#and discouraging me is going to do no good for my memory

[syverse]

i depend on you // ft. katsuki bakugou

✶⋆.˚꩜ .ᐟ˙⋆✶

bakugou can't bring himself to hate you, even after you left

warnings&a/n: if this is bad LEAVE ME ALONE PLEASE!!! got suddenly verrrry inspired by that one drawing on tiktok and maybe i misinterpreted it in the writing but shoot me who cares. this is like my first time writing something and actually finishing it i get so discouraged and give up. if you hate this i will never do this again.

In his life, there's a lot of things that Bakugou hates. He hates simple and unavoidable things like the rain, and he hates specific things like people who rely on everybody around them. He hates weak people, hates getting up too early in the morning, hates being too involved in other people's lives if he doesn’t necessarily have to be. But, as he sits alone at his desk, forced to listen to the obnoxious and overbearing sounds of society in Tokyo despite how late it is, Bakugo can’t think of anything he hates more than you. 

He spent a lot of his life loving you. He loved things like your unwavering conviction to do the right thing, he loved the look in your eyes when you stole glances from each other during class dinner back when you were both in highschool, and loved the way you whispered his name like a prayer when it was just the two of you under the covers of your shared bed. It was hard at first, but as the two of you grew together, so did his love. He learned to love through the sound of your laughter and the feeling of your gentle hands intertwining with his. Nimble fingers pressing into the palms of his hands before flipping them over and placing feather-like kisses on his fingerprints, he tries to swallow the bile that claws its path up his throat.  

Along with the symphony of nightlife outside of his agency, he can also pick out the faint sound of a news reporter being broadcasted on a billboard next to his building. Pictures of your face are shown on the large screen, along with the headline “PRO HERO TURNED VILLAIN” and Bakugou holds his breath for as long as he can. His phone lay flat on his desk in front of him, buzzing every few seconds from concerned friends and family members, but the blonde doesn’t dare to touch it. It had been at least a week since your departure from his agency, and the news had spread to all of Japan at this point, but the news and media were still eating it alive as if they were starving. 

Bakugou’s eyes glue shut as he wishes for memories of you to disappear, and for the heavy dread in his gut to fizz up and die out. He curses himself for not picking up on it sooner, the fact that you would leave. Looking back on it, he’s pretty sure he could put his finger on the exact moment when you started to fade away. When the universe in your eyes started to blur each time you looked at him, when the sense behind your touch became hesitant instead of gentle, and when your cheeks no longer touched your eyes when you smiled. He should’ve said something. Should’ve done a lot of things to at least delay your disappearance, but Bakugo was familiar with the fact that he was never good with words, and the fact that his heart was bottomless with fear of him making it worse. 

Bakugou absolutely hates you for leaving him here. He hates that he can’t throw every single I love you that came out of his mouth into a little box and set it to ashes, hates that he has to go back to home and still smell you on his bedsheets, hates that even though you’ve made it clear that you’re never coming back, he still patiently waits with bated breath to hear you whisper his name again.  So, as Katsuki picks himself off of his desk and drags himself to the elevator to return back his house, his house where you don't live anymore, he tries to convince himself to forget you, and ignores the way his tongue instinctively traces the letters of your name on the roof of his mouth.

[zshiftsrealties]

UPDATE SINCE THE LAST MINI SHIFT

it's been two days since then, and, although, nothing happened related to shifting, i've been having vivid — and when I say vivid, I mean VIVID — dreams. dreams that feel too much real. dreams fragments of which I remember throughout the day and have to take a few seconds to realize that it isn't a real memory or experience. dreams in which the movement I do feel VERY real, as if I did them in REAL LIFE.

honestly, I think this is just progress towards me becoming aware in my dreams, since my plan is to shift through a lucid dream. so I'm definitely taking this as a sign. and everytime I lay down and close my eyes, my hands and legs immediately start to go numb and get all tingly too (i'm okay, I promise).

so, yeah. next update's surely going to be about my first shift (fingers crossed 🤞🏻).

also, it definitely helps to approach shifting with the mindset of "it already being yours", even when in doubt, and even when you "wake up in your cr". the key is to not be discouraged, no matter what. you don't have to necessarily "ignore" anything. it's more like just not bothering at all, so much so that it doesn't even register because you simply "don't care" — not in a "I don't care if I have my desire or not" way, but in a "I don't care. it's mine anyway" way. and I think i've picked that up really well. everytime I sense a doubt arising from a mile away, I discard it before it's even realized by rotting my brain with the same thing over and over. that it's already mine. that it already belongs to me. I just go on a full on rant, like this one. that helps me, atleast.

and, yeah. that's all. good luck on your shifting/anything else journey if you're reading this. you'll make it. we'll make it. take this as a sign if you need one. and stop searching for signs from now on, and actually get to it.

[melit0n]

.

[sheeezu]

Emergency shift, tonight.

Another step by step guide, but this time it's mainly focused on how to shift when you'd do anything rather than stay in this wicked reality, perfect for permashifters or anyone frustrated with their current living situation in general.

OK, so I made this method in my WR, since I can't possibly "shift" here (I can switch realities on command by intending, so shifting isn't an activity for me anymore, I don't need to do methods), so last night i went to my WR, with as much skills I had before my first shift, I had an infinite time to figure out the perfect I need to get the hell out of here shifting method.

:)

Step 1, Morning: (divide this into four parts, morning, afternoon, evening and night)

Yes, you woke back in your CR, but don't think about that, get into the mindset that you're happy and you'll shift tonight.

First of all, drop all tasks from the CR, stop, don't do assignments or anything, don't focus on your CR.

Afterwards, what you need to do now is relax yourself, go ahead and pick something to do that you enjoy, so you can divert yourself from overthinking about shifting (personal recommendation, Sims 1 :) listens to subliminals in the background, don't worry about them if you think you have a strong enough mindset.

Don't completely abandon your CR body, don't just become a robot, eat, talk with your family (don't if you're not a fan of them). Avoid shifting forums as much as you can, mainly because there is always something irrational on there which could possibly discourage you.

Quick tldr for this step: relax, calm yourself down, listen to subliminals.

Step 2, Afternoon:

If you're developing a headache or feeling light-headedness due to the excessive subliminal listening then that's good, it means your brain is absorbing the affirmations.

Now, trick your human brain by listening to subliminal boosters, but only those ones which repeat playlists by million, billion, trillion, or zillion or something, it won't matter how effective the subliminal is, as long as you believe the title to be truth, then trust me, it'll work like promised.

After you're finished with your subliminal run, top it off with one of wrath's seal and you're good to go, you're now mentally prepared to shift, and you are in a perfect mindset. (wrath, the subliminal creator, in my opinion their subliminals, especially the boosters are the strongest; search wrath's second seal, in my opinion it's the strongest one in the series).

._.

Now you have eye strain or something, get up, go sit outside for a moment, stare at the trees, birds, skies, and start daydreaming-!

(Don't worry, I didn't tell you to touch grass, you can stay indoors, but, daydream :)

Daydream about your sweet sweet DR, if you're going to your WR, just imagine all the fun things you'll get to do there, or visualize your WR (or script; meaning revise how you made your WR to be like)

OK, back to the DR part, daydreaming can be done in many ways, perhaps you'd like to zone out and fall into deep contemplation about your actions in your DR, kind of like a case study (for me, bringing up old events from my teenage years or something, specific memories arise which didn't make sense; like me ignoring someone I like, and try to figure out why I did it, this all strengthens your bond with your DR)

Or you could simply rewind your memories in your DR, or what you've planned for the upcoming days, what you were doing before shifting, my recommendation would be to kind of add lots of "too much information" like, where did you place the honey after you had finished baking that cake? Didn't you had to put a new bar of soap in the bathroom? Didn't you broke the button of your favorite coat yesterday?

Or If you're good at visualising, you can simply live an entire day in your DR (perhaps not an entire day, just visualise your morning routine)

Another good one, if you can't visualise or don't feel like it, open Pinterest, scroll through your home feed, and try to relate the pins you see to your DR (I was just about to buy that shirt; I swear I saw that exact same house somewhere; that cat looks exactly like my sister's cat)

Feel like your DR self now? If not you're definitely getting excited and prepared by now.

Step 3, Evening:

Now it's time to attach yourself firmly to your DR self.

Consume media which remind you of your DR self, try your luck with Character ai, maybe it'll make sense for once (make your own bots, add a little description of your DR self within the character details, the bot will remember your details, ask ill share a template :) your spotify playlist + pinterest, remind yourself, your DR is very much real, if it's possible, close your eyes periodically for a few minutes, imagine making decisions like your DR self, and facing the consequences right after; or you can have a small conversation with your loved ones, keep it related to your DR.

Eventually, you'll be led to nightfall, it's time to go home.

Step 4, Night:

Listen to the subliminals you've listened to during the day, again, for an hour at least, if you're doubting yourself, or feeling like you won't be able to do it, try to distract yourself by a memory from your DR or something, or simply, already get into you're DR self's mindset, say "affirmations" like these:

"What the heck is going on in my mind? Why am I thinking about shifting, I've already got so much work to do." (That was an example, get creative :)

If you're ready to start shifting, lay down in a comfortable position (or sit up but lean back on comfy pillows if you're in fear of falling asleep) take a few deep breaths, if you like meditation then do so, but it's not at all necessary, just relax.

....

Now shift (just kidding, use my method which I've explained thoroughly in my first post, follow it and no doubt you'll shift, you're invincible.)

...

I am very self assured in my method btw. Also I'll try not to be lazy and answer the questions in my inbox dw.

I'll also upload my script, since for once I've finally stopped crying about permashifting in every post.

Good luck, you'll shift tonight, no doubt.

Remember to look at shrimp colors at least once in your waiting room.

[listleven]

Why you can never fail in manifestation......and why you think you have.

Cue: revision

Your ego. Your subconscious limiting beliefs.

Your ego contradicts the law. It tries to save you from failing when the law literally can't fail. Ultimately making you give up persisting and going back to the 3d.

And even if you do persist, for example manifesting ice cream after school and thinking you already have it but when the time comes the scene you imagined doesn't happen. It's because of your limiting beliefs. You may not even realize you still have subconscious limiting beliefs. In these cases perform revision and persist in your power. Practice self concept. And you will find you never failed, you did get ice cream after school and because time isn't real, and your 3d will give in to your 4d. Don't say something like, but why didn't it happen that moment. Time doesn't exist. It happened in your 4d so it will show up in your 3d. It's like any other manifestation technique.

Basically revision is a manifestation technique that eliminates the concept of time. It's really good for beginners who get discouraged. It also affirms the belief that time isn't real. And it's really easy, you can simply affirm a memory did or didn't happen. Envision it. Whatever you want.

I also have a few people in my DMs who ask me about the void. To that you can simply accept that you go in the void at every attempt because you do. If you have had "failed attempts" Revise. Bc in the 4d no you didn't??? Ex. all those failed pure conscious attempts are not real , you actually have induced them in the 4d. If you keep persisting and accept that all those "attempts" worked, the 3d will conform. So revision is just any other manifestation method.

You can do this with grades as well. Breaking these beliefs takes practice. Just keep going. Envision it and accept it as yours. Even if the 3d shows you the opposite, perform revision. It's simple like any other technique in manifesting except your doing it for the "past" and because time doesn't exist and the past isn't real. Revision really is like any other manifestation method.

~ With love, Jyspire

[snekdood]

ngl bc of the way she treated me i kinda feel like my sister deserves all the karma shes getting rn in life.

[crimsonblackrose]

Sometimes I forget why I like the city because I spend so much time hurrying to where I need to go with my head down and trying to cram too much in. It’s not just because my friends live there, or because I have good memories from school. It’s that I can meet a friend I haven’t seen in ages there and take her to get her first local pizza and the staff will be ecstatic that she’d never had one, it’s that we can go into little shops and they’ll and chat about their products because they’re passionate about whatever niche shop we found and I’ll learn something, like what exactly sulfur looks like, that a little shop that’s trying to get cats adopted unexpectedly was nearly always sold out because they were next to a tattoo parlor and people coming and going from that shop would see them and go oh hey, let me go play with some cats. That we can go to a bar and the bartender will look at me and go “You look nice, don’t be nice.” and I realize that I’d been understood so suddenly and in such a specific way and setting that aside because the bartender didn’t mind making me a different drink if I didn’t like one was such a pleasant experience. That I can pop into an indie bookstore right at the same time that all these parents are taking their kids to reading time and then turning around to go to the cafe and get their drinks, preparing to settle in. Or that I can go to a museum and the kids in a family ahead of us could see that we couldn’t quite figure out the thing we were supposed to do and looped back to say “Do you mind if I show you?” and then were pretty happy to help. Let alone just how nice people in general are when you all come together in the middle of an awful snowstorm to make art. Or if you ask the old guy sitting at the visitor kiosk looking bored what historical things there are to see in the building he’ll be like “Oh boy are there a lot of things to see” and rattle off a happy list of things to see.

[tobyfier]

Can you do a doppelgänger M!reader? Reader is a doppelgänger who manages to move into the apartment complex and readers original plan was to k!ll everyone the moment he was let in but the moment he’s allowed in he sees Francis just trying to get to his apartment and reader becomes immediately infatuated with him, he then has a change of plans. His new plan is to get Francis’s attention anyway possible.

This can be smut or not doesn’t matter you do whatever you want with this, this just came off the top of my head and I just need more milkman fics 😿😿

I’m inlove with a monster.

;Male reader

Genre: Fluff to smut

Warning: NSFW AT THE END!!! Bottom reader,Handjobs(receiving),creampie,make out session,overstimulation

A/n: Technically this isn’t my first time writing smut..however it has been a while since I wrote one, I’m just hoping it won’t look too cringy; as for the minors..I can’t exactly stop you from reading this, you guys are just growing people who’s going through puberty, I’ve been through that before. Now I will discourage minors who are BELOW 13 years old.

This doorman is taking a bit longer than usual to be honest. They seem to be double checking everything, did they figure it out or something? My heart stopped when I saw them reach for the phone ‘Fuck, I didn’t think of that.’ I didn’t break out of character just yet, there’s a possibility that the real one isn’t home. They waited and waited until they put the phone down. They stared at me for a while, cold sweat started to run down my neck before they smiled and pressed a button

“Alright, looks like you’re good to go!” I sighed from relief and nodded at them before going inside the building, I grinned to how naive the doorman is because of their mistake, they put everyone’s lives at risk, oh I can’t wait-…whoa..

3rd POV

M/n honestly felt like the world stopped moving when he say a guy infront of him struggling to open his door, he didn’t know who that guy or what his name is but all he knows is that he’s pretty charming. Once the man shut his door only then M/n snapped out of his trance, a slight blush covering his face. Trying to figure out what the hell just happened to him, it all felt so new to him and so unfamiliar. But nonetheless he didn’t dislike the feeling, he wanted more in fact..

‘New purpose, I’m gonna try and get as close with that mine and find out what this feeling is.’ M/n thought before going downstairs to ask for a spare key because he doesn’t have a key to his new house

Every single day M/n would try and greet Francis, to try and strike a conversation with him.

“Hey Francis, buddy ol pal, how you doing?” M/n greeted him, trying to act as normal and formal as possible but failing to do so.

“I’m doing fine, how about you mr. Moo juice?” Francis responded smiling a bit at the nickname he gave for M/n.

“It was one time!” M/n’s face burned from embarrassment, as a way to talk to Francis he tried ordering some milk from him when he stumbled on his words, calling milk ‘Moo juice’ by mistake.

“Well I’m sorry but it’s pretty much I possible for me to get that memory out of my head, it’s too funny!” Francis giggled, M/n could listen to him giggle every single day and will not get tired of hearing it

“Well-I still remember the time when you accidentally barged into my apartment thinking it was yours because you were drunk!” Now it was Francis turn to get embarrassed

“Well you can’t exactly blame a drunk man for it, I would barely comprehend what happened then!” Francis laughed before putting on his hat “I’d love to chat with you more but I still have to go to work. I’ll talk to you later, see you!” He greeted him goodbye and went down the hall to the elevator

2nd POV

You sighed, already missing his presence greatly. During the past few months you grew to be comfortable living in the apartments, forming friendship with the other neighbors most especially Francis, obviously. After some time you learned that the original you was actually a writer..a bit boring but you tried writing a few times and slowly you grew to like it.

Sometimes you wondered whether the original you and Francis ever talked to eachother, but from how shy and quiet he was during the first few conversations maybe not as close. Every single conversation,exchange of greetings,waves,or any interaction with him, you cherished every single one of them. With a help of a neighbor whom you call a friend named Mia, told you that it might be a crush or infatuation. And although it’s not really viewed as a good thing to date the same gender in public, you could care less about what other people think. You only cared about Francis view on it, I mean he has an ex wife and literally has a child. It’s impossible for him to like you back..

Atleast that’s what you hoped, you hoped this time you were wrong.

Timeskip

Francis’ POV

I sighed at the tiring day, driving house to house and city to city was really tiring. All I wanted was to go back to my apartment and rest..if not maybe chat with M/n again. He’s a really nice and fun person to be with, his energy was never really overwhelming and he’s the perfect person to talk to whenever I’m tired but also want someone to talk to. His stories are so interesting to listen to, especially the forbidden love ones.

If I had to be honest, I never thought him and I were gonna get close. After the “moo juice” incident, we started talking more. I hope I get to talk to him soon, for now I have to focus on delivering this milk trays. I looked back to see how much I have to deliver and saw that there was still a lot, he sighed “This is gonna take a while..”

.

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.

.

I groaned, finally done delivering the milk and stumbled upon the elevator, pressing the 3rd button and waiting for it to close. I took off my hat and started fanning myself, hoping it will cool me off from the tiring job. I sighed in relief once I heard the elevator ring and walked out of the elevator to M/n’s apartment, knocking a few times before waiting.

M/n’s POV

I yawned tiredly, I just woke up from a nap because someone knocked on the door. Being a different species has it’s perks, one being having heightened hearing. I opened the door not caring if it was a Doppel or not, if it was then I could handle it anyway, I’m one myself..what I didn’t expect was a tired milkman collapsing on me like a drunken man.

“Bloody hell-you scared me!” I wrapped my arm on his torso and carried him to my couch, I tried walking away to get something when he suddenly pulled me into the couch, trapping me below him “Uhm..Francis buddy, let me go. I’m gonna get some pillows for you.”

“No..stay here, I’ll just use you as my pillow..” he mumbled, hugging me tighter. It’s adorable seeing him in such state, it reminded me of the time he got drunk

“You’re Lucky You’re adorable..” i mumbled suddenly, not even thinking of my words, I slapped my hand over my mouth. Francis tensed and looked at me

“You find me adorable?” He asked, he doesn’t sound disgusted nor angry, actually he sounds shock and intrigue

“Uh yeah, I do actually..” What the fuck am I saying, he might think I’m weird now!

“..I’m glad you think of me that way too..” he said before laying his head on my chest..wait what.

“Hold on what-you cant just say that so suddenly!” I said sitting up straight so he won’t fall asleep on me

“Why not? You said it first.” He replied, my face burned from embarrassment

“I mean yeah but I didn’t expect you to think I’m cute..” I said blushing a bit

“Why not? I mean sometimes you act like a dog, obedient and gets excited when it comes to certain things. Especially when you’re talking about your new story. Everything about you is cute.” He said, not minding the effects of what his words did to me, bastard even smirked.

“Stop it, you’re saying things out of the blue!” I yelled, hiding my face from him, but my heart stopped when I heard what he said next

“Not to mention when you’re so tired, you don’t notice the little horns sticking out of your head.” I stopped for a moment and slowly looked at him, does he..I quickly grabbed his wrists and pinned him in the couch

“When did you know about me.” I asked sternly, although I liked him, I didn’t wanna go back to the d.d.d’s. No, i already had a good life and I won’t let it go away.

“The first week after we talked.” How is he so calm about this? I mean a doppelgänger pinning him to the couch, potentially getting eaten? “I already know you won’t hurt nor eat me, you love me too much for you to do that.”

“Well I uh..true..” I replied, loosening my grip on his wrists, in return he slipped his hand out and slowly he sat up

“See, I knew you love me..” he said soothingly while rubbing my head, like a dog..I sighed

“You didn’t even tell me?..” I asked, I’m a bit suprised how he’s handling this situation so calmly

“I always rub your head like this and it just goes away.” He said before pulling his hand back “see? It’s gone.”

“IT WAS THERE AGAIN?!” I yelled, he chuckled

“So uh..what are we now?..” he asked, I tilted my head in confusion

“Are we-I mean can you-do you wanna be together?..” he asked in a low voice, I was silent for a moment before quickly hugging him

“You don’t know how happy I am for you to tell that you actually like me back, even after knowing I’m not even the original M/n..” I hugged him tighter, I felt his arms wrap around my lower back and buried his face on my hair

“If I had to be honest, I prefer you over the original..and don’t think I haven’t noticed you.” He said giggling a bit, I was confused on what he meant by that “I can always see glancing at me from a far,from how your mood drastically changes depending if I’m in the room or not,and don’t get me started with those lovable dork eyes of yours with the mention of my name. And Mia ratted you out.”

“She what?!” I yelled, I groaned loudly and slapped a hand on my face, I means it’s expected..this is Mia we’re talking about, she literally told me all of the gossip when we first talked..

“Can I kiss you?” He asked, I looked at him with wide eyes, is it just me or is he getting bolder? “So is that a no-“

“Yes!” I quickly answered before shutting my mouth, it sounded like I was desperate or something, he seemed to like it by the way he chuckled

Before I knew, our lips smashed with each other, the kiss felt nice..it was comforting and tender, and filled with love. Something I wanted to experience everyday, and I’ll be sure to make that happen. Unfortunately he pulled away, I leaned forward unconsciously and he laughed through his nose.

“It seems you liked it it by how you leaned for more.” He laughed a bit, I could only stare at him with adoration, yeah I could definitely get used to this..

I quickly pulled him into another one to which he reciprocated quickly, the kiss was much more intense than before. I opened my mouth a little to get some air when he suddenly pushed his tongue inside my mouth, to which I choked at the sudden sensation but I welcomed it nonetheless. Looks can be deceiving, he’s the right person to use for it, at first he way seem like a tired and inexperienced person but boy..when I tell you he’s good..

Soon he pulled away so we can catch our breaths, a string of saliva connected our mouths as we planted from the session we had. My face was red considering it was my first time doing that, I was a bit surprised how well and experienced he is actually.

“Do you still wanna go further?” He asked, either way he already knows I’m gonna say yes due to the tent in my pants anyway

“Y-yeah sure.” I stuttered, he seems to be looking at my pants

“Just wanted to ask, since you’re a doppelgänger and you can alternate yourself, I’m just wondering if there’s a possibility you can alternate down there?” He asked, ah so that’s why

“Yeah, why? Do you want me to change it?” I asked but he shook his head as a no

“No, I want something to play with while doing it.” I raised an eyebrow at his statement

“..what?..”

.

.

.

.

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“O-oh shit-!” I gasped when his pace became faster, currently we were in my bedroom giving me a handjob, he had an iron grip on my leg so I couldn’t crawl away “Hah ah-I shouldn’t..have ah!-asked..” I managed to speak

He just chuckled at my disheveled appearance, my hair was a mess. Sticking to my forehead, some got tangled by how much I turned my head side to side to ignore the feeling. My clothes are long gone, all thrown to the floor thanks to Mr. Milkman. Francis was shirtless and his hat was on my head, saying I looked cuter with it. This guy really likes seeing me like this doesn’t he?

“Please..” I muttered, I’m close and I’m sure he noticed it too by how my dick throb in his hand.

“Please what dearie? I can’t hear you.” He teased, smug bastard.

“Let m-me come mngh..please-I’m clo-HNGK..!” I choked on my spit once he gripped it and speed up the pace much faster than before, I tried to hold it in but the bastard was determined to make me release, and so I did. White streaks shot out from the tip, landing on his chest and to my stomach. I panted like a person who ran a marathon, but it felt great. It was something I’ve never really felt before..

I looked over at him to see him wipe some of the cum of his chest and to his mouth, I blushed at the act and immediately yelled at him

“Spit that out, it’s dirty!” He didn’t listen of course, fucker even snapped his tongue

“It’s sweet and salty..” he seemed a bit surprised, is it because of the salty part or sweet?

“Probably from all the milk you delivered to me..” I finally calmed down from my high but noticed that he was unbuckling his belt.

“H-hold on, you’re not finished I thought-hey!” I was a bit surprised when he listed my other leg and rested it on his shoulder, I grabbed a pillow to hold on to, something tells this one is gonna be different..

“You didn’t think I was finish were you?” His eyes met mine and instantly I felt small “I still haven’t had my problem solved yknow?”

Oh yeah he’s right, it would be a bit unfair to stop this when he hasn’t finished his yet. And so I hug my pillow, preparing for what’s about to happen. I dozed off a bit, obviously this is my first time and I have no experience with this kind of things, I just wondered how it was gonna feel whether it would lean more to pain or-

“Holy sh-mngh..!” I bite into the pillow when I felt my stretched up when he entered, it stinged, not in a way it was painful, it felt good..

He didn’t think so though because he immediately stopped and looked at me with concern “Sh-shit I’m sorry, I should’ve warned you..” he apologized, rubbing circles around my thighs

“It’s fine..it-..it felt good.” I admitted “Keep going..”

He blushed and nodded, slowly he pushed the rest of it in me, I muffled myself using the pillow. Holy shit did that feel nice, never really thought it would feel this good honestly.

“Can I move?” He asked softly, it’s cute how he still needs to ask

“Yes..” I replied

He indeed took that opportunity and pulled away, leaving the tip inside me before thrusting back. I choked out a moan, not expecting the sudden rough movement, not that I was complaining though it was kind of attractive.

The pace was fast and hard, the way he feels inside of me was something I could never explain in words. He was quite literally hitting all of the right place, like he studied my body and memorized all of the sensitive parts. The bed started creaking from how fast he was going but I could careless, all I could think about was him and him only. I was close again, the knot in my stomach was back. And as if he’s reading my thoughts his hand gripped my dick once more and started pumping it. His hand felt so nice against my dick, I could get used to this all day.

“F-fuck!..too ah-!m..much..” I moaned out, I didn’t even notice the tears that were rolling down my face atop the pillows. I could feel his thrust getting uneven “Please..!”

“You can k-keep it in, just a few more..” he panted, chasing his release, he slowed down his hand so I wouldn’t release so soon.

A few thrusts and soon he came inside of me, the feeling of being filled up plus his hand pumping my dick immediately put me to my climax. We both panted, riding out our high from the activity. He exhaled and collapsed his body on mine due to exhaustion.

“Oof bloody hell are you heavy.” I stated, he chuckled tickling my neck

“How was it?..” he asked after moving a little so I can breath, his arms were wrapped around my waist

“It’s scary how you know my body so well despite this being the first time you’re exploring it..” I admitted “You were great.”

“Glad to know..” he muttered, burrying his face onto my neck even more

Silence engulfed the room..

“How am I supposed to explain my neighbors about these bite marks and hickeys littered all around my neck. I swear you did this on purpose didn’t you.” I slapped his head weakly to which he laughed and hugged me tighter

“Yeah yeah, I’m sorry. But it’s not my fault you had a pretty neck, I couldn’t help it!” He stated

“Oh so that’s my fault?!” I laughed

Yeah I’m definitely gonna get used to this now..

[kosmicdream]

Hello. After drawing webcomics for 10 years and making about 10,000 pages of comics, here are some things i have learned/observed in that experience..

1) making comics does not get easier.. Not really

Making comics is a tedious and slow process and with so many different facets of the experience to learn - you’ll never run out of stuff to learn or weaknesses to work on. I’m not saying this to discourage but to just give the frank reality that it really takes a lifetime to understand. Be patient with yourself and try to set healthy expectations. 

2) Read your own comics after making them.

I don’t know if this is as important to other people as it is to me, but I do think that sometimes its easy to not re-read your own work and just go from your own memory of it, or maybe you’re tired of looking at it because of all the flaws. I don’t personally get sucked into the “rewrite/remake” cycle that I know is common with comics, as I sort of just accept things as they are, but re-reading my work does help me see where I have come from and where I need to go to next. I personally don’t like to lose sight of that, and I think re-reading helps ground me in the planning process of my work and gives me a better perspective on all aspects.

3) A lot of comic advice should be taken with a grain of salt, because its the person talking to themselves. (including this)

I see a lot of advice that never would have worked for me, or just simply wasn’t something I was ever going to follow. “Dont start with your big epic long stories”! Is a common one. I don’t think that’s bad advice exactly, but how many young artists are going to listen, especially if they’ve never told a story in the first place? Yes, the advice to start small and build yourself up with experience sounds great, I’m sure people do it, but if you’re an artist you’re probably not gonna be that responsible. And for me, when i tried to do this with eggshells, my house burnt down and i kinda gave up comics for a while because i lost a lot of work. 

Writing short stories is still something I struggle with, its just not easy for me. I have gotten better at it but i don’t think that makes me less of a comic artist because I haven’t gotten good at that particular format, or that I jump around on my projects. Is it more impressive to have more completed work under your belt, sure. But I also think that.. Idk.. what is the advice actually saying, because with that one it sort of feels (often times) as a warning that you’re setting yourself up for failure/embarrassment by attempting a comic like that. I don’t know how to tell you this, but comics are gonna be embarrassing no matter what you do and there’s no guarantee you’ll be more successful/not experience failure by avoiding your passions. Something to think about anyway. 

4) Don’t draw every leaf. Unless you really want to.

I’m the kind of comic artist that kind of doesn’t care about the art as much as the whole package of the comic. When i see a very impressively drawn panel/page, with laborious detail that is well drawn and maybe even colored ect.. That usually is kind of, I guess, a turn off for me as part of the reading experience. The thing is, when i encounter that, it usually signals to me that someone has poor planning skills for comics. It says to me that comic is probably not going to see its end or that artist is overworking themselves in an unnecessary way, that ends up concerning me about how they’re doing. Because i know how hard it is to draw comics. When an artist phones things in a bit, or has a limit on how much they work on a page, its a relief for me to see! because I understand they have healthier boundaries and expectations, and the art itself usually is less stiff too. This is all an overgeneralization, but I think with a lot of webcomic artists we are usually drawing a comic for the first time ever, so it makes sense we want to do our best and try as hard as possible - that just usually isn’t the smartest plan to put all the stock in the visual department. This also kinda frustrates me to see because most comics (professional or not) will also (generally) not reel the art in ever or make a more simple style. Generally I see it always trying to outdo itself, which leads to burn out. I personally only work about 1hr on each page i draw, that hasn’t changed in the 10 years I have been drawing comics, but i used to spend hundreds of hours drawing detailed lineart for eggshells and it didn’t even read well and i’d be disappointed with the results, feeling more lost with my goals than ever. PLEASe.. Just draw worse, its usually better looking in the end too. (because you wont have the experience to judge visual clarity until you’ve been drawing comics for a while imo..)

5) Don’t draw ahead, draw those inbetweenies.

“Inbetweenies” are the pages for the “boring” ones. They are also usually the most common KIND of page. Its the pages that are necessary, but “inbetween” the action. The impact moments in a scene, ect. You gotta draw them. They’re always gonna be there. They’re the pages where maybe, the character is walking somewhere, thinking, ect. The after impact from an action.. There’s a million examples, but hopefully you’ll understand what I mean when I say they’re both necessary pages/panels, sometimes so mundane/redundant, but also required for telling the story.. As a comic is a sequence of images. This is why, the previous advice is also important IMO- because if you really want to “draw every leaf” - maybe you should save that energy and effort for those impact moments that you want to impress the reader with.. And not for the inbetweenies, which are the foundational support, but also not the most important moments. If you conserve your energy a bit, the contrast OF that effort will also pop more. I personally find it funny when I put more effort into a page and end up tricking my readers into thinking I got better at drawing, when really i just have been able to draw better and only save it for moments like this instead of always.

Also, when I say don’t draw ahead.. I mean I draw each page at a time before going to the next one. I have no idea if this is an unusual practice or not, and I know a lot of people will draw their chapters/episodes/whatever in sections like sketch/ink/color/ect.. But I personally draw and finish page by page, unless its the thumb/sketch stage. Even then, i don’t go ahead much. I think that you can control flow/pacing better by doing chapters all at once of course, I see that as a benefit. But i also think that makes things very overwhelming and can also result in a lack of flexibility if something isn’t working. No matter HOW much planning you do- comics are always going to have an aspect of IMPROVISATION with the result you get in the end. There are way too many factors in play to be in complete control of all of them and always know the result of the reading experience. SO for me, this technique is easier and has been something that continues to get me to working effectively. Plus, rumiko takahashi said that’s what she does. And i think she has some of the best visual flow/compositions in comics. So that’s what I do.

I could write more personal advice or rules that i follow..but I think those are the ones I find are the most important to me anyway. Of course, comics are a strange medium and not everything that works for me will work for you. That’s all for now.. Bye bye…! 

Oh by the way, my comics are here: feastforaking.com nastyreddogs.com https://kosmic.itch.io/ Support me on patreon! https://www.patreon.com/kosmic

[iliveforyouilongforyouvesuvia]

Vesuvia Weekly (M6 Drabbles): To be loved is to be ...

Valued. Julian knows it's a bit callous of him to claim that nobody has ever valued him, when even the people he's hurt the most deeply still can't keep themselves from wanting to save him. But you're the first person who's somehow gotten that message past his poor self-esteem. Without any excuses to shelve your love onto - you're my family, you have to feel that way, I was your friend, you'd feel guilty if you didn't, you saved me once, so you're obliged to do it again - the only explanation he can accept from you is the one you give him.

So when you hold him and keep holding him when he's convinced he doesn't have anything worthwhile to offer you except himself, he has to believe he's valued. By you. And god, what a thought that is.

Known. After years of being your home, Asra knows you like the back of their hand. But for the past three years - and for most of their life, if they're being honest - their greatest safety was their capacity to be unknowable. Unreadable. Mysterious and unpredictable. Nobody was ever allowed into his heart as more than a guest, and until he unconditionally handed half of it over to you as yours, nobody ever had a claim to it. But now you've come fully into your own, and you're part of their life on equal footing, and secrets are foolish now.

You know everything about him - how he likes his tea, the minute shifts in your bond with his every fleeting emotion, the way his "impossible" brain thinks - and it's okay because it's you. You're home.

Uplifted. Nadia is a born and nurtured leader. As the youngest in a family of them, she watched and learned from a leadership style that focused on building things up - and then she married someone who tore her down instead, along with an entire city's populace. Waking up to a city in ruins and a council of sabotage and not a single memory of any nearby friends did not help the parts of her that could use some building up. How was she supposed to lay solid foundations when she felt like she was crumbling? Until you, that is.

You see her weaknesses and immaturities and inexperience and your response is to support her. You comfort her when she's discouraged and encourage her when she's fearful. You build her up.

Protected. As loathe as he is to admit it, Muriel's done more than his fair share of protecting those he cares about. From his time in the Coliseum, to his escape from the Coliseum, to his watchful nurture in the woods, many of his biggest changes happened to protect another life. He never got his hopes up for someone who'd see him, all 6'10, grouchy, seemingly indestructible roughness of him, and want to protect him. People like him don't get to have things like softness, and warmth, and hearty meals that make you sleepy-safe.

You don't agree. You see the fearful, anxiety-ridden child in his eyes when a crowd gets too big or a stranger gets too loud, and you take care of it. You protect him. You show him what "safe" feels like.

Seen. Counting every time she's been overlooked for someone else's sake is the fastest way to send Portia spiraling into uncharacteristic depression. The worst part is that she always ended up going along with it, overlooking herself in the process. Her brother needed a stable sister. The grandmas needed an extra pair of hands. Her brother needed a stable sister, again. The Palace needed someone to keep watch over the Countess. The Countess needed a handmaiden. So, you ... what kind of invisible do you need her to be, for you?

Except that you wanted her to be loud. You wanted her to be visible. You wanted her to talk about herself, for once. You're the first main character she's on equal footing with, and you see each other.

Changed. Lucio is not used to changing. He was raised to see it as a sign of weakness - one moment of compromising your own goals, one moment of failing to commit, and you're as good as dead. So he as a teenager, filled with feelings of betrayal and abandonment, decided exactly who he wanted to be and stuck to the bit. Too many deals, several battlefields, a lethal plague, a Coliseum, countless crimes, and a few decades later, Lucio found as good as dead anyways. Until you happened. With a new goal to commit to.

Somehow changing for you (as vulnerable as it is) doesn't feel weak. Every moment that he struggles out of another habit, he finds you in a new space full of gentle pleasures his teenaged self never imagined.

[unveranosinseb0514]

The Hill House - Prologue

Pairing: Sebastian Vettel x fem!reader; Fernando Alonso x fem!reader; Mark Webber x fem!reader; Jenson Button x fem!reader.

Tw: Fluff, smut eventually, age gap (slightly big, reader's on her 20s), a little oc!everybody but some stuff are pretty accurate and don't ask me how I know, pet names, small talk about sexual experiences, maybe use of 'y/n' a few times, MINORS DNI!!!, that's it for now!

Words: 4.0K...or something like that

THH Masterlist

"Dad?!" I asked a little loudly, sitting on my bed with several clothes spread out, the open suitcase on my lap revealed what I was doing.

I always ended up fumbling with clothes, the room looked like a hurricane had passed through, but I decided to just ignored that fact and went back to folding the clothes, since i was little, I was completely clumsy with this kind of things, and we didn't even travel that much.

"Yes sweetie?!" I could hear my dad's voice, somewhat muffled because it was far away, coming from hus room which was diagonal to mine, on the other side of the hallway "What's wrong?"

"Do you know where I put-" I began to speak slowly, distracted, looking under the bed.

"Your slippers?" he asked as if he had suddenly read my mind. Couldn't help but laugh "Yeah...how did you know?"

"You always forget, and yesterday you gave them of to me and made sure I reminded you not to forget them...did you forgot that?" he appeared with an affectionate smile on his lips, offering the red slippers.

"What would I do without you? Thank you!" I thanked him lovingly, sending a dramatic kiss on the air as soon as I picked what he brought me, placing it inside the suitcase, happily.

We were going on vacation, stay for a month in the big house on the hill, it has been in my family for ages, Mediterranean style, it is beautiful in any season, specially the one's that were warm when the sun is up and cold when the sun is down, it's practically a cabin isolated from everything and everyone, brought a certain peace, and since my older brother left home, we never went there again, even though we liked it and had gotten used to it, we have great memories of my mother there, I shared the same feelings as my father and we didn't thought it was as fun with just two people, although we loved the company from one another. We became extremely close after my mom passed away and now we are like flesh and blood.

Right now, i was on summer vacation from college, my father saw this as the perfect opportunity to travel, he has worked with Formula One forever, all I remembered about when I was younger were cars running very fast, Ferrari's and several numbers on the screen that didn't make sense at the time. I became really interested for the first time when I was 16, and went for the first time with 17, but at 18 I was always there with my father, behind the scenes...well, the stock of tyres to be more accurate, the big screens full of numbers. I've always been a girl who's easy to communicate with and I make friends very easily, over the years, I ended up getting closer to some drivers and ex-driver, all of whom were good friends with my father and were incredibly nice to me, but I ended up taking a special liking to four of them.

"You can take the car" I heard my father's deep voice, immediately taking me out of my thoughts. "What?!" immediately surprised, my eyes widening slightly like two balls, he almost never let me drive his car, I walked quickly to where the tallest one was and placed the back of my hand on his forehead, as if I wanted to measure his temperature "are you okay?!"

"I'm fine, hon, I just won't be able to go with you, you know...duty calls me" the oldest said, letting out an awkward laugh, running his hand through the hair at the back of his neck, he already knew what I was going to say.

I was picking up my bags and placing them on the living room carpet when I heard, my shoulders drooping in a certain discouragement, having a slightly uncomfortable look on my face with the news, my father sometimes was up to his neck in work, it bothered me because we only had each other and from time to time it was a bit lonely, he always came home tired, exhausted, and that wasn't good for him either.

"Dad...again?! Weren't we on vacation?! You waited to take your vacations with me! So we could spend more time together" I said, more disappointed than angry.

"I know! but I promise it's quick, I'll sort it out soon, you won't even miss me and I know you'll be in good hands, I'll be there soon, it's a promise, and i don't want you to have to wait for me, okay?! Take my car" he said calmly and lightly, because it wasn't something easy to hear, he had an apologetic smile, because he knew it wasn't what i wanted to hear for sure, then he handed me the keys, which I accepted somewhat disappointed, even though I tried poorly to hide it, receiving a kiss on the top of my head to try to cheer me up, I grumbled, sighing immediately afterwards, couldn't get angry with him, I knew that If it wasn't something important, he would just ignore it, so i slowly looked at him and suddenly gave him a big hug to say goodbye...or at least farewell.

I actually went to the hill alone, listening to my music, distracting myself with the landscape, however, the only thing that cheered me up was seeing the boys on the moment I stepped out of the car, they all came to welcome me as if they could feel my arrival, and for a few hours, I actually forgot that my father was missing there, missed them so much that didn't even notice anything else. Fernando I could see more often because he's still active - and thank God he is - but the others are retired, Sebastian lives holed up in his beautiful house in the country he was born in, Mark and Jenson are too busy working at Sky, and the Brit is running again! Can't always travel to see them because I have college, so all thoughts about anything that wasn't here, went away, to make room for them.

"So...an actress huh? Don't forget us when you get famous, Darling" Jenson said as he let out a laugh, his accent present - as well as everyone else's -, sitting on the bench at the kitchen island, his first two fingers on the wing of the hot cup, it had a familiar and very subtle smell of peach, he was wearing light blue and plaid pajamas, the freckles drawing attention with the beam of sunlight that entered the kitchen and was almost on his face, it was an afternoon sun, orange, so it doesn't bother that much.

"this should be considered treason, i remember very well that you said you would be an engineer" Seb commented with a smile on his face, teasing me, his arms crossed while he was lying on the kitchen sofa that was glued to the wall, practically lying down as if he were in his bed, with the pillows stuck to his side, wearing comfortable red clothes, which highlights his blonde hair and beautiful piercing blue eyes, he always had a lovely smile too, which can quickly leave someone embarrassed.

"I didn't promised anything to anyone!" I commented laughing, adjusting myself on the sofa, next to Seb. Button agreed with me while the German said he was the biggest ass kisser to ever exist on earth, but that was his way of showing love... other than teasing someone.

"But what do you do there, exactly? What do you study?" Mark asked curiously, he was making something to eat and ended up getting his hands dirty like the beautiful disaster he is on the kitchen, he ended up picking up his already bitten apple from the counter with his mouth, making me smile, everything they did was absurdly...them. The Aussie wore an orange outfit that looked more like sportswear, the socks with flip-flops almost caught my attention more than his beautifully defined face with his beard that was already starting to grow, now noticing that maybe I liked them with a beard...it gave them a different look...

"What do you think she studies there you bloody Aussie?" Jenson asked laughing with an obvious tone.

"Hey, you don't need to be rude Jenson, the question was more specific, i understood" i said throwing one of the pillows in his direction, which he caught in the air with just one hand, boasting about his quick reflexes right after, showing off his muscles, which made me roll my eyes playfully but i didn't look too much, even though he wasn't in Formula One, he was still strong and didn't need him to catch me eyeing him and tease me for the next few days.

"shorup mate... I don' knom" the tall man said with some difficulty due to his busy mouth, shrugging and biting the apple stuck between his teeth, which fell on the counter as soon as the piece was torn off, he was only holding with his lips. "Nando, what did your ex-girlfriend do when she studied? One of them was an actress, right?" His Australian accent was present in the nickname he used for the Spanish driver, getting a bit distracted and distracting all of us before i could even think to answer

Fernando, who was entering the kitchen, stopped, holding the laces of his gray sweatpants, about to tie them as soon as they called his name, he looked at us slowly with a curious look, wanting to understand the reason for the question, he held the hem of his shirt with his mouth so he could see better what he was doing, giving us a few seconds to observe his slightly tanned abs, not so defined, but strong, which i immediately looked away, no matter how tempting it was, who did something so simple turn something so...hot like that? But I soon remembered that he's the Spanish, and he always had a reputation for showing off. I pretended to be interested in something else before i felt my face heating up any more, hoping they wouldn't notice the small faint of blush on my cheeks, but of course, someone noticed. While the boys talked, the German watched everyone, and without meaning to, we made eye contact as soon as i turned my face, the man just let a slow, sideways smile appear on his lips, realizing how embarrassed i was with so little, but he didn't say anything, as if he wanted to keep my reaction between us, he looked at everything and everyone so intensely from time to time that probably was able to leave me embarrassed more quickly than Fernando's body, however, after being caught, i quickly and a little panicked looked at my lap, he had something in his eyes that I couldn't decipher... but soon i convinced myself that it was just my mind playing games with me and i paid attention to the boys' discussion.

"Just because I dated an actress doesn't mean I know how it works" his voice carried an obvious tone as he opened the fridge after finishing tying his pants

"If not, by this point, Fernando would have learned absolutely everything, he dated a woman with every job, if you count all the women he's ever dated... my goodness" I joked, making the boys laugh and the oldest one sit next to me, ruffling my hair calmly as a 'payback' for the joke, soon i hit his hand only to stop what he was doing, still having fun with the situation as I straightened some tangled or misplaced strands.

"Jealous, cariño? You can be next if you want" he said in a low voice, worthy of a flirt, carrying a beautiful Spanish accent as he slowly moved my hair aside so that it was behind my shoulders, I quickly grabbed a pillow and hit him with it, he ended up laughing with the others after the small tension, this man had a very easy way to make me blush and I didn't need one more thing for them to provoke me, which we already did with each other quite frequently and without much effort.

I simply loved this kind of environment, it was a bit chaotic, funny, a real mess...but it's absolutely them...and it had been so long since I knew what it was like to truly laugh, it was so good to have them here next to me, even got a little lost in what they were talking about, talking loudly, joking, specially with the German and Spanish now taking part in the conversation even more, but my ear caught a word in the most inopportune way possible, I didn't even follow the rest of the sentence but it woke my curiosity, the word was "virgin"

"Wait, what?" I shook my head as if coming out of a trance, blinking a few times, looking curiously at the boys who stopped talking and just stared at me.

"Oh boy, I said that Mark had to be careful or else everyone would know he was a virgin until he got to Formula One" Jenson said letting out an amused laugh, which made my eyes widen. "Really?! Till Formula One? I thought that you, being in this field, would be faster with it, besides... you are men, let's face it, there is no being more desperate for sex than you all" I joked with a depth of truth, making them laugh together

"But you're kind of right, I lost at 16" the British said, adjusting himself in his chair and taking a sip of his tea as if he had said the most 'everyday' thing possible.

"I think mine was at 17" the youngest said, making a face while thinking a little

"Mine too" the blonde nodded

"I had chosen to wait, do you guys have a problem with that?" Mark said sarcastic, getting more laughs from us

"Jesus, you are all promiscuous" I took advantage of the fact that we were all laughing and made another joke that made them laugh even more, the atmosphere was nice, everybody having fun, Jenson on the verge of tears

"I didn't hear you saying your age, Lieb" Seb's voice suddenly came out, which ended up silencing the laughter slowly and making me the center of attention of the relaxed and casual men in front of me.

I simply stopped, feeling my cheeks inevitably heat up a little, they were staring with the most relaxed and curious look of all, but Sebastian, for a few seconds, seemed like he had brought this up on purpose, i wasn't expecting that kind of question, and he knew that. I cleared my throat, looking elsewhere, scratching the back of my head, thinking about the best way to answer that question and to buy myself a little time... would it be easier if I lied? Maybe being honest was the best case? I slowly parted my lips but only after a few seconds, they uttered a sound "Well I..."

"You can't say you don't remember" Fernando said, adjusting his position on the sofa next to me, paying attention to my answer.

"There's...no way...I can remember...what...I never did" my voice reached highs and lows due to shame, avoiding eye contact while speaking so slowly, but even so I could already feel the looks of shock in the agitated silence at this point, words slowly sinking in their brains.

"No, wait a minute, it's a lie, right?" Button asked with a smile, while i sigh, creating the courage to look at him and just shook my head, denying it. I had no idea why that sudden embarrassment by the fact that I was still a virgin, maybe because it was the first time I was talking out loud about it with other people, especially with them, but I was always a girl who was very resolved with that fact, but having them look at me like that, probably made me a little shy... did I really look like I was that "adventurous" in that department?

"Oh, come on guys? There's no shame in that..." I let a laugh with a slight blush on my cheeks, speaking more to myself than to them.

"Do you have any special motivation?" Seb asked curiously, adjusting himself on the sofa as if the topic had become more interesting, while my cheeks burn a little more. "W-Well... no, I just...never believed in that nonsense they put into girls' heads that they need to 'lose it with someone special', it takes away their sexual freedom... but... I never felt comfortable enough to be able to do anything other than kissing someone... I don't believe in the "special person" bullshit but it also doesn't mean I'm going to do it with just anyone, not everyone deserves it, anyway" explained calmly, didactic even, and at this point, i should've wanted to stick my head in a hole after sharing my intimate life in this way with 4 older men that I call 'friends' but... the vibe was comfortable, they made me comfortable, I felt like I could ramble on about this for hours and hours, plus as soon as I finished saying it, I received understanding looks, nods agreeing with me and relaxing smiles.

"It makes perfect sense and there's nothing wrong with that...but have you ever imagined it with someone?" the Brit man asked, as always, curious and attentive.

"Even if you considered the person unreachable" before I could respond, Nando said looking at me, but there was something...strange in his eyes, the question sounded a bit personal and the way he looked at me made me remain silent for a few seconds, analyzing his question, it was as if he knew something, Mark just nodded quickly to his friend's statement.

"Well, maybe...? it's not like I can control that kind of thing... Who i desire...but I don't remember who it was..." I replied, but I lied, remembering clearly every time I wished, even if it was for just 5 minutes, each of the men in this kitchen, I found myself wondering what it would be like to feel their touch, their kiss, their skin on mine... contemplating whether I would feel comfortable enough to lose my virginity with any of them if i ever get the chance... and the answer in these lustful daydreams was always the same: yes. I would never have the courage to tell them this and it's... a little unsettling to talk about it because at some point I could answer a question in the worst possible way and they could end up discovering this secret... Too afraid of ruining things between us to tell...of course it would ruin it, who would think it's normal to hear your friend's daughter admit that she has had sexual fantasies with you? In addition to the fact that it would feel awful to stay on the same room knowing that, and one of my worst nightmares was to end up loosing this bond that we have because of a confession of something that teenage y/n, full of raging hormones, felt and that...maybe they extended into adulthood...either way, it's a no. The silence became comfortable again, despite feeling that they were more curious about this subject, but decided not to dwell on it too much, they didn't want to overwhelm me, make me feel uncomfortable, so quickly i clear my throat and change the subject, which they follow, knowing that i had talked about my intimacy enough for today...and God, I have long weeks ahead with them...

A/n: be patient with the next chapters 🙏🏻 i'm writing as fast as i can! And the pictures aren't mine!

[solarmorrigan]

So this started out as some scribbly thoughts on FTM Steve and devolved a little bit into smutty Steddie rambling. As happens. So anyway, explicit text below the cut, click through at your own discretion, et cetera

Warnings(?) for some clumsy language and hints of period-typical transphobia; some discussion of Steve and Nancy together, but only for Steddie purposes. This is mostly just silly

-

“So, wait, you slept with how many girls in high school, and still managed to keep this a secret?” Eddie asks, brows climbing his forehead.

“Not as many as rumor would’ve had you think.” Steve shrugs. “Like maybe four? The rest, I just… didn’t discourage when they exaggerated. Helped my image.”

Eddie can’t help but snort. He’s glad Steve outgrew that image. “Still, four is a lot to keep a lid on. All of them agreed not to tell and then just – didn’t?”

“Actually, most of them never found out. It was only–” Steve pauses, eyeing Eddie cautiously, as if talking about his past female sexual conquests with his current boyfriend is fine, but what he’s going to say next will be a bridge too far. “It was only Nancy who ever knew.”

Ah.

Ah, yes. Nancy. Nancy Wheeler. Steve’s one true love.

Until now, Eddie fiercely reminds himself. He eyes the t-shirt that is very much his that Steve is very much wearing and slides over the jealousy to address his more pressing question.

“Okay, how did you have sex with at least three other people without them finding out you don’t have a–” Eddie stops short, fumbles for a moment, “a, uh, conventional dick?”

Steve snickers. “Nice save. And, uh – I never actually took off my pants. My talents are in other areas, and I always provided enough of a distraction that they didn’t seem to notice when I just… took care of myself.” He wiggles his eyebrows at Eddie, who can’t help but give him the laugh he’s looking for. “It didn’t say flattering things about my stamina, but multiple orgasms are a pretty good bribe. I got good reviews.”

“Huh.” Somehow, Eddie can’t help but feel impressed; he doesn’t quite understand why Steve had felt the need to do it at all—still doesn’t really understand Steve’s drive for popularity when he’d been in high school—but he can admit the skill in the subterfuge. “But you told Wheeler?”

He’s not sure why he’s asking. A part of him, he thinks, wants to make sure Steve had been able to tell her on his own terms, rather than having his hand forced.

Steve shifts, shrugs. He doesn’t look sad, but he’s maybe a little melancholy.

“Nance wasn’t… temporary, for me. She wasn’t a fling, and I didn’t want to hide from her. And it’s the same with you.” Steve’s gaze falls heavy on Eddie. “You are the… third? person I’ve ever told. I want you to know just– all of me.”

Eddie reaches out, grabbing for Steve’s hand; he’s pretty sure he’d be physically incapable of stopping himself from somehow touching Steve after an admission like that.

A thought is beginning to form, however, leading back to what had started this conversation in the first place. Eddie would bet anything that if Wheeler was the first person Steve told, then Buckley was the second.

And that meant only one person Steve had slept with had ever known all of him – but just how much of all of him had Wheeler been interested in?

“How’d she take it? Wheeler, I mean,” Eddie asks, as casually as possible while his thumb is still stroking Steve’s knuckles.

“Uh… pretty good, actually. She was kinda surprised, and she wanted a little bit of time to come around to the idea, but I think she was mostly just bothered that she didn’t figure it out before I told her.” Steve smiles, distantly fond. “But after that, she was cool. We didn’t talk about it much, but I knew that I could talk to her if I wanted to. I’d never had that before. It was… nice.”

It does sound nice. It had probably been the first time anyone had ever been close to accepting every part of who Steve is, and Eddie feels almost bad about turning the memory to sex.

Almost, but not quite.

“So… she was cool with…” Eddie’s eyes flash down below the belt, obvious and significant, “getting involved?”

A sly grin spreads over Steve’s face as he catches Eddie’s eyes. “Are you trying to ask what Nancy and I did in bed?”

Eddie throws his hands up in defense, forgetting for a moment that he’s holding one of Steve’s hands and pulling it up with him. “I’m just trying to figure out what I’m working with here,” he insists, smiling a little too hard to be innocent. “Now, you insinuated you have talents in the oral and digital departments—which I am very interested in, by the way—but what I want to know is what’s been done for you.��

Steve eyes Eddie like he’s considering whether or not to answer, but the way he’s licking his lips says he’s already decided, even if he doesn’t quite realize that himself.

“She… definitely didn’t mind being involved,” he says finally; there’s a slight stain of pink gathering at the tops of his cheeks that Eddie sort of wants to bite. “She would finger me. Sometimes she’d go down on me, but I think we both enjoyed it more the other way around. I think she liked seeing me get myself off while I did it, and I– definitely liked that, too.”

Eddie makes the mistake of imagining it: Steve on his knees, fingers buried in his cunt, wet and dripping, his hips jerking down onto his own hand, maybe kneeling between Eddie’s legs while he does it, maybe looking up through his lashes while he sucks Eddie’s cock.

A little noise escapes Eddie.

“How about… toys?” he manages after a moment. He’s leaning closer now, raptly watching the way the flush on Steve’s face darkens. “You ever try those?”

“I have a… a couple,” Steve says, voice gone low and rough, his eyes fastened now to Eddie’s mouth. “We didn’t use them together, though, they’re just mine.”

Oh, they’re going to revisit that. They are absolutely going to revisit that, but right now Eddie is on a mission. He won’t let himself be distracted.

He slides closer, practically on top of Steve now, one hand on his hip and the other spread warmly over his ribs.

“Never thought about a strap?” he asks.

Steve shrugs, not nearly as nonchalant as he’s pretending. “Thought about it, never quite got there.”

“Which way were you thinking? Would you have worn it? Or…” Eddie is going out on a limb here; just because Steve has a pussy doesn’t mean he likes the idea of penetration, but Eddie has a hunch. “Or would it have been the other way around?”

A sharp breath escapes Steve’s chest. “Do you want that?” he asks, soft, almost hopeful.

Eddie strokes a thumb across his ribs. “Want what?”

“To fuck me.”

This time it’s Eddie who goes breathless. “Is that even a fucking question?” he demands, and then, in case he wasn’t clear, adds, “I would want very much to do that, yeah. If you want me to.”

“I wasn’t sure if you would,” Steve says. “I mean, I know you’re strictly into guys, and I don’t exactly have… a conventional dick.”

“You’re not gonna let that one go, are you?” Eddie asks, eyeing Steve’s smirk.

“We’ll see,” Steve says, which likely means no.

“Fine. But Steve,” Eddie reaches up, cupping Steve’s face in his hands, “I am one hundred fucking percent into you. You are a guy. You are an incredibly hot guy whose pants I have been wanting to get into forever, no matter what you’ve got in there.”

Steve smiles, and Eddie caresses the corners of it with his thumbs.

“Well, you do seem to prefer the weirder shit, anyway,” Steve murmurs.

“Not weird. Different,” Eddie says, and Steve makes a face at him but readily allows him the kiss he presses in for after that.

“So have you…” Steve starts, once they’ve broken apart, “ever been with a guy with my, uh– sort of equipment?”

Eddie would make fun of how awkwardly the words had tumbled out if he hadn’t suddenly been feeling a bit awkward himself.

“Not, uh, exactly.” Steve raises an eyebrow at him and Eddie amends snappishly, “okay, fine, not at all, no.”

“But you’re open to it?” Steve checks, as if the way Eddie has pressed against him like a needy cat has left any room for doubt.

“More than open,” Eddie says. “I might just, y’know– need some direction? To start with?”

“Directions, huh?” Steve smirks. “I can work with that.”

Eddie has no doubt that he can – and that Eddie will enjoy every second of it.

[kurishiri]

15.5 . . . “ the memory engraved in my body ”

꒰ ִ ֺ ⊹ @ notice ⊹ ֺ ִ ꒱ this translation may not be 100% accurate or contain creative liberties due to characterization or narrative flow purposes. if you enjoy, please consider reblogging, but don’t repost these or claim these as your own!

— 🍷 his side story, chapter 15. this is the one you need to reach alfons bond level 22+ with in order to purchase.

— cw: alcohol consumption.

Alfons: And to see you deceived just like that——I see you don’t really hold that thing called ‘love’ for me.

Kate: ...!!

I chose words that would purposely hurt.

Just like that, her eyes wavered, teary.

Kate: I... I really, truly—!

Alfons: Loved me? ...Or what, did you mean to say love?

I asked, a mocking tone in my voice, and her palms, which had pushed against my chest, gripped tightly at my shirt, causing it to wrinkle.

It would be nice were she to throw away these feelings she had toward me on her own volition, but——

(Reality just isn’t so nice, after all.)

Kate: Just why... would you do such a thing...?

K: Why do you have to reject me so much... just over me saying ‘I love you’?

Tears fell from her cheeks as she spoke from above.

They were very much like stars falling from the night — so pure, and so beautiful.

(——So much so, it’s like the moment I touched her, I would end up getting burned.)

Kate: Not once did I say we had to be official.

K: All I wanted was to like you, and be by your side… and yet…

Alfons: …Because I find it a nuisance.

A: The fact you had fallen for me, and the fact you like me even now... all of it.

I used those sharp words to deeply pierce through her heart.

Such words seemed like such a sin toward her straightforward feelings,

and, compared to her words, which so resembled pure stars, mine were akin to shattered glass sinking down the gutters of a back alley.

Alfons: All this was meant to be was an entertainment that lasts but a month, and then letting it end the same way.

Kate left the room, and when I descended the crumbling staircase,

The friend with a wound on his eye was standing at the entrance to the hidden, dilapidated room.

Man with a wound over his eye: To think you suddenly came in with a memo saying ‘Stay at the pub until I call you. If you come then, your drink’s on me’——

Man with a wound over his eye: I was wondering what in the world was going on.

Alfons: Hehe... thank you for your cooperation on that matter.

Man with a wound over his eye: If getting perfumed and greeting a lady when she woke up was all it took for some free booze, anyone would do it.

Man with a wound over his eye: So it was to get that ‘little robin’ to give up on you?

Man with a wound over his eye: You always up and run away, fading right out, so if she could make you go to this length, well what a lady she must be.

Alfons: Indeed, you can tell me that again.

I could dodge her at every turn, push her away, but she would still put her energy into her love without so much as getting discouraged,

so left with no other choice I threw away what little of a good heart I had left to break her to pieces.

(Unable to deceive herself into thinking this wasn’t love, but instead all a misunderstanding...)

(What a poor, darling little miss robin.)

Man with a wound over his eye: If you wanted me to make love to her for real, though, I would be fine with that too.

Alfons: Now that won’t do. I’ll have you know despite all appearances, I happen to be a gentleman who despises hurting women.

Man with a wound over his eye: ...I doubt that.

Alfons: Do you now?

Man with a wound over his eye: How would I know. Well, I’ll leave the payment to you.

My friend didn’t bother to seek the truth, instead leaving the conversation like that and disappeared into the night city while laughing.

——This pub was open 24 hours, so it was lively regardless of time.

Exchanging greetings with several acquaintances and taking a seat, the bar master lifted his brow, as though exasperated.

Bar master: And here I thought you wouldn’t come back til the morning. You’re back early, aren’t you?

Alfons: I so dearly missed seeing your face, you see.

Bar master: I’m anything but happy being missed by an arsehole. Pay up for that friend of yours.

Alfons: Goodness, so cold.

While making small talk, from the back of my mind, I remembered her, who had been sitting next to me just a few hours before.

—— Flashback ——

Kate: Alfons...

K: ...I won’t put the blame on you or anything else anymore...

K: So please, make love to me.

—— End flashback ——

—— Flashback ——

Kate: Just how bloody cruel can you get...!!

K: I don’t understand, why would you lie to me like this!? Help me understand...

—— End flashback ——

She did not say, ‘Why did you do such a cruel thing’——but rather, ‘Why did you say such a lie?’

From the start, she had seen through my lie that another man had made love to her.

(...Just where did I slip up?)

(I stayed silent... could it be body temperature? Or the shape of my body? The movements? Or smell?)

At the very least——even if she couldn’t see with her eyes, she was able to confirm that it was indeed me.

All that to say, there was no doubt that the memory of me had been engraved in her body.

Bar master: That’s a pretty long face.

Alfons: That it is, could I ask for your consolations?

Bar master: Of course, this is a shop to share such things. For a price, that is. What’ll it be?

Alfons: Quite stingy now, aren’t we... well then, I’ll have a sherry perhaps. Any type is fine.

Bar master: A sherry? Not every day you get that.

Alfons: ...Is that so?

Indeed, I felt that I normally didn’t drink sherry.

That said, I sought out the intoxication from the liquor, so I wasn’t so caught up on the type it was.

Yet the name had slipped so easily out of my mouth, I tilted my head as I took the glass filled with a dark mahogany color liquor.

The moment I took in that mellow, sweet scent though, I remembered.

(Ahh... this was the liquor that she had drunk this afternoon, isn’t it.)

—— Flashback ——

Kate: I... don’t like it... when others touch you...

K: ...Whatever, I know I’m... just like a kid t’you...

—— End flashback ——

(...Considering she was downing this sweet sherry, I would say her taste is like that of a kid’s.)

When my lips met with her, who was still blindfolded, her tongue did indeed have the sweet taste of the sherry.

But, for a reason beyond me, I felt that the kiss I shared with her was far sweeter than the liquor I was drinking now.

Alfons: ...Master, could you see if the carriage at the back of the shop is still there?

Bar master: What? Don’t go ordering the bar master around like that.

Alfons: I’ll get your mooost expensive liquor. In a bottle.

Bar master: ...How many?

Alfons: How does ten sound?

The bar master clicked his tongue and flipped a middle finger at me before leaving the back to the alleyway and coming back the next moment and shaking his head.

Bar master: It’s not here anymore.

Alfons: Is that so, then that’s a relief.

Bar master: Is it the lady who drank with you that went on the carriage?

Alfons: You’re quite in the know, aren’t you?

Bar master: Sending her back alone in the wee hours of evening, some sexyman you are.

Alfons: That’s just how it is.

Bar master: ...If you care about her enough to prepare a carriage, the least you could do is send her off.

Alfons: ‘Care,’ huh... I suppose.

A: I didn’t want to put her in any physical danger,

A: but I did need to instill so much shock in her that she would want to forget it all... so it was all a necessary measure.

Bar master: Not so sure what you’re getting at there, but what I do get is that you’re one hell of a shitty bastard.

Alfons: Ahha! I would expect nothing less from you, master, knowing me to the tee.

It took time for memories to fade.

That went for the memory of me engraved in her body... and the memory of her in mine.

But time seemed to have a knack for passing like it was melting away, unexpectedly so.

If she was going to go back to her uneventful, warm everyday life from long ago, then even more so.

Alfons: ...It would be great if you could find a man who can heal the wounds of a lost love and become happy.

Before I knew it, the glass in my hand was empty.

The sweet flavor of the sherry lingered on my tongue, staying there without fading away for eternity.

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masterlist🪞 ╱ ko-fi ☕️ ╱ comms 🤍

꒰ ִ ֺ ⊹ @ tags🏷️ ⊹ ֺ ִ ꒱ @drachonia @.comment, send an ask off anon, or dm to be added or removed!

[pixiesfz]

More Caitlin foord please!!

si si si

secrets we keep c.f

plot: your sister kyra adopts a dog and you look after it only to find caitlin in your sisters house one day

warnings: none really cooney cross reader!

You remember when your sister sent you a photo of her new dog Bentley you knew that you would be taking care of it most of the time.

"Kyra you do not have time for a dog!" You scolded her, using your older sister privileges "Why are you acting like you don't love him already" she fired back, pointing at the puppy who was now sleeping in your lap.

"shut up".

Now here you sat in your sister's apartment playing fetch with Bentley too busy cooing over his cuteness to hear the jingle of keys at the door.

"C'mon you little shit!" a voice emerged and you widened your eyes, that wasn't Kyra's voice but it was Australian.

Bentley ran over as your quick plan of hiding and pretending nobody was home was ruined by his small yaps.

"Bentley no!" you discouraged him, following him to the voice.

Caitlin dropped to her knees to pat the dog "fuck" she heard a mutter and she popped her head up to meet eyes with you.

"Oh I'm sorry I didn't know Kyra had any friends over" she stood up quickly "Uhm no" you chuckled out of nerves

"Sorry," you said quickly after "I'm Y/n Kyra's sister" You introduced yourself and Caitlin stepped back "I didn't know Kyra had a sister" she stated

"She doesn't want people meeting the best Cooney-Cross" you joked and the blue-eyed girl laughed.

"I'm Caitlin" she introduced herself and you smiled "I knew that, you kind of play in my sister's team both league and internationally" you smiled.

Caitlin looked around to hide her blush "So is Kyra here?" she asked and you crossed your head "She's gone to watch Charli play" you told her "So I'm on dog sitting duty"

"I was wondering how she was dealing so well with a puppy" Caitlin smirked as she remembered Kyra taking credit for the good behavior of her dog.

"What brings you about, I can message her" you said and the brunette waved you off "she accidently double booked herself, me her and Steph were supposed to go out for ice-cream but then Steph dropped out" she explained and you rolled your eyes at your sisters lack of organization.

"She does have the worst memory, she got the sports and I got the brains and our younger sister got the looks" you explained and Caitlin smiled

"I think you got some of the looks but Kyra didn't get any of it" she joked and you looked down, hiding the red on your cheeks "uh- uhm thankyou Caitlin" you smiled and laughed.

Bentley started barking at the door with his leash on the floor "I think he's ready for a walk" you explained as you both turned to him.

"during the night?" Caitlin asked and you shamelessly nodded your head "Not ideal I know but nothing ever happened to me yet so I should be fine" you explained but you could tell by the girl's furrowed brows she didn't think it was a good idea.

"Do you-" she started, shuffling on her feet "Do you want to walk him with me to the ice cream place?, not too far and he'll probably have a good sleep after" she explained and you hesitated

"Or not" Caitlin said and you smiled "No I think that's a good idea" you said and Caitlin couldn't help the smile that grew on her face.

"that's good because I had a small lunch so I could binge an ice cream" she admitted "Kyra has barely any food so an Ice cream wouldn't be so bad" you laughed and walked towards the eager puppy who started jumping on your leg in anticipation.

"Hey is okay if you grab his doggy bags from the counter?" you called out to the Australian who was stood still watching you.

"You mean 'poo' bags?"

"Doggy bags are classier" you defended as you two laughed at each other "ready?" you asked and Bentley barked as a 'yes'.

"I wasn't talking to you".

On the walk you caught yourself laughing at all the Australians jokes, even when she was called by Allana, her and your sisters teammate who was equally shocked that Kyra had a sister.

"Well have fun you two," she said before hanging up.

"So how come you live in London?" Caitlin asked and you smiled "I actually moved here about three years ago to run my own business, I always loved the atmosphere" you explained and she smiled

"How much do you miss the Australian weather?"

You groaned "so much, I can't deal with all this rain, and the snow I remember as a kid I hoped it would snow so bad but now" you stopped "that is a whole different story".

Caitlin laughed, your hands brushing together to open the ice cream door causing you both to flush red and you felt butterfly's in your stomach.

'God what am I? A teenager again' you thought to yourself.

"They have a Tim Tam flavour here" Caitlin stated and you gasped "no way" "yes way" she smirked "Well I have to get that it would be illegal if not"

"You're funnier than Kyra" she told you and you smirked "I'll be sure to tell her you said that" and she rolled her head back "she'll probably kick me with her boot"

"I give you permission to tell on her to Kim, I'll be stuck with her whining but it will be fine"

"You would do that for me" Caitlin exaggerated as you both walked out with your ice-creams, Bentley looking up at you both, wanting to sniff what was in your hands.

You laughed, bumping her shoulder lightly with yours "I think I had a better time with you than I would've with Kyra, she would've tried to eat my ice cream before I had a chance to even try it"

You smiled at the compliment "to be fair I did want to try your flavour" you told her "and if I had hung out with you as much as Kyra I possibly would have done the same thing" you smiled, slightly defending your sister.

But Caitlin smiled "Wanna swap? You can try mine and I try yours?" she asked and you nodded "yeah" you nodded and you swapped, almost being near to Kyra's apartment.

You both finished your ice-creams, taking a photo of the view you had, Caitlin even took one of you and Bentley in front of a random street name with your name on it.

After asking for your permission she posted it on her story.

When you arrived back you both stood in front of Kyra's door "that was fun" you started and the girl nodded "yeah I wouldn't mind doing that again" she said and you smiled "me too".

"Can I uhm-" Caitlin started, shuffling her feet same as she did when she asked for you too walk with her "Can I have your number?" she asked and you nodded "yes" you nodded and took her phone from her hand.

"I'm always free Thursday nights" you told her with a slight smirk "me too" she smiled

"Cool, It's a date".

[channieskies]

𝕴: 𝕸𝖎𝖘𝖋𝖔𝖗𝖙𝖚𝖓𝖆𝖙𝖊

Pairing: Bang Chan x Reader, Jeong(Jung) Jaehyun x Reader (Fem/AFAB/Curvy/Plus sized)

Genre: Smut (eventual), Angst, Supernatural Romance, Urban Fantasy

AU: Supernatural AU, Vampire Au, Werewolf AU, Witch AU

Word count: 3408 [Reading time: 14 Minutes ]

Networks: @neverendingdreams-net & @mirohs-aurora-society

Synopsis: Discouraged after a breakup and eviction. You return home to New Orleans just to find out the life you have been living has been a lie. Maybe all those scary stories your grandmother told you as a child were indeed true.

CHAPTER INDEX

You slumped in your seat, confidence blown to smithereens after hearing all the wonderful things Chris had done over the last year. What have you achieved besides homelessness, manlessness, and joblessness? The ‘I got nothing going on in my life trifecta.’ “I- uh…” You paused, trying to think of some way to embellish your shortcomings into something that sounded somewhat interesting. But it seemed your mind was packed up in one of the boxes in your backseat. “Honestly?” 

A.N: Please reblog and leave a comment to let me know how you feel. I'd love a little feedback. Thanks for reading, and I hope you enjoyed it. Special thanks to @palindrome969 and @therhythmafterthesummer for reading over this for me. I could never thank you enough. Dividers by @saradika-graphics

Disclaimer: This story does not reflect the real lives or personalities of Stray Kids or NCT. I do not know them personally. This is purely a work of fiction.

Warnings: MINORS DNI! This post contains nsfw material. Please do not interact with it if you are under the age of 18. Do not translate or repost here or on other sites. This chapter contains use of explicit language.

If anyone asked you how life was going, you in turn would have to reply, “Fuck my life! This is complete and utter bullshit.” The large eviction notice sitting on your apartment door in bright red letters, set your face aflame for many reasons. One; Embarrassment. Two; Disbelief. Three; Now you were fucking homeless. The only evidence of your two years of living here was scattered amongst trash in the hallway. A few of your nosier neighbors stood outside their doors to watch the dismantling of your life (and quite possibly your mental health) unfold in the sweltering heat of the swampy Louisiana summer. “Fuck, where the hell do I go..” You asked yourself under your breath. Being homeless was not on this year's bingo card.

Sweat trickled down your neck, a bead slowly making its way down the center of your back. Your nerves were frazzled. You pat your pocket for a cigarette, just to be reminded that you didn’t have any, it was just an old habit you couldn’t shake. You heaved a heavy sigh and picked up what was left of your life -a few boxes of clothes and the picture of you and your mother and did the walk of shame down the long open corridor. Aside from the other two boxes you needed to get, this would be one of the last times you’d get to walk this oh so familiar hall. But maybe it would be a good thing that you didn’t live here anymore. So many of the memories here were shared between you and your ex here. so. Maybe you could escape the constant reminders of what used to be.

Some of the neighbors that peeked out the doors gave you sympathetic smiles but one woman hid her child's face from you so that they wouldn’t know what failure looked like, at least that's what you felt like to you. The lady you regarded as your apartment grandma, just shook her head as she tsked at you and that hurt almost as much as being put out of the place you called your home. The walk to your old beat up car felt like the longest mile. This must be what it feels like to be given the death penalty. Doom. Dred. 

This was an actual existential crisis. Where did you go from here? What do you do? What other choices do you have but to travel back to the place you thought you’d long left behind? That was your dilemma now. The box weighed heavy in your arms, making it feel as if you were trudging through sludge on the way to your car; or that could have just been your shoes actually melting against the blacktop. Who knows?

You could certainly feel the heat from the asphalt through the hole in your five dollar, bargain bin, walmart sandals as you put the lone box on the roof of your hatchback. Sighing, you traced your fingers over the dented roof of your rust colored 1982 ford fiesta. Life has been kicking your ass these last few months. First, you went through the biggest breakup of your life. Two years of wasted time, spent with a man who did nothing but lie, cheat, gaslight, and isolate you from the people you loved the most. He was a dick and you were better off without him, all but financially. You depended on his half of the rent, because the cost of living, even in this piss poor, podunk town with a population just over five-thousand, was astronomically high. Even living here in a motel turned into an apartment, if you could even call it that, was out of your budget by almost six hundred dollars. You fucking shared a kitchen with all the other apartments, for some fucking reason there was no elevator, and yet rent couldn’t be reasonable? 

Second, you'd lost your job. According to your boss, two flat tires wasn't an excuse not to get to work on time. You barely made it through the door before he promptly fired you and sent you on your way. You scooped ice cream. It wasn’t like you were doing life saving surgery or nurturing the young minds of the future. There was no need to fire the best employee they had, just because you couldn’t get there on time. You had a spotless attendance record other than that. For fucks sake! You’d shown up sick (masked up), and worked through it. And when your grandfather died, you showed up to work and took the almost three hour drive home to be with your mother after the fact. But missing two hours of work for your tires to be changed? That was the breaking point? You hated this god-forsaken town and its dumb as fuck residents. The sun felt like it had beef with you today too, much like your landlord, ex, and former boss, it was beating down on you relentlessly. “Fuck, dude, do I owe you money too?” You cast your gaze towards the sky, asking it a question like it had the balls to answer it.

“No. Well- at least I don’t think you do.” Your body tensed at the voice that spoke a few feet away from where you stood. You knew it, all too well in fact. It belonged to one of the people that you loved the most, but pushed away for your scumbag of an ex. You hadn’t seen him around these parts in a while, even though he had been frequenting the town long before you moved there. It was like he felt you were in distress deep down and decided to show up. Or maybe you were just hoping that was the case. You didn’t dare turn around, feeling the sorrow overtake you, even if you could hear the smile in his warm voice. 

“But you do owe me an explanation. If that counts.” 

Your shoulders dropped, you knew he was right. You put your best smile on and turned around to greet him. You could fake happiness for a few minutes. You’d been doing it for months now, what were a few more moments? Your eyes nearly bugged out your head, it has been a few months, but did people change that drastically? Have you changed that drastically?

“Chr- what? Loo-Look at you.” You couldn’t contain the shock you felt seeing his appearance. He had always been muscular, but never this buff. He was always on the lean side, always athletic, now it looked like he could lift your car with you and your boxes in it. He wasn't any taller, but he's filled out tremendously since the last time you saw him at your grandfather's funeral almost a year ago. “Ho-how?” 

There was no reason to ask if he'd been working out, it was pretty obvious half his free time was spent in the gym somewhere and the other in the tattoo parlor. He’d gone from someone who only had thoughts of getting a tattoo, to someone whose arms were completely covered in them. You stood there awkwardly gawking at the man, unsure of if it was appropriate to hug your old friend or not. Or if this was even your old friend or not, his face was the same, but everything else seemed like he body swapped with someone with a bit more edge to them. He was far from the goody-two-shoes, curly-haired, dimpled, student athlete you’d met at freshman orientation.

He laughed, tossing the two boxes you left upstairs next to the other  on your roof before enveloping you in a hug that warmed you from the outside in. It was too hot to be this close, sharing body heat, but somehow you didn't mind since it was him. 

“I've missed you.” He squeezed you so tight you felt like you might pop. You had forgotten how much comfort you'd get from hugging your best friend. He was the epitome of a warm home with the fireplace burning. He always smelled of ginger and sea water, like a day on the beach with fruity spritzers somewhere in the sunny land of Australia that he hailed from. One thing you never forgot about Chris was how he had the kindest eyes that contrasted perfectly with his large nose and equally pouty lips making his face uniquely his. No one looked or smelled like Chris to you. He was him, no one else compared.

You were suspended in his arms for what felt like forever. Only the tips on your toes were planted on the ground as he held you tightly to his body. He only decided to put you down when you cleared your throat out of awkwardness. He chuckled lightly, the sound of it rumbling in your chest as he gently sat you back down. 

“It's been a while.. hasn't it?” you mumbled. Why were you being so weird about this? Your voice didn’t even sound like your own. Why the hell would you even say something stupid like that? Of course it had been a while. It was your fault you lost contact in the first place. He tried for months to get a hold of you, but you dodged him and his attempts to get you. Your ex justified you cutting your college best friend off with "I don't like the way he looks at you. It's like he could and would eat you up. Then he looks at me like he wants to kill me.” Looking back at it now, it was probably for good reason. Chris always had a good read on people, your ex was now included in that.

“A while? That's a bit of an understatement, isn't it?” He raised an eyebrow. He had gone from someone you saw damn near everyday to this being the first time you'd seen him in almost a year. Pushing away your refuge and comfort person was the biggest mistake you'd made in this life, besides dating any of your scuzzball exes of course. “A year, give or take a few weeks maybe. It's been almost a year since we've last seen each other.” He placed a hand on your shoulder to reassure you, “But all that matters is where we go from here, yeah? I would love to be petty and say that you’ll have to spend the rest of your life making it up to me, but since you no longer have a place to stay that isn’t your moms…let's start off a new chapter.” 

He cleared his throat and took a step back from you. His shadow casted over you, giving you some relief from the scorching summer sun. A gentle breeze blew past, sweeping his seaside scent over your senses, transporting you to a better time and place where all of your time was spent in the comfort of his presence. He made you feel at peace, even if you knew your life had gone to complete shit over the last year. He made you forget about all your misfortunes. 

“Hi, I'm Christopher. I wanted to offer you a helping hand, since you have all these boxes. Would you like me to help you put them in your car?” 

You giggled, it felt like the first time you'd met him all over again. His accent sounded just as thick, his eyes shining just as bright, his smile just as warm as it was all those years ago. You dotted your forehead with the back of your arm in an attempt to get at least some of the sweat off, then rubbed it on your ripped jeans. You extended your hand, taking his much bigger one in yours. His hands were always so warm and this handshake was no exception. You slowly shook hands as if this was the first time you’d ever done so.

“It’s nice to meet you, Christopher. I’m Y/N.” You couldn’t help the smile that painted your face, maybe this was as good of time as any to start anew with your old friend. 

“You mean to tell me, you want me to believe you gave up all that money and your corporate job, to… teach?” He laughed, his lopsided dimples showing as he stuffed a few fries in his mouth. He’d convinced you to go get lunch with him at some out of town diner. It was on the road back to New Orleans and right now you’d do anything to get out of this shithole you were currently occupying space in. Running into your ex wasn’t something you even wanted to think about, let alone do. It’d be best to go back home to where you came from. Then at least you wouldn’t be living in your car or going through the trash of places like this after closing looking for food. Plus, Chris was back home. What was a better incentive than that?

He leaned back in his seat, “Yeah. Not long after your grandpa’s funeral I did a few volunteer hours at this home for disadvantaged youth. That led to me traveling to a few different warring countries to help build shelters and teach the youth some valuable skills.” He shrugged, “I found out that I loved it. Helping to mold youth with my own hands. They are the future after all.” 

You rolled your eyes, there goes that goody-two-shoes act. He hadn’t changed as much as you thought. “I took a month off work to decide if that was really what I wanted to do, and the rest is history.” He sipped his strawberry milkshake before speaking again, “What about you? Huh?”

You slumped in your seat, confidence blown to smithereens after hearing all the wonderful things Chris had done over the last year. What have you achieved besides homelessness, manlessness, and joblessness? The ‘I got nothing going on in my life trifecta.’ “I- uh…” You paused, trying to think of some way to embellish your shortcomings into something that sounded somewhat interesting. But it seemed your mind was packed up in one of the boxes in your backseat. “Honestly?” 

He nodded for you to continue. You chewed on your lip, fearing that honesty was going to make you seem far more pitiful than you were trying to let off. “Shit has been bad since I left New Orleans.” you paused to take a breath, feeling like the weight that had been dragging you down for over a year now was slowly being lifted off your shoulders. 

“I miss my mom, my friends, you…” You sighed, “I miss the city and all the shit we used to get into, the fucking food..” You had been pushing the food around on your plate for the last ten minutes, how the fuck did they mess up a club sandwich and fries? Plus your coke was flat and scarily see through. 

“I have to admit.. The food here used to be better.” His words sparked a memory. He did travel down to St. Martinville quite a lot back in college. You never knew the reason, it wasn’t like he had family here. “How about this- since this was my suggestion in the first place, I’ll pay for the bill..” He was going to do that in the first place, you knew him. Even if it had been a transformative year for him, he was still the same Christopher. “Then, when you get settled and back at home, you can treat me to a meal.” He leaned in as if he had a big secret to tell, “I still have a weak spot for your cooking, if you want to go that route and skip going out all together. That would also prevent me from purposely ordering the most expensive thing on the menu out of spite.” 

You laughed, appreciating his understanding of your current financial predicament. You had enough to get gas on your way back to New Orleans, but that was about it. There were moths in your bank account with how bare it was at this point.

“Cook you a meal? Sounds like a sweet deal to me.” You agreed, almost too easily. “It’s been a while since I flexed in the kitchen, though. My boy-,” You sighed, you still hadn’t gotten used to saying what your relationship with that man was now that you were no longer together. “My ex didn’t like cajun or southern food very much. Truthfully, he didn’t like anything with seasoning or didn’t come from a fast food restaurant or out of a bag.” 

You started to play with the food on your plate once again as you recounted your experience, “Last time I cooked for him, he said it was too spicy and that I was trying to poison him. He got so angry he threw the plate and it dented the drywall. His issues are why I’m not getting anything back on that stupid deposit. That and my late rent..” You felt annoyed. Why had you put up with your ex and his foolishness? He was a paranoid man child with anger issues and you sat by and let him treat you poorly, expecting that one day he might change. He didn’t, he was incapable of doing that, it wasn’t in him.

“You don’t have to worry about him anymore. He’s in the past and we will leave him there. You can get back to being the old you, find whatever parts of you that you feel went missing since you left town. You know I’ll have your back through it all.” Chris always had a way of lifting your spirits, making you feel as if everything could be alright, even if the current circumstances said otherwise. “It’s a long drive back home, you should get going.” He grabbed your hand over the table, giving it a reassuring squeeze. 

“Wait- aren’t you coming back with me?” He shook his head, looking down at his hand on yours, thumb tracing patterns on your skin. He took a moment before he spoke as if thinking deeply about what he wanted to say before uttering a word.

“I have a few things here to take care of here and after that, I’ll be back. I won’t give you time to miss me, I promise.” 

You couldn’t help the shy smile that graced your face at his words. “I’ll just be here overnight and then I’m heading back.” He sat back again, fingers slowly slipping away from yours to rest on his lap. “That will give you time to settle back into your old room. You know your mom hasn’t touched it since you moved.” 

You chuckled, she was a sucker for nostalgia. If she felt that was a way to keep a part of her baby with her, then she could rightfully do that. “So come up with a meal plan. I’ll pick you up when I get back tomorrow and we can go grocery shopping and I’ll introduce you to my roommates.” Chris had been living alone the whole time you’d known him. It had something to do with his allergies or something of that nature. Why all of a sudden did he have roommates?

“Oh? Is this the same guy who didn’t want to live off campus with me because of ‘allergies?’ That you?” He chuckled, shrugging his shoulders before looking you square in the eyes and answering. 

“Couldn’t shack up with the girl I like, now could I?” Did your heart just flutter? You shook it off. Brushing his comment off as just a flirty little joke. Christopher was a flirt, even if he’d vehemently deny it if you asked.

“Please.” You laughed, “The girl you liked? You must be referring to Suzy. Wait- no, Rebekkah with two ‘k's’.” You mocked the girl's annoyingly chipper voice while waving two fingers in the air like she used to when telling people how to spell her name. “Wait- no, not her either. What was her name? Oh Kimberly, the red head with the thick thighs and fat ass. You had the hots for her so bad you tripped over your own feet looking at her, not just once either. Didn’t you break your laptop like that?” His cheeks tinted with a soft shade of pink.

“You said you wouldn’t bring that back up!” He whined. This tattooed, buff, grown man just whined. And you couldn’t deny, it was cute as shit.

CHAPTER INDEX ⇠☾⇢NEXT CHAPTER

© ✐Channieskies 『MINORS DNI! This post contains nsfw material. Please do not interact with it if you are under the age of 18. Do not translate or repost here or on other sites. Please leave a like, comment, and reblog if you enjoyed this story.』

[papayatori]

Lose it all

MV1 x fém!reader

Warnings: none, just severely sweet fluff

Intro: this is inspired by the song Lose It All by Sam Tompkins.. (wonderful song) Max and his girlfriend y/n have grown incredibly close in the last few years of your relationship, and Max is thinking about taking the next step.

A/n: This one is incredibly cheesy and relatively short, this is just something I was thinking about writing for a while now and just decided to go ahead with it. Enjoy mates!

You and Max had been friends for as long as you could remember; playing in the same streets as kids, having dinner at each other's houses, karting together, you did everything together. From the moment you could both walk, you were inseparable. Max's parents were family friends that lived right across the street from you. Both of them joked that you would grow up to marry one day, and to their expectations, you had both been dating for the last three years.

Recently, however, your mother had been pushing the topic a bit harder You weren't sure if you and Max were ready for marriage yet. Of course, you wanted to marry him eventually, but what if that wasn't mutual?

"You've been together for three years now," you recalled her saying. "don't you think it's time to take the next step? I'm not getting any younger, you know."

She insisted that you'd have children in the next few years, insisted that we needed to start planning a wedding.

While all of that was all well and good, you couldn't help but ask yourself if Max really wanted to marry you or not. Your mother was right, it had been three years, and he hadn't made a move to propose yet. In your mind, this equated to the conclusion that Max must not want you after all.

You sat on the bed that the two of you shared, a tear threatening to fall from your eye. You felt stupid for even thinking about this, you knew Max loved you, but you couldn't help but shake the doubt away.

You had started to reel through your memories with him, feeling heartbroken already. On your first date, Max had been trying to impress you with his athletic ability. What better way to do that than with Wii Bowling? You had been playing together for only twenty minutes before Max, who had insisted the strap on the remote was unnecessary and refused to put it on, launched the remote into your television.

After profusely apologizing, your first official date was spent shopping for another TV that Max insisted on buying you.

You felt the tears pouring now, reliving the memories of your first kiss.

Max's weekend at home had finally come after months of waiting. He had been talking for months about how he couldn't wait to celebrate with his grid mates and introduce me to them all after he had finally won his own grand prix; but instead, he had spent it playing nurse and watching over you.

"The only thing I could think about the entirety of that race was getting back to you to make sure you were okay.."

You had grown ill before the race weekend, causing your own discouragement. This was going to be your first race watching Max in person, and you couldn't have been more excited. Though, you had been bed-ridden by the doctors an forced to watch from your apartment once again.

Max sped back here as soon as he could, hoping not to be gone too long away from you. The thought alone made your cheeks redden, even though there was the biggest knot of guilt forming in your stomach.

"Go celebrate, Max. This is your first home win!" He smiled widely, cupping my cheek.

"I'd rather be sick with you." He pressed his lips to mine gently, not caring about the consequences that might come along with it.

The door to your bedroom swung open, revealing a clearly concerned Max behind it.

"Schatje, what's wrong? In a second you were in his arms, so tightly you were worried you might've suffocated. "Why are you crying?" He kissed your head tenderly.

You hadn't even realized you were crying as hard as you were until you were practically sobbing into Max's chest.

"I can't lose you Max." You could barely even get your words to form from your quivering lips. He laughed a little, sending you into a confused state. "I'm serious!" You gave him a hurt glance. "Why would I being going anywhere, y/n?" He cupped your cheek, forcing you to look up at him. His eyes were full of nothing but worry for you, that alone made you start crying again.

"It's been three years, Mum says she's starting to worry we won't make it. She says you would have proposed by now."

Max gave you a knowing glance, heaving a sigh.

"Your mother isn't the one to make that call, Schatje." He gave me a smile, standing from our position on the bed. "Come on, lets get you cleaned up."

He pulled you into the bathroom, sitting you on the sink counter. He opened the drawers, grabbed the makeup wipes and started wiping the remnants of your tears and mascara off of your face. Afterwards, he took a damp towel and wiped the residue away.

"Stay here, I'll be right back." He gave your hand a little squeeze before disappearing back into the bedroom. After a few long moments, he came back with one of your favorite, blue sundresses. You were a little confused at first, but took the dress nonetheless. You were sure Max was planning something, but you didn't know how this was going to aid the question at hand.

He couldn't be avoiding it, could he?

With that newfound doubt as you looked in the mirror, you refused to cry again, already seeing the sadness growing in your eyes as Max walked back into the bathroom to check on you. This time, he had a pair of your favorite heels that he handed you eagerly. You put them on, still eyeing him skeptically.

...

...

...

After a few hours of driving and every attempt at asking Max where the two of you were going, you eventually pulled into a beautiful grass field.

A beautiful grass field in the middle of nowhere.

You looked over at Max, praying that he wasn't some serial killer in disguise the entirety of your life. Though, if he was, props to him, he had played the part exceedingly well.

"Wait here, y/n." So you did.

You sat in the car for about ten minutes, hearing Max messing around in the boot before finally coming around to the passenger side door and opening it for you. He offered his hand to help you out of the car.

"M'lady." He grinned at you, the biggest grin you've ever seen. You couldn't help but give a small smile back regardless of the worry that had manifested itself inside of your heart. You let him pull out of the car, revealing a beautiful landscape all around you.

"Ahem." You heard Max clear his throat from behind you. You turned around, revealing a picnic basket and a blanket under one of the trees behind where you had parked. You smiled broadly at Max.

"You took me all the way out here just to make me feel better?" You felt your heart swell with joy. How had you ever doubted this man..

He took your hand tenderly, leading you over the blanket.

You both ate together, talking every so often, sipping on wine that made you feel so elegant you could hardly stand it. Though, after a while, you eventually both sat in a comfortable silence, holding each others' hand in peace. Then, Max's voice broke through the silence.

"You asked me earlier if I had only brought you out here to make you feel better.." He started, looking over at me as if to ask if he could continue. You hummed in agreement before he continued, pulse quickening as you had started to question how this would fix your worries once again. "I'd actually been planning this for a while now. I wanted to get you out somewhere nicer but, after what you had said earlier..." His voice trailed off, his eyes falling to the ground.

You felt that twinge of guilt swell back up in your gut.

"I figured being away from people and their opinions would be good for us." To my surprise, he looked at you with another one of his beautiful smiles. You could feel the ice melting from your heart. Max had started to look a little nervous.

"When I look into your eyes, the only thing that I can see is perfection. I'd thank whatever God was out there that you were mine this moment, and I'd beg the same God to allow you to stay mine for the next. You've been on my mind for the last three years, giving me nightmares every night that you'd walk away if I kept prolonging this. After hearing the reason you were upset this afternoon, I knew I couldn't wait any longer, because if I were to lose you, I'd lose it all." He wiped a tear from his eye, pulling a small box from his pocket. "Will you marry me. y/n"

You barely even gave him time to finish his question before you tackled him in a hug.

"Yes, a million times yes!" You were both emotional, giggling messes before Max pulled away for long enough to slip the ring on your finger, causing more tears to escape your eyes.

"Now you know why I never answered your question." He whispered, kissing you softly as you both watched the sun disappear behind the horizon. "I'm sorry that I worried you further, if I had. I just didn't want to give anything away."

"I'm just glad that I was only overthinking and it wasn't a reality." He chuckled.

"Like I said, Schatje, we're the ones that determine whether or not we are going to make it and how far we go. Let's not listen to anyone else about that, yeah?" You smiled up at him, a tear falling once more as you leaned in to kiss him.

"Yeah."

... I won't grow up missing a piece of my heart that you hold

... I won't have these nightmares because I let you know

... That if I ever lose you, I lose it all

~Sam Tompkins