#ill be honest. the reason this took so long was because i couldn't think of 3 ships. again. im not much of a shipper anymore. lolololololol.

[tweltchy]

Well, hello. I haven't been tagged in one of these things for literal years! Was tagged by @c-n-i-d-a-r-i-a-n to fill out a sort of "get to know me" meme. Thanks so much!! To keep this going, I'll tag some beloved mutuals.

@rye-satchel, @kaykayfranco, @lottafuckingshit

3 ships:

Not much of a shipper and the ones I do like are kinda strange, but I got a few that hold a place in my heart. It's not three, tho. Ye get two.

Rarity x Applejack (My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic)

The MLP Resurgence on this website is a gift from above. I get it now........... they are so cute and we stan gay horses. Iconic butch/femme couple....... I don't think I need to say more than that.

Sam Winchester x Castiel (Supernatural)

Feel like i need to justify myself here.

Listen........... i know the show is dumb and stupid and it's over now, but I still think about it. Tbh, I shipped it out of spite at first, but then I kinda started to see potential in it, and now it's one of my OTPs. They are both queer in some way and i will die on that hill. Big sucker for the Friends to Lovers trope, and and and...... idk I just think they're sweet, especially given their growth together in the show. plus Sam doesn't abuse Cass like Dean does so that's a plus lolololololol

IDK. I just think if Cass confessed to Sam, Sam would have at least shown strong emotion. Probably would have tried to sacrifice everything to try and get him back.

first ship:

Zack Fair x Aerith Gainsborough (Final Fantasy VII)

Again, not really much of a shipper, but I remember the first ship that I reeeeeaaally got into was this one. They are just...so perfect for each other.... it's hard not to love them.

last song:

The most underrated as well as the darkest song the band ever made. I think about it constantly and adore it.

last film:

Ginger Snaps (2000)

It's one of my absolute favorite movies of all time. I saw it was free to watch on YouTube and watched it twice in a row. It's so good and a unique take on werewolf stories. I recommend it if you have an interest in werewolves. It is free to watch in English on YouTube, but it's only available to watch in the USA for some reason. It's blocked everywhere else, INCLUDING Canada. ??? That's dumb as hell. Snag a VPN and watch it.

Regardless!! Good movie.

currently reading:

-Lots of TTRPG corebooks/rulebooks.

I love tabletop RPGs!!!!

-Tender Is the Flesh by Agustina Bazterrica.

Jules Dapper on YouTube sold me on this book, and it's one of my new favorites. Very dark and depressing, but also very compelling!

currently craving:

A BIG sandwich with every vegetable ever.

fav color:

All shades of purple!

relationship status:

Not single.

last google search:

"halifax glove guy"

The fact that this dude is actually real and not some weird urban legend fascinates me more than it should. Stay safe out there, guys.

current obsessions:

-TTRPGs

-BIRDS!!!!

-Kingdom Hearts (my forever fandom and favorite game series ever)

-Final Fantasy series

-Animation and art

Thanks for tagging me!! :D

[hauntsnhoes]

'Your Monster' made me remember I love romance [spoilers]

I knew NOTHING about this movie going in. All I'd seen was the clip of her first seeing the monster and him saying 'what's up?'

Just in case ya'll don't know the plot: a young aspiring actress, Laura, gets diagnosed with cancer. Her boyfriend, Jacob, leaves her because he 'can't handle the stress'. The two worked together to write a musical that was meant to be a star vehicle for Laura and is still going on without her in it. When Laura is brought home from surgery by her best friend, she mournes the loss of her health and her relationship. She hears noises coming from her closet and discovers there's a monster living with her. He tells her that the house is his and that she has 2 weeks to move out. But the two wind up bonding.

Of all the monsterf*cker movies I've ever seen, I think Laura is the most relatable protag. for me, personally. She's a latin theatre nerd with a thing for monster men. I have defo been in the spot where I was so woefully depressed I craved hugs from random strangers like the Amazon delivery guy in that early montage scene.

Then ofc there's Monster. (That's his name, just 'Monster'.) I'll be honest, I wasn't too impressed with how he looked AT FIRST. But as I learned through consuming a lot of monster media, it's bad to judge on the appearance of a monster before getting swept away by the characters personality. Which Monster is positively brimming with. He's like if you took Ryan Reynolds characters (any of them) personality and mixed them with Jack Black's. (Not any of Blacks' characters. Just his own real personality.) Winning combo! The look gives me Beauty and the Beast live action tv show vibes. I grew to love his long thick hair and beard. I found myself wanting to cuddle and love on him, rubbing my body all over him like a cat. He's SO sweet. Even though he was a tad obnoxious at first. Unplugging the vacuum cleaner while Laura was using it and then running away. A scene that killed me with laughter was when she was talking to him and we cut to a shot where we see him laying on the ground, while sticking out from under the bed. Like a casual bunk bed situation. And the scene when he goes under the bed while she's lying in it and she smiles when she knows he's there killed me with love.

The whole movie, I couldn't for the life of me understand why she kept crawling back to Jacob. Especially when she had Monster at home to take care of her. BTW Laura and Monster DO wind up having sex and I GREATLY approve of the way the scene was done. It was better than the monster sex scene in Shape of Water. Not that there's anything wrong with artsy sex. But sometimes we just like to see a grittier, more real version of it. But I think the reason why she keeps trying to get back with Jacob is because she's still in love with him and ofc spoiler reasons. I'll circle back around to that later.

If I may nitpick, I feel like the part when she's telling him off in front of everyone at rehearsals could've been done better. She called him out for not wanting to do the laundry. I thought the real 'gotcha' she had against him was that Jacob broke up with her at the hospital where she was undergoing cancer treatment, literally because of her illness. But, I suppose it's possible that she didn't want the others to know she had cancer.

Laura has sex with Jacob after this scene. After they bone, Jacob fires her from the musical. Laura goes back home, looking for Monster. At first she can't find him. I was like 'oh no! Monster followed her and saw what she did with Jacob!' But no, he was only in his weird little studio apartment behind her closet. She actually told him what happened, which I was surprised about. He gets mad and she pushes him away. She shuts the closet door on him, and he begs her not to shut him out again. (A reference to a flashback of whens he was younger and he saved her from a boy.) Then he says 'fine, I'm gone,' and when she opens the door again, Monster and his apartment had both vanished. I felt so awful for her. I'd want to disappear forever, myself if I lost a sexy, sweet Monster like him.

The girl who replaced Laura for the lead role in the musical and Laura decide to have Laura play the lead role instead on opening night. She gets through all of act 1 and Jacob gets Laura backstage alone during intermission. He tells her that she's ruining everything. She tells him to watch what he says to her or she'll rip his throat out. Then act 2 of the musical begins and we slowly see that she's covered in blood and Jacob lies dead and bloodied on the stage floor near her. We see a montage of Monster coming to Laura's rescue and mauling Jacob for her. The lovers kiss and Monster says that she'll never be without him because he's her monster. Cue me happy crying like a sap in a movie theatre where I'm the only watcher present. As Laura finishes the number, her eyes go steely and demonic at the very last moment of the film before the credits role, implying that Monster only ever existed in her head.

Now, there's nothing wrong with this ending at all. As a matter of fact, it's a commentary about how women are expected to stay quiet and polite about the mistreatment we get and Monster is a manifestation of her feminine rage. An alternative title for the movie could be 'Your Anger'. I approve of that kind of message and story telling. But, in my heart, I still want to believe there was a big sexy monster looking after Laura all her life who was there to guide her, befriend her, protect her, love her. Yet another thing I find relatable about Laura is that she doesn't seem to have any family to take care of her. That and she's just been through so much shit. Of which we know of. Given her family's very lax reaction to their daughter getting cancer, there might be even more.... When you've been through a lot of shit, it's hard keeping friends because you have so much misplaced rage boiling inside of you and odd things make it come out sometimes. I would've written it so that the strong, silent, emotional, lonely protag. actually has *someone*. The kind of ending the movie has makes me feel like they're painting us monsterf*ckers as crazy people. ....Well almost. They absolutely made Monster sexy on purpose. If I may nitpick again; I feel like they should've added more shots of Monster himself, from Laura's pov. Even if he really is just a figment of her imagination.

The entire experience of getting to see this on the big screen was breathtaking. As I sat there alone in the theatre I couldn't help but wonder if this is how normal women felt when they go out to see your average rom com. It later dawned on me that I'd never gone out to see a rom com in a movie theatre in my LIFE, before this. A few days after seeing this movie, I remembered that I used to LOVE romance as a youngling. Not just the shmexi wexi good stuff we all love about monsterf*cking but real honest to goodness romance. It got me thinking about when I stopped enjoying it so much. Without giving you my whole life story; it was around the time life crushed my hopes and dreams. As it does to most of us growing up. Bottom line: this movie is SO good, it wound up helping me remember a part of myself that I'd pushed to the back of the shelf and that is an amazing accomplishment. Bless everyone who worked on it. It deserves WAY more praise and attention then it's getting.

Happy Halloween, ya'll!

(Tomorrow, I review Venom 3! 🖤)

[goodluckclove]

John Green's Thoughts on Adulthood: A Post-Mortem Analysis

So I was thinking about the time years and years ago, back when writer John Green was more active on Tumblr. Someone asked if he would ever write a book about adults, and his perspective were that adults were boring.

There's mixed physical evidence online. I remember seeing it, the first line of the ask was captured on a Buzzfeed article from 2013. I couldn't find the actual ask, because from what I've heard at some point John Green was torn apart with such intensity that he is now just a collection of atoms. And I don't hate John Green. I liked his books when I was also young. I watched the VlogBrothers. If I met him in an author space I would thank him for introducing me to NaNoWriMo when I was in middle school.

And then I would ask if he was doing okay. Like - emotionally? Because the shit she said in that ask is some of the saddest I have ever heard in my life. I'm using this Wordpress post as a reference of the rest of what he said and I just want to go through why it's just such a fucked and dangerous thing to say as an author who advocates for young people.

Follow me!

“Would you ever write a YA novel where an adult plays a key role? I know you like to leave the focus around the teenagers and their “peer relationships… but I was just wondering if it had ever crossed your mind.”

That was the ask. Fairly reasonable! And John Green responded immediately with the following:

I mean, to be totally honest with you, I don’t really give a shit about adults.

This on its own is a massive self-report. Not to any sort of crime or character flaw. In my mind, it's part of the reason why I feel like a point where big enough online figures, writers included, either need a PR team or a LOT of therapy. But he continues.

Like, all of my friends are adults. My spouse is an adult. My parents and brother are adults. I know and like many adults. But I don’t want to write for them. Or God forbid about them. They’re just so…boring. It’s like, “Oh I have a mortgage. I buy six pairs of identical khaki pants at a time. I take care of children and watch the television program CSI.” I admire people who can make that crap into the stuff of interesting fiction, but…yeah. No.”

I am angry. I am very angry. If someone said this shit to me in person I would make a face. If we were sharing a space with anyone under the age of 21 I would immediately say "you need to shut the fuck up right now jesus christ".

The thought of a writer who really made his whole brand caring for youth telling them that their future is inevitably dull and unremarkable, especially when you deal with themes of suicide and mental illness, is actually one of the most artistically unethical things I can think of at the moment. I understand that John Green struggled with untreated OCD for very long time, so there's a chance this could actually just be him voicing an intrusive thought that honestly terrifies him.

But he's wrong. We know this, right? Including the adults on here who complain about the tedious aspects of adult life? We know that in a majority of cases it is generally better to be a legal adult than a minor? If you are someone who would go back to being in high school because you maybe had less responsibilities, are you really prepared to lose bodily/legal/societal autonomy?

Like I struggle in life. Sometimes I've struggled a lot. But at my worst, when I was unemployed and flat broke and I couldn't even sell my blood because I took Lithium, if someone told them they could magic me back to being 16 years old again I would scream in their face until they left.

Also, I have a mortgage. It's not boring. Mortgage and insurances are, in fact, pretty confusing and something you have to learn and research. The most boring part about my mortgage was the thirty minute meeting I spent signing paperwork, and once I did that I owned a house with my wife.

Young people who see this - there are going to be boring parts of your life. That's a thing that happens, and sometimes you'll actually be grateful for it. You aren't boring for being thrilled that there's a sale on khakis if you're buying them for a theatrical production, or donating them to a war relief effort, or you're using the fabric, or if it allows you to save money and time in a way that means you get to have a smoothie or something later.

I cannot speak for the experiences of people with higher support needs than I have. But I did talk about this to a friend with higher support needs, and they agreed that being an adult rules. There is a point in which you are no longer an extension of your family or upbringing and it is your life.

It's not always fun. It's scary and confusing and lonely. I had to learn a lot of what my parents never taught me. Adults are always learning things. But since I graduated high school, the only boring period of my life has been the times where I overworked myself into a breakdown and was forced to recover.

And, considering where John Green is now, that kind of explains his perspective a lot.

I hope he figures stuff out. There's no age limit to having to figure stuff out. We're all going to have to do it a lot in our lives.

[unreliablesnake]

Hii, I’m not sure if your taking request 🥺 but I was wondering if you could do something with the reader who has a chronic illness and find themselves in the hospital due to it and Simon Riley slightly freaks out because he never understood how severe her illness was until now so now he’s learning about her illness so he knows how to help her more.

I suffer from thyroid cancer which is treated much differently than other cancers so I always try to imagine how Simon would react to the bad days that I have 🥺🥺 I love all your stuff, your so talented 🥰❤️

Hi! I'm so sorry it took this long. It's short, but I hope you'll like it. And I wish all the best for you health-wise! 🥰

••••••••

Simon rushed into the hospital the moment he got back from his latest mission, visibly nervous to see you in there. While he was on his way home, you filled him in, told him why exactly you ended up there, and also pointed out that there was no reason to worry. It happens, you've been in a hospital before, and you sure as hell gonna be in one again in the future.

But what took you by surprise was how well informed he was about your illness. He talked to your doctor, asking him about possible treatments, bringing up experimental ones even you hadn't heard of. You couldn't help but watch him with a warm smile, your heart warm from the knowledge that he cared about you this much.

"How did you know all this stuff?" you asked him when you were left alone.

Pulling over a chair to sit down next to your bed, Simon thought about what to say. "I did my research," he replied vaguely.

Tilting your head to the side, you waited for a better explanation, a verbal confirmation that he did care about you enough to spend hours of his limited free time educating himself about your condition. But he remained silent, instead of talking he just reached out to take your hand, raising it to his lips to place a soft kiss on it.

"Seriously, Simon, how much time did you spend with this research?"

He let out a groan. "Don't worry about it."

"Why did you do this?" you pressed on.

"Because I was worried sick about you after finding out you were in here," he finally told you, admitting something that was clearly hard for him to talk about. "I was thousands of miles away, having no idea when I'd be back, and I didn't know it was this serious. Sure, you're taking meds, but being in the hospital? That's bad."

"It's not–"

"It is," he interrupted you sternly, not giving you the chance to make it seem like it was nothing. "From now on I need you to be honest with me, okay? If you feel sick, tell me, even when I'm away. I can't promise to answer right away, and I sure as hell can't promise to run back home immediately–because I can't–but I want to know."

Taking a deep breath, you thought about what he just said. He loved you, you knew that, but there was a part of you that didn't want to put him through this. He already had a lot to worry about at work, worrying about you as well would have been too much to ask for.

Suddenly he raised just enough to kiss your forehead. "I know what you're thinking about, but stop. You don't need to protect me by pushing me away. I'm here and I'm not going anywhere," he said with a smile.

[cybertron-after-dark]

ok ok shockwave anon again here to be cringe... could I please request a tfp shockwave × reader oneshot or drabble, where reader is indulging a touched starved shockwave and petting his helm and he leans into it and just gets all the lovings. i need to nurture this man so bad it makes me ill that I can't 😭 YOUR WRITING IS SO SOLID ILY TYSM

Bestie we're all cringe here, we on the robot kisser blog. Also thank you for the lovely words, barking at you in tism solidarity 💖

You really couldn't have predicted the chain reaction you set off on accident, honest. Not the scale of it, at least.

All you really did was try to hold his hand. Not something you were entirely sure would be possible, strictly speaking. The size difference was vast, but you were determined to do something sweet and romantic. You wanted to be a good partner. So, while he was at the lab table, fiddling with the components to a new cloning pod, you reached over to his free servo from your seat next to his workspace, brushing your hand against his much bigger digits. You weren't even fully sure if he'd notice, but the reaction was immediate.

He completely froze, his one optic fixed on you. After a pause, he spoke.

"Do you require anything?"

For a second you were scared he was annoyed, but he just sounded... Unsure? Always a bit hard to tell with Shockwave.

"Not trying to get your attention or anything, just holding your hand. Or, you know, holding a little of it," you answered, sheepish.

"For what purpose?" He asked, tilting his head.

"Oh! I didn't really stop to think if Cybertronians, like... Do that normally," you explained. "For humans it's like an affectionate gesture. Like, a convenient point of contact you can maintain while you maneuver around."

"Simply illogical..." he huffed.

"Sorry!" You squeaked, retracting your hand. Shockwave's antennae quickly flicked down a notch at the loss of contact. "Probably should've asked first..."

"I... You do not have to... I didn't..." He fumbled, his antennae whirring and flicking every which way as he tried to piece the sentence together.

You tried to help him out.

"...Did you want me to stop?"

"...No."

You brought your hand to his again, and you saw his optics dim as you ran your hand over his digits, tracing all the lines and seams you could reach.

"I do not understand why, but... This is enjoyable. I still assert that is fully illogical, though," he said. You could hear a slight rumbling coming from his chest. Revving his engine? Was he... Purring?

"Contact is just a staple of social creatures, man. Feels nice because you need it, or you start to go kinda feral," you explained.

"Dubious. I have lived a long life without any such contact, and I have never exhibited any signs of such regression," he refuted. The weight of his words took a moment to sink in.

"...wait you've never been touched like this? Just... For affection's sake?" You asked, bewildered.

"Of course not."

He really just didn't see anything wrong with that statement...

"Dude... That's..." You stuffed down the urge to call it sad. No pity. You know he can't stand pity. "Well, that's a lot of lost time we'll have to make up for." You tightened your hold on his digits in a squeeze, and the purr grew louder. It seemed he was agreeable to that.

"...May I request a specific point of contact?" He queried. You nodded your head, and he leaned down over the table, resting his helm (sort of) on your lap, though shifting his weight awkwardly so you didn't get crushed. You couldn't look him in the optic, his gaze was pointed far to the side, but you could see the tentative shift of his audial fins well enough to know he wasn't sure how this would go. "I have seen this behavior exhibited in humans regardless of the species of the recipient. I believe the colloquial term is 'head pats.' I hypothesize it will be more... Normal, given the difference in our scale and physiology," he reasoned.

"Oh yeah, nothing weird about petting a giant robot like a puppy," you snarked. His audial fins flicked back, but quickly returned upwards when you started petting his helm. The purring deepened, a low, bassy sound that you felt more than you heard, especially with him so up close and personal. Odd as the setup was, it was nice, and you felt good knowing he was finally getting some much-deserved affection. You felt a little bad that he might get in trouble for slacking on his work, that cloning pod is long forgotten, but for the moment, it could wait. For the moment, you just wanted to love on your boyfriend as he melted into your touch, letting yourself melt into the soft sounds of his rumbling engine and the contented sighs he let out in your hold.

[eeblouissant]

top 5 outfits for Dorothy, Blanche, Rose, and Sophia respectively! (I was going to pick just one of them but I couldn't choose 😭)

oooohhhh !!!!! this is a hard (but very fun) one - let me see .. these are in no particular order:

(edit: this got very long. Answers under the cut my apologies 😭)

Dorothy first, naturally 🚶🏻‍♀️ oh my god let me tell you - I think about that first red dress so often. She’s my profile picture for a reason lol!!

The second I loved at first because, look at her, are you kidding. I’ll post that picture on here until someone physically restrains me from doing so. LOOK AT HER !!!!! I love anything pink on Dorothy sooo so much, that blue & pink pastel set is a very honourable mention. I’m sad I couldn’t squeeze it in here :’)

i um 🧎🏻‍♀️ i have no excuses here. The tie - the tie !!!!! when I rewatched tgg for the first time and saw Dorothy wearing a TIE I just about collapsed. YOURE KIDDING !!!! THE QUEER ENERGY IS OFF THE CHARTS !!!! started climbing the walls as soon as they cut to Dorothy & Michael sitting in the kitchen that first time 🤸‍♀️

fourth look is actually my fav … that black eyeshadow ??!!! dark makeup + dark clothing + white/gray hair??!!!! blink blink …

& honestly I can’t explain the last one - it just feels so quintessentially Dorothy somehow ??!! I’m not sure what it is about that outfit specifically that is so Dorothy to me but, if she was a cartoon character that would be her staple outfit imo (ALSO OH I just noticed that Dorothy’s got the same silly little pose going on in the first & last pictures 😭😭 AUGUAGH I’m ill)

okay, since I can’t separate Sophia & Dorothy I’m breaking the order here -

Peter Pan collars (?) were made for Sophia - I honestly think she has the cutest wardrobe out of all the girls (very close behind her is rose but I’ll get to her later), I take outfit & thrifting inspo from her very often. Like, look at her 🥹 are you kidding … you’d never guess in a million years that this sweet little lady was the feisty Italian she actually is lol

The second stands out to me because of where she’s placed that brooch - & it’s not the first time she has a very Edwardian (& sometimes Victorian) approach to the details in her wardrobe. This just happens to be a favourite of mine - of course she’s going to have this approach to the way she dresses, being raised by Victorian parents & all (and growing up in the Edwardian era, etc etc) but it’s still so neat to me !!! I love !!!

I’ll be honest, the cowboy hat makes that outfit one of my favourites 😂 she’s already got an adorable outfit going on, + that string of pearls (red is her colour imo, but again something i’ll ramble on in just a sec). I cant, she’s just adorable 😭

This outfit is second only to the last here - whenever Sophia’s outfits involve extra details at the collar they instantly become favourites. That bow !!! The mix of red, orange & yellow also puts it high up on my list - I mentioned it two seconds ago but Sophia’s colour is red, it was just made for her. They’re kind of like her staple accessory, but I just have to comment on her glasses - you have no idea how badly I want her frames. Oh my god, they’re so pretty - I might just be obsessed with Sophia atp 😭

& that last one :’) okay I have a few thoughts (that may or may not be completely coherent) - firstly, muted colours look stunning on her, especially in those flashback moments. Secondly - her wardrobe in these flashback bits lead me to believe that Dorothy took some inspiration from how she dressed then, and incorporated a lot of that into her style at the age Sophia would have been then!!!! Having that thought immediately made it super hard not to put this one at the top of the list so, it’s my favourite purely for that reason 🚶🏻‍♀️(shoutout Dorothy there btw ??? that whole look was so cute I’ll faint). I also really like the way Sophia’s colour choices got bolder and brighter as she aged (as opposed to Dorothy, for example, who seemed to dull instead). There’s some cool symbolism there that I would feel the urge to ramble on if it wasn’t so obvious already lol

I really love Sophia 🚶🏻‍♀️ okay moving on (I have to continue this in a separate reblog because Tumblr only allows ten pictures within one post :’))) i’ll be back to finish this in the morning. For now, enjoy the first half of me being crazy & insane)

[sillylittlegay]

Resident Evil – Oneshot [Leon Scott Kennedy X GN!Reader]

Pronouns used for Reader; They/Them

Warnings; Panic attack, Mentions/Thoughts of Injury/Death/Kidnapping

Summary; Leon comes home to his partner late at night after a long mission and realizes that they're not there, he panics thinking something happened to them when in Reality they had just been out with friends.

Authors Notes; wanted to make this Angst, decided against it because I thought that this man has had enough trauma in his life, now it has a happy ending and just passages of Leon having mental illness.

Kinda on the shorter side since a) I wanted to get This out faster because I'm currently working on two other oneshots and this one was just a really short idea I had and b) I needed to write a tad bit of comfort because I was thinking of Leon during the time in-between re2 and re4 and how much he had to go through (he needs a hug fr)

During his whole life Leon never thought he'd end up with having to go on days long missions that end in him coming home at one in the morning. Only a few years prior he had thought he'd get to sit in the RPD all day long, catch criminals and come home to a cold flat with maybe a cat waiting for him. To be brutally honest, Leon didn't think that he'd end up as a Special Agent that fights against mutated, infected freaks for a living. Not that he was complaining, for all the working close to death the job paid good. Good enough for him to afford the whole flat by himself and still be able to get himself everything he wanted.

But god knew his partner, and roommate, sure as hell didn't let him pay the rent. Leon kept on insisting that he wouldn't mind the paying, saying that it wouldn't even hurt his pocket one bit, yet they were stubborn enough to not care. Leon smiled. He was glad he had found someone that truly understood him and still agreed to dating him. If he didn't know better he'd say they did it for the money, but due to all their bickering about paying rent and getting upset at him when he bought them expensive gifts for no reason he knew that they truly loved him. Even though he had his flaws – many at that.

Leon got his keys out as he approached the Appartment building, wondering which of their neighbours had left their lights on as he unlocked the entrance door. He actually disliked living in a huge apartment block, but in today's economy he couldn't really choose, though he could probably just buy a house. He had to be able to get everywhere in the city fast though, so living further outside – as much as he wanted to – would be an issue. He would probably have to ask Hunnigan or someone else about getting him off the call list for immediate reply. He noted that he should've done that when he started dating again, yet he hadn't been bothered at the time. The second he got into a relationship though, things had become a lot more difficult.

Inside the building Leon contemplated whether he was going to take the elevator or not. He was tired and didn't want anything more than to slip under the covers of the bed he shared with his partner and sleep, but the fear of being stuck in an elevator this late at night got the better of him. He took the stairs up to the floor his apartment was on. He had never been someone who was afraid of small spaces, let alone elevators, but due to his many, many times being stuck in one and the horrors he had faced in small passages both somewhat made him shiver. He still wasn't scared, he wouldn't say that, he just had a strong dislike and tried his best to avoid them as best as he could. Plus he didn't mind the extra cardio he got through climbing the stairs. Though this was more like a simple morning exercise than an actual workout for Leon. Still, once on his floor he could feel the effects of it in his legs. The slight burning made him remember that he had been on his feet for a long time already, he really should've taken the elevator. Things couldn't be changed though and Leon was already at the apartment door, carefully unlocking it, trying his best to stay quiet as to not wake the only person that truly mattered to him personally.

The apartment was quiet, after all it was the middle of the night – Leon knew that the sleep schedule of his partner was surprisingly healthy, even though they loved staying up late. He quickly stashed away his shoes, not noticing that one pair was missing, and hung his jacket right beside his other one. He frowned for a moment, wondering why his partners jacket was nowhere to be found. In the end he just decided that they had thrown it over the couch again, as they often did when they couldn't wait to get into bed. Yet upon walking through the small living room Leon once again was taken aback by their jacket missing. He now hurried to the shared bedroom, not actually caring about whether or not he was being too loud anymore.

Leon stopped all his movement once he saw the bed, without his partner in it, untouched. The pillows neatly sat beside each other, the blankets laid flatly on the matrace like all their fluffiness had been pushed out – Leon overanalyzed the whole bed to find any hints of it having been used. He had to come to terms with his partner not being at home, without any notice towards him. His hurried steps took him to the little planner his partner used to keep track of any meetings or events they had going on, not finding anything that would excuse their absence. His mind was running wild already, thinking about all the ways they could have possibly been injured – maybe they were at the hospital, maybe they were at someone else's house, Leon didn't even want to think about it. Besides, they knew he was coming home today. He had told them a few hours ago while he was still busy with noting down the important parts of what happened on the mission. Nothing explained why they weren't home.

He hastily took note of their phone hanging on the charger in the kitchen, frantically searching the entire flat for any signs of a fight. Leon wouldn't be able to forgive himself if he found out his partner had been kidnapped. He checked every window, every door, every corner, nothing gave him information of the whereabouts of them. He sat down on the couch, head on his knees, hands pressed to the back of his neck. It slowly dawned on him how many possibilities there were why they weren't home. His mind was filled with images of his partner being taken away, hurt or worse, killed. He didn't even notice that he started sobbing, only taking a second to realize once he felt the tears hit his knees. It didn't distract him for long, instead panic took him over once again. He wanted to search the flat a second time, maybe he had missed something, maybe this was just a bad dream and they were eight beside him, but he stopped himself, unable to move from his spot. He froze up, his nails digging into the flesh of his neck, Leon didn't even register the pain. He sat there for what felt like an eternity, beating himself up for not being able to protect even one person – the one person that still mattered to him at that.

In his panic and through his sobs Leon didn't hear the door unlock. They heard him immediately though. Rushing to his weeping figure, softly loosening his hands from his neck, taking them into their own instead. Leon took a while to notice. Once he did, he wrapped his arms around his lovers waist tightly, pulling them into him, not wanting to ever let go. His face was squashed against their shoulder, tears starting to get soaked into the fabric of their shirt. They softly ran their hands through his hair in a soothing matter, lowly humming one of Leon's favourite songs, knowing both would help him calm down.

»Thought I lost you...« The taller mumbled against his lovers shoulder after regaining enough stability to trust his voice again. »'m sorry baby my friend called, she had a shit time and I went to hers without leaving a note. I'm here now, I'm sorry.« The mumbled back, pressing a soft kiss onto the others head. Leon somehow pressed himself further against his partner, almost as if he'd die if he was even just an inch away from them. »'s fine just... Leave a note if that happens again...« Leon managed to huff, smiling softly once he felt the other nod and heard their soft hum.

After a while the two agreed to finally get ready for bed, though Leon clung to his partner the whole time, making everything a bit difficult. He had chosen to completely stay by his lovers side the whole night, wanting to absolutely make sure nothing would happen, and they let him, holding his hand while falling asleep against his chest. Leon on the other hand stayed awake a bit longer, partially because he couldn't sleep, partially because he wanted to protect the other.

Plus he could never get enough of his lovers peaceful face when sleeping.

[midorishinji]

Hanahaki

Yellow tulips are a symbol of unrequited love. "You made flowers grow in my lungs and although they are beautiful, I can't breathe"

Itahina ｜Oneshot｜Also published in Portuguese and on AO3

It was a late autumn morning, a Friday, when I felt something in my throat. I coughed and spat out a yellow tulip petal. I spent the entire weekend worrying, avoiding opening my mouth, and I slept all Sunday after drinking a whole bottle of cough syrup. I told my father that it was just the beginning of a cold, and he didn't question it all that much; to be honest, I don't think he really pays attention to me, and he doesn't even notice that anything could be wrong. I was always just this quiet, nervous little thing that swallows back words, and now I swallow flowers too.

Every time I saw him at school, I would have a terrible coughing fit... Which was quite inconvenient, considering that Itachi Uchiha was the brother of a childhood friend and president of the literature club, of which I was a member. I managed to get through the first week in fits and starts, wearing a mask the entire time, to avoid transmitting my “cold”. At the end of the day, I would need to go to the bathroom and take off the mask, to remove the petals that suffocated me even once they were out of my throat.

That's how Ino found me, that Thursday, staring at a bunch of yellow petals and even whole tulips spread out on the sink. We looked at each other for a few seconds, until I couldn't take it anymore and cried the bitterest tears of my brief existence. She tried to comfort me and hugged me with all the strength in the world and, for a moment, it seemed like everything was going to be okay.

(...)

— At the beginning of the 19th century, tuberculosis became the fashionable disease. Pale skin, glistening eyes and rosy cheeks and lips, symptoms of a constant fever, became ideals of beauty, the supreme symbol of perishing with grace.

With each word, it felt like an even bigger stab wound to my poor heart. I swallowed flowers like I swallowed words, like I swallowed my feelings, and listened to Itachi's explanation of Romanticism while we were both last in the literature club. — I just think I'm not a hundred percent recovered from my cold yet, that's all. Nowadays, babies are vaccinated against tuberculosis at birth, I think.

I had to drop the mask and pretend I was “cured” after a few indiscreet looks from my sister. For a moment, I almost thought I would have to tell her, but I couldn't imagine doing that. Saying things wasn't my strongest point.

Itachi laughed, the same low, hoarse laugh that I loved to hear, and that made my heart beat fast as if I ran a marathon. — You're funny, Hinata.

— Funny how? — I was afraid to ask, because I was afraid of knowing. Sometimes people find us funny in an adorable way, like a kid acting up. Sometimes just funny in a pathetic way.

He shook his head, looking far away, and for a second I wondered what Itachi Uchiha thought... When it came to him, it was always so difficult to know, that I felt as if we were completely different species. Indecipherable. — I don't know. I just think you are, but not in a bad way, no, definitely not.

(...)

I spent the night awake, with a lump in my throat, which I only managed to expel when it was past three in the morning: there were three whole tulips, yellow as gold, and so beautiful that for a second I almost got carried away and forgot that these precious flowers were a physical manifestation of doom. I sat on the bathroom floor for a long time, staring at them, breathless, trying to get my breathing back to normal.

I kept the three flowers between the pages of a heavy book, as I had been doing with all the others I spat out. Perhaps Charlotte Brontë had a good reason to see beauty in the illness that took her sisters’ lives and that would inevitably take hers too, because it’s the last resort. When nothing else can be done, what remains for us is to learn to love our circumstances, to see some charm in them: that was why I kept my tormentors close.

My phone vibrated with a message, awakening me from my Byronic daydreams, and to my cruel reality, and I resented even more my own cowardice for writing “I love you” in response and deleting it right away, before even sending it, as I read his message again and again.

"I dreamed of you today"

(...)

Yellow tulips are a symbol of unrequited love. I knew that. Ino tried to convince me that it could be worse, because there are flowers with more harmful meanings: orange lilies are hate; higanbana are abandonment, and two lovers who part ways to never meet again. I knew that too, and knowing it didn't make it any better. She also insisted that for those suffering from hanahaki , the type and color of the flowers matter little to the prognosis of the disease, it’s all a popular superstition.

— Here, I got a gift for you, from my family’s flower shop. — she said, as soon as we arrived at school; it was a white flower, like the snow that fell in that first winter blizzard around us — It's called Edelweiss. It means courage, you know? They’re the national flower of Austria, firstly because they were a symbol of resistance to the Nazis during World War II, and secondly because they only grow at very high altitudes, such as in the Alps; there's a legend there that says that if someone brings you one of these, it's proof of true love. No one risks looking for it if it isn’t.

She explained everything to me enthusiastically, while placing the small flower behind my ear, between some strands of hair. I opened my locker to leave my shoes and found inside it a white orchid with delicate fringe-like petals, lonely like me. I felt a certain compassion for that poor creature with dry petals, as if it had withered before it even bloomed, because we really were one and the same. I stared at it for long seconds, playing with the fragile petals as delicately as I could, until Ino woke me up from my trance: — A gift?

— I don't know. I'll put it in a glass of water, maybe that will help. — I said, holding the slender stem between my cold fingers, almost flying through the school corridors.

(...)

— Hanahaki is a disease of cowards.

Sasuke's voice echoed through the room, angry and serious. He wasn’t speaking to me specifically, he was just taking out his frustration on all of us, because he didn't know anything, he couldn’t. And, even if he knew, deep down I couldn't disagree with him: I am a coward from head to toe, to the last hair strand, to the marrow of the bone, and if I weren't like that, I would suffer much less. I wouldn't be fatally ill, either: the truth sets us free, but only when we are able to spit it out like the poison it is.

— Sasuke... — Itachi tried to calm him down, as he always did, and the two exchanged a long look, of complicity, containing a very private understanding. For a moment I wished I could disappear from there, imagining that everyone knew about my peculiar misery and they simply felt sorry for me. I loved Itachi Uchiha and everything that was him, flaws and admirable qualities, in the same contradictory way that I could sometimes hate him like I did now, as I hated his gentle and appeasing ways for making me like him even more and making him even better , so close to the divine as humanly possible. Maybe that's why black lilies were so ambiguous and meant, at the same time, love and curse: both exist as two sides of the same coin, inseparable. I couldn't love if it didn't hurt until it tore myself apart.

I left the room, along with everyone else, and spent a few long minutes walking without direction through the hallways, almost as if I was training for when I would inevitably become a ghost, very soon. The cure for hanahaki is reciprocated love, that's what tormented me from the beginning. I coughed up five whole tulips at once, which I kept in my pocket, and I felt my legs weaken, trembling; the rays of the setting sun that passed through the windows blinded my sensitive eyes until they watered.

I ended up going back to the club room after the end of the activity hours, in a feverish delirium. I didn't want to go home, I didn't want to spend the rest of the day blending in with the beige walls and trying to go unnoticed by my father. I just wanted to not feel this anguish inside my chest for even a second, to free myself from it. Ino would kill me if she saw me plucking the petals from her precious Edelweiss, I know: it was her proof of love for me going to waste, thanks to my restless and pale fingers, always as nervous as I was.

There was still someone in the club room. With his face leaning over the table, I realized it was Itachi, and he was coughing too. — I'm sorry, Hinata... Sasuke’s right when he says that I'm a coward. — he apologized, with a gentle smile, which tore my insides with pain. In between his fingers, white petals of a fringed orchid, Sagiso , could be seen, the same one I had found in my locker: “I will be thinking of you even in my dreams”.

[tony-veis]

Hello everyone! I want to say thank you to everyone, including my patrons and donaters. It was last month, thank you (October)

Му ko-fi:

Simgemaniac (Please forgive me! I lost your donation and just now I saw it!)

My patrons: AppleWS JinxxSims D McKim Mordekarl The Knightmare Kayleigh

❤️❤️❤️

This is a post from the category "Wow! Is he still alive?" Answering this rhetorical question - almost no. For some reason, it was at the end of October, instead of Halloween, that my chronic illness worsened, and I have been lying with a fever for a week. I suspect that I got sick with a new strain of COVID, and it aggravated my disease, so now I have to work with the temperature. Now I probably won't have time to finish the renovation in my rented apartment by the new year because this action took away 100% of my free time. To be honest, I think I'm in a crisis. I don't want to play or do anything for Sims 2, and I haven't released anything for a long time, so I'm ashamed in front of my audience that supports me. I was planning to release new kiosks for Halloween, but when I couldn't figure out the menu for buying magazines, I realized that this is a task that requires a lot of time and effort, which unfortunately I haven't had for half a year.

To the good news! I recently found out that thanks to Lazy Duchess, Sims 2 began to be rebuilt on the Unity engine as an open-source game in C++. If, in a few years, we see an updated Sims 2 that will be more flexible, that's great. These dreams spur me to think about the implementation of those functional objects and mods for which my knowledge is currently lacking. I really hope to see this great work! In the meantime, I'll try to get to the doctor.

If you still really want to 👉👈🥴:

You can make a one-time donation on ko-fi  - https://ko-fi.com/tonyveis  You can long-term support me on Patreon  - https://www.patreon.com/yony_veis

[diazpatcher]

a little Vent, TW mentions of drugs, alcohol and Selfharm

I don't want to tell him that I thonk it was a mistake cause we've been.thinkinf.about this for 3 weeks now and talking about everything and it would jjst feel like i took my time breaking his heart which I didn't mean to I just really wanted to be sure but now I feel like a total ass and like I ruined any chance at being friends anymore and I just really wanna get shitfaced drunk or high couldn't give less shots as long as i dont actually have to feel these things anymore it's like, how hard can.it be to know if ur im love w someone

maybe it's cause I haven't been in love for a while but that's not it either i had feelings for someone and it ended the same way, we talked it through and didn't do shit and it changed us and i don't want that to happen again maybe i should've told him from the get go, no i don't but I thought I had feelings for him but I don't. and I feel so horrible now. because he cares so sos so much about me and for me and it just feels like I'm betraying him and our honesty we have built but if i tell him he'll be hearybrkone and I kept telling.him it's not gonna be easy and that i am Sick and that my illness will get in the way and maybe this is just my depression and the secual traumas but i don't I can't be in a relationship i need to heal the one w myself first and idk how to tell him thag and i also feel lime i can't talk to anyone about it w /o sounds ridiculous bc what kind of immature do you have to be to now know if u lime someone or love them and i jhst feel so horrible and i really wanna relapse bc last tome I didn't car Re what happened to me while i was actively hurting myself and I was w alex back then and I had no issues w anything but mow it just feels like being touched alone is a fucking violation of me but i love being touched i love hugs and holding hands and being close but ever since that happened (he confessed to me) everytiem he touches me it just feels like I'm betraying him and myself and i know i should just tell hom because we are that honest w each other but at the same time I don't ecen know if i have feelings for him and if i can't tell how tf am i usspoes to let him know what's going on and he said he'd be willing to wait but that's unfair so i told him that we xan give it a try but it feels wrong like I committed a mortal sin or smt just because I don't know and he shouldn't waste time on me not because I'm.not great but because I can't give him wgat he wants and I hate that so much i should be able to know but i don't and it makes me feel like shit and he can tell and is concerned and I think i already am dependent on him and I don't want my emotions to be attached or dependent on someone else and i hate myself for always doing it and I ruin every relationship or friendship w it because part of me wants people to take care of me and the other part is ashamed for wanting that and i also don't know who I am anymore and it just feels meaningless everything i do I started smoking and drinking more often but nit in a alcoholic way and It just makes me feel less and empty and the only reason i started smoking was because i wanted to be close to a boy and I can't even cry anymore because i feel I don't have a reason to cry and I just want to hurt myself and bleed but that's not me anymore im clean for like 530 days ors smt and it feels like if I relapse now, I won't be able yo stop again and I domt want to be burden on other people just because i have issues w myself and its unfair but I don't know how to fix it.

[livredebelle]

Twenty-six.

THE MEMORIES SLOWLY RETURNED, FLOWING effortlessly and with an unstoppable force into my brain. Our argumentative nature since we were kids. His piercing baby blue eyes which captivated my interest even way back then. My sister and I, holding hands with a weird but kind man who introduced us into his home. His sulky wife, who thought our arrival was suspicious. The library tour. My temples started to ache, but I was somewhat relieved that the gaps in my memory film were recoverable. Sometimes, I couldn't remember my past no matter how hard I tried, and it made me afraid that I was living in denial, a fake life. It made me uneasy.

More importantly, I needed a smoke. Badly. I shoved a stoge in my mouth and lit up the poison as Heath's eyes wandered over me. I recognized that look.

Lust.

It made me both excited and afraid. To thwart the distraction, I did the best thing I could--initiate an argument with him.

I crossed my arms. "Why didn't you say anything about the fact that we knew each other? You acted like we were total strangers the first time we met. Isn't that lying?"

"Not really. I didn't want to overwhelm you when we first met, and I knew you wouldn't react well if I approached you too directly."

"Still, you had plenty of opportunities to be forthcoming. But you never said anything."

He sighed, clearly exasperated. "Look, I figured we had bigger fish to fry. Things have progressed quickly since we reunited--"

"Reunited?"

"Yes, because I've been looking for you all this time. You have no idea how long it took. More than a decade's worth of effort."

"Am I supposed to feel flattered? That's stalker-ish." I blew smoke in his face in disapproval. I was half-joking, but half-serious--the minuscule amount of trust I had placed in him recently dissipated ever so quickly. Now, I was always going to wonder what else he was hiding from me.

"You're lucky I didn't get us a smoke-free room. I considered it."

"Don't change the subject."

He slinked towards me, sitting next to me on the bed with a smirk. "I know you want me to."

Asshole. I rolled my eyes and did my best to thwart the seductive effect of his words. "I'm serious. How do you expect me to believe anything you say again?"

His eyebrows raised incredulously. "Well, for one, because I rescued you today. Again. Doesn't that prove I have good intentions and care about you?"

Oh right, that. "What are we going to do about Pete? Do I have no other option but to wait out here?"

"Just for tonight, until I find a more secure place for us. I doubt Pete is sophisticated enough to figure out our location, but it's still better to be careful. Obviously, we can't go back to the penthouse for the time being."

I sighed, vexed. What could my stepfather possibly want with me? If anything, wouldn't that time be better served trying to reconnect with his actual daughter? No matter what, I couldn't think of any non-sinister reason Pete would have for returning to our lives in such a manner, like a completely unanticipated tornado.

"Can I still go to school?"

"I'll admit it's ill-advised... But what else would you do? The university will not be so understanding of your circumstances... and it's not like we can afford to be completely honest, either."

That was true. And it didn't make sense for me to stop everything, to drastically alter my life just to avoid a maniac. Even if he was a well-fledged maniac.

"Don't worry, I have a few eyes on Pete as of last night. He won't get anywhere near you, I promise."

His arm was still snaked around me, I realized. His fingers were starting to stray up and down my spine, like he was playing a delicate melody on the piano, with each sensation giving me goosebumps. When some of his fingers strayed up my shirt, I smacked his arm.

"Pervert."

"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't realize." But his face said otherwise.

"That's what you're focused on right now, when we should be figuring out what to do in this fucking mess? Men." I tsk-ed.

"A complete accident, I assure you." But his nimble fingers didn't stop.

"What if we get caught?" I insisted, shoving him away.

His face crumpled with a puzzled expression. "By whom?"

"..."

I had been about to say 'Rose,' but that sounded a bit ridiculous even to me. Why should I care about how this would affect her? She had basically declared war when she told me she loved him--I could see it in her eyes; that she knew of my complicated feelings for Heath, and she had wanted to antagonize me about it. Who knew whether she was telling the truth anyway?

I was so tired of prioritizing other people's opinions and feelings over mine, the way I had a habit of denying myself happiness if that meant someone I loved could be happy instead. Where had that gotten me in life? Absolutely nowhere.

Instead of replying, I leaned in closer to his face to tantalize him.

He sucked in a deep breath, closed his eyes for a second; then when he reopened them, he gazed deeply into my eyes, unwavering resolve reflecting in them.

"Have you finally decided to trust me?" he whispered gently.

Not exactly. Maybe. I thought it, but I didn't say it--I didn't want to ruin the mood.

I bit my bottom lip intentionally to drive him insane. His eyes gleamed, wicked. I tilted my head in question, inviting him to be as daring as he wanted to be. He clenched his fist.

"Don't start anything you're going to regret, now." A soft warning hidden behind the meaning of those words.

Yet I nodded.

He dove in for the kiss, and I could tell how hungry he was. How long he'd restrained himself, I would probably never know--but God, all the pent-up sexual tension exploded at once, and I responded to his passion in kind.

"Mmnh--"

His lips mashed urgently against mine, and his fingers deftly unbuttoned my bra. I could feel my head spinning, stars flying out of my vision as he crushed my body so close to his that there was no space between us. This was it, I thought to myself in satisfaction as I caved to my desire. This is what I've been waiting for.

It made no sense, that we had known each other in childhood and I had completely forgotten about it. That suggested that my mind was so broken, it was incapable of resurrecting my memories correctly, and that was definitely concerning. But right now, I couldn't care less what that meant. I just wanted to give all of myself to this man, to my newfound companion, one who I hoped would last longer than the others.

Because he was mine. And he had always meant to have been mine, I could feel it.

His tongue lashed inside my mouth, hot and greedy to explore all the crevices within. I blushed, and he could feel the rising temperature of my body. The same way I could feel his.

It was folly. We were in no position to be enjoying ourselves like this, in the midst of such turmoil and distress. We needed to be smarter and more rational than this.

But who the hell cared when you were kissing Heath Ashford?

***

My body was so goddamn sore.

I took a good look at his face as he slept peacefully. After our rigorous 'workout,' we had both passed out--for God knows how long. It appeared I had awoken first. Even now, I couldn't help but admire his beauty; his unfairly long lashes, the curvy wisps of his hair falling over his forehead and perpetuating the image of perfect innocence... He looked like a cherub nestling in the embrace of someone he was comfortable with.

That someone was me. My lips curved into a smile at the realization.

It was so easy to forget all of the problems weighing on my shoulders when we were together like this. It was even easier to believe that we would be fine, just as he promised. Because there was no way he would make me an empty promise. So far, he had come through more than most people in my life... An oddly cheery thought.

Then the moment ended when my phone buzzed.

Annoyed, I checked it. Wait, not mine--so it must be Heath's. Where did he leave his phone? He was dead asleep, and there was no way I'd be able to wake him. So it was probably a good idea for me to go check myself. Just in case there was some important information he needed to know right away concerning our current situation.

Which is what I kept telling myself as I discreetly lifted Heath's finger to unlock his phone, which I had retrieved from his pants pocket on the floor.

Who knows what I expected to find in there, that Pandora's box. I guess I was just trying to assuage a part of me inside that still worried he was hiding something, that he was lying about something. It wasn't easy to let go of a lifelong habit, after all.

At the precise moment where I unlocked his phone screen and proceeded to browse through his notifications, I felt a cage ensnare my waist and yank me backwards into bed.

"Eep!"

"What in the hells do you think you're doing, sneaky?"

His tone was half-joking, half-serious. I couldn't see his facial expression due to the position we were in, but I could feel waves of mini-rage through his body. Body language?

"Wh-what? Your phone was buzzing so loudly, so I was just trying to make it stop. It woke me up."

Good thing he couldn't see my face either; if he could, he'd be able to tell immediately that I was lying.

"Hmm. I know that love tends to make an idiot out of you, but I'm not sure I should accept that pitiful excuse. Sure, this time I'll allow it." He nuzzled my neck and took in my scent. "It's hard to ruin my mood after that marathon we just ran."

"Shut up. What is it, a text message? Who's it from?"

"Minor work matter. Don't you worry your pretty head, and go back into bed with me, hmm? All you have to worry about is getting your rest."

His words were honey sweet, but I wasn't that naive. "Are you going out while I rest?"

"I do have other responsibilities."

"Such as?"

"..."

His hesitation was baffling. Why was it so difficult for him to tell me? It only added to my suspicions.

The truth was, in that brief moment when I had checked his phone's notifications pop-up, my eyes had quickly scanned the information, and I already knew the answer. I just wanted him to say it, so I could see if he would lie.

Inside, I was already fuming, barely containing my unjustified anger. The nerve of this girl, really. How ignorant I'd been all this time--I knew I was a poor judge of character, but to think how little I'd know about my own blood sister my whole life...

Well, half-blood.

"Tell me," I pressed. "Or else I'm not going to be able to sleep."

I steeled myself for the lie, almost positive that would be the outcome. If so, then I'd have a reason to walk away from this relationship right now.

Just give me that reason.

His arm-cage loosened from around me, and he got up from the bed to come and kneel in front of me.

And opened his mouth.

[xocontinentaldrift]

February 7, 2023

+ Today was a struggle. It started out okay, taking Ben to the bus stop and then going for a nice walk outside. Came home, finished up writing for work, drank coffee. Jon did the grocery shopping and then set up his Hogwarts Legacy game, which we shared a laugh over when he set up his avatar.

+ Then I went out to lunch at Panera and then Target to buy snacks for Ben’s party. By the time I got home, I hoped to have some time to.decompress and take a shower, but we pretty much had to get going to Jon’s parents house for dinner. Dinner was fun, we had tacos and then played Pandemic. But I was really starting to feel worn out and run down. When we got home, I had to put Ben down for bed and...I just couldn't do it. I couldn't do the whole book reading, talking at night blah blah blah. I just needed time for myself TO DO NOTHING FOR ANYONE ELSE BUT ME. I had spent all goddamn day devoting time and energy to everyone else but me and I was just sick of everyone and everything. Jon wasn't happy about taking over but part of me just didn't care anymore. I wanted to stop feeling gross and finally took a shower and then just lay in bed.

+ I think sometimes... I am just not happy. I have been trying to make my life work for so long -- hoping that therapy, the right book, Ben getting older, etc. will help the situation. But the truth is that, I was happier co-parenting. I was healthier when I wasn't trying to be a traditional mommy and partner. And really, the only reason was that I had more time off. I had more time to myself. I HAD A BREAK. I never get a real break from both work and parenting, not anymore, and it's kind of killing me. I feel I'm on the verge of getting seriously ill, because I'm so stressed out and tired and just depressed. I have been fighting it so hard but I think it's just time to be honest with myself and just admit how unhappy I am in this life. I am just really sad about my life. I don't know what to do about it anymore. I feel stuck and trapped. I'm not sure that I really love my partner enough after the cheating and the breakups; I'm not sure this relationship is worth it. I'm trying to think of a V-Day gift and I kind of don’t care. I told Megan once that I loved Jon, but after the whole cheating thing, I love him less than I used to. I just do. And it's still true. Wow, this is all so depressing.

[generalofthenorth]

      Whether it was a sly smirk or the wide grin she had now, Tullius decided that he quite liked the way she smiled up at him. It was dazzling, impossible to ignore, and often a rarity to him in his line of work. Well, at least genuine smiles were a rarity. And not usually from someone as intriguing as her. Perhaps that was why it was so easy to keep falling once he had already slipped toward the idea that she had less than subtly tempted him with. “If you are so thoughtfully going to keep me company tonight, the least I could do would be to make some room for you.”      An amused grin spread across his face as he chuckled. He had expected her to feed him a half-truth, dodge the question entirely, or even outright lie. And he almost laughs when instead she is bluntly honest. Anyone else and Tullius would imagine he would be disappointed at the admission that they were untrustworthy, but to his surprise, he's not. At least, not in this instance. Not with her. And it wasn't because she had eliminated any remaining space between them and was making his head spin and cause a lump to form in his throat. Or maybe that was why it didn't bother him. Regardless, he admires and respects it because at least he has an idea of what to expect from her. "Well, at least you're honest, I can appreciate that."      Gods, he couldn't breathe without it being full of her as she spoke. Soft enough that it gave him a reason to lean in even closer to hear her over the din of the party. To feel the warmth from her body to her breath that tickled his skin. This was all his own damn fault considering he had done nothing but encourage her. But try as he might, Tullius couldn't bring himself to feel much regret for the decisions he'd made so far tonight. At least for the moment. She created a mixture of delightful tension and concerning ease in him that if he wasn’t careful, he was sure he would find himself wrapped around her nimble little finger despite her own warning to him. He was so entranced in her little mannerisms, her lips, the brief flash of her tongue, and her soft voice that he nearly missed her assurance that her target was not the one thing he had been most concerned about. His rigid posture relaxed into her at the sense of relief that washed over him. While he couldn't condone her thievery, Tullius also didn't feel compelled to attempt to stop her as long as it had nothing to do with the Empire. 

     Despite being still distracted by the press of her body against his, he managed to steel his expression and focus on what she was telling him. Conflicted was an understatement for what Tullius was feeling at the moment. She had assuaged his concerns about why she was there, but unfortunately, Tullius found the Akaviri fascinating. Admired their weapons, their knowledge, and prowess. It would be a shame for someone to hide away such intriguing artifacts so only a handful of people could sit and admire them. Though, to be fair, wasn't that what the Count and his ancestors had done since the last era? Then perhaps it wouldn't be so bad if what she said about them not remaining lost for long turned out to be true. He wasn't entirely sure what that meant though. Did she intend on selling out her client, which seemed doubtful, or did she think they wouldn't be able to keep their mouth shut about their ill-gotten gains, which seemed far more likely to him?

     He hesitated for a quiet moment when she turned his question on him, looking at him that way, like he would be some sort of heartless monster if he crushed the hope on her face. She was clearly far better at this game than he was. And luckily for her, she could trust him... to an extent."You can trust me to keep my word," he took a deep breath, doing his best to ignore the pang of guilt. "I will not hinder your little heist as long as no one gets hurt." It was the most he could do and the most he could promise without making himself a liar because whether he liked it or not, he couldn't stand by and do nothing if she decided to cross a line. And whether Tullius was willing to admit it just yet, he didn't frankly know what she was capable of. "Can you at least promise that you won't make me regret this?"

          "OH! HOW PRESUMPTIVE OF ME, MY MISTAKE.” She could not be smiling any wider if she tried. Tullius has joked with her twice now within a rather short timespan, and she doesn’t care to hide her delight. As much as she likes his stiff, unyielding demeanour, she also quite enjoys this new, good-humoured and near playful side of him. It’s an aspect that she assumes he rarely shares with others, which makes it all the more special that he was showing glimpses of it with her. “I assured the good Count in advance that I’d made my own arrangements at a nearby estate,” she grins. Accepting the offer of a room at the castle would’ve invited more scrutiny ( and security ) than she needed. “But I’d be open to staying here tonight, if your bed has room for me.”

She likes the way he pulls her against him, and the way his touch lingers on her cheek as he tucks a loose strand from her face. She also likes it when he calls her his little thief, enough that she almost wants to answer ‘yes’ to his connecting question. It isn’t the truth, though. She can’t change her nature, and she wasn’t going to lie that she would. But she isn’t allergic to telling the truth at times, and she wants to tell him her true plan to at least alleviate his concerns.

“You shouldn’t ever trust me,” Ariveth admits with a little curl at her lips, aware of the irony in her honesty. Her body arches forward against Tullius’ in elimination of any remaining space between them, wetting her lips subconsciously as she stares at his own. “But, the truth is that I’m not after political secrets or plans this time.” Her voice has lowered to a whisper, breathed in their close proximity as her eyes flick upwards to connect with his.

“I assume you’ve heard all about the infamous collection of Akaviri artifacts held by the Carvains since time immemorial? Well, there may be a third party interested in buying, therefore there may be a specific thief interested in acquiring.” She’s toying with the shoulder of his robe, though her gaze is almost entirely focused on his expression, looking for any sign that he was disturbed enough by her explanation that he might be prone to impeding her plans. “Such unique artifacts won’t stay lost for long, after all, so there won’t be any harm done in the long run… there’ll just be a certain someone with her pockets a little fuller by the end of it.” It’s a long shot, suggesting he look the other way on this. She’d have to work a little harder to obtain the artifacts if he decided to thwart her scheme — she’s hoping that wouldn’t be necessary.

“Can I trust you?” She throws the question back, watching him with a gaze more hopeful than she intends to convey.

[thetravelingmaster]

Anonymity - Shield or Weapon?

The most common thing among us in this community is Anonymity. We all use it to some degree when indulging our Kinks. Our first and foremost reason to do it is, of course, to keep us safe as we explore this strange and for some, embarrassing kinky world of non conventional arousal. The internet is a heaven for everyone to learn and explore ANYTHING their hearts may find desirable.

Are identities aren't needed to indulge and discover new things about ourselves. You can call yourself Jack, Jill, Fran or Hornybabyslut. It doesn't matter. It helps create a sense of security that enables you to dive into what ever kink you feel you can't indulge in your every day life.

And even if you can indulge IRL and are fully accepted as the kinkster that you are, Anonymity affords you a a free shield for you to protect your wonderful life from the dark and ill intentioned predators constantly surfing the World Wide Web for prey.

Anonymity isn't bad at all. It's recommended.

Exploring and enjoying our different kinks can lead you to wonderful and emotional places. Places you may not go if you couldn't be someone else.

Anonymity is a perfect and accepted shield we all carry.

But it doesn't mean you can't be yourself. It doesn't mean you can't be honest and true with yourself and the people you engage with.

You can call yourself Gina64 and be a full on kinky bimbo slut that talks and acts so dumb and dirty that the people you engage with online think you are nothing more. If that is your way to explore and escape, there is nothing wrong with that. You can become anyone you wish once you fire up your phone or your computer.

That is the beauty of this wonderful and dark internet.

When all is said and done, Gina64 is just a persona you try on. She may or may not have the same beliefs as you promote in your every day life. That's perfectly fine.

Anonymity offers that possibility. That safety...

However...

Anonymity can also be a weapon.

That same safety can protect the bad people that are looking to take advantage of others.

Just like a sword, it can be used to defend and protect as well as divide and conquer. It all depends on who wields it and what they choose to do with the sword in their hands.

My point is very simple: Anonymity doesn't half to mean that you can be 100% yourself.

For the purpose of this post, I'm going to exclude the people that come here to become someone else. It can be a very therapeutic and I definitely not saying that being a completely different person online is wrong in anyway.

Well not in itself...

And that's what I mean. You can play at being fun and fluffy or dark and brooding, what ever fills your cup of tea. As long as you are being honest with yourself about why you are doing it.

The problem I have tonight as I write these lines is when the kink in question involves hypnosis. Not fun roleplaying, but REAL hypnosis and subsequent play.

You have to be very honest and open to engage in that sort of kink and Anonymity can offer you that safe space to indulge from.

BUT ANONYMITY DOESN'T MEAN YOU ARE BEING DISHONEST.

Being dishonest has nothing to do with anonymity and here is an example of what I mean. Say Our Gina64 is into hypnosis. Say she searches out potential erotic hypnotists online to explore and indulge that itch. She can call herself Gina64 and be a dude. It doesn't really matter as long as you are being honest and about the level of things you wish to reveal to the hypnotist.

If you are being honest with yourself and the person you are engaging with, no harm no foul.

But say that Gina64 doesn't want to reveal that he is in fact a guy. It could be fine if the hypnotist doesn't care. But what if the reason you are engaging in hypnosis is to experience erotic hypnosis? And that Gina64 leads the hypnotist on being saying again and again that they are a girl. For all of us, erotic hypnosis in our Kink community is arousing and erotic for both parties. So a hypnotist that decides to engage and offer erotic hypnosis to Gina64 while under the impression that he is a she when in fact they are a HE...

Well... That can create confusing and even dangerous things down the road. If the connection develops and more and more the hypnotist is made to believe in this falsehood, then it creates an invisible rift between them. A very dishonest rift...

A rift that can actually hurt... Especially if the hypnosis kink also includes flavours of Domination and submission. We all know and understand that D/s play can stir up incredibly powerful emotions. As the lies pile on to covert up more lies, the cycle becomes deeper and darker with every dishonest reply.

Until Gina64 finds himself in a position where the lies have boxed him in and he has to bail out instead of admitting to everything he led the hypnotist to believe and experience.

And I'm not even going to talk about people who create elaborate and complex fake personas to actively catfish people...

I'm not saying that all people who indulge in hypnokink and D/s play should always reveal everything about themselves, far from it.

What I'm saying is that you just have to be HONEST as to what type of person you are and what you want to experience. Our community can be very open minded. It's the very nature of our kink.

And anonymity provides the perfect way to be 100% true to yourself without fear or worries.

To properly demonstrate how one can be completely anonymous and still be incredibly honest, I'm going to talk about friend @qu1etsleep.

Theo is an incredible human being and hypnotist that is, like me, adamant about keeping his online life separate from his offline life. He doesn't shy away from telling anyone who contacts him that Theo isn't his real name and that there is no respectful way in hell that you'll ever get a glimpse or a clue as to who he really is.

His Anonymity is a shield meant to keep the lines clear between his hobby and his life. We all do that in some form or another.

I might not know Theo's true name and identity, but I do know that if I were to ever sit in a cafe somewhere and end up chatting with the man behind the blog, then those 2 persons would be identical.

I'd have the same exact conversations and learn about all the exact same opinions Theo and the man in front of me share.

Because even though his name has changed, he will still be the same person. he just changed out his name tag. Nothing else changed.

Theo is authentic with himself and with everyone that takes the time to talk with him. His Anonymity doesn't affect or change that at all. It just offers him the same safety we all crave.

This authenticity is what makes him, in my humble opinion, a terrific and accomplished 'amateur' hypnotist. Make no mistake, he is no rookie and he WILL drop you if the rapport is there. Authentic and Anonymous...

That is what this community needs above all else.

Some of you MIGHT just understand why I'm ranting about all this tonight, and you would be right. I've felt the sting of this double edged sword and it took others to help me see just how far down the fake rabbit hole I had been led into.

But now I'm out, dusting off the creepiness of the experience and moving on.

So by all means, soak yourselves in Anonymity until people in our kink community aren't even sure who you are...

But BE HONEST. And if you do, I think you'll find even more incredible people and exquisite experiences to be had. You'd be surprised how much someone can accept and understand.

As a point of fact, if the person you are trying to let into your mind isn't opened minded enough to accept your own authenticity, then perhaps you should seriously rethink the fact that you are giving them the keys to your mental palace.

There is no gain from being dishonest and stringing people along.

Unless that is the pleasure you are seeking here... If that is the case, then maybe you should start understanding that you are no better than a full blown predator.

And that is something our community needs the least of all.

We are all searching and indulging ourselves in our forbidden and delicious kinks, there is nothing wrong with that.

Enjoy your safe and secure anonymity, but do it responsibly and above all, do it while being honest with yourself and others.

[butteraway]

when time runs out | iv

⋆ summary:  A young girl has fallen deeply ill with an unknown disease in her, so with all her free time spent in an empty hospital room, she spends it online playing video games. That's until she meets her cousins friends, one spiking her interest with his extremely vulgare language.

pairing: bakugou katsuki x reader

word count: 2.5k

warnings: none

authors note: I wanna say im so sorry for lying to yall about that extra chapter KJDFFF😭😭 ALSO @chibiiichann I APOLOGIZE FOR SPAMMING YOU WHENEVER I REPLIED TO YOU💀 A DIFFERENT ACC WOULD POP UP BUT THE FIRST CHAPTER WAS AN INTRODUCTORY CHAPTER EXPLAINING THE OC'S CONDITION JFJDJD

"HAHA! I GOTCHU NOW LOSER!" Y/N smashed the buttons on her controller, basically on the edge of her bed. A grunt was heard through her headphones, then a loud bang with laughing in the background. Y/N felt her stomach turn at the sound of this, feeling a little left out, but smiled nonetheless.

"HOW'D YOU EVEN DO THAT?!! YOU’RE DOING SOME HACKING MY GUY!" Denki yelled through the laughing in the background, hands pulling at his hair. He seriously couldn't believe it!

"I'm not! I just wanted to show Sero I'm way better at this game than you are. And turns out I am!" Y/N let out a loud laugh, falling backwards onto her pillow. After finding out that 'Tape Dispenser' went to her cousin’s school by hearing his voice in the back of Denki's room, she got to learn more about this Sero dude. She already knew this after their last game a few nights ago, but he was so chill. It was still insane for her to find out that her cousin and online friend went to the same hero school. The coincidences in this world. Y/N thought as she grinned.

"It's okay Kaminari, you still lasted a long time! But you did get brutally beat by Y/N at the end though..." Sero said, trying to raise Denki's low spirits, but only succeeded in making him more miserable. Rustling was heard through Y/N's headphones, making it obvious that there was movement happening.

"You don't understand Sero! THIS IS THE ONLY GAME I COULD FULLY BEAT THIS GIRL IN!" Denki shook Sero by the shoulders, quickly doing the action. Cackling was heard through the speakers while the girl wiped a tear from her eye. Sero laughed along, as he was pushed to the ground by Denki. His arms were crossed as he looked away, upset that Y/N managed to finally beat him in every game they played.

"It's okay Denki, not everyone can be as good as me!" Y/N exclaimed, getting up from her bed to start taping specific parts of her room. Kaminari continued to complain about his defeat to Sero, who only chuckled in response. As she finished taping the bottom of the walls, Y/N sat back on her bed, sighing in content.

"So, how are you? I'm doing terribly after being utterly destroyed by you, by the way." Said Kaminari, opening his water bottle and taking large gulps from it. Y/N felt her face light up as she remembered to tell Kaminari of her future activity.

"Bro, you won't believe this! So, basically, they're actually letting me paint my room! All by myself! How fricking cool is that?!" The girl laughed out loud, jumping on her bed in excitement. Kaminari's eyes widen, in surprise and slight fear, sitting up and taking in the new information.

"Wait, really? But isn't that like extremely dangerous? Cuz of the chemicals and what not??" He tried his best to keep his voice leveled, not noticing Sero look at him weirdly. That guy had no idea what was happening.

"Well, they said that they were gonna do something to the paint so it won't hurt me or anything, I don't know what, but-" Y/N was cut off by an extremely confused Sero. "Wait wait wait, hold on. I don't understand what's happening. How can paint harm you? Besides like...eating it. And what do you mean by 'finally getting to paint your room?’ Silence was the only answer he got. Sero gulped in embarrassment, thinking he asked a really personal question.

"Um, it's nothing du-" A loud 'shhhhhhh' was heard from Y/N, who let out a shaky breath. She never really told anyone, it's not like she could either way, being confined in the hospital room for a long time. She pushed a loose strand of her away from her face, preparing herself to tell Sero.

"Well, the reason is because I basically live in a hospital. I can't go outside, or have 'unpurified' air, as the doctors like to say, meaning my interactions with people and the outside world are extremely limited. That means anything that's not cleared of dust and germs, I guess, can be extremely harmful for me? As pathetic as it sounds, it could actually kill me, haha." It was quiet as Sero took in the information, a large wave of emotions crashing on him. A person shouldn't have to be locked in a room for the rest of their life. Especially someone who is such a sweet person like Y/N.

"I-I'm so sorry to hear that Y/N. If you don't mind me asking, how...how long have you been in the hospital?" The young girl answered with a quick 'Two years', and that's when Sero felt his stomach twist uncomfortably. Kaminari abruptly got up and headed towards his door.

"I'm gonna get something to eat, you want something dude?" Kaminari's voice was low and trembling. It didn't take a genius to see that the blonde haired boy needed some time alone. "No thanks." Kaminari let out a hum, quickly exiting his room and closing the door shut. Sero heard the loud sniffs that slowly faded away, as he hung his head down.

"Hey, you good Sero? That was probably a lot to take in, sorry." Sero shook his head, letting a sad smile adorn his face. "It's fine, really. I actually feel honored that you're comfortable telling me. Feels like we're getting closer, to be honest." He smiled happily, meaning every word he said. And Y/N knew that. "Ha, we are though!" The air was tense, despite the two teenagers being in different rooms.

Y/N went to clear her throat, but was interrupted when a light knock echoed throughout her room. "Someone there?" Sero asked, noticing her silence and hearing the very faint knocking.

"Yeah, um Sero, I'll call you guys later, my doctor wants to talk." Y/N quickly replied, seeing Receen open the door and walk in with his thin suit on. Sero let out an ok and they hang up. Y/N finally took in how the doctor looked, noticeable eye bags under his blue-grey eyes, from lack of sleep. His dark hair slightly tousled, probably from putting on the protective helmet that came with the suit, and a small smile on his welcoming face. And a large container of paint in his left hand. Her eyes immediately lit up.

"What’s up doc? I see you have something in your hand, can I see it closer?" The small girl asked, getting up and making a grabbing motion with her hands. Receen chuckled, lifting up the paint for Y/N to see. Even if he were to hand her the container, she wouldn't be able to hold. She was just too weak. Said girl let out a high pitch 'OOOO ' in excitement.

"I'm not sure if you wanted more, but we managed to get you your favorite color! This should be enough to paint the room, you can even put a second layer if you want." Receen walked over to where Y/N put all the equipment, opening the container of paint. And with a low grunt from him, the lid was opened. Y/N watched with amazement as the doctor poured the soft looking paint into a tray. She picked up a roller near her, and drowned the roller in paint, the white fluff getting covered in color.

The two began painting, Y/N's hand shaking every now and then. After painting half the room, they sat in silence, resting for a while. Receen seemed to be tense, though Y/N didn't seem to notice since she was too happy to speak. Receen let out a breath, breaking the silence, causing Y/N to look towards him.

"I didn't get to ask you how you were, did I Y/N? How are you?" Said girl let a beaming smile spread on her face, causing Receen to slightly squint his eyes from the intensity of her smile. "Honestly, I haven't felt this happy in a very long time! I actually still can't believe you guys really let me do this! Thank you so much!"

Receen gave her a small smile while rubbing the back of his neck. "It's not a problem, you could’ve asked sooner and gotten this done a long time ago. You've been here for two years, so please don't be afraid of asking for things!" At the mention of her time spent in the hospital, Y/N lowered her head, causing Receen to wince. Well, might as well tell her. The doctor cleared his throat and began to talk.

"Y/N, as you are aware, I, along with many other doctors and scientists, have been working hard for you to be able to go outside again. To see your family, hug them, be a normal kid again." There was a pause and that alone caught Y/N's attention. She looked up at him. "There is a way for you to finally do that, Y/N."

Shock evident on the girl's face, she abruptly stood up and faced the doctor. There was absolutely no way anyone could have found a cure for someone like her. Someone who had an incurable sickness. Someone who was too sick, to even have medicine. He's lying. Y/N narrowed her eyes at the grown man sitting in front of her.

"With all due respect Doctor, I highly doubt that ​​that's possible. Cuz, y'know? I basically have an incurable disease? I mean, like, even if you did manage to find a way for me to leave this place, how do you even know it's gonna work? I don't think you've tried this medicine since no one in recorded hospital documents in the past have had people like that checked in before-"

"How do you even know that?"

"-so how do you truly know it'll work?" Y/N quickly finished, completely ignoring his statement. Receen sighed, scratching his head. "We live in a world where quirks exist. Would you believe me if I told you centuries ago that the human race would evolve to have super powers? It's kind of like that, but not really." Y/N eyed him suspiciously. He's avoiding the question.

Receen looked straight at the girl standing in front of him. He felt slightly intimidated by her piercing gaze. He quickly looked away and got up, towering over Y/N's small frame. Then he smiled. "Y/N, you are a very sweet girl, no doubt about it. I know how much you want to get out of here, and I want to help you. My team has created this almost perfect pill, especially suited for your sickness. I know you're very cautious, just like your mother, but I can only reassure you, that these are your ticket out of here." He pulled out the bottle from his protective suit, shaking it in front of [Y/N].

Her eyes widened as she restrained herself from reaching out and snatching the bottle. Her eyes slightly narrowed as she pulled herself together. Crossing her arms and slightly tilting her upwards, she looked into the doctor's bright eyes. "There's always a catch when it comes to these kinds of things. What's the price if I take these? My lifespan shortens, I only have five hours to go outside, it drugs me or something?"

"I'm hurt you think I would just give you these without setting out the consequences." There was a slight glint in his eyes before it quickly disappeared. Y/N hummed, urging the doctor to continue.

"There are exactly 15 pills in here. And consuming just one of these bad boys right here, would allow you to go outside! Though, time is very important when taking these. You'd have 10 hours before the pills effects wear off. These would dull your hypersensitive senses, but not to a point where you can't feel, smell or do anything. No no, it'd just be like how you were before. You'd feel slightly dizzy and be a little itchy, but besides that, nothing too extreme. It just dulls all your body senses down." Receen gave Y/N a small smile. She looked a little weary, unsure if what he said was true. She looked at the bottle then back to Doctor Receen, fingers twitching every now and then. Breathing in and letting it out slowly, Y/N stared straight into the doctor's eyes.

If I take these, I can finally go out. I can hug mom and dad, I can be around Denki again. I can meet Sero face to face and feel the grass again! I can be... happy again. But if these don't actually work, I'd immediately die on the spot. I'd be able to go outside though. Aah, so much going outside, I can meet new people! I don't wanna spend the rest of my days slowly rotting away in here anyway.

"So Y/N, are you going to take them or let all our time go to waste?"

Sero looked at his hands solemnly, thinking about what Y/N had told him. He swallowed the lump forming in his throat, then lightly slapped his cheeks to stop the wave of emotions from spilling out.

"Yo, you good dude? It's not everyday I see someone willingly slapping themselves." Kaminari chuckled, walking in and closing the door with his foot as he carried a soda bottle and a bag of chips towards the boy sitting on his bed. Sero grinned, feeling the sadness of everything wash away.

"Yeah, I'm perfectly fine. But what about you though? After we had that conversation, you were, well, umm... kind of out of it." Kaminari froze, letting a dejected smile appear on his face. Dragging a hand down his face, he let out a sorrowful laugh.

"She's my best friend. My first real, true friend. She's basically my sister at this point. So when she collapsed that day, I felt my whole world crashing down. She is the sweetest, the most kindest, person I have ever met. She never let me degrade myself, alway cheered me up when people called me stupid." Kaminari rubbed his eyes, opening the bag of chips and plopping one of them into his mouth.

"It hasn't been the same ever since she left, her parents barely come over anymore, and they're always so sad whenever I see them. My own parents aren't the same either, they treated her like their own daughter. I can't even begin to imagine how Y/N feels about this all. She was the top in our grade, highest scores in our test. No one could compare to her. M-my heart breaks for her. She lost everything." Sero let that information sink in, thinking about how she was before. He smiled as he saw Kaminari's shoulders begin to shake. He cares so much for her.

He put his hand on his shoulder, watching Kaminari slowly lift his face towards him. "Come here you emotional ball of feelings." Being the friendly guy he is, Sero gave the sobbing boy a hug, cuz hugs fix everything.

"No homo though bro." And with that, they both laughed out loud, continuing their bro day.

[logan-please-smile-speaks]

[Long, Tw food (in depth descriptions), brief references to unnamed heavenly beings of no specified religion, brief reference to hell. Not really any angst. Just good Dadza.]

[Hurt/comfort my beloved]

Me: i can't write

Also me: writes an entire fic by accident while telling my friend about an idea I had

(I'm gonna need this ask back at some point so don't keep it too long, okay? But make sure to take care of yourself (unlike Techno sksksks))

(How many words is this) (Cenn I've been writing this for like 3-4 hours. I've been hyperfixating on this)

-@2ble

I had this really cute idea where Techno gets sick after doomsday and Dadza takes care of him (for an animatic, or? How should i draw techno?)

Phil's Dadza side kicks in. He gently pushes Techno, who is in full garb back into bed. "Techno, you're sick. You can't go."

"But I haven't streamed in 2 weeks!"

"Rest."

Techno turns on his side in bed. Dadza gently pulls the blankets up and tucks them around Techno. Techno begins to cough, and the coughs rack his body. Dadza's expression is soft and concerned. He rubs his hand on Techno's back until he stops coughing. Techno closes his eyes. He's exhausted.

Dadza takes Techno's crown and places it on the bedside table.

He observes his ill friend. Techno is nothing like what he was up until Doomsday. He seemed--weak. Vulnerable. Sick.

"Have you had anything to eat, Techno?"

Techno doesn't open his eyes. He shakes his head. "I ran out of food a few days ago. I meant to get more but..." Techno doesn't want to admit that he couldn't get downstairs. He doesn't want to admit to weakness, to vulnerability. But everytime he thought of searching through chests, of trading with the villagers, they just seemed so far away.

Phil noticed a tear leaking out from Techno's eyelid. If he brushed it away, Techno would feel worse about his state because it would mean he was in fact vulnerable.

"I'll make you some stew."

Phil goes downstairs and tends to the fireplace. The fire seemed to have gone out sometime between now and the last time Phil checked on Techno.

How long has the house been this cold?

Phil builds up the fire and puts a cauldron over it. He makes mushroom stew because he doesn't know if techno can stomach rabbit stew.

When it's ready, he ladels it into a bowl and climbs the ladder.

Hanging off the ladder by one hand, he calls out. "Techno, stew's ready."

Techno's eyes flutter open. He sees his friend holding out a bowl of food and his eyes widen.

Phil notices that Techno is sweating and the blanket strewn to the side, only covering his feet.

"Are you too hot mate?" he asks.

Techno is broiling but he can't summon the strength to take off his outer clothes. His body refuses.

He's more focused on food. He's starving, and his body uses up what little resources it has left to sweat.

Phil walks over and puts the stew on the table. The heavenly aroma fills the room.

"Let's get this coat off of you." Phil reaches around Techno and unclasps the chain on his neck. He gently pulls the coat off of Techno's arm but he's still laying on it.

"Techno," Phil says.

"Whaaat," Techno drawls.

"You got to let me get this coat off ya mate."

Techno lets out a deep groan, then turns over on his stomach so his other arm is towards Phil.

Phil reaches under techno and grasps the coat. He pulls it out from under Techno and off his arm. The sleeve turns inside out. Phil fixes the sleeve and hangs up the coat.

Techno's shirt is drenched in sweat. He rolls over and starts fidddling with the button closest to his throat, looking up at Phil.

"Here, I'll get that for you." Phil undoes the button. He can't imagine how tired techno must've been after Doomsday, that he just collapsed in bed fully clothed, not even bothering to loosen them.

At least he took off his armor. Sh-t's heavy, he thinks. Phil ignores the fact that after the adrenaline and excitement wore off, the sore and tired Technoblade probably couldn't move with it on.

Phil pulls the blanket off the bed entirely, folds it, and places it on the table next to the stew. He pulls off Techno's shoes and socks and puts them near his coat.

They were also drenched with sweat, not to mention the smell--but it doesn't bother Phil all that much. He's smelled worse. He's frowns at the imprints on Techno's legs from the socks.

Phil loosens the rest of Techno's clothes. Techno seemed to were his tightest, least comfortable, most regal outfit to Doomsday.

Lucky for them both most of that was just accesories and pins, and Phil could easily remove those.

While Phil was doing this, Techno had been lying on his back, eyes closed. Though Techno tended to be stone-faced, Phil noticed the relief on Techno's face.

"How you feelin', Techno?"

"Philzaaa,"

"Yeah?"

Techno opens his eyes halfway, just enough to see Philza and the bottom of the bed.

"Do you have water?"

Phil procures a water bucket from his bag. "Thirsty mate?"

Techno looks at the water bucket and a small smile creeps over his face.

Phil smiles at his friend. He moves to the head of the bed and looped his arm and tattered wing around Techno and sits him up.

He holds the bucket up to Techno's mouth and tips it to his lips. Techno sips gratefully as the cool liquid pours over his hot, dry mouth and down his throat, cooling him from the inside.

"You've lost quite a bit of fluid, mate."

Techno lets some of the cold water slip out the sides of his mouth and drip down his face. His skin is boiling. The water dropelts running down his skin feel like heavenly beings allowing drops of mercy to fall upon him in the pit of hell.

Techno pulls back briefly to swallow and catch his breath and Phil rights the bucket. Techno leans in again for more water.

After drinking his fill, Techno leans back and wipes his mouth with his arm.

"All done, Techno?"

Techno swings his arms up knocks the bucket out of Phil's hand, dumping it on his head. The gush of water cools Techno, drenches the bed, and spills all over the room. Phil can't help but laugh. He picks up the bucket and scoops up the water source. He puts the bucket back in his bag.

"Had enough of the water?"

"Philza--I gotta be honest with you, Philza I haven't felt this good in weeks."

Phil laughs again even louder. The two friends are now in a good mood.

"Well now your stew is probably cold too." Phil tastes it. "Actually it's a bit warm still. Not too hot, either."

Techno scoots towards the wall and leans on it. He reaches for the bowl.

"Oh, no you don't."

"Phil, I'm a grown man-pig. I can hold a bowl."

"Maybe on a good day, Techno, but three minutes ago you couldn't sit up by yourself. No offense mate, but I don't think your arms have enough stamina right now. Now come on and eat."

Phil lifts the bowl to Techno's lips and lets him sip at his own pace. He pulls it back.

"How does it taste?"

"Pretty good but could maybe use a little salt."

"Eh, you probably need electrolytes as well after sweating through your clothes and drinking all that water."

Phil put the bowl on the downstairs counter.

Phil found salt in the downstairs chest and stirred it into the cauldron.

He heard the bowl fall to the floor behind him. It fell facedown and spilt on the floor.

Phil swore quietly.

He got a new bowl and more stew from the cauldron.

"How is it?" Techno inquired.

"Try for yourself," Phil said. He smiled as he held the bowl to Techno.

Techno looked at the bowl, then up at Phil. He took a sip.

Techno pulled back and looked at the bowl.

Phil thought he may have tainted the stew somehow. "Is it bad?" he started to say.

But he didn't quite get out anything after "Is" because Techno cut him off.

"It's delicious." Techno looked up at his friend. "Philza Minecraft, you should be a chef. This is the most wonderful thing I've ever tasted."

Phil chuckled. "All I did was add salt, what ya mean?"

"Phil, you have to sell this stew to the rest of the SMP. We could get rich!"

"Techno, I think the sickness may have gotten to your head a bit."

"Phil, I've never been more serious about anything in my entire life. We could be the the most powerful people on the server!"

"We already are. We just blew up a country. Down to bedrock."

"But we could get even more rich and powerful!"

"Well I'll be happy to listen after you eat. And rest. And bathe."

"I don't need to bathe."

"You're not getting out of it. You reek, mate."

"You can't judge me by the smell!"

"I'm not worried about the smell so much as what the smell tells me about your body. I don't know when the last time you washed was but it was definitely before Doomsday and I can't have you laying in your own sweat and filth for much longer. It's sh-t for your health, Techno."

"Philza--"

"Please just eat, Techno."

Techno leaned his head forward slightly and Phil pressed the bowl to Techno's lips.

Techno closed his eyes and savored the flavors. They were so pleasant, so soothing, so comforting. They reminded him of a time when he was safe and there was no betrayal. No war. No need for violence and bloodshed and destruction.

Phil, being a good Dadza friend, made sure that Techno ate an entire bowl. He brought Techno another bowl upon his request, of which he ate half, then left the other half bowl on the table in case Techno got hungry later.

After changing Techno's bed to clean, dry sheets and tucking his friend back into bed, he went downstairs to clean up the spill. He told Techno he would be back at sunrise to check on him. Though he might come earlier just in case. Sunrise was just the latest. Phil had decided that since Techno had gotten through the brunt of his hibernation and was now waking up sick, he should check on him at least twice a day.

Phil scrubbed the dried stew off the floor. He wondered what could've made Techno love it so much. Mere salt couldn't have made it so delicious, could it?

Phil finished cleaning the floor and the bowl and put everything away. As he was about to leave, he stopped. Eyes locked on the cauldron. There was something about it.

I can't leave that there, he reasoned. It will go to waste. If Techno like it, I can't let it waste or burn. I should freeze it outside.

Phil took out a bowl and knelt in front of the fire place. He scoop up big, full ladels into his bowl. Could it be that the soup was really that much better with something as basic as salt?

Phil dipped his finger in the bowl and sucked the stew off of it. He was instantly transported to his childhood. His mind played out feelings of safety, of healing, of comfort, of rest.

He heard his family laughing, remembered learning how to fly, the first time he soared high, feeling the wind beneath his wings. He remembered when Wilbur was born, holding the tiny baby in his arms, filled with love. "I'll always protect you. I'll always be there for you." When he met Techno, when he built the bee farm, and so on.

Phil was moved to tears. He felt loved. He felt like someone loved him no matter his flaws, his mistakes. Phil cried.

It was not out of pain but rather emotion. He wiped away his tears and drank the rest of the stew in his bowl, but it only caused more tears to stream down his face.

Techno was right.

Outside, watching through the window was the one who made the soup what it was. It wasn't Phil's salt.

He stood on his hind legs, paws pressed against the wall of the house.

He had been listening to the two friends talk, had been watching protectively as the wind ruffled his thick white fur.

He was Technoblade's guardian.

Soon he would be called Steve.

2ble this is literally amazing hello????