#and the way his parents parentified him

[chuuzmii]

People saying gay/queer Eddie wont happen is blowing me because... what else could Eddies storyline be building to like?? It is most definitely happening brother😭 like mama lets research:

-They said we could have gotten bi buck in season 4 and queer Eddie in season 5 but it was scrapped.. we got bi buck season 7... gee i wonder what they're re cooking up for season 8 🤔🧐

-They made marisol a nun just to give eddie even more catholic guilt and catholic guilt? It's historically gay sorry i dont make the rules eddie boykisser. (Im joking but this arch seriously had eddie analyzing the toxic masculinity he was raised with/grew up around which is something that a lot of queer poc men or queer military men do before coming out. Im also like 90% sure this guilt is the reason he had a breakdown and started dating his ex-wife's evil twin but who knows 🤷🏾‍♀️)

-Eddie and Tommy were supposed to be together S7 but they scrapped it because they didn't think it fit. I see people using this as a reason to think RG or production don't want queer Eddie but I am genuinely confused by that because in MY mind it's another reason why S8 gay Eddie is going to happen. I dont think they scrapped it because they didn't want it but because it didn't fit Eddie as a character like there is no way Eddie 'i cant be honest with myself unless i have a mental breakdown first' Diaz is going to be out and proud in an 8 episode season. And also I think they knew the writing and episodes were going to be a bit wonky this season and that there was NOOO way they could write a coming out that fit Eddie with the strikes going on.

Ntm all the shit the production/crew does to make me think its going to happen. Oliver only posting Buddie content, members of the crew liking and replying to Buddie tweets, and that one insider going on the Eddie rant on twitter (this one barely counts for me because i have no clue who this person is but ik some care about what they have to say.)

gay eddie is going to happen i can feel it in my left ball u guys just STAY STRONG.

[star--nymph]

Eurydice has to leave her children in Skyhold for their own safety after their home is blighted. She is on her knees trying to reason with her oldest children, Psyche and Farron, because they are 11 and 10, respectively, and they're so old now.

Psyche has been training with her wooden sword; Papae said before this that someday soon, she might get to wield a real one.

Farron has been studying magic with the Keeper and his mentor, Kieran! He knows how to cast a fire with his hands now!

They can help! They can go with her!

And Eurydice has to hold them and beg them to listen, to understand. "No, stay children as long as you can. Play with your siblings, listen to your aunts and uncles, eat and sleep. Dream of good things. If you must do anything for me, do that."

Eurydice couldn't save them from seeing the terror of the world this young, but she won't steal their youth from them. She won't have them grow up too soon, not now, not when they can be protected. Farron tries to understand, but he's always been the more sensitive of his children. He weeps against her but stops asking her to take him.

Psyche refuses to understand. Her eldest child who tries to play the hero. Perhaps it was her fault for letting her hear those old war stories. She thinks of herself as braver and bigger than she is. She resents her with tears in her eyes; why should she stay a child? Why can't she fight? Eurydice can only kiss her forehead and tell her one day she will understand. One day she will treasure the childhood she had, even among the wreckage of a blight.

Cullen watched this happen and turned away, covering his face so she couldn't see him overwhelmed by his tears.

The other children are hard but easier. Bridget is only five, she is only aware of so much. That her mother is leaving and one of her fathers will be following after her in a few weeks. But she is safe and in a fairytale castle with pretty dresses and big gardens to play in. It will distract her long enough. Eurydice cradles her in her arms and tells her to be good for Papae and Babae (Bull and the Chargers have been "contracted" as bodyguards for the children, but Bull needed little excuse to stay with his child or the rest that he has all but adopted as an uncle to). Bridget cries because that is what she must do, but it is better she does so now over the temporary separation than a real one. Maybe one day, the heartache won't even be a memory.

Lir clings to Cullen's leg and refuses to look at her. Cullen had told her that a few days prior, he had watched him put on his old armor and burst into tears. The sheer notion of both of them going back to war had shaken the headstrong, wily eight-year-old enough to grab his father's hand (the father he loved to annoy and prank and laugh at) and beg him not to die. Now, he can only look to the ground when Eurydice comes to him and touches his golden curls. Asks him to be kind to his father and the rest of Skyhold, at least until she comes back. She whispers into his hair as she holds him that he's good at making others smile. When she lets go, he runs back to Cullen's leg and hides his face into his side. He doesn't want her to see his tears.

Finally, she finds Zander on his own. Remote and cautious. He had already seen how cruel the world was before Lir and her found him starving and huddled in a charred ruin. It doesn't shake him like others when she announce she'd be leaving; some small part of him still didn't trust her or Cullen not abandon him. Or maybe it's the world he doesn't trust not to take them away and leave him alone once more. Either way, when she comes to him, he doesn't cry or bargain with her. He looks at her with his sea-foam eyes and simple acceptance, and this is what needs to happen. He nods somberly when she asks him if he remembers what she said two years ago when she brought him home. "That we would make the world safe for you."

That's what she must do now. He will be safe in this place with his family, and when she is done, he will be safe when he leaves these castle walls. Trust her to do that.

Zander doesn't say if he will, but he holds her a little tighter than the rest before she gets up and goes. His scent lingers on her the longest--for some reason, he always smells like the sea to her. When she's in Minrathous, and overlooks the water, she will remember his eyes, and her heart will ache.

[haematoclan]

i know people often see raph as the most parentified sibling, but- man, Donnie's been responsible for providing for the whole family with his technology (and probably making money) since he was a little kid and he hasn't even gotten any/much positive feedback from his dad for doing that (like no wonder he ties his self worth to his inventions to such extreme, that's been his primary function in his family and everyone takes it for granted)

not to mention, in the scene after Splinter got caught stealing Donnie's car, Donnie straight up yells at Splinter, he reprimands him and even grounds him... and the way this scene is worded it seems like a recurring thing, with Donnie punishing splinter with educational programs and whatnot (and i know its mainly for comedic effect but like- there's a clear angst potential here, he literally acts like a parent to his own dad!) and Donnie's parenting is directly compared to Splinter's later in the show.

though tbh i think all of turtle brothers were parentified to some extend one way or another (yes even leo and mikey), but also- *looks at donnie* yeeeeeah this one had it rough.

[lilacpaperbird]

my take on the whole "dean was parentified" narrative and where that slippery slope usually takes people ("sam was spoiled as a kid and dean shielded him from all harm") is that many people can't comprehend that dean was in fact parentified, but that doesn't mean he was sam's father. sam had a father, and it was john.

nor does it mean sam was spoiled or babied by either of them. canon doesn't support this interpretation despite it being so popular in the fandom.

dean was parentified in the sense that he had responsibilies and stressors that weren't appropriate for his age and his role as a son... but that doesn't change the fact that his relationship with sam was that of a brother, not a parent.

at one point dean says "I had to be more than just a brother. I had to be a father, and I had to be a mother." and his feelings of overwhelm and resentment are valid—their childhoods were difficult, stressful, and abnormal.

however, this doesn't mean "john was absolutely useless and neglectful, so he was completely out of the picture. dean was indeed sam's father and mother. and he fulfilled those roles so well that sam had a happy, easy childhood and he was freed from any parent-related trauma, since dean was his parent, and he did a stellar job at it"... you know?

parentified siblings are siblings after all (and sam and dean only have a 4-year age gap). and dean did "fail" in his parentified role—sometimes he fucked up, sometimes he was the one hurting sam. in many ways, he didn't understand sam's needs or how to fulfill them. which is understandable. and he definitely couldn't shield sam from the difficulties they both had to face. that was well beyond his capability after all

on top of that, sam was taught self-reliance from a young age and he was exposed to the hardships of their lifestyle just like dean (hardships in general since he was born, and hunter-related ones since he was eight). and most of the glimpses we get of sam as a child/teen show a lonely, sad, troubled person. where's the pampered and unconcerned child!sam people keep hallucinating?

deep down, the issue is that people seem to put sam and dean on a seesaw and weight their problems and traumas against each other. if we say sam had a shitty childhood, then we're somehow denying dean's traumas and sacrifices. and if we believe dean suffered a lot in his youth, then that must mean sam had everything served on a silver platter. and that makes no sense.

[lesbiansforeddiediaz]

Very weird how this fandom ignores the impact that Eddie's parents/childhood had on him. No one has any problem recognizing how the way Buck was raised leads to his behavior but for some reason people act like Eddie's trauma started with Christopher? Eddie was never allowed a childhood and was parentified long before he ever actually became a parent. This is not only relevant to how he reacted to Shannon's pregnancy and Christopher but to everything else about him and his approach to things, yet for some reason people only talk about things that happened post Chris, both when talking about Eddie and his parents. Eddie was being told that he was the man of the house and that he was failing as a husband and father before he ever met Shannon, his choices with Shannon's pregnancy and Chris early on were heavily impacted by the ideas and sense of failure he already had instilled in him.

[wastemanjohn]

i'm not at all bothered about people disliking john because entirely valid tbh and someone else's opinion changes nothing for me. i just think the militant anti john brigade - that is, those that make up textually unsupported and entirely leftfield reasons to dislike him - are really missing out.

the thing is, we've got an absolute buffet of an interesting and irreparably fucked up character here. we could debate the absolute Horrors of john winchester and his a+ parenting for days on end literally from the two seconds of screentime he had. because he does suck! it's totally fair to say that canon john is selfish, neglectful and at best emotionally abusive. now i'm defo no apologist (see username) - but he's also the furthest thing from a cardboard shitty abusive dad. there is serious context for the things he does and the way he thinks.

john's life was hell man. his own dad, for all he knew, abandoned him. he went to war young and almost certainly came back with ptsd. these things alone don't exactly make life easy but then your wife burns to death on a ceiling and you're left a widower and a single dad to a baby and a pre schooler before you're even thirty? then discover that it couldn't even be a plain old housefire but no - there is actual Evil out there and you and your children are not safe and never will be?

the desire for revenge is understandable. the desire to do stupid and paradoxically dangerous things to protect your children are understandable. right, good or healthy? no. but understandable. and that's what makes a good sympathetic character.

basically i think a lot of negative readings of john exaggerate the badness of his intentions and ignore his humanity. it's also understandable that john is not a beacon of emotional regulation. it's also understandable that he cant always balance being emotionally and physically there for his kids with Fighting The Horrors. pour alcohol misuse onto this dumpster fire and you're not getting a perfect person, or a perfect parent. you're getting a broken human who was focused only on keeping his kids safe, alive, protected, and able to protect themselves. sure, he had tunnel vision about it. he did it very badly. he controlled sam as the youngest and parentified dean as the oldest. he made sam feel misunderstood and smothered. he made dean feel completely responsible for the welfare of his brother and dependent on john's praise and approval as his second in command.

john fucked his kids up IMMEASURABLY. he thought he was doing the right thing.

also - remember young john? remember how he's softly spoken and loves his cars and adores his girlfriend and respects his fucking elders and, to quote mary, "believes in happy endings"? remember the doting dad we see for like a minute in the pilot? is that not meant to show us that, had his life not taken the turn it did - he would likely have been an entirely different person? how is the tragedy of that not also completely DELICIOUS??

so why homophobic john? why john who beat dean senseless regularly? why john who gave no shits and wanted his boys to be miserable? why these embellishments that make him someone else, someone with nothing good inside of him, when what canon gives us is so much better?

come on guys. the tragic messy sad angry selfish HUMAN john we got in the show is an absolute treat. why are we making him an irredeemable, unfeeling and uncomplicated asshole who doesn't give a shit about his boys. ya'll saw him spending a good 50% of his screen time crying about how much he loved them right? and sam and dean KNEW he loved them. they also knew, or in dean's case came to realise, that he was a terrible father in many ways. real life is messy and nuanced. families are messy and nuanced. and imo spn got this so right.

[atelierlili]

I always wondered why Katniss factored marriage and children into the equation when it came to reciprocating Peeta’s feelings for her. It’s a rather large leap, especially when Peeta himself never expresses wanting children at any point in the story. He uses children as a tool to persuade Katniss and the Capital to save her life, but the only time we see him express any desire/feelings of having one of his own is when he’s crying after the baby bomb. But we never hear his real thoughts.

But you wanna know who does express wanting children? Gale.

It’s one of the first thing he mentions in chapter one. And it pisses her off so much.

(I also want to add that Gale reframes/establishes the dynamic of Katniss and him caring for their siblings from something that is sibling-sibling to parent-sibling. And he is not wrong. Katniss doesn’t refute him. Both Katniss and Gale are surrogate parents to their siblings. Which is also why Katniss love and affection of Prim, is not just sisterly. I’ve seen people say Katniss is only sisterly to Prim- but she’s not. She’s parentified their relationship to the point she subconsciously see Prim as her child, which makes this a tragedy because she’ll loose her first child no matter what she does by the end of the story.)

But Gale’s phrasing here elevates himself as a potential suitor to Katniss by placing them both as the parental roles to these children. (Which irritates her a lot ). Which is why she brings the topic up with her relationship with Peeta. Because she’s subconsciously aware of Gale’s efforts and knows it will be a point of contention between them. It hangs over her head in a way.

With Gale, children are extra mouths to feed. (But Gale will do fine. He can work. He can hunt.) It’s all framed with calculated survival in mind. But it’s also not something she had planned in the future at any point.

But Peeta’s children? Oh they deserve to be born because Peeta deserves to be a father. He would be such a good father. They deserve to exist in a world where they can be safe and happy. (Even if it’s not with her.)

This is also why I think she subconsciously sees Peeta’s baby as her own. And I don’t think of it as a cruel/heartless thing, it’s just you’d be more protective of your own child compared to someone else’s. Katniss sees Gale as a reliable person who’s equipped to look after a kid. She doesn’t express the same kind of maternal instinct/yearning for the Baby Hawthrone’s safety as she does with the idea of Baby Mellark, because she doesn’t think of Gale’s child as her own. She never hopes for a better future for them, but she does with Peeta because he and that baby gives her hope. And she loves him that much.

[r1z3n]

More Batfam thoughts

You know I agree with the takes about Tim "I have parentified to a Insane Degree" Drake would look at most adults' authority over him including Bruce's with scoff and dismissal. Expect: Dick Grayson. And maybe Jason Todd. But not Batman or Bruce. Not his parents. Not Alfred. Not police or military. Not the president (Especially if it is Luthor). Not a single member of the Justice League even Wonder Woman. Tim will respect them all as people (mostly), as experts in their field and sometimes as missions leads. Dick Grayson on the other hand has the special place of being basically the only adult person that Tim Drake will respect as an authority. (and I also want to be clear Dick Grayson not necessarily Nightwing and Tim Drake not Red Robin as that is a different conversation) Which imagine how horrifying for people to realize that. Like image if will gotham rouges and Titans realizing that Tim Drake may technically be Batman's Robin III, but that is Dick Grayson/Nightwing's kid. The Gotham rouges/goons like Batman already on thin ice for the no kill thing, but most can rationalize it as grief, but Nightwing? First Robin? They trust but they don't forget that Robin is the reason they know there are worse and more horrifying things to experience then death. Also sure pissing Batman off is bad, but no one wants Nightwing hunting them down. Like no one was genuinely shocked about the Joker brief meeting with Hades. and the Titan or League realizing that Dick basically is the sole person standing in the way of Tim being the Best Villain in the world.

[mycurrentobsessionis]

@pink-pearl-plain-jeans took a few days but here. hope this is something you actually wanted lol. this is lowkey a ramble but it is an informed ramble.

First, you are gonna seriously regret asking me, because I have nearly 300 hours logged between these two games and half a masters degree in clinical psychology.

Second, to be fair, you don't have know a lot about ballroom dancing -- I know almost nothing. Toward the end of Step 4 on Baxter's route, he will joke to Jamie about the irony of ballroom dancing, which requires both a partner and a certain level of intimacy, is his most beloved hobby, when the ability to form close, intimate relationships is his biggest struggle.

Baxter is a pretty good example of what disorganized, or fearful-avoidant, attachment looks like in adults. He both desperately wants to form emotional connections with others and intensely fears those same attachments, viewing them as inherently unsafe and unstable. The player can see this in the way Baxter attempts to form lots of superficial connections where he overshares personal details while also being evasive about his deeper feelings. He is aware that he needs some level of human interaction and works to fill that need without leaving himself vulnerable to being hurt or abandoned. This can occur in individuals who had inconsistent parents growing up. Baxter's relationship to dancing mirrors his emotional progression with attachment to others.

As a child, he has a stable group of friends and dances at the country club competitively, and thus likely has a stable, consistent partner with whom he performs. We know very little about Mr. and Mrs. Ward, except for the following:

They are older.

They are wealthy, and likely old money.

They are bigoted, like being queerphobic and racist.

They expected Baxter to behave with greater maturity than would have been typical for his age and "at times, as if he was even older [than them]."

He did not want to spend his first summer after college with them, so they shipped him off to a tiny beachside tourist town, either not caring or not knowing that he is petrified of the ocean.

Something about Baxter would be a problem, and they would hate him if he were someone else's child.

From this, we can garner a few things. The first is that the Wards were likely emotionally immature, possibly parentified him, and likely played "it's okay if it's you" card. When we meet Baxter as a child in OLNF, he is clearly very fond of Qiu, Ren, and possibly Tamarack and Franky as well. These relationships likely provided insulation from parents who alternated between being emotionally distant and overcontrolling. It also makes sense that Baxter would be drawn to younger children here. Baxter chalks it up to his own immaturity, but I would argue that it is in fact because he is precocious that he chooses a younger friend group. Kids his own age would likely be put off by his attitude and may take it as condescending, whereas younger children would appreciate him as older and wiser. Additionally, younger children give him the opportunity to play and engage in silly antics that he may have missed out the first time.

I also wouldn't be surprised if there was some cognitive dissonance as well, since his parents probably espoused queerphobic ideals while also professing to love Baxter, who himself is bisexual and knew very well that he was attracted to boys by the age of 12. Given this, and the amount of bitterness with which he later speaks about them, it also would not surprise me if they had some influence on his drifting apart from Ren and Qiu as they got older. Not that this has to be the case, but I could see Baxter avoiding bringing his very-visibly queer friends (including one who is also a POC) around his parents to avoid hurting them.

He grows up and appears in OLBA as a teen who is somewhat adrift. He doesn't appear to have a stable friend group or sense of identity, and he has limited his contact with his parents to the minimum amount that he feels obligated to contact them. Now, shifting identity is pretty normal for young adults, but Baxter's seems less stable than it should be. What I actually thought was really interesting is the subtle shift between Baxter as he presents himself and as he actually is. He presents himself as accommodating, complimentary, confident, and friendly. The person he actually is -- the one he thinks no one will like -- is sardonic, self-effacing, mischievous, and lonely. In his desire to be included, he avoids imposing his will on others -- Jamie can even convince him to wear a swimsuit and go into the ocean if they really want, something he is terrified to do. He is only able to be genuine if either (a) Jamie has made an explicit effort to show him he is accepted or (b) he is emotionally dysregulated enough that he is unable to keep up the charade

Anyway, at this point, he is presumably no longer competing, and no longer has a steady partner. In his first interaction with Jamie and Cove, he is immediately offering to be their partner, which is a deliberate double-entendre. He comes on strong, because he needs the relationship to begin quickly in order the get what he needs out of it. He has no intention of actually taking the time to get to know people or build a genuine connection with them. It's about control here. Also note that he offers this with the implication that he would be teaching them to dance. Even in asking for a temporary connection, he's framing it as him offering a service in exchange for their company because he doesn't see himself as valuable on his own (Qiu also does this btw). In summary, he is dancing with people he barely knows because while the steps won't be familiar or comforting, he doesn't have to worry about mistakes either. (dun dun dun, the mortifying ordeal of being known!)

As an adult, he shifts this into a more formalized version. He isn't stupid, nor does he enjoy hurting people. He knows that most people are unwilling to abandon relationships so quickly, and he knows he's hurt people. The thing about attachment styles is that you can develop a secure attachment style as an adult. The problem is that you do this by essentially re-parenting yourself. Learning to treat himself with self-compassion is really difficult, though, because that's a learned skill. He needs community or a therapist. The problem is that because of his disorganized attachment style, forming a community is difficult and he would probably also have trouble finding a therapist because that would require a level of vulnerability that he struggles with. Baxter also heavily relies on avoidance as a coping mechanism. When he enters into a relationship, because he is primed to view them as unpredictable and conditional, it activates his fight-flight-freeze response. He then attempts to escape the situation by (a) leaving, (b) ghosting/ignoring, and (c) distancing himself using social niceties to avoid confrontation. If he is cornered (like the end of step 3), he switches to fight mode and becomes caustic. This may indicate that if he entered a therapeutic relationship, he is likely to end therapy prematurely to avoid thinking about his loneliness and attachment issues.

So, because he knows he hurts people by doing all of this, and because he doesn't know how to maintain a relationship, he formalizes the arrangement. People literally pay him for a service (planning) and because he is "in" on such an intimate event, he still gets the feeling of getting to know people and be included, without the emotional risk. Same thing with dancing.

That's why dancing with him after the wedding is such a big deal. Yes, it's a callback to a very special moment for Baxter, but it's also a metaphor for re-entering a relationship. He's been looking at and judging his relationships on the ruptures not the repairs, and to be able to repair a relationship after the mask has come off, the set's been wrecked, and the crowd is gone means that he has lived a lonely life for no reason.

Anyway, all this is to say that Cove was 100% right when he clocked that Baxter was insincere and interacted with people in a really weird way. No one listened though.

[shinoposting]

I'm finally revisiting the Uchiha family dynamics and I have...a lot of thoughts.

When Itachi agreed that Naruto had been a better brother, that was more literal than I first thought. Because he wasn't acting as a brother. He was acting as a parent. And I can't figure out what excuse Mikoto had for Itachi to be so parentified, but in hindsight it's so obvious that it's depressing.

The way Itachi interacted with Sasuke lacked the roughness of normal sibling love. There's no crude banter and rough housing, he teaches gently, he's happy to provide with no reluctance or annoyance, and he never tells him to go away, just that he's busy. In Parent and Child Day, instead of remembering his mother and father, when Sasuke is trying to figure out how to be a parent, he has a flashback of Itachi instead? Why was he getting that attention from his brother instead of Mikoto? When Itachi became so busy what was Sasuke supposed to do? Is that why he got so clingy??

What the fuck was going on in that household? God this is suffering

[buried-in-autumn-leaves]

I'm gonna be honest as someone who is VERY obvious ab the fact that Baxter is my favourite olba love interest, the way Derek is held to such a higher standard than him makes me like so upset 💀

Because this guy is genuinely such a nice person with a really bittersweet story and he's overlooked so constantly for just like.... BAXTER IDK LIKE-

This standard goes beyond just him, it applies to his family. Sure it's fair to say that Derek was parentified, but the idea that his parents are straight up bad people is just ignoring a huge part of Derek's character. Could they have maybe made MORE of an effort to take pressure off Derek's shoulders? Sure, definitely. But Derek put a lot of that on himself, it's insane to hold his parents to the crazy standard and then in the same breath go thirst over Cliff who literally bribes his kid to not be mad at him when he genuinely fucks up.

The inherent biasis against the poc characters in this franchise (conscious/intentional or not) are so strong. I think there's obviously some nuance with Cliff in this case since his ethnicity is 'unspecified', but that's also its own issue because of the fact that a large majority of people view white people as the default, so they end up making Cliff and Cove white for 'simplicities sake'.

That part btw has been posted about before by actual poc creators in the fandom (I'm not totally sure how they feel ab tags so I won't specify) so like they are def more qualified to speak on it than me, it's just a good point I think ab.

And again this isn't even to hate on Bax, that's my boy. I literally never shut up about his stupid ass. But the way Derek and his family are portrayed in fan content is just such an ick and I feel like a lot of you need to unpack why you think the way you do and fix your shit idk

[sepublic]

I also want to add to the Blight family dynamic with how Edric is apparently the least-favorite? In addition to him being the screw-up of the family, as seen with his storyline in Reaching Out. There's Dana half-joking that he's Odalia's least favorite child. Which suggests that Odalia doesn't entire see the twins as a unit, or does so in-part to find something to do with Edric.

I know Odalia brings up the twins as being perfect to Amity, but that's the thing; We only see her bring up the twins as a way to belittle Amity. But given Amity's first two appearances are about her being pitted against a peer by an adult she yearns for the approval of, I wouldn't be surprised if the twins had to hear the reverse, and neither party has it so good after all. It's all just a way to get them to compete so they do better.

This is personal HC/interpretation fueled by authorial headcanon, but between Amity as the Abomination engineer and covenscout that Odalia failed to be, possibly her way of ingratiating Blight Industries with the Emperor's Coven before it happened on its own... And Emira as the designated caretaker, the eldest matriarch who knows how to grab attention as an illusionist;

It feels as if Edric occupies this weird space where he's not really either parent and doesn't fill in a role Odalia can predict so she's like hmm. What to do with you! And she settles for continuing to lump him in with Emira because she loves the Twins aesthetic but otherwise can't be bothered to acknowledge both as individuals, plus Ed can back up Emira's showman purpose. So it's Edric just being dragged around by Emira, yet ironically Emira also feels like it's the other way around with herself and her siblings due to her parentified role. It's very much both when you're stuck together.

Edric does develop a thing for Potions but that's mixed magic, but on the other hand Odalia would totally make exceptions to expand into a new market, and the Potions industry could easily be a kindred spirit to her anyhow. Maybe he partly got into Potions as a way to earn his own function within the family; Dana once considered a storyline where Edric vied for Odalia’s approval against a fake Abomination child she preferred to rely on to win a competition over her own son! So the effort for her attention is characterization Dana might have in mind. But then Edric liked Potions for its own sake (as I HC with Emira initially doing Healing because of her parentified role), plus Beastkeeping is very much for himself.

And I've noticed that out of the three Blight kids, Edric is the only one not to interact with their father in the epilogue; He's next to him at Luz's Quincenera but he's also next to Emira. There's Doylist factors like paying off Eda and Edric's dynamic by having him at the university, and not having the space to have Edric reunite with Alador during that whole sequence. Because him and Amity both work away from him, yet Amity at least gets to hug her dad!

But I like to think it implies that Edric hasn't forgiven their father, which could play into what I've said before! Edric being aware he doesn't fit into their mom's plans as the unfavorite. Maybe there's some freedom in this; But it also makes him resent his mom for neglect specifically, and by extension his dad for being the master of neglect because at least Odalia pays attention to her daughters. And that considered storyline of the fake Abomination child… Alador would’ve had to create it for Odalia, right? His own dad supported this ‘replacement’.

So while Edric's willing to accept Alador's change of heart and not speak on behalf of how his sisters feel, he's not comfortable enough to hang out together as father and son. Edric can handle being in the same space with Alador when there's a bunch of other people as a buffer, when they're both focused on someone else anyhow. But as a pair it's like... Eugh. It might be sad, but never say never; And more importantly it’s rep for abuse victims who don’t want to forgive, even if their abuser IS doing and meaning better. Victims are entitled to that!

I also have to think back to this Grom art Dana posted when the episode came out, under the HC that the twins got stood up because like. Edric is doing some comforting of his own. And this was likely drawn shortly before the episode itself came out; So when Dana and the writers would’ve been writing S2A, which leaned more into Emira having the Eldest Daughter role. And the implication she has to look after her own twin of the same age.

Retcons and changes are always a thing but I could see a story; Edric trying to take care of his sister himself, both out of genuine concern but also as a way to make himself as not just the useless child nobody knows what to do with. To give himself a real agency and purpose. And this works just fine with Emira! Better that than to be the one doing the emotional labor all of the time. Offering his jacket isn’t much, but it’s something Edric can do to have some control in his life, and it’s solidarity with his twin, an acknowledgement that he sees her parentified status and is trying to help with that.

Plus, between this art and Edric attempting another date in Through the Looking Glass Ruins, he WAS trying to find other connections and not just cling to his sister! He didn’t want to be alone forever and she didn’t want to be stuck with him forever, the solution is simple as we see in Reaching Out and the epilogue. So Ed’s considerate of what his sister needs even while considering his own desires. And that’s the tragedy of Edric Blight; Stumbling but trying, wanting and needing to do better and good, not just for his own sense of self but his sister’s as well.

[eddiegettingshot]

May I ask you to play in a (sad) sandbox with me for a moment? (This is long forgive me but my Eddie feelings spilleth over)

These 3 lines have rattled around in my head for years, bouncing off each other like they belong together, in conversation with each other. And I think they're finally coming into focus:

...prove to me something is real and I’ll believe it. ...maybe she thought she was missing out on a life she could have had. if she'd been born someone else or made different choices? ever wonder about that? (Not really...) 

...of the things that make you sad, am I one of them?

...being his dad has been the single greatest joy of my life. And that little boy has taught me more about being a man than war ever did.

We know that one of, if not THE, fundamental laws of Eddie Diaz's universe is how much he genuinely loves being a father and his devotion to Christopher. How he has actively, consciously worked to be the parent he didn't have. And he does it joyfully!

And.

Eddie was parentified by age 10. He became a parent at 19. And then he went to war. Far too young, and setting his life on a trajectory, no turning back. I think Eddie has an existential inner conflict about his sense of self, who he is, his happiness. There's part of him that does wonder about "the life he could have had, if he...made different choices." But, if he let's himself consider what could have been, he believes it would require him to want a life where Christopher was never born. Which is anathema to him! Truly, unequivocally! So he simply does not let himself wonder or examine or question. 

It's like he's set up in his own mind this dichotomy: he can only ever choose Christopher or himself. Which is no choice at all. Because he will always have Christopher. Eddie's anguished face when Chris said "of the things that make you sad, am I one of them?" has always felt way more complex than Eddie would let us believe. 

Again, I'm not saying that the narrative believes this. I think Eddie believes this. And that's the journey he's on, the reckoning that's coming. The "making peace with his demons and finding self love." Because he doesn't have to choose!!! In fact, Christopher needs Eddie to choose himself! Now, the father Christopher needs is one who loves his full self, who is able to give Chris his full emotional truth — the joy and the pain and the grief (and the queerness) all of it. (The child's birthday party decorations, Eddie clinging to a time when he could be the father Christopher needed without this reckoning.) Christopher has always been Eddie's inspiration and motivation for growth and healing. And he is once again.

I know most people don't get Eddie and aren't able to engage with the complexities. But we can! And this is such a tender topic I tread carefully. But it's where Eddie and Chris are taking us, so let's talk about it?

ok i have been turning this over and over in my head for days (sorry) … But yes. you are so right. i think this is the exact thing that’s difficult to balance with eddie because his parentification is so tied up with his actual parenthood (and marriage… and everything else) that untangling all of that runs the risk of. like. pulling up things he not only isn’t supposed to feel and doesn’t WANT to feel, selfish stuff like desire and wanting to be a kid. like he genuinely doesn’t think he can have any of this… eddieeeee 😭😭😭

[glitter-stained]

In which I am perfectly normal about the Todd Family

One thing I really really love about the Todds (their og post-crisis introduction, not the flying todds or whatever bs recent comics have pushed through) is how they challenge us to question not only our classist prejudice and the way it frames our judgment, but also the moral weight we put behind concepts of abuse, neglect or crime.

Look. The Todds weren't "good parents". Maybe they used to be, when he was little; but there was a point after which Willis Todd didn't take care of his son because he simply was not there, and Catherine didn't take care of little Jason, instead parentifying him and putting an extraordinary pressure onto him as her caregiver. They both criminally neglected Jason and Catherine's death under Jason's care must have been pretty traumatic, after which he found himself completely abandoned.

But what does it mean to be a good parent? Is it to be a good person who is also a parent? Is it to be good at parenting skills? Is it to not abuse or neglect your children and provide enrichment and a good environment to grow in? Is it to try your best with what you have, and hope it's enough? Willis became a criminal because he needed money to feed his family and that landed him in jail, unable to care for Jason. Catherine, whether she died of overdose due to her substance use disorder or cancer or ODed as an attempt to self-medicate the cancer pains with heroin, was unable to care for Jason because of an illness (in the US, which has a horrifying medical system which is systematically violent to everyone but the ultra-rich) and had to rely on him for caregiving until her death. Does that mean they were bad people? Bad parents? Was Catherine a bad mom who tried her best, a good mom in an impossible situation, a good person who was neglectful and/or abusive but never wished to be? Does the concept of good parenting even make sense? Here's a secret about abuse: abusive parents very rarely wish to be. They often don't consider themselves so, explain their actions with justifications regarding their intent to give their child the weapons for a better life, or explain away the responsibility. But they're not wrong: if you're raised in a culture that tells you that beating your children is the way to help them get a better future, it's justified to blame and criticise the culture that told you this, and can you really be called a bad parent when you were only trying to help? Neglect is more frequent amongst the working class, and that statistics is neither a moral judgement nor a classist stereotype: it's merely the logical consequence of a system that fabricates scarcity. Of course you're not gonna feed your child if you don't have the money to feed them -and if you need to feed them and steal the money (or earn it by working as a gangster) to do so, it's a crime, and then you get caught and get sent to jail and can't feed your child anymore. Damned if you do, damned if you don't.

Jason, upon his introduction, is a stereotypical "bad boy", a young criminal, who steals and doesn't go to school. And tiny baby Jason, from his twelve years and three apple tall, sneers in the face of anticipated moral judgement and says fuck that you don't get to say that, I'm only doing what I need to survive and there's nothing wrong with it, I didn't have any other option that wasn't degrading and dehumanizing. And this is why I like Batman #408 so much: this character, who is so young and funny and cute and goddamn sweet, is introduced committing a crime against Batman; as an alternative to doing crime, Bruce puts him in a school/group home that teaches its students to do crime. How perfectly cool that is as an origin story? It's a literal school that makes criminals (and punishes you violently when you refuse to comply). Bruce was completely well-intentioned, he just wanted to help a wayward child, but when the system itself is fucked up, when the system is actively trying to produce crime, what option does Jason have but to escape again, and go right back to committing the same literal crime? And of course, Jason's trust in Batman-the system-the adults- is broken, to the point where he doesn't expect Batman to believe him and intervenes at the robbery himself.

So is Jason a criminal? Are the Todds neglectful? Yes. Does that make him a bad kid? Does that make them bad people? What about bad parents? How much easier is it to be a good parent, when you have the money to do so?

Anyway I love the Todd family I love the themes and critique they pose I love Ma'Gunn both as Batman's foil and Jason's introductory antagonist I wish Jason's Robin Run carried on exploring these themes I love you Catherine and Willis and Jason Todd I love you Batman #408.

[will80sbyers]

Do you think joyce is a bad mom to jonathan compared to how she treats will?

No, I think she tries her best with both of them, but she's HUMAN, and she's on her own trying to raise two kids while having to go to work and having suffered from a literal abusive relationship with Lonnie before she decided to put him out of that house... Abusive relationships like that fuck you up mentally, those types of people like Lonnie manipulate you until they leave you as a shell of yourself

She is more apprehensive towards Will in S1 because he's younger obviously but also because she knows he's gay and she's scared for him and what he will have to deal with, and then after that because of what Will goes through, having a son that was literally kidnapped and that you saw die with your own eyes must be something that leaves you unimaginable trauma

they are all traumatized and it's not fair to just slap on her a label of "bad mother", she's trying her best, she listens to them when they have problems and want to talk, she gives them their freedom even with their significant others, she gives them privacy, she wants to know how they feel about things, she knows what interests they have, she doesn't want Jonathan to take extra shifts in season 1 even if he does it anyway, she tells him he's not alone and she even apologized to him - never in my life have my parents apologized to me for something wrong they did towards me, she's a good mom trust me lol

Jonathan has taken on the parentified role peacefully but I don't think it was just Joyce putting it on him I think it's also his golden character that makes him want to help his mom because he loves her so much because she gave him reasons to love her like that, and so even if he does it too much and it's not fair to him he still wants to do it, she's in a way less scared for him and relied on him more because she thinks he's stronger and he acts like he is at the same time just confirming her bias on this, it's realistic and it's human in their situation and that's also part of why this family is beautiful... but also there are multiple moments where Joyce is seen deeply caring for Jonathan as much as she does for Will and I hope we see more moments like this in season 5 too

[whenmemorydies]

Breakdown of a racist microaggression in Ice Chips 3x08

This title is misleading because any scene with Donna in it is likely going to be one gigantic macroaggression of some sort lol but I wanted to talk about this scene in Ice Chips and how subtly but impactfully it was played by all the actors in it:

Recall the beginning of 3x08 Ice Chips. Donna has just done her narcissistic thing in the parking lot of the hospital, ignoring-a-very-pregnant-and-about-to-give-birth Natalie's pleas to "shut the fuck up" and we are now in the hospital room with the two of them.

Donna is continuing to do her narcissistic thing and has begun to regale everyone in the room (which at this point is Natalie and a nurse) with stories about being a mother, asserting herself as an expert on the journey her daughter is about to embark on.

She tells Natalie and the nurse (who happens to be Black) about how badly she wanted to be a mother. She said its because:

I wanted someone to love me the way I had seen.

So yes, alarm bells. Wanting a baby so you can feel loved? Probably not the best reason to bring a whole other person into the world.

Note: Mikey entered the world with so much of Donna's expectations and trauma waiting to receive him like his first swaddle. No wonder he knew from a young age that pursuing a singular passion of his own was not going to happen for him because he had people to look after (recall his discussion with Tina in 3x06 Napkins). Parentified, eldest siblings unite /sob.

But back to Donna, Natalie, the nurse and the hospital room.

Donna then hits us with this curveball - her feelings about the exact parent/child relationships she had seen:

You know, all those smug mothers down at the Jewel, blocking the aisle with their strollers.

Yikes.

Donna is jealous of those mothers. She wants to be one of them. She wants to block the aisle at the Jewel (which a quick google tells me is probably short for Jewel-Osco - a chain of grocery stores in Chicago). She's so resentful of mothers with children, that she calls them "smug" for no other reason than they're probably not yelling at their kids in public (lol, also more yikes). She wants to be smug too. It's almost like Donna doesn't want a child, but what she thinks a child will give her: love she clearly hasn't experienced either as a child herself or as an adult . And also the power to be smug and take her place at the Jewel. Its almost like, to Donna, a child is an object, a means to an end.

But we're not done.

Then Donna says:

Do you know what Gina said to me? Gina fucking said to me - she looked down at my stomach - she says to me,

'You know, Donna, there are lots of good Chinese babies, honey.'

And then Donna turns to the only racialised person in the room, the Black nurse and says:

I mean, can you imagine?

And to her credit, that nurse did not kiss her teeth (she has so much more patience and professionalism than me lmao) but I felt her reaction to my CORE:

The biting of tongue, the looking up for divine intervention to get the person speaking to shut the fuck up, the looking down and pursing of lips when you realise no such help is coming, lmao.

I felt that reaction because I have been in this situation so many times as a racialised person (specifically as a non-Black POC). What is the situation exactly? The situation is a white person making a racist comment or "joke" in front of BIPOC folks in order to feel validated in their racism. The situation is getting BIPOC folks to collude/cosign in racism by doing it in front of them and trying to get them in on the "joke" too. This nurse was not having any of it.

For folks who are unsure about what was racist about Donna's comment: the "Chinese babies" Donna is likely referring to are the wave of Asian-American adoptions (where largely white Americans adopted children from China, South Korea, Vietnam, Cambodia and other East Asian countries) that began during the Cold War. The racism is the exporting of Donna's previously discussed objectification of a child, to the East. If she can't make a baby to fill the emotional vortex of her heart, Donna can buy adopt a "Chinese" one (the use of "Chinese" to refer to a myriad of nations and people is also racist). To be clear: white people treating BIPOC folks as objects to fill their needs and not as humans deserving of dignity and respect, is racist.

And yes, this is Donna recounting what someone named Gina has said to her. Its not technically what Donna has said so she's innocent right? Wrong. Donna is recounting a racist incident in front of a BIPOC person whom she has no relationship with. She's not condemning the racism of her friend so for all we know, she may have the same views as Gina - that Asian babies are fine to be adopted if you're a white woman who's feeling very lonely and just wants a baby really badly. This is deeply uncomfortable. My skin was crawling during this scene.

Natalie, observant woman that she is, clocks the nurse's discomfort right away:

And then Donna says:

The joke was on her. God rest her soul. I was two months gone with Michael at the time.

So we know Donna is not condemning Gina for her racism. She's condemning Gina for assuming Donna couldn't get pregnant on her own. Great. So now we and the nurse have a better sense of Donna's position here (Natalie being Donna's daughter surely already knows her mother's position).

Understandably, the nurse does not take Donna's bait and does not affirm her statements. So Donna doubles down in her condemnation of Gina, trying to get the nurse to affirm her any way, any how.

Natalie can see where this may end up going (when JLC does that upside-down-smile-grimace, even I know this is about to get messy lmao) so, being the well-practised parentified daughter that she is, she intervenes:

Then Donna reassures Natalie and the nurse that she did call Pete and she did leave a message and that everything is good. Still Donna needs affirmation from the nurse (can we talk about white folks needing BIPOC folks, in particular Black women, to affirm and hold their feelings for them? Can we talk about the demands of emotional labour?) so she tries another tactic:

The nurse can see right through Donna's posturing:

But she remains respectful and professional, politely responding: Wow.

(which wasn't as sarcastic in the scene as it might read here lol)

Natalie, like the nurse, can also see that her mother is, in fact, on one:

When the nurse does not give Donna anything more than "wow", she gets visibly pissed off. She pulls a face like "That's it?! Wow? Don't you know how hard it is to walk while being in labour?!" JLC goes FULL upside-down-smile-grimace:

But before Donna can embarrass herself further, she gets interrupted.

By a visibly Asian nurse:

And proceeds to shut the fuck up:

The way I CACKLED at the end of this scene lol.

Anyway, I was rewatching this episode for another meta but as is often the case with this show, something else revealed itself in the rewatch, so here we are.

This scene in Ice Chips is literally only one minute long. But the subtleties of facial expression, the looks thrown, the silences, the script choices were *chef's kiss* for so accurately depicting a racist microaggression and the inherent narcissism of racism itself - above and beyond any other mental health diagnoses that Donna might have. This scene was a perfect example of someone having mental health issues and also doing tone-deaf and racist shit, and how blurry those things may appear when you watch them in action.

As humans, we can have multiple things be true of ourselves at the same time. Donna can be mentally unwell and can say and do racist things. Natalie can love Sydney - an unambigiously Black woman - like a sister and also love her unambiguously offensive (lol) mother Donna. Carmy can love his largely BIPOC staff but then treat them like cogs in a machine at work.

I'm not saying that humans contain multitudes, the end. If some of those multitudes are harmful to BIPOC folks or other groups that face systemic discrimination then it is imperative that we try to change the behaviours we have that are harmful. Donna has work to do, so does Carmy and so does Nat. But I'm also saying this shit is messy and its complex. I just thought I'd point out that 3x08 Ice Chips did a great job of showcasing a bit of that mess and a bit of that complexity.