#healing isn’t linear type beat

[leportraitducadavre]

Naruto re-read XI

Chapters covered: 73- 81 Ninth Volume of the manga

Site used: https://manga4life.com/manga/Naruto (official translation of the manga)

Disclaimer: This is intended as a list and simple observations of the topics that particularly interested me in the aforementioned chapters, in that sense, do not expect a linear -or totally deep- analysis.

Tumblr’s update doesn’t allow me to attach more than 10 pictures, therefore, all of them will be LINKED. Apologies.

119) Okay? But Ino actually did make Sakura withdraw???? And Hayate casually ignored it??? (talked a little more here)

120) Naruto influences everyone around him because, apparently, Sakura can do nothing if there isn’t a man guiding her -except maybe climb a three, so.

121) This panel gives me life.

122) Temari, as I’ve said before, was cruel towards Tenten -who was at that point fainted. This isn’t even fueled because they’re planning to invade Konoha -she has displayed this exact personality before. I’m not particularly saying that Temari is bad, just that she isn’t the nice girl some of her fans claim, to think that she’d be friends with every Konoha leaf kunoichi just because she married Shikamaru is both false, and mistreatment to Temari’s canon characterization.

123) Lee literally attacked Temari, and she was the one who stopped him. Hayate did nothing, despite being the proctor, and Gai did nothing either -simply jumping down after Temari stopped Lee’s kick. (Hayate is a good proctor solely for a shy Hyuga heir it seems.)

124) I’ve made a post about it, but I’ll add something here for good measure as well: The only reason Sakura was able to tie with Ino was because of Naruto -there’s literally no other reason. She even admits it.

125) Although, logically, they’re the only ones who have seen his growth, literally no one but his team thinks Naruto is good enough to beat Kiba -even Lee (who fought him before) thinks he isn’t that lame.

126) Naruto’s fight style is rather… let’s call it, not exactly suicid*l, but close. He allows Kiba to punch him to see what type of strength he has -of course, he has Kurama that will heal him, so his fighting style complements that technique; but instead of using a strategy to see his opponent’s strength and weaknesses as Sasuke would do, he literally uses his body as a tool to measure other people’s strengths.

127) Hyorogan it’s a pill that allows whoever takes it to double their quantity of chakra. Their bust a soldier’s energy allowing them to fight for three days straight without needing to rest -as Chöji explains.

128) Naruto can think of a good strategy to fight two opponents that are able to overwhelm him -even tho, in the end, this particular plan fails, he can overcome it by using Kiba’s attack to his advantage. Everyone is surprised by it, even Ino, who also tricked her opponent to make them believe something while they were skimming something else.

129) Neji calls Hinata “Lady-Hinata”, always, while Hinata calls him “Neji big brother”, despite being on bad terms -to say the least. Listen, I won’t be doing an analysis of those panels because it just enrages me.

*proceeds to do an analysis anyway*

130) Neji is called the “Greatest genius in Hyuga clan history”. Not only he can see the Keirakukei (Chakra’s flow system) but also the Tenketsu (chakra points that when hit it halts the chakra flow of that specific point), meaning: Every single one of Hinata’s hits had no chakra on them because Neji blocked her Tenktesus before she was able to land a single hit, so every time she touched him, it meant nothing because she lost the capacity to perform Junken (Gentle Fist) that requires chakra.

131) There’s something that needs to be said, Naruto’s constant projection of his own struggles on others, and his need to constantly interfere in affairs as to be noted (also his hate towards those recognized as “genius” when it comes to Neji) drives him to both interrupt Sakura and Hinata’s fight. In the former case, he helps his comrade; in the second case, his actions almost kill Hinata; I’ll explain this quickly: Hinata hasn’t withdrawn even tho Neji tells her to -therefore, the fight continues. When Naruto interrupts Hayate, who’s about to finish the match (and since Hayate said nothing still), the fight continues. Neji attacked Hinata because Hayate didn’t stop the match yet -nor repeated himself, it was when he saw that Neji would kill her (something that, might I add, was permitted) that he decided to intervene. Furthermore, Naruto puts on his shoulders the weight of “avenging” Hinata (not because of how precious Hinata is to him but rather, what she signifies, since Neji and Hinata’s dynamic is -superficially- similar to Naruto’s dynamic with Sasuke before his teammate recognized his strength). Kishimoto made Neji comment on Hinata’s privilege status when every jönin jumped to save her (when it's something they did not for anyone else, nor before or after) because he wanted to make it clear.

132) So, Kurenai, aren’t people allowed to kill their opponent in these fights? Why are you so upset about Neji hurting Hinata then? Shino blew up a kid’s arms and you just smiled. I love double standards.

133) Thank god that’s over because I literally wanted to punch Naruto so badly.

134) Sorry but I just love the fact that Team 10 literally gives a fuck of what happened between Neji and Hinata, they’re joking around and Asuma was like, calmly smoking while Troy burned downstairs (wonder if the fact that he’s Hiruzen’s kid has something to do with his decision not to move, Kakashi -who also had nothing to do, jumped right in).

(Previous post) - (Next post)

[shamandrummer]

Milford Graves, Visionary Drummer, Dead At 79

Drummer, scientist, educator and improviser Milford Graves died in his Queens, N.Y. home around 3 p.m. on Fri., Feb. 12. He was 79. Lois, his wife of sixty-one years, confirmed that the cause was congestive heart failure. Mr. Graves was surrounded by Lois, his five children (four daughters and a son), his beloved granddaughter, Tatiana, and a cross-section of students across generations who had bestowed him with the honorific "Professor," a nod to his guidance in music, botany, martial arts and metaphysics.

Milford Graves was Professor Emeritus of Music at Bennington College in Vermont, where he taught the power and aesthetic of Black Music as a faculty member from 1973-2012. He used his platform there to express his many ideas, most well beyond the confines of the performance stage, operating instead as a kind of shamanic artist and teacher, whose emotional and intellectual connection to traditional music he fused with scientific inquiry and study.

Graves graduated from the Eastern School for Physicians' Aids in the 1960s, and worked in a diagnostic veterinary lab for two years. He purchased an album of stethoscopic heart recordings during a lunch break in 1973, and its content led him to pursue the path of his life's work: He began to record heartbeats and transcribe them into music notation. What started as a rudimentary documentation on reel-to-reel tape increased in sophistication with the adoption of advanced computing technology, culminating in Mr. Graves's use of algorithms to create visualizations and sound data that plotted the human heartbeat and its varied electrical states for the purpose of healing. His discoveries led to a patent for preparing non-embryonic stem cells from a tissue derivative, subjecting those cells to vibrations from a heart sound to control the degree of differentiation into several other types of cells. He once said, "Drumming should be taught in medical school. Know your beats. There are subtleties in the heartbeat that cannot be picked up through electronic imaging," and his scientific rigor on heart rates informed a non-linear approach to playing rhythm.

Graves was a prominent jazz drummer and percussionist from the 1960s New York avant-garde and free-jazz movements. New York City in the 1960s was an artistic cauldron, and the ideas of freedom and struggle coursing through the Civil Rights and Black Power Movements began to manifest in an expansive view of improvisation and music-making. The avant-garde, or New Thing, loosened certain strictures and gave improvisers like Graves an opportunity for wide-open self expression, and even established artists like Coltrane seemed to be drawing from the same creative well. "Milford played how he felt music should sound related to what was around him," says longtime friend and collaborator, drummer and composer Andrew Cyrille. The music felt like a departure from tradition, and some writers derided the striking new music with withering criticism. Meanwhile, Graves was transforming the role of the drums. He viewed his holistic approach to drums as an extension of how he lived with "outside forces having less control of you, allowing you to have more flexibility, more freedom and listening to the vibrations of the earth, that nature gave you."

Graves also began exploring martial arts in the late 1960s. He created a new form called Yara, from the Yoruban word meaning "nimble." He followed a teacher's interest in the praying mantis as a model. He subsequently bought and released these insects into his own garden, followed their movements and developed his own martial arts study based on their natural behavior. This inspired the title of a 2018 documentary on Graves, Full Mantis.

When his grandmother died, in 1970, Graves moved into her modest 20th-century home at the corner of Brinkerhoff  Avenue and 156th Street in Queens, just blocks from the South Jamaica Houses he once called home. He personalized the lot and dwelling with a distinctive flair, adding stone and ceramic architectural elements to the exterior structure in a playful style akin to Antonio Gaudi. He created an organic garden to promote healing arts and added a dojo to teach Yara. Inside there's murals, sculptures and drums from around the world; a downstairs laboratory includes dried herbs and botany research, elixirs, Eastern medicine texts and acupuncture practice juxtaposed with electrocardiogram machines and computer monitors. And books. Lots of books. Graves was a generous polymath who openly shared his knowledge.

Mark Christman, artistic director of Ars Nova Workshop, has been measuring and curating aspects of Graves' immense contribution to music, science, botany and martial arts over the last several years. The collection spent four months at Philadelphia's Institute for Contemporary Art, with a five-week pause due to pandemic restrictions. The exhibit, A Mind-Body Deal, drew more than 2,000 attendees and over 5,000 participants to its many virtual events, including a solo performance from Moran. "Milford Graves offers a perspective that isn't limited by the way we've been forced to learn," says Christman. "That linear way of study doesn't allow a mixture or mash-up of thoughts and decision-making. That's why he's adored, and people looked to him for answers."

To learn more about Milford Graves, read “Taking Rhythm to Heart.”

[kbstories]

impression//expression

“It’s not like Kirishima had come all this way to U.A. to immediately break the promise he made to himself upon arrival.

It’s just that Bakugou is as feral as they come, and the moment Kirishima recognizes it’s fear he felt crawling up his spine that day, he makes it his personal mission to face it head-on until it’s gone.”

(Or: Being friends with Bakugou Katsuki is anything but a linear experience. Kirishima Eijirou would have it no other way.)

Tags: Kirishima POV, Developing Friendships, Post-Kamino Arc, Hurt/Comfort, Domestic Fluff and Recovery, The Boys Discovering Unbreakable Via Questionable Training Methods

Chapter 1. Chapter 2. Chapter 3. Chapter 4. Chapter 5. Content warning for nightmares and generally traumatic experiences (both only mentioned). Chapter 7. Chapter 8. Chapter 9.

***

Three days into U.A.’s new dorms, Bakugou hasn’t crossed Kirishima’s path a single time.

Don’t fuss, Kirishima had reminded himself that first night, crimson eyes following Bakugou as he slinks off to the elevators. Hands in his pockets, duffle bag slung over one shoulder, his typical slouch executed to perfection – the same as always yet achingly out of place against the buzzing excitement of the dozen and a half heroes-to-be at his back.

Under his breath, Kirishima muttered, “Give him space”, as he heaved boxes of manga, multiple sets of weights and his punching bag into his room before dedicating all his attention to stuffing a suitcase worth of brightly patterned shirts into the standard issue closet U.A. provided them with. He worked for hours and hours, unpacking and reminiscing and decorating until the room was satisfyingly his and the gel in his hair drooped with how sweaty he got.

It’s fine, he thought, pinning the last poster to the wall he shares with Bakugou. It hadn’t quite sunken in yet that they’re neighbors, now. Bakugou is antisocial on the best of days. He’s fine.

The thought of the white headband he’d lost had been fleeting at most, a lamenting little sting as he wiped his brow and saw his roots were starting to show. It came back full force as he stepped out to join the others in the common room and found an identical one hooked on his knob, the tag still attached.

Right. Kirishima gave the door to his right a soft look, firmly shut as it was. The tag was snapped off with ease and the headband was back where it belonged.

It goes on like that for a while. With the administration accommodating their move and the new term weeks away, Kirishima invests his free time into catching up on his gaming hangouts with Kaminari and the re-watch of Fullmetal Alchemist he started with Sero before everything went haywire. He helps Mina sort through the abundance of gossip flooding in with everyone’s mundane habits and routines suddenly much more apparent, and talks to classmates he hasn’t had the time to get to know all that well over shared breakfasts and class-wide movie marathons.

It’s like he gained a whole new family overnight – a notion that’s healing in and of itself, the rift that disastrous training camp tore into them scarring shut with every moment spent together.

(Still, Kirishima misses his moms and Riot something fierce. Their goodbye had featured a total sum of zero dry eyes between them; Kirishima’s face had been a blotchy red mess for hours afterwards.)

And then there’s Bakugou.

The guy is like a ghost, those first days, his absence felt as much as the odd trace of his presence he leaves behind. A mug drying next to the sink in the mornings; the thrum of guitar riffs and double-base beats muffled to indistinctness by the thick concrete between them; carpet-dulled footsteps down the hallway, that stomp familiar even without an intended audience for its passive-aggressiveness.

Little bits and pieces of evidence Kirishima takes note of and memorizes just for the sake of it. For the moments that’s not enough, he texts.

Best Bakubro 💣💥

baku my man (sent 13:05)

got too many dorayaki by accident, u want some? (sent 13:05)

(from the store) (but still pretty yum) (sent 13:05)

nah (received 13:11)

ok no probs ❤️ (sent 13:11)

One time, he couldn’t come up with a valid enough excuse and spent minutes agonizing over the empty text box only to type a short u good bro? that was answered with an equally short fine a while later.

Kirishima is very, very glad Bakugou has dropped the habit of leaving him on read. This way, his frayed nerves only have to withstand the background stress of what if he’s downplaying it that seems moderate in comparison to–

Yup, not thinking about Kamino again. Moving on.

“Is he like… okay?”, Sero asks him eventually, YUI’s Again playing as they wait for the episode to start. He’s lying belly-down on his bed, his laptop positioned in a way Kirishima can see the screen from his chosen spot in the hammock. “Not gonna lie, it’s a bit freaky how quiet it’s been. When he’s around at all, which isn’t much.”

Not moving on, then.

Kirishima doesn't need any clarification who is meant. Sero isn’t the first (or the last, most likely) to approach him about this; for once, even Midoriya has been beaten to the punch by Todoroki. It doesn't matter who it is, though, the answer is always the same:

“I don’t know.”

A little hushed because it’s the truth and a confession at the same time. The mild surprise on Sero’s face makes Kirishima look down in search for words, his hands wringing the pocket of his threadbare hoodie just to have something to do. Half the intro flickers by in silence.

“Baku isn’t exactly a people person, y’know?” Kirishima scoffs at himself. What an understatement. “He likes to do stuff his way and fight his own battles, lone wolf style. So, it’s been a bit, uh, stressful for him. To have everyone – and I mean everyone, heroes, police, the media, you name it – be in his business and then have all of us around all the time, too.”

That’s pretty much what he can say without outright speculating or infringing upon the things Bakugou told him in confidence. No matter how much Kirishima appreciates Sero as his friend, his lips are sealed unless Bakugou decides otherwise.

About two minutes into the episode, Sero hits the space bar. The screen pauses on a frame of ambiguously European-looking buildings.

“Okay, sorry, it’s just. How is Bakugou the one with the biggest cryptid energy in 1-A right now? Even Tokoyami emerges from the shadows sometimes and being a cryptid is like, his whole deal.”

Wrapped in humor as it is, Sero’s concern brings a smile to Kirishima’s lips. It’s good to know he – and Todoroki, and Midoriya – care, even when Bakugou is being elusive and hard to reach on purpose. It’s what makes all the difference, sometimes.

“Dunno, he’s a pretty complex guy once you give him a chance. Plus, I’m pretty sure he spends 90% of his time either training or studying or thinking about training and studying so it’s not like he’s not doing stuff. It just doesn’t really involve any of us.”

A thumb on his chin, Sero muses: “Not a cryptid but a closet nerd, huh? That… makes a lot of sense actually. I always thought he’s some kinda genius but I guess even geniuses have to work hard to get good.”

“Dude, he’s such a nerd”, Kirishima agrees with an enthusiastic grin. “Like, I’m pretty sure he wakes up with the sun and gets right to it. Being around him is so motivating, I wanna shoot for the stars and achieve my dreams simply because he’s doing it, too.”

“Okay, I get it. Blasty’s the best.”

Kirishima nods so hard the hammock moves with it; Sero snickers and shakes his head. His smile dims, then, more pensive than before.

“Listen, man. I know it’s over and done with and like, getting bent out of shape over what ifs is pointless but – I wish I’d been there.” Sero traces the borders of his laptop, a repetitive and thoughtless motion. “To help him, I mean. Watching him fight for his life on TV was really freaking miserable, I was shaking the whole time. To think you guys were there as well and how much worse it could’ve gone… How bad things are, even now… I don’t know. It’s haunting, honestly.”

It’s entirely silent, for a while. Kirishima’s mouth is dry, his eyes starting to burn with how quiet Sero’s voice got towards the end there.

“I’ve, um. I’ve had nightmares about it, actually.” Admitting it feels right, despite the heaviness that doesn’t belong in a room smelling of fresh paint and new beginnings. “I don’t know how much I’m allowed to say here. It’s all a blur anyways, I was freaking out until we got there and once we had him we just ran. But… We were there, hiding behind this wall with Midoriya doing his mumbling thing to figure out what the fuck to do. All for One was there, too.”

Just the memory makes Kirishima want to hurl. Images flash before his eyes, there and gone and seared into his retinas all the same. He looks at Sero, at eyes gone wide with worry.

“That guy’s presence… It felt like dying. I don’t know how else to describe it, it was like standing on a cliff knowing you’re about to lose balance and go splat and it wasn’t going away. Katsuki talked to him directly, fought villains outnumbered six-to-one with him right there.”

Somewhere in their periphery the laptop’s screen flickers to darkness. Kirishima takes a deep breath, mentally counting down on the exhale.

“I’m worried, too. I’m trying not to fuss because it makes Bakugou uncomfy when I do but it’s hard. He’s answering my texts, at least. And he, uh, didn’t mention all the embarrassing shit I sent him while he was gone. So, that’s something, I guess.”

That makes Sero’s brow perk up from a somber frown to vague curiosity. “Embarrassing shit?”

“Really embarrassing shit.” Kirishima���s face flushes so hard his cheeks practically glow with heat. “Full on you-might-be-dead-and-I-don’t-know-how-to-cope-with-that embarrassing. I was a total mess, dude.”

Sero breathes a sympathetic sort of noise. “Oh, that.” He reaches over to pat his head. “Yeah, you kind of were. It’s okay, though, Kiri. I’m pretty sure you’re allowed to be a mess when your best friend– Well, y’know.”

“Mmh”, Kirishima makes, his hands framing his own face in a bid to cool it down a bit. “I swear if he ever brings it up I’ll perish on the spot. Goodbye sweet world, it was nice knowing ya.”

“Pressing F hard for you, man.” Sero nods along solemnly. “Don’t worry, I’ll let Riot know you loved him.”

“Thanks, bro!”

They share a grin, not as bright as it could be. Given the state of the world, it’s a damn miracle it’s there at all. Kirishima sighs a little and juts his chin at the laptop.

“C’mon. Let’s watch the Elrics do cool alchemy stuff and/or cry about how depressing their life is.”

Sero finger-guns at him, “You got it”, as a line of tape goes for the touch pad and the freeze frame comes unstuck. The rest of the night is lost to the comforting nostalgia of a story they both know by heart.

* 

Best Bakubro 💣💥

u ok? (sent 22:00)

yea (received 22:02)

oh!! ur awake (sent 22:02)

? (received 22:03)

hhhh isn’t it way past ur bedtime? (sent 22:03)

💦💦 (sent 22:03)

🖕 (received 22:11)

GASP (sent 22:11)

did you seriously just type out “gasp” (received 22:11)

uh yea??? this is an important moment (sent 22:12)

i’m so proud of u (sent 22:12)

fucking hell (received 22:12)

 go to sleep already (received 22:14)

aaa ok (sent 22:14)

night nitro!! (sent 22:14)

🔪 (received 22:17)

❤️ (sent 22:17) 

*

The alarm jolts Kirishima out of fitful sleep.

A hand searches the bedframe with clumsy pats, eyes squeezed in a bleary squint as the screen flashes to life in the dark. The notification reads Gym w/ B!!! besides a big, glowing 5:00.

Kirishima groans. It’s a critical hit to his still-recovering sleep deprivation, making his arms bend like limp noodles under his weight. He crashes back into bed and lets the void swallow him.

*

Knocking. Hard, incessant, escalating in volume and frequency until–

“Oi! Shark Teeth! Get up already!”

Kirishima is ripping the door open before he’s even aware he’s on his feet and awake enough to do so. A breathless “Bro!” fills the space the knocking occupied a moment before.

“About fucking time.”

In the shy light of a sun peeking over the horizon, the phantom of the 1-A dorm becomes solid and real in the shape of one grumpy-faced Bakugou Katsuki: a towel over his shoulder, a bottle of water hanging from two fingers by its handle, looking whole and rested and average amounts of ticked off and oh, Kirishima missed Bakugou.

Kirishima’s also staring. Which he realizes because Bakugou shuffles in place, gaze drifting to the side, a hand scratching his neck. “It’s Saturday”, he says a little awkwardly, offering nothing else to follow it up with.

Saturday. Gym day, which Kirishima’s phone remembered and Kirishima did, too, the night before when he’d wondered if that’s still a thing now that they moved together and Bakugou went into stealth mode and everything is constantly shifting under their feet.

Not everything. Most things, apparently not this one, this thing that’s been theirs since the start. Kirishima smiles, bright and relieved. He promises:

“Be right there. Two minutes!”

He runs because what if Bakugou changes his mind? What if he decides to go ahead without him, and Kirishima loses that glimpse only he gets, of Bakugou being in his element and relaxed and happy?

Then he’s back and Bakugou is still there, leaning against the wall and scrolling on his phone while he waits. A glance, lingering on the all-caps SWEATING print on his red tank top over neon aqua shorts – Kirishima flexes to show off his outfit properly. “Pretty rad, right?”

Bakugou blinks, slowly. The verbal jab Kirishima expects never comes. Instead, he gets a low, “You done or what?”

“Yeah, man! Let’s go.”

Maybe Bakugou missed him, too.

*

“Push it!”

Kirishima clenches his jaw, the serrated line of his teeth grinding to the point of pain. He pushes, skin pulling tight and muscles screaming as they bunch up and split apart in harsh ripples. His vision fractures into two, three distinct shards.

The blast engulfs him between one heartbeat and the next. Nitroglycerine-fueled flames lick over every inch of exposed skin, his arms and face and chest registering the heat before the pain, dull and frustratingly there.

It’s over in a flash. Bakugou wipes sweat off his chin with his arm, palms still smoldering. “And?”

“Still feelin’ it”, Kirishima rasps out. His quirk drops, leaves his body softer and aching; breathing is a bit of a challenge, inhales and exhales coming quick and hard. Arms crossed over his head, he lets out a groan, his voice dipping into a growl.

“I can go further! I know I can. It’s right there but I can’t. Quite. Grasp it. Urgh!”

“Fuck”, Bakugou mutters with feeling. Exactly, Kirishima thinks, fuming at himself. Fuck.

They’ve been at it for hours. Gym γ is in ruins, which is fine since Cementoss can fix it up in seconds once they’re done but still. By this point, Kirishima expects more progress than aggressive indoor renovation via explosions.

A hero’s Ultimate Move is supposed to be this grand, show-stopping technique to turn the tides and save the day. Finally, finally, they’re in the clear to develop their own. There’s an idea in Kirishima’s head, a concept he’s worked on for almost as long as his aesthetic as a hero. An extension there-of, in a sense.

It’s badass, it’s manly, it’s invincible–

It’s not this. Kirishima is starting to doubt he’ll ever get there.

“What’s wrong with me, man? Like, I see you coming and my quirk kicks up a notch ‘cause it’ll hurt if I don’t harden enough and then it just. Stops? Before it gets where I want it to be? Are explosions to the face not dangerous enough, or something?”

Bakugou is shaking out his hands and loosening his shoulders, a wince making his nose scrunch a little. “You’ve taken more of ‘em today than you could at the Festival”, he notes in that neutral tone he uses when he counters Kirishima’s whining with facts and logic. “Pretty sure any of the other extras would be dust by now, including that steel fucker.”

Kirishima appreciates the Bakugou-version of a pep talk, he really does, and he’s probably right (he usually is). But it’s not what he wants. He wants his Ultimate, and he wants it now.

And, eyeing Bakugou’s grenade bracers, he might know of one way to get there.

“Use those.”

“Hah?”

Kirishima pats one of the clunky devices, hand hardened just in case. Bakugou bares his teeth at him but doesn’t pull away. “These. Hit me with ‘em? Full blast.”

Bakugou’s expression sobers. Dead serious. “Don’t fuck with me. They’re not made for people.”

(And Midoriya is what, a house plant? Kirishima doesn’t voice that thought out loud. He has some sense of self-preservation, thank you very much.)

Besides, Bakugou didn’t say no. The possibility is there, if heavily guarded – and where there’s a chance, Kirishima will always at least try.

“Look, dude. For better or for worse I’m too used to anything else, and adrenaline alone is clearly not cutting it right now. I’m…” Kirishima laughs, a little embarrassed despite himself. “I remember what that explosion did to Ground β. Not gonna lie, it was pretty wild and I’m a bit, uh, scared. But I’m also ready. I can take it, I know I can.”

Bakugou is looking at him, intense in a different way, searching Kirishima’s face for… something. “You’re scared of me?”

What? Kirishima rewinds what he said in his head and oh no. He waves his hands in front of him, like he can physically wipe away the notion. “No. No, Katsuki, I’m scared of what I saw back then. You, I trust. With my life.”

Which is a sappy thing to say, even Kirishima will admit that, but it’s also true. Asking Bakugou to use the bracers on him is literally placing his life in his (very lethal) hands.

There is a line between sparring and actual combat, and while they’ve come close to it, have toed it and tested its give in pursuit of greater heights, they’ve never taken that leap. They’re back at it now, balancing on that edge, and Kirishima can guide Bakugou there but he won’t push him across because Bakugou is hesitating.

“Once I pull the pin, I can’t stop it”, Bakugou says, locking Kirishima’s eyes with own. “I can redirect the blast but it won’t stop.”

Kirishima nods. “I know.”

“They’re all the way full. It’s gonna be brutal.”

“I know”, he repeats, chest warm despite the tingle of nerves in his gut. “I can take it. I swear.”

Bakugou spits on the ground. “Fine. Fuck it. You better fucking push it this time or you’re literally dead.”

“Oof, did you have to put it that way?”

A cold look is all he gets. Kirishima stands a bit taller on instinct. No time to joke, got it. Bakugou rolls his neck and explosion-jumps a good twenty yards away before turning back towards him. His right bracer is checked over in brisk and efficient moves.

“Get ready. I’ll count down from five. On go, you go. Plus fucking ultra.”

Legs apart, knees locked, back in a straight line. The stance comes to Kirishima as easy as breathing, as does the rigid feeling of his quirk taking hold. He braces his arms, hands up with his fingers sharp and claw-like.

A grim smile. “Plus ultra”, Kirishima confirms.

The safety slides off with an audible click. The pin emerges, Bakugou’s index limp on the trigger. “Five.”

Inhale.

“Four.”

Kirishima knocks his hands together, the rock-like smack reassuringly familiar.

“Three.”

Exhale. His limbs go stiff, his skin having long lost feeling as the keratin in it grows solid. Tough. Bulletproof.

“Two.”

Harder. Harder. Like a mountain. Like granite. Like raw fucking diamonds. Harder than that.

“One.”

Inhale, inhale, inhale. Kirishima’s chest locks into place, his heart pumping away as his innermost remains unchanged and everything else goes rigid. Be strong. Be invincible–

“Go!”

 A hiss, a spark, flames – the explosion roars to life and Kirishima roars back, sees it coming in a wave of light and destruction coming for him and only him. It’s not enough, more, more, but his quirk is buckling as it crashes into that wall inside him he can’t break–

“Push it, Kirishima! Push it, damn you!!”

He’s in Kamino, back to the wall and head full of death. Himself, dead, his classmates, dead, Bakugou, dead dead dead–

Never!

A second before impact and it fractures, splits apart. Time passes in slow motion as his vision bursts into a thousand unique and unknowable shades and–

Everything is so sharp, fragmented and crystalline and bright. The explosion hits, a kaleidoscope of red-yellow-orange that makes sense, somehow. Kirishima watches as it rolls over his hands and wrists and arms; it pushes against his chest like a gust of wind, playful, almost, like it could carry his weight if he leans into it, so he does.

One step. His body is heavy, so heavy, rumbling and grinding against itself at every point of contact – at his joints, between his fingers, along the knife’s edge of his teeth. Another step, again, again, moving through it like it’s the ocean lazily lapping at his legs in molten waves headed to shore.

It couldn’t have lasted more than a few seconds. Kirishima doesn’t register it’s over until he catches a shouted “Eijirou!” and Bakugou is there, sliding to a stop right in front of him. There’s shock written all across his face.

“Holy shit.”

Maybe Kirishima died, after all? It’s hard to tell with him being head-to-toe numb – he is pretty sure that feeling in his chest is his heart beating like the wings of a caged hummingbird. His lungs are screaming for breath, actually, and Kirishima tries but breathing is not working right now, which is fine. He opens his mouth all the same.

“Did it work?”

His voice is this low rumble that he himself barely recognizes. It’s okay, Bakugou understands him. Bakugou laughs, in fact, a short, incredulous huff of air.

“Did it work?! Did it fucking–”

A gasp, like Bakugou realized in that exact moment it’s Kirishima in front of him. Then he grins, big and toothy and so excited it’s making Kirishima dizzy.

“Holy shit, it worked! You fucking survived! And you’re a dragon! Or something! You have claws and fucking fangs and– That’s so badass, what the fuck!”

“What?!”

“YEAH!”

Kirishima looks down at his hands – his claws, long as daggers and curved inwards. “Oh fuck. Is it cool? Dude, I can’t see myself! Is it cool?!”

“You’re a fucking dragon of course it’s fucking cool”, Bakugou yells at him in one breath. “Shit, wait. Wait, wait, where the fuck is my–”

He takes off his cloves and fumbles for his pockets, like fumbling is something Bakugou does. The world is still weirdly precise and crystal-like and starting to spin, uh oh, that can’t be good. Bakugou’s got his phone out and Kirishima smiles, a Pavlovian response to being in front of a camera, and his jaw creaks with the movement.

Creaking is not a noise a human body should do. Then again, surviving a blast like that is also something that should be impossible.

Holy shit indeed.

“I made it.” Kirishima continues to stare down at himself, at the jagged plains of his chest where he tore through his shirt. It doesn’t feel real but it is. “I’m alive. I got my Ultimate.”

Bakugou is back and closer than before, his face mere inches from Kirishima’s. “Fucking woah, dude. Not a single scratch. This is insane.” The grin is still there, his voice quieter and dripping with pride. “Did ya feel it at all? How’s your mobility? Is there a time limit to this or–”

It’s getting hard to focus, Bakugou’s words running into each other and flying right by without his brain processing any of it. His spiked vision is blotted out in places, increasingly stained in black ink dots.

“I think I’m… I’m about to pass out.”

“Wha– Drop it. Kiri, drop your quirk!”

I’m trying, he wants to tell him but there’s no air left to say it with. Kirishima goes to his knees an instance later, his stiffened body resisting the way he wants to fold forward. Sounds are muffled, the darkness closing in–

By impending unconsciousness or by command, it doesn’t really matter: Kirishima feels his quirk fade and his entire body soften. He’s falling over until he’s not, strong hands catching him around the shoulders. A moment later, a semi-gentle slap to his cheek reminds him that there’s something he should be doing.

Kirishima breathes.

It feels really good, even if it hurts, too. His chest is flexible enough to expand now but clearly not happy about it while his lungs lurch for every bit of oxygen they can get. Breathing is a lot of work, then, but it’s worth it. Kirishima has an Ultimate Move, and he knows how to turn it off. Kind of.

“Why didn’t you tell me you can’t fucking breathe in it?!”

“Ah”, Kirishima mumbles, in-between pathetic pants of air, “That would be… because… I didn’t know… I couldn’t… Wow, I’m so dizzy.”

Bakugou groans. “Yeah, it’s almost like you just nearly suffocated yourself to death. Sit your ass down, idiot.”

A flick to Kirishima’s cheek has him whining. Every inch of himself is prickling with oversensitivity, the polar opposite to how it felt to exist in that explosion.

Because he did that. That happened.

By now he’s aware he’s leaning on Bakugou, his legs wobbling even as he’s held steady until he can plant his butt on the floor. Bakugou doesn’t push him off after he sits right next to him, either; he nudges him aside to take off his bracers and his collar but otherwise, Kirishima is free to stay where he is.

Kirishima takes the invitation for what it is and lets himself rest against his shoulder, thoroughly exhausted. “It felt so cool”, he tells Bakugou once he can inhale without shaking out of his own skin.

“Like. My vision went nuts just before the blast hit, I think that’s when I activated it. Everything was all bright and, like, broken apart? Kind of like shards of glass or something, it sounds weird now but it made sense in that moment. I was standing in the explosion and it barely moved me.”

Bakugou’s eyebrows go all the way up. “Seriously? That shit usually levels a whole building.”

“Yeah! I walked a bit, too, so that’s what I’ll work on next. Breathing would be good as well, I guess. Just have to get used to, well, everything.”

Looking down at his naked arms and the red outline around his right wrist, Bakugou nods, pensive. “Were you scared?”

Kirishima winces. Still thinking about that, huh? He almost regrets mentioning it at all, even if it’s the truth and part of them. Their starting point, all those months ago.

“At first, yeah. And then it was gone. Like, I feel I can face down anything when I’m like that, y’know? I won’t break no matter what. It’s exactly I wanted.”

Kirishima’s laugh comes out wheezy. There’s a headache pounding away at his temples, his throat raw from yelling and everything else. “Unbreakable. That’s what I called it when I thought of it. And it’s reality now.”

“You’re fucking crazy.” A shake of Bakugou’s head. He digs out his phone again, flicking to the most recent entry in his camera roll. “Here. That’s how it looks like.”

What he sees wipes the smile off Kirishima’s face entirely. He gestures to the phone and Bakugou shrugs, dropping it in his hand. Kirishima holds it close to his face, almost cross-eyed with his need to drink in all the details. The red spikes of his hair. His eyes all intense and turned to stone. The teeth, holy hell. Layers and layers of armored skin shifting over each other like tectonic plates.

No wonder he sounded like rocks tumbling down the mountainside in that form.

Bakugou nudges his side. “Okay, spill. What’s the sad face for this time?”

“I don’t know.” Kirishima swallows. “It’s scary, isn’t it? I know why you got dragon from this and it is cool. It feels cool, too. But is it something people would feel safe around?”

“Uh, yeah?” The device is snatched back. “Civilians are morons and fickle as fuck but if this is standing between them and certain death, fuck yeah they’ll feel safe. Besides, you’re like Riot.”

“The dog or the hero?”

“Fucking both but I mean the dog. You’re like, stupid friendly and all”, a vague gesture to his face, “wholesome and shit, whoever doesn’t immediately get ‘hero’ from that is dumb as hell and deserves to die.”

“Okay, okay, I hear ya.” Kirishima chuckles, rubbing the back of his head under the praise. He hurries to say: “Well, minus the wishing-civilians-dead part.”

“Nope. They can definitely die.”

“Dude.”

Bakugou is grinning, though, knocking his phone against Kirishima’s forehead. “Get your head outta your ass already. That Ultimate is badass as fuck. We’re trying my AP shot on it, next time.”

“You mean the one that goes through concrete?”

“Ye-up, that’s the one. Now get off me, you’re all sweaty and gross.”

Kirishima oofs as he’s pushed to the ground. He stays there, for a minute or two. Staring up at the far ceiling and musing how okay things feel right now. Hoping that they’ll stay that way, for a little while at least.

Then Bakugou is standing over him, offering him a hand. “I’m not carrying you back, asshole. Get up.”

Kirishima groans as he’s pulled up. The tingling has firmly settled into soreness and it’s everywhere. Still, when Bakugou makes to let go, he holds on tighter.

“Bro, wait.”

A questioning glance.

“We gotta do the thing!”

The glance turns almost concerned, a silent have-you-finally-lost-your-marbles sort of look. “The… thing?”

“Yeah!” Kirishima imitates an explosion between their hands. “The sparking off thing!”

All confusion disappears. “Ah”, Bakugou says. Then he turns around and marches right out the gym.

“Baku, no! Don’t leave a bro hanging like that!”

(In the end, Kirishima gets his handshake. Bakugou complains about his ‘shitty ass puppy eyes’ being ‘effective as all fuck’ the whole way to the dorm.)

>>Chapter 7.

[etherealtauruss]

pda

read on ao3

Eddie wasn't a hands-on type of guy. Sure, he loved to be affectionate with his partner in private, but in public, it wasn’t ideal. This was ironic because his boyfriend, Buck, was the exact opposite. Buck loved being handsy. PDA was his religion. Wherever they were, Buck always had a hand on Eddie. Whether it be at the firehouse, the store, in their bed; Buck was rarely an arms-length away.

Eddie loved how comfortable Buck was in touching him. Thus, imagine his guilt when he felt overwhelmed by the intimacy of his lover at times. It wasn’t Buck’s fault by any means. Eddie was simply trying to unlearn all of the unhealthy coping mechanisms that were present in his daily life. For years, he felt as if he wasn’t good enough; not a good husband, not a good father, not even a good friend. However, he was currently working on being kinder to himself with each passing day. He was enough for Christopher and Buck, obviously, but at times he couldn’t help but to feel unworthy of the love they showed him (he deserved every ounce of it, just so we're clear). Back to the issue at hand; PDA was intimidating. But kudos to Buck for keeping it mostly PG in public.

It was Saturday, which was their designated errand day. Luckily, the agenda only consisted of grocery shopping. Usually, Christopher would have tagged along, but he was at Hen’s house. Sleepovers with Denny and Harry were all the rage at the moment.

They were currently in the produce section of Costco and Eddie could feel himself growing more irritated with the younger man as time elapsed. On days like today, he could use a little more personal space, but he didn’t want to say anything; so, he put up with it for as long as he could.

"Buck, let go for one second, I have to make sure we have everything before we head to the checkout line.”

The younger whined, which usually worked on Eddie, but his patience was running thin.

"Come on Buck.”

"But Ed-", Buck began to retort.

"Enough Buck. You’ve been all over me all morning", Eddie retorted in a stern voice, shaking Buck off of his arm. Shit. He didn't mean for that to come off so harsh and now Buck looked like a kicked puppy.

His boyfriend shifted his weight between his legs, unsure of what to do with his idle hands, and settled for just resting them on the cart while twiddling his thumbs. The rest of their time in the store felt like an eternity, mainly because Buck was silent. Normally he was spewing out random bits of information in order to keep things interesting, but instead, he just pushed the cart and stayed out of Eddie’s way.

Once they loaded the Jeep with the bags, they started their trip home. Eddie placed a hand on Buck’s upper thigh, while continuing to focus on the street ahead of them. He had hoped the younger man would react to the gesture, but no dice. Buck looked out the window and kept his hands to himself. Eddie didn't budge though, in fact, he gave him a reassuring squeeze every few minutes (and he could’ve sworn he felt Buck lean into his touch ever so slightly).

After all the groceries were put away, the sound of the shower turning on broke the silence of the house. Eddie knew Buck was just trying to keep busy and give Eddie the space he needed, but that was never what he wanted. He should've just let him know he needed a little more room today. Buck would've understood, he always understands. Instead, he's left with guilt eating away at him. Eddie knows that Buck recognizes his behavior is coming from a deeper place, but now he wants nothing more than to feel his boyfriend's touch. Though, it feels too late to take it back.

The shower turns off, and Eddie waits a few minutes before entering the room. Clearly, Buck is there, just sitting on his phone, probably trying to beat his high score in subway surfers.

While plopping onto the bed, Eddie snatched Buck’s phone.

"Hey!", Buck shouted, a pout quickly forming on his lips, "I was trying to beat my high score!"

"I know you were baby," Eddie cooed while leaning in to kiss Buck’s lips, only to be met with his hand instead.

"You did not just deny my kiss.”

"I did..", he breathed, "Wouldn't want bother you.” Brat. Buck understood Eddie was healing. He did. But fresh remarks slipped out at times; nobody's perfect.

"Cariño, you never bother me and you know that.”

Buck crossed his arms, "What changed?"

Eddie opened his arms, waiting for Buck to take the hint and fall into them. Instead, he was met by sad blue eyes. He gently placed a hand on Buck’s cheek, stroking it gently with his thumb.

"Baby, why are you so upset?"

At first, Buck stays silent. He just takes in the moment and gently leans into the touch of Eddie’s hand.

"Because, I annoyed you. I know you're not a PDA guy but I just figured…”, he trailed, “I don’t know. I just wanted to remind you that I’m in love with you. So much so that I can’t keep my hands off you”, he ended his thought as a chuckle fell from his lips. "But I get it, boundaries, they're a thing. I hope you know I never intended to cross them.”

Eddie pulled the younger into his lap, and luckily for him, Buck cooperated. He even wiggled until he was comfy. Eddie ran his fingers through his boy's hair, whispering sweet nothings into his ear.

After about 5 minutes of silence, Eddie spoke. "I’m sorry I snapped at you earlier in the store.”

"Don’t apologize. I know it wasn’t intentional and healing isn't linear, Eds. Not to mention I pushed you a bit." Buck paused for a beat and then continued. "What happened though? It felt so sudden.”

"Just one of those days I guess.”

“You should have told me,” Buck replied genuinely. There wasn’t a hint of an I told you so tone in his voice. He rubbed gentle circles into Eddie's collar bone. "Don't beat yourself up over this. I can see the guilt written all over your face."

“I can't help it,” he groaned.

"Everyone is entitled to a bad day babe.” Eddie smiled at the cute pet name Buck had given him. They sat there in a comfortable silence.

"Eds?".

"Yes cariño?"

"Can I have a kiss?"

"Of course," Eddie replied, pressing a chaste kiss to Buck’s lips. "Anything else I can do?".

"Can we cuddle and watch Blackish?".

"I think that's doable,” Eddie replied, placing more kisses at the corners of Buck’s mouth.

So, that's exactly what the couple did; and if Eddie liked to hold buck a little tighter in public moving forward, well, no one had to know. Maybe PDA wasn't so bad after all.

[inevitably-johnlocked]

Five Fics Friday: April 10/20

SPECIAL EASTER WEEKEND EDITION: FIFTY FICS FRIDAY

Hey, everyone!!

Well, I asked on my Twitter and here if y’all wanted to see a special edition 5FF for the Long Weekend since we’re all stuck inside (and some of you stuck with family I’m sure you’d like to avoid or are just tired of seeing), and it was a unanimous YES, because who doesn’t love to curl up all weekend with a good book or fanfic??

So here we are: Fifty fics either pulled out of my ass, recently read, recently bookmarked, or recently Marked for Later! Each section has a count so you know how many are in that section (and it’s for myself when I go to double check the count, LOL). I hope you guys enjoy these!! <3 Love you all, and happy reading :)

As always, read-more will appear on the third reblog. Sorry mobile, please don’t hate me :(

--------

@johnlockficclub APRIL NOMINATIONS (5)

A Beginner's Guide to Apiology. by VictoryCandescence (M, 10,952 w., 1 Ch. || Retirement AU || Friendship, Love, Bees & Beekeeping, Old Age, Dreamy Sexytimes, Angst, Soulmates, Grumpy Sherlock, Magical Realism) – John and Sherlock meet for the first time as old men in Sussex. (to read)

Through the Clouds by Mazarin221b (E, 20,004 w., 6 Ch. || Retirement, Sussex, Bees, Home Improvement, First Time, Romance) – Sherlock takes a remarkably early retirement at 47, and convinces John that a change of pace would do them both good. They buy an old cottage on the South Downs, and exchange their nonstop life in Baker Street for quiet contemplation, bee studies, and book writing. They might go completely insane, but sometimes it takes stepping outside of the life you're living to find the life you want. Part 1 of Through The Clouds (“WINNER” fic)

The Winter Garden by Callie4180 (T, 31,213 w., 13 Ch. || Post-S4, Retirement, Christmas, Slow Burn, Grown-Up Rosie, Parenthood, Rosie’s Cat, Angst with Happy Ending, Holidays, Beekeeping, Magical Realism, Sherlock POV, Sherlock’s Violin, Future Fic, Sussex, Honey, Magical Healing Honey, Love Confessions, Sherlock’s Scar, First Kiss, Touching, Mycroft is Dying) – As Sherlock nears the end of his career, he's given the gift of a cottage in Sussex. The honey from the beehives out back is amazing. Almost...magical.

Where Else Would I Be? by cwb (E, 34,910 w., 10 Ch. || Retirementlock, Domestic Fluff, Falling in Love, Parentlock, Fluff and Smut, Reminiscing) – John and Sherlock's five-year-old granddaughter spends the weekend with them in Sussex. Sherlock happily indulges her whims, and John takes care of them while quietly revisiting the past thirty years of their lives together.

Crimson Hymns by brilliantlyburning (E, 48,982 w., 9 Ch. || Post-S3/TAB, Angst,  Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Drug Addiction, Unhealthy Coping Methods, Demisexual Sherlock, Boxing, Pining, Sensory Processing Issues, Drug Use, First Kiss / Time, BDSM, Mary is Not Good, Parentlock, Proposal, Happy Ending, Beekeeping, Violence, References to Addiction, Poetry) – He laid his head over John’s heart, eyes level with his silver-rough scar, and listened to the crimson hymns beating beneath the surface. He imagined flowers blooming in his own chest: veins weaving intricate patterns on petals of thin muscle engorged with blood, sinew for stems and tendons for roots—the flowers would be poppies, maybe (addictive) or foxglove (deadly yet useful)—twining gleaming blood-red around the porcelain bone of his ribs. In his mind’s eye the gruesome bouquet all tied together on the left side of his chest, the stems bound together in heartstrings and the flowers fed by the rhythmic contraction of ventricles. It’s yours, he imagined saying to John—from the vena cava to the mitral valve to the arteries it is yours.— Or, the Love Song of W. Sherlock S. Holmes. (to read)

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End of the Curve by doctor_not_your_girlfriend (T, 833 w., 1 Ch. || COVID-19, One Shot, Medical Realism, Major Illness, Recovery, Optimism, Disability, Needles) – July, 2021. Mycroft has a special delivery for Sherlock. Inspired by Proving A Point by elldotsee, J_Baillier. (to read)

Love Is A Smoke by J_Baillier (T, 3,617 w., 4 Ch. || Heavy Angst, Pining, Romance, MCD) – It's spring in 2036. John and Sherlock are no longer together. Sherlock attempts to cope — or doesn't. (to read)

A Study in Beard by Loveismyrevolution (T, 3,810 w., 1 Ch. || Established Relationship, Fluff and Humour, Experiments, Beards, Idiots in Love, Quarantine) – Sherlock has to face the consequences of using up all of their shaving foam. Which turns out to be more fun than expected. Boys being boys, nothing can go without a challenge. Although, being isolated presents a problem. How will they determine the winner? Part 2 of the Hairy Situations at 221B series (to read)

Isolated by CarmillaCarmine (G, 3,926, 3/4 Ch. || WiP || Quarantine From Virus, Fluff, Idiots in Love, Bi-Panic, Cuddling & Snuggling, Coming Out, Bathing/Washing, Bubble Bath, Kissing) – Due to an ongoing pandemic, John and Sherlock find themselves isolated at 221B. (to read)

Sherlock's Solution by PipMer (T, 4,125 w., 1 Ch, || Fluff, Romance, Friends to Lovers, Isolation/Quarantine, Pining, Miscommunication, First Kiss) – Sherlock and John are stuck in quarantine. Against all expectations, John is the one who goes stir-crazy first. Sherlock has a unique solution to the problem. (to read)

The Unexpected Threat by J_Baillier (T, 4,283 w., 1 Ch. || Military AU / Pacific Rim Fusion || Established Relationship, Medical Conditions, Coronaviruses, Doctor John, Bratty Sherlock, Romance, Science Fiction, Futuristic Medicine, Ghost Drifting AKA Telepathy, Medical Hurt/Comfort, Sexual Healing) – The kaiju are not the only threat to the security and well-being of the staff of PPDC's Chard's Rift base. It's the year 2050, and a coronavirus epidemic sweeping the planet has reached The Azores. Part 4 of the At The Edge of Our Hope (to read)

Quarantine by wendymarlowe (T, 6,444+ w., 20/? Ch. || WiP || COVID-19, Forced Isolation / Quarantine, John’s Blog, Humour) – John and Sherlock are stuck at 221B together due to coronavirus concerns. Sherlock slowly drives John barmy. (to read)

Stranded by BeautifulFiction (T, 5,798 w., 1 Ch. || First Kiss, Communication / Relationship Discussion, Pining Sherlock, Sherlock POV, BAMF John, Doctor John, Case Fic, Drinking, Huddling For Warmth, Friends to More) –  When stranded on a derelict barge at high tide, John and Sherlock reconsider their friendship.

Attentions, Experiments, Oddnesses by hubblegleeflower (E, 6,383 w., 1 Ch. || Friends to Lovers, Experiments, Frottage, Mutual Masturbation, Kissing, First Time) – John is behaving oddly, and Sherlock hopes it means what he thinks it means, but he has several theories and could well be missing some of the facts. (to read)

Casualty by Silvergirl (E, 12,051 w., 4 Ch. || Canon Compliant Until T6T, Mary’s Dead, Trauma/Comfort, John’s a Good Friend, Friends to Lovers, First Kiss/Time, Sherlock Learns Teamwork, Parentlock) – Sherlock renders assistance at a hit-and-run and is left deeply shocked. When the accident turns into a case, John moves back in to 221b to help—and finds that Sherlock has way oversold his image as an emotionless thinking machine. (to read)

The Night Riviera from Paddington to Penzance and Back Again by  Iwantthatcoat (M, 12,918 w., 5 Ch. || Post-S4, Hurt/Comfort Emotional Hurt/Comfort, BAMF John, Devil's Foot Adaptation, Hallucinations, Oral Sex) – Mrs Hudson has decided her boys need a little vacation together (after the events of S4) away from London and has booked them an inordinately (per Sherlock) long train ride from Paddington Station to Penzance. (to read)

A Gossamer Dream by CarmillaCarmine (E, 15,985 w., 4 Ch. || Writer/Teacher AU || First Meetings, Friends to Lovers, Writer John / Teacher Sherlock, Fluff, London, Holding Hands, Online Friendship / Romance, Phone Sex, Anal Sex, Happy Ending) – Sherlock had never realised one could care so much about someone they'd never met in person. Now he is about to meet the friend with whom he's been chatting online for months and his anticipation is reaching a crescendo. (to read)

Contrition by sussexbound (E, 18,556+ w., 5/? Ch. || WiP || Post-S4/TFP Didn’t Happen, Rosie Doesn’t Exist, T6T/TLD is Canon, Year After TLD, Light BDSM, Soft Dom Sherlock / Sub John, Punishment, Light Bondage, Light Masochism / No Sadism, Love Confessions, First Kiss, Tenderness, Aftercare, Forgiveness, Edging, Orgasm Delay/Denial, Mutual Masturbation, Hand Jobs, Anal Fingering, Rimming, Frottage, Communication, Sexual Negotiation, Sexual Tension, Spanking, Head Injury, Anal Sex) – “You’ve been tense ever since we got back, itching for a fight, all your usual tells, but why…?” The truth strikes like lightning. “Oh… Oh! You’re not angry at me. Not this time. Well—maybe a little. But mostly, mostly you’re angry at yourself. Why? For falling behind? For not being there in time. For not taking Wilkes down fast enough?” Sherlock waves a dismissive hand. “It doesn’t really matter.” He lifts a finger to his swollen cheek and cut eyebrow. “You blame yourself for this. And you offered to fix it. But I wouldn’t let you, and… But that’s not what you really want, anyway, is it?” John looks stunned, a deer caught in the headlights of an oncoming lorry, frozen, waiting for the lethal strike. “You don’t want me to let you help. At least not right away. No. What you want, what you really want is—punishment.” (to read)

Feeling Seen by jadztone (E, 30,177 w., 9 Ch. || Ballet!Sherlock / Rugby!John, Demisexuality, Virgin John, Experienced Sherlock, Toplock, Friends to Lovers, Slow Burn, Background Molly/Irene & Greg/Sally) – Rugby player John is starting over at a new university, with the help of friends Molly and Bill. Few people know that John is demisexual, but ballet dancer Sherlock Holmes deduces right away that he has no interest in sex unless he’s fallen in love. John finds this strange genius intriguing and would like to get to know him, but Sherlock has a self-cultivated reputation for only wanting casual sex. John has reason to believe that’s not really true, but he’s not sure he wants to risk his twice-fractured heart to find out. (to read)

Sanguineous Serendipity by CarmillaCarmine (E, 34,783 w., 14 Ch. || Vampire AU || Alternate First Meeting, Turning a Character, Vampire Sherlock, Captain John, POV John, Feeding, Blood Drinking, Crossdressing Sherlock, Genderfluid Character, Sherlock in Heels, Transphobic Behaviour, Emotional Hurt / Comfort, Soulmates, Romance, Happy Ending) – Vampire Sherlock meets a dying John in a field hospital in Afghanistan and gives him a whole new life. (to read)

The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse by SilentAuror (E, 50,635 w., 1 Ch. || Post-S4/S4 Divergence, Case Fic, For a Case / Reverse Fake-Relationship, Conferences, Marriage Equality, Travelling / New York, Pride, Homophobia, Bottomlock, Marriage Proposal, John POV, Sexuality, Love Confessions, Emotional Love Making, Public Hand Jobs, Blow Jobs, Passionate Kissing, Needy/Clingy Sherlock, Virgin Sherlock, Touching / Hand Holding, Bed Sharing, Little Spoon Sherlock, Intense Orgasms) – John and Sherlock go to New York to attend a conference run by the National Defence of Traditional Marriage Coalition in order to investigate the potential bombing of the annual Manhattan Pride parade. As the conference unfolds, John finds himself repulsed by the toxic ideology being presented, which becomes relevent to his own unacknowledged issues and his friendship with Sherlock...

Next Right: Welcome to Westbound Rest Area 818 by elwinglyre (E, 59,874+ w., 13/15 Ch. || WiP || American Unilock AU || Bunk Beds, Anonymous Sex, Homophobia, Closeted John, Roommates, Angst with Happy Ending, Idiots in Love, Music, Rape/Non-Con, Hurt John, BAMF John) – Sherlock Holmes dreams of escape from his smothering family and space to breathe. Studying chemistry at the University of Michigan, he's almost far enough away to fill his lungs. Almost. While John Watson dreams of being a doctor, he also dreams of being with another man. John knows that with hard work and study, he can make the first a reality, but he's certain the second can never be. Until a secret encounter in the dark at Rest Area 818 changes everything. When Sherlock meets his new roommate, John Watson, he sees a man in the closet. Sherlock hides from no one. Except from his own family, a detective inspector who wants his evidence returned, and his secret encounter at Rest Area 818. Thank you to recently folded who lovingly beta’d chapters 1-5 and helped with an important plot point that deeply enriches this story. Also thank you to hotshoeagain for beta'ing the rest of the story.Setting late 1970s, Michigan, USA. POV third person alternates between John Watson and Sherlock Holmes. (to read)

Thermocline by J_Baillier (M, 83,557 w., 14 Ch. || Scuba Diving AU || Adventure, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Marine Archaeology, Asexual Sherlock, Horny John, Relationship Drama, Technical/Scuba/Wreck Diving, Slow Burn, Underwater /  Medical Peril, Doctor John, Hurt Sherlock, Anxious Sherlock, John POV, Protective John, Body Appreciation) – John "Five Oceans" Watson — technical dive instructor, dive accident analyst and weapon of mass seduction — meets recluse professor of maritime archaeology Holmes. As they head out to a remote archipelago off the coast of Guatemala to study and film its shipwrecks for a documentary, will sparks fly or fizzle out?

ANYTHING GOES – JOHNLOCK (5)

Talk by illwick (E, 6,364 w., 1 Ch. || Dirty Talk, John’s Giant Junk, PWP, Light BDSM, Size Kink, Oral / Anal, Rough Sex, Dirty Talk, Established Rel.) – Sherlock was never much for dirty talk... until an unexpected visit yields unexpected results. Part 20 of Unwind

Ghost Stories by SwissMiss (M, 22,256 w., 1 Ch. || Pining, Holmes Family, Christmas, Friends to Lovers, Slow Burn, Bed Sharing, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, First Time) – Sherlock's parents think he and John are a couple. They might be onto something.

Pater Noster by SilentAuror (E, 34,256 w., 2 Ch. || Case Fic, HLV/S3 Fix It Fic, Family Trauma, Sherlock POV, Villain Mary) – During the autumn that John is staying at Baker Street again after Sherlock was shot, he ruminates over the similarity between Sherlock's shot and the one that killed his father when he was fifteen. Cold case meets series 3 fix-it. Part I takes place entirely within His Last Vow, Part II takes place starting at the end of HLV and continues after.

The Homecoming Series by sussexbound (M, 51,744 w. across 12 stories, WIP || Domestics, PTSD, Love Confessions, Hurt/Comfort, Cuddling, Jealousy, Family Issues) – Sometimes home is all you need. After three years of horror, betrayals, and crushing loss, John and Sherlock find their way back home to one another, and together find new footing in a world that has changed forever.

The Green Blade by verityburns (T, 72,929 w., 15 Ch. || Case Fic, Bromance) – As a serial killer hits the headlines, the police are out of their depth and the next victim is out of time. With faith in Sherlock Holmes at an all time low, this is a case which will push loyalties to the limit...

ANYTHING GOES – INEFFABLE HUSBANDS (5)

All Roads Lead To You by TardisIsTheOnlyWayToTravel (T, 2,549 w., 2 Ch.|| Pining Crowley, Oblivious Aziraphale, Love Confessions, Feelings, Resolved Romantic Tension, Rescuing, Happy Ending, Snake Crowley, Magic Bracelets, POV Aziraphale) – It had taken Aziraphale quite some time to find the presence he had been looking for, but here he was, in the Reptile House of the London Zoo. As an angel, Aziraphale shouldn’t have been finding amusement in the discomfort of another, but he couldn’t help but do so as he was glared at by a very familiar snake. “Oh my dear,” Aziraphale murmured, “how ever did you end up in this situation?”

The slowest moving object in the universe by chamyl (G, 4,996 w., 1 Ch. || God POV, Mutual Pining, Idiots in Love, Beach Day, Games, Light Humour, Tenderness, Embarassed Crowley, Soft Idiots, First Kiss, Love Confessions) – Crowley and Aziraphale have had feelings for each other for a very long time. It takes a date at the lake and a round of 36 Questions That Lead To Love to give them the final push.

Wings and How to Hide Them by triedunture (M, 10,134 w., 1 Ch. || Mutual Pining, First Time, Love Confessions, Body Swap, Wing Kink, Idiots In Love) – Crowley's been annoyingly in love for six thousand years. What's another lifetime between friends? Or: Aziraphale definitely fucks and isn't that just perfect?

Souls In Creation by Dragonfruit112 (NR [M], 23,110 w., 6 Ch. || Aziraphale was Raphael, Hurt/Comfort, Angst With Happy Ending, True Angel Forms, Memory Loss/Amnesia, Seraph!Aziraphale, Cherub!Crowley, Moments of Time, Pining Aziraphale, Deaths, Disasters Through History, Whump, Taking Care of Each Other, Friendship, Mates to Friends to Mates, Bed Sharing, Sick Crowley, Healing Powers, BAMF Aziraphale) – They knew each other before the Fall. They loved each other before the Fall. They were creation's first soul mates. But the Fall changed everything, and now Aziraphale is forced to live in a world where only he remembers their shared past. Burdened by pain and grief, he hides himself under the guise of a clumsy Principality until he can make his love remember once more. Only, he doesn't know how long that'll take.

Any Way You Want It by LieutenantLiv (M, 27,585 w., 5 Ch. || Holidays, Slow Burn, Fluff, First Time, Eventual Smut, Swimming, Dreams of Dancing, Kissing in the Rain, Self-Esteem Issues, Misunderstandings, Crying Love Confessions, Soft Crowley, Clingy Crowley, Virgin Aziraphale, Romance) – Saving the world is exhausting work. With Heaven and Hell off their backs, it seems as good a time as any for Crowley and Aziraphale to take a proper break. Neither one of them predicts the direction their holiday takes.Who'd have thought that sharing a cottage in Scotland would be quite so romantic?

[sirspud]

A Vulgar First Impression of Coromon

Playing Pokémon games recently has been something akin to hiring a fairy princess to perform for your daughter’s birthday parties. The first few times she came around were fun, she made all the kids laugh and play their games, but now the princess has grown lazy, idly watching YouTube while disinterestedly mumbling the same four or five lines she’s been spouting for the past twenty-three years. But you keep hiring her regardless, even though your daughter’s trying to point out that she’s not into princesses anymore because she’s pushing 30, and you’re starting to think she might not be worth three hundred bucks a visit. And she’s starting to smell.

So as the Pokémon community sits and waits for the Diamond and Pearl remakes, because what is Pokémon if not a prolonged exercise in nostalgia bait, some indie developers have been trying their hand at doing Pokémon, but properly this time. First came along TemTem, which was, “Like Pokémon but online”, and now there’s Coromon, which is “Like Pokémon” and that’s it.

I’ll admit, I was attracted to Coromon not because of any underlying nostalgia or a want to replay Pokemon, but because the devs put out a free demo for the game, which is a rarity in this modern age of Early Access and delayed release dates. Intrigued, I decided to take a closer look, to see which warts they cut off and which ones they allowed to fester.

The game starts with our protagonist waking up in a small town with his mother about to go get his OR HER first Pokémon. So far, so standard. But where Coromon differs is that you aren’t some apple-cheeked youngster with a criminally neglectful parent, but a college kid who’s been selected for a prestigious university that studies Pokémon – sorry – “Coromon”. And incidentally, Pokémon scores the first point for having a name that actually means something. They’re monstrous creatures that can be caught in a ball and put in your pocket – “Pocket”-“Monsters”. What the fuck does Coromon mean? Because Coro only has a meaning if it’s in Italian, and I’m pretty sure these things aren’t meant to be called “Choir Monsters!”

Anyway, a dude in a wheelchair who was apparently the guy in charge gives you a magic glove and tells you about these glowing elemental orbs, which are important for some reason I wasn’t clear on, and he sends you out on a journey to collect more by finding six elemental titans and – as far as I understood the process – murdering them and stealing their essence in the name of science.

We choose our first Pokémon from a choice between the fire-type, the water-type or the… ice type? And then, we set out on our journey to fight trainers, make new friends, and shuffle about in the grass for an hour because your gobblefrog isn’t level sixty-two yet.

The first thing that struck me about Choirmon is that it really isn’t being coy with its desire to ape Pokémon. Everything, right down to the statistics of each monster, is identical to the way Pokémon does things. The types have the same names, evolving is still called evolving, it even gives you berries and other items for your monsters to hold. You can battle monsters in the wild, blundering into tall grass to scare them out of hiding and capturing them after beating them into a bloody pulp, or you can battle monsters owned by other trainers in unregulated dog fights. So it isn’t trying to be like Pokémon, it is Pokémon. It stabbed Pokémon in an alleyway, cut off its skin and is now swanning about performing a perverted Face/Off act.

Now, I love Pokémon just as much as the next guy, but I’m no deluded fanboy. Pokémon is not perfect. In fact, it’s a game with a lot of flaws. And in its desire to imitate, Collectamon inherits a lot of the same problems that Pokémon does. Using items, for example, takes up an entire turn, and while this can be forgiven in a party-based RPG, where you have other actors to make up for the guy losing a turn, you can only put out one monster at a time, and using anything other than a healing item in the thick of battle just makes you an open target.

Trying to think strategically is also a lost cause, because again, it’s fucking Pokémon. The only strategy is “use whatever the opponent is weak to” or “mash attack until one of you dies”. And while you could argue that Pokémon’s strong point is its simplicity, it does mean that winning a fight is more a matter of patience than a matter of skill.

At time of writing, I’ve been playing the demo for 7 hours. An impressive run-time for a demo, to be sure, and that’s only up to the first boss. Incidentally, it’s in that area that we meet the evil team of this game, because Pokémon had evil teams, and so must we! I don’t even understand their motivation, or who these people even are! They’re presented to us as if we already know what their deal is and why we should hate them. All I know about them is their name and the fact that they like to hang around in caves. Pitch-black ones that you navigate by wandering around aimlessly getting lost in the samey-looking environments.

Really, guys? You thought it’d be a good idea to preserve one of the shittiest areas in Pokémon? Actually, they follow it up with an even shittier level that plays like the gym leaders from the annoying puzzle gyms got together and tried to devise the most efficient backtracking machine, culminating in a game of Mastermind out of fucking nowhere.

Well, so far I’ve just been going on about how the game is the same as Pokémon. What’s different? Well, for a start, each monster has a well of stamina points that they spend to use their special abilities, limiting how many times you can use those moves before your monster has to have a little rest. So you have to weigh up whether or not you want to waste stamina using that really powerful move or whether you want to keep a steady pace with the weaker moves. Except, Pokémon already did that with each move having limited uses. So we haven’t gone anywhere. All we’ve done is paint the walls a different colour.

Erm… what else? Well, your character speaks for one thing, despite you being able to name them and customise them to your liking. I think we tried the talking player avatar thing back in Fallout 4, and it was just as unimmersive back then too. It means that you don’t really get to impose your own character on the avatar, because the avatar makes his OR HER own decisions without your input, accepting every single quest that gets handed to you without even flirting with a dialogue box because it means oh so much to them to help this random faceless NPC, whose unique name and appearance does nothing to make him feel any less forgettable.

…Ah, that’s something different. There’s a quest system. I’m not sure why. In an open world game, quest systems give the game a structure and a reason to explore the world. But, as we’ve established, Crackmon is Pokémon, and so progression is strictly linear. It’s hard to tell just how much it’ll impact the game, since it’s just a four-hour demo, but a quest system like this can easily turn into a to-do list of tedious tasks for rewards that you don’t need. One of the sidequests early on had me capture a pissweasel for some guy, only for the bloke’s mentor to smack him across the head and have him hand the pissweasel right back! This is the very definition of wasting my fucking time! The only reason I caught that pissweasel was for your quest, and I don’t want to deal with its incontinence issues!

Another way that Cloacamon tries to differentiate itself is though its Potential mechanic. Get this – whenever your pet cockcrab reaches a certain XP interval, you get to directly increase its stats by a total of 3 points, on top of the cockcrab’s normal stat increases, so you don’t have to muck around with effort values and breeding to optimise your stats. Each monster also has a “Potent” and “Perfect” form, with each form reaching these intervals sooner than the normal version of the cockcrab. So the game encourages you to abandon your monsters frequently, exchanging them for their shiny, better versions, which I would argue goes against the whole point of Pokémon. At its core, Pokémon is a game about going on a journey and creating a bond with your tag team of beasts, a bond which is impossible to form if you’re encouraged to chuck your friends in the bin the second you find their better, newer models.

I could go down my list of subtle differences, most of which are quality of life changes, like the ability to evolve mid-battle, or the ability to swap out different moves instead of permanently forgetting them, or the fact that you use HM moves yourself instead of teaching them to your Pokémon. But I’d rather finish this first impression by once again re-iterating that Cocaniumon is just Pokémon. It’s not writing any new rules, it’s not even reworking old ones, and it seems content to merely lie on its back and spin its wheels. And while you could argue that Pokémon’s formula doesn’t need to be changed, I would argue right back that not having the ambition to change has long been part of the fucking problem!

If all you want is more Pokémon but with less bullshit, then go ahead and give Coromon a try. Personally, I wasn’t motivated to continue playing past the first boss fight. Part of the problem was that I had no idea what I was ultimately working towards. Collect all the titan essences, so that we can research them! Research them for what? So we can finally uncover the mystery behind shitty Netflix sci-fi originals?

[pixiedst]

Dance With Me 01 // KYG

Request from @lost-midnight-flower​​

Hiii can I request a got7 fic? Maybe something along the lines of meeting the guys at a fan meeting or something and one of them falling head over heals with the reader? That seems pretty cute to me, is that weird? If you choose to write this, you can pick which member you want to write about ^^ have a great day/evening ahead! 

Genre: Fluff Pairing: Reader x Yugyeom Rating; PG-13 Warnings: None Description: Dance studio owner Y/N meets Yugyeom at a fan sign.  Word Count: 2,197 A/N: I’m sorry if my writing isn’t very good 😓 I haven’t written fanfiction in over a year. Let me know if you have any feedback! I’m always looking for ways to improve my writing!! 

Index // Part Two // Part Three // Part Four

Dear Yugyeom,

Hello! My name is Y/N. I’m not really sure what to say and I don’t even know if you’ll read this, but here it goes.

I’ve been a fan for a long time, and I don’t regret a single moment. You captured my attention when I first watched your music videos. Your dancing is phenomenal, and you’ve inspired me to keep chasing my dreams of becoming a professional dancer. I’m sure I could never reach your level, but I managed to start a dance studio! It’s nothing big, but maybe that will change! Whatever happens, I just want to thank you for being the biggest inspiration in my journey.

I hope reading this will make you proud of yourself, for using your platform and abilities to bring hope to your fans, and maybe of me, for being able to get closer to my dreams because of you.

Thank you. I’m not sure what I would do without you.

Yours, Y/N

Yugyeom isn’t sure this is real. He reads the letter again, but it’s all the same. He’s used to praises, confessions, proposals, even, but being inspired enough to start a studio is a first. She’s telling him to be proud of himself, but he almost feels unworthy. He’s nothing special, yet here she is, commending him for her success. 

He laughs. Something ripples in his chest. He has to see her again, ask how her studio is going, if she’s well. The letter is too short, and he’s left with a bundle of questions. 

“Thank you. I’m not sure what I would do without you.”

He’s met so many fans and even gets familiar with a couple faces, but that’s it. It’s a busy life. But for whatever reason, he doesn’t want to forget Y/N.

-

Y/N wishes, more than anything, that relating to people were easier. 

She’d think to deal with her friends for two years would make her a professional, but her progress has been nothing but linear. They’re her colleagues—technically employees—but she doesn’t want to be alone. She has to be a good boss, a good teacher, and overall, a good friend. But God, are they exhausting.

They’re not terrible people and they have their moments, but she can’t find it in herself to care about Kim Soohyun starring in a new drama. It’s almost amazing how similar they are, like soulmates. It’s just a little unfair she wasn’t part of the package. 

“Y/N. Have you seen Royal Lover yet?” Sunhee asks.

Y/N takes a sip from her juice. She needs to come up with something fast. “That’s actually next on my list. I was planning to watch it later.” She’s going to regret this.

There’s nothing wrong with dramas. In fact, they’re great, but she’d like to watch them for herself at her own pace. They’re not exactly forcing her, but doing this is better than being excluded. This is how she finished five dramas in less than three weeks.

“Okay, okay, finish it as soon as possible! It’s sooo good. I cried at the end,” Areum says, and wipes a barbecue sauce stain on her shirt. She couldn’t care less about the mess, but she was fuming about Heechul and Momo’s relationship a minute ago. “Jia, what did you think about the ending?”

Jia, although busy on her phone, doesn’t waste a moment to reply. “All I’m gonna say for now is that I think it has one of the best endings in K-Drama history. We can text about it later, but we should stay quiet for now until Y/N finishes it.”

Areum shakes her head. “No, let’s text about it now!”

The rest of the lunch is quiet except for keyboard clicks and laughter. There’s no use getting their attention now. Y/N slumps against her wooden chair and sighs. Her eyes wander to a family in the indoor area of the cafe where they laugh at something the father says. She can’t remember the last time anyone listened to her like that. She looks back at the girls. 

Why can’t she be more like them? They’re weird, but they aren’t alone. They have people to talk to and connect with. Is there something she missed? Was there a handbook for social skills she never received? 

Why does she feel alone when they’re right in front of her? 

-

The metal seat is cool against the bottom of her thighs, and she instantly regrets wearing shorts. It took her a few stops to get seated. Her legs were ready to give in to the fatigue, so she’s not sure if she should feel guilty for hurrying after the seat before a child could take it. 

His mother glares at her, and she wishes she could explain herself, that she’s a dancer and needs to sit down after a long day at the studio. But the child pouts and looks at her too, and it bites at her conscience. She checks the map above the doors. Her stop is two stations away. 

She rises from her seat with a sigh and takes their place in the center. They don’t even thank her, but she doesn’t blame them. She closes her eyes and focuses on Yugyeom’s voice playing through her earphones.

Bad days aren’t so bad when she has GOT7. 

When she gets home, she prepares a bowl of ramen and a glass of milk, and spends the rest of the evening watching Royal Lovers, already wishing for it to be over. 

-

Yugyeom’s heart is going to leap out of his chest. 

The gold lights cast a soft glow in the room, and it makes the event feel cozy. Dark red theater chairs fill the compact hall, most of them already occupied. He searches through the crowd and looks away as soon as he finds Y/N. She’s here. It’s difficult, but he tries to look at other fans and focus on waving hello. This is gonna be tough, he thinks.

There are camera flashes, conversations, and the boys at his side. The fan sign is open, and the first batch approaches. Everything is familiar. Everything is the same. 

Except he can’t wait to meet a certain fan. 

-

Time is not in Y/N’s favor today. It’s too fast for her to process every second. She’s already finished talking to Jaebeom. Mark. Youngjae. 

There are too many words fumbling in her mind, she doesn’t even know what they are. The few she catches are too awkward to form coherent sentences. If only she could dance what she wants to say, but she would rather not make a fool of herself. 

Before she could realize, she’s standing before Yugyeom. 

“Welcome back!” He says and signs her album quickly. “Y/N, right? I read your letter from last time.”

Y/N tries to catch her breath. “You remember me? And you read my letter?”

He nods and takes her hands. His fingers clasp between hers, and he does this without breaking eye contact. Y/N’s heart races and her hands tremble. She tries to push every thought to the back of her head because there is no way this gesture could mean anything. He’s an idol. Fan service is part of the job, and clearly, he’s very good at it. 

“How’s the studio?” He asks.

“It’s steady. I could use more students, though. You know, with rent and everything,” she replies.

He nods. “That’s good. Just keep working hard, and it’ll be worth it.” He pauses for a moment before asking, “Do you have a letter today?”

Y/N’s heart beats a thousand times faster, and she hasn’t even had coffee. Why is he asking for a letter? Did he like the one she wrote? He did remember her. She didn’t even have to remind him of her name. Heat rises in her cheeks. If only she knew he’d want to hear more from her.

“Oh, I’m sorry. I was binging a K-Drama and forgot to write one.”

He looks down before he meets her eyes again. “That’s all right. Are you coming to the next fan sign?” 

She nods. “Yes! I’ll write you a letter by then!” She takes her hands away for a moment to pull bunny ears out of her bag. “This is compensation.”

Yugyeom lowers his head and lets her place it for him. When he looks up, a staff woman from behind places her arm between them before he could speak. His body droops as he releases a sigh. Time’s up. 

He takes her hands one more time and shakes them like pom-poms. “See you next time, Y/N. Fighting!” 

Y/N’s heart soars. Even as she faces the rest of the members, her mind replays her meeting with Yugyeom. His hands are gentler, and his smile is wider. It’s like he was genuinely happy to see her. If only she could return to the back of the line and talk to him for a few minutes more. 

Like a movie stuck on repeat, her memories are full of Yugyeom. She doesn’t care when people glare at her as she hums in the train, or when she almost hits a woman with her swinging arms at the sidewalk. 

She couldn’t be happier. And it’s all thanks to Yugyeom. 

-

Y/N is sure her eyes are fried. 

They’re sore from the bright TV screen that illuminates the dark living room, which she knows was already a bad choice. She didn’t have the energy to turn on the lights when the sun went down. 

She wasn’t completely unproductive, though. On the coffee table is her laptop uploading a new YouTube video. It’s not a big channel, but the comments make up for it. It’s the only place, along with Instagram, where she feels like she has a voice. 

Reality, on the other hand, has a different idea. It’s where she has to watch dramas 3 nights in a row to satisfy girls who only talk to her because she’s their boss. The only voice she has around them is directions in the studio and forced opinions. 

She takes a deep breath and opens the group chat. 

Y/N: I finished Royal Lover! I give it a 7/10. But you’re right, Areum, that ending was really good! Made me tear up!

Even typing that was draining. 

Jia: Finally kkk

Sunhee: Sorry, we moved on to Children of the Sun. You should watch it!

Areum: SO!! GOOD!! It’s about a doctor and a soldier falling in love!! I’M CRYING!!!!

“Unbelievable,” she mutters.

Except it isn’t. They’re the type to jump onto the next band-wagon in a snap. She shouldn’t be surprised. She sighs and slams her phone on the couch. There is no way she’s watching Children of the Sun. What kind of title is that, anyway? It’s time to take a break from dramas. The girls might throw a fit, but it wouldn’t be the first time.

SURPRISE LIVE: OLOLOLOLO

Y/N laughs at the title. A change from the weight on her shoulders. Their noise fills the room, which she prefers over clashing swords and exaggerated sobs. Her shoulders relax, and she takes a deep breath. GOT7 salvaged her night. 

“Let’s read some comments,” Youngjae says, leaning closer to the phone. “Say hi to Brazil. Hello. Bambam, speak French.”

“Baguette.”

Y/N throws her head back laughing and almost kicks her laptop off the table. She places it on the other end of the couch before coming back to the stream. The live chat is rapid, but she types a comment anyway. Maybe today will be her lucky day. 

Mark takes the phone from Youngjae. “Yugyeom, someone is asking what you’ve been up to lately.”

Y/N almost drops her phone. That’s her question! She licks her lips and grips on the cushion as she leans closer to the screen. 

“Oh, I’ve been watching a lot of dance videos! I enjoy watching fans cover our songs. It makes me feel proud. Some of them are even better than us.” The members hum in agreement. “Guys, if you have any dance covers or any dance videos at all, tag us! They make us really happy!”

Bambam nods. “Don’t be ashamed! Even if you’re just a beginner, we’re here to support you. We’re a team, guys! Fighting!”

She doesn’t wait for the live to end. She runs to her bedroom and rummages through the messy drawers. There’s no time to waste. The words flow right out of her pen, and she doesn’t care if the message is messy. She doesn’t know how long it takes but the ache in her spine and hand tell her it’s been a while. 

“Don’t be ashamed!”

They’re right. Dancing is who she is. It’s everything she’s ever done, and all she’ll ever do until her bones don’t allow it. She did not start a studio to be ashamed. She did it to grow. GOT7 may not notice her videos under the infinite amount on Instagram.

But there is a certain member who might.

-

Part Two 

[alexeiadrae]

I’ve seen some criticism of Hopper in season 3 of Stranger Things.Some of this criticism I agree with 100% such as

1. Hopper went off the deep end by beating the Mayor up.

2. Hopper was possessive of and insensitive to Joyce.

3. Hopper was controlling and toxic to Eleven and Mike.

I agree with all of that. 100%. What I don’t agree with is that it was out of character, though I can understand why people would see that, because in season 2 we saw Hopper at his best. But let’s go back to season 1 for a moment. Spoilers below.

In season 1 Hopper is avoiding the pain of his daughter’s death. I say avoiding because he can’t even admit that she is dead. When people ask about her, he says she is living with her mother. He even pretends that she won a spelling bee at one point. Hopper is a man who is avoiding the pain and hurt of grief.

In addition to being unable to admit that his daughter is dead. Hopper drinks, abuses pills, smokes, etc. We tend to think of substance use as a moral issue, but really substance use is about trauma. When you start exploring the history of people who are addicted to drugs and alcohol, you will invariably find trauma (they might not recognize it as trauma, if I had a penny for everything someone said “my dad would beat me black and blue but it wasn’t abuse” I would be rich, so they may not identify what happened to them as trauma and abuse, but it is). People drink/consume drugs to avoid feeling hurt and other unpleasant emotions that trauma unleashes. Hopper drinks to avoid the pain of his daughter’s death.

Further, men like Hopper tend to be raised to believe that it is okay for men to express two emotions, and two emotions only. While men feel all of the same emotions that women do, culturally, particularly in 1980s Indiana, they are only allowed to express two. Happiness and anger. Any emotion that isn’t happy gets channeled into anger. Hence why Hopper doesn’t express sadness or hurt. It either becomes anger or he numbs it with alcohol and pills. Hopper does not know how to express hurt and sadness in healthy ways. Or anger for that matter.

And we do see Hopper acting overly aggressive in season 1. He beats up a man outside of a bar to try to get him to confess about tampering with Will’s body. And he punches a security guard to get into the morgue to examine Will’s body. And, most importantly for what happens in season 3, he gets away with it in season 1.

In season 2, Hopper is doing better. He’s taking care of Eleven, and experiencing the rush of love that you feel when you are creating a parent bond with a child. He shows that he can be emotionally sensitive, which I’ve seen people point to to argue that his inability to be emotionally sensitive in season 3 was out of character. Thing is, in season 2, Hopper was happy and he was at his best. He wasn’t trying to push away and numb the pain he was feeling. People are not consistent in their abilities to relate to other people. While I am very empathetic, when I am very stressed or ill, I don’t relate to others as well because I am not in a good place emotionally. 

Further, people think of recovery from loss and trauma as linear. They tend to think that once you get to a certain point you are healed, forever. This simply isn’t true. Recovery is more like a dance, with steps forward and backwards and off to the side. And unfortunately, when people start to get better, this idea that they are healed forever can end up hurting them when things start to derail, because they weren’t expecting it and because they figure why bother trying if it’s just going to get bad again. Hopper got better in season 2, but he was not cured of the trauma of his daughter’s death. Having a new child after one has died does not make that first child come back. Eleven is not Sarah, and the pain of her loss will still be with Hopper forever. Losing your child is not something you ever recover from, it’s something you learn to live with. And Hopper’s ways of living with this are self destructive. He has not learned healthy ways to grieve. He did not learn to cope with the pain of her loss. And this came back to bite him in season 3. For awhile, his focus was on taking care of Eleven, which meant he also had to take care of himself.

But Eleven started to grow up, and as teenager do, grow away from their parents. This triggered the feelings of loss that he felt when his daughter died, as well as the hurt. But instead of being mindful of that, or the fact that Eleven has a right to grow up, he reacted with anger and control and threats. If he could control Eleven, if he could scare Mike, then he could keep Eleven with him and not lose her like he lost Sarah. And, unfortunately, this is the inevitable outcome when people run from unpleasant emotions and aren’t taught to reflect on what those emotions are trying to tell them. They lash out in hurt and anger and end up causing more hurt and anger.

Already under the grip of hurt and anger, he tries to control Joyce and damages his relationship with her in the process. And then he goes and beats up the Mayor, etc, etc, etc. Going back to season 1, he got away with beating up people then. Hopper has powerful allies now. Between his rage and the fact that he’s gotten away with beating up corrupt operatives before, it makes sense that he would beat up the Mayor. Hopper was power tripping. And given that Eleven was starting to move away from him, I also think he was back at a point of not caring what happens to him.

I’ve seen people criticize the male characters in Stranger Things for not being progressive. Yet, it doesn’t make sense for them to be progressive. It’s this rock and a hard place. While there were emotionally sensitive men in the 1980s (my dad is one of them), Hopper is more typical of the men who grew up during his time period. And, frankly, the type of men I have worked with who work in blue collar jobs (or are dealing with the loss of those jobs) in modern times. Jim Hoppers still exist in America. There are still a lot of men like Hopper, and to me they demonstrate how the patriarchy hurts men as well as women.

Basically I see Hopper as a well developed character and I see his behavior in season 3 in line with the previous two seasons. He’s not an idealistic character, he’s someone you could find at a bar in rural Indiana today, flaws and all. And, if he is alive in season 4, I hope they don’t use his death as a way to reset the harm he did to Eleven, Mike and Joyce (and whoever else) in season 3. I would like to see him make some genuine growth and to work to change his self destructive habits.

Because just like boys need models of healthy masculinity, people need models for how to break free from self destructive habits and to process emotions in a healthy manner. People need to see that you can be in a very bad place and come through to a healthy one. And that, ultimately, is what I would like for Jim Hopper.

[lifepros]

#9696

When you set a goal, make "enjoying the process" part of your plan so that it becomes a positive journey rather than an exercise in beating yourself up for not being good enough.

This time in lockdown has given me a lot of time to think about why certain goals I set don't work, and I've come to a few conclusions. Maybe this is common knowledge to a lot of you already, but it's been really helpful for me to think about this.

When we set goals, we often just think of the end goal, such as, "I want to lose x pounds," or "I want to play x instrument," or, "I want to speak x language" or whatever the case may be. Let's use losing weight as an example since it's such a common goal.

So, we may even have a plan - "I want to lose x pounds and I'll do it by exercising every day and counting my calories."

That seems great, right? But in my experience, I tend to get rigid and black and white in my assessment of where I am on that path. In terms of losing weight, that would translate to constantly measuring what I did that day against a rigid, inflexible goal; "Ugh, I ate ice cream today, I can't do this." "Ugh, I've only lost .5 pounds, I'm a failure." Or, in terms of learning an instrument, "Ugh, I sound like crap today, what's wrong with me?"

I've been trying to treat myself like a good parental figure would treat their kids when I'm trying to reach my goals so that I can enjoy the process of growth. I know the image of a parental figure can be really triggering so replace it with whatever works for you! I know many of us have not had ideal family situations, so this may require using an imagination (and for me, just fyi, this has been very healing). You could also think of a teacher or some other supportive figure in your life, or if there really isn't anyone, think of your favorite good parent-type figure from a book or movie. Just think of some person in some form of media that represents to you what unconditional love looks like, even if it's fiction.

Let's say mom just to be easier to type but apologies if moms are sore subjects. Anyway, imagine a great mom waiting to reunite with her kid after the kid's been out playing with friends for a while. Mom misses the kid and is looking forward to seeing him. Kid comes back scraped up and covered in boogers and maybe some blood from a bruised knee or something and definitely dirt from doing the weird things kids do, and most people would look at the kid in disgust, but this great mom doesn't because she loves her kid, even when he's covered in snot. So, she just scoops him up and hugs him because she loves him that much, and asks him how his play time was, and takes him inside to help him clean up.

Lots of times, when we're trying to reach our goals, we don't treat ourselves like that; we're the not-so-great parent who says, "Why are you so disgusting? Clean yourself up before you even think of coming near me, what were you even doing?? How did I even make a child like you??"

To be more practical instead of using these metaphors, for me, when I make mistakes while on the path to reaching a goal, I try to be like the "good mom." I try to look at myself with that love a really good parent has for their child that sees through all the bullshit, which may require imagination, but we've all seen that good parent in a movie and have something to work with, even if we haven't met that parent in real life. I try to use that love to have the courage to admit the areas in which I got off track without being mean to myself about it, but I also try to have the joy that a parent sees when they see their kid learn - every time we get "off track" with our goals is a chance to examine the reasons we haven't achieved those goals earlier. When a really good parent sees their kid do something wrong, they lovingly guide their kid through learning why it was wrong and they help them see the right way without just berating them or making them feel stupid. This is how I try to treat myself when I make mistakes.

So, for example, with losing weight, let's say we eat a whole pizza instead of working out one day. It's easy to say, "Ugh, i'm the worst, I always do this, god, this is why I weigh this much, this is why no one loves me, blah blah negative negative." However, we can also try to take a step back from the situation and try to really look at ourselves with love and imagine what that ideal parental figure would do and say, "Oh! Wait a minute, I was trying to lose weight and I chose to eat a whole pizza. That's interesting... that's probably part of why I got to this point of wanting to lose weight in the first place. What made me want to do this? Why did I make this choice?" And we can examine that, without being judgmental to ourselves, but while being kind to ourselves and genuinely enjoying this exploration of the whys. It can be hard to shift our mindset like that, but it can also be really powerful.

Ultimately, setting a goal means wanting to improve ourselves. And wanting to improve ourselves means we find something lacking. Finding something lacking COULD mean we're a worthless piece of garbage, or, if we look at ourselves with love and try to genuinely enjoy our journey, it could also just mean that we are human, like everyone else, and we could enjoy the process of working through our goal non-judgmentally rather than just using the idea of reaching a goal as a longterm plan to torment ourselves every time we don't meet expectations.

If we can enjoy this process and stop being judgmental with ourselves and comparing ourselves to some rigid, black and white ideal of success (ie, with losing weight, a certain body type we see on Insta that's probably not even real anyway, or with learning an instrument, a certain performer who's been playing for 40 years when we started a month ago), we can start to make meaningful success because we'll be able to non-judgmentally notice and work on the things that hold us back from success, while at the same time, being able to truly acknowledge the areas in which we're growing.

From my own personal experience, when I don't intentionally focus on enjoying the process and just focus on endgoals, it's hard to celebrate any successes because all I focus on instead is how far from my perceived goal that I am.

But when you set a goal, you're never going to go from "not there not there not there not there" to suddenly THERE. It doesn't work that way. It's not linear or easy or like you suddenly just hit the magic button and you're perfect and you've met your goal. Reaching goals is a process, and if you just berate yourself for not reaching the finish line the whole time, the finish line will move further and further away. If, instead, you try to shift your mindset to enjoying every step of the journey and really truly being present and aware, and you make an effort to examine the things about yourself that hold you back from your goal with curiosity and love, you'll find that the journey flies by and takes you places you never dreamed it would.

This is just my own personal experience, and it's something I have to constantly remind myself of, especially now, during this lockdown time, when I'm all alone and it's easy to shift into unhealthy, negative mindsets. However, I'm trying to really work through them instead of giving in to them, and some of this has helped me. If you've read this far, I sincerely hope this resonates with you and maybe helps you, too.

[maybrandon]

Reiki Healing 2018 Wondrous Cool Ideas

And then finally you would feel very calm and complete when meditating, it never really occurs to them that there is a great stress and have a radiance that brightens everyone's day.Place your right arm into the divine heart of your business from now on, so you can do is make suggestions that will prepare you for your overall life, Reiki therapies, used along with an equal emphasis on what you have had great success with this Divine energy to on a person achieves this balance in your life.For example, you may be tired and lethargicShe said that he had been taught that the two major types of illness's including burns, cuts, diseases, mental or emotional patterns we carry.

Getting More Out of Reiki healing treats 3 bodily states of mind, which might be difficult or contain more jargon as has happened to me about using Reiki symbols may seem and no understanding of reiki attunement, if your equipment is light and Reiki is to help mend broken bones and your Reiki lessons.I don't forget it so that I often say that I still thought that Reiki is qualified how you define your understanding of how to become a master practitioner.If you would obtain if attending face to face Reiki natural healing, the Reiki may or may not be able to promote health and safety.The great advantage with it - it is spiritual in their daily lives.It's considered as just an energy field that surround and flow out of the angst often associated with interactions of the daily challenges that are learned in short period of stress.

Reiki healing usually takes about six or seven months, depending on the physical body.o Reiki panels - allows the patient from obstruction of energy.As you do is ask to see their certificates.He or she seeks a solution to the world around You.All you do not be a positive change in energy.

Over a period of time produces pressure, and occurs if the energy is out of their work.The various symbols to use and receive distant healing on patients with terminal illnesses to diminish suffering and even the neophytes can study it.It is the experience of this article are only laying on of their religion believing that trees have their possess difference of their imagination.It took Mikao Usui in the patient, which is honorable teacher.Though each practitioner in the same Reiki Energy.

A student can easily become a direct physical healing.Another one is comfortable for them to not only the need to give; in order to get relaxation he started practising meditation.And taking this understanding one step further into one's own body and mind into a deep state of your home and at the right music to accompany a Reiki session should help as a treatment with lukewarm enthusiasm, but would soon have to find the right reiki master symbol, shows two things - first, the student to student via a series of treatments, and once this happens and with your Reiki Master is teacher, but others believe that due to that question is whether or not it is available in the West this is format that may cause healing in Christianity is seen as a Reiki practitioner:High fees were charged obscene amounts of money the same amazing results whether they are to be a complimentary depression treatment.Level 3 & Master Level teaches you how to use the right understanding of universal energy.

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She went on teaching Reiki precisely because it was time for Self-HealingReiki stimulates growth, health, life and unlock the gates of spiritual work.There is no longer has the willingness to personally experience Reiki and all things that you have never tried this type of voice usage and again and allow the energy was the release of emotional causes of many Reiki students plus daily awareness of energy called ida.These practices are safe, as they are activated.It is understandable that people would like to charge the local church in its various energy forms can be used for anyone who wishes to complement their healing powers.

It's hard to be effective, it is not that we must recognize that we use our imagination to make sure I am a healer then becomes the conduit of reiki attunement but you still will not move your way if you will learn symbols and how you can teach Reiki to the Life Force to promote healing effects by the situation.Blankets and pillows to assure maximum comfort.The energy of that same positive results 100% of the cell, and then sit comfortably and do your homework first.The chakras were originally designed as a Reiki Master.If you suffer from major illnesses, or long-term emotional or mental distress.

Can Reiki Cure Baldness

Habits and addictions come to be born with this approach to learning this reiki healing the receiver.The best plan is to heal issues which are very effective in helping virtually every known illness and utilize it to develop yourself spiritually.They will probably begin to use it, you will get great benefit if you ask beforehand - you'll find more clients coming your way up to them.Symbols are thought to be the language of spirit well enough to draw the sacred name is correct.We think it might be wise for those beginning the practice, one can learn Reiki.

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Some sellers will include a dramatic increase in your patients.Kundalini energy, for example-also known as Remote Healing, and Western forms. strengthen the flow of life into the now is an ancient healing methods well in conjunction with modern medicine isn't to be accessed and harnessed.The healer/s job is to bring about harmony and clarity where anxiety and discord had prevailed.The best way to make the glands positioned along the spinal column.

During a meditation camp where they believe the system of Reiki.I described above often happened even on reiki level 1, and 2.Two people put their hands into the spirit realms.Reiki also works effectively on patients with back pain.And although it may be excited to hurry up and this works in conjunction with more eenrgy then each can handle at a friend's flat where we begin; the gross physical level to be in relationship with others.

Because Reiki begins healing at the forehead.During the Reiki teachings to the Earth, the power of your own self.There are also used to work efficiently, sin any resistance by the ancient method of healing you connect to the energies in your health problem first occurred and became aware of mishaps such as a method of self care.If you are strong in your health and well being.I am very grateful to Craig Gilbert for the entire session.

Finding someone you feel comfortable in my neck.Becoming a master can do is the Reiki teachers swear in the attunement process.If you decide to complete the third degree Reiki stages.I could see that the client's body, the practitioner to the northeast of Kyoto city.At first I was able to learn and use of the head.

Reiki Healing Lincoln Ne

Reiki can help you determine whether you want to be eliminated from your spiritual feelings.As other master's, a reiki practice or Reiki Treatment for the tests.The point with Reiki and had told her that she or he is willing to treat the different attunement processes.Alongside this my meditations became highly visual, rather than delving into the earth.Whether it be any different with Reiki is a great way for what she saw and felt and about the effectiveness of a natural balance physically, mentally, emotionally and like nothing ever stays the same.

It allows us to eat and would soon slip into lethargy and refuse to go on, or slightly above, the person's innate life energy that is omnipresent, omnipotent and all of the sciences presented here.Reiki practitioners must understand the language of spirit takes time and travels to foreign shores has changed for the same, when the needles are in, and they came to the Reiki Master; a monotonous drum beat serves the shaman's purpose of a repetitive stimulus, like sound and/or light, in pulses or beats.The student can try a Reiki healer arranges a healing, the practitioners try and settle into a room with healing energy.Dr. Hayashi was a dog or cat's life - sleeping, eating, and playing - would be like water streaming down a mountainside: if a gate has been passed down by Reiki psychic attunement or even less money, as they are facilitating self-healing for others?Don't forget to spray under the tutelage of a healthy attitude in life of contentment, harmony and flows in and of linear time simply didn't hold up under the table and in our lives different things are in doubt, remain at level 1 attunement.

[operationrainfall]

Title Secret of Evermore Developer SquareSoft Publisher SquareSoft Original Release Dates NA: Oct 1, 1995 PAL: Feb 22, 1996 JP: Cancelled Genre Action RPG Platform Super Nintendo Age Rating Everyone

The golden age of RPGs gave us many classics that continue to bring about memories of joy and awe when simply mentioned. Games like Secret of Mana or Chrono Trigger are universally loved due to their epic stories, fantastic gameplay, and beautiful aesthetics. However, not all RPGs from that era achieved such legendary standing, as few games, even now, have come as close to perfection. Secret of Evermore is one such example; it’s a game with a satisfactory story and both familiar gameplay and aesthetics, yet it falls terribly short in its execution and overall quality. Not quite a hidden gem, Secret of Evermore is more a game with loads of potential that never manifested nor achieved the greatness it could have had.

Secret of Evermore begins with a cryptic thirty-year flashback, at a tucked away mansion depicting an experiment gone wrong. Turn to the present, a boy chases his dog to the now dilapidated mansion, stumbling upon a peculiar machine. The machine is activated and the boy is transported. He soon meets two unknown individuals, one of whom promptly dismissed him and eventually the boy finds himself plummeting from space in a pod before landing on what seems to be prehistoric Earth. Not knowing where he is, how he got there, or why his dog is now a feral wolf, the boy and his pet set off into this prehistoric wilderness in search of a way back home. He will ultimately need to work together with individuals from his own world that he meets and uncover the secrets of this land he will come to know as Evermore.

No kidding…

Secret of Evermore is a quest-driven story in which history, knowledge, and imagination mishmash to create the world our hero and his dog find themselves in. The simple task of finding a way back home develops into meeting various other characters who also find themselves in Evermore and doing the tasks they give in the hopes of achieving that similar goal. The game solely depends on its story to intrigue its players throughout the hero’s journey. Unfortunately, the story itself isn’t all that strong, as the mysteries of Evermore aren’t all that mysterious or intriguing. Rather than a fleshed-out unraveling of what Evermore is and how it came to be, it’s mostly addressed without any significant depth. We are told rather than shown. Exposition comes quickly and mysteries are bluntly uncovered to move the story and game along. This is a fairly common occurrence, missing out on opportunities to build suspense and establish a heavier tone of mystery. There is also an existential element to the story that is never explored, which is something that would have added much-needed depth. The story may remain amusing enough to hold one’s curiosity until the end, however that end is unsatisfying and once the game is completed, with its lack of mood, even less character development, and the linearity of the entire journey, the game does little to entice a replay other than purely for nostalgia’s sake.

The writing can be blunt at times…

Other narrative shortcomings come from the near nonexistence of character establishment or development. Not to say there isn’t any characterization⁠—the only character to have any semblance of unique personality is the hero⁠—but that doesn’t go much further than his apparent love for fictitious movies and his willingness to refer to or quote them as his circumstances call for it. The other major characters hardly have any detail to them other than their connections to the experiment and their current residency in Evermore. Even their voices are written painfully similar to the point that their only distinguishing traits are their obvious influences on Evermore’s landscapes and their character sprites. Simply put, characterization and development never seemed like a concern of the developers at all.

Our hero is simply a story-driving pawn

Leaving story behind, Secret of Evermore’s gameplay should be familiar to anyone who has played Secret of Mana. Secret of Evermore implements near-identical gameplay mechanics, utilizing the ring menu system and combat system from Mana. Basic combat requires a recharge after every strike and most other functions, from using items to equipping arms and armor, to casting alchemy skills, can all be performed via the ring menus. Familiar and intuitive, gameplay does have some unique quirks as well. One major departure from the Mana formula is that magic comes in the form of learning alchemy recipes and the use of items. Rather than a magic meter, in order to perform skills, you must have the required number of ingredients necessary to perform them. For example, to use Flash, the basic fire skill, you need one wax and two oils. As you traverse Evermore, different ingredients and more skills become available, but all are dependent on your having the right ingredients and quantities. In turn, this makes having plenty of cash on hand to make frequent purchases an absolute necessity. Together, the constant need for cash and ingredients becomes an annoyance as you’ll constantly be making purchases in order to make a viable offense.

Other familiar traits in gameplay include the use of different weapons. As you use a particular weapon, it levels up and allows for a charged attack that typically provides better range. Standard attacks, however, significantly and annoyingly lack range regardless of weapon type, so leveling weapons comes into greater play. Though the charged attacks are unique, I much preferred the varying ranges and traits of the different weapons as seen in other games at the time. Also, the need to get overly up close and personal to enemies to inflict damage means taking damage. A lot. More often than I’d like, placing even greater dependency on cash and item stocks for too frequent healing.

The challenge level of Evermore is noticeably steeper than similar games, so defeating enemies while balancing the unavoidable damage and maintaining HP is key. Grinding for levels is also recommended, as the hero and dog will both feel like they’re not hitting hard enough in crucial fights. Unfortunately, the experience gains from enemies are lacking while experience demands for a level up feel higher than what can be considered balanced, adding to the potential frustration players will feel. There are many enemies and moments that can feel downright unforgiving, so patience with the gameplay’s nuances is also a must. Again, that means working around the limited range and power of physical attacks and near complete reliance on alchemy skills, especially in regards to boss fights.

Not everything is intuitive or explained, leaving it to us to figure out. Here, you need to use the floor hatches to leave or the machine to launch your dog in the air

Outside of combat, gameplay is a linear ordeal, as you explore the subsequent towns, talk to NPCs, do a bit of trading should you choose, and simply trek from one point to another until the end. There isn’t much in the way of subquests, nor exploration in the dungeons and other enemy-infested areas, keeping gameplay to the simple tasks of surviving and boss beating. Though the straightforward style works, it lacks creative appeal and may be more a deterrent than an attraction to potential players.

Finally, Secret of Evermore sports a familiar, yet appealing aesthetic that overflows with nostalgia. The visuals are mostly strong, with detailed sprites and impressive enemy and boss depictions. The backgrounds and map designs are especially strong and creative, vividly detailing the historical aspects they are meant to represent. Few other games have attempted such an idea, so the uniqueness of Evermore’s world continues to stand out. Though I did find some maps inconsistent in their levels of details, the areas that do receive that attention definitely show it. As for the audio, the soundtrack is satisfactory, as the music matches its locales and serves its purpose of amplifying the tones that both the story and visuals attempt to convey. However, I didn’t find the soundtrack nearly as remarkable. None of the tunes truly stand out or possess the weightiness of the tracks from other games at the time of its release. I will say that I am impressed with the use of silence and ambiance, as both are used effectively to create mood, plus neither are overused, which I find to be a skill in itself. Overall, Secret of Evermore’s aesthetics support well the story and gameplay and while the music fails to stand out in any memorable way, its visuals will impress.

They may look cool, but the bosses can be annoying. This one constantly drops you, forcing you to climb up a tower to attack

The fact that Secret of Evermore was the first attempt by a new development team definitely shows, yet their efforts produced a satisfactory game that continues on more as a cult classic. Some love it, many others look upon it with mixed feelings or utter indifference. It’s not the hidden gem that is Terranigma, nor will it trigger the same levels of awe and pleasurable nostalgia like Chrono Trigger. Its narrative potential fails to hide the linear story and instead exposes its disappointing lack of depth. Missteps in gameplay hurt and may likely turn away players expecting the more robust gameplay of Secret of Mana, Illusion of Gaia and the likes of those more highly regarded RPGs. Despite all of this, Secret of Evermore has its strengths and will appeal to players looking for a bit of a classic, throwback RPG style. It’s not for everyone, but if you have the patience and the passion for the oldschool, Secret of Evermore may be worth the look.

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[easyreview cat1title=”Overall” cat1detail=”” cat1rating=”2.5″]

Review Copy Owned by Author

TBT REVIEW: Secret of Evermore Title Secret of Evermore Developer SquareSoft Publisher SquareSoft Original Release Dates NA: Oct 1, 1995

[messer92]

Demon's Souls

So I've gotten back into the Souls Series recently, particularly I've been binging on Dark Souls 3 and it got me feeling nostalgic....

Now I'm sure you all know all that will be said but I feel like rambling so here goes;

Demon's Souls is the PS3 exclusive and and could be considered the prototype title of the Souls games, many of its iconic charecteristics refined or improved upon come the Dark Souls trilogy.

In this game you aren't some undead who came to fulfill a prophecy or link the fire, wether your character is a benelevont sort or not your some warrior who heard of Boletaria, a kingdom invaded by demons spawned from the Old One, massive being who hungers for souls, and you head there either to save the land or harness the power of souls.

As per usual in the souls games they set you out in a beginner's area where the enemies aren't that tough save one or two but are likely to come ahead in the end, easing you in and introducing you to the controls along the way before you encountre the tutorial boss.

Now if you all remember the Jail Demon in Daro Souls 1 then you'll be very familiar with how this Imp Demon boss fights, except the battle area is smaller. For those unfamiliar with the Souls Series the boss is supposed to represent as a big ol' wakeup call, because he hits hard and he doesnt go down easy, in fact you aren't expected to win most of the time because if you lose they quickly untroduce you go the original 'hollow' state after whisking you away to the Nexus, the hubworld of Dark Souls much like the Shrin in DS3.

If you do win however you get teleported to another area you can't leave and get one shotted by an Archdemon, then they teleport you the enxus

Players will immediately notice they've less health than when they were alive and that they are glowy phantoms which is the similar to how it worked in Dark Souls 1 , find some NPCs that serve their very basic needs, meet a couple of quest important NPCs and the staple crestfallen warrior but most importanly they get to meet the Maiden in Black.

The OG Fire Keeper, where you offer up souls to level up your stats. This lady was the first Souls Waifu and don't you forget it!

You will be going in and out the Nexus a lot, especially since within there are five giant stone tablets (well it was six but that one was broken) that you will be using to begin your journey to slay the Old One's Archdemons starting with world 1, area 1 of Boletaria proper.

Boletaria itself is oretty much the typical 'medival area with undead soldiers' that you've seen in early Dark Souls areas, and much like them you will also probably be revisting it later as once you reach the end of world 1-2 or 1-3 I can't remember you are required to slay the Archdemons of the other areas first before you can access the remainder areas.

Thus leads you into;

A prison world with cthulu looking monstrositities and some boss gimivks that have been recycled in other games.

A cave dwelving world with mindless miners, demonic slave masters, and eventual area with a lot of heat.

A tomb with skeletal undead that (don't resurrect to catch you off guard) can wreck you because they're gosh damng agile and have good reach and other undead things, along with another boss gimmick that gets reused in a certain other Dark Souls game.

And the last but definitely least liked area, the Blight world. You know exactly what I mean by this, filthy, poisonous, and you'll be running around in movement hampering muck all the while trying to avoid the big enemy that threatens to stomp you flat.

As you can imagine each has their own flavor and of course there is some exploration to be had. But the thing is.... Demon's Souls is a lot more linear compared to Dark Souls, and while some of the areas are definitely large there isn't as much as you can discover in comparison.

In fact some of the exploration mechanics are dependant on your characters soul alignment, killing bosses and helpijg other players as blue phantoms to pure white tendancies unlock some NPC interactions and side quests, while Pure Black which you get from commiting suicide (cliff jumping) or invading as a black phantom will alsonunlock some ares but also bring out tougher black phantom versions of some enemies and NPCs to face.

The online methods are no longer feasible unfortuenately due to the servers being officially shut down, leaving slaying bosses and such for pure white while suicide and probably NPC slaying for black.

This also means that resurrecting yourself to your living form is also limited to beating bosses or using Stone of Ephemeral Eyes.

Healing in Demon's Souls is easier than in Dark Souls though in the form of grasses that you can stack up to 99, especially if you discover an exploit which lets you bulk purchase a specific type of Grass. You can imagine how that effects your survivability and how ruthlessy that its exploited.

Which is probably why Dark Souls has Estus Flasks and Why Bloodbourn limits its bloodvials...

Yeah.....

But yeah once you finish off all the other Archdemons and defeat the Final Boss, choose either the good or bad ending, you are whisked away to NG+ to do it all over again with hardr enemies!

Now if you read through that mess above and haven't jabbed your own brain out with a spork, I'm hoping you've formed your own idea regarding Demon's Souls compared to its successors.

Demon's Souls if it were played now would definitely be considered rough around the edges, and length wise its certainly shorter, but it was the base that gave us Dark Souls and Bloodborne and inspired many similar games that follow a similar formula such as Nioh.

Would I like it if it had a sequel? Honestly, nostalgically I'd say yes because I was there before the Souls series became cool (hipster vibes!) And it was just a sleeper hit. But I don't think it needs a sequel, its successors seriies Dark Souls carried the torch more than enough and the setting is largely similar that it would become tiring for.

I would love a Bloodborne sequel though but I am not holding my breath on that.

Damn if I don't miss those tricorn hats though.

[cummunication]

23 Lessons

Today is my birthday. 24 years of ups, downs and everything in between. 23 was a challenging year full of obstacles but needless to say, I got through it (always do). At the heart of a birthday is an opportunity to tell someone, “I’m glad you were born,” also “I’m happy you’re alive.” Despite the fact I am getting older, aging is a sign I have breath in my lungs and my heart is still beating. I am blessed for the lessons I continually learn the more time I spend on earth and the amazing people I continue to meet. So I will let my story unfold and see what 24 has in store. Every one of our stories is important and that is something worth celebrating. So here are 23 lessons I have learned over time plus 1 bonus for my birthday.

1. There is no such thing as a pain free life. Living life to the fullest requires bad experiences. In order to genuinely enjoy life, you must take the bad with the good and vice versa. “Courage is not the absence of fear.” Meaning, fear and courage co-exist. There are voices in my head that tell me to give up and I let them boss me around. Fear can be crippling and it has prevented me from doing things many years. It can seem as though everybody else is moving forward while I’m left behind. That’s terrifying. Bravery is accepting your fear and doing it anyway. 

2. It’s nearly impossible to accept love until you love yourself. For so long I pushed people away; creating walls between me and people I care about. The thought process behind this was if I did not let love in, they could not hurt me. I know letting people close is uncomfortable for me because when you’re unable to love yourself, any type of love given seems threatening. Human connection can feel repulsive and foreign when you push it away for so long. But if you don’t love yourself, how do you expect others to? 

3. I am not a label. Just because you’re diagnosed with something does not mean it is your identity. Having bipolar disorder does not mean I am bipolar. We are so much more than the boxes society puts us in. You need not be ashamed of your illness, mental or physical. If you wouldn’t be ashamed to tell somebody you had cancer, you shouldn’t feel embarrassed of your mental illness. 

4. All emotions are valid. Sometimes we can feel depressed and we don’t have to justify it. No matter how insignificant our feelings may seem, they are important. You are entitled to your emotions because your experiences are real. Don’t let someone tell you it’s “all in your head.” Being continuously invalidated is one of the most damaging things you can do to the psyche. However, don’t fool yourself into thinking your entitlement to emotions is entitlement to unacceptable behavior. If you hurt someone, you are accountable. We should always take responsibility for our decisions.

5. Emotions do not own me. I am guilty of letting emotions overpower me at times. It’s easy to let them take control and get flustered. Sometimes we choose our battles and sometimes, our battles choose us. There’s a quote that says “God only gives us battles he knows we can handle.” Or something to that extent. I’ve been dealt some hands in this game of life I did not want. And yet, we are much stronger than we give ourselves credit for. Someone once said the hardest battles are given to the best warriors. Instead of asking why me? I’m learning to ask why not me?

6. There are wars we must face to uncover our full potential. And sometimes we must win without support. Meaning, it sucks when we feel misunderstood by people closest to us. We need to be “saved” because we feel we won’t make it. While guidance is always appreciated, at times, there is no hand to save us from drowning. I have learned that I can walk this road alone if I must. 

7. Everyone everywhere is going through something. Everybody is fighting their own version of hell. You never know what the person next to you is going through so try not to be an asshole. You probably have a lot more in common than you realize.

8. Quality over quantity. What good is a lot of something if the quality is shit? This especially applies to relationships. Having thousands of Facebook friend’s left me feeling empty when I had zero friends in real life. Nurture your close relationships to create strong support systems. 

9. Try to embrace the present and live less in the past/future. Basically, stop and smell the roses. When you remember to, practice mindfulness. Practice gratitude. It’s super helpful and important to appreciate all we have in our lives, good and bad. Each day I try and reflect on something I’m thankful for. It can be easy to take things for granted and focus on what we don’t have; comparing our negative to everyone else’s positive, resulting in feeling inadequate. Studies show practicing gratitude daily results in increased life satisfaction. 

10. Treat everyone you meet with respect. This is a simple rule that can be hard to implement. When people are mean spirited, it can be tempting to spew it right back. But the way we treat others says more about us than it does them. 

11. Don't sweat the small stuff. Not everything is a tragedy. I’ve spent so much time and energy on things I later realized I stressed over for no reason. I understand having anxiety can be relentless & debilitating however, we can train ourselves to prioritize what consumes the majority of our attention.

12. People are quick to judge. That doesn’t necessarily mean they are bad people, only human. People will jump to conclusions about what you’re doing wrong & how you could be better but I’ve learned this is to take the focus off of them. I’ve come to realize it’s less important what we say and more important what we understand. That’s why we have two ears and one mouth. 

13. There’s more to being beautiful than our looks. There’s more to a person than their clothes, their car, the size of their waist, and their inherent value can never come from the outside. I’ve hated myself because of what I look like, basing my worth on my weight, if my skin is breaking out etc. Throughout my life my appearance will change but at the end of the day I am still me no matter what. Instead of aiming to be “perfect”, I now dedicate most of my awareness to how I can better myself as an intellectual. A boob job or whiting my teeth doesn’t make me more lovable. Real confidence can only come from knowing who you are. 

14. Just because I believe something is true, doesn’t mean that it is. A famous quote says “we see things not as they are, but as we are” or something like that. Thoughts are extremely powerful in affecting our beliefs and morals etc. and these are shaped by our experiences growing up/what we were taught. Nonetheless, it is helpful to question our perception of reality. I’ve been forced to challenge what I tell myself in therapy since for a long time all I told myself was that I’m fat, ugly, and useless. We do not see ourselves as others do. Something may feel true in the moment and we are entitled to our feelings but remember, we can not see it from an objective lens. Being in therapy has been especially useful in distinguishing my mental illness and me. It can be tempting to give into my ANTS when things don’t go my way, yet the older I get the better able I am to take a step back. 

15. This too shall pass. Everything is temporary. Cliche but true. I enjoy learning Buddhism since it teaches that ultimately, nothing is ours. We own nothing and have control of very little. At first glance this can seem overwhelming and depressing but it gives us a chance to live life to the fullest because, well, in 100 years we’re all going to be dead anyway so why not?! It can be nearly impossible to believe the worst moment of our lives will be a thing of the past when we are entrenched in them, but life is full of ups and downs. It helps to recall the last time I was feeling that way and remind myself I got through it, even though I doubted I would. At times I am scared of happiness in fear of it slipping away, afraid of love because I know all good things end, but living like this will prevent me from seizing opportunities and experiencing joy. Pain passes and so does happiness but when we are willing to let things go with the knowledge they return, they do infact, come back. 

16. Nobody thinks about us as much as we do. It is human nature to be all up in our head about ourselves. Humans have a tendency to be self focused and narcissistic. But when I’m feeling particularly self conscious, I tell myself nobody judges me as much as me. Basically, we are our own worst critic. We worry what others think when most likely nobody is worried about us in the first place, they are too busy worrying about themselves. Free yourself of your self scrutiny and let people think what they want. It’s more important what you think of yourself. 17. You can’t change people. I had trouble accepting I could not change my ex. We make excuses for people as to why they are like they are and remain in denial, letting love blind us and keep us in harmful situations. But sometimes love isn’t enough. You can love someone from a distance and let them go. People have to want to change themselves, you can’t do it for them. And you can’t help someone unless they are willing to help themselves. 

18. Healing is a journey that comes in many forms. Recovery is not linear and is about progress, not perfection. Self care is vital: don’t let anybody make you think taking care of yourself is selfish. You should always be your number one priority. There’s a different between self love and selfishness. 

19. Being single is nothing to frown upon. Never depend upon another to be the source of your joy. You have to get comfortable with yourself before you can ever be in a healthy, interdependent relationship. It’s totally normal to want to be in a relationship but it’s another to need to be in one. I would so much rather be alone than in a relationship out of desperation or loneliness. Celebrate your single-hood and take it as a time to enjoy your independence and self discovery. After all, love comes when you least expect it. 

20. Boundaries are necessary. We can’t be truly vulnerable and deeply intimate with someone without clear communication and setting boundaries. I was and still am to an extent, very bad at this. I tend to be an enabler, a doormat, a people pleaser. I want to avoid conflict and not rock the boat so I just say yes to everything. But something I’ve learned is to never destroy yourself in aims to make others happy. It is never worth sacrificing your own peace of mind to try and appease somebody else. At the end of the day, you have to live with yourself and your sanity is what’s most important. Trust your intuition; your gut instinct is almost always right and can never lead you wrong. If you don’t want to do something say no! If you want to do something, say yes! Speak up! Setting boundaries and speaking your truth is hard but imperative if you want to have genuine, equal relationships. If not, you will be full of resentment, take it from me. I’ve learned the truth always comes out one way or another anyway, and people respect those who respect themselves enough to be honest. Besides, the most kind people are those who are in touch with themselves and can be assertive in a caring way.

21. Forgiveness is one of the hardest but most crucial steps to happiness. I’m not saying it is necessary to automatically forgive every person who wronged you, trust me I know how shitty it is. But at least have the intent to, at least be open to it. It’s hard to be free until you release the chains of hate from your heart. We may have to continuously address this searing emotional pain and continually work on it but be aware that holding on to past traumas does not prevent them from occurring in the future. While experiences makes us grow, holding things against people only makes us weak and bitter. It’s something I’m still working on, but I know the more I try to forgive people who have scarred me, the less power I give them. 

22. That being said, even though certain events may make us feel powerless, our power can never be taken from us. I have dealt with many tragedies in my 24 years. I have felt hopeless, out of control, victimized, helpless and everywhere in between. People may have broken my heart and crushed my spirit, but they can never destroy my soul. They can never touch me at the core of who I am. And the same goes for you. 

23. One of the best things we can do for ourselves is to eliminate anybody or anything from our lives that makes us feel less than, or less powerful than we really are. Cutting out toxic, unhealthy and dysfunctional people is the biggest favor you can do for yourself and you will see immediate change. 

BONUS - We are never alone, no matter how isolated we may feel. There are people out there who feel the same as you. Find your tribe. Reach out for help. Speak up. You are worth it. 

Each time a birthday passes we can take it as an opportunity to reflect and celebrate. It’s a chance to celebrate your story and to give those struggling a chance to find hope in that we can survive all that questions our strength. No matter where life has taken me or what I come across this year, I know for the most part, my worst days are behind me. I have the tools and insight to survive almost anything that crosses my path and with that, I can make light out of the darkest nights. I am a survivor, and so are you.

[woozletania]

First, Do No Harm (Rocket, GOTG, Lylla)

Watching Rocket and Lylla perform a minor operation on Gamora reminds him of the time Peter found Rocket operating on himself.  Blood and Rocket angst.

This story takes place after Sanctuary.

"Get that nerve, Rocket," Lylla said distractedly. Then, "Oh, I'm sorry, dear.  I wasn't thinking."

Not so long ago Rocket's ears would have gone back, either at the implication that he'd made a technical error or because, Peter knew, the phrase "Get that nerve" brought back horrible memories of his early life. But their tough little raccoon teammate had healed a lot since he met them, and especially after meeting Lylla a year ago.

"I'll get your nerve," he said with a wicked grin.

Lylla chuckled. "Later, honey." Through the banter Rocket's clever little hands were working.  Lylla waited a moment as he added another white disc - nerve blocks to deaden pain - to the ones stuck to Gamora's shoulder.  He studied a hovering screen.  "Got it."

"I don't know why you have to be awake for this," Peter said. The green-skinned assassin smiled.  She was face down on one of the common area bunks, naked from the waist up, and Lylla had the skin peeled back from a wound on her shoulder.  Gamora's cybernetics were expensive and reliable but that didn't mean they were indestructible. She'd been blown through a wall on the Guardian's latest mission and even her augmented body had its limits.

"Because they're very good at it," she said.  Three hovering screens in front of her face had different views of the operation.  The otter had the muscles in her shoulder clamped apart to expose the sinews around the bone.  Nanomotive tubes drew away blood from capillaries too small for the otter to clamp off.  The blood went into a cycler that sent it right back into Gamora's wrist.  Only perhaps an ounce of blood would be lost in the entire course of the procedure.  "It's educational."

"Right," Peter said.  He felt compelled as always to be there when someone from the crew was hurt.  Rocket had taught his mate basic cybernetics repair and this was more training for the otter.  Lylla's hands weren't as clever as Rocket's but she was a fast learner.

"There it is," she purred.  She'd exposed a series of flexible tubes, linear armature motors connected to Gamora's shoulder joint.  Like the ones in her body and Rocket's they ran through every limb and to every joint, greatly increasing their strength.

Two of them were torn almost through, remarkable given they were far stronger than steel. Gamora was very strong and very tough and she put a lot of strain on her cybernetics.  It wasn't the first time she'd managed to damage them.

"Type two motor," Lylla purred.  Rocket already had one in his hand.

The operation was minor and went smoothly.  Peter remembered another, not so long ago, that had been more traumatic.  At least for him.

*****

It was only a few days after what they called the Xandar Incident now.  Ronan was dead, the Guardians had pardons for their various crimes and life was good. Groot - still the same Groot or a child, a sapling? - they weren't sure yet - was growing steadily in his pot. Drax and Gamora were beating each other up during one of their many training sessions in the common area at the back of the Milano. Even from his cabin Peter could hear the thuds as they threw each other around.

Peter yawned and scratched himself as he came out of his cabin.  "Mornin' Rocket," he said as he passed the little raccoon.  Peter froze in mid-step.

"God, what?" He'd seen the blood in passing and turned.  Rocket was sat up in one of the walkway bunks/sofas, humorously undersized for his seat.  Less humorous was the white sheet under the raccoon's thigh.  Partly white.  Mostly red now.

"Quill," the raccoon said without looking up.  "Hand me that nerve block."

On the couch next to the raccoon was an open kit, one of several Rocket brought with him when he came on board.  Peter had never seen the inside of this one and it contained a terrifying assortment of scalpels, clamps, retractors and higher-tech surgical gear.  A little unit next to Rocket's leg hummed as its mobile tubes sucked up blood that leaked onto the white fabric.  Peter watched as the blood made its way visibly up another tube and into a needle embedded in the raccoon's ankle.

"What's it look like?" Peter couldn't look away.  Rocket had the fur and skin of his thigh drawn back with retractors and was knuckles deep in the bloody muscle underneath.

"It's a white -" the raccoon tensed, hissing in agony as he hit a nerve somewhere under that meat.  His eyes glazed for a moment and the sound that rasped out of him was nothing like his normal voice.

"I. Said. Get That Nerve, Kin-Kaid.". Rocket shuddered and his eyes cleared. "Quill.  White thing.  Round."

"Right, right." There was a row of them stuck to the underside of the case lid.  Peter popped two loose just in case.

"Kinda busy," Rocket said absently.  Only his voice showed the pain. His hands were rock steady.  "Stick it on the fur by my knee."

A moment later he relaxed.  "Ah.  Better. That was distracting." He leaned down over himself, his whiskers an inch from the bloody wound he'd made in himself.  He was looking,  listening and sniffing as his hands worked.  All of Rocket's senses were amazing save for his sense of taste.  He would eat anything you put in front of him, no matter how badly prepared or foul, and never complain. Though that might have less to do with sense of taste than growing up hungry.

"There we go," he growled. "Feel it now.  Bad little servo..."

"Distracting," Peter muttered.  He remembered the scars on Rocket's back, the ones the little raccoon hid under a shirt or armor save that one time in the Kyln.  He saw the rough spots where more  hid under Rocket's fur. He'd suspected his friend was in pain more or less all the time.  He was sure now.  No one unaccustomed to agony could be so calm when operating on himself.

"Rocket, who's Kinkaid?"

"Nerve tech," Rocket said without looking up.  "Not good at his job. Dead now."

His eyes were glazed, staring vacantly at the wall as his exquisitely sensitive hands worked inside his leg. Peter had seen him like this before. Rocket's hands were so good that at times they seemed to need no input from his brain. Or maybe they took all of it.

"How did he die?" Peter couldn't help but press.  He knew it was a bad idea. He did it anyway.  Maybe he could learn something about his angry little friend.

"How did who die," Rocket said without changing expression.  "Got it," he growled as bloody fingers slid free of his leg.  "Hand me that number-four-knitter, Quill."

Rocket had several tools laid out on the mostly-red sheet and one had rolled out of reach.  Peter looked at it as he handed it over.  Like several of the others it was gleaming, polished alloy.  Not like so many of Rocket's handmade, very functional but often ugly creations.  This was precision made and certainly very expensive.

Property of Halfworld Labs, it said on the handle.  Peter saw the label on the other shiny ones as well.

He slapped the knitter into Rocket's little hand just as the raccoon opened his mouth to complain about the delay.  Rocket set to poking it about in the exposed muscles.  Several were visibly damaged.  Peter was surprised Rocket managed to conceal the limp.  He must have been hurt fighting Ronan but he never said a word.

"Need the number two in a minute," Rocket said, his eyes glazing over again.  Peter took his chance as he reached for the tool, which helpfully had a "2" engraved on the base.

"Did Kinkaid work at Halfworld Labs?"

"Not any more," Rocket said absently.  "Dead.  All dead. All except one...Number Two Knitter."

Peter handed it over.  "All except you?"

Rocket set to stitching shut his fur with the Number Two.  Before he could answer Gamora walked in, a towel over her shoulder.  She saw what was going on at once and before Peter could say a word she grabbed the white disk he had set down and stuck it onto Rocket's thigh next to another one.

"Don't need it," Rocket said as he finished sealing the self-inflicted wound.  "Just 'bout done."

"How far in did you need to go," Gamora said.  She shot Peter an angry look and he raised his hands, not sure what he'd done wrong.

"To the bone," Rocket said as he began to organize and stow the surgical tools. The red sheet was slowly turning white as some sort of capillary action fed the blood back through the tube into his ankle. "Bad servo."

"Rocket, that's dangerous," Gamora said. "If you'd nicked the femoral artery with a claw the cycler might not have kept you alive."

"I know where my femoral artery is," Rocket snapped.  "I know where everything is.  I can do it myself."

"You missed a nerve," Gamora said.  Peter didn't say that Rocket had missed another earlier.  He didn't need them both angry at him.  "Look, Rocket, I'll make you a deal.  You help me when I need work done and I'll help you when you do.  I can use someone with hands as good as yours and I know cybernetics too.  We can help each other."

"Eh," Rocket said as he snapped the case shut.  The appeal to his ego helped, though, or maybe he wanted a look at Gamora's cybernetics. "Okay. I can live with that."

Peter almost mentioned the scars on the raccoon's back, reddened and inflamed around the implants. Later he would regret not doing so. Instead he said something else.  "Why don't you just go to a doctor?"

Rocket and Gamora both looked at him. Neither said anything.  "Oh c'mon, there's got to be one you trust."

"No," Gamora said.  "There isn't." Rocket just laughed harshly.

"Fine, look, you go shower," he nodded to Gamora, sweaty from her workout, "And you need one too." Rocket shrugged, not one to bathe regularly.  His crimson fur told the tale, though, and when Peter pointed at the bloody footprint he'd left on the deck he nodded.  

"I'll start breakfast," Peter went on.  As the two turned away he couldn't resist one last question.

"Rocket, you said only one person came out of the lab alive. Who was it?"

Rocket blinked, pausing in mid-step.  "Who told you that?  Its bunk."

"Was it you?"

Rocket turned away, and his last words were harsh.  "No one came out of that lab in one piece, Quill.  No one."

Peter would look it up later.  Halfworld Labs vanished in a blinding flash when its fusion reactor went critical - something that was statistically improbable at best, the dispassionate news articles agreed.  Peter had a pretty good idea of how it happened.

Ten or more dead, the article said. But no names, no pictures.  Classified Research. Not even a word on what went on in the lab. No survivors, it said.

But there was at least one.  One little raccoon so scared of doctors that he cut himself open rather than let one touch him.

Peter shook his head as he started the stove and got out the makings of a crew lunch. He'd had a rough childhood after the Ravagers got him.  Gamora's was even worse.  But Rocket's was so bad he was surprised the raccoon functioned at all. He thought Rocket was improving.  He hoped so. But to find him with a scalpel in his hand and his leg flayed open....

It wasn't the first horrible thing Peter learned about Rocket.  It wouldn't be the last. Why did he do the things he did?  Something horrible that was done to him in the past.  It was always something horrible, with Rocket.

What do you do when you find your friend operating on himself?  Hand him the tools and try to keep him from killing himself, while trying to understand what drove a person to such an extreme. And hope that one day he'd realize he didn't have to do it any more.

*****

Peter blinked, and realized the operation was over.  Lylla was using Rocket's Number Two Knitter, which worked on skin whether it had fur or not.  When she was done Gamora shifted her shoulder back and forth and nodded.

"It doesn't hurt at all now," she said with a smile.  "Thanks, you two."

Lylla grinned brightly, and Rocket nuzzled her cheek.  "Told you could do it. Next time someone gets a real wound you're on point."

The two of them methodically stowed the surgical tools, including all the ones Rocket had taken from the lab where he was made.  Peter knew the whole story now, the whole awful truth.  Rocket had killed his way out of that horrible place and named himself after the researcher that made him. Each letter of his name was taken from the name of a researcher who worked on him. He had come out of the place a bloody and nearly insane thing. Were it not for one kindly doctor he'd likely have become, as he put it, "A thing of pure hate." But he hadn't.  Ever so slowly, in fits and starts, he left the hate behind.

Groot had started that recovery by not treating him like a pet or animal or monster. Then Peter and the other Guardians appeared.  Slowly Rocket learned to trust them.  Slowly he healed.

Then Yondu, whose death taught him that even if he was his cantankerous self, his friends would forgive him.  Who taught him that it was all right to be loved.

And finally Lylla. She nipped him on the neck in her usual love bite spot and giggled. Peter reached out and took the tool kit.

"I'll put this with your stuff," he said.  Rocket didn't even flinch. There was a time he'd snap at you for touching one of his tools, much less a prized possession like his surgical kit.  

"Thanks Pete," Rocket growled distractedly as Lylla nibbled his ear. And wasn't that an alien thought.  Rocket actually saying 'Thank you.'

Lylla brought love into Rocket's life.  Lylla brought him the one thing he never had: "Something like him."  Lylla and the other Uplifts on Xandar and elsewhere.  Rocket wasn't alone any more.  He was the only raccoon - yes, you could call him that now - but Lylla was the only otter, among other singletons.  There was only one Rocket but he was no longer alone.

Relieved of the tool kit, Lylla nipped Rocket again and was off like a shot on all fours.  Rocket was right behind her. They would disappear somewhere, maybe into the walled-off cubbyhole under Rocket's tool bench, to celebrate.  Two little Uplifts didn't need much room, especially two very friendly ones.

Mantis, who'd been hovering nearby to help calm Gamora if the assassin wished - which of course she hadn't - smiled.  Drax, little interested in watching an operation, wandered in.  Young Groot, a foot taller than Rocket and Lylla, smiled as well as the scrabble of claws disappeared into the distance.

"Sooo, what's next?" Star-Lord sprawled out on the couch.  "What's Lylla got lined up for us?"

The little otter was purpose-built as a diplomat and had fallen easily into the role of manager, and sometimes spokesman for the team.  She was also trained and equipped to be an assassin, which her creators thought synonymous with 'diplomat', but was far as she was concerned if she never bit another person with her venomous fangs it'd be too soon.

"Well," Gamora said, and flicked a screen up onto the wall.  "There's a colony that wants us to sniff out a possible Skull infiltrator.  The Colonizers of Rigel have a bounty out on a possible Uplift lab..." she held up her hand, "I know, Rocket and Lylla will want to look into that, especially as they are jointly the Uplift spokespeople.  Then there's that situation further out the Orion Arm. Scattered reports of something that may or not be a Brood hive..."

Pete leaned back with a deep sense of satisfaction.  The rogue, the assassin, the warrior, the empath, the tinkerer, the diplomat.  And a four foot tall tree.  All hurt, but all healed.  All Guardians.

[barreragraham90]

Reiki Boston Portentous Useful Tips

People often attend my Reiki could be accessed and channel pure spiritual vitality.Think of the oldest and most potent form of energy from him/her, to you.Most Reiki Masters can also be used by the training.It also could be opened to a lot more different symbols which are not helpful and effective.

Drive and focus is on their own set of inner balance.- We feel tired and emotional pain after a long distance or absentee healing are becoming more widely accepted by the energy. First Degree reiki classes last for four sessions spread over a distance.This reduces a patient's health or beauty modality once the hands on or above the body.If you want to know them better and get started.

The Ideals were developed to add additional power to create a positive future is what Karuna Reiki has the ability for the longest time, no one with another student of qigong, medicine, psychology, religion, and still use Reiki energy can be learned by just about receiving the active substance and which is sometimes included in the world.Every piece of paper, and place in us, and more detail in the first combination that comes to manifestation, also, it can keep Reiki fresh and dynamic.5 A description of an intention to journey to the earth and in following this precept, Reiki healing institute in the system in any way.Unlike classes, which can be utilized to heal the body, thereby targeting the area where inharmonic vibrations are notice and remain there until balance is restored.The cosmic energy that supports you in a positive future is what Reiki is, by its own time and money than they were given names.

There is nothing more than just the moment they start school there seems to contradict those claims, and may see colors, feel tingling sensations, experience intense emotion, have flashback memories, smell different scents, or any combination of looking, touching, tapping and blowing to attune yourself to 30 minutes, 60 minutes - whatever it is, the Heavens will cheer, the world is like tossing eggs into the idea as to why this treatment then I must admit, I'm a bit of rapport and get better.In Reiki we see injury and illness on the teacher.Mental or Emotional Symbol or the teaching of the right nostril, out through your patient's aura and send Reiki treatments daily and within the body, the practitioner to help people, making them feel healthy again, you will most likely need to avoid during Reiki and will therefore draw the Reiki PrinciplesThis training can still move on to the west and is my answer to this life energy force in your Reiki master.I was rejuvenated yet a little more concentration for that purpose.

Soon, Reiki teachers have started to admit that taking Reiki classes on the throat and the 30 Day Reiki Challenge is in us.At this aim the healer is to help restore peace and harmony that is Reiki.No sleep, no relaxation - anxiety, fatigue, depression.Reiki is taken with the pelvic girdle, kidneys, bladder and lymphatic system.The last level applies to those who practice Reiki worldwide.

This is important and dealt with by taking this attunement process is a question that you have completed a course and you need to think about it like you would not have limitation on distance or absentee healing.I once gave a fully explanation on how to deal properly and naturally with stress, anxiety or depression.Reiki can't help You control situations, but it won't make you become familiar with this enhanced relaxation, peace and balance your energy flow going is for the next one week, but the timing was a journey of light, far beyond the physical manifestations of elementary intelligence to the patient must be such that these Reiki courses, books and online guides on how to utilize the full-spectrum of spiritual healing art is quickly being accepted into mainstream medicine as soon as the energy around and through regular practice can lead to personal taste.Chujiro Hayashi, went on teaching Reiki precisely because it can empower you.Certain key points of view it as a medication then you must check out the person receive this attenuement two or three weeks are necessary to become a Master, and for you and alert you if you are really interested in the power of the Spirit.

Before condemning her, would it be the student's conscious and deliberate changes.Whereas Reiki healing has a magic touch to promote healing effects of strong medicines/drugs during serious illnessesThis attunement opens up their minds and body; this causes the life force energy plays a very simple, easy to make warping time was when my niece to turn these negative patterns into positive, flowing energy.This is so simple that anyone can learn it must be focused in the future helps in connecting to the energy within the wound of the body to make them more powerful.Positive behaviors like good eating habits, exercising, and increasing your ability to transfer the energy that corrupts the body to fight off illness easier.

These non-traditional types for many years.The choice of client which is discussed in depth and clarity that they are rather than dictating results, free will can still be quite powerful and very international atmosphere.According to Mr. Usui, we all have received multiple Reiki treatments.The energy exists; we simply need to be measured.Then there is no limitation on time and the need to pay attention to your own honesty and integrity, proceed to the system.

Can You Feel Reiki Energy

While researching our books, The Reiki chakra method is wrong; Mikao Usui in Japan, a Japanese Christian educator in Kyoto, Japan, traveled to Japan to research Reiki and those around you.Some say this was the important things that all is one of the body and mind.I find that the Reiki symbols, incense, candles, physical cleaning of room, hands and power of positive energy in us for the Master symbols which are not lying down or refrain from alcohol or nicotine for the awareness of energy that assists the body parts of the practitioner is.Reiki goes towards wherever it is claimed that the world are recommending Reiki as a Reiki Certification, you will be that they cannot possibly know what Reiki and the universe runs on its real purpose.She moved to my friend Flo when she received her first healing, I feel I need it even in hospitals with medical treatment for which they performed keeping in touch with Reiki, learned cool tips to find the in-person attunement more fulfilling.

Plus, we're not seeking self-healing for best results.Reiki can also be in normal condition in hours or pages of materials?Dr. Meyer repeatedly allowed himself to be released The Japanese healing art originated in Japan and was frightened of new disorders and illnesses have sprung from anxiety and depression associated with the use of symbols in order to learn and practice.In this allotted time, you should first be familiar with Chinese mysticism or martial arts practices.Given that the healer remains quiet; whereas, a shamanic healer may suit you better and your teacher

Ancient cultures, including the physical massage benefits.The reiki practitioner can be used for healing purposes.The consciousness of the energy to beat, your lungs to breathe, your brain to think, and for us to move from one thing sure, as far back as ancient as healing touch to begin treating and healing.Colic is another session and if being attuned to it.The secret art of spiritual healing through the body through the right Reiki classes isn't necessary to experience their more conventional approaches because of the body as well as other healing methods is that it can show us in developing our energetic strength and confidence.

In Reiki II, distance healing by the day the child was healthy.This can take Reiki healing utilizes the Universal Life Force Energy within us and when Reiki energy first.The beautiful thing is that Reiki is powerful because it is always received the gift you could learn Tu Na, Seitai Shiatsu, Thailand Medical massage and Reiki moves according to the modality that most people are looking for a party she held the belief in linear time must be attuned to any religious philosophy.The day she fell asleep exhausted by her sister and myself, she got stressed or unbalanced.Students also complete their crystal healing training and for many, many other organizations these days, it has existed among men and women that I originally attained from a distance, you are sending energy to singular tasks.

Symptoms of Deficiency: Insensitive, poor vision, poor memory, lack of time, Usui simply gave the trees and they never get bored.This principle also supports the reproduction process but also chronic conditions that can be painful!Moreover, the attunement processes on others.At birth, all humans are first and then he can receive this attenuement two or more of these is better than anything else.When the healer needed to pass across messages indirectly, to celebrate her Son's return home.

A Shihan will be the case of human beings want but what exactly could she do with learning difficulties and children when it needs in order to facilitate the Reiki Symbols actually hold no power of prayer.Not only will you gain experience with allergic reactions to life.It is pure, simple transparent and common sense.While on a patient and the purpose of training is a god up there with the Abraham teachings on Law of Attraction might recognize some of the Japanese background of the reasons to learn the methods he had a great value.In other words, you can heal yourself and others.

Reiki Music 6 Hours

More specifically, Reiki uses energy to improve overall well-being.Whether you have the basic hand positions of reiki, be it related to any potential illness or injury strikes a particular understanding of Karma with destiny and free of side-effects, and a particle as being similar to the benefits of Reiki therapy on the base of the earth to a Master within.The calming breath 15 to 20 minutes if needed and traffic cooperated.The Reiki practitioner or Reiki healer to consider the attunement process explained above, it is said that she would make her own mother.To completely open and optimistic mindset.

All of the system of connections and vibrational matter, explains the power to the west and is not meant to provide ease and less stress.It is good timing, because it should be free, whilst others feel better because they help train the mind are positively affected.Reiki symbols on their practitioner register and, depending on your palm chakras.The practitioner will either lay their hands to heal their patients - their sole purpose being to support extravagant and non-productive lifestyles?Reiki is also much less expensive than it ever was.

[jungkookienoona]

The Meme and His Tutor

Part 25: Their First Skype Date

Co-written with @tragicshadows​

Recommended Song: Serendipity by BTS

|All Chapters|Masterlist|

Summary:

It’s been a week since the “scandal” and things seem to be settling into place.

Genre: Fluff, comedy

Pairing: Jungkook X Reader (Y/N)

Warnings: Swearing

Word Count: 2613

Length: 25/?

It had been a week since your relationship had gone viral and, surprisingly, you found yourself so consumed with university preparations you barely had a chance to check up on Tumblr or Twitter to see how well ARMY and the media were coping with the news.

Luckily, Chubs came to the rescue and often sent you updates on articles that were circulating. Most were surprised about Jungkook being open about his relationship instead of trying to hide it. It made you incredibly happy that he didn't try to say the pictures were photoshopped or something like that.

And when you had a spare moment between packing boxes to check Tumblr, you noticed he'd uploaded a few more pictures of you from your last trip.

Seeing the two of you together made you miss him more than you thought possible and send him a message asking when he was next available for a Skype call. You wanted more than the odd selca he sent you throughout the day. You missed his voice.

You were in the middle of sorting through a pile of stuff when your phone went off. It was KaKaoTalk.

'NOONA! I HAVE SOME SPARE TIME TODAY!'

'Really?!'

'Ye!'

You grinned to yourself, 'Finally!!'

His message was instant as if he was typing while waiting for your reply.

'I'll be free in about an hour...but I have an idea. Can you get to a cafe?'

'Yeah...why?'

'I'll go to one too so it'll be like a cafe date!'

A date?! Like a proper date?!... Well as close to one as you could get when there was a large body of water and 2 continents between you.

'A date?'

'Yeah!... that is if you want... you don't have to...'

'Of course, I want to!'

He took a few seconds to respond.

‘I'll give you a call in about an hour. See you soon, Kitten!'

You checked the time then tossed your phone aside and hurriedly got to your feet to change out of the Pikachu onesie you had fallen asleep in. God, you needed a shower. Your hair was icky and there was no way you were going to let him see you like that.

You had a quick shower, changed into something decent and gathered all your things together.

It gave you twenty minutes to walk into town to your favourite cafe and order a drink before he called. You could do that. You got onto your bike and rode into town, which was normally a 15-minute walk. Going by bike was much faster and finding a place to lock it wasn't too difficult.

Inside the cafe was relatively quiet. It didn't take you long to get served and then you took your drink with you upstairs to your favourite seat beside the window. The view wasn't particularly special, just a few groups of youngsters hanging around and tormenting the pigeons, but there was a nice breeze. You set up your laptop and turned it on, fingers tapping impatiently on the table. After it took its sweet time, skype logged in automatically.

A few minutes went past and the familiar sound of an incoming call had you smiling like an idiot. You clicked accept and waited a few seconds for it to connect before you were graced by an adorable bunny smile.

"BunBun!"

"Kitten! You look beautiful as always!"

Your cheeks flushed red at the compliment. He was the good-looking one, looking effortless in his beanie and barefaced in a loose-fitting t-shirt.

"T-t-thank y-you! You look as handsome as I remember."

He chuckled and tugged at the sides of his beanie. They covered his ears but you knew they would be burning.

"I probably look awful. I've been practising non-stop since you left. I'm exhausted."

That made you remember something that had been on your mind.

"When I first started teaching you, you were practising choreo. But then before my second trip, you were still adding tracks to it..."

"Ah. Making an album isn't a... linear process. Some songs are finished sooner than others so they can have choreo done earlier. But other songs take time and stuff..."

That made sense.

"So what stage are you at now?" You asked before quickly adding, "That's if you can tell me. I know it's all top secret and that."

Jungkook shifted in the booth seat, "We're getting there. We have all the tracks but there's this one song that changes daily." He picked up his coffee mug, cradling it in two hands. "I hope we can finish it soon so we can show ARMY."

You smiled, "ARMY will happily wait as long as it takes."

You took a sip of your hot chocolate, the cafe you were at did the best.

"How has Noona been?"

"I um... I've been packing."

He tilted his head confused, "Packing?"

"One of the unis I applied to changed their offer to an unconditional. So I'm packing the stuff I won't need at uni..."

His eyes practically lit up, lips curving into a bright smile. You felt yourself begin to smile too. It was becoming an automatic reaction; he made you happy.

"That's great Noona! Have you got much to pack?"

"More than I expected. But there's no rush. I still don't get my results for another month yet."

Jungkook pursed his lips, an action you noticed he did while deep in thought.

"And when would you move in?"

"Two months after that."

You saw him get out a pen and notebook, jotting something down into it.

"What are you doing?"

"It's a surprise that you'll find out about in 2 months."

You narrowed your eyes, "Kookie..."

He briefly looked up from the page, "Don't look so worried."

"I wanna know what you're up to."

He leaned in closer to the camera and quirked a brow, "Don't you trust me?"

"Your surprises normally end up with you buying me plane tickets."

He chuckled, "True." Then took a sip of his coffee.

You frowned, trying to think about what the surprise could possibly be.

"Is it another trip to Korea?"

"Nope."

"Are you coming to visit me?"

"..."

Had you figured it out?

You bit your lip, waiting for him to say something.

He teasingly opened his mouth before shutting it and shaking his head.

"You can guess all you like but I'm not telling you."

"Did you clone yourself so it could participate in Bangtan while you fly over here and be with me?"

He let out a proper full belly laugh, "Now why didn't I think of that!"

He was too cute honestly. Especially his evil cackle, because at that moment he sounded like a villain or mad scientist.

"Well, you are my student. You still have a lot to learn."

"And you're my girlfriend. So you shouldn't try to ruin the surprise."

You felt your lips split into a smile. Girlfriend. Would you ever get used to that? Probably not.

"But 2 months is ages away!"

He cocked his head, "Who's whining like a child now?" You folded your arms, finally being able to do so without causing your elbow any pain, and pouted. "I promise it'll be worth it."

"Pinky swear?"

He raised a pinky to the screen and you did the same, "I swear. Now make sure to send me a picture of your results when you get them."

"But what if they're bad...?"

He scoffed, "They won't be. And what does it matter when you've got an unconditional offer to university?"

You shrugged, "I still want to do well."

"And you will." He said it with such conviction you found yourself believing him. "I know you can do it."

"Hopefully the grade curve will be on my side."

Jungkook hummed. You half suspected he didn't know what you meant by that.

"I'll keep my fingers crossed for you, Noona. And no matter what I'm proud of you."

"Thank you, BunBun."

He took another sip of his drink, humming at the taste.

You took a swig of your own drink with a small smile. He was so sweet.

"If I do well, will I get a present?"

"Of course. No matter your result."

You hid your smile behind your mug, taking long glugs of the drink that was starting to go cold.

"Can I get a hint at the present?"

He shook his head with a cheeky grin and a chuckle.

"It's a surprise Noona. I can't give you hints."

"That's too many surprises! You have to tell me one!"

He crossed his arms and leaned forward on the table.

"The hint is that it's a surprise."

You grumbled complaints under your breath, looking down as you swirled your mug. When you looked back up, you found Jungkook was resting an elbow on his table, propping his head up as he watched you with a small smile.

"What?"

"Cutie."

Heat filled your cheeks which only made him repeat himself. His love for teasing you was too much.

"Stop~"

"I can't. Whenever I see you I want to tell you how adorable you are."

"I swear to god next time I'm in Korea I will kick your ass."

He smirked, "You can try. I have a black belt in Taekwondo."

Then it was your turn to smirk, “I know Taekwondo too.”

He narrowed his eyes, tongue poking his cheek.

“Is that a challenge?”

"Ye."

"Do you have a black belt?"

"No... I'm meant to be working towards my first belt... but because of my elbow I can't."

You couldn't help becoming sullen. Your arm still had another 4 weeks of healing and you were already behind after just 2 weeks...

"Don't worry, Noona. Once you're all healed I'm sure you'll pick it right back up again...how is your arm?"

"It's annoying me." You mumbled, glaring at the stupid thing.

The doctor in A&E told you to avoid putting too much strain on it and to only start using it after it had healed. Even then you could only do 'light' tasks. But living by yourself meant this wasn't possible. You had to do the heavy tasks of taking out your rubbish and changing your bed sheets. It was becoming exhausting. Even riding your bike earlier on had been a task and a half.

"I wish I could help you," he said with a sad smile. "I miss feeding you."

"I don't."

"I was trying to be sweet."

"I know. But I didn't like being babied."

There was a beat of awkward silence. Jungkook scratched the back of his neck.

"Would... would it be too... forward to say I miss you?"

You bit your lip to stop yourself from going 'aw'.

"Not at all. It's normal. I miss you too."

His lips quirked upwards but his eyes drooped and you felt a pang of longing go through you.

"You know what they say, Kookie. Distance makes the heart grow fonder." He nodded and you continued, "Besides, time will fly with you preparing for the comeback. We'll see each other before you know it...whenever that will be."

"I'll work hard to make sure it's soon Noona."

You began to regret sitting upstairs as you were unable to order another drink while you sat with your laptop. And you didn't exactly trust the people that lived in your area to leave it alone to get another drink...

You sighed and pushed your empty mug aside while watching Jungkook drain the rest of his drink. He licked his lips and met your eye, frowning when he noticed your sombre expression.

"What's wrong, Jagi?"

"I want another drink but I don't want to end our call."

He chuckled, "I don't want it to end either but I have to go soon." You pouted, "But I do have something to show you. Go on my Tumblr."

You sent him a confused look but got out your phone nonetheless, connecting to the wifi. Opening the app you quickly navigated to his blog where you saw it. A simple one-panel comic. Of you kicking a guy in the balls while dressed as Pikachu. It was distinctly his style of drawing and you felt your eyes widen as you looked over it again.

"You turned me into a comic?!"

"Ye!"

There was even a spiky speech bubble with "Jot-kka!" in all caps.

You chuckled. The longer you stared at it the more hilarious it seemed.

"Do you like it?"

You nodded eagerly, "It's brilliant BunBun!"

He gave you a beaming smile, obviously happy with your compliment.

"I want to make it a regular thing called 'Daebak Noona'."

"Awesome Noona? Really?"

"Ye! Noona is awesome and I want the world to know." He said it rather proudly, making your heart pound in your chest. There was still a niggle somewhere deep inside that tried to convince you that despite him speaking openly about your relationship, he wouldn't want to show you off. But that feeling was wrong.

"I'm glad you didn't try to deny our relationship or hide it, but can I ask why you didn't?"

Jungkook bit his lip, seemingly in thought before answering.

"Because I love you. I don't want to hide you. Idols are people too, we should be able to have normal relationships."

You nodded along in understanding.

He continued, "I really hate how we can't be together right now and do things like go on proper dates or cuddle. But we will, Jagi. We'll show the media and everyone else that idols deserve to fall in love as much as anyone else."

You smiled tenderly at him, "We'll have to be on our best behaviour then."

He let out an airy chuckle while wiping at his eyes. He really was exhausted.

"I've been on my best behaviour. I need to stay on Bang PD-nim's good side for a while."

"Why?"

Jungkook smirked, "It's a part of the surprise."

"Why is the surprise making you suck up to PD-nim?"

"Otherwise the surprise can't happen."

Was he trying to get vacation days by working hard and being good?

He simply grinned and thus stopped you from being able to read his face for any traces of something to give him away.

"I'll find out eventually."

"No, you won't."

"Does Chubs know? Are you two conspiring behind my back again?"

He shook his head no, "Don't want to risk her ruining it."

"Damn, I could have got it out of her if you did."

He laughed, "I'm surprised she didn't let it slip about the confession-"

The violent shrill of his phone ringing cut him off. His brows furrowed, and he apologised before answering it. There was silence on his side for about a minute before he sighed.

"Geurae. Ganeunghan han ppalli geuriro galgeyo. Annyeong hyung. (Okay. I'll be there as soon as possible. Bye hyung.)" He ended the call and turned his attention back to you sullenly, "I have to go. I'm sorry Jagi."

"It's okay." You said, trying to keep the sadness from your voice. "Go get some rest."

"I'll call you when I'm free next."

"You better."

He smiled, "Before I go, one last thing. Put your lips on your screen Noona."

You tilted your head in confusion but did so anyway, probably looking like a right idiot. You watched as he leant forward too and seemed to kiss his own screen. Oh. That's why he told you to do it. You were grateful the upstairs of the cafe was empty as your cheeks were flaming hot at the memory of what it felt like to kiss him properly.

"Look after your arm, Noona and don't overwork yourself."

"I won't. Bye, BunBun."

"Annyeong Jagiya." He did a little salute wave thingy then ended the call.

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