#if you do christmas or christmas eve have a good one

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Episode 111 Transcript: Soulless Sam is Literally Fine

[intro guitar music]

G: Hello, it's Grey.

C: Hello, it's Crystal.

G: And this is Busty Asian Beauties, a Supernatural commentary podcast where I, someone who has seen this show many, many times...

C: And I- Why are you saying "many, many" on one where you forgot a lot?

G: I know! I immediately regretted it after I said it. So yeah. I've seen this show a normal amount of times, I think, for a person who's seen it all.

C: Yeah. Has he even seen it? Yes. But has he? Yeah. [G laughs] And I, someone who only knows the show through social media, discuss every single episode of Supernatural from start to finish. Also, we are both Asian.

G: Both Asian! For today's episode, we will be discussing Season 6, Episode 7: "Family Matters," written by Andrew Dabb and Daniel Loflin. I sound like I'm trying to do a masc-off with my voice. [both laugh] Directed by Guy Bee. And also, the problem is the fact that I have seen this show. Maybe if I haven't, I'd have a better time. I just feel like I'd do a better job of podcasting if I'm surprised by every shocking turn of events.

C: Perhaps.

G: But I'm not, and also, I don't know anything. It's a bad combo.

C: No, I feel like it's also supremely uninteresting for the premise [G: No!] being one guy who's seen it and one guy who's not since I also know every twist. I don't know, some people might have been coming in at the very beginning being like, "And Crystal won't know about soulless Sam!" I know about soulless Sam. I know about everything! [both laugh] I just don't know the specific lines they said.

G: Just for some back-the-stage- or like, beyond- what do you call it? Like backstage-

C: Behind the scenes?

G: [laughing] Like, just for some behind the scenes, at the very beginning of this podcast, when we were formulating our intro, I think you were gonna say that "I have never seen the show," and you were like, "That's just fundamentally untrue, I think." [C laughs] It's a very misleading thing to say. And we were like, "Know it from Tumblr, maybe?" And you were like, "I specifically do not want that to be put out in the world, even though it's the complete fucking truth." And so we settled on "know it from social media."

C: [laughing] Did I say that?

G: Yes! We settled to "know it from social media," the stupidest fucking statement ever said!Like, what do you mean "know it from social media"?

C: Or it's the smartest statement ever said. You don't know. What scales are we using?

G: Secretly the smartest.

C: Anyway, Guy Bee directed "Asylum" and hasn't directed anything until now.

G: Yeah. I'm sure he's gonna be around. And I do still regret that at some point, you said that "How is a guy just named Guy?" and I didn't push back further, because I think it's a completely fun and normal and fine name.

C: I think you did push back.

G: He will direct many other episodes! He'll direct "Stairway to Heaven," the last episode of Season 9, when Dean becomes a demon. [laughing] We literally do not give a fuck about spoilers in this.

C: Well yeah, I know he's a demon in the beginning, so he had to at the end of Season 9.

G: And "Frontierland," which is the one where Dean meets Elliot Ness, I'm pretty sure.

And Crystal incessantly messaged me while watching this episode- while they were watching this episode- about how hot Sam is.

C: I did not incessantly message you.

G: I think it was incessant.

C: I think I sent you like, two, max. That is not incessant in our friendship.

G: I think it was- Yeah, this is true.

C: It wasn't incessant. I am willing to read my two messages aloud to prove to the people that it wasn't incessant.

G: Okay. No, you were actually hedging a lot. [laughs] You were hedging a lot your bets on whether Sam is hot or not. [C: That's true.] You were asking for the suggestion of whether he's hot or not. Okay, read your messages.

C: True. I said, "i haven't seen a man w blood on his face in so long why do i want sam so bad." And then I said, "have you watched the ep yet maybe i'm normal and sam's just incredibly alluring this ep."

G: I don't know if he is, but there is also a very strong chance and possibility that two factors are affecting this insight. One is that Cas is also in this episode. [C: Yeah?] And two is that I just don't like Season 6 Sam's hair I don't like it.

C: The thing is, after the blood is off his face-

G: He's literally fine? [laughs]

C: I don't really care about him. I think that the blood sort of changes his hairline. [laughs]

G: Yeah, like Cas absorbed his hotness or something. He magicked the blood off.

C: Yeah. Who do you think took your hotness, etc.

G: Literally. The scene where, who was it? Samuel was like, "Oh, this is your wings" or something with Cas, and Cas is there, and he like, solemnly nods-

C: No, I was like, "Should Cas and Samuel fuck?"

G: Cas nods very solemnly, but also in an amused way. Like, what is this? What is going on? Love it!

C: Yeah. Maybe he should fuck Sam and Dean's grandfather.

G: Yeah, he should have an affair with Samuel, with Mary, not with John Winchester, unfortunately [C: Yeah.] because I think it will be a huge betrayal to everyone involved in ways that fucking Mary Winchester or Samuel Campbell is not.

C: Yeah.

G: Bobby, too, I suppose. And Rufus! We're really pushing it with-

C: Why not? Have they met?

G: No, but many people ship Cas and Rufus, and I fully understand. My definition of "many people" may be nebulous and also difficult to understand.

C: Yeah, maybe two.

G: No, but the Supernatural fandom is so large, it's actually wonderful when you discover a rarepair that is not celebrated still. Like, for example, that one time that somebody proposed Amara and Billie, and I started getting hot flashes. [both laugh]

C: So true.

G: So true. That one's a good one. That one's a good one!

C: Alright. We do have to make it through this episode. I didn't know anything about it coming in-

G: Why?

C: But I guess if you asked me, I could have guessed that this is the one with the soulfisting.

G: Yeah, it's pretty obvious that it's going.

C: Yeah, I just have nothing that's related to the words "6.07 Family Matters" in my head.

G: Yeah, but you know about stuff. I feel like we should maybe redefine what we mean when we say, "What did you know about this episode before going in?" not being specifically about the episode, but more what things in the episode were you already familiar with before you watched it. Do you know what I mean? Yeah.

C: Okay. Yeah, I mean, I didn't know a lot of these major points. I didn't know that Samuel was working for Crowley.

G: Oh, yeah. I did know that, in fairness to me.

C: I did know that Crowley had a handle on Sam's soul in some way-

G: I did not know that. [laughs]

C: - because he dangles it in front of him in like, 6.10 or something, I believe. Yeah, I didn't know they were gonna get the alpha vampire this episode or that Samuel was looking for Purgatory. So I know I just talked a big game at the beginning of this episode about how I know all the major plot points, but I didn't know these ones. [laughs]

G: I know about Samuel like looking for- I mean, do you know what he's looking for in Purgatory, or should I not spoil that?

C: Well, Crowley and Cas wanted to just eat all the souls, so-

G: Yeah. So he's looking for the souls of the people in Purgatory, of the monsters, because that is like a huge amount of untapped energy, is kind of the vibe. They're fracking. [both laugh] And I know that they were looking for a lot of souls. I thought the finding Purgatory was just a side effect. I did not know that it comes in this early in the season as the main thing that they're doing, which is pretty surprising to me, I think. This episode is actually incredibly fast-paced. Like, so many things happen in it. And nothing is ever set to linger. I'm assuming next episode, we will linger on some stuff that happens in this one. And also, just to preface, I do like this episode, and I like the relationship dynamics it proposes. And I kind of wish Sam remained soulless or something [C laughing] because their relationship when Sam is soulless is so wonderful. Because Dean imposes his shit, and Sam makes a decision, yes or no, and the decision is not guided by guilt or whatever. It's guided by, like, "Okay, this is the logical thing to do" and I appreciate that! Or "this is the thing that I would do in a way where I'm sticking with my values," which I do think is also wonderful that, like, he can stick to his values without feeling guilt in every single facet of his life. Like, go, Sam! But he does get his soul back and will be miserable. [laughs]

C: Yeah, sorry, Sam.

G: I mean, I understand that Sam's soul is in Hell being tortured to hell and back right now [both laughing], so like, it's a complex issue. Yeah, okay. Start the episode.

-

G: We get the completely the same "Road So Far" as we did last episode except for the last scene in the "Road So Far," which made me go like, "Am I watching the wrong episode? Did they repeat the episode?" But they didn't. It's just the exact fucking same. But when we start the episode now, we start with Sam POV, and he is like, waking up, and he's blinking his eyes open. It starts off blurry. Things start getting into focus, and then it's Ca peering over at him. He's slightly bent down to see Sam eye-to-eye because Sam is, in fact, tied up to a chair, and, you know, his face is still bloody. Dean is like on the other side of the room, watching this checkup, I suppose.

C: And Sam's doing major puppy dog eyes this entire scene, and I don't know why.

G: I, full disclosure, I did not knit during this part of the episode. [laughs] I knitted later. There's so much that happens this episode, at some point, I was just like, "Oh, I think I can knit now because it's about to end." And it literally wasn't. [both laugh] It kept on fucking going. But yeah. What were you saying? Sam looked like a dog.

C: Sam was doing heavy puppy dog eyes.

G: I think he looked normal. I think he looked normal.

C: Yeah, maybe I just haude Covid or something.

G: Yeah, maybe you haude Covid. Cas is-

C: But I do think that it was strategic because he was trying the whole "play on Dean's sentiment for Sam" before he was like, "Fuck it. I just undid my hands from the rope."

G: Yeah, yeah. And I do think it is so interesting to me trying to figure out what Sam is doing here, because I do think he's being sincere, but sincere is like- There are different ways to be sincere, you know? When he is here, and he is telling Dean like, "Please let me out. You have got to. You can't leave me here," he is being sincere. If that worked out, he would have pushed through with that. But because it didn't work out, he approached it in a different way, and that is also sincere. You know what I mean? [C: Yeah.] I don't think he's trying to be insincere, specifically, just that there's different situations, and there's different ways of acting in different situations. Love Sam!

C: Love Sam.

G: Yeah. But Cas is asking like, "Are you feverish? Are you speaking in tongues? Is he speaking in tongues?" [both laugh] Speaking in tongues, that's an actual term, which is something I discovered only semi-recently. Dean asks, incredibly tense and mad this entire portion of the episode, and also the entire episode, I think, until towards the end. I would say it's a combo for me. It's both like, I understand why he's feeling this way, and then the other side is like, he also did act this way in other situations where I don't understand it. And so now, what it feels like is he's allowed to feel this way. He's allowed to act like how he's always acted, because now it's justified, which is not a particularly good feeling for a watcher of a show. [C: Mm.] Right? Would you say that?

C: Yeah, I'd say that.

G: Yeah, okay. So Dean is acting like how he did with Ruby and how he did when he put Sam in that fucking panic room, which Sam does mention later. [C: Yes.] Like, "No, Dean. You're not gonna put me in the panic room." And I wuv it! [laughs] No, I don't. I don't actually wuv it. It's a disconcerting thing to watch, to have it- to yeah. But not in a bad way, I think. It's disconcerting in a way that makes you think deeper about how you how you interact with this aspect of Dean Winchester and how he has what he believes to be righteous anger, and the thing is, even when it's not righteous, he still deems it to be righteous, so when he deems it to be righteous, and it is righteous, what does that mean? You know? [C: Yeah.] Oh, okay. So Dean's shouting at Sam like, "No! I'm not going to talk-" He does this thing where he doesn't really talk to Sam, he's just talking to Sam through Cas. Or he's talking to Sam as a suspect that they're interrogating where there's a lot of talking to Cas as if Sam isn't there, which does suck, I believe. [laughs] But also, again, previously mentioned stuff. Cas asks, "How much sleep do you get?" And Sam says, "No, I don't do that." And Dean asked, "Did it never occur to you that something's off about that?" And Sam just goes, "Well, of course it did. I just didn't tell you. Duh!" [both laugh] So true! And Cas asks the age-old question, "How are you feeling?" And Sam goes, "My nose is broken." And Cas says, "No, that's a physical sensation. What are you feeling?" And Sam goes, "I think-" and Cas goes, "No, no, no. What are you feeling?" And Sam goes, "I don't know!" Normal therapy session, for fucking real. Cas rides up his arm. "Rides up his arm"?

C: Rolls up his sleeve?

G: Cas rolls up his sleeve, and he has his arm out. He also looks incredibly hot this episode. [C: Yeah.] This is unrelated to the fisting, but there is a scene later, where he's standing near Dean, and then every time he turns to Sam, he doesn't turn his entire body, he just turns his head, and it's an incredibly fun look for him. He's doing a very sexy backturn- half-backturn or something. So true. Anyway, he fists Sam, and he removes his belt. [C: Uh-huh.] Is it his belt? It is his belt, right? He removes his belt.

C: Yeah. [laughs] For Sam to bite down on.

G: He shoves his belt onto Sam's mouth so that Sam can bite into it. Crazy, by the way. That's crazy. [C: Yeah, yeah.] That's crazy. And then he goes, like, "You should go somewhere that's soothing in your head."

C: Yeah. Love is real!

G: He inserts his damn arm into this guy, and Sam is like, screaming, crying. Well, he's just screaming. [laughs] Let's not get too- Yeah, he is screaming. He is actually in pain, and as Cas takes out his arm, Dean asks like, "Did you find anything?" And Cas walks around, a little bit morose, he goes, "No." Very ominous, very nothing as well. And Dean is like, "Oh, that's amazing, right? That's good news?" [C laughs] And Cas goes, "No. Physically, he's perfectly healthy. But his soul... it's gone!" Honestly, it's so amusing. "Did you find anything?" "No." I think it's so fun. It's such a TV show way to have this conversation, [C: It is.] but I love a TV show, so it's fine!

-

C: Cas explains that Sam's soul is probably still in the cage, and Dean asks if he's even still Sam. And of course, Cas goes, "Well, you pose an interesting philosophical question." And Dean just demands Cas go get Sam's soul right away, and Cas says, "I just don't think it's possible. I don't think I can do it!" [laughs] He knows from experience.

G: It is actually so fucking funny, all of the scenes where Cas is like, "Sam, do you really not remember anything?" [both laugh] Like, what is this?

C: Yeah. "Do you promise you don't remember anything? Okay, great."

G: He is so fucking funny.

C: Yeah. I still don't know the specifics of the Crowley/Cas getting Sam and Samuel out situation, but I do know that Cas got Sam, so he also did the fuck-up. Sam starts asking Dean to untie him, and Dean's just like, "No! I'm not even gonna let you out of this room!" And Sam says that he's "not some psycho. I didn't want you to get hurt. I was just trying to stop the vamps," which I think at least from a fucking DSM perspective does not preclude him from being "some psycho," but yeah, they're going off of the pop culture definition or whatever. And I think this is so cool. I love hearing about the logic behind soulless Sam's actions. I don't know. It's neat. It's neat. I like it. I like it.

G: The thing is like, I understand what he was saying. What he's saying here, I understand. And I think if it was in some situation where he either insists Dean do it in a "Dean, I'm trying to tell you how to do it." Like, Dean, Mr. I Need to Sacrifice Myself for the World or something, he would have done it. The violation is not exactly in that Sam wanted it to be the case where he wanted to use Dean as some sort of in. It's that he did it without Dean's consent. That's the issue. And I do find fascinating that they propose an idea later on that like- because if Sam wanted to, he could have become the vampire. He could have set himself out as like, "Oh, bite me, mm-hm-hm-hm-hm!" you know? [C laughs]

C: Yeah, exactly like that.

G: Yeah. But later on, we get the proposal of an idea that because Sam is soulless, it would be harder for him to combat the vampire instincts or whatever. [C: Yeah.] I just thought that was a fascinating touch to put in here where they ask this question of- Because they keep bringing up the "Dean became a vampire," obviously, because it's fundamental to Dean's gripes. They're answering it, bit by bit, on like, "Okay, so why didn't Sam do this instead? Okay, so why did Sam actually do it? And could it have been done other ways?" And the answer so far is, "Not in the way where Sam can do it," which I think is fun. Yeah.

C: Yeah. And then he goes, "Sowwy! It won't ever happen again!"

G: "My bad!" So-

C: So funny. I love him. "Pwease let me go!"

G: "It won't happen again!" [both laugh]

C: "Whoopsies!"

G: No, he's iconic. The thing is, I do love him soulless [C: He's great.], and I think it's such a refreshing thing to see. I understand he also doesn't experience happiness, and that can be a fundamental part of the human experience, and I think for me, watching Sam, I do want him to be happy sometimes. [both laugh] But like, only sometimes. So now, I'm completely fine.

C: With all the Winchester guilt complexes, it's just nice to have somebody who doesn't experience any of that.

G: Sam is now a person of facts and logic! Oh my god, he's Republican. [both laugh]

C: Yup. And also, throughout the scene, he's been sort of like untying his hands from the rope behind him.

G: Yeah, but nobody's noticing. He's doing it rather well. I think at this point, he has already untied himself.

C: Yeah, no, I think you're right.

G: We see him trying to attempt it earlier, [C: Earlier.] and when he stands up, there's no further movement. He just stands up, and he's like "It's untied."

C: "It's a-me! Sam... io."

G: He literally does say, "It's a-me."

C: So Dean isn't having any of this and says that he's just gonna keep Sam locked up forever. Sam tries again, the whole "I get it. I was wrong, but I'm trying to get right. It's still me," and it doesn't work. And Sam just sighs and stands up.

G: And he goes, "I didn't want it to come to this." [both laugh] So true! So iconic!

C: He's free. He's fine. There's still blood on his face. He's very tall.

G: He's literally very tall.

C: And he goes, "You're not gonna hold me, Dean. [G: Yeah.] Not here, [both] not in a panic room, not anywhere." Not in a panic room! I did cheer and clap.

G: Yeah. They do a good job of keeping Sam not exactly morally ambiguous, but like, not bad. And I do think there is a common thought in fandom that like, "Oh, when Jack becomes soulless, he's like normo schnormo minus some stuff. But for some reason, when Sam became soulless, he magically turned evil." But like, now that we're here, Sam is not magically evil.

C: Yeah, he's fine.

G: He's literally fine. And I don't know. It's such a fascinating thing to see. Maybe it's also the experience of going through it, discussing it week by week, Sam's experiences prior to Season 6, but yeah, my love for Sam right now is not because I think he's evil. I think it's because he's well-adjusted! [laughs]

C: Yeah.

G: Which is truly an indictment of Sam's-

C: He's the most mentally healthy he's been in this whole show.

G: What an indictment of Sam's character.

C: Except for the part where his soul's being tortured, but we're not seeing that.

G: Yeah, well.

C: He tells Dean, "You're stuck with the soulless guy, so you might as well work with me." Dean's just like, "Okay, fuck off, sure. But I'll be watching every movie you make." [G: Yeah.] And then he says, "Cas. Clean him up."

G: I know! And Cas does.

C: Which I know I had some visceral reaction to, but I don't know why.

G: No, it's the attack dog- the Castiel, the Winchester's attack dog, vibe is the vibe, and I think that's what does it. It's just such a fascinating dynamic. Season 6, baby! Season 6!

C: Yeah. He doesn't GAF about Cas's civil war, as is made clear later in the episode. [laughs] [G: Yeah.] I do like how "Weekend at Bobby's" and sort of Cas's thing, are both sort of [G: About the Winchester's-] build-ups to 6.20 about how Dean is self-absorbed. It feels like they're building the foundation to sort of justify Cas not telling Sam and Dean about the plan with Crowley by doing the "Dean is so selfish" thing early on in the season.

G: No. I think it's pointing to a different direction, that one.

C: Oh, okay.

G: I think we will have confrontations in this season where people, like an angel, will come on Earth and be like, "Dean Winchester, you're so fucking annoying. [C laughs] And how dare you disrespect Cas like that? He's our mighty leader, and you're treating him like your lapdog," which he is. [C: Yeah.] Not even a lapdog. He's not on his lap.

C: Yeah. Dean doesn't pet him or give him treats.

G: Yeah, he pets him after he- No, he doesn't even pet him after he attacks. I think by the time we get to 6.20, and I also may be completely misremembering, due to previously-mentioned afflictions, I think by that point we are on Dean's side. We understand why Cas is doing it. But like, at that point, it looks so egregious on Cas's side. And that's why I think 6.20 works. Because you go outside of it, it's so egregious on Cas's side. Then you go to Cas's perspective, and it's like-

C: "He's so sad and gay, though."

G: Yeah, exactly like, "I can empathize because he's so sad and gay."

C: Yeah. So yeah. It's the Cas as Dean Winchester's attack dog thing. [G: Yeah.] It's also just the establishing that Dean does not care about Sam in this form even further thing.

G: Yeah. I love how earlier, I was being completely generous by going, "He's the Winchester's attack dog." It's literally Sam v. Dean right now. [both laugh] [C: Yeah.] And Dean is winning. It's crazy. Well, Sam is winning, but Dean has won Cas over. Do you think they had a battle of like, Sam was like, "Cas, heal me." and Dean was like, "No, Cas." Dean is gonna win, right?

C: Yeah, I think so.

G: That's crazy. They do share a "more profound bond," quote-unquote, and he wasn't gonna mention it!

C: And okay, they do this effect when Cas heals Sam. [both laugh] I don't know- Okay, so he goes over. He touches Sam's face. Sastiel win. And then Sam groans like he's in pain, and he's so in pain that his head goes all the way down.

G: Yeah, and then as his head's up-

C: And then he flips his beautiful hair up to reveal his face, and it's clean. Healing has never hurt before, right?

G: I don't know. What are the times we have seen Cas heal someone?

C: We saw Cas heal Dean's face in "Swan Song."

G: No, yeah, he just boops him clean completely. But I think further on in the show, there is a more "stuff is mending now" aspect of healing that happens, although I would say at this point, it should be more aligned with Cas's powers in Season 5, 'cause he is still locked and loaded at this point. I think in the future seasons, like in Season 12, there's this one iconic scene where he heals Dean's arm, and then in Season 15-

C: He hovers over it? That one?

G: The one where he hovers over both of them, and it's mending, and it's slow. But they're just trying to do romantic shit with that one. That's why it was like that. [both laugh] Unbelievable that they did that fucking audience whatever. What's it called?

C: Oh, the- the survey! What is it called? [G: Yeah.] You're right.

G: Yeah, that one. Unbelievable.

C: Consumer... [G: No, no!] Market research.

G: Yeah, they did the market research already by that point, so they were trying to do romantic shit with that one. Crazy! And the other one was in Season 15, so even more so. Well, that's crazy. Who even give a fuck? Apparently me. I'm sooo... [laughs] It makes me feel every emotion all at once. [C: Yeah.] November 5 and 19 and also that date got to me this year, I must admit.

C: Sorry to Sastielers that this was literally your big soulfisting moment, but not that much Sastiel talk has happened.

G: And Grey is literally a Destieler.

C: Yeah. I'll try better next time, Sastielers. So they decide that they need to figure out who got Sam out so that they can figure out what happened to his soul. And Cas is just like, "I have no idea who it could be! Wow!" [laughs]

G: He's also just such a bad actor. Maybe it's because we know.

C: I think it's because we know. Even though I know, I couldn't really tell that he was being a bad actor, so I don't think he was.

G: I think I could tell when he was like, "Sam, do you really... not remember?" tucks his hair a bit behind his ear. [both laugh] Like, what is this? I mean, he doesn't, but his voice makes it sound like [C: Sure, sure.] he's tucking his hair behind his ear.

C: But yeah, he just woke up in a field, and that's all he knows. Slay! It's nice that Cas didn't make him [G: Crawl out.] dig himself out of a hole in the ground.

G: That's a Dean Winchester special. He was trying to fuck even back then.

C: Well, I was gonna say it's 'cause he cares about Sam, but okay. [G laughs]

G: Yeah, no, he loves a dirty man, and that's why he was like, "Dean, you're gonna dig yourself out of this hole."

C: Well, I think the main Cas/Sam field thing that I think about is the the cut scene from "The Future" [both laugh] where Sam's running through a field, and yeah. Maybe he just associates Sam with-

G: [laughing] Cas is shirtless, with his wings out, and Dean is like-

C: [laughing] - kneeling before him. Sam [laughing] is running through a field. [both laughing] Why was he kneeling?

G: [laughing] Cas is such a fucking unserious fucking character.

C: [laughing] Why was he kneeling?

G: [laughing] I can't believe they didn't do that, just because of that damned market research! It failed to give us that scene.

C: Yeah. Or maybe Misha Collins just didn't want to shave his chest, and they were like, "This scene can't work without Cas being shirtless. We have to scrap the whole thing now."

G: Literally. [laughing]

C: But okay, I do think the Sam running through a field thing is nice. [G laughing] He knows that Sam likes to jog, and he likes the idea of Sam having freedom, and maybe he likes resurrecting Sam in wide open spaces for the same reason, so.

G: That is such a reach as I have never heard before. [both laughing] "It's so nice that Sam's running through the field-"

C: Within the text, Sam running through a field, I think, is meant to represent joy and freedom, though. That's not a reach. It's just how much sentimental attachment I place on Cas's thought of that image that is the reach.

G: [laughing] No, exactly. It is actually hilarious that for Cas, he's like, "Oh, my main desire for Sam is to be happy and free. And my main desire for Dean is to be in wuv with me and worship me!" Like, incredibly fucking funny.

C: Yeah, yeah. Their only clue is that Samuel was also resurrected, so maybe they should ask him about shit.

-

G: Yeah, they go to the Campbell compound, and it looks like a combination of that one episode. What's that episode where they go to the religious place?

C: "99 Problems"?

G: Yeah, this place looks like a mix between the encampment in "99 Problems" and Future!Dean in Endverse.

C: We've also seen this compound before, though.

G: Yeah. But like, I think now, we see the gate, we see them guarding the gate.

C: No, we saw the gate before. [both laughing] Well, you didn't see the gate. You were knitting. I saw the gate before. And also, you did, because you've watched this show many, many times!

G: No. What I just mean is that it's such a fascinating look to a place where like, "Oh, there's hunters here, so it needs to be dark and gloomy." [C: Yeah.] They're still in the same world that all the other scenes in this episode are set in.

C: Yeah, we have invented light bulbs that are more than 20 watts.

G: Yeah. Is it a requirement that you need to be at a grimy place? I feel like maybe it shouldn't be. Maybe we should still respect OSHA standards as we proceed into our hunter day-to-day life. And I think it's such a fascinating idea to connect a incredibly religious compound to the Campbell compound. You know what I mean? Like in "99 Problems"? And they have a religious leader, too. And Dean pointed out later that Samuel is their- what's that? John Wayne? Is that true?

C: I don't remember. Did he say that? I believe you, but I don't remember.

G: Let's check. Ctrl+F, John. Yeah, "Convinced that you're John Wayne."

C: Wait. Is that a- that's not a cult leader, is it?

G: No, no, no. I just mean like they think he's like an- John Wayne is like an action hero, so the point Dean is making here is that "They think you're their action man who knows everything and everything will work out for," and that does imply a certain kind of reliance on him in like a spiritual way, in a moral way, even, that like "We can follow Samuel's instructions because it'll work out because it's him." And that does lean towards a religious or cultish, as you said, behavior in the place. Do you know what I mean? Do you know what I'm saying? I think it's fascinating to connect-

C: I do know what you mean. I guess I don't really see that that much in their behavior, but maybe I'm just missing things.

G: Yeah, I think because they're also quote-unquote "family," although it doesn't really feel like that when you're in there, Dean does make a semi-suggestive turn of phrase to Gwen, [laughs] which was pretty weird. [C: Yeah.] So it could just be the family aspect of "This is our grandfather." It could also just be that there seems to really be a hierarchy in hunting life that people respect, which is fascinating. And Dean really is- The reason why Dean and Samuel clash is because they're just like each other, which is, I think, also fascinating to see. The real reason why they clash is because Samuel asks Dean to follow him, to follow his instructions, and Dean can't. And the way Dean responds to this is he stops the car with Sam and tells Sam, "I'm driving the bus." It's a fascinating thing to see.

They go in, and we also see this whole situation where there's a workroom, like a workshop, I think, and all people are doing is reloading their guns and preparing weapons. [C laughs] It is an imposing look. But Sam comes in, and Christian [laughs] greets him. It's so very obvious that Sam and him are buddies. And then Christian turns to Dean, and he's like, "Dean." Love it. He's like, "Sam! What's up, man?! ... Hi, Dean." He leads them to Samuel, so they go into Samuel's place. They start trying to interview Samuel, and as they enter- And it's just Sam and Dean. But as they enter, Samuel shoves a notebook/something into his drawers, and it's obvious that he's being secretive. And later on, they keep this going. Every time Sam or Dean show up to talk to him, he's always trying to hide something. Just keep a mind palace like Sherlock, man. [laughs]

C: Or a mind attic like the superior Sherlock of CBS Elementary.

G: Samuel is like, "I told you everything already about the night I came back." And Dean says, "Yeah, but you gotta recap it for our wingman here."

C: Ah! Love it!

G: Samuel turns around, and Cas is there! And he's just standing semi-ominously in the background. And Samuel turns to him and goes, "Oh, this is Castiel. You're scrawnier than-" Okay, he goes, "So this is Castiel," and we go to Cas's face. And Cas, as I've said, nods sagely, but also with a little self-satisfied smirk. And yeah, Samuel goes, "You're scrawnier than I pictured." And Cas goes-

C: Why are they having sex? Why is this happening?

G: Yeah. Also, we get a lot of Dean reaction shots [C laughs] and absolutely no Sam reaction shots. It's hilarious. What is this? Later on, when Cas goes, "Of course, your problems are always my priority," we only get a Dean and Samuel face reaction shot? [both laugh] Like, Sam is also in this episode. Yeah, anyway, Cas goes, "This is a vessel. My true form is approximately the size of your Chrysler building." And Dean's like, "Alright. Quit bragging." What is wrong with him? [both laugh] And they start interviewing Samuel. Is Destiel- they're queer baiting at this point. It's not real. It's called queerbaiting. But also, it's queerbaiting? Is it queerbaiting if it's real? [C laughs] It is. It's extra queerbaiting if it's extra real.

Samuel gets a what he calls an "angel cavity search" from Cas, and as he screams, Christian actually comes in to inspect what's happening, but Samuel makes him go out. And they're really trying to impose this perspective of Christian as like a looming figure, always watching, always watching, [C: Why?] and then later on, we find out the twist, quote-unquote, which is that he's actually a demon this whole time, which I did think was okay.

C: It's unlikely, though. They work with salt and holy water all the time.

G: They work with salt and holy water, and I'm assuming this entire place is demon-trapped to hell and back.

C: Yeah, I'd also assume they test people at the gates because of how high their security is.

G: Because of the fact that there's a fucking gate, yeah. [C laughs] And it's not just him, too. There are many people who are demons. Christian is just the only one we meet. But there's many others, too, and it's like, think about your security, man. Or perhaps-

C: They're all security, so they got fake salt on everyone?

G: No, maybe Samuel specifically was particularly lax on the demon shit because he is working with demons. [C: True.] So that could be a possibility. But I was also surprised that Cas was just able to go in there. Like, they're aware of angels. I mean, Sam did have this perspective earlier in the season where it's like, "Oh, the angels have left us alone because they have better stuff to do, like take care of people or something now that the apocalypse is done," which is factually untrue, but it could also be a reason why Sam would not have told Samuel about angelship and how to repel angels and stuff.

Cas says that like, "His soul is intact," and Samuel's like, "Of course it is. Why would it not be?" And then he realizes that Sam's soul- well, as Sam puts it, "Whatever dragged me out... dot dot dot... left a piece behind." [laughs] Trailer-ass line. They're going to fucking use that in the "Road So Far." [C: For sure.] For sure. Yeah, "Whatever dragged me out, it left a piece behind." And Samuel doesn't really act surprised when he says that he kind of already knew because of how Sam has been acting and all that crap. And then Cas, he looks up, and I think if we were in Cas's perspective, we would hear angel radio, but we're not. So he just looks up. And then he goes, "I have to go." And Dean's like, "Oh, I can't believe you're leaving." And Cas is like, "Yeah, well, I'm in the middle of a civil war." [C laughs] And Dean says, "You better tear up the attic, find something to help Sam." And Cas says, "Of course. Your problems always come first."

C: Slay!

G: Love him. Love him. And we get a very quick reaction shot from Dean, and a very long reaction shot from Samuel? [both laughing] Love that as well. What is Guy Bee doing? Guy Bee, what's up with you? What's happening here? What are the implications?

C: I think he wants Cas to fuck that old man.

G: Literally. And yeah, he goes, "I'll be in touch," and then he disappears. And Sam asks, "What's with all of the people outside?"

C: Well, first, Samuel says, "Would have asked him to stick around for a beer." I think he wants to fuck that guy. [both laugh]

G: Is it so true? I think this statement deserves a "so true." Well, so true! [C laughs]

C: Thank you.

G: But Sam puts together that they have found the alpha vamp and that they have tracked him down and all of that. And Dean kind of starts getting uneasy, and Samuel was like, "Oh, you want to come with us?" And Dean's like, "Well, yeah." And Samuel says, "I don't want you to because I don't trust you." I mean, it's not this direct, but this is the summary of the conversation. But Dean eventually says, "Okay, I'll follow your lead. I'll be a obedient guy, and I won't impose my own tactics or whatever. I just want to be there when it goes down."

C: Also, okay, when Dean goes, "So you don't trust me?" Samuel goes, "No, I just don't know you." [laughing] And there's little bits of sad piano music?

G: They really tried to do a "they're family!" [C: They're not.] It's such an incredibly hilarious thing. "They're not family, but at the end of the day, they're still family," [C laughing] which is the conclusion of this episode. That is what the episode ends with.

C: Yeah. Love it. Love it.

G: Hilarious. Wuv it. And it ends with Dean going like, "I'll follow your lead. I trust you." And it cuts to outside, where he goes, "I don't trust him. He's hiding something."

C: "And if you weren't Robo-Sam, you'd feel it too."

G: I did think that part was like, a little bit charming. Dean being able to talk about in a-

C: Yeah, what I liked about it was how quickly he jumps to Sam being his confidant again, [G: Yeah.] despite Sam being, as he puts it, Robo-Sam.

G: Yeah. There is something so wonderful to me about the fact that later on, he confronts Sam. And like, we already saw him confront Sam before, or at least attempt to, when he was like, "So you knew about the alpha vampire. You knew about it before we were talking about it." Do you remember that one?

C: The alpha shapeshifter?

G: The alpha- the shape shifter, yeah. "The alpha." [both laugh] He tried to do the confrontation with the alpha shapeshifter, and later on, with the "You always have my back, right?" all that shit, and it's always blown up in his face. When he does actually confront Sam like, "Did you freeze there so that I can become a vampire?" and Sam completely lies to his face. But he still does it later, when he was like, "I know you took that guy away." Sam could have been like, "You're seeing things, Dean," [both laugh] which I think he could. Dean would fucking punch him again, but he could have done it. But I don't know. I found it so charming that he thought he could do that and approach it in the way that he is approaching it now, which is that, "No, Sam. You're missing this emotional cue."

C: I think I like the fact that he adjusts to their new dynamic with this new information pretty easily [G: Very quickly.] in a way that seems like it's working just fine.

G: I think it's working because they're back to the dynamic of an older brother teaching his kid, as in literal kid brother, "No, when people act like that, this is what they mean." [laughs] You know? He's back to being-

C: You think that's why Dean's accepting of this?

G: I think that's why that's working for Dean. Not particularly why he's accepting, but I think this is a dynamic that is very easy for him to fall into, because he's instructing Sam about something, and in this case, he's instructing Sam how to read people or how to morally gauge situations, which is something that you do to a child, you know? You tell a child, "When people do that, that's a bad thing." [laughs] You know? "You shouldn't steal. That's bad. When people lie to you, that means they're not trustworthy." [laughs] You know, those are stuff that you teach a little child, and I do think there is an aspect of that that appeals to Dean. Like, I'm teaching Sam like he's a little child again, and I'm telling him, "Oh, it's sketchy when people tell you that they killed someone, but they actually just hid them to torture them." [laughs] Yeah, you know?

C: And, I mean, in 6.01, when Sam tells Dean that they should stick together and hunt together more, he does sort of say, "It's because you like ran in there to try to save those people, even though it was too late. We need somebody with sort of your moral compass around." So yeah, starting from that, he knew something was up, and he did want Dean there to fulfill this sort of role.

G: Yeah, that's the thing. Sam is conducive to it. If he wasn't, it would just be the same situation as it was with, again, Ruby and the demon blood and stuff. But because Sam is conducive to it in a way that is not guilt-ridden, that's why it works. It's a fun thing to watch. Well, fun is an nebulous thing, but, you know, [C: It is fun.] it is a nebulously fun thing to watch. [laughs]

G: Love the word nebulous.

C: Yeah, love the word nebulous also. Sam says, "It's weird that you don't trust him, 'cause [both] he's family." [G: Yeah!] And later, there's a point where he's like, "Wait, what do you mean? Why would he do that? He's our grandfather." [both laugh] And I think that's so interesting!

G: We have discussed this before, right?

C: We have discussed it before.

G: The values that he holds, he's misinterpreting why he holds them, which is so fun! I love it! So fun!

C: It is very fun.

G: I do think it's fascinating the way Dean tries to communicate it to him. Like, "No, you think that. But does he? Does he value that you're his family? He's not Dad," which is also a wild thing to say.

C: [laughing] Insane. The most Winchester thing to say.

G: "He's not a Winchester. He's a Campbell!"

C: Yeah, 'cause okay, what we have right now is Sam just trusts family, but in a way where he seems to trust Samuel over Dean, or at least before this, he did. So I wonder why that is.

G: Because I think-

C: Just, he got to him first?

G: I mean, I think it could be that he got to him first, but also, I don't think that necessarily, he trusts Samuel over Dean because Dean didn't demand that "You tell me-" And after Dean demanded it, he followed. Maybe he's like going by the law. You know how like- I just finished taking a contract and mediations class, [C: Contract law.] [laughs] and there is this one case where they were like, "Part of the legal code of the- civil code of the Philippines is that contracts above 500 pesos involving that amount of money needs to be written down," and so one case was like, "Oh, you can't demand that we pay you 14,000 pesos because you didn't write it down." And then the court was like, "Well, they said that you have to write it down, but it didn't say that you need to write it down to litigate. So it's fine. We can still litigate. Even if you didn't write it down!" That's what Sam is doing. He's like, "Wait, Dean didn't necessarily say that I have to tell him, and that if I don't tell him, it's bad, so I can just still not tell him." So true, Sam. [C: So true.] And only when Dean goes, "No, you have to tell me, one hundred percent, no exceptions," that's the only time Sam started cooperating in the way Dean thought they were already cooperating prior.

C: Yeah, that tracks. I guess I'm also curious about Sam's motivations around hunting and finding the alpha vampire. Is that just because Samuel told him to, or is one of his remaining instincts or values after leaving still, "I should hunt." And if so, where is that coming from? Saving people, or just muscle memory, or like, what?

G: What he kept on saying was he's good at it. [C: Yeah.] And like, I think that's it.

C: It's just knitting to him.

G: It's just like, it's meaningful to him right now, even though that's not really how he navigates- Meaning is not necessarily how he navigates his life as of now, but it is still meaningful to him, just by the mere fact that he does it well, and he does it better than other people, and he thinks he does it better than other people right now specifically because it doesn't mean anything to him, which I- you know. [C: Right.] He thinks he's good at it because he's soulless, so win-win for him from his perspective, I would say.

C: And his desire to be good at hunting over- Because, I guess, what? Dean never told him, "Don't let me get turned into a vampire"? [both laugh] I'm trying to figure out the calculations he did there.

G: He just thinks that like, between getting to the alpha vamp and this, the getting to the alpha vamp is harder to do and more important. We can turn Dean back, we just need to get to the alpha vamp.

C: Yeah, makes sense. Dean thinks that Samuel's connected to Sam missing his soul in some way, so he decides that he's gonna sneak into Samuel's office and try to get some shit. So he breaks in, but Christian's just in a hallway-

G: He literally is.

C: - being like, "Why are you here?" And Dean says he's trying to make a private phone call, and when Christian asks, "To who?" Dean says, "Your wife. let her know I'm not gonna make it over tonight," and then, that's supposed to be cool and fun, but then, later, Christian's like, "And your girlfriend's a slut," and Dean's like, "I'm gonna kill you!" And Dean was right both times?

G: Yeah, I don't know. It's just like a, you know, very generic using the sexualization of the woman that is a partner of this person as a way to exert dominance or whatever. I don't know. People have been doing it for so long. There's a lot to say about it.

C: Yeah, yeah, there sure is. They just threaten each other a bit, and Christian sort of implies that he might accidentally kill Dean during the vampire hunt? [laughs]

G: No, no, it is so funny that Christian goes, "Accidents happen," and Dean replies, "Oh, don't worry, man. I got your back." Wonderful exchange that is! Go, Dean. Love it!

C: But yeah, so he has to go, and he doesn't get any information.

-

G: Yeah. They're all in this like- it feels like "The End" is what it feels like, right? The suicide mission in "The End." But it works, is the difference. So they go in, and Samuel relegates Dean to quote-unquote "the back." He's just gonna hang back here and like sweep out if there's any vampires that run off while they attack the place. And Dean makes a face, and he is placed with Gwen here. Dean makes a face, and Samuel goes, "Oh, is there a problem, Dean?" And Dean goes, "No, sir." And then Gwen goes, "Oh, so you're going to place me with the reject?" [both laugh] And I found this completely amusing, so fun. And she does apologize later. She says, "Sorry about the reject thing." And Dean says, "I've been called worse," just like Will Wood. [C laughs] Gwen says that "Oh, I think what's happening is that Samuel keeps on relegating me for stuff because I remind him of his daughter," which is like, so fucking corny, annoying, and stupid. You have two women. They're just like each other! Like, come on.

C: Yeah, they're not similar in personality. We've met Mary.

G: They're not similar at all! Yeah.

C: And they don't particularly look like each other.

G: Yeah. And like, you know, if she was trying to get out of the life, sure. But I don't know. I feel like there must be aspects of Mary that are like, "I'm grown enough to do this," and that manifests in wanting to be more independent in hunting, but I don't know. It's just a whole situation. [C: Yeah.] Dean says, "Well, it's because you speak your mind." What the fuck? [laughs]

C: No, he wasn't saying, "Well, it's because you just speak your mind." He went, "Oh, what you just said there was really blunt" was his point.

G: Ohh. Wild! I completely-

C: "Oh, well, you just speak your mind," is how he put it.

G: No, I thought it was like, "Well, you just speak your mind!" [C: No.] As "Yeah, that's why you're similar!" Okay, slaycay. Does that completely negate what I was saying earlier?

C: About what?

G: About Mary and Gwen? No. [C: No?] 'Cause I thought this was the thesis. Okay, well, I'll figure out if that's true. Sorry, I do trust you, just like Dean Winchester and Samuel Campbell. [both laugh]

C: So you don't.

G: No, I don't trust you. They kill a vamp that's running off. Specifically-

C: Well, "they" is putting it generously.

G: Specifically, it attacks Gwen, and then Dean gets the vamp but then gets pushed to the ground, and as he's about to be bitten, he pushes the guy to the side, and then Gwen- not willingly- [laughs]

C: He doesn't push the guy to the side. He's about to get got, the vampire's over him, and then there's a spray of blood, because Gwen came up behind the vampire and chopped its head off.

G: Yeah, beheads. And it is a very fun shot of the beheaded vampire on Dean's shoulder as Dean tries to shove it off, and there is a very concerted effort from Dean to wipe away the blood near his mouth and his face, which I did appreciate, that acting choice. Because when that blood spray hit his face, my first immediate thought was like, "Oh, no! The vampire blood!" which like, I love. Love that. Dean says, "Oh, thanks."

C: No, he doesn't say anything. She says, [both] "You're welcome," [G: That's true.] offers her hand to pull him up, and he doesn't say anything, and he doesn't take her hand.

G: He doesn't care. He just wipes his face, yeah. But then he hears the gunshots away, and then he runs towards there, and it's like the scene at "The End" where there's a massacre up front, but now it's a combination of vampires and hunters. And then Dean hears commotions, and he goes to see, and Samuel shoving in the alpha vamp into a van, and Sam is also there.

C: Why was there a woman who was yelling Dean's name in the window? Who was that?

G: It was a hunter.

C: Okay. She saw him?

G: And then she gets- Yeah, "Dean!" and then gets eaten by the vampire. Gets killed, even.

As they head out, Dean runs back, and Gwen starts trying to tell him, "Dude! We were supposed to stay here. Where did you go?" But then Samuel comes in and asks, "Has there been any trouble?" And Gwen says, "Oh, we just, you know, we killed a runner. It's fine." And you know, Dean is like, "Oh! She knows how to play the game, I suppose. And she didn't reveal me, even though I was mean to her." Does Dean say "thank you" now?

C: No.

G: He just gives a meaningful look. [laughs]

C: Sure. I don't think he did that.

G: Yeah, we gave a meaningful look, but he didn't.

C: Wait, maybe I missed this, but you said that Dean asked where the vampire went, and Samuel said they already burned it?

G: Oh, yeah! Samuel says, "Oh, you should just bring marshmallows," which I did think was so funny, "because he's already in the pyre!" which, you know, makes it very explicit that they're lying to Dean.

In the car, they're in the Impala. Dean's driving. And then he asks Sam, "Okay, Sam, what the fuck happened?" And Sam's like, "Nothing weird. We just killed the alpha vamp." And Dean pulls up on the side of the road, and then he walks out, and he's like, "You know what? I saw you take the alpha vamp. How is that not weird?" And Sam just goes, "Oh." [both laugh] And Dean goes, "Oh? What do you mean 'oh'?" And Sam says, "You weren't supposed to see that. Samuel's just been doing it, you know, catching things, and this vamp specifically, to take them somewhere and grill them for info." And Dean's like, "Oh, you mean grilling as in torture. Was that his idea?" And Sam says, "No, it was mine, and I didn't tell you because I think you'd fuck it up because you shoot first and ask questions later, and we need to ask questions."

C: I'm surprised that Dean's history with torture wasn't brought up here.

G: Yeah, no, I thought what it is is that "I think it's going to break you psychologically, having to do all that, or knowing that it's happening." Honestly, Sam could have just said, "I know you're going to say, 'No, don't do that' because you have your reservations." Which like, I don't think is true.

C: Dean doesn't, though. He loves torture.

G: Yeah, that's the thing. Supernatural has good torture and bad torture, and if it works, it's good torture. If it doesn't work, like with this alpha vamp? Bad torture. [laughs] Wild series of events.

C: Yeah. And in this case, it's not bad torture because- it's bad torture because you're putting other hunters at risk by not killing him. That's what they mean by bad torture. [laughs]

G: Yeah, no, it is. Anyway, this is where the family conversation comes up because Dean's asked, "Don't you realize that this is shady?" and Sam's like, "But he's our grandpa!" And Dean says, "You have no instinct. You're seriously messed up," and Sam goes, "Thanks." And Dean starts doing this thing where he's like, "Look. Nobody's forcing you to work with me, but if if we do this, I drive the bus. I call the shots. And you tell me everything, whether you think it's important or not, because you can't tell the difference." And then he goes, "Or, you know what? Go with Samuel. Why not? See how that goes. It's up to you!" And then our next scene is Sam going to Samuel so we think that he did choose Samuel, which is so fun.

C: I mean, nobody actually thinks that, but they tried to make us think it.

G: Yeah, but it's still a fun thing to do. Maybe if this is your first time watching this, and etc. etc., you don't know anything, Sam is a bit of an unpredictable character right now.

C: It's so clearly a setup for the twist, though.

G: Yeah, it is. But like, I think Sam exists in a nebulous space as a character, that it very well may happen. He did just help Samuel put that alpha vamp in the van.

-

C: Yeah, Sam returns to the Campbell compound, and he tells Samuel, "Oh, me and Dean, I don't think we're working together anymore, and I want to be in 100% on the interrogations because this family is it for me now."

G: [laughing] Incredibly funny.

C: But Samuel says, "No. Not until you get your soul back!" So that doesn't work. And Sam's like, "Okay, fine." So then we see him leave and mess around with some things or whatever.

G: In a car, and then we realize it's like a GPS tracker.

C: Yeah, it turns out he turned the GPS tracker on one of Samuel's phones. And then he meets up with Dean in the Impala secretly, and Sam goes, "Oh, you didn't think I'd come back!" at Dean's expression. And Dean goes, "I figured 60/40." Very fun!

G: Which I think is also charming! Like, that's fun.

C: Yeah. I think it's the immediate acceptance that "Okay, I guess this is the situation, and I will just roll with it" is just a nice departure.

G: I think there's also, perhaps, the aspect in Dean where "There is no need to hide my apprehensions because it's not like Sam's gonna be hurt more or gonna be hurt less," or like, "If I try to hurt Sam by lying to him-" you know. If he tried to hurt Sam, it's not gonna work, and if he tried to make Sam feel better by hiding his apprehensions, it also doesn't matter, and so let's just be honest. Which like, they should have just done this from the get-go. [C: Yeah.] Dean, you should have just done this from the get-go.

C: Yeah. When he beat Sam into a pulp at the end of last episode, it was- I mean, he was taking shit out on him. He didn't think it was actually Sam. Or what was that?

G: Yeah, I think so. I think so. Because that is how he interacts with Sam at the beginning of this episode, like, "This is not Sam."

C: Right, though the "Cas, clean him up" is still- Yeah, okay, I'm just trying to think about the the transition from that very angry, betrayed, or like, "This isn't Sam, I need to kill him" thing to this, I think very healthy relationship dynamic that they have right now. How'd he get there?

G: I think what it is is that Sam is keeping true to his word. [C: Yeah.] Dean told him, "You can leave, or you can help me," and then he helps Dean. And the fact that he came back here at this point, it must be a sigh of relief for Dean. He could also just feel disarmed in a way because he was fully expecting- not fully expecting, but he was like 60/40 expecting, as he said, that Sam won't come back. What do you think is the 60?

C: That he would.

G: That he would. Is that how the grammar works?

C: I think that they would have made a joke about it if it was the other way around. [G: Yeah.] Sam would have gone, "In what way?" And Dean would have been like, "40 on you coming back."

G: Yeah, okay, got it. But you know, I think it could also, as I said, I think it could also just be that Dean is a little glad that Sam came back, and that's why he's acting this way.

C: Yeah, perhaps. But he was also chill during the Robo-Sam scene that we commented on, and I feel like that was before Sam had proven anything to him.

G: Yeah, this is true.

C: He's processed it very quickly.

G: I don't think it's processing very quickly. I think Dean is excellent at turning specific aspects on and off in terms of what he's thinking about.

C: Yeah, right. So Sam says that he turned GPS tracking on one of Samuel's phones, and it'll work because he doesn't know anything about technology.

G: Yeah. "He thinks Velcro is magic."

-

C: So they go to a warehouse where he's driven. There's dead man's blood smeared around. When they go inside, they have to hide from Christian, who's patrolling the area. But eventually, they get over to some room where Samuel's holding the alpha vampire in a cage, and he's in [both] a wooden chair, and there's nails through his feet [both] and hands, just like Jesus. [G: Literally.] And the torture device, I think, just sends electricity through the nails.

G: It's an electric chair, yeah.

C: Very rudimentary like. No wonder he got out. You could just break- you're putting electricity in the wood, and the wood's supposed to be holding him there. [laughs] [G: Yeah.] This is what happens when you think Velcro is magic, I suppose. [G laughs]

G: I think the devices are set up by Crowley, actually.

C: What a loser! Don't they torture people for real in Hell?

G: No, they just make them wait in line now.

C: Oh, true. It's because they all broke out of his wooden chair nail contraptions, and he was like, "Shit. Well."

G: Now, they need to line up for the wooden chair.

C: "We can only zap that thing once a day, or else it'll just break entirely." All of those things where it's like, "Regular torture in Hell might seem bad, but what about this emotional pain, or this being bored?" And it's like, actually, I do think the actual physical torture is worse.

G: Yeah. And also, there is emotional pain in being physically tortured [C laughs], and there is probably some boredom in getting tortured. [C laughs]

C: Yeah, and you don't get those things with emotional torture or boredom, so yeah.

Samuel's just asking, "Where is it?" over and over again, and he's not getting anywhere. The alpha vampire, who's honestly so cool, [laughs] [G: Yeah.] I liked his actor a lot.

G: After the electricity he goes, "Ouch. Yeowch. Owie!"

C: "Ouch. Stop. That hurts." [both laugh] [G: So true!]Yeah, completely, flat.

G: Yeah, he's funny.

C: It's really funny. And Samuel's really riled up about this. He's like, "Oh my god! I can't believe this shit. And you know what? I have all the time in the world. I'm just gonna torture you so much. I've got so much torture planned for you," and the alpha vampire is completely unaffected.

G: He goes, "I also have all the time, too." So true!

C: So true. [laughing] And Samuel just gets so mad, he throws his machete to the ground [G laughs] and goes to another room.

G: Literally a temper tantrum.

C: And then the alpha vampire, who senses Sam and Dean behind the door goes, "Come on out, boys." And they go in cautiously, and he asks, "How can I help you?" Yeah, Dean does some exposition that the alpha vampire currently has so much dead man's blood in his veins that he can't send out a psychic signal to get all the vampires to come here.

G: And the the alpha vampire goes, "That's true, isn't it... Dean?" [C laughs] And Dean acts disarmed by this as if it isn't completely fucking obvious why that is. Like, of course, Dean. You were a vampire. You did see one of the visions. Oh, and also, there are [C: Oh, yeah.] moments in this episode where the visions flash for him, which also is quite wonderful, and that is like part of the reason why he was able to tell that some stuff is gonna happen or something, 'cause he recognized it from his psychic bat signal. And the alpha vampire is asking Dean, "Did you enjoy being a vampire?" But Dean starts the electricity running. This entire time, he's trying to electrocute the alpha vampire, but completely unfazed, like literally DGAF.

C: And also, there's times when it cuts to the alpha vampire's really long, sharp, middle fingernail-

G: And it's growing!

C: - which he's using to scratch the wood of the chair.

G: Yeah. Very fun. And the alpha vampire says, "When you were first huddled around the fire, I was the thing in the dark. [C: Slay.] You think you can hurt me? I have all night, boys. [C: And other nights, too.] And I'm happy to tell you whatever you want to know." And so Sam asks, "Why? Why are you gonna tell us them?" And he goes, "Because you're going to be ankle deep in your blood, sucking the marrow from your bones." [laughs] No, no, "I'll be ankle-deep in your blood, sucking the marrow from your bones." Very fun. I think it is very fun to think about an alpha vampire, first of his kind, being the thing that the first Homo sapiens, [C: Yeah.] the people who invented fire, were lugging around from- or like, hiding from. That is- "Oh, I'm the reason why you have instincts to be afraid of the dark" is such a fun thing for a monster to say! [C: I agree.] I enjoyed it so so so so much. When we're recording, and I go, "Oh, I have to change my desk position because I'm scawed," [both laugh] it's because I'm scared of the vampire. That's fun.

C: It is fun. I agree wholeheartedly. He's very good at just conveying sort of the being an ancient being sort of thing. Because I feel like a lot of the vampires we see in Supernatural are kind of like, nasty, snake-like, nesting creatures.

G: But this guy has a certain kind of gravitas to him that we don't really see with the other vampires.

C: Yeah, he has dignity.

G: Yeah. There is a sense of like, "This guy's royalty," I think, in the vampire world, which is very fun. I think because it's a vampire- I think it's a wonderful thing that they chose a vampire for this because we were just talking about it, right? How they kind of use vampires as stand-in for humans because they're the closest thing to a human that a monster is in Supernatural. That is the closest connection that they draw, especially in terms of monsters that are recurring very often in the show, and so it is an excellent choice that the alpha that they really showcase is a vampire because it feels like there's a more even ground. You just have a human being who is extra, extra powerful, it does lend it something, especially because, as we've said before, there is a great relational aspect in terms of the vampire commune. It's a very- it's about the nest, not about one singular guy, and so having their leader here means something, as opposed to, say, the leader of the shapeshifters, who- we don't really understand shapeshifters to be relational or social in that way. So yeah, good choice. Sam asks, "Well, if you're the first vampire, who made you?" [both laugh] And the alpha vampire, very "mwahaha" style, goes, "Well, we all have our mothers." [both laugh] He doesn't say it like that, but he should have. Yeah, they continue asking about "What's with all the vampires?" "Oh, it's because we're going to war." And he points out that Sam has no soul because he smells cold. "What is it like to have no soul? Answer my question." And Sam goes, "No, you answer it first, because you're the one in the cage." But he just keeps going, "The thing about souls is, if you don't have one- if you have one, of course, you either go to Heaven or Hell. But like, what about meee?" which implies a like-

C: That the monsters don't have souls?

G: That they have something that goes somewhere. Because the implication is, if you don't have a soul, you just don't go anywhere, right? Like, there's still an afterlife for them.

C: No, if you have a soul, you either go to Heaven or Hell. [G: Yeah.] And then he says, but his kind goes somewhere else.

G: So they don't have a soul?

C: So they don't have a soul. [G: Ah.] Are witches in Purgatory? No, because Rowena went to Hell.

G: Yeah. [C: Okay.] No, because as we've mentioned before, witches sell their soul to the demons or something.

C: Yeah, so they go to Hell, so that's different.

G: Yeah. It takes Sam and Dean truly, truly a very long time to get to the Purgatory conclusion.

C: Are werewolves in Purgatory?

G: Yes.

C: Or do they only go there if they die while they're-

G: No, Purgatory.

C: Okay, so as soon as they're bitten, they lose their soul, even though part of the times, they're still in control of themselves?

G: That's what I'm saying, I don't think it's losing your soul. I think it's your soul turning to something else.

C: But he says, "If you've got one, you go up or down when you die," so if you go to Purgatory, you don't have a soul.

G: Yeah, okay. But what's with the Empty, then?

C: Um, [laughs] yeah, no. I think they added that one later.

G: No, I just mean like, I don't necessarily think it's you don't have a soul anymore. I think it's like, if you have a soul, you go to Heaven or Hell. [C: Okay.] If you have something else, we don't know where it goes. If your essence is made up of something different other than a soul, it should go somewhere else. [C: Right.] Because it's not like they take their body, and if there's no soul, and there's no body, then what is it? I understand that's a very reductive- [laughs] but like, so there must be something else, is what I'm saying. And that something else is what they're discussing.

C: Wait wait wait, aren't they trying to get the souls in Purgatory to power Cas up?

G: Yeah, exactly. So it's a different kind of soul, [C: Okay.] like a soul that's not the same. I don't know. But anyway, [C: Okay.] that's why the pushback against like, "If you don't have a soul, that's why you end up in Purgatory."

C: But you agree that what he's saying right now is that. It's just that that doesn't end up being true in Supernatural.

G: What do you mean?

C: That the sentence, "The thing about souls, if you've got one, they're predictable. You die, you go up or down. Where do my kind go?" implies that monsters don't have souls, it's just that that ends up being false. It's just about a weird sentence.

G: No no no, I don't think that's true. I think the logic of this sentence is, "The thing about souls, if you've got one," is towards Sam. It's not towards him. It's not inward. "If you've got one, Sam Winchester, is that it goes to Heaven or Hell."

C: If Sam specifically has a soul, it goes to Heaven and Hell.

G: Yeah. And earlier, in the conversation, he asks Sam, "What does it feel like?" And why would he ask that if he doesn't have a soul?

C: I mean, he hasn't met a human without a soul, I assume. [G: Yeah, but-] And also, you can ask someone how something feels if you're also experiencing it. Like, I'm congested. Are you congested? How does it feel?

G: Yeah, this is true. No, but I am on my side, as I usually am. [laughs] I think when he goes, "You die, you go up or down," that is for specific kind of soul. [C: Alright.] But it's not necessarily saying "No soul, where does it go?" It's saying, "Different kinds of soul, where does it go?" or "Different kind of essence or something, where does it go?"

C: Okay, sure. Different kind of essence-

G: What is it called with angels? Oh, it's grace.

C: - which is what Crowley and Cas call souls but the alpha vampire doesn't call a soul.

G: Yeah, like, there is a powering up aspect to it, especially because the way it is interacted within Supernatural this season, it's as energy. Grace is energy as well. And one of the reasons why they say that Heaven is powering down is because they don't have enough grace from angels to keep it running. [C: Yeah.] And so I think it makes sense that, if we are to believe that souls are like soular energy, [both laugh] you know, they're another form of energy, I don't think that it's necessarily that different, the soul of a human being and whatever it is that monsters are made out of, essence-wise, [C: Mm.] if they're going to tap into those as the same kind of source of energy. Yeah. What is this conversation? [both laugh]

C: It's just about Supernatural writing a sentence that's slightly unclear. [G: Yeah.] And also just not having very clear guidelines for their afterlife lore.

G: Yeah, it's Supernatural's fault, and not at all our pedantism.

C: Yeah! Exactly.

G: Anyway, takes them so long to get to the word "Purgatory." The alpha vampire has to be like, "Are we rusty on our Dante?"

C: Yeah, he specifically says, "When we freaks die, where do we go?" which is fun. It's fun.

G: No, I love that line. Because Dean calls him like freak. "Enough with the sermon, freak." And then he goes, "Okay, well, where do we freaks go?" [C: Slay.] And of course it's so fun because of the Sam association as well, very fun. And I think the "little rusty on our Dante?" is so fun because it's Sam who answers, and it's like, "Has Dean not read Dante? He should have said, 'Purgatory,' and then turned to Sam and goes, 'I read!'" [both laugh] Is that such a mean thing to make fun of every time it happens?

C: It was a badly-written scene in the first episode it was in.

G: Okay, so true. The alpha vampire goes, [laughing] "It is filled with the soul of every hungry thing like me-" [both laughing]

C: [laughing] Okay, you're right. He calls them souls, too. Whoops.

G: "- that ever walked this earth. Now, where is it? That's the mystery," because they don't know, and Samuel is trying to find out. And the alpha vampire is saying like, "I don't know where it is, but your grandfather would not take them no for an answer, and it's not because of what he wants. It's because he is being told what to do," which is, earlier, we said, "Oh, he's in so much distress. "The distress is probably coming from "Oh, no-"

C: I still don't know what Crowley has hanging over him.

G: Probably just send him to Hell or something. [laughs]

C: Yeah, that'll do it.

-

C: Samuel shows back up because he literally just went into the next room, and Sam and Dean are having a loudass conversation with the doors completely open with the alpha vampire.

G: As they tend to. They love to do this.

C: [laughs] They do. They do love to do it. And yeah, Dean immediately turns on him and goes, "This is fucking stupid. The alpha vampire is gonna get out and kill everybody, and I know everybody around you thinks that you're some cool action hero, but you're actually gonna get all of them killed." And then Gwen shows up and cocks a gun.

G: Is on Campbell's side, yeah.

C: Yeah. And Dean goes, "Gwen. I thought we had something special!" Weird. And some random guy goes into the room with the alpha vampire.

G: Yeah, and he's scawed!

C: He's scawed! And the alpha vampire taunts him a bit.

G: The vampire just goes, "Are you scawed?" And the guy's like, "Ya!" And then he turns on the electric chair.

C: Yeah, and that helps break the chair. The chair is on its last gasp, and the alpha vampire gets out! Good for him. [laughs] I was really on his side for this entire fight. He's so cool and charismatic

G: It's such a terrifying thing to watch as well, imagining yourself in the situation of that guy, because like, this alpha vampire looks so powerful in his stride. Literally is like, "Okay, time's up" or something. When he gets out of the chair, he stands up and just starts removing the wires very efficiently. Because the entire time, he has been sitting down and he has been- it has acted like sort of a throne. It's also elevated a little bit, so it has become a throne for him, and so he looks like royalty, is the imagery I think that they were trying to do. But then, in this moment, it's like, "Oh, this guy's a fighter." you know? And it is so cool to watch him get out of that cage. And the guy turns around to try to get out, and as he turns around, the vampire's there, baby. He's there.

C: So the Campbells hear this, and they all have to start fighting. And within an hour, the dead man's blood is gonna be out of the alpha vamp's system. He's gonna be able to call every vampire in the world down on them. [G: Yeah.] So Samuel's like, "We have to get him back in the cage," and Dean goes, "No, that's stupid."

G: "Obviously, you can't."

C: "We have to kill him, or we're all gonna die." And Dean starts taking over and giving everyone orders on how to split up and hunt in a team, and they're down with that because of this life or death situation. So, I don't know. They're all running around. At some point, the alpha vampire gets Sam up against a wall, and he says that he has big plans for him because without his soul, and as a vampire, he'll be the perfect animal. And he's about to bite Sam, but then Christian shows up with black demon eyes, like a group of demons shows up, and they sort of grab the alpha vampire and then teleport out. And Sam looks up, and his enemy-to-lovers boyfriend Crowley is up in a balcony, slow-clapping.

G: Exactly. One other thing, I like that in this scene, they never get a hand up over the vampire, basically. [laughs] He gets shot with the dead man's blood, but the vibe is like, unless he literally got teleported out of there, there was no way in hell they were gonna win against him, at all. [C: Yeah.] And I like also that they were like, "Where is he?" And then, [laughs] he just comes in and snaps a guy's head off. And then I also like that when they come into the room, they're in a pack, they're surrounding each other, all of their backs are turned into each other because that's a very defensive position, and it's like, they're so scared. And I think the show does a really good job, directing-wise, of showing how scared they are and how scared they should be, and also how stupid it is that Samuel doesn't want to kill this guy. It really, I think, amplifies the feeling of Samuel is being stupid. Dean isn't just saying this just 'cause he disagrees. This is a genuinely stupid thing to do. I don't know. Shots like that like, it makes the episode.

C: Crowley is saying hi, and Samuel goes, "Bring Christian back! My nephew that you just had possessed?" And Crowley's like, "Oh my god, no! He was possessed ages ago, dude! I keep an eye on my investments." And Dean goes, "You two know each other?" and Crowley says, "Not in the Biblical sense." [laughs] That's reserved for Cas. "More of a business relationship."

G: Yeah, he saw how Samuel and Cas interacted earlier, and he was like, "I don't wanna be mistaken as that." [both laugh]

C: Yeah. And Sam says, "You're Crowley's bitch." Did having a soul make him not say bitch as much? But yeah, so it's revealed that Samuel's been working for Crowley this entire time, and Crowley's been sending him to catch monsters. The higher up in the food chain, the better. And he's also looking for Purgatory, and he says it's because he wants it for real estate.

G: Location, location, location.

C: He calls Sam and Dean his employees, and he says that he knew that he could get Sam and Dean to work for him through Samuel because they're all hung up on family loyalty nonsense. And Dean's like, "Well, fuck that." But Crowley says, "Um, I have Sam's soul, so you have to do what I say." And Samuel knew the whole time that Crowley was the one who pulled both of them up, or at least that's what he believes. [G: Yeah.] Yeah, Crowley does his whole "I'm king of Hell, and I have so much power, so I definitely did that, and I will shove Sam back into Hell if you don't listen to what I say." I mean, Sam's soul is already being tortured in Hell. Sam is essentially, in many ways, still there. But yeah, he's like, "Okay, so you work for me now. Here are your duties. Goodbye." And Gwen's really upset that they're working for a demon, specifically, [G: Yeah.] and Samuel's just like, "Uh, well, trust me, though. Please? We're still doing the same job." She goes off reluctantly. And Sam goes, "Working with a demon, huh? You're not who I thought you were." [G laughs] I guess if Sam was soulled, he'd have more thoughts about Ruby and general demon trust stuff like he did in Season 5 with Crowley, but I guess currently, it's just the "I don't like demons" with no particular emotional affect to it that's shaping him right now.

G: He's like, he's just playing this role. For some reason, this part reminded me of "The boys are out tonight, huh?" I think it's because of the "Working with a demon, huh?" [C: Yeah.] And he's playing gay. He's playing the role of being mad.

C: And Samuel says, "You don't know anything about me, son," which I think is meant to mirror the him telling Dean he doesn't know him yet that we were supposed to be sad about earlier.

G: Ugh. So corny.

C: And yeah, Dean asks what Crowley offered Samuel. "Girls? Money? Hair?"

G: No, he's really obsessed with this guy being bald! Didn't he- Was this the guy earlier, he was like, "And you're bald!" or was that another guy that was just bald.

C: [laughs] No, that was Zachariah. [both laugh] But Crowley calls Samuel "Captain Chromedome." So yeah, Supernatural's really obsessed with when people are bald. It's been true during Kripke era and currently during Gamble era, so it's not any manifestation- I think people are just mean about bald people in general.

G: Yeah, I think even until now, people think it's part of the group of traits that are reasonable to make fun of. Being fat? You can't make fun of that. Being short? You can't make fun of that. Being bald?

C: People make fun of people for being short. I think people think that's okay.

G: Yeah, but I don't think so. I think there is an understanding that you shouldn't make it a part of your value judgment of people. There is very little now of like, "Oh, you're short. That's why you act this way." But there is a lot of like, "Oh, you're bald. That's why you act this way."

C: [laughs] Wait. What do people think bald people act like?

G: I think people think bald men are creepy. I think that is still a thing, and that is something I had to field from people around me talking about a bald person in my life because they think he's creepy. And I had to be like, "Don't think like that." I've experienced this in real life.

C: I see. I feel like the main trait people still make fun of is like, dick size, and that's about it that I see.

G: Yeah, I think maybe I don't experience that as much as I would say cis people would, just because the circles I run around, [laughs] it's less- there's less whatever. [C: Yeah.] Sometimes, I'll interact with people who are not in my immediate circle, and I'm like, "Eugh. [both laugh] What's happening there?" That is how I felt about the bald thing. It's so shocking to hear. People actually- people notice it in a way that I think- or at least point out noticing it in a way that they won't point out other things. Some people think that it's rude to say that someone is old, but it's okay to say that they're bald in a way that attributes it to their oldness and attributes a character trait to it. I don't know. It's a weird thing.

C: Okay, yeah. I mean, I feel like a lot of physical traits are up for people to make fun of-

G: You still think so?

C: - in many different circles. [G: Yeah.] But yeah, I guess you're saying in your circle, baldness is the only one.

G: Yes. I mean, I wouldn't say the only one, [C: One of the only ones.] but it is surely there, prominently. It's prominently on top. There's this term in Filipino called pendong, and it's specifically like, slapping a bald head, and people would say it when they see like a bald person. [C laughs] It's weird!

C: Yeah, slapping bald heads has been a meme on Tumblr in recent years too.

G: Yeah, but like, I don't think you would see a bald person, and you would go, "I'm gonna slap your bald head" [both laughing] immediately.

C: Yeah, probably not in real life.

G: Yeah, or in real life, you're talking about a bald person you'll point out like, "Oh, he's bald, and I'm gonna slap his bald head"? [C laughs] I don't think you will. Yeah. It's a weird thing.

-

C: Samuel is cagey about whatever Crowley offered him, and he goes, "You gonna make a move? Go ahead. But I won't do anything to you, Dean. You boys, you're my family." [both laughing]

G: "You're my famiwy!"

C: They just say the word "family" in Supernatural to mean anything. To do anything.

G: And Dean immediately has a change of heart. He's like, "Sam, he's right." And Sam's like, "No, Dean! He's not!"

C: Yeah, Sam is pointing a gun at Samuel.

G: Yeah, Sam takes the reasonable stance that-

C: Samuel goes, "Put a bullet in your grandfather or step aside," and Sam goes, "Okay," and points his gun.

G: Yeah. And the thing is, Sam is now playing by the logic that Dean has been going, which is like, he has been saying, "We can trust him because he's family," and Sam now is like, "Oh, we can't trust him. Dean is right." And Dean is like, "No, Sam. I've finally relegated to your point, which is that he is family, and we should trust him no matter what." Not trust him no matter what, but we should spare him.

C: Yeah. Okay, and Sam says what he's angry about Samuel about is that "he sold us out." [G: Yeah.] To who? In what way?

G: Like, to Crowley!

C: How did he sell them out to Crowley?

G: Literally selling their labor. [laughs]

C: No, but that's not what "sold us out" means!

G: I know. I know. I think it is with Crowley, from that angle.

C: Okay, what's the actual betrayal? Like, I get "He lied to us." But what was the actual betrayal that would count as selling out?

G: I think he used this term nebulously.

C: Okay, yeah, maybe so. And yeah, Dean's just like, "No, don't kill him!" And he tells Samuel to leave. And then Sam goes, "So what now?" And Dean goes, "We can't work for Crowley." And Sam immediately goes, "I want to work for Crowley, though!" [laughing] So like, what was he mad about? [both laughing]

G: He's just going off vibes, Crystal. Let him be. The vibes are all over the place, so he doesn't really know. He's not sure.

C: I guess it's "The personal betrayal of him knowing that Crowley had my soul is what I'm mad about, but I'm not actually that upset about having to work for Crowley." [G: Yeah.] Yeah, I can't tell if it's intentional, this is how his logic works now, or if we just need to end this with "And we're brothers, and we're gonna fight this together!"

G: You know, what I think, though, it is a great betrayal in a way to not say that Crowley is the one who brought them back because they could have killed Crowley the other episode, and Sam would have lost the opportunity to get his soul back from his perspective now. [C: Fair.] I think there is an aspect of great betrayal to that. So like, you know, Sam could be coming from that place.

C: Alright. I believe it. So Sam says, "I get why you don't want to work for him. But we don't have any other choice because we just gotta get my soul back." Oh, also, isn't there a point this episode where Dean asks Sam, "Do you even want to get your soul back?"

G: Yes. And Sam goes, "Of course I do."

C: I think it's an interesting question. 'Cause currently, here, he's also being like, "I really want to get my soul back." Why?

G: I don't know. He's just vibing.

C: I just don't really see why he would want it.

G: I think- Oh, I looked it up, and he doesn't say, "Yes, I want my soul back." He says, "How does that have anything to do with the fact that Samuel is torturing people?" [both laugh] Hilarious!

C: For real. Yeah. But here, he's saying that he wants his soul back. So yeah, "I guess this is stupid, but we'll just work for Crowley until we find another way." And Dean goes, "And then?" And Sam goes, because this is the end of the episode [G laughs], and this is how every episode of Supernatural ends, "And then we track Crowley down and give that son of a bitch what's coming to him. You with me, Dean?" [laughs] And yeah.

G: And then we get piano- Was it piano music? There was music playing.

C: I don't remember what it was. It feels like a rock music moment.

G: Yeah, I always like the episodes where there's no music playing at the end, where it ends with complete silence. Love those.

-

G: Okay, what do we think about this episode? I think it's very obvious from how I've spoken about it that I actually did quite enjoy it. I like this episode.

C: Yeah, I had a fun time.

G: Yeah. It's both good for watching and good for analysis, which I do think there are a lot of times where those two are not congruous with each other. Wow, congruous. [both laugh]

C: Oh, what did I think? I had fun. [G: Hell yeah.] I love soulless Sam.

G: Love it! I thought it was gonna be kind of miserable, but no, I'm having fun in Season 6 so far. I am! I think there's a lower stakes feeling to it. We're like, we're not deeply entrenched in Season 4 and Season 5, the supposedly good seasons, so we can just fuck around. And so in Season 4 and 5, when an episode was good, it was like, "Well, it's Season 4 and 5." And when an episode is bad, it's like, "How dare it be bad?" Now it's like, when it's good, "Oh my god! It's so fun! I didn't expect it to be good! I expect nothing to be good!" [laughs] So yeah. Best Line/Worst Line.

G: I don't like the "your wife" line and the "your slut girlfriend" line. [C: Yeah.] It feels so- I think it was in that scene, and in a couple of scenes in this episode, where I was viciously reminded of how much of a boys’ club Supernatural is. [C: Mm-hm.] And yeah, I was ruminating a little bit during our one-week break about how I like Supernatural, and I do, and the masculine aspects of it are fun for me, but I remember being a kid and being viciously reminded of "Oh, they don't see me as a part of this. Like, I'm not part of this." and that being like a little bit of a sad thing. It's not like I want to be- Well, I mean. [laughs] But like, you know what I mean. There is a different aspect to, I think, admiration of the masculine aspects of the show. Not particular admiration, like fascination, however you want to call it. And then also the vicious reminder that it's not made for you, it's not for you, all that crap. And also that in this universe, they don't want you there. I don't know. It's just a fascinating experience as, I think, a a young kid watching it. [C: Yeah.] And now I'm older, and I'm still watching it.

C: Best line is- "I didn't want it to come to this. You're not gonna hold me, Dean. Not here, not in a panic room, not anywhere."

G: No, that is good.

C: "You're stuck with the soulless guy, so you might as well work with me." A slay and a cay.

G: Yeah, I think I like the line- What line do I like? What are the scenes of this episode?

C: You liked when the alpha vampire said, "When your kind were huddled around the fire, [G: Oh, yeah.] I was the thing in the dark."

G: Yeah. I like when the alpha vampire said, "When you were huddled in the fire, I was sitting around in the dark." I don't know. Very fun. I've talked about it, love it. [C: Yeah.] Love a guy who is the evolutionary basis of being creeped out!

Well, spreadsheets? Spread those sheets. Hell yeah.

C: We probably should have figured out the racism points we were going to give this before we got to this point of recording.

G: I wouldn't give it any, honestly. What do you think? No? Yes?

C: I think that it's a general larger Supernatural problem. I don't think there's any added racism, but I think that just in general, if you're not gonna have Black characters, you shouldn't have the evolutionary basis [G laughs] of vampires be a Black man who's menacing this compound of white people, [G: This is true.] and that's the entire conflict to this episode.

G: Yeah, are they all Campbells?

C: I guess?

G: How have they extended their line? How many siblings does this guy have? Mary doesn't have any siblings. [C laughs]

C: I don't know.

G: What the fuck does this family tree look like? Oh, I mean, there are people from "outside," quote-unquote, because Christian is married, for example, and etc etc. Okay, so they're all married to hunters as well? If you don't marry a hunter, you're excommunicated? [laughs]

C: Well, I don't think his wife is around, in the camp.

G: It's just mentioned that- No, no, no, didn't they give a baby to someone that one time? They were like, "Oh, yeah. You want a baby, right?

C: Yeah. So I mean, I think she knows about hunting, but I don't think she's involved with the Campbell compound.

G: Ah, okay. No, I was just thinking in terms of like, these are all white people. You're right. This place is all white.

C: Yeah. No interracial relationships in the Campbell family.

G: Yeah, okay. How would we point that?

C: I don't know.

G: It's like, we have casual, right? And then we have fundamental to the episode.

C: Yeah, I think it is fundamental-

G: It's fundamental to the season.

C: It's fundamental to this, so how does that translate to an episode-by-episode basis?

G: I think we should do as we've done before, evaluate on an episode-by-episode basis, and then character's last appearance, and also, let's- Maybe this is unfair because we didn't really give this kind of onus to Eric Kripke, but- I don't know. Do you think it's unfair [laughing] to Sera Gamble to call her racist-

C: No!

G:- because we didn't call Eric Kripke racist?

C: Did we not call Eric Kripke racist? I guess we didn't call him specifically racist. We called episodes under his purview racist.

G: No, exactly. But we do frequent- For example, we we have writers who frequently have things going on. Like Ben Edlund has always had misogyny going on.

C: Something weird about women going on. [laughs]

G: And you know, Sera Gamble always has some racism thing going on. [C: Yeah.] So, yeah.

C: So basically do the evaluation at the end of the season, or in his last appearance, the alpha vampire's last appearance. But I wouldn't give this 0 either. I feel like we should keep a running something.

G: Okay. Running tally.

C: Maybe just like 1 as in like, "The racism was there, and we're going to add it all up to something at the end."

G: Yeah, okay. I do think there is misogyny on this one. I would say 1. I think that counts as a 1, casual misogyny.

C: Yeah, agreed.

G: Homophobia. I don't think there's any. They didn't say that Sam was gay for not having a soul.

C: Yeah. [laughs] Crowley said Samuel was not gay for working for him. [laughs]

G: Oh, yeah! No, I don't think that's homophobia. He was being for real.

C: I don't think it counts. It was fun. [laughs] I know that's not the metric, but. [both laugh] They're separate things. I don't think it was homophobia, and separately, I think it was fun.

C: Yeah, yeah. IMDb. I am that Db. [laughs]

C: What does Db stand for?

G: I don't know.

C: Dean Binchester? [G laughs]

G: Yes, it does.

C: Okay, I'm odd, so I'm guessing. I want to say that this is decently high. [G: Yeah.] Like, it's the big reveal, which people have been waiting for. There's a lot of action. I think the alpha vampire is very cool. But it's been really low this season besides "Weekend at Bobby's." Okay. 8 point... 7. [G: Hm.] I'm gonna get fucked over.

G: I'm making this- Actually, 8.7 is a very good guess.

C: Or is it?

G: I think I'm going to hedge one lower. 8.6. [C: Yeah.] Okay, let's see.

Oh, it's an 8.0. [laughs]

C: What?

G: Why are we so bad? We're horrible at it!

C: Do people hate women? Meaning Sera Gamble?

G: "Great episode, but confusing conclusion."

C: That's fair. [G laughs]

G: "The episode was great. But I need to talk about the final revelation with Crowley... I don't get how they have any problem with working with Crowley to get Sam's soul back." Well, it's Sam's soul. Have you considered?

C: Yeah. [laughs]

C: This one says there's too much info, so they didn't like that there's so much loredump.

G: Oh, no!What they're saying is like, "I don't get how they have any problem with working with Crowley," and this is their reasoning. "Sure, Croh- Crowley brought both-" [laughs] I'm reading like a five-year-old! [C laughs] "Sure, Crowley brought both. Sam-" [laughing]

C: "Both Sams back," like Sam and Samuel.

G: Okay. Sure. "Crowley-" [both laugh] The r's are getting to me. Can you read this bit?

"Sure, Crowley brought both Sams to be his personal hunting squad and he kept Sam's soul in the cage for insurance. So what? Better than dead. And all you have to do to seal the deal is kill and question some monsters? Sounds like a normal Tuesday night for these guys. [laughs] I cannot see the negative here." So true!

C: Yeah, they just hate working with demons for reasons.

G: Yeah. Then, "This is a great deal. Why are they saying no?" And this one says, "It's too much info." I like the pacing. I suppose if you didn't know that Sam has no soul prior, it is whiplashy-.

C: I guess. But you knew something was up at this point.

G: You knew something was up, but they don't let it- As you said, they just accept that Sam is soulless. And we both like that. We both like that aspect of it. [C: Yeah.] But I'm assuming, if you never knew that Sam is gonna be soulless in Season 6, you'll be like, "What? And Dean's just fine with this, and they're just fine with this?"

C: Fair, yeah. This person's wondering about Adam.

G: "And they have a normal, healthy relationship?"

G: "Crowley brought Sam and Samuel back?! I find that hard to believe." [C: Well.] Well, buddy, you don't have to.

C: They said "Rick Worthy was the best vampire version on the show," which is true.

G: Hell fucking yeah. Is that the name of the actor? What's the name?

C: Rick Worthy is what they're calling the actor. I can check to make sure that is indeed the name, because sometimes they get names wrong. [G: Let's see.] Yes, that's what IMDb says.

G: Hell yeah.

C: What else has he been in? He was very good.

G: Yeah, let's see. Rick Worthy...

C: Four episodes of Gossip Girl. [laughs] Oh my god, he was in 41 episodes of The Magicians, so I guess Sera Gamble has brought him over.

G: Has worked with him, yeah.

C: This was in 2015, so it would've happened after.

G: What is The Magicians? What is The Magicians?

C: It's a show that Sera Gamble made that queerbaited, is the main thing I know about it.

G: No, yeah, I know that it queerbaited, but in what way? How did it queerbait?

C: I think that the two characters, there's some point when one of them's in a different universe or in a dream where he does kiss the other guy, but then, [G: Noo.] when they come back to the real universe, they never talk about it again?

G: Love that! Love that!

C: I think that's just how gay people are. I think if you told Auden about that, he'd be like, "That's right."

G: Yeah, no, if you told Auden about that, he'll be like, "Oh, it's because they're artists, [both laugh] and artists are all weird and complicated." But only artists. If you're a gay person who's not an artist, you're literally normal. [C: Yeah.] I'm obsessed with him. I think I finally admitted to myself that he is my new thing I'm obsessed with. [C: Yeah.] But only specifically his lectures on Shakespeare. Everything else, who give a fuck? Well, I like his poetry sometimes. Sometimes I don't.

G: That’s it for this episode of Busty Asian Beauties. Next week, we will be discussing Season 6, Episode 8: "All Dogs Go to Heaven." Leave us a rating or a review wherever you get your podcasts.

C: I really don't know what happens in Season 6 episodes. Well, anyway. Follow us on social media! We are on Tumblr at bustyasianbeautiespod.tumblr.com. Our official tag is #BABPod, B-A-B-POD. Thanks to everyone who's donated to our Ko-Fi at ko-fi.com/bustyasianbeautiespod, which is where our outtakes live, and check out our merch at babpod.redbubble.com.

G: You can email us any feedback, comments, or inquiries at bustyasianbeautiespod@gmail.com. See you guys next time! [both] Bye!

[guitar music]

[melit0n]

.

[acquiescest]

irt the lrb what would you say if i said liam & noel spent new years 2023 together in paris

what would you say if i said liam bought the house in france (the one with noel's name carved into the walls) in march 2023 and that month noel talked about wanting to spend several months in paris

which could mean nothing

[ballsbalb]

i’m never one to tell people how to live their lives but i will say being an openly lesbian woman and playing for a team owned by a nation state that would jail you (with the possibility of execution) for being openly gay in said nation state is most certainly. a choice

[lesbiansanemi]

Do you think if I wish hard enough my mom will get electrocuted by a string of Christmas lights and just go up in a cloud of smoke. It’d be a Christmas miracle

[jiishwa]

ayoooo guess who spent christmas eve in bed with a 101.8 feverrrrrrrr 🤟🏻

[cleargreyskies]

Nothing like the end of a year to really drive home your feelings of loneliness.

(some venting in the tags, it's that time of the year again. also to the two people from offline life potentially reading this: this is obviously not about you and I care about you deeply)

[brainjuicey]

my mind is so funny for making me relive my worst nightmares and memories everytime I go to sleep

[crowwithahotdog]

my partner's mom was polish and grew up with christmas dinner happening on the 24th so we started doing it that way together and honestly? based

[dear-ao3]

so. as you may know it’s christmas eve. as you probably don’t know i am eastern european. and probably the only real tradition anyone holds onto is christmas eve. normally my great aunt does all the food and very begrudgingly sometimes lets everyone help make like. one thing.

well.

this year. the year of our lord two thousand and twenty four. she decided she was done cooking and it was up to everyone else.

so i got a phone call from my mom a few weeks ago being like hey so. you’re making the cake. got it? good.

the cake in question is a walnut cake. i was entrusted with my great aunts recipe about seven years ago. i’ve made it twice. the first time i fucked up the frosting quantity. the second time i fucked up the eggs. both times were passable at best and notably! my great aunt did not taste either of them.

and i have to make this cake. on christmas eve. it is dessert. for everyone. my extended family will all be eating the cake. the walnut cake. on christmas eve. even my great aunt.

so yesterday, december 23 if you are counting, i went on the annual Last Minute Christmas Food Shopping Trip with my father, watched him climb into the case to get his half and half like he does every year, and stressed about my cake as i made sure i had all of the ingredients.

then. we went to my great aunts house. where i was met with Trial Number 1: The Cognac

this cake has cognac in the frosting. not a big deal really. except for the fact that my mom hates that there is cognac in the frosting. (my mom is hell bent on making christmas eve dinner vaguely healthier. no one else agrees.) and i was to be making the cake in my moms house.

also important to note: we (as in my parents) do not own cognac. mostly because none of us drink.

so my great aunt is like oh i have to give you the cognac. cause she knows. i am baking the cake. the walnut cake. (my dad told her. he is a traitor). and i say okay. sure. this won’t be a problem at all.

so she gives me. a shot of cognac. and when i say a shot. i mean an Entirely Full Shot Glass of Three Hundred Dollar Cognac. in a jar. for the cake. the walnut cake. that i have to make.

upon bringing the cognac home my mom says no we’re not putting that in. the cognac sits on the counter in its jar. no one touches it.

then i was met with Trial Number 2: The Frosting.

this recipe requires a pound of chopped walnuts. first. i couldn’t even find the walnuts. my sister and i searched high and low and in every cabinet we could find but no nuts. i called my mom. and said mom where are the walnuts? and she said. “they’re in the nut bag behind the basement door.”

oh of course. how could i have missed the nut bag? a holiday bag full of bags of nuts that was half hidden by wrapping paper and also behind a door?

in any case. could i have used a food processor? absolutely. did i? no. half because i forgot and half because i didn’t want to accidentally grind the walnuts into a paste. so i enlisted the help of my younger sister to chop the walnuts By Hand while i embarked on the real devil: the frosting.

which remember. is supposed to have cognac.

so i cream my butter. i add my sugar. i’m careful not to over sugar. i taste it a million times. i add my coffee and my vanilla extract (instead of cognac. which is still sitting on the counter) and it was all going so well until. the butter rebelled.

now remember. one time when i made this. seven years ago. i made too little frosting. so i made more this time. and i thought i had all my conversions right but evidently i did not because suddenly there was too much liquid in my frosting and it split.

the frosting for the walnut cake that everyone was going to eat. on christmas eve. the very next day.

i felt like a contestant on great british bake-off getting smited by the tent.

so i did the logical thing and shoved the whole mess into the fridge hoping that it would sort itself out overnight.

then it was time to face Trial Number Three: The Cake Itself.

as i have said this cake is a walnut cake. the christmas eve walnut cake that has been at christmas eve longer than i have been alive. and it requires no less than ten egg whites. which i whipped and i added to my walnuts and shoved the whole thing into the oven in my two baking dishes.

only to discover no less than 40 minutes later that the batter in the pans was Not Even (despite my best efforts). so i cooked one longer than the other and hoped that i hadn’t monumentally fucked up the walnut cake. like i had the frosting. which was in the fridge. and i was ignoring.

which leads to Trial Number Four: The Egg Yolk Cake

see i had ten egg yolks. i didn’t know what to do with them. my mom said flush them. my dad said make a custard. i proposed making egg nog. my mom said she didn’t want it in the house cause it was too fattening (a blatantly incorrect statement. please, if you are reading this, go drink a glass of eggnog. or some other fun festive drink. food is for the soul.) so i produced a recipe for an egg yolk pound cake. i made it. i still don’t know if it came out good cause i haven’t tasted it. i hope it did. but that was not the point. the point is the walnut cake. the christmas eve walnut cake.

and the following morning i was met with Trial Number Five: The Frosting Part 2

first i threw my failed frosting back in the mixer and it immediately secreted a brackish combination of vanilla extract and coffee so i did the only thing i could. facetimed my dad and said “father there are problems abound.” and he gave me the fatherly advice of “make it again.”

and so i did.

with more correct measurements. still scared it would split at any second.

though it didn’t.

and i didn’t add the cognac.

maybe no one will be able to tell???

my mom said that if anyone asks the first batch of frosting failed and i had to toss it. this is technically true.

but i had frosting. i had two uneven cakes. and it was time for Trial Number Six: Decorating

decorating cakes is easily in my top ten least favorite activities. decorating the christmas eve walnut cake is easily in my top three least favorite activities. because i am terrible at decorating cakes. and also because it has a filling.

the filling is jam. and i once again made the wrong choice because i put the jam on first before the frosting. which to be fair is what the directions say. but as everyone knows, the directions in recipes you get from your eastern european great aunt are not the real directions. so now i had to smear butter cream. on top of jam. for the filling of the walnut cake. for christmas eve. that we would be eating in a few hours.

and we didn’t have a cake plate. we had a large dish.

i had to use my fingers. i had to use three spatulas. i got jam everywhere. but i did it. and as soon as i set the top cake on top of the filling i realized my monumental mistake: i was supposed to trim down the cakes.

so now they were uneven. and lopsided. and there was nothing i, a mere mortal tasked with the impossible task of making christmas eve walnut cake, could do about it.

so i continued to spread my frosting. which i had enough of. and tried and failed to not get jam everywhere.

in the end it was almost presentable. not great. slightly lopsided. and definitely not as nice as any of my great aunts cakes.

which left me with Trial Number 7: Chilling It

our fridge was being taken up by other important christmas eve things (though not as important as my cake. the walnut cake) so i had to put it in the car. which was fine because there is snow on the ground.

i covered my cake. the walnut cake. in tin foil and hoped i wouldn’t accidentally squish it. and then i went outside. i tried to steal my moms shoes to walk outside. she was not impressed.

“you know, saph,” she said. “some of the time you’re pretty great. the other half of the time you’re really weird.”

i could not agree more.

i put my cake on the trunk. prayed to the cake gods and went inside.

on the one hand if the cake is good, i will be stuck making walnut cake for christmas eve for the rest of my life. on the other hand, if it sucks i will never have to make another one.

Trial Number Eight: The Tasting still waits.

[goose-books]

The Ghost of Christmas Past shows up and you’re like, “Ohhhhh for fuck’s sake,” but you’re in your childhood bedroom so it’s kind of on you. The ghost seems offended. She crosses her arms. She looks like you used to, with the pigtails.

“No way,” you say. “Don’t start.”

“I am the—”

“The Ghost of Christmas Past, I know, I know.” Because she looks like you, and it’s Christmas Eve, so what else. Your parents used to read you the story every year. Even when you were old enough to read on your own, it was better in your dad’s voice.

“You came home for your parents,” the ghost says, solemn. “It’s time to tell them.”

“No, like, ‘when you’re ready’?”

“You are ready,” she says, “or you wouldn’t have come back.”

Which is so stupid, because you weren’t on the moon, you were at college, and it’s only been two months of shots, you don’t even have a mustache. “Fucking leave me alone,” you say, so she does the ghost thing and takes you to a ten-years-ago Christmas. The living room. Your parents. Your fledgling self on the carpet with your stocking, the one you can’t look at anymore because when you were a baby your parents patiently hand-stitched the fucking name.

“Maybe they’ll make you a new one,” says the ghost.

“You don’t know that.” Bullshit ghost powers.

“You were happier back then. When they knew you.”

“Everyone was happier back then. It was, like, 2008.”

“There was a recession,” says the ghost.

“Shut up! Shut up!” You turn over in bed. For a second you expect to roll onto child-self-you curled up next to you. Probably crush the life out of her. You got good at that. It’s her bed, her room, pink covers, cat posters.

“This is so stupid, this Dickens thing,” you say. “I’m not even Christian anymore.”

“Tell your parents that second,” the ghost suggests.

“Oh my fucking God I’m not telling them anything can’t you go bother Jeff Bezos.”

“I’m just doing my job,” says the ghost, and vanishes.

#

The Ghost of Christmas Present has an acne problem. As soon as you open your eyes you say, “Oh my God,” and they say, “Hi,” and you say, “You better not be the fucking Ghost of Christmas Present,” and the Ghost of Christmas Present says, “I am.”

Which you knew.

“Why me?” you say, pink comforter bunched around your waist. “I didn’t do anything. Scrooge was mean to orphans.”

The Ghost of Christmas Present shrugs. “It’s the job.”

“Are you gonna show me my parents now?”

That makes them look kind of embarrassed.

“Well, don’t,” you say. If your parents are talking in the other room, huddled up conferencing with the lights off, you can’t hear it over the heater buzz. But you can guess what they’re saying: you went to school with a shitty pixie cut and worse eyeliner, and you came back with a real haircut and a permanent frown and a bunch of new friends you play sentence Twister to avoid pronouning. “I know they’re nice people, I got it. I’m just not ready.”

“It’s just—you’re kind of waiting for them to ask?” says the Ghost of Christmas Present. They scratch their face, where they have spectral sideburns coming in. “Your dad thinks you have a head cold. ‘Cause of your voice. But your mom’s starting to get it.”

You pull the covers over your head. “Cool, awesome, didn’t ask.”

“She isn’t going to ask,” the ghost says. “She wants you to tell her.”

You stick your middle finger out from underneath the covers. When you check, the room is empty again.

#

The Ghost of Christmas Future doesn’t say anything. Just looks at you. You look back. You probably have bedhead. You fixed your daytime wardrobe but your pajamas are still lacy and purple.

“How come you’re a man?” you say.

He says, “I think you know.”

“Fucking—go away.”

“I have something to show you first.”

“Are we going to the goddamn graveyard?”

He doesn’t say anything but then you’re in the goddamn graveyard. Together. Looking at your headstone. The dates are close enough together to make you kind of sick.

“They went with the full name,” you say.

The ghost nods.

“Not even the nickname. My nice gender neutral nickname.”

The ghost shrugs. You kind of want to throw something at him but you’re just looking at it now. Chiseled in marble. Immovable. What’s that thing bigots on the internet say, about someone digging up your jawbone two hundred years from now? You always wanted to think you wouldn’t care.

The Ghost of Christmas Future’s pretty quiet. This is the part where Scrooge goes full breakdown. Tears, begging, promises.

“I’m not gonna cry on you,” you say.

“Okay.”

So neutral. “Man, what do you want me to say?”

“Nothing,” says the ghost. “I think you’re there.”

You can’t stop looking at the headstone. “God fucking damnit shit. You promise they’ll be cool?”

“Nothing’s promised,” the ghost says. He gestures at the graveyard. “Except for this.”

“Awesome.” Cryptic cliche philosophical ghost bullshit. Yada yada. Death and taxes. Not with that name on your headstone, though. Not with that name on your tax forms, either.

You turn to tell him that and then you’re blinking in bed. There’s still one glow-in-the-dark star stuck to your ceiling where the glue never wore out. You put those up like ten years ago. Maybe longer. The light in the room says it’s morning. You swing your lacy-pajama legs over the side of the bed and go to ruin Christmas.

[leahcee]

.

don’t mind me I’m just reminiscing? thinking about the past?

[madamechrissy]

𖢔 Duvet Days and Vanilla Ice Cream 𖢔

𖢔The five times Satoru tried to confess his feelings, and the one that worked𖢔

𖢔Pairings: Satoru Gojo x fem!reader

𖢔Summary: Satoru Gojo was your best friend in the world, you'd long since had it bad for him, over the many years, but of course he's so popular and handsome, star basketball player, you think you have no chance. Satoru however, has tried five different times over the many years to tell you he loves you, but the words just never came out right, and you would never believe it to be possible. So, you both grow distant, as life takes over, until in your last year of college you end up at a Christmas party with him, where both of you are dealing with fresh breakups, and Suguru Geto is hanging mistletoe over your heads. Drinks pour, and so do Satoru's feelings he's kept inside. Have you both been in love with each other this whole time!?

𖢔CW: MDNI- Will be showing elementary, middle, high school and college missed confessions with Satoru and you! Lots of fluff ! Smut in current time (hints of it in early college) Friends/idiots to lovers, Toru is an idiot as a teenager lol, and they're bad at feelings, Christmas themed, emotional- light angst to fluffy smut. Explicit sexual content, fingering, cunnilingus. blow jobs, sexual tension, rough sex etc. 𖢔 Word Count- 15k words (holy fk lol)

𖢔Comments/reblogs appreciated if you enjoy this one!!𖢔

Christmas Eve, Last year of College

There is Christmas music playing as you enter the party, thrumming softly as you smile at so many of your friends, many you have barely seen in months. With being in the last year of college, many of you all had separate classes in separate buildings, and getting together was rarer and rarer. They wave at you while you take off your heavy winter coat.

It was freezing outside, and there was a faint dusting of snow, perfect for a Christmas Eve you muse. Little droplets melt on your hair as you shake your head to get them off, the warmth of the party and the sea of bodies enwrapping you. You see him then, right next to all of your friends, the man that never seems to leave your mind, Satoru Gojo.

God you’ve been friends forever, literally since you were ten years old, and running around in a playground at elementary school during recess, about Christmas time you’d met him in school and you’ll never forget him throwing snowballs so damn mean at you. You’d cried that day and somehow that had been the catalyst for your friendship.

But also your feelings.

You feel his blue eyes on you, eyes that you never got used to even after knowing him like the back of your hand, bright and piercing across the room, framed by a fringe of snow white lashes. He’s got a soft smile playing on his lips, waving a long arm at you, shouting your name. You hate that after all these years he still has such a damn effect, butterflies that never really left.

You’ve always tried to keep them pushed down, not get your hopes up ever, the few times you thought maybe Satoru could be available, had ended with him getting some new girlfriend. You had jokingly called them his flavors of the month, this month’s you’d called her an advent calendar jokingly over text, texting is mostly how you all talk now.

Satoru’s a star college basketball player and you’ve chosen to start a writing major, he’d be practicing basketball and you’d watch him in between typing up stories. He’d wave and smile at you as you sat on the bleachers to support him, though of course that was some time ago, when you both got significant others the friendship had gotten more distant.

You’d gotten broken up with literally last night, you were sure that your friends wondered why you were alone, but when you walk up to them, they just greet you. Suguru Geto, Satoru’s best friend and one of your good friends, hugs you first, in a warm embrace with his strong arms. You hug him back and smile up at him.

“Thank you so much for inviting me, Suguru!”

“Of course, love, we miss you. We all miss each other.”

“Me too! Hey Shoko!” Shoko hugs you now too, pulling back to look at your pretty dark red dress.

“You look so hot!”

“Aw, thank you, you do!” You now look at Nanami, who’s all decked out in a full three piece suit, you remember his emo days and it always surprises you how much he’s grown up. “Nanami!”

“Hello, darling.” He hugs you now as well, leaving you face to face with Satoru, who stands now, towering over damn near everyone, even taller than Nanami. Suguru is the only one in the room as tall as he is.

You crank your neck back to look up at him as he gently places his hands on your face, kissing your forehead sweetly. You grip his wrists gently and melt at the gesture, it’s a gesture of friendship deep and important. It’s one you haven’t felt in such a long time, you get so emotional from it you gulp, swallowing. You realize you’ll probably never really get over him.

But he’s just your friend.

A friend that looks sexy as fuck-

Stop that!

“I missed you, sweets. Mwah!” You giggle now as he smacks another kiss on your head and pulls you against his strong chest.

“Ugh, I miss you! But… maybe not so friendly, your-”

“I’m a free man so I can hug my friend again.” He teases, then pulls back and winks at the three of your other friends. “All my friends.”

“Don’t hug me, disgusting.” Nanami says with a shiver, earning Satoru’s huge, wolfy grin, big bright white teeth shining and reflecting the twinkling lights hanging on the ceiling above you.

“Well, that makes two of us.” You say softly, and Satoru’s eyes lock on you then, blue storms unreadable, a little lock of his soft white hair falling over a brow. Your eyes lower, taking in the white dress shirt and dress pants he’s wearing, worth more than you make in months easily. God he looks good.

Don’t think that way, it’ll always fuck you up.

“What happened?” Suguru asks softly, and you sigh, looking up at the dark haired man and smiling a bit.

“He wanted to go separate ways, I’m in college and he’s not anymore, I guess he felt we were too distant and separated because of it.”

“He didn’t wanna buy you a Christmas gift, cheap ass.” Satoru says with a huff, and you all laugh then.

“So we’re broken hearted for Christmas hmm?” You tease him now, taking his hand and squeezing gently, he pauses then, usually humorous face so serious, it makes you falter a bit, you ease your hand off, just when Suguru clears his throat.

“Ahem. Well then.” He holds up a thing of fake mistletoe now, right above Satoru’s white head and you, and you giggle a bit, but something in Satoru’s face shifts, his pretty pink lips part just a bit, eyes getting lidded.

“Well, there’s mistletoe, it’s a tradition.” He says, voice a little husky, you try to laugh it off, but quiet when he leans down a bit, hands in his pockets.

“Oh stop being silly you all.” You say, tempted by those glossy lips, but you don’t trust yourself not to lose it if you cross that line. Vivid images of straddling this man fill your mind just thinking of kissing him, you can’t go that far.

“It’s just a kiss, silly. C’mon, smooch me.” He puckers his lips all silly, Nanami and Suguru snort in laughter, and Shoko rolls her eyes. You sigh then, remembering, it’s just silly Satoru, your best friend. No big deal for him to have a kiss, especially as you both had shared a few kisses, one in middle, one in high school… and one drunken college encounter.

You may or may not have them written in a diary somewhere.

There may BE a Gojo diary.

“Okay, fine, tradition is tradition.” You say, he smirks now, hands out of his pockets to rest gently on your shoulders, so big he overtakes them. You exhale and your eyes flutter shut, as Satoru Gojo’s lips descend.

Fuck it feels so good to kiss him, it’s like you become boneless in his goddamn hold, it’s not just the pressure of some plush lips, it’s so much more, you are sure he probably doesn’t feel this, but you can’t help but lean up on your tip toes, even in your high heels, hands trailing up that stark shirt. He exhales and deepens the kiss, hands pulling you even closer.

You’ve never felt anything as sweet as his lips.

Satoru has never felt anything as sweet as your lips.

Fuck he knew it would feel this way, but it takes everything in him not to drag you upstairs and kiss every inch of your body. And fuck your body looks so good in that tiny little formfitting red dress, like a present just for him to unwrap. Satoru feels your skin heat up as he presses his lips on yours once more, in sweet little pecks, drinking in your breathless sounds.

He looks down at you, your eyes have dilated so much they’re almost black, just a ring of your pretty eye color left. Your lips are just slightly reddened from his kisses, parted just so, looking dazed. If you look like this from a kiss, he has to wonder how you look when he’d kiss you everywhere, every inch of your smooth skin, so bare in that dress he’s mad anyone even gets to see you.

You flush now, and he sees it, sees how flustered you get, biting your lower lip, lashes trembling just so over your eyes. Your hands are clutching his chest, his heart races under your palm, he wonders… Do you feel it? Do you feel even a bit of what he’s felt so long for you?

He longs to kiss you again, as his friends and yours all laugh softly, making little ‘ooooh’ noises, which you giggle at, but you don’t step back or step away, no you stay there, in front of him. He can feel your body heat, entrancing him, when you finally ease away you’re smiling so cute and shy at him, tearing his heart apart.

Satoru has to remember you’re just a friend, but it’s awfully difficult right now, especially since he knows you’re single. He knew the guy wasn’t good enough for you, but as your best friend he tried to be respectful, but he’d just tasted your sweet lips, like cherries, and now he’s imagining tasting your other lips. He’s a horrible friend, isn’t he, but…

Satoru’s been in love since he met you.

He knows you have no clue of it, the few times he’s tried he’s covered it up completely, much to your never ending confusion. Suguru, Nanami and Shoko all knew how bad he had it, even now, girls were placeholders, things to try to cope with the fact that he was too scared to share his feelings. He was nervous, Satoru Gojo, the man that could score under any pressure.

He scores in games, in life, with women. You were his weakness, breaking through this barrier he had, some invisible barrier that just a touch from you could destroy, a happy little smile on your perfect lips. Lips that are quirked up, you run your hand through your silky hair, hair he wonders what it would feel like in his fingers, pulling it as he…

Shit.

“Should we catch up a bit?” You ask softly.

“Miss me sweets?” He teases, and you roll your eyes, laughing.

��A bit.”

Fuck his heart stops. “Let me get you a drink?”

You nod and smile at his friends, who give him a sly little nod. They have made tonight their mission to try to get Satoru to express his feelings, finally and once and for all, before he went to play professionally, and before he maybe didn’t get a chance. He’d tried before, but something always holds him back, some fear of rejection, your rejection that sinks into him.

“I missed you, Toru.” You say softly, and the nickname hits him in the gut, the nickname you have called him for so long. He grabs a vodka bottle and smiles over at you, mixing you the drink he knows you love so much.

“Of course you missed me.” You laugh softly, Satoru always makes jokes, because he’s so scared to truly be vulnerable. You shove at him a little playfully, tiny little hand on one of his shoulders.

“You didn’t miss me, hotshot?” You tease.

“Miss you every day.” He says softly. You pause now, hands over his as he hands you the little cup, feeling yours get sweaty, as you tremble just a bit.

Are you as affected as him?

You can barely focus when Satoru’s long fingers brush against yours, you clear your throat and smile tremulously, taking the drink and sipping. “I wish we had more time to… hang out.” You say, cursing yourself internally.

“Hang out hmm?” He leans back on the counter, as the partygoers walk in and out of the kitchen.

“Yes, hang out. We used to all the time. I guess life happened?”

“Jealous boyfriend, jealous girlfriend happened.” He sips his drink, a little droplet falls, urging you to wipe it with your thumb, he catches your wrist in his big grip, tense, you both stare at each other quietly.

“Sorry.”

“Don’t apologize.” He lets your hand down gently.

“Satoru I… do you think… you’d ever…”

“Ever what, sweets?”

“Ever…” You’re a blushing mess now, wondering at yourself, but it’s been forever, your boyfriend and you had not slept together, and before that it’s been almost a year since you last slept with someone. And fuck Satoru looks so good your mouth is just watering.

“You can ask me anything.” He says, so soft, and you take a breath.

“Have you ever thought of um… hooking up?” You whisper the words, earning his huge eyes getting even bigger, mouth wide with shock. “Oh god of course you haven’t! I just thought since we… almost back in the day? Also, it’s been a while and I trust you, and… oh god forget it so embarrassing!” You slam your hands on your face now, feeling your ears even overheating.

“Wh-what!?” He demands, leaning down and taking your hands off, you can’t even meet his eyes.

“I’m so sorry that was so off base. You’re probably hurt! I’m a little hurt too. I just… fuck I need to go.”

“What!? No no no.” Satoru stops you now, exhaling as he studies you carefully. “Like just a hookup? You don’t think it’ll ruin…”

“It wouldn’t ruin anything for me. I’ve always… I’ve always wanted to.” You admit, earning more of a blatant look of shock. “I know I was a little too… I don’t know, romantic back when we were younger? But I thought of it.”

“Yeah? Shit… Yeah?” You giggle now, nervously.

“Yeah I’ve always thought about it. I know… but do you think of me that way? If not it’s fine, no pressure really.”

He scoffs now, shaking his head. “Never thought of you that way?”

“Well you’ve been picking on me since you were ten, throwing snowballs at me, little shit.” You poke his chest, ignoring the hammering of your heart, and Satoru takes you by your arm, long fingers wrapping it entirely.

“Christmas Story time young lady.” You giggle and let him lead you out of the lively party, out to some of the quieter rooms, and he snatches you in one quickly, locking the door behind you both. He sits down in a huge leather seat in the quiet room, tapping one of his long thighs.

You suddenly get even more shy, and he notices, leaning forward. “I am not very experienced at being casual, Toru, give me a minute.”

“We’re not doing anything yet anyway, sit on Santa’s lap.” You snort, shaking your head, and he narrows those blue eyes, before leaning over and snatching up a santa hat and grinning. “Now, come here, be a good girl.”

“Good girl!?” You’re wet, great. You nervously shuffle to his thigh now, sitting and hoping he can’t feel your heat.

“You’re all talk hmm?” You sigh.

“I can’t believe I said all of that, I’m so sorry. I’ve always… Well, I’ve always had a crush on you. It sounds silly.” You look away, only for Satoru to cup your face, turning you to him carefully, your breath catches when you see how serious his pretty face is under that silly hat.

“Are you ready for story time?” He asks softly. You nod then, leaning closer in his lap, wrapping an arm around his neck, the other hand resting on his hard chest.

“I’m ready, Santa Toru.” He smiles just a bit, then he remembers.

*****

The First time Satoru tried to tell you his feelings

Fifth Grade- Age 10

“Oh my gosh! Ugh!” You’re shivering now, Satoru has thrown two giant snowballs at the prettiest girl he’d seen, wearing a wicked grin as they both hit your sweater, soaking wet with them now.

You turn and glare at him, and gosh, Satoru really thinks you’re cute, your face is all scrunched up in a glare, a face he frequently stared at in class. You were so, so pretty, and you always had your head in a book, where most classmates fawned over Satoru, laughed at his jokes, you just…

Were you.

Satoru wanted some attention, so this seemed like a great way to try, until he walks over and sees your face, tears in your eyes, your lips trembling. He pauses then, blinking his snowy lashes, worrying now, as he’s not ever seen you upset, and now he feels it like a hit on his chest.

“You’re crying?” He asks, and then remembers people around you are watching, and he doesn’t want to seem too soft. “Why are you crying? Just snowballs.”

“I’m soaking wet and cold now, Gojo!” You stomp a foot, shivering, Satoru suddenly feels awful.

“I… oh… um…” He takes off his jacket then, shivering just a bit in the chilled air, so cold he could see puffs of your breath as you sigh.

“No, no you’ll be cold. I’ll be fine. I’ve just had… um a bad day.” You whisper, looking down and hugging yourself.

It’s then, Satoru realizes…

He thinks he likes you…

A lot.

He eases off your soppy sweater, throwing his jacket over your shoulders, and you look up at him and keep crying. “I’m sorry, okay!?”

“N-no. You’re just sweet, Gojo. Thank you.” You swipe at your eyes with your gloved hands as he clutches your sweater, he brings it to his nose for a moment, inhaling you. “Are you… smelling it? Do I smell bad!?”

“No, no! You smell sweet.” You raise your brows, color on your cheeks, on your cold little nose. “I mean… you… I…”

“Thank-”

“I mean whatever. Bring that back tomorrow.” You blink in surprise as he shoves your sweater in your hands, and he doesn’t like how excited he is when your fingers brush against his, he doesn’t like how your face in tears made him feel.

He was the head of the Gojo clan, he had to be strong, not a mess for some sad little girl in his class. He turns away and you call out his name softly. He tilts his head, blue eyes glinting at you. “Thank you!”

“Yeah.” He throws a peace sign at you, and Suguru runs up to him now.

“You like her!”

“Do not.”

He did not like you, no… 

Ten year old Satoru was surely falling in love already.

*****

Present Day

“You liked me then!?” You ask incredulously, remembering the look on his big blue eyes as he’d left you with his coat. “I thought you were picking on me?”

“I was… but I wanted your attention.” You exhale now, brushing his hair back gently, his eyes flutter shut. “I still want your attention. I just don’t throw snowballs at you anymore.”

“I mean, it kind of worked?” He laughs now, hot breath against your cheek as you pull back just a bit, cupping his face carefully. “You don’t need to throw snowballs anymore, I threw myself at you just now.”

“Nah, you didn’t. You just brought up something I’ve been dying to do, but too fucking afraid.”

“Afraid of me, you’re Satoru Gojo.” His hand feels so good up and down your back you damn near purr like a cat. “Popular, gorgeous, a sports star.”

“Well I don’t feel like any of that around you. I get… stupid and tongue tied. And say all the wrong shit.” You tilt your head, feeling the energy shift.

“You really liked me, Satoru?”

He sighs, thumb brushing across your lower lip, sending shivers of pleasure from just that down your spine. “Like… That’s not really the word.”

“No?” You whisper.

“No…” Satoru’s lips press against yours once more, and you let out a soft cry from the back of your throat, your hands entangling in his hair, body arching just so, earning his soft moan as he pulls back, your noses touching. “I didn’t just sleep with you before, back at the beginning of college, remember?”

“Oh I remember… somehow, despite the beer.”

“I didn’t because… it would be more.”

You shift just a bit, earning his breath catching, feeling the pressure between your thighs. “Is this too much?”

“No, no. Not enough.” You moan now, as his tongue slips past your lips, swiping in and swirling with yours, you drink up his every breath, as he sips up your cries. “Fuck, feel how hot you are.”

“It’s embarrassing.”

“No, it’s sexy. You’re sexy.” Satoru eases back now, a pink blush on his high cheekbones. “Story time, ready for more? If you listen good, Santa will take good care of you.” He teases, brushing thumbs over your nipples.

“Of course, Santa Toru. Carry on.”

Satoru smirks, looking so charming, you feel your blood rushing through your veins, struggling to calm as he speaks. “Remember eighth grade well?”

“Of course, you were already a little wise guy.” You earn his serious look, and he is shaking his head. And then it hits, that memory, of your first kiss ever with anyone, with Satoru Gojo. “You mean our kiss?”

“Yeah, our kiss.”

*****

The Second time Satoru tried to tell you his feelings

Eighth Grade- Age 14

Satoru was extremely popular, especially with the girls in school, he had several of them all over him even though he came on a date with one of your pretty classmates. You at this point have the biggest crush on him, though you certainly wouldn’t tell him, and he wouldn’t look at you that way, surely. You’re sipping on punch as you sit on one of the bleachers, watching everyone dance.

Little do you know, Satoru is watching you, his blue eyes keep peering your way over and over, looking at how cute you are in this pink, floofy little dress, one he didn’t expect to see you in. You’re nervously fidgeting with your little red solo plastic cup, smiling and waving a bit at him, as girls keep asking him questions, and one is dragging him out to the dance floor.

You watch Satoru with his hands on her waist, the thoughts of that alone make you feel sick for some reason, you’re not sure why. Suguru Geto comes up to you now with a smile, long hair pulled half up off his head, holding a hand out, you look around. “You sure? Me?”

“Yes you silly, you look pretty tonight.” You can’t stop the shy smile on your face as he stands you up, taking you to the floor for your first dance with someone.

“Thanks Suguru.” You say, he puts his hands on your waist as you both sway side to side, and you feel Satoru’s eyes burning holes as you both do, as he spins around the dance floor.

“Do you like him?”

“Like who?”

“Satoru.” Suguru tilts his head, and you want to sink into the floor, exhaling and shaking your head. Suguru smiles. “Not at all?”

“As a friend um… even if so, he’s too busy with his fan club.” Suguru chuckles at that, spinning you now.

“You think he doesn’t like you?”

“No way he does.” Suddenly Satoru’s standing between you both, arms crossed, his face just gets prettier every year, it’s really not fair you think.

“My turn.” He says, and Suguru gives a little mock bow, winking at you and dancing with another girl, Satoru’s hands tremble when they hit your waist, fingertips brushing over the mesh of your skirt. Something about the contact makes you gasp, your eyes flying to him when your hands rest on his shoulders, feeling how broad they’ve gotten.

“You don’t have to dance with me, Satoru. Suguru was already being nice.” You look down nervously, afraid to misstep, to accidentally stomp on his foot.

“Why do you think I don’t want to?”

“You have so many pretty girls, but you are a sweet friend. Thank you.” He pauses now, and you pause with him, his blue eyes glinting as there are lights flashing all around you all, in the middle of the dance floor. “What’s wrong, Satoru?”

What’s wrong is how he wants to kiss you, to kiss his best friend, he wonders if your lip gloss tastes yummy, and he shouldn’t wonder. He’s kissed girls, but he has never wanted to kiss anyone like he does you, you’re looking up at him curiously, his hand on the small of your back now. You’re always so shy and insecure, and Satoru doesn’t know why.

You’re so beautiful.

He should tell you.

Instead however, he opens his mouth, then closes it, to open it again, finally he just leaves you. You’re trembling in embarrassment, scowling now and following him out of the throngs of people as people are watching and whispering. You stomp out into the hallway, he even walks right out of the double doors. You follow him and are shouting his name.

“You’re so rude sometimes! You shouldn’t have asked me if you didn’t want to!” You shout, feeling tears pricking your eyes, and Satoru turns around then, tears glistening in his own eyes, making you pause.

“Why can’t you understand?” He asks, cupping your face with a cool hand, and it feels far too good on your overheated cheeks.

“Understand what, that my best friend is being mean?”

“I’m not being mean. I can’t… I can’t…” He exhales now, hormonal brain whirling, why can’t he think of anything good to say!? Why can’t he tell you he’s got it so bad for you, that you’re all he thinks of sometimes? But he’s so scared because you’re so close to him, such a good friend. What if you don’t feel the same?

“You can tell me anything. Always.” You cup his hand on your cheek, he feels how warm it is under his touch, leaning down now, your eyes dart to his lips, lashes casting shadows on your cheeks. “What are you…”

Satoru presses his lips against yours, your first kiss ever, you pause as your heart is pounding in your chest, unsure of what to do. Where do you put your hands!? Where do you… stand? You step back and look at him with shock, he’s so serious which is nothing like the Satoru you know, a goofy silly boy who’s always bright and smiling.

“You just kissed me.” You whisper, unable to say what you want to, that you have never felt your heart beat so fast, that you have never imagined a kiss from the boy you have it so bad for. That you’re so happy you could spin.

“I did.” Is all he manages, it sounds choked out, as he leans close again, the wind fluttering leaves around your feet, in uncomfortable platform heels you’ve stolen from your mother’s closet.

“But don’t you have a date tonight?” You touch your lips, still tingling with him, and Satoru gulps now, visible, leaning in close again. “Don’t confuse me, please, you would never be interested in me.”

“Why do you think that way? Why can’t you see that I-”

“Satoru!” Satoru’s date comes out now, and you feel terrible, you feel so embarrassed, especially when he shoots her a smile, and then a sullen look at you as she grabs his arm. “Oh it’s Satoru’s little friend. You’re like a little sister, right?”

You glare hurt eyes at Satoru now, and he feels himself closing right back up, knowing how bad those words hurt you, how confused you must be. “A little sister? Is that what you call me?” You ask, quietly, hiding your every feeling.

“I said we were really close like family, yes, but…” You laugh just a bit, blinking back tears, looking at his date now.

“He’s definitely just like family. Have fun you two.” You stomp off then, and Satoru wants to stop you, wants to say something, but he thinks he’ll just make it worse. You left right after, he didn’t see you the rest of the dance, and the next week at school you were back to normal, his sweet friend, you both didn’t bring it up, what happened.

Satoru knew he hurt your feelings, and he didn’t know how to apologize, or how to tell you how much the kiss meant, and how badly during every school project, every study session, that he wanted to do it again. So instead, he just stays your friend, wondering if you forgot it all.

*****

Present Day

You feel pesky tears prick the back of your eyes, sighing shakily now as Satoru’s lips pout just a bit, his brows drawn together. “You felt something for me? Then?”

“Yes, I wanted to tell you, but I fucked it all up.” You remember how hurt you were, to be called that, after your first kiss, remember rushing home and crying in your bed all night.

“I thought it was some dare or something.” You admit, and he leans forward, shaking his head, pulling you more firmly against his hard body, a body you’ve dreamt of being pressed against this way more than once.

“No, not at all. You looked pretty in that dress, I remember it like it was yesterday, exactly what you wore.” Satoru’s voice gets husky as his gaze lowers, to your breasts that are showcased in black and red lace over your dress, you feel it like a caress, filling you with longing.

“You were my first kiss.” You say now, his eyes widen in surprise.

“I didn’t know that.”

“You never asked. You never brought it up again.” You swipe at an errant tear as Satoru cups your face gently.

“I was a shithead.” You giggle now, nodding. “You’re not supposed to agree!”

“Well you were. Why’d you kiss me, Satoru?” You lean in close, lips just a breath from him now, tasting his sweetness on his lips, tantalizing you.

“I thought it would be my epic moment. You rushed after me, thought I’d tell you how I feel, finally. But then…”

“How did you feel?” He sighs now, kissing your lips once more.

“You listened to story number two, I said I’d treat you for being so good. On the nice list, hmm?” You giggle again, as he kisses down your chest.

“You’re avoiding the question… mmm… not complaining.” You gasp when he reveals one of the peaks of your breasts now, he lets out a soft moan.

“You’re so pretty.” His lips are descending on it, latching on a nipple and sucking. You enwrap your hands in his hair, pulling it while he sucks on it with his hot mouth.

Desire shoots down your body, making you tremble, Satoru’s hand presses against your tummy, fingers slipping against the soft velvet of your dress, your eyes roll back at how good it feels when his teeth nip at the peak. He pulls back, strings of saliva dripping from his lips, then he’s pulling your other one out, shifting you to straddle his lap, and you feel him.

Fuck he feels so good against you, when you sink down on his lap, and he’s got another peak in his mouth, his hand squishing the other, lips trailing back up, looking at you under those snowy lashes. You’re trembling now, thighs tense as you feel his length under those slacks, pressing against soaked panties. His head falls back as he sinks your hips lower.

“Oh my god.” He murmurs. “You’re so wet from just that? You’re so desperate for me, hmm?”

“Oh fuck you.” You glare, he laughs softly as you try to back up, yanking you back down.

“I like you so needy. It’s cute.” Your eyes are just narrowed now, and you slide your hips down his length, earning him tensing, sucking in a breath.

“You’re needy. It’s so cute.”

“Brat.” He brings your lips back down to his, and relishes in the feel of you, the taste of you. God he’s wanted this for so long, but he has to tell you, he has to tell you what’s in his heart, even if he is currently thinking of sinking into the heat that’s grinding on his cock. He pulls away, physically painful, looking into your dazed eyes.

“More stories!? We’re gonna need a break, I won’t be able to focus.” Your hair is falling softly against his chest as you roll your hips again, and he presses up, feeling the slick heat even through the barriers.

“For every story you listen to, I’ll make you cum.” He watches the mess that makes you with a satisfied grin.

“But I’ve already listened to two!”

“There are three more.”

“You can’t cum five times in one…”

“You’re doubting me, hmm?” Your lips press his again, and he hoists you up, holding you effortlessly in strong arms, pressing you against the wall now, the coolness on your back doing nothing to cool down your body.

“Maybe you’re all talk, all star.” He snorts now, easing you down, pressing his arms on either side of you.

“Then a little demonstration, before the next story.” His hand slips up your dress by the hem, baring your thighs, you tremble as your eyes lock, and he finds you over your panties, dripping and sticky. “Fuck, these are ruined.”

“Shut up, Satoru.” You whine out as he presses against your clothed clit, moaning as he does, pressing his finger up higher, you’re whimpering, slick coating his fingers. “Please…”

“Please what, sweet girl?” Satoru murmurs softly, and you’re trembling, hand gripping his wrist, feeling the strong muscles on his arm.

“Touch me.” He slips his fingertips under your panties now, finding your aching clit and rubbing in circles, making you throb around nothing, head slamming back into the wall as his lips capture yours again. He moves in tantalizing circles, quicker and quicker, working you up, making you want more and more. “Ngh!”

“Those sounds you make, fuck.” He huffs, pressing his finger up more, blue eyes flicking over your face, free hand cupping your chin. “Let go, I’ve got you.”

He starts pressing up more, your cunt soaking his fingers as he works your clit so good, you’re gasping when it hits you, the orgasm from Satoru’s long fingers that keep slipping to tease your entrance. You’re dying for more, but he pulls his finger away, your hands are clinging to his shirt, crumpling the fancy fabric, Satoru slips his finger to his lips now, moaning.

“You’re so sweet tasting. Mmm.” He kisses you again, coating your lips with your own slick, you’re grinding up against his thigh that’s now slotted between yours. “Can’t wait to drink you up.”

“Drink me, I… Toru, the things you’re saying…” He’s kissing down your cheek, down your neck, before he pulls back with a smile. “Let me…”

Your hand slips down his abdomen, feeling the muscles tense under your touches. “Not yet, horny little nerd.”

“Oh whatever!” You shove at him now, as he doesn’t allow you to touch his cock whatsoever yet, gripping your wrist above your head.

“That’s one, I’ll give you four more, but I need you to listen.”

“Or what, I’m on the naughty list?” You tease, tugging on his hat, he fixes it back on his head with a smirk. “Who knew you even remembered little things like that about me.”

“Little things? That kiss wasn’t a little thing.” You melt at his words.

Words Satoru has longed to tell you.

“Why didn’t you let me know?”

“I tried. A couple more times. Now… Come on, we’ll make an appearance, and continue this soon. Don’t you pout, can’t just use me for my body.”

“Oh god.” You breathlessly giggle as you all get back to the party, and Satoru’s snatching you up in his arms for a dance, you feel your friends gazing upon you both, sharing knowing looks. “You sure can dance, Satoru.”

“Of course I can.” He spins you now, bringing your back against him, you feel his strong chest on your back, your ass pressed against his hard thighs. His hands guide your hips as the music plays, soft and sweet like his caresses.

“So what’s next, Santa Toru? On the cringy memory train of me.”

“Cringy of you? Nah. Well, the next trip of Christmas past would be… Sophomore year of high school. Remember that bowling night?”

“Bowling night, which one?” You’re turning your head to look up at him, his santa hat is falling just so, as you sway with him, and remember.

*****

The Third Time Satoru tried to tell you his feelings

Sophomore Year of High School- age 16

Satoru and you had fallen back into an easy friendship, you all were going bowling, Suguru, Shoko, Nanami, you and Satoru. You all were always together, along with a couple other close friends, and Satoru’s new girlfriend, she was very pretty and very clingy, all over him to the point Suguru was laughing at it. Satoru could barely get a moment to breathe.

Nanami is showing you how to bowl, and something in Satoru tenses, as you’re giggling up at him and grinning, and he sees Nanami is blushing. He’s mentioned a few times he thinks you’re sweet and pretty, and Satoru supposes no one else he knows would be good enough for you, aside from his friends. But it hurts, to see his hand on your shoulders, on your back.

Satoru’s girlfriend is kissing all on his neck, irritatingly, she’s gorgeous and a star cheerleader, who should be with the star player, right? Satoru supposes that’s what is done, and he loves making out with her and more… but… something about you is addling his psyche, constantly. Every time you laugh it’s like his heart tightens, every brush of your skin against his makes him weak.

Even hugging you was hard now, so he’d backed off a bit, you’re too pretty, you smell too good, you look so pretty in those little school uniforms. He can’t even stand to see you in those skirts. Thankfully you’re just wearing blue jeans, so that he didn’t have to stress even more about you and Nanami.

Why can’t he just tell you!?

He gets so tongue tied around you, Satoru Gojo, the boy who can’t ever shut up, but with you he stutters, he stammers, he blushes. And ever clueless, you have no idea what your effects are on him, on anyone. Still so insecure, but Satoru really does not know why or how, can’t you tell that you alone make him go crazy? That all these girls are just not you.

You smile at him now, a little sad he notices, waving, and only serving to make his girlfriend clingier. You walk up now, looking at him for a moment, before looking at the group. “Does anyone want pizza? I’m so hungry, I’ll buy.”

“I’ll come with you.” Satoru stands now, his girlfriend huffs.

“Don’t leave me, Gojo.”

“Just gonna get food, you want something baby?” Baby, the little term crushes your damn teenage heart, as Satoru pecks a kiss on his girlfriend’s lips, and you can’t get over Satoru enough to even have a dating life. You compare any man to him, to this ever taller, lanky best friend of yours.

Satoru’s gotten six feet tall now, towering over everyone, and the basketball has only served to enhance every muscle. Just being at his game yesterday, seeing his muscles in his jersey had been too much to handle, you’d had to jot it all down in your diary, fast becoming a Satoru Gojo diary. Not that you could say anything, he’s always got a girl on his arm.

You remember that kiss so well, what had he been thinking? Sometimes you worry it was some dare, some joke or something. It’s the only kiss you’ve had still, though you think if you had another you could maybe start pushing that back, maybe realize it wasn’t so amazing, right?

Satoru comes with you now, walking beside you, hands in the pockets of his jeans, you all are walking toward the food court. “Missed ya short stuff.”

“Missed you, tall ass.” You giggle now as he grins down at you, nudging you. “Everyone’s short compared to you. What are you even eating!?”

“Lots of candy and cookies.”

“Ah, that’s the secret. I’ll grab you something sweet.” You order pizza for everyone, then you order churros, one of Satoru’s favorites. He moans when he sees it, hugging and picking you up, you try to ignore how the casual touch gets you.

“Thank you, sweets.” He smacks a kiss on your cheek, you cup your face carefully, looking down at your tennis shoes.

“No biggie. Gotta feed you, growing boy and all.” He starts nibbling as you all wait for the pizza to finish, sitting at a little booth now, his thighs are spread and they’re so long they’re pressing against your thighs, making you so flustered, but you’re sure he doesn’t notice.

He does notice though, he notices everything about you, he wants to tell you then, to stop this facade of friendship. But he’s on a date, and you’re both with friends in a crowded bowling alley. It doesn’t seem the right moment, but he’s carefully watching you while you are taking a little sip of your drink.

“Have a bite.” He says, and you freeze.

An indirect kiss!?

You are thinking too much!

You lean forward and take a nibble, he watches as you do, little crystals of sugar on your lips. “Yummy.”

An indirect kiss!

Satoru thinks with a smile, wiping the little bit of sugar dust off you, and then freezing. You both freeze, your eyes locked on each other, Satoru’s thumb lingers on your lower lip, eyes lowering to stare at it, your chest rises and falls with your breaths, his attention now on your collarbone, where you still wear that necklace he got you forever ago.

A friendship necklace.

“You still wear that, huh?” He asks quietly now, you touch it as is a habit, it’s a long faded half of a yin yang.

“Of course I do. Do you have yours?”

“I still have it.” You smile, brightening his heart then, and he opens his mouth, he has to just say it, to say he has that necklace dangling off a picture frame, and the picture is of you and him. A polaroid you all took together on a field trip, that he looks at it every night.

“That makes me unreasonably happy. I was sure you tossed it.”

Satoru blinks. “Tossed it?”

“Well yeah, we’re older now, and I know Suguru is your real best friend. I’m like secondary, honorary.” You playfully mess up his perfect silky locks, but he doesn’t laugh, no he’s serious again, as serious as that eighth grade dance.

“Do you like Nanami?” He asks suddenly, surprising you.

“He is sweet and so handsome, yeah. I do like emo boys a bit. Why?” You ask curiously, pretending to like Nanami, would it make it less painfully obvious that you’re in love with Satoru?

He frowns now. “I didn’t like seeing you two-”

“Pizza’s up.” Satoru uses the moment, hopping up, leaving you confused, but he doesn’t even acknowledge any of it, just grabbing the pizza boxes and smiling down at you casually.

“Satoru, what did you mean? Do you think I wouldn’t be good for Nanami?” You ask, insecurities wracking you. He shakes his head as you both head toward your friends again, through the busy room.

“No, I didn’t say that, not at all.”

“So what do you mean?” He opens his mouth again, just as his girlfriend bounces up and smiles at him, and you realize how foolish you are to think he meant that.

You all go back to being more separated, Nanami has gotten you a slice of pizza and you’re both sitting together and smiling, but your eyes keep going to Satoru, hurt in them when his clingy ass girlfriend practically drapes herself on him. Satoru needs to let these feelings go, he’s doing nothing but hurting and confusing you. So he decides the best thing to do?

A little bit of distance.

*****

Present Day

“Is that why you basically ignored me for like months?” You ask curiously, Satoru spins and dips you, bending you back over his arm in a move that would make anyone swoon, and of course you do, his lips hovering over yours.

He brings you back up, making you dizzy and breathless. “I thought I was hurting you, confusing you.”

“You definitely were confusing. But I missed you when you didn’t spend any time with me at all. That hurt.” He nods just a bit, the song is ending, and you’re still pressed so close against him.

“I wanted to say that I didn’t like Nanami with you, because I wanted to be with you. But how could I say that?”

“I don’t know… you could have tried to?”

“Stop being all logical.” You snort now. “Another orgasm on the list.” He whispers against your ear, you tremble now.

“Are you all finally going to get this tension taken care of?” Shoko asks, and you gasp, realizing they’re all watching you two.

“Tension?”

“Since high school.” Shoko says.

“Nah, Middle School.” Nanami counters.

“Even younger.” Suguru chimes in, and you watch Gojo’s cute little blush overtake his perfect pale skin.

“Seems like you all planned this.” You admonish, and they whistle, looking every which way, but Satoru looks right at you still.

“Think you’re invited to the afterparty, my place?” He says softly, unlike most of the people in dorms or frat houses, Satoru has his own place, beautiful too. You look at your friends now.

“Are they invited?”

“Nah, exclusive.”

“Oh just go, dear god. I’m so tired of the pining.” Shoko says, shoving at Satoru and handing you your coat.

“You kicking us out!?” You demand playfully, only being shooed right out, into the cold snowy night with Satoru. His hands come to warm your cheeks, as you stare at him with glittery eyes, eyes that make his heart falter every time. “Satoru I really… I’ve been… for so long…”

“Ah-ah. You have two more Christmas stories. C’mon, I’ll tell you one on the way.” You follow him breathlessly to his fancy black sports car, he turns on the heat after he starts the car, a hand pressing on your thigh. You lean close to his side, cuddling against him for warmth like a cat. “Remind me to get you cold more often.”

“I hate the cold, ugh. You’re warm though.” You snuggle closer, shutting your eyes and inhaling the scent of his cologne. “Feels so natural.”

“I know, it always scared me.”

“Did it? Wait, are we transitioning to another teen Gojo tale!?”

He chuckles now, one hand brushing against your thigh, you’re wrapped around his arm, his other hand guiding the steering wheel, the lights scattering across the dark night, reflecting his perfect profile. You feel the heat building and building, even worse by the orgasm he’d brought you, planting a little kiss on his neck.

Your lips on his neck drive him so crazy, as does your sweet little body against him, he inhales that scent he’s always loved, this vanilla cupcake scent that makes his mouth water. How do you still smell just like that? How do your lips still taste so sweet, burned in memories.

“I really should tell you how I feel too.” You say softly, and his heart pounds in his ears as he tries to focus on the road. “After your two last stories, Santa.”

“Ah, yes. Be good and listen.” His hand now wraps your waist, making your thoughts anything but nice, but you nod against his neck, holding him close. “We’re up to Senior year, are you ready for the trip?”

“Ready. What part of Senior year, spirit guide?”

“That closet.” His voice gets husky.

“Oh… oh shit.”

*****

The fourth time Satoru tried to tell you his feelings

Senior Year of High School- age 18

“I can’t believe they put us in here.” You whisper, trapped in the closet with Satoru Gojo, just last week he was proclaimed prom King, and he’s as popular as ever, somehow taller too.

Satoru’s mind is foggy as he stands in the little closet with you, he’s so close he can inhale that scent, he can feel you against him. He feels his body react, god if he just brushes against you it does. And you’re both just not as close as you once were, since the awkwardness of watching you with Nanami, who you even dated for a few months, much to his displeasure to see.

You’re both single now, something that hasn’t happened in some time, it seems Satoru always has arm candy, and you always were left to wonder if he’d ever notice you. Even in a closet, you imagine his mind is far away, perhaps on his ex-girlfriend, the prom queen and cheer captain. You couldn’t even do a somersault without getting injured, a clumsy mess.

You hate comparing yourself, but you can’t help it with Satoru, you’ve had boyfriends now, you’ve had kisses. A little more experience. But something keeps drawing you back to all the what ifs, of how someone can be so close to you, yet so distant, just out of reach, as if you couldn’t touch him like you wanted… some barrier he has.

“They’re just always thinking you have a crush on me.” Satoru says teasingly, cocky as hell. You snort, rolling your eyes.

“Uh huh. Well I don’t.”

“I don’t either.”

For some reason his words hurt you, and deeply.

Just like your errant words hurt him.

Both of you lying, both of you hurting, and for what? Well, because you still can’t picture a world where Satoru likes you, and he can’t manage to open up, to be honest with you. He’s right behind your back, you feel his breaths against your neck, blowing and tickling your hair now, making you tremble.

“Good, wouldn’t wanna break your nerdy heart.” He whispers, hands on your waist, taking it over, long fingers sinking into the jut of your hips. Your breath comes even quicker in the dark, quiet room now.

“You’re mean lately, your head’s so big I don’t know how it fits through doors.” Satoru laughs, meanly, pressing harder against you.

“Not the only thing that’s big.” He whispers, you tremble now, looking back nervously, eyes adjusting in the dark.

“W-well I won’t find out. Not your type.”

“Says who?”

“Says your very long list of girls. And that’s cool, but don’t confuse me.” You turn to him now, pressed against him intimately in the closet, and suddenly everything stops, the world stops, as he holds you in his arms. As he feels your bare skin from your crop top, so sexy he wishes no one else could see you. “Satoru…”

“You’re beautiful.” Your breath stops in your lungs, when he leans in so close, god it’s been four years since middle school, but you can still feel it lingering, that kiss all those years ago. His words muddle your mind.

“What?”

“Beautiful. You always have been, okay? Stop thinking that you’re not.” Your tears hit your eyes, while you tremble in his strong hold, fire coursing through your veins, mind whirling.

“Oh, thank you Satoru. That’s sweet.”

“Sweet? Nah.”

“It is. Thank you.” You lean up now, kissing his cheek, he shuts his eyes at how good you feel, your every curve pressed against him, his hands slipping down your hips now, you gasp, a little breathy, sexy sound. He turns his head now, lips brushing yours for just a moment.

Just a moment and then he’s devouring your mouth, tongue slipping in, taking over everything you are, and you melt with him, tongue meeting his stroke for stroke, as he presses you further against him. His hand pulls at your hair, making pain hit your scalp, but it feels so good. You moan, a sound you’ve not made with a guy, and he practically growls now.

Satoru presses you against the wall, the clothes on either side of you separating, dresses on either side of your skin when he lifts you, and your legs wrap around his hips. You pull back to suck in a breath, looking at Satoru with wide eyes, and he glints even in the dark, his lips glossy, he’s breathing as heavy as you. His strong hands grip your thighs, you feel how excited you are then.

“Satoru, what are we doing?” You ask carefully, and he wants to finally say it, in this closet, at some dumb party. He wants to say it, that he’s in love, that kissing you is better than anything he could imagine.

The door knocks now. “Seven minutes over!” You both separate quickly, you adjust your skirt, embarrassed at how you reacted, your nipples tight against your top, clearly visible, judging by his bright blue eyes that are glaring at them.

“What was that!?” You demand in a hushed whisper, and he opens his mouth, as the door keeps knocking. He glares now, opening it, and seeing it’s his ex, prom queen herself, she looks at you both and laughs now.

“Well that was probably a boring seven minutes.” You feel the words crush you, making you feel sick, you can feel you’re literally on fire from him. What is this, is this just what he does!?

Satoru sees you rushing away, and he follows you, ignoring his ex, trailing you and shouting your name. It was your turn to run from him, he supposes, usually it’s him running. He finally catches you, you’re shivering as the chill of autumn is hitting, and you’re barely wearing anything.

“You’re gonna get sick in that, wearing nothing!”

“You’re not my big brother. Certainly not right now after… what even was that!?” You demand, turning to him, eyes glistening with tears.

He feels it like a punch to the gut.

“You can’t just kiss me when you’re bored and date everyone else, everyone in your league.” Tears are falling, you’re shivering, Satoru gulps, shaking his head now.

“No, it’s not that. You’re in anyone’s league, fuck you’re out of anyone’s. I didn’t kiss you because of that.”

“Then why? Don’t you know, it means a lot to me?”

“I…”

“I’m not like you, I don't just sleep around.”

Satoru glares now. “And who says I do?”

“The entire school! And I don’t care as a friend, but I do care if you think I’m available like that.”

“You think I want to fuck you?” He asks, raising a brow, and your heart sinks in your stomach. “I didn’t try to fuck you, did I?”

“Then what…”

“Kissing, in a closet. You think that means sex? You’re cute, little virgin.” He pats your head and you smack at his hand, glaring, hurt written all over your face. Satoru hates himself so much, but he can’t say it, especially now. How can he even begin to tell you the truth!?

“I know what sex is.” Satoru glares. “I’m not an amusement, I’m your friend, you can’t act like that.”

“Fine then I won’t kiss you again, ya happy?”

“No!”

“No?” You shake your head, stomping away now, he grabs your wrist, making you glare at it. “Please, I’m sorry. I just…”

“Just what!?” Your face is covered with tears. “Just go get your prom queen, and leave me alone.”

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry I… I shouldn’t have…”

“Shouldn’t have kissed me?” You whisper, he just gulps, aching to tell you how badly he wants you, to tell you he is in love with you. But he just stands there, like a damn idiot, as you continue to cry, yanking your hand away. “Don’t worry, we’ll just forget it.”

“What!? I didn’t-”

“Good bye.”

*****

Present Day

“Damn this place is beautiful, Satoru.” You murmur as you walk in after riding the elevator up, lingering memories of high school still in the air, creating tension.

His loft is sleek and gorgeous, an expansive open space with high ceilings, windows that overlook the night, you exhale at the view. It’s illuminating the modern room softly, a mix of lights in the buildings and moonlight seeping in. Sleek paintings of all kinds decorate his walls, it’s cozy and inviting, you’ve been here before, but something is different.

Everything is different.

“You want a drink, Sweets?” He murmurs softly, his hands slipping up and down your back, creating a network of goosebumps everywhere he touches.

“Am I staying the night Toru?” You tease. He smiles so big now, illuminating the room.

“Of course you are. You won’t be able to walk when I’m done with you.” Your breath catches at his tone, he casually smirks and saunters off to his kitchen, leaving you pulsing, as if your pussy has a goddamn heartbeat. “Aw, shy now?”

“N-no. I’ll take one.” You follow him into the pretty, sleek kitchen, Satoru has cookies he’s made earlier sitting on the stove, he pulls out bottles from his bar, mixing you up a drink, you take it and eye the cookies. “Are you baking for Santa?”

“I’m interested in your cookie.”

“Oh stop!” You snort in laughter, he does too, finally taking the santa hat off, popping it right on your head carefully. You lean up, slicking back his hair into place, feeling it like silk under your touch.

“You’re getting minimum four orgasms tonight. But I’ll give you a fifth if you can guess the next time I fucked up.”

“Guess? Shit… I think it was the night we both fucked up.”

“Ding-ding-ding.” He taps your nose, you smile at it, then he sips his drink as you do, now leaning back against the counter, looking up at him. “You’ve been so good though, I think I’ll give you another right now.”

“Oh yeah? I’m on the nice list?” You gasp when he’s bending low, sinking two fingers under your panties and inside your eager cunt, he moans out loud with you when you cling to him. “Oh f-fuck…”

“S’tight, s’wet…” He’s pressing that spongy spot in your gummy little walls now, your head falls back, leg wrapped on his, he’s kissing down your neck as he presses over and over, making you see stars. “There’s that spot. Good girl.”

“Toru!” You cry out as he fingers you with his stupidly long fingers, longer than the one guy you’ve been with, longer than his entire cock. You’re sure he didn’t hit as deep as Satoru’s fingers, and he surely didn’t finger you like that. You’re overtaken, cunt dripping down his hand, down to his silver rolex and dress sleeves.

“Hear yourself, huh sweetheart? How fuckin wet you are.” His low tone just edges you further, now he’s pulling back to look at you, and you’re closer and closer.

“Fuck me, please.” You beg, he moans, shaking his head.

“Not yet.”

“Oh fuck your santa stories, and fuck me-” He slams his lips on yours, pumping his fingers in and out of your soppy little cunt now, and you hear it squishing lewdly in the quiet loft, he presses other fingers against your breast, squishing as he pumps them, until you fall over the edge now, cumming so hard you can’t see.

“There it is, you’re taking them so good.” He cooes those words, you’re already fucked out and you haven’t even been fucked by him yet. You blink and struggle to make him come into focus, gasping for stuttering breaths.

“Oh my… oh my… I…” The room is spinning, he takes his fingers, dripping wet with your arousal, shoving them into your mouth now.

“Taste how sweet you are.” He orders, and you do just that, sucking on his fingers, tongue swirling around them, your pussy is pulsing more and more wetness out, as you crave more of him. “God you’re sexy.”

“Please…” You pull him down by his collar, kissing him, swapping the taste of you, only making Satoru harder. He can’t wait to bury his face in your plump little cunt, god it’s all he can think of.

“Patience. You came twice already, look at me.” You grab him then, and he about dies, nearly cumming from your touch, gasping.

“Let me take care of you.”

“Fuck you’re a little horny brat. You have one more story.” You sigh then, head falling back, for more of Satoru’s kisses and bites, he wants to fuck you senseless, but he also wants to savor this, to make this perfect for you.

“Oh fine but I’m aching.”

Well so is he, precum making a wet spot in his boxers, straining against the fabric of his jeans, just from the smallest little touch. You’re so wet and hot there, so greedily your cunt sucked up his fingers, he can only hope he can last, if you touch him at all it will probably end him. He’s been waiting for this moment for so long.

“One more story, can you last?” He challenges. You giggle then, nodding.

“I can make it.” He studies you, bright eyed in that damn santa hat, imagining how beautiful your body must look while he gently strokes your shoulders, you bite your lip, eyes lidded with desire.

He hopes he can make it too.

*****

The Fifth time Satoru tried to tell you his feelings

College- Sophomore year- age 20

Everyone was celebrating the ball game, they had won nationals, and everyone was praising the all stars, Suguru and Satoru. They also were top of the fraternity, none of this was really your style, you were focused a little more on academics, though you helped Satoru study a ton to keep his high GPA, he was as smart as could be and still could accomplish so much.

You had been so proud of him, cheering him on from the stands eagerly. You all had taken some time to make up after that high school party, but truly you couldn’t be mad at him for long. You equated it to some strong spiked punch and being shoved in a closet together, close proximity. It certainly couldn’t be anything else.

Satoru comes up to you now with a big wide grin on his face, picking you up and spinning you, donned only in a Toga, showing far too much of his chiseled body. “Missed you short stuff!”

“Missed you too, Toru.” He hugs you so tight you hear your damn ribs creak, before he finally sets you down.

“You at a Frat Party!?”

“Yes, I had to celebrate the victory with you. So I make an appearance.”

“Elusive.” Suguru comes up and says, you hug him tightly.

“I miss you too!”

“You should hang out more.” He looks at Satoru. “Way more, shouldn’t she?”

“Um what? Sure.” He shrugs, looking away, as his friend calls him the fuck out, but luckily you’re oblivious, still a little shy, insecure thing.

If you were his you’d never feel that way.

But could you ever be? Or was Satoru stuck in this friend zone with you, until you move on, get married, have kids… go be a writer, he’s sure you’ll be famous, you’re so talented. And he’ll marry who he’s supposed to, who his parents pressure him to, and have a career with basketball, soon what would you all be, memories of each other?

But then why do you still wear it?

It’s a charm on your bracelet now, he imagines the little rope it was on broke long ago with all the wear it got, but you have his little yin charm right there, along with more charms you’ve added over the years. His gaze darts up your body, you’re wearing a sexy little grecian gown to go with the theme, with a golden crown in your hair of fake leaves.

You’ve even got glitter all over your skin, you’re so damn beautiful, like an actual goddess. So effortlessly pretty you take his breath away, he feels the effects of studying your curves right on his cock, he shifts then, hoping you can’t see it. But your eyes remain on his, as Suguru hands you a beer.

“Thanks Suguru. You all know I don’t drink these though.”

“Oh don’t be a baby, do it.” Satoru teases, you snort, and Satoru’s watching hungrily as you sip it. “What a baby sip.”

“I’m not chugging it!”

“Well I’m doing a keg stand.” Suguru gives you a little peck on the cheek, smirking as he earns Satoru’s ire. He knows more than anyone how long Satoru has been pathetic for you.

How do you not know?

“Go have fun, crazy.” You step a little closer to Satoru now, looking at the loud game of beer pong.

“Wanna play?”

“Oh god no, I’ll suck so bad.”

“Nah, c’mon.” Satoru drags you over by your hand, wondering if tonight could be the night. He’s coming off this high of winning that championship, you’re standing here looking like Venus herself, surely he can do it.

Why is he so afraid to tell you?

Soon you all are competitive, but he’s winning, annihilating you honestly, smacking every bounce you attempt, throwing and sinking endless pong balls into those solo cups. You pout now, earning his laughter as you keep sipping on your beer, until you end up with another. You finally sink one and bounce up and down, arms in the air, so fucking cute.

“Haha- take that, Toru!” You place your hands on your hips, sticking your tongue out, he’s reminded of the day he met you, the day he thought you were so cute he needed to yank your pigtails, and you’d stuck out a tongue.

“One hit and you’re claiming victory? What are you, the goddess of war?”

“Goddess of nothing, silly. You’re the one looking like a god.” You flush so damn cute now, looking down shyly at your words.

“A god hmm? Fits me.”

“Oh you’re so conceited.” You roll your eyes at him, but he does look like one, his strong, long, chiseled frame. He’s so gorgeous it makes you ache, he always has been, but it’s like every time you see him it’s worse, this need, this desire.

To be with him in so many ways.

Ways you haven’t yet, ways you shouldn’t want him.

“Finish the game, brat.” He tosses a ball your way, you laugh now, sinking another one and cheering, and soon you’re both a little tipsy, and playing together against Shoko and Suguru.

You both kick their asses, much to their dismay, Shoko opts for vodka shots like a classy bitch, Suguru is on another keg stand, and you and Satoru are giggling and dancing around to the music. It’s so loud you feel it thrumming through your entire body, Satoru’s so easy to fall into, you keep trying to hold back, but how can you? When he’s everything you’ve ever wanted.

And how can Satoru ever hold back with you? He’s tried, four different times, to tell you how much he loves you, yet… How can he? As he’s grabbing your hip, pulling you against him, your head falling on his chest, as you’re grinning so big, he just… has to say it.

He has to.

“I need to say something…” He murmurs then, you can barely hear him, leaning up closer.

“Hmm? What Toru?”

Someone bumps into you then, knocking you against Gojo, and he glares now, shoving at the drunk frat brother. You wave your arms to stop him. “What the fuck man, watch it.”

“Shit, my bad Gojo, chill.” He then grins all big as he looks at you, where your toga is now falling, revealing far too much of your breast. You squeak, quickly trying to pin it up, and now Gojo’s torn between wanting to see you, and anger at this asshole. Gojo shoves him into a wall then.

“Don’t fuckin’ look at her.” He says through his teeth, surprising you then.

“What, she's your girl? Weren’t you just banging a girl out last night?” He says with a laugh, and Satoru pauses, but you hear it.

You feel sick then, stepping back, how can you be so dumb, to think Satoru would want you, or choose you!? He’s never going to be interested, the only times he’s kissed you he was… why had he kissed you!? What was this friendship? Was it a friendship at all or you holding on to the idea of hope with him.

You’re blinking back stupid tears as you run off to a room, sobbing as you struggle to fix your toga, only for Satoru to walk in. You glare now.

“Go!”

“We’re not together, why are you mad if I fuck someone?” He demands, and you sputter, shaking your head, tears hot and sticky as they fall.

“I shouldn’t be upset.”

“Then why?” He’s right against you, big hands on your shoulders, you look up at him now, mascara streaking down your cheeks, his stomach drops at it.

“Because I’ll never be… I’ll never be…”

“Be what?”

“Yours.”

“Wh-what!?” You shake your head now, running out of the room, Satoru’s chasing you, reminiscent of two years ago, fuck it’s always a chase, a push and pull. “Come here! Stop it!”

“No, I’m done with this, with you giving me bits of affection, only to ruin them.” You shove at him now, he’s grabbing you, pulling you against him. “Don’t you kiss me, don’t you dare tease me.”

“I don’t kiss you to tease you, I kiss you-”

“For a game!”

“Shut your mouth.”

You scowl. “You shut your mouth.” Satoru shuts both your mouths, as you’re outside the insane frat house, pressing you against the brick wall of the dormitory, smothering your lips with his. You bite his lower lip, glaring as he pulls back.

“Stop running from me, stop hiding.” He begs, and you sigh.

“Why should I? I won’t be a notch on your bedpost.”

“You think-” Several people start filing out now, and Satoru’s got you pressed right on that wall, his chest heaving as he hovers, as the chaos ensues all around you both. “You think you’re that to me?”

“I don’t know what I am to you. A friend you kiss every two fucking years or so?” You say with an angry glare, and he cups your waist, burning your bare skin with his touch, shooting desire straight through you.

“You’re so much more than that. If you’d just let me show you.” He whispers, but you’re so scared then, of letting go, your breathing gets erratic, as you feel his thigh pressing between yours, moving on it, earning his soft moan, vibrating his chest as your hands slip up it. “I have to tell you something, please.”

“I’m listening, mmm.” You arch again, craving him so badly, nothing like you’ve felt with anyone, it’s so maddening.

“I really… I really…” Satoru’s pausing now, stuttering, you make him a mess, he’s resting his head on yours, feeling your heat, thinking of sinking into it. Sure he had girls, only because he couldn’t have you. You were his all consuming thoughts, but how does he put it to words?

“Really…” You urge him on, and he gulps then, panicking. What if you don’t feel the same!? What if he ruins this…

“I really… you’re really…”

“Satoru! Satoru!” They all start cheering then, a whole group of his frat brothers, fists pumping in the air, and he lets you go, leaving you aching with need, he looks at you so longingly, you’re dying to know just what he wanted to say, but he smiles then, kissing your cheek, shaking his head.

“Come on.” He yanks you with him, as everyone starts chanting for Satoru, and you try to pretend you are okay, as Satoru hides his feelings yet again, and as you think maybe you should give up on it happening.

You’re in love with him, and it hurts.

How can you let him go finally?

*****

Present Day

“You were trying to tell me something. Important.” You say softly now, in Satoru’s cozy kitchen, and he nods then, gulping, Adam’s apple bobbing.

“I was. I was trying to confess… that I love you.” You blink once, twice, three times. Surely you’re dreaming. Surely he can’t…

“You love me?” You whisper back, and he nods, so beautiful as he cups your face in his big hands.

“So you see, baby… I can’t just hook up.” Satoru’s words bring you to the present, his eyes are glossy, mirroring the deep emotions you both feel, your breaths come faster, as he lifts you up, placing you on his counter.

“All this time… you felt the same?” You whisper, he swipes at your tears now, smiling.

“You crying?” He asks, and you just nod, remembering that day. “I’ve loved you since I threw those snowballs at you. So, so long ago, I knew it, that I was in love with this pretty, sweet girl.”

“Satoru…” You snatch him to you, kissing him through your falling tears, salty against your sweet lips. Satoru’s heart feels so achingly full, his hands shake as he slips them up your thighs, he’s never been nervous until now. Never felt anything like this, like your thighs around his narrow hips, pressing his fingers into the plush of them.

“There can be no hook up, pretty. I need you to be mine if you want this, I need you to be only mine.” Satoru says softly, possessive now, you feel yourself melting more and more, feel the insane need build inside of you.

“Satoru, I’m in love with you too. I have been, since you gave me your jacket after plowing me with giant snowballs, you mean little shit.” He laughs now, through his own tears, that you swipe with trembling fingers, exhaling. “Oh Satoru, I’ve always been yours.”

He slams his lips on you now, picking you up in his arms, you cling to him as he clumsily navigates you to his room, your tongues not stopping, teeth clicking together with the force of your kisses. You’re drinking every bit of him in, as he’s drinking you in, barely coming up for air, in gasps. Your kisses get hungrier, messier, sloppier than anything you’ve ever known.

Satoru’s hands are all over you as he lays you down on his bed, pressing you into his soft, plush mattress, leaning up to study you, carefully, brushing his fingers across your cheeks, wiping the last of your tears. “All mine?”

“All yours.” He moans again, kissing you deeply, hands slipping up your dress, you’re arching up for more of his touch, his kisses, hands hastily unbuttoning his dress shirt, kissing each piece of revealed skin.

“Baby… I need to see you. Now. Please.” He says softly, giving you puppy dog eyes, you nod, so nervous, when he pulls back, pulling you to sit, and slipping your dress up over your head, the santa hat falling with it. When you’re bare to him aside from your damn panties and lacy little bra, he groans. “Oh my god.”

You are so beautiful his heart pounds in his chest, Satoru drinks you in, your every perfect curve and line, every inch of your silky smooth skin on display. He unlatches your bra with a quick flick, revealing those perfect tits he’d sucked on earlier, god you make his mouth salivate. He’s literally drooling when he gets to your panties now, a soaking mess.

“You got so wet.” He cooes, enjoying your reaction, your hips shifting, thighs pressing together, as he eases them off you, finally seeing your pussy for the first time. “Fuck it’s perfect.”

“Th-thank you… Toru!” He’s lost it now, hungrily staring at your bare cunt, glistening with your arousal, lips all puffy from his edging. He exhales, just his breath making you shiver, crying out.

“So easy, hmm?”

“Oh you… ah!” Satoru breathes against you again, grinning as you jerk, as much as he wants to make love love to you, god he also wants to fuck you senseless.

“Imma ruin you for anyone.” His insane words versus the sweetness wreck you already, you’re screaming out when he flicks his tongue up your slit, looking down into his bright blue eyes, seeing the shift. Satoru is going feral as he inhales you, pressing his face against you, nose bumping your engorged clit, kissing at your entrance.

“Toru!” Your hands are gripping his hair so tightly you’re pulling it, as you feel him against you, as he tastes you there. Then he’s devouring your pussy, spreading the lips wide, tongue sliding into your velvety walls, fucking you with it, making you start to gush all over his pretty face, moaning as your back arches.

Satoru’s lapping up all your honeyed arousal, as you start dripping everywhere, and your walls are fluttering around that wet muscle. “F-fuck, taste s’good… god could do this forever.”

“Ngh!” Is all you manage, incoherent at the pleasure his mouth is giving you, feeling your peak coming as he slips two fingers back in you, pulling back and looking up at you, face glittering in your slick. The sight of it edges you on, as he finally licks your clitoris, just one flick and you shatter.

“That’s it, good girl… s’good f’me.” He whispers, as you’re pulsing around his thick fingers, and he laps up more of your cum. “You’re so messy.”

“M-messy…” You can’t function, you’re trembling with aftershocks, he grins at you, an insane feral fucking grin, his silky white locks falling just so. “Please, lemme see you.” You manage, and he gulps now, blushing pink, shocking you since he’d just been so cocky. “Satoru, lemme touch you.”

“Not too much, I won’t last.” He admits, and leans back off the bed standing, you watch him, raising up on your elbows, hair falling down behind you softly like a curtain. He starts to get undressed, and you drink every inch he bares in slowly, his hard, chiseled body, all the lean muscles, abs cut within an inch of your life. Your eyes go lower now as he unbuckles his belt.

You bite your lip, cunt still aching from his play, from the pleasure he has brought you, but when he gets to his boxers, and your eyes trail down the white hair below his belly button you gasp. His cock slaps that belly button when he takes off his boxers, and Satoru Gojo is huge, thick, long with a curved pink tip, beading with pearly white precum already.

“Oh my god… you’re so beautiful, Satoru.” You say softly, coming to your knees on the bed, he exhales nervously, he has always known he looks good, but hearing you say it meant everything. Seeing the desire makes your eyes dilate and glitter, as your eyes worship him.

“You’re beautiful, especially on your knees.” You kiss down his abdomen, then you kill him, when you grip his cock with your tiny little hand, that friendship charm still dangling from your wrist, and God Satoru cannot wait to buy you real jewelry, a ring to glitter as you stroke him.

His hands enwrap in your hair, pulling it into a ponytail as you lap at his tip with a kitten flick, making his eyes roll back, he can tell you’re maybe not experienced as you try to suck, making out with his tip, but he loves it, he loves you. Anything you’re doing to him, your soft strokes and you sucking more and more, until you’re drooling all over his cock.

“I need to be inside you, now baby. Sorry, I can't take this.” He has you back on your back so quick you barely blink, and then you feel him, stroking his thick tip on your slick cunt, you’re shaking, arching up, so ready.

“Will it fit though?” You ask, and he chuckles, blushing more now.

“As wet as this pussy is? Fuck yeah it will.” You whimper as he’s kissing you, pushing your legs apart with his knee, and aligning his cock with your soaking entrance. “You ready?”

You nod, breath shaky, and Satoru pushes in, so slowly, letting you feel every inch of his thickness filling you up, stretching you. You feel so full, so complete with him inside you, he gasps as he sinks deeper, stretching and burning your skin, but you crave it, you want more, more, more.

He grips your hands, entwining them above your head, so intimate and beautiful you want to cry. “God, baby, you’re so tight. So wet. Fuck… look at you.” He sinks in deeper, lifting a thigh now, releasing a hand, eyes studying every bit of your face as you take more of him. “So pretty.”

“Satoru!” You’re whining out, your nails digging into his back as his cock sliding deeper, deeper still, so many inches you can’t comprehend, until he’s shoved so deep you feel him against your cervix. “Oh my god…”

“Oh my god…” He moans right with you, your pussy clenching him so tight, he can feel your walls gripping him like a vise, but you take him, fuck you take him, so greedy your slick little cunt, pushing him over the edge. “Fuck.. that’s it… slutty little cunt loves it, hmm?”

“Slutty, I- you- ah! There, there!” You scream out when he hits that spot with his tip, dragging on it inside your walls, and you’re pouring so much wetness you can hear it, as the gentle slap slap slap of his pelvis on your ass hits, as his balls are smacking your little ass hole, and his white hair is grinding on your clit when he bottoms out, you’re soaking his veiny length, dripping onto his fancy covers.

“That’s it, baby, s’good. Taking this dick like it’s made for you.” He huffs, fucking you harder now, faster, making you shudder as he slips his hand between you both, pressing a thumb against your clit, making you cum so hard all you see is stars, glittery fucking darkness.

Is this what you’ve been missing!?

“L-love you…. L-love - ah!” You’re brokenly confessing as he lifts a thigh, pressing it high, yanking your hips down more on his length, fucking you harder and harder with every thrust.

“You’re m-mine now, baby. All - f-fuck- mine, to fuck whenever I want, however I want. Got me baby?” He whispers, losing it over you, you’re so perfect, so wet, so pretty under him, he’s imagining every position he wants you in, every place he wants to fuck you in, how he wants to cum in your perfect little cunt, fill you. “Answer me baby, answer me.”

His voice is whiny, pleading, you’re barely able to take a breath or function, damn near falling off the earth, clinging to his perfect skin for any stability, as he starts to pound mercilessly into your pussy. Sweat drips down his nose onto one of your breasts, which he squishes with his hand, pinching your nipple and twisting as he fucks so hard it hurts.

“Too much, too much.” You manage, and he smiles now, that cocky Satoru you’ve known your whole life, leaning down and rolling his hips just so, grinding that leaky tip against your cervix, pushing you to cum again, this time you’re drooling, mouth wide open.

“Aw you’re s’cute like this… look at you. Drooling. Dumb fucked out look.” You can’t even be mad, you want him to keep going, so you whine, nodding just a bit, earning his grin. “And you like it, being so slutty just for me. Only me.”

“Y-you.” Is all you manage, but it’s enough to send him over the fucking edge, pressing your thighs up high, smushing your breasts, now he’s so deep you feel him everywhere, your stomach, your entire body, he’s moaning as he watches your tummy bulge between your thighs.

“Feel me, everywhere, fucking up your guts… huh?” You just weakly nod, whining as you’re so embarrassingly wet, you hear every slutty sound of his cock wrecking you. “Made f’me, s-say it again.”

“Made for ah- y-you! Satoru!” He’s groaning, leaning his heavy weight on you, pelvis smacking hard as he stuffs you so full, too fucking full, and now he’s cupping your face, insane swirling blue eyes drinking you in.

“Anyone fill you yet, baby?” You shake your head, and he grins even more psychotically. “Good, Imma fill you up, gonna be d-dripping me for days.”

“C-cum in me, cum in me. D-do it, please.” You beg, you don’t fucking care, you want it, you need it. His hips stutter, mouth dropped open as his cock thrusts harder and harder in your now sloppy pussy, so wet and needy she’s sucking him up.

“Cum in you? F-fill you baby?” He’s so sweet now, a psychotic contradiction that you don’t think you’ll ever get enough of. “Put a baby in you?”

“Baby!? I… fuck it… yes! Put one in me, please.” You’re pathetic for him, and he relishes in it, starting to thicken, as your cunt milks him.

“Gonna breed you, f-fuck you feel so- ah - gonna breed your pussy, every fucking day, got me? Say yes baby.”

“Y-yes, please…” He whimpers then, Satoru Gojo, all star, prom king, the strongest man you know, whimpers as he begins to cum inside you so deep, coating your walls with his hot white ropes. You cum just from that, clinging to him, he slams his lips on yours over and over in messy kisses.

“Never felt this, oh my god… your pussy what the… yes baby take it all… f-fuck please…” He’s whining as he pushes his cum deeper inside you, stuffing you so full, still pressing you up, folding you. You’re sobbing now, overwhelmed, pussy so sore but she’s milking him more, even as he’s dripping down his cock and your ass, mixed with your glistening cum.

He’s exhaling now, easing your thighs down, kissing you deeply, over and over, you’re clinging to him, trembling legs so sore, still full of him. He leans up and takes a deep breath, looking at you with those endless blue eyes, eyes that you adore, that face you adore. You get choked up now, tears falling, tears that he gently wipes, like he wasn’t just pounding your cunt.

He’s looking at how beautiful you are under him, the girl he’s loved for as long as he’s even known, tears glittering pretty on your cheeks. “You’re pretty crying, y’know that?”

“Sadistic ass. That’s why you threw the snowballs.” He smiles down at you, so handsome your heart aches.

“You’re mine now. Mine forever.” His words should be crazy, but as you look at the little charm glittering in the night, cupping his face, his words aren’t crazy at all.

“I want to be yours forever. Satoru, I have for so long. I’ve been so scared when you leave…”

“You’re coming with me. Yeah? Basketball wife?” He says with a grin, and you nod then, through your tears, through your smile, a myriad of emotions.

When he’s cleaned you up, and it’s slowly falling snow outside, Satoru has you in his lap once more, his Santa hat on, as you sip cocoa. “Are there more stories I need to know about, Santa Toru?” You ask teasingly, lapping a little whipped cream from your steaming hot mug.

“There is the time I saw you in the girls locker room.”

You glare. “What now!?”

“On accident!”

“Oh this better be good.” You snatch his cocoa up with a scowl.

“Don’t take my cocoa baby, you’ll get on the naughty list.” He says with a glare, and you’re glaring right back.

“Oh, I’m so scared Santa!” He bends you over the chair now, slipping his hand up under the dress shirt of his you’re wearing, with nothing else. You gasp when his hand smacks your ass cheek, making you jolt, desire pooling in your tummy all over again, when he leans forward over you.

“Merry Christmas. It’s midnight.” He says, you peek at that watch, as he smacks your other ass cheek, and you’re moaning, head falling back. “Looks like you’re not gonna be able to sit for Christmas dinner.”

And that was the final time Satoru tried to tell you his feelings, and this time it worked, and you felt the same the entire time <3

I hope you all enjoyed the cuteness and idiots in love, it was a request for a 5+1 that FLEW off the handle. Ty for readingggg

Gen Masterlist here

Geto’s 5+1 HERE

[writingsbychlo]

BUY ME PRESENTS | draco malfoy

summary; draco loves you, and you love him. he just needs a little push to make things official. OR, draco malfoy fighting for his life when he realises just how much everyone wants his girl.

word count; 8928

notes; this is based on christmas eve, but I'm posted a couple days later! this fic puts us half way through our slytherin boy holidays! I'm not sure how the one I expected to be the shortest became the longest one so far. like, seriously, I know I keep saying this but wtf? why can't I write a short fic?

Dinner had already been served by the time you made it to the Grand Hall, the smells of roasted meats and seasoned potatoes filling the air, your mouth watering as you navigated between the throngs of people. Your seat had been saved, of course. A spot on the bench between Draco and Daphne, and as you neared, your friends noticed, smiles rising and waves in your direction. 

Sinking into your seat, you pressed a kiss to the cheek of the blond boy beside you, his face tipping up to receive it and lips twisting into a smile, attention moving to you as you sat. 

“Good day?”

“Better now that it’s over.” You smiled, a chuckle falling from him, and his hand came to rest upon your thigh, squeezing comfortingly while you helped yourself to a plate of whatever food was left. “What are we talking about, what did I miss?”

“Not much. Just Theo telling us all about Christmas in Italy.” Mattheo rolled his eyes, as though you all hadn't heard this exact same speech since that very first Christmas you’d become friends. Most of the group seemed to have simply tuned it out, laughing and nodding at the correct times as they whispered their own conversations. 

A swipe of a thumb over your thigh as you finished filling your plate with food, and you shifted your attention to Draco. “So, what are your Christmas plans, Dray?”

Shuffling a little bit closer now that your plate was full, his arm moved to lay across your shoulders instead, letting you snuggle up into his side. “Oh, you know, the usual.” 

He smiled, and your world seemed to get a little bit brighter, his lips brushing your hairline as he left a barely-present kiss there. 

“Typical Malfoy-family Christmas. I get to do the tour with my parents, visiting every other rich-arsehole couple they know. Christmas Eve party. The pleasure of my father’s annual ‘you’re growing up now, son, it’s time to get serious about the world’ over the dinner table on Christmas Day. Open some presents I don’t want, on a schedule I don’t like.” He sighed, clearly used to it by now, but it didn’t make it sound any less awful.

“Well,” You smile, nudging him playfully with your elbow. “Maybe we could write to one another, or even get a little visit in?” 

The hope in your voice was evident, and Pansy gave you an encouraging smile across the table. You’d been meaning to ask Draco this question for weeks now, and your last chance had been fast approaching. Since the summer, you and Draco had been hooking up. It was no secret among your friends, or even the students; your affections for one another were hardly contained, but it wasn't official. 

You wanted the labels, the security, and the safety of knowing that he was yours and you were his, and nobody else could come between you. You wanted to be introduced to his parents, be his date at events, to have him be proud to call you his girl. But Draco had been hesitant, avoiding every conversation that might inch into the ‘so, what are we?’ territory, keeping a safe distance from any kind of real commitment. 

It wasn’t enough for you anymore, not by a long shot, but trying to talk to Draco about it only ended up with him shutting it down, or skilfully diverting the conversation and you were growing tired of his games. 

Draco only made a vague noise, neither an agreement nor disagreement, and looked away from you as he picked up his drink to take a sip. “I don’t know… maybe. I can get pretty busy over the holidays, I’d hate to let you down.”

Another skill of his, making it seem like cancelling or delaying or not doing something at all was your idea. He was clearly hoping you’d brush it off, and tell him not to worry about it, but instead, you kept quiet. Not giving him the satisfaction of any easy win, this time. 

Pansy caught your eye across the table, shaking her head disapprovingly, and shooting a glare at an oblivious Draco. She had been your confidant these last few months, every update and development in your situationship, she’d been informed of. Every decision, she’d been a part of. She was practically as invested as you were, at this point, and she certainly did not approve of his nonchalant behaviour either. 

“Speaking of parties,” Mattheo cut Theo off, clearly having had enough of the annual rehashing of ‘that one Christmas when Theo was eight’ for today, and changing the subject, “Who’s got their dates sorted for the Malfoy Christmas Eve Ball, and who’s daring to go solo and have Narcissa set them up like a matchmaker all night long?”

Chuckles rang out among the group, and Pansy smiled, leaning into Blaise’s side with a love-struck grin. “I think we’re safe this year.”

“I’m going solo, but, I did tell Aunty Cissa that I have my eye on a girl in one of my classes, and I’m seeing how it plays out. So, she’s not setting me up anytime soon, since she believes I’m already onto someone.” Enzo smirked, and Blaise congratulated him for his clever tactics. 

You smirked through your mouthful of food, listening to Mattheo explain his complex excuse, to Reggie mournfully spill the story of how he’s already been set up by his parents witha ‘potential bride to meet’, and how he hopes she doesn’t show up. You laugh with the others as Tom simply raises an eyebrow, knowing that even Narcissa doesn’t attempt to set him up anymore, lest he scare away any more of her friends’ daughters. Theo, ever the player he is, is looking forward to dancing with every single lady he can find, and taking his pick at the end of the night.

“I suppose nobody needs to ask Draco who his date will be.” Mattheo grins, wiggling his brows at the pair of you as you smile, leaning a little further into the man at your side. 

“Hey, who knows?” He chortles, and your eyes narrow a little, “I’ve had plenty of offers. I haven’t made up my mind yet.”

“Oooh.” Enzo’s eyes went wide, the other boys joining in, and Pansy fixed him with a glare. Daphne leaned around you with her jaw dropped at his statement, and you sat up from his embrace, lips pressed flat and a brow raised. 

The boys snickered, ‘he’s in shit’ and ‘someone’s in the doghouse’, but he lived for the spotlight, a drama queen at heart, and he smirked down at you. 

“Oh, c’mon. Don’t look at me like that, babe.” The playful nickname was one he only ever used when joking around. When he was sincere, he was much more romantic; darling, sweetheart, beautiful. “What am I supposed to say? ‘Hi mum, hello father, meet the girl I’m skipping class to shag! Thanks for paying my tuition!’, I don’t think so.”

The boys all laughed, Daphne scoffed in sync with her sister behind you, and Pansy looked like she’d lunge across the table at any moment, if it wasn’t for her chastising Blaise for laughing, instead. ‘You and Draco can share that couch you’ll both be sleeping on tonight’, she’d said. ‘See how funny you think it is then’.

The words stung as he spoke them, dismantling your relationship down to the bare minimum; to sex and physical connection and nothing else. Like the nights spent talking until the sun came up were nothing, the times you’d held him while he cried, or washed him in the bath when he was so exhausted he could barely keep his eyes open. Like he didn’t rub your stomach for hours every month when you got cramps, or had a stash of your favourite snacks in his bedside table for whenever you came over. 

You knew that Draco Malfoy lived you, just as much as you loved him. It was evident in everything he did, every kiss and every word. But, he needed a little push.

“I suppose you’re right,” You sigh lightly, giggling along with the laughing boys around the table. “I’m not so sure Lucius wouldn't burst a blood vessel then and there.”

“Exactly.” Draco hummed, and you glanced back to Pansy. She was shocked, only for a second, before taking in the subtle signs of mischief on your face. Her own smirk stretched out in return, and her gaze flickered once to Draco, before back to you. 

A new game was afoot, and Draco wasn’t going to stand a chance.

Slipping your coat from your shoulders, the annual Malfoy Christmas Eve Ball was well underway. Your parents had disappeared into the crowds before you’d even stepped out of the carriage, uncaring of where you were as long as you weren’t causing trouble. They were here to mingle with the other importants, and you were just here to learn the ropes of proper socialising.

The garment was taken from you, your small bag clutched in hand as a ticket was given to you for it, and you brushed down the front of your dress delicately. Pearls moved under your touch, beading along the bodice flat and perfected, and you felt your confidence rise as you looked at yourself once more in the reflection of a dark window. Adjusting the small lace gloves on each hand, you took a step towards the dining room. 

Elegant music was playing from a live band up on a stage, the room was decorated this year to look like a winter escape. Pale and frosty, like a palace of ice, twinkling lights and glittering decor, crisp white tablecloths and ice sculptures. A layer of goosebumps travelled along your skin at the sight of it all, despite the warming charms that took place for the guests. 

Scanning the room, you quickly found your table. The designated kids table, despite you all being legal adults and far beyond such status. You’d all be the babies of the ball until the new generation emerged, no doubt. Moving through the bodies and crowds of people politely, Theo was the first to glance up and spot you, his mouth falling open, and a rush of confidence took over as he raised two fingers to his lips and whistled. 

The sound caught the attention of the others’ chatter fading to quiet as they all turned to look for the object of his cat-calling, Enzo’s eyes widened, Pansy cheered loudly, and even Mattheo looked momentarily speechless. You’d had the same reaction when you’d seen yourself in the dress too, your stylist had truly outdone herself for this one. 

You looked flawless, and you looked expensive, and utterly elegant. Doing a little spin as you approached, a smile broke free on your lips as you stopped before the chair with your name card before it. 

“Merlin, babe,” Pansy started, drawing your attention straight her her, “You’ve got every eye on you tonight. If I was single, I’d be all over you.” 

She winked when you laughed, and Blaise rolled his eyes but smiled, leaning in to kiss her cheek affectionately. 

“Pretty necklace,” She commented, and your fingers rose to the pretty string of pearls and diamonds that you had. 

“It was a gift,” You simply hummed, tugging at your gloves. Glancing at the others, you gave each a polite smile, eyes lingering on Draco as he stared. In any other style, this dress would be scandalous for an event like this. A low neckline, spaghetti straps, no sleeves. Tight and fitted to every curve of your body, and yet the classic designs and vintage nature elevated it to the kind of class Audrey Hepburn would be proud of. 

He looked just as good, a dark suit, a fresh white shirt, a champagne-coloured tie that made the colour of his eyes and his hair stand out and your mouth dried out a little. Silver rings adorned his fingers, the Malfoy signet standing out, clenched so tightly around his whiskey glass that his knuckles were almost white. 

You’d worn soft, golden makeup effects today, a dusting of glitter along your cheekbones and eyelids, a shade of pink on your cheeks and lips that you knew was his weakness. 

“Someone really wanted your attention with that, huh?” Your best friend teased, and your eyes snapped away from Draco, back to her. 

“I suppose so,” You muse, hand coming up to touch one of the beads on your ear, “Since they also got me this lovely pair of matching earrings.”

Pansy made a dramatic show of admiring them, and Blaise gave a funny look, glancing at the jewellery, and then back at Draco, who was frowning. Before you could reach for your chair after placing your clutch down, Enzo was shooting to his feet from beside you, tugging out the chair for you. 

Draco scoffed as you gave him a thank you, settling into your seat, and he glared at the man beside you. Enzo didn’t flinch, however, smirking at Draco as he spoke;

“What? It’s called being a gentleman, cousin.”

Crossing your leg delicately, you’d hardly even removed your gloves, before a tray was coming down by your side, and a young waiter with a dazzling smile was looking right at you. 

“Champagne, ma’am?” Not a planned pawn in your game, but a welcome addition, you smiled sweetly in return. 

“Oh, I’d love some. Thank you.” Taking the single glass by the stem, you lifted it from the tray and the man’s smile stretched wider as you sipped the bubbly, holding his eye. 

“Of course, miss. If you need anything, anything at all, I’ll be at the bar, happy to serve.” His flirting was heavy enough that normally you’d want to roll your eyes, but tonight, you suppressed that urge, playing into it as you bat your lashes. 

“I’ll be sure to keep that in mind. Thank you.”

He took the dismissal, staring appreciatively as he walked away, another look over his shoulder to you as you watched him go. 

“Stop eye-fucking the help.” Draco snapped, and your focus moved to him slowly, just to find his icy glare on you. He didn’t scare you, though, all that mean bravado, but you knew what was underneath. 

“I was doing no such thing.” You tut, placing down your drink. “Don’t be jealous, Dray. You look even better in that suit. If you want compliments, just ask. No need to be mean.”

He seemed rather placated by this, his ego settling down, even if the others did laugh at him.

The conversation seemed to continue around you as you settled in, avoiding Draco’s heated stare and sipping at your champagne. The rush of warming alcohol through your veins settled every dancing nerve, and gave you the calm confidence to do what you had planned. Sitting forwards, just enough, you angled your body so that Draco might have the perfect view over your cleavage as you feigned interest in the chatter around you. 

He took the bait, his gaze falling right where you wanted it, the gems of your necklace dangling just over the swell of your breasts, and he licked his lower lip, pulling it between his teeth.

Raising your hands and catching the swinging gem, you toyed with it carefully, letting it run over your fingers. Time melted away as Draco’s gaze flicked between your nimble touch, your lips, and your chest, shuffling in his seat every so often, and gulping at the bubbly in his glass. 

He was on his third refill by the time food started to be taken around, and you took pity on him momentarily, sitting back in your chair and angling away from him, ready to receive your first course. 

As the starters came around, you turned to thank your waiter, surprised to see it was the same man from the bar who had brought you your champagne. You’d given him little thought since he’d walked away, and you’d never spotted him again, but perhaps that was exactly why he was delivering your food now, as he beamed at you and set down the plate. 

Men did love a little attention, after all. 

Reaching for the bottle of champagne cooling in the centre of the table, the waiter never looked away from you as he refilled your glass without being asked. Draco finally seemed to notice as he finished adjusting his napkin, gaze narrowing on the man serving you. “You’ve got to be kidding me…” He muttered.

You pretended to take no notice, smiling at the man and waving your fingers flirtily as he walked away.

“I’m going to get another drink at the bar,” He announced, leaving without his glass and without asking if anyone else wanted one. You knew where he was truly going, if the lock of his jaw and the stamp in his step were any indication. You doubted you’d be seeing that waiter again.

As you poked at your food, Pansy excused herself too, only a few bites into her meal before she disappeared with a wicked grin and no explanation to anyone. Enzo just chuckled beside you, glancing around the room like he was watching all the cogs of a machine in motion, before turning his gaze on you. “You do look lovely tonight, do you know that?”

“Of course I do. I spent days on end trying on dress after dress to find this.” You sighed, admiring the gorgeous piece of art on your body as you set your cutlery down. 

“And is it serving the purpose you need it to?” He teased, voice knowing, and you nodded. Flicking your gaze over the patrons and guests in the room, you searched for Draco, finding him talking politely to one of his mother’s friends at the bar. 

“It is, I think.”

“Let’s hope it stays that way.” He whispered, your focus still on the man who truly held your heart, who was making his polite excuse and walking way, back towards you all. His gaze locked on yours, only for a second, before Pansy was calling your name and drawing your focus elsewhere. 

When you looked up to her, she was grinning, a man by her side. “This is Elliot, he’s been wanting to meet you for some time. I promised him I’d introduce you both tonight.”

You offered the best smile you could as his cheeks reddened, and Pansy merely patted him on the shoulder, slinking away as you offered your hand to him. “Lovely to meet you, Elliot.”

“You too. As embarrassing as that introduction was, it’s true. I have wanted to meet you for some time.” He had a kind smile and pretty eyes, and he seemed far too nice to be dragged into your game tonight, but he seemed almost like a willing participant, and you weren’t one to look a gift horse in the mouth. As Draco took his seat, Elliot continued, “Pansy has told me so much about you. You know, if you’re free one day before you go back to that fancy boarding school of yours, I’d love to take you out.”

“Yeah? What have you got in mind?” You smile, twisting a little more to face him, and your encouragement only brightens his expression as Draco’s darkens in your peripheral.

“A night in London, perhaps. We could get dinner, and see the opera?”

“She doesn’t like the opera.” Draco sneered, openly staring at Elliot with enough contempt to scare away lesser men. Elliot tugged at his collar, glancing at Draco, and then back to you as you tried to hide your shock at his behaviour.

“The theatre, then?”

Draco looked ready to snap again, and before he could, you nodded, sparing your unwilling partner. “That sounds wonderful, I’ll see what my schedule says. I’ll get in touch with you through Pansy if I can find the time, is that okay?”

“Perfect.” He smiled, sneaking another wary glance at Draco who was not backing down from glaring at him unflinchingly, but Elliot shook it off, bravely. “It was a pleasure to meet you, truly.”

“And you, Elliot.”

Soon after he left, the plates were being cleared. You tried not to smirk as a different waiter, and one who very pointedly did not so much as even catch your gaze, cleared your dishes away at record speed. 

You knew that Draco had something, everything, to do with that. He was jealous by nature, a spoilt single child who did not like to share his favourite toys, and that is exactly what you were betting on tonight.

You stood, taking a lap around the room with Pansy to settle your food before the next course, and to get another drink. She took the opportunity to fill you in on how her first Christmas event with Blaise’s family had gone, and when you returned, you made sure to surreptitiously place yourself behind Draco’s chair. 

You placed a hand on his shoulder, a friendly gesture, squeezing and rubbing enough that your thumb swept over his collar and across his neck. His pulse jumped under your touch, and he tipped his head closer, into your touch. 

As he did so, your heart leapt in your chest. To others, it might look like a friendly gesture but to you, it meant so much more. You were tempted to cave then and there, to live with this being enough, to settle, but you couldn't. You didn’t want this to be it, you wanted to follow this by leaning down to kiss him, to have him smile against your lips in public the way he did when you were alone. 

To arrive at these events together, arms linked, and to stumble out tiredly together too. To sit by him, his hand on your thigh, to rest your head on his shoulder, to kiss him on the dance floor. The thought was enough to push you through. 

He twisted his head, to kiss your hand like he often did when you did this. Carefully, you slipped your hand away just in time, knuckles brushing across the nape of his neck as you stepped away, and back to your seat. 

His sights moved to you, but like a saving grace, the servers began to appear with more dishes, and dinner soon distracted you all. A delicious serving of salmon and potatoes, and the hall fell quiet enough for you to hear the beautiful music playing when chatter fell low. 

Low conversation, drinks refilled, and that perfect mood set across the room, as people took to the tables and quieted down. Your favourite part of the night, usually. Good food, your friends, and a chance to catch up without the usual weight of it all sitting on you. Regulus was talking, telling the rare story that had him caught up in a long conversation where he usually just observed quietly, but your attention was fixed on your lover. 

Until, Theo spoke up. 

“Oh, merda,” He muttered across Reggie’s’ story, his gaze cutting to you alarmingly quickly. “I forgot to tell you.”

“Tell me what?” Your heart skipped a beat, a flash of panic.

“My cousin flew in last minute for the party, and he wants to speak to you.” Theo’s words soothed your panic, and you offered him a flat look for the dramatic way he’d put it. Taking a sip from your glass, you raised a brow.

“When?”

“Now.” He confirmed, sights lifting to sit just behind you, and before you could even turn, a chair was being pulled up beside your own from another table. Turning your head to the owner, a smile burst across your face at the man sitting before you. 

“Dario!” Your arms were around his neck before you could stop yourself, and he was chuckling as he bundled you into an equally enthusiastic hug. He chuckled lightly, pulling back only far enough to press a friendly kiss to your cheek, and you cupped his face as you parted from him. “You’re growing a beard!”

“My mother hates it.” He chuckled, rubbing a hand over it. As you twisted a little more towards him, he reached down, practically manhandling you as he reached for the edge of your seat by your legs, tugging it sideways to face him. You squealed as the chair jolted, screeching on the floor, tugging you closer as he leaned in. “Sei incantevole.”

“Are you charming me in Italian?” You smirk, a boyish smile on his face as he lounged back in his seat. “What are you doing here, anyway? Theo said none of you were flying in this year! I thought you couldn't make it.”

“I couldn't,” He sighed, shrugging, “But, then I heard that you would be here, without a date, and I knew I just had to make it. So, here I am, la mia bella donna. You think a short flight from Italy would stop me rushing over here to you?”

Your giggle was against your control. Even if he was more like family than a romantic interest, the way his accent twisted around coyly spoken words, was enough to bring a blush to even the most unreceptive woman’s face. “Cut it out, you flirt.”

“You’ll save me a dance later, right?”

“We’ll see.” He rose his brow, and you lifted your glass, taking a sip of bubbly to hide your smile, leaving him hanging. “Depends on how much more of your cheesy flirting I can endure.”

“You mean my wonderful Italian charm?” He teased, pinching one of your cheeks, and deepening the flush he had already created. “Don’t think I don’t see the way I make you blush.

You could only scoff, mouth dry as you tried to think of a retort, and you didn’t miss Theo muttering in Italian behind you, curse words you’d picked up on tumbling from his mouth. 

“Perhaps this can convince you,” Dario reaches for his inner pocket, producing a small, slim box. An excited squeak breaks from you as he hands it over, your fingers brushing the elegant leather, an Italian name embossed across the front. “Open it later, alright?”

You could only nod, admiring it happily, before slipping the box safely inside of your clutch. He took your hand, kissing your knuckles as he stood. A final wink as he offered you hid charming goodbyes, and a farewell to the rest of the table, before returning his borrowed chair to where he had taken it from. 

You watched as your friend left, disappearing into the crowd, no doubt to mingle and socialise as he had always been so good at, before you swung back around in your chair. 

“He taught you everything you know, huh, Nott?”

Theo only shrugged, a cheeky grin on his face. “What can I say, tesoro? We Nott men just have charm. We’ll woo your panties right off.” He winked, the cockiness not lasting long as Draco swung at him, a fist landing roughly on his arm as the Malfoy heir scowled, glaring at his best friend. 

“Cut it out.” He growled the words through gritted teeth, and your hand shot up, rubbing at your lip to hide your grin as Draco made no effort to hide his own emotions. Theo only laughed, rubbing at the patch on his arm he’d taken the hit.

Dessert was served, a beautiful display of ice cream and winter berries that almost looked too good to eat. The key word being almost. You hadn't been able to resist, however, and the first small groan you’d let out as the sugar hit your tongue had Draco’s gaze snapping straight to you. I did not leave, once, after. 

Instead, he watched, through a dark gaze, every curl of your lips around the spoon, every swipe of your tongue to catch the juice of burst berries. If you’d put on a little extra show, just for him, nobody else had to know. 

It was like he was staring right into your soul, so intense, even after the meal was long since finished. Finally, you indulged him once again, turning to look at him and raising a brow. “Yes, Draco?”

“You look beautiful tonight, I am simply admiring.” He let his gaze move across you slowly, making his admiration apparent, and his gaze lingered a fraction of a second longer on your neck. He stared at you with open adoration, the kind of look that told you exactly how he felt, even if he was fighting it, but he was close to breaking. He was close to losing this game he didn’t know he was playing. Then, his gaze flickered over your shoulder, sweet observation morphing. His brows drew together, his open hand slamming down on the table hard enough to make the glass rattle. “Oh, fucking hell…”

Mattheo erupted with sudden laughter, loud and brash, and there was a tap on your shoulder before you could even ask him what had him in such hysterics. A young man you did not know, perhaps a few years younger than you, and glanced around the table to see which of your friends had put this one together. Each seemed to have caught on in their own time, and had a hand in adding to the fun, to watch Draco suffer more, but none of them were laying any claim to this one. 

“I’ve been watching you all evening, and you are beautiful.” He smiled, stuttering over his words slightly, and Draco made no shy show of his disdain, rolling his eyes and making a disapproving sound. “I was wondering if you might grant me the pleasure of a dance?”

“She would dance with you,” Enzo interrupted, before you could speak at all, leaning forward toward the edge of your chair from his own, and you could have kissed him in gratitude for saving you. “But, she promised me her first dance. Isn’t that right, love? And I think now is the perfect time. Let’s go.”

Offering you his hand, you took it, letting him sweep you away without a second’s delay, navigating you both to the dance floor and twirling you expertly into his arms. One hand clasped your own, the other sitting at a respectable place on your waist, your own on his shoulder, and he fell into the well-rehearsed steps of a classical ballroom dance he’d been doing since he could walk. 

You let out a shaky sigh, relief flooding your veins as you looked back to your seat, noticing that the boy had taken Enzo’s rejection well and disappeared, not hanging around and waiting for your return. 

“You’re killing him slowly, like a predator playing with its prey,” Enzo smirked, neither of you needing to clarify who you were talking about, as he brought up his cousin. 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Really?” He chuckled, spinning you out before pulling you back in, sharp actions that made you dizzy with their accuracy, and you grinned as he brought you tumbling right back into his arms, perfectly. If he’d been trying to win you over, his dancing alone would’ve had you swooning. “You just show up to a fancy event like this, dripping in diamonds and pearls and looking like a million bucks, supposedly single. You mean to tell me you didn’t know that all these rich London boys wouldn't descend on you like vultures?”

“Not my fault I’m single and hot, Enz.”

He just laughed, dipping you a little. “We do struggle, don’t we.” You wove between people, a happy silence falling between you both once again as he guided you over the floor, back and forth, “Are you, though? Single, I mean.”

“That is up to your cousin.”

“Touché.”

You continued to move, until your feet were sore from all the twirling, clinging to Enzo in fits of giggles as he spun and twirled and dipped you more, hands on your waist as he lifted you through the air, making a show of his dancing. 

He may have seemed altruistic in his gestures, sweeping in to save you and Draco from your dance with the boy, but he was using you too. Enzo was taking every opportunity to show off his moves to every lady around the room watching, a flirty smile on his face between conversations and he glanced around, and you wouldn't be surprised if he received more offers than Theo or Dario by the end of the night. 

As the third song came to an end, and the music fell for just a second, you panted slightly, arm around his neck now, looking up at him with flushed cheeks and a bright smile. “Can we take a break?”

“Tired, already? You only gave me three so far.” He smirked at the way your jaw dropped, your face going hot and you knew your cheeks were red. You untangled yourself from his body, barely making it a step away from his laughter before he wrapped an arm around your waist, tugging you into his side. “Oh, c’mon. I thought the aim was to flirt and make him mad?”

“He’s not even here to listen!”

“I’m practising,” Enzo murmured, steering you towards the bar, and leaning on the wood as he flagged down the bartender. You were quickly served, by a woman who fawned over Enzo as she passed by, and you had to snap your fingers in front of his face to snap his gaze away from her retreating form. “So, how long are you going to make him—”

A tap on Enzo’s shoulder cut him off, and he turned to look, straightening up instantly from his slumped position. As soon as he moved so you could see, your relaxation melted away too, as you found yourself face to face with Narcissa and Lucius Malfoy. 

“Lorenzo, I’ve hardly had a chance to talk to you all evening. I want to ask you about your schoolwork.” The impressively formal and deep voice of Lucius Malfoy settled over your skin like fresh snow, cold but smooth, and you shuddered. 

Narcissa only chuckled lightly at her husband’s words, her eyes on you. “You’ve been busy, though. Who is your lovely lady?”

“Uncle Lucius, Aunt Cissa. This is my friend, (Y/n).”

It wasn’t exactly the circumstances you’d wanted to meet them under, but you smiled nonetheless, nerves running wild as you offered your hand to them both, shaking politely just as your parents had taught you. 

“Ah, (Y/n). Yes. I make a point of knowing all of Draco’s school friends, but I’m in business with your father, aren’t I?” Something like a small kernel of sweetness was buried in that statement, his interest in his son’s life, even if he tried to hide it behind formalities, but it wasn’t your place to comment. 

“Yes, sir. That is correct.”

“They’re very proud of your schoolwork. They were telling me about your latest project. You synthesised a new potion to grow murkweed faster, is that true?”

You were surprised he knew so much, your small project submitted for Herbology was the last thing you’d expected Lucius Malfoy to know of, or take an interest in, and your mouth felt like sandpaper as you tried to form words. “Yes. Yes, sir. That’s right.”

“Interesting.” That calculating gaze scanned over you, analysing you from head to toe, like he could see right through you with a single glance. “That is impressive, for someone of your age. I’d be open to learning more. Are you considering making a future out of your alchemy talents? I have connections that I could contact for you.” 

You were speechless, your stomach going wild with butterflies born of both excitement and anxiety. He smirked, a look that would set you on edge if you weren’t sure deep down that this was in your interests, not against them. 

“Perhaps we can discuss it more soon, when we next see you. With Enzo?”

Enzo’s arm around your waist shifted, a reassuring weight that you were sure had been your only grounding presence for this surreal conversation. He patted your hip encouragingly. “Oh, no, we aren’t…” 

Motioning between you both, Lucius’ brows furrowed, and Narcissa tried to hide her sigh.

“Sorry to disappoint you, Aunt Cissa. (Y/n) isn’t mine, though it is wonderful that you approve.” Before either could question him, or expand on their confusion, Enzo gave your waist a final rub, before removing his touch from you entirely, and stepping towards his family. “Shall we go and discuss schoolwork then, Uncle? You have questions, and I have answers. I hope the ones you want.”

“It was a pleasure to meet you, Miss (Y/l/n).” Lucius politely offered you his hand again, shaking it firmly, and that was about as friendly a dismissal as you’d ever get from him, you’d heard. This was only supported by the surprised look on Narcissa’s face, and the beam Enz gave you as he guided his uncle away. 

“I hope to see you again soon, (Y/n). You look wonderful this evening, thank you for coming.” Narcissa murmured, before following her husband and nephew, glancing back at you only once over her shoulder. She knew. The woman was far more cunning than she let on, the true embodiment of a sneaky Slytherin, observing quietly and taking everything in. Her eyes glinted. She knew you knew she knew, too.

Your heart was pounding, cheeks warm as you lifted your fingers to them cautiously. The disappointed waitress placed down two drinks before you, Enzo long gone without his, but you smiled at her with appreciation, fingers shaking a little as you lifted the glass to your lips to take a sip. 

You’d spoken to Draco’s parents. 

They’d liked you. Lucius had offered to put you onto the career path, and Narcissa had complimented your dress. A soft laugh of disbelief slipped free, your eyes sliding closed for just a second as you revelled in the moment. 

It hasn’t been what you’d set out for tonight, but it was far more than what you’d hoped for. Opening your eyes again, to head back to the table and find Draco, you were met by the sight of a stranger leaning before you on the bar, grinning down at you in amusement. “Hello.”

“Hi.” You gave a terse smile, and a single nod. “If you’ll excuse me—”

“I didn’t even get to ask you to dance yet. Saw you out on the floor with the Berkshire boy, earlier, and I thought—”

“I’m dancing with her next, mate. Piss off.” 

Draco rarely sounded that mad, a chill went down your spine as you felt an arm slide around your waist, tugging you back into his chest. “Dray…”

The stranger only scoffed, glaring at Draco as he wandered away, and your hand reached for his forearm on your body. He snatched it away too soon, however, tugging on your hip to turn you around. His jaw was clenched tight, eyes more frozen than the coldest glacier. “Dance with me.”

Not a request, and he didn’t wait for an answer, before plucking your drink from your hand and slamming it down onto the bar, guiding you back to the swaying bodies. Standing before you, you offered him your hand, your hand sitting lightly on his shoulder. He didn’t take the respectable route, instead, his arm wrapped tight around your waist, sweeping you close to his body, and beginning to move you both in simple steps. 

It was several minutes before he relaxed, your arm sliding further around his neck in a more intimate hold, bringing the two of you much closer, swaying slowly. The tension in his body gave way with every step, and with a resigned sigh, he finally spoke, “You met my parents.”

“I did. They were lovely. Very curious about Enzo and I’s relationship.”

His hand clenched on your waist, and you tipped your head at him as his piercing gaze drilled into you. One more move…

“Oh, don’t be so mad, Dray. We’re only shagging, after all. You’ll find a new girl if I get swept away by someone else.”

His eyes narrowed, jaw clenching, and a fire burned in those silver eyes now, melting the ice away with rage. Checkmate.

“You win, alright? I’m not playing this stupid game any longer.” He took a deep breath, and another, fingers twitching on your back as jealousy bubbled under the surface. “For fucks sake, how many pieces of jewellery from other guys are you wearing? Who bought you those earrings, that necklace? I should be the only one buying you gifts. I should be the one spoiling you. You want the Malfoy family ring? I’ll go yank it off my mother’s engagement ring from her finger right now, just take all this off.”

He studied you for a second, confusion growing at the smirk that grew on your lips. Victory was yours, and you leaned in, pressing a delicate kiss to his cheek. Letting the hand from his neck smooth down his chest, his gaze stayed locked on the jewels around your neck, glaring angrily. “No.”

“No?”

“No. It’s pretty. I’m going to keep wearing it all, let it remind you what you have. Next time you piss me off, forget a date, or use the last of my shampoo, I’m going to put it all back on so you can remember how many guys would jump at the chance.” His nostrils flared, but he stayed silent, wisely knowing when to keep his mouth shut. “I don’t want your family ring, Malfoy. Not yet. I just want a proper title, and the respect that comes with it. I’m not your booty call, or your side piece. You don’t want to play games anymore? Then don’t.”

“You already won.” He whispers, his head dropping down to let his forehead rest on your own. “You know how much you mean to me.”

“Yes, I do. But I want the whole world to know it, too, Dray.”

He didn’t respond verbally. Instead, he twisted his head, enough to press his mouth to your own, silencing any more arguments between you both as he kissed you. His lips claimed yours, a tender and loving kiss, showing everyone just how much you meant to him. There was no mistaking the emotions within it, not as his arms wrapped around your body, holding you to him as the pretence of dancing was given up, your hand on the back of his head, fingers in his hair, meeting every push and pull.

When he pulled away, your smile took over, bashful now under his openly adoring gaze, and he stole several more pecks from your lips. A happy sound escaped you as he tugged you in, tucking his face into your neck, and swaying you both to the music. 

“Have I told you how beautiful you look tonight?”

“You have, but I’d be open to hearing it again.” Your hand smoothed over his hair, and he chuckled against your skin, leaving a kiss on the crook of your neck before raising to meet your eye. 

“You are breathtaking, darling. I’m in awe. This colour is my favourite, you know.”

“Why do you think I wore it?”

His fingers trailed down your spine, eyes sparkling even more at that revelation. “How about we get out of here? We’ll make our goodbyes to my parents, and head out.”

“Our goodbyes?” You repeated as he took your hand, lacing your fingers together. 

“Yes. From their son and his girlfriend. I think you deserve a proper introduction, after all.”

Tugging you across the floor, he gave you no time to prepare, and certainly, none to disagree, as you smoothed your hair and attempted to control the blush he’d brought to your cheeks. Through the crowds he wove, until he was pulling to a stop just shy of his parents, and Enzo looked as though he could have cried with relief when Lucius’ intense focus was taken away from him. The boy quickly slipped away as both of Draco’s parents turned to face you. 

“Miss (Y/l/n), when we said we hoped to see you again soon, I didn’t realise you’d take it quite this literally.” He murmured, voice as low and calm as always, and your lips parted, a different kind of heat flooding your features. 

“Oh, behave now, Lucius,” Narcissa grinned, her gaze dropping to your clasped hands, before she reached up to her son’s face, pinching his cheek with a smile. “Draco, darling, I’ve hardly seen you all evening.”

“Well, I’m sorry to disappoint you Mother, but we’ll be leaving early.” She only gave him a knowing look, ignoring Lucius’ displeased huff, as if she wasn’t surprised at all. 

“‘We’?”

“My girlfriend and I.” He said, proud and strong, before tugging you forward a little more to stand in front of him. His hand left your own, circling your waist instead, and she offered him a smile at the news. 

“I see.” She smiled, patting her son’s cheek affectionately, before turning that knowing gaze on you. “Now Lorenzo’s evasiveness whenever I asked him about you makes sense.”

“You asked about me?” Your words were a rushed squeak, which only seemed to amuse Narcissa more. 

“Of course, dear. I wanted to know more about you. I’d ask you to sit and chat with me for a spell, but I believe my son might combust if I did.”

“Mother!” He gasped, and Lucius only tutted. 

“Draco.” His father growled softly, shaking his head, and the red on his son’s cheeks only grew.

“You both may go, for now. But I hope you’ll visit me soon, and we might talk?”

“You mean… just us?” Your words tapered off to a near whisper, and Lucius smirked to himself as Draco rolled his eyes. 

“Yes, dear. We’ll have tea.”

You could only nod, bidding your final farewells to them both in a state of awe, before Draco was hurrying you along. Tight hands gripping your waist, lips on your neck as he loved you through the crowds, swiping up your bag and giving you barely a moment to say goodbye to your friends before sweeping you away again. It was only due to the snow falling outside, you were sure, that he allowed you to stop long enough to get your coats. 

Helping you, he lifted the garment onto you from behind, kissing your cheek as he reached around your body to fasten it. His elegant coat was already on, and leather gloves were on his hands as he offered you one. Lacing your fingers through his own, he smiled, tugging you out into the freezing night, and ushering you around the side of the Manor, away from the stream of cars lined up for guests as they left. 

“Where are we going, Dray?” 

“To one of the gardens near the path.” He never turned back, leading you carefully around patches of ice and slippery snow as you moved, the light from the house fading. It was almost pitch black, before he mumbled a small spell, and the garden lights glowed to light, glittering on the fresh blanket of ice. 

Sitting on the grass was an old-fashioned sleigh, enchanted to keep dry, even in the snow, and two reindeer sat happily in the snow snuffling at the grass and scattered food. 

The landscape stretched out far before you both, trees and grass and walls all covered in snow like something from a Christmas card, and the sigh that left your lips clouded in the air before your face. 

“Oh, Draco…” Taking a few steps closer, snow-tipped over the tops of your heels as you stepped off the pathway onto the grass, chilling your feet for only a second, before Draco was following. Scooping you up into his arms, you kicked the ice from your feet with a giggle, your arms looping around his neck. “What’s all this?”

“This is your Christmas present. I didn’t realise that was the kind of ice you wanted instead.” He muttered, eyes flicking down to your neck, as he carried you carefully through the snow and towards the ornate sleigh. As you leaned in to kiss his cheek, he smiled shyly, avoiding your gaze as he became embarrassed, “I wanted to do something romantic for you. We can take the sleigh back to the town, get a cab, and take the jet anywhere you want to go. Pansy already packed a bag for you.”

He placed you down on the edge of the sleigh, letting you shuffle across onto the warmed leather. With another kiss to your lips, he scoffed at your smile. 

“Merry Christmas, my wicked little girlfriend.”

“I can’t believe you arranged all this.” You were practically bouncing in your seat, watching as Draco nervously tugged on the reins, prompting the lazy animals to stand back up, before settling into the sleigh himself. Like they knew just what to do, they took off in a slow trot, tugging the pair of you along through the snow. 

“Maybe if you’d have waited, instead of making me fight for my life tonight, you’d have been surprised.”

His arm was splayed along the back of the seat, and you snuggled in a little closer to him. Curling his arm around you, he pressed a kiss to your forehead, shaking his head and burying his nose in your hair. “If I didn’t make you fight for me, Dray, you’d probably have introduced me to your mother as your study partner. I gave you a little push, that’s all.”

“Is that so?” He muttered, guiding your face up so he could peck your lips. “Who do you think helped me arrange all of this for my ‘lovely lady friend’, hm? I’ve been writing to my mother about having an interest in someone for months now. You underestimate me.”

“You never gave me any other indication!” 

“Oh, please. You walk me like a damn dog, you knew how I felt.” His mouth closed over your own, stealing a kiss, and you couldn't help but smile into it. “I think tonight just proves it.”

The sleigh trotted on as Draco kissed you in the back, beyond thought and reason, your hands tucked into his coat for warmth as he kept you cuddled in close to his side. 

Minutes melted away, the two of you lost in your own world as you jostled and trotted through the fields, back toward the town. Whatever he had planned, it had been in motion for days, and the thought only made you fall a little more in love with him. Perhaps you had underestimated him, but none of it mattered now, not when he was kissing you like you were his only way to breathe, and you had him in your arms, properly, at last.

“So, Pansy knew about your little plan?”

“Yes. I told her days ago.” 

“Hm…” You loved her, and it was perhaps her knowledge of Draco’s actions that made this all the funnier. “So, she knew about your plan, and mine. And still, she made sure to introduce guys to me all night. She played us both just for her own amusement.”

As you thought of her, your fingers lifted to your neck, sitting on the delicate jewellery there, and Draco huffed. Looping his finger underneath it, he tugged lightly. “Can you take this off now, please?”

“Why would I do that?” His pout deepened, glaring at the offending item, and you gave in with an airy laugh. “Pansy, Daph and Tori picked it out personally.”

“What?” His head snapped up, pout gone as his jaw dropped, and he was not laughing like you were. “You let me believe another guy decked you out in diamonds all night! What about the matching earrings?”

“Blaise.”

“The bracelet?”

“Theo and the Notts.” 

At that mention, his eyes narrowed again, searching for your clutch and finding it resting in your lap. “But Theo’s cousin Mario gave you a separate gift.”

“Dario.” You corrected, and he mimicked it childishly, scoffing afterwards. “Well, that part was real. He truly was flirting, and I have no idea what it is, I haven’t opened it yet.”

“Give it to me.” He reached for your bag, a second too slow as you swiped it away from him with a gasp. He didn’t give up, still trying to snatch it as he leaned over you, pressing you back into the seat through fits of laughter, the two of you fighting over the bag until it was pressed to your chest, your eyes wide as you stared up at him, shaking your head. “Give it to me! I’m chucking it, hand it over!”

“No, it’s mine!” He slumped back into his seat, panting for breath and smoothing his hair back down. He was pointedly staring away in the opposite direction, and when you leaned in closer with a chuckle, he leaned away. Grabbing his shoulder, you planted yourself firmly in his lap, kissing the underside of his jaw. “I’m keeping it, but your present is better, I just know it. Whatever it is, could never beat this.”

“Promise?”

“I promise, Dray.” 

He gave in, wrapping his arms around your waist, tugging you in closer to his body and pressing a happy kiss to your cheek. “Fine, but I’m buying you a new necklace when we get off the damn plane. I don’t care who bought that one.”

[lesbiansanemi]

Uuggghhhh I don’t wanna go to work today

[plutotheplum]

Winter's Kiss

sylus x fem!reader

summary: luke and kieran rope you into spending christmas at the n109 zone (and kissing their boss).

cw: fluff, soft!sylus, kissing under the mistletoe, luke and kieran being idiots, found family

wc: 2.7k

a/n: merry christmas eve/christmas my lovelies!! some fluff for the holiday season! here's to hoping sylus turns up under our christmas trees :)

also on ao3!

Somehow, you’d ended up in the N109 Zone for Christmas.

It wasn’t like the barrage of texts from Luke and Kieran had weighed upon your decision, the rapid influx of messages from the twins demanding your presence for Christmas. That coupled with the image of Sylus alone on Christmas night hadn’t made your stomach churn and heart ache at all.

The year had been a tumultuous one. Wanderers, disturbing visions and wanted criminals had you on edge these past few months, so perhaps unwinding with said, now somewhat mellow, wanted criminals was warranted in some way. 

You heft the presents under your arms, moving your fingers to stabilize the wrapped goods when you feel one of them begin to slip. Shopping hadn’t been too difficult, although choosing a gift for Sylus had proved to be somewhat of a challenge. You weren’t sure whether to get him something heartfelt or to gift him a refurbished gun with new prototyped features that were advertised to the Hunter Association. 

The glittering streams of tinsel drags you out of your thoughts, a smile pulling at your lips as you imagine Luke, Kieran and Sylus decorating. You hear panicked, hushed whispers when you turn the corner, a laugh spilling out of you when you see the sight before you.

Luke perched atop Kieran’s shoulders, Kieran grumbling irritatedly when Luke flails and misses the tip of the Christmas tree, the golden star falling off only for Kieran to shift and have Luke catch it.

“It’s not that hard, you idiot,” Kieran grunts, his knees bending in an attempt to readjust to Luke’s weight.

“Then you try!” Luke protests.

“I thought you two were meant to be in tune,” you muse, stepping closer, over the strewn wrapping paper and bending down to add your presents to the growing collection under the Christmas tree. 

“We are,” they both say in unison, their eyes landing on you.

“You made it!” Luke says happily, squirming, “Boss will be glad.”

“ Really glad,” Keiran adds, his annoyance forgotten momentarily. “We’re glad too.”

You smile at them, crossing your arms over your chest. “It’s nice to see you guys too. Maybe you should try holding the star at the tip, Luke?”

“That’s what I told him!” Kieran says, letting out an aggrieved sigh. 

Luke huffs indignantly, adjusting his position yet again as Keiran steps closer to the tree, giving Luke some more leverage. It’s another failed attempt and Kieran is rolling his eyes, dumping Luke onto his feet unceremoniously. 

“You do me now.”

“What about her?” Luke asks, pointing at you.

“You could ask Mephisto,” you offer, pointing at the mechanical crow that was currently preening his feathers. “What do you say, buddy?”

Mephisto gives an indignant squawk, his little head turning away arrogantly, tending to his feathers with care.

“Nevermind,” you sigh, before looking towards the twins. “Kieran is taller than me, though.”

“Just get on,” Luke whines as he bends his knees, waiting for you to climb up onto his shoulders.

You open your mouth to protest, but there’s a warm hand curling over your hip, pulling you back gently, flush against a firm chest. “Let’s not badger our guest, hm?”

Deep and velvety, you have no doubts as to who this voice belongs to. Your head tilts back to find Sylus smirking down at you, his expression amused.

“Glad you could join us, sweetie. The N109 Zone isn’t usually so… festive.”

“Yeah, well, apparently you were missing me, so I figured I’d drop in,” you tease, a sly smile spreading across your face.

Luke and Kieran snicker until Sylus’ stern expression silences them, his hand squeezing at your hip in warning.

“I never said that.”

“Must’ve been the wind,” you murmur.

“Right,” Sylus deadpans.

You squeak when the red mist wraps around you, lifting you off of the ground, the golden star being thrust into your hand by the same swirling mist. The trio of men beneath you seem amused as the tendrils sweep you higher, closer to the top of the tree, giving you enough height to place the star right where it needs to be.

Sylus’ Evol dissipates as it sets you down onto your feet, the mist sweeping across playfully and making your dress flutter. 

“That’s one way to do it,” Kieran remarks, slinging his arm over Luke’s shoulders before they shoot each other knowing glances and disappear from the living room.

“You came,” Sylus says once the twins have left, his arms crossing over his chest.

“I did,” you reply, peering up at him, your hands clasping behind your back, “too bad you never sent me a personal invitation.” Sylus smiles, and you can’t help but think he looks softer in this light, the ruthless leader of Onychinus replaced by a man who seems less intense and more accommodating than usual.

“I figured Luke and Kieran would’ve gotten through to you,” he muses, his head tilting as he lets his gaze dip over you.

You do the same, taking in his sweater and trousers, trying to quell the inconvenient yet undeniable pull of attraction you feel towards him. 

“Well, they did,” you sigh, managing to drag your gaze back up to meet his, “although I can’t say I appreciated how many texts they sent.”

“The twins tend to get excited,” Sylus replies, reaching out towards you, his fingers tucking a strand of hair behind your ear.

It’s hard to not notice how Sylus’ touch lingers for a moment, his expression looking a little absent-minded as though remembering something from the past. Your brows furrow, unable to decide between asking him or letting his touch linger further. His hand drops away after a few moments before he clears his throat. 

“I made dinner,” he announces.

You laugh, eyes lighting up at the thought of Sylus in the kitchen. You don’t quite believe him though, not when Sylus had enough money to hire at least a dozen personal chefs.

“You’re not serious,” you say, head tilting in amusement.

“I am,” Sylus smirks, his hand landing on your lower back as he guides you forward, towards the hallway, “Luke and Kieran pitched in.”

“Now I feel special,” you muse.

“I suppose you are,” Sylus replies, his expression sobering, “to all of us.”

You’re taken aback by the sincerity in his words, heart giving way to a flutter that you attempt to squash down by pinching yourself, not that it helps. This sense of belonging isn’t what you’d planned on, warmth blooming in your chest as you stare up at Sylus and remember the twins. It’s nice, really, to be valued like this. You can’t help but think you could get used to it. 

Laughter echoes through the hallway as you and Sylus move through it. You startle when Kieran shouts, his voice urgent. 

“Don’t move!”

“Oh, look at that ,” Luke sighs dramatically, feigning innocence as he peers upwards, directing his gaze above you and Sylus.

Bewilderment flashes across your face until you hear Sylus let out a low laugh. You tip your head back, eyes narrowing when you spy the sprig of mistletoe hanging right above where you’re standing. Mephisto adds in something that sounds like a suspiciously happy squawk, and you stare at the crow, realising you’ve been betrayed. 

“Funny,” you say drily, shaking your head. 

Kieran sighs just like Luke, as though he can’t quite believe the situation. The cunning expression in their eyes gives them away. 

Devious, little brats.

“Well, you can’t move now,” Luke says, sounding positively aggrieved. 

“I suppose you’ll just have to kiss, isn’t that right?” Kieran says, looking towards Luke. Luke nods, a self-satisfied smile settling on his face. “Those are the rules.”

“What rules?” you shoot back, glaring at the pair of twins, “there are no rules. I could quite literally just walk away.”

“Christmas tradition !” Luke and Kieran both argue, their faces looking a little crestfallen when they hear the tone of your voice, “you have to kiss!”

You can feel your heart twinge at the earnest tone present in their voices, your eyes flickering up to meet Sylus’. Strangely enough, he doesn’t seem to have any protests, his gaze boring down into yours expectantly. 

“You seriously have nothing to say?” you grouse, head tilting.

“It’s just a kiss, sweetie,” he replies, his arm wrapping around your waist to bring you closer to him. “What’s the matter, hm? Afraid you’ll fall for me?”

“The thought is laughable,” you retort, trying to ignore the soothing squeeze of his hand against your side; the unrelenting warmth that was currently seeping into you and melting your hardened resolve.

“I suppose we’ll find out,” Sylus murmurs, his fingers gripping your chin to tilt your head. “We have time.”

“Move a little to the right!” Kieran calls out, waving his hand.

“What for?” you ask exasperatedly, feeling Sylus step closer, moving you with him.

“For- for the aesthetic !” Luke huffs out.

The twins look a little impatient as you stare at them, your brows furrowing further when you see Kieran whisper something to Luke.

Sylus doesn’t let you dwell longer on the twins’ antics, his calloused hand cupping your cheek to turn you towards him. 

“Merry Christmas, sweetie.”

Your eyes flutter shut as his lips slot over yours, your hand curling around his wrist. Sylus kisses you like he means it, lips soft yet insistent, his thumb smoothing over your cheek. You forget where you are momentarily, knees feeling weak as you fist his sweater pulling him closer, rising up on the tips of your toes to meet his kiss better.

Sylus tilts his head, deepening the kiss. Your stubborn resolve weakens pitifully and you can only think about how perfect this moment is, how good Sylus’ lips feel, how warm his embrace is-

There’s a blinding array of flashes, white sparking out from under your closed eyelids until your eyes snap open, head turning to the side to find both Luke and Kieran with cameras in hand.

“Oh, shit,” Luke begins.

“I thought the flash was off,” Kieran mutters, frowning.

You grit your teeth, taking one step towards them, your eyes narrowing. “Give that to me.”

Luke and Kieran hug their cameras to their chest protectively.

“Christmas memories,” Luke laughs nervously when he sees the determination in your eyes. “Wouldn’t- wouldn’t want to lose those.”

Kieran nods in agreement.

“Boss!” They cry out when the cameras get swept out of their hands by Sylus’ Evol, one of them landing in your hands.

You click through the images, heat blossoming in your stomach when you see how intimate the kiss looks, Sylus’ body pressed firmly against yours, his hand on your cheek. It’s romantic, your somewhat eager response, Sylus’ tight hold, all captured closely through the lens.

“‘s nice,” Sylus murmurs, his chest pressing up against your back as he peers down at the little camera screen.

“ No ,” you shake your head vehemently, “it’s not nice.”

“We look good,” he whispers, his voice dropping lower, lips brushing over the shell of your ear.

You try to ignore the way his hands feel on your hips, his body pressing a little closer into yours. It’s hard not to agree with him the longer you stare at the images though, you do look good, and Luke’s interjection about Christmas memories has you feeling a little forgiving. 

“Fine, keep them,” you sigh, handing the camera back to Luke whilst Sylus does the same to Kieran, “but don’t share them, please.”

Luke and Kieran nod enthusiastically and you snag onto Kieran’s arm before he can leave, your voice dropping to a low whisper.

“Send them to me,” you whisper, “and not a word to anyone.”

Kieran smiles deviously and you roll your eyes, reaching up to ruffle his hair. 

“You’re such a jerk, Kieran.”

“C’mon,” he whines, “you love us.”

You smile up at him, your arm hooking with his. “Maybe just a little.”

He snorts and you let out a laugh, following after Luke and Sylus who had left earlier, talking about something else. Dinner goes smoothly enough and you refuse to tell Luke and Kieran what their presents are, despite their whining.

You feed Mephisto little bites of your food, your finger petting his little feathery head gently every now and then. He preens at the attention, letting out an odd sounding chirp every now and then when you tap his little beak and offer him some more food.

Sylus is seated beside you and it’s becoming increasingly difficult to stop stealing glances at the side of his face. The longer you stare, the more you can feel yourself falling deeper, a pressing crisis unfolding in your mind. 

Fuck . You think you might like him.

Deep rooted feelings of yearning never lead to any good, and yet, you were too impatient not to act on them.You wait patiently, fingers playing with themselves in your lap, for the perfect opportunity. 

It presents itself when Luke and Kieran break out into an insignificant quarrel, their eyes moving elsewhere. Sylus is already looking towards you and you’re leaning forward, cupping the back of his head to bring him closer, lips meeting his in a slow, sweet kiss. 

“What was that for?” Sylus murmurs when you break away, his eyes roving over the flush settling on your cheeks.

“No reason,” you reply nonchalantly, leaning back in your chair.

Sylus scoffs out a laugh, behaving seemingly unaffected. There’s a light flush dusted across his cheeks however, his tongue darting out to taste the remnants of you on his lips.

“This is for no reason too,” he says, grabbing your chin and pulling you closer.

You sigh contentedly when he kisses you, arms wrapping around his neck, your lips working against his a little feverishly as though you can’t get enough.

A cacophony of protests breaks out from the twins when they see you and Sylus kissing at the table.

“Gross! Get a room!”

You roll your eyes, breaking away from Sylus to peer over at them. 

“You were the ones that made us kiss,” you huff, crossing your arms over your chest.

“Yeah, we didn’t mean all the time,” Luke corrects.

“Deal with it,” Sylus interrupts, brushing a kiss to your cheek.

You hum happily, Sylus’ hand warm as it encases yours under the table. Luke pouts and Kieran mirrors him, both of them slumping back in their chairs.

You and Sylus get a little more privacy when you step outside, snow dusting across both of you, covering the shrubbery and trees. Mephisto swoops through the air, his mechanical wings flapping as he lands on a tree branch above. The icy chill of the wintery air isn’t so bad, not when Sylus is stepping up behind you, his chin resting on your shoulder as he holds you close to him.

“It was bound to happen,” he murmurs, kissing your cheek again as you stare up at the night sky, glittering with stars.

“You seem awfully sure of yourself,” you reply, squeezing his forearms.

“Let’s just say… I had an inkling. I know you, sweetie.”

“I don’t understand what you mean sometimes,” you sigh, peering up at him, head resting on his shoulder.

“You don’t have to,” he whispers, dropping a kiss to your temple.

You sway gently in his arms, pressing yourself closer, eyes slipping shut. You’d kill for more moments of peace like this.

It never seems to last for long.

The beginnings of torn wrapping paper begin to fill your ears and you peek through the glass window to find the twins tearing at their presents.

“Oh, these are sick !” Luke announces, beginning to twirl around the pair of knives you had gotten him.

“They have to wait!” you protest, reaching for the door, “Sylus, they have to wait!”

“Let them,” Sylus murmurs, dragging you back into his arms, his chest rumbling with laughter.

You can’t help but let out an exasperated noise, smiling up at him. Sylus lowers his head and you nudge your nose against his gently, pressing a tender kiss to his lips.

“What?” he asks quietly when you trace the curve of his cheek, your fingers splaying across his skin.

You kiss him again, revelling in the softness of his eyes when you pull apart. There's a strange warmth in your chest, an unknown pull in the back of your mind as though something familiar were evading you.

You feel like you know him too.

“Merry Christmas, Sylus.”