#ignoring my current projects

[amethystwrytes]

-If I Had Asked-

Pairing: Jungkook x genderless reader

Genre: Romantic. Hurt. Comfort. Fluff. Exes to lovers. Oneshot.

Summary: Jungkook wants to catch up at a mutual friends birthday party.

Warnings: Language. Alcohol consumption and marijuana use.

Inspired by this prompt.

WC: 1.5K

Jungkook weaves in and out of the throng of people in the small apartment. Seokjin had insisted on a small party, but as usual he’d gotten carried away and vastly overestimated the capacity of his flat.

Jungkook can pretend to be outgoing, a crowd lover, if the occasion calls for it, but in truth he feels like his skin is crawling every time he brushes up against a stranger. Normally he would’ve left after wishing his elder a happy birthday and leaving his present, a compilation book of Marvels 100 best comics, on the counter.

However, he has it on good authority that Seokjin invited you here tonight, and that you’d said yes.

Jungkook hasn’t seen you since you packed your shit and left his apartment over a year ago. You hadn’t been the least bit unserious when you told him you were done, you really had been. It took Jungkook a long time to realize that he probably should’ve gone after you. Too long. By the time it had occurred to him, six months had passed, you were seeing someone else, and his window had closed.

He was immature with you, and maybe a year doesn’t make anyone wiser, but he’s learned a lot since then. Like how prioritizing everything over you because he just assumed you’d always be around was his biggest mistake.

His third circle of Jins apartment has him wondering if Namjoon had been wrong - you actually had no plans to come. Then he hears it. He would know your laugh in any universe. If he were in a coma he’d still hear it. It makes his heart ache.

You’re out on the terrace. A vodka cranberry, that’s probably more cranberry than anything, in one hand, a joint in the other. You’re chatting with Jimin, probably catching up, but like an invisible string is tethered, you turn your head and make eye contact with Jungkook through the glass. He see's you tense up for just a second, then you turn back to Jimin, looking like you're about to make a quick exit.

He can't have that.

Jungkook shimmies through the crowd and slides through the door. Jimin notices the change in the very air out on the terrace.

"Jungkook, long time no see," he says, trying to keep it light and charming, but the thick cloud of awkward is expanding by the second.

You look over the terrace out into the darkness, taking a long drag off the joint and blowing it into the air.

"Yeah," Jungkook shrugs, "I've been working a lot, not really had the energy for hanging out."

"For sure," Jimin nods. Then silence ensues. The noise from the party, lulled by the closed terrace door buzzes and beckons. "I'm going to go find Seokjin, see how drunk he is," Jimin jokes and the two of you offer up some forced laughter.

"Here," you say, handing him the joint, "I think I'm good."

Jimin takes it, offers it briefly to Jungkook who shakes his head no, then places it between his lips before retreating indoors like the terrace is on fire.

"Hi," Jungkook finally says.

"Hey there," you reply.

"Why is this so uncomfortable?" he laughs, taking the spot beside you to look out into the night. City lights dot the horizon like blinking stars and he focuses on one that seems to flash on and off every couple of seconds.

"I don't know," you finally answer, "I think these things are always awkward."

"What things?"

"Seeing your ex at a party for the first time since splitting," you clarify. "Though you'd think a years time would've papered over some of those cracks."

"I'm sorry," Jungkook offers, the list of things he owes you an apology for is too long though, "Sorry for letting a year go by without speaking."

"It's fine," you say flatly. "How have you been? Seeing anyone?" you mentally slap yourself for adding that last bit. That opens up a whole conversation that you'd rather not have.

"I've been fine, I guess. Kind of just going through the motions of life, really. Neutral I suppose is the best way to describe it," he says, "and no. I was seeing someone for a bit, but...I don't know. It just fizzled out as quick as it started."

"That's too bad," you say, though you don't sound the least bit interested. You take another sip of your drink and you wish you'd asked Jin for an extra shot of vodka now.

"How's Taehyung? I didn't see him tonight," Jungkook wonders, waits for your answer with bated breath.

"He uh..." you chuckle dryly looking into your cup, "He's in Japan. Took a promotion in the company but had to relocate. He asked me to go...but..."

"You didn't?" Jungkook finishes. "Why not?"

"You know how ill my grandma is," you smile sadly, "I didn't think it was a good idea to leave."

"Are they not taking good care of her at the assisted living place?"

"They are," you nod, "but still."

"So, did you guys like, break up? Or are you doing the long distance thing?" he presses.

"Is this why you came out here? To ask me if I'm still seeing Taehyung?" you wonder, not bothering to hide the confusion or irritation.

Jungkook shakes his head, "I came out here to just talk, ___. That's what I'm doing."

You sigh. "No. We're not doing the long distance thing. We decided it would be better if we ended it, well, he decided," you laugh bitterly. "Though to be fair I think it was less of a 'hard versus easy’ issue, and more of a 'he wanted to be able to fuck whomever he wanted without having to feel guilty for it' issue."

"I'm sorry," Jungkook offers genuinely.

"Why?" you snap your head over to him, "I figured you'd be pleased with that outcome. After all I basically did the same thing to you."

"You didn't dump me so you could fuck other people without feeling guilty," he reminds you, then after a long pause adds, "Right?"

You laugh. "No, that's not why I broke up with you."

"You weren't happy," he says.

"I felt like I was your parent, you treated me like someone who was supposed to cater to your every need and like my job, my dreams were second to yours. That made me unhappy. That wasn't very fair."

"No, it wasn't. I acted like that because that's what I thought a grown up relationship was, that's what I wanted it to be."

"That's unhealthy," you tell him.

"I know," he nods, "and you told me that then as well."

"You never seemed to hear me," you recall. "That's why I left."

"I know," he nods, "You weren't the villain, but I made you into one for a long time. I've always been taken care of, with my family, with my friends - I'm always the one taken care of, and it took me a long time to grow out of that. To realize that a relationship is partnership, you hear people say it all the time but it's easy to gloss over what that really means. I should've realized then, I should've heard you, but instead I just acted stupid, clueless."

"Thank you. That means a lot," you say, trying to fend off the tears.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"If I had asked, would you have stayed?" he looks at you, faces his whole body toward you so you do the same.

You think about it for a moment then shrug, "You didn't ask Jungkook. So I guess we'll never know."

You finish off your drink and turn the empty plastic cup over in your hand. "I need to go throw this away. I should really get going anyway."

He stands there defeated and nods.

"It was good seeing you Jungkook," you lay your hand on his shoulder, "Take care of yourself."

He stands there, listens as you slide the glass door, the dulled party buzzes to life, then lulls back out again, signaling you've made it inside and left him out on the terrace alone.

"Wait!" he yells, turning on his heels and pulling the heavy door. "___! Wait!"

You stop and turn towards his voice, along with the entire room. Everyone goes silent as they all look between the two of you.

"I'm asking now," he says, disregarding the audience.

You stare at him, skin hot from the gazes around the room. You rake your hand through your hair, letting it fall like a curtain around your face.

Jungkook crosses the room, eliminating the open stage that your interaction has turned into. He walks you back into a hallway that leads to Jins bedroom and bath. He backs you all the way up to the wall, his tattooed arms caging you in, shielding you from the onlookers who slowly, but surely, turn back into their own conversations.

"Are you drunk?" you ask.

"What?"

"Are you drunk?" you repeat, breathlessly.

"No," he shakes his head, "I had a coke, I have to be at work in the morning."

You nod. Your hands find purchase on his forearms and you uncage yourself, your fingertips sliding down his arm, tracing over your favorite, familiar ink, then intertwine with his.

You look up into his dark brown eyes, and smile, "Then drive me home."

[14dayswithyou]

💖 Day 3.5 is now available! 💖

For the last couple of months, only Server Boosters had access to the 3.5 update... Buuuuut now it's available for everyone to play in the 14DWY Discord — and soon itch.io once I'm happy with the QA and state of the game — so please don't feel pressured to join unless you want to!!

The full devlog + even more screenshots are under the cut ^^

What's been added to the 3.5 version?

📺 Streamer Mode!

I've been told that it's difficult to stream and monetise age-restricted videos on YouTube and Twitch, so I added an option to remove the sexual content and strong language used in the demo.

Now y'all can invite Ren into your bed for cuddles without putting your streamer career on the line /silly /lh

This won't affect the 18+ rating or dark themes/elements of the game, however! Although Streamer Mode will prevent you from seeing any "gruesome" CGs in the future, most of the core elements of the game will still be tied to the choices and decisions you make. So you won't miss out on the overall experience by using streamer mode!!

⚙️ Custom Pronouns!

It only took me one entire year to get around to it, but you can finally choose your own preferred pronouns (or use a set of pronouns instead)... At the cost of being able to change them mid-game ^^;

Since the original pronoun screen wouldn't update until a new scene was displayed, I temporarily disabled the feature. But once I find a workaround, I'll bring it back!

💗 Choose how others perceive you!

You can now choose how the cast and narration perceive you! Originally, the narration was kept strictly gender-neutral (outside of pronouns and genitalia picked by the player), but this will soon change in future updates.

For more clarity: you don't get to choose the words specifically, but you can choose between masculine, feminine, and androgynous terms!

📋 Separate top and bottom genitalia!

You can now choose your tatas and pps separately! >:3

Alongside that, you can also choose your preferred body type!

I removed the "both" genitalia option because a few players still assumed it was an obscure version of "intersex". That wasn't my intention and I don't want to mislead anyone, so I took it out for now ^^;

I also didn't want to include a screenshot of the new genitalia choices in action (because it's NSFW), so y'all get the same character menu screen for the nth time instead lmao

📱 Relationship Screen Overhaul!

You can now change your own status for more immersion, and long-term Server Boosters will eventually be able to submit and use their own icon within the game as well!

Stalking finding your friends has now become easier by using "Buddy Maps"; a new app that allows you to see the location of all the cast members!

I want to offer players more incentive to check the relationship screen since they tend to miss the status updates, so hopefully this might help ;v;

It also says it "updates every few hours" so folks don't go overboard and check every 5 seconds to see where Ren is gdsghf (also keep in mind that he's a hacker lol)

🖤 Additional Scenes Update!

Day 2 received a brand new CG!!!!! Originally, I planned on only adding a few CGs sporadically throughout the game, but it didn't feel right to leave Day 2 so... empty... so I added a brand new CG to (hopefully) make things feel more balanced and natural!

If you decline Teo's offer on Day 3, Leon will now call and try to convince you to reconsider. However, players are still allowed to decline, and if they do, they'll reach a dead end.

After listening to feedback on itch, I changed some of the dialogue during Days 1-3 to make it seem more consistent! They're only small changes though, so it's honestly not worth looking for sdgjssga

🎶 Updated BGM and SFX!

I wanted to try out a different style of music to see if it fits the vibe of 14DWY more! The BGM features more acoustics to suit the "beachy" theme of Corland Bay, though I made a conscious effort to include piano elements as well to stay true to the original!!

I figured it'd be better to give players a live example before I make a poll (to see if they prefer the change or not) and publish it to Itch.

Some new SFX have also been added, though it's very minimal and honestly not that noticeable.

How to download and play the update?

(warning: clicking on the following links will open Discord!!) To download the Day 3.5 update, simply join the 14DWY Discord server, verify your age, and visit the "14dwy-updates" channel!

Alternatively, you can also wait until the update is publicly released on Itch to play it as well!! (It normally gets released shortly after a round of QA testing/getting feedback from the server, though I may release it earlier if I feel like it hehe ^^)

Enjoy!!

[rustingcat]

My yearly redraw!

Can you believe it's been two years already?

Thank you everyone who shared and interacted with my art. Your love and support inspire me to create and improve every day♥️

[chrometheraptor]

hrhgrhrhtjtvrjrhr everybody go read project hail mary Right Now

[vasito-de-leche]

;R1999 JOE - "highest of highs, lowest of lows" (1/2)

Joe x Reader 3.6k words hurt/comfort Being part of Joe's gang has its ups and downs, chaos being the closest thing you have to a stable routine, every single day full of adventures. Your friends pulled you from the rubble and into the light, you've been with them through thick and thin─and yet, as the years pass, it all grows stale. Repetitive, even. Tiring. A new era approaches. You're not strong enough to hold on and withstand the whirlwind of change, and neither is he. Even so, your faith in the dream Joe has given to all of Haight Street never wavers. You'll find a way out, together. But only if he's willing to move on.

long time no see! I've been struggling with writing and got very busy, but I also missed writing reader inserts sooooo much and got a little carried away with this one, hehehoho

it's the first half of joe's sleepy time fic, since I'm still editing the second half o7 I'll post that one as soon as I'm done with it. this also means that the comfort part isn't quite here yet LMFAO

as usual, this is written to be read as platonic or romantic, whatever floats your boat!

Just one more revision, and then I’ll take a break … 

The words repeat in your mind like a mantra. This is your only way to keep your eyelids from closing shut, so heavy with sleep and exhaustion. 

Numbers and letters blur together as you scan through the documents laid in front of you; there are bills and more bills, everything necessary to keep supplies coming and utilities working. It’s gotten harder to manage the business lately with the influence of the Chamber of Commerce still lingering over the neighbourhood, and every time you go outside, you notice all the stores that were forced to close, either bought or chased out of town. You think of all the people you used to know and who watched you and the rest of your friends grow up, now lost somewhere in the country, with no means to reach out to them. 

Your entire life reduced to nothing but empty streets and dusty displays. 

But the world keeps on moving, not waiting for you to catch up. And the atmosphere at Tang’s is the same as always─even at this hour, there are people walking in and out, with small groups scattered about in the booths, but also outside, standing under the neon lights, as if this humble diner were the hottest disco in the entirety of San Francisco. Only a small portion were paying customers, but each and every one of them was a familiar face, the friend of a friend, a soon-to-be-acquaintance. 

You have your boss to thank for this sense of community, the man who united all of Haight Street under the hopeful glimmer of his metal badges, a symbol of his friendship and protection. Of course, you also have him to blame for your current situation, forced to crunch numbers and make ends meet out in the open by the bar. 

Tang’s restaurant is an ancient relic with only a single office where the walls are thick and study enough to pass for an office. That is where you usually fill in all the paperwork and where Becket often goes to take a nap, it’s the perfect place to hide for a much needed break and to hold important meetings─today, similar to last week, it is being used for the latter, with Joe stepping up to the plate and dealing with every single investor interested in “supporting the local businesses.” You can’t be mad at him, even with this subtle sense of urgency and nervousness lingering in the back of your mind, you trust in the dream Joe has given to all of you. If there is a way forward, he would be the one to find it after weeding out all potential dangers.

The sudden, pulsating pain of an incoming headache makes itself known right behind your eyeballs, causing you to cover your eyes. As you apply a gentle pressure and rub soothing circles in slow motions, you allow your mind to rest from the constant stream of red on the documents. You trust Joe, you believe in him. You have to, even if reality continues to knock on your door in an attempt to wake you up from this fleeting dream. 

But how long can this dream last? You all need the sort of help that cannot be gained through camaraderie: money, an investor to keep things afloat, a stable income. 

Everyone knows better than to approach you tonight. That little corner by the bar is your territory, your own personal battlefield; with your disheveled and exhausted appearance, nothing but an empty cup and those piles of documents to keep you company, they all know better than to interrupt. Even so, you still manage to give a friendly wave or a nod whenever someone new calls out your name in greeting. The sound of someone pouring you a drink pulls you away from the chaos of your mind; Sputnik refills your cup with a batch of hot, fresh coffee─the scent reaches you and you thank her with a smile, one she timidly brushes off before delighting you with one of her signature, happy, little spins. And just like that, she floats away to attend the other customers. Of course, her presence doesn’t go unnoticed. Her shift ended hours ago, with no way to pay her for the extra hours or longer shifts, and yet, she remains by her own volition. 

Your eyes drift to the documents and the ocean of red greets you. You wish you could offer her more than a misery of a salary. While you have friends like Pioneer who can offer good insight every once in a while, he is much too idealistic. And the rest are doers, not thinkers. The only other person who would’ve easily tackled the issue from the root … 

Paulina, the little genius of Haight Street. She would’ve known what to do if she were here. 

But she isn’t here anymore, and this isn’t the right way to miss someone. You need to get her out of your head. 

The pleasant heat of your coffee helps drown any unwanted feelings, it burns your insides with a rejuvenating spark, the warm hits your nose and cheeks. Things might be bad now, but you are currently surrounded by the constant sound of lively chatter and the occasional round of laughter. In the crowd, you spot all of your friends; Becket and Hollick, Mercuria and Pioneer. Maich the Peddler catches your eye and raises her glass, a toast in the name of this small community and a small gesture to cheer you on. Bianca sits nearby too, perched on one of the many stools. 

Seeing everyone like this is enough to set your heart at ease from these anxieties. You have all made it this far, supporting everyone in need and feeding as many hungry mouths as possible and if things go well, you won’t have to worry about living paycheck to paycheck.

What follows, however, is not a relaxing night but a series of interruptions, each worse than the last. 

Just as you’re about to take another sip, the office door slams open and you feel someone rushing past the diner and towards the door. Turning around, you recognize that sharply dressed man struggling with the broken door handle as the latest investor Joe promised to take care of, the one he was supposed to make a deal with. He promised. He promised you that this man would walk out of here with a smile on his face and one less suitcase full of money in his possession, but your eyes lock onto it, that hefty suitcase dangling around in his grip as he fumbles about. In your impulsive attempt to stop him and mediate, all you manage to do is get into Joe’s way; he blazes past as well, oblivious to your presence, and knocks over the cup in your hands. 

It falls unceremoniously on the bar, spilling its contents all over your clothes and, most importantly, your hard work. The papers quickly turn an ugly shade of brown, soaking in the warm drink dripping from the counter. And this goes unnoticed in favour of the screaming match between your boss and the business partner that never was, the people in the diner joining the commotion in support of their leader. You don’t even process Sputnik’s attempts at salvaging the documents, eyes glued on your best friend’s back. 

“─And you know where you can shove all those fat stacks of money?!” Joe barks out, that typical and endearing cockiness turning into the bane of your existence as he severs that last thread of hope for the diner. He doesn’t need to finish, of course, the investor has left─you can hear the roaring engine of his car outside, speeding away.  Your heart drops at this.

“Tch, serves ‘em right!” Someone comments, you don’t care to know who. A different person adds, “Hey, boss! You’re slacking off, took you 2 hours to scare off this one. That’s 20 minutes more than the last one.” 

“... J, Is that what you’ve been doing all this time?” Even though your avoid raising your voice, shaking with something you can’t quite place amidst the tight, claustrophobic pressure in your chest, everyone hears this and the diner grows quiet.

“Hey, gimme some credit, would you? These damn suits keep gettin’ more and more annoying, this one wouldn’t shut up about─” Joe stops as soon as he takes in your sorry state. His expression softens, hands hovering over your coffee-stained clothes. “Shit. That was you I hit on the way out? … Here, let me help.” 

Out of the corner of your eye, you spot movement; Pioneer and Mercuria have stood up, intent on helping you out of this sticky mess. But you gently shake your head at them, fearing that more people in your personal space would only serve in pushing you further to the edge. It is already overwhelming enough to have Joe pat awkwardly ─uselessly, even─at your shirt with a napkin, it is hard enough to keep yourself from lashing out at him after such careless display. Still, you manage to rest your shaking hands over his own, gripping onto the leather of his gloves like a plea for help. 

“You promised me the deal would go smoothly.” Voice dropping to a whisper, you force this out without choking in your own grief. It feels silly to feel like this when Joe is looking at you like nothing is wrong. “You─You should’ve taken the deal, J.” 

“We’re not charity cases, we can manage without them, just like we’ve always done, yeah? It ain’t nothing new.” The reply is firm, and yet you can tell he’s trying to find a middle ground with you, anything to keep this from escalating. 

At least he knows he’s in trouble with you. Thus begins the same old song and dance. 

“Maybe improvising worked the first few times, but it’s not going to work forever.” You push forward, still attempting to regulate your breathe. Joe pulls his hand away from yours and continues to dutifully rub the stains of coffee away, a feat both of you know is futile. “We need the plan B before shit hits the fan, not after.” 

He pushes forward as well, brows furrowing and avoiding your gaze. “C’mon, and let those rich suits look into our lives so they can feel better about themselves? To brag about how they help the poor and needy? Let them try to change the way we’ve always done things?” A scoff. “As if. Tsk. This damn stain won’t go away─!” 

“They can pretend to be Mother Teresa for all I care, as long as we get to keep the diner and pay the bills.We’re not doing well, it can’t be any worse than what will happen if we keep things as they are, Joe.” 

Joe, not J. This detail causes him to momentarily flinch, and he finally gives up on this useless task of cleaning you up. It’s only when he slams that used napkin on the counter that he notices the rest of the mess. Joe searches for something in your eyes, he doesn’t find it─or you won’t allow him to─and only then you gain the upper and the right to truly escalate the fight. Unbeknownst to you,  the rest of your friends have begun to clear out of the building─they know better than to get involved. One had to match Joe’s own temper if they wanted to be truly acknowledged by the blacksmith. He might’ve learned how to bend the metals to his will but those close to him learned how to fight fire with fire rather than walk around eggshells around him. 

“You’ve rejected every single person who offered to help. Sooner or later, there’s gonna be no one left to give a shit about us, and we’re already in the negatives!”

“If shit hits the fan, we ask help from others.” Before you can deliver the perfect rebuttal at his hypocrisy, he interrupts as if seeing your intentions from a mile away. “Help from our friends─not the government, those gangs, those rich assholes or the Foundation. People we know we can trust.” 

“Fine. Then what happens when no one else can spare a single bag of groceries or a single dollar for us? What happens when none of them can put their livelihoods on the line anymore because we all have damn bills to pay?” You extend a hand towards the papers, already dissipating. “How many more favors can you cash in before we run out of changes? We’re not getting by just for us five or six anymore, there’s a whole damn group that depends on us now! You heard the sheriff! Everyone carrying these little things? The people they don’t like seeing out in broad daylight? They’re our responsibility now, you’re not a rebellious kid playing around in the streets anymore!” 

You tap on the metal badge pinned to his chest with a little more strength that you intended, this small act gets under his skin because the next time he speaks, he’s screaming. “You think I don’t know that? That I need you to remind me?!” 

“Someone has to with the way you’re acting.” 

“Look, I’m sorry that I bumped into you and ruined the whole thing, but if you’re mad about that, then just say it. Don’t bring up other shit just to pick a fight with me.” 

“You’re trying to pick a fight to get out of the fight I’m trying to have with you right now, what are you, five?!” 

“Funny you say that! ‘Cause I sure wasn’t the one who decided to have this argument out in the open!” 

“You’re being stupidly stubborn.” 

“And you’re being stupidly paranoid. When have I ever failed us, huh? Name one time.” 

One? You can name more than one, you could name as many as the wounds and bruises he’s earned in the name of protecting this community. All the days he’s spent in jail, all the beatings he’s taken, all the meals he skipped so that someone else could eat, all the dangerous stunts done in the name of pride─to you, someone forced to look on as the entire weight of the world is placed on his shoulders, these are all shortcomings. Things that could’ve been easily avoided if he simply listened. But here he is, looking down on you, playing the role of hero because it’s all he’s ever known. But he can’t keep doing this, not to himself, not to you or the rest. 

If she’s not here to stop him, then you will. 

“The day you let Paulina go.” 

It takes everything in your body not to cry the moment those words leave your mouth, hitting their target with a hint of resentment you didn’t think you had in you. 

Joe staggers backwards, his expression shifts; he’s no longer the savior of Haight Street, but your bright-eyed and impulsive neighbour, the tallest kid in the block bragging about his latest feats, the kid in trouble failing to jump over the tall, metal fences, the nosy teenager getting involved with the wrong crowds. An arcanist born in the wrong place at the wrong time. Vulnerability paints his features in a way you recognize, the same pain you’ve experienced throughout your life. The subtle quiver of his bottom lip, although imperceptible to the rest of the world, claws at your chest and knocks the air out of you. 

It hurts more than any punch, any insult, any slice of the knife. It feels cruel to steel your gaze after dropping something like this out of the blue, with Paulina’s departure still fresh in everyone’s minds. But you tell yourself that you have to, if only to prevent anyone else from disappearing on you like that. You can’t handle it, not knowing when will be next. One more business closed, one more child abandoned, one more friend missing. Doesn’t he get tired, too? Isn’t he tired of this happening over and over? 

“That’s unfair. No, that’s … that’s messed up. What is wrong with you tonight?!”

“Did you even listen to her? Or did you just decide that she was wrong from the beginning and ignored everything she had to say? Isn’t that why she refuses to even pick up the phone? Or even answer any of our letters?”  

 “She has nothing to do with us anymore, there’s no damn point in bringing her up when she’s left us for a bunch of stuck up─”

“This isn’t about how you feel about her new life.” When you stand your ground, taking a step forward towards him, he does the same. 

“Then what the hell is it?! Why would you even bring her up in the first place?!” When he pounds his fist on the counter, you do the same.

“Because it’s the only way to get you to fucking listen, J. It’s about the way you act, how you keep throwing away every chance we get at making things better because it always has to be your way! You go on and on about asking each other for help, but when was the last time you actually listened to me, to Hollick, to Pioneer, to any of us?! If we can’t even feed ourselves, then how the hell are we going to feed everyone else? You told me to run the numbers, I ran the damn numbers and this is the shitty hand we’ve been dealt.” 

Suddenly, Joe’s shoulders begin to shake as half a smile, half a grimace settles on his face. He laughs at you, bitterly, mockingly. The type of laugh that can only carry a single message─I know better than you. 

“Those investors, they’re only here because they smell the blood in the water! Can you guarantee that they won’t pull the plug once they see an opening to take everything from us? When you sign those damn contracts, it’s over. That’s how they get trap you. That’s how they take advantage of good people like us. I’ve spent the past few weeks doing nothing but talk to these assholes, and not a single one of them gives a shit about this restaurant or the people here. Wanna know what they all wanted to talk about? Bulldozing the entire thing down. Getting me to convince all our friends to give up their homes and businesses, just so these fancy jerks have all the space in the world to play with.”

You know he’s right, it’s an awful truth you have to acknowledge in the midst of the argument─the Tung Ch’ing Chamber of Commerce did the exact same before, it’s stupid to think that others wouldn’t follow the same pattern as well. And yet… 

“Then throw Pioneer into the damn room when someone else comes to do business with us! Let me, Becket and Hollick be there with you too, damnit J! You have the entire fucking street cheering for you and all you want to do is fix everything on your own! If you weren’t so stubborn, maybe we could even call Paulina and ask her for help, but you’d rather sit here and argue with us about the same damn issue! You’d rather look at us in the face and say that Paulina looks down on us, when you don’t even have the balls to call her! Is that how you want things to be? When I can’t keep paying rent, when I have to hop on a bus and end up who fucking knows where, is that all you will say about me?” 

Silence settles. The hesitation lingering in the air hurts more than anything he could’ve said to you. 

Is that all you are to him? Another naive mind, a nagging voice devoid of any worth? He would rather say goodbye to you and allow the distance to slowly chip away at your friendship, than listen or consider any of your suggestions and ideas. Your arms drop to your sides, suddenly losing every ounce of strength in your body at this sudden realization. The shock on your face must’ve been something if it causes Joe to flinch in surprise. 

You’re tired, so very tired of living in uncertainty; never knowing when you will have the chance to eat, never knowing when your friends will disappear off to greener pastures or silently deported. So tired of fighting for scraps, of living in shadows, of being so close to making a change for the better but having it all ripped out of your hands by a government that doesn’t care. You’re tired of fighting the world and your friends. 

You’re so very tired of being so insignificant in a world that refuses to make space for you, no matter how hard you try to claw your way out of the rubble and poverty. 

And so, you retreat. 

Maybe it’s the last remnants of pride keeping you together, maybe it’s the debilitating exhaustion permeating your bones, but you manage not to stumble and fall over as you brush past him and make your way outside. 

The pair of siblings which you had grown to love so much used to share a dingy room within the diner as children, back when Tang ran the place. And then, one day, you moved right across the street. Throughout all of your childhood, you believed this to be a gift, being able to rush over to play with them as soon as you woke up, and to wave at them from the balcony of your apartment at night. Your best friends, your new family, your new home, all within reach. 

Now, you cross the street knowing very well that there is no place for you to hide from those piercing blue eyes of his. You don’t want him to look at you, not like this. Not as an obstacle and a burden. 

If only you could run far, far away. Just like Paulina did.

[typheus]

Whatever power outages aside. Here's the back panel on the mint chocolate chip cardigan so far!

[moonchild-in-blue]

I haven't really done much art for tumblr (at all) lately, cus life, but! Here's a lil something I've been working on (it's a Xmas gift) 💙

(also peep that lil January calendar painting 👀 i did mini squares for each month for myself, because I need to have a physical one always, and they each have their own colour 🥺)

[amplexadversary]

Man, there's a lot of very pretty neopets site art and a lot of very nice fanart out there that makes me really nostalgic,

But god damn am I glad I stopped playing.

That game had so much shit that was hard to get and a ton of pointless mechanics when I left,

And that was before the whole fucking conversion drama, and annoying monetization, and oh god that economy, and a ton of art added that was just really poorly done, and I could go on.

I'm much happier being on a pet site* that only really has the three recurring pillars of drama and is very forgiving about gameplay and avoiding FOMO and such.

*yeah it's technically a distinct but related category of site but it scratches the same itch and I'm making a point damn it.

[fadetobl4ck]

finally handed in the assignment i spent more than three entire days on and also stayed up until 6am on one of those days which happened to be, the day before christmas eve so i could. not go insane about it during my break which actually ??? worked out in the long run ??????

[distant-screaming]

I'm just feeling incredibly emotional about the way newer shows have been so willing to show us queer joy. Not just queer relationships and people but simply like, the joy and happiness from being unabashedly queer. I just - yeah. I'm crying a little bit

[mutalune]

me when people hate on aos trek:

[fellow-fandom-fruitifier]

Can I talk abt how much I luv the idea that 6EM is just scared shitless of SWK? Like that’s sounds horrible, and I worded that so wrong, but just hear me out. Imagine that 6EM didn’t just attack SWK out of anger/revenge (even if that was a main motivator, it’s also, like, the only reasons he targeted MK) but also out of fear. Fight or flight kind of thing.

& it’s only after he & SWK r making up/agreeing 2 not fight that he realizes this. Bcz the thing is, now that fight is no longer on the table, he instinctively goes 2 flight. & it’s not like a BAM realization, it’s more of a steady build up to an “oh”.

Like instead of the world suddenly bursting into technicolor and making sense, it’s more like color had been bleeding in for so long and he’s only just now truly identified/acknowledged it. He, on some level, knew it was there, so he’s not exactly taken aback.

& it’s almost worse like that, like a game slowly building up for a jumpscare, putting you @ the edge of ur seat, only for nothing to happen. So now you just have this sludgy buzz of emotion sitting uncomfortably in your gut w/ no way out.

May b the 1st sign was just 6EM’s struggle to not taunt/insult SWK. Like, sure, they both struggled w/ that bcz they’ve been doing it so long it’s just habitual. But 6EM is so “flip-floppy” abt it, 1 day he’s a-okay, not picking a single fight. The next SWK stands just a lil 2 close & 6EM is spitting the most hurtful shit w/ out even meaning 2.

May b the 2nd was that the more 6EM improved w/ not insulting SWK, the worse he got w/ flinching. The more he had to sit farther from SWK, the less he allowed SWK anywhere near his blind side. Every held back insult only made him more restless, but not in the angry “being forced to hold ur tongue” way.

(Ofc there’s tons of little things here & there, small signs that, by themselves, don’t mean anything, but 2gether mean sm.)

I think that the final sign wouldn’t b anything big, it wouldn’t be some dramatic pent up explosion, it would a small innocuous thing. May b MK just mentions his fear of spiders, how creepy they r, how just the knowledge 1 might b near him makes him restless. & may b 6EM will think sum like “same”, & may b that small thought will connect the discomfort he’s feeling 2 fear, the discomfort he always feels around SWK.

There’s no big bang, nowhere to put his emotions. It’s just being forced to acknowledge a persistent aching wound. And that’s almost worse.

[bredforloyalty]

girl who's researching the same thing (wasn't aware there was someone like that as she along with like 70% of the group didn't show for the first consultation but y'know whatever i'm not a model student either) helpfully supplied me with little corrections in my translation that i didn't ask for and that very rarely make sense so needless to say i'm pissed off again

[soupbabe]

I need to find better hobbies because all I want to do rn is draw and crochet but my right hand is like. Screaming bloody murder at me to not to. Like. Carpal tunnel is not an "if" but "when."

[stuck-in-the-ghost-zone]

ok yeah now seems like a good time for me to get sloshed off my ass ans watch slasher movies

[cryptidm0ths]

I need to reread all of the himeru stories <- guy thats already got a reading list a mile long and also is currently slightly over worked