#ill probably be able to keep getting therapy. probably

[larnax]

i was gonna make a joke about it but uhhh yeah my dad lost his job. my stepmoms covering our utilities but i no longer have any kind of insurance so all my ongoing medical stuff is either gonna get cut off in a month or is already cut off. including stuff like HRT & sleep meds. so thats bad.

[pillowenvelopchair]

Hey guys!! this is just my insane ramble on Still Waters Run Deep that's made by the lovely @un-local. I've had so so sooooo many thoughts about this fic and I decided to try and put it all coherently in a post :)

Probably not a lot of new insights, just many, many rambles

Magdalene analysis and her view on Rogier + some other stuff

Magdalene, at the start of the story, is aimless and refuses to follow any line of Grace, putting off whatever it leads to and going in the opposite direction. Yet Grace is fickle, and it all eventually converges, so she gives in. (aaaand a life-changing partnership ensues)

She wants out of the competition of becoming Elden Lord, and she wants nothing to do with it. Someone else to take lordship is what she wants. Magdalene, in her eyes, is not worthy to take the throne. But Rogier on the other hand…

Rogier is, quite literally, built different. He thinks differently compared to Magdalene (a STR vs INT user difference lol). He’s able to pick out all the details that she would miss. Be able to extrapolate and examine it all and be able to learn from it. Magdalene can't do that.

It's basically:

Rogier: says some fun facts about the most random thing in the room, saying all the history behind it, and what the tiny details could mean Magdalene: yeah, that's a rock.

So instead, she becomes a tool for Rogier to be able to use, because that's the least she can do for him.

“She can already feel the faint grin forming on her lips at the thought. She never wanted to be Elden Lord. She’d finally picked up and followed grace to... to get away, with no idea what it called her to do. When Melina told her where it led her, she felt only dread. But Rogier... To save Those Who Live in Death... Two birds, one stone. She meets his eyes, and doesn’t look away. In them, she doesn’t see pride, or avarice. She doesn't see a man who wants to rule the world. Not at all. The path forward is clear now.” -Chapter 22

For once, she really sees a light from the dark future she sees. She's hopeful that she won't have to take the throne, that Rogier can burden it instead of her. He's worthy in her eyes and because of that, she devotes herself to him with all she can do. (Ah but… I believe Rogier wants her to be Elden Lord? Not sure but her not wanting to be Elden Lord doesn’t quite fit with what he has planned)

Magdalene really holds onto Rogier, and his guidance (a comfort wizard, if you will). And so the idea that he won’t make it… that she’ll be left alone with Grace again, forced to join back into the competition for lordship... It's sickening to her. So she really clings to him, desperate to not be left alone with a destiny that she despises.

Magdalene is always pulled into different directions. Grace pulls her to one but she pulls herself to the opposite one. Fia and D are both on extreme sides of the spectrum on Rogier's survival, and Magdalene is caught right in the middle of it.

But for her, Rogier will survive, he has to survive otherwise... that light, that small hope she has will all fade into obscurity.

Ghosts from the past (Lorens and Ida)

I absolutely love how something, or rather, someone haunts both of them.

Lorens had been the catalyst of all of what Rogier does now. Why he’s so desperate to save those who live in death. He's literally devoted his body and mind to Lorens just to see him alive (maybe Rogier's devoting all of himself to finding a solution to death because he wants it to come back to the old times when it was just him and Lorens in the Rise, or maybe not!! I'm just rambling lol).

Every thought of Lorens is painted with a sort of bittersweetness to it. From Rogier's perspective, at the very least (I'm super curious as to how Lorens would view Rogier but we'll probably never get it because... you know...). He's almost obsessed with him, and it's all pretty unhealthy lol.

Magdalene, who’s haunted by Ida who's probably a sort of lover that hadn't been fully brought to fruition. Different opinions on what they have had made Magdalene leave with (from what I have seen at least, we have scrapes of her, people! I can't wait to see more of Ida though)

Now with Ida... Magdalene absolutely shakes herself out of every thought she has about Ida. Spurning every single thought or imagination she has of that woman.

"Nausea comes in waves. Fever. She can feel delirium taking her—she’s convinced she’s submerged in the very waters of creation, for a while. She vividly feels herself sinking deeper and deeper into a current; cold and dark and inescapable. As it pulls her down, she’s overcome with the instinct to breathe it in— Against her temple she feels a hand, with gentle fingers dragging softly through her hair. Suddenly, every layer of the dream collapses in on itself, and she jolts awake with a gasp.  Here, in Liurnia, she hauls herself up, rubbing at her face. Even the memory is a shock of cold water to her. She’s a woman haunted." -Chapter 23

(I just really love this part- I can't help it)

I think it's also really interesting how Magdalene leaves Ida due to their differences in what they have (?) while Rogier just absolutely hangs onto Lorens no matter what, despite him being... er... him. Not so sure about his personality with the small flashbacks we get of him but he’s probably not good for Rogier.

In short, Rogier venerates Lorens, while Magdalene absolutely rejects Ida. (Opposites!)

Rogier’s overthinking

Also found it interesting that when Rogier thinks he really thinks. He's a professional overthinker, even in the past

"He thinks of the labyrinthian etiquette, the way he’d triple-check every sentence for a double meaning. The secrets, the ruthless political schemes. It all felt like a spider’s web to him. He’d learned the game, and he played it well, but it had been nothing but paranoia and misery for him. Just like it was for everyone else." -Chapter 17

It's what's kept him alive (Ch. 17), and what's been able to pave the way for his findings Yet, it’s also his curse. He tries to pick out every detail that he can and think of every possible reason or motivation. Every single outcome he just needs to know so that he won't get caught by surprise again. He needs to be in control of the situation, he needs to be the master of the chessboard.

Oh and once this guy spirals, he really spirals. He starts thinking and looking at details, rewinding every single thing, every interaction, and trying to label a reason for every little thing. Yet... something emotional seems to break the surface of the water.

I personally think that he was raised to overthink. He was a noble after all, and he dealt with politics. He truly needed to check, double check, triple check, every single sentence and word in case it would have a double meaning. "He’d learned the game, and he played it well" (Ch. 17) . Getting worse after Lorens' death, being fooled by "Only a cut." (Ch. 25) and seeing the aftermath of it.

He can't not do it because if he doesn't, and he gets surprised it would break him (or at the very least, freak him out).

ALSO!! Rogier hating on "saccharine conversations" (Ch. 17) good lord. This guy cannot be real with anyone. Rogier refuses to show vulnerability because:

1. He was raised like that (the whole attachment theory thing) 2. He will absolutely break if he does

Do you guys remember when Fia tells Magdalene that "dear Rogier began to weep as he spoke" (Ch.14)? Fia saw through Rogier's walls through the cracks and he just absolutely breaks down. (Get yourself a man who, after "embracing" tells you all about this thing he's obsessed about and then cries because of it)

It's a mortifying ordeal, that someone's able to see through the walls you've meticulously put up. It hits something deep within that he’s tried to bury.

Despite the walls he puts up people other than Fia see through them. Magdalene (Ch.7) was able to see through the small cracks that have broken, and Roderika... hoo she really hit a nerve didn’t she? (But it also hit one of her nerves too, Rogier vs Roderika am I right?)

Chapter 17 analysis

Also, while we’re on the topic of Roderika, let's talk about chapter 17! Seems I have a lot to talk about.

I absolutely love this chapter so much, it gives us so much insight into Rogier's backstory and the way he thinks. His noble background really shines through here, with how he acts with Roderika who is a fellow ex-noble too.

"His grin is wide and carefree, but it rather feels like he's baring his teeth.  There’s no room for your pity here." -Chapter 17

This guy cannot accept any sign of sympathy/compassion with anyone. It's all pity to him, and he absolutely hates pity. Once Roderika starts to console him too it sickens him and it makes him bare his teeth like an animal, his baser instinct showing just a little bit.

He’s probably bore his teeth to other nobles in the court, or whatever meetings they have with one another. Small threats that get the message across by a vicious smile, is something he is all too familiar with.

I also think that it's a little bit funny how he gives advice to Roderika but then is also a little bit of a hypocrite about it

“It’s hard, to leave it behind. But the old world will keep its claws in you, if you let it.” -Chapter 17

Rogier while it's not his past life that he's stuck but rather, he is stuck on Lorens. Even though Rogier is no longer Lorens' student, even though Lorens is dead, he still has his claws on Rogier. It's his entire motivation, why he's in a "pathetic" state now. He isn't letting those claws go, he lets them dig deeper within him, and they dig in deep.

“You already have it within you," he says. "They were only trying to bury it.” -Chapter 17

Rogier immediately buries his own emotions in this interaction when Roderika tries to console him lol. Just based off of him being an ex-noble and his whole family thing, it's well established that he is very much used to burying it all down his gullet. I mean, is it really Rogier without emotional suppression?

Also Rogier tends to close off all the matters that relate to what he feels in his dialogue both in game and in SWRD. This guy cannot let out just a slight moment of vulnerability

A Color Theory Thing on my read on Rogier's garb:

Rogier, with his background being grounded in nobility has suppressed his baser desires in exchange for meaningless political schemes that have only brought him misery. Yet after coming to these lands, he finds himself with Lorens.

He wears a Raya Lucarian Robe and it has red on it. It's a sign of baser instincts being shown for once. He has grown an infatuation with Lorens despite being his student.

Yet, Rogier is still mostly blue, and he still suppresses that baser desire that he’s developed, that infatuation for Lorens. He never once builds up the courage to be able to tell Lorens what he feels. He would always bury those feelings down, and as a result he can't let go of it. It's far too deep to be buried back up.

But once Lorens has died, Rogier changes too.

He exchanges those garbs for yellow and turquoise (I think?). He's a mix of colors and beliefs.

He still has the blue in the turquoise, which symbolizes calm, intelligence, and emotional control (you can’t spell Rogier without emotional control) But turquoise isn't just blue, it also has green.

Green represents growth, life, and new beginnings. This is a new beginning for Rogier, who's set out for a new goal, to be able to save those who live in death (and perhaps give them life? Not so sure on that but in SWRD that seems to be the case with Lorens).

It's balanced by yellow. Creativity and originality, he's almost the only person we meet who wants to save TWLID. Not only that but yellow also symbolizes illness, which could be a foreshadowing of what happens to him later in his life.

It's not just sickness though, yellow also symbolizes deception. Rogier lies, but I necessarily think he's someone who is always deceptive. He's more like the type of guy who would lie so that an encounter would go well or not hurt someone else's feelings. I think he's like that from that whole ex-nobility thing he's got going on. Political schemes and lying through a smile is something that he's familiar with. (It also doesn't help that he keeps being emotionally suppressed too lol)

Cowardice is another. Rogier is scared to tell anyone about his emotions, to take that risk of being honest with someone. His background in nobility and his family definitely doesn't help either.

Rogier had been too scared to be true to Lorens and tell him his feelings, and because of that, he would never be able to. I feel like he's avoided it even more afterward. He refuses to take that jump of being honest with someone, whether it's about his emotions or his ideals, he doesn't let them go.

But when he does? With D, it completely breaks off everything they've had. Everything that they could have been.

"Beguiled fool. A rotten, sick bastard. Fouled by them. A wicked, two-faced user. Heartless. Loathsome parasite. How could he? Were they not supposed to set this crooked world straight? Profane. A perversion of honor. A madman." -Chapter 5

“Get out of my sight.” “I’m sorry.” He’d said, and he was. But Darian’s lips curled back, and he jerked his head away and locked his eyes on the horizon. His jaw twitched, in the moment he took to reply.  “Don’t talk to me.” There was nothing he could do to fix this. To undo his mistakes, to spare Darian his intentions." -Chapter 5

It's all gone because he had been honest about his goals (presumably). This experience probably strengthened that emotional suppression so as to not be hurt/caught by surprise.

So when Magdalene, someone who wholeheartedly accepts his ideals and sees his side for once, he's cautious. He can't believe that someone can genuinely agree with him because all the times that he has been honest, he's been punished for it. (though, he reminds himself that she's not like that)

In short, this guy's a mixed bag. A mixed bag with problems

(basing this off of the Elden Ring color theory video, it was an absolute joy to watch)

[EDIT]: idk what to call this section but he seems to seek out some form of approval. Lets see how that ties in with his grief!

"He still doesn’t understand why. What did he do, specifically? Or was he just past his usefulness? Deemed unfit to rule? He never truly wanted to rule as Lord, but to be cast aside so indifferently—it had shaken him.  Every now and then he fumbles with this, again and again, but he knows. He does. He knows that grace has forsaken him for good reason. He’s a heretic. An apostate. He who does not obediently bow before a faltering, decrepit Order, so ill-equipped to handle the world as it is. " -Chapter 5

"All these years. Couldn’t change a thing. Rather pathetic, I’d say—what a fool, thinking that this crooked world could be made right by mortal hands. Sure, deathblight. Truly, a fitting end for a worthless, rotten bastard." -Chapter 12

Now, speaking from some personal experience, being raised in a family that's of nobility and expects so much out of you from a young age definitely breeds some kind of self-worth issues that really stick with you. Especially if you haven't had anyone to truly support you.

Because of that, I believe that Rogier, in a way, is trying to prove his worth. But not to the Order, I think that he's in some way trying to please Lorens. Even in death.

He puts everything into his studies of Death, searching and scouring for scraps of information just to give him a single lead on anything, and for what?

"Its fulfillment will be a selfish act of altruism. These crooked lands will set right, by his hands, for a reward of nothing at all. But make no mistake: he needs another day. And another after that, and another after that. He needs his questions answered with questions, he needs his notes corrected in an unreadable hand, he needs to hear one more “Well—” followed by the most opaque, convoluted tangle of sentences ever constructed. There’s no reward he seeks, but the warm smile of cold gray eyes and a scoff about just what he’s wearing nowadays. " -Chapter 19

Rogier devotes himself to saving TWLID (saving Lorens, in reality), but it's not because it's all for selfless reasons, he seems to want things to go back to the way things used to be. Back at the Rise, with just him and Lorens once more.

I don't think Rogier ever accepted Lorens' death. He's determined to bring back Lorens, desperately trying to find a solution to bring him back no matter what.

And it’s quite hypocritical isnt it? That Rogier wants to change the Order to be able to sort of… revive Lorens from Death. To go back to the old times that they both had had.

This guy refuses to grieve and is searching (desperately) for a solution for a dead man who's probably not even good for him. Get this man some therapy

This entire post's summary is just me going:

Anyway, that's all for my crazy rambles! I can't wait to see how SWRD will progress, and how everyone will intermingle and grow with one another (Rogier and Mags)!!!! :0)

Have some doodles + a WIP that I'll probably never finish as a treat for reading this! (Mag's torso was wayyy too long on the second one oops)

(bonus boggart because I love him)

[no-passaran]

Same goes not just for mental health, but also any kind of physical health and particularly anything related to gynaecology and I assume also andrology.

fun fact (not fun at all fact actually) :

aromanticism and asexuality are still treated as issues to be fixed in most therapy settings, at least in the western psychiatric institution. i cannot fucking mention my aromanticism or asexuality to a therapist or it’ll immediately become their primary concern and goal to fix. whether or not i have a partner/am trying to have a partner is actively being used as an indicator of my wellness, regardless of if i WANT one. i cannot have access to needed mental health ressources because of fear of conversion therapy. aro and/or ace conversion therapy is the norm in most psychiatric institutions and we are getting told by the rest of the queer community that our oppression isnt real and that there is no link between our struggles and theirs.

[ms-demeanor]

fully understand and agree about reiki and prayer and herbs and the rest of that bullshit, but i'm a little confused as to how chiropractic care got lumped in with those

Chiropractors are quacks, full stop.

There is nothing that a chiropractor can do for you that a physical therapist couldn't do better or that a massage therapist wouldn't be able to assist with.

There are specific conditions that can cause joint subluxation, but unless you have one of them, your joints are probably perfectly fine where they are and if they are not that is something that would be better (and more safely) assessed by someone who is actually qualified to provide some variety of medical care (which chiropractors are not, they are licensed to provide chiropractic care, which is pseudoscience on your spine, which is a bad place to do pseudoscience). And if you do have those conditions you shouldn't let a chiropractor touch you with a ten foot pole because you are at even *more* risk of harm from spinal manipulation than the general population is.

When I was in college and didn't have health insurance and was working at a coffee shop I couldn't afford $150 out of pocket to go see a doctor, but I could afford $45 to see a chiropractor.

What the chiropractor didn't know - because she wasn't a doctor and didn't have the diagnostic tools for this kind of thing - was that I didn't have back pain because my spine was out of place, I had back pain because I had a bone tumor in my spine, and her adjustment fractured one of my lumbar vertebrae.

When I did get insurance I finally figured out what was wrong (after using a cane and dealing with excruciating back pain from my cracked spine I had to quit my job at the coffee shop because I couldn't reliable stand on shift) when I got an MRI. The pain was treated with muscle relaxants, oral steroids, and physical therapy, none of which would have broken my fucking back.

Chiropractic, even when practiced "competently" by an expert with the most modern and most rigorous scientific training available, is still more dangerous and less effective than other interventions. All of which is aside from the fact that there are a shitload of chiropractors out there who will claim to treat asthma and autism, which they can't do and are shitty for claiming to be able to do.

Top to bottom, all through its history, chiropractic is a scam that hurts more people than it helps and because of our fucked up medical care in the US specifically has been largely predatory on people who can't afford real treatment for their illnesses and injuries.

Also, if you are ever going to see a chiropractor - though i wish you wouldn't - never, ever, ever, EVER let them manipulate your neck. Chiropractic spinal manipulation of the neck can lead to severing the arteries in your neck, causing a stroke. This HAS killed people, and as long as chiropractors keep doing it, it will kill more people.

Fuck - and I cannot emphasize this enough - chiropractic.

[weepingtalecowboy]

Considering what Batman did in Gotham war with Jason

A fanfic exploring how everyone (especially Jason) of his children starts genuinely fearing him

Because it is canon that there are more situations where he hit and beat Richard then there are off him hugging him in the comics

He did his hardest to push Tim away he literally tried to kill Jason and then he just mentally broke him because he thought that it was the only way to make him stop being a criminal

He was straight up unsupportive towards Damian and even though he knows that Damian has no idea what a normal life is and how he isn’t allowed to kill anybody because he genuinely has no idea how to navigate society but instead of therapy he just gets berated for something he doesn’t fully understand (and while I don’t excuse his behavior or actions if he was given help like even Richard himself was enough to somewhat help him out at how to actually do things without violence a therapist could probably do much more for him but Richard already shows that just basic support was good enough for a start)

Like considering how he maybe loves them but his own mental health is so bad that the constantly hurts everyone around him

He should not even be near them if he truly loves anyone of them (except if he got psychological treatment and even then he should for the love and happiness of his kids just stay as far away as physically possible)

Batman is a mess and not equipped to raise children let alone vigilantes

he himself isn’t copping well enough to help anyone he is emotionally unstable and has lots of issues but he at least has a nanny who will take care of him when he is neglecting himself but Alfred can’t do everything for everyone and Bruce himself can’t help his family and later Alfred dies anyway making Bruce's kids dependent on him

But Bruce has no idea how to do anything for them (it is not in his range of abilities to play an actual parental role that doesn’t just mean give the kid a home over their head and food)

And while I love his character a lot over the years he is losing his path of justice more and more there are more situations of genuine concern then ever before

It just makes him seem so much more human than ever before

Because no human can live a live of vigilantism without getting more mentally ill over their whole career

After all the military discharges soldiers who are unfit for duty because of mental or physical limitations and problems

It is for their own sake but Bruce wants to fight that fight for as long as he lives

And he is dragging in more and more innocent children into his war against crime

At some point it will be to much like how Jason was killed then brought back wrong

Or Richard snapping and beating him for what he did to his brother who will never be able to fully recover from something that traumatic

Tim already knows that without robin Batman will become a monster even without crossing the line of killing

And then did everything physically possible to stop him from his self destruction

But Batman is made to self destruct there is no way he won’t break at some point (seeing as he already is breaking apart and in Batman beyond he is totally and utterly alone till Terry joins in

A fanfic exploring what would have happened if he was hurt by Nightwing after what he did to Jason is an interesting opportunity to explore

But because at the end of the day everyone knows that Batman is needed they are forced to let him live but they also know that he will actually truly snap if they are not there for him

So everyone starts living at the mansion and in fear of angering him (because there is no Alfred anymore to stop him)

They do everything to keep Jason away from him but they can’t move away anymore because Bruce disapproves at it

And Richard forces himself to interact as much as possible with him so that he focuses on him instead of his younger siblings

But the most important thing is to make sure that he doesn’t find out about their fear of him because they all know that this will make him truly upset (and by now they will never try to even play with fire anymore)

But also he is forced to raise everyone by himself

Has to make sure that Jason feels comfortable enough not to feel adrenaline because that is another problem altogether (which is hard when he immediately starts crying when being in the same room as Bruce)

Has to shield everyone from Bruce because nobody feels safe anymore

And on top of that make food and do chores (as the only good enough cook in the family and Jason no longer being able to do so) and teach the others how to do their chores despite them all being disasters at it (because no Alfred anymore)

And to somehow make it even worse he has to somehow convince Bruce to take care of himself while also trying to not make him any more upset

Then after a few years into that dynamic Bruce and past Bruce swap bodies

And while the whole league of the past and the past Batman immediately think future Bruce is an imposter because he behaves differently from how Batman would they simply tie him up beat him up

Past Bruce is surprised that everyone is at home and speaking to him and just assumes that it’s a good week but quickly realizes that something is wrong like how his entire family is going out of his way except for Dick how he seems extremely nervous about everything he says

How everyone is doing their best to keep Jason away from him

Main While the whole family assume he is having a good week and under no circumstances should they ever try to upset him in any way which is hard when he is constantly seeking them out and asking about Jason

By the point he realized what happens

He proceeds to go and beat up his future self and get therapy because he absolutely hates how everyone is afraid of him

That is not how Batman should ever be seen Batman is a sign of hope for the city not a monster hell bend on hurting criminals

[tf2heritageposts]

hey i just wanted to let everyone know that i’ve thought about it and i am probably not going to be joining discord servers period anymore, let alone talking to people one on one, and i may be closing down my own server too. i have realized i am way too immature to be able to have a friendship with anyone at the moment, let alone because of how horribly mentally ill i am causing me to inadvertently hurt people. ESPECIALLY with my suicidal tendencies. i obviously will still keep posting on this blog however i am going to be going into hermiting mode especially as i get ready for four year college, which actually has a therapy/psychiatry service where i can actually get help for my fucking abhorrent behavior.

and to all of the people i’ve hurt over the past two years, i am genuinely sorry and i really do hope you can recover from me and my insanity. except sol, fuck you for getting me put in a psych ward

[our-queer-experience]

jesuses christests ok

i just had, an upsetting text conversation with a friend

he is allocishet, his parents are homophobic but in the "ugh i don't like it but sure whatever" kind, and he was upset at this time but i didn't knew it.

i just got a zine of a show i love and is very important to me, and a couple of prints and stickers from a really good artist. I have a drawer in which i keep art stuff, and there is a part that i hide under a wood print AND a book, and it has my lgbt+ art stuff. i have other things really well hidden in my room, like an aro flag and a couple of pins.

so, i was rearranging this drawer because it was kinda messy, and because i was already moving stuff so i could hide the stickers. And i ended up with the zine and a comic book (the width of like a 300 pages normal book) that i had to hide in another place because i liked how the drawer ended up.

i sent a joking text to my friend about running out of place to hide my gay stuff and the conversation went kinda like this (rough translation):

him: why would you hide them?

me: gay gay homosexual gay art (still joking)

him: well i think it's about time, right? I think it's time to just go ahead and tell your parents

me: HA, i like living in my house and having an ok relationship with my family, you know how homophobic my parents are

him: don't you get tired of hiding who you are?

me: I genuinely hope they never find out in their lifetime. that's actually the plan, like at LEAST i'll like to live on my own, but i'd rather if they never found out

him: why?

me: i'm serious, it would get ugly fast

him: why?

me: ✨ho✨mo✨pho✨bia✨

him: but why?

me: it's not a rational thing, they're catholics! my mom once saw a sticker i bought that had two guys sitting a little too close to each other and she freaked out! i was shaking the whole time! she torn the sticker!

him: but why

-end of the (summarized) convo-

and i'm LIVID because he knows:

1.- i am chronically ill and rn my parents are paying for my meds and my doctors

2.- i work and i'm saving for going to college (not in usa btw), and with my shitty paying job i could not afford rent and food AND my BLOODY DOCTOR APPOINTMENTS AND MEDS!

3.- he knowssss and i told himmm, worst case scenario but it could happen: i get kicked out, really shitty situation and when i didn't found a thing when i did research on people that helps lgbt+ people in this situations. Best case scenario: lots of ugly talks, i get taken to some kind of convertion therapy, i have to get rid of all my stuff, i get a broken relationship with my parents (which rn it's ok to good), and i'll probably end up going back to the closet ANYWAYS

and it also drives me crazy that, oh! he goes out with a girl, he can be careless and leave his phone unlocked and his parents see a convo in which he talks sex stuff with his gf, the only thing his parents ask him about is of whether he used protection! no biggie! they're happy for him!!!!!

but if I where to date another woman, and my parents found out while i still live with them? it would be horrible!!!! and stil!!!! he asks "oh but why keep it hidden?" BUDDY it's not about not being open of who am i, it's about not being homeless!!!! it's about being able to take my pain meds!!!! it's about my body not deteriorating!!!! agh!!!!!

🫂

[nerawrites]

Before we start

Hello!!!!

Welcome to my first story happy you’re here :)))

Ships: The Bear x Fem!oc

Warnings: mental illness & use of medications

Song: Runaway-Kanye West

***this is back story before we start the actual story

Masterlist

If there is one thing I hated most it was yelling. Something about it is crippling, so damaging and violent yet not physical about it. I’ve been surrounded by yelling all my life yet every single time it is meant for me I crumble. Frozen; not moving, the only things that move are tears that fall out of my eyes.

Like Newton’s third law of “every action has a reaction” it happens every single time even with me trying to keep control of it.

I don’t remember when this reaction started but it’s always been a part of me. The funny thing is that I have worked in a kitchen for most of my life. A kitchen is like a portal to hell being in a constant dumpster fire no matter how nice it is. There’s something so beautiful yet ugly about it. All the yelling, emotions, and the invisible constant timer ticking every microsecond ready to sound; the special thing is that it’s never geared towards anyone. But I’ve never always felt like this.

Jobs in my early career were a bit of a mess, both physically and mentally. At the start, the yelling got to me and reminded me of why I was in the kitchen in the first place to escape. It also gave me the name that followed me everywhere, “Llorona” which I got from a line cook in my first restaurant. It meant “crybaby” in Spanish. I hated this nickname but I knew it was true. I’m forever grateful for an old chef telling me to leave and get help. I think they probably meant it as an insult but I did it anyway. Took years but thanks to new jobs, therapy, and medication I became a different person in the kitchen. That stupid name still followed me everywhere I went somehow, I even started going by that name and just shortened it (Lloris). Luckily I used this to my advantage.

Jobs I took in the kitchen were from far and wide, meaning I took any job that was offered to me and I mean any from a dinky restaurant dishwasher to exposition in a Michelin-star restaurant. As long as I was able to be in the kitchen it didn’t matter. This taught me a lot about how a kitchen worked. It was those starting jobs that gave me a name that I was known for in the cooking world. I never thought I would get any type of spotlight for doing something I just loved doing. The thing was I was only fine being known for my cooking, not me. I did work arounds to try my best to show my work but not be shown if that makes sense. Like never giving my legal name to anyone but going by a name I was already known for “Lloris”, sticking to a certain area of the states (the south), never doing interviews that were videotaped, and only getting pictures taken of my food. Some kitchens I worked with understood while others didn’t. I know at times it seems too much work doing all of this. It felt worth it to me. My so-called “name” rises from my work while the other part of me is kept concealed and only what’s important is being shown.

Everything was starting to look up for me. Life was good and my job was good, nothing to complain about. But then it wasn’t; it was a long night and even a longer working day as I stayed up the night before trying to perfect the recipe for a diner showing because of an incoming critique. This was not for the critique but for me “Lloris”. This was important to me and my career like there was nothing else in my life worth doing at the moment but perfecting this dish was gonna be a stepping stone to taking me to the next level. The pressure was on everyone: the head chef, servers, dishwashers, and both stations and junior chefs. I was in panic mode making sure the presentation was perfect and then sending them out to customers not having time to relax as I had to work on the presentation of the next dish coming to my table. Then it all went to shit. Maybe it was from not getting any sleep to probably forgetting to take my medication but all I saw before I blanked out was the head chef yelling face turning red as they got closer to me. Who knows what they said all I could put together was something about forgetting to put the garnish on the critic's dish. It was like almost all these years of improvement did nothing as I did what always used to happen. Except this time it was different unlike all the other times I didn’t freeze and I just really wanted the yelling to stop. I never believed I could do this but I just threw food at the head chef's face. Simply mauled his face by throwing a hot steak. I couldn’t believe what I had just done, and neither did the rest of the kitchen as the usually loud space went completely silent. I let go of the plate I was holding from disbelief causing it to shatter to the ground.

After that, the only thing I could do was run away, and so I did without leaving a chance for anyone to speak. Still in my chef whites leaving my belongings there. I felt disappointed, all that work I did just to mess it up ruined everything I as Lloris created. I couldn’t go back, I just couldn’t, I wanted to leave this life and relocate and so I did. I left everything. The first thing I did was shower get and change into anything else but those reched clothes and packed a bag of all my important documents. The next day I closed the lease in the place I was living in, sold everything I could, and donated the rest that belonged to me, even my phone. I wanted nothing that would remind me of the place I was leaving behind. I look at that time and see how much I moved on impulse. After getting rid of everything I just caught a cab to the airport and took the flight that was coming the soonest, Chicago. I didn’t know any-fucking-thing about Chicago being exempt for having the fucking bean, perfect. When I landed it was night so I stayed in the airport till daylight. Took another cab to a public library to use their computers to get the address and book a hotel, an Airbnb, and find the nearest store where I could get a phone.

I look back at these times to realize how much of a crazy bitch I was for doing this but also lucky as hell as it worked out. Also let’s appreciate all these years of slaving at my job, barely eating, and never going out unless necessary that made this move possible.

Couple weeks passed now still at the same Airbnb going to interviews for jobs luckily restaurant wanted me after an interview. Gave them an old resume not with all my experience but enough with one good recommendation, and made up a story on why I was in Chicago. This time it was gonna be a different, fresh start as Alicia and not Lloris. The place where I’m going to start working is called “The Bear”. Fuck knows what that means but hey the place was up in coming with the really cute famous chef as the owner that I’ve never interacted with. What could go wrong?

A/N

How was it y’all

Pls let me know thoughts

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA if I actively worsen my family’s sanity as revenge for worsening mine?

My family is that if two parents and three children (all in our 20s).

Without getting into deep specifics, basically, I’ve lost all the patience I’ve had for my family. My mom who is manipulative, my dad who is neglectful, my siblings who are egotistical and dismissive.

because I’m the middle child and oldest daughter I’ve been the brunt of every negative thing you could think of, and I dealt with it for… 25 years.

but this year as my New Year’s resolution I swore to treat them worse than they treat me. So every time my mom tried to manipulate me into feeling bad for her and to love her and to do the house chores, I threaten to kill myself and tell her that she was an awful mother and that if she really cared for me she wouldn’t ask me for things. (She knows I have mental illness that makes it hard for me to do things)

and when my dad puts my pet in danger I slap him and threaten to take his pet to a shelter to have him euthanized and tell him he should die alongside his pet (he is in his mid 60s)

I don’t do anything directly to my siblings because our relationship honestly isn’t that bad, but I did make a fake Instagram account that I use to call out one sibling for all the stuff they do to keep their image up or whatever (some bullying might be involved in their part)

and for my other sibling, who collects vinyls, occasionally I go and scratch up a vinyl they have. Just enough to make it seem like normal wear and tear, they haven’t noticed yet lol.

whenever my parents try to bring up my behavior to me I start yelling at them about how I’m crazy and they raised a crazy daughter and that everything I do is a result of their own creation. And my dad has offhandedly said to let a (female) pet die after she got injured once, so I bring that up all the time.

I tell him that since he hates women so much he should just shoot me like I know he wants to.

Over the past few months I’ve noticed that one sibling has become extremely paranoid, while the other has gotten very frustrated. My dad avoids me now and my mom is very obedient and quiet.

I don’t feel bad about this, and I know there are other things I could have done, but I feel like this has been worth 25 years of repressed anger. Now that the year is almost over, I’m considering that my New Year’s resolution be to try to fix whatever shit show has become of my family, but that’s not the point.

AITA for taking this revenge, or am I justified in paying them back?

the reason I don’t think I’m the asshole in this situation is that at least for the first several months, they tried doubling down on their bullshit. My mom got more manipulative, pulling out everything she could to make me feel bad for her and to submit to her again. And my dad became violent toward my pet, whom I’m protective of to the point where I’ve told every single person I’ve met that if anything happened to her I would kill everybody and then myself. (Luckily I was able to prevent my dad from actually hurting her, but the fact that he tried drove my goal further).

honestly, my sibling probably didn’t deserve it because we all pretty much ignore each other, but I’m holding the grudges from childhood when they would beat me up and break my stuff.

and before anyone says it, I went to therapy for four years and it just made me more angry

What are these acronyms?

[subnausea]

Here's to the 17 of you who wanted headcanons <3

Before 4546B

We haven't ever seen Ryley talk, and although this was probably a choice by developers to immerse people in the game, I've grown fond of the headcanon that Ryley is mute. More specifically, I think he's a nonverbal autistic! He'll let out small grunts or a chuckle, but never an actual word. He mostly communicates using body language, texting and using the text-to-speech feature on his PDA.

We never see him wearing headphones so I think that he's pretty good at dealing with noises that others might consider overstimulating; However there are textures that he just can't do. He hates the feeling of mushy foods, so stuff like mashed potatoes and oatmeal. He'd much prefer to tear into a cooked garryfish, or munch on a crunchy lantern fruit.

Lwk resisting the urge to justify why I think Ryley is a nonverbal autistic but then I remember subnautica is the most positive fandom I've ever been in...

Oh I think Ryley also identifies as a biromantic ace :)

Being mute I imagine it was hard for him to get employed, but I like thinking that his first job as a teen was stocking shelves in a small grocery store.

Speaking of jobs, he's very proud of his title! He absolutely hates it when anyone calls him a janitor. He is a maintenance chief, and he worked very hard to earn that position.

I'm also adopting the headcanon from @paperpiperpeeperpopper that Ryley has piebaldism and dyes the streaks blue! I'm attached to his funny little highlights.

During 4546B

When he exited his lifepod and saw the wreckage of the Aurora for the first time, he slowly went back inside, blinking repeatedly as if it'd go away the next time he opened his eyes.

For a few hours he just sat inside his lifepod, crying, curled on the floor, scared, overcome by grief.

The next time he exited, it was nighttime.

My Ryley has a lot of scars! One on his nose from when he tripped on his ass and got nibbled by a cave crawler, and one across his face from when he tried to fuck with a warper. That attack caused him to go blind in one eye. He has one on his right(?) shoulder from a crashfish explosion, lots of scars on his arms from bleeders, and one on his ankle from a biter.

A literal ankle biter.

Have you seen how big biters actually are?! Compared to the player model, they're the size of Ryley's head!

I wrote a fanfic about Ryley once, and in it, his cuddlefish was named Nimbus. Since that fic a lot of headcanons have changed, but I'm keeping Nimbus the cuddlefish. He found the egg in the deep grand reef Degasi base.

There's also a pet crabsnake called Slinky that he keeps in the acu!!!

He has several bases across the Crater. He made his first one in the safe shallows, then once he began to explore more he made one in northeastern mushroom forest (abandoned it after a close encounter with a reaper that wandered in from the crash zone), and a final one in the grand reef. He finds that biome particularly beautiful, his favourite plants are the tree membranes. It also helps him feel closer to human civilisation, because of the Degasi base in the deeper sections of the biome.

After 4546B

It's safe to say that Ryley would have a severe case of PTSD (we're trauma buddies fr) after everything he went through on 4546B. The crash itself is traumatic on its own, but becoming infected with an unknown alien disease, watching his only hope of rescue explode in front of him, finding the grim remains of those who were once crewmates, and having every fish under the sun try to take a bite out of him...

Yeah. Ouch.

I'd like to have him go through exposure therapy and EMDR (eye movement desensitisation and reprocessing) therapy. It would take a long time for him to get comfortable with the sight of fish and hearing loud noises.

But Ryley is a determined guy, so he'd definitely be able to recover! Once he does, he goes on to become a disease researcher, helping to find cures for galaxy-wide illnesses just as he did with Kharaa! He thinks it's what the Sea Emperor would've wanted him to do.

He was able to pay off his debt to Alterra with a few things. Firstly, before leaving the planet in the Neptune escape rocket, he brought some gold and diamonds with him because he remembered the PDA telling him about his debt! This is probably how Alterra came to realise 4546B was rich in valuable materials, hence leading to their presence in Below Zero.

Secondly, his PDA was filled to the brim with information. Lifeforms and ecosystems in the Crater, vague data on what happened to the Degasi crew, and Architect ion energy. Alterra was happy to excuse his debt to get their greedy multi-million dollar corperation hands on that info.

Bonus headcanons for the shippers

Fuck you have Ryley boyfriend headcanons.

I've seen a lot of people here who ship Bart x Ryley, and I think that's so cute, so have some crumbs!

Ryley is definitely a quiet listener type of partner, mainly because of his muteness. If his partner is rambling about something they love, he just sits there, nodding along with a dreamy look on his face. He's a sweetie!

His love language is physical touch. He got none of that during the time he was isolated on 4546B so whoever you ship him with, make them give him cuddles /silly

He also apologises with little gifts since he can't do it verbally.

Ok I think I've spewed out all the headcanons I have for funny ocean man :D

[theoryofthemultiverse]

Hoyo‘s Doctors as your psychiatrist/therapists:📋

Synopsis: A therapist/psychologist is a person that listens to your thoughts and feelings and resolves problems through talking. A psychiatrist on the other hand relies on medications to treat an mental illness.

Characters: Baizhu, Dr. Ratio, Il Dottore

AN:I love the trinity of them and since y’all enjoyed the sleeping headcanons I brought something new again! It’s kinda wholesome.

~•~•~~•~•~~•~•~~•~•~~•~•~~•~•~~•~•~~•~•~~•~•~~•~

Baizhu🐍

He is really listening to everything in such an empathic way, he tries his best to validate your feelings and it would be in his expertise to show you how to deal with them.

His priorities would lay in making you recognize how you feel about given situations and help you setting boundaries. He would also dive deeper into childhood events that caused certain behaviors and traumas.

I can kinda see him having a therapy animal(not just Changsheng, you can also cuddle her, but maybe he also has a fluffy cat, or dog) . Like a calm pet that will simply lay with you and help you relax so you open up to him (only if you wanted it tho, otherwise he’ll keep it away ;)

Without a doubt he would be on the therapist/psychologist side.

Dr. Ratio🎓

The problem solver par excellence.

He fairly doesn’t do much about your feelings. Don’t get me wrong, he will definitely listen to you tell him about them, and validate them. He will also take them into the equation of solving your problem, but his main focus would be to solve the problem and come up with ways to solve them, as well as ways how you can cope with them should they not be able to be solved at the given moment.

So while he kinda works more like a psychologist he would also have the qualifications to prescribe some medication, yet if he would feel like he needs someone with a broader spectrum on that topic he would send you to:

Il Dottore🧪

Out of all 3 probably the one that is mostly focused on treating the problem through medications, so leaning towards psychiatrist.

But he is hella good at that, like really, that man knows so many substances that there are no limits to finding the perfect description. In 90% of the time he gets a perfect substance for your problems, but in the other 10%? Don’t worry about coming to him and telling him the medication didn’t do what you would have hoped it would do. He will probably find something better then according to the symptoms you mention.

If you were discouraged by one kind of medicine not working he would subtly try to make you feel better by blaming him,or the medicine in a humorous way so you see it’s not your fault for the medicine not working.

„Really it’s not your fault the stupid medicine didn’t take effect. I should have just known better and taken -sets new medicine on the table- this one all along.“

[laiwalane]

Hi love youe word sm, have you seen the movie Barbaran 2022? maybe you could write fic with Keith x reader? Something like he survives but events of the film still follows him in the nightmares and reader comforts him? please🙏

hiii anon👋 got ya

____________________________________

ship: Keith Toshko x reader

warnings: slight mentions of death

tags: hurt/comfort, angst, fluff, canon divergence, post-canon

summary: do you need a summary?🙂

_______________________________________

Probably two months have passed since the events that happened in that damn house. Too few. Too little to forget. But it's too long to keep it in head. Keith tried to distract himself: first to concentrate on work, then to drown these memories in alcohol. He was far from drug addiction, but the pockets of his jeans were filled with half-empty packets of sedatives.

Of course, you were there, trying to help, but... how can some outsider feel something that he did not see? Even if you turn the level of imagination to the maximum, you will not be able to see, hear, feel on your skin what he felt. The way you see how eyeballs leak out and a hand is ripped out alive. Although it was dark, this picture where a hole had formed in place of the hand with blood flowing out and flowing out, bones and veins were visible, a real bloody broth. On the one hand, it was just a hand; he didn’t see the death scene, but that was enough.

Therapy is not enough, every time Keith was left alone with himself, every trip to the shower or banal thoughts before bed, before the sleeping pills stored on the bedside table made themselves felt, every such moment carried him back to that ill-fated day. He would like to erase his memory, even if completely, even if he loses himself as a person, it doesn’t matter. Just to forget. But even if this is possible, there is too much at stake.

Unfortunately, this is how the world works. And there is something in this world that should not be in it. Well, it doesn’t happen that some flabby old woman, mutated from living in the dark, lives in the basement, and from time to time drags people in with her. However, it happened and happened to him. Keith turned out to be the very person looking at whom you can say “thank God this didn’t happen to me.”

No matter how it sounds, now those terrible events are behind us.

You've been lying and looking at the ceiling for an hour now. Maybe just a couple of minutes. There is an endless stream of thoughts in your head. Sometimes they return to Keith.

You feel sorry for him. Of course you do. But you don't even know how to help. He often says that everything is fine, that he has almost forgotten, but this is not forgotten and you know it. Lately, he hardly left your side while you were at home or anywhere else. He tried not to be silent even for a minute, you tried to maintain any conversation. But it is difficult. You both understood. Someday he will forget, time heals. After all, you are both adults.

A pitiful groan brought you out of your thoughts. "Nightmares again." You thought. And gasped.

A second later he was already rushing around the bed, shouting something incoherent.

As softly as possible, you called his name. It didn't work. Of course not. You had to put in more effort. In fact, you have never had such an experience.

After a couple more unsuccessful attempts, his eyes finally opened and his body automatically rose. He was used to such dreams. Although it’s hard to imagine that you can get used to this. His consciousness slowly returned to reality. Hands were shaking and legs were tangled in the sheets. It seems his whole body was shaking now, covered in this unpleasant cold sweat.

And you were sitting next to him, you didn’t understand what to do, what kind of reaction should you expect? It felt like his fear went directly to you, filling the entire room. It might even seem that the glass on the windows was fogged up.

–How are you?–you asked stupidly, mentally hitting yourself in the face. Perhaps you expected him to say that everything is fine, to drink a glass of water as a last resort. But he just sat there. He sat and breathed heavily with his head down. Slowly he raised his hands and covered his face with them. And there was so much doom and despair in this gesture that your heart almost fell into your stomach.

You hugged him from behind, very carefully, but still tightly. This sad and silent scene lasted for an unknown amount of time, obviously very little. But in the silence a sob was heard.

“I’m tired,” he whispered quietly, but enough for you to hear.

Car horns were heard somewhere.

- I would be tired too. – You answered philosophically, without getting up from his back.

- No, you don’t understand. Nothing helps me, no matter how much I try. God, of course you won't understand. I just...I don't know what to do. – Who even knows.

You were silent. He, too, was silent for a minute, and then continued.

– I was just a normal person, but all this turned me into a fucking piece of useless shit. Do you think I don't see? I don’t see how you and other people who know look at me? Constant pity, even some kind of emptiness in their gaze. Some people even avoid me and sometimes it seems to me that you...–he fell silent abruptly.

And you, it seems, have finally seen everything. Moving to his side, you removed his hands from his face and turned his head towards you. You were greeted by a pair of swollen, slightly red eyes.

–Listen to me, Keith,– you said, cupping his face with your hands. – No matter how difficult it is, I will help. I'm not leaving for anything, do you hear me? That's the last thing you should worry about right now.

It is not clear what kind of reaction a person should have to this. Maybe in a different situation he would have smiled and said something in a “well then everything is fine” face, maybe. And now it led to another lump in the throat and a fit of sobbing. Now in your hands already. The T-shirt became wet, and his position seemed extremely uncomfortable. Between loud sobs, he tried to say something else, you couldn’t make out what it was.

-I love you, you know. – You gently ran your hand through his tousled hair, along his back, still not letting go. Or rather, Keith didn’t let you go.

After some time, he finally calmed down. Maintaining the same position, you lay down.

You were laying there and listened to his nervous breathing. Quiet sobs were heard from time to time. You were sorry. You only hoped that Keith would see that you cared, that you really loved him.

–Thank you.–He said quietly and briefly. You were silent.

–No, really, I don’t know where I would be now...

– Don’t think about it, it’s not a favor. – It seems he was smiling.

- Fine fine... –It seems he realized that it was pointless to continue.

In any case, what else can be done? All that remains is to count on the mercy of the power of time, which will erase the sharpness of memories, and they will cease to be the brightest thing in a person’s life. In any case, life is still ahead and as long as Keith has someone nearby, all this may worry him a little less.

You felt his hand on your waist, its grip gradually weakening. He fell asleep again, that's good. Anyway...should it get better?

Nevermind, you will help anyway.

[swaglet]

.

i know that killing urself islike a permanent solution to a temporary problem or whatever but everything is temporary. everything in life is temporary. when u get a good job it's not forever. when u get a nice house it's not forever. when u get a nice car it's not forever. u just have to keep living and that stuff can go away at any moment. i don't even care about that stuff. i don't know what i even care about. i can't afford nice stuff. i can't afford any stuff really. i don't know what kind of stuff i would begin to want even if i could afford it. i'm severely mentally ill and pretty much always will be and medication and therapy just lessens it and i'm gonna have to be a patient for the rest of my life. this is not how i want to live. i don't want to be in this cycle anymore i just want to be free. even if being free means being gone just completely losing all consciousness all sense of being alive everything. just being nothing. i am so tired of the way i am i am so ashamed of the way i am i wish i could start again and get another try but i can't so i want to believe i'm content with ending it here. there's nothing that could make some spectacular change in my life in a short enough instant that would make it any more worth living than it is now. it IS worth living all lives are worth living i just can't do this anymore. i'm sure you could give me 5 billion dollars and a mansion and a nice car and i would still find a way to be unhappy. because there's just something wrong with me in my core. something is missing i guess. it always has been. i just have been aimless and lost and not all there for as long as i can remember. the future is very bleak idk. so many things are going extinct, donald trump has made my degree field obselete right as i'm about to graduate (as if i could hold a steady job anyway), the world is falling apart. i'm going to be sitting on the poverty line for the rest of my life probably. i'm going to be fighting mental illness every step of the way and weighing down everyone around me that i love while they're forced to take care of me. i don't know. i think it's for the best at this point. i've seen enough. i miss slinky. there is no heaven and there's no way i will be able to see him again but somebody can mix our ashes together and sprinkle us in the soil next to a tree and we will be together until the end of the earth and i think that's enough to ask

[mandaloriankait]

Get to know your mutuals

Thanks for the tag bb @mushgloomz 💕

What's the origin of your blog title?

So blog title isn't the same as URL right? Idfk anymore. Anyway my blog title is Why am I still here and honestly I used it because I had just remade my tumblr and was like "really why am I even here" but honestly it also goes with my depressed ass being like why am I alive so yeah.

OTP(s) + shipname:

Oh god, ummmm. It's been a while tbh bc all i do is write x reader fics nowadays. If you've ever seen Critical Role, I shipped Widojest. That was the last OTP for me tbh. I can't remember more. But I'm sure @karinamay could embarrass me with some of my old ones 😂

Favourite colour:

Honestly it changes by the week. Right now it's blue.

Favourite game:

Outlast was SUCH a good horror game so that for sure. Also Mario Kart bc I'm five.

Song stuck in your head:

Pink Pony Club- Chappell Roan

Weirdest habit/trait:

How much time do you have lol. No but probably the one where if something you say reminds me of a song I HAVE to sing the song.

Hobbies:

Writing, crocheting and gardening. Am I good at any of these things? Not really.

If you work, what's your profession?

I work in IT for my university. Manage a whole Biomedical Engineering department by myself lol.

If you could have any job you wish, what would it be?

Honestly I'd be a writer full-time. I love writing and was going to school for journalism before I realized it didn't pay well.

Something you're good at:

Literally nothing lmao

Something you're bad at:

Ummm probably time management just because of the adhd. It's bad out here y'all.

Something you love:

Singing. I can do it halfway decently so it's always fun.

Something you could talk about for hours off the cuff:

Honestly it's hard for me to keep information in my head anymore because I've just got so much going on mentally rn but I used to be able to talk anybodys ear off about Marvel.

Something you hate:

My mental illnesses lmao

Something you collect:

Ummmm stickers, Grogus, and Nightmare before Christmas stuff.

Something you forget:

So much, but deadlines for one.

What's your love language?

Acts of service for sure.

Favourite movie/show:

Favorite movie is Jaws. I love sharks okay. And favorite TV show....right now it's The Pitt.

Favourite food:

Spaghetti my beloved.

Favourite animal:

Great white shark tbh

What were you like as a child?

Very quiet and very shy. See also me now.

Favourite subject at school?

Historyyyyy

Least favourite subject at school?

Ugh math for sure

What's your best character trait?

I....I honestly don't know. Hey that's something I'm kinda working on in therapy soooo yeah.

What's your worst character trait?

Probably the fact that I can hold a grudge like a motherfucker.

If you could change any detail of your day right now, what would it be?

To not be at wooooork I'm so tired let me leaaaave.

If you could travel in time, who would you like to meet?

Freddie Mercury tbh. He's so fucking cool and I love him.

Recommend one of your favourite fanfics (spread the love!):

Flex by @gothcsz . Arm! Just trust me on this okay.

I've already tagged people today so I'm not gonna tag anybody but I'd you want to, do this and tag me bc I'm a nosy bitch.

[tangledinink]

Hi, I really love your AUs, can't wait to see more!

eEEEE THANK YOU ; w ; this all so sweet and makes me so happy aaaAAAAAA

ask dump below~

he was 5'3" previously, he's now more like five feet maybe a little bit less. if you were to measure him and mikey back to back, mikey would be a tiny bit taller. you can't really tell yet, though, since donnie currently can't stand, and up until now he was constantly on tip-toes. he's also just very underweight right now, which makes him seem even smaller. as he recovers and gains some weight back, he'll seem a bit less itty-bitty.

thank you! ; w ; also while i don't think he's ever, like, straight up wiggled his fingers at a boy, i do think he occasionally gets a little fidgety/twitchy with his hands and fingers when he has a crush. maybe also tends to do little arm/shoulder touches with his outstretched fingers as well when he's flirting. u w u

It's completely gone! his tummy and hips are now just like the other exposed parts of his body, like his arms and legs-- just skin and scales. I don't think it ever actually came up in the main part of the comic, but is illustrated in his reference image in the masterpost! Also don't worry, no ill-effects from being crop-topped. It'll just take a bit of getting used to. (If anything, it's a bit of a boon at the moment for the rest of the fam. A lot of medical care is a lot easier without plastron blocking the patient's entire torso.)

HEHEHE, thank you <3 i love making them wag their tails I think it's so cute and silly... <3 I think Raph (across all AU's, lol) has definitely accidentally hurt himself wagging his tail in excitement on at least one occasion.

Oh gosh. It's hard to say because it's such a spectrum... It would have to be a pretty nasty injury for the witchdoctors to not be able to do something about it. But assuming they can't... Big Mama would never outright ask the Gems to perform on a serious injury, but the twins would definitely feel pressure to continue performing for as long as they possibly could, and to keep recovery time as short as possible. If they had to take time off to heal, they would, (and have in the past,) but they'd definitely be impatient to get back on the field. If the injury is truly so bad that one or both of them can no longer perform, they'd probably both retire, (though extremely reluctantly, and doing so would be incredibly heartbreaking for them and cause them a lot of grief and guilt,) because neither would want to go on without the other. There might be some pushback from Big Mama, though, and the uninjured party could potentially be convinced, with enough time and enough conversations, to make a comeback...

Poorly. It'd probably go about the same way it did for Donnie, except worse the second time around. They'd probably both be in trouble for it-- Leo for keeping things for her, and Donnie because she (correctly) assumes that he's 'influenced' Leo somehow, since he did the same thing first.

he is being SOOOO brave right now... but he can't NOT. not when his kids are on the line :< though I will say, you're being quite optimistic about how his conversation with Big Mama is gonna go... 👀

lmao april is maybe in a TEENSY bit over her head, bless her. splinter definitely struggled over whether or not to bring her with him to see big mama. he tried to convince her to let him escort her back home once he realized where he had to go, but of course she wouldn't hear of it. thought about having her wait outside, but... is so reluctant to leave her alone in the hidden city... knew she would probably pushback anyway, too, so...

the twins will definitely have a ton of therapy and healing to tackle in the future <3 my poor sweet baby boys....

THANK YOU <3 <3 <3

@11bountyhunters @oh-my-muffins @oneshortlove @khlegacynexus @animal-lover-forever @wings-of-sapphire @devious-little-creature @riseleon

[0ystercatcher]

musk really did ruin twitter sorry idk how i just in the span of 5 min scrolled through:

linkedin esque post made by shivering san francisco startup founder that gives people llm generated therapy (big lol) about how agency is everything agency is all you have agency agency agency oh my god have the decency to shoot yourself in the head once this one fails please i beg you

execution video, fresh from syria! i just saw a real guys head explode. its 10 am. i just saw him die. its normal.

little weak woman pretending not being able to lift the grocery bags is representative of women being on avg weaker than men and pickmeing for the worst guys on twitter. thats a you problem. hit the gym bitch and please dont do pilates. also hes gonna fuck you but it probably wont be worth it

fight video, not fresh. probably reposted around the internet countless times. definitely the shit you see in facebook nowadays to keep boomers entertained and scared of The Big Cities.

bap and friends, still failing at pretending to be straight. i dont even follow him because he spams naked men on the feed and like well i go outside and dont wanna see male tits in the bus all the time.

onlyfans whores? ive blocked hundreds atp please get a job

i hope my summary has illuminated you of how bad it is there and how its still somehow better than here for now. maybe ill revive my neocities just to longpost about whatever the fuck it is im doing even tho lately that is melting in the heat and sleeping