#ik a lot of ppl dont talk much but they really really never do

[kirkwallers]

My toxic trait is that I kinda ship Garrus and Miranda

[bunnyboy-juice]

spent the first hour and change at work deleting some old files and am having a grand ol time laughing at myself for not realizing i was a lesbian sooner

[cogbreath]

there is a genuine part of me that struggles to accept and cope with farquaads death

[snekdood]

i worry a lot about some transfems and its not me trying to be like "im better than you" or some shit its bc some of them remind me of me when i was a kid and new into being considered a girl/woman and being really naive thinking people would treat me better than they would- like i knew people were gonna be shitty but i wasnt prepared for the sheer amount of dehumanization and being reduced to just a sex object... idk... I just want some of you out there to be careful...

[damagedcoda6669]

Hey Lucifer, i'm sorry I am telling you this since ik you and Al are close, but that's exactly why i'm telling you this...

As you know, Al used to be in birdie drama spaces, and he still is, but just under an alt.

Remember the borderline 12 drama? Al made that happen to see how the public would react since he is planning bigger things. He wants to see how fast your "fans" will turn on you, and he wanted to see how many would defend you. He knew doing the borderline 12 thing would get you in trouble, he even was surprised with how well it went considering YOU posted it when he actually wanted to post it on his account and mention you drew it.

I know this since i'm also in birder drama servers, but I just think Al is taking it too far...

He is truly playing the long game and trying to solidify your trust within him so that those leaks that are happening cannot be traced back to him. Al has truly formed an attachment to you, but not in a good way.

That borderline 12 drama was also to test your loyalty to him and it worked since you believed that he meant no harm when all he truly did mean was to harm you. You may think Al is genuine and would never, but just try to analyze a few of his messages pertaining to birder drama.... that's all i'm going to allude to because I don't want him to know who i am. I don't want him to doxx me.

I will say, Al does share a lot of interests with you and he does find you fun to be around, but that's because he sees you as a toy instead of a person.

Just- please be careful with Al, he is betraying you behind closed doors and PLEASE don't listen to him when he says all the anon's are lying, they are just scared of him finding out because right now he is really favored in birdie drama spaces since he infiltrated you so well.

Ik you might not believe me since i said I was in birdie drama spaces and i will admit, i do talk bad about you.... However, I never leaked anything nor have I been involved in what Al has been doing. I am mainly a lurker and to gain trust in the birder servers I just regurgitate the hate everyone else has for you. I feel really guilty, which is why i'm writing you this.

Other's have spoken out in anon asks on your moraltonz account, and Al was really upset with them and tried doxxing them to get them out of the birdie servers he's in so his plans don't get foiled by them, since he knows you get paranoid easily. Al is really worried about you finding out about him, so I'm hoping you get to this ask.

You may believe it's people trying to ruin you Lucifer, but other asks that pretty much imply it's birdie haters was just a tactic used to try to get the people truly coming forward to be discreditable.

Also, read my username and think back to all the birdie drama and all the people involved. I won't say too much, but I hope you can get what I am alluding to. If not, it's ok.

TLDR;

PLEASE BE CAREFUL WITH AL, LUCIFER. Please.

It's disheartening what Al is doing to you, with all the leaks, with the ploys, with how he talks about you, and just with everything he is doing.

Al has not stopped interacting in birdie drama spaces, he lied to you.

I truly think Synni is your only friend, because even though she used to be in birdie spaces, I don't think she has an alt.

I'm sorry i'm telling you all of this considering how close you and Al are, I really am sorry he is doing this to you. /gen

the lengths u guys go 2 2 try 2 induce my paranoia/delusions n turn me against ppl u dont know is crazy. if this is true, if u actually cared abt me, use ur main. say it 2 my face. give me evidence. ALSO ADMITTING U SHITTALK ME AND ACTIVELY PARTICIPATE IN BIRDIE DRAMA SERVERS IS CRAAAZY. I AM NOT GOING 2 LISTEN 2 A WORD U SAY, U R JUST ADMITTING 2 BEING A BAD PERSON. if u feel sooooo guilty, why r u still there? if al was rlly leaking shit in these spaces, scs and evidence wouldve gotten back 2 me by now. itd have spread online and id be able 2 see artwork n images that i havent sent 2 anyone besides them. also??? stop misgendering them??? weird ass

anyway yeah, good lie, u fabricated an interesting story, but gimme some proof. gimme gimme i want those discord scs that dont exist *rubs my hands 2gether nefariously*

heh u dont know this but.. jotaro is leaking everything

[c1oud999]

hi

i just wanted to come on here and talk about my experience with spirituality. warning: longggg post ahead.

basically ive been in the spiritual community for YEARS now. ive had existential crisis since the age of 11 and ive gone through many phases of many different spiritual trends. from law of attraction, to witchcraft, to religious devotion, to law of assumption and now finally non dualism. i read books, meditated for hours and hours, talked to spiritual ppl from all walks of life and watched all the episodes of ganga upanishad (a show i still highly recommend, you can watch on youtube). all this childhood trauma and mental illness made me crave for sweet relief. but nothing really made sense until law of assumption. i thought that that would be it yk. i thought i was done searching but i think that was when i was searching for things the most. i do know i have it in my 4d, when will i see it? i thought i would get all my desires but did not meet success. and then the non dualism trend began and i hopped onto it like pretty much everyone else. i was bewildered at the stuff teachers kept saying. what do you mean everything's an illusion? there's no way that's true. my very real surroundings are causing me VERY real pain and suffering. oh no no there must be a deeper meaning behind all this. and so i read all the books in 4dbarbies drive, but nothing clicked. yes it made sense intellectually, but i didnt want to believe it bc where is the materialisation satisfaction here? also i felt none of the euphoria that was supposed to come with self realisation. which means i must not be a realised being. and then i cried and cried and cried, isolated myself, literally stopped going to school and just lay in bed all day. but ofc, i continued to read the tumblr posts like i had been doing for the past several years. and yesterday i read 4dkelly's post about giving up. it made sense. by the time i had finished reading the post i had truly given up on everything. on wanting, hoping, fearing, striving etc etc. i was SO tired. so i gave up. fell asleep. i woke up really late as usual and missed the school bus. i ate breakfast in silence, switched the tv on and lied down on the couch like always. and like always out of compulsion and force of habit i reached for my phone and looked up non dualism on twitter. and then i came across a tweet that said a simple sentence only- "nothing is ever actually happening." woah. that kinda drove me to the edge of the cliff i desperately wanted to jump off. i turned on some dnb background music and turned the shower on. i stood under the boiling hot water like some dramatic bitch and started piecing together the "puzzle". it all made so much sense now. i got out of the shower and left the house for the first time in months with a cute outfit and makeup on and everything. i went to the mall, bought candles, stickers, eye masks, coffee, and a doughnut with absolutely no social anxiety at all. i sat by window, read some poetry on my e-reader, cried, peered down at the floor below me and cried some more at the sight of little kids sitting on santa's lap and taking pictures and marveled at all the christmas decorations around me. it was insane. i decided i was going to be neutral towards everything but im in love. maddeningly so. in love with this dream that i thought did not love me back. but love is all there is. I AM ALL THERE IS. and i need you to take this literally. there is nothing happening. there is nothing here except you. nothing to fear, nothing to desire. ik a lot of people are going to dismiss this post because it's not a "materialisation success story" but i honestly dont think i can ever want anything physically bc in all its true essence, what is there to materialise? i am already whole and complete. i am lying on this cold hard floor, but i have never felt warmer. also ik there may be a lot of things ive written you might not agree with but again, this is NOT REAL. I AM. i hope this post helps you.

thank you to all the blogs ive come across and all the pointers they have shared: @se1f @realisophie @itgomyway @4dkellysworld @4dbarbie-backup @infiniteko @iamthat-iam and many more i cannot thank enough.

lots and lots of love (more than you can ever imagine), and good luck.

[ham1lton]

i remember telling my best friend about it too and she said "oh so like theyre soulmates that aren't meant to be" and i never been the same. like brocedes are twin flames, destined to be tragedies and thats so fucked up? and their fact that their wish BESIDES becoming world champion is to be teammates together? and dont even get me started on anything but lovers because god. the way they looked at eachother, clung to each other its so so so insane.

and its interesting seeing all the drivers dance around them? because all of them saw how much they adore each other and now suddenly hate each other's guts? jenson turning to nico when lewis said the "a better teammate too" because HE KNOWS he said it to nico. and even if lewis doesn't utter nico's name, he is imbedded in everything he does kinda? like lewis taking accountability for shit he done which harms the team (his tweet apologizing to george!), also roscoe's name like i dont want to be delusional but like ... SURE you found it cool. and seeing that clip of nico running away from lewis with champagne even though they aren't friends and he is probably chasing his friends but its so instinctual for him to do that. like everything in the world fell away and its just nico and lewis again?

also i do not promote parasocial relationships and knowing celebrities in a personal lives BUT LIKE LEWIS NOT BEING IN NICO'S WEDDING????

honestly people wondering why nico keeps yapping about lewis like if i fumbled LEWIS HAMILTON? yeah, i would too!

and its okay that you are a lewis apologist, as children of divorce hopefully they can both be mature fucking adults and talk it out again or i will lock them up in a room like what niki lauda attempted to do (do you know fucking BAD it is if a world champion is like banging his head at them not talking to each other?) anyway ILL STOP BEFORE I SPIRAL THANK U AND HAVE A GOOD NIGHT OR DAY BE WELL !!!! — nico apologist

i feel like the whole relationship is a lot more intricate then what we know now and we will ever know. ik a lot of ppl like to speculate and make theories and stuff but idk. especially as lewis doesn’t like to speak abt it a lot. it’s two people who knew each other and won’t ever stop really knowing each other even after everything - nico knowing that lewis was holding his breath before he even said it.

like u hit the nail on the head with the whole thing abt parasocial relationships but i think a lot of ppl relate to having a best friend who changes and leaves. idk. maybe i’m just speaking to speak but one thing that annoys me tho is ppl try and make it a one sided thing and they paint either nico or lewis as the villain…. it was obviously mutual 😭

but… ‘everything in the world fell away and its just nico and lewis again’ DONT DO THIS TO ME!!!!!

[moonlit-dreamers]

Name all your favourite TSAMS ships

fuuucckk dude

this is like asking someone which pet is their favorite you cant do this to me man ;-;

but i might as well talk about some specific ships that ive been rotating around in my brain more recently tho fair warning that a lot of these will have more abusive themes (tho i'll try to be as brief as possible since i dont want this post to go on forever lol)

off to a great start with sunvant/lord eclipse. ik a lot of ppl like to make them fluffy but they got so much toxic potential. like idk man. the power imbalance + lord eclipse being both physically and emotionally abusive is some good shit. sunvant is absolutely and purely devoted to him. nothing eclipse could do would change that. every punishment is a lesson. every reward is a blessing. every command is a job he does happily. yes, hes absolutely terrified of his lord, but isnt everyone? isnt everyone meant to be scared of their god? if he isnt scared then is he really appreciating his lords true beauty and raw power? idk man. some good shit right there

the obvious sun/eclipse. i can never escape them in any form. main dimension sun/eclipse, dark sun/eclipse, sunbeam (eaps sun)/eclipse, sunvant/eclipse. all of the above pls. but if we're going with MAIN dimension suneclipse their relationship could be sooo many things. (which is y i like the ship so much bc its so versatile!) it could be a fixer-upper, abusive, friends/enemies with benefits, you name it. anything and everything is possible with these 2 bitches and its wonderful

sun/solar is actually the first thing i shipped. even BEFORE sun/eclipse. shocking, ik, but i felt like they had sooooo much potential THAT NOBODY FUCKING SAW. like- an emotionally broken down mechanic who feels guilty over the death of his own sun and an anxious mess that just wants to make things better. how could it be any more perfect??? solar coping over his suns death with sun by accepting that hes gone but at least he has another to love and he wont be empty forever. AUGH

solar/eclipse. im fucking rabid over these 2. like idk man. i feel like theyd be so weird about potentially liking someone whos like a distorted reflection of themself. projecting their own self loathing onto each other then realizing just how similar they actually are and how it.. might actually not be that bad. then learning to love themselves by loving the flaws of the other and accepting who they are now. idk man. this is just wholesome thoughts tho dont think for a second i dont have toxic thoughts about them lol

sun/solar/eclipse (are you noticing a pattern yet?) is THE polycule. idc what you say, theyre all kissing each other. fuck you (/silly)

this is for my own au becuzzzz i wont let go of a chance to talk about them :3 we got sunshine(sunvant)/solstice(eclipse) and they are an absolute WRECK. theyre both fucked over by their past and the beginnings of their relationship is so rocky bc sunshine doesnt trust anyone + doesnt understand nor believe he deserves affection (hes also constantly wanting to go back to lord eclipse). meanwhile solstice doesnt even see sunshine as a person and rather as a project to work on (and also an opportunity to maybe better himself. maybe if he can help someone then that means he can be a better person). solar comes in later and while i havent Completely thought about their dynamics i will say that both solar and solstice are very overprotective of sunshine. they both constantly butt heads bc they both want to protect him while sunshine just sits in a corner head in hands trying to figure out how to get them to stop without having his own panic attack (they get better tho dw <3)

anyway uhhhhh i think thats all for now lol

have fun with this info ig

[obrother1976]

can u make like. ur top 10 books. freak books. anything. kisses your brain

sure!! these r not gonna be ranked bc god knows i could never choose between them & also im gonna be annoying and ramble a bit about every one

death in venice by thomas mann (classic. but its so rich w metaphors and symbolism. if you do read it, i'd recommend reading "the uses of myth in death in venice" by isadore traschen afterwards, bc it does a great job explaining all the freudian allegories and mythological symbolism and u'll literally be tearing ur hair out afterwards over how brilliant thomas mann was)

the carnivorous lamb by agustín gómez-arcos (idc that i've already talked about this a gajillion times on here. its literally the best book i've ever read. i'll forever be obsessed and i wish there was literally anything that could ever hit as hard as this did. if u read it, anon (if u havent already) dont go through the carnivorous lamb tag on here bc u need to experience this without any big prior knowledge. trust me)

erotism: death and sensuality by george bataille (ik im just listing the classics atp. but how could i ever leave that one out. this ones a lot and depending on how into bataille & philosophy in general u are it could be too much. but if u havent already read this one anon, just read the introduction. trust me ure gonna loose it from that alone)

gemini by michel tournier (this one... took me ages to get through it on my first read bc of the way its written, but it was so worth it. not even gonna say much about this one - its basically like if twins by bari wood was good lmao)

incest: from a "journal of love": the unexpurgated diary of anais nin, 1932-1934 (or every anais nin diary ever in general, but this one especially. there was just no one that got it quite like she did)

indecent theology: theological perversions in sex, gender and politics by marcella althaus-reid (sorry for literally recommending theory. im pretty sure u were asking for fiction lol, but this (& althaus-reid in general) is everything to me. if u've any interest whatsoever in theology u should check this one out)

the sluts by dennis cooper (slightly controversial opinion i think? not that the book itself is controversial, just that dennis cooper is very hit and miss at times. this book tho, definite hit. its so intense and convoluted and i loved every second of it. read this before death and sensuality and u're guaranteed to think of nothing else for at least a month)

querelle of brest by jean genet ("those knock-out body fluids: blood, sperm, tears!". kind of a classic since theres also the fassbinder movie but i prefer the book tbh. its been a while since i've read it but it'll forever be in my favourites)

crash by j.g. ballard (yeah ik we've all seen crash but i need more ppl to read the book. hold on actually i need to insert one of my favourite bits from it here:

Reaching through the fractured windshields and passenger windows around me, I marked my semen on the oily instrument panels and binnacles, touching these wound areas at their most deformed points.)

ada, or ardor: a family chronicle by vladimir nabokov (one of the most beautiful books i've ever read. probably not the most helpful recommendation bc im pretty sure its a classic but i cant not mention it.)

also some bonus recommendations of books that didnt make the list bc they're either not freak books or bc i havent read them yet:

christopher and his kind by christopher isherwood (not a freak book. not even remotely. but will forever have a special place in my heart.)

the sparrow by maria doria russell (read this one anon!!! this would be on the list, but im not fully finished w it yet so i cant officially put it in my top 10 yet)

exquisite corpse by poppy z. brite (havent read that one yet but its on my list!!)

autobiography of red by anne carson (not a freak book. beautifully written, a work of art really)

as meat loves salt by maria mccann (havent read that one yet. hoping its as good as everyone says)

skagboys by irvine welsh (one thing about me is that i'll always find a way to mention the trainspotting books)

[coffeesleep-ooc]

Kachina’s name is funny

Its 2 am and i cant stop thinking about this and i need to get it out bc every single time i look at her name i think of this and can’t even enjoy the storyline aaaaaa lmao

So! We’ve seen that genshin has a history of making up the most bizarre names ever, like idek what happened after inazuma or if sumeru’s names are this funny (idk much about the region it’s inspired in so forgive me for being uneducated), BUT, i do know this: there’s a poor npc in fontaine literally called Book, just Book, wtf genshin, there’s a lot of npcs and pplcalled weird things, and with Natlan that’s wven more obvious that while genshin team does great stuff for plotlines and inspiration for each region, they just say WHATEVER WHEEEEE for names. Bc, who calls themselves/their children Boba? Like wtf?! I’m not even mad about it just why??

I play the game in spanish btw, and Boba is like calling yourself silly or stupid, a friend told me that the English equivalent was also something along those lines so we know this is on purpose? Again wtf lmao

Then there’s the npc called Umi, isn’t that ocean in japanese? And said npc is from the ocean tribe dont get me wrong, if we want to make an accurate “inspiration” from America (America is a continent, ill throttle the person that says its a country thanks) it makes sense to have lots of names that come from different places bc we do have a mix of cultures that resulted in today’s life, but it doesn’t make any sense in Natlan’s whole description, bc these ppl are described as ppl that don’t go out of their country at all? They do receive visitors and i imagine one or two would probably want to stay but it’s still strange, noted, Umi is not the only strange name i’ve seen but i dont keep a notebook with all of genshin’s lore/plot/naming/etc holes bc i would have to make it a full time job. So far a couple things make no sense to me, BUT ALSO! Natlan is culturally rich and filled with stuff i approve, i mean, i like it so far, the legends, myths and way of interaction between characters is rivh and meaningful, i especially loved a quest about a shadow needles bc it felt like revisiting old myths from my memory!

the main quest relating to Kachina is also very interesting and despite it being complete fiction, the way the underworld is constructed is also reminiscent of myths and legends - ik its not called underworld, sorry, its 2am i forgot the name - that place felt to me like one of the scary tales ppl traditionally tell each other but with a very Teyvat element mixed in, and that’s good in my book

there’s also the apparent mix of maya, inca and aztecas in culture and storytelling? And its also true that America has more stories about wars and warriors known to ourselves and the rest of the world? I’d probably have much more to say about this if i had slept, but there are no towns named Fighting soul in my country for no reason, which i find funny and sad af bc wars are shitty excuses to steal and do awful awful things, but whatever. There’s also the way they captured the behavior of ppl in the coasts, kudos to them for that, obviously things irl are not always that good or pretty and some parts of America do have a lot of poverty bc corruption is also shit, but it is true that ppl (i’ve met) in the coast is much mote laidback than in the city, more prone to random music and parties and dancing, big big parties too, the surf part i have never seen in my country so no comments there

some stuff (like the food) is a bit so so for me (im still wondering where shrimp tacos were invented wtf, there’s also too much corn which i find hilarious), and im not even gonna talk about the saurian stuff bc his post is already long enough without talking about Kachina

anyways! in general i really liked it.

now, why is Kachina a weird name for me?

Bc my mother tongue is Spanish

the thing is, idk how many countries with spanish as their main language would have this two problems (or three…maybe)

nunber 3 and less important is the K, it’s overused in Natlan and i find it funny bc many ppl here use the c instead, the k it’s actually more rare in names unless your name is Katheryn or unusual (i once heard the name Ikza and I believe its cool, just not common)…just a thought but: Quinich sounds too much like Quiche so that’s why ill allow Kinich but the qu is way more vommon

number 2 the Ka is just fine, but the China. I just…China is a countey and I can’t help but think of it! Especially bc in spanish it aounds the exact same

number 1 and my biggest concern wity her name, and this is way more personal but I JUST CANT UNSEE IT! In my country we sometimes refer to young ppl as chino or china which is also the way to call ppl from China (probably not coincide but I haven’t researched why this happened to the slang in the first place) so maybe when someone is not listening to you or when they are being tricky or hot headed its bot rare flr someone else to say “¡Este chino/a!” Like saying “this little troublemaker!” Or smth like “¡esta china no hace caso!” Which means “this girl won’t listen/obey!” You could even say “la china de allá” which would mean you are pointing to a girl that is most definitely not chinese but it’s in your field of vision

its not used to denigrate anyonebut it is commonly used as slang by both adults and kids, sometimes even elderly will use it but in more informal situations…

this is why, it feels so damn weird to keep reading and hearing Kachina, sometimes i think im reading ‘pa aca china” kinda “come here kid” and other times im reading the equivalent of ka-girl

I obviously don’t blame the developers or genshin team for not knowing this (i do blame them for Poisson-Fish, Livre-Book, Boba-Silly, etc etc) but i just cant unsee it, even in serious situations its so weirdly funny and awkward

im re-baptizing her Kachi in my mind

someone save me from this misery 😂😂😂😂

[p0th]

ik im probably rlly late to the party but what is objectum, like is it a role play thing, is it a coping thing? I need someone to explain it to me like im 5 bc i genuinely just don't understand what it is lol

So the literal definition of being objectum is someone who's attracted to inanimate objects, whether that be platonic, romantic, sexual, or somethin else. However, looking at it with only its literal definition doesn't really account for the intricacies that such a label brings.

I just want to point out that while some people see objects as alive (the label for that being POSIC), others dont. Animism is also a similar term for where people percieve inanimate things as having souls. Personally, I dont see my object as alive, but do sometimes use gendered terms to describe them and feel comforted by their presence. People can also be objectum and be attracted to actual people too.

Being objectum is also more common in autistic people. Object personafication is a common trait seen in autism and other disorders and i can see how that can lead people to being objectum. Though I have never been formally diagnosed with anything, i am probably neurodivergent & maybe that has a part in me identifying as objectum idk!! Theres a study on autism in objectum ppl here if u want to glance over it: https://www.nature.com/articles/s41598-019-56449-0

For me, I started using the objectum label coincidentally around the time I started finally figuring out that i was aroace and not attracted to real people. I realized that the love I feel for my friends is equivalent to the love I feel for my hobbies and interests which was also the same love i felt towards certain objects. I drew this out cuz i think its a lil confusing how im saying it LOL. Theres also a thing called "conceptum" which is the attraction to concepts which I think i actually fall more into, but I just go by objectum because it is more general.

You know how people will swear they have this great relationship with nature? How they feel so so connected to plants and how they love watching the ocean and how they wish they could live outside forever because the forest is a part of their flesh and blood? How they feel more alive feeling the earths fresh air and how nature teaches them things they never even knew about themselves? okay, so, why is this normal to say but once u turn it around into something that’s an object it is insane talk!! I feel like there's this interesting dynamic where its okay to be super attached to nature but kinda weird to be super attached to inanimate things but i think i am rambling & getting off topic!!!

Personally, I dont really have objects that im attracted to in the same way I would be attracted to a human. It is very broad for me. Others though, have certain objects that they really like and thats fine. For me, going by that label just makes me comfortable even if i dont fit into the literal definition. I like computers in general, not just my own personal computer. Objectum for me is just another way to say that my love for inanimate things can be just as great as my love for animate things. Theres just so much complexity and nuance in it that it is hard to describe unless you've experienced it yourself.

As for it being a coping thing, I've heard some people say its a result of not being able to trust people due to past trauma, but i dont believe that's necessarily true for the majority of people and not too good to generalize. Ive grown up surronded by friends and in a loving environment and am able to maintain relationships with living people, but also use the label of objectum because it makes me comfortable.

I can very much see how someone can look at someone saying theyre attracted to objects and just cringe a little bit and thats okay LOL. At this point, I have been exposed to so many concepts -being online so much and surrounded by so many diverse people- that i just dont even pay it mind. But, I know a lot of people have literally never heard of this label before and are just weirded out by it. I think honestly people need to think about the limitless potential a relationship can be when in the hands of such a complex being as a human. At the end of the day though, it doesn't hurt anyone but its also okay to be a lil unsure of it as an outsider. Just be kind to others!!

Im sorry if this is a bit of word vomit, if u cant tell i got a lil too into it & my thoughts tend to be rlly scattered LOL. thank u 4 the ask & plz let me know if u need any clarity on anythin cuz i know i am very hard to follow at times !!!

[v-anrouge]

ik you said brutally honest but just tell me if this is mean cuz i dont wanna just ignore you

one of the biggest problems i think is how often you vague post about people/posts. ik its an easy way to get your opinion off your chest but a couple times the posts make moots feel anxious you could refer to them. also i find that just ignoring and/or blocking the person is more helpful/healthy than publicly responding

First of all not mean at all and thanks a lot for not just ignoring me /srs

and yeah this hour i spent talking to my friend we were talking about my constant negative behavior, im pretty sure it's from bpd so it's gonna be a bit hard for me to change but i still really want to, she told me i tend to hate things too much and too easily and lately ive been voicing it everytime something displeases me (this following part she didn't say but i am aware) and that makes unpleasant to talk to because sometimes you just want to have a good time and no one likes a guy whos constantly ruining the mood. i also tend to have a lot of prejudice towards some things and tastes and hobbies and it just comes off as rude and mean and controlling

i am really unsure what i need to do to change that part of me, im thinking of exploring more things i love and focusing on expressing my passion for it instead of ranting and complaining and whining constantly like i used to do back in the glory days (aka the days my followers felt comfortable on my page) i also think i need to start consuming more things like series and cartoons or anime im just unsure where to start especially with the limited access i have (currently only have youtube on tv and my phone which i planned to use to play/draw while i consume said media) but il figure something out. I'm also gonna try to get closer to ppl irl so that ill have less time to my head because i think a big problem is my disorder talks over me and im just letting it do what it wants instead of trying to reign it in

also yes im a toxic person the way i vague post i honestly feel bad about it later but i just idk never tried to stop it either im gonna stop doing that i don't want any more ppl to hate me

i uhm still don't know how to start to recover or what exercises to do to be more positive and be annoyed less easily so uhm if anyone has any tips id appreciate it

[hearts401]

wait I forgor that the reason I was in your ask box was bc I wanted to say that your art is rlly cool and reminded me why I liked fnaf in the first place!! :]

(Also if you don't mind id love to hear some headcanons you have for the aftons ehe)

DSJDSFKJD TYYY OUHFUH Thats so sweet omg :(((

OOH BOY HEADCANONS FOR THE AFTONS (Not gonna include mrs.afton aside from vague mentions simply bc i dont care about the implied existence of a wife for william lmaoo)

Elizabeth

-8 years old

-audhd

-I am an intense ginger hair lizzie truther. SHE IS NOT BLONDE!!!! I REFUSE!!!

-She looooves circuses and would dress herself and her friends up as clowns a lot. her love for makeup sparked it and then it went on from there

-music stims galore!! humming, patting her legs, bouncing to the sound of music

-likes first person shooters!! not an a "cute girl likes edgy games" way but in the way that she genuinely enjoys them! shed rlly love shooting games. shed also likes games liek stardew and animal crossing bc shed like getting to know the villagers. (ik these games dont fit the timeline of the 80's but whatever idc) she'd like those gun games at amusement parks too

-lots of energy!!! you cannot stop her!!!!!

-her fav ice cream is mint chocolate chip

-shes not close with her brothers, much closer with her father. because of her fathers distance, however, this results in her feeling lonely a lot, but shes not willing to get involved in whatever her brothers are doing

-LOVES SPRING!!! LOVES IT!!! ITS HER FAVORITE!!!

-really likes animals and especially colorful birds. she has a collection of many things, one of them being colorful and pretty feathers (she has a peacock feather and its her pride)

-really likes bunnies just like her dad!

-likes to braid hair and do makeup. she used to do it with michael whenever he let her. him cutting that off kinda fucked their relationshipt. (and ofc then came the bite)

-She has a very orange room. orange red and pink r her favorite colors.

-thinks her eyes are super pretty

-if she's curious about an item, she'll sniff it and inspect it and feel it but not put it in her mouth bc thats gross ><

-sleeps on her side like a normal person

-likes dolls n stuff :333

Evan

-10 years old

-anxiety and autism

-very good at sewing (bc michael would break his plushies a lot)

-never let lizzie do his makeup bc it overstimulated him

-anxious stims. hand shakes, biting his nails, wringing his hands, shifting side to side, ect.

-enjoys crocheting but almost never has yarn. lizzie gave him an unused yarn ball once and he used it to make a bunch of stuff

-very picky eater, but he wont say it out loud.

-likes webkinz

-HATES HORROR MOVIES!! like this is a given but he will stay up all night thinking about it. its the one thing he stands up for himself on is not being forced to wathc horror movies (mostly because its the only thing both william and lizzie will back him up on)

-he likes yellow a lot. his room isnt hyellow but he wishes it was.

-doesn't have friends and is regarded as weird, but kids avoid him for the most part. most of his bullying comes from ppl who know michael.

-hed like racing games a lot

-scared of his dad and by association he was scared of henry too

-not super close with charlie but he knows her to be a good person. wishes he was closer with her

-ofc easily startled, freaked out, and made uncomfortable

-does NOT like being talked over

-gets frustrated rlly easily and often rants to his fredbear plush

-liked to draw!! he picked it up from mike when he was younger and continues to do it as an outlet

-wishes he had a bigger family

-definitely not flexible at all, but doesnt hurt himself much (hes not dumb, he learns what makes his bones break)

-will feel things over if hes curious about them. maybe sniff them too but he gets scared they'll kill him 😭

-dislikes amusement parks bc overstim but does enjoy the games and prizes

-he likes rice. idk. he just likes rice a lot.

-if he grew up, hed be taller than mike AND lizzie idc idc

-he tries his best to smile in family photos but he just looks so goddamn uncomfortable that eventually william just let him sit them out.

-definitely a peacemaker between lizzie amd mike

-if hes thinking hard he looks PISSED. RESTING BITCH FACE. He is GLARING AT HIS PLATE. "Evan? What's wrong?" and he just immediately is like 😠😯🙁

-he cares about michael a lot more than he should. he tells him to stop when hes fighting someone, he tries to calm him down when hes angry, he tries to talk to him. it makes him so frustrated, it makes him so mad when michael refuses him rudely, but he keeps doing it. its who he is.

-he got a golden freddy mask that creeped michael out and he jumpscared him with it once.

-cuts his own hair

-not a hugger but if EITHER of his siblings offer a hug he will NOT deny them (does not apply to william tho)

-i dont think he cared about william tbh lol

-sleeps on his back like a corpse.

Michael

-14

-audhd

-nonbinary he/they but doesnt realize it til hes 18

-gets mad when overstimulated

-Likes pirates a lot, watches lots of pirate shows.

-INTERNALIZED HOMOPHOBIA it kicked in in like 2nd grade when someone made fun of him for letting lizzie do his makeup. (jeremy helps him get over it)

-forgets to eat a lot. not intentionally. hes just dumb.

-argues with his dad the most, and drives william nuts

-if hes curious about something, hes gonna bite it. what is it? idk. CHOMP

-loves skirts bc sensory issues are worse in his ankles. he compromises by wearing basketball shorts.

-canNOT wear things near his neck. hates things near his neck.

-close-ish with charlie. likes talking to her.

-favorite color is red. he puts it everywhere.

-likes pokemon.

-watches anime

-BIG HORROR FAN BUT THAT SHIT KEEPS HIM UP AT NIIIIGHT

-halloween is his fav holiday. ud think its bc he liked scaring evan (and it kinda is) but mostly he jsut likes dressing up and going trick or treating. he'll use his costume to scare evan later tho. william takes them away because of that, just bc he doesnt want michael ruining the costume (they reuse them sometimes)

-likes growing his hair out

-looks very soft when thinking. evan only talks to him when he looks calm and collected.

-stims by humming, tapping, slamming his fists, and making loud sounds (shouting, whining, UGH AAAGH ect.) which tend to overstimulate evan

-him and evan are adhd vs autism but if the adhd also had autism

-scared of the ocean but he'll never admit it (got bit by some small fish once and it freaked him out)

-mouth moves faster than his brain

-NOT A MORNING PERSON (except on halloween) DO NOT TALK TO HIM IN THE MORNING!!! HE BITES!!!

-messy room with very little in it.

-punches holes in his walls as a stim :(

-likes sweaters in fall

-for someone who jumpscares his little brother, he gets jumpscared easily

-giggles a lot during hide and seek but thru hiding from evan he learned how to stop it. if he does giggle it means hes genuinely happy

-faints when SUPER freaked out. but it takes a lot

-probably gets queasy around blood

-lactose intolerant but he'll be damned if he doesnt eat that mac n cheese

-has SO MUCH FOXY MERCH. he convinces his dad to give him EVERYTHING HE LOVES FOXY SO MUCH

-would do awesome in school if he could get himself to try

-probably felt rlly hurt when he heard foxy was confined to a small area and not onstage. not because it mattered to him, but because the way william looks at foxy makes him think of the way he looks at him.

-gators r his second fav animal

-draws as a way of venting, but it rarely works. he likes it tho

-SINGS ALL THE TIME. WALKS INTO THE HOUSE DANCING AND SINGING AND TAPPING THINGS

-moves in his sleep

-TIGHT HUGS.

-AFFECTIONATE SHOULDER PUNCH GO!!!

-AGGRESSIVE SHOULDER PUNCH GO!!!

-NEUTRAL "I'm uncomfortable and idk what to do rn" SHOULDER PUNCH GO!!!

-giggles evilly

-like evan hes not very flexible but hes much more likely to hurt himsel fand sprains his ankles a lot

William

-Do not misspell his last name he will get unbelievably pissed

-probably nd too bc all his kids are but he doesnt gaf abt that 😭

-has kissed a man before as an experiment. did not get anything from it unfortunately

-met henry in college for robotics and became friends

-when his wife left/died he was just like "oh. i have three kids now. fuck." and then avoided them

-doesnt care about his kids but them dying causes problems for him so he tries his best to keep them alive (unsuccessfully. this is the afton family after all)

-just like mike, he sings and taps a lot, but its more humming and tapping.

-also lactose intolerant but he actually cares about it

-likes bunnies a lot.

-allergic to pollen. severely. he walks outside in spring and is already sneezing and rubbing his eyes

-Frustrated easily

-Looks pissed when hes not, looks pissed when he is. looks pissed when hes sad. looks pissed when hes thinking. the only time he doesnt looks pissed is when he looks happy and that is very rare (and never happens around his kids, only henry)

-TIGHT HUGS.

-Buys his kids gifts but its always stuff they either dont like anymore or didnt like int he first place. he doesnt care

-secretly likes thanksgiving a lot. hes a foodie what can i say

-lizzie is his favorite but that only means he is occasionally gentle with her in a way he'll never be with his sons

-likes dressing up fancy but als freaky he just likes dressing up

-poses in the mirror to check his outfit. michael walked in on him once and william has never yelled at him so muhc in his life. michael acted upset but he was giggling to himself

-does not and will never care about whatever michael and evan have goin on. he does NOT have time for them.

-drops and breaks his phone ALL THE TIME.

-likes stress balls a lot.

-springbonnie is his BABY. he LOVES HER.

-grabs his kids by their heads a lot. like if michael is in his way he'll just put a hand on his head and move him off to the side. the only one he cant do it to is evan because he just moves out of the way

-has a bunch of tiny robots of his own. he likes to make silly bunny robots taht r tiny

-thinks hes smooth wiht flirting and could grab a girl (he cant henry knows he cant)

-sticks his tongue out like a cartoon character when hes thinking SUPER hard

-pats michael on the back a lot to lighten a tense situation but it just makes michael tense up and makes it worse

-giggles evilly

-used to be queasy with blood and spent an hour in front of a mirror post-killing charlie telling himself to man up and somehow that worked

-not a hugger. only hugs his kids in public to lighten the mood. except mike. mike u get awkward back pats

-doesnt like being touched (he WILL smack your hand)

I THINK THATS ALL LMAOOO I HAVE SO MANY

[loving-n0t-heyting]

Out of curiosity what do you dislike about Ada Palmers books

so tbc i made my way thru vol 1 of terra ignota and the first bit of vol 2 before quitting, so im working with a limited sample. but such is the case with dismissal! so here goes:

the prose is... bad. its very likely i should just develop a higher tolerance on this, ik im effectively gatekeeping myself from some very conceptually solid fiction over a relatively superficial skill detached from the stuff that really deeply matters, but the style on a sentence-to-sentence level is just very underwhelming, which is a particular problem when in universe its supposed to be elevated and uplifting (like the speech at renunciation day). i dont mind purple prose but it like marries imo the worst aspects of purple and bland, its a chore to get thru it

the pacing feels sort of mechanical and arbitrary,. every fifty pages, on the dot, theres another twist pulled from the Twist Bag! im told this im proves but its a) not enough to make up for the other deficits and ii) a common thing said when it takes a certain amount of time for ppl to inure themselves to an in fact persistent defect in a long work

Your Kink Is Not My Kink (But Your Kink Is OK)

i do not care about these characters. its hard for me to go into more detail bc i have little grip on what makes characters "work" for me in general but i just. dont care what happens to any of them (besides best not-girl eureka weeksbooth 🤤)

the worldbuilding. by far the biggest letdown. ppl will tell you—repeatedly, at length—that this is the great strength of the series. do not listen to them! they are misguided. ada palmer is really good—gifted, even—at the first step of worldbuilding, much moreso than most writers! shes top notch at coming up with a broad element of the society that makes you think "whoa, i want to know how that works!" and then... you never do. the depths are never plumbed. the depths are never even adequately hinted at. nor are the depths even conspicuously hidden from view! she just... tells you that there are a bunch of totally complicated details, trust me guys, look here i came up with some technobabble and some percentages like i totally promise theres stuff going on behind here! but there just, so aggravatingly obviously isnt! the technobabble does not even give the illusion of depth, the way (imo) it does in almost nowhere, it gives the appearance of earnestly trying to project such an illusion. tears me out of the immersion every time. its probably worth mentioning that i know from firsthand reports that she is into larp stuff irl, which is notorious for attracting ppl with a high tolerance for would be un-suspensors of disbelief. which, again, may be a virtue on their part! but if so its one i lack, at least here

i was talking to birdblog who suggested much of it might be that the work is very capital-L Liberal, and i am very not. which i think is kind of true, but less in that this is a drawback it possesses and more that its a virtue it lacks. theres lots of fiction i enjoy that is transparently committed to big philosophical/moral/political claims im vehemently opposed to! off the top of my head: any shakespeare that involves kings, any bernard shaw that involves Society, log horizon (at least s01, havent seen past it), nausicaa of the valley of the wind (the manga, the movie is sort of opaque philosophically), a bunch of outright propaganda films from wwii (american, british, russian, japanese), several kipling short stories...

but like, i think that a visceral sympathy for the earnestly felt message of a work of art does help one excuse other flaws, and i suspect a lot of my fundamentally Liberalism-oriented friends are able to enjoy the series bc the author shares that same basic vision. which is certainly like, an interesting one! but on its own its not enough to compel me past the artistic demerits by being either spiritually akin to encourage me or sufficiently weird and novel to fascinate me

anyway, tell me why im wrong, terra ignotans! humani nihil a me alienum puto

[bonesaints]

tho i've been out of the writing/fic game for years, i feel like i might as well write fix it fic for the events of vei/lguard. the elves and the qunari are mine now. same with a certain woofwoof aroo, i'm fucking filing for custody at this point lmgdaoo

while i really enjoyed the game, i have major critiques of it. i hate to say this, but i'm gonna be real with yall: i could've handled the qu/nari and elv/es exponentially better if i'd written it myself.

never minds the complete sanitization of the cr/ows and the sanitization of tevinter, the l/ords of f/ortune (rip isabela....queen i am SO fucking sorry they did this 2 u), and this is an extremely minor nitpick compared to the others, but 'good' sol/avellan ending; it is really NOT the solmanon reunion i wanted. objectively speaking as a writer/person whose masters degree studies focused on hyperanalyzing the structures of narratives in media, i feel like SO much of sol/as's agency as a character was brutally stripped from him, and for what? and honestly i don't even wanna talk about the anta/am, it felt like they had the anta/am break away from the q/un in order to justify the blatantly racist and horrific portrayal of them as if the approach of "see? theyre the bad guys, they dont reflect on the rest of the q/un or the q/unari as a whole" somehow excuses it all. same shit they do with the el/ves with the "we're gonna make them LOOK whyte so that this isn't racist, never mind that they are narratively positioned as poc and are otherwise coded as such."

also, the fact that you have the save the shitty slavery racism city in order to get "the good ending" where as many ppl as possible survive is so fucking bizarre to me... and never mind the fakeout scares of them almost killing dav/rin like 3-5 times.... damn.

the way his relationship w my/thal was executed in the game just felt rushed and ill considered. like i can see what they're getting at, there are definitely some good ideas here, but the execution was horrendous and the final product gave the most hollow, detached, dispassionate third wheel vibes i think i've ever seen in a vidja game protag romance. not to mention they wrote his character in the most bizarre and contradictorily jarring manner to how he was established in in/quisiton?? he insists that neither he nor the ev/anuris are gods, yet in one of the endings, he's practically frothing at the mouth telling r/ook that "they're just a mortal, and i'm...." (you know the words ''i'm a god'' are on the tip of his tongue.) ik we can explain a lot of his dialogue inconsistencies with "oh well he lies a lot" but in this case, such a blatant contradiction of a character's defining ideals is just a hallmark of poor quality.

i suppose i shouldn't expect anything less from ppl who originally made him a bisexual man of colour but then decided that was Too Much so they made him het and whyte, but Damn.

also, we didn't even really get to see the a/gents of fe/n'harel????? where is all the exposition that was set up in tevinter nights?? WHERE ARE THE OTHER ANCIENT ELVES???? i know b/ioware drops the ball on plots/narratives a lot but this felt sloppy and inexcusable. to say nothing of the deeply shitty responses they've had to ppl critiquing stuff even in good faith.

[girlreblogger]

honestly i don’t understand how ppl get mad because others don’t wanna read no traumatic, struggle love, lowkey violent, cheating, smut galore toxic shit. the amount of thug, plug/drugdealer, bum!, straight up scary, PRISONER (which is crazy yall romanticizing mfs getting outta/being in jail??) black reader fics (from all kinds of fandoms btw) is actually concerning.. like frfr let’s be honest with ourselves cause the things i’ve seen on here has truly been interesting. (thanks to the ppl who’ll put warning tags tho ig) and ofc ima eat up some of them fics cause they be good sometimes but also that’s all i be seeing. i truly wanna read sumn cute and sweet that don’t leave a bad taste in my mouth like i don’t wanna read the fic and then be pissed off after. obvi we all can just scroll and not read what we don’t want which (if you harassing ppl for what they write it’s never that deep… be fucking fr. write something in your notes to fulfill you or sumn until you find something. don’t use that as a reason to spread negativity) and ik a lot of ppl get at blk writers abt how yn talk which (???) idc cause i talk the same so we’re not talking abt that. also i gotta say sometimes the drug dealer fics be treating yn like a princess (which 🫶🏽) but that’s every now and then when it’s not toxic or drugs, extremely excessive smut and cheating isn’t involved. ofc ofc write what you want but pls bffr and don’t act like them characters don’t be putting yn through some bullshit. yeah tension and stuff is cute cause yk you don’t want it to be boringg but toxicity and attractive tension isn’t the same. there’s sooo many ways of going abt getting that tension. and so many other blk girls say the same and it’s just can we get something positive please. and that legit can just be maybe possibly no aggressive smut.. or a annoying situationship, or all the other lowkey scary shit i be seeing. it’s disheartening to wanna read something abt blk girls and your fav that’ll have your feet kicking up and stuff and then getting pissed off cause your fav character just manipyadipped and cheated on yn or sumn. i’ll keep writing self indulgent fluff in my notes app tho until then. (and if you want to read something positive write something for yourself then too if youn wanna post it or be a writer but PLEASE reblog ppls stuff when you not at least) and not to mentionnnnnn all the fluff on here that is for black readers we barelyy find like you can type “x black reader fluff” and barely any will pop up honestly. which some ppl don’t want certain ppl interacting with their stuff and some ppl don’t gaf abt fluff at all so that writer gets no interactions (or half as much of what they would get on something with smut or etc) and it discourages them from writing it more and it’s also harder for ppl to find what they did write. so even if you don’t care for it at least reblog or sumn pleasee to support the writers. i really appreciate all the blk writers or their works that don’t get enough attention. that’s why i post fluff or just more positive fics for the blk girls who are tryna find them. i’ll def make a list of writers that i like as well. if you want sweet rainbow glitter blk reader fics you gotta do sumn in return too dont just read and do a lil scroll nawl you can make a lil side blog and reblog stuff. mfs have lives tho ian reblogging every sec in general tho i feel like blk writers don’t get enough attention and exposure sometimes but that’s… another thing .. anyway dont stop writing what you want but idk dont act funny or be rude when someone don’t want to consume the same shit as you alllllll the time. i just felt like saying this cause i legit can’t go on here no more and find something that’s not toxic. when i heard ppl saying this i thought they was just talking to talk but nawll. anyways i wanted to say that bye.