#im So Fucking Stressed out
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AHHHHH LIFE IS SO BUSY
just a heads up that ill be gone for a couple of days while irl things happen o7
#im So Fucking Stressed out#ITS INHIBITING MY ABILITY TO HAVE KINDA A GOOD TIME so i gotta get shit sorted and then ill be back babey!!!#cya on the flipside#pinned#this is mostly just to let people know in case they try contacting me here agfndbk
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I just.......😭😭😭😭😭
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Seeing my abuser is wild. Hearing my family talk about how he's such a nice person is making me lose my shit. I'm so fucking stressed out.
#personal#dont reblog#i dont know how to deal with this#im so fucking stressed out#i need a break from everything#i wont be alone for several days
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almost time to goooooooooooooooooooooo
#im so fucking stressed out#aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa#im terrified they'll suddenly realize I was an international terrorist all along and arrest me#(i have never been arrested for anything in my life)
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I feel like I need to vomit
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on a completely separate note; shizun luo binghe with a disciple shen yuan who fell into the abyss??? *thinks about LBH canonically stealing SQQ's corpse for 5 years* he'd hallucinate i think. like, like visual and audial hallucinations.
Keeps thinking he's seeing SQQ in the corner of his eyes, or wandering between the trees, amongst a group of disciples. Thinks he hears him calling for him, but its just the wind or another disciple.
Gets Xiu Ya reforged but patently fucking refuses to make a sword mound. Because his disciple Is Not Dead :))) There was No Body. He's Not Dead. And If You keep Insisting That He Is, He's Gonna Skewer You :). He's holding onto Xiu Ya so he can return his most favored disciple's sword when he returns. It's on his hip right next to Zheng Yang where it's supposed to be.
Also this motherfucker?? does not sleep btw. He has the image of SQQ, wide eyed and hysterical and standing at the mouth of the abyss burned into his fucking eyelids. Can't use the dreamscape to escape it either because he keeps trying to save him and either he does and it's an incredibly cruel trick to wake up to, or he doesn't and he gets his heart broken in several different pieces again.
There is no convincing this man that Shen Qingqiu is dead. Absolutely nothing at all. He is buried so deep in denial that moles would be jealous of how deep he is. He keeps making tea for two in the bamboo house only to remember that it's just him. SQQ's fans are hiding everywhere, little reminders of his presence. He goes to wake up SQQ on the mornings he sleeps in-- only to find the room empty.
#svsss#luo binghe#svsss au#scum villain#scum villian self saving system#shen yuan#shen qingqiu#disciple shen yuan#lbh. visibly exhausted and with twitchy eyes: im fine :) | everyone else: ho no the fuck you ARENT.#SQQ was hysterical not because he found out LBH was half-demon but bc he was having a long-awaited mental breakdown over his autonomy :)#or (limited) lack thereof. he was having a sudden onset crisis of mortality and was handling at quite literally the WORST time. oops#im thinking very hard that LBH would never push his disciple into the abyss especially with no system to force him to. so SQQ either#had to goad him into it (failing always) or throw himself in. he ended up doing it himself but not before some very impressive hysterics.#BUT ALSO. IF THIS HAD BEEN WHERE SQQ WAS THE HALF-HEAVENLY DEMON INSTEAD IT WOULD'VE BEEN SO GREAT.#and by great i mean horribly angsty bc SQQ is NOT doing too hot and has. in very SY-like fashion. convinced himself that LBH will kill him#when he finds out he's a demon. so when it comes out i have this mental image of him lunging at LBH and LBH flinches back. but SQQ wraps hi#hands around the blade of Zheng Yang and yanks it up so the tip of the blade is digging into his chest where is heart is. LBH can't yank th#sword away without risking slicing into SQQ's hands. SQQ's hair has fallen out of its tail/bun and is now messily spilling down his#back and its NO helping the kinda deranged look he has going on. he's visibly shaking and his eyes keep flittering away and back at LBH's#face. SQQ is looking at the messages from the system warning him that he has to go into the abyss or punishment will occur. he's like.#rambling though. talking about how shizun doesn't *like* unclean things and there is nothing more unclean than a demon. like he is#INSISTING. LBH can't?? get a fucking word in. actually. SY isn't listening that much either anyways. too overwhelmed with the system and#the amount of stress he's under and his crumbling mental state and the innate and primal desire to live even when he's standing in front of#his own executioner. it all ends with him sitting on the ground at the lip of the abyss with his hair falling in his face. he looks so#unkempt and fallen apart and so distinctly *non-Shen Qingqiu* that LBH feels physically ill over it. tears are streaming down SQQ's face#and despite everything he is smiling. its not a nice smile. its a very frayed falling apart at the seams about to crack smile.#he tells shizun not to worry about staining his blade with this disciple's filthy blood because this disciple will take care of it himself.#and then he falls into the abyss before luo binghe can so much as grab him. the only reason LBh doesn't literally jump in after him is bc#he was numb with shock and the abyss was already closed before he could feel his legs again :]
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something something seeing things through different eyes
#tigerghost#art student manny is my FAVORITE of jorge guitierrez's plans for his life. i LOVEEEE that sm#danny takes him to the ghost zone for some mission reason and hes like OHHH MY GOD THIS IS SICK AS FUCK#ITS AWAKENED LATENT FINE ART IMPULSES IN ME!!#meanwhile danny kind of tolerates being in the GZ but its very much like. not a place where Good things happen to him#hes grown accustomed to it and he loves certain things about it but he will never be fond of it and that sort of colors his perception of i#so manny coming in like WHOAH AND YOURE THE /KING/ HERE? THINK OF ALL THE COOL ASS GHOSTS YOU CAN MEET! THE AWESOME GHOST LANDS!#THE FLOATING GREEN STUFF!!!#gives him a little bit of that first-time wonder back :')#anyways the style is HEAVILY cribbed from anastasia trusova who i HIGHLY recommend checking out#when im rich and famous i shall buy many of her pieces#ntu tag#designs as always tm tm tm tumblr user nicktoonsunite#also mannys jersey was kept safe by his Painting Shirt (now tied about his waist) you know his apartment is eclectic af#but quite clean. he got the stress cleaning habit from his dad
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sorry im really obsessed with this pair … 🧚 u guys must understand… i have a rare pair addiction …
#doodle#arcane#mel medarda#vi#vi arcane#viomel#the jacket doesnt match and its not her style but for some reason mel cant find it in herself to care………. delicious#they never interact so i can make their interactions fluffy and cute… this is my perfect victory#GAWDDDDD i love rarepairs im so sorru#my worst trait because there is always zero fanart and like One fanfic and nothing else#Please guys please take your viomel pills with me#also just wanted to draw silly & cute mel#shes too stressed out can we put her in a hallmark christmas romcom with vi please thanks#n dont bring fandom discourse here cuz i dont give a fuck#fuckkk i thought vis jacket had wolves on it. pretend theyre wolves. it completes the vision
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everything happens so much
#ooc#life update: my dad's cancer came back and my sister's dog died#and I was so stressed I grit my teeth too hard and fractured one of them#so if I seem strange. please understand. im two bad days away from turning inside out#of course im trying to rest. and this fucking skunk rolls up and just#poses outside my window cooler for a half hour until i ended up getting out of bed. christ
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always happy about the fact that in 2012, mikey often asked donnie questions if he didn't understand something and donnie always answered no matter what
this can be seen in a bunch of episodes but my favorite example of it it's the one in half shell heroes where mikey is extremely excited to be in the museums and is the one actively asking donnie questions about the exhibits they saw and also actively listening to donnie's explanation (before raph got silly lmao). he was very excited to learn!!!
And while it's true that mikey would lose interest quite fast if the explanation got too lengthy with too many technical terms, it doesn't change the fact that he does retain the info donnie is always rambling on about different things!!! (even if mikey himself doesn't notice he's doing it lol) and also i find it very sweet that no matter if donnie himself got annoyed, donnie would always answer the questions. no matter what. he would always try to explain if he didn't understand something
This is prob because mikey is the one brother who is often seeking out donnie to pass time around him Meaning that donnie might have used mikey as his rubber ducky whenever mikey hangs out with him while he's working (explained him a lot of his experiments and theories while trying to solve them himself and in this way mikey also learnt in the process WHILE spending time with his brother! win win!)
it also helps donnie because accompanies him while not letting him get lonely in his lab 24/7, sometimes explaining things to someone makes it better to understand it yourself AND it's shown in the comics that donnie is quite used to his brothers just Living as background noise and literally cannot function without it lmao
They are literally the two smart kids in the family even if none of them notice it and it's all because mikey looks up to his brother and is like an sponge with donnie around. donnie is actively teaching mikey and mikey is learning! even if they have no idea they are doing it
#fer silly twt rambling#i wasnt going to post it here but i think yall will like this one lol#STEM KIDS!!#they mean so much to me#literally is so important to me that donnie; if not stressed the fuck out by a lot of things going on; would always explain calmly to mikey#thats his only little brother!!! hes thoughts are prob 'if mikey asks i must answer. im such a cool older bro'#makes my heart warm with joy#ALSO#mikey looks up to don and wants to do the same things as don does based on how he mimics him in that one ep where donnie is silly goofy#i need an ep of 2012 b team visiting museums and being happy and excited about learning#the b in b team stands for best friends!!!#tmnt#tmnt 2012#tmnt mikey#tmnt michelangelo#tmnt donnie#tmnt donatello
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hey babe i know you want to punch the wall in a fit of impulsive rage that you'll immediately come to regret when your knuckles split and tear on the brickwork, but i just wanted to remind you to make sure you use proper technique so you don't do any permanent damage to your wrists, alright? and come find me when you're done so i can clean your wounds with antiseptic and bandage them so they don't get infected. okay. love you.
#🐉#it stresses me out so bad when people punch the wall with bad technique#im sitting there yelling KEEP YOUR WRISTS STRAIGHT! DONT TUCK YOUR THUMB INSIDE YOUR FIST! like a coach watching#his fail athlete fuck it up on the pitch
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Zionists want you to conflate Judaism and Zionism. Zionists want you to believe that Judaism cannot exist without Zionism and that all Jews are Zionists. Zionism would have Jews believe that a Jewish state is the only way that they can be safe from antisemitism and will point to any instance of antisemitism as proof that Zionism is the solution- so Zionism wants gentiles to be antisemitic in their support of Palestine. They want you to conflate all Jews with Zionism and the state of Israel, and they want you to treat all Jews regardless of political affiliation as the face of Israel. Antizionist Jews exist, and incidences of antisemitism ostensibly acting against Zionism will not help dismantle the forces propping Zionism up.
Don't do their work for them.
#red rambles#viva palestina#antizionism#i haven't actually seen a lot of antisemitism personally. not recently anyway. but that's more a feature of me not following antisemites#i DO however see a lot of people talking about the people they're seeing throw their support behind antisemites using palestine#as an excuse to conflate all jews with israel#and i cannot stress enough that that is literally what israel and zionist forces abroad WANT.#i am jewish. my entire family is jewish. i want to see palestine free. and i have SEEN how the jewish community gets conflated with israel#both from the inside and out#and i am dead serious when i say that every time someone is antisemitic it strengthens the conviction from people abroad#that it's a terrible sad situation but there's 'no other choice'#if you're being antisemitic you are doing the enemy's work for them. Stop it.#like... look. i am putting this in the tags bc im talking in the tags but i mean this. I do not give a single flying fuck if you personally#are a giant raging antisemite at the moment. Your personal beliefs are your problem and not mine. I do not fucking care. But if you are#being openly and loudly antisemitic *in your support of palestine* you are absolutely not fucking helping. I am so dead serious right now#if you want to raise awareness and you're being antisemitic because of deep held beliefs or whatever i want you to look around and read the#fucking room. Do you understand how much of Israel's international support comes from the idea that they are the only country where jews ar#safe from antisemitism? do you see how every time palestine comes up people point at incidences of antisemitism in anti-genocide actions to#discredit the entire movement? do you not understand how your actions are cutting the movement down at the knees?#i'm jewish and proud of it. i don't like antisemitism. but there's a genocide on and i'd rather work against it than quibble over who i#work alongside. i dont fucking care. you can be as antisemitic as you like in private. stop fucking the movement up.#there are bigger things to worry about here. if i can put aside my own concerns as to who i'm talking to you can hold your tongue#and fight the good fight instead of handing weapons to the people who are trying to fucking flatten gaza.
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if anyone is able to help me out i'd appreciate it, im still broke as hell. this month has been really difficult for me. i worked a total of 5 days all month and my bank account is in the negatives again after paying bills and getting some living essentials. i dont know how im going to pay my rent like this. i applied to a financial relief fund from a local trans advocacy group but it's going to be a few weeks until anything comes from that. if you have literally anything to spare it would help me out a lot 😭🙏 i feel bad ive been asking for help so often and i know everyone is struggling, im working on getting my life back in order but everything fucking sucks and is difficult right now :( even just spreading this is a huge help
pp: paypal.me/bewearrr vnm: tobias_leviathan
thank you 💕💕
#im looking for a new job but i dont think its gonna happen any time soon :( my current job is fucking miserable#im working on comms to the best of my ability but i can only draw so fast and i dont want to injure myself and its hard to stay motivated#when ur mental health is tanking so hard#my physical health has been tanking too like stress is getting to me so hard i fucking started a period out of nowhere#i havent menstruated in like 10 years legitimately#im so beyond stressed i have to stop myself from panicking all the time#i have a bunch of work coming up this week but its nowhere near full time#they schedule based 'on performance' when youre part time and since im only here one day a week and they put me at the station i hate--#the most its almost inevitable that theyre using this as a way to get me to not be there. i dont think my boss likes me very much.#bc then they can claim my performance isnt good BECAUSE YOU PUT ME ON THE TASK THAT IVE SAID FROM DAY ONE I DONT WANT TO DO
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okay unironically I love so much that porter is like this world SUCKS its BAD here and it HURTS you why do you care abt it!!! and literally every single bad kid is like ngl we just hate ur ass it does not matter what ur philosophy is
#dimension 20#fantasy high junior year#not art#fhjy spoilers#its!!! gods I will Be My Ass in the tags rn. but thats so like. deliciously setting typical#like porter's desire is to transcend and his contempt for the world he's in feels. idk Real#like he plays the game bc he wants to win and be done with it. how do I word this#yknow. being a god would like. be his win state. when he gets that happening thats it his story is done he checks out#meanwhile the bad kids do actually just like playing the game lmao. like they love adventuring!#theyre so solidly Of This World. they carry the values that can only be born of it and they like having mastery over it#its a meta angle that I think is very fun specifically for d20 being in such a unique position in the zeitgeist when it first started#the rat grinders are from DnD Writ Large. porter wants to escape. but this is the bad kids' home its Their Actual Play Show#which makes it so fucking excellent to me that porter's question is somewhat of merit! its their show and it tries very hard to punish them#and they just straight up dont listen to him here lmao bc they hate him but! since the moment the academic track ended its been clear#that they save the world bc they Like Playing. With Each Others#thats what riz thinks the core of adventuring is! thats why fig stayed! and I also think thats why this hovers over elmville now and#a dead god is coming back in the school gym. porter is a shit evangelist but even if hes a good one I dont think it wouldve worked like he#wants it to. the only way he couldve escaped is if he'd not involved elmville at all. thats where the bad kids met dude#its a shitty place that fucks with them but they all come back here bc they wanna play with each others#and in that regard I think thats what the stress tokens ultimately means. Is This Game Still Fun To Play. ITS A RAGEQUIT LIMIT#Im literally running from one end to another of this conspiracy board Ive pulled out of nowhere#Ill draw after this I just wanna get this out. gods this episode has done nothing but furthering my delusion of grandeur actually#Im the hottest smartest manthing on earth Im king fucking midas over here. anyways uh! great ep!
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Idk who needs to hear this but time and time again isn't over!!!
Webtoon removed the "time and time again will return!!!" Banner and I don't know why, but it's not over!!! There's still another 1/3 of the comic to go! There's a lot more stuff that I'm working on and it'll be coming back soon!
Please be patient with me, I know it's been a long time... But the stuff I'm making is really good and there's a lot of reasons it's taken this long. I promise I want it back more than anyone.
I'm trying to come back around the end of October. I'm doing my best to get everything ready in time, so no promises, but I'm on track to do so! I'm just one person writing and drawing everything, and my editor was fired so I'm not even getting any notes anymore. It's literally just me. I'm doing my best I promise!
#im so frustrated that banner has been gone#and people think the comic is over because of that#which is reasonable to think#but it... idk#its already an uphill battle to try snd retain audience after a hiatus this long#let alone when webtoon is actively building thr expectation that theres no need to come back...#im so frustrated#every day there is something new with them its so exhausting#this isnt even the thing I've been majorly stressed about this is a fresh new frustration#i feel like they're not just being unhelpful#at this point i feel like theyre actively sabotaging my career.#im not allowed to promote my books#i can't make my links too big so no one can find me#people dont even know i have a patreon#i can't make any announcements on the comic#and now people think th whole thing is over and it isnt!#im so ;_;#im so frustrated and demoralized#and people complete reasonably are losing patience and interest#and. ah... it's fine. like genuinely it is fine.#it will come back soon and i am doing a good job#and everyone who sees it's back will be happy with what ive done#cause it's good. its really good...#but. yeah. idk. webtoon has been actively keeping me down since the beginning and im so over them#I've been so mistreated aysudjejjdjdjdj#i just want to finish the series and go ;_;#taking all my power to not **** ******#just gotta power through and get the fuck out#text post#update
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This chapter was better than I could have hoped in some ways, and a little disappointing in others.
I am upset about the whole 'slowly dying' thing, but honestly I'll take it over him dying in this chapter. Touya shouldn't have survived a long time ago anyway, so I'm not buying that he's actually going to die anytime soon now. (They didn't even touch on the whole ice quirk thing.)
We finally know his favorite food (the fact that it's the same as Shoto's is killing me), and I'm not accepting that Horikoshi will kill him off before he gets to have soba with his family, minus Endeavor.
Also I really appreciate that Horikoshi didn't make Natsuo forgive Enji in any way, and that he's going no contact. Good for him.
I do wish we could have seen the family talk to Touya more, especially Rei. But maybe, hopefully, that's something we might see in the future, like in one of the light novels or something. (Hori, I'm begging, please give me a LoV focused light novel.)
#With that I'm passing the fuck out before work in a bit#im emotionally exhausted#but at least hes alive#i was so fucking stressed#was good to see Nagant#hope shes able to get out soon#and im happy for gentle and la brava being free after all of their help#looks like spinner is next chapter#hori do NOT fuck this up#dabi#league of villains#touya todoroki#mha 426#bnha 426#my hero academia#bnha#boku no hero academia#mha spoilers#bnha spoilers
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