#if your post is about how evil and heartbreaking it was that when you went to buy a rat from a store

[vampire-nyx]

Everyone likes to talk about how annoying it is when people project implications onto a post that’s clearly not about that but nobody talks about the equally ridiculous and annoying experience of someone posting something with a really clear problematic implication and then when they’re confronted on that going “I didn’t even SAY that!!! I didn’t mention that anywhere in my post!!!! Stop being mean to me!”

[court-jobi]

Goldeneye Down

((banner by me! I don't own Horikoshi's characters/stories))

Pairing: Hawks x reader (quirkless!(gn)reader)

Words: 4.6K

Rating: T+ (canon-typical post-mission shenanigans, so it gets raw, kids.)

Warnings: canon-typical violence, description of injuries/blood, mentions of medical trauma, anxiety, so many tears, mutual pining, HURT/COMFORT, angst with a happy ending

Summary:

If a kiss would fix him, he'd sooner never breathe again. If you knew it would work, you'd surrender your lungs and anything else for his comfort. He hardly gets tender treatment after a fight- and that shows by how tightly he's hugging your waist for dear life. Alternatively: three times you've witnessed your dashing Hawks masking his hurt, until he can't anymore. Each time is worse than the last- until you finally learn that you're the only one who truly asks how he feels after nights like this. Not 'how are your wings' or 'is he stable'... but it's you who takes the time to wipe his face gently with a washcloth: not to rid Hawks of the sweat and grit to make him presentable, but gifting Keigo the chance to feel clean for once.

A/N: Yall, this man is one of my favorite characters on this show, and I have so many writing plans for him-- so apologies for starting right out the gate with angst??? I love him I swear

For my My Hero Academia Masterlist, check it out here!

Read on AO3

The first time you ever saw Hawks shirtless was hardly the stuff fantasies or a perfume advert concocted. He was bandaged across one entire pec, around his middle, and up to his shoulder, after all.

Work as a writer took you to many glamorous locations, but also to the grittiest– recently, hero hospitals when there’s been a close call and you are in for an interview with either a dying hero for their final public wish, or a heartfelt op-ed about a rising sidekick’s latest stand against threat and evil. In either case, you’d wound up at the bedside of a darling rescue agent who’d had an incredible story to share despite their career-ending injuries. 

With a genuine word of thanks and a shared pudding packet, you were leaving the hospital wing in fairly good spirits until your stomach turned in shock at what awaited you in the hallway– a gravely bandaged Hawks standing at the nurse’s station in a half state of dress, locking eyes with you in the first instance where you’d ever caught him off his guard. 

Those gorgeous eyes flashed in nervous panic which melted into boyish charm awfully quickly- standard practice for the secret object of your affections-

“Well gosh, nurse, I thought you’d give a guy a warning if a guardian angel was going to be visiting today… I’d have been decent enough to put a shirt on~!”

It was a detour of hoarse-voiced flirting on his part and masked heartbreak on yours. Seeing the blonde numbed out and paler than you’d ever witnessed him out on the job, your veil of professionalism slipped enough to really see Hawks in this moment… and catch wind of an unaware attendant who slipped the hero’s last name in front of you. 

Said PA immediately recoiled upon seeing you -an extended member of the press- overhear the #2 Pro Hero’s legal name. Though at your insistence that you were here on business that didn’t concern him, Hawks visibly relaxed enough to give you his first name himself the moment the nurse left. 

‘Mr. Takami is far too formal to come outta you; don’t even think about calling me that, dove.’

Keigo Takami truly was a man containing multitudes, but for all the tough talk about how ‘you should have seen the other guy’, you worried about that man you’ve seen now without his gold visor that night when you went home, and wondered if he was sleeping ok with his chest bound like that. 

The next injury sighting took several months of continued text exchanges, private balcony sidebars, and continued endurance of Hawks’ public displays of blatant sweet talking for you to see him less than chipper again.

Your meeting with the HPSC Press Chair was running painfully long, but necessary given the content you were working on publishing for them as side work. It wasn’t doable for you to take on a full-time job with the Hero Commission, but in your philanthropic effort to unite the civilian world with those of high profile heroes, you took on these winded assignments with the promise of a pay bump… as well as a chance to see your darling flyboy. Not that they’d note or care about your budding affections for him. Thankfully, your tight lipped smiles at him were ironclad and his reputation as a charming star preceded him, even to his higher ups so the true feelings never fully sunk in so long as you were mindful.

Pulling a doubletake at your presence in the conference room from the glass windows led Hawks to hang a left inside to quip at you, fully interrupting your meeting despite the scowls he received from the suits lining the table.

“Well isn’t this a pleasant surprise~ hey there, lovedove. Aren’t you pretty as a peach today?”

“Hey there, yourself,” you turned to acknowledge him politely, but pointedly fixed on his eye that laid nearly completely blackened and the cheek scraped to a raw red.  “--aren’t you looking- purple.”

Hawks being sufficiently threatened to report elsewhere didn’t stop him from throwing you a dismissive wink and a smirk at your subtle worry,

 “Oh this? Nah, it’ll fade. I could use the blush anyway~ it’ll save me a trip for photos tomorrow!”

That charming show of optimism wasn’t a surprise as you turned back to your grumpily apologetic managers, though you never did quite forget how Keigo stayed in the entryway soaking in even your curt ending of the conversation. He had to be practically ushered out by some fellow training officers for him to go on his merry way. Your inspection of him had been lightning quick, and you were nearly certain he was black and blue in more places than his face judging by how he sidestepped out the door.

Would he ever take his pain seriously? Under all that swagger, you certainly hoped so. Or else you hoped someone would make a fuss over him. 

Hawks shows on your patio at 12:30 in the morning one day, knocking silly on your side door. It’s been weeks since you wrote another touching piece for the HPCS’s statement on civic protection, and too long since he’s taken a rooftop stroll with you. Hell, far too long that he's had you close. Keeping you at his side, tucked under his towering wing, shielding you from the night winds, peppering each other with soft-spoken words and some stolen kisses he swears mean more to him than a move ‘just for luck’. 

Hawks knocks three times... huffing. He glanced towards the ground, tucking what's left of his wings further in with a wince. He knocks four more times, each more insistent than the last, but mindful of the noise. He even shushes himself in the delirium, canvassing your living room for signs of life.

Your oven light was still on, suggesting you hadn't gone through your full nighttime shutdown yet. That single light bulb in your kitchen appeared to double the more he stared, and tried to blink the unease away. Shit. He's really in no condition to fly. The sidewalk below your floor takes his attention again at the cry he hears. The sound is only cat this time, but still makes him oh-so nervous.

Hawks moans his impatience coupled by the searing pain, begging you to come notice him at the sliding glass. He drops his head damp with sweat to the window (intent to apologize for it later) and just bangs on the window like the desperate man he is.

"Please be up, please be up, please..."

When he opens his eyes briefly, he sees a shadow before him approaching. You'd flicked on more light in your living room and were jogging up to the window with shock brightening your features to total wakefulness. He's never been happier to see you so panicked.

Your confusion is palpable behind the door as you push the blind’s interior locking rod aside and flip up the lock, sliding it-- and Hawks-- along with you.

"Who-ooah!! Hawks??" You whisper-scream.

Stumbling aside, he grips his still bleeding hip and winces at what that move causes for his back. Eyes screwed shut, he can't even quite manage a suave, sweet greeting; he merely sighs your name as an answer to prayer.

You take in this poor, disheveled shell of a hero as he looks every bit like he's come from a dogfight. Not only were his wings sparse and bony from overuse, but his left wing was seizing up and stunted at a poor angle you knew wasn't natural.

oh my God, those poor wings… You collected him up with ready arms- gingerly guiding inside through the center of the patio, wary of bumping either's span of the door. 

"carefulcarefulcareful–"

"eh, it’ll-- nnngh!!" Hawks doubled over-thankfully right into you- "I got'kicked in the back-- right under...ahhhh~ "

Not only that, but despite the blackness of his under armour and gloves, you noted now by movement and smell that he was bleeding elsewhere. Besides the hobble, he sports a busted cheekbone and lip– which he likely bit himself.

This was a hard state to see him in and truly frightened you by the blood loss alone. Worse than any other time you’d seen him after a mission by far.

Primal, parental  instincts filled you and spilled out before you could stop yourself.

"Honey, we gotta get you to Dagoba General; it's closest--"

"I can't-" Hawks stopped you with a vice grip on your wrist while he hobbled along, "s'too public."

-Not allowed, even in an emergency. This you remembered from his earlier run through of policies about heroes needing medical attention; where in the city he could go, how it should be handled privately, and out of civilian's eyes.

"oh shit-- well, how bout the hero hospital, the one by that high school? Can't you call- or I can call! Let me-"

"No~" hawks moaned miserably. "I jus' gotta sit."

“Aren’t you -uh- supposed to have your legs up? You can lay back, it’s ok,” you try to guide him, but he only wavers- set on sitting up. His still-sure sights canvassing the room tells you he’s in a protective, alert headspace here in new surroundings. He might need more direction from you to break this..

"Hawks-- this is beyond what I can do,” You tried to reason with him, grappling a random throw blanket semi draped on the couch before he could sit down. “I told you I worked in refugee centers, I only know basic first aid- but this is more than I can help you, honey! They can get you fluids, a transfusion if you need it, pain meds stronger than what I have from the corner store if you’d just- where's your phone, I can call for an ambulan-"

Hawks fired up right away-

"NO!!" He begged, "no- they, they can't.. I don't wan'.."

Helping him sit, you knelt carefully trying to hear through his clear pain-rattled rant.

You assume he doesn't want the trouble of an ambulance or worry it wouldn't get here in time- which scares you more is debatable.

"We’re working against time here, hot stuff.." you tried for levity, caressing his hand. While he took it shakily, he bit his groan back.

He looked at you seriously, but pouted back in a way you'd normally giggle at, "No 'wee-woos'."

"I know you don't want ‘wee-woos’, but I think we're past that now." 

You cup Hawks’ cheek which successfully transfixes his attention right on your face, while you blindly try his jacket's inner pocket for his phone- closer than yours that’s clear in the back bedroom on your charger, 

"Look, I'll even talk for ya, okay? You don’t have to explain a thing about what happened tonight. Let's just get you help-"

"NO!! I can't hav' 'em find you here!"

His outburst startled you so you pulled back from his jacket entirely- at a true loss, "Can’t have who find me?"

"I won' let 'em," Hawks shook his head, pressing into his side, "I-- they don' know I'm here- they can' see only the pinpoint. Not ell'vation. Ahh. Don't wan'em know.. where you live, f’they don’ already."

You fought to keep up. He's clearly distressed- but you're surprised it's by the thought over your residence being found out. Who would be upset at the fact of him being here enough to have him shaken from even emergency services finding out?

Then you realize, he’s on the clock. He’s gotten hurt at work, and he’s not patrolling anymore. ‘The asset is damaged,’ and he’s laying low effectively out of sight.

"Your.. what, your bosses? Is that what you're worried about right now?"

Hawks was fighting for some deeper breaths. Some old instincts finally kicking in, he’s pushing air out forcefully though his lips in a decent try to slow himself down. He knows you know that much– how his work is essentially divvied into two piles: the stuff you hear about on the news, and the stuff you don't. The HPSC handles both, but primarily involves him in one. Thankfully, he knows you're quick enough to know tonight is a night of the latter and one that you know you shouldn't ask too much more of, despite your clear desire for understanding. 

But he’s bleeding on your sofa and he is about to damn near break or bleed out and you feel drawn to his heart and feel a selfish urge to know.

"I don't understand- why, ... why come here if you were worried, Kei?"

"I was.. close,” he offered with some huffs again.

That answer felt too loaded, but you were too groggy yourself to reason with such a clammy man dealing with who knows how much blood loss.

He forced as much clarity to his vision as he could, while watching you get up to close the patio door up. You shut the blinds for good measure too before debating whether to run back to the bathroom and  grab what gauze and antiseptics you had. For both the sake of time and to keep the poor man from following you throughout the apartment like you knew he’d try to do, you settled on wetting a few washcloths by the sink and came back to him.

"Your fight was close to here?" You kept him in the moment while attempting to get off his coat. He sat forward to help in this, but his eyes shut hard as it forced his shoulder blades together, to feed the gap over the wings.

Through steeled grunts he manages it, then strangles out the basics for you, "Y-yeah.. small.. weap'n traffic ring. But we had intel they'd.. Had a hit out on’the magistrate."

You set the bloodied jacket to the ground- torn between looking at his pained face and getting a look at the hip he was leaning into.

"They hadda few tough quirk users," Hawks gritted, separating his hand at your insistence. The shirt peeling back sticky was the least of his worries when you laid the wet washcloth at his side, "one had blades for legs, n’the other had a kind of whip-AHH!!"

Only water, but it burned like hell. Burned through the mess he'd made of himself. Proof he'd been sent in there outmatched-- 5 to 1 so he says, but even for the #2 Hero, the odds were stacked against him for a covert attack. You whispered a gentle apology over the sting.

You hated hearing the challenge and clear surprise of the incident that caused this version of your hero to be brought to the surface, knocking on your door like a kid trying to sneak back into the house in the middle of the night.

"So they nicked you here– and your back?" You asked gently, "Anywhere else?"

"They were gonna take out the block--"

You heard the panic rise in him again, the tremor in voice and wings.

"Haw-.. Keigo."

"They were gonna-- they didn't even know you lived up here.. you of all people.. but they were gonna do it. I had- said I hadta stop em, whatever it took.."

You set the first soiled cloth aside, centered between his spread knees, and cupped his face in both hands now. He's trembling all over and pulse is going wild under your fingers. He locked onto your necklace- avoiding your eyes in anger, guilt, and a messy, gnarled ball of exhaustion while you cleaned his face.

It wasn’t clinically necessary, but you wanted to.

 "But you stopped them," you reminded, "You said you got 'em, right?"

Something flitted across his face that looked hollow- like a younger side of Keigo Takami was looking for help finishing his thoughts. Like he was reverting to a shadow self that was about to cry just feeling you cool down his neck with the clean side of a washcloth.

"I got em." He barely whispered, new frustrated tears flooding his eyes and forcing his brows together. "I did it. I did-- what they wanted me to."

The way he says it is not a victory. It's guilty, not even proud in a sense of justice. It was forced; not unlike a militant following orders.

"The safety commission, keeping folks safe at all costs," you answered for him, forcing his eyes to blink at the name. What crimson feather remained ebbed and rustled on impulse.

Suddenly, he frowned down at his own hands, suddenly wrenching himself free of his damp, tainted gloves, like they were burning him alive the longer they stayed on his fingers. 

"Cost them," Hawks croaked, "Wanted t’take ‘em in, make them pay the way we always do. But then they said they're taking the block out- and I couldn't let em- I couldn't let them get you or anyone else--I shoulda felt like a damn hero they say I am."

Hawks shook his head pathetically, nearly collapsing forward at the feel of you raking his bangs back, before he sobbed,

"but I didn't want to. They begged. Couldn’a run when they knew they couldn't win, so they begged. I don't wanna do it this way, don't want it to come to this. I can't keep ending it all just because I can!! I’m no–"

Hawks wipes harshly at his eyes with the heel of his palm, his anger at a tipping point.

Your heart sobers and breaks altogether. He's confessing to you because he knows this whole ordeal is going to be painted so differently by the media in the morning. Heroes have to make impossible calls- and you know his handlers don't make it easier on him when it comes to completing these covert assignments. They’ve essentially given him a license none others do- allowances that dance in the world of grey.

Hawks and heroes like him have been granted permission to take lethal measures. But it’s a grim, fell thought that when you’re in the moment- the choice to kill or stay in your armed hands. The pressure is bound to weigh anyone, make them crack and doubt their sensibilities.

Any bystander would call Hawks heroic for saving more lives than taking them- but fear is what forces him to kill. Fear of loss, of the catastrophic unknown that he continues to fight for faster and faster. 

You leveled with Hawks’ sightline, forcing terrified eyes to yours. While the sight of this confident man worn down grieved you, schooling your face and brows to be strong was an easy ask when he needed you.

"I know you didn't,” you affirmed all he said, “You were so brave, Keigo. You were really brave, no matter what. No matter how these fights end. You always are brave."

Keigo listens and heaves an ungodly sound at your words. 

Suddenly, he's pulling you close and crying into your chest and you meet him all the way. You lock your grasp around his shoulders gingerly at first afraid to hold too tight. Cradling his head to you and hushing him seems to work for now, since he’s able to speak again after more schooled breaths. 

But this reaction from him is far from assured; he’s afraid. Unheard. And it seems with you, he can finally air these harsh truths without outside ears listening in stopping his tongue.

"They don't care how hard it is. They don't care. They just push and push and push me, and 'm tired and it hurts!!"

All you can do is hold him.

"I know, baby,” you barely speak, “I know it does, I know it hurts..."

“It always hurts,” he sobs, “It does every time. When you saw me and you looked at me, and you asked me if it hurt, I lied because I had to. But shit, this hurts…”

Hawks’ heated hands grasp at you: the contour of your body is the altar he's kneeling at- from this very spot of your couch. He's wailing now- half in pain, half in misery of being failed over and over again and only now -in secret- ever receiving someone to listen in return. The sound barely makes noise as its buried in your middle, but it rocks you where you kneel up straight to keep him close.

You let him grieve and hold space for every bit of it. He's never once been this vulnerable with another soul in his life, you’re convinced, and he sounds just so grateful to have your hands on his. Grounding. Giving him relief he's been starving for since you first paid attention to him across that crime scene where you first met.

Once he began mimicking your pronounced breathing he finally starts to feel more calm. 

To give him air, you robbed one hand from around him in order to push back some hair from his face and check his temperature. He could actually feel how cool your hands were once he started getting color into his face from his spot at your chest. Drained and pliant, he mumbles something at your sternum, and you ask him to repeat it gently,

“Hands’re cold,” he whispers.

“Oh, m’sorry.”

“No,” he shuts his eyes. "Feels good. You feel so good. The other docs, they're just so-- clinical.. They don't- they aren't gentle. No one feels as good as you do.”

Softness seeps from the very pit of you. What you won’t give to protect this hero now. 

You see a slumped pillow at his side and think to use it as a bolster until his back spasms lessen.

"Here, babe. Let's get one of these behind you. You can lay back a bit-"

Hawks chips his chin up to you, a bat of his eyes pleading, ‘don’t go’.

It’s official: you love him.

"I won't go,” you coo down to him, “I won't make you get up. I'll be here. Right here." 

You kiss that hot, flushed forehead, and he wants to crumble again by the way you hear him swallow. 

“I-” Hawks tries to recover from his overwhelm, "...I need you..."

Your answer would never deny him, "What do you need, pretty bird."

"Need you– hold on t'me." Hawks nuzzles your neck in relief.

"I've got you. I've got you this time. You always have everyone else; now I have you."

This is the way you’d keep him, if he were all yours. After a day of things he’d rather forget, you’d replace them all with kind words and soothing touches that settle his restlessness. To his nature that never stops moving, you’d make it your mission to bring some stillness and comfort to the forefront of his burdened mind.

While you’d love for reality to keep on pause, a flash of movement at the window gave you hope rather than alarm, 

“Hey, Kei. Lookie there. You've got a little pile waiting for you~” you nod back to the patio, catching some blips of red near the unobscured vertical blinds. “Would having them back on you help? Make you feel more steady?"

Interest piqued, Hawks sounds pleasantly surprised seeing them with his own eyes. 

"Ah. Yeah."

"Wanna rinse off, too? You can; use my shower, get yourself a lil more fresh?” the offer is true and comes from you easily. Happy to offer whatever healing measures possible to him while you wipe away leftover tears from a set of perfectly golden eyes. “I can’t promise I have something that fits you super well, but let’s see what I got.”

You knew the hot water would likely sting his wound, but would also buy him more time before he's  ready to fly again and go get checked out more formally.

Still wilty, Hawks gives a comical grimace in the face.  “I’d sure hate t’bleed all over your stuff.”

“Stuff can be washed; there’s only one you.”

And at this, he finally looks back up to you like the Keigo you know and sinks at the idea, giving in to the tempting idea. He nods. Any trace of boiled over bitterness in his aura has faded to a low simmer, and has left a warm, comfortable, gorgeous-looking man to peer up at you. 

You help him up, open the door once more, and Hawks is able to stand a bit better on his own now with a wingspan full of settling feathers preening themselves into place. Once face to face, he finds his hands are still seeking out your waist, and his face furrows– unwilling to let go fully of his personal painkiller.

You still his hesitation with a mouth’s warm press to his cheek followed by a gentle kiss on the lips. His palms go lax and a moan leaves him softly.

“I'll hold you all you want when you get out,” you whisper gently to him. “No funny business, I promise. Yeah?"

As if he held any true worries. 

"Wouldn’t ever mind if you did, dove. But yeah– I’d like that."

With another lingering kiss, you do your utmost to take things as quickly as he can manage for the sake of getting him to rest quickly… but by the way Hawks eyes you from all your puttering about the apartment, he holds no urgency or rush. To the contrary, he's happy going slow and steady while he’s with you. 

His hand catches yours any chance he gets until he’s ultimately able to lay his head to rest on you at the first idle moment of the evening. Its in these, the wee morning hours, that he’s eager now to remember this as the first night you got to help him heal and not just recover.

"You sure you aren't rushing it?" the slight worry tinges your sleepy morning voice in just the next few waking hours. All you both had was a glorified nap given his late arrival.

The song of your concern obviously pleases your loving company, as the edges of Hawks’ eyes crinkle at your worry. 

"I gotta report in by six. I'll stop at my place, change before I go in, heat up something to eat. And I’ll text you when I get there."

The checklist of answers is sweet and characteristically Hawks, but you hope Keigo hasn’t checked out of your bubble yet.

"Okay. But.. take some time if you can. Come see me if you still need me."

A noticeable fondness settles across Hawks’ devilishly handsome smile, and comes over to cup your face for another coffee-masked kiss. 

"I always need you.” Thank you. For everything. "I'll see you soon." I love you.

"See you soon." I love you too.

Weeks pass with Hawks’ semi-regular visits to the apartment, holding you in the kitchen like the lovesick boy he is at heart. ‘Talking work’ he claims, when his higher ups ask him about the delays, but he’s more inclined to slack and slip into far more personal matters as he guides you over back towards the barstools and sits back on one.

A curious mind makes you question why he's pushing the limits of his absence until he pulls you in to completely become flush with him and realize he wants your attention before anyone else’s. He sinks in how you set your hands on his shoulders, smiling like a sweet dope, looking up at you while you check him over.

You know he’s tired from a day on patrol in full sun, but the faint sunburn across his cheeks doesn’t seem altogether too painful. Just needs a decent aloe blend. Still, you ask as you always do, 

“How you feelin’, pretty bird?”

And he truly answers honestly now, no bravado for handlers to scoff at or bystanders to placate:

“Better now.”

[bookaddict24-7]

REVIEWS OF THE WEEK!

Every week I will post various reviews I've written so far in 2024. You can check out my Goodreads for more up-to-date reviews HERE.

Have you read any of these? What were your thoughts?

___

267. Body Check by Elle Kennedy--⭐️⭐️.5

You know it's bad when I can't even remember what this book was about LOL. Thank goodness for review notes.

Something about BODY CHECK just didn't immediately grab me like this author's other books. The mood just felt...off?

I've been spoiled by the newer Elle Kennedy books because this one barely had any prep time before the two MCs meant and went to bone town. Usually, Kennedy's characters have some alone time so we can get attached to them. I know this is her first book, so it definitely had some things that could have been done better. And then I start thinking about how this is a re-edited edition and I'm just kind of mind-blown.

Anyway, other than the fact that this very much felt like a Harlequin novel (not that this is a bad thing, it's just the kind of romance that happens very quickly and with some over-the-top situations), this was one of those quick books that entertains you in the moment and then immediately leaves your mind. I very much wish we'd gotten a bit more about these two before they got together. What we DID get was interesting.

The FMC had a Rachel & Ross situation going on at the beginning of the book and the poor guy was a goner that moment she had some good-good from the hockey player. The best part of this book was the scandal that was haunting the hockey players and the MC's dad. Even though I guessed the twist, it was still fun and entertaining.

If you want spicy spice, this will feed you. You will need milk. But if you want Kennedy's signature (sometimes slow burn) romance with characters who have to work to fall for each other, this one might not be for you. BUT if you're new to Kennedy, this might be a good place to start (only up from here).

I think this is one of those instances where this could have still as a backlist title, especially since most of Kennedy's more recent romance titles are a lot better. I'm not going to talk about her summer series because please.

___

268. Ella Enchanted by Gail Carson Levine--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

What a unique take on Cinderella!

ELLA ENCHANTED was both enjoyable and heartbreaking, all because of poor Ella's curse (excuse me, fairy "gift"). It did make for interesting moments where she learned how to maneuver her curse, and moments where I wanted to protect her from the evil people in her life trying to control her.

What I liked about this one too is that the prince knew who she was before her life completely fell apart. I liked that they had a childhood together where they fell for each other genuinely, and not because Ella looked pretty at a ball.

There was so much adventure, fun, misery, and anger felt in these pages. I also really liked that there were magical limitations and consequences for magical troublemaking. It helped the story feel a bit more genuine and like Ella would have to fight more for her freedom (which made for an even better story).

The ending had me smiling like a sap. Man, I'm glad I've finally read some of these classic stories, but I do wish I'd read them when I was younger. I just know my imagination would have been going wild back then.

___

269. Alive & Wells by Bailey Hannah--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Still hung up on that awesome dedication: "For the city girls in their cowboy romance era. And for the country girls who know a fictional cowboy is always better than the real thing." LOL.

I bought this on a whim during one afternoon trip to a bookstore. I know ranchers and cowboys have been getting really popular in romance novels and I've been curious. I remember my co-worker mentioned that she's met cowboys up in Alberta and they aren't as charming as the ones in the books (which is another reason why I love that dedication so much). But you know, I'm the type of woman who lives vicariously through fiction and that's okay.

Western suspenseful romance is a genre I never thought I'd be into, but after Devney Perry I've been unconsciously looking for more books like INDIGO RIDGE and this was a close comparison. We immediately get that threat of a douche husband and the MC's escape sets off a chain of events. She grows a lot as a character as she takes back her identity and strength that she lost during her marriage.

I LOVED the tension between her and the MMC because he has a genuine reason for being so wary of her. I will always love the idea of one MC having the prove themself to the other. Assuming is the killer of so many first impressions and I love that journey to healing that immediate rift. It usually turns into some nice spicy moments and deep connections between the characters--the perfect pay-off.

I liked that Hannah doesn't shy away from showing the painful aftermath of living in an abusive relationship and how one heals from it both with the help of others, but also with their own self-strength.

Also, can't NOT include the amazing cast of side characters who offered such an incredible level of support and entertainment! I can't wait to read their stories if they're written.

I devoured this book in the only way in can be devoured piece by piece every night for a week. Such a great western romance. Highly recommend. Intense TW for DV, potential gun violence, PTSD, and verbal abuse.

___

270. Love of My Afterlife by Kirsty Greenwood--⭐️⭐️⭐️

I went into this completely blind and a part of me is happy about it and another part is curious as to whether I would have picked this up after reading the synopsis. Sometimes I avoid books like this, either because the concept of it gives me anxiety or because I just side-eye it until it leaves my sight.

THE LOVE OF MY AFTERLIFE was an alright read that honestly made me curious about whether I should DNF it or not. I found myself wanting to do anything but listen to an audiobook and that's usually a telling sign. I will admit though that when I forced myself to press play, I DID enjoy what I was reading. Of course, there were some moments where I rolled my eyes, but there were other moments where I genuinely laughed and rooted for the MC.

Her teen life was awful and I felt so bad for her. It's true that that shit stays with you into adulthood (she says, as she thinks of how her experiences as a bullied kid still haunts her to this day) and can even alter the way you view life and the people you let in. What I wasn't a big fan of was how the MC let out her meanness on her neighbour and the people around her. She lived in that lonely bubble for most of her life and kicked people back before they could enter that bubble. In a way, this was a cautionary tale that the prison others make for you becomes so comfortable that it's really hard to break out of it.

The love interest (we all know it's not that Ken doll she meets briefly. This can't be a spoiler because it's always the one who makes the MC the angriest in the most sexually-tense way) was one of the best parts of this book. I loved that we got to know him alongside the MC and that maybe, he wasn't the jerk she thought he was. Their romance was adorable and saved a chunk of the book.

My major issues were her attitude, her obsession with that dude (to the point where it was just creepy), and some reviewers pointed out some inconsistencies that an editor would have caught.

Do I think this could easily be someone's favourite book? Hell yeah, I do. Look at that overall rating! I'm glad others liked it way more than I did. If you like romances with deadlines, a bit of paranormal action, and a grumpy neighbour who is secretly a cinnamon roll, then you might like this one!

___

271. The Ex Vows by Jessica Joyce--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Unpopular opinion, but save for the conflict resolution in this one, I think I liked the first book more. BUT this was still really cute!!!

I think the problem with me and this book was that everyone hyped it up for me. I had already loved Joyce's previous book, so I was doubly excited for THE EX VOWS. AND don't get me wrong, this one was super enjoyable. I had fun and I loved the characters and how they found themselves back in each others' orbits. I love a solid redemption arc.

But.

Something about this one didn't immediately grab me like the other book. I think it was the main trope. I'm not as big of a fan of second chance romances and I think that's honestly a very me problem. The other was an enemies to lovers romance and that is my bread and butter, second chance takes a while to capture me. I do love when a romance is rekindled and it's proven that the MC and her love interest have shared a love all along, but there's no tension like that of enemies LOL.

Anyway, THE EX VOWS was cute! I liked that we get thrown immediately into this uncomfortable situation where the MC is forced to face the one who got away (let their love sizzle down?). As the story progresses, we learn that both characters dropped the ball either from anxiety and a fear of failure, and a lack of self-love and self-importance. In other words, neither communicated (which I will ALWAYS say is a relationship killer). And now, they have a second chance.

I think what makes this story so successful with so many readers is how palpable the connection is between these two characters, and how much they love their friends. But also, the representation of what getting help and putting yourself first looks like. Also, the friendships are so sweet and portray what sometimes happens in life as we grow and change and adapt to what life throws at us.

Also, that conflict resolution. Because please, that was some A+ level writing and I wish more romance novels employed that level of communication and understand during the climax of a story.

Read this book. It's popular for a reason--it's very well written and I am SO excited to see what else Jessica Joyce writes!

___

272. Stay Dead by April Henry--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

STAY DEAD was not at all what I was anticipating. For some reason, that cover made me think that this was going to be a zombie apocalypse book (the truth behind entering a book without reading the synopsis). Thankfully, I'm still a sucker for these kinds of books. Survival and running away from someone hunting the MC down? Sign me up!

While I do wish there was more of a survival aspect after the plane crash, I was completely pulled in by the MC's intelligent approach to surviving the people who wanted her dead. There were some moments where I thought it would all end, but she somehow would get out safe. Also, as I've mentioned many times in past reviews, I love when a villain underestimates the MC because it makes the story more exciting.

I also liked that this was a realistic situation because of the reason behind WHY the MC and the previous people involved were hurt or hunted. I won't say it here, but I thought it was very timely. It was also well supported by that surprising third perspective that gives us more of an explanation of what was happening, why it was happening, and the real-life consequences.

And while I did like the hint of a romance there with the childhood best friend, I do appreciate that Henry stayed true to the story and focused more on the MC's journey than the potential romance. It was also left open-ended enough that there is either a what-if aspect to it, or a sequel cooking somewhere.

Overall, this was fun and was non-stop action. Really ended up enjoying this one, even if it wasn't about zombies.

___

273. The Switch by Lynsay Sands--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Loved the bi-panic in this LOL gave me a great laugh. But impressed that it was happening in a book published when it was (late 90s).

I'll be honest, I'm always wary whenever I start a historical romance. I don't know if it'll be a story that immediately hooks me, or if it'll be one that has so much exposition that I'll be dragging my eyelids open. Thankfully, THE SWITCH was fun from the very beginning.

These twin sisters were smart and hilarious as they fell into their new roles, even if one twin was slightly more selfish than the other. And to be fair, that was part of the character growth--the one MC learning to stand up for herself and that being a little selfish sometimes is healthy.

I thought that the star of the book was the MMC and his constant confusion. It brought back memories of MULAN and how Li Shang must have felt when he found himself attracted to Mulan when she was dressed as a man. Watching this man trying to figure out his confusing feelings was pure entertainment--especially when this story is set in a world where queerness wasn't something done out in the open. Of course, there were moments that were indicative of the time this book was written (like trying to force someone to sleep with a woman at a brothel to make him "manlier"), but I'll be honest and say I was incredibly surprised with how progressive this novel felt.

THE SWITCH was just pure fun and I enjoyed every moment of it, even if these sisters have a really bad habit of jumping into danger feet first and without looking.

___

274. The Hookup Mix-Up by Riley Hart--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

These marshmallow characters were the sweetest LOL. Loved this, but I know I read this series out of order. Oops.

THE HOOKUP MIX-UP was such a fun and adorable time. I love that this couple started with a friendship because the one MC's self-esteem needed to be brought up before he could feel loved and love in return. The way they meet was adorable and the mix-up had me cackling. I just kept thinking "So adorably dumb."

This was definitely one of those books that is meant to be devoured in the summer. The spicy elements were great and their chemistry was jumping off the page. I loved their dynamic and how each offered the other something that they were both missing.

The side characters were hilarious and added so much personality to the book. I do wish I had read their book first. I liked that they side-eyed the MCs whenever they tried to play down what they were doing together.

I DO wish we had gotten more of a conclusion regarding the one MC's ex. I would have loved to see her be more aware of what she lost because she was BRUTAL. This book could have definitely been a little bit longer.

But this was still a fun time and like the past books I've read by Riley Hart, I really enjoyed this one!

___

Happy reading!

[xoxo-ren-xoxo]

4, 7, 13, and 19 for the fanfic writing asks

4. Link your three favorite fics right now.

Oh man, you're making me CHOOSE??? This is fucked up and evil actually. Okay. Ugh, there are so many I love... buuut I can probably muster up three currently updating fics. If anyone wants my completed fic recommendations then ask away!

First of all, @angeart 's wonderful(ly evil) Help Me To Breathe, which I have been commenting essays on for a while now. I'm biased because we're friends but this fic does so many things right - it is long but for me it's definitely worth it. How she handles mental health struggles is really poetic whilst remaining grounded, which I appreciate a lot. If you're looking for... 242k words (so far) of scarian angst, this is the fic to check out. It's not finished yet but it is worth waiting for.

Next, @definitelynotshouting 's lost in the dark (he's got a heavy heart) is THE fic that started my obsession with watcher!Grian. It's the fic that inspired my own watcher/listener series (shameless self promo) and it is constantly taking up space in my brain. It is devastatingly sad, but it is about recovery, ultimately, and again I really love how it's being handled so far. Really worth the read.

Finally, @uhohbestie 's There Are Monsters Nearby .... when I say this fic has been living in my head rent free... I mean this fic has been LIVING. THRIVING. in my mind. This is truly classic zombie fiction, where the zombies are kind of second to the relationship drama. I love the explorations of disability in the apocalypse, something I myself have been advocating for in my original writing, and the depictions and emotional beats surrounding cheating, flawed perspectives and jealousy are heartbreaking and so realistic. Wonderful fic. I am in shambles. Please read it.

7. Do you prefer to read short fics or long fics?

My ideal fic seems to be anywhere between 5k and 200k, but then some of my favourites have also been oneshots. I tend to go for any multichapter with more than 1k words per chapter, and any oneshot that takes my interest (though a longer one (5k +) will catch my eye a bit more than a drabble). It's kind of hard for me to tell, because I read a lot of unfinished fics, but I do kind of prefer fics that take months to update but give a 5k + chapter every time... longer *tends* to mean slightly higher quality, but that is not always the case. Agh. I don't know. Every rule can be broken.

13. Do you outline your fics? How much of a headache would someone get if they just looked at an outline of yours without reading the fic?

Yes and no. Multichapters tend to get their own little document for organisation with each chapter broken down into scenes. However, for Comms AU, I quite insanely went into it with no plan or outline. Yes, I am just now getting an outline together. Yes, it is a fic with 5 different timelines happening at once. Yes, I am regretting the lack of plan.

19. Do you edit your fics after you write them, or do you prefer to just hit post and run (because it’s someone else’s problem now)?

I write, then pass at least once (usually twice, sometimes even three times) to edit. My edits usually attempt to flesh out things that feel rushed or don't make sense. My writing is tricky sometimes, I hate writing plainly and that then becomes a weakness when I spend 5 paragraphs describing the texture of the air without actually explaining what's happening. So I try to clean that up. Comms AU gets one edit, usually, because it is just "audio", though with all my fics I sometimes edit as I write - especially if I've taken a break and decide to re-read what I've written.

Thanks for sending these asks! I have discovered that I need to make a longer fic rec post omg...

The ask game!

[jinxxedmisery]

I did a quick little sketch (by quick, I mean it took me like 2 hours lol) I still struggle with feet and shoes...

I just saw a pose on pinterest and thought omg, what if Astarion and my tav... but he's biting their thigh 🤭

Ofc, I had to name it.. thirst... and I added the "Happy" symbol to kind of cover a sketch I did on the same page... You know... it wasn't originally supposed to be just one piece, I was practicing poses and I liked this one way too much to just leave it or risk messing up when I redrew it.

This is entirely self indulgent.. and intended to be Spawn Astarion because he's so babygirl 🥰😘😍

🤣 also I don't think I posted but I got through the Cazador fight not too long ago.. and

Spoilers and dumb ramble ahead:

For most of my day, I sat there wondering how the fuck I would beat that bastard... he was one shotting Shadowheart with his fucking lightning bolt, then sending his gas minions after the survivors. Astarion being in the ritual made it 10× more difficult.. so... I cheated... and fuck... It should have been obvious...

I LITERALLY FORGOT FOR THE ENTIRE FUCKING DAY THAT VAMPIRES ARE WEAK TO SUNLIGHT.. I blame Astarion and his parasite as well as Alucard for that one honestly.. the day walker thing kind of made me forget that omfg immunity to daylight is an exception, not the rule..

So I felt stupid.. once I got that, it was so much easier.. oh and almost constantly had Astarion in stealth kill mode until Cazadick was gone.

Also side note.. the VA for Cazador is perfect.. Like they really sells the "I'm a pathetic little worm, and your worst nightmare, fear me while I bitch and cry" LOL and again that's a compliment.. Larian really succeeded in making an evil character extremely grating and hatable which again, a good thing, not a bad thing.

The heartbreak I felt though afterwards when Astarion screams and cries.. God.. the second I got to this scene, I KNEW I couldn't let him ascend, doing so would be so cruel.. and yes.. this is ascended Astarion slander, I don't like my men too domineering.. maybe a little bit, but not enough to like kill innocent children and eat their hands or some shit lmfao (Doing a durge run too.. where I'm going to ascend Astarion and be a horrible bastard that eats babies) and I don't like that he loses the genuine feelings he has for tav/durge and becomes what he sought to destroy, an abuser.

Now.. the graveyard scene... I had tears in my eyes.. Honestly, the reason I love Astarion so much is because he is quite relatable. I will not go into detail, but I was.. SAed and abused as a kid. And honestly.. Seeing the bit where he scratched out his death date, made me feel hope.. for myself... For my own healing.. it truly meant so much seeing another survivor of abuse begin anew, find themselves again... even though I have done that already myself for the most part, I've found purpose, passions, love, heartbreak, etc and I've found some level of beauty in the life. I related quite a lot to the line about sex feeling tainted.. I am at a point where it no longer feels as terrible, I feel genuine enjoyment in it... (Can't do casual sex though.. That would trigger me into a ptsd attack) And I think part of that was letting myself go at my own pace, making sure my partners knew, and having control and the ability to consent and revoke consent at any point. Emotional attachment helped a great deal too.

I've rambled on enough.. but... Let me end this off by saying, If you went through unspeakable horrors at the hands of those who you thought were supposed to protect you, You are not alone, Even if you do not see it now, there is light at the end of the tunnel, keep on living, keep trying to find joy in little things. It does get better, what was done to you was horrible and you did not deserve it. I promise, you will see better days. You will be happy again, even if you feel like the pain will never end, there is always moments of calm.... live for those... live for your pets, live for your friends, the people around you, live for that cute thing you just ordered, live for that movie or TV series you're excited about watching... even the next patch for bg3.. or more Astarion content if that's your reason right now... and take it one day at a time. You will be okay.

If you need to vent out some shit, I'll listen, I may not know what to say or be able to offer comfort, but I will always lend an ear, even to a total stranger if they need it.

That's all from me, goodbye, until my next post.. whenever that will be ❤🖤❤🖤

[gilfmobile]

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Alright you know what? I'm done being quiet.

Let's go over what happened shall we?

We were in a relationship for 6 months and for the latter 2 you remained quiet while contemplating to break up. What you should have done was to communicate like an adult.

2. A month prior to our breakup, the day of my therapy you asked me how the therapy went and i replied it was a rough week because of my PTSD, to which you sent a very harsh reply saying "yeah you have many triggers" and that you cannot ask me anything.

Which came as a complete surprise to me because I had always tried my best to communicate effectively. I then asked if you wanted to breakup due to the tone of the message. You replied you aren't happy with me and that I have no future plans (which weren't true, but you rejected what i offered. god forbid a person doesn't have their life figured out). Now, this caused me to hyperventilate because it was too much on top of my therapy! Regardless I expected an honest answer. You replied that you in fact do not wish to break up because you love me.

3. Fast forward to Valentine's day (aka month 6), I get you gifts and you seem excited and happy. Nothing seems amiss, except you message me saying you aren't feeling well and I ask you if you're crying over your 10-year-crush rejection situation still and you are surprised that i seem aware of it.

You hadn't really gotten me a gift but i had expected us to have a nice day together that day. Despite that i want to be supportive and understanding and i agree to do valentine's day on the 15th with you and give you the space you need.

The next day you message me saying you need a break from the relationship and we have a phone call. During this conversation you admit you can't promise to get back together and i tell you this is indeed a breakup and i am of course heartbroken.

You ask to go no-contact for a month and i unfollow your social media so i can try to move on. Now during this time i was the owner a resident evil discord server and i can't think of any option but to kick you from there to respect the no-contact. A day or two after this happens, you message me saying you are sad that this happened for which i am also sad but try to explain i had no other choice.

4. Just as the one month ends, like clockwork, you message me a "i am sorry" because you hadn't intended to hurt me which i appreciated. I try to explain to you that i needed more time apart and can't promise on a time frame in which we can go back to hanging out as friends (it was rather naive to think this could happen in the first place).

You get angry and tell me i am portraying you as some kind of "heartless monster" (your words not mine) just because i told you i couldn't stop crying and that you were also crying daily for "pushing away someone that truly cares about you". I simply try to make you understand this isn't the case and I am only explaining my feelings.

5. Guess that goes over your head because a week later you make a callout post on twitter about getting "kicked from the discord server" that you "live in".

Now this makes me feel betrayed and hurt. Why wouldn't you message me privately and discuss instead of making it a problem to complete strangers on the internet? (and yes i did from time to time check your social media because hello! i was heartbroken and missed you).

I then decide that i need advice if i should cut contact with you because this behavior, frankly, is quite immature and was too much to handle on top of all the heartbreak for me. I reach out to a mutual friend and they do confirm that i should cut contact with you if i can't feel like we can remain friends.

I send you a dm after this, to which you reply with a voice message that 9 ppl are also dm'ing you and you will get back to me when you can. You also somehow in your mind equated to ending a relationship out of the blue with getting kicked from a discord server.

I have questions in my head that need answering so i message again:

-Why have you told our friends we were on a break and not broken up? Why are you reflecting the situation differently?

-Why were you still sending me explicit photos of yourself 4 days before our breakup if you had been contemplating for 2 months?

And that basically I cannot keep my promise to stay in your life because of your current behavior.

Part of me wished we could actually have a level-headed conversation and sort things out.

6. You take forever to reply, and send one long very aggressive message and block me after so there's no repercussion for you.

The message includes:

-You have decided to "walk away" and that you were staying in my life because I had abandonment trauma and that you were basically doing me a favor when in reality you had told me you didn't want to lose me and asked me to stay in your life. (Also abandonment trauma means you leave before people have a chance to do so, not beg them to stay in your life)

-That i was basically playing victim and I had played victim my whole life against my "hateful family" to protect myself. Which couldn't be further from the truth because that's not it works to be in life-threatening situations.

-You in the message basically told me that the biggest gift for me was you visiting me and paying for my travel fare and offering to pay for a few meals. (Which might i mention is something super rude to tell anyone in any situation). I had done the same for you and you had even stayed at my place.

Now it's true that i felt like your gift planning felt more like afterthoughts but i hadn't really cared too much about that.. what mattered to me was having you in my life. And you mentioning that i cared not that you visited me and it meant nothing could also be nothing farther from the truth. It had meant everything to me.

Anyway so you blocked me and i set out to move on.

7. Your blog popped up on my friend's dash and guess what? It was a personal message about me so of course my curiosity peaked and i checked your blog aswell. What do i find? A bunch more posts about myself and you expressing regret over your handle of the situation.

I don't do anything and try to keep moving on. (Part of me still wishes maybe she wants to have a conversation to have closure)

8. Fast forward to july, just a few days before i'm posting this i get an anon ask that basically says "Are you haunting me or am I haunting you?". I think to myself is this my ex. Does she want to reach out maybe? So i send you a message asking that if you want to talk, i'm giving us a chance to find closure and if you were that anon.

You reply in anger (big shocker), basically telling me you have nothing to say to me rudely and to that i reply okay so be it then I wish you happiness in life.

And i do truly wish you happiness in life, never truly understood your need to paint either of us as the villain here. Never have I thought of you as a "monster" as you have tailored in your mind.

It is however ironic that you should use the words "Go haunt some other fool" right after telling me you were in fact not the anon.

I was never one for dramatics, or for sharing personal things online but this was the final straw for me.

I am closing our chapter here. Best wishes to you.

[cinemagooey]

FEMME FILM

In Celebration of Women Filmmakers

Greta Gerwig as Francis Ha!

Remember when that thing happened called the pandemic?

HAHA! Jk...of course we do. We're still living in a mad, disjointed post-pandemic world, four years later. The pandemic pummeled humanity and just about everything else - Hollywood included.

Covid re-wrote the Hollywood playbook. Theater attendance stopped cold. At-home streaming became standard entertainment practice. The last movie I went to see at the theater before the virus invaded was a little-known 2019 horror flick called The Lodge. I don't remember much about the movie, but, looking back, I feel bittersweet about the experience. How was I to know that would be my last, innocent foray before society unraveled in a such way that going to the movies would never be the same?

So what's the connection between the pandemic and female filmmakers, you might ask? Well, just when the Hollywood studios were on their covid-masked knees begging for something to save the theater experience (and their financial lives), along came:

BARBENHEIMER!

Some say it was Top Gun Maverick/Tom Cruse that saved Hollywood after the virus, but I'm sticking to my pink atomic guns that it was the daring duo of Barbie/Oppenheimer.

WHAT A SUMMER! Those two films energized the movie-going experience like no other and Hollywood was as pumped as tween on Twizzlers and RedBulls.

Nolan's Oppenheimer is epic. It is historical. It is emotional. It is long. It is a history lesson about the annihilating evil that man created and that the world can (literally) be relegated to stardust with the push of a button. Applause, applause! Kudos, Christopher Nolan! Your Academy Awards and other trophies were well deserved!

But Barbie? Greta Gerwig's Barbie is communal. It brought people together for a joyous theatrical excursion. Groups gathered at theaters all over the world, dressed in pink, creating bubble-gum colored watch parties, drunk on the female power the film reminded us we have, and sobered at the admonition that the patriarchy is very real. It was also the highest grossing film of 2023, gracing Hollywood with a 1.4 billion box office gift. Applause, applause! Kudos, Greta Gerwig! Your Academy Awar...

Oh. Wait.

The Academy Awards didn't happen for Barbie, other than best song, which is nice, but...

And them's the brakes (and I do mean brakes as well as breaks) for women in Hollywood. The good old boy network rules in LALA land just like it does everywhere else (click here to see the factual, if not depressing, data).

In this post Cinemagooey raises it's fist in solidarity to women filmmakers everywhere, those heroes of feminine empowerment who buck patriarchal odds to bring their creative vision to life and share it with the world, come hell or highwater.

Highlighted below are just some of the women filmmakers who serve as shining stars and beacons of hope for other film warriors who are following in their path:

ELAINE MAY

Elaine May and Walter Matthau in A New Leaf (1971)

Elaine May is a gift to humanity. A true genius, she's been a Broadway star, film star, playwright, screenwriter and director in her long, illustrious career. If you want to introduce yourself to her prodigious talent, I recommend starting with A New Leaf, in which she performed the Hollywood trifecta: writing, directing and starring in this hilarious black comedy. Other writing/directing credits include: The Heartbreak Kid, Mike and Nickey, Heaven Can Wait, Reds, Tootsie, The Birdcage and, famously Ishtar, the film that effectively ended her movie career (here's a little link to that fascinating story). May boasts even more directorial and writing credits, but there's too many to list here. Look her up and prepare to be amazed.

I could go on and on about Elaine May, but I'll save it for a post dedicated exclusively to her and her shining accomplishments. She was one of the early greats who painstakingly forged a path for others in the field.

Today's women filmmakers stand on May's shoulders and owe her a debt of gratitude. Cinemagooey salutes this original, one of a kind bad ass.

With Charles Grodin, directing The Heartbreak Kid

Directing A New Leaf

Schmoozing with the big boys, circa 1980s

NANCY MEYERS

Nancy Meyers is the queen of the cozy romcom. When it comes to LOL-witty love stories that make us swoon, she slays. Meyers is renowned for directing comfy, side-splitting hits such as The Parent Trap (1998), Something's Gotta Give (2003), The Holiday (2006) and It's Complicated (2009), to name a few. She also wrote or co-wrote a number of smash hit screenplays, starting with my favorite, Private Benjamin (1980) but also crafting Irreconcilable Differences (1984), Baby Boom (1987) and the Father of the Bride franchise (1991, 1995 and 2020), just to name a few.

Directing Something's Gotta Give

Meyers is not only famous for her filmmaking acumen, her loyal Instagram fans are obsessed with the houses in her movies, homes that imbue a rich, intimate, put-your-feet-up-by-the-fire-and-let's-have-some-wine kind of coastal vibe. Follow her on Insta. You won't regret it. And watch her movies. You're welcome.

Above: Father of the Bride, starring this house

And the stunning beach home in Something's Gotta Give

PENNY MARSHALL

Penny Marshall Directing Big (1989)

Penny Marshall was a staple in my household in 1976 when she starred as Laverne DeFazio on the television sitcom Laverne and Shirley, about two working class gals sharing an apartment and comedic hijinks in Milwaukee. I loved that show. My sixth grade BFF and I conspired to live just such a life after high school (but with better jobs in a warmer climate). Life can upend the best of plans, howeve - that BFF and I never became Laverne and Shirley and when the show ended, Penny Marshall moved from comedic acting to cinematic directing - lucky for us.

Marshall directed a slew of hits in the 80's and 90s: Jumpin' Jack Flash, Big, Awakenings and The Preacher's Wife. But my all-time favorite is A League of Their Own, starring Geena Davis, Rosie O'Donnell, Madonna and Tom Hanks.

A League of Their Own (1992) (turn up the volume and watch this buddy moment between Madonna and Rosie O'Donnell)

The film is a Rosie-the-Riveter-meets-the-MLB story of the The All American Girls Professional Baseball League, an organization started during WWII when it was feared that men's baseball would die off as a casualty of war. The movie recounts an age when men marched off to the trenches and women were suddenly valued for more than their domestic talents, challenging patriarchal traditions and set-in-stone cultural beliefs. It's all heart and Madonna's moving "This Used To Be My Playground" theme song, as well as the reunion of the real life women who were in the league at the end of the film, poignantly encapsulate a brief, shining moment for women in sports.

Penny Marshall died in 2018. But her cinematic legacy and comedic versatility lives on in her extraordinary films, as well as the dozens of comedic roles she inhabited on t.v. (The Odd Couple, The Mary Tyler Moore Show, Frasier, Portlandia and Hocus Pocus, to name but a few). It's well worth your time to dig into her films to appreciate this one of a kind female director.

Directing Tom Hanks in Big (1988)

Awakenings, starring Robin Williams (1990). Pass the kleenex

GRETA GERWIG

With Ben Stiller in Greenburg (2010)

Before Barbie and Lady Bird - two films that placed Greta Gerwig squarely on the Hollywood writing and directing map, she was the darling of a lesser known indie-film movement called Mumblecore. This cinematic genre peaked in the mid-aughts and is best described as movies with impromptu dialogue, realistic settings and low-budget markings. This is where Gerwig got her start in movies as an actress/sometimes screenwriter.

After mumbling her way through a myriad of films, Gerwig teamed up with her (now) real-life partner, Noah Baumbaugh and co-wrote and starred in a sweet little movie called Francis Ha!.

Gerwig, dancing through the streets of Manhattan in Francis Ha!

I fell, and am still, in love with Francis Ha!, a comedy about a dreamer living in NYC whose life is derailed when she loses her roommate and best friend, as well as her position in a dance company, rendering her an unemployed, aimless nomad. Francis Ha! became an indie smash, nominated for several awards (Golden Globe, Independent Spirit, London Film Critics Circle Film Awards, to name a few), and cementing Gerwig as a force in film.

Bouyed by this success, Gerwig wrote and directed Lady Bird (2017), Little Women (2019, an adaptation from the Louise May Alcott novel) and of course Barbie (2023). I can't wait to see what Hollywood's new femme-fab director brings to the table next. If it's an original movie that resonates with millions and draws in big crowds and big bucks, like Barbie did, maybe the Academy will finally give this remarkable talent the recognition she more than deserves.

Gerwig, directing Ryan Gosling in Barbie

And there are more, but not enough...

Despite the fierce odds against them, women have been fighting to share their celluloid visions with audiences since the advent of film (the first: Alice Guy-Blanché made her first movie in 1896). Hats off to the past pioneers and present day warriors who continue to fight the good fight and inspire future femme filmmakers everywhere. I wish I could write a tribute to them all, but here are a few of the greats and one film that I recommend from each, in no particular order:

Jane Campion The Piano (1993), Sophia Coppola, Lost In Translation (2003), Kathryn Bigelow, The Hurt Locker (2008), Ava DuVernay, Selma (2014), Nora Ephron, Julie and Julia (2009), Kelly Reichardt, Certain Women (2016), Debra Granik, Winter's Bone (2010), Lana Wachowski and Lilli Wachowski, The Matrix (1999), Jennifer Kent, The Babadook (2014), Charlotte Wells, Aftersun (2022).

Kathryn Bigelow, making history as the first woman to receive the Oscar for Best Director for The Hurt Locker.

[v-67]

Most special mention to the most amazing character who I wish had lived. (Had to include this from the previous post because yes)

Wolfgang Grimmer.

Loved this man.

Hated what happened.

Until the end, this man.

He made me feel so much things and understand so much about so many things.

He smiled but, you know the gist.

Fuck, how I wish he had lived.

When he cried at the end. Saying that he's crying because his kid died.

In general, the character execution. The magnificent Steiner. Wow.

In the final episode of Magnificent Steiner, he becomes a human.

Rest in peace, Wolfgang Grimmer.

I'll always remember you.

And also : It’s impossible for humans to forget their emotions.

You were always a human. The things you went through, you survived, and the path you chose, everything, the good, the bad, the anger and the sadness, the things you didn't feel and learned to imitate thinking you don't feel. All of your journey, in the end.

Everything about you was human.

You being the person you were with kids, the kindness you had, you selecting the path of human rights, it was you.

You were the kindest human.

And even if the kindness was an imitation, i wish people imitated it the way you do.

For even that, would be the greatest kindness of all. For it was in reality, never an imitation.

You were kind, truly kind, always kind.

Some of his dialogues and pictures⬇️

Do you have any idea how terrible the things you did really mean? Do you understand what it means to destroy a human being’s sense of good and evil? Can you even begin to comprehend what happens when you awaken the monster inside each us? People should know in their hearts that food tastes good. They should always look forward to having picnics and wonderful places on their weekends. They should think that beer tastes good after a hard day’s work. People should know how they should feel, that they’re supposed to grieve, from the bottom of their hearts when they have to bury their own child.”

“As long as we are under the same sky, we shouldn’t be sad when we part ways.”

“It’s impossible for humans to forget their emotions.”

“Everyone in this world carries around their own sins, and they never go away…but that doesn’t change the fact that we do what we must.”

“You can’t just erase people’s feelings. It’s as if my emotions were lost somewhere hundreds of miles away. It’s as if they were sent long ago, in a letter that was always intended for me.”

"In the last episode of the Magnificent Steiner he probably turned back into a normal human being."

Wolfgang Grimmer. You. Such a warm character. With such a heartbreaking past. Warm hugs for you. I wish you lived.

[jedimasterbailey]

That one person you reblogged from (short-wooloo) is pro Zionist and repeatedly conflates Judaism with Zionism. So all the Jewish people who bravely protested against the genocide of Palestinians, their actions somehow don't matter? Not everyone who speaks against Israel's colonizing, apartheid state is anti semitic.

I'm done with that part of Star Wars fandom. Just absolutely done. Fans like this talk so much about the genocide of fictional characters in Star Wars but fall so short when discussing real atrocities being committed in this world.

Hello there! I hear what you are saying and I totally get it as someone who is married to a Jewish woman (who went to Hebrew school and everything) and believe me we are feeling all the same things you’re feeling. Zionism goes against what it is in the Torah and this whole situation is just incredibly frustrating , heartbreaking, and maddening. Now I cannot speak for everyone, this is strictly my opinion and I’m allowed to have it as well as everyone else, but I think unfortunately since the people involved on both sides are both of people who have been marginalized and mistreated through all of history that this is where the conflict comes in and some people within these ethnoreligions feel it’s their responsibility to stand with their people instead of seeing the bigger picture and seeing that there is suffering and evil everywhere and innocent people are being sacrificed because the rich and powerful won’t do the right thing and stop it all. I think when it comes to fiction like Star Wars, it’s easier for people to just agree that things like genocide are bad because they’re not involved in those stories; it’s fiction, it doesn’t exist in their reality and it doesn’t involve their people, loved ones, etc.

Now with all that being said, I say protect your peace and only engage in content that doesn’t upset you, etc. Otherwise you’ll be upset always and nobody has that kind of energy, not in this miserable world nowadays. I personally stay away from content I don’t agree with. We can’t control what people do, but we can control how we react to it.

I want to make something very clear. My blog has always been and forever will be a safe space for all. I welcome people of all races, genders, religions, sexualities etc so long as they are respectful and kind. Any racism and/or hatred towards anyone will never be tolerated and will be removed from my content. I never like to get political with people, but I wanted to address your ask to reinstate that I do not co-sign or condone evil/nasty behavior.

I shall continue to post and push for positivity and peace in my writing and on my blog.

May the Force be with you and everyone of my mutuals and followers ✨

[vilevampire]

Hi! I don't think this is really gonna be a proper question, I've just got Iruma on the brain rn and my favourite part of it is the characters. I just love (nearly all) of them sm. Is it ok if I rant abt them? You can just ignore this ask I don't want to be a bother adlfslfwnkffhd

My top 3 in no particular order are Kalego, Opera and Purson. Everytime I see them I just get excited I love them sm. Kalego's got probably my favourite design out of everyone, I love how cool he is, I love how he treats the Misfits harshly but he does actually care about them and wants them to succeed. (When I was watching the episodes I somehow skipped on the one where he visits all the student's houses. I didn't notice until I finished S3 aha)

Opera is also really cool. I love that even though Kalego acts tough all the time he's kind of scared of Opera. (that whole thing was a lot clearer after I watched the skipped episode jhljkdsbgk). Not sure how else to put into words how much I love them atm but I do. They're great. Just got to the bit in the manga where they're a teacher at Babyls and teaches the misfits non-verbal magic.

And Purson, I liked him before I even read his story. Only really started to notice him in the intro of S2, but didn't pick up on every time he was on screen. I rewatched a bunch of clips now and it's fun seeing him in the background. I relate to Purson so much it's agh. I always was quiet in my class and rarely anyone interacted with me or noticed me. I liked that most of the time, but there were times I wanted to be noticed for what I can do, but at the same time I don't want the spotlight directly at me. Also Purson being really quiet all the time then when talked to he just talks a lot about so many different things at once is just me. I was so mad when that evil demon guy popped both of his balloons in the heartbreaker arc he was working so hard I so wanted him to get through aslnsdfdfsg

I know you've posted a lot about a lot of different characters, but who'd you say are your top favourites? or does that change a lot?

rambling is always welcome here !!! especially if it's abt mairuma. make urself at home

I love the characters sm too, especially the misfits. (on the topic of the kalego visiting the misfits' homes episode, everytime I think abt that episode I rmr how allocer's scene was the ONLY ONE that had NO dialogue. it was just a still frame sliding across the screen. fml)

opera is a pretty popular character, I mostly appreciate them for their nyanbinary catperson swag, and how sweet their found family relationship w/ sully and iruma is.

I think I picked up on purson's existence early on in s1 (it's funny to re-watch and spot him in the crowd). he's a favorite of mine too. though actually I think most ppl in the fandom love purson and the music festival arc. like everybody unanimously agrees that it's the best arc hghjhughj side note abt purson but this mf is the most not-nonbinary nonbinary character I've ever seen I s2g I kept almost accidentally they/them'ing him sooo much when I joined the fandom a while back like he just does not register to me as a boy. the no biney vibes r just off the charts

ngl I barely rmr shit from the heartbreaker bc I read most of it over a year ago while those chapters were still coming out, the most I rmr is jazz being tortured on the cross (what does nishi fucking have against him to make him suffer so much THE OTHER CHARACTERS DON'T GO THRU NEARLY AS MUCH SHIT AS HE DOES) and then winning bc of allocer and not even getting a rank up for the LITERAL TORTURE he went through. like r you fucking kidding me what the fuck was the point of all that then ?????? fucking rigged

I was so sad for purson too aghhh he tried so hard my boy did his best but he got fucked over by atori >:((

as for which characters r my favorites, I think it's pretty easy to tell just from looking at my acc but robin and jazzy r my top tier faves lmao. though funnily enough neither of them were immediately my favorites. it kinda happened over time after I finished the anime (which only had 2 seasons at the time) and the manga. robin I never paid much attention to until he suddenly took over my heart but jazz was always a character I was fond of just because of how similar he is to me JHGFHJNGF

but my faves have changed around quite a lot since I've gotten into mairuma. my first fave ever was actually kiriwo, which maybe is a bit surprising considering I never post about him and I've never drawn him either (though I plan to), he's what made me fall in LOVE w/ mairuma when I first watched it. fucking love a little guy who is fucked up beyond repair. then later my #1 fave shifted to iruma, then robin followed closely by jazz, and now robin and jazz r about equal (though I am kind of hyperfixating on jazz atm so I've been posting more abt him and drawing him more often)

other characters I adore include:

kalego, for completely heterosexual reasons

lied. I used to dislike him (I hate his pervy jokes, though he's not nearly as bad as kamui) until I watched s3 of the anime and it singlehandedly changed my opinion on him, even though it was all content that I had already read in the manga, I just think the anime did the scenes better. now I'm a lied stan

allocer. a character I completely ignored for like a year UNTIL I watched his sukima from his episode w/ jazz in season 3. like seriously before that point I couldn't even rmr his name consistently, but then I watched that sukima that converted me into a jazzllocer shipper and he slowly grew on me as a result. but the REAL turning point was when I sat down one day and went "okay, I want to write jazzllocer fanfiction, but it's really fucking hard when it's so difficult to get a grasp on allocer's character. he barely has any scenes focused on him, he's missing for an entire major arc and we know absolutely nothing of his backstory. I'm gonna analyze the few scenes he's in very carefully and then come up with my own hcs to make up for what he lacks in canon." after that there was just no going back. allocer is practically my oc now bc of how much shit I've made up about him in the past month or so. also, nishi, allocer arc when ??????? I'm waiting bruh when will my boy get the focus and fleshing out he deserves

furfur. again … for het reasons. I just really like characters that r absolute bastards HGFGHGFGH

among others, but really I like most of them. I'm also fond of dali (similar to furfur he's kind of a little shit. imagine being the most important teacher at babyls and u never fucking do anything), kerori and gyari (lesbians frfr), sabro (autistic king), etc.

[arbiterlexultionis]

The whole shebang is absolutely wonderful I’ve got my one(1) brain cell firing on all cylinders, but for no I’m just gonna put my thoughts about Danny’s fighting ability and vigilante skills. A lot of the stuff I’ve seen so far has had Danny technically being the one who’s been a vigilante longer and having some skills but no where near Bruce’s level because of how long Bruce spent training. This does kinda make sense, and offers a whole bunch of opportunities around Danny learning from and training under Bruce for ✨Familial Bonding✨ but I personally am super fond of making Danny surprisingly competent for someone who was thrown into the life of a kid hero with no mentor.

Bruce has a fancy shmancy college edumancation that gives him a massive edge with a lot of the more technical and investigative areas of vigilantism, and that should show and at the same time give plenty of chances for Danny to sit criss cross applesauce on the floor with stars in his eyes while Bruce picks apart a case, thinking of how amazing it would have been to have that kind of skill when dealing with all the possession/impersonation/evil fruitloop schemes etc etc.

But Danny does have his specialties. Firstly, he grew up in the house of mad scientist. I’ve already made a post about Danny being One Smart Cookie, and while I don’t think I would apply it to this to as extreme as an extent as I did in that post Danny being really good with tech could be nice, and you could also make it funny. The only people Maddie and Jack ever really talked science with were each other, they probably needed a lot of weird purpose built equipment, parts and tools because of them building Ghost Stuff and Jack was kinda scatterbrained at times. All this came together to give the Fenton parents no reason to talk in a way that could be even somewhat coherent to normal people, and as such they did not. This, in combination with Danny just being born into mad science and thinking ray guns, dimensional portals, force fields and who knows what else are just normal science fair projects leads to Danny pretty much never learning any of the proper terms for anything or the official way of doing things, instead learning Fentonese. He is fully capable of tearing the Batmobile apart and putting it back together better than he found it, can make a death ray out of a toaster and building force field generators out of washing machines but has no knowledge about how normal people do science. The first time he sat down with Bruce to make gadgets he, after spending days on end convincing him that he Knows What He’s Doing and Is Technologically Talented, looked his new kinda dad-ish dead in the eye and went “the fucks a capacitor? That’s not a capackitom, that’s a [insert name of ultra obscure type of cheese that Bruce instantly recognizes because he a weird rich dude].” Danny gets kicked out of the workshop, sneaks back in and builds a jet pack. Which he then drops at Bruce’s feet before looking up at him with puppy dog eyes like a cat that just “gifted” their human a dead bird. This could also go into Danny learning to speak Batman, as he’s already fluent in one flavor of weirdo language. Bruce reciprocates and learns to speak Danny. To outsiders it looks completely unhinged and makes zero sense, but to them it’s perfectly understandable. This could also go with how the other bat kids learn “hrn” speak to lesser extent than Danny, they also learn Danny Speak to a lesser extent than Bruce. “How was your day?” Danny, face scrunching up: “Wisconsin” *hisses like a ghost cat*

Danny other specialty is combat, plain and simple. Some say that experience is the best teacher you can have and if there’s one thing chronically ill, sickly Danny has an utterly horrifying and heartbreaking amount of, its combat experience. Depending on how long he was doing the whole Phantom thing for before everything went to crap, he could have been fighting for his life for years. And if we’re going Immortal 14 Year Old, when it’s Win or Die the one and only option is to win, no matter how many times you have to get torn limb from limb to do so. While pretty much the entire league fights a lot of people, the overwhelming majority of their opponents are just normal people. On the other hand, the only “normal” people Danny ever fought were the GIW, who in the DC verse would probably be kinda dumb and held back by their own prejudice but actually trained and dangerous-ish or at the very least have frigen’ jetpacks, sci-fi weapons, tanks and jets like they did in the show, the Red Huntress, who is the goddamn Red Huntress, and his parents, a mom who is a master combatant that if translated into the DC verse could believably wind up as roughly equal to a member of the batfam super early in their career/while still a young kid and a father with ridiculous strength and arguably CQC skills that while not cape and cowl level could pose a serious threat in when combined with his strength and size kinda like an Off-brand Bane with laser guns who’s ranged fighting style of choice can be described as “Accuracy by Volume of fire”.

Other then them all his opponents were full on superhuman’s/giant animal monsters with at least 3 powers each, decades if not century’s to hone their skills, occasionally high tech weaponry and/or obscure abilities that range from “scary if you stop and think about it”(pretty sure the box ghost has shown the ability to control stuff that he finds in box’s. Everything Comes In Boxes. Including grenades. He also got his hands on Pandora’s Box and used it to wreak havoc.) all the way to “damn near unbeatable.”

Depending on how long he was acting as the protector of Amity, he could have very easily had literally everything and the kitchen sink thrown at him dozens of times over and came out on top again and again. I like the idea of him not having any prior training from his mom, being thrust into the life of a vigilante with nothing but talent, wits and the will to never give up no matter the odds. But by the time he meets Batman, covered in blood looking like death warmed over, he has had more skill and experience than any one deserves to have no choice but to gain forced upon him. Powers or no, he is a force of nature on the battlefield. Sneak attacks are blocked and dodged before he even realizes he’s moving because of all the times he wasn’t able to block or dodge Skulker phasing out of the ground beneath his feet to sink a blade into his ribcage. He can drag Robin to the ground and barely a second later bullets scream through where they had both been standing because of all the times he didn’t realize he was in his own mothers sights before he felt the white hot burn of plasma and spent the next hours sobbing in his closet as quietly as he could while trying to get the bleeding to stop. Lessons that no one should ever have to learn were carved, burned and beaten into his flesh far to many times for him to ever let even a single member of his new family learn them while he still lives(and he will always live, always always always. He has no choice.) All the experience he has with dealing with completely new abilities, both his own and his enemies, on the fly makes him a bizarrely good strategist despite his age and demeanor. He picks apart powers, fighting styles and technology without even realizing he’s doing it, pulling countermeasure and plans out of nowhere like it’s nothing. Once Bruce figures out he has this skill, he nurtures it and helps Danny figure out what and how he does it other than it just being a base instinct by the time they met.

I am loudly pushing the batdad agenda i am loudly pushing the— DPxDC Prompt

“Woah. You look like shit."

Granted, that’s probably not the first thing Danny should be saying to the guy that just bit the curb, but in his defense; he’s not running on 100% right now either.

The man -- tall, towering, and broader than Danny is tall -- whips around on his heel, black frayed cape flaring out impressively. Danny would've whistled in appreciation, but he takes the time instead to wipe the back of his hand across his mouth, smearing the blood running from his nose across his cheek.

"Sorry." He blinks widely, not even flinching as the man with the horns zeroes in on him. "That was rude of me. I have a really bad brain-to-mouth filter; Sam says its what always gets me into trouble."

And she's not wrong either, per say. His smart mouth is what landed him in this situation -- with blood blossom extract running through his veins and cannibalizing the ectoplasm in his bloodstream. Thanks Vlad.

The man grunts at him; a short, curt "hm" that shouldn't make Danny smile, but he does because he's somewhat delirious and probably concussed. The man keeps some kind of distance, sinking towards the shadows of Gotham's alleyway like he dares to melt right into it.

If it's supposed to scare Danny, it doesn't work. Danny's never been afraid of the dark; he's always been able to hide himself in it. He blinks slowly at the mass of shadows.

"You look hurt." The shadows says, blurring together around the edges. Danny squints, and licks his lips to get the blood dripping down his chin off. Ugh, he hates the taste of blood.

"I am." He says, "My godfather poisoned me. M'dying." The agony of the blood blossom eating him from the inside out looped back around to numbing a while ago, so all he feels is half-awake and dazed.

"Hey," Danny stumbles forward towards the man, a bloodied hand reaching out to him. "You-- you're a hero, right? You're not attacking me; which is more than I can say for most costumed people I've met." Maybe it's a poor bar to judge someone at, but he's already established that Danny's not in his right mind.

The man makes no change in expression, but Danny realizes blearily that it's hard to tell with the shadows on his face. He stays still long enough for Danny to latch onto the cape -- stretchy, but almost soft under his fingers.

He looks up blearily into the whites of the man's eyes. "Can you help me? I don't-- I don't wanna die." Again. He doesn't wanna die again. He blinks slow and lizard-like. "I mean- I'll probably get to see mom and dad again, but I told them I'd at least try and make it to adulthood."

There's a clatter down the street, and Danny's ghost sense chills up his spine and leaves a bitter, ashy taste in his mouth. He immediately knows who it belongs to even before the deceptively gentle; "Daniel?" echoes down the way.

"Daniel? Quit your games, badger, Gotham is dangerous for children."

Danny's mouth pulls back, and blood spills against his tongue. "Please." He rasps, and grabs onto the shadow's cape with both hands. "Please. He's going to kill me. Please--"

"Daniel? Is that you?"

His lips part, dragging in air to plead with the darkness again. He doesn't need to, the whites of his eyes narrow, and the cape whirls around him before Danny can blink. Soon swaddled in shadows, the Night lifts him up, and steals him away.

[1d1195]

WHY IS HE LIKE THAT OMG THAT IS TORTURE😭 A girl can only have so much patience! Yes! That line about the Faks was everything! So subtle yet so perfect! Truly did not expect them to go to the hospital like that but it’s so them lol

Men are whiny! But yeah essentially i know what you mean lol 

I'm SO glad meeting up with your high school friend went well! And I hope the one you met up with Monday night went just as well!! Of course I will be sending the best vibes for you bestie when you're with your family because we all know family stuff is so 😭 BUT YES GET THOSE DEALS!! And I think Target has a 20% thing for teachers and students for this week! Is there any book(s) you're excited to read?

We saw the movie “I USed To Be Funny” and “Sam” was the main character so she wasn’t 100% perfect BUT it really makes sense for the plot! It’s not an easy watch since it deals with sensitive topics but it’s not horrible lol Overall she wasn’t a horrible character lol I can only imagine having such shit representation of Sam/Samantha’s! It must be so tiring lol I cannot lie I have disliked Sam/Samanth’s in shows before and irl lol Like I love trash reality tv so Jersey Shore is one of my faves and there's a girl named Sam on there and ngl Im a hater lol

Anyways!! MOST PART TWO OMG SAM 😭 I was so hoping( me being delusional) that they would make up before they started college but alas I was wrong lol But once again I LOVE it for the plot! Idk where to start bestie because it was so good! I loved how long it was and it truly did NOT feel like it was too much! Loved getting to know some backstory for both of their characters! Knowing how both of them were so SAD and hollow without each other was just so hard to read only because it’s just so heartbreaking to see two soul mates being apart 😭 Especially that part with the two little kids like you were breaking ME! But them both saying that they are TAKEN?!😭 hello?!? Now that is so heartbreaking but kinda heartwarming at the same since they truly own each other's hearts😭 also loved that the MC has Addie! She truly needed her! And Carter is so sweet omg! But now…. dare I say I was so annoyed that yet again Lauren was even remotely near harry! And my man is seriously going out his way to see her?! Like i know he’s reaching because he wants to somewhat be close with the MC BUT IF HE ONLY KNEW THAT LAUREN PLANTED THAT EVIL SEED😭I truly wonder if he ever will find out lol BUT OMG I'M EXCITED TO SEE WHY IS HE BACK IN TOWN??? HOW DOES SHE FEEL SEEING HARRY AGAIN??! Many questions lol but you did so amazing Sam! It was so perfect! 

Sending all the love Sam! Hope the week is going so smoothly! Love you lots!-💜

Okay side note i forgot to mention that piece jump… bestie your mind is just amazing! Truly like that alone could is already so GOOD literal chills!!

----

I saw a post that said having a bf is like having a dumb son 💀 I'm just going to leave that there to resonate with everyone 😭 WE FINISHED THE SEASON THOUGH 🎉 I'm def not a S3 fan but I get what they were trying to do. It was a cool season but I feel like overall the pieces didn't perfectly fit together like in a overarching storyline. My bf and I discussed how many seasons we think it's going to be. I'm very much a proponent of don't ruin a show by doing more just because so I'm hoping that tbh it should only be 4. I think that would wrap up things nicely. But he thinks it'll be 5 (which I COULD let slide) or even 6 (which honestly I'll riot). I can't watch Carmy be a dumbass for three more seasons. So intriguing either way though. Very curious to see where it leads!

I had a great time with my friend on Monday as well! Still lowkey dreading the family stuff but trying to be positive. Gotta pack for a long weekend to stay with them. i feel like i bring my whole wardrobe when I visit in the summer because the weather is so unpredictable and I sweat through 20 outfits a day.

YES Target Circle is there for teachers between now and Aug 24. So I have to fill up my cart strategically and figure out what I need. Which means I need to go to my classroom and set stuff up so I can see what I need.

BOOKS. Lord, like all 20 I keep buying. I just got Kate Quinn's new novel. I'm fairly certain I've mentioned her 1000 times on here so I'm VERY excited to dive in on that. I also have The Lioness of Boston and tbh no idea what it's about but I'm a big fan of Boston. I was actually just thinking I have to update the book rec list I have because I thought of like three more books that I LOVED so much but I've let others borrowed them and I haven't gotten them back to look at on my shelf so I FORGOT completely. But I'm also looking to read this never ending pile I've accumulated. Even though I'm doing much better than I was at the beginning of the month I can't really get my brain to read still. But I'm supplementing by binging TV and writing hehehe

Hmm! I will probs give it a watch when it comes out on a streaming service hehehe. In def piqued my interest! Sammi on the Jersey Shore was throughout the first couple years of when I was in high school so it wasn't enjoyable 😭

Sad and hollow is a great way to describe them! I might steal that! Very glad it didn't feel too long! Like it wasn't dragging. I feel like sometimes i just add stuff that pops into my head and I never know if it's really going to enhance what I'm getting at (my bf reminded me of that for chapters in the personal writing workshop he's been giving me that there is no such thing as filler chapters 🙄) But anyway! You know I love to write about little kids and thought it would be a fun little analogy hehehe She did need Addie! And Carter! I almost didn't give her anybody and was just going to make her alone AF. But I changed my mind, I wanted her to have somebody. Harry's got a whole team with their friend group so she needed someone! Everyone who's been reading HATES Lauren so you're not alone. I just like to be dramatic. I hope he figures out she's a bitch 😅👀 Very glad you liked the Jump part too! I was a bit nervous about it being extra or whatever so I'm glad it was nice 😅😅

I think part 3 will answer all your questions! 💕😉 thank you so much for reading as always 💕 Hope you have a great rest of your week and a fun weekend planned!

xoxo

[edoro]

Do you have any fanfiction recommendations? Just anything that fits under the umbrella of being based on the owl house.

cracks knuckles

to preface this, my faves are heavily weighted towards Fics About Hunter And His Trauma, and i pretty much exclusively read fic in the Hunter tag, so that's what these are all gonna be

i will be putting this under a cut for length, and adding relevant content notes to stuff, but just as kind of a blanket thing, I Enjoy And Write Fucked Up Fiction About Heavy Dark Taboo Topics

so first of all, when i rocked up on the TOH scene here and went "hey, this kid is super molested, where's the fic about that?" the only person i could find writing it was Nova my friend Nova, whose excellent series the Emperor and his Golden Guard is just a fantastic look into how bad Hunter's life sucks.

this series follows Hunter throughout various times in his life as he's groomed and abused by his uncle and struggles to make sense of it. among other things, it does an astounding job of portraying the fractured, dreamlike quality life takes on when you're living in an inescapable hell of unpredictable trauma, and Hunter's dissociation both during the abuse incidents and just in general. heavy but very good!

obvious content warnings here for csa, incest, internalized victim-blaming, basically everything you could expect from the concept.

small comfort has got to be hands down my favorite Hunter CSA Trauma fic in this entire fandom. it is so good. it swings hard at portraying the dreadful mundanity and normalcy of this sort of abuse when you've been groomed into it for your whole life and it does not miss. Hunter's slowly growing but intensely baffled awareness that something isn't quite right is simply heartbreaking.

warnings for csa, incest, and also cocsa (is it still cocsa if they're teens? i think that best communicates the degree of "a very abused child unknowingly enacting that abuse on others")

the sequel, baby steps, focuses on Darius, Raine, and Eda in the aftermath of the revelations of the first fic, and is also one of my favorite "the adults contemplating and admitting just how much they overlooked/ignored how obviously abused this kid was" fics.

Owl Whumptober 2021 (oh god shut up about the passage of time shut up about the passage of time) is a truly delightful series of whumpfics by azhdarchidaen (i would also recommend all of his other fics, tbh! they are all Very Good) that are mostly but not 100% exclusively about Hunter. just all-around solid writing and characterization and tasty, tasty whump.

Imperfect Lock by Nosferatank is a tasty speculative biology fic about Hunter being a grimwalker that came out well before we had like, any info on that at all really, and still holds up very well, although of course we've learned some things since then!

Ortet by KomorebiPines is another speculative fic about the whole grimwalker clone thing that is just delightfully horrifying. non-canonical, but a tasty Silent Hill-esque vibe to it that i think makes it worth reading.

Stop Blubbering You Literal Baby by mandaree1 is a great little fic about How Hunter Got That Scar, featuring an interesting look into Kiki's take on the whole deal. physical abuse, some unkind behavior/victim-blaming from Kiki.

Confessional by VillainIHaveDoneThyMother is a haunting look into what might have happened if Hunter had gone back post-Hollow Mind. stupendously creepy behavior from Belos, intensely fucked up mindset from Hunter, all-around good stuff.

all of their stuff is good, but i also want to specifically mention A House On Actual Fire (Belos/Stanford Pines crackship, hilarious and delightful) (various types of implied abuse one of which i'm p sure is csa if you squint), Lay Leg O'er (what if Philip were a self-loathing evil slut?) (tons of internalized stuff and, as the tags say, Very Bad BDSM Etiquette), Yearling (Philip tries out being a wee haunted evil doll on one of his grimwalkers) (the concept is the entire warning i think), and Gold Foil (cute lil pre-Goldric!)

create in me a pure heart, o god by katrinasis is an excellent glimpse into Philip's twisted fucked up mindset with the whole, you know, constant cycle of cloning, abuse, and fratricide

But Before That, You'll Be a Doormat to Every vicious Narcissist in the World by Destinyllama is a fun look at various POVs post-Hollow Mind, getting into a lot of stuff about Hunter's whole situation. got all kinds of abuse, heavy on the cycles of fuckery, weird religious shit, Philip being messed up, and emotional incest.

what we are is the sum of a thousand lies by by elliptical is a HYSTERICALLY funny canon divergent au from s2e6 where Darius brings a wounded Hunter to Eda's house in the middle of the night because he doesn't have anywhere else to go, and they are both just very tired, very stressed, and very bitchy to each other. i adore this fic and its Eda voice SO MUCH

5 Easy Steps to Be a Cool Teen Rebel by verboseDescription is a very cute look at Hunter trying to individuate himself and find out just who he wants to be, ft Dadrius

A Quiet Valley by ConceitedDemon is a post-finale fic from Camila's pov about Witches Being Weird, it is cute and fun

hello my hollow Holofernes by TheAndersonRecord is an incredible and deeply haunting post-finale fic from Camila's pov that's largely about Hunter Having A Bad Fucking Time, evil goop uncle possession style, and you should all read it right now.

and then, of course, i write fic!

paint the blood is my take on the "Hunter in the Owl House" genre (graphic scene of physical abuse in first chapter, overall whump and trauma), Best-Laid Plans is a Babybel AU fic (past csa + physical and religious abuse, present-day torture and attempted sexual assault), Expectations is a post-canon Dadrius fic (past csa shown on-page), A Mutually Satisfactory Arrangement is for the Huntlow appreciators out there (past csa)

come up for air is a post-canon Raine And Hunter Have A Talk Fic (a talk about Hunter's csa and also a past abusive relationship Raine was in), every human touch is about Luz sneaking into the castle, running into Hunter, and witnessing something neither of them wanted her to (csa), and but he talks like a gentleman is a little canon divergent idea of What If Luz Ended Up Stuck In Philip's Time With Him In S2E12? (actually nothing bad happens in this one)

[deardragonbook]

Simple things that make killing off a character heart breaking

1.- When the situation is avoidable. If your main character has just pressed the right button, had the other character intervened, had character C not been stuck in that trap. So many things could have gone right, but everything went wrong. This can hurt whether the character’s know of the avoidability or it’s only the reader. 

2.- Similar to the last but more direct, when it’s somebody’s fault. “I planned that mission”, “I sent her into the cave,” the “I did this” is a very powerful and painful statement. 

3.- Personal connection. Sometimes a character’s death isn’t about a character but about their connection, the most typical example is killing of a parent or family member or childhood friend. Setting up that connection can make up for a boring character on the emotional side. How often have you cried along with the survivors out of empathy for them and not the dead? 

4.- DIY funerals. Whenever there isn’t the time for a proper burial, sometimes there isn’t even a body, but characters find time to make a cross out of sticks or carve a random rock they found in memory of what they lost. These moments always kill me. 

5.- Delayed grief. Sometimes you have bigger issues than the character death to deal with. But don’t worry, it won’t lose power because of it. Sometimes it’s worse. If you have a character death mid way through a book, they don’t have time to stop but you shown the mourning once they get home without that person... well, it takes away from the happy ending but it certainly delivers an emotional blow. This can also be bittersweet. 

6.- If you can and it makes sense, choose your last words carefully. Some good examples of heartbreaking last words, “this isn’t your fault”, “everything is going to be okay”, “we’re going to get out of this”. 

7.- Killing a character earlier is often more painful than killing one at the very end. Personally, a character dying in the final battle is easy to dismiss, ignore and forget about. Killing a character earlier gives you a chance to see the other character without them. And that’s sooo much worse. Keep that in mind when you decide who to kill when. Usually, I will avoid killing characters in final battles because it feels wasted unless there’s a specific reason for it. 

8.- Having a character die when the tension is low. So, two examples, there’s no fight, no mission, no big event, no reason to fear, but like with so many things, tragedy can strike out of complete misfortune, and the suddenness can be heartbreaking. The second case is when a character makes it out alive, bur wounded, usually in most books this means they’ll survive, we let out guard down, we think it’s all okay, then they die from their wounds in the infirmary overnight. Evil, I know. 

9.- In fantasy specifically (I means all of this are aiming at fantasy, who am I kidding that’s my genre?), if it’s something feasible in your world, have them try and bring them back to life and fail. It’s like two for one. 

10.- Do they have parents still alive? They can be important characters or just seeing your characters go to the parents home and tell them their child is dead... ugh, I always cry when parents lose their children. I don’t know why, I’m not a parent, I don’t even plan to be, it just makes me cry. 

And these are the ten things/tips to making a death more miserable than it already is! I could probably thing of a couple more, but it’d take me time to have enough for a full post. So, I guess follow if you want to see it on your dash when it happens? 

[frowerssx2]

(Edit: This reply accidentally became really long but I wanted to explain my thoughts in detail. So um, long post warning (Word Count: 1,436)

This isn't Magnifico "admitting" that he keeps the wishes for himself. This is Magnifico reminding Asha and us of his main priorities which are to keep both his people and wishes safe. I won't talk about the former but I will talk about the latter. Which is Magnifico's promise to keep the wishes safe mentioned here:

Granting them is only an extra bonus Magnifico does and has spent YEARS mastering and perfecting. So, it makes sense why he is the one to make the rules of his own wish system. Rules people agreed to so they knew that their wish COULD not WILL be granted. But, I won't go into detail about that but I will answer your question:

"Why Magnifico couldn't give Sabino's wish back?"

I personally have my own reasons as to why, and I will try and explain them all the best I can:

1. As I said, Magnifico promised to protect their wishes. And protecting wishes to me doesn't mean giving them back because if Magnifico did that Sabino may never grant the wish himself (I know he does in the end but that's not the point) which may have caused Sabino to feel the same heartbreak and grief Magnifico did when his wishes were destroyed. So to protect Sabino and others from ever feeling that pain, Magnifico keeps his promise of protecting their wishes and makes them forget about it so they won't be haunted by having a bit of themselves missing (I will cover this in more detail later)

2. this scene:

Here Magnifico explains how vague Sabino's wish is. As the wish doesn't specifically say what type of inspiration Sabino wants to spread. So Magnifico was totally right to say that this inspiration could be dangerous. I agree that while, we as the audience, and Asha as his granddaughter know that Sabino doesn't intend anything evil, Magnifico doesn't. Magnifico doesn't know him like Asha or we do, so to protect others from this possible danger he doesn't grant the wish or give it back. Because if Magnifico gave it back and Sabino granted his wish himself just for it to turn out to be actually dangerous then Magnifico would get the blame. Because, as Magnifico says: it is his responsibility as king to keep everyone safe. So, if things went bad everyone would probably be like "Why didn't you protect us from this bad wish, Your Majesty?!" "Yeah! Why did you give it back?!". So it is understandable that he wanted to avoid that, with not only Sabino's wish but with other "innocent" vague wishes.

3. "People come here because they know they can't make their own wishes come true. The journey is too hard, it is too unfair"

This quote and this scene proves that people had the option to grant their own wishes before coming to Rosas and giving them to Magnifico. But, they either couldn't do it or didn't want to do it due to how difficult it is. And so, they gave Magnifico the wish to possibly grant (<- I say "possibly grant" too often I know but let's not forget it is only a possibility not a guarantee that a wish is granted (I say that too many times to 😅)

Magnifico keeps both promises. He keeps the wishes safe and decides which ones to grant. Because as I said before, granting wishes is a miracle and a gift only Magnifico learnt to do and it makes sense he makes the rules.

4. Wishes aren't as important as the film tries to make them seem. In fact, two people say that wishes can be changed:

Now I've seen this point be made by someone else and I can't help but agree with it. Because, if a wish can be changed doesn't that mean it is a new wish? So why would Magnifico give the one given to him when there is a new one? Go grant that new wish yourself instead of asking Magnifico to take it. Not only that but if Magnifico gave a wish he isn't going to grant back then it might be replaced by another, and another, which will take its toll on him both physically and magically. Because let's face it, getting someone's heart's desire won't be an easy thing to do. Plus, do you see how giddy the woman is? She seems excited about giving a new/changed wish. This leads nicely to my final reason which is:

5. Giving a wish to Magnifico doesn't have any negative effects. Now, I can see that you could say, "But Frowerssx, what about Simon and that couple who gave their wish?" Or "But Frowerssx, people lost all aspiration to achieve better for themselves when they gave a wish." Those are some valid questions/points that will make this part of the post incredibly long, but I will answer each of them.

Let's start with Simon:

We are told that Simon is sleepy and possibly depressed because he has given his wish. However, we aren't told how long ago he did this. I saw a headcannon that said that Simon is like this due to a side effect of recently giving his wish. This makes sense, as he willingly gave up a piece of himself, but as my point 4 explains, this piece can be changed or replaced. So this side effect could be temporary. Sadly though, we aren't shown as this:

Is the only time I think we see this couple (If I'm wrong please tell me) but even then when they give their wishes they aren't like crumbling on the floor in devastated tears because as Asha sings:

Not only that, but, during the song "Welcome to Rosas" we see all the citizens of Rosas are happy. We also see some of them tending stalls which when you look at it can be counted as making life better for themselves by earning honest and good money. Also if ALL the aspirations were lost to a person when they give up their wish I doubt they would even want to run a stall, dance, sing, and just exist. I mean, at first glance, there is literally no difference between this:

and this:

because just like Asha sings:

Everyone was/is happy during both scenes, so why fix something that is not broken? Why give wishes back when their absence is clearly not missed? The ONLY time it is shown that people get hurt and are filled with so much grief that they become shells of themselves is this scene:

And this is after wishes are destroyed not taken with consent. Those three people were perfectly fine when their wishes were up in Magnifico's wish chamber. Even when they questioned Magnifico none of them asked for their wishes back. I'd also like to add that these people aren't like this for long as they are totally fine during this scene:

Which is like what?? A day or a few hours after their wishes were destroyed? Like if they are SO devastated about it then how can they find the strength and courage to stand tall and fight? I see a lot of people saying that people lose their free will, sense of self, and even obedient or slave-like towards Magnifico but erm, no, no their not. Not even after he consumed all their wishes. This shows that healing from giving a wish with consent and getting it destroyed is a pain that doesn't last long and can heal quickly.

I will end this by saying that Asha was right about how Magnifico shouldn't be holding the wishes up in his tower. That he should have done what she does at the end of the film, which is to leave the wishes within the hearts of his people and go around helping them achieve them. However, I think because of Magnifico having trauma and having the desire of wanting to protect everyone from the pain he felt (and because of all the reasons I mentioned above) he didn't. He got too overprotective and made the mistake of thinking that keeping them was for the best. This is one of the reasons I think that Magnifico should have been redeemed. He should have learned from Asha and realized that he can't protect everyone from pain and grief because that is not how life works. Life is cruel and unkind sometimes and he shouldn't try and protect people or their wishes from that because it doesn't allow them to grow or learn. (but yet again, who to says this method won't make people become greedy or lazy?)

@frowerssx2 I made a quick edit x//

So here’s Magnifico confirming Asha’s very straightforward sentence; she also explicitly says “most” and he doesn’t remotely correct her. Most wishes (even innocent ones based on the only one we get to see judged) are not getting granted, Magnifico had that figured long before Wish events.

Which, before someone points it out, makes perfect sense for him given his background. He’s trying to protect his people, alright. Why couldn’t he just give back Sabino’s wish again?

[unknowconcreteflower-art-blog-me]

Character Study Angel Dust and Valentino Relationship

This will be a post will be a look on Vizepop’s newest music video for Hazbin Hotel “addict as well as a deep dive of Angel Dust and Valentino Relationship!

Alright full disclosure Hazbin Hotel is an adult cartoon meant for a mature audience and the subject matter is very dark despite it’s cheery outlook so  if you’re very sensitive to this type of subject or under age please think before you watch the video and also this post will contain dark subject matter on abuse as well. Okay with all that out of the way please enjoy it’s review time!

First of all this music video is incredible but what’s even more amazing is the character building for Angel Dust and for Valentino. It shows how toxic and abusive Val is to Angel but it showcase his friendship with Cherri. At the start of the dance Angel's face is not just looking towards the audience, he's clearly looking at someone specifically, in the audience making. Especially with that hair flip he does. He’s doing this for someone one... and then we get a fantastic cut away to Valentino and it is bone chilling.

He’s doing this for Val he wants to be special to him; the way Val’s sun glasses frame Angel silhouette shows how he’s trapped because wants to be loved by him. It should also be noted during this part of the song “I think I deserve some praise...” Also alludes how starved for affection Angel Dust is and wants that praise from Val specifically. But this is how Val keeps Angel Dust under his control in a sense of that he’ll receive it if he’s “good” and does what he says. We get more symbolism of this when Valentino blows smoke towards Angel Dust. And it’s in the shape of a heart that’s being blown towards Angel and is wrapped around him. 

In a sense he’s kind of blowing Angel a kiss...

Not only that but the fact that it’s smoke also shows how fickle Val’s love is for Angel Dust is. It can disappear and go away at any moment, and that’s why Angel so desperate and tries so hard to obtain it. And the way the smoke wraps around Angel shows Val’s love it’s more like a chain and leash. Though it makes us wonder “why does he love Val”, and how did he end up working for him. Though we actually get an answer during his song Angel Dust when starts he sings about his past and how he got to hell.

 This scene in the when Angel Dust sings “Despite having overdose and ending up coma-toasted...” giving backstory on how Angel dust died. From Vivziepop (and the Hazbin Hotel wiki) we know he has comes from a Mafia family and has a bad relationship with most of his family members (who are in hell). Which may have been the reason why he started doing drugs (so he had a rough life). Initial he looks distraught and saddened about mentioning but it’s only when the smoke wraps around him and point his towards Val he smiles continues to “...I don’t give a damn~”  locks eyes on to Val which cuts away to Val wickedly smiling being very pleased. 

What this sequence tells us is Angel while being very sad about his past he doesn’t care about it now because he has Val; he made him forgot about his sorrows!  Right there is where we have our answer, he views as his savior. It implies that Valentino maybe the one that found Angel Dust and “saved him” but in reality to take advantage of him in a weakened state. That’s why Val has an evil grin when he hears Angel sing that, he knows this and as long as he has that card to play he’ll always have a reason to have Angel stay. Which is a real thing an actually abuser does; they use things they’ve done for you as a trump card when there is an argument or guilt trip you into staying with them or forgiving them. Maybe the reason he has stayed with Val for so long...

Why does he seem unimpressed...

I don’t want to go over every piece of lyrics but he basically goes on singing he gives up on the idea of trying to be good and sober accepting that this is his the rest of his life. Ready and very willing live his live like this as he is now to gestures out to Valentino “your playing with now til the end of the night” as he looks confused to this (I’ll get to why I pointed this out). Willing to live on this “heaven and hell high” going on to sing “ he’s addicted to the madness...”and then it then flashes to him in a crying being comforted by Cherri in his room. I believe this is a flash forward after the show when Angel went home. It is clear he’s sad but also angry at himself... Not only that but Valentino may have done something awful to him... 

Earlier I pointed out he was gesturing to Valentino because he’s willing to give Val everything because Angel actually love Val during it... and that’s what angers him (Val doesn’t want to be an item with Angel). And during those moments flashing of with Cherri it shows that he’s going to regret that choice,  foreshadowing somethings going to happen leading up to this... Angel’s not addicted to his life style and I think deep down he doesn’t want it in reality he’s saying he’s addicted to Valentino. And he knows very well he’s not treating him right and he’s bad for him. That’s the scary thing about being in an abusive relationship despite being poorly treated you and wanting to leave you can’t. You can’t help but remember the good moments where they show you affection that makes you think its worth saying. And this next scene I think happened before Angel went home with Val (I assume that he’s the one driving Angel Dust home in this scene). This scene just show how much of a scumbag Val and how he really sees Angel.  

What he’s really cares about is the money that Angel Dust makes not Angel himself, he’s clearly an after thought not even giving him a second glance. Angel is obviously upset at waiting in the wing for Val to pay attention to him. The two girls making out (yes they’re important) Angel can’t even look at them and makes sure he’s looking the other way... Because Angel was hoping that Val would show him some love too but no the first thing he does is check how much he made. And he put in so much effort in the show just for Val and impress him too. You’d assume he’d thank and praise him the amazing show he put on and that performance was especially for Valentino. Though the way he’s just calmly containing his disappointment and anger shows that this is not the first time he’s done this to him just leaving him on the back burner. Just in a sighing slouch and in his head he’s probably thinking “what the hell was I to expect” or “why the hell am I not surprised... “

“Oh Angel didn’t see you there...”

And only when Val finishes counting all the money does he pull in Angel for a kiss, this pretty much saying “Oh Angel, you made me so much money I can reward you now...” making his love very conditional. And the way he snaps his neck up “oh sorry didn’t see you there...” as if he just remembered him now. He doesn’t love Angel he only loves that money that he brings in. I have think that Angel Dust only tries to be “the best” in porn studios so that he can stay on Val’s radar. But I think at this point in the relationship Angel just experience so much of the abuse and neglect from Val he just expects it. He is just unimpressed and he just drained from all of this. Which tells us two things one Angel Dust may have been under Vals thumb for years and Angel is at his wits end. The expression on Angel Dust face is practically saying “Oh you notice me now” when Val finally starts paying attention to him and Angel just wants to be special to him. And clearly wants to be something more to him than one of his hoes... he’s coming to the realization that may not never get that. He’s just a toy to him something that he can play with and toss out.

This scene just makes me so sad... when Val forces Angel into the kiss seconds before (if you look carefully) you can see Angel he really was leaning in for the kiss and closing his eyes so he can enjoy it. Showing apart of him really loved Valentino and he wanted this so badly; for his love & affection this just breaks my heart. Val managed to manipulate him to the point that where he thinks he truly loves him. The reason why Val wants to kiss Angel Dust because he thinks one kiss is all he needs to make Angel stay with him. You can see the gears slowly turning in his head, he’s catching on... aware of his mistreatment...this kiss is damage control. But you can see in Angel Dust’s eye he’s questioning “is it worth it...” now Angel starting to get the full picture, even if Val wants him he doesn’t care for him and tries to stop Val before he gets sucked in again. He’s had enough and this maybe the first time Angel rejected his advancements, that’s why Valentino is angry in a sense “you’ve never disobeyed me before”, and when an abuser loses control that’s when they start getting physically violent; this maybe the tipping point of when the abuse started to escalate. And we don’t know what happened after it just flashes them going to the Porn Studio. 

Which cuts to him throwing fit... after something happens and it’s so heartbreaking cause he clearly blames himself.  And just sinks down on to the floor and cries into his hands. We don’t know hat happened but we get our answer... near the end of the song we have Angel Dust at the Hazbin Hotel to now. Where he smoking just like Val he smokes a heart but it’s a broken one and it saying he’s addicted to the sorrow. Meaning he has given up on the idea of Valentino really loving him with him singing  “...when the buzz ends by tomorrow” and he’s singing about the love he had for Valentino is gone it was good for a while he had it  but now he has to deal with the price of being “addicted to that drug...or getting involved with Val in this case.”

Now he deal “with the poison in his vain” talking about the trauma he received from Valentino... That night he raped Angel Dust in the studio I had a screen shot of the shot of him with Valentino but I though it would be too dark. And he’s clearly dealing with aftermath of the pain and trauma of the relationship and dealing with the scars of it. Which is why there’s a flash of seeing Val in the mirror for a second. But “he’s dependent on Valentino” and has nothing but fear for him now; blames himself and his naivety believing that Val would love him. Before Val’s love was Angel’s drug, it made him feel happy and forget his troubles but eventually that high went down. Loving Valentino ended up hurting and damaging him even more.. and has a new pain that’s hurting him. It’s sad because this is what victims do sometimes they blame themselves. Angel did nothing wrong the poor guy he was manipulated and he’s to the point where Val had made him trapped now. 

Which shows the real reason why he wants to stay in the hotel so he won’t have to be so dependent of Val. Slowly but surely try to get better because in the Hazbin Hotel he still working for Val but it living in the hotel. Though the way he pushes of Charlie he’s clearly trying to hide the pain he suffer especially with how he cares himself. Pretending to be carefree and cheerful which makes it so painful to watch him force himself to be happy. I just love Angel Dust so much he’s just so precious! 

PLEASE SAVE HIM ALREADY!

Okay hope you all enjoy the post