#im EMO about it

[inkskinned]

you said you were stuck in a time loop, which was fine. i feel like late-stage capitalism has us all in a time loop, ammiright? you came barging in at 5:33. in the morning. i hadn't even processed the idea of coffee.

but you had this look of utter panic in your eyes. terror like the ocean. you grabbed my cheeks. im in a time loop.

i don't know why in movies the first reaction is to deny it. when someone is panicking like that, it's not appropriate to ask them to calm down. it didn't matter if i believed it, what mattered was that you believed it so much that it was consuming you.

so here we are. i pour you some of the dark roast. "you look like utter and entire hell," i say.

you push your fingers into your eyes. "you always say that."

i try to think of something funny to say that i wouldn't have said on previous time loops, but jokes don't land without the proper timing (lol). "remind me to think -"

"-yeah, of a joke that only works in the future. and before you say anything, i know you're pissed i just stole your punchline." you bolt the coffee, which is wild. it's very hot. you don't seem to notice.

i blow on mine to cool it down. i both am very pissed at you and also i can't see you in this amount of panic without wanting to help. but i'm also not really sure what we are, not since i saw you kiss her like that, no offense. it just was like, kind of rude when you knew i liked you.

and besides. i'm just like, barely a person. i write omegaverse fanfiction. i love the concept of a time loop, but what the fuck am i gonna do? send an alpha in there? i open my mouth.

you point at me. "you're about to ask why me. and then say some disparaging shit about yourself. i'm just a nerd who plays dnd or something. that self-own is slightly different each time." you sigh. "i know you think you can't really help me. i don't know who can help me. i only came to you because you fucking believe me." you check your watch, sigh, and throw your head back. you cover your eyes with one hand. "i've come here on 26 separate revolutions," you say. "you have believed me every time. and yeah, i have no idea how you fit into this but i just -" you sigh again. "i just like fucking talking to someone about it."

"do you need more cof-" i start, but you're already holding the empty cup out. i frown at it. "you're not getting any more until you promise not to bolt this one like an animal."

you laugh a little and sit up, pushing your hair out of your face. "okay, that's new dialogue. but to be fair to you, i'm not usually this rude. i'm still pretty new at all of this." you check your watch again. another sigh. i guess you're cruising for a personal best in the Sigh Olympics.

i almost tell you im not an NPC but i've played enough video games to know i'm very much an NPC. i pour you another cup. "so what happens in the loop?"

"really bad explosion." you mutter into the mug. you put your elbows on the table (rude) and bury your face in your arms like an angsty teenager. one hand floats up while you talk, because evidently you literally can't talk without your hands. "i have to save the day and there's this bomb and i have no bomb training and it keeps moving, you know."

"do i die?"

you peek up from your arms. "yeah. bigtime. you keep trying to run or stay or do anything and you always super die."

"oh."

"to be fair, like, everyone dies in it though.... so you're in good company."

i hate that you make me laugh. i hate that being around you always feels tingly and strange, this electric tension between us. something that is evidently (given how you stuck your tongue down a stranger's throat literally 3 days ago) (well. 3 for me) super one-sided. i take a sip of my coffee and close my eyes.

i die today, i guess. a little spark of panic starts at the top of my hands and starts whipping up my wrists.

"shit," you say. you look at your watch and jump to your feet. "i have to go. if i can come back, i will. i am still trying to figure out when is best to do everything, you know? the order of stuff. maybe morning isn't good for us."

i look up at you and think about how you keep kissing me in the back of my car and in alleyways and in the dark. and i can never fucking get a read on you. and i also think about how incredibly panicked you look. how broken. how long have you been doing this? "i don't want to die," i say.

you glance downwards. "well, you're not really dead, you'll come back in the loop."

"but i will have died." my hands are shaking. i am trying really hard to stay calm.

you push your hands through your hair again. "i really have to go. i will have this discussion with the next version of you, though. it is like, something i am thinking about."

"but i don't get a next version," i say. i don't really have the language for this, because i haven't had 26 tries with you. i only have my memories: you, a week ago. drunk and telling me you loved me in my ear. you, kissing her anyway. you, months ago, throwing up on my birthday, whispering to me i ruin everything i touch, always, over and over. please don't ask. i can't ever fucking have that be you.

i run my finger along the rim of the mug. "i don't want to die in this one."

you seem baffled by this. "i get that but - time will reset, you'll be fine, you won't even remember we talked about this."

"but i know now." i stand up too. "i have to live the rest of this day knowing i could die. knowing i probably am going to."

"you could always die, to be fair."

i feel my hands get out of control. "earlier, you said i always say a different insult about myself. what if you're just going through different parallel universes and those are all just different - but real - versions of myself? what if you're not in a time loop, you're in a fucking universe loop?"

"if it helps, i've wondered this too. also, you're hot in all of them. if that helps."

i point at you. "no flirting. i'm trying to figure out if i die today."

"who's flirting?" you catch my wild hands and give me that long, perfect smile. like we're in this together. "i won't let ya die." you check your watch and sigh again. "well. maybe not this time."

i grit my teeth. you are so not making quips at me while i try to explain the existential dread i'm having. "does the time loop reset if i fucking kill you?"

"honestly i don't know how long it continues after i die, because i just wake up. it could be that the loop goes until the explosion for everyone, and we're all in the loop, or it could be that when i die, the loop restarts. when i die i wake up, is all."

i pull away from you and stalk into the kitchen and start doing all 3 of my dishes. "okay, first, you know i was joking. and secondly, this is exactly my point. you don't know if this is just a parallel universe. maybe in the ones where you died, the explosion happened and nobody reset and it's just you travelling." i have to stop and push the heel of my palm into my eyeball. "... how often have you died?"

i look at you. you look at me. you give me this very sad, halfway smile and a little what can ya do shrug. something in that action seems so old and weary that i want to burst into tears.

"i have to go," you say. "really. for real. there's this family of five i save from getting into a car crash. and i know it's like oh but we're all gonna die in the explosion anyway, what's the point. and..." you shrug again. "it matters to me, is all. at least i saved them for now. at least i saved anything."

you pad over to me and wrap me in a tight hug. you always seem so tall against me. i feel your cheek rest against the top of my head for a moment. for a second, it's just us, and the space is warm, and my heart is a little broken hare.

you leave me there, and i stand in my stupid badly lit kitchen with my stupid mugs. i think about you. i start texting my mom that she needs to get out of the city, but it feels pointless.

i don't know what to do. tomorrow is the same day for you. but i have to prepare to die in my today.

[sabertoothwalrus]

he may have missed a lot of her childhood milestones, but he at least got to be there for some of them

[fox-mulder-gets-pegged]

I just wanna say bc I KNOW you're somewhere on tumblr, to the teenage girl who attended Take Your Kid To Work Day at an office building in Ontario, Canada circa 2013 and had a conversation with a middle aged woman in which you showed her your Black Veil Brides fanart and fanfics and ship content and told her about different fanfic tropes including a/b/o verse bc she happened to know who Panic! at The Disco and Fallout Boy were and thus you felt the need to show her your bandblr ship art, that was my fucking mother and I had to clarify all that to her including looking my mother in the eye and trying to explain a/b/o verse without sounding like a lunatic.

It's been 10 years and I still regularly sent evil energies in your direction. Since you'd be probably two years younger than me and thus legally an adult now, please know if this post reaches you it's on sight.

[turnipoddity]

intoxicated in her web

[satsuha]

happy 23rd anniversary ⚖️

*please don't tag as ship

separate images below:

[amazinglyashy]

Zayne is for the ones who want to be cared for

Zayne is for the broken- a hammer taken to the porcelain of your body and psychic by the people around you, whether intentionally or not, your pieces are laid out on the floor to be crushed further under the shoes of those who do not notice.

Zayne is for the ones drawn to him due to attachment. Did you really think he was so cold? His rigid exterior is what attracted you in the first place- pulling you in for the familiar, the withdrawn and distant personality being what you crave, what you remember- but then he's cleaning your apartment while you sleep. He's buying you treats unprompted. He's offering you rides out of his way. He's pressing tired hands into the knots of your muscles for hours if that's what you need.

Zayne is for the ones who will cry, not knowing why. Not knowing that it's because of him. Because of his gentleness, his kindness, his love. Broken on the floor alone somewhere, crying not because you feel alone without him with you right now, but because you felt alone before he came. Because you don't know why someone would treat you the way that he does. Because you don't know why you deserve it.

And Zayne is for the ones who so badly want every single thing that he does for them, while also still knowing, believing, that they're unworthy of what they so desperately want from him. What they receive from him. And why are you unworthy? Why do you decide what you deserve, and not the person who has decided you are worthy of the love he gives you?

Zayne is for the broken. The puzzles missing pieces under couches that won't move until it's time to leave a life behind. Suddenly. Permanantly.

Zayne is for the ones who want to be cared for.

[blossoms-phan]

do u think they knew

it was gonna be forever

[deadliestpieceontheboard]

Happy birthday to the twinyards! At 38 they:

Have known about each other for 25 years, or 65% of their lives

Have been living as brothers for 22 years, or 58% of their lives

Have stuck together without a deal for 18 years, or 47% of their lives

Have learned to be brothers even when living apart for 15 years, or 39% of their lives.

Their time together surpasses the ones with their abusers, they know more life with each other than without and every year they see the good years growing bigger than the bad ones.

They've been brothers for most of their lives now and that means so much when there was a chance they would never get to be brothers at all.

[bewarethetooth]

HEYY I'M ACTUALLY ALIVE AND IVE TOTALLY BEEN ALIVE SO HERES MY FAVORITE THING EVER DRAWN TODAY:

Now excuse me while i sleep until 5pm because the sun IS rising and i AM so tired

[maibeloved]

Jayvik art I posted on my twitter and posting here before act 3/finale. I have no words. I will truly and I mean deeply miss this show once its over.

[eydilily]

The pants on your red life Tango design are giving me life. Please know that

YEAHHH thank you !!! i quite like him actually :3c

[homeofwyrm]

Character doomed by the narrative shows Earth a plant.

[bardicinspired]

Also while I'm on my Vax/Keyleth bullshit. I understand the criticisms that CR3 somehow took away the tradgedy of CR1's ending. But I have to disagree

And while I don't agree that Keyleth should've been Not Coping for 30 years, that was ultimately Marisha's decision and I respect it.

However CR3 didn't change the ultimate ending of Vax and Keyleth's relationship. Keyleth was always going to reunite with Vax, she even remarks upon it herself in CR1 "I'll see you again, Vax." -because while Keyleth is going to live for thousands of years she knows she will eventually die. And she knows that Vax is out there, waiting for that moment, just as in love with her as he was when the matron stole him away.

I mean if you know the love of your life is out there as a quasi-Death god, the afterlife is real, and he is still desperately in love with you wouldn't you find it hard to move on too?

What I'm saying is, the ultimate ending of Vax and Keyleth was always going to be reuniting. It was the time they were seperated that was the tradgedy. All CR3 did was shorten that time.

And you know? 30 years of mutual yearning is still tragic enough. On top of that, they are fundementally very different people than who they were when Vax died. Keyleth has 30 years of confidence, leadership, and life experience under her belt. Vax spent 30 years as the Grim Reaper and has forgotten what it is to be alive. They are different. They don't exactly fit together any more. They have to relearn who they are to each other and there's beauty in that but there's grief and tradgedy as well.

The Vax'ildan Keyleth knew died. The Keyleth Vax'ildan knew grew older & changed. They are strangers to each other and so very much in love. And they are reunited, as they always would've been. It just took several decades instead of several millennia.

[pierrotdoesnteat]

request: midwest emo malespo board

please do not reblog my posts with tags.

[alinalal-art]

Commission for Lucien Dodge, voice of Akinari in Persona 3 Reload :D

[miserableromance]

guys..guysmm hii!! waves to the very small amount of ppl who follow me.. hi guys!! how r yall im fine wbu ^_^

tumblr absolutely destroyed the quality omgggg -_-