#if: children of cain

[duchess-of-lythikos]

"I used to think your eyes were beautiful. But they were sad, too. Like a song I heard when I was a kid and forgot about until I heard it again.”

Guess who's obsessed with @childrenofcain-if ? (Axel's writing is brilliant, his characters are incredibly compelling and the soundtrack is flawless) Made following this compact ship template, with some additions from this disaster ship template.

[sgtmcnugget]

Name: Griffith Acrux Devereux Top 3 traits: Sarcastic, arrogant & bold.

Freshman at Yale University, specializing in industrial engineering. Arrogant and impulsive, Griffith is a force to be reckoned with. Always at the center of attention and presenting himself as though everything was just a game to him, no one would realize that he really spends every night studying and earning his place. His fatal flaw is overreaching, and overestimating his limits while preaching that everyone else is underestimating them. Griffith has has his eyes on Cédric since the very first time he saw him and the feeling only intensified the first time he openly flirted with him, and saw the creeping of a blush before Cédric swatted it away as quickly as it came. He isn't one to turn away from a challenge.

I wanted to start posting little vibe boards for all my favorite MCs from my favorite IFs and decided to do The Ballard of the Young Gods first because it's my current fixation. Check it out at @childrenofcain-if

:)

[lil-gingerbread-queen]

"Robin brings light to the darkness" or something

[fanaticalthings]

Bruce Wayne except he texts like an ominous boomer

wdym you can't tell if he's threatening them?

Based on this post by @mysterycitrus :)

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Bonus:

Happy birthday, Tim 🥰

[waveoftheocean]

wahoo finished this in time for superbat week day 5: tired dads!!

[ineveryfandom]

Damian, slamming the door open: do you imbeciles know where grayson is

Jason: no

Cass: *shrugs*

Tim: no. and stop slamming the—

Damian: *stomps off angrily* *slams door shut*

Steph, eating snacks in the dark:

6ft hooded man, climbing in through the window: hey have you seen dickfa—

Steph: FUCK!

Jason, soaked with juice:

Jason: im taking that as a no

Duke: “∫(x^n * e^(sin(x^2)) * cos(1/x) / (1 + (ln(x))^3)) dx”

Duke: ??

Duke: what. what is this

Duke: am i even still in high school???

Duke: where is dick when you need him

Tim: im literally right here

Duke: no the last time i let you help me you cussed me out and made me cry

Oracle, on comms: black bat, report

Black Bat: here

Oracle: robin, report

Robin: tt

Oracle: red hood?

Red Hood: here

Oracle: nightwing, report

Black Bat:

Robin:

Red Hood:

Oracle:

Oracle: nightwing?

Robin: nightwing has not been seen since yesterday

Robin:

Robin: it is time to assume the worst

Red Hood: *sighs loudly*

Black Bat: ☺️

Robin, closing his eyes, gritting his teeth: …it is time to call batman

Red Hood: *groans even louder*

Oracle:

Oracle: did you ask him

Red Hood: what

Oracle: did you ask nightwing where he is

Red Hood:

Robin:

Black Bat:

Oracle:

Red Hood: of course i did

Oracle: i can see you texting behind your back

Red Hood: stop looking at my a— ow! bb?!

Black Bat: no swearing, robin’s here

Robin: i am not a child

Red Hood: whatever

Red Hood:

Red Hood: motherfu—

“dick grayson grew up an only child and should be acting like an only child!!!” i scream as they drag me back to arkham asylum

[wondersinwaynemanor]

Gothamite 1: Mr. Wayne looks more tired than usual.

Gothamite 2: Must be women problems.

Gothamite 3: I heard Wayne Enterprises is going bankrupt.

Gothamite 4: He must be really sick cus he has that Timothy boy doing the work for him. Although, that kid has been gone for quite some time now.

Gothamite 5: I heard he's gay and working at a club at night.

meanwhile, Bruce is just trying to balance life as Batman and as a father while dealing with his de-aged kids.

he knew he shouldn't have brought them with him on the mission.

Young Dick, tugging a toy: I'm going to kick you in the butt if you don't give me that stuffed toy back!

Young Tim, balancing an energy drink with one hand while pulling the toy from Dick on the other: You're so selfish, Dick! It's my turn!

Young Jason: *reading a book outloud by the corner just to annoy everyone else*

Young Cass: *on the floor, trying to balance her waffles on the table, with syrup all over the area*

the whole place is littered with fruit loops and cookies, milk splattered on the floor, the curtains are torn, dirty footprints are on the couches, a cape from one of their Robin suits is hanging on the chandelier, and the flat screen is damaged.

Steph: Ooof, it's bad, B.

Damian: Tt. Is Zatara even in this planet right now, Father?

Bruce, pinches the bridge of his nose: I think she's off world right now.

Duke: I'm more worried when Alf comes back from vacation and he sees this whole mess.

Bruce: I--

then they all hurriedly move to the children when they start to tackle themselves on the floor.

[ashoss]

side profiles.. save me. save me side profiles....

[mylifeingotham]

[thisiswhereikeepdcthings]

How likely is each batkid to just start biting in the middle of combat?

On a scale from 1-10 and in order of least to most likely

Jason as Red Hood: 1 - he’s got a helmet for a reason

Babs: 1 - that’s very much a last resort type of situation

Tim as Red Robin: 2 - he’s missing a spleen so he has to think about things like “germs” and “the spread of infectious diseases” and “you don’t know where that’s been”

Duke: 3 - he’ll try it but it’s not his first instinct. Emergency cases really

Cass: 4 - she doesn’t need to resort to that but sometimes it’s fun to surprise people she’s fighting even more

Steph as Spoiler or Batgirl: 6 - it’s their fault for sticking their hand or arm in her face in the first place

Dick as Nightwing: 7 - It creeps people out when he’s smiling and joking around and then just flat out chomps down

Jason as Robin: 10 - it’s a valid strategy, okay

Steph as Robin: 10 - it’s a valid strategy, okay

Tim as Robin: 10 - it’s a valid strategy, okay

Damian: 10 - he’s training the PSI of his bite in an attempt to someday reach that of a crocodile

Dick as Robin: 11 - come at me bro

[batfam-stuff-posts-0]

Bruce: *sees idiots in the distance*

Bruce: ha, look at those idiots

Bruce: *realizes those idiots are Dick, Jason, Steph, Cass, Tim, Duke, and Damian*

Bruce: Hold on, those are my idiots

[kieran-granola]

Let's-give-Bruce-a-heart-attack plan, in which all the Bats team up to get their identities "exposed"

As in, they go out in civvies with suits underneath their clothes, Clark Kent-style, except all of the suits are obviously wrong.

Tim gets exposed as Spoiler. Jason is spotted changing into Black Bat's uniform. Cass blinks innocently when someone points out the Robin top peeking out from underneath her clothes. Damian gets recorded, voice deadpan in a Batman suit size 14 yo like, "It's hard work being the Protector of Gotham, especially for as long as I've been doing it, but someone has to be there for the people."

Bruce is in Hell.

And he doesn't know what he's done to deserve this, but thankfully, he has an idea to get them to stop.

...Turns out Wonder Woman's skirt and boots make his calves look fantastic.

[biancabi]

Bruce: *Watching the news* -a group of two adults, four teenagers and a child were seen wreaking havoc and destruction in-

Bruce: *Feeling a headache coming* Please don't say Gotham, please don't say Gotham. Please don't say they are children, please don't say they are my children

News: -Central city authorities have not yet discovered their identities but are working for-

Bruce: *Completely relieved* Not my circus, not my monkeys.

*Batkids appearing at the bottom of the screen*

Tim: Okay, I don't want to scare anyone but there is an 80% chance this thing will explode.

Dick: Considering everything we did today, this actually seems pretty minor to me.

Jason: Only 80%? Did you hear that, NOT TODAY, SATAN!!

Damian: *Talking on the phone before hanging up and turning to Jason* Satan says he's very offended and would never bother dealing with people like you, Todd.

Duke: I have some questions about the monster trucks we sunk.

Steph: You're talking about the monster trucks we sunk in Gotham harbor? or the monster trucks we crashed in Metropolis?

Duke: I don't remember crashing monster trucks in Metropolis.

Tim: Of course not, you were too busy trying to stop the fire you started a few streets down.

Duke: Oh yes, I remember that. My mistake.

Damian: Honestly Thomas, I would expect this elderly behavior from Grayson, not you.

Dick: *Gasp* Elderly behavior?? Lil'D I'm not that old, plus you're supposed to be on my side!!

Jason: Sorry Dickhead, but demon brat is right.

Cass: *Appearing out of nowhere and pointing at the abandoned building behind they* Boom

Steph: What?

*the building explodes*

Cass: 🙂👍

Dick: Oh my god, Bruce is going to kill us. Run, guys, run.

Jason: You heard the man. WITHDRAWAL!!

*The transmission is cut off*

Bruce: ...

Bruce: *In collapse* My circus, my monkeys. My circus, my monkeys.

[fanaticalthings]

next thing you're gonna tell me is that the butts match 🙄

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[littlefankingdom]

Another thing that frustrates me about the batfam fandom is how much Bruce is dimished as his kids' parent, in the sense that people act as if Alfred did the parenting and Bruce did none, and he has no authority on his children (as minors).

But, this is just completely incorrect. Through the decades, anytime a discussion between Bruce and Alfred was written before getting Dick, Alfred was ALWAYS very clear that it was BRUCE'S JOB to parent the kid if he took him in, not his. That it would be BRUCE'S RESPONSIBILITY, not his. It was never "we are going to do our best" and always "you will have to do your best, Master Bruce". Alfred made his boundaries very clear that if Bruce took a kid in, Alfred wasn't going to step up in his place.

Another point is that, through Batman's publication history, children protective services have been wary of Bruce's parental skills. One of their worries was that Alfred, the butler, was the one actually raising the kids (Dick and Jason) and not Bruce, the foster father. This was a claim Bruce and Alfred both fought against time and time again since the goddamn 40s.

In canon, Bruce is the one lecturing his kids, grounding them, hugging them, he is their parents, not Alfred. Alfred doesn't do that. They will complain to Alfred about it, and Alfred may agree with Bruce, but he doesn't do the lecturing and the grounding. Bruce's children do not want Bruce to know what trouble they got into, they are fine with Alfred knowing because Alfred will not do the parenting. They have even been shown to ask Alfred to, please, not tell Bruce. They try to bargain with Alfred for him not to spill things to Bruce, because Bruce will ask question, have a discussion and maybe give them a lecture. BECAUSE HE IS THEIR FATHER.

Alfred never punishes, grounds any of the kids, or tells them they can't go out as Robin, Bruce does. And, unless they are being rebellious, the kids do obey. They will complain about it, but they obey. Bruce does have some authority on his children. Alfred will give his opinion, and Bruce may use it or not, but Alfred will not override Bruce's role and authority.

What I'm trying to say is that no, Bruce doesn't threaten to "tell Alfred" to have his kids listen to him, because Alfred would just look at Bruce and tell him it's his job, as their father, not his. The Batkids threaten Bruce with Alfred because that's HIS dad.