#just dont think senseless violence would help | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

ppenguinpperson · 1 year ago

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canine girl in all her doggy glory!! already posted her design and profile the other day, but i updated her profile and i want all her images in one post.. speaking of her profile, warning warning for talk of violence there more on canine (+ lyrics?!! Woah!!) under the cut:)

canine girl is inspired/an au of my oc alík, but i don't think it'd be wrong to say she's a different character alltogether? while the things she struggles with are things that alík does, too, she's more like.. idk ❤️only i can understand this ...

as you may have guessed by her warning, canine girl has violent intrusive thoughts, and feels extremely guilty for them, even if she never acts out on them. her profile doesnt get too into this .. since she feels that guilt and shame, i don't think she'd wanna share the details online .. or with anybody ever.. you know how it is 💥

her design is smth i struggled with greatly .. her mask is this

and as soon as i saw it on alíks pinterest board i was set on using it and im sooo happy i did!! i think it works greatly..!!! other notable things about her design, that im happy with, are mostly to do with her hoodie. her hoodie-ears are actual ears, shes just hiding them:) and its made to resemble a service dog vest!

you can't really see it in the 'fake screenshot' art, the first one, but she's got a kind of belt (harness ?) around her chest !! its around her shoulders too.. and her chain hanging from that could be interpreted as a leash ig ?? idk 💥💥you'll never understand sinister minds inner workings... another design-y thing is !! shes got her arms around herself in the fake screenshot, which is bc she's hiding her claws from you 💥her eyes are also made to resemblea wolfs:)

her pants are just like that bc its alíks fashion sense 💥and bc i think they fit! and i like them!! a little treat just for me:)

another thing that i wanna talk about is her profile!! its so !! chill !! the colours are warm and inviting, her info there is silly, she invites you to talk with her if you're struggling, shes got fun blinkies.. !! shes just having fun on a site hanging out and chilling .. its like that bc i wanted to show, even if in a little way, that intrusive thoughts arent indicative of a persons identity. canine's intrusive thoughts don't make her a bad person, they don't make her a rabid dog like she thinks, they just make her somebody with intrusive thoughts. shes more than her intrusive thoughts, you know ??

anyhow! the lyrics !! i wrote lyrics for a theoretical song that she would have, but Wont, because im not a songwriter. i might make a silly littly tune for her one day, like a minute long at most, most likey shorter, so these lyrics are what you get !! and also it was my second time writing actual lyrics (first time was 10 minutes before when i was writing lyrics for another tptm oc, unknown girl) so Dont be meanies... Ok... treat me niceys... her voice for this would be kohaku merry btw :3

warning, again, more specified this time: themes of violent intrusive thoughts, talk of violence, vague references to generational abuse

That I’m just like a dog, I know Got the leash and collar to show Tug it one way, then another I’ll obey you like no other

But obedience doesn’t cut it With teeth sharper than a razor blade The only way to be is afraid That’s what I say, anyway

Can’t say I’m sorry, not to you That’d scare me, letting you know About your mangled body on the floor Still just a fantasy, nothing more

(Violent thoughts suppressed) Ineffective muzzle helps little (Violent needs repressed) ‘Cause my razors make it brittle It’s not on purpose, just my spittle Can’t help my second nature

(BEAT ME, FLAY ME, LEAVE ME DEAD PLEASE DO YOUR WORST, I BEG IT WON’T BE UNDESERVING TO BEAT A WILD DOG SENSELESS

GIVE IT YOUR ALL, YOUR EVERYTHING WE BOTH KNOW I’D DO WORSE WERE I NOT A DOG BUT SOMETHING LIKE I AM NOW, JUST SHAMELESS)

The carpet floor’s forever stained A family heirloom of violence and hate Trying so hard to reject that norm Can’t help but feel it’s all I’m destined for

Gotta stop myself with only a collar Can’t be like my father’s bully father So as long as you hold my leash I swear I’ll hide my deepest needs

Even if it’s not real, I fear You’ll reach into me and see All these sinful fantasies Of your bloody arteries I don’t mean them, believe me It’s just that this is all I know how to be A mutt that doesn’t know any better Only to claw and dismember

(Violent thoughts excessed) Maybe it’s just natural selection (Violent needs processed) Can no longer deny this connection That I’m just like a dog, I know Got all this shame to show

Your hands are only ever kind A stark contrast to my mind It’s not real, just thoughts, I know Adrenaline still fills me though

My collar thins, soon it will snap Go away, don’t want you here for that Your kindness is naivety My impending misery Your outstretched hand is prey Don’t say I didn’t warn you Here comes the prophesised day Where the hand feeds no more

(WITH MY LEASH AND MUZZLE GONE YOU MISTAKE FOR A FAWN YOU THROW MY COLLAR TO THE FLOOR I BEG, PUT IT BACK ON NOT YOUR FAULT, BUT C’MON DON’T BE SO CRUEL AND SHOW ME I’M THE ONLY VICTIM TO MY FANTASY)

#tptm #the post traumatic manifesto #tptm oc #oc art #AT004-212 #kinda ?#eye contact #eye contact tw

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yongtxt · 5 years ago

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hundred [johnny]

word count: 4.5k words

characters: boxer!johnny x doctor!reader

genre: fluff

warnings: blood/wound/stitches mentions, johnny hates hospitals but he likes the pretty doctor, [im not a doctor nor a boxer pls dont say that i have info wrong because I Know]

author’s note: i know this isnt long to some of u but to me it is and i havent written this much for so long im so proud of myself for finishing this:( it isnt that good but this is the first long fic ive written in a while and shhsdjk also i needed to get this out of my system ive thought about this au since that jcc came out where johnny and hyuck was doing muay thai plssss (i couldnt find a better gif tho) ok this is getting too long / feedback is appreciated tysm

Johnny Suh hated hospitals with a burning passion.

It wasn't from a past trauma nor was he afraid of it, it wasn't that serious. He wasn't exactly sure what the cause of it really was. If he had to make a guess, it was probably from the accumulation of the little things, the insignificant factors people would usually dismiss but bothered him enough that it contributed to the big hatred he built for hospitals.

Maybe it was the distinct smell of hospitals, it reeked of death and old people. Maybe it was the atmosphere of the fluorescent-lit hallways, always gloomy and heavy. Maybe it was also the fact that the fees were so expensive and yet the food they provide tasted horrible, even the coffee was a hit or miss. The only upside he could think of was people get better in hospitals, but even that wasn't assured.

Despite how much Johnny despised hospitals, he always finds himself coming back. If he wanted to get better, he had no choice but to go. He would endure the gruesome process over and over again whether it be to treat his wounds or to stitch his cuts.

With his jaw littered with small bruises and his lips busted at the corner, he sat impatiently on the hospital bed as he waited for his doctor. He was fiddling with his fingers, knuckles bruised the same way his face was. He looked beaten up, he always did.

The clothes he wore contradicted the state he was in, they were fresh and laid back. He looked like a college student from the way he dressed. A delinquent more like, if one considered his cuts and bruises. Before heading to the hospital, he always makes it a point to shower and make himself appear presentable to the public. Although no one really bothers to take notice of his effort, only him.

The sliding door opened and Johnny's attention shot up from his phone, his gaze meeting with yours. Your head popped in, peaking through the small crack you made. Your eyes lit up in recognition as it always did whenever you see him.

"Youngho-ssi?" You spoke almost as if it was a question, voice barely above a whisper to make sure you were in the correct room, about to tend the correct patient.

Johnny didn't understand why you always did that, call out his name as if this was the first time you were seeing him. At that point, you've been already acquainted with him enough due to his numerous trips to the hospital. Either way, he nods every time.

You gave him a small smile, widening the door enough so you could enter. You wore a white lab coat, a name tag pinned to your chest and a stethoscope hung around your neck. You were small, although anyone compared to him was bound to be comparatively smaller – that wasn't the point, you looked young and that never fails to astound him every time you go through the door.

You had a clipboard in your hands, scanning through what he assumed to be his condition that a nurse had written earlier after a quick checkup and disinfection of his open wound. Your lips were formed on a tight line, eyebrows furrowed. He continued to stare at you with such amusement.

"You don't have to answer my question, Youngho-ssi, but why are you always here?" You finally broke the silence, startling him in the slightest. You never bothered to ask before, always just offering smiles and small talks while you did your work; maybe his sudden regularity of coming to the hospital recently made your curiosity peaked.

He couldn't blame you. Anybody would be curious why a 24-year-old man keeps coming back to the hospital with no clear explanation.

He cleared his suddenly dry throat, he never liked saying his job. He said, "I box for a living."

"Ah, that makes sense!" Your eyes visibly glimmered, absentmindedly jotting down notes on his medical records. "My coworkers and I thought you were in a gang or something."

"I don't think I would be allowed to be here if I was." He chuckled, making you giggle as well.

"Seo Youngho, 24, minor lip laceration in need of immediate suture." You read of his data from the clipboard, almost comically. It was medical terms he was unfortunately already too familiar with, to him, it basically meant that he had a busted lip that needs to be sewed shut.

"You can just call me Johnny. Youngho sounds too formal to me." He said nonchalantly. You nodded your head to his simple request; it probably was best if you got to know him better since he frequented the hospital so much.

"Alright, Johnny. We'll start the process now, okay?"

With keen eyes, he watched you slip on a pair of surgical gloves. You grabbed a tissue from the metal tray that sat beside him and began folding it into squares. He felt his heartbeat quicken, he hated getting stitches or any form of medical treatments for that matter, but as morbid as it was, he thought of it as punishment for his recklessness in the ring.

"Isn't boxing just, I don't know, senseless violence?" You asked, tone dripping with pure innocence and unadulterated interest as you gently dabbed away the remaining dried blood the nurse failed to clean earlier.

"It's a sport, it's how I bring money to the table." He pursed his lips, ignoring the twinge of pain that surged through his nerves. He visibly relaxed when you placed a hand onto his shoulder to reassure him.

Ever since the first time you got assigned to him, the first thing he took note of was the softness of your hands. You handled him as if he was fragile glass, despite how he easily towered over you. He felt pathetic as a 24-year-old but your gentle touches would greatly help put him at ease.

"I guess. I didn't mean to be rude." You were hesitant, Johnny could tell but he was glad you didn't push on any further. He couldn't handle explaining his occupation when you were about to pierce his skin. "Okay, Johnny, now that your lip is clean and the anesthesia had seeped in, we'll start. I think you know how it goes by now."

"Make it quick, please." He nodded, squinting his eyes shut at the mere contact of a surgical pen grazing over his gaped lips. You were relieved that his cut wasn't too big, you couldn't stomach the idea of putting him in too much pain for longer.

As you picked up the tweezers and string of nylon, you couldn't help but laugh at the six-foot boxer in front of you who was clearly petrified of getting stitches, "This will be done as soon as you know it. You won't really feel it because of the anesthesia, remember? Now count to a hundred backward for me."

Once the numb feeling of nylon dragged through his lips, he swore he saw white spots flicker in his vision. His eyes immediately watered and he tried his best not to squirm under your hold, beginning to count to a hundred backward like you had instructed him to. You admitted it to him the first time you stitched him that it was a trick that you learned from your pediatrician friend. Despite it being for children, it helped to get him distracted while you focused on your job.

Minutes felt like hours, Johnny had been fighting the urge to punch something, anything, to release tension and nerves. Swallowing the lump in his throat, he took a peak and tried to take his attention away from what was currently happening on his lip. His gaze landed on your pretty eyes, how it was narrowed in focus and how your lashes perfectly framed it.

This wasn't the first time he'd observe you up close, there had been many occasions in the past that you had been too close for comfort in order to tend his wounds. It had been too many that it was almost as if he was close to memorizing your features. You were not only beautiful but you were also a smart and capable doctor.

Eventually, you finished and started to rub ointment on his sore lip — the finishing line.

"Try not to eat anything spicy or hard. You know the drill." You grinned at his suddenly pale features, ripping off your gloves as his eyes adjusted to the bright lights of the room. "You're good to go. Be careful next time."

He let out a shaky breath, clearly still winded up from the procedure, "I'll try. Thanks again, doc."

The punching bag felt great against Johnny's fists. There wasn't a feeling in the world that could compare to the impact of leather slamming against his skin. He could last hours mindlessly pummeling the bag if his stamina just allowed him to.

Hyunsik, Johnny's manager and personal trainer, drew away from the punching bag he held in between his arms. He let out a breath and held out a hand to motion that Johnny has done enough.

Johnny was hurting, Hyunsik could see that much. The bandages he had wrapped for the boxer's fingers were turning into a shade of red that they were all too familiar with.

Hyunsik clicked his tongue, "You should've used your gloves."

"How can I grow stronger if I keep relying on them?" Johnny rolled his eyes. His muscles needed a boost and this seemed to be the only logical way to strengthen them — a little blood never hurt anybody.

"Someday you're gonna fracture your hand and you'll be forced out of the ring. Remember that." Hyunsik huffed, his voice stern. "Take them off, I'll clean the blood off."

Johnny reluctantly did as told, unfurling the bandages wrapped around his fingers. The pain was excruciating when the fabric grazed along his tender skin, he winced at the unsightly view of his reopened wounds.

Hyunsik led him back outside of the ring to the benches where the first aid kit was. He made the boxer sit down so he could start cleaning off his wounds. It looked horrific, more so than it usually did and he had no choice but to break the news to Johnny.

"It looks really bad. You need to go get that checked in the hospital and have it sewed back." Hyunsik said, taking a wet towel and carefully dabbing it across Johnny's bloodied knuckles.

He didn't want to go to the hospital. Going to the hospital to have his wounds treated meant that Johnny would be medically required to take days off work to let his hand heal. Johnny frowned, "Don't you have an ointment or something that could help? I can't afford to lose a day of practice."

"Don't you think I know that?" Hyunsik rolled his eyes. "As your manager, I want you to be in top shape for your match next week, even if it means sacrificing a day or two for you to heal."

Johnny could only nod. He sat through Hyunsik's lecture on the changes he should make to his dietary plan and the exercises he should do during his temporary break. It infuriated him that he couldn't do anything about it but nod along.

The incoming match that was set next week would make or break his career as an underground boxer. He didn't have the option of missing it because of some measly reopened wounds. If he had to rest to get better, he had no choice but to suck it up. This was his fault anyway for pushing himself too much.

Johnny showered in the locker rooms and changed into nicer clothes that didn't reek of blood and sweat. His hands were stinging but he shook it off.

He ignored the concerned looks other boxers were giving him and begrudgingly made his way to the hospital to get himself checked in. You wouldn't be happy to see him all bloodied again, he thought.

Much to Johnny's surprise, it wasn't you who was assigned to him. It was a much older doctor with graying hair and a nose stuck too far up in the air. She was rude and condescending, her lack of politeness to her patients was quite appalling. If Johnny wasn't in such a bad mood, he might've complained already.

God, this day couldn't get any worse.

With a meek voice, Johnny asked where you were and at the mention of your name, his doctor gave him a narrowed look. She sneered, "She's handling much more important cases. Does she know you?"

"I think so." Johnny gulped, unsure of the answer himself.

The doctor's grip was tight and she was hasty. It was as if she was trying to speed through the process to just get it over with. Johnny wanted to cry because he was starting to get traumatized by this doctor's procedure, he didn't want to hate the hospital more than he already did.

He internally screamed for your name as he watched the doctor pull on the gloves. The sliding door harshly whipped open and there you were in all your glory, like an angel sent from above to save him from the devil incarnate who was about to pierce his skin.

You were panting and the sheen on your forehead made it obvious that you ran your way to his room. Johnny's heart leaped with glee.

"Unnie, I'll handle him." You said, unable to catch your breath as you made your way inside. "I think the ER needs you more than me."

The doctor seemed hesitant at first but you tried to convince her otherwise. She eventually agreed and left you with Johnny who had a cheesy smile on his face the entire time since you've arrived.

"So Johnny, what happened this time?" You asked, picking up the clipboard that sat next to him on the bed.

"I overdid the punching during training and it reopened some old wounds on my knuckles. It hurts like a bitch."

You pulled a face, "That's a bit intense."

He chuckled, "It's normal."

"Can I please see it?" You opened your palm so he could place his hand on yours. You observed his cuts and the scabs that were beginning to form around it, it was too deep to let it heal on its own so you made the verdict that he needed to get it sewed back together ⁠— as unfortunate as it was since he was a boxer and he needed his hands to box.

You tugged on a new pair of gloves and began the painful procedure, Johnny started counting down even without you instructing him to. You quickly got to work and stitched back his wounds with your lip in between your teeth

Johnny felt squeamish, he could never get used to the feeling of stitches. His eyes were glued shut and he mumbled numbers like it was mantra.

Once you were done, you smiled fondly at your work. You managed to get by with fewer stitches and you felt pride swell up in your chest. Johnny noticed and, as lightheaded as he was, couldn't help but smile as well.

"You're pretty good."

"At stitching?"

Johnny nodded with his cheeks flushed, he made a mental reminder to smack himself in the head later for such a crude comment. You probably thought he was an idiot now.

"I sure hope so." You chuckled, making him blush even deeper if that was even possible. "It's part of my job."

Johnny shook his head in embarrassment, his dark hair bouncing from how vigorously he did it. He mumbled, "That sounded really lame and not smooth, I'm sorry. Please forget I opened my mouth."

You could only chuckle as you apply the ointment around his knuckles. He wanted the ground to open up and just swallow him whole.

"Please let this heal completely, Johnny. Don't apply any strain on your injuries for a couple of days and refrain yourself from carrying anything heavy so that the stitches won't rip." You said, carefully placing down his hand back on his knee. You were gentle as ever, Johnny swooned. "Absolutely no punching for a while."

"I have an important match at the end of next week. Is there any way to speed up the healing process?" Johnny asked, his eyes were almost pleading at you and you blinked at him in surprise.

"Apart from what I just said, there's really nothing else you could do." You pursed your lips, watching his expression visibly deflate. "If you want to have even a sliver of a chance at winning your match, I suggest you do as I say. Your stitches won't take too long to heal, I promise."

If Hyunsik was there with him, he would've probably already scolded him but the point would be the same. He had always prioritized Johnny's health above winning.

"Okay, doc. I'll do my best." Johnny said, defeated.

"You know, I always see the aftermath of your matches and your training. I want to see you in the ring next time when you're not bloody and beaten up yet." You smiled at him and you swore that all the color that was previously drained from Johnny's face came rushing back. "If it's okay."

"Are you serious?" Johnny asked, almost dumbfounded. Did the pretty doctor he'd been crushing on for months really just asked if she could watch his match?

You nodded with the same hue of red now tainting your cheeks.

"O-Of course! It's on Saturday next week! Please come and cheer me on!" Like a little kid, he excitedly rambled on about the details about the upcoming match and you nodded with the same enthusiast as you wrapped bandages around his hands.

You weren't from his world so everything he said sounded foreign to you. The terms he said, the infamy of his opponents, the prominence of it all — you were eager to learn it if it meant seeing him this happy.

You've always known that he hated hospitals. It was clear from the way he acted during your first meeting. He was stiff and tense, the body language he exuded just screamed that he wanted nothing more than to get the hell out of there. As he visited the hospital more and more, you noticed the hatred never faltered. He only became better at hiding it from you.

To see him so relaxed and carefree within the four walls he hated with all his being, it was a breath of fresh air and the feeling you had in your chest grew stronger.

"You're good to go. I promise to see you in your match." You were jotting some last-minute details on the clipboard and you missed the way Johnny kept grinning like an idiot. "As much as I love seeing you here, I hate that you keep getting yourself injured. Keep out of trouble for me, Johnny."

You left the room without letting Johnny say another word.

Fuck, Johnny realized he hadn't asked for your number.

Johnny's match started in ten minutes. His heart was pounding in his ears, he almost couldn't hear what Hyunsik was shouting to him.

The underground stadium was filled to the brim with people, he felt more nervous than he did during his first boxing match. A lot was at stake for this win, he needed the belt. He was desperate for it.

"Johnny, are you listening to me?" Hyunsik raised his voice, aggressively slapping Johnny's cheeks together in his hands so he could focus on him. The boxer's mind was fleeting and it was his job to pull him back to reality now.

He hadn't seen you since last week and as much as he wanted to go back to the hospital to see you, he refused to badly hurt himself in the days that led up to the match. Johnny scanned the crowd for your face but he couldn't see it. You weren't there.

At the lack of your turnout, he failed to mask his disappointment. Hyunsik let out an aggravated groan and pulled the boxer on his feet to berate him further.

"Johnny, please for the love of all things holy, look me in the eye."

"I'm sorry. I'm okay now. I'm listening."

"Good because your match is starting soon and I need you to win this. All your hardships and sacrifices boils down to this match, you hear me?" Hyunsik bellowed, trying his best to keep his voice louder than the cries and chants of the audience. "Show them what Johnny Suh is capable of!"

Johnny nodded fervently, forcing himself into a state of serenity of peacefulness. He let out heavy breaths to even out his breathing as his team surrounded him, prepping him for what was about to come.

Hyunsik raised his hand at Johnny. He had five minutes left until his match started and he wasn't calming down.

"Can I please have some water?" Johnny asked and his medic stumbled on his feet to fetch him a bottle from the nearby cooler. He couldn't help but let out a shaky chuckle, his team seemed tenser than he was.

He downed the bottle as soon as it reached his hand. His hand was shaky. Goddammit, why was he so nervous?

At the corner of his eye, he saw Hyunsik making his way over to the barricade that separated his corner to the rest of the stadium. He arched his neck in a way that would let him take a peek what was so important that Hyunsik had to leave his side when the match was starting in a few minutes.

It seemed like Hyunsik was trying to stop a girl who was forcing her way in through the barricade. His stomach lurched at the sight of her familiar face.

As if he was acting purely on instinct, Johnny shot up from his seat and ran towards you. Hyunsik held up his arm to stop him from going any closer to you. You could've been a deranged fan, for all Hyunsik knows.

"Johnny-"

"I know her."

Hyunsik was startled at his response and started to profusely apologize to you. You looked nothing but smug and Johnny let out a breathy laugh that helped unravel the knots in his stomach. The boxer quietly motioned for him to take his leave and Hyunsik hesitantly did as told only after tapping his wrist as a sign that time was ticking.

You bowed at him apologetically, "I'm so sorry I'm late! There was this damn patient-"

"It's okay. You're here now." He cut you off, a cheesy smile on his face. You easily reciprocated it back.

"I just came down here to wish you good luck." You said with the usual confidence in your tone gone and now replaced with a sudden timidness and bashfulness. "Not like you need it or anything."

"Where are you sitting?" Johnny asked, noticing that you were struggling to keep your attention on his eyes. He peered down and realized that he didn't have a shirt on, he chuckled.

You pointed near the walls of the stadium and he strained his vision to see so far away. He pursed his lips and let out a noise of discontent. You said that it was the only seats available because you were so late.

"Why don't you sit here with them? They wouldn't mind." Johnny said, jutting his thumb over to his team who was furtively watching his interaction.

"Oh no, it's okay."

"I insist. I want you to see me win up close."

You blushed a deep shade of scarlet and Johnny grinned at his successful attempt at a flirt. Was it even a flirt or was it an ego stroke? Either way, it didn't matter because you were smiling at him. You were easing his nerves and you didn't even know.

"I got out of my shift early so I wouldn't be in the hospital later to stitch you up." You teased, softly prodding his shoulder blade.

Johnny playfully puffed out his chest, "I don't plan on getting too injured today, I wanna look cool in front of you."

"Whatever you say, Johnny."

"But I'm nervous. I'm actually really nervous today." Johnny mumbled as if he didn't want anyone else in on your conversation, gone all traces of his cockiness as his heart thudded erratically against his chest when he heard Hyunsik's call of the last minute until he has to go inside the ring.

You gingerly reached for his taped hands and gave it a gentle squeeze, "Just count back from a hundred like I always tell you to. You'll do fine."

"Wait for me after the match, okay?" And so you did.

Counting down the numbers, Johnny clambered inside the ring and the bell rang to signal the start of the match. Being in the medical field meant that you were against all forms of violence so you couldn't really watch the entirety of the match without feeling sick to your stomach. Johnny didn't care, he was just happy that you kept your promise and was cheering him on.

It was hectic and everything was happening all at once. It was loud and everybody was screaming. This wasn't your world, it was Johnny's and your heart fluttered at the thought that he was willing to let you in it.

Eventually, the match ended in Johnny's favor and the next thing you knew, you were being hoisted up in the air. You had the biggest smile on your face, similar to Johnny's who now had a shiny belt slung over his shoulder. All his hard work and all his trips to the hospital paid off.

"Congrats on your win!" You exclaimed, placing your palms on his chest to steady yourself.

"I wanted you to see me get the belt." He admittedly sheepishly, reaching out to hold your wrists in his bruised hands.

"Aren't you hurt in any way? We can drop by the hospital if you want." You asked, checking to see if he had any major injuries but true to his word, Johnny was inflicted little to no injuries during the match, exclude the few bruises on his jaw and a busted lip

"Actually, I'd rather we get some coffee instead." Johnny said, the small smile on his lips making you chuckle.

"I'm sorry, I don't date my patients." You smirked at Johnny's crestfallen expression, softly shoving his side to make it known that you were only joking.

Johnny pulled a face, releasing a breath he didn't realize he was holding once he realized your joke. He played along, "I think you can make me an exception, I don't usually invite people to my matches."

"So this is about getting even, huh?" You were teasing him and now your faces were merely inches apart but before Johnny could even think of leaning in, you spun around and grabbed his hand once more. "C'mon then, my treat!"

Johnny let out a laugh. A boxer and a doctor, who would've thought?

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doorbloggr · 4 years ago

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Friday 11/6/21 - Media (maybe) Recommendations #6

Contents this week:

Anime: Goblin Slayer

Anime: Keijo!!!!!!!!

It's Friday and I didn't post much this past week. Time is a blur, and I haven't had a chance to watch any new anime for a couple weeks now. Sometimes it's hard to get into a new series, may it be finding the time, or finding something that you'd like. With this train of thought in mind, for this week's Friday Media Recommendations, I'm gonna discuss 2 anime that I enjoyed, but are hard to recommend.

I am prefacing these recommendations with the notion that these two series are EXPLICITY not for everyone.

Anime: Goblin Slayer

The High Fantasy genre of fiction has wide appeal in every medium. For anime fans specifically, High Fantasy is a category welcome to fans of all types. There is Slice of Life Fantasy, Romance Fantasy, Shonen Fantasy etc. But while I would usually recommend every Fantasy Anime I've watched, Goblin Slayer is not for everyone.

Here's my pitch. Goblin Slayer is set in a high fantasy world with a very simple magic system and a clear schism between "player races" and "enemy races". The world operates very similarly to how a Dungeons and Dragon Anime would work, and during the opening, it even hints that all members of the main cast have their fates decided by the roll of a dice. The titular main character has a dark backstory that has meant he has sworn to dedicating himself to specifically hunting Goblins.

Many adventurers look down on the Goblin Slayer for being an expert at such a low rank enemy, others recognise his talents, but think they are wasted on only hunting Goblins. In a light hearted fantasy story, the Goblin Slayer would be a quirky fun character, but this anime is deep and very dark.

It's hard to explain how without spoilers... Characters die in this anime. Characters we get to know first, and then we see them ripped to shreds, imprisoned, abused, and if they are saved, they are never the same again. Goblin Slayer does not shy away from depicting the most gruesome, heinous acts happening in real time to fleshed-out, named characters, in very vivid detail. If this anime was actually a D&D game, then the DM is actually trying to break his players, and punishes every wrong decision with a potential party wipe. And this cruel DM tells them the second by second details of how their characters are tortured to death.

Now this anime has its light hearted moments. It has its wholesome moments where characters smile and care for each other. There's even hints of fanservice here and there. It is a High Fantasy like any other, where the adventurers go on quests, protect the towns, and recieve gold and level up. But it's also potentially traumatising.

I enjoyed Goblin Slayer. It is a fun fantasy series where the characters are interesting and the world is engaging. And in an earlier blogpost, I said watching the first four episodes will help make your mind up.

With Goblin Slayer, this is not the case. Episode 1 is the most gruesome and heart wrenching episode in the series. So if you are squeamish at all and cannot handle detailed violence, do not watch Goblin Slayer, do not watch even the first episode. But if you watch Episode 1, are a bit shaken up, but keen to see where it goes, the series only gets better from there.

Anime: Keijo!!!!!!!!

I am a relatively cultured nerd, I like depth and substance in my media, but I am also a bisexual, single young man who has never been in a relationship, so I appreciate senseless fanservice.

Fanservice is a very divisive topic within anime fans. Blatant lewd themes can be very out of place in some series and may ruin an otherwise serious mood. Many anime enjoyers may think that explicit fanservice in general has no place is an otherwise diverse, accessible genre of media. What if the genre devolves toward no story or meaning, with series of just boobs and butts? Well I have bad news for you.

Keijo!!!!!!!! (yes the official title does have 8 exclamation marks) is a sports/shonen anime about an academy of girls fighting in the competitive sport of butt-powered watersports. The series follows a group of girls who have specialised movesets that could set them to be champions in a sport where the rules are: use your butt (and only your butt) to knock your opponents off a floating platform into the surrounding swimming pool. Keijo is the ultimate brain-off degeneracy anime, where it does not even try to hide the fact that the series' selling point is the celebration of the female form in a swimsuit.

Like Food Wars, an otherwise simple concept is given depth by presenting each athlete's attacks as superpowers with shonen-style special effects and weight. Every fight has you on the edge of your seat as the girl's behinds become lethal weapons of (m)ass destruction. There is a set goal to the story, as Nozomi, the MC, has aspirations to take her academy to the top and become a world renowned sponsored superstar, the best of the best of hip whip combat.

I am not gonna excuse the series as having hidden depth beyond its fanservice, the fanservice is 100% the main attraction. And if you are not a fan of fanservice just for the sake of it, and I fully understand people who dont, then probably give Keijo a miss. But if you are willing to give a chance to a show about pretty girls weilding their butts as watersports weapons, Keijo is a very fun anime that is not afraid to celebrate boobs, thighs, tummys, and butts.

#blogpost #blog #anime #anime recommendation #not for everyone #goblin slayer #goblin slayer anime #keijo #keijo!!!!!!!!#keijo anime

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hibiscuswrites · 5 years ago

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May i have a Seed Brother match up please :) im 24, I be 25 tomorrow. Im 5 ft even, and a little on the thicker side. I dont have a lot of pudge, most just big hips and thighs. I have a pixie hair cut a few tattoos. I am a Christian, lol. Go figure, right? I try my best to be a good Christian, but I do slip up from time to time. I work with at risk youth, as a crisis intervention worker. (If any one who reads this needs help ill come off anon if they want me to) im honest, and accountability is very important to me. Im quite a patient gal, but I have my limits and im not afraid to ask someone to stop testing me. I read my Bible with my poppop, he's my best friend. He answers all my questions. I have an intense dislike for lying, cheating, and senseless violence. Like when someone just randomly is mean to someone for no reason? Not on my watch. I have two dogs, a cat and two leopard geckos. I don't drink much, I take medicine for severe ADHD, anxiety and insomnia. I looooove to crochet, its a hobby of mine. Im very organized, and dislike when things are a mess. I do vape, but I dont smoke cigarettes or weed. Uhm, that seems like a good amount of information. If you need anymore I can give some more ❤ have a good day, and I hope you're staying safe!

Sure mi amor! This is my first one 💗 I’m safe and sound and hope you are as well.

I think I see you as being most compatible with Joseph. I think the fact that you try to use every day to be a better person and let the Lord guide you would appeal to him greatly and so would your dislike for senseless violence. Of course, it's a slippery slope considering how unorthodox the Project is about its recruitment, but I think judging by the many times that he has corrected John for his behavior, he’s the most opposed to violence and inflicting harm which you would both work on minimizing I’m sure. Your kindness, honesty, compassion, and selflessness are all attributes that Joseph would love you for and see them not as weaknesses but as strengths. Your honesty about not being perfect is also something I think would appeal to him and he would make it an even give and take where he lifts you up but is humble enough to ask for your support when needed as well. He would love to recite the scriptures to you and have you help prepare his sermons for the coming services and you feel that he was blessed to be given someone like you to walk unto Eden with.

#ships #fc5

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malakdevorak · 6 years ago

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muri!!

Headcanon A: what I think realistically

Let’s see,I believe muriel’s hair is not..greasy as some people say, but rather soft,yet thick

Also I believe he has a bit of a slight lisp,because of a couple scars he got from his gladiator past on his lip, theyre barely visible cause theyre more inner,but since he tends to chew on his lip with worry,tends to open them sometimes,and has learnt to avoid pressure on them while talking,hence also being quiet

Incredibly respectful of any animal he might consume,fishes,chicken,etc. he truly apologizes and respects them makes sure to not let anything go to waste,ever.

Fight me but i believe Muriel has PTSD over the sheer violence and no-control of himself he had on the coliseum. Like, if muriel wasnt even slightly trained and buff as a young teen,he would’ve deadass died in the first fight. I believe he enjoys sparring,wrestling and training. even fight training! he only needs to be FULLY in control of himself and to NOT inflict senseless violence on others

Headcanon B: what I think is fucking hilarious

Hmm his sweet tooth betrays him a Lot. man can eat a jar of honey on some black rye bread in one sitting and then be like ‘oops’

Doesnt season ANYTHING bland,bland food just a bit of salt. Once MC points it out,he asks for some pointers

That said,hes a messy eater. for real.

and this one is canon basically but his attitude towards gifts is usually

mc: i got you a scarf

muriel: why

mc: cause you deserve nice things

muriel: no i dont

mc,smirking: well then give it back

muriel avoiding mcs eyes: ...... no.

For a modern AU : Is super super Emo,wears all black and has a matching bandana for innana

Owns booty shorts (gifted by asra) that say “Enemy of the state”

Finally, and blame @asrasotherbottom for this: He vapes. He learnt from asra since they were teens and thought it was normal for everyone to do that.

HeadcanonC: what is heart-crushing and awful but fun to inflict on friends

Once he let Innanna out,as usual and she just. didnt return,at all. He went out to the forest,trying to not panic but then muriel found her, hurt, really really badly,a fight with some wild animal... or ghost.

and he absolutely panics,the blood makes him almost dizzy,and he takes innana to the magic shop,but he forgets his myrrh charm and mc doesnt remember him at all and asra isnt home either. He started carrying his little pouches of myrrh to give to important people

he openly cries the first time you take care of him,like,having him relax and enjoy being pampered. because in so many years he never felt this kind of love and comfort and it kinda makes him lower the caution and the tension and he just,starts crying without noticing at all but suddenly hes hiccuping and you get so worried

but...the whole truth is that hes so so so happy that he cant really hold back his happy tears

HeadcanonD: what would never work with canon but the canon is shit so I believe it anyway

He addresses his trauma,fully and does his best to work it out with help from MC,Asra and Nadia

He is a giggly drunk,the few times he does drink.

Actually loves to swim!!!

and stops being so cold towards Julian with time,especially when his guilt and fears related to his actions the night lucio died and he broke julian out of the dungeon. They’re very sarcastic friends to each other.

Sorry for any typo,it’s 2:30 am nsdhfsdjk

#Long post #muriel the arcana #the arcana game #headcanons #the arcana headcanons #muriel x mc #thiswesternfeeling

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bloody-delicious · 6 years ago

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Can I get a matchup please?? I'm a 5'6" trans man with brown hair and blue eyes. I'm shy at first but eventually get super attached to people. I love horror movies and any type of physical affection. I love animals, especially cats. I often use humor to cope with my emotions and have a hard time letting people help me when I'm vulnerable.

I match you with: baby!

• baby can seem intimidating at first glance, and this impression is only further backed by her unpredictable personality and manic behavior, which often presents itself in the form of senseless violence. her character may have developed this way through how she was raised, and by her own family's reckless tendencies. surrounded by gore, drugs, and sex for the majority of her life, baby has grown to be a daredevil and adrenaline junkie. needless to say, you will never find yourself bored with her close by. although she mainly craves chaos and destruction in all possible forms, she finds pleasure in exploiting the innocent and helpless, whether this is through violence, sex, drinking, drugs, partying, etc. being the shy, quiet individual, you will find yourself in a world not many dare to enter in their lives, should you cross paths with baby. her approach to acquainting herself if someone happens to catch her eye is not unlike a feral animal attacking a small woodland creature-she walks with the gait of a predator whose mind and morals have long since expired, a wolfish grin spread across her lips that seems to want to just eat you up, sweetheart, her mannerisms rigid and wild, hands surprisingly strong in their grip and eyes unknowably hypnotic with the corruption and madness contained within them. her tongue is sharp as the knife shell use to pretty you up, and as alluring as the hunters snare. you cannot play with fire and not get burned.

• in the blistering heat of the south, under the bleeding sun walks a woman with the heart of the devil and the flesh of an angel, red gooey hands swinging, dripping at her sides, her soul hungry for more, always more. her lips reveal an insanity on a sugar high, words and phrases mashed together in quick speed and a wicked tone brought up from the depths of her dark soul. baby lives a life of hedonism and hellish delights, and while she enjoys having her fun, she doesnt mind having others tag along, especially if she takes a liking to them. however, it is more likely that one would become a victim rather than a friend if they became the unfortunate target of her attention. still, your demeanor fascinates her, your face when she first knew she had to add you to her collection, your beautiful tears when she woke you in her room as she strapped you to a chair. your suffering is unimaginable beauty to her, though she would not go as far as to inflict any permanent damage. it is hard for her to restrain herself when your choked sobs and cries of pain are the melodies sung by the very angels above, but she manages. she would also be sure to keep the rest of the firefly family at bay, claiming you as her personal victim, as she retrieved you herself. in the time that follows, it is reasonable to imagine she would include you in the "shows" she often performs, always with teasing touches and the occasional rough grasp, feeling your soft skin under her hands. due to her frequent mood swings, you may find her petting your hair in her room as she sits beside you facing the window, watching the sun dip below the horizon, turning the evening sky into a lovely earthy blue and deep lavender as the world falls asleep, the summer air of the night filling your lungs, baby whispering sweet nothings, calling you her pet, her pretty, pretty pet. on the other side, you may find her lashing out in frustration, you, bound to her chair and unable to flee from her fury, those violent hands of hers punching holes in the walls and scratching at them in pure anger until her fingertips bleed raw, incoherent screeches of rage filling the room as she attacks all that is around her, smashing glass and throwing furniture, every so often pausing to make her way to you, forcing her face just inches from yours, white knuckles gripping the arms of the chair, her hot breath on your flesh, wild eyes barely able to stay still in contact with yours, those oh so violent hands picking up glass from the floor and dragging across your cheek and watching intently with what can only be described as pleasure as the red paints your skin.

• it is clear that baby herself enjoys a good laugh, though her sense of humor can be regarded as disturbing and odd. though she always seems to be in an excessively happy state due to her mental issues, she still appreciates someone who can make her laugh. if you tell her a joke, she'll laugh, even if she'd heard it a thousand times, even if what you said wasnt even meant to be a joke at all. if you do manage to open up to her and continue to entertain her humor, she'll grow quite attached. while she does have her bad days, she'll mainly prefer to spend time laughing with you instead of going out and finding other victims to slaughter. of course, she'll never cease her killing rampage, but her body count will begin to lessen as she finds that she would rather be with you. death, gore, and pain are still her passions, but she'll try to shield you from some of her and her family's behavior if she notices that it bothers you-without being too obvious, she also dislikes being emotional and serious. she would far rather stay on her happy high and believe that nothing matters at all. it is unlikely she will ever truly open up completely to anyone, but she will attempt to do little things here and there that she thinks will make you happy. if confronted, she'll dismiss it with a laugh and increase her agression and wild behavior for a period so as to not arouse suspicion from your or her family.

• baby is all too familiar with the world of sex. she often uses her body to lure in potential victims, and sometimes even continues to have "fun" with them before the kidnapping/killing. she loves anything that makes her feel good, anything that gives her pleasure and gives it to her fast-thus, her habits of drinking, doing drugs, killing, and having a lot of sex. she doesnt care for anyone elses well being until she begins to grow feelings for you. she would most likely attempt to seduce you as soon as she kidnaps you, but will not continue if you dont appear to want it as much as she does. baby prefers a situation wherein she and her victim are both enjoying themselves and therefore focused on the task at hand rather than focusing only on how to get away and make her stop. if you and her actually manage to form a trusting, undoubtedly faithful relationship, one in which you would not run away as soon as she turned her back, baby would eventually free you of your chair and integrate you into the family. you can expect her to attempt to seduce you again, but if you deny her, she will question your feelings for her-baby is not familiar with cuddling or anything of that sort. to her, love is expressed through sex, and you being uninterested signals to her that you do not love her. she will need to be taught that affection comes in many forms, and does not exist solely in pleasure. it will be a hard concept for her to grasp, however, after a while, you may wake to her shifting closer to you in the bed, her hands gentle, warmer, as she wraps them around you in an embrace.

#slasher x reader #baby firefly #house of 1000 corpses #the devils rejects

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josiewe · 5 years ago

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My heart and prayers go out to the two toddler's and 4 other children. Plus 14 people killed and 102 more people shot! This was in one state not including other states that had more human beings being shot, child ren and adults. My heart and prayers go out to all the parents, families, and friends of all the victims. These were all human beings! Those toddlers and children never had a chance to live and grow to become someone so special. No one has the right to take away these innocent souls. I just cannot believe that this could happen to our country. The saddest thing is all of this could of been prevented. With compassion, respect, and love for one another. Please stop the hate. And the senseless violence. There is more good people in the world than bad people. We need to come together as one. Only one the human race. No difference. Violence and hatred has no place here. Only love, compassion, caring, and peace. I have always believed one planet one race. No matter what religion, race or gender. We're all part of the human race. I implore you to take a step back and think for a moment. What if this was your toddler, child, parent, sister, brother, and so on. Would you want this to happen to you? We as the human race should be there for one another. As I have done my whole life to care, have compassion, to help those in need. To save a life not take away. I cannot express how horrible this really is. So you mayor's, governor's please stop ignoring the warning signs. This isn't politics! This is about humanity! To do the right thing. Politicians are not suppose to be there for themselves! You were elected to do your job do what you promised to do when you was elected!! This is the United States of America! Not some island, not some communist country! We're so lucky to live in this country! But I truly believe some have forgotten what our military fought for our freedoms! Your freedoms! To allow this to happen in our country isn't humanity or for the good of the people. How did we get here? Our schools that we pay taxes to are not teaching our children, the next generation the values, respect, our history of this country. I say that every child, should have the right to a great education. The parents should have the right to send their children for the best education. And for the professors who dont teach our American history correctly and tell the truth should not teach our children! And for the people who promote hate should really learn what damage they truly do to humanity! What if it was you, or your family receiving the hate? What then? There is no more room for hate or violence anymore! Every life I have saved in my lifetime, every person I fed, clothed, shelter was not because of their religion, gender, or because of the color of their skin. It was because they were a human being one race! I dont see people that way. And there are more people in this world that believe the way I do than not! So wake up America! This is not what we are made of. No more hate! No more violence! It doesn't work.

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dappercrows · 8 years ago

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DRUNK BATJOKES CUZ MY ROOMIES DID IT TOO

Batman growls at the clown, his teeth showing too much for his own good. Joker love the way those little white bones shine in the near darkness. Joker laughs, and dodges a punch like he never gets hit. Batman manages to slam a fist into the clowns face a moment later, feeling more satisfied than he should for making violent contact. Joker loves the attention and bursts out into hysterical laugher, blood dripping from his nose and into his dry mouth. “Batsy, do it batsy, kill me. let me win!” He says with a smile.

“No!” Batman yells, his face angry and tired, so, so tired. This was their life, beating each other senseless to near death because thats all they knew. Batman glared into Joker’s eyes, holding the blood stained, formal orange shirt with a tight fist.

“Batsy. Please...” Joker says, alomost desperate now, sounding broken and desperate.

“I dont want to kill you.”

“Then what DO you want to do to me, Bats?” Joker asks, his face all but beaten to a bloody pulp. Batman doesn’t know how to respond, but Joker looks sad, desperate, and their eyes meet for just a little too long.

“Joker...” He says after a far too long pause.

“Hit me.” Joker begs, his eyes intense. Batman complies, and blood splatters from jokers mouth, hitting the asphalt hard.

“NO. I’m done. I... I’m tired Joker. I... I can’t take this anymore. We need to stop. We’ll kill each other!” Batman is practically yelling now, more emotion behind his word than he even realizes.

“I love you Batsy. No one but you can hurt me like this. Only you.” He says, and Batman swears he sees tears caught in those bright green eyes. Batman punches the clown because he doesnt know how else to react to what he thinks is Joker trying ot get under his skin.

“SHUT UP!” He yells, his covered eyes narrowing on red lips and pale skin and green hair.

“It’s okay Bats, I thought we could keep doing this, but we’re getting old and I want more. You just aren’t as fun are you, and I figure my antics aren’t getting more impressive either,” Joker says, his face stretched into the smile that Batman is all too familiar with. They smile that makes Batman ache despite the fact he would never admit it.

“What...” Batman says, acting confused, but he knows what Joker means, he feels it too. He needs it too. “All this time. You and me. Come on bats, what do you say?” Joker says, grinning thorugh bloodied mouth and balckend eyes. “Stop... playing games Joker.” Batman says, but he’s hesitant, he knoes joker isn’t playing, knows hes never been playing when hes said these kinds of things. In a weird way, he’s always known that Joker has been in love with him. “Would I joke?” Joker asks, sounding offended, and touches his almost broken hand to his chest. “You’re going to Arkham, wher eyou belong,” Batman says, trying ot avoid the subject, but its the only thing he can think about, its been on his mind since the beginning. Him and Joker, locked in this cycle, doomed to kill each other. Or were they?

“I love you.” Joker repeats, even more desperately than last time, as if batman didn’t comply he would kill himself, or drive himself even further down his insanity whole. It shook Bruce, at his very core. He knew he wanted it, knew that what they had was special, that they needed each other. He pulled Joker in without a work and practicall slammed their mouths togehter, the feeling reminiscent of the Joker gas he’s been subject to so long ago. Their lips slide and grate against each other in a way thats too perfect. Their kiss goes on for minutes before Batman manages to break it, “Joker... I... You’re sick and need help. It’s what Ive always wanted for you. Please, let me help you.” Joker laughs, but says nothing. “Ive wnted you, okay?” Batman says, angrily, “But you need help.” He growls, trying to get some snese of humanity out of the clown. “Its all of me or none of me Batsy. Don’t you dare try to change me.” Joker says, grabbing onto Batman’s cape, pulling him close. Their lips smash again, Joker;s teeth bite into Btaman’s lips and draw blood with a moan. “Batsy,” He mumbled into teh kiss. “Joker....”Batman starts, but doesn’t say anything else, and instead grapples to a nearby rooftop, to rooftop to street to batmobile. He Buckles the clown in, and punches in the autopilot for the batcave. Eventually, in the silence he speaks up, “I don’t know what this is... if it;s a trick or a joke, but... Im taking you to the batcave, and Im going to keep you there until I’ve decided what to do with you.” He explains. “Oohh Batsy, I love it when you take charge.” Joker says, his brain still fuzzy from all the senseless violence. “As long as you treat me like hte lady I am, “m aaall your’s” He grins, his eyes might as well be closed. “I know,” Batman replies and hopes he doesn’t regret his decision as the car races towarsd his very secret cave.

#BATJOKES #batman #joker #DC #my fic #HAHAHA IM SO DRUNK SO THIS PROBABLY DOESNT MAKE ANY SNES EAND THERES PROBAY SO MANY TYPOS AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

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viralhottopics · 8 years ago

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Gays Against Guns: can LGBTQ community curb the gun lobby?

After the Orlando nightclub shootings, Americas queer community has the gun lobby firmly in its sights. Can they succeed where so many have failed, asks Rupert Neate

Patty Sheehans biggest worries on 11 June 2016 were parking tickets, potholes and whether her latest artwork was a good enough likeness of her cat, Loui. The Orlando city commissioner had stayed up late painting Loui that muggy Saturday night.

Seven months later the portrait remains unfinished. Sheehan was woken by a phone call early the next morning telling her that a gunman armed with a military-style assault rifle had opened fire on clubbers at Pulse, an LGBT nightclub three miles from her door.

Within minutes, she was on the scene. Sheehan stood watch outside Pulse until 11pm, getting home to realise the blood-splattered pavement shed been standing on had been so hot that the soles of her feet had burned through her shoes. She had helped the 53 wounded and the families of the 49 people who lost their lives in less time than it took to read their names at the memorial service. She went back the next day at 4am, and the next, for two weeks. Emails about parking permits, recycling and other day-to-day concerns of a city commissioner were left to pile up in her inbox.

Gay protest group stages die-in against gun stock investments

Sheehan, who became the first out official in central Florida when she was elected in 2000, had a new mission: gun control. Potholes, regrettably, would have to wait. As a city official, gun control measures dont normally apply to me, she said. I frankly thought: Let the big guys in Washington deal with it, but when the Pulse attack happened it came to our streets. If DC cant do this, someone has got to do it. If it takes a little city commissioner in Orlando to say it, so be it.

Sheehan is part of a growing movement among gay people across America vowing to take on the gun death epidemic, following successful campaigns for marriage equality and the repeal of the governments Dont Ask Dont Tell policy, which prevented gay soldiers from serving their country openly.

Gays Against Guns (Gag) is a collective, based in New York City, that includes several veterans of Act Up, the activist group that forced President Reagan to respond to the Aids epidemic. It has begun a campaign of civil disobedience and direct action against gun companies and their supporters.

It devastated me: Patty Sheehan with clergyman Kelvin Cobaris (centre) and a local gay rights campaigner after the Pulse shooting. Photograph: Joe Burbank/AP

John Grauwiler, one of Gags three founders, makes for an unlikely activist. He is a muscled, 6ft, 46-year-old teacher and fitness fanatic who commutes on his beaten-up bike from his East Village apartment to his school in Brooklyn. Over Sunday brunch at NoHo B Bar, Grauwiler recalled the moment he heard the news about the Pulse attack in a text from his mother in New Jersey.

OMG, John, Im so sorry, her text read. He initially had no idea what she was referring to, but it became painfully clear when he scrolled through other texts and checked Facebook.

It devastated me, quite frankly, Grauwiler said. When Sandy Hook [the 2012 massacre of 20 children at a school in Connecticut] happened, it hit me as a teacher. With the Charleston church shooting [in which nine African-American parishioners were killed in 2015] it hit me as a black man. And now with Orlando, it hit me as a gay man, he said. I thought: Fuck it, lets do something!

Grauwiler, who teaches English in Brooklyns leafy Carroll Gardens neighbourhood, said he believes so strongly in the need for tougher gun control under a Donald Trump presidency that he is prepared to break the law to draw attention to it. He thinks direct action is the only way to achieve change. It has always worked, and it always will, he said. Lobbying has a value, but it tends to happen at a slower pace and behind closed doors.

Grauwiler didnt intend to become an activist, not now nor during the Aids crisis, when he was one of the youngest members of Act Up. I had come to the city in 1989 from Jersey City as an 18-year-old to live my life, he said. But, of course I heard about Aids, and people were dying. I thought I was going to die as well, and I had to do something. He went to his first Monday night Act Up organising meeting at the arts and architecture university Cooper Union. I belonged. I felt like I finally, somehow, had some control of my destiny, Grauwiler said. He helped by handing out clean needles to drug addicts in the then no-go Lower East Side.

Man with a message: John Grauwiler, one of the founders of Gays Against Guns. Photograph: Christopher Lane for the Observer

Now Grauwiler, with Gag co-founders Kevin Hertzog and Texas-born Brian Worth, runs his own organising meetings on Thursday nights at the Center, New Yorks LGBTQ community space in the West Village. At the slightly chaotic meetings, Gag members debate the best ways to end the corporate machine profiting from gun death.

Campaigns have included die-in protests that saw Gag members storm the Manhattan offices of money manager BlackRock, which is one of the biggest investors in gun companies, including Smith & Wesson. Dressed in white T-shirts cropped to display as much gym-honed bicep as possible and spray painted with the Gays Against Guns slogan, the protesters held placards stating: Gun$ sell. People die. $tock soars.

The protesters ranging in age from teenagers to people in their 80s gathered in Paley Park and marched towards BlackRocks headquarters. They were led by dozens of silent, white-veiled figures carrying placards with the names and faces of victims from Pulse and other massacres, including some of the 20 six- and seven-year-olds who had been at Sandy Hook Elementary in 2012.

After BlackRock refused to send anyone out to listen to their concerns, they performed a die-in in the foyer 12 people lying on the floor to represent the dozen people killed with weapons including a Smith & Wesson MP assault rifle at a cinema in Aurora, Colorado, in 2012. Outside the office on 52nd Street protesters dropped blood red-dyed popcorn around white chalk-outlines of victims.

Our actions are in your face. Theyre very visceral with people screaming about death and demanding change, Grauwiler said. Theyre something the world will see.

Some of them are funny, too. Grauwiler and his Gaggers sing tongue-in-cheek Christmas carols adapted by Broadway performer and Gag member Mark Leydorf to draw attention to horrors of gun violence and the National Rifle Associations (NRA) influence. Gags version of Silent Night sung to Christmas shoppers at Rockefeller Center goes like this: Silent night. Holy night. Terrified until we died. This is life in the USA, where we worship the NRA.

Rock and a hard place: Gays Against Guns stage a protest at the Manhattan offices of BlackRock, massive investors in gun companies. Photograph: Carlo Allegri/Reuters

Gag also targets high-street brands that partner with the NRA, including car rental companies, Visa, and Wyndham Hotels. Grauwilers message to those firms: Its us or them. End your relationship with the death business or the LGBTQ community ends its relationship with you. According to a recent study, the combined annual disposable income of the LGBTQ community in the US is estimated at $917bn.

The numbers turning up at Gags weekly meetings have increased in the wake of Trumps victory, as, Grauwiler says, people are increasingly looking for a focus to direct their anger at after the reality TV stars election. The most recent Gag meeting lasted eight hours as members debated whether or not Gag should become Gat Gays Against Trump. It was decided that Gag would retain its focus on gun control, but the group has joined the wider protest movement picketing Trump Tower.

Gag the acronym was chosen knowingly secured a last-minute prime spot at the front of New York Citys Pride parade leading Grauwiler and the others to pull an all-nighter spray-painting banners demanding stricter gun control measures.

Like Grauwiler, Iraq war veteran and DC political consultant Jason Lindsay immediately started forming his own anti-gun campaign group on 12 June. While Gag is visceral and direct, Lindsays Pride Fund to End Gun Violence is taking a considered and targeted lobbying approach to help gay people and their allies elect candidates who will act on sensible gun policy reforms while championing LGBTQ safety and equality.

I was shocked to my stomach when I saw it on the news, Lindsay said from Dupont Circle, DCs historically gay but now yuppified neighbourhood. At the same time, it was just another example of the senseless epidemic of gun violence. But this was different in scale and it was incredibly personal for me, as it was an attack on my community.

Lindsay came out in rural North Carolina when he was 15, but he only felt comfortable telling his mother, and kept his life and feelings very private. The intense privacy would continue for years. At 18, he signed up as an army reservist serving for 14 years including a tour of Iraq in 2003 when the Dont Ask Dont Tell policy was still in force. I didnt tell anyone all of that time and no one found out, he said.

Hes less private now. Today he is leading a campaign on one of the most contentious issues in America, as a gay man with hundreds of LGBTQ supporters. Why do I think gays can change this? he asked. The gay community, and its allies, are an incredible force. These are people in high-powered positions across all walks of life. And we have won battles before. People thought marriage equality would never happen, thought that Dont Ask Dont Tell would never be repealed, he said. This is a new fight for the gay community, adding our incredible strength and political experience to the existing campaigns, and that will make a difference.

Lindsay is uniquely placed to take on this fight as a gay man working in politics who has fired military assault rifles similar to those used by the Pulse killer. These are weapons of war and have no place on American streets, he said. People in the military have to undergo enhanced safety training before using a gun like that. But in the civilian world, you can go into a store and take away a gun with no training.

Lindsay said the public are already onboard, but lawmakers are lagging behind public opinion because of their reliance on donations and support from the gun lobby and the NRA. Political polling since the Pulse shooting has consistently shown 90% of Americans support stricter background checks and 85% want to block suspected terrorists on the no-fly list from buying weapons.

The NRA, said Lindsay, is trying to distort the aim of the campaign. They are playing the fear factor, saying we want to take away peoples guns and repeal the second amendment [the right to bear arms]. We dont want to take away anyones guns.

In fact, many of Pride Funds board own guns and enjoy hunting or days at the shooting range. All we are advocating for is a review of assault weapon sales and access to high-capacity magazines. No one needs them, he said. They are designed to kill as many people as quickly as possible.

Barbara Poma the owner of Pulse, who created the club as a place welcoming anyone and everyone in memory of her gay brother John who died of Aids-related complications in 1991 carries, and her husband and son own, several firearms. She said the attack, which claimed the lives of several of her friends, hasnt changed her support of the second amendment. My life changed forever that night, all of our lives changed. But it hasnt changed my point of view on guns. The right to bear arms is a fundamental part of being American.

Patty Sheehan, who also serves on the Pride Fund board, has a handgun she bought after being threatened because of her sexuality and for campaigning for equality. Shes not going to give up her gun either, but vowed to continue to demand a ban on assault weapons even if it costs her job. She fears that when she comes up for re-election later this year the NRA which pumped millions of dollars into Trumps campaign will deploy its vast war chest against her. I am scared, I know it might cost me my job, but if I dont stand up and protect my community I cant do my job.

Sheehan, who is single and has devoted her life to public service, Loui and her urban chickens, said: Everything I do as an elected public official doesnt matter if its all shattered by gun violence. These kids at Pulse didnt sign up for the military, they went out to dance and got shot.