#ik people dont see masculinity in me

[soggypotatoes]

I don't understand my perception of my gender haha.. I mean it's true that literally everyone is different in how they relate to their gender, but I feel like I haven't really seen an experience like mine and it confuses me! tho I guess everyone's a little confused by gender, it's complicated

like, I don't identify with cis or trans.. I don't identify as non-binary either.. the only word I like is genderqueer.. I have no feelings about pronouns, don't really care what people use and only have a preference on certain (rare) days.. but I do have varying relationships with pronouns, that changes every day. a few times when someone used 'she' I felt all giddy, like gender euphoria, which is weird bc I'm afab right? I'm viewed as a girl by almost everyone? I think it's to do with having a dissociative disorder too because I might have genuinely felt that I had been raised male that day.. if that makes sense. I'm a bit high. anyway..

when I was a kid I'd sometimes tell people to call me max and sneak into the boys bathroom. once, my class decided that boys wouldn't talk to girls, they were like, at war. but I decided to be a spy for the boys, and snuck over to them to tell them what the girls were doing.. but I also did that on the girls side lmao. everyone got over it pretty quickly but I was loving it haha. and another time in year 4 we had to do a project with a partner where we dress up as this tv host couple, and I got to be the man and wear my brother's huge suit, and it felt GOOD man.. and when I got to play the groom at a wedding in a film we made in high school.. I got so into my role I was improvising and shit

now that I type it out I realise I have seen this experience shared 100 times, it's just.. always different, and I've never spent that much time on my gender. I don't feel I rly need to though tbh.. I like being both. I think I don't really experience feeling like neither, though I do experience feeling more connected to being an animal or an object. the first I ever heard of being nb, it was the term 'bigender', and it was like a lightbulb went off. I'm both!!! how exciting

[daffodi1]

Genuine question, not meant as rhetorical or anything. Ik dismantling the gender binary is important and all, and I'm all for it as well as getting rid of gender roles. And I know that like, even if the gender binary isn't a thing, medical transition will exist regardless (or at least I hope so, bc I would not have survived this long without it even if my gender identity wasn't a problem). But like... if my identity as a man is important to me, how am I supposed to reconcile that? I know I shouldn't be fixated on any identity period and that I should probably just accept that regardless of gender, I am Me, but being a man has kinda been my shield against people just deciding I'm a woman and being done with it. Like, despite all of my feminine traits and interests, if I'm a man then I'm a man and they can't argue with that. And I guess I'm worried that if I don't have that anymore, I'll have nothing preventing people from just deciding I'm a woman. And maybe that is my problem-- maybe I should not be so opposed to the idea of being a woman but I can't help that I hate it when that's what every transphobic person has tried to shove down my throat all my life. So if anyone knows how to like... stop worrying about it, I would appreciate it bc I genuinely don't know how I'd be able to survive in the society we're supposed to want.

[anxiouslyextroverted]

I use any pronouns because i dont gender pronouns idk why people see she her as feminine. ive been raised to see nothing as gendered and that includes names body and pronouns.

When i hear she her i dont think woman or feminine, i just hear words. Same with he him and they them ect.. i never was taught otherwise. I know many people that say an enby person goes by they them pronouns or that a cis person that wants to go by they th is enby by default. but i just dont see pronouns that way. If im wrong, im fine for someone to explain to me. But they arent gendered imo nor have gender expression.

tumblr users who use multiple sets of pronouns,

like if you use she/they/it do you want people to swtich up which ones they're using or if someone just always uses it/its for you is that fine

i read once someone being like "if someone uses multiple sets of pronouns and you don't alternate that's the same as misgendering them" and that really stuck out to me since i don't feel the same way at all like if u wanna pick ur fav pronoun and use that i really don't care, but i wanted to see if im like ? weird 4 that ?

pls reblog im so curious and also i have 3.5 followers

[bored-gay-werewolf]

I must be seriously missing smth, i dont leave the house much currently so that might be why but

...where are all the super misogynystic trans guys at

Ik that TERFs and some parts of transphobes consider trans men to be inherenty misogynystic bc theyre "rejecting womanhood" = misogynystic. And some people cant tell the difference between a man being happy doing smth stereotypical masculine and toxic masculinity. AND some people seem to think that a trans man being proud to be a (trans) man after years of being made to feel ashamed for wanting to be a man/masculine is a form of misogyny. Some trans guys after years of getting forced into femininity might really want to distance themselfs from femininity (which i think is fair, your probably seriously traumatised by womanhood like some people have been by manhood).

But are there a lot of seriously misogynystic trans men out there? I keep seeing people say that there are and usually i have enough context to go "yes, this has not happend to me but i have seen it happen to others" but im missing it this time

Anyone here have encounters which misogynystic trans men that they are willing to share? If yes, in what way were they misogynystic?

[chuuzmii]

People saying gay/queer Eddie wont happen is blowing me because... what else could Eddies storyline be building to like?? It is most definitely happening brother😭 like mama lets research:

-They said we could have gotten bi buck in season 4 and queer Eddie in season 5 but it was scrapped.. we got bi buck season 7... gee i wonder what they're re cooking up for season 8 🤔🧐

-They made marisol a nun just to give eddie even more catholic guilt and catholic guilt? It's historically gay sorry i dont make the rules eddie boykisser. (Im joking but this arch seriously had eddie analyzing the toxic masculinity he was raised with/grew up around which is something that a lot of queer poc men or queer military men do before coming out. Im also like 90% sure this guilt is the reason he had a breakdown and started dating his ex-wife's evil twin but who knows 🤷🏾‍♀️)

-Eddie and Tommy were supposed to be together S7 but they scrapped it because they didn't think it fit. I see people using this as a reason to think RG or production don't want queer Eddie but I am genuinely confused by that because in MY mind it's another reason why S8 gay Eddie is going to happen. I dont think they scrapped it because they didn't want it but because it didn't fit Eddie as a character like there is no way Eddie 'i cant be honest with myself unless i have a mental breakdown first' Diaz is going to be out and proud in an 8 episode season. And also I think they knew the writing and episodes were going to be a bit wonky this season and that there was NOOO way they could write a coming out that fit Eddie with the strikes going on.

Ntm all the shit the production/crew does to make me think its going to happen. Oliver only posting Buddie content, members of the crew liking and replying to Buddie tweets, and that one insider going on the Eddie rant on twitter (this one barely counts for me because i have no clue who this person is but ik some care about what they have to say.)

gay eddie is going to happen i can feel it in my left ball u guys just STAY STRONG.

[send-up-my-heart-to-you]

HI HI HI long ask incoming :,,DD

so i have a transmasc muslim character from Malaysia, and i was wondering what the biggest no-no’s are when it comes to writing their transition? and, also, what is it like being a queer muslim in general?

being a queer and trans asian i understand enough (personal experience lol) but i was raised (unfortunately) in a predominantly catholic country that has a LOT of misinformation abt muslims. which sucks. i vaguely know that removing one’s hijab is a very delicate, sensitive thing to do. but what happens when the person no longer identifies as a woman, and wishes to present masculinely? or heck, even present a bit femininely, but still choose to identify as a man? how would a trans muslim go about presenting the way they want to, in the theoretical situation that they’re in a safe enough environment to do so?

hii <333 i want to clarify beforehand that this is a VERY sensitive issue, esp among muslims. cause us as muslims have faced enough misrepresentation as is, and some (i promise not me) may consider it insulting and misrepresentative for a queer muslim to exist (as if they dont already). just, be wary when approaching this subject

now, the issue here is that trans muslims are an EXTREME minority, and i mean extreme. not many people transition and still call themselves muslim. they either renounce islam, or hide their identities for the sake of safety. islam resembles christianity in a way—queerness is a big no-no. HOWEVER, in islam its not haram to BE these things, its haram to act like it (specifically, acting like the opposite gender. dressing like them, who you get married to, etc)

you have to be v delicate, since most ppl would not accept a trans muslim character (i say most bc there are ppl who wouldnt mind, but society as a whole generally would in fact mind)

you almost never see women decide to take off their hijab bc they dont identify as a woman. removing the hijab is taboo enough in muslim culture, but doing that due to not identifying as a woman anymore? BIG no-no

if, theoretically, theyre in an environment safe enough to do so, they still may find ppl unfriending them bc of it, or tryna convince them not to do so for their own safety

HOWEVER, i do have genderqueer friends irl who are still muslim, all of them afab. im gonna use two of them as an example (keep in mind we do live in a transphobic/homophobic society)

the first one (genderfluid but goes w any pronouns) was a hijabi before they stopped identifying as a woman, and they still wear a hijab. however, they do wear chest binders and more masculine style of clothing (e.g. no skirts). they still cover their awrah (the part of a muslim that should be covered. for men its from the navel to below the knees, for women its everywhere except the face and hands), but theyve become a lil more careless w the hijab (like wearing it looser)

the second one (he/they) isnt a hijabi, and they still have long hair. however, he also wears a chest binder, but still likes makeup and things like that. ik less abt this one cause we arent as close as me n the first friend, but thats what ik

and i also mentioned the awrah. keep in mind that men have a hijab too, just a different kind. "hijab" just means covering, n both genders have to cover personal parts. so your character may stop wearing a headscarf, but they still have to wear longer shorts n grow out a beard (and yes, growing out your beard is a must for men in islam. according to most scholars anyway, since the prophet pbuh did it)

if your character was previously a hijabi, you might make him more careless w the hijab (showing more n more hair until he eventually renounces it completely) n start wearing more t-shirts w jeans and things like that (search up "grunge hijab" n youll see what i mean)

it IS better to make a trans non-muslim in a muslim society, considering a lotttttt of muslims might find it offensive if theres a trans muslim, but obv i have no say in your character and in the end its entirely your choice <33 just be aware that its kinda like stepping on broken glass here

[cattytheartcat]

Ok ik this is old drama, but it seems rlly important now

'Bug Enthusiast or pest enthusiast?' A thread documenting some disturbing content from Pitaya, who could possibly be IdolMantis.

First, I'd like to announce two things; first, don't FUCKING harass anyone involved, and DONT harass Idol himself despite his predatory behavior. I don't condone harassment, witch hunting nor death/suicide baiting. Second, this thread is for, specifically, this reblog chain with a mutual and myself because of some alarming anons talking about Idol and his dark past due to an accidental like/reblog.

This is going to become a thread, as there's a shit ass 10 image limit aughg-

Now, lets dive in. These are from a wayback machine archive, which I can provide links to at the end.

As you saw in the original reblog chain, IdolMantis seems to have had multiple names in the past. Raisinrat, UnicornMantis, Bugcore, Ackee, Pitaya, all these names seem to be connected to Idol himself. Now, Idol is STILL active to this day on Tumblr, Instagram, and Twitter, however he posts for his two web comic series; Monsters and Girls and Bugtopia.

As the two comics aren't anything harmful, they do involve quite alot of implied sexual content with mainly lesbian couples, some of which are drawn to look more androgynous or masculine. If you are under 18 I advise NOT to search out these comics, just to be safe. Idk I don't feel like minors should really get involved in that stuff but someone can correct me if needed. I do not know Idol's gender identity nor sexuality, and it doesn't seem like he's tryna sexualize lesbianism, so I won't speak further on these comics as its not my place to dictate what's good or bad rep.

However its good to keep these 2 comics in mind as we see what he used to be involved with.

The full callout was made by a Tumblr user titled AckeeLoveMail, which seems to be deactivated by now. The blog is pretty much a "critical" blog, or a callout blog, dedicated to a person named Pitaya, who used to have a blog named Bugcore. Bugcore has been archived, but no other info or images were archived correctly.

Remember, Idolomantises (IdolMantis) calls himself a "Bug Enthusiast" on Twitter. I don't know if these two pages are the same, though considering Idol's obsession with bugs... its an alarming possibility.

[Lol remember how we could customize our blogs]

Anyway, there's two main links here; the Bugcore blog link, and "The Callout". That link takes us here;

Notice how its said that he deletes posts and claims people just hate him for no reason.

Hmm....

Also, the beginning of the callout sounds familiar....

Lil offnote, but its said here that he identifies as non-binary. Currently he draws very sexual content of predominantly feminine identifying characters. Again I can't say much, but I do know that I've seen alot of people show concern on masculine ID'ing ppl consume or create content that sexualizes lesbian couples. Again, someone can correct me on that.

Anyway, second part of the callout.

The evidence:

This one is just... weird? Idk. Anyway bc of shitty image limit this is part 1 of... god knows how many posts.

[my-castles-crumbling]

dancer anon here

reason for wanting to stay connected to being a girl: i feel good when i present feminine sometimes, I don't know why, while i dont feel like a girl or connected to that at all, i enjoy feeling pretty, and that kinda fuels the "cant not be partially a girl" because i like my feminine attributes (such as my breasts and eyelashes (i really like my eyelashes, they make me feel pretty)) but i tend to like my feminine attributes more when im alone and only /i/ can see myself and think "damn. im pretty today."

ballroom q: i tend to do more follower than leader now but i get to dance with my favorite dance teacher someitmes and shes really nice :D my favorite dance is paso doble (i do more latin ballroom than standard lol, but i do enjoy waltz the most out of standard dances lol (its the first dance i did with leader steps :DD)

correct pronouns: ik that its not really making a big deal to ask, but since im not out to many poeple outside of my friend group. i also dont want to correct my friends because im afraid it will reach someone outside of the group and theyre going to question it because in my school the majority of the students aren't really,,,, allies ig

neopronouns: have considered, didnt fit, so they/them is my go to because it is the one i feel the most comfortable with

confronting my friend: i do sometimes feel like confronting them about it, but its kinda scary because i hate confrontation because of the toxic friend i mentioned, so i dont think im gonna do anything about it (for now maybe?)

trauma: i am 97% sure i dont have any trauma relating to masculine people? however, my memory /is/ actually trash, so i could have just forgotten. the most likely thing that caused the fear would probably be the dance teacher with cold hands, because i hated his classes because they made me feel like dance is an obligation and i have to do everything /correctly/ even though i signed up because i enjoy dance. i also had to dance with him and his hands were cold and i dont like physical touch if im not initiating it (which is kinda why i dont dance with anyone anymore - a combination of physical touch, sweaty hands, and the close proximity. im even scared to dance with the little children i sometimes help dance with, because i dont know if they feel comfortable with physical touch which makes me feel icky)

also its not really something happened to me, its fear of something that /could/ happen (SA, etc)

also i still see that dance teacher around at the studio sometimes. he still scares me, but less? and when i talk to him sometimes, my brain tries to tell me im overexaggerating how much i dislike him, which i may be doing, but he /did/ ruin one of my favorite dances for me, so...

agender label: i do feel comfortable with the agender label, i believe, but ive never really met anyone else using it so i think i ust want to know ppl who also use it

you are also a wonderful human!!!

on another note, i am genuinely in tears thank you, you are so kind <3

Hello again!

So, there's four things I wanna address here:

With the pronouns/friends: Yes, it sounds like it might be a good idea to think more about the pros/cons of this. I still completely think that you deserve the respect of being gendered correctly, but if it's not safe for you to be pushing this,(secrets being shared, an unsupportive space, etc) then it might be a good idea to step back until it is safe to bring it up again. Remember though that you deserve to be supported and loved unconditionally and using your correct pronouns is something that should not be a burden to anyone.

Being agender: Have you considered finding people on here who identify similarly? It could be cool and validating to find a community of people who feel the same way. I know for me it was super exciting to find other nonbinary/genderfluid people.

Being touched: Okay, that makes sense. I definitely get not liking to be touched by people, especially people who give weird sensory input.

Ballroom: Oh, damn Paso Doble? I only know the very basics but it's SO different and cool! Respect <3

Lots of love!

[paraemu]

ok like i said on twitter here's a bullet point list on my dragon ball yaoi opinions

Goku/Vegeta: i know this is most popular for obvious reasons but this is a classic case of fujos deluding themselves. im not gonna say vegeta hasn't experienced some level of attraction towards goku but like he fully does love bulma and i genuinely dont think goku is capable of romantic or sexual attraction. that said i think their relationship as it is in canon is pretty interesting even without putting on the yaoi goggles

Gohan/Piccolo: this one i kind of get. people want gohan to have yaoi and he does have a pretty special bond with piccolo but this bond is explicitly a father/son thing. piccolo literally says in the show that gohan is like his own son. "piccolo is technically around the same age as gohan" he was obviously mentally an adult when gohan was a toddler so dont even try honestly

Gohan/Dende: if you REALLY need to ship gohan with a man this is your only real choice. its cute and had a lot potential pre-saiyaman saga but after videl i can only see it being one-sided. poor dende

Gohan/Trunks: ok this one needs to be evaluated on a case by case basis so lets break it down

Future Trunks/Future Gohan: after everyone else died gohan probably had to help bulma change trunks's diapers and keep him entertained and stuff so trunks was like a little brother to him. for trunks though gohan was this really cool masculine ideal that he was chasing after and i think its not a stretch to say those feelings took on a distinctly non-plantonic tint during puberty even tho he knew gohan would never see him that way. its safe to say gohan was future trunks's first (and only?) love

Future Trunks/Present Gohan: the roles have been inverted, now trunks is the cool powerful adult and gohan is the kid trying to match his strength. i think if they had been able to spend enough time one-on-one gohan might've developed a similar crush but with how little they saw each other and how high tension the situation was he was just left with the feeling that long hair really suited him...

Present Trunks/Present Gohan: we know canonically gohan was on babysitting duty for goten and trunks both. they have a brotherly relationship and trunks thinks gohan is kind of lame for being a nerd but he still looks up to him at times. no yaoi to be found this time around

Goten/Trunks: NOW we're talking! this is the crowning jewel of dragon ball yaoi. they grew up together, they're best friends who spend all their time together, they're the poster boys of fusion, they're literally attached at the hip. its got everything you could ask for in a good ship. case in point: gt and super both tried to make them het and they still haven't managed to put a single dent on their popularity. i hope they get married and have full saiyan babies

Whis/Bills: i love this one. they're such old gay queens who have been married since the down of time. im surprised its not more popular tbh, i think their involvement is blatant. couldnt have picked a better duo to relaunch the franchise

Whis/Goku, Whis/Vegeta: ok the way whis keeps checking out goku and vegeta is INSANE. he's not even trying to be subtle. that said i dont think he actually wants to fuck them hes just a muscle fan and they both remain oblivious

Android 17/Piccolo: ???? this is popular on twitter and idk why. ik they fought each other but nothing remotely bait-y happened in that fight. im chalking this one up to 17 is the only twink in db and ppl are desperate to have someone to ship him with

Yamcha/Tenshinhan: another pair the spares type of situation. its valid ig i just don't give a fuck about either of them. also i think tenshinhan is married to chaoz

Mr. Satan/Majin Buu: I SEE NO DIFFERENCE LOVE IS LOVE!!! ok jokes aside this one is literally canon. look at this figure and tell me it isnt

[joeylivesinspace]

RANT ABOUT GENDER INCOMING we need more representation of nonbinary afab people who like/date men. every time i like a guy i feel like i have to put my whole identity aside and just be a girl, which im super uncomfortable with. because that’s all ive ever seen. femme binary women in relationships with guys. even if shes more “gender non-conforming” (onscreen, usually that means she just…wears pants and is angry sometimes) she’s still a woman and the man will see her as a woman. and i just…don’t want that. i want to still be seen as nonbinary when i like a man, and i want him to see me as nonbinary. ik that’s possible, it’s just ive only seen it happen once and it was irl (a friend who was lucky enough to escape the strict gender norms that plague our part of town). i guess i identify more with men who are attracted to men because there’s less of an expectation of gender roles, but im not quite a man, so i dont completely identify with that side the coin either. i don’t struggle with this when im involved with women because wlw are just automatically seen by society as more androgynous/masculine (whether that actually applies to them or not). so im more comfortable pursuing relationships with women. even then, though, when i had a relationship with another nonbinary person, i had a (cis girl) friend (who im really trying to distance myself from) insist that my partner was “the man” in the relationship and that i was “the woman” because my partner was taller than me and had shorter hair (VOMIT). and that made me feel so much less confident in myself. like if i can’t convince other people im not a girl, can i really be nonbinary? so im paranoid about my gender perception around men. but i love men. and i want to eventually become comfortable with seeking out and dating men. i just don’t want us to be seen as a straight couple. because we wouldn’t be one.

[lilyrealm]

i really need to start up a new dol save to get back into the groove, especially because i pretty much only had 1 main save, my first, which had randomised genders—as a result i probably did not end up falling for some characters as much as i could have, so i wonder if changing some of them would change my feelings on them

however i feel like i was so obsessive in my initial playthrough i uncovered most of the secrets and got bored (ik theres new updates but like, i have to go through what ive already seen yknow) so its putting me off. god, just, if the full ivory wraith lore and any possible connections to sydney were in one text dump i would just read it immediately.

also i had f!bailey and f!leighton in my first playthrough but over time after seeing lots of male portrayals ive successfully uh... gotten over my intial playthrough impression and can see male versions fine? HOWEVER. eden. was female in my first playthrough. and that line in the shower about how they dont think their body is beautiful struck me as such a masc woman insecurity, especially since the game often places emphasis on feminine and masculine portrayals... like, i would probably be way more into eden if he was a guy, and m!eden could totally be insecure about his looks, but it just hits so much harder when said by f!eden.

girls in this game are meant to be feminine. dress too masculine and people assume youre a boy. theres stats in the mirror that tell you long hair adds to your feminine appearance! of course thats all just code, but i do think itd be such an interesting portrayal that adds onto why eden abandoned that society and lives isolated away from everyone. girls are meant to be soft and delicate. shes muscular and scarred. shes too proud to bow down but it doesnt stop her being affected.

like man, i love dick, but my heart goes out to f!eden. unlike in other cases such as robin where my heart goes out to him AND i also want his dick etc.

[ladychlo]

Hii Chay,

how are you???

my thoughts are a bit muddled so this might not be all that clear. sorry for that. i saw you answering that gender queer anon and gave me a little push to type this out. you've always been really kind and amazing and cool so i felt a little courage to come here and you so nicely wanted to hear if anyone wanted to rant so i guess here goes hehe.

Anyway, i'll come to the point. for months, i've been kinda questioning my gender identity. (wow this is so weird to get it out in the open. lol i feel like squealing.) the thing is i've been questioning do i really feel like a girl? a woman? but what even is it to feel like a girl? i mean there are some days i don't feel girlish/feminine and i like what i see in the mirror when i put my hair in a bun, all pulled back, dressed up in stereotypically masculine clothes, manspreading when i sit and have that stupid strut in my steps and that puff in my chest. and i get so pissed when my mum mentions these are boys clothes or these are girls clothes. and then me and my sister both scoff at her like what is this boy-girl?? clothes are clothes. and she doesn't mean anything by it like she never says we shouldn't wear it or it doesn't look good or smth. we wear what we want. for her, she's just pointing it out coz that's what she knows. and that's when i ask myself, is my annoyance because of this general classification of binaries or is it something i feel personally for myself regarding my own identity. like is it merely because i know there are people who exist outside of these binaries and these classifications are stupid??

and that's what i don't know how to differentiate. like me behaving a certain way or wearing certain clothes is even a classification in the first place due to stupid stereotypes and i am just the way i am as a girl or am i identifying with a different gender identity? and even saying this phrase out loud, 'i am a girl' feels weird sometimes. but what if it is due to my own internalised misogyny that i don't wanna say i'm a girl coz people inherently will assume i'm weak or cannot handle something?? because obviously that has happened even if not outright and i am a fucking overachiever so what if it is that influencing my thinking??

i don't know lol, suffice to say i'm confused. anyway sorry for this utter mess 😭

Hello love 🌼 its not a mess! I'm so glad you guys feel comfortable to share stuff like this with me, always makes happy to help with anything even if just listening!

Anywaaay, you know these whole questions you're asking are absolutely legit and not confusing, its actually good to wonder how we perform our gender bc at a point we dont know if we preform what we feel as our gender or what we just are supposed to preform. And I always remember a saying by Tede Mathews (he was a gay liberation and anti-war movements activist), he said "we are all born naked and anything anyone wears is drag" which is to say, like drag, what you wear can be a performance but also a self-expression. Whatever we wear is an expression of our gender, the materialization of it in real life.

What you wear doesn't determine your gender ofc ik you know this, but it is a way to articulate what we feel as our gender, I for so long identified as a girl but always wore what was considered masculine clothes but then it was like a way to question my gender identity as a whole bc starting with what you wear it helps you understand how you identify and how you express it are two different things but complimentary as well. The possibility of you ''playing'' or creating a fluidity around your gender can actually start from what you wear bc it is as I said a material part of our gender and how we want to be perceived. Also, you can still identify with your assigned gender but you can express it away from the norm or what is your cisness suppose to look like.

the classifications are predictable, bc gender is one of the oldest systems of power, people need these classifications to situate themselves according to these dynamics of power, you can't escape these classifications but you can choose not to abide by them or follow them and they can so strange to you and foreign and they can be your source to be creative with how you express your gender. but yeah no, never limit yourself, and never let these feelings of confusion stop you from exploring how far you can get with your gender. on the contrary, these confusions will give you a sense of yourself and once you go there you can have a sense of control and understanding of who you can be and who you are, I always say that it feels like a none ending process, you can always keep questioning your gender and its totally fine, that can be it, constant self-expression that changes, always, but yeah, you're doing alright! if you wanna talk about it more or a specific thing I'm here, mwaaaah xx

[montyblanc]

Y'know I don't normally use tumblr for personal posts, but I feel like getting this out in a place thats not just like, a group chat with 5 people participating would feel better. And less embarrassing. Idk.

I've honestly been questioning my gender quite a bit in the past year. I'm not really that comfy when people refer to me with masculine terms such as "sir" or "handsome" and whatnot. I feel good when I'm called things like "cute" and even "ma'am". Hell, whenever I talk over the phone to strangers, I deliberately use a much more feminine voice (and when it works and they call me "ma'am" I do a little :D). I also talk in a softer, feminine voice whenever I'm interacting with anyone but family. With my family I deliberately use a deeper, more monotone voice.

As a kid, I was, how to put it, fruity as fuck. How people thought I was straight is beyond me. I'd often act all feminine and try to kiss the boys in elementary. I used to get mistaken for my cousin's sister (and absolutely vibed with that and any other time I was thought as a girl) And I'd, very frequently, say stuff like "I wanna be a girl!" and "I don't like being a boy!" Eventually I stopped saying those things and acting that way, but it wasn't something I just simply grew out of. I felt increasingly embarrassed by this behavior (mostly because I felt like I was embarrassing my dad or my mom's various boyfriends) and gradually toned it down until I just stopped outwardly expressing it altogether by the time of Junior High. I also fell down that edgy teen center-right rabbit hole during that time which only made things worse, tho at least I came to terms with my sexuality in that time. It wasn't until post-High School and when I got a job that I started to express that side of me again. Something about interacting with people who didn't know me just made me feel a little more comfortable being myself. Maybe it's because I felt I wouldn't be embarrassing anyone, or maybe it's because there was a clean slate that I didn't have before. Either way, in the past year (little over a year), I reconnected more with that part of me I had been embarrassed of. And it feels great.

But it also makes me feel weird. I always kinda told myself I grew out of the whole "I wanna be girl/don't wanna be a boy" thing and that was just me being an unrealized gay little fruit loop. But the more I interact with people, the more I realized that I didn't grow out of it, I just suppressed it. I like when people don't acknowledge me as a boy, and I like when people perceive me in a feminine way (Whenever I had an instance of being seen as a girl or feminine, I'd often tell my friends but play it off as "Oh that was stupid but funny" as a way to sorta mask that I liked it). I don't like presenting as very masculine, my body hair (which is something I always dreaded having) makes me uncomfortable to the point where I shave daily just so no one notices any stubble starting to grow back the next day (I have started holding myself back and shaving every other day, and I dont shave on days where I don't go out. Still feels bleh to have, but at least not many people are seeing it).

In theory, I was right as a kid. I want to be a girl. But the truth is, I don't want that. As much as I dread my more masculine traits, I don't really really want all the feminine traits. And yet, it puts me in a tough spot mentally. What DO I want for myself? I don't fully vibe with boy and I don't vibe at all with girl. Perhaps I'm some flavor of non-binary?

To me, the idea of being multiple or no gender is fascinating. Something about seeing people and characters who are just outside the gender binary fills me with this sense of comfort and envy. It's a little hard to describe why I feel that way, but I do.

I've also been trying different pronouns among certain friends and spaces. She/Her isn't really a set I vibe with, I personally feel it makes me come across as girl (yes, ik pronouns don't equal gender but they mean different things to different people). I've always been He/Him so it's just kinda engraved into me and I don't really have qualms with it. But They/Them? Oh I like that, I prefer it over He/Him a lot. Something about being called "They" and not "He" feels good. Like it conveys what I want for myself, even when I'm not entirely sure what that is.

But part of me also feels like I'm wrong in seeing the potential of non-binary. Like maybe I'm just trying to make myself more like people and characters I admire, or I'm too much of a boy to *really* be non-binary (and yes ik this is hypocritical when I reblog stuff that validates various flavors of non-binary but dammit it's still a hard feeling to shake). And I'm also worried about being told I'm wrong and just confused or don't know what I want, like quite a few people in my life have me believe (which I could go into a seperate rant over but that'd be. Long.) And I'm scared of disapproval and not being enough.

So in the end I just feel like a mess. I'm boy but I'm really not, also stop calling me boy, but also I am still boy and that feels safe. I'm definitely not a girl. I'm too much of a coward to try non-binary among folks but it also has an allure. I have tried the label of demiboy among some folks, and while it kinda feels right, it also doesn't, so I stopped really using it personally. Again, hard to explain that one.

So yeah, I guess rant over. Typing this out felt like a bit of weight off my chest. Maybe I'll find the answer to myself soon, maybe I still have some discovery left. Maybe I'm just denying what's in my face. Either way, I just wanted to get this out there and I did. Woo.

Hope you enjoyed the color of the sky right here.

[solarpire]

Hello, optional tag game here! List 5 things that make you happy. Then if you want, you can put this in the askbox of the last 10 people who reblogged something from you. Learn about your mutuals and followers~

Ohh this sounds fun! Ok ok

1. Trying new foods. Especially fun drinks. I cannot get enough of fun new flavors. I've discovered I really like brazilian cheese bread (unfortunately dont remember the name, but it's such a nice squishy texture), sweet potato fries, chicken hearts, chicken katsudon, taro boba (when it's made well, some people make it very rubbery and flavorless(and I LOVE when I can get cream cheese foam on it)), cheesecake, melon flavored drinks, lychee flavored drinks, and calpico to name a couple things. I used to be really picky when I was younger, so I'm really happy I'm at a place where I'm comfortable trying new stuff :)

2. New hobbies. I really love finding new things to do with my hands, it just feels good to see the evidence of something you've worked hard on. I've tried sculpting, carving, jewelry making, bone cleaning, sewing, book binding, writing, baking, acting, etc etc. I just love figuring out how something new works. Atm I really want to get into fursuit making, game making, car maintenance, and getting better at writing. I've got two different stories on the back burner, a queer slasher horror book and a horror dating game about people in different fields of medicine/science (I really havent worked much on either, but they make me happy to think about and talk about. If anyone is interested in hearing about either just lmk ^^)

3. Being butch. This is a part of my identity I've only recently become comfortable identifying with, I was worried it shouldn't be for me seeing as I identify as nonbinary and tend to be attracted to men and nonbinary people more often than women, but now I feel so at home in it. Loving others and loving myself has just felt so much more authentic through this new perspective on my identity. I love being butch, I love the way my body looks, how I am big and strong and soft and fuzzy and made for loving and caring for the people around me, I love my relationship with queer masculinity, and how it doesnt restrain me from taking joy in my queer femininity when I feel it, I love the way it makes me feel when I clean or fix or make things, when I use my hands, I love how I look with my boots jeans belt and carabiner with a little bear tag on it, I love taking care of my loved ones and making sure they know they're cared for, and I love the way I am loved for it. Butch boy bear girl is just who I am 👍

4. Tattoos. I plan on eventually going into tattooing as a job! Theres a couple things I have to get taken care of before I start seeking out an apprenticeship, but I want it more than anything. I feel like I would really enjoy the medium, and helping people decorate themselves in whatever way is personal to them, whether it's got a deep personal meaning, or they just think itll look nice on them. I think helping people feel that freedom of identity is such an honor and I cant wait to get there

5. My partners. YEAH ITS CHEESY IK. But I just got into a new relationship with two more people that have been my closest friends for a few years just a week or two ago after getting to meet them in person for the first time. We're taking things slow, but all three of them just make me so so happy, and seeing how happy they are with each other makes me even more happy, and I'm so glad and grateful that these wonderful lovely people are in my life (I wont name or @ any of them for their privacy, but if any of you see this hiii ❤❤❤)

[whitepassingpocs]

I dont like to say it because some white people might be weird about it but...

(Happy vent? Happy rant? Infodump? Idk if this is accepted here cause its not really a question just me being happy and proud but ye!)

I was raised white american with some dutch and polish influence because that was the closest my family had to their cultures on my mom's side with my dad's side being an enigma due to family dieing while my parents generation was quite young and disconnecting and a butt load of trauma. That and some light sprinkles from my half brothers(my dads son, we dont share a mom) italian side and the whispers of scotch-irish my great grandpa gave us.

As a kid, ive always felt a connection to native american culture. I really loved movies about it and it felt right. Ive always had a sort of connection to nature with impecible intuition. Ive felt watched over and protected by natural spirits that i couldnt see and felt a deep and on going connection to the earth. I could see spirits and creatures no one else could and picked up things others didnt. I felt ig... "Awake" to nature and the spirit world.

I substituted myself with wiccanism and paganism because it felt the most right at the time and did my best to keep it white/celtic/polish as to not appropriate other cultures. I was like this from basically 12 to 19. I came out as bi around 13 and trans/nonbinary around 16.

Finally, when i was 19, my mom bothered to mention that my great grandpa on her mom's side was an inuit man(some form of first Nations Canadian) and my great grandma on her dad's side was cherokee. Suddenly i had all these native american heritages that made so much more sense, especially concerning our more native features.

The more i read up on my native cultures and two-spiritism, everything in my life started to make more sense. My gender finally felt right, my orientation, my masculinity, my affinity towards nature and natural sources. The fact that two spirits, in many tribes, are considered closer to the great spirit and a blessing unto the tribe and the family( when i was made to feel unwanted and burdenous to my family due to disability and mental illness). It showed me that even if white society never understood me, i would of been and am loved and respected by my native communities and sometimes i cant help but cry when i think about it.

Being native is hard and every new tragedy being unearthed makes it even harder. Thanksgiving is becoming unbearable by the year but honestly, reconnecting and acknowledging this part of me i subconsciously knew was there and finally learning about my native ancestors has given me so much healing and pride. Ik pple tend to dislike the combinations of what white pple call "horoscope gemstone instagram magic stupidity" aka natural religious practices and non-white community but knowing all this time that even if i cant prove it, what i see and feel is real and that my spirituality, gender, orientation and race are combined in just the label two spirit is what makes me... Well me just brings me so much happiness. It fits like a glove.

Ik that just because you feel a connection to a culture throughout your life dosent mean you are that culture obviously but to me... Idk. Not to get spiritual but it feels like some source of power, be it ancestors or whatever, was always pushing me to investigate and now everything suddenly feels so right. The final puzzle piece of my nativeness was placed and it makes me feel so complete 💚💚💚

thank you for sharing your beautiful story 💕

[beeben]

This might sound really fucked up but if you gotta make a post saying "ermm actually men really are discriminated as much as women are get off ur high horse" that means ur not. Yes even if ur trans or a person of color. Yes even if ur bald or fat. We live in a world where a trans woman has to do all this shit to pass like get hair removal get life altering surgery wear makeup do all this shit just to not be looked at as a public nuisance by people but a trans man can cut his hair and wear baggy clothes and 80% of people will be fine with it. The amount of people who consider "nonbinary afab" to just be "a girl who dresses more masculine" as if the default of being a human means youre a "man". The fact that still y'all will go say shit like "girl dinner" (the subtle promotion of eating disorders and/or the implication that women cant properly care for themselves is NOT fucking lost on me btw.) Men will go out topless and its perfectly acceptable but if a woman wears something with cleavage or something that shows her stomach shes "asking for it" (GOD HELP YOU IF YOURE A FAT WOMAN OR GET READY TO BE BLASTED ON TIKTOK LOL) yall see femininity as being something to be ashamed of. Transphobic women are a pits of self loathing. This just makes it worse for EVERYONE ELSE WHO ACTUALLY LOVES BEING A WOMAN BECAUSE NOW THERES A VAST MAJORITY OF PEOPLE WHO THINK THATS CRAZY EVEN IF YOU'RE NOT A TRANSPHOBE. You know what that is??? Misogyny!!!! You know why people look down on men who wear makeup??? Misogyny!!!! You know why most of the "men get discriminated against too" posts are literally all about "dont make fun of people with small penises cus it makes us feel bad" and not "my doctor has not listened to my symptoms for 17 years and now i just found out i have a life altering condition that will impact my day to day life" ITS BECAUSE OF MISOGYNY. Ik some of yall are gonna read this and think its a personal attack but genuinely take a look deep inside yourself and try to fucking notice your thinking patterns cus i will bet a million dollars 90% struggle with internalized misogyny and dont even realize it. That's why ur mad.