#this got bleak#k magenta can go fuck itself lets reword this jay#you're gonna get your license you're gonna have SOME FUCKING STABILITY you're gonna help people you're gonna be content and#you're gonna get your mother fucking bread that you've been promised#magenta mother fuckers magenta
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doodlboy · 2 years ago
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[crumbles into a pile of dust]
goodnight
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queerbrujas · 1 year ago
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sun-like-dem-bones · 4 months ago
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Does anyone else feel like they're scraping by on basically handouts?
I know many in the US can relate that we rely on staying on our parents insurance till the cutoff at 26. I even got away with using both mine (when I had any) and my parents insurance to save money at the eye doc. Being half blind is a hugely taken-for-granted cost in life. It's still expensive no matter who's your insurer. Someone tell me an insurance plan for free exams and glasses/contacts even EXISTS.
I am so. So willing to do things in other people's names. I started making appointments for massages in my mother's name as she has a bunch of credits rolling over that she can't use. I wouldn't be getting massages at all otherwise.
I use my sister's phone number at various department stores when I had to spend the whole day looking for an adult luxury type look for a first impression luncheon at my job. Since she is a credit card member to big store chains, they occasionally have good deals only for those customers. And I just give them a "hmm let's try this number". And like, they KNOW. They just ask "insert sister's name" and I say "yes that's it!"
Having nice clothes is something I can't afford after having been laid off for two months. Let alone putting together a "look" all in one shopping trip. Usually I can only afford to thrift my clothes, which is where any sort of quality clothes from the 1990s and 2000s has ended up anyway. Being able to dress myself and slowly build my closet for less than $50 a month? A doable expense. Furniture from homegoods or Walmart? Or target when there's a sale? It'll have to do. Even if it is lightweight crap that will barely survive one apartment move. At least it won't require strong-person(s) labor cost.
I'm sure people have been sharing phone numbers for retail points for much longer than the birth of streaming subscriptions. No one is a goody two shoe about sharing services and now for most things you can't. I wonder how those van lifers even do their own.
Having room on your credit card(s) just to pay rent while you're laid off is a huge save or I would lose everything and move to another state with my mom. Probably couldn't rent again for 7 years and I could let mom watch me struggle to even get out of her hair. Look mom the system you thrive(d) in makes it impossible for me to even be independent from you! So much for empty nesting! 😜
It is an eventuality I have to accept. I don't know how often layoffs happen in the past but both times had nothing to do with my quality of work in the short span of basically about 3-4 years of corporate work? If I get laid off again this year, the state government won't help me again. I will probably sink $10k more into debt in a matter of months. And not much less than that if I got laid off in any year after this one.
I look for remote/hybrid jobs because I subtract the cost of the salary/hourly pay with the gas it takes for rush hour in a major metropolitan area. My internship was a huge help to even get me where I am today... Two hour commute, twice a day. Laid off the minute my university decided they won't require internships due to the pandemic.
Oh my god and do you know how long I can put off car maintenance!? Thankfully it's nothing serious like a check engine light or constantly having to pour more oil into a car that just eats a quart like its maple syrup every week. But I do have an axle throwing grease from like 6 months ago. It's basically no bigger an issue than a toddler burping up their spit. My tires are 6 years old now from the previous owner and the guy said the sidewall cracking is basically very slow dry rot while I have plenty of tread left. I feel like a grandma who's going to eventually hand her car down to some very appreciative grandkids. Old but low mileage and well kept up with.
Having folks that did decent for their time can be a huge privilege. Some well-doing parents are assholes and don't help at all for sure. I got a used reliable car after graduating so I could drive downtown to college and work. And it's literally a luxury nowadays to have a car as reliable as that thing for that long and for what? No car payment and therefore minimal insurance cost. Throwing 115,000 miles on it in, I dunno, 3 years? (I don't know what was more mileage, delivering pizza or commuting 80mi to and from work and college for a couple semesters) Gotta blow $600 on a new radiator or alternator here or there? Eh. Couple hood smushes from fender benders? Pff. Nuthin'
Well. Except gas.
Your boomer parents could even call it a handout to let you stay with them at a discounted rate of rent these days. Even more so if it's free as long as you're working/in school.
I wouldn't have a degree without my family's help, because, hear me out.
The government wouldn't even loan me enough to cover the cost that I couldn't afford.
Between the maximum that they would loan me, and what I could come up with working full-time summers and part time during school, LiViNg at HoMe, would only cover 2/3rds of the price of my tuition.
Frankly having to do both school and work hurt my ability to do well in actually retaining the information, and having better grades. For difficult degrees like art, architecture and really any of the sciences, I barely passed when I didn't have to work that one year. And then we decided well, you scraped by with a D in one class so you will be behind a year to take things in order. It was already unaffordable at this 5 year trajectory plan. Come home and figure something else out.
It's insane to me that so much had to happen to even get me where I am and-
I just. I feel like, you're either struggling at rock bottom, or even if you have a 401k started, some level of ability to see a doctor, like, if you're really sick bad, free coping mechanisms like massages and occasional therapy sessions, you're still barely scraping and often your needs can't be met, and rarely any wants.
I still can only afford the cheapest gym, veterinarian, sometimes even diy mechanic. The things I do have built up such as clothes, jewelry, purses, pots for some plants- they only exist from birthday gifts, dead relatives, or the time of my youth before I knew I was supposed to save my good-grade money just to have extra I dunno $3000 laying around for a month without a job??
I may have decent funds now to afford the housing cost that basically eats people, wallets, and sanity, as if it were the blue pacman eating dollars around the board and rather turning our souls INTO ghosts, but I certainly don't have enough TIME.
Like. How does anyone move up in life without free or cheap handouts?
And to think that I make the amount that my folks made individually. Which together raised 2.5 kids on, lived in a house (which was bought on 1 income), and had 2 cars and 2 dogs?
I just have me and two cats and we can't even afford van-life. Let alone an apartment by ourselves. We'd have a hurricane, a fender bender or major maintenance, a feline dental cleaning before his teeth fall out, every couple months something happens.
I don't think the middle class used to rely on handouts.
Aw crap when was the last time I saw the dentist.
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the-acid-pear · 1 year ago
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I hate that what is to my life is coping I wish I was a normal man enjoying a normal life. All I be doing is running away ! 🤣
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somekh · 2 years ago
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yea its... idk but pengo is doing the fv updates and according to the stopscammingartists blog hes also doing the weird cult attack therapy things on ppl and its like, really scary bc hes supposed to be studying to be a therapist? like man has lost the plot real bad and im scared someones gonna get hurt
this prompted me to post some shit to that blog actually that ive been hanging on to for ages. idk what to feel about it really and i sure as hell wont tell anyone else how to feel, but... might be relevant?
tbh i used to read the glip thread but i stopped in .... god, probably mid-2020? it's been almost 3 years since ive kept up with anything they've done. partly bc i just dont have the energy, and i kinda drifted away from pengo too (we were in brief contact bc my abuser claimed falsely that they were close with him, and he helped me with a lot of that)
i trust him to be reasonable-ish but also fear for his wellbeing. but then again ive seen him go in hard on glip. man i dont fuckin know...
#anon#z speaks#what a wild ass development#pengo is (was?) a reasonable person#so i dont wanna go 'oh wow hes been brainwashed'#there has to be something there that means something#but at the same time im like#fuck if i have the energy for this shit anymore#i lived for way too long keeping up with that thread like it was a daily paper#nice little morning tabloid to wake up to and see what the kfers were bitching about now#around 2020 glip just kinda.... stopped being interesting though and the kfers just started attacking each other#meowthkip retired as a mod and didnt threadban kf members who thought the glip thread was a 'hugbox' anymore#i got tired quick of the thread shifting from 'there are genuine predators in glips space who hurt us' to 'lol glip nonbinary and woke??'#it got boring and irrelevant around then#not that kf was ever good#it wasnt and was never gonna be anything other than basically a tabloid#i think the glip thread in and of itself was a holdover from the early 2010s era of internet drama though#wherein it was frowned upon or got you ostracized to speak ill of popular folk#and when glip was still threatening legal action#there wasnt really a safe place to discuss the tangible hurt they left#so victims flocked to kf for the promise of anonymity and the lack of judgement#the thread was often mocked and called a 'quarantine zone' because the forums regular users thought it was too soft#the one mod kept it slightly cleaner of that but once she left it all went to shit lol#so most people like me who were only ever there for glip to see if theyd maybe change someday saw that they fell off#and we mostly went okiedoke#we have Outgrown the need for this dumbass forum#this is a long way of saying: what a wild fuckin way to learn this LMAO#do i have an opinion on it? not really#not one thats easy
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