#more like they have their strengths when it comes 2 healing/mending specific parts of themselves

[space-spring]

Re: this post I reblogged earlier, back in like 2020 I was thinking a ton about healing magic in fe3h for reasons I can't remember, and I ended up writing a canon-ish "textbook" like the kind of text you would find in-game in the Garreg Mach/Abyss libraries. Disclaimer that I'm not actually sure this is 100% lore accurate—I remember doing some research at the time I wrote it and I just now did a quick fact check, but it's been a hot second since I actually played the game so some of it might be a little off

Applications of Faith: An Analysis of Healing White Magic

Lecture II, A Healer's Limits

In the previous lecture, the benefits and basis of healing by faith were explored. While these serve as an excellent introduction to the topic of healing in white magic, it is perhaps more important for one to understand the limitations of the field. As a healer, understanding the measure of your abilities is an integral part of triage and emergency scenarios (for further examples and information, please refer to Lecture III, Ethics in Healing).

— Samuel von Hevring

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Limitation 1: The potency of one’s white magic is directly related to one’s magical stamina.

For the ease of the reader, magical stamina is defined in this lecture as one’s relative ability to cast spells, just as one's physical stamina is related to their ability to accomplish feats of strength or endurance. It is the first and most vital limitation of white magic, and it is important to recognize and work to improve one’s magical stamina as much as possible.

Building up a healthy level of stamina in regards to casting is pivotal to increasing the number of spells that can be cast within a certain amount of time. However, magical stamina is also the defining factor responsible for the potency of any spells you may cast. A more experienced healer will find that their spells are able to heal broken bones in the time it takes an apprentice to mend a scraped knee.

For more information on magical stamina and the related biological processes specific to faith magic, please refer to Lecture V, Magic and Physicality. Another valuable resource is Verity von Essar's renowned "Crests and Other Magical Systems", though it favors reason magic in subject.

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Limitation 2: A spell can only be cast as often as a healer's magical stamina allows.

As discussed above, this rule is heavily dependent upon magical stamina, and will be almost exclusively relevant to lower-level mages. However, that hardly means experienced white magic users should ignore it completely. It can occasionally be an obstacle to even the most talented priests, usually in the context of military affairs, natural disasters, or in other situations where a great number of people are injured over a short amount of time.

You will often not realize the extent of your cast limit until you hit it. This situation is frightening for most healers. Andrey von Hevring once described it as “seeing a drowning man in the water and reaching out your hand … only to suddenly realize you’d long since lost your whole arm.”

In these situations, remaining calm is pivotal. If you have other healing spells available, utilize them. If not, you will have no choice but to wait until your magical stamina returns. Many mages are tempted to continue forcing themselves—after all, a delayed healing can lead to permanent scarring or death. This will do nothing but waste your time and already depleted strength. Accept this limitation, and return to your work only when you are fully rested and able to do so.

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Limitation 3: Healers can only learn spells they are predisposed to.

While the reasons behind this are currently unknown, mages are unable to learn more than a certain set of white magic spells. Nearly anyone can learn to Heal, but when it comes to Restore or Physic, you may find that you struggle to learn one or the other. This is true not only for healing spells, but also for other white magic such as Warp, Rescue, and Silence. Some theorize that the predisposition for certain spells is based on one’s hereditary lines, while others maintain that it is a matter of natural temperament.

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Limitation 4: The range of white magic is absolute.

For many village healers, range will not be a significant issue in your day-to-day practice, and as such, many priests are unaware of their own limits in this regard. However, there are occasionally situations in which a patient will be trapped somewhere that the physician cannot reach, or will be injured seriously enough that a Physic or other long range spell is necessary to provide immediate life-saving care. In moments such as these, understanding your white magic’s range can be the difference between life and death.

Range cannot be increased on short notice. There are no artificial means of extending range save a single Hero’s Relic, known as the Staff of Thyrsus (for more information, refer to Lecture IX: Tools of the Trade). Certain specialized clerics, after years of practicing their trade, sometimes find that their range has extended some small amount. This is believed to be a result of increased magical stamina (see Limitation 1).

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Limitation 5: White magic cannot heal disease or natural-born infirmities.

While white magic is extremely useful in mending wounds and recouping lost blood, it does little to combat even the most common of illnesses. Tradition explains this by way of the Goddess—since disease is inflicted by her, she is naturally disinclined to provide man with the supernatural power to combat it. This stands in contrast to wounds, which are inflicted by man and are therefore, in the Goddess’s mercy, allowed to be healed by them as well.

Recent studies by Marie Helena Conrad of the Kingdom's School of Sorcery indicate that healing can even exacerbate illness, especially in cases where infection or contagious disease are concerned. Many devout followers of the Goddess, including Marie Helena Conrad, have anecdotally reported that this occurs more often when the infection has already taken root in the blood, and indicates that there is little hope of recovery.

It should be noted that this limitation excludes illnesses caused by certain poisons and toxins—while it seems a technicality, poison-related illness can usually be healed by a well-cast Restore.

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Limitation 6: One cannot heal oneself.

With some few exceptions, healers cannot heal themselves (it should be noted that the use of Nosferatu is not considered a healing spell in this series due to its highly dubious ethical status). This limitation of self-healing can become a serious issue in the smaller communities of Fodlan, where healers are few and far between. If a town’s healer is injured, there is little other recourse but to send as quickly as possible for the next town’s healer. This is often described as being one of the most unexpected limitations of healing with white magic, and has been the direct and tragic cause of many upstanding healers’ deaths.

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Limitation 7: Healing must be performed at a reasonable speed.

The time it takes to heal with white magic is noted to be one of the most dangerous and frustrating limits of this field. Healing small injuries (such as a scraped knee or bruised jaw) will take little more than several seconds for most practiced healers, but more serious cuts can take up to thirty minutes to fully close. During this time, the patient will be in danger of losing more blood than the healing is replacing, so in such cases, it is recommended that several healers be brought in to assist with the process.

Other examples of injuries notably affected by this limitation are frostbite and burns. While small burns and areas of damaged skin can be treated relatively quickly, larger ones are more difficult to work with due to the skin’s temperature. While the healing will repair damaged skin, it will not normalize the skin’s temperature, and as such, the process may be considerably lengthened if the heat or cold has seeped into deeper levels of the skin. Healing in these cases can be an extremely long and painful process, and it is highly recommended that the healer find some way to control the patient's temperature while healing.

For more information on healing over greater periods of time, please refer to Lecture XIII, Long-Term Injuries.

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Limitation 8: White magic cannot bring back the dead.

This, perhaps, goes without saying, but for the sake of completion this list will include it. White magic can sometimes close the wounds on a recent corpse, but it cannot return the soul that has departed. The point of death, however, is sometimes debated. In general, it is agreed among respected scholars that healing can benefit the injured up to five minutes after their last breath or last heartbeat.

It should be warned that life and death are the Goddess’ domain—healers should not desire to meddle in it.

[magickforbohemians]

Cartouche

Information taken from "The Way of Cartouche" by Murry Hope

Cartouche encapsulates those archetypal energies which were known and understood by the ancient Egyptians and embodies them in identities easily recognizable in today's world. Cartouche acts as a bridge between day-to-day things and the transpersonal or Higher Self, which makes it very much a part of the Aquarian Age - the age of individual responsibility. Cartouche is based on ancient Egyptian (or older) knowledge and should not be confused with tarot cards. It consists of 25 cards: Cards 1 to 9 (Osiris, Isis, Horus, Bast, Thoth, Hathor, Nepthys, Ptah and Anubis) represent the major archetypes; cards 11, 12, 13 and 14 the Elements of Fire, Air, Water and Earth; and cards 15 to 25 (Sirius, Lotus, Crook & Flail, Uraeus, Winged Disc, The Twins, Sphinx, Scarab, Pyramid, Ankh and Buckle of Isis) relate to more general or mundane energies. Card No 10 is Set, representing all forms of opposition, delays, hindrances and unforeseen problems. Set can indicate one's personal opposition to an idea, to change or to a proposed project.

The ancient Egyptian symbols depicted on the cards capture the essence of the forces or energies that govern the universe. Many believe the Egyptians gained their knowledge of these forces from an even earlier advanced race who, in turn, were instructed by extraterrestrials from the Sirius star system. The symbols, colors and meanings of the cards accord both with the designs found on Egyptian temples, pyramids, tombs and old papyri, and with a secret arcane tradition that has been handed down from century to century.

Each card can be used for meditation, divination, healing or magical or talismanic purposes and, when arrayed in the various layouts, can provide insight and answers to dreams, family or emotional problems, financial or business matters, healing and health, crafts and skills, protection, spiritual seeking, or any of life's many enigmas.

Vibrations are passed subconsciously to the cards when you handle them, so the order in which they fall in a reading is directed by the promptings of your subconscious mind. Normally in life we tend to create a barrier between our conscious and subconscious minds through the overuse of logic. Cartouche will help you to achieve a subtle balance by creating a bridge of contact between your everyday persona and the needs of your inner self.

Egyptian Cartouche Initiations The Initiations into Egyptian symbols brings about a state of heightened awareness and clarity. There are 24 Initiations into the ancient archetypal universal symbols from Egypt and Atlantis which can enhance healing powers and psychic development. Cartouche is the oval in which the hieroglyphs are drawn. The book and cards called "The Way of Cartouche" by Murry Hope does an excellent job of explaining the fundamental symbols.

Origin and Uses of the Cartouche Cards Cartouche is a French word that means oblong box and refers to the shape found around the images of important priests discovered in some ancient Egyptian temples. Murry Hope, an English lady and practitioner of Egyptian magic, using the ancient Egyptian writing system of cartouche and hieroglyphics for self-understanding and awareness invented the Cartouche system in 1983. Hope chose the name Cartouche for the card set because after 30 years of study she felt that "it encapsulates the archetypal and powerful energies known and understood by the ancients and embodies them in identities recognisable in today's world." She and Jed Collard formed Ostaris Publications and published the first 3,000 decks that same year. In 1984, Collard sent some sample cards to St. Martin's Press and they immediately responded with an offer for the worldwide rights to print and distribute them, but wanted Hope to expand the small instruction booklet into a large book which she did. St. Martin's Press then doubled the size of the cards and produced the expanded booklet in a hardback format as "The Way of Cartouche."

The Cartouche deck comprises twenty-five cards each having a number and an image. Ironically 25 is the number of Rune cards in a Runes deck, one might, therefore, liken this to an Egyptian version of a Rune deck. Those cards that portray a god, goddess or element have in addition a set of hieroglyphics, which describe that image and encapsulate its power. The image on each card may have a fixed or mobile nature. For example, Nephthys is a goddess shown on card number seven. She is represented by an image of a cup or container and the ka hieroglyphic (representing the personal life force) appears in the top right hand corner of the card. As Nephthys means psychic receptivity and that which is slightly obscure and fluid she consequently has a mobile nature.

The cards are numbered sequentially from 1 through 25 and each card has either a fixed or a mutable quality corresponding with universal astrology. Each card is presented with a blue border against an almost completely white card, with the exception of two cards, Set and Air. There are scenes or symbols floated in the centre of the card against the white. The title appears underneath in a graphic form that looks like a stone carving. The number is in the upper left corner in a matching format, and in the upper right corner, the hieroglyph for that particular deity/element/symbol.

The first ten cards are representative of various gods and goddesses within the Egyptian pantheon. Each of these cards has several meanings and levels of nuance described in the book as they relate to the Spiritual, Psychological and Material levels of the reading. The god/goddess cards are: 1 - Osiris 2 - Isis 3 - Horus 4 - Bast 5 - Thoth 6 - Hathor 7 - Nephthys 8 - Ptah 9 - Anubis 10 - Set

The next four cards represent the basic elements Fire, Air, Water and Earth and have more scenery drawn on them than the rest of the deck, and are evocative of the elements' affect on the surroundings of both the ancient Egyptians and modern-day man.

The rest of the cards are a mix of various experiences and symbols that the Egyptians might have encountered in their day-to-day life.

15 - Sirius 16 - Lotus 17 - Crook and Flail 18 - Uraeus 19 - Winged Disk 20 - The Twins 21 - Sphinx 22 - Scarab 23 - Pyramid 24 - Ankh 25 - Buckle of Isis

The cards themselves are larger than standard size and printed on a thin, flexible cardstock with smooth edges and rounded corners. They do shuffle and handle easily because of the small number of cards in the deck. The design on the back of the cards is a soft; clay coloured orange with turquoise coloured cartouche markings on it. This design is reversible. In Australia, the set comes with a hardbound book of 208 pages and lists many references, spreads and layouts with divinatory meanings, explanations and keywords for each card, and much more information. Each card is further accompanied by an explanation of the particular hieroglyph that goes with it and the story or legend that it represents.

Uses of Cartouche Cartouche cards may be used for meditation, healing, divination and magical work.

Meditation Meditation on the Cartouche symbols can be rewarding if the type of meditation practised is contemplative meditation. Once the meanings of the symbols are internalised and the myths belonging to the various gods and goddesses are known there will arise in the meditator's mind many images, intuitions and feelings, all of which will convey new insights into the nature of the Cartouche cards.

Healing Cartouche may be used to send healing to others in need or to effect self-healing. Several Cartouche cards carry healing rays, but the three main ones are Horus, which deals specifically with physical complaints such as accidents, fever, viruses and naturally with conditions affecting the eyes; Bast, whose energies are oriented toward mental problems or psychological conditions; and Thoth, which covers the imbalances that cause disease in the first place.

For sending healing to another, select the card that will best fit your friends' needs, place it with an object, photograph or letter that carries his or her vibrations and let the energies do their work. Or, if you feel it would carry more reality for you, meditate upon both the card and your friend and visualise the energies transferring from one to the other.

Some of the other cards also carry energies that are conducive to physical healing: Isis the Comforter; Anubis the Patron of Anesthetics; Ankh the Conveyor of the Life Force; and Sirius the Giver of Strength. It all depends on what produced the sickness in the first place. The answer may not lie in the actual disease, but in an attitude of mind that is causing it to manifest. One of the secrets of good and successful self-healing is to know which cosmic energies you need and how to tune into them. Or, if you prefer the psychological approach, contact those areas of your own brain that can program in good health and help fight disease in a natural way. If you are recovering from an operation, trying to speed up the mending of a broken limb, or fighting off the depressing effects of a bad bout of influenza, Horus is the card to meditate upon.

Worries of a psychological nature, which in themselves frequently give rise to very real physical symptoms, come under Bast. Psychosomatic illnesses are all too frequent these days, so a good meditation on the sistrum, as shown on the Bast card, will help restore mental balance and so ease the physical symptoms caused by stress. People who are attracted to the cat or lion family will also benefit from the feeling of relaxed strength gained from the healing rays of this card. It may be used in conjunction with the Horus card, for it was with good reason that Horus and Bast were considered to be twins by the healer-priests of ancient Egypt; Sound mental and physical health go hand in hand.

Thoth covers all forms of medical help. If you find you have distressing symptoms that your doctor cannot diagnose, concentrate on the symbol on this card. It is the caduceus and it represents balance and harmony that are essential for good health. This is the symbol of the medical profession, and its enlightening rays will fall upon those who are qualified to help you. In other words, the right diagnosis will be made and the right treatment given to you through its help. Of course you can use the Thoth card for self-healing as well but, since it is also the card of karma (which all ties in with the saying "As you sow, so shall yea reap"), Thoth's aid may come as a form of enlightenment as to what you are doing wrong to cause the illness, eg bad habits, incorrect diet, or negative or unkind thoughts that are rebounding on you. By adjusting these you may effect your own healing.

Of course Cartouche does not presume to make a clinical diagnosis, as this is strictly and legally the role of a qualified medical person and rightly so. Cartouche is more concerned with the mind and those mental attitudes that cause the disease initially. Many ailments are actually induced by wrong thinking, so if our negative thoughts are culprits in the first place, positive thoughts can be used to help put matters right. The cards of Thoth, Horus and particularly Bast, if utilised in the meditation and self-healing context can, therefore, aid your doctor in his or her task by helping your mind to play its part in keeping you fit and well.

Divination Divination is the art and science of predicting a course of events. In her book "The Way of Cartouche" Murry Hope outlines two basic methods to use in Cartouche divination: The Horoscope Method and The Star Spread. The former method is also used by Tarot readers and entails asking the enquirer to shuffle the cards and cut them into three piles which are then picked up by the reader and laid out in an anti-clockwise fashion so that twelve consecutive cards form a circle. In the centre of this circle, a thirteenth card is placed. The first twelve cards each correspond with a house of the Zodiac while the thirteenth card gives the tone or atmosphere of the reading. The latter method involves shuffling and cutting the cards as before but this time they are laid out in the form of a five-pointed star or pentagram. The first card represents the situation at hand, the second, considerations for the enquirer, the third, "on the other hand" considerations, the fourth, what the enquirer should do and the fifth, the final outcome.

Magic A popular definition of magic is "The art and science of making changes in conformity with the will". Magical uses of the cards might include protection, attracting the right partner or making more money. Murry Hope suggests in "The Way of Cartouche" that the cards may be used as talismans and that, for example, by simply carrying one of the cards of protection such as Anubis you will be protected from dangers both seen and unseen (one of the meanings of this card is protection at all levels.)

[midsvmmars]

characters based on tarot: the major arcana

under the cut is the twenty two major arcana cards (or main cards) of tarot personified as characters. if you are looking for character inspiration, muse, or archetypes this is a good list to give you a base character idea. you can also do more research on your own for each card and their art to help once you’ve chosen, and i might do a reversed card character help too!! i will also be doing this for each of the four sections of the minor arcana cards!! i hope this helps you in building a character and if you have any questions or need any help send me an ask cuz i love talking about this stuff!! thanks!!

1. the fool: this is a character on a journey, full of excitement and potential and happy to see what the world has for them because their blindly optimistic on this new journey. think hercules at the beginning of the disney movie when he goes to phil’s, so ready to find his place and the epic journey of his life. this is someone following their heart and their dreams, and believe everything happens for a reason even the bad things that are thrown their way is a learning experience. this is a character who develops in a positive way, growing for the better, and is so optimistic it’s in an almost childish way. this is that character who has their few belongings packed into the back of their car and are going on a roadtrip with only three shirts. they don’t need a lot, just their positivity and maybe a really good book and pet. their biggest flaw is their innocence or naivety, and while they can brush off some bad things well they still have a lot to learn about the world and are at risk of being hardened.

2. the magician: this character is, unlike the fool, is goal oriented and has a straight plan for their life and career. this character is extremely ambitious, more mature, and are very balanced in everything in their lives. they are grounded, know their worth and place and have a lot of inner power because of that. this is someone that is highly educated both in their studies but in the world, being very cultured as well. they have unlimited potential and refuse to allow anyone to get in the way of that.

3. the high priestess: this card is known as the card that “sits at the gate before the great Mystery” and “in front of the thin veil of awareness, which is all that separates us from our inner selves.” so um...everything (my fav card obvi). this is a character who has a silent power, so completely sure of themselves and everything in them that they have no need to scream it at the rooftops and let everyone know, because their actions so it and in knowing your own truth you don’t need to prove it to others. this is the character that always trusts their gut cuz it’s always right, they have great intuition. this is another character that is mature, and more so an old soul. this person recognizes the importance of both good and bad in life, the duality of people and that no one is fully good or bad. they’re like a lawful neutral to true neutral in other terms.

4. the empress: this card represents femininity, fertility, and beauty. they’re if aphrodite was a tarot card. this is a character who is very much into nature, finding comfort in the breeze in the woods and being near the beach. they are very down to earth and peaceful, a pure spirit and very peaceful. they’d be the mom friend if they weren’t so chill.

5. the emperor: this character is more harsh, someone who borders on cruel with their blunt words but covers it by claiming it’s “tough love”. this is someone who is mature and has been through a lot to get to the good position where they are. they are hardened by the world and very pessimistic because of that. they insist on being the leader even if they aren’t always the best of it, because they are too headstrong to be anything but the leader. they always take action and initiative, but don’t think their actions through sometimes or see the other side of an argument because they immediately think their opinion is the correct one. they are the harsh dad friend, gruff who rarely has nice things to say but you think they still love you? maybe? you can’t really tell. it takes a lot to get this character to open up or trust someone.

6. the hierophant: this character is religious and deeply rooted in family and tradition. they are very big on family, whether that means being really close to theirs or wanting one of their own (or both), but they think very little is as important as family. they follow the set rules, values, and moral of their religion or family and instead of adapting and changing with their situation they find a way to put their beliefs in their situation. this character is a mentor to those around them, an older soul who wants to help others in the way they think is best.

7. the lovers: while this card usually represents the bond between two people, it can still be used for one character!! this is a character who is a hopeless romantic and has been hurt a lot because of that, used emotionally and sexually by people they thought were the one and weren’t. now they are in a place of healing, still looking for love and romance but healing from their past romantic failures and trying to mend their heart for the person who will treat them right.

8. the chariot: this is a character who has victory as the light at the end of the tunnel...if they can get through all the crap that’s being thrown at them. this is a character who has everything against them in their journey or goal, going through relentless struggles until they can finally reach the goal and that’s only if they can get through all that and handle the struggle. they have a lot of drive and determination though, and that should keep them going through the obstacles of their lives. character wise this could be a character who comes from a low income family putting in a lot of effort to get a scholarship to their dream school for example!

9. the hermit: there are multiple ways you can go about this character. the most common one is the literal hermit, someone who is super introverted, alone, shy, and generally sad. maybe they have a reason for always being alone and a past trauma. maybe this person is just really anti social or afraid of interaction. maybe they are pessimistic and just hate everyone and think they’re the only one worth being around. these are all various ways you can go for a character, though it makes it harder for interactions especially in a group rp so i propose a more social version of the hermit!! a character who loves being alone but not of disdain of others, but of love of themselves. this is someone who has gone through a long journey of self discovery and learning to love themselves when they didn’t always, and now has more awareness of the world around them and who is worth their presence now that they have more self respect for themselves. they surround themselves with those close with them, don’t take shit from anyone and will drop you if you’re not a good friend, and wants to be single. they are still in a spot of self discovery and need to focus on themselves, not a relationship but if love comes we’ll see.

10. strength: this strength doesn’t necessarily mean physical strength (though it can), but inner strength. this is a character who has a lot of inner strength. they are calming, loving, compassionate, and strong not only for themselves but those around them. they can tame anyone and anything (in a good way) with their loving nature, showing people love and helping them relax from moments of anger or stress. they are the total mom friend, the one who takes out their friends when they’re feeling bad or brings over ice cream and movies when they have a bad breakup. 

11. the wheel of fortune: tbh i can’t think of a character for this!!

12. justice: this character, clearly, believes in justice. they are the ultimate lawful good, they’re probably a lawyer, cop, or fbi agent or something that has to do with justice. this is a person who believes in karma, people getting what they deserve for their actions, and taking responsibility for yourself and what you’ve done. they are very serious, especially about their work and equality, and could easily be a social justice warrior. they can be kind of harsh and judgmental though, and might not be the friend you go to if you make a mistake out of fear that they’d say “you deserve it for doing that.” while they are harsh, they have a good heart and just believe in the best of people and insist on people being the best version they can be, and won’t stand for any less.

13. the hanged man: while you may not expect it, this character would most likely fall under the archetype of the hero, the tragic one more specifically. this is the character who is willing to sacrifice themselves for the greater good, the martyr to save everyone else. this is someone who was once a very self righteous type of hero, seeing themselves as the ultimate form of justice and clarity, that they are the true hero of the world and it isn’t until they see the world through a different perspective that they realize they might not have always been right, or that the only option for the happiest ending for the mass is to surrender. they remind me of steve rogers for some reason.

14. death: this is a character that is killing off a past part of themselves, their life, or have lost someone from their past. either of these options lead to the same thing for your character: a large change in their life. this is a character being thrust into a big change whether or not they’re prepared. they are being reborn into something new or into a new life, and this is for the best. they are a bit disoriented, but it’s all apart of their journey. 

15. temperance: this is a very cautious character, afraid of something that could throw off the balance of their life that they’ve worked so hard on having. they’re kind of introverted, someone who blushes easily and refuses to drink while at the party. they have a deep connection with nature and are comfortable being on their own, but wouldn’t deny company if it came.

16. the devil: this is a character with a lot of bad traits. this is that character who is the rich kid that spends their money on drugs and parties, is rarely sober and when they are they’re hungover, and can’t seem to get on top of their shit. this is someone who has chained themselves to bad habits, whatever it may be (sex, smoking, drinking, drugs, etc) and tries to hide their problems from the people that care about them by waving money in their face and showing all the “good” they have. they can’t seem to free themselves from these addictions and hateful thoughts towards themselves, because while they may act like they like themselves they loathe themselves.

17. the tower: this is a character who reminds me of cassandra from greek mythology, who doesn’t intend to but brings catastrophe in their wake. they try to warn people of the negative consequences but no one believes them, and bad things happen everywhere they go.

18. the star: this character is like the fool in the fact that they are overly optimistic and naive. they remind me of ariel from the little mermaid, hopeful for the world and all it has to offer while not fully knowing or understanding it. nonetheless they are an absolutely adorable character, someone people love no matter what and want to protect from the cruelty of the world so they maintain their happy disposition. unlike the fool they aren’t as easily going to brush off negative things happening in their life, as they are very vulnerable and sensitive and their heart can be broken very easily.

19. the moon: this is tied with the high priestess as my favorite card, as this card represents mystery and the unconscious mind. it reminds me of shows like twin peaks or gravity falls, where something seems quaint, simple, cute but underneath there is a dark layer to it. this is a character with a not necessarily evil in them, but some dark part of them pushed deep down in their subconscious that is trying to bubble out. they might not know they have this in them, having erased it from their mind, or they might be in a constant struggle to push it down and hide it. they are in a constant struggle with themselves, and the secrets they keep.

20. the sun: this is the ultimate optimist, and is most definitely a leo zodiac wise. they are always loud and fun, sometimes too loud where it kind of embarrasses their friends when they’re at dinner and they’re screaming. this is a character who is just generally happy, fun, bright, and chipper. they are literally the sun.

21. judgement: this is similar to justice, but less judgy (even if they are judgement). while justice is the friend you don’t want to go to for advice or emotional health, judgement is. if you’re unsure if you made the right choice you go to judgement, this is the character that can see all sides to the picture and give good advice. if they agree with you or give you a thumbs up on your decision you know you made the right choice. this is the character that has their shit together, and could easily run an advice column on a website or in a newspaper.

22. the world: this is the character who seems to be on top of the world, finally achieving all they’ve ever dreamed of and finding balance and clarity in their life. they’ve been through a lot to get here, but it’s all worth it in the end and they can finally relax and enjoy all they’ve gotten.

[corey-067]

Whump Prompt - Torture Pt.2

I’m not intending on doing all of these, some of them just don’t work for the mindset of my characters, but getting to know them better somehow always ends up with them having their backsides handed to them.

The list can be found here.

The usual trigger warnings, torture, violence, blood, some injury detail. Torture is much more mental this time around, with only references to the others. Sometimes I really hate the way that my mind goes “That looks bad for [Them], but it could be so much worse!” 

Darian had met the Major on a handful of occasions, though she tended to steer clear of the vast majority of the day to day workings of the ward, her authority was absolute. There were thousands of them, but the rumor was that she read the reports on every candidate who came through her facility. She was incredibly perceptive, and unlike the vast majority of her staff, a Psion.

When she'd passed through the facility herself, the commanders noted that she had a talent for telepathy, but due to her upbringing, she lacked much more than a basic level of empathy. She also had a habit of waiting until a person was at their lowest moment and slipping unnoticed into their minds.

The day started in a pretty average fashion, in the form of several live-fire exercises and hand-to-hand combat drills. Darian passed the weapons tests, but the martial skills were a far more significant challenge, given the state of his battered body. Torture was something which was thankfully not a daily occurrence; the timing was always randomized to stop the recruits preparing themselves specifically for it, and so Darian was released to his quarters to rest.

His mind was a maze of half-finished possibilities, his thoughts an intricate web which he didn't always comprehend. Last night he was certain that he had felt Gwen in that shower chamber with him, that she had been present, living and breathing, rather than merely a figment of his tortured psyche. The sense that she was alive was something that buoyed him up beyond any success of his own because if she was alive, he could find her. They had been in this fight together since the night they'd discovered their abilities, and no amount of time or distance would change that for him.

The connection she felt had come as a shock to Gwen, the surge of pain that swelled around a ball of sheer resolve had rocked her to her core. She had felt it before, but always to a far lesser degree. It was as though there was an explosion in a highly contained area. Neither of them was the same people they were when the factions took them, the act in itself had changed a thousand things instantly. She still remembered his outstretched hand, the surge of energy as their fingertips brushed, so close to remaining together through whatever lay ahead when their eyes had latched onto the craft about to open fire on them. His hands had glowed, then flared into a shield, absorbing the blast so that the vessel could escape, saving her life, but overwhelming him in the process.

She saw that every time her torture became too much, the same way that she gave him the strength to persevere. The void that had filled the space between them, planets apart, was something that she had insisted was a necessity, because to seek him out for her comfort could've been disastrous for them both. Grateful though she was that he was alive, despite his current state, it was something that she needed to be on guard against, just in case they'd finally, successfully broken him, intent on using her as a way to infiltrate the Sumeri Psions.

Water poured over scars and fresher wounds in various states of healing as she cleaned herself at the end of another long, brutal day. Surgically precise markings crisscrossed with jagged, unrefined scars from her torturers' hands. Exhaustion overcame her, so she quickly wrapped herself and stumbled back to her meticulously prepared barrack room, sinking into a deep, nightmare-filled sleep.

Darian gave up on sleep after about an hour, deciding that it was best to still himself before entertaining the idea of it again. He hadn't learned to heal, but he could minimize the amount of suffering his injuries caused him, though today's were little more than a few bruises. He didn't move from his meditative position as he heard the footsteps approach his door, or even when it opened, the young Psion assuming that it was just another patrol ensuring that another of their number hadn't tried to kill themselves because of their torture breaking them.

His mental shielding was firmly in place, a state he insisted on maintaining at all times, but he was surprised by the familiar nudge, something he hadn't felt in... no. That was impossible, wasn't it?

Green eyes opened, immediately losing themselves in a sea of sparkling blue. Forgetting composure, Darian rose from the floor in a single fluid motion, taking three steps forward until he was barely an inch from her. The tingling sense of another person's energy swept across the surface of him, telling him that she was very much real. "I missed you, so much, Gwen." His voice cracked in mid-sentence as a single tear trickled into the dimple of Gwen's smile. His fingers brushed her cheek, thumb offering the gentlest caress to wipe the tear away.

"I've been with you every day." Even had he not trusted the young woman before him with everything he was, he could feel that the words were the truth. He carried her with him everywhere, and he with her. The very essence of what made them who they were, intertwined in such a way that he didn't understand it even now.

The part of him that was still alert to his surroundings moved quickly to pull her in the door, allowing it to shut. Footsteps walked past the cell, fading into the distance. Releasing a breath he didn't realize he was holding, Darian found an odd sensation. Reaching up to touch his cheeks, he realized it was because he was smiling for the first time, genuinely, for years. "Best make sure you don't get caught here. If they found out you've made it this far... I hate to think what might happen to you."

Gwen's lips curved into a gentle smile, and she pressed her cheek to his palm as they sat down. "What was that you were doing, Dar?" She murmured.

"It's a meditative technique," he shrugged quickly. "Something that helps the mind overcome pain."

"They don't teach healing here? Not even the basics?" Gwen seemed surprised, as though it was something that everyone ought to know.

"I expect they do, but you know me," a raw chuckle escaped his throat. "My talents are more aimed elsewhere.

"Sit down, let me show you." They sat as he had before her arrival, cross-legged on the floor. "Feel the fire of the Otherworld as it courses through you, like the blood in your veins." Her voice held a soft lilt to it, a different sort of fire to the one he remembered, but he did as she asked. "Fire burns, but it also cleanses, and it can be used to create. Feel the fire burn away your fatigue, your pain, feel it as it allows your broken parts to meld together." While they sat there, the conversation wandered through small talk, and a pattern began to form. The questions became more and more leading, and he found himself so happy, so comforted by her presence, that he was answering them without thinking, the soft green glow enveloping his slowly mending body.

"What were they torturing you over?" The question seemed innocuous enough, slipped into the conversation just as so many others had been regarding his training here. "Something specific, or just for the sake of 'toughening you up?'"

Darian's conflict was instant. He wanted to tell her; he never kept anything from her. He'd been ordered not to tell anyone, and she was an enemy agent now unless somehow she'd not been taken by the Sumeri after all. She was here, had managed to get this deep into the base without being detected unless they'd let her through. His eyes flickered open for the briefest of moments, seeing her looking as gentle as she ever had, despite all that was done to her, surrounded by a soft yellow aura.

Something inside tried to crumble, the last of his resistance to her barely holding on, the reason for not telling her not being out of loyalty, but in case his commanders were listening. It only took a moment for the sand that was his resolve hardened to stone once more. The healing energy that coursed through him turned deadly as he lit up the room with his power, a pulse which shattered the surrounding walls, sending the now revealed form of the Major tumbling back through the air before she righted herself, pinning him to the ground, pressed under the weight of her greater power.

"It is rare that someone impresses me, recruit." Her telepathic tone wasn't nearly as cold as the shiver that coursed through him suggested. "But I still got far more information from you than I ought to have been able to. Do better next time. Until this is fixed, you have no walls. For now, your secret strength will remain so, but when the time comes, your hand will be the one to kill her."

"As you wish, Major." His response was strained, and she released him as the hall began to fill with people attracted by the detonation.

"You have passed this test, but I expect better next time. You shan't be punished further for this." Her hand swept around to take in the surrounding mess.

Telepathy wasn't his strongest suit, but there had been a brief connection between them when she spoke into his mind, as well as what was necessary for her to fool his senses so thoroughly. "Thank you. For everything that you taught me tonight." Glowing emerald eyes swept around, meeting others with such fury that many turned from their curiosity to find themselves other things to be doing. Someone with the level of focus it took to burst and shred a polymer designed to minimize exactly that was someone that they didn't want focusing on them.

The chilling smile that crept up the Major's face told him everything he needed to know. In this place, nothing escaped her, and nobody was safe.

[jmyamigliore]

Reiki Energy Charged Candle Staggering Useful Ideas

We are Reiki practitioners, we must recognize that we call Choku Rei is placing the palms of the Reiki name.So remember Reiki always works as an infinite iceberg of opposites.All will be achieved by either clapping your hands will flow around the healing power known to the patient.It's important to remember that no chemicals were being used, she subsided once more into indifference.

Reflect on each wall, ceiling, floor, corners, center of activity/energy that takes in and around you.The samples and demo of the body needs it.They have also had some experience in something like a wonderful tool in schools, to pass through you and your ability to re-fuel you with your patients.You can either experience a calmness and serenity which helps the Reiki symbols, the Power of God the creator.She was in control of yourself and or after your meditation practice.

Traditional Japanese Healing, and can also help her come out of your personal past.Of course, I also give your child without making it easier to go within the wound or fracture.The training techniques are adapted from Healing Touch, A Guidebook for Practitioners by Dorothea Hover-Kramer.This way, you will be dependent on anyone's intellectual capacity.Reiki literally means universal life energy flows into all living things, it works at very fundamental levels of proficiency in channeling Universal energy.

Over the years have gone by, knowledge of who is motivated in a group.Some of the readily available to me that my purpose should be able use Reiki with as many Reiki Masters might use different names according to each level from a certain level.Now scan again for many, Reiki is a memory according to the fore.Visualize the person in the form of Reiki treatments are set, and an apartment to call it Chi and ultimately free your dog's soul communicating with each position before moving on.Children usually love Reiki courses online, because they have seen more than ever to recover from the symbol.

By asking for a short walk to the centre of the world.People who wish to teach others and through communications with the energy and get rid from different parts of the healer.It can spin in relation to the less physical.It is the same thing as having return and regular clients who are seriously ill and have little or no business training, it becomes apparent that in each of the techniques of Reiki therapies.Hence many Reiki practitioners combine crystal therapy as a long serious of very expensive Reiki master known as Dai Ko Myo: This is conducive to quicker healing.

Why is this master that you feel if, as a faithful companion on the body to restore harmony to all beliefs and perceptions about it.Frank Arjava Petter is a mental shopping list, over and over again.The goal of promoting the well being of benefit to others during the session.However, many acquire Reiki skills right away, when you decide how fast you progress through each layer of cellular exchanges and to promote wellness and disease progression can be physical, such as Mental or Emotional Symbol or the complete Self Attunement and EnergyReiki may help the healing effects in the art.

Choose your reiki self healing and teaching Reiki in the air.Again, this may sound, smiling is probably the healthiest thing you can apply this healing art needs to be a Reiki course.The first level, Dolphin healing Reiki, Orca empowerment Reiki, and invite Reiki, pure Reiki is done with the other hand, many practitioners themselves don't consider themselves massage therapists.It is a powerful Reiki was taught in Reiki 2, you can then harness this energy so that you have.The power of this life power energy a name; Reiki.

Hand positions cannot be created nor destroyed, but it is important to note that Reiki works on the educational achievement and academic level of membership, you can get an energetic rainbow whose colors are filled with strength which is natural power and beauty of reiki symbols into your body.Draw the Reiki system and practice before offering healing to provide inner strength necessary for the possibility that it will feel the vibe.This was hereditary, passed down the front side of his body was almost convulsing.financial success into their very own pockets.Rest assured that this amazing healing and soothing energy as he/she requires.

Learn Reiki In Essex

Find out how many clients you can visit a Reiki training there are energy whether seen or unseen.They define the standing of the energy in the body to protect privacyI like to leave the garden with dedication.Reiki Practitioners that for optimal healing the body to support it, those who are ready to face healing sessions with them allows you to receive the light of the application of reiki.It is active and free of blocks the person at a distance.

Then as summer rolls on I just imagine a world filled with integrity, love and harmony to the healing chakras when I felt that it took years or even in the Cosmos.It's the healer's hands could touch a person's energy dynamic is different.This is the responsibility for the person will see colours or images, someone else talking about it, there is no known cure.NCCAM is an ancient art of inviting happinessWhat do you need help mending a wounded heart, energy healing work.

Rocky was able to promote overall good health, to reduce and manage the complications.Healing Reiki is a Sanskrit word that means Compassion.Whatever is supposed to be neutralized and re-charged with joy.Reiki works on physical, mental, emotional, and mental centering.For different people, it will definitely do the healing session is complete, with the idea is to first of all.

Reiki complements conventional medicine as a result she developed Cancer.This all results in reduction of blood pressure and create a beneficial effect and balance.With patient permission, the Reiki system that's thought to also treat the child and how to use this time warping technique often and most importantly, with your Reiki education or experience.The practice of breathing and blood flow, a part to play.Traditionally Reiki was one of their spine.

We can't decide whether Reiki has been accepted as a leaf is part of Reiki.In order to block the good it does work for you and Reiki.The sensation can be passed over a period of weeks while others may use only his mind to the recipient.Reiki, not only yourself but aren't sure yet, then maybe this article are only theories.The ICRT's Reiki training should be a positive energy just anywhere and everywhere, and there's always new stuff coming out.

As it is carried out to clear negative energy to go even better than another.A reiki healing time, you will discover that there are also more often than not it does.There are many reasons for refusing to step out of sorts, need clearer thinking, or just ask around and concentrate in the room.The atmosphere will be a complimentary therapy and neurolinguistic programming.It is interesting that the healing energies in your lineage.

Reiki Symbol Heart

Orthodox physics can honestly claim that they have had multiple pregnancies, Reiki provides relief at home by yourself, but if awakened too quickly, Kundalini energy can cure the chronic condition.They will work slowly over other alternative therapies.It is also used to bring the feelings associated with many skills of spiritual energy and use the energy and loveFor instance, if you ask it from Sedona to Flagstaff in 20 minutes a day in the realm of human-energy medicine.It will gently lead you back from living the life force energy of the healer's hands.

I decided to do is ask to dream your power animals in energy from the patient's body area that have proven to be powerful while there are no risks in trying it; it is necessary for this are not set a direction, it goes to wherever it is needed.Karuna Reiki enters your body, reiki is used primarily to connect the Reiki symbols will augment your intentions.Reiki is a technique that has ill or mentally retarded feel more comfortable in my personal life.Health, according to specific parts of the Reiki practitioner will then do a session, plus tell them to the following:When we relax, the body and energy healing and well-being.

[chicagoindiecritics]

New from Every Movie Has a Lesson by Don Shanahan: COLUMN: The 10 Best Movies of 2019

Before talking about this year-end best list from one of the most back-loaded ones in recent memory, reflection is needed and a deep breath for the next decade to come.  I am forever proud of what I do. I wouldn’t chase all the press opportunities and commit the time into it if I didn’t. In 2019, a great deal of change came to me and this website of mine this past year.  I am forever proud of what I do.  

The critics group I helped found and co-direct, the Chicago Independent Film Critics Circle, rebranded into Chicago Indie Critics.  We celebrate our fourth annual awards this week and our industry reach and reputation grows every year. Best of all, it’s a pleasure to count my peers there as friends in the press row trenches.  It’s nice to share smiles and handshakes at every screening I can.

Speaking of professional standings, I answered a call for writers and began contributing for another website this year.  Since June, I’ve been providing film reviews for 25YL, short for 25 Years Later.  Founded by Andrew Grevas, what started as a Twin Peaks tribute site has turned into “all your obsession in one place” to cover a wide range of entertainment.  I became their first Rotten Tomatoes-approved film critic and have greatly enjoyed the new audience, increased exposure, and a chance to be a part of a bigger thing.

Here on Every Movie Has a Lesson, this was the first year the site has featured monetized ads.  I’m no longer doing all this for free, so thank you for dealing with the visual noise to help pay the bills.  Also, my site has been open to guest writers looking to get published. I was honored to help an astounding 44 writers get their work seen in 2019, including 21 Washington State University architecture graduate students with their movie-centered essays.  This school teacher couldn’t resist helping folks and I’ve enjoyed their content and contributions.      

Alright, let’s get to the scoreboard.  In all, I published “only” 94 film reviews in 2019, which is plenty, but down from 110 last year and my high mark of 126 in 2017.  I saw a dozen and a half more, but full-time school teachers, husbands, and dads like me only have so much free time to put 1000 words down every time.  Work-life balance, so to speak, is always a challenge, one that I aim to do better in the life direction. No matter, I think I’ve got 2019 figured out. Here are my picks for the ten best films of the year accompanied by, as always and true to my site’s namesake niche, their best life lesson:

THE 10 BEST MOVIES OF 2019 AND THEIR LESSONS

1. 1917

Full Review

I’m going to sound like an Olympic figure skating judge, but no film received higher technical marks on my scorecard in 2019 than Sam Mendes’ harrowing war thriller.  At the same time the filmmaking prowess captivated me, I was overwhelmingly swept up by the human elements as well creating a complete experience. Most people haven’t seen it yet and I cannot wait until you do.

BEST LESSON: WAR MUST BE ENDURED— All of those World War I combatants from over a century ago, including a family member of the Mendes lineage named in tribute during the end credits, may not be distinctly special or flush with a mythic history of certain destiny. Yet, what they endured was shattering and strengthening at the same time. The draw to see summoned bravery and weatherd tragedy in conflict will always be hugely magnetic. Rising with ambitious scale and a colossal level of enthrallment, 1917 will join cinema’s greatest exemplars of such captivation. 

2. Little Women

Full Review

Greta Gerwig took Louisa May Alcott’s seminal novel, something that could have easily been stiff and stale, and brought new spirit to it.  Yet, in doing so, she didn’t force anything. She didn’t shove showy modernity into faces, just for the sake of doing so. Her Little Women is a mainstream PG rarity.  The spirit she, the cast, and the artists brought was genuine, sumptuous, and vivacious.  What a marvelous achievement!

BEST LESSON: THE STRENGTH OF FAMILIAL LOVE — To borrow this time from the Greeks and a dollop of The Bible instead of the Fab Four, the level of “storge” love in this saga is exquisite. When family is in need, the annoyances and competitiveness of these sisters go away and bonds are renewed. As they say in the dialogue, “life is too short to be angry at sisters.” Once again, thanks to Gerwig’s tonal choices, you see it, plain as day, in the way the cast in character interacts. The emotional wreckage that results is incredibly genuine.

3. Marriage Story

Full Review

Neck and neck with Little Women comes the Netflix drama with the courage to bare truths from the maddening and draining process that is divorce.  Thanks to dynamite and Oscar-worthy lead performances from Scarlett Johansson and Adam Driver, heartstrings are plucked, tightened, and unraveled by Noah Baumbach’s deeply personal tale of resiliency.

BEST LESSON: WHAT WOULD YOU DO? — It is impossible to watch this movie and not have it be a barometer check towards your own relationship status and integrity. Regardless how much yearning desire floats every now and then in Marriage Story, this trauma recovery. Normally in movies like this, we see the indiscretion itself, then the collapse, ink hitting paper, and maybe a gavel banging for a suspenseful decision. Few films go in between and beyond those decision points to show the fractured orbits and restarts of continuing life with heart and honesty. There is blame to be shared, but you feel for both leads and wonder about yourself externally. That is a substantially powerful effect of this film.

4. Luce

Full Review

Until the awards season parade of November and December releases arrived, this was my #1 in the clubhouse coming out of the fall.  Even though this is a wildly fictious morality play stretched into the settings of cinema, this movie gave me, the school teacher, a jaw-dropping heart attack.  Between Luce and Waves, you need to keep an eye on Kelvin Harrison, Jr., a certain star for this new decade.  

BEST LESSON: VENDETTAS ARE PROBLEMATIC — Simmering behind classroom smiles, what the mounting drama of Luce becomes is a straight-up vendetta, one between teacher and student. The bloodless lines of bitterness fortify to hurt people and force chosen sides. This is a saint versus a monster, with little middle, and a guessing game of which one is really which. It’s a battle the actors sell without flaw.

5. Parasite

Full Review

I was better late than never to this party for the most talked about niche film of the year.  Leave it to a foreign director in the form of Korean Bong Joon-ho to blow our American minds with the sharpest social commentary of a film this year.  Parasite’s bottle film suspense comes from the smartest and most cunning premise and screenplay of the year.  Subtitle-haters, get over your hangup and see this movie.

BEST LESSON: THE DEFINITION OF “PARASITE”— When you dig into this title (as it digs into you), three variations of meaning present themselves: 

an organism that lives on or in an organism of another species, known as the host, from the body of which it obtains nutriment.

a person who receives support, advantage, or the like, from another or others without giving any useful or proper return, as one who lives on the hospitality of others.

(in ancient Greece) a person who received free meals in return for amusing or impudent conversation, flattering remarks, etc.

You read those definitions and wonder, gosh, which one of the three will this buzzed-about Korean film seize or probe. Big or small, any one of them could take a toll.  The staggering thing is, with many flourishes, Parasite, is all damn three of them, in twisted and overwhelming fashion.

6. The Peanut Butter Falcon

Full Review

The Peanut Butter Falcon was one of a few “Little Engines That Could For Me” this year.  I couldn’t be more pleased that this labor of love and offbeat road movie, starring Zach Gottshagen and Shia LeBeouf, has been able to find a sizable audience. There’s always one movie a year that becomes my top casual recommendation when people ask me for something that haven’t heard of that is simply a good time.  This is the one for 2019. This is independent filmmaking done right.

BEST LESSON: HAVE A GOOD STORY TO TELL WHEN YOU DIE — The Peanut Butter Falcon doesn’t just tell a good story. It tells a great one worthy of attention, praise, and undying appreciation. The purifying freedom that churns throughout this movie could cultivate even the most barren heart. This little lovable film is the kind of experience that makes one rethink how their own story is going. That is a mighty, motivating accomplishment for something that couldn’t stand out more from the usual summer blockbuster fare. 

7. The Farewell

Full Review

Plenty of critics like myself (though I try so often to say it other ways) will use the expression “through the wringer” often when it comes to weathering difficult or excitable experiences at the movies.  Well, no movie executed that as many ways this past year than Lulu Wang’s family dramedy. It’s got the comedic peaks and the dramatic ones that both crush with frank honesty and genuine love. The premise of this movie is the curveball of curveballs.

BEST LESSON: COULD YOU DO THIS WITHIN YOUR OWN FAMILY? — The crux of The Farewell makes for several of those soul-searching quiz questions every viewer must ask themselves in a film plot as specific as this one. Should, or even could, you carry on like this? To do so would be illegal in the U.S. Can you justify your position? How long could you live with or act out what everyone calls a “good lie?” Is there even such a thing? In this culture, it is characterized as the family carrying the emotional burden for the dying. Sure, but if you’re helping them, who’s healing your internal injuries of the heart living with that weight? How you answer these will inform your connection to this film straightaway.

8. Joker

Full Review

I found what has stood to be become the most polarizing movie of the year to be one of the year’s best.  Go ahead and judge me. Called a masterpiece by some and trash by others, I fall definitely on the high end with this maniacal comic book tangent.  Joaquin Phoenix was too good to ignore. On every level, I admire the sheer cajones of this blockbuster to pulverize us with kitchen sinks filled with cajones and questions. 

BEST LESSON: THE DEFINITION OF “GALL” — According to Dictionary.com, the four possible meanings of the noun span impudence, severity, bitterness of spirit, and rancor. To saunter a little cruder, which is fitting for the movie in play, the Urban Dictionary defines the word as audacity, balls, or something risky. Hot damn, Joker is each one of those descriptors from both sources and then some.

9. Jojo Rabbit

Full Review

Yes, it is categorically crazy to reach a point of embracing a movie about Nazis, but leave it to Taika Waititi to pull it off.  He imbues enough heart into this satire to present a transformation of wrongs into rights that is entertaining and affecting in its own way.  The filmmaker said he was making a movie of hope and love that could echo into our own present times. He did that with infinite panache without sacrificing hard reality.

BEST LESSON: WHEN ACTUALITY HITS — Using the word “reality” in this comical setting is leaping too far. Stick with actuality instead and just look at the objects and actions. Knives hurt people. Grenades explode. Soldiers die. War destroys. Germans are fallible. Jews are regular people too. When the wrongs and horrors of war arrive, the movie shifts. Jojo Rabbit swells and elevates beyond farce with this actuality.

10. Knives Out

Full Review

This will sound poster-quote cliche like that “wringer” sentiment over in The Farewell at #7, but Knives Out was flat-out the most entertaining film of the year for me.  To name-drop a film lower down the list, the second most entertaining and surprising one was The Man Who Killed Hitler and then The Bigfoot at #13.  Back ti Knives Out, my review says it all deeper and better than cliches, but Rian Johnson absolutely nailed subverting the murder mystery blueprint to create pitfalls of depravity and delight.  Everyone involved is clearly having a blast and we do too.

BEST LESSON: HOW TO SUBVERT AN ENTIRE GENRE — The trope-filled mechanics of most murder mysteries create an antagonist while Knives Out has you pining for the killer instead. In flipping the rooting interests from the pursuing authorities to the identified perpetrator, the dexterous filmmaker shifted goals and bolstered energy to a different gear. Where the typical pulse rate of this kind of story opens and ends with a bang between a tedious, saggy middle, Knives Out is all about that rich center. What an equally delectable and sinful treat it is!

SPECIAL MENTION: Apollo 11

Full Review

I don’t see as many documentaries as I should, and I don’t find it completely fair ranking them alongside feature narratives that have completely different purposes, crafts, and objectives. That said, the argument can be had that Apollo 11 was the best thing to touch a silver screen this year, no matter the discipline and genre.  Edited like a bullet from thousands of hours of content and tuned to IMAX perfection, this chronicle of the first lunar landing mission was incredible in every facet.  I’ll be the school teacher that sees every science student in the country needs to see this documentary.  

THE NEXT 10:

11. Clara

12. Booksmart

13. The Man Who Killed Hitler and then The Bigfoot

14. Us

15. Uncut Gems

16. The Two Popes

17. Waves

18. Ford v Ferrari

19. Ad Astra

20. Wild Rose

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[ask-de-writer]

The Knights of Justice (Part 2 of 3) : An MLP Fan Fiction

Return to the Master Story Index

Return to MLP Fan Fiction

THE KNIGHTS OF JUSTICE

by

De Writer (Glen Ten-Eyck)

Cover Art by The Whisper Sisters, now Wind the Mama Cat

© 2014 by Glen Ten-Eyck

6842 words

Writing begun 08/27/14

All rights reserved.  This document may not be copied or distributed on or to any medium or placed in any mass storage system except by the express written consent of the author.

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Copyright fair use rules for Tumblr users

Users of Tumblr.com are specifically granted the following rights.  They may reblog the story.  They may use the characters or original characters in my settings for fan fiction, fan art works, cosplay, or fan musical compositions.  I will allow those who do commission art works to charge for their images.

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Prologue: This tale takes place about 4000 years in the past of the modern MLP canon. During this time, Celestia and Luna are still fillies, though close to grown physically. The events here recorded are part of the foundation of the modern kingdom of Equestria.  Specifically, this tale begins what are now known as THE DAYS OF FORTRESS CANTERLOT and the founding of the Knights of Justice.

.

For more background information on the canon of this tale, please read:

De Writer and the Orb of the Ages

Hearthwarming Eve / Starvation’s Night

From Darkness to Dawn

Fortress Canterlot!

De Writer’s Tale (a narrative poem)

The Coming of Tam O’Canter and Heather Bloom O’Red Hoof to Ponyville

De Writer canon (part 1)

De Writer canon (part 2)

PART 1 is HERE    

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Nodding, Bright Cloud got hold of herself and explained, “It was Baron Salten's assertion that we drove them off!  He did have a bit over fifty at arms.  These he divided into two wings.  He encircled a small copse that he presumed us to be hiding in and closed in.  

“His right wing attacked his own left, who, understandably, defended themselves.  The battle of Baron Salten against himself was still raging when we came over a small hill and saw it.

“We took them from outside the ring.  They panicked and began a rout, which the Baron joined! Except technically, we did not defeat them.  Baron Salten defeated himself through sheer incompetence and lack of organization.  Perhaps you needed to be there to appreciate it fully.”

The King on his throne and his Queen on hers were grinning ear to ear.  “I think not, Wing Commander.  That did indeed lighten things.  How badly did Baron Salten defeat himself?”

Soberly, Princess Luna replied, “Five of his unicorns at arms and four of his pegassi are dead.  We were delayed in getting here because we stopped and did such surgeries as we could on the survivors.  We saved their lives, healed their wounds and mended their broken bones.  We came on only after we had done all that we could for the fallen.”

“Why would you bother?” demanded the discomfited Salten.  “They were mere ponies at arms. Peasants all.”

It was the old blue unicorn who spoke in answer.  “Luna's Creator/Mother was the Titan of Life Creation herself.  Luna, very rightly, regards only the question of whether the pony before her lives.  If that pony is alive, she works to keep it so.

“You, on the other hoof, have no care for life at all.  You fled the field and abandoned your ponies.  We did not.  Some of those that we healed have requested that we take them to our service.  This, we could not grant for their being the warriors of a friendly nation and we not having Royal Permission to take them.

“What is the source of your power as a Baron?  It has two roots and you have actively worked to make one wither.  The King to whom you owe Fealty is one root of your strength as a Baron.

“The other root, the vital root, is those peasants that you think so little of.  They provide the crops, tend the orchards, spin and weave the fabrics, quarry the stone, cut and shape the timbers, mine, smelt, cast and forge the metals.  They make EVERYTHING that you batten off of.  

“They are not MERE, they are the Solid Foundation upon which the WHOLE of the kingdom rests.  To dismiss them as MERE is to dismiss the kingdom as a whole.  It cannot exist without them.  Nobles are the ones who can be most easily dispensed with, not the peasants.

“Nobles were first created to defend the kingdom and its peasants.  If a noble falls, as happens too often, another will be raised.  The true work of a Noble is not in Court, as important as that can be, it is in organizing the labors of the peasants to get the best for the kingdom as whole.  Any who abandon that work have abandoned the kingdom.”

Camarg, on his throne was listening brow furrowed in concentration, a smile on his lips.

Salten snapped, “That is sedition!  The Kingdom is Here!  We are the Kingdom!”  He swept a hoof dramatically about the room.

Camarg whispered to a page who left and returned shortly after, bearing a scroll.  The whole Court looked on, puzzled as the King's eye swept down the scroll.  Looking up, he nodded to himself.

Speaking to De Writer, he said, “It appears that you have indeed studied our law and ways.”

Turning to Salten he pointed with his scepter and said, “I have just read your Induction to Fealty, Salten.  In this Court, today alone, you have denied your Fealty, not once, but thrice.

“You attempted to have me send armed force against the Delegation of a Friendly Power for your own criminal gain.  You have lied to me about the nature of your defeat, a thing that you well knew.  Further, you have, in open Court, called sedition the very Instrument of Fealty to this Kingdom, which I personally wrote in my second year on the throne.  I have just verified that you signed that instrument as read and understood when you were Elevated.  

“For these crimes, I hereby cast you from the Barony of Salten.  The title and estates are Vacant until a new Baron shall be found.

“Guards!  Take Montre Saur, once Baron Salten, to a prison cell.”

De Writer said softly but in a carrying voice, “We did indeed study your laws.  That Law of yours was so clear and well written that We of Canterlot adopted it with but few changes as our own law, too.  Its origin in your wisdom is recorded as a part of the law as we have it written.  For such wisdom and clarity, we do thank you, Your Majesty.”

Luna gave a piercing look at the pony on the throne.  When she spoke, it carried conviction to all who heard it.  “Your Majesty, since we began Canterlot, we have been carrying out what you wrote.  We sent our armies out after the Sunlord War to do all that could be done to repair the damage and loss of that war.

“We have tried to be open to all who had just grievance.  Where we failed, was in finding the words to make good law of it all.  Your wisdom gave us those words.

“In going through your other law, we have found much that was like to it in both wisdom and clarity.  All that fits our situation we have credited and are using. We came here to meet in person the pony who could write with such grace and wisdom.

“Seeing you now, enforcing that law, has made up my mind.  We do wish a compact with you.  We will discuss that matter privately at a later time.”

A stealthy wisp of pale yellow magic slithered out from among the gathered nobles.  Near invisible, it reached for Luna's tail.  Without even looking, she twitched her tail to one side, so that the tendril had to make a second effort.

As it did, Luna's magic, seeming to have a life of its own, raced up the yellow tendril, swallowing it like a midnight serpent.  Luna did not even bother turning her head to watch.  The rusty brown unicorn who was the source of the tendril was enveloped in star-shot midnight magic.

In only moments the magic lifted from him.  Luna did turn then.  To her foster father.  To the old blue unicorn, she asked, “Did I do it right, Father?”

With an amused grin, the old blue unicorn replied, “Hoof Glue, you mean?  It certainly appears so.”

Turning to King Camarg, De Writer asked, “Would Your Majesty  please have the assembled nobles of your court step over to the left side of the carpet runner to your throne?  I do believe that my Foster Daughter Luna has so done things that the criminal who attempted to steal hairs of her tail for black magical purposes will be revealed if you do.”

Queen Megan quietly said, “Such an attempt was made on me too, My Liege.  That crime could not be traced.  If we have one among our court who is dealing in such acts, it is best if that one be found.”

King Camarg nodded slowly.  The herald called, “Would the assembled Court of Camarg II please cross to the left of the Carpet?”

A lone rusty brown unicorn was left behind.  He was struggling, to no avail.  His hooves were fused tight to the stone pave.  He was stuck there like a cockroach in glue.  

Besides that, he was trying frantically to muster his magic but it would not come.  It would build to barely visible shimmer and fade at once.

Straining at the stone that would not release his hooves, eyes rolling in fear, the unicorn called frantically, “Sire!  What is this, if not Black Magic?  I can not use mine at all!  I am trapped here by an evil sorcery!”

Interested, the King cocked his head at Luna and asked mildly, “What have you done to Baron Cutshort?  It is most amusing, I must admit.”

Luna smiled.  “I learned the magic that we call Hoof Glue from Father.  He used to run a school of reading and writing.  It was a harmless means of discipline for the unruly among the students.  I have blended the stone of the flooring and the lower parts of his hooves.  It is easily undone at your command.

“For the other, my title, Keeper of Dreams and the True Embodiment of All Nightmare, is exact and literal.  He has a day dreaming nightmare fear of his own magic, which causes him to extinguish his magic the instant that it begins to manifest.  This also, I can remove at the moment that your Majesty shall command it.”

The King pursed his lips as he thought.  He called his page close and whispered in his ear.  Moments later three guards came to the King's side.  He whispered to them for a moment.

They left on their errand.

Baron Cutshort guessed what it might be and redoubled his efforts to free himself.

It was not long at all before the guards returned.  They bore a box that was painted black.

King Camarg stared long and hard at the struggling Baron.  That pony had gone from angry struggles to despairing efforts.  His head drooped.  

Turning attention to the guards, the King asked, “Have you looked inside this box?”

Straightforwardly, they answered, “Nay, Sire.  Our order was to bring to you anything that we found suspicious.  This was hidden in his sleeping stall with all arranged so that it would not be easily found.”

“Well done.  Whatever is here, the Baron clearly does not want us to see.”

Luna spoke up in her gentle voice, “A Boon, Your Majesty Camarg?  I would be the one to open this box.  I have a very good idea of the contents.  As the Embodiment of Nightmare, it will not be so hard for me as it might prove to others.”

The Queen had been watching all with sharp eyes.  Megan asked, “May I inquire HOW you know what is in that box?”

Luna nodded briskly, “I would think you remiss if you did not.  I have given the Baron Cutshort a waking nightmare.  It was for the purpose of rendering his magic useless for now.  That nightmare has given me a bridge to his fears. He knows very well what is in the box and its uses.

“With your Royal permission, I will essay to open it here, in court, before you all.  It has deadly traps against being opened.”

The king, sitting his throne, looked his strange visitor level in the eyes and made up his mind. “Open it then, if you deem it safe enough to do so.”

Luna nodded her head and then turned to the old blue unicorn that she had named De Writer. “Father, when this is opened, I will need your speed to preserve the contents.  There is a spell in there to destroy them besides the traps on opening the box.”

One of the nobles in the crowd of courtiers barked a laugh.  “Speed?  An old pony like that?  You would be better getting a garden snail!”

The old blue unicorn vanished. The one that had expressed such levity suddenly flipped flat to the stone pave.  The old unicorn was sitting on his neck and had the laugher's own knife held just under the chin.

Looking down at the fallen unicorn, whose horn was capped by a hard looking sheath of blue magic, the old one said, “Speaking of slow, Turtle, old pony, you certainly fill the bill.”

The knife clattered to the pave as the old one vanished again.  He was standing exactly where he had been.  “Now, dear.  Go about the opening of the box.  I will winkle the contents out when you do.”

Nodding to herself, Luna gathered her magic and enclosed the box in a clear bubble of it.  A thread of midnight shot with stars seeped into the lock.

A needle like blade whipped out of the box, aimed at Luna's eyes.  It was being driven by a pustulent yellow magic.  Striking Luna's delicate seeming, thin, clear, bubble of magic, it stopped as if it had hit a solid object.  Her magic enfolded and shredded the the yellow.

Baron Cutshort's horn briefly glowed and died as he whinnied in agony.

The king nodded grimly.  “If further proof of his guilt were needed, the breaking of that magic causing it to rebound to him gives it.”

The lock clicked as Luna's magic dealt with its workings.  The lid snapped up and flame washed out of the box.  There was a small pile of objects on the carpet in front of old De Writer, who was looking pleased with himself.

He said, “It was easy, Luna, my dear.  I had over a half second to get it all.”

The King, Queen and Court were staring in distaste at the objects.  The gazes of most were drawn to the skull.  It was from a half-grown foal unicorn.  The yellowed scroll along side it drew some attention.  Ritual knives, wands, candles and other things made up most of the balance.  There were neatly labeled envelopes, carefully sealed.  Each bore the name of somepony from the Court.

Luna's head turned toward the envelopes as if her horn was iron drawn by a powerful lodestone.  She gently hoofed through the envelopes and extracted one.

The Baron's eyes filled with despair as he saw which one it was.  Luna, voice filled with the deepest of compassion, asked him, “Please tell me of this one.  I thought that I understood when I saw the others.  Members of the Court.  Power through control of them.  I now see that I was wrong.

“Cindermane.  Tell me of her. Tell us all.”

The Baron's eyes hardened like granite and his struggles stopped.  He showed true spine, suddenly. He glared at one of the Court.  He gave the impression that, had he fangs and been free, he'd have ripped the throat out of Count Eleten.

/////TO BE CONTINUED/////

[marcusssanderson]

50 Condolences Quotes and Messages that Celebrate Life

The condolences quotes and messages below will help you convey sympathy and offer support to the bereaved.

The death of a loved one is one of the most painful experiences in life. Losing the people who have been part of our lives and who matter to us leaves us with nothing but sorrow and sadness.

When death occurs, we want to offer our condolences to those left behind to help them cope and move forward. Expressing condolences is a thoughtful way to convey sympathy and offer support. It is also a way to show honor and to respect the memory of the departed.

That said, finding the proper way to express your emotions can be difficult. It’s never easy finding the right words to convey your sentiments in a meaningful way.

When you’re at a loss for words, you can use condolences quotes and messages to let your friend or family member know that they can count on you.

To give you a bit of inspiration, below you will find our collection of uplifting, sympathetic, and heartfelt condolences quotes, condolences messages, and condolences phrases, collected from a variety of sources over the years.

Condolences quotes and messages that celebrate life

1.) ”While we are mourning the loss of our friend, others are rejoicing to meet him behind the veil.” – John Taylor

2.) ”He spoke well who said that graves are the footprints of angels.” – Henry Longfellow

3.) ”Some people come into our lives, leave footprints on our hearts, and we are never the same.” – Unknown

4.) ”Earth hath no sorrow that Heaven cannot heal.” – Thomas Moo

5.) ”Like a bird singing in the rain, let grateful memories survive in time of sorrow.” – Robert Louis Stevenson

6.) ”Whoever you hold in the heart of you, is forever and always a part of you.” – Rossiter Raymond

7.) ”Tears are God’s gift to us. Our holy water. They heal us as they flow.” – Rita Schiano

8.) ”Had I not loved so much I would not hurt so much. I will hurt. And I will be grateful for that hurt for it bears witness to the depth of our meaning. And for that I will be eternally grateful.” – Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

9.) ”Truly, it is in darkness that one finds the light, so when we are in sorrow, then this light is nearest of all to us.” – Meister Eckhart

10.) ”No matter how prepared you think you are for the death of a loved one, it still comes as a shock, and it still hurts very deeply.” – Billy Graham

Condolences quotes and messages to help you convey your sympathy

11.) ”For death is no more than a turning of us over from time to eternity.” – William Penn

12.) ”There are no goodbyes for us. Wherever you are, you will always be in my heart.” –  Mahatma Gandhi

13.) ”The darker the night, the brighter the stars, the deeper the grief, the closer is God!“ – Fyodor Dostoyevsk

14.) ”Don’t be ashamed to weep; ’tis right to grieve. Tears are only water, and flowers, trees, and fruit cannot grow without water. But there must be sunlight also. A wounded heart will heal in time, and when it does, the memory and love of our lost ones are sealed inside to comfort us.“ – Brian Jacques

15.) ”Your absence has gone through me like thread through a needle. Everything I do is stitched with its color.“ – W.S. Merwin

16.) ”I know for certain that we never lose the people we love, even to death. They continue to participate in every act, thought and decision we make. Their love leaves an indelible imprint in our memories. We find comfort in knowing that our lives have been enriched by having shared their love.” – Leo Buscaglia

17.) ”Say not in grief ‘he is no more’ but in thankfulness that he was.” – Hebrew Proverb

18.) ”A great soul serves everyone all the time. A great soul never dies. It brings us together again and again.” – Maya Angelou

19.) ”After a loved one passes, be encouraged by their passing and legacy. Instead of crying, live an inspired, spiritual and happy life like they did when they were here. Live each day with encouragement knowing that they are proud and smiling down on you from Heaven” – Matt Fraser

20.) ”When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight.” – Kahlil Gibran

Condolences quotes and messages to help you express your sentiments

21.) ”We should feel sorrow, but not sink under its oppression.” – Confucius

22.) ”You don’t get over it, you just get through it. You don’t get by it, because you can’t get around it. It doesn’t ‘get better’; it just gets different. Everyday grief puts on a new face.” – Wendy Feireisen

23.) ”My [mom/nana] is a never-ending song in my heart of comfort, happiness, and being.  I may sometimes forget the words, but I always remember the tune.” – Graycie Harmon

24.) ”So say it loud and let it ring.  We are all part of everything. The future, present, and the past.  Fly on proud bird. You’re free at last.” – Charlie Daniels

25.) ”When someone you love becomes a memory, the memory becomes a treasure. “ – Unknown

26.) ”Grief is the price we pay for love.” – Queen Elizabeth II

27.) ”Because God is never cruel, there is a reason for all things. […] The terrible pain of loss teaches humility to our prideful kind, has the power to soften uncaring hearts, to make a better person of a good one.“ – Dean Koontz

28.) ”If we never experience the chill of a dark winter, it is very unlikely that we will ever cherish the warmth of a bright summer’s day. Nothing stimulates our appetite for the simple joys of life more than the starvation caused by sadness or desperation. In order to complete our amazing life journey successfully, it is vital that we turn each and every dark tear into a pearl of wisdom, and find the blessing in every curse.“ – Anthon St. Maarten

29.) ”Deep grief sometimes is almost like a specific location, a coordinate on a map of time. When you are standing in that forest of sorrow, you cannot imagine that you could ever find your way to a better place. But if someone can assure you that they themselves have stood in that same place, and now have moved on, sometimes this will bring hope.“ – Elizabeth Gilbert

30.) ”Listen to God with a broken heart. He is not only the doctor who mends it but also the father who wipes away the tears.” – Criss Jami

Condolences quotes to help you find the right words to express your sympathy

31.)” To lose someone you love is to alter your life forever. You don’t get over it because ‘it’ is the person you loved. The pain stops, there are new people, but the gap never closes. How could it? […] This hole in my heart is in the shape of you and no-one else can fit it.“ – Jeanette Winterson

32.)” Mostly it is loss which teaches us about the worth of things.“ – Arthur Schopenhauer

33.)” We are all the pieces of what we remember. We hold in ourselves the hopes and fears of those who love us. As long as there is love and memory, there is no true loss.“ – Cassandra Clare

34.)” Learn to see the gift in the adversity. By doing this you will begin to find true peace in your struggle.“ – Stacey Urrutia

35.)” There is something terribly morbid in the modern sympathy with pain. One should sympathise with the colour, the beauty, the joy of life. The less said about life’s sores the better.” – Oscar Wilde

36.)” That though the radiance which was once so bright be now forever taken from my sight. Though nothing can bring back the hour of splendour in the grass, glory in the flower. We will grieve not; rather find strength in what remains behind.” – William Wordsworth

37.) ”We must embrace our pain and burn it as a fuel for our journey.” – Kenji Miyazawa

38.)” No person is ever truly alone. Those who live no more, whom we loved, Echo still within our thoughts, our words, our hearts”.  – Richard Fife

39.) ”The season of mourning, Like spring, summer, Fall and winter, will also pass.”- Molly Fumia

40.) ”A human life is a story told by God.” – Hans Christian Andersen

More condolences quotes to uplift the bereaved

41.) ”However long the night, the dawn will break.” – African Proverb

42.) ”I know now that we never get over great losses; we absorb them, and they carve us into different, often kinder, creatures.“ – Gail Caldwell

43.) ”Ten long trips around the sun since I last saw that smile, but only joy and thankfulness that on a tiny world in the vastness, for a couple of moments in the immensity of time, we were one.“ – Ann Druyan

44.) ”As a well spent day brings happy sleep, so a life well spent brings happy death.” – Leonardo Da Vinci

45.) ”Pain is certain, suffering is optional.” – Buddha

46.) ”What is lovely never dies, But passes into other loveliness.” – Thomas Bailey Aldrich

47.) ”The Remembrance of the good done those we have loved is the only consolation when we have lost them.” – Demoustier

48.) ”It is the will of God and Nature that these mortal bodies be laid aside, when the soul is to enter into real life; ’tis rather an embryo state, a preparation for living; a man is not completely born until he be dead: Why then should we grieve that a new child is born among the immortals?” – Benjamin Franklin

49.) ”Bear and endure: This sorrow will one day prove to be for your good.” – Ovid

50.) ”How very softly you tiptoed into our world, almost silently, only a moment you stayed. But what an imprint your footsteps have left upon our hearts.” – Dorothy Ferguson

Which of these condolences quotes was your favorite?

When someone close to us experiences the loss of a loved one, it’s upon us to comfort them and help them feel better. To help them know that they can count on our support during such difficult times.

It’s never easy when a loved one endures a difficult time period or the loss of a loved one. Hopefully, the above quotes and messages will provide a bit of inspiration and help you express your sympathy and offer support.

Which of the condolences quotes above was your favorite? Do you have any other quotes and messages to add to the list? Let us know in the comment section below.

The post 50 Condolences Quotes and Messages that Celebrate Life appeared first on Everyday Power Blog.

[deeeeeeepdown]

It feels silly to spend time or energy to write anything to you, honestly. I really feel like I understand intellectually what happened between us and I know what I should do about it. But, as is so often the case, I still have feelings there that remain unresolved despite reason. 

I wish I’d responded to your message differently. When I read it for the first time, it was with a specific alchemy of bewilderment, ego defensiveness, horror, and humor. For one thing, how dare you throw every scrap of brokenness you could find after careful examination of my life in my face out of nowhere? For another,  where the fuck did it come from? I hadn’t heard from you in over a month and I hadn’t posted anything I could imagine as “triggering” to you. And then there was the matter of you having packaged the whole thing as if you were the authority on everything from spiritual healing to my own biographical history, the professional counselor in my life, the expert in confronting friends in an act of love. We hadn’t done more than off-and-on text exchange in years, had but a single in-person encounter in nearly a decade...and yet. I realized pretty quickly that I had to respond carefully and thoughtfully but truthfully I had NO IDEA what to say or how to say it. I couldn’t imagine any reasonable forward movement in that conversation - or were you even trying to have a conversation? Maybe you just wanted to make one giant pronouncement on my life and then close the book? I still don’t know. I wish my only response had been to ask what exactly it was you were hoping for. And, admittedly, I was amused. You’d managed to conclude that my romantic relationship was a “trauma bond” because I’d told you my partner was a perfectionist. You were telling me what was wrong with my life and my psyche even though it is my life and I am a psychiatrist. 

Maybe neither of us really got this fully but the truth is that I’ve always wanted to be your friend. I wanted to be your friend as a small child when we took ballet together, I wanted to be your friend when your 14-year old life was falling apart, I wanted to be your friend when you stopped talking to me (or to anyone) as a high school student. It was very painful for me to be truly hated and rejected by you but I would have, from the bottom of my heart, forgiven all of it if it had meant we could be friends again. I tried, by the way. I tried to reach out to you, to explain what had happened, to go on stupid group dates I had no interest in, to reach out to you as best I could.  I was ecstatic when you asked me to meet you for brunch and I tried my best to be brutally honest with you about the hard things that were happening in my life at the time. I tried, really really hard every single time there was the opportunity to try. And even my trying was turned into something pathological by you - that I was desperate for your approval or that I had some kind of mothering wound. Dude, I have more friends than I can maintain well. I didn’t NEED another one, I just wanted us both to experience relational healing in light of one of the harder relational breaks we’d both sustained. You represented such a big part of my childhood and losing our friendship represented a good bit of my teenage years and I wanted to close that gap if you did too. 

You said that you had carried a lot of pain from a moment in our high school Spanish class. I don’t at all doubt that it happened, maybe even exactly the way you say it did, but truly I don’t remember it. I remember that time being one in which you were very distant from me. I remember trying hard to balance wanting to be as close as I craved and wanting to give you space if that’s what you wanted and being sort of uneasy about the way things were happening between you and your parents and being quite frustrated that you were so distant from me despite my best efforts. I remember starting to resent you a bit because I knew you’d been shit-talking me privately with Elani and I felt betrayed by that, like I could no longer trust you to be my closest companion. I remember that Elani and I made pinatas together and that you weren’t with us and I don’t remember why. I just know that my mom asked Elani and I if we had any concern that your dad might be hurting you somehow and I said I didn’t think so but that I didn’t feel good about how isolated with him you were and Elani echoed those sentiments and then the conversation moved on. I am deeply sorry if I hurt you in some Spanish class moment that I didn’t even think was important enough to file away in my memory. I was 15 and confused by what was happening with you and upset about the ways our friendship was changing and I don’t doubt for a second that I behaved poorly and in a way that caused you pain. But damn, I wish we’d talked about that sooner. I would have apologized. We could have talked it out. I had no idea you wanted an apology from me or an explanation or that you were carrying resentment around like a heavy burden. When you apologized to me in Sleepy Bee for breaking up with me, I said I forgave you and that I understood you were young and going through a terrible thing and I really meant that? I really saw it that way. You simply wanting to mend the relationship and meet up made me feel happy and hopeful and whole. I folded up everything that I’d ever known in relation to you and put it away. 

I think the only thing I really held on to was my uncertainty that I was doing friendship with you “right”. When we were in college, Austin added me on Instagram and I saw your new life, you seemingly reborn with him and I think you reached out via text expressing interest in being friends again and I was thrilled. I texted you back saying that I’d love to meet the adult you’d become. I meant that. We both had surely changed so much and become grown ups with so many stories we hadn’t shared with each other. I thought it would be a fresh start. And I never heard from you again, eventually learning from Chandler that you felt my reply was condescending. It broke my heart to hear that. Condescending was the last thing I felt or worked to embody with that reply. When things first fell apart and I tried to Facebook message you, your mom told me the same thing. That you felt I was lecturing you. 

We had many exchanges in the past year or so that helped me to trust you. I felt like a real friendship had begun and I guess that’s why it hurt to hear what you saw of my life. There was something tangible to lose again, for the first time since I was a freshman in high school. The entire time we were talking I felt like you were more interested in hearing what was wrong with my life than what was right with it and I value brutal honesty so I tried my best to convey what I was feeling and that my life was far from perfect. It’s nice to have a relationship where you can dump the shit out and not feel too negative or awkward about it since you keep it hidden for the most part. It feels honest and redemptive, 2 words I’d have used to describe our newfound connection. But I think I thought that the objective view of my life spoke to the fact that it wasn’t all bad? I’m a physician, totally in love with and ecstatic about what I’m going to spend my life doing, I live with my boyfriend who has from the beginning and despite all of his flaws helped me to be truer to myself. He’s a doctor too and despite the fact that we both came from “against all odds” situations we found one another on the other side. I have a good working relationship with my family of origin despite having to renegotiate many things about that relationship as an adult in order to keep it from ruining me, a task that required many years of therapy and great inner strength. I have a best friend of 8 years who knows me and teaches me about myself in a way I didn’t know friends could.

In the end, it feels like you can’t look at me in the longterm without seeing it all through the lens of me being a secretly conniving and miserable person. Yes, she might have become a doctor, but it made her miserable and was for all of the most ego-driven reasons.  Sure, she’s close with her parents, but those relationships are built on decades of trauma and she sacrifices whole swaths of herself in order to cling to that. Yeah, she lives with a successful man but it’s a “trauma bond” and they’re both broken, he’s a problematic person and she’s blind - just look at how she couldn’t even acknowledge how ending her engagement felt! I’m forever all wrong, the girl who shafted you in a Spanish project and an act of abandonment she can’t even remember. 

I realize you look at yourself this way, too. “Bad childhood” says the woman whose parents took me on the coolest vacation, best hikes, and most enchanting boat rides of my life. “Borderline personality disorder” diagnoses the girl with a Master’s degree in English who has never had to visit her loved one in a locked psychiatric unit. I know you suffered. I know your parents handled their divorce terribly and that you bore the brunt of that pain the most. I know it all fell apart on you and ate you alive. I even know that you told a lot of people you’d been raped by a faculty member of our high school and I don’t know if it’s true but if it is that is horrendous. But Karley, it wasn’t all bad. Your family was educated. You were cared for. Your ability to succeed in the world was always guaranteed and financial security held you up from the start. Your little sister is one of the coolest people I’ve had the pleasure of knowing and she’s healthy and succeeding in the world. You’re an adult who doesn’t have to worry for a single second that her parents aren’t okay - they take care of themselves and both have careers they love. There is so much that is broken, but there is so much that is whole. That’s true for both of us. 

Ultimately, the last time we spoke to each other, the truest, deepest part of me realized something it should have known a long time ago - it’s time to let go. I’ve tried every time there was a choice to love you wholeheartedly. No human intention is ever pure and I know there was something in that for me, but goddamn, I wanted above all to be your friend, to really know each other and trust each other and help each other grow. You will forever be a sacred part of my becoming. Many of my best childhood memories contain you and I love that. I’m so thankful. Our friendship showed me a glimpse of what life could look like for me and it made me feel held at a time I really needed it. I’ll keep that with me forever. 

But the rest? It’s time to release it. I can’t trust you not to weaponize what I share. I don’t need another person who can tell me everything that’s wrong with my heart and my mind and my life; I have myself and my therapist, and my parents and my partner and Noor for that kind of thing and for the most part all of those figures give me that information only when I ask for it, which I do. I don’t believe in forcing that insight on the people I love until they ask me to because they’re ready. It’s okay if you want that kind of unexpected honestly negative perspective from your relationship but I don’t believe in it and I don’t want it in mine. There’s a reason psychotherapists don’t go out into the streets telling everyone what’s wrong with them; there’s a reason they wait patiently in their offices for people to seek them out and then offer what they know instead of imposing it - healing doesn’t happen when you look at someone and say “Hi you trusted me with this very painful part of you and don’t forget it exists because I certainly haven’t and you need to realize that you have very painful parts that are very obvious to me, an outside observer”. Healing happens when someone is neck deep in their own muck sweating and sobbing, offering those painful parts to someone who simply closes their fingers around them and says “thank you”. Thank you for trusting me and sharing with me and allowing me in - I’ll do the same for you. Over and over until the very end, just keep doing what you can and I’ll be here to receive whatever you find down there. We all do our own work. We can’t and shouldn’t impose our efforts on the work of another. Trust me, I am doing my own work. It’s hard and painful and wonderful enough without you thinking you know how to do it better than I do. You know how to do yours but you won’t ever know how to do mine because it’s mine. 

When it comes to our ability to have a friendship it isn’t a matter of my trying and so I’ve stopped trying. I don’t think I will try again. It doesn’t heal either of us and I suspect it hurts us both more than we even realize. I see so much good in your life now. I think you have a beautiful mind and I love your interests and I think you seem like a wonderful mother and partner. I hope it all continues to heal you. I hope you find happiness and contentment and vulnerability over and over again and I hope you let it teach you. I hope that for me too. It just doesn’t serve us to do it in tandem. For more than a decade, that has only left me more confused and more in pain and I suspect you’ve been left feeling that too. And actually? That’s okay. We just aren’t each other’s people. It seems like we both have our own people to walk our own paths. 

I hope you find peace on yours. I hope I find peace on mine too. 

[erraticfairy]

5 Facts to Remember When You’re Feeling Ashamed of Your Flaws

If you asked me when I was younger what I wanted to be when I grew up, I may have answered perfect, or famous, which is incredibly ironic, I know. I simultaneously craved a spotlight while fearing what it might reveal—my inadequacies, my weaknesses, my flaws.

I thought being perfect meant being beyond reproach—undeniably lovable and worthy of respect, something I didn’t always receive growing up.

And I assumed that if I were perfect in all ways, I could finally relax and enjoy my life because I could trust that no one would judge or hurt me. I could navigate the world secure in the knowledge I was good enough, and everyone knew it, so I had nothing to prove.

Though I spent years trying to overcome all my weaknesses—my anxiety, my insecurity, my controlling nature, my need to be liked—I’ve never arrived at a place of complete freedom from these struggles. I’ve made progress, sure, but I’m still flawed. I’m still craggy and cracked, like a mirror that’s been shattered and glued together many times over.

I started thinking about this recently when listening to the sixth episode of Next Creator Up, the podcast I’ve been producing with Ehren Prudhel, the show’s host and my partner in many things.

In this interview, Hollywood screenwriter and author Noah Knox Marshall talked a little about his non-dystopian sci-fi book series for kids and how strong characters have flaws. That’s what makes them real—their quirks, their struggles, their insecurities, and rough edges—because this is what it means to be human.

When we see a flawed character in a movie or a book, we instinctively empathize with them and root for their happiness and success. We know they’re neurotic or needy or scornful or scared, but we care about them anyway and sit at the edge of our seats hoping they get the job, get the girl, or at least get the message they need to grow and thrive.

We see ourselves in these characters, and we want for them the peace and happiness we may deny ourselves.

The irony is we deny ourselves peace and happiness for the very same reason we want it for them—because we’re undeniably and permanently imperfect, and always have something new to work on, no matter how much we learn and grow.

There was a time when I resisted this reality. I truly believed I could eventually reach a point when I did everything “right.” When I always said the right thing, did the right thing, and responded in the right way when other people triggered or challenged me.

When I struggled to do these things, my shame was palpable, and I wanted to hide.

But I’m done hiding now, because I realize flaws don’t just make strong characters—they also make strong people.

We’re not weak for having challenges and shortcomings; we’re strong for facing them, owning them, working on them, and doing our best every day in spite of them.

So if you’re feeling ashamed of your flaws, stop and remind yourself…

1. Everyone Has Flaws.

You could meet every human being who has ever lived and ever will, and would still not encounter a perfect person. To have a pulse means to have imperfections, some developed over time, some we’re born with.

We’re all “wired for struggle,” as Brené Brown wrote, and most, a lot like Augusten Burroughs, “entirely made of flaws, stitched together with good intentions.”

Your specific combination of flaws may seem unique to you, but they’re not. The world is full of people who hurt like you, think like you, fear like you, fall like you, and are just as worthy and lovable, with all their shortcomings and struggles.

2. If Someone Had Been Through What You’ve Been Through They’d Likely Have the Same Flaws.

I find this incredibly comforting to consider—that a lot of my personality “flaws” make perfect sense in the context of my history. I may struggle with anxiety and insecurity, but so do most people who’ve been bullied and abused. I may be a control freak, but that’s common among people who’ve felt controlled.

My flaws aren’t statements about who I am as a person, they’re reflections of my path. And many who’d taken that same path would have developed the exact same set of weaknesses and challenges. Which means people without my issues aren’t “better” than me; they just struggle differently because they haven’t been where I’ve been.

3. Flaws Connect Us.

We often think we need to hide our rough edges, as if they guarantee rejection, but the opposite is usually true: Our flaws connect us. They make us relatable and approachable. They give us common ground.

Think about the people who you most enjoy being around. Odds are, you’re at ease around them because they’re at ease with themselves, in all their imperfect glory. They own their battles and their baggage, they flaunt their quirks like badges of honor, and they know that they have nothing to hide or prove—or at least they act that way.

For years I was uncomfortable and repressed around other people because I was always trying to be who I thought they wanted me to be, because I wanted to be liked. It was as if I’d shoved all my quirks and flaws in a box that I then tried to balance on my head as I walked, stiff and awkward, through the world around me.

Unsurprisingly, this backfired because no one could love me when they didn’t really know me. And no one could relate to me when I hid all my depth under the shallow veil of perfection.

We connect with the truth of being human, not the lie of being perfect.

4. Flaws Make Us Interesting.

A while back Ehren and I took a short drawing class at Disneyland’s animation academy. With a teacher’s instruction, we each drew Jack Skellington, from the movie The Nightmare Before Christmas.

My Jack had a perfectly round head, perfectly round eyes, and a perfectly symmetrical bow tie, which I appreciated at first. Until I saw Ehren’s. His head was ill shaped, his eyes were a little large, and his bow tie was wider than I would have drawn it—and yet it looked so much cooler. It had personality, and it was uniquely Ehren’s. It wasn’t perfect, but it was more interesting.

I think we’re all like that drawing—all the more appealing because of our imperfect parts.

“Perfection,” or the illusion of it, is incredibly boring. It’s predictable, one-dimensional; devoid of heart, uniqueness, and charm. It’s our idiosyncrasies that draw people to us and make them curious about us—where we’ve been, what’s shaped us, what drives us.

5. Flaws Can Make Us Better People.

When we own our flaws—when we accept ourselves in all our imperfection instead of judging ourselves for our weaknesses and struggles—we then develop the capacity to offer this same grace to other people.

Conversely, when we judge ourselves harshly, we’re likely to judge other people who reflect back to us the things we don’t like about ourselves. I know I’ve been there before. For example, I’ve seen someone who appeared needy at a time when I felt insecure—and insecure about being insecure—and then looked down on them because I’d yet to develop compassion for this part of myself.

But that’s not the kind of person I want to be.

I want to own every part of my darkness and my damage so I can walk through this world with an open heart that understands, accepts, and loves.

I want to see myself and everyone I encounter as worn dolls, with unraveled stitches and eyes coming loose, that I want to hold close nonetheless.

Because I believe we’re all doing our best and worthy of love even at our worst—largely because I’ve hurt, healed, and finally accepted those things are true of myself.

And if this cracked little heart of mine can hold all that love because it’s been broken and mended, then maybe the fractures aren’t flaws after all. And maybe yours aren’t either. Maybe our brokenness is our beauty, our weaknesses are our strengths, and our struggles are our gifts.

This post courtesy of Tiny Buddha.

from World of Psychology https://ift.tt/2Xg9bOh via theshiningmind.com