#i guess i cant deny it but i hate to acknowledge it really

[cogbreath]

there is a genuine part of me that struggles to accept and cope with farquaads death

[alicentsgf]

What do you like in rhaenicent? What attracts you to them as a couple, and what attracts them to each other in your opinion?

i was so tempted to just respond with 'im a lesbian' but imma bite. prepare yourselves.

the basic cornerstone of it is i love women and i really really love tragedy, so this pairing is Perfection. on the most basic level, episode 1 rhaenicent was just cute like anyone who denies that just hates joy i guess. i was at least a little invested from scene 1.

you've got these two girls who have such different temperaments but then theres this undeniable element of sensual intimacy and chemistry. to me it seemed obvious even without the comments from the cast and crew that alicent and rhaenyra were in love with each other (in some way) as girls. they start off so comfortable with each other, reaching out for each other at every opportunity. rhaenyra even admits, however flippantly, to wanting alicent (and freedom) to the detriment of everything and everyone else. she would leave it all behind except alicent. but this means the dream dissipates with alicents disproval. rhaenyra is All desire, whereas, for better or worse, alicent tempers that because she is All duty and shes been raised to perform it without question (initially for rhaenyra as her companion, then later for her king/husband and their children). the biggest themes in the story are brought forth by rhaenicent's dynamic and by ways in which they act as foils for each other: loss, betrayal, duty vs desire, generational curses, motherhood, the madonna/whore dichotomy and its impotence, and the inevitability of a tragic ending.

they loved each other so deeply because growing up they were each others everything. i honestly think alicent only ever experienced unconditional love with rhaenyra, which is why she clings to the memory of it so desperately, (whereas rhaenyra had aemma perhaps?). alicent and rhaenyra were never without each other in their formative years, and they probably thought they never would be. in some ways they were torn out of each others lives with the same amount of violence and resulting mutilation as aemond losing his eye. they had molded themselves into each others empty spaces, making up for what the other lacked. they're incomplete without each other and deep down they both know that, and its why even after everything, with all the reasons they shouldn't care about each other anymore, they still find themselves desperate for reconcilation. and alicent still wont see rhaenyra dead, even when shes a possibly lethal threat to alicent's family. otto sees the truth of it, forcing alicent to acknowledge it too - even at the peak of their estrangement a world without rhaenyra is a world alicent cant make sense of.

and heres the really delicious part: they're going to destroy each other. its inevitable and it always was, because the world they live in would never have let them do anything else. its the curse of the targaryens meets the curse of westerosi womanhood. idk maybe at this point some people might wonder 'well then why bother having them love each other at all, if it ends with them alone and afraid and hating each other?', but isnt that the point of tragedy? love matters even if it sours. it matters even if it cant save anyone. theres catharsis in acknowledging the cost of human frailty and not doing anything to suggest things should or could have happened differently, but just encouraging us, very simply, to indulge our own ugly, stupid humanity.

the truth is the moment their relationship first truly gripped me was actually episode 6. i loved young alicent and rhaenyra but it was seeing their older versions so at odds with one another in contrast to their past that captured my interest. which is why i feel 'shipping' is just... not the right term for what where my brain is at with them. i feel it implies i want things for them as a pairing that i dont: i dont want them together, i dont want them to be less resentful, or to reconcile, and for all the jokes i dont even want them to be physically intimate. i want them to hate each other and i want them to hate how much they still care, i want it eating them alive, i want them unable to deny it because its the love, grief, and betrayal thats at the root of their resentment.

for me it seems like the reason grrm and the development team okayed this change is because whilst a 'history' book like fire and blood doesnt need an element such as this, the change in format to an intimate portrayal made it almost necessary. rhaenyra and alicents dynamic anchors the plot whilst also critiquing the nature of the shows own source material for its inaccuraces and misogyny. as a result the story of the dance becomes not just a story of targaryen entitlement and the resulting retribution, which i would have been a fan of anyway, but the tragic love story of two women who fell victim not just to the unforgiving nature of the world they were born into, but to their own human frailties. and im honestly just basking in it because this is so much more than i could have hoped for.

so i guess my point is that rhaenicent are barely even a 'couple' to me lmao, im studying them like a live specimen under a microscope and im not afraid to prod them with sharp implements.

[destinyc1020]

Im nt going to deny that there r sum weird anti Kaia ppl who do a lot just bcuz shes Austins gf and think this 22 yr old girl is mind controling him bt there is a differnce between kaia n Z. Sum may just nt lik Z bt other go out of their way to belittle her. And there IS a element of racism that Kaia aint ever got to experience. Some anons just may nt get certain microaggressions thown at Z either tbh. Kaia gets called a nepobaby (which is true), ppl dnt care for her acting (which is valid), and sum ppl do think shes a little bit of social climber.. ok lol may b harsh bt its not lik she cant improve. The pap walks hav been declinimg so.. good for her i guess. And Destiny and other anons still acknowledge Kaia seems lik a nice girl, shes just nt partically talented at her current JOB, acting, and she likes pap walks, walks her current bf is involved in too sometimes.

Thank you Anon 😊

Plus, ppl really need to also differentiate btwn not being a fan of someone, or just being "meh" about them (which is my general feeling), vs hating someone, or going on blogs or Twitter to spread hate and lies about a person.

There's also a difference btwn not liking a person overall, vs, simply just not liking a person with that other individual.

Plus, Kaia can't act (imo), and I'm not really a fan of talentless Nepobabies just in general. 🤷🏾‍♀️

I think her talent is more so modeling (which she seems decent at) and should probably stick with tbh. But if she does want to venture into a new craft, then at LEAST do the work to improve! That's all ppl are saying.

Idk why that's so hard to grasp.

[ratective]

i really hope op doesn't hate me for this but since im bored and pearlnet is my nr 1 favorite ship i'd like to take issue with some of the points op made (for no reason other than clarifying some things!!)

garnet is her own person... but not ruby and sapphire's relationship?? i'm so happy someone is finally elaborating on that because people often misinterpret that but garnet totally is her own being! that's why she wasn't introduced as 'that fusion character' from the beginning - to show the viewer shes not two minds sharing one body, but just herself, just garnet, with her own personality, wants and desires! the issue here is that she IS, in fact, also the manifestation of ruby and sapphire's relationship; THAT'S fusion! she personifies the combined strengths and weaknesses their relationship is build upon. she's NOT the two of them, rather a third being, 'an experience', a physical representation of their love and everything that it consists of! and that's okay! it should be acknowledged while ALSO not being a reason to erase garnet's own identity. op points out that "people are often fixated on the fact that shes a fusion" which leads them to drawing the wrong conclusions and i couldn't agree more

the plot holes and contradictions i wholeheartedly agree that there are many fields on which we as viewers are left in the dark about (bc of scheduling, the network being an ass etc) but in some examples given by op it can be often the issue of interpretation (and a lot is left up for that in su, lets be ffr) and also bad writing 😬 in episode 'love letters' the 'three's a crowd' joke has become some sort of rope people cling onto when trying to deny garnet's ability to date... i guess lmao? i feel, personally, this being written as garnet's line does nothing but a huge disservice to her character. many people took that the wrong way and went ha! this means garnet's TWO gems and THEY don't want to date anyone! op already did great explaining how garnet isn't just ruby and sapphire in a trench coat so i'm not gonna parrot them lol in addiction to this, steven saying that "garnet already is IN a relationship" feels more like bad writing. sure, a kid may not fully grasp what garnet, a fusion fully is, even if it doesn't make sense since he'd fused before himself. after "jailbreak" so many aspects of garnet's character has been reduced to being a fusion and many jokes regarding this, while otherwise cute, enforce the notion that this is ALL there is to her character now! regarding the contradictions, while there probably are some, i don't think its the case here. "love at first sight doesn't exist" DOES apply to ruby and sapphire, too! they weren't immediately in love with each other - they had to learn that, they had to make an effort. in "the answer" the two of them go on this magical self-exploration journey while sightseeing the planet. while we don't know how long did it take exactly, only after that are they ready to TRY and fuse again, for themselves, not an immediate emergency situation. by this they prove that fusion can be something more than just a fighting tactic - they didn't fuse to fight or protect themselves anymore - they did it because they loved being together, they loved being garnet, and garnet loved being herself. they probably didn't LOVE each other then still! love is a process and what the answer showed us, is that they wanted to indulge that process and they made the effort. jamie didn't - that's what garnets talking about in 'love letters'.

the rose slander :( i cant stand by a fellow pearlnet fan calling rose "a big child that hardly knew much about love" PLS i think rose was full of love! she had love for pearl, she had love for the planet, she had love for garnet and the crystal gems. sapphire later realizes that they weren't following rose...rose was following them! she was ENAMORED by their courage and care for one another! she was enamored by pearl's boldness that came out when she was around rose. rose learned to hate the pink diamond part of herself because she saw how everyone regarded pink, she saw how the diamonds treated her as pink. pink reminded her of homeworld customs, pearl, garnet and the cgs reminded her how freeing throwing these customs out of the window was! she was full of love for the planet and for garnet or pearl...that's why she wanted to go through with the rebellion! that's why she encouraged garnet to live as herself - she saw her as this beautiful manifestation of everything homeworld hated - love, courage, individuality <3 i REALLY hope you don't take it the wrong way op, i'm so thrilled to see someone make a case for my otp and i would LOVE for you to talk about your next points!! lots of love!!

Why is Pearlnet okay and it's not problematic part 1

[symphonicmetal101]

Over-Tired OM Boys HCs

Here's the initial thing that got me started thinkin bout the boys, but here ya go-

Lucifer

- this man, once he hits overtired, is extremely gullible, which is why he locks himself in his office until hes done what needs to be done

- also cannot keep a train of thought for more than 20 seconds and it drives him nuts

- and then he loses his focus even more because he's upset

- you tried knocking on the door once, and told him when you closed your eyes, you couldnt see and needed to go to the doctor

- man went from frustrated to concerned in a heartbeat, only after opening the door realizing how foolish he had just come across

- but now the door was open and you had access to him, and reluctantly he let you drag him to bed

- Will deny it ever happened, and if you bring it up, expect a punishment.

- Though he is grateful you made him rest so he would not become the laughingstock of his brothers

Mammon

- over tired bby will ramble until he forgot what he was talking about and space out for a solid ten seconds before snapping back

- it doesnt matter if you're listening intently or only half listening, he makes no sense what so ever.

- If you can record him without him noticing you (which is easy to do in this state) and play it back once he's rested he's either facepalming and blushy for the nonsense he spewed or he managed to pick out what he may have been trying to say and gets super excited, going off on another more understandable tangent.

- Gaming is a priority

Levi

- Sleeping is not

- Levi usually ends up just tired, not wired but dear lord when he does-

- All that energy and passion he pours into the way he speaks about anime and manga?

- Its physical now...oh and hes slightly more extroverted

- Though its a rare sight, over tired Levi works out and rambles about whatever it was that made him stay up that long, and hes doing it all in your room

Satan

- Over tired Satan is a rare sight, though it happens often, as he holes up in his room

- He gets an impulse to clean, and will tidy and clean and organize his books, though it never lasts

- and theres no escape, he will start crying if he feels you arent paying attention or if you're about to leave

- Depending on who you are, he either becomes 10000000% testier, or hes a giggly mess, there is no in between

Asmo

- Finds everything funny, but will get pouty if it came from someone he doesnt really like

- Over tired Asmo is rare, likely the rarest of all the boys to see, save for Barbatos

- but he is a chaotic little fucker

- dear god

- He will raid the fridge and pantry worse than Beel, specifically when hes on a diet-

- Then MC you're either in for one hell of a story from Asmo, most of them his not-so-proud drunk moments that he never talks about for that reason but he cant stop himself-

-his laugh sounds even more high pitched than normal, and a little maniacal, and he finds everything he says hilarious

- you will go on an adventure probably

Beel

- spaces out randomly, and also cries easily, dont point this put to him and say yes to his adventures, he'll change his mind a thousand times on the way- just go with it

- overtired Beel happens quite a bit, usually after the victory of a game and the adrenaline starts to wear off- and then he still has stuff to do

- but instead of "oh" and maybe a small laugh when he realizes what happened its more ".....oh" and then he looks like he's having an existential crisis

- you will have to physically lead him to bed after that, he's too busy thinking and slowly eating whatever is in his hand

- he snacks to keep himself awake, and poor himbo man is even more gullible than usual

- will want to cuddle, but wont ask when hes like this

Belphie

- out like a bulb immediately

- The Avatar of Sloth? Over tired? yes it happens unfortunately-

- He gets even grumpier than usual because he can’t sleep

- Then at night its just restless tossing and turning

- yes even the seemingly flawless butler gets overtired, but opposite of Asmo, he is far better at concealing it

- Usually happens when he intentionally sleeps through important meetings and days for Lucifer back to back to back

- It’s another excuse to hold you though, so he might make himself over tired more often

Barbatos

- You will see him stifle yawns

- And when given instructions, his eyes widen slightly with concentration as he whispers the instructions over and over under his breath so nobody can hear, but its clear his lips are moving

- he cannot be bribed

- he can be intimidated though, and how you ask?

- “threaten” to go tell Beel or Dia because you know full well if they were asked, they would carry Barb back to his quarters if you can’t do so on your own-

- no he will not sleep

- Usually that’s enough to convince him, but you have to stay near to make sure he doesn’t leave until he’s well-rested, otherwise he’ll leave as soon as possible and try to get back to work

- buuuut if you’re “on guard” or in bed with him- well he might have a few extra minutes or hours to spend with you

Diavolo

- overtired Diavolo is rather rare, as Barbatos is very strict with the prince's schedule

- Still though if Diavolo truly wants to keep going...all Barb can do is prepare for the future

- Which uh...just means being able to drag the prince to his quarters

- If you thought he was lively before, being overtired is kinda like giving caffiene to a squirrel for him

- Until he suddenly crashes....which, depending on how you like his company, can be unfortunate as his kick can last for hours

Simeon

- Simeon goes into zombie mode when he's overtired

- He hates to admit it, but it tales every oumce of strength to not fall asleep in the middle of classes

- Not that Luke would let him

- He's a little dazy, a little slow, but even just a power nap gets the angel going again

Luke

- Babie boy, don't stay up with the big kids-

- an overtired ten year old follows a certain progression

- grumpy, denial in need of sleep, chatterbox, chatterbox, chatterbox, chatt- oh he fell asleep in the middle of his sentence

- will not acknowledge anything in the morning, even as he walks out of his bedroom instead of the random place he slept, instead carrying on the conversation he left half finished the night before

Solomon

- hah

- he has spells

- who needs sleep?

- bastard also pushes himself too far, but disguises it with more ease than anyone else, at least until its just the two of you

- He tends to run his hand through his hair more often, fidgets more

- hes a little jumpy too, so continue with caution if you dont want to be turned into a frog-

Anyways, I know its been a hot minute since I posted anything really uh...substantial? I guess this will have to do?? I'm going to be travelling for a bit, so I apologize for slow updates, also dont have the patience to make a queue

Thank y'all for supporting me anyways, it means a lot!! Keep an eye out for the next OC Hunger Games~

Love ya!!

Masterlist

[just-a-fangirl13]

Thoughts & Theories about MacGyver 5x10 [MacRiley]

HOLY SHIT! 

This episode was absolutely INSANE. Im writing out my thoughts once and for all because I need to stop thinking about everything that happened (I highly doubt I will be able to but here's to trying)

SPOILERS FOR 5x10 OFCOURSE

Straight off the bat, I was screaming *internally* and yelling at Mac when he showed the diamond to Bozer. I suspected it yesterday when we got the snippet of Murdoc saying the words DIAMOND and RING with extra emphasis..(everyone on twitter said I was jumping to conclusions.. I thought so too honestly) But damn I did NOT expect them to actually do that!

Now here's why I am not mad about it anymore. [this is my interpretation you are free to disagree]

Firstly, when Mac told Bozer he was going to propose he didnt say I’m doing it because I love Desi or I want to spend the rest of our lives together or because she’s the one (doesn't mean he doesnt care for her ofcourse)

He said “Ever since I lost my dad & Jack, I have been thinking about the bigger picture and a commitment to make things work is exactly what Desi and I need right now. A grand romantic gesture.” He wanted to propose for stability so he could finally be on the same page with her. They never really defined their relationship before and this was a way for Mac to final bring it together. A grand romantic gesture is usually something people use to win their partners back which is what Mac was trying to do I guess. It almost sounds like he has to do it so he doesn't lose her again 

(ill get to my second reason in the end)

Then ofcourse Bozer tells Riley about it so she can be prepared. Bozer is such a good friend. He is supportive of Mac AND wants to protect Riley. I love him for it! He really is doing everything to be the best friend he can to both of them. (Leannas death was so painful and I just want to hug him but thankfully Riley had that covered.)

Next we get the BIG REVEAL. The moment all of us had been waiting for. 

The moment that SHOOK Angus MacGyver and CHANGED EVERYTHING!

Rileys Feelings!

“You want me to say it out loud? Fine. Yes I had feelings for Mac. There I said it. and yeah watching him and Desi together was breaking my heart so I moved out of his house. I should have said something to him a long time ago but I didn’t and now its over. ”

I had the opposite of a HEART ATTACK! (my heart rate was through THE ROOF!)

I have to say they really really outdid themselves on this reveal. 

SIDE NOTE: If anyone comes for Riley and tries to call her a slut or a home wrecker? You will have me to deal with. Even after Murdoc played the clip of her confession she still tried to deny it and brush it off so it wouldn't complicate things for Mac and Desi. If Riley had wanted, she could have easily told Mac this to his face while he was dating Desi and then let things happen from there but she DIDNT. She kept that secret buried so deep she herself was in denial.

(also if anyone calls Mac a player or anything like that.. I will end you. He is doing his best to deal with everything that has happened to him and people keep giving him shit for it....)

Anyways, we see Mac’s expression & he is just confused and shocked and clearly not trying to think about it because it changed EVERYTHING for him. 

[Murdoc saying I THINK IM ON TEAM RILEY was a HUGE HIGHLIGHT for me! I love him so damn much!]

Desi took it really well too actually. If they keep going down this road of growth and maturity for her I think I could actually like her again. (Russ too when he apologised to Bozer) 

She didnt throw a hissy fit or say I knew it or look at Riley like she was the villain. She focused on the mission & I respect her for that.

(Riley does say, “the next thing you are going to hear on that recording-” and then gets cut off by Desi.. If this will come into play at some point later on or if it was just her trying to explain herself, remains to be seen.)

Then after the climax, we finally hear Riley say the words to Mac in real time and we get our FIRST MacRiley hug of the season! 

At this point I thought they would agree to be friends and make the friendzone thing clear BUT NOPE. (you have no idea how happy I am about it not going down like that!)

I was also a puddle on the floor. SO

“Mac look-”

“You don’t have to say anything if you dont want to. Really.”

“I want to. Last year in Germany. I realised I was starting to have feelings for you. Real feelings. I didnt want to make anything weird between you and Desi. I didnt want to mess up our work or our friendship so I decided to bury it. Until the feelings passed.”

“Emotions aren’t a science. You can’t control them.”

Gosh they are so perfect together! The way they look at each other and the HUG! OH MY GOD THE HUG! Its just perfection.

Now we also see this from Desi’s POV. Again no anger or jealousy from her. I think it was an understanding. She realised that she and Mac were never going to work.. maybe a little pain but honestly everything that went down with her and Mac was her fault too. The lack of trust and understanding was always a problem for them. Sure, things were going well but she didnt seem like she was ready for a commitment if im being honest. If Mac had proposed I think Desi would have said no.(again nothing wrong with that) 

She didnt want to label their relationship..they haven't said the words I love you to each other and I dont think they even live together. It really was way too sudden.(these are just things im assuming people define how well a relationship is going by.. I have no experience.)

Then ofcourse we have what im calling the goodbye scene. Its the break up before the break up in my opinion.

Desi tells Mac that they should pretend the last 24 hours never happened (that might actually include Mac wanting to propose but make of it what you will..) and that they should have a clean slate. But its very clear from Mac’s face and Desi sees it too that he isnt 100% onboard with it. He cant forget about it.

Which is when Desi says “Look Mac just do whatever you feel is right” and Mac looks confused.

She then gives him a goodbye kiss. 

Look if you have ever watched any show/movie before where the characters are saying goodbye to each other or breaking each others hearts...THERE IS ALWAYS A KISS ON THE CHEEK. A final farewell of sorts. 

That is what it seemed like to me. It was Desi telling Mac to do what he has to. Even if it inevitably leads to their break up.

Again real emotional maturity from Desi here!

Then we get the scene, Monica Macer (the show runner) tweeted about back in December.

Mac knocking on someones door. If im being honest? I thought it was Desi’s place and he was going to propose...

BUT it turned out to be Riley’s.

Mac clearly hasn't stopped thinking about what happened. I wouldnt either if my best friend who has put her life on the line for me and trusts me 100%, now has feelings for me? That would turn my world upside down too.

especially if I had feelings for her that I buried so deep that I never acknowledged them.

Also this is my scenario for how their first kiss goes down just FYI.. (Mac showing up at Rileys doorstep and finally confessing his feelings and kissing her *probably won't happen that way now though, but I still love it*)

Mac hesitates for a second before finally knocking on her door.

“Mac? Everything okay?”

“I can’t pretend like the last 24 hours didnt just happen. They did. So I gotta ask. Did it work?”

“Did what work?”

“Hiding your emotions and letting it pass. Did they go away?”

and I proceeded to pass out. My brain just checked out...

Now initially in all my freaking out I thought Mac was asking Riley about his feelings. If HE buried them deep enough would he still be able to move on with Desi but then I rewatched it and I realised he was asking RILEY if her feelings were still there, if there was still a possibility of something ever happening. 

She never told him its all good now! my feelings are gone and it was a long time ago. She told him she buried it but he needed to know if a future with Riley was something tangible. 

BASICALLY ANGUS MACGYVER ASKED RILEY DAVIS IF SHE WAS STILL IN LOVE WITH HIM. *I think I need to go to a hospital now*

So this was my second reason for not being annoyed about the proposal. The writers used it to show what a huge impact it would have on Mac. How much Rileys feelings would actually mean to him. the GAME CHANGER it would be.

A friend of mine said it was kinda funny and a little jarring but I liked it. (I could have done without the proposal) But I understand why they did it. They couldnt have Mac and Desi break up the same day Riley’s feelings came out because then people would hate Mac. They had to make him want to take the next step with Desi but then drop a bomb on him, that would make him question everything.

Again this is what I took away from it.

BUT GOSH WAS THIS EPISODE AMAZING!

I do get that some people are not happy with this and some said it was too sudden *not like we’ve been waiting since season 1 or anything* but I think after 5x11 things will slow down again. Mac may break up with Desi only at the end of the season when he finally comes to terms with his feelings. (Some people are still cautious and I get it but after everything that just happened I find it hard to believe that Mac and Riley won't end up together after all.. not to mention the leaked script conversation between Mac and Riley from 5x15)

Now I dont know how the final scene ends.. they definitely dont get called away for their solo mission immediately after because Mac’s cheek injury is relatively healed in this stills, which means Riley does answer Mac’s question. She may try to avoid it or deflect but he is standing right there so...who knows.

Next weeks episode is a MacRIley solo mission and lets just say things definitely are heating up a bit..*wink wink*

YUP IM HYPED. 

BRING ON THE SEXUAL TENSION AND THE ANGST!

[jamesholden]

I just got myself super heated thinking about how often fandom seems to reduce Holden down to nothing more than “straight white male hero” with a side of “kinda dumb and nice”. I feel like the darker parts of him, all his internal struggles, get ignored to help push that fanon view of him.

So in the interest of talking more about how Holden really is as a character: What are your favourite “darker” parts of Holdens character, and what things about Holden do you wish fandom would see more?

oh my god this is going to be a lot like a LOT so just brace yourself, nonny. Imma talk about Holden’s burden of responsibility, his guilt center, his PTSD, how he makes mistakes and actually tries to apologize, make up for, and grow from them, and his absolute fucking resiliency so like here we go I guess.

It’s easy for us to be like “oh he had an easy life” and for a long time, he did have an easIER life than Amos or Naomi. But he had a lot of weight put on his shoulders by his family, eight adults. They wanted him to take over the farm, and the message he got from them was “it’s your job to protect this, our home, our legacy, and to carry it on”. That it was HIS RESPONSIBILITY to save his home. The entire reason he was born. Elise feels guilt over his upbringing even years later. That his childhood was devoted to learning how to save the farm. Reading court briefs and GOING TO COURT. That he met ARMED GUARDS AT THE GATES AS A TEEN. for someone who had a normal childhood that seems uh NOT NORMAL.

So he left at his mother’s behest and joined the Navy. Took the officer tract. Was well liked by his superiors and fellow crew members. Until one day when he refused an order to fire on a ship that he believed had Belter refugees on it. He threw a punch, broke his hand, and watched how he was proven right in the end. He was kicked out, and never went home again. Ran from responsibility because all he did was fail people. So he did what he believed he was best at and ran. He lived with a lot of guilt, pretending he didn’t.

And that’s a common pattern for him. He carries a lot of guilt. For home, for the belter ship, for the Cant, Shed and the Donnager, getting the Roci crew into trouble, Eros. Eros was what really fucked him up, what the fans really took the wrong messages from. He lived with not only survivor’s guilt, but PTSD, which fans ignored or wrote off as “assholery” even as the show gave clue after clue that the protomolecule was his trigger. It took him back to Eros. the books had an incredibly sad scene where he actually thinks he IS back there when on Ganymede, and Amos has to snap him out of it. 

He struggles with that, and it colors his actions for SEASONS. destroying the aid ship, the search on Ganymede station and the moon itself. He’s scared of Eros happening again and he wants to stop it at all costs, and he comes to realize how it’s affecting those he loves most. And it still affects him for YEARS after. Miller in his head, the station, SEEING AN ENTIRE RISE AND FALL OF AN ENTIRE CIVILIZATION, the Behemoth, Ilus OH MY GOD ILUS. 

I saw him being called “whiny” for a particularly meaningful scene in S4 in which he tells Elvi he has nightmares of what he’s seen over the years, but specifically what the station showed him. She writes it off because BUT SCIENCE, which bothers Holden in the moment. Holden’s trauma, which has kept him up at night, kept him from eating, changed his behavior so much he pushed his loved ones away, brought him to Ilus to relive parts of it, means NOTHING because SCIENCE.

And like... if that isn’t reflective of fandom’s response to his trauma over seasons 2-4... I don’t know what is. Holden’s trauma was virtually ignored or waved away. While we (rightly!) praised the portrayal and writing of Amos’ trauma, decades older than Holden’s fresh and ugly trauma, people wrote Holden off as an asshole, an abuser, a pointless character who should just die already. Like wow what a way to talk about a character who is traumatized and raw, one whose portrayal was based in ACTUAL RESEARCH OF PTSD BY STEVEN STRAIT. All because... what, we don’t like him? No one has to LIKE Holden, but to be so flippant about what is pretty plainly fresh, horrible, ugly trauma that made him into someone he isn’t and never wanted to be, while praising Amos and Alex for their responses to trauma, even when they also bordered on “bad behavior”... it left a really bad taste in my mouth. I gave up on arguing about it. Holden isn’t WHINY. He’s open and vulnerable about his pain and trauma and fears. Something I thought we WANTED from male heroes. Less toxic masculinity, more vulnerability. 

I love Holden for being a character who makes mistakes, acknowledges they are mistakes, and apologizes or tries to atone or be better for them. He wears his flaws on his sleeve. And he tries to patch them up. He tells Naomi he logged the distress call. He tells Naomi that he almost didn’t go back for the refugees on Ganymede. He tells her he regrets fighting for justice for the Cant instead of protecting them better. He tries to tell her his own feelings don’t matter about her decisions, and goes on to tell her he’ll never like something she did, even though he’d never hate her for doing it. He blames himself for her leaving, admits that his actions pushed her away, even if she denied that. He defers to Naomi SO MUCH after realizing how he’s wronged her or because she’s opened up to him because he realized how he didn’t listen and tries to listen MORE. He’s HONEST. Even when it hurts him or the person he’s speaking to. HE GROWS. Even if it’s imperfect at first. Holden tries, and to me that’s so incredibly important, and it’s not spoken of because for many it’s not good enough just to TRY. and that’s a shame.

Lastly, I love his resilience. It’s what drew me to him from the get go, aside from being someone who tried very hard to do the right thing. Holden gets beaten down so many times, but he always gets back up. Always. He always keeps fighting, keeps trying, keeps learning. His arc plays out SO BEAUTIFULLY in book 8, because he doesn’t give up, and he uses all he’s learned to survive. I found The Expanse when I was in a really dark place, trying to claw my way out. Holden helped me with that because he ALWAYS clawed his way out. And it meant so much to me. Holden doesn’t stop. He keeps moving forward.

SORRY THAT WAS SO MUCH i kept coming up with new thoughts and ideas I am SO sorry but I hope this gives you what you’re looking for! Thank you for giving me the space to rant about my bisexual himbo space knight. 

[darth-does-stuff]

its ramble time. also yeah this is gonna be p long (hence the word - rambles) and prob talking a lot about patton and janus because i havent talked about them much and i have IDEAS

(also i know i want remy to be involved somehow but i havent figured out how yet. suggestions welcome ghjghjgs)

so thomas and logan are elves, roman remus and virgil are magic users (witches warlocks wizards whatever the word is lmao), remus specializes in wind magic, roman in fire, and virgil in weather. 

the magic virgil uses is often called chaos magic and in order for something to be generally classified as chaos magic, it needs to be unusual/rare, chaotic (duh) or unpredictable, and destructive. (these classifications might change as i think on them more). wind magic is largely argued upon whether it is chaos magic or not, seeing as how it is largely unpredictable and can be seen as destructive, but it doesnt fit the bill with the first one, leading to the arguments. same with fire magic, but they said it was too common for it to be chaos magic. virgil having weather magic means that he can create storms, sandstorms, generate lightning, windstorms, and also able to control (or rather ‘bend’) rain. of course, there are drawbacks and limitations, adding to the fact that virgil has a very hard time controlling his magic and harnessing it, he is not op dw. magic is also very much tied to emotions btw

also ro re and vee have two moms and they are a lesbian couple sorry i dont make the rules

elven lore and shit time - while gold is rare in many places in the fantasy land (i still have yet to decide on a name), in the elven land (i have not decided names for each section either lmao) iron and steel are actually harder to find than gold. gold still holds its own worth, but iron and steel are generally regarded as superior in worth than gold, which is why many nobles possess the material. and ive already explained the left eye crest thing with the elves, their left eye has a shape or crest to it along with a color that glows slightly. the glow can be dimmer or brighter depending on their emotions at the time. logan has a diamond shape to his left eye and a leaf green glow to it, which also happens to be his eye color as well. thomas’ is a heart and rainbow color and glow, while his actual eye color is an almond brown. ill discuss appearances in another post btw. anyways, the elven lifestyle is the most similar to humans, having a battleschool, its system nd shit, etc. although it does differ in terms of ‘rulers’. the humans have a monarchy while the elves rule through a council of 9. (an odd number so there arent any ties) logan uses both a sword and a bow as his weapons of choice. thomas was forced to go to battleschool so he basically just dips as soon as he can after teaching logan what he knows and becomes a healer because HEALER THOMAS 

PATTON AND JANUS TIME PATTON AND JANUS TIME PATTON AND JA

 patton is one of the merfolk, who (in this au) are a species that have two forms. their mer form, where the lower half of them is the mer tail fish tail what the fuck is it called. anyways the color of pattons tail (wtf is it dude) is a desaturated light blue. he has these like ??? spikes?? is that the word? jutting out from his forearms. (at the very least pointy things) and he will not hesitate to use them as weapons. yeah he’s a feral boy. he has some spots of scales on his upper body but they are pretty scarce. in his human form, he just looks like a human i dunno what you expected lmao. in the water his eyes are a really potent blue while on land they are much duller. he can also breathe underwater regardless of the form. patton also cant really will himself to either form, if he wants to be human form he has to be on land and vice versa for the mer form.

janus is a fucking uh,, dude idk the word for it. i guess the general word for it would be dragon but he’s more humanoid than dragon. a cross between the two ig. anyways he has scales on one side of his face, scaly wings because fuck yeah, horns jutting out from his forehead, and more shit that i have forgotten but i know he has it. the scales are a golden color, with warm yellows and light oranges mixed in. left eye has a dragon pupil type thing, like a slitted pupil. fuck i hate describing things ghdgakhgask. im playing around with the idea that dragons can shapeshift but nothing is set in stone with that tbh. most dragon folk are like janus, a mix between dragon and human, and only the really powerful ones are the ones that can actually turn into dragons so thats pretty rare. but fuck descriptions its time for fucking FRIENDSHIP and FAMILY

janus has a little brother whose name is emile and they are 6 and actually pretty shy. it took them a while to warm up to patton but now he literally loves pat and everytime he sees them he bolts over and just gives him a huge hug. patton tries to act all tough but he is so soft for emile there is no denying it and they all know it. jan and emile have an agender parent and a genderfluid parent. agender parent uses xe/xem btw. 

patton has a mother and never knew his father. he and his mother have a rather,,, distant relationship i suppose. his mother is in the royal guard so she is called away often (though it does not excuse the neglect in the slightest) her and pat just mutually acknowledge that they both exist and go about their day. one day pat confessed to jan that he never really felt that they were his mom, more just a person who birthed him. one time in a particular bout of drowsiness, patton confessed that janus and his family were the ones that he truly considered family. janus got choked up and was like ‘shut up you bastard im supposed to be tough /pos’ 

the first time janus showed him how he could get rid of the dragon aspects of himself for a limited time, patton literally took one look at his human form and shouted ‘what the FUCK’ and janus was like ‘IVE SEEN YOU CHANGE FORM BEFORE WHATS YOUR DEAL’ and patton just screams ‘THIS IS FUCKIN WEIRD’ (all /lh) janus and patton get up to so many shenanigans its a wonder they havent gotten caught yet lmao

patton, once again in sleep deprivation cause thats the only fuckin time he’ll confess anything about his emotions, told janus that he was his first friend and that he was so scared to mess it up when they first became friends. he’d spent most of his life alone and always in this state of just,,, perpetual anger, bubbling right underneath the surface with no way to escape. it led to him getting in a lot of fights and just lashing out, especially at people who tried to become his friend, scaring them away. when janus came along and stayed, he said it was the best thing that ever happened to him. he finally had a friend. even when he lashed out and retreated back into himself, putting up those walls again, janus still stayed. he helped break those walls down bit by bit, helped patton with his anger issues, helped patton realize that janus was here to stay, and that he wasnt leaving.

if you cant tell, i love them sm ghdgaskgjs

[pinktatertots99]

🔥 Feelings on the canon ships of Homestuck?

Send Me a 🔥+ a Topic, and I’ll Tell You My Honest Opinion About It

god am i gonna need to go with the sequals too? just og or all ships that’re considered canon by the end? whatever i’ll just go in order in what might be the ‘canon’ ships from all three of these categories. this is gonna be fucking long so anything and everything is under the cut. also i’m SO not gonna add hiveswap that can be its own separate ask. so:

roxygen: it’s a cute ship...but the sequal vers is garbage considering how inconsiderate roxy is to john’s feelings and his house burning down like damn rox this is the guy who sat with ya as ya mourned doom rose’s death give the guy some fuckin time himself.

rosemary: also cute ship...sequal versions are fuckin godawful tho. their barely a thing in meat from wha i can gather and then there’s candy...oh CANDY kanaya deserves better fuck this sense of her sayin she’s over it idc if it was off screen, even then half the cast ate stupid pills during that time so WHY must i be surprised that this is wha happens?

dave/kat: i dun like it. in either universe. meat is just perfect gay bois who have occasional deep talks and literally do nothing else while candy they split up thanks to jade which, geez ya guys must’ve been shit to tell her to fuck off like come on. og hs wise i barely consider them canon if we only get pictures and them just being on equal footing on quadrant talk. not to mention dave implied to be crushing on jade and JOHN not karkat, idk where this couple even came from other then love triangle situation with terezi but like, that’s barely much of a reason to become canon. i’d go with em bein pale/moirails more.

jadedave: i’m guessing candy and meat i thought meat implied they were dating but may aswell. so....it sucks but thats because candy and meat suck, meat dave’s basically cheating on her i didnt hear any implication they broke up and she’s like...chill??? and then there’s candy where she literally forced him and kar to break up and dated after dirk apparently died, i do not like the implications of this whole thing. course candy dave is dead and a robot now so...anyways canon wise dave had a crush on her and if jade does like him i’d hope it’s not cause of davesprite cause despite both being dave’s they were different. it’s cute otherwise.

davepetajade: it’s...cute? i guess? idk i kinda found davepeta a bit...idk overwhelmingly overrated? like i know where their popularity came from but readin the series now after all that hype i dont really see it anyways tho it’s basically davespritejade with nepeta in the mix. and idk nothin implied much of nepeta liking jade, or talkin to her much. and davepetasprite is a mesh of both so idk. it’s a ship with cute fanon works of em hanging with outfits but that’s bout it.

janejake: i hate it. legit. this is disgusting and completely throws out jane’s character. like even in the fixed timeline the talk she had with dirk probably still happened on the god bed’s and how she acknowledged wha she thought was wrong on wantin jake’s kids and so on trickster still happened and how she also realized she might’ve overhyped jake. but lets throw it ALL out the window to force jake in an unhappy marriage in both universes and possibly force him to stay in candy due to having tavvy if i’m reading the implications right. even then jake isn’t good for jane either both got their own needs this ship would’ve been sunked in canon and WAS but the sequals are beyond it so maybe that explains it but it disgusts me.

roseterezi: guess in meat specifically. yeah i kinda dont...care for it, like i still cant tell if rose and kanaya broke up or if she just fucked off without breaking up either one is fucked up on kan’s behalf. even then i just dont care for their kismesis it got brought up once and that was it.

jaderose: candy wise i guess even tho it was a fling. it disgusts me still mostly because of kan’s behalf on bein fucked over and both goin through a ‘surrogation’ process without her notice. like fuck this shit the jaderose fans deserve better.

roxycallie: idk if this one’s canon but it’s heavily implied callie lives with roxy least in candy. it’s cute, cant deny it even in og it was pretty cute, dont really care for candy vers tho but then again maybe their not a couple in it idk what’s canon couples anymore.

johnterezi: literally fucked in meat universe and john has kismesis feelings for her in canon. it’s...interesting, idk tho i feel like it’s one sided on john’s side.

ms paint/spade slick: i cant deny it’s cute, he’d least know how to treat a lady but god i’d hope it wouldnt be his only defining trait with her. also want ms paint to call his bullshit out pls and thanks.

dirkjake: honestly i cant tell if their STILL canon in og or not god forbid the sequals. in general though...i dont. i honestly dont really like em together much. they seem like the type to least stay friends but idk bout another relationship would be a good idea for em. maybe later down the line but otherwise canon wise they need a break.

and now for the canon one timer ships this involves any ships implied, uncomfirmed, ex-relationships, crushes, etc:

arasol: it’s cute, best ship. their quadrant was never confirmed but regardless their cute. sol tho in the sequals deserved better then to get abandoned by aradia goddamn.

fefsol: also cute, i live for both of em bein ass’s together.

erisol: oh boi this one...this was...yeah i cant even deny they wouldnt be too healthy, i like lookin at fanon ways tho for em. canon wise tho yeaaaah no these guys definietly wouldnt work.

gamtav: it’s...cute but boi gamzee needs some help i think.

gamsol: -sollux did imply he either wanted a kismesis or matesprit with him in one of the flashes- again same as gamtav.

aradia/equius: BIG NOPE nope nope nope equi that’s weird wha ya did never do it again thank fuck aradia hasnt been around him since.

karterezi: their actually kinda cute, looking back on em they could’ve worked. stupid doomed timeline bullshit.

daverezi: also kinda cute, idk tho if i got flushed for em tho i get more pale vibes but it was semi-a thing.

kanvris: it’s baaaaad kanaya deserves much better and vriska never seemed much the type for cementing into a relationship.

vristav: even worse, like i’d like to thank fuck tav one up-ed her in the end cause fuck wha he had to go through.

karmeenah: it...could be cute? maybe? only iffy part is the ages, i thought the dancestors were like sixteen tho since the kids said they were teenagers even tho they were at the time about fourteen? idk tho if eighteen is considered an adult in alternia or not tho it’s kinda implied to be? anyways tho it’s just off puttin maybe a bit tho.

meenahvris: it’s kinda cute, it was atleast, idk lookin back it does feel more unhealthy.

rufidama: baaaaaad i love rufi but he’s got some bullshit he needs worked out and damara deserves someone better.

rufihorr: just as bad as above, both deserve someone better or atleast horrus does with some therapy on it rufioh i think should just chill on relationships but it’s so obvious their not meant to be.

mitula: it’s cuuuuuute i cant deny it, ...okay fanon vers is canon is barely anything and tula does give more pale implications for tuna but with how protective she was over damara near him it’s sweet, but god do i wish canon tuna gave more feelings for tula.

kantula: it’s...creepy. like it’s so obvious the vantas bois cant communicate well but kankri’s crush feels almost pressuring on tula when he kept goin about them and goin “oh but we’re totally friends and i’m celibate so it’s okay its whatevs” like kan go to a corner give tula some air to breath.

crotuna: BIG NOPE cronus needs to learn fuckin boundaries thirsty fish bastard.

should i even add cro//eri due to the fact he literally asked an eridan out? regardless gross, ew, no, i’ll take the fanon ampora brothers anyday canon i didnt fuckin need that thx.

porrnea: it was implied to be more of a fling. idk considerin aranea’s track record i cant really say i’d trust her in many flushed quads. and porrim seems the type to have hers open and not a closed off thing so idk they got different cases.

aranea/jake: i cant deny it’s fuckin cute, i’d would’ve loved if they tried to do somethin but aranea was definietly uhhh not a good choice for jake. least she backed off when he didnt wanna be kissed but man yeah, it was cute while it lasted.

kurmeu: i cant deny the idea kur forced himself quiet due to hurting meu hurts me in a sweet way but as of rn them bein ‘pale’ and him mind controllin her when we dunno if she’s alright with this or not is...disturbing.

vristerezi: i am HIGHLY doubtful this is canon considering everything but i guess i gotta cement this. i dont see em as canon in og or sequal wise since vris is still gone in both, even then i dont like, see it, i see it but idk man i like em more pale then pail.

erifef: honestly no. both are much too different for a relationship, kinda glad they uh...got cut short cause honestly even their moirailship wasnt healthy what’s to say a matespritship would? on BOTH sides mind you.

rosejohn: thank karkat’s shipping board. anyways, i think their cute cause fuck it rose is a bi-con to me, canon wise probably wouldnt work but i’ll take fanon.

vriseri: kinda glad they got cut short of their kismesis cause boi eridan deserves a better one with how shit vriska was in breaking up with him.

johnvris: it was cute, i cant deny i’m soft over how the two talked things about vriska’s life and john’s it’s just kinda cute. it’s obvious tho canon wise with wha john went through it wont work out. would’ve loved if they became moirails tho but o well canon is god i guess.

spadePM: i dont like much of their implications, would be an unhealthy relationship regardless considerin spade’s flushed and PM’s pitch, they deserve some therapy and other people.

dadbert/momlonde: their cute i like the implications of em, sad they died though, it was cute while it lasted.

meowrails: may aswell count moirails in this shipping mess. anyways their cute, they gimmie sibling vibes course equius early into it was so...not a good moirail.

kurtuna: i guess it might be cute moirails? idk tho with kurloz’s implications it concerns me.

gamkar: as moirails...karkat was fuckin shit at his job i cant sugarcoat it. i get where it’s from he’s not gam’s lusus and shouldn’t be forced to check on him during his time of gettin high and such, i get they were kids, but god gam kinda deserved a better moirail. and then later on in the series it gets more fucked up between kar gettin stabbed by him and both in a pretty unhealthy moirailationship to the fixed timeline where gamzee is just shut into a fridge and kar doesnt fuckin care, like dude, wow. gamzee was bad yeah but damn, harsh a tad.

terezigam: as a kismesis it’s almost disgustingly unhealthy to me and honestly terezi deserved better and gamzee maaaaybe shouldn’t get a kismesis, ever, unless he can sort his shit out -the sequals tho wont do that lol-

minorly gonna count johndave in this: idk if i can see john reciprocating for dave so dave’s crush on him almost kinda hurts, especially since fixed timeline dave’s john is well, dead and our john is probably still different from his john, has angst but man i kinda dont mind it as a one sides crush it’s nice confirmation of dave bein bi atleast.

nepetajasper/jasprose: i cant see it, it’s disturbing i guess. i like em more as friends but jasprose is probably more creepy bout it.

signless/diciple: i think considerin the implications they were fuckin adorable and deserved the best.

summoner/mindfang: it’s kinda sad considerin its implied mindfang’s love for him might’ve been one sided, they could’ve been cute tho.

orphanor/mindfang: probably sounded like the best kismesis’s until he murdered dolorosa.

dolorosa/mindfang: BIG NOPE i dun like the implications.

condence/orphaner: since it’s implied orphaner had a crush on her, gonna say tho big nope considerin condence is a bitch.

condence/lord english: its hard to decipher their relationship in canon, but to cover all my bases it’s big nope to me somethin bout it makes me uncomfy despite both bein bastards.

[normal-thoughts-official]

Concept: enemies/rivals to lovers au where malec decide to hook up and have "hate sex" bc "I hate u but that doesnt mean u arent hot" but then it somehow ends up getting really tender and sweet anyway (bc of course they're both pining whether they realize it or not... bonus angst: magnus realizes and is Hurting alec is oblivious) and afterwards theres just this awkward silence of hm.. that was... Not hate sex

Bonus if it begins rough (not actually hurtful but rough) like alec slams him against a wall and it's all Flirting and Teasing but them they get to the making out and it's less rough and more very soft. (Also thinking alec slams magnus against a wall and magnus, embarrassingly, melts immediately bc he sub,, alec may tease him a little but hes also nonjudgemental and weirdly soft and magnus is like 😊)

hmmmmm i do love this concept but tbh i have trouble imagining a enemies to lovers au with malec because lmao when would they ever hate each other. i mean they had the perfect setup for this with alec being a shadowhunter but they’re just like nope. we ain’t about that life. like dahdsaidhasihdaihda

i guess rivals works tho, like they’re both competitive and turned on by competition oops yeah magnus reinvigorating sure and talented so i can see them both being like, idk athletes or some other shit who cares, and they’re like on opposing teams and there’s a rivalry going on because they’re both the aces

or if we want to be a healthy amount of ridiculous that fits our boys, they are just like. pool rivals in the local bar. izzy or fucking somebody dragged alec to the bar one (1) time and because alec isn’t big on drinking or noise or anything he just beelined to the pool table, and magnus immediately joined him, and they just turned like. VICIOUS. immediately. because they’re both about as good and competitive

so it becomes kind of a Thing - every saturday night they’ll “happen to be at the bar” and “see each other” and be like “i want a rematch” and monopolize the pool table. i mean other people can join them but it’s hell because they’re so focused on each other they just keep quipping and bantering and basically all but ignoring them. and everyone is like sigh. but it’s fun to watch so other ppl quickly start getting there to watch them and making bets and shit, and it gets the bar considerably more popular, so the owners aren’t mad

(i’m picturing that the owners are meliorn/maia/raphael because hoo boy am i a slut for the polycule. maia is the bartender and raphael cooks and meliorn kind of handles logistics. simon is a musician but he plays there all the time too and they’re all together and it’s cute. anyway that’s why magnus is always there, he always comes to see raphael and they spend most of the afternoon talking - idk he works mostly at the counter along with maia? look don’t question me. also earlier there aren’t a lot of people anyway so it’s mostly slow so they’re going around and getting everything ready and magnus helps okay let me have this - until eventually raphael sighs all like “tall boy is here” and magnus turns and sure enough, there is alec and there they go to the pool table)

okay so eventually alec learns that magnus is usually there on tuesdays as well as saturdays, so he starts coming in on tuesdays too because it’s better anyway and he gets to play and unwind with like, less people around, and it’s nice. and that’s when they start to know each other a little more deeply because they can engage in conversation without anyone watching (well. the polycule is definitely watching, but subtly. raphael will deny it in the face of overwhelming evidence but they all know he’s watching and desperately rooting for magnus and getting way too invested in their pool games) and actually like, talk about themselves without feeling weird? you know. usually they start talking to try and “distract” the other but their banter comes in so easily and they do have a lot of common interests and experiences and it just progresses naturally. talking and playing, playing and talking

(lmao there’s probably a point when magnus won’t be able to go to the bar as usual and he lets raphael know and raphael’s all teasingly like “should i tell tall boy not to come then?” and magnus is like don’t be ridiculous. but alec comes in and raphael tells him that magnus isn’t here today and alec is like *SULKS* and maia just kinda pets him on the head and it’s funny and ridiculous okay)

ANYWAY onto the theme of this ask (god why can’t i stick to the original idea for anything ever) they start to know each other better and fall in love and all that jazz, but their whole relationship is like. laced by the competitiveness and the game, you know? so they’re like ah yes haha we’re definitely rivals not friends at all. yes i did tell him some of my secrets and past experiences and we see each other almost every week why do you ask

and there’s obviously a lot of flirting involved because you CAN’T tell me that they don’t get turned on by competitiveness and each other’s skill, okay. like alec will score or whatever it’s called and magnus is equal parts big mad because they’re tied again and just like oh myh ofd so muhc arm jhmmmm strong competentt,,, god please fuck me until i cant speak and magnus has Even More Arm so alec is just watching him (also he’s so graceful and flexible and focused and every time he gets into position to idk what it’s called you get the idea, do the thing, alec is just. mesmerized by his movements and looking respectfully. and then he scores and smirks at him and alec is like god DAMN it you little brat i’m going to fuck you so hard haha what who said that) 

so anyway they flirt a lot and you can’t tell what is bantering and that is flirting anymore, and the sexual (and romantic but they don’t wanna acknowledge that. tbh mostly romantic because while i love some good ole sexual tension i feel like sometimes fics like this rely too much on that and u can’t feel the romance but like, they definitely start to talk about their lives and have a lot of fun together not just sexyal tension you know? like most of the time they’re really just talking normally about their days and they open up and just talking to each other makes them feel so much lighter and that’s why they keep coming back, you know? but they also flirt) tension is thick and eventually they end up kissing kinda roughly and passionately

and YEAH it begins kinda rough like wall slamming and all and magnus is all melty and like of course they’re not gonna do anything kinky because that’s a kinda spur of the moment thing and they didn’t discuss boundaries, or anything. but just like alec towering over him, kissing him roughly, clearly taking control and magnus being super into it and grabbing him and bringing him closer and wrapping his legs around him and just humping him and moaning? hmmm delicious 

anywAY yeah they’re supposed to have “hate sex” (not like really hate but more like, oh my god i’m so tired of you teasing me all the time and being an asshole and my totally rival not anything else, we should fuck about it) but like. they’re just. in love tbh and soon the kisses turn more reverent and alec’s wandering hands get softer and start just exploring and loving and it’s suddenly slow and sweet and he’s kissing every inch of magnus’ skin (even as magnus is kinda bratty like come on alexander, fuck me) and it’s just hmmm just great and loving. and alec fucks him slowly and magnus kisses him deeply and they’re both holding each other close and when magnus comes he lets out this beautiful moan and alec comes too, all like “oh my god, you are so perfect, so beautiful” 

and then they’re kinda like, panting and coming down from the high, and maybe they even kiss again after they’ve come without realizing what they’re doing? just like hmm good and nice and they’re still embracing and alec’s dick is still inside of magnus lol and they kiss slowly and languidly and then they just kind of come down from the high and look at each other like. oh god. shit. fuck 

but there’s no denying it so they’re just kind of like. hm. i guess we should. talk about this? haha. and they do because we stan healthy communication and that’s the story of how malec used hate sex as an excuse to be boyfriends 

[fatestemptress]

Overwhelming Alternatives - Part 1 of 3

Summary: Jensen Ackles loves women.  The way they smell.  The way they taste.  The way their hips sway when they walk away from him, looking back with that knowing look in their eyes.  Hell, he can’t even look at one of his best friends, Y/N, without picturing her naked.

So can someone please explain to him why he’s fantasizing about his co-worker Jared Padalecki?

Created for @spnkinkbingo

Square Filled: Sexuality Crisis

Warnings: Smut. Lots and lots of smut.  Masturbation. Porn watching. MMF. 18+ only!

Pairings: Jensen Ackles x Jared Padalecki; Eventually Jensen x Y/N X Jared

Word Count On this Chapter: 5,300 or so

A/N: Hiiiiii!  Its been sooo long and I have missed so many wonderful fics out there.  I am dying to catch up!  I’ve had this fic sitting in my drafts and it’s finally ready to post.  This will eventually be a threesome, so if that’s not your thing please be forewarned. The other two chapters of this will fill some of my other kink bingo squares.

Please note, this is unbeta’d.  Any and all grammatical errors are mine.  (And I’m sure there are PLENTY. :))

"Fuck Jen!  Hold still would ya'?!"

"I'm trying but your big sausage fingers keep pinching me!"

Jensen Ackles could practically hear the smirk coming from behind him as his co-star and best friend Jared Padalecki rubbed at the fake blood caught under the collar of his shirt behind his neck.  

And he desperately hoped one of his favorite people in the world couldn't feel the shudder of his body as his fingers dipped into the sensitive top part of his spine. The tingles quickly spread out into the wide set of his shoulders and down into his fingertips making them itch with the need to reach behind him and grab Jared by the hip and bring his full body against his back.

FUCK.

He needed to stop this nonsense.  He wasn't gay.  He didn't like guys.  In fact, he LOVED women.  The way they smelled.  They way they tasted.  They way they whined into his ear when he was balls deep with their ankles around his neck.

Annnnnnnd he needed to stop that freight train of thought as his already half hard dick started filling out into a full blown, humiliating, hard on, in front of the remaining crew on set.

"Allright, allright Jay.  The rest'll come out when I get in the shower back in my trailer.  I just didn't want it dripping down my back."

And damned if that didn't just bring unwanted (cause they were UNWANTED...right?) images of something alot more pleasant and alot more white dripping down his back........

Jared let out a high pitched laugh as he playfully massaged his fingers into Jensen's neck, "Wasn't it nice and warm though, Jen?"

With a deep clearing of his throat, side eye and a conspicuous adjustment of his jeans, Jensen reached for his jacket and slung it on, "I won't even dignify that with an answer.  So uh, I'll see you in a little while?  We still on for Madden?"

Jared flipped his hair out of his eyes as he also reached for his coat, seemingly oblivious to his friends discomfort,"Yeah, sure thing.  Gotta shower and then I'll meet you at your trailer in about an hour."

With a quick fist pound and a wave to the few people on set, Jensen and Jared parted ways as they made their way to their respective trailers.  It had been a long day with an early 4:00 AM call but production issues had them calling it quits at 5:00 PM.  

But despite the hectic schedule, two and a half seasons into the show "Supernatural", Jensen was still pumped to come to work everyday.  It definitely helped that everyone on set truly did get along and it was a blessing that he and his co-star had gotten so close, so fast.

What didn't help was the increasing drive to see Jared's cock that had somehow, someway meandered into his every waking moment.  A drive that he had never, not once, had from another man.  And he had been hit on pretty frequently over his career being an actor and having, what he'd been told, were the sweetest dick-sucking lips some of them had ever seen.

But regardless of all that, the only thing he had wanted to eat was a nice, wet pussy.  He loved that shit.  Savored it.  And never, not once, had he ever tried to replace it with a dick.

Until Jared.

Jensen sighed in frustration as he dressed in a pair of black sweats, sans underwear, and a white t-shirt, after his long, hot shower, where he had deliberately denied himself even a quick, rub and tug.

He wasn't gay dammit.  And he wasn't going to start giving into these dark emotions that had been slowly increasing over the past two and half years.  

Fucking Jared.

And his big shoulders.

And solid abs.

And his goofy hair.

And his fucking dimples.

And those ridiculous yellow-green eyes.....

.....that practically sparkled at him whenever he laughed at some sarcastic comment Jensen threw his way.

Fuck but he needed to get laid.  

And fast.  

It had been three long months since he last sunk his dick into a warm willing body and that had been from a one night stand at a random bar in Downtown Vancouver.  Despite the success of the show, they were still relatively unknown enough that it was easy to go out without getting bombarded by fans.  But both of them were still careful with who they took home.  

Crazy sometimes wore a pretty face and a hot body.

Just as Jensen had settled into his deep, fluffy couch with the remote in his hand, his phone rang and a sweet smile and sexy eyes looked up at him from the picture on his cell.  

With a smile of his own, Jensen picked up the phone, "Hey Gorgeous.  Whats doin'?"

"Hey, Ackles," Y/N chirped into his ear,  "What's cookin'?"

Y/N Y/L/N was the Production Coordinator on the show and sometimes Jensen thought her job was the hardest of them all, practically running the ship behind the scenes, managing all the Production Assistants and dealing with all the whining that comes with it.  Even though they had a good crew, people were still human and lord knows they needed someone to bitch to when they felt they weren't being appreciated.  But Y/N handled it all with grace and a firm hand.  She was respected by everyone on set and, if Jensen was being honest with himself, everyone, male and females included, were already half in love with her.  

Jensen was lucky to call her one of his closest friends......and if he sometimes pictured her naked, well, it was only natural.  She was beautiful, intelligent and sarcastic as hell and he was by no means a saint.

"Waitin' on Jared to finish conditioning his hair.  He's gonna come over and get his ass kicked in Madden."

Y/N let out a husky laugh in his ear and Jensen shifted as his dick twitched at the sexy sound.  Maybe he should have considered underwear.

"So another two hours then?"  She deadpanned.

"Nah.  I think deep conditioning was yesterday.  He should be here soon."

"Ha!  Okay,"  Y/N let out a slight sigh in his ear and it sounded almost melancholy.

"Hey, whats wrong?  You okay?"

"Yeah....I mean....yeah I'm fine.  It's just....I broke up with Chad."

Jensen's ears perked up at the name of Y/N's, now, ex-boyfriend, "Wow, I'm, uh, really sorry to hear that, Honey."

Y/N let out a snort, "No, you're fucking not.  I know you hated him.  You made it pretty clear every time you saw him."

With a chuckle, Jensen shrugged, "You're right.  I did fucking hate him.  He didn't deserve you. He was a jerk who was starting to become a possessive asshole.  And his name was Chad.  It's almost a pre-requisite that douche bags are named Chad.  But, uh, why did you finally see the light?"

There was silence on the other end for a a bit before she answered, "He, um, tried to tell me that I was getting too close to you and Jared and that I needed to stop being friends with you outside of work.  So I told him to fuck off and take a hike."

Jensen let out a snort of his own, "That's my girl,"  At the continued silence, he cleared his throat slightly,  "Are you okay?  I mean, listen, even though I hated the guy, I'm not the one who's gotta be with him.  You know I'll support you no matter what and I don't want to be the reason you're not with someone that you maybe....love-"

"Yeah, no. ��There wasn't any love there,"  She quickly interrupted before heaving another sigh, "I was just....I dunno...lonely I guess?  The hours we work are brutal and he was,  you know, around.  Whatever, what's done is done and honestly no ones gonna tell me I cant hang with my two favorite pain in the asses."

Jensen didn't acknowledge the thrill that ran through him at her words.  He was just gonna ignore the hum of content that made him smile.  She was his friend, (hot, sexy, beautiful friend), "Do you wanna come over and hang with us?  Take your mind off of things?"

"Thanks.  I may take you up on that later on tonight.  I'll text you."

"I still got a bottle of Stoli Razz here from last time if you're interested in getting obliterated."  

"Ahhh, Ackles.  You always know just what I need.  Talk soon."

With a smile and a goodbye, Jensen ended the call.  Since he'd started talking to Y/N on a more personal level about a year ago, she had been with Jerk-off-Chad.  And despite his sexual attraction to her, he'd always kept her in his off limits category.  Even without her having a boyfriend, he didn't want to jeopardize what they had.  He respected her way too much for that.

So then why did he have a sudden vision of her on her back while he licked between her legs?

Fuuuuck he realllly needed to get laid.

First Jared and now Y/N.

Both people he loved and cared for deeply as friends.  And his perverted mind was making them into sexual conquests.

Maybe a quick rub and tug was just what the doctor ordered.

With a quick glance at the time, Jensen realized he still had a good twenty minutes before he could expect Jared to knock on his trailer door.  Plenty of time to relieve some of the ache his too full balls were giving him.

He quickly pulled his lap top over from its resting place on the side table next to his couch and brought up one of his favorite porn sites.  (Yes, he had favorites and if you asked him he'd tell you he had his go-to videos categorized and in corresponding folders.  Fuck anyone's opinion.  He was twenty-eight, almost twenty-nine with no steady girlfriend.  His hand rarely left his dick when he was alone.)  

In a rush, he picked a random video that looked good and pressed play before placing it back on the side table with the screen facing him.  A deep moan drifted from the speakers as he saw a girl kneeling in front of a huge dick before she swallowed it down in one gulp, lovingly rubbing the balls underneath.  Another loud moan drifted from the speakers.

Shit.  Way too loud.  No need to have one of the crew walk by his trailer and have a story to tell the others tomorrow morning.  

Quickly, Jensen reached over for his ear buds and plugged them in before setting his phone to vibrate and placing it next to him so he could feel it.  Jared would text before he came over.  He always did.

Reaching down, Jensen wrapped a hand over the slowly rising bulge in his sweatpants and bit his lip.  He caressed the head through his pants and was glad the pants were black.  Wet spots on the crotch of grey pants were never a good look.  

And the close ups of the chick's wet pussy and spit slicked swollen mouth were making his cock start doing a steady drip-drip.

He pulled his shirt up over the flat panes of his stomach before squeezing his cock and adjusting it so it lay underneath the band of his pants, the swollen head peaking out of the top as he brought his thumb around the wetness, coating it before letting out a moan of his own.  He liked to tease himself.  Draw it out a little bit before the end result.

"Fuck baby," Big-dick guy said on a gasp from his place on a brown couch, "Suck it.  Yeah...just like that."

The blue eyed blond on her knees let out a whine before releasing the cock with a pop, "So big," She said as she rapidly stroked him from root to tip, "I don't think I can suck this all by myself."  

"Mmmm,"  Big-dick hummed with a dirty grin, "Lucky for us we got some help."

Well,shit.  He had picked a threesome video without even knowing it.  Two chicks sucking on one dick?  Every. Guys. Fantasy.  Bring it on.

The camera panned back into the guys lap as the blonde licked up the side of his cock and a shaggy dark haired head bent down and took the guys balls into his mouth.

Well that was a shorter hair-cut than he was expecting on a chick....

The blonde reached down and grabbed the head of hair and brought the lips of the other person to hers, tongues dangling in the air, "Hey baby..." She said on a breath, before bringing the tip of the big dick to her partners mouth and tapping it against the pursed lips surrounded by a five o'clock shadow-

Wait.

What?

Five O'clock shadow?

And to his surprise and wide eyed gaze, he watched as the dude on screen sucked down the cock in front of him with a deep growl, his shaggy hair being moved out of the way by the blonde as she waited her turn.

And instead of his dick deflating into nothing, he let out a noise he would later deny to himself as he ripped his cock out of his sweats and started rapidly stroking his dick as the guy on screen let out slutty noises and tongued down the other dudes dick before sloppily kissing the blonde with the cock in between their lips.

"Fuck, I love this dick," The guy gasped, "Want it all the time."

The blonde giggled and the camera panned to where she was running her finger around his puckered hole, "You want it here baby?"

And as the guy on his knees let out a groan, threw his head back and made his dark hair flutter around his face, Jensen let out the slightest of squeaks as he pulled roughly on his rock hard cock and he felt the pull in his balls become an onslaught of come,"Fuuuuuuuck!"

Sticky white liquid shot out of his cock and onto his stomach as he quickly realized that the reason he came so hard and so long was cause the guy on the screen was a look alike of the guy currently standing with his mouth open at his doorway.

"Jared!"

Shit.

With another squeak, Jensen slammed the laptop shut, ripped his ear buds out and quickly stuffed himself back into his sweatpants before standing up on shaky legs.

Jared blinked at him wide eyed and pink cheeked as he closed his mouth and swallowed hard, closing the trailer door softly behind him, "Uhhhh, Dude, you ever, uh, consider locking your door, if you're gonna jerk the chicken?"

"Dude, you ever consider fucking calling first before you just come over?  Or maybe knocking on the fucking door?"

"I DID knock on the fucking door but you obviously had your dirty movie on too loud.  AND I TEXTED before I came, like I always do!"

Jensen gave him an incredulous look, "No. You didn't," He shot out as he grabbed up his phone from the couch, "I would have felt the.....oh,"  Jensen gave him a sheepish glance, "Looks like I put it on silent not vibrate."

Jared's lips twitched into what could have been a smile, "Uh huh,"  Jared casually pushed passed Jensen's stiff form and plopped himself on the abandoned couch.  He spread his arms across the back of it as he glanced up at Jensen through his lashes,  "Sooooo, if I hadn't gotten here when I did, would that have been the, uh, next thing you would have pulled out?"

Jensen's eyebrows drew together in confusion, as his humiliation continued to burn through him, "Pulled what out?"

Jared bit his bottom lip, obviously trying not to laugh out loud, "Never mind.  Man, its fine.  Stop looking at me like you wanna crawl into a hole.  We ALL fucking do it.  Hell, I jerked off twice in the shower before coming here."

Ignoring the pull of desire in his belly at Jared's words, Jensen groaned out loud and threw himself down onto the other end of the couch and rubbed his hands over his face, "So fucking embarrassing," He muttered into his fingers, refusing to look over at Jared.

A small squeaking sound, slid through the air and sounds of heavy breathing filled the awkward space.

"Yeah baby, just like that.  Fuck me with your fingers."

Jensen's head shot up as Jared let out a deep belly laugh and stared at Jensen's re-opened laptop at the kneeling guy on the screen getting his pink hole finger fucked by the blonde chick next to him as he sucked and licked the cock in front of him.

"DUUUUUDE, this is some kinky shit."

"What the fu-? Jay!  Why would you turn that back on?!"  Jensen threw himself over Jared's lap, ignoring the loud laughter falling out Jared's mouth and frantically pressed buttons until it stopped playing and slammed the laptop shut once again.  He whipped his head to the side and glared at the wide grin inches from his face, "You're an asshole, you know that?"

Jared winked at Jensen as he shifted his hips underneath him, poking Jensen in the stomach with something, "You're taking this way too seriously, Man."

Jensen looked down into the small space between him and Jay before slowly leaning back into his own spot on the couch.  He couldn't have felt what he thought he did....did he?

With a clearing of his throat, he swallowed and sat back as he ran his hands through his hair, "This is fucking embarrassing!"  He repeated.

Shrugging, Jared leaned his head into the back of the couch and rolled his head so it was next to Jensen's, "Soooooo, does this mean....I mean...are you...gay?"

Jensen's eyes widened in alarm as his heart started pounding frantically, "NO!  I'm not fucking gay, Jay!  Did you not see the chick in the movie?  I didn't realize until it was too late that the guy was going to be...involved like that."

Jared sent a sympathetic look at Jensen's panicked gaze, "You know Jen, it's okay if you are.  I'm not judging.  Like, at all-"

"Jesus, Jared!  I'm telling you I'm not-"

"-cause I've swung both ways before soooo.."

"-gay.....what?"

Jensen blinked stupidly at Jared's soft smile and felt like he might pass out from sheer terror mixed with immediate curiosity.

Jared sat up and placed his elbows on his knees before lacing his fingers together, "I'm...I mean I guess...you could call me...bisexual,"  He shrugged before running his fingers through his hair and Jensen could see a slight tremble despite Jared's calm tone.

"Have you...um...had...you know.."

Another dazzling smile was sent Jensen's way, "Have I ever fucked a guy before?"  At Jensen's nod, Jared shrugged, "Yep.  Both catcher and pitcher."

"Jesus."

"What?  You know if you cant talk about gay sex, you shouldn't be doing gay sex."  He said with a mock serious look.

"Yeah, yeah.  Well, I'm not.  Doing it.  I mean.  With guys.  And lately, not with girls either,"  Jensen ran a hand against the back of his neck, "Maybe that's the problem.  I'm backed up to the point where my brain is floating in sperm and stupidity."

Jared laughed again before placing a hand against the back of Jensen's neck and squeezing it, "Jen, again, not judging.  But, uh, coming that hard?  Usually signifies that shit is turning you on.  And then some."

Jensen gaped at Jared, "How fucking long were you standing there?"

"Long enough to wonder if you were gonna provide a cigarette after the show."

"Dude."

With another squeeze to his neck, Jared smirked, "What can I say, it was seriously hot."

Jensen's poor heart started pounding at an even faster clip, "You...you thought that was hot?"

Jared's smirk dropped and a look that Jensen had never seen before took it's place, "Come on, Man.  Have you seen yourself in the mirror?  Can you really blame me for thinking that way about you?"

Jensen swallowed.  Hard. "What....what way?"

Jared licked his bottom lip and bit it, "How curious are you about this?  I don't want to go down a road with you and you wake up the next morning and decide you cant work with me or you don't want to be friends.  I value our friendship, Man.  Truly.  It would kill me not to-."

"Yeah," Jensen interrupted with a soft smile, "It would kill me too."

With a smile of his own, Jared let go of Jensen's neck and sat back, "Sooo, you wanna finish watching the movie?"

Was it possible for stomachs to dip right outta your body?  Cause that's what was happening to Jensen's.

"I-uh, I mean, if you, uh, wanna, I mean..."

Taking pity on Jensen's stuttering, Jared reached under the side table and pulled out the bottle of Glenfiddich whiskey he knew was stored there, "Drink first?"

"Fuck yeah."

:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~~:~:~

The first two shots burned on the way down.  By the time they were both nursing the third drink, Jensen was feeling the edges of his anxiety start to float away and Jared was sitting closer to him on the couch.

They talked a little more about Jared and his previous male conquests.  ("They were pretty.  And hot.  I have a hard time saying no to pretty and hot.")

And they spoke of how he may not advertise his sexuality but he wasn't ashamed of it either. ("Pussy and dick both make me come.  Soooo, why not?")

By the time they reached the point where Jensen felt brave enough to let Jay turn on the laptop, he was sporting some chub thinking of his best friend in these compromising positions.  

And if Jay's gaze was any indication, it was very noticeable.  

Fucking sweatpants.  

Clearing his throat, Jared pressed play and placed it on the couch in between them.

"Suck that cock.  Fuck yeah.  So fucking hot."  The blonde said as she continued to finger fuck the dark haired guys ass before quickly adding a second finger.  The blonde slapped one of the guys ass cheeks with her free hand before using the same hand to separate them, "Look how pretty.  Can't wait for you to take that monster up in here.  Gonna make you eat my pussy while you take it."

Jensen's head was swimming as a deep pulse of lust shot into his stomach and straight to his dick.  His mind was quickly replacing the images on screen with him being the one sitting on the couch, running his hand through Jared's hair as he sucked his cock with major enthusiasm.

Fuck, could he really be this hard, this fast?

Sending a surreptitious glance toward Jared, Jensen took another sip of his drink and adjusted himself on the couch, trying to sit in such a way that his wood wasn't so obvious.

He was terribly unsuccessful.

Especially considering he had looked into Jared's lap and saw a massive boner laying against the side of his leg, plainly visible in the track pants he was wearing.

This time, Jensen had to bite his lip to keep in the moan that threatened to fly out of his throat.  

"You, uh,  you okay?"

Jensen's head shot up at Jared's deep baritone and he swallowed at the look of lust making Jared's eyes darken, "I, uh, maybe this wasn't such a good idea..."  He said as he placed his drink on the table next to him.

Jared looked down at the tent in Jensen's sweats, before raising an eyebrow, "You sure about that, Jen?"

At that moment, the dark haired guy on screen let out a loud moan and both of their heads swiveled back to the screen just in time to see him take Big-Dicks cock in his ass.  He swiveled his hip and pushed against Big-Dick before licking up the blondes thigh in front of him, plunging his tongue in her pussy.

"Fuck...." Jared let out before he reached down and squeezed his dick through his pants, "That's fucking hot."

Shit. Shit. Shit.

Watching Jared touch himself through his pants was gonna make Jensen blow his wad straight across the room.  The throbbing in his sweats was becoming unbearable and mixed with the whiskey in his system, he was ready to say fuck it and whip his dick out.

"Deeper.."  The guy on screen begged in between long licks to the blondes pussy, "Deeper, Man.  Yeah, just like that."

Big-Dick obliged and he adjusted himself to give the guy long, hard, deep strokes as his partner let out a groan and lay his head on the blondes thigh; his hard cock swinging between his legs with the pounding he was happily taking.

"You like that baby?" The blonde cooed as she ran her fingers through his hair, "Feels good right?"

"Oh my God," Jensen couldn't help but let out softly as he felt his dick dribble out pre-cum into his pants.

Jared looked up into Jensen's face and shuddered out a breath, "Dude, I'm so fucking horny right now that if I don't take out my dick, its gonna explode in my pants."

Jensen shut his eyes at the shot of want that streaked down his spine, "Shit, Jay.  You're gonna kill me."

"Is that a yes?"

What to do?  Lord knew he was so far gone the room was spinning.  Though the whiskey could've had a hand in that as well.

Instead of answering, Jensen reached into his pants and pulled out his throbbing cock and immediately started stroking it from root to tip.  He was so worked up, his hips involuntarily canted into his grip and he let out a groan and dropped his head onto the back of the sofa letting it loll to the side, facing Jared.

Jensen watched as Jared's eyes widened at the sight in front of him and he started letting out gasping breaths before reaching into his underwear, pulling out his cock (Big-fucking-cock.  Want-it-in-his-mouth-cock) as he pulled down his pants with the other hand.  Jay's eyes rolled into the back of his head as he leaned back against the sofa, inches away from Jensen's gasping mouth.  

"Fuck..."  Jensen whispered as he felt Jared's rapid breaths against his lips.  Immediately, he licked his lower lip trying in vain to catch the taste of his best friend and swallow it down.  He opened his eyes into slits and peered right into yellow-green orbs as he let out a low moan when his cock jerked in his hand.

He was so fucking close....

Jared let out a deep groan in tandem with Jensen, his mouth hanging slightly open as his hand reached down and played with his sack, "Jen....God...the things I wanna do to you..."

Those thick lips were so close to his own, he could practically feel them opening up and taking everything he had to give.  He licked his lips, hoping his tongue would graze against Jared's but instead he felt an answering lick against the tip of his tongue as Jared tentatively rubbed it against his.

"Again...." Jensen groaned, "Please....again."

A sound of complete surrender left Jared's throat as he closed the small distance between their mouths and immediately wrapped his tongue around Jensen's before sucking Jensen's bottom lip into his mouth.  

A bomb went through Jensen's torso and immediately erupted out of his dick as he came so hard his eyes crossed and he moaned long and loud into Jared's mouth causing the other man to moan in return. Come arched through the air and landed right on his t-shirt as he closed his mouth over Jared's and kissed him with deep strokes of his tongue.

"Oh God, oh FUCK!"

The loud scream from the laptop caused both men to separate and look down in time to see the dark haired guy on screen on his back getting plowed by Big-Dick as the blonde sucked down his cock.

"I'm gonna come!" He yelled into the air, "I'm gonna come."

As the blonde lifted her face out of the way, he shot up and onto his chest with loud grunts as the guy who had been fucking him pulled out and helped the blonde lap up the come on his chest.  

A low groan came from Jared, "Ugggghhh, Jen.  Shiiiiit."

Jensen looked to the side just in time to see Jared rip up his T-shirt  just as his red tipped dick erupted onto his now exposed stomach.

It was by far one of the hottest fucking things he had ever seen in his life.

As both men leaned back letting out low gasps, Jensen waited for the awkwardness to settle in.  But nothing happened.   He blinked up at the ceiling of the trailer and tried to trudge up something of the fear that he felt earlier but instead he  just felt....content.

"You okay, Jen?"  

Jensen turned his head to meet Jared's slightly panicked eyes.

Jared gulped as Jensen didn't immediately answer,  "I mean...are we okay?"

Taking in that strong jawline and those beautiful eyes, Jensen smiled, "Yeah.  Yeah, Jay.  We're good."

Letting out a sigh of relief, Jared closed the laptop between them and placed it on the table before closing the small distance between their bodies.  As Jensen felt the heat radiating off of Jared's body bleed into own, he let his eyes slide down to the curve of Jared's lips and couldn't help but bring his mouth to his and press a soft kiss against them.  He felt Jared smile before the taller man deepened the kiss and slid one of those massive hands of his across Jensen's t-shirt covered stomach.  With a groan into Jensen's mouth. he squeezed at the side of Jensen's waist before meandering his fingers up his chest towards his neck before suddenly stopping and looking down at his hand.

"What's wrong?"  Jensen on a breath.

Biting his lip, Jared brought up his shiny fingers, "Dude, you either have a talent for shooting long distance or you really were backed up,"

Jensen's eyes widened, "Is that my-"

"Come?  Yep," Jared opened his mouth and inserted his fingers before sucking them deep and releasing them with a pop and a smirk, "Still warm too."

Another dip in his belly as Jensen tried to decide how he felt about watching his best friend lick his come off his fingers.  When said friend, winked at him and bit his bottom lip, Jensen decided he was abso-fucking-lutley okay with it, "Fuck.  You're gonna kill me."

Jared hummed deep in his throat and leaned his head in to kiss Jensen again when a loud knock sounded at the door.

"Yo!  Open up the door!  You two fools better not have drank all the alcohol."

Shit!  Y/N!

With panicky eyes and fumbling hands righting clothes, Jensen cleared his throat and quickly made it to the door after looking back to make sure Jared was decent.

"Hey!"  Y/N said with a bright smile when the door opened, "Sorry I took so long.  Crisis with Christy happened.  Again!"  Y/N said referring to one of the PA's on staff as she made her way around Jensen and to his small kitchenette, "But I brought pizza!"  She lifted the box in her hands before placing it on the table, "Hope you guys are hungry."

Jared and Jensen shared a heavy look before Jared answered, "Yeah, I'd say we worked up a pretty decent appetite today."

Y/N looked around the trailer and took a deep breath, swinging around making the short skirt she had on flounce in the air, "It smells like bad decisions in here, Ackles.  You really need to clean up after you bang random chick number sixty-nine."

Jared let out a high pitched laugh as Jensen pursed his lips at his friend, "I did not bang any..chick in here. Thank you very much."

Y/N shrugged off her jacket and placed it on the back of a chair before plopping down next to Jared on the couch, "Then you need to figure out which sock is lying around and still hiding the evidence of your last....activities."

"Y/N!"

"Just sayin'."

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~~**~

Tagging some peeps that may be interested.  Let me know if its not your thing and you’d rather not be tagged.

@thoughtslikeaminefield  @maddiepants @coffee-obsessed-writer @pisces-cutie @idreamofplaid @tumbler-tidbits @glassjacket @boondoctorwho @spnkinkbingo

[kenryusai]

i dont write on tumblr because i have no reason to. but i have nowhere else to go to talk about what i feel. and im a problematic son of a bitch so lets gooooo!!

ive been stressed and depressed for the past weeks since i lost a debate tournament. ive been really down and unmotivated, i cant deny this. the reason i call myself depressed even when im not clinically diagnosed is because it is a major emotional burden to me. i dont use this term lightly, in any context. its just been really tough for me to get back on my feet after that loss. it felt like i couldnt get past that point anymore, it feels like i peaked. although i hate thinking that it is that way, it feels like it is.

i understand that i probably havent peaked, i am exhaggerating. but i dont exhaggerate how much self hate, doubt, and overthinking it caused me. i dont know if i didnt try hard enough. i probably didnt. i dont know. i feel as if i cant find the same passion for debate anymore. i cant get myself to be as enthusiastic as ive been. im missing something, a link, a clue, an idea.

i try my best to ignore it. the tipping point is todays realization that i have been bringing my burdens trouble to other people. acknowledging a mistake shouldnt be the end of it. i cant keep arguing with people that are special to me. i could have just said sorry. i feel depressed.

it doesnt seem like a big deal, i mean only real champions who are destined for greatness dont quit. they dont let it bother them and keep on going. but i realized thats too unrealistic for me, to keep going without being bothered by my problems. its unrealistic to not make mistakes and not let it bother you.

i am a very open person, i usually tell someone something im feeling on the spot. i have, but i cant keep telling ry i feel sad and down and unmotivated everyday. thats just a huge bummer, she cant have her fun, especially with me, im her boyfriend. small arguments shouldnt matter, but this is something personal.

have i let myself go to far down the pit? ry and i are healthy as fuck, theres not doubt about it, that doesnt mean we dont make mistakes. we do, but we know how to resolve and communicate, eventually were all good again. i hope she feels the same way. however, i felt the discomfort while i was justifying myself. its not that were fighting or that i have massively fucked up. i havent, we talked about it, its cool now. i guess its just that im tired. of arguing when i dont have to. arguing the wrong way everytime. arguing unnecesarily. im not tired of debate. im tired of me.

denate has been what i devoted my highschool life to, more than any other person i know. i founf family here. but im tired of myself. i really really am. im tired of every little thing i do, the wrong things i do, the things i know about myself. im done with it.

what i need to do is fix myself. this self hate has gone long enough to damage my self image and how i interact with people. its easier said than done for sure. and i definitely dont know where to start. but as im writing this, its a huge burden ive lifted from my chest. i have 3 weeks to prepare for a very important tournament. i cant let myself be like this till then. i need to move.

i hope this doesnt come off as pretentious, im writing this at 12:47 in the morning. i have nothing but genuine emotions and thoughts. i love my girlfriend and i hope she understands me.

*i love you ry, you know whats happening, i just cant let it go for so long. i know its my bad for not telling you, but i did. i just dont feel anything progrssing from that point after idea 2. i think its right to tell you now before classes start. there was no necessity for me to tell you everyday that i felt sand and i felt like shit. im sorry for last night. its a small argument, i honestly just didnt hear you because i was fixing my alarm. honestly, my bad, ill make it up to you. but for now i wanna tell you what its like for me.

[bma-2020]

Okiedok here’s the delio. I have a list of all the blogs from the last six months who’s actively either responded to a meme i sent, responded to a message ive sent, replied to something regarding mally herself, has actually written with me, written a starter for me from my liking a starter call, has at least liked a starter i wrote for them to awknowedge it exists, all that jazz, i have a lot of open field so it’s not just a possible tumblr didnt let them no option anymore, because i send memes to everyone who posts them that i see. I reply to most peoples ooc posts. I like most starter calls I pass by. I try my darndest to actually interact bc i know how it feels to be ignored and its… i’ve been called one before so i’m using the word, thats fluffing cunty behavior, and honestly if you complain about not being interacted with but never even try when i try with you, ya being cunty, end of. I gotta list. That list only entails Mally because she’s who I care about the most. I’m probably gonna start instilling a new rule in all my blogs that if you ignore Mally and/or Darcy( @tasedandconfused ), since I would say they’re my two main blogs tho darcy gets ignored even more than mally does, probably bc i denied canon and left it entirely we know fandom hates that, if either of them is ignored then… Ya out of luck, I’m gonna unfollow you. I’m debating soft blocking everyone who ignored me on both of them but I don’t want to like be mean and deny the chance to eventually try again but at the same time i shouldnt feel bad for taking a stand and saying this is bullsheet, idk my anxiety says im awful for giving a fluff about myself but also i should give a fluff about myself probably, ive nearly died in the last three months, my brain almost exploded, i just had three root canals on one corner of my face, i have to potentially get surgery on my inner ear which i cant even afford, i dont got time to deal with only being used for like smut memes or like as a resource blog or utter bs like that, i dont got time for it. So new rules here. 1: If Mally or Darcy are not acknowledged, written with, responded to, viewed as more than just their fluffing bodies? ya dropped, im unfollowing, potentially soft blocking, which means blocking and unblocking for those not in the know, on all accounts I follow you on. Every single one. I know most of my muses are on sideblogs but despite not being able to send memes from sideblogs you can block people from sideblogs fun fact, i will do that if i have to. 2: I’m gonna be posting SCs, PCs, memes, etc. I like and respond to plotting calls, starter calls, i send memes, all of that. If I don’t get any response within.. I’m giving one week for people who don’t run on a queue and a month and a half to people on a queue based system, if i dont get anything within that time like at least an im being like ‘its posted’ or ‘its queued i wanted to let you know in case tumblrs a fluffbutt’ (i do this sometimes if i dont get even just a like on the starters i post so i at least know people saw it since i know tumblrs bs, i wait until the day they’re active to do so in case theyre busy yknow) basically i need acknowledgment at all. No you can’t claim this is abt follower count bc when you unfollow someone they inevitably unfollow you too, thats gonna drop my following, not as quickly as soft blocking would but i wanna be fair i guess, which leads to: 3: I’m basing this on your activity too, like if i like a think and you’re gone for a month after that its fine, im not gonna unfollow you unless you never come back or youre online and posting others just not mine because that tells me youre specifically ignoring me and im gonna drop you for that end of. I’m done with the bullsheet im done w the dillish behavior, i love friendship but if im giving and never receiving thats extremely one way and not gonna work. I check through my follow list weekly and i go back about five-10 pages on someones feed before i unfollow them to see their actual activity and see if theyre here or if its a q so. I’m thorough basically. 4: You dont have to be active with me on all your blogs, i mean i’d prefer it but thats hard as fluff so essentially if you have like five blogs and are just like trying w me on two or three thats fine. Ten blogs, four or five with at least a plot formed is cool. Multis just one muse is all I’d need. I’m not gonna unfollow the blogs youre not writing w me on if you at least write w me on some. Again, specifically Mally and/or Darcy. If you ignore both of them, we’re done. I havent been active on darcy because of being ignored and its a huge butt mess and im just tired i wanna use my babies, you don’t get to have my ‘better’ muses like i know a lot of ppl only follow me for my boys or my villains, you don’t get them if you ignore my baby. But, there is a limit there too. 5: If you never respond to a meme or thread even once with Mally or Darcy, or post a starter, i reply, its never replied to again after a month, I’m unfollowing and/or soft blocking for that too. Bc that means youre just raising my hopes to fluff with me or get someone else and honestly, youre even more cunty than than the people just flat out ignoring me if you do that. And this isnt a specific person, this is five of the people actually on my list. Yes, my list is also annotated with specifics again I was very thorough on this yesterday, I hyperfixated I’ll admit it, I’m in a fluffing depressionary bubble and being told to get over it because people want something they dont deserve to have to. I am a believer that people deserve good things but if youre purposefully being cunty… no you dont. 6: No I’m not releasing my list, maybe I will and I’ll omit the urls because I don’t want people being buttholes to each other too but otherwise, yall not seeing it im not giving a callout because… really thats just unnecessary here. I don’t think yall are toxic people or something i just think yall are unintentionally being cunty. And no I don’t mean everyone that follows me i mean the ppl that add up to what i’ve documented so far and fit the bill of butthat that i’ve shown, its behaviors yall gotta check before ya wreck. Yes there will be some people who have priority, everyone has those people, I write w kathryn on other platforms since she doesnt go on here as often but when Kathryn returns from war here (if she does cause she also agrees most ppl on this platform are cunty, i feel really bad saying that word so often but im gonna keep doing it i recently deleted an ask saying I was a huge cunt for not sending someone smut memes when I didn’t even follow them or know they existed so, again the travesty of this place is nutballers) same with owly, alex is here too, my most active partners are always going to be priority because theyre the ones who show the most interest and the most care. I understand that with others as well which is why I have the timeframe set up, because I want to be as open and shizz as possible while atill being firm i guess. I don’t want to have extreme double standards like its impossible for double standards not to exist at least a little bit but I want to avoid a golden chest full of them I guess. 7: I don’t have a seven rn, this was an even number and it bothered me. Seven is nust my warning that I’m bittery writing this on mobile so formatting is not real but i tried my dandest to make this look like something people might actually mind. I dont want to be butty, i dont want to be awful, i dont want to start drama or have drama but that shizz comes around anyways so i might as well make my space as okay for me as i can cause im supposed to avoid stress so my brain doesnt almost explode again, like again i almost fluffing died i dont need ppl fake being my friend or anything, i want stuff to be real and clear. I want to be happy to be on here again and have fun like i used to since my health is plummetting and I’m not allowed to go outside near plants by myself anymore because i welt up. I have plants outside my work place and im surrounded by chemicals all day long I’m welted from here to new york constantly and never comfortable in my own skin because of it and constantly see people online acting like these actual real problems are pretentious because ‘its an excuse’ when, im a fluffing sagittarius, do you know how much i want to magically be a millionaire so i can pay for friends and my own medical stuff and go on traveling and adventures, be outside probably not camping bc as a pagan i know thats a death sentence but like be outside, lay on grass, go back to swimming because i used to swim competitively and due to health reasons i can barely even go in a pool anymore because theres too much sunlight which, bit plot twist i know, im fluffing allergic to vitamin D and the rays of the sun, so go figure, attempts to be healthy kill me more, i also cant eat most plants and am constantly dying from just eating food, they dont know whats wrong with me. i cant fix it by going ve/gan for a month inf act i tried and it almost made my heart stop thanks society. These arent excuses these are the lives of disabled and diseased and to a lesser but still very real point, ethnic lives every fluffing day. This is real shit and its murder and online and gaming? It may be all I have soon since I can’t just go out and make new friends cause, again, I’d fluffing die. I get sick going to the mall or the movie theater, I miss theme parks so much but have to minimize it to weeks i dont have work so i dont get fired for having a welt while working in the beauty industry. I may have to get a degree online and change my field entirely because of my illness that nobody understands. People even make fun of it constantly online and I wish I could just drop online entirely because of how unbelievably ableist the entirety of the world is, i wish i could drop humans in general for their ableism, but i cant. I don’t have choices in most cases, but throwing away people who maybe purposefully maybe unintentionally thats why i’m giving you this warning and will be repeating this warning for awhile, this is where i have choice. I have to use what little choice I have in life while I can since everytime i go to movies or a concert or a theme park i almost die because of not having an immune system that functions or being in certain air qualities pr being near plants or unclean people, I may not have much time and I gotta do whats best for what little mental health I have, and if that means dropping people i care about and really want to write with and do things with but who ignore me then, i guess so be it.

[batgirl-87]

So @mdeenise “challenged” me to answer all of the questions from this Hogwarts Mystery Asks: MC. I’ve already answered some (can check ‘asks’ or ‘ask game’ tags, I’ll also link them in my Masterlist) so I’ll answer the rest I haven’t been asked yet here because

1. What is their whole name? 

Nereida Adelyn-Keira LaFontaine Black

5. How is there relationship with Jacob?

Keira and Jacob were very close - it was them against the world! They’re very protective of one another, they can get/have gotten into a lot of trouble together, both with a rebellious, mischievous streak; but they are also siblings so there’s teasing, embarrassing each other, lots of physical ‘play fighting’ - they’re very much like I can be mean to my sibling but if you’re mean to them I’ll hurt you. Clearly when he ‘disappeared’ it was devastating for Keira and she felt completely alone. 

6. How is their relationship with their parents?

Both Keira and Jacob loved their mom who was their primary caregiver. Keira honestly doesn’t really remember her dad much but Jacob hates him. She has a vague recollection of him and Regulus and Sirius, a bit better memory of Sirius who kept in contact with her and Jacob even after they moved to Canada, possibly to spite his parents but Keira thinks he actually cares about his younger half-siblings even if it was something that started out from spite or curiosity. 

When their mom died of course Jacob and Keira were very sad over their loss. They were then taken in by their mom’s close friends and moved to Canada from Ireland and while there was an adjustment period they both appreciate the care they provided, and while Jacob and Keira didn’t exactly feel like they belong in this ‘family’ their mom’s friends were great parental figures and they do care about them and appreciate everything they’ve done for them. Their dad was nonexistent in their lives after the passing of their mom (he passed soon after the next year, after the death of Regulus) but when they arrived in the UK to attend Hogwarts they did find savings left for them from their dad in Gringotts (safe to assume without his wife’s knowledge). 

So both love their mom and ‘adopted’ parents (unofficially adopted =p) and while Jacob hates their dad and views him as a manipulative, selfish, neglectful arse, Keira is pretty neutral and apathetic about her dad since she doesn’t really remember him all that well. But she appreciates the money! =p 

8. How’s their relationship with their family?

Ahahahahahaha - I’m cackling =p

Unfortunately, the family on Keira and Jacob’s mom’s side are all pretty much passed or they have no idea who they are =p Their mom and mom’s parents are passed and their mom had no siblings since her mom died relatively soon after her birth (undines...) As stated before, Jacob and Keira appreciate and care very much for their mom’s friends who took them in after her passing, although a bit of awkwardness since it’s not ‘really’ their family...

As for the Black side of their family *more cackling* Orion seemed much more interested in their mom than them and didn’t seem to want much to do with them, at least according to Jacob. Walburga hates them and this whole situation, of course! With good reason! She honestly probably would of had them killed. She focused most of her energy on ensuring this scandal did not get out into the public and was probably very relieved when they moved across the pond. Of course when Jacob returned to attend Hogwarts he was done living this lie and didn’t care who it upset and went by his Black family name, encouraging his sister to do the same - this family would not win! Walburga could try to deny it all she wanted but a paternity test (which I’ve done some research on Wizarding World paternity tests and some interesting ideas came up!) just proved it.

Despite this, Walburga and the rest of the Black family continued to ignore their entire existence. Andromeda may have been left out of the loop considering she was disowned from the family as well but when Keira and Tonks realized they were both related to Bellatrix Lestrange, and therefore related themselves, Keira was so happy to be accepted by some members of the Black family. Sirius also was accepting of his younger half-siblings and stayed in contact with them even after they moved to Canada. He may have only gone to see them at first out of curiosity and then continued to visit and communicate with them out of spite to his parents but he probably did care about them and enjoyed them more than Regulus because they weren’t brought up in a pureblood elitist household. Probably wished their mom was his mom which would just upset Walburga. And if Walburga didn’t hate them before, after she passed, Keira, now more spiteful and daring with everything that has happened, moved into the now empty (well except for Kreacher) 12 Grimmauld Place which would just piss Walburga off! How she convinced Remus, no idea - basically she was like I’m doing this and Remus had to go along with it =p

Wait, is Kreacher family? Keira and Kreacher argue a lot and she will not stand for him being mean to Remus or any of her friends and will threaten to kick him out although it’s an empty threat because she wouldn’t actually kick him out and make him homeless! Kreacher of course thinks she’s invading some place that does not belong to her but because she is a Black she sort of does belong there and while not related to his previous Walburga, she is to Orion so he has to put up with her =p They eventually reach an understanding. Kreacher is free to stay there and does not have to do any chores or cleaning up after her or Remus, as long as he’s nice... or just stays away from her friends and Remus. 

I’m not sure how Regulus felt about them, maybe neutral? I think discovering his dad’s affair would be a shock to him, he might be curious as well to meet them and I like to think did meet them at least once, possibly while their mom was passing (like Orion went to see her and Sirius and Regulus decided to go as well because, hey, it is their younger siblings whether they like it or not and it’s a hard thing to go through) but I think he was more worried and concerned about Death Eater affairs and tricking Voldemort =p

So while Keira is close with Tonks, and probably her parents as well, and both Keira and Jacob are accepted by Sirius, and maybe even Regulus, who knows =p, most of the Black family still pretends they don’t exist. Although I like to think Keira later bonds with Draco and they become close and overall these next generations are going to be better. And while Bellatrix may refuse to acknowledge Keira’s relationship to her, deep down she actually really likes Keira because she’s a strong, tough bitch who isn’t afraid of her and would have killed Dumbledore without even being a Death Eater if asked =p Seriously, Keira knows she’s actually Bella’s favorite. 

(This also pretty much works for my original HP OC bio where she was Sirius’ daughter because besides Tonks, Andromeda, and Ted, the rest of the Black family wouldn’t really acknowledge her existence either)

Does Remus count as family? Of course he does, he’s “Uncle Remus!” =p Remus and Keira had an instant bond, they are incredibly close - I like to think of it as two people who felt completely alone in the world found each other and now they were not longer alone. Keira is very much like Sirius, and Jacob can be very much like James actually, so it was actually nice for Remus to be around them if not bittersweet. I actually have a post about Keira and Remus’ relationship so I won’t say too much more besides they are very close and Keira is suuuuper protective over him.

9. Do they have any other siblings?

Sirius and Regulus Black

11. Do they have pets?

Keira has a Siamese cat and Jacob had a Barred Owl named Archimedes which I guess is hers now too? Jacob also wanted a dog or crup but then went to school so their ‘adoptive’ parents are taking care of it =p

14. Any crushes?

Charlie Weasley.

She won’t outright admit it but it’s obvious to everyone else besides Charlie. Wasn’t even aware of it herself for quite awhile! =p But fortunately she plays it pretty cool and isn’t a stuttering mess around him so maybe he has no idea she likes him because she’s so chill and nonchalant about it. Although she can be flirtatious but she can be like that with a lot of people =p (She’s related to Sirius she can’t help it! =p)

16. Have they ever dated someone before (Either back at their home or at Hogwarts)?

Rumour has it during her summer before Sixth Year, where she spent most of it in Canada, and going into Sixth Year she was dating someone. Has not been confirmed nor denied. 😜

(I think that’s all of them? Wasn't that much actually, I expected more =p But I still wrote a lot more than intended so sorry about that! Hope I explained things well enough! If anyone has any questions or want to talk about MC’s more hit me up! Thanks for your challenge! 😉💙)

[tropicalgoon]

Spoilers for the Homestuck Epilogue below.

First things first, i had caught up reading Homestuck on the exact day the Gigapause started (10/16/13). So long pauses and people arguing about canon was pretty common. Then the comic ended but later we got snapchats. Once the snapchats started coming people were unsure how ‘canon’ the snapchats were. Also    

i was surprised with how fast the rest of the Epilogue came out. I figured it would have been drip fed like the comic was but reading it now i can see why that was not the case. If you haven't read the Epilogue i have one thing to say.

PLEASE PAY ATTENTION TO THE CONTENT WARNINGS THEY ARE NOT JOKES.

With that out the way, i think the biggest shift in the Epilogue vs the actual comic is that everything is way more mature. While Homestuck was full of angsty, snarky teens and a lot of jokes, ironic and not, the Epilogue overall has a more somber, powerless mood to it.

Also one more thing, i do not have a fav character or ship. So that might be why im upset about how it is.

Now i read the Candy choice first so ill talk about that. Now as soon as i saw the juju i knew it was going to have an effect. And i was right, the juju makes people feel okay with their surroundings and so when John ate it he felt at ease with the chaos his life and friends were becoming. But hoo boy did everyone suck all around. 

i knew Gamzee was gonna be back and i was not wrong. i think the whole iVe bEeN GeTtIn mY MoThErFuCkIn rEdEmPtIoN On sO EvErYtHiN I Do iS GoOd was a funny bit but maaaaaan did it get a lil crazy. Jake has always been a doormat and easily manipulated. So nothing too new there but it was nice when he ran off with lil tavros. Also i guess hes the earth c equivalent to a kardashian.

 It really surprised me how fast Roxy got together with John. In fact the Candy Roxy is way different than the meat Roxy. i guess thats the juju at work. Rose was sick with an “illness” but soon after the candy was ate she got “better”. What actually happened was she stopped trying to open her mind to the infinite degree and just let herself live in the moment and be truly happy. It was nice to see her and Kanaya have a happy life, at least until everything went bad. As for Dirk i felt bad for him because he always had that whole meta textual self importance thing going on so when he offed himself i was like oh no. Its nice that him and Dave had bro-sesions.

And now time to talk about Jade, Dave, and Karkat. It feels like Dave and Karkat have mostly stayed the same with a few big differences.1) they both are a little less insufferable, 2) Karkat has accepted he is a leader and 3) their tip toeing around relationships was kinda annoying. Which brings me to Jade. She was butting into all three of their relationships trying to force them to admit feelings. While ive seen some people say Hussie killed Jade i personally dont think so. Jade was always a headstrong, stubborn person who would go after what she wanted and i mean she was on an island by herself for most of her life if she wants to have fun let her. 

Jane really went off the deep end. Which i dont think was so far off her canon personality in the comic. Her denying being xenophobic while being incredibly xenophobic was funny but also pretty real. While i didnt like they way she interacted with Jake it honestly fits in with what happens in the comic. (the trickster stuff, the crockercorp kidnapping). Her whole shadowy rise to hidden power was inevitable also i feel like she was really echoing the Condense on earth. Allowing Gamzee to spread his faith while funneling her wealth and fame into passing the policies and laws she wants. I do not think its out of character for her and Dirk to hate trolls since their lives were so affected by them. 

Johns depression clouding his judgement and making him not want to react was sad to read. It really felt like he was just drifting around, letting all of the situations and chaos just wash over him. So when he was talking to Terezi and she helped him make sense of things it was a nice turn of pace.

Speaking of Terezi, its sad how long she went chasing after (Vriska). As of this moment i dont really think the quadrant system is really in place anymore (at least relationships with humans in it). With John and Terezi talking to each other it really felt like blackrom.  “1F 1 W3R3 3V3R TO DO BL4CKROM 4G41N, 1T WOULD H4V3 TO B3 LOW K3Y”. It is sad her obsession with finding (Vriska) led to her dying in the void.

Seeing Aradia and Sollux was a surprise but they really didnt add much to anything (esp. Sollux). It was kinda funny how much of a dickhead Cade (Calliope Jade) was towards her. Cade was interesting. i really feel like she acts like she did in the comic. 

(Vriska) returning was also not a surprise. She THE most known character. Of course she would be back, but not by her own accord. She wants the spotlight, she HAS to have it. Now that she is trapped on earth c she is now out of canon and so she is out of the spotlight. Thats why she was wailing about needing to SEE it. I think its kinda funny she ends up having a quick fling with Gamzee, and he tries to sell her on his redemption arc bullshit. It really shows how far her obsession has let her fall.

And now its time for meat. Honestly im glad i read candy first because meat was really nice to read after candy. As i said with candy, i figured meat would be the more active of the two (duality like the cherubs). 

First off it was really nice to see how much Dave believes in Karkat and how he thinks Karkat would be leader earth c NEEDS. In Meat they still have their relationship drama with themselves and Jade. I really feel like shes slightly more direct in this one. After the blowup 

John dealing with Roses instructions, finding and bringing together the younger versions of themselves so they could go fight a younger Caliborn and getting sucked into the the house juju was not a surprise since its been theorized thats what would happen. Of course Rose did not warn him, or even tell him what to do. Even when the younger versions of Johns friends die and get hurt he still tries to save them. 

Jake is a very powerful figure in the new earth, he doesnt even realize it. Which leads to everyone trying to get him on their sides. I honestly feel like this is partly his page powers (but then again the classes and aspects dont mean all that much) but he has always been unconfrontational and a doormat. Dirk, Jane, Dave, and Karkat only want to use him for his ass and fame so they can further their agendas. 

i think its rather fitting that (Vriska) doesnt get to see how the battle against Lord English ended. It was GREAT to see Davepetasprite^2 make a comeback and fight Lord English. She KNOWS the final battle isnt her battle but she is still THE ONE who turns the tide. She’s the one who has brought the winning piece so its still a victory of hers by proxy. Also she does not have the talk with Vriska (rose and kanayas kid) on a clown throw pillow so she does not get to do the self reflection she needs. Instead she gets sucked into a black hole.

The Jane and Dirk combo was not surprising, they both had the hangups about Jake and i feel like it ended the same way. Once they got what they wanted it was no longer exciting, or mysterious. But reading the political sabotage and Dirks plans coming together made me realize he was using her for his own gains too. 

Now the whole Rose dying because her physical body couldn't contain the infiniteness of infinity was truly heartbreaking. Especially when Dirk was fucking with Kanaya. i do not know how much of Rose was being manipulated by Dirk and how much was her wanting to end her chronic suffering(2real4me). Addressing all of the....implications around those two. i really do not think they ran off to be together. i believe Rose is the first person Dirk has really connected with on a actual personal level. From what ive seen he does not really treat people as well... people. I think him and Rose are feeling the, “i am the only real person here and everyone else is a puppet” feeling John and Terezi was talking about. But unlike John, Dirk was never one to sit idly by, hes a mechanic after all. All the pieces have to be in place.

The whole bit with Cade and dirk taking control of the narrative was something i feel like has been building up for a long while. The unreliable narrator has been established a few times in the comic, in friendsim, and now in the epilogue. But it does raise a good question about who has been narrating the story and can they be trusted to give us the truth. We saw Dirk acknowledge that he is not unbiased and says things as he sees it. Cade says shes unbiased and just gives the whole truth but all i can think about is how she made Jane carefully cradle the juju and put it on the mantle. Watching Dirk outsmart Cade was defiently exciting to read. I cannot wait to see where all of this is leading to. 

Do i think thats the end of both of Davepetasprite^2 and Lord English? No, as the comic has always said,” Don’t turn your back on the body.” We dont know where they ended up but we’ll just have to wait for more to come out and i cant wait. Does Rose, Dirk, and Terezi (i guess) have an agenda, yes. Do i have any goddamn idea what that is? Nope, and im fine with that. Overall i enjoyed both of them.

[infinitydoublevenus]

My mom was combing my hair and I was ranting about pointless shit like I always do and I ironically used the word “bruh” because I didn’t see why not and my mom immediately goes “Can you not talk like that, it’s just...” Oh excuse me? Hm? It’s just what? Uncivilized? I told her as far as I know that’s a common word to be used in black communities (I’m not sure of the accuracy of this statement someone correct me if I’m wrong) and she goes “Then why are you saying it?” And I go “Because it’s not exclusive to those communities, just ore common there” (as far as I know). And I sarcastically called her Judgy McJudgyPants and I shit you not, this grown-ass 52-year-old adult woman gets all fucking up in arms about me “caling her names”. What are you, “mom”? A fucking 5-year-old? Literally no adult I know that’s mature would get pissy over someone calling them a preschool playground insult. It’s not like she was curled up in a ball crying either, no, this woman’s immediate reaction is to get angry at me. Because apparently calling her Judgy McJudgyPants is equivalent to a fucking hate crime in her little narrow minded fantasy world. And she starts arguing about who started it and it was obviously her, she’s the one who got all pissy instead of ignoring a meaningless playground insult, not my faukt youre so goddamn fucking sensitive you can’t even function. And I tell her that and she starts going off about how I started it. Like she fucking always does even if I didn’t do shit. So I told her “You never wanna acknowledge your faults because you just wanna be this martyr mother figure! You’re not perfect so stop acting like you are!” And she gets all angry and blatanty denies it. Like this is exactly why the fuck I’m angry!! What the hell woman!!! Then she starts yelling at the top of her goddamn lungs at me which she A. knows I hate and B. knows irritates my sensory issues without giving a shit about either of said facts, so I raise my voice since I don’t think she can hear ME over her loud ass arguing, and then she gets pissy at ME for yelling! I told her she was being a hypocrite and she gets all mad AGAIN saying I’m “calling her names” and saying shit like “I am your mother and you will obey me!” I told her “Don’t be so authoritarian. You’re not a dictator.” Now keep in mind I’ve tried to talk to them about shit like this calmly but do they ever listen when I don’t get mad, no, so I might as well be a  fucking bitch about it. Then she gets mad at me because “You will be obedient! You are MY daughter!” And at this point I don’t even remember what happened I’m so angry the memories are foggy, but she ended up being such a dick to me that I got really upset and started crying right there on the couch like a pathetic ass bastard, and she has THE NERVE to get mad at me for fucking crying! What kind of mothe rridicules her fucking DAUGHTER for being so upset she’s literally SOBBING AND WAILING in the middle of the goddamn living room? A dickass toxic no-mother-of-mine, that’s who! Then she says “Don’t be disrespectful to your mother!” as if she wasn’t being the same to me so I said in my firmest voice possible  “Don’t be such a jerk to your daughter.”  And she has the fucking gall to start MOCKING me for being so upset! So I’m super angry at this point, way beyond miffed in fact I’m absolutely livid, so instead of saying “pardon my french” first like I usually do when I’m about to swear I just go “Stop being such a condescending asshole!” Then my dad walks in the door, gets all up in my face which he knows FOR A FACT I take as threatening, points directly at my face and says in the most threatening tone ever “Don’t call your mother an asshole.” I told her she was instigating it and being a jerk to me and he goes off about how that’s no reason to call my mother an asshole. Like this dickface could see I was crying but did he give a shit? Nooo, the fact that I dared say something with the same meaning as “poopyhead” was more important apparently! He told me “don’t call her names” but she was doing the exact same thing and gets a fucking Scot Free Pass Card I guess! I told him she had been calling me names and he goes “What did she call you?” in this tone of voice that just. Like. You KNOW he didn’t believe you because he thinks you’re being a douche to someone else even though YOU’RE the one crying like a fucking baby in the goddamn nursing ward. I told him I didn’t remember, because I didn’t and he just walks away as if nothing happened instead of actually dealing with the situation! And then he goes “All of your privileges are revoked” like wtf does that mean. You literally define everything I enjoy as privilege. Even if its just going outside for gods sake. My mom threatened to take my phone and computer “no matter what’s on it” bitch it’s my only lifeline to MY BEST FUCKING FRIEND YOU GODDAMN INCONSIDERATED HEARTLESS ASSHOLE! I’ve told her this a million times over and she still doesn’t give a shit! I’ve told BOTH of them a million times and NEITHER of them give a shit! And instead of trying to calm me down despite the fact they could HEAR my depression coming back because I was saying ridiculous shit like “Everyone hates me” what do they do? Comfort me? Try to calm me down or at least put the dog in my chair? No, they fucking get mad at me for crying too loud! My mom had the fucking gal to call me “immature” because I was o damn upset! And I love my dog but she seemed to care more about my dad walking away than THE HUMAN WHO WAS WAILING HER ASS OFF RIGHT IN FRONT OF HER, It’s like she didn’t even care either! Everyone only gives a shit about my parents being upset because they’re so damn charistmatic outside of the house and no one ever sees this horrible hellish side of them!  The only people who ask about MY feelings are the ones who say “How are you” and they NEVER want an actual fucking answer! Nobody fucking cares! I can’t even go to my best friend right now (personal reasons)! I literally have no one to calm me the fuck down right now. I want out of this house. I want out, I want out, I want out, I want the fuck out of here, I want out of this toxic ass family, I want out of this psychologically abusive prison hellhole, I WANT OUT OF HERE!!!! But I cant call the fucking Child Protective Services because I’m a goddamn legal adult! I’m so damn pissed right now I’m shaking. I literally looked up a self harm simulator because I was so fucking upset. I actually played it. I played a fucking self harm simulator is how damn depressed I am right now. I NEVER play that kind of shit. 

And my parents threatened to not let me go to Target with the as if I fucking give more of a shit about that than the fact they’re being literal pieces of garbage right in front of my goddamn face. They didn’t give a shit I was upset, it’s always all about them, they just wanna fucking idolize themselves so they never have to look at how damn shitty they are! I hate them I hate them I HATE THEM!! 

The worst part is at the end of all this my dad confronted me and asked me why I thought my mom was being immature. I told him because no reasonable adult would be insulted by sarcastically being called Judgy McJudgyPants because it’s a stupid playground insult. And do you know. Do you fucking KNOW what his response was?

“Well, what if I called you retarded?” 

He basically equated a fucking slur with a made up insult that nobody uses ever. 

I told him “Don’t you dare compare that to something like Judgy McJudgyPants. That’s a slur. I used a made up insult. that word has been used as a slur against disabled people like me and maybe if YOU were disabled you would understand because right now it’s clear that you don’t understand it at all.”

And he fucking told me calling someone any name was THE FUCKING SAME as calling them retarded! Like no! I told him “No, because that slur damages disabled communities. Judgy McJudgyPants doesn’t.” 

AND HE KEEPS GOING OFF ABOUT HOW ITS THE SAME! I didn’t even ask him if when he asked me if he was actually calling me retarded because I got the feeling I wouldn’t like the answer to that.