#if you’re genderfluid or choose to present as feminine

[bronzewool]

Not sure how I feel about “enby people are included in sapphic romance books because ‘sapphic’ just means no men”

Like, I appreciate the inclusion, but I personally feel sapphic romance should be for wlw. Otherwise it feels like it peculates stereotypes that enby people are just non-gender conforming women and enby assigned male at birth don’t exist.

We’re not under this “not male” umbrella. We have our own separate umbrella that sometimes overlaps with yours but it’s still ours.

[fishing-lesbian-catgirl]

Hello! I have a question regarding Chihiro, and I saw your post about her and you are also tranfem, so you seem like a good person to ask

Are there any harmful implications with headcanoning Chihiro as genderfluid?

Sorry if what I wrote in response comes across as rude, I have had a kind of shitty day and this is a topic I have strong opinions about. I wrote this first bit after calming down a bit and the rest is under a readmore.

TL;DR i would not recommend doing that as trying to make a headcanon of that kind about a character done as poorly as Chihiro feels kind of insensitive to me personally. I’m not really a fan of danganronpa, given how horrible the writing is about Chihiro and many other topics, so even though I find the headcanon in poor taste it’s not like I’d see you posting about it or whatever so I can’t exactly stop you but I would recommend not doing that.

In my personal opinion you shouldn’t really headcanon her as anything when she is a trans girl in the fucking game. A poorly written trans girl in a shitty transphobic game is still a trans girl in my book*. Like you’re allowed to do what you want, I can’t fucking stop you. It’s been years since I watched a playthrough of the game but considering all the stuff about her “only presenting feminine because she was small and weak when she really wanted to be a big manly man” thing is, as far as I can remember, only expressed by Monokuma and the guy who killed her, so I don’t really see a reason to trust their takes on her gender. I’m not trying to reignite the “trap” debates around her because I’m not a fucking idiot and can see transmisogynistic caricatures for what they are, and I see literally no way of reading her character as anything other than a trans girl who is from an unfortunate game.

I personally don’t see why you would take a character who exclusively presented and acted feminine, who exists as a transmisogynistic character stereotype, and headcanon them as gender-fluid. To me it comes across as kind of insulting and insensitive, but if I’m being perfectly honest nothing you headcanon about chihiro could be much worse than what they did to her in actual canon so go ahead who gives a shit. I mean I’ll judge you for it and I’d probably block someone who I saw posting about it (I’m petty and frequently block anyone who’s character takes I disagree with or who I simply find annoying) but I mean I won’t stop you. It’s not nearly as bad as the transmasc headcanon, I mean that one makes zero sense, her having a penis as a teen girl is kind of the big factor around her whole transphobic character arc

*there are so few trans women characters in mainstream games that a lot of us trans women still cling to and try to reclaim the ones like Birdo, Vivian, and Poison despite all of them also existing in very transphobic contexts. In an ideal world where we had an abundance to choose from I wouldn’t really care if someone tried to make a headcanon I disagree with for a character from a game with writing as bad as danganronpa, but we live in this world and I am so tired of seeing all the “trap” characters done so poorly that I will judge anyone who says anything about them that I even slightly disagree with

[1is0]

who I’m attracted to, regardless of gender identity, is not anyone’s business

in the same way, how I choose to present myself, whether it’s masculine, feminine, or genderfluid, has nothing to do with who I choose to love.

when you’re comfortable with who you are, you see how pointless it is to categorize and label parts of yourself to help people understand you

[entity9silvergen]

How to Track Your Gender Fluidity

Recently I made a post with a screenshot of my gender tracker and was asked how I track my gender’s fluidity. I’ve been meaning to make an instructional post on how to set up the app so I redownloaded the app on a spare phone to show you guys.

In this tutorial, I will explain how to edit the MoodFlow App to track the fluidity of gender including changes and intensity, how to keep the app locked so others cannot look at your data, and how tracking genderfluidity can help someone better understand their gender identity. I will also provide some alternatives if you cannot use this app.

This method of tracking can be used by genderfluid, genderfaun, genderfae, genderflor, gendersylph, genderflux, fluidflux, boyflux, girlflux, enbyflux, questioning individuals, or anyone else on the genderfluid spectrum. Some personalization may be necessary but this tutorial will cover it.

Step 1: Downloading

You want to start by downloading the MoodFlow App.

As you can see, it is intended to be a mood tracker but there are customizable features so you can use it to track other things. It is available for free on the App Store and Google Play.

Step 2: Account Set up

The app will ask you to create an account. You will be prompted to put in your name and birthdate. These are optional. 

Step 3: Color Palette

As part of the account set up, you will be asked to pick a color palette. You can change these later or customize them but this is the first important thing when it comes to tracking your gender. The app intends these colors to represent how you’re feeling (very bad, bad, okay, good, very good) but we will be using them to loosely represent your spectrum of gender. Later, these colors will make it easy to visually track your gender. There are five colors but it is okay if you have more than five genders. We will get to that later. They’re more like umbrellas for now. These colors will be a broad, simplified representation which gender you are experiencing on a given days. We will now look at the palettes (see below).

As a genderfaun individual, I personally use the "Default-Balance” palette (purple, purple-blue, blue, blue-green, green) to represent non-binary (purple), male (blue), agender (green), and the genders in between (purple-blue for bigender and blue-green for demigender). It is not a perfect system it works for me.

If you are a genderfae individual, I recommend the “Silver to Purple,” or “Sunset” palettes to represent how your gender varies from feminine, to neutral, to faded or whatever else.

If your fluidity covers the whole spectrum, I’d recommend “Farfalle,” “Sea and Sun,” “Pink to Blue,” “Yellows and Blues,” or “Kilimanjaro.” They have a range of masculine and feminine colors as well as some neutral grounds and mixes.

For any boyfluxes or masculine genderflux people, “Grey Means Neutral,” “By The Lake,” “Tea,” or “Into the Distance” could be used to represent the varying intensity of your gender.

For any girlfluxes or feminine genderflux people, “Raise the Lantern” or “All Pastel Everything” could be used to represent the changing intensity of your gender.

“Gray Scale Me” is a good choice for any genderflux individual with only one gender.

“Mojito,” “Outerspace,” and “Into The Distance” are good choices for people who are xenogender, agender, or just do not like the traditional “masculine vs feminine" system.

Again, you can edit these later, make a custom color palette, or you can just ignore using colors and use other features (explained later) but having a color palette to represent the range of your genderfludity is helpful. You don’t have to use these recommendations either. For me, I associate genders with their flags so I pick colors similar to those but you can do whatever feels right. Any color can represent any gender. You can also play around with it later to find whatever colors fit you best.

Step 4: Settings

When you are done setting up your account, you will open the screen to a calendar.

If you tap the three bars on the top, you will be given a sidebar where you can visit your settings.

In the settings, you can change your personal information, log in and out of your account, enable or disable notifications, and change your rating colors (the color palette).

Step 5: Personalization and Security

Within the settings, you will see the options to change your emotions & ratings, background, activities, and add a pinlock.

The background change is self-explanatory. There's a wide variety of stock images that are very nice but you can also add your own. I like using flags. If you’ve seen any of my old posts, I use a design with cats in the colors of the transflag. If you would like any wallpapers, you can ask me, you can check out r/lgbtwallpaper, just use google images, take your own photo, or use your own art.

You can use the pinlock to prevent other people from looking at your data. If you are in the closet, this can be a very useful so people don’t look at your information. Make sure you remember your pin though. 

You can also back up data here but that is something to worry about later.

You can make other changes as well depending on preference.

Step 6: Gender(s), Pronouns, Intensity, etc.

Open emotions & ratings to create your genders. You can also add genders later when you are making entries but it is easy to do here.

Here, you can rename your colors. Where it says rating, just tap the words next to it and you can change it.

To make genders, start by picking your layout. The options are grid, mix, segment, and segment #2. I personally like using segment #2. The layout will separate your genders into four categories. You cannot rename the categories (they will be labeled positive & energized, positive & calm, negative & calm, and negative & energized) so if seeing them bothers you, pick mix. For the tutorial, I am picking segment #2.

You will then see a section labeled editor. You will have the option to add emotions and remove emotions. Start by removing all of the emotions. It starts with 60 (the maximum) so this may take some time.

Once you’ve deleted all the emotions, you can add your genders. It will prompt you to name it and put it in a category (positive & energized, positive & calm, negative & calm, and negative & energized). The categories don’t affect anything but it will change the order the genders are displayed and how they will appear in the app’s analysis features. 

Since I am fluidflux and like using the segment #2 layout, I like to order them by intensity. I put libragenders and agender under positive & energized, demigenders under positive & calm, paragenders under negative & calm, and “full” genders under negative & energized. If you are not genderflux, I would recommend sorting them by feminine, masculine, neutral/ other, xenogender, unsure, etc. Again, this depends on the individual so you may want to play around with it. Here is mine:

After you create and organize all of your genders, return to your settings and scroll down to activities. Like before, delete all the activities. 

Below, there are a collection of icons. Tap one and you will be able to create an activity. I like to track what pronouns I use, the intensity of my gender, and how fluid or static my gender is. You can also add things like how you’re experiencing gender dysphoria or euphoria that day, your gender expression, and how you are presenting that day. There are many icons to choose from so pick which ones you think suit which thing best.

Step 7: Tracking Your Gender

To track your gender, exit your settings to the app’s homescreen. If you are having trouble finding it, tap the middle option on the bar on the bottom that says “Feed.” Then, in the same spot, tap the plus (+) button. You will be taken to a screen where you add your entry for the day. You should ideally add one entry per day. You need to pick a color summarizing your gender for the day and can select the individual genders you are feeling at the time. Here, you can also add or remove genders by hitting customize.

Hit continue to move to activities. Here, you can select pronouns, intensity, etc. You also have the option of adding photos or listing medication. Listing medication is helpful if you are on testosterone or estrogen and the photos are helpful if you want to remember how you are presenting that day or want to track the effects of HRT.

There is also a place to type labeled journal if you would like to write a more detailed explanation of how you’re experiencing gender or if anything noteworthy has occurred. 

By hitting customize, you can enable or disable features. A feature you can enable is tracking sleep. Sleep is tracked on a sliding scale so genderflux individuals can use this to track the intensity of their gender as well.

Step 8: Viewing Your Gender

You can best view your gender from the homescreen/ the feed. Any entries from that day will be shown at the top. By tapping it, you have the option of editing it if you would like to change something later. I would recommend not deleting genders from your entry if your gender changes during the day and instead indicating in some way that it changed.

You can scroll down to see the calendar for that month. Each day will be highlighted with the color you choose that day, making it easy to see any patterns. This is why we choose colors representing masculinity, femininity, neutrality, etc rather than having colors represent individual genders.

On the bottom bar, you can tap calendar to see other months’ data.

The journal section is the place to write down any detailed entries. The insight section will provide some analysis of your entries. 

The most useful data is at the top. It will display the oscillation of your gender and the spread over an adjustable period of time based on color.

Below, it will also show how many times you selected a specific gender, pronoun, intensity, etc.

Step 9: More Personalization

Everyone’s gender is different. You may need to edit this further to fit your fluidity. Some people have less than five genders they are fluid between so each color could represent one gender, some people may want different colors to represent different umbrellas of gender, and more. 

If you are multigender/ experience more than one gender at a time, it can be kind of difficult figuring out how to add an entry for that. Adding more genders and activities can make it more detailed. It just depends how specific you want your tracker to be.

Just play around with it and figure out what is right for you.

Step 10: Why Tracking Your Gender Is Helpful

Pretty much every trans person has those self-doubt moments and people on the genderfluid spectrum often experience that to a greater degree. I think we all know that feeling when your gender changes and you wonder “What if I’ve been this the whole time?” Very scary, especially if you’re just beginning to figure yourself out or if you’ve already come out.

Tracking your gender helps with that feeling. By having something physical you can look at that proves your gender really was a different one in the past and you weren’t faking or deceiving yourself.

You can see my tracking from 2021 above. I started a new gender tracker this year. In 2020, my gender was actually male (blue) most of the time and my gender would change in some way every few days. As you can see, I was non-binary or bigender for pretty much all of January this year and flipped to libramasculine on the final day. That is very unusual for me so if I was not tracking my gender, I wouldn’t know my gender fluidity was following an abnormal pattern and I likely would have doubted myself a lot and questioned if I was ever really a boy.

If you are questioning your gender identity, a tracker can be helpful because it is more reliable than your memory, assuming you don’t delete anything. There is less room for doubt if you are looking at evidence you really did experience something. And, if you are questioning the fluidity of your gender, the same thing applies.

Of course, someone who is not genderfluid can try this and if you later realize you are not genderfluid despite having varied data on a tracker, that is okay as well. This is a helpful tool but it is not for everyone and ultimately you are the best judge of your identity.

If you cannot use this app, you can also use a calendar or planner. If you are in the closet, marking each day with a colored highlighter isn’t that suspicious. You can also write down the genders you experience on different days and such. You could also try using a period tracker but that may be more difficult since you usually cannot change the settings and symptoms on those.

Anyway, I hope this was helpful. Let me know if you end up using this. Feel free to ask questions to me privately or in the comments or share this post with others. Have fun tracking your gender guys, gals, and non-binary pals!

[dearestones]

Death Note Matchup: Amane Misa #2

Warnings: Fluff. 

@repostingmyfavs Request: Hi! If you not to busy I have a request, could you match me up with a death note charecter. Their gender doesn’t matter to me, I have a crush on literally all the characters in the franchise so.

I am 5’3. I dye my hair all the time! Currently, I am sporting hot pink as a hair color. I have a green eyes. I’m very pale. I can’t even go in the sun without coming out with a huge sunburn. I wear these black glasses. I tend to always be blushing.

I am gender fluid and bisexual. I tend to have trouble picking out what to wear because sometimes I wanna dress feminine, sometimes masculine and sometimes even neither or both. So my style can really fluctuate.

Yellow is my favorite color. I love to read, write, play video games and even cosplay. I’ve been told my smile can light up the days of others, so I try to smile a lot.

I tend to hide my feelings so I’m not a burden. I am very bubbly and energetic but also quite anxious and sensitive. I am easily taken advantage of for my kindness.

I tend to look on the good side of things. I love to give hugs, and not to brag but I give the best hugs.

Thank you so much! Take your time and don’t forget to eat and rest!

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After going through the information given, I believe that you pair well with Amane Misa!

Oh my gosh, you’re taller than Misa! You’re still petite and cute, but Misa likes looking up at you and squishing your cheeks to grab your attention. Furthermore, she loves your style! Pink hair? It looks so good on you and she must say, your lovely blushing cheeks matches your hair quite well.

Don’t worry about your sunburns. Once Misa finds out that you have sensitive skin, she will immediately go to the nearest dermatologist, pharmacy, or wherever just so she can get you some heavy duty sunblock. In the interest of preserving your skin and keeping you healthy, she also suggests a skincare routine. Don’t worry, she’ll take into account your interests and the time that you have available to complete your routine. At the end of the day, though, you will see results and your skin will start glowing with your inherent beauty!

She may not show it sometimes, Misa can be mischievous. If you’re not paying attention, she’ll snatch up your glasses and start wearing them for fun. She thinks your glasses are cute and fits your personality.

Genderfluid? Ohhhh! Misa doesn’t understand at first, but after you explain it to her, she will be jumping up and down for joy. While her entire life is dedicated to upholding traditional beauty standards, that doesn’t mean she doesn’t like experimenting and embracing new ideas. When she realizes that you like to be more masculine or more feminine at times, she immediately gets to work dragging you to different stores and malls just so you can get your full range of outfits. Misa didn’t grow up with money so she knows how to get the best deals!

On those days where you can’t choose between different ranges of styles, Misa will be there to help you out. You might feel like she’s a fashion critic, but she means well. Regardless of how you want to present yourself, you will end up looking your best and fashionable. 

Misa doesn’t get the appeal of video games, but she enjoys watching you play. Sometimes, she’ll sit in your lap with her head tucked against your chest or she’ll lay her head on your lap. Be sure to pet her hair or pat her cheeks every once in a while because she adores physical affection.

What Misa really loves about your hobbies is your cosplays! Can the both of you do a couples cosplay? Or maybe a cosplay of both of your favorite characters? She’ll help you pack for conventions and do your makeup if you aren’t able. (Please let her do your makeup. She’s artistically inclined and being in an intimate position like touching your face and combing your hair is cathartic and comforting for her). 

Smile for Misa. She loves it. Don’t be surprised if you find out that her camera roll has dozens of pictures of you smiling. She claims that it brightens up her day. (If you check her social media accounts, you can see that she doesn’t post about you often and when you ask her, she’ll selfishly declare that it’s because she wants to keep your smile for herself). 

Please don’t hide your true feelings from her. If there’s one thing she’s learned from past relationships and from romance novels, it’s that partners should be earnest and true to each other. Repressing emotions isn’t always a bad thing, but if you don’t have the proper, healthy outlets, you might end up doing damage to yourself and others. You don’t have to tell her right away, only when you’re ready. Please trust her, she’ll make sure to support you the entire way. 

You give the hugs and she’ll give the kisses! And yes, Misa can and will confirm; you do, indeed, give the best hugs. 

In conclusion, the both of you are quite cute together! Just be sure to tell Misa if you’re feeling overwhelmed; she tends to get carried away if you don’t intervene. 

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If you want to donate a Ko-Fi, feel free https://ko-fi.com/devintrinidad.

DEATH NOTE MASTERLIST

[adventuresoutsidethegenderbinary]

Hallo!

I have been having a hard time lately since I have been hating my body (afab) but I like being the girl I am. I feel like a girl and I know I am a girl but I don't think I should be in this body and honestly, I tried imagining myself in a boy's body and I hated that too. I don't know what's happening to me and I don't really know who to turn to.

a friend in need,

Janus

Hi Janus,

I'm sorry that you're going through this. I felt kind of the same way about my body - I hated all the feminine characteristics of it, but I also had a hard time imagining myself being happy in a completley masculine body. Really, I just wanted to keep the body I had before puberty (but taller lol). You may want to explore gender identities outside the binary. Since you've found my blog, you're probably familiar with nonbinary gender, but there's a whole bunch of other identities that are subcategories of nonbinary, such as genderfluid, genderflux, agender, demiboy, and demigirl - you may want to check some of these out! It's also helpful to remember that you can express your gender however you like - for instance, you could be a girl but still dress masculine or be a boy and still dress feminine or be an enby and still dress masc or fem.

You also don't have to choose a label - you can just be you. If defining yourself helps, that's great, but if not, you don't in any way have to.

Ultimately, only you can determine your gender identity, but I would recommend trying out different pronouns and presentations until you find what is comfortable for you. If you're able, it can also be helpful to talk to a therapist or other mental health professional to specializes in LGBTQ+ or gender-related issues.

I know that this is a confusing time, and that it can be really hard, but please remember that you are valid no matter what you discover.

Much love,

River

[prome-th3us]

I thought a lot about how I should set up this part of the series, if I should give a mythological background or not, and I came to the conclusion that no, I won't do that right now. I will talk about the Greek and the Norse Pantheons when I will be free from exams, but for now I will just give my personal experience with the Gods and how we've built our relationship during those years together.

Here you can find the rest of you are curious 💜

My dieties: Hekate

She has been the first diety for me (I mean I had Loki around but hey I didn't know yet). As I said in the previous part, she's one of the guardians of our family, so she has been with me since I was born too.

When I first started getting into paganism, it was natural for me to call out for her, I didn't have any doubt that the Goddess I was seeking for was her, and she didn't disappoint me.

She has always been present since I started to notice her energy, whenever I needed or I was calling out for her, she was right by my side. We've been through the worst time of my life together and even if I wasn't able to have a dialogue with her, I was never alone. She uses to touch my head when she's there and this is what made me know at that time that she was here with me.

Considering her loving presence and how many problems I have with my mum, with time I started to consider her a motherly figure and now she's the only goddess I'm "working" with and the only one that I trust (I have serious problems with trusting women in general, it takes me a lot of time and effort).

I can describe her like the goth mum who likes to hype her son/daugher and wants them to be their truly self: fascinating, intriguing and dangerous. Her energy is dark, powerful, but also very calm and fascinating, like a particular perfume; I associate her with with a mixture of spices and other smells: vanilla, lavender, incense, cypress, sandalwood, nutmeg. Like all together, it's very particular. The Goth Mum does smell good.

My work with her

We don't actually work together but she isn't here without doing anything. Considering that she is a goddess related to the Underworld and, to make it short, basically the main goddess who were invoked for necromancy rites, she had been helping me a lot to get in touch with spirits and how to behave with them.

She's also a protector of the household, so even though I consider her my foster mum basically, she always wanted me to get back to my real mother: for a long time I didn't want to, until my therapist made me do that too and when things get harsh, she's always there to give me courage and love. Also, she's the one who keeps away the bad guys, both "friends" and strangers: she made me do a wooden guardian with this specific intent as an offering for her. Jerry is outside near her altar.

She's a goddess and she embodies a strong and independent woman, as a lot of other goddesses: she knows my struggles with my gender and how much Loki helped me with it, and even though she knows that I don't really need labels for who I am she wants me to get in touch with my woman-side. She doesn't want to make me become a woman: she loves what I am and she respects that, but at the same time she knows how important it is to get in touch with both our feminine and masculine sides (we all have these two polarities and we should normalize this topic). We are currently working on this together, how I perceive femininity on me and on the others as well as working on its archetypes. Just let me say this: it has been months since we started and I'm still genderfluid but hey, I've never felt more comfortable in my body and in my mind, I'm just feeling in harmony with what I really am and I'm so fricking exited to start to balance both polarities (i've always been more on the masculine side), I'm sure it will be AMAZING.

I also perceive her as the goddess of choices: she is associated with crossroads and this is a place in which you choose your path, both physically and spiritually. Everyone at a certain point has to make a choice: she's there watching over us. She will never tell you if you're making the right choice because she knows that this is up to your free will, but she will always be there, challenging you to take those steps alone. This is what she taught me: I never got at advice from her about my spiritual and life paths, because she wanted me to be able to get through decisions alone, but this doesn't mean that she wasn't actually ready to help me if I really needed. She is a diety who will make you cross your own boundaries, just like Loki, and she will bring you to the edges of your personal reality: you will start questioning everything and everyone, every choice you make, until you understand that this isn't the point. She isn't thinking when she is crossing the line between the material and the spiritual world: she is using her intuition and this ability comes mostly from experience. This doesn't mean that she won't teach you anything: she taught me a lot of things but she never said when I was wrong nor she got angry. She patiently waited until I realized and then we had a talk about it. That's also why I consider her a mother: she gives me the independence I deserve but she's never distant and she's always ready to intervene if I mess up too bad.

For example, one day I really wanted to try necromancy. I knew it was a bad idea but hey, I just can't think about anything else when I get hyper fixated. While Loki and Hades were so concerned because I wasn't obviously ready and were trying to change my mind, she came and said:"let her do what she wants. If she's not scared, why not? And anyways it's better since we are here now. My dear, come with me and tell me what you had in mind". My idea was obviously terrible, it was just trying to remake what Odysseus did, but I tried anyway. I still don't know if I messed up or if I got really scared and my body reacted in this way, but I had this sharp pain on my right shoulder in the middle of the ritual. I started to have migraine and feeling nauseous as well (this was probably my anxiety or the fricking pain but ok). Loki and Hades were here as well but she made them swear that they wouldn't get involved unless she asked for their help. She came near me, touched my shoulder, and turned her key in the air. I immediately felt better except for the shoulder, since that day it's hurting from time to time. She looked at me and said:"sweetheart, I suppose we both agree on not doing this again for a long time, right? " Nothing else. This is how she teaches me things.

She does help tho if I explicitly ask: in spells especially. I had to do this protection spell which was active, not passive: this means that instead of just giving protection, it would do something to the person crossing her boundaries. She gave me that spell and it was my first time doing that, so I asked for her help. The spell lasted three hours and her candle was basically non existent when we started: that little flame lasted until I sealed the spell, to let me know she heard my call.

She is also the one who taught me that witchcraft isn't always safe: with a lot of spells are going to change the reality around you, this is what you are doing them for. She didn't go easy with me: we were doing basic spells together, but soon enough I learned that they can have bad consequences on your life, and she didn't help me fixing anything because I had to learn how to do that by myself. Thanks to her my practice is completely gray: one day I can do a self-love spell or a protection sachet and the next day I can throw an hex on someone who really did bad to me (please don't be moralistic: it's bad and everything, but trust me when I say that they deserve every inch of that hex. They made me go through a lot with my parents when I didn't do anything and still my relationship with them isn't ok due to those guys, so yeah). But as I said, mostly there's a price to pay and I know I will deal with the consequences sooner or later, the solution is the balance between those two aspects of my craft: dark and light always go together, that's the biggest lesson she gave me.

So yeah, at the beginning of my path she was very present and rn she took over Loki a little because I really needed to work on my feminine polarity, but we're doing this every Sunday (she gives me homework for the rest of the week), for the rest of the time I can perceive her coming to say hi, but mostly she doesn't interact with me unless it's needed. She's always watching, but from distance, that's because I call her guardian.

How I honor her

During the day I wear a key that I consecrated to her using her candle, so she knows that I always think about her.

When I do my makeup or I express my femininity, I say a little prayer to her because I'm honouring our work together.

As I do for the other Gods, I give her offerings:

Herbal tea

Moon water

Normal water

White wine

Dried fruits

Some sweets (just when I don't have anything else, she doesn't really like them that much)

A lot of keys

Some collectible dog figurines

Some jewelry I don't use anymore

Amethyst

Rocks

Purple flowers

Dry leaves/flowers

Basically that's all about the material offerings. For the rest of the time, I keep in mind what she did for me so I try to behave like she taught me during this time.

[talking-bigender]

Being Bigender- what it’s like.

I know there are already posts about being bigender and what it means, but I wanted to make my own so I could share some of my knowledge and experiences on being bigen.

Bigender: The Definition

Bigender is a gender identity described as being two genders- either simultaneously [both genders at the same time], fluidly [switching between the two] or partially [sort of like being a percentage/amount of each]. It falls under the nonbinary umbrella and is one of the many multigender identities out there.

Q- Do the two genders have to be "Girl and Boy"?

Absolutely not. This is probably the most common bigender-related misconception out there. A bigender preson could be a combination of a binary gender and nonbinary gender [example: girl and agender] or two nonbinary genders [example: androgyne and neutrois]. Bigender is not defined as only being man and woman.

Difference between Bigender and Genderfluid

Bigender and genderfluid overlap in definitions/experiences and can be used simultaneously as labels if you wish- but the main difference is that bigender is just defined as being any two genders, and it’s not a requirement to be fluid between them. Meanwhile, Genderfluid is shifting between multiple genders, and don't have to be limited to two.

Q- If you’re bigender, are you trans? Or half-trans or something?

Y’know, that’s just up to the bigender/nonbinary individual to decide. I don’t consider myself trans, and for a while I didn’t even consider myself nonbinary. I’m not cis, and I relate a lot to transgender experiences- so sure, I could technically consider myself trans. But it’s not something that appeals to me as a label, so I don’t really use it. You can just be you, and you don’t have to be a part of the trans community or even in the nonbinary community if you don’t want to.

You can also have surgery/ name change/ go on hormones if you’re bigender, it’s alllll up to you.

Presentation

There is no “right” way to present when you’re bigender. You do not have to look/dress like what is expected of both of your genders, or switch between clothing or whatever. Clothing doesn’t dictate your identity in any way. It’s just fabric. Wear it however you want!

Q- Do you have to be 50% / half of both genders to be bigender?

Nope. If the genders are not felt simultaneously or fluidly and are instead felt partially each, then the metaphorical “percentage” can be anything. A bigender person may feel 60% one gender and 40% the other, or someone else may be more 70% and 30%, or even 1% and 99%, etc.

If the amount of gender experienced can be at any percent, what’s to stop me from calling myself demigender instead of bigender?

[Demigender: feeling partially, but not fully a gender. Common labels are demigirl, demiboy, etc.]

The truth is, similar to how [bi]sexual/romantic, [poly]sexual/romatic and [pan]sexual/romantic are similar, these labels overlap and it’s really up to the person to choose which label they prefer.

ALSO. Demigenders don’t necessarily only experience two genders.

Q- Do you have to have separate sets of pronouns for each gender, or multiple names?

Nope. This isn’t a requirement. You can be bigender and have as many or as little names/sets of pronouns as you wish, and they don’t have to “match” your genders either. A boy/girl bigender could use only one name and use they/them, or an agender/boy bigender could be using two names and she/her + he/him, or neopronouns, or etc. The combinations are endless, so it’s up to the individual to figure out what they want.

And again, names do not have to “correspond” with your genders- by which i mean you don’t have to have a “boy” name or a “girl” name or a neutral name unless that’s what you want.

They/Them

They/them (at least in the English language) are considered THE neutral pronouns and the go-to for anyone. And they usually are, there’s nothing wrong with that- they’re good to use on strangers, people you don’t know the pronouns of, or people who just prefer those pronouns! However, I’d also like to point out that they are not applicable to those who you know don’t use them/ don’t have them listed as their set of pronouns. It’s not a good alternative to someone’s neopronouns, or multiple/fluxuating pronouns, or just to use on anyone who doesn’t want them used. Just don’t.

This applies to every gender identity, not just bigender.

Q- If I’m bigender, how does that affect my other orientations? Should I consider myself bi, gay, etc?

Unfortunately, currently popular lgbt+ terms [especially in relation to sexuality or romantic orientation] are not really suited for nonbinary people, so there isn’t really a good answer to this- you’ll just have to figure out what sounds best to you. Feel free to use pre-existing terminology, even if it isn’t 100% “accurate”, or just make your own!

What it’s like being bigender

Well for starters, no two bigender people are the same, nor have the same experiences. I am probably the most stereotypical example of a bigender person- I’m a boy/girl, I use he/him and she/her pronouns, and I even have a “masculine” name and a “feminine” name. As much as I’d like to share alternative bigender stories, I can only tell you mine, so keep in mind that this isn’t the universal truth for all of us.

For me, I’m simultaneously both of my genders- I’m not partially one or the other, nor am I fluid between the two. At all times, I feel 100% girl and 100% boy. “Isn’t that the same as androgyne?” Well, no. In the form of a visual, pretend there are two tinted lenses [say, yellow and blue] and stacking them on top of each other makes green, while still being separate physically. Androgyne would be more like just having a green tinted lens, without needing to stack anything.

Anyway, how’s it like? My insight to being bigender in the real world is well, uneventful, as I don’t pass, am extremely closeted and don’t intend to come out anytime soon. Most of my experiences happen internally. I sometimes get annoyed that people use only one set of pronouns for me, because although I don’t mind he or she, I would still prefer for both to be used at about the same amount. I feel comfortable around most gendered terms, although I lean towards masculine [ex: king, brother, etc]. I get uncomfortable when people consider me/refer to me as one gender [ex: calling me just a boy/girl, repeatedly]. I do have dysphoria, both social and physical. I plan on getting surgery someday. I discovered I was bigender sophmore year of highschool. That’s roughly my experience.

Q- How can I write a bigender character?

Read everything above, so at least you have some basic knowledge about the identity. If you have additional questions, my ask box/pms are always open. I’ll be glad to help anyone out with anything bigender related really.

Some other multigenders that are similar/relate to Bigender [for those who may want to look into them]

Trigender- Like bigender, but experiencing three genders instead of two

Polygender- experiencing multiple genders but not all.

Pangender- experiencing all genders [this however, does not include genders that aren’t within your experiences/ you’re able to claim, such as genders that belong to indigenous groups/ other cultures]

Demigender- feeling partially but not totally a gender.

Genderfluid- being fluid between genders [can be any genders, any amount of them and for any amount of time]

If you feel like I need to change anything about this post, then I’m open to suggestions/criticism!

[imaginariumrpc]

imaginarium : a place devoted to the imagination, largely devoted to simulating and cultivating the imagination, towards scientific, artistic, commercial, recreational and/or spiritual ends.

Hello, bonjour and pusu’l, lovelies! My name’s Arcana, I’m twenty years old, a Canadian, a Solar Cancererian, a Lunar Sagittarian and a Rising Libra, according to the Western Zodiac, and a Dragon according to the Chinese Zodiac, Genderfluid, Multigender, Transgender, Non-Binary, Intersex, Queer, Autigender, Pearlian, Two Spirit, Androgynos, Draoidhe,  DemiOmniBiromantic/DemiOmniBisexual, Autistic and otherwise neurodivergent, ENFP, Ravenpuff, Thunderbird, Otherkin, Therian, an Animist, a Pagan and I’m intrigued in the occult and witchcraft and I am additionally a white passing mixed triracial multi-indigenous person of color or more specifically, of Mi’kmaw, Wyandot, Wolastoqiyik, Métis and Sephardi Jewish heritage! I like cuddling and playing with cats and dogs and animals, eating pizza, taking pictures, music, reading, writing, gushing about friends and helping others. So with that said, I’m here to present you guys my new rpc / rph / aesthetic / inspiration / resource / personal / edit blog ! It’s for my own use but it can also be for your use ( provided you don’t take any of my original content off of this blog without my express permission ), the rpc and anyone else who wishes to use it, too! It features musings, codes, psd’s, psa’s, memes and a LOT more sprinkled with the occasional original content from me.

WHAT I DO:

a discord server affliated with this blog.

faceclaim help. ( poc, lgbtqia2+ and underused faceclaims included! )

alternate faceclaim suggestions ( send me a faceclaim that you don’t want to use and I’ll make a list of alternates. )

fancasts ( send me a character and i’ll make a post of potential faceclaims. )

name help.

label help.

plot help.

admin advice.

url help.

muse help. ( i.e names, concepts, character creation, worldbuilding, lore, etc. )

guides &&. tutorials.

general advice and being here to talk to.

rp advice.

opinions. ( depending on what it is. )

memes.

musings.

muse inspo.

base icon batches ( uncommon, but will open on occasion. )

psd recommendations.

shoutouts.

masterlists.

promo’s. ( provided you submit it to me as a photo. )

psa’s.

unpopular opinions.

character metas. ( occasionally, depending on the muse and on the fandom. )

positivity. ( muses — be they canon or original, fandom aligned or otherwise, and muns. )

venting. ( nothing hateful or discriminatory ! )

rants. ( nothing hateful or discriminatory ! )

first look reviews. ( on occasion. )

critiques. ( on occasion. )

in-depth blog reviews. ( on occasion. )

muse archetype aesthetic edits / moodboards. ( i.e the artist, the femme fatale, etc. )

dynamic / bond / family / friendship / squad / ship edits / moodboards ( poc, interracial and lgbtqia2+, polyamorous, m/m / mlm, f/f / wlw and nblnb included! )

faceless muse edits. ( muses of color and ships included! )

character emotional traits.

multiple genres, time periods and settings. ( i.e: historical, antiquity, medieval, vintage, modern, supernatural, fantasy, apocalypse, action, horror, science fiction, etc. )

aesthetics. ( i.e dark academia, solarpunk, retro, goth, lovecore, etc. )

theme recommendations.

template recommendations.

family templates ( occasional. )

fandom lists ( eventually. )

masculine, feminine and nonbinary.

cultural awareness.

locations ( including but not limited to interiors, exteriors, homes, and all the continents. ).

scenery.

nature.

animals.

mythology.

weddings.

religion ( specifically for muses from certain religions i.e jewish and muslim muses, etc. )

disabled and neurodivergent muse representation and resources.

resources and representation for the lgbtqia2+ / mogai community and its muses, i.e lesbian muses, gay muses, bi muses, trans* ( including nonbinary, genderfluid, genderless and other non-cisgender ) muses, queer muses, intersex muses, aromantic / asexual muses and two spirited muses, among other muses that are considered queer.

resources and representation for all muses of color, including black muses, indigenous / native muses, latinx muses, asian muses ( all asians, not just east asians ! ), pasifika muses, jewish muses, etc., that overpower than that of white muses, there are still resources for white muses, though muses of color will always be a priority on this blog.

resources for portraying pregnant muses ( will be tagged! ).

resources for portraying muses who practice witchcraft.

resources for portraying muses who are sex workers.

resources for muses of all ages, including children, adolescents, adults and elders.

resources for animated muses.

resources for nonhuman muses.

cuisine.

makeup ( for muses of all genders ! ).

tattoos.

nsfw. ( will be tagged ! )

pride flags.

texts.

userboxes.

seasons.

colors.

zodiac.

typography.

concepts.

plots.

imagine your otp/ot3/etc.

“make me choose” events.

confessions.

wardrobe.

physique ( friendly to all skin tones, body types, shapes and sizes! ).

wishlist.

faves.

crack.

shitposts.

mun stuff.

music playlists ( including my own spotify playlists ).

aesthetics and edits of my own muses.

resources and character tags for my muses.

stimboards.

occasionally post some of my fanfiction / drabble works.

occasional drabble / fanfic requests.

occasionally post some of my music works.

possibly post specific music edits when i figure out how to do so.

more to be added when i think of something.

WHAT I WILL NOT DO:

callout posts.

drama posts.

get involved in discourse.

flame other people.

bash on characters, fandoms and/or ships.

post recent spoilers of a series without tagging it.

tolerate bigoted, homophobic, lesbophobic, biphobic, omniphobic, panphobic, aphobic, arophobic, transphobic, enbyphobic, queerphobic, racist, colorist, sexist, exorsexist, intersexist, heterosexist, anti-polyamory, anti-mogai, anti-neopronouns, anti-nounself pronouns, anti-emojiself pronouns, anti-self diagnosis or mental health gatekeeper, victim blaming, gender/orientation/mental health gatekeeping, anti-otherkin, anti-feminist, ageist, speciesist, ableist, fatphobic, anti-black, anti-native, islamophobic, antisemitic, antiromani, xenophobic, exclusionist, transmeds/truscum, terfs/swerfs, radfems, heightist, sizeist, discrimination on cultures and subcultures, discrimination on religion or lack thereof, mysogynist/misandrist, white supremacist or any kind of supremacist honestly, nationalist, linguistic discrimination, or otherwise hateful, discriminatory, derogatory, vulgar and just overall dumb language, speech, behaviors and attitudes.

gif requests.

gif hunts.

manips.

textures.

crackship edit requests ( unless stated otherwise. )

edited icon batches ( unless if i’m releasing my own that i no longer use. )

theme / page / code making.

psd making.

more to be added if i think of something.

So, with that said, PLEASE like and/or reblog this if you’re interested in using it or at the very least spread the word! I really want to try and help people and have fun with you guys, but I can’t do that if this doesn’t get any notes. You can find out more information by reading my F.A.QHERE! Thank you so much for reading, I hope you all have a wonderful morning/day/evening/night! Yours truly, with all of my love, Arcana.

[livebloggingmydescentintomadness]

Hi! I am educating myself on the genders and I apologize if this comes off as ignorant. I was curious about enby. Does enby also include trans? I have this question because I thought trans meant you were a male/female but different from what you were assigned as birth. So that would make trans binary. Please help me understand 🙏

hello, dear! you’re trying to educate yourself, and that’s great.

i’ll explain, but the bottom, bottom line is that gender is both complicated and subjective. i mean, we can say there’s men and women, but if if i asked you “what defines masculinity? what defines femininity?” then your answers would probably be at least a little different from mine, right? gender is cultural and personal and subjective, therefore we all experience it a little differently.

so yes, there are binary trans people - that’s in fact what they’re called, binary trans, but there are also nonbinary trans people. and it’s in fact the reverse: enby doesn’t include trans, trans includes enby. nonbinary people are under the trans umbrella, as we say. 

in fact, you know that white stripe down the middle of the trans flag? that was expressly put there to represent nonbinary people. we don’t need an ‘n’ added to lgbtq, because we’re included with the ‘t’. 

binary trans people are those who were assigned male at birth but identify as 100% female, or vice versa. nonbinary trans people identify as a gender other than what they were assigned at birth, but not 100% male or female. they could be genderqueer, genderfluid, bigender, demigirl or demiboy, and so on.

(keep in mind that nonbinary is both a label and its own umbrella. some people like myself choose to simply call ourselves nonbinary, but all gender identities that aren’t 100% male or female are all nonbinary genders.)

so you might ask - then aren’t ALL nonbinary people just nonbinary trans people, since no one was assigned nonbinary at birth? yeah, kind of, which is why we’re included under the umbrella. but not every single nonbinary person chooses to call themselves trans. for example, i choose not to call myself trans, because i was assigned female at birth and i still choose to go by she/her and present as a gender non-conforming female, so i feel like it might be somewhat disrespectful to other trans people if i called myself trans. i know that i’m part of the broader trans community, but the label just doesn’t feel right to me.

it’s up to each individual who realizes they aren’t cis to then figure out if they’re binary trans, nonbinary trans, or just nonbinary, and if that sounds really confusing and complicated - yeah, exactly, because like i said, gender is subjective and nebulous and weird. 

some people “have always known” but many other people have to go on journeys of trying on labels and trying to figure out what the fuck they are. some people will change their labels, some people might never be sure. that’s okay.

(that’s why a word like ‘queer’ is so great, because it’s deliberately vague and inclusive. you don’t have to know exactly what you are to be queer.)

anyway, i hope that explains it, as much as it can be explained lol. if you’d like to read more, try my gender, nonbinary, and trans issues tags. take care.

[unambiguouslybi]

Hi! If I recall correctly, one of the mods of this is both a man and a woman, but I don’t remember if they fluctuate between one and the other or if they change appearance depending on which gender they’re that day, but in the case they do: what are your different experiences between being seen as a man or as a woman? Honestly I wish I could be comfortable looking like a man so I’d feel better about myself and I could escape the problems women face for being women. Ik people don’t transition for those reasons but still ;-;

Hello yes you're likely referring to me, Mod Eli, certified wo/man

For clarity and to describe my general "look": I'm always 100% man and 100% woman-I think if I fluctuated between the two I'd likely id as genderfluid. If I had the option, I would "wear" or "perform" my gender in the same way that someone chooses between shirts in the morning. I always have both shirts, but sometimes I wanna wear one shirt more than another. It may look like my id is fluctuating and wouldn't mind if people adjusted pronouns based on my presentation that day, but I'm always a wo/man. That said, I work at a lab so I end up needing to wear pants every work day, and my days are long enough that I generally can't bind safely [good ol dfab boobs] though I'm getting comfy with the idea of having "man boobs" and not wearing a bra! I have one of those stereotypical nb haircuts with the short undercut and medium length wavy bangs. I think I probably come across as a lazy butch most of the time.

Honestly, my gender goals are to make people pause when they try to assume my gender, to trip them up on which binary pronouns they use for me, to have "bearded lady" or "man in a dress" vibes. My voice is generally too feminine to maintain the illusion for long, and because I dont hide my boobs I have to be wearing pretty baggy clothes to conceal my silhouette. And it'll likely be that way for a while unless they invent a genderbend toggle where I can flip a switch and poof suddenly diff bits and a beard haha

All that said, even if you COULD fully escape the problems of being one gender, you're gonna run into the problems of any other gender identity. Even cis men have to deal with the toxic masculinity that punishes them for performing being a dude the wrong way. The grass may seem greener but while your grass is full of poison ivy, theirs is full of thorns.

This may not be from personal experience, but listening to the stories of others has filled in these blanks for me. As with anything else, I believe the most important things are to have a support group of friends and family that can help you identify and present in a way that makes you most comfortable. It's ok if you don't have that or only have it in small ways like online communities-it can be hella lucky to be comfortable in your own skin. But if you don't, then think of what would need to change to make you just a little more comfy in life. My therapist asked me "Imagine you went to bed right now, and when you woke up all your problems were solved. What's different?" And I realized that the gender stuff [for me] would be solved by me feeling more comfy in asserting my identity, even if people didn't understand.

I know this probably wasn't the answer you were looking for, but I hope it was at least a little enlightening. As always, feel free to follow up with other thoughts. Things have been a little busy for us mods of UB but we definitely care a lot about this place.

-Eli

[gay-otlc]

headcanons? trans linh?

Ooh yes okay I love this headcanon-

Okay so her pronouns are she/they, sometimes ve/vem, and, she’s transfemme and genderfluid

They absolutely despised presenting as male the entire time they lived with their parents, but their parents already hated them enough for being a twin so they kept quiet about it

When she was banished and started going to Exillium, she decided to start presenting as female, because what did she have to lose?

So Tam helped them choose the name Linh

Instead of just getting fancy new hair to represent freedom from her parents, she got a fancy new name.

When Tam and Linh weren’t in Exillium, ve spent some time in the human world

Linh was able to get more feminine clothes and absolutely loved it

They also, at some point, managed to stumble across Slurps and Burps and get blockers/hormones.

(She didn’t have any money but Kesler really wanted to help her)

In Neverseen, when they met Sophie, they were identifying as always a girl, and presented completely feminine

She returned to the Lost Cities and everyone had pretty much forgotten about her former male-presenting self, so everyone referred to her with her name and she/her pronouns (which she used exclusively at the time).

I mean Quan and Mai still tried deadnaming her but fuck them

They’d been having a gender crisis pretty much since Flashback, but decided that defeating the Neverseen should probably be their first priority

But then ve had a day where ve was very, extremely masculine and went Oh fuck oh shit what if being female was actually a phase all along and my parents were right oh shit-

She went back to feeling feminine after a few days but could no longer avoid the Gender Crisis ™

They were talking about it with Wylie once, complaining that “I’m so confused! It’s like my gender is always changing!”

And Wylie said “Could that be because you’re genderfluid?

And Linh was like “Oh yeah, that makes sense.”

So she started identifying as genderfluid!

They trusted their friends a lot and came out pretty quickly after they figured it out.

Everyone was pretty chill with it.

Tam was incredibly supportive the entire time

Linh drowns all the transphobes

Moral of the story: Don’t be transphobic or Linh will drown you.

[thegardenofbae]

Hi love...I’m not sure if you’re able to answer this question, but do you think genderfluid people are able to have feminine energy even if they are presenting male? I’m genderfluid and primarily present as female, but on my masculine presenting days I still like the have the aspects of myself I have when I’m female. I want to be feminine in the sense of how Harry Styles is feminine. Painted nails, jewelry, makeup...but still male. Do you think that’s possible to achieve? Much love x

Hey babe!

I 100% think it is possible for you to exude feminine energy, even if you present as a male. I wish I knew more about genderfluidity to give you more advice, but something I mentioned in one of my recents is that femininity is energy, aura, and presence. It’s a mindset more than anything else. If that’s the energy you want to exude, then do that and move through the world how you choose!

Good luck!

[veronicathegoddess]

How did you know you were genderfluid

that's a very hard question to answer because it wasn't a very straightforward thing.

i used to be pretty tomboyish in my like early teens and everyone used to think i was a boy. people would mistake me for a boy all the time and i was okay with it. everyone i knew was always like, aren't you mad that people think that you're a boy and I was always like no I'm not and people thought that it was weird that i was okay with people thinking i was a boy.

as i got older, i developed a very feminine side, doing my makeup and wearing heels and dresses but i also retained a lot of my tomboyish qualities and then everyone was like you can't be both.

i didn't understand why i couldn't be both and it didn't make sense to me so i decided to just be both.

because i'm mainly female presenting, i've continued to use she/her pronouns, but since i'm comfortable with they/them pronouns, i use those as well and i allow everyone who interacts with me to use one or the other or both if they so please.

so for me genderfluidity is about finding the balance between your masculinity, feminine and non binary energies and choosing to embrace all of them.

some days i feel more masculine than anything else and i choose to embody that by what i wear. some days i feel more feminine than anything else and that's a normal day tbh so i don't really do anything different and then some days i don't feel gendered at all, so i wake up and i just feel like a human and those days, i prefer they/them pronouns and what i wear is whatever i feel like wearing.

obviously this is my personal experience and genderfluidity really differs from person to person so my experience may not be the same as anyone else's and others may define genderfluidity as something completely different to them but for me this is what it is and how i knew

[yikesharringrove]

what do you think about a crossdressing Steve? Maybe he started just liking the soft fabrics of his mom's clothes but then he started wearing them as a way to attempt to hold on to the feigned affection she gave him. Eventually he just got his own stuff because they helped him feel calmer, softer. He would only ever put them on when he believed he would be alone for a while to cook or do chores... And then one day Billy comes over. Do with it what you will.

So, maybe you wanted smut, but non-binary femme presenting Steve is a ridiculously big headcanon I have that I have talked about with several folks and will be included in the next big fic I roll out, so this is some Soft Shit bc I wanted an excuse to write Steve as non-binary femme presenting.

For some drag queen Steve, I got a little thing here.

This exact kinda character study of sorts has actually been in my drafts for like, a month, so I’ve incorporated some of it into this. It's modern, and there is some language that may be harmful, so PLEASE be careful with yourselves, no slurs or anything along those lines, just ignorant stuff. Also, this really went off the rails at the end, I’m Sorry.

Thank you for sending an ask!

Read on ao3!

When Steve was a little kid, he always preferred playing with the girls.

They would have clothes for dress-up, princess dresses, and pirate costumes, anything any child could want. They had wigs, makeup, crowns. Little girls also had babydolls, little pretend kitchens he would play in, plastic baby bouncing at his hip.

When his nanny would come to pick him up from Carol’s house, she would have wipes in the car, to clean off his face. Your father will be very disappointed if he sees you playing with girls’ things again, Steven. He learned very quickly that playing dress-up, wanting to be Mommy when playing house, those are not things little boys did.

He remembers fighting with his parents, when they found the little plastic case of goopy lipglosses Carol had let him keep. He was seven years old and was crying, had screamed as loud as he could that if little boys weren’t allowed to play with makeup, then maybe I don’t want to be a boy.

When his parents started leaving him more often, their absences growing longer the older he got, he began going into his mother’s things, trying on her clothes. He was twelve when he first learned that women’s clothes were made of finer materials, were softer, felt like butter against his skin. He was thirteen and would slip into designer dresses each night, learning makeup from YouTube tutorials, practicing with things left in his mother’s vanity and whatever he could discreetly put in his pockets at Meldvald’s.

He got pretty good. Good enough that at sixteen, he wanted more, would go to stores in Indianapolis, would spend his allowance on dresses, skirts, blouses, frilly little things that fit, that made him feel good, correct.

The first time he put on a pair of lacy panties, he almost cried. the material was soft, the cotton tight and nice against him, the delicate lace trimming the waist and legs was pretty. Steve realized, all he ever wants to be in his life is pretty.

He began thinking of himself as a girl, a young woman. He would tuck his dick back, make the space between his legs flat, let his hair grow out more, long enough to braid, to pin with floral clips.

He started dressing up, going out. Finding bars that would let him in if he batted his false eyelashes just so, would overlook his obviously fake I.D. so that he could go in, talk to men that were too old for him, too interested in his doe eyes, his soft cheeks, men that would buy him drinks, fuck him in the back seats of their cars, whisper about how pretty he looked, men that would touch his cock and coo that his pussy was so tight.

He found he didn’t like that but would grit his teeth, didn’t understand why wearing women’s clothes felt so right but the idea of having a women’s body felt wrong. He didn’t get why he felt the most himself, the most comfortable with his dick tucked up in lace panties, but the minute a man told him he was a good girl he felt sick. 

When he was seventeen, he stopped going out, stopped dressing up. He had Nancy now, a beautiful young woman who wanted a nice, regular young man. He almost told her, almost told her so many times, but then she was drunk, slurring in his face that he was bullshit, that he was fake, like he didn’t already know.

So he kept to himself, started dressing up again, putting on a full face, a delicate outfit the minute he got home. He would dance around while cooking diner, would float around the house in heels and sweeping dresses. They made him feel better, feel good. He would dress up on particularly bad days, would wear his most beautiful pieces when he got poor grades, when his father told him he was a disappointment over the phone. He had been informed today by his English teacher she had assigned him a tutor.

So he had blinked back tears while blending eyeshadow, had put on his prettiest dress, a pretty dark green number, the fabric light, delicate feminine. He was ready to wallow in self-pity and makeup when there was a knock on the door, followed by the voice of his something-like-a-friend Billy Hargrove, announcing with a laugh that you should REALLY start lockin’ your front door, Harrington. Wouldn’t want someone UNSAVORY comin’ in.

Steve was frozen in the kitchen, his best-kept secret all over his face, his body. Billy didn’t even blink twice when he saw Steve, asked what’s cookin’? while leaning over the stove. Steve’s eyes were screwed shut, breathing fast when Billy looked back, took Steve’s shoulder lightly in his hands said, you need to breathe, Sweet Thing, take it slow, match me. He rubbed gently down Steve’s arms, his eyes clear blue when Steve was able to open his own teary ones.

“Billy, you need to swear to me you won’t tell, you, I, people can’t know. They’ll, I mean, I know I’m a fucking freak but no one-”

“Whoa, who said you’re a freak?” Billy’s eyes were sharp.

“Look at me, Billy. I’m, I don’t know what I am. Sometimes, sometimes I wish that I was a girl, but, but something about that feels just, bad, but, but being a fucking boy feels like shit too, and I just,” he was sobbing, loudly and openly, knew his dark liner was no doubt streaming down his face.

“Hey, that’s okay, Honey, you don’t have to know. You just have to feel good.” He led Steve in a few more breaths. “It’s not black and white, you don’t have to be one or the other. You can just be you. Can be Steve, if you want.”

“What-I don’t understand.”

“Well, you don’t feel right as a boy, but you feel just as not right as a girl. There’s more than that. You have more options.” He turned off the stove, led Steve to his bag, whipping out a laptop covered in worn stickers. “So basically, there’re a whole bunch of genders.” He pulled up an infographic on his screen, a color-coded mess of columns and descriptions. “There’s way more than man and woman. There are people who are non-binary, don’t adhere to the idea of two genders. Sometimes non-binary people identify as another gender, a third gender, sometimes they identify as a mixture of identities. Agender people often identify as having no gender at all. genderfluid people tend to fluctuate between identities, can feel agender one day, the next feel like a man, it all depends on the person.” He looked at Steve, hand gentle on his arm. “And none of it’s wrong. There’s no correct way to be a human. And they each are up to interpretation. There are people who identify as agender but choose to present a certain way, there are people who identify as male but choose to present androgynous, there’s no one way to do it.”

“So if I, if I feel good like this,” Steve gestured to the dress, the smeared makeup. “I can still be, a guy, like I can just be a guy that likes to look like a girl.”

“If that feels best to you. Like I said, you don’t have to  be a guy, just because that’s what you were assigned at birth.”

“What do you mean? ��Assigned at birth’?”

“That means the gender that’s on your birth certificate. It’s just a better way of saying like, male-bodied, since that can be, kinda shitty for people. And like, what even is a male body, you know?”

“You’re getting a little introspective for me here, Bill.”

“Basically, just because you were born with a dick and a doctor was like, it’s a boy, doesn’t mean you have to be a boy that likes looking like a girl, or whatever you said. That’s a perfectly valid way to be, a femme presenting guy, don’t get me wrong, but earlier you said you didn’t feel right as a boy, and I just don’t want you to back yourself into a corner.” Steve blinked.

“Yeah, I think, I think you’re right. I don’t, I’m not a guy. I don’t think.”

“You do not have to know right now. You literally just learned about this, you don’t have to like immediately make a choice. Take some time. Try different labels, try different pronouns, try no labels, see what feels best.” He smiled, looking at Steve softly. “If you want to, I can, like, help you. If you, if you think of something you want to try, it may be nice to, like, hear it from someone else.”

“What was, what was the one that was like, sometimes people identify as like, another gender?” Billy typed away, pulling up a new article.

“I think you mean non-binary. It’s more of an umbrella term to some people, they find more leeway in it.” He scrolled down, pointing at a list of pronouns. “So, some people who identify as non-binary also use alternative pronouns, things like they or ze, which is a way for them to be referred to outside of the gender binary.” Steve’s mind was racing. He tested the words on his tongue, thinking ze, sie, hir to himself, to, themself?

“But if I identify, as, as non-binary, or something, can I still, like, dress like this?”

“Of course. Identity and expression are two different things. To some, they go hand-in-hand, but to others, they can be totally separate.”

“I think, as of right now I think non-binary is okay.” Billy beamed.

“Okay! You don’t have to decide right now, and some folks never decide, they spend their lives flowing through different ways to identify and express themselves, and again, that’s totally fuckin’ okay. Nothing has to magically click into place for you. You can experiment.”

“Can I, can we experiment with, with they. I kinda, it kinda makes sense.” Billy just kept grinning, his smile huge and beautiful.

“Yes, I can do that.” But his face fell, “But I, I mean, this is fuckin’ Hawkins, and I don't’ know, I mean, is it, like safe?” Steve felt like their heart was breaking.

“No, it’s, I don’t think it is, I mean, there haven’t been like incidents but also, we don’t have a lot of people that are, like, openly different.” Billy’s brow was drawn.

“I can, I can call you whatever you want just the two of us, but, I don’t want to like, out you-”

“You can, you can say he was it’s, when it’s other people. I don’t, I don’t want this to get back to my dad, or anything.” Billy’s eyes were sharp.

“I can do that, I can protect you, like that.” He was nodding vigorously. “I just, I wanted to be on the same page, didn’t want to be like misgendering you behind your back and make you feel like shit.”

“You have my express permission to, uh, misgender me, or whatever you just said.” Steve sighed, looking up at the ceiling. “I just gotta get outta this fuckin’ town, man. Then I’ll be good. Live my little queer life outside of the shitty bar outside of town.” Billy laughed.

“You go there?”

“I used to, when I was first kinda, questioning myself. Used to let guys fuck me and call me, like, their pretty little slut or whatever. Not my finest moments.”

“Christ, Stevie. That’s some deep shit. I went once when I first got into town, and some guy was like, I wanna hear you screaming ‘Daddy’ for me and I was like, nope. No thank you to That.” Steve laughed with him.

“I’m pretty sure I did let that guy fuck me. Bily groaned.

“Stevie, no. Don’t call random men Daddy.”

“I’m not gonna lie to you, Bill, I got a lot of daddy issues.”

“Yeah, me too, but not that many.”

“Just enough to be called Daddy, then?” Billy went red, dropped his eyes from Steve as they cackled. “Hit the nail on the fuckin’ head then, didn’t I?”

“Whatever, you little asshole. Let’s just fuckin’ get on with your English homework that is why I’m here after all. Go grab your books.” Steve grinned, leaning in close to Billy.

“Okay, Daddy,” they purred, racing off up the stairs laughing loudly, hearing Billy cursing them out from the kitchen.

[transgenderteensurvivalguide]

Can I still call myself trans-masc even though I still kinda have a connection to womanhood? (nonbinary afab here). Gender it's just confusing rn

Lee says:

Transmasculine is a term used to describe AFAB trans people who identify with masculinity to a greater extent than with femininity. 

There are some transmasculine people who identify as transmasculine as a result of their medical transition but don’t necessarily present in a masculine way with their gender expression (clothing, makeup, etc), and there are some transmasculine folks who identify as transmasculine because of their gender expression but don’t choose to medically transition. 

I’m on testosterone, I’ve gotten top surgery, I’ve had a hysterectomy I pack, and I pretty much only wear men’s clothing. I consider myself to be transitioning to a place that people view as being more masculine, so I use the term transmasculine because it can be helpful in describing like where I’m coming from and where I’m going to. 

Someone can be transmasculine while still presenting and/or feeling feminine sometimes. Being transmasculine doesn’t mean that you identify as a trans man, or even as male-aligned or boy-proximal, it just means you’re masc-leaning.

Being transmasculine and having a connection to womanhood aren’t mutually exclusive things, and there is some overlap by people who have both. For example, I know a genderfluid person who identifies as transmasculine and is on T and has had top surgery, but they’re still genderfluid and sometimes are a woman- so their gender can be female and they’d still call themselves transmasculine because the term can refer to the overall arch of their transition. 

So yes, you can call yourself transmasculine even if you have a connection to womanhood- you just have to feel like the term transmasculine fits your experience in some way.