#if you can't stay away from my stuff
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🦊х🔮
- You're a jumpy one, aren't you? I may grant you comfort, if you wish.
- U-uh, no, thank you. There's no need. It's not that I don’t want you, uhm... It's just... Can you put me down already. Please.
my huge melancholic druid likes to carry gale in a bridal style 😌❤️✨(they both enjoy it) (astarion wants a turn too tho)
#my art stuff#art#my stuff#art stuff#digitalart#gale dekarios#gale of waterdeep#baldur's gate 3#bg3 gale#gale#gale x tav#baldurs gate tav#baldur's gate gale#baldur's gate#baldurs gate 3#baldurs gate#druid tav#had no energy but made this#bc I love this nerdy wizard#I can't resist him#I wanna hold him like this even if I die right under him#he's my baby my precious my love#gods I love tumblr for this tag thing where I can put whatever I want#like about how much I think about gale and him not being treated right in relationship#I swear I can't stand his godly ex's name anymore#it sickens me#this mage is mine#Mystra do you hear me#stay away from him
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my princess nonsense is being encouraged watch ouyt imabout to be eneaabled
OK WHATF ATHAT'S SO CUTE I HAD TO MAKE IT i know realistically there's little to no chance that rei DOESN'T know how to work heels 🤣 BUT IMAGINE.....ING.... YAKUMO GENTLY GUIDING REI IN HEELS, WEEKS BEFORE THE BIG GALA AND HAVING NONE OF HIS NORMAL FEAR OF PHYSICAL TOUCH BC HIS [TEACHER MODE] IS OVERRIDING HIS INSECURITY
#rei looking directly at the camera like why are you subjecting me to this. i do not need any of this. i know how to do it#rei wearing stilettos the size of your head so he becomes ur very tall bird goth gf#you know how yakumo gets when he instructs someone on how to cook something#he becomes confident and just tells ppl how to do stuff without his usual amount of stutter and secondguessing#i'm gonna pretend that after his stiletto training in misty vale he gains a TINY MOLECULE of confidence due to experience#like [i can help you if you've never done it before?]#honestly i can't imagine this scenario happening because i am so SURE that rei can walk in heels HAHAHA even tho nothing has proven that#SOMETHING COME PROVE ME WRONG SO MY DELUSIONS CAN SLIDE CLOSER TO POSSIBILITY#anyway even if rei didn't know how to wear heels#would he ever mention it? would yakumo ever learn of it?#rei would probably be all . i don't need to wear heels. they can't even see them under the dress. i'll wear my practical shoes#but if he can't get away with that and will be forced to wear heels at the party...#maybe he'll go [meh. i'll figure it out] and just not wear them until the day of the dance#at which point his feet will hurt after 20 minutes and for the whole night he takes any chance to sit down#rei can be frequently spotted on SOME surface SOMEWHERE in the palace. sitting all splayed out and uncaring of propriety#because he is in PAIN and these shoes are STUPID and why do people wear them for ANYTHING . Royals are so IMPRACTICAL#yakumo keeps trying to avoid heels for the dance because he doesn't want to be any taller than he already is#i bet there's a full convo about it between him and eiden#eiden trying to reassure him that if he wants to wear heels then he shouldn't let others' perception stop him from doing so#but if he genuinely doesn't want to wear them then that's ok too#eiden craning his neck up at yakumo in heels like you're my pretty princess 1-2 heads taller than me your height doesn't matter 🥰#i'm now torn. yakumo and rei both wearing heels now? in order to stay at similar heights?#or. rei starting out with heels. getting tired of them. going barefoot for the rest of the night lol#yakumo and rei still dancing in their ballgowns together but a much shorter rei leads a yakumo in heels#yes. yes this is the vision#yakurei#replies#nu carnival yakumo#nu carnival rei
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Kate Bishop would have SUCH weird relationships with Gotham's rogues.
She hates the Joker. And it's not for the reasons the Joker wants.
Kate is not afraid of him. To be clear, she should be, and many people would like her to stop antagonizing him because if he Joker toxins her they're FUCKED.
Kate hates the Joker because he's bad at being a clown. Kate is insulted on Clint's behalf and the behalf of carnies everywhere.
She doesn't think he's particularly original. He's like if 4chan was a person. He just wants to see the world burn? Great! Kate is Good at Arson so she'll set some of his shit on fire. He wants to set up puzzles so you can almost solve his plot? OK well so does the Riddler and his stuff is way more clever. Also, he can pull off a bowler. She LOVES the Riddler btw.
You have a scary toxin? OK well so does the Scarecrow and he is WAY more terrifying than you. Like, is the Joker just copying the other Rogues of Gotham? She's fucking terrified of the Scarecrow! Which makes sense. She is a bird.
Joker is Batman's nemesis? Well she has a nemesis too and she's classy and deranged. Kate's nemesis makes robot clones of herself and has threatened to put her cigarettes out on Kate's face WHILE wearing a gold mask, okay? Classy. Madam Masque understands how to leverage the awkward sexual tension between hero and villain. The Joker just needs to admit that's what it is and move on from there.
Someone starts talking about Two Face and Kate's like, what are you saying? Disabled people can't be villains? Evil masterminds? That's fucking ableist. Also, he was a lawyer. The cops in Gotham probably don't even hate him for being a villain, it's probably just because he's a lawyer. How do you know the cops aren't framing him??? Answer THAT.
And Ivy? Kate has a massive crush on her obviously. And Ivy thinks Kate is SO bad at being a human she barely counts as one, she can stay around. Kate and Harley are BFFs. Ivy will be At It with the Bats and Harley and Kate are doing girl's night. They convince Babs to go with them. It's great.
Kate has ADHD. You know who she's terrified of? Calendar Man.
#kate bishop#hawkeye#batman#batfam#the joker#two face#gotham's rogues#bruce wayne#harley quinn#my stuff#kate antagonizing the joker On Principle is my new favorite thing btw#everyone: please take the joker seriously#kate: i can't and i shan't#for real she'd be worried about scarecrow#she and clint collectively Do Not Give A Fuck about the joker#but are in fact mildly terrified of scarecrow#clint: scarecrows are creepy as fuck!!!#kate: I KNOW#clint: AND he's an evil doctor????#kate: I!!! KNOW!!!! he needs to stay the fuck away from us#sam wilson: normally i'd make fun of you but you're right#sam: shit is this a bird thing#kate bishop starter pack
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I think rye thinks it's incredibly adorable of davrin to be worried about him after the accidental hallucination tea experiment. that stoic option 'you know, I lived a whole life before you' contains a world of 'davrin, I'm a mourn watcher with a severely misspent youth behind me. I've been stratospherically high on things you couldn't and probably wouldn't want to imagine, this is barely a tickle'. to me.
#also I think a 'haha oh no TOO close back off pls' moment even at that point. do not care for me like that it freaks me out!#i amn uncomfortable when we are about me actually (and you are smart and also tenacious enough that you'll realize that#and follow up on it. because you're an *asshole* who never lets me get away with *anything*. you'll just keep pestering me#until I have to throw my hands up in defeat and let someone perceive me and care about me. total horror show.#can't have this be happening to me right now I'm putting off having a personal and spiritual crisis until 5 minutes before I die)#dragon age#dragon age: the veilguard#dragon age: the veilguard spoilers#dragon age spoilers#davrin#oc: Ellaryen Ingellvar#their relationship. it is everything to me. the mutual 'hey punk you ever consider that there are people who love you. asshole'#'well I GUESS that *groan* my life has been infinitely enriched by your presence in it even though you're kind of a dick. there happy now'#'yeah I love and treasure you like a brother. a very annoying brother. what of it. wait you need help??? I'm here who do we kill'#and then you add lucanis' energy in there as well and you see why this is the best beloved boys squad to ever do it#also so sweet how much it's davrin opening up and showing vulnerability and uncertainty that's helped them get there the most#rye stays almost completely sober these days b/c his late teens and early twenties were uh. they got kind of rough!#so the rare times he drinks he's cautiously very very restrained about it. we simply cannot have student days shenanigans rye back.#we cannot. he barely survived being student days shenanigans rye the first time around let's not tempt fate#but in his time I think he's sampled some of that weird bottled fog stuff emmrich implies you can get some kind of high from#and then some lol#rye '*is* it drinking alone in the depths of the necropolis if the skeletons walking by give you friendly nods tho' ingellvar
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I cared. I still do. I still think of you and I still cry over you. You were importat to me. You still are.
#I was interested. I wanted to get to know you.#I did not want validation. I only said it because you said it... I don't know why. I was susceptible.#I was blindly accepting certain things that you said about me. Judgement that you had for me.#I was under severe stress from my job at the time; while at the same time dealing with unresolved emotional trauma and very low self worth.#vent#I was burnt out. Crushed... Completely.#I didn't want attention. I did not want you to cure my depression. I though I was just letting you know me. I wasn't aware I was oversharin#I tried... SO HARD to get over the things that triggered me and hurt me but I just couldn't...#I wanted to. I did everything in my might; I took it to therapy; I looked everywhere within me; to either get over it#or completely forget about you and stop caring at all; so things were ok and normal again; but it didn't go away...#I just feel so... unsafe... at the idea of talking again#I know I wasn't the best listener and I profoundly regret that.#I was not only thinking about myself like you said and I was aware of the effort that other's put; but I was afraid/resistant to PRECISELY#that cause of past events with other people. Because in some I was the one putting that effort and ended badly for me. Looking back#that was inappropiate of you because you felt too comfortable generalizing my past relationships and why in your head they failed.#“I cant help but feel you are looking down on people who” Stay away from me if you ever make a stretch like this again.#By “experiment” I meant that you don't know how a relatioship with somebody is gonna turn out until you go and try. That's all I meant.#I didn't want things to turn out this way. I'm sorry they did.#The effort I put for you may have been shit to you. But to me it was a lot. And I'm done taking judgement.#Altho I love my friends I still keep distance. I still can't completely help that. I can go months not talking to my BF.#You were my BF during my teenage years. I remembered you fondly. I still do.#I don't feel ready to talk again having to keep to myself interest that I might have. Related to trauma. I do not feel comfortable with tha#No I do not look at your blogs.#The day I said I was abused I had a panic attack right after that. That's mainly why I had to cut contact: I didn't want another one.#I didn't tell you because I didn't trust you to not say “talk to the void” again. I didn't trust you to want to hear about it. I didnt feel#safe with you anymore. Event tho we ressumed contact I felt that way the entire time.#I wanted to answer all the questions you had; I really did; until I couldn't stand it anymore.#And the day I removed you from discord... I know you probably had an awful day that day... I'm so; so sorry...#I'd like to one day be completely unbothered by assumptions and stuff cuz I know it's not your fault... You went through stuff too...#stuff
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Me panicking because i have 9 missed calls and 5 emails talking about my absence and how "a colleague could take over for me" vs. Me knowing it's really not that important no matter how pushy a client is and that on top of it I'm underpaid and have way to much overtime so i shouldn't even care
#i have 14 hours overtime#collected within 2 weeks lol#you know how it's apparently mandatory for companies in germany to have a way track employees working time? yeah we're#the only company in the whole fucking country who doesn't do that (obviously that's not true there's probably plenty more but it's#still not right.) so we don't get paid overtime nor does it get acknowledged in any way#so technically we're not allowed to even it out (which most people try to do anyway because tf do they think they are asking us to work for#free) but I'm dedicated to not collect any more unpaid working hours so i take the liberty to leave work early this week#so today i left at 12pm (and then got home 4 hours later because another person decided to kill themselves by train. they should call me#first. or anyone else taking the train. I'm sure there'd be plenty of volunteers to do the killing if it means not another miserable day#stuck in a disgusting train). and i logged in again at 6pm today to see if i have anything important messages (stupid i know)#and i saw the missed calls and that there had been an email exchange with me in the cc talking about the 'changes' made in one of the#articles and that someone else could do that for me since i couldn't be reached and at first i felt ashamed and scared#but now it's honestly just pissing me off. that asshole can't write emails and communicate requests like normal people can he#he already called me last week about something completely stupid and acts like his matters are the most important shit in the world#fuck you if you can't wait one day you should have sent this a month earlier because i won't stay online everyday#just to see if there might be an 'important' change you want me to make Immediately. bitch.#also missed two calls from my colleague but she didn't send any messages about what she wanted so i asked her because i felt bad for not#being online and turns out she wanted Nothing. just hear how i was. JUST TEXT ME THEN???? I HATE IT HERE FUCK YOU#seriously i don't get paid enough for this to bother me so much. she probably gets 12-15€ more than me per hour#of course she doesn't care about her overtime as much as i do. i get minimum wage which is less than what I'd get if i still worked at uni#as a student assistant so fuck this shit it's really not important or worth it. from now on i'll only put in minimum effort too#sorry got carried away. rant over now i guess#void screams#work stuff
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I have a lot of mixed feelings about MatPat.
On the one hand, he definitely has a streak of bigotry. The pyro episode really comes to mind on that one, and his refusal to they/them Kris was also not cool, and there have been a lot of other examples here and there.
But he has been getting better. One of his Livestream hosts uses they/them from what I can tell, and I haven't heard any word that he's misgendered them anywhere.
But also, his theories have just been getting lower and lower quality as his channels kinda turned into something one step below a content farm. His Digital Circus theory, for example, he came up with ON GTLive and then just cleaned it up for the episode.
But he was also hosting all four channels. Each channel will have its own host now.
He made a lot of mistakes, but so does everyone.
Am I defending him? I dont know. Do I forgive him? No. Do I honestly care? ...I don't know.
I'm glad he's stepping away. But I'm also gonna miss him.
Like he said in the goodbye video, he was a lot of peoples childhoods. Mine was one of them. He's definitely not the best person nor was he the best influence, but he did help me realize that being a nerd and being passionate are good things. And his passion helped me want to create.
I'm glad he's leaving, but it also feels like my childhood is going with him. One last step towards that all-encompassing 21 in a few months from now.
I'll miss you, Mat. I hope you can continue to grow as a person and support others more in the future. Teach your son what the world failed to teach you when you were younger.
Also read the tags, please, okay Tumblr? Thanks.
#im scared to post this. i know people on here dont like him and i 100% understand why#but i also fear that people assume he can't grow#i may be wrong as ive been staying away from matpat drama but from what ive seen?#mat makes mistakes. then he listens to people when they tell him he fucked up. and he tries to do better.#people forget that hes a person sometimes.#and like i said i could be wrong. there might be evidence out there that hes an evangelical or something#but i havent seen it. i do know about the homophobia and transphobia from the past#but i also know hes apologized and that stuff hasnt really resurfaced#i want him to do better and continue to grow away from the internet#but if im wrong then im wrong.#just please dont harass me for this post okay?#if hes worse than i think he is you can tell me but please dont be mean about it#ive had enough people yelling at me.over this shit recently.#mat if youre SOMEHOW reading this? thanks. your stuff helped me watch to enrich my stories more#give people something to hunt for#you aided my passion#and i wouldnt be who i am today without you man.#so please. keep growing. keep doing better. and i guess i'll see ya when i see ya.#dimond speaks#not maintagging this cuz i dont wanna get killed lol
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I WAS going to go to bed before 3 am for Father's day, but then I heard yelling outside and went to investigate.
This is the second time in a year I've been asked to help someone call 911 in my own parking lot.
#idk what was going on but a girl said he attacked her and she was a minor and he was just walking away while on the phone#and she asked if she could use my phone to call the police so i just said yes because the last time i didn't i felt so guilty#for not helping#i did not want to call the police at all but they needed help and i didn't know how else to help them#so the mom is grabbing for her phone in his hand and he's just trying to stay away from her#she and her daughter both grab onto him and almost pull him to the ground at one point#I'm already on the phone with 911 because she started the call so now i can't hang up#they drive off and I'm just like. do you want to tell them what's happening#he says she lies and is going to continue to lie so he just wants it on record#apparently she was throwing rocks?#we have so many rocks here.#so then he wanted me to be a witness because they don't take attacks seriously when a woman hurts a man#he gave the dispatcher the wrong address so we had to walk to the next complex#I'm like. idk what's going on. but this is what i saw.#last guy had a dude kicking his car and the guy later came back and smashed it with something#i actually got between them that time#i just wanted to go to bed.#this stuff never happens when I'm ready for it.#personal
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finally processing that we're probably gonna have to have these teeth removed with either sedation or general anaesthetic and unfortunately I have a phobia of both of these to the point where just thinking about it gives us panic attacks and I genuinely don't know what to do because I absolutely want to avoid this at all costs but we also might not have any other option
#personal#thoughts#🍬 post#vent post#there is no amount of comfort or reassurance that can make me feel okay being sedated#like it's not even that I'm scared of side effects or risks or anything#I just can't even begin to express how much I absolutely do not want someone giving me a drug that's going to make me drowsy and incoherent#and also not remember anything afterwards#the premise of a stranger giving me a drug that's going to fuck up my ability to process anything or remember any of what happened#feels so incredibly violating and awful#like yes it's a medical context. yes I know it's so they can do the treatment. yes I know I'm supposed to trust them or whatever#but our brain doesn't process it like that. it's a stranger drugging you. that's terrifying regardless of the context#and given how much medical trauma we have and how awful some medical professionals have been to us#it happening in a medical context actually makes me feel worse#once again I'm not even necessarily scared of anything bad happening#even if you could absolutely guarantee that nothing bad would happen I would not be okay with it in the slightest#it's specifically the idea of my consciousness not being under my control#I take co-codamol for pain and that can make me drowsy and incoherent and fuck up my memory#but that's me choosing when to take it and how much to take and being able to stay away from people if I feel like I need to#and being able to make notes about what I've done and stuff like that#and there's a huge difference between that and being in a clinic having a procedure where you can't just get up and leave#and someone else is administering the meds and choosing the dosage and you're not the one in control of this situation#this makes me sound like a control freak and yeah I probably am#but that's kind of what haappens when you've had your bodily autonomy violated so many times by so many people
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the aftermath of having 2 terabytes of storage
#i have never had a computer this nice lmao#i'm constantly so used to automatically assuming i Can't Do Most Things bc most of the time i'm barred from Everything#either by physical skill or money or age or location#so when i got a Nice Computer my brain was like STUFF I CAN DO?????????? STUFF I CAN DO!!!!!!!!!!!!#and just. downloaded all the games i haven't been able to play bc my laptop sucks ass#the dopamine rush. lmao#i can actually play skyrim again for the first time since i was 17 😭#genuinely getting this computer has given me the exact same feeling as finally getting my wheelchair#just the fucking sheer joy of *oh my fucking god i have freedom now. i can actually DO STUFF*#seriously being able to use the wheelchair has made me so fucking happy i don't feel awful when going to the store i can actually THINK#bc i dont have brain fog from having to focus all of my energy on staying upright#and the computer is giving me the same feeling of freedom like. i can actually DO STUFF with my computer and not worry about it crashing#i can record video now!!!! I COULD START STREAMING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#i can actually learn to code because the coding programs will run!!!!!! i can start making datapacks!!!!!!!!!!!!!#can PLAY THE GAMES I'VE BOUGHT OVER THE YEARS FINALLY#FUCKING THANK YOU STEAM FOR LETTING ME KEEP THESE GAMES UNTIL I CAN ACTUALLY PLAY THEM#INSTEAD OF BEING A SHITASS STREAMING SERVICE THAT TAKES AWAY YOUR PRODUCT *AND* MONEY WHENEVER THEY FEEL LIKE IT#like i bought assassins creed odyssey the year it came out and i've never even been able to OPEN it on any of my old computers#i bought Jusant recently because it looks very pretty but the game wouldn't let me download it on my laptop bc the graphics card was shit#i have a bunch of games that I've just hoarded on my steam account for years and now i can finally play them#i can get back to subnautica too!!!! and finally finish out we happy few!!!#anyway im gonna go continue to be insane about this machine i love computers theyre so fun
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Sometimes it feels like this blog is being actively hostile to other Transformers fans and know that I don't intend it to be.
It's just *1000 yard stare* if you'd seen some of the things I've seen. My fight or flight response is activated really quickly by certain things. I am putting up a shield.
#I CAN'T do it again#The fandom that brought me to Tumblr had people defending imperialism with their whole chest#Because “well the world sucked and things needed to change” and “well the other countries ARE inferior”#I can't deal with people trying to convince me the politics in the story are good when they're surface level at best#I can't handle “it's Morally Grey so it's Good” arguments#Less related I have always hated woobifying villains#I AM NOT STRONG ENOUGH#So I really want any of those bits of the fandom to stay away from me#If I catch a whiff I am hissing with my back arched and hoping they go away and enjoy their stuff in peace#I am the cat shaking terrified in the corner of the fandom room who will swipe at you#But approach me slowly and I will be affectionate#This metaphor is going weird places#Anyway I’m paranoid as fuck#And therefore avoiding certain spots like the plague
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My sisters boyfriend is being a massive dick and I just have to sit by and watch her cry
#I'm tired of men seriously there's only one man on this earth I fully completely trust and he unfortunately can't even be my boyfriend#he's so mean to her and I'm not allowed to say anything#I know she stays with him cus that's the only option we'd be homeless if she broke up with him#but it doesn't give him the right to make her cry 24/7#like I'm autistic so to stay sane I can't think about real life stuff I'm an adult child#but she HAS to think of life stuff I wish he was more supportive of her#everytime I hear them fight her main point is 'you don't have to take care of an entire human being'#and that breaks me everytime#it just feels like killing my self would take a bunch of problems away#I know that I'm dead weight as a human I'm trying so hard but it's never enough#I feel like most disabled people who are in this level of need don't usually understand stuff around them/serious life stuff#but I have the unfortunate gift of being extremely hyper aware and am paralyzed to do anything#for years I've had the same thought#they'd be better off without me#and it's true#the only thing that stops me from killing myself is that I'm scared how mad they'd be if I failed
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i got rickrolled today but it didn't work because i have adblocker installed, so youtube just told me i violated the terms of service. yesterday i was trying to edit a picture as a joke for my girlfriend, and google made me check a box to prove i'm human because i wasn't "searching normally".
it isn't just that capitalism is killing fun and whimsy, it is that any element of entertainment or joy is being fed upon by this mosquito body, one that will suck you dry at any vulnerability.
do you want to meet new friends in your city? download this app, visit our website, sign up for our email list. pay for this class on making a terrarium, on candlemaking, on cooking. it will be 90 dollars a session. you can go to group fitness, but only under our specific gym membership. solve the puzzle, sign up for our puzzle-of-the-month-club. what is a club if not just a paid opportunity - you are all paying for the same thing, which makes you a community.
but you're like me, i know it - you're careful, you try the library meetings and the stuff at the local school and all of that. the problem is that you kind of want really specific opportunities that used to exist. you are so grateful for libraries and the publicly-funded things: they are, however, an exception - and everything they have, they've fought tooth-and-nail to protect. you read a headline about how in many other states, libraries have virtually nothing left.
do you want to meet up with your friends afterwards? gift your friends the discord app. you can choose to go to a cafe (buy a coffee, at least), a bar (money, alcohol) or you can all stay in and catch a movie (streaming) or you can all stay in bed (rent. don't get me started) and scream (noise complaint. ticket at least).
you want to read a new book, but the book has to have 124 buzzwords from tiktok readers that are, like, weirdly horny. you can purchase this audiobook on audible! your podcast isn't on spotify, it's on its own server, pay for a different site. fuck, at least you're supporting artists you like. the art museum just raised their ticket price. once, they had a temporary exhibit that acknowledged that ~85% of their permanent art galleries were from cis white men, and that they had thousands of works by women (even famous women, like frida! georgia o'keefe!) just rotting in their basement. that exhibit lasted for 3 months and then they put everything away again.
walmart proudly supports this strip of land by the street! here are some flowers with wilting leaves. its employees have to pay out-of-pocket for their uniforms. my friend once got fined by the city because she organized a community pick-up of the riverfront, which was technically private property.
no, you cannot afford to take that dance class, neither can i. by the way - i'm a teacher. i'm absolutely not saying "educators shouldn't be paid fairly." i'm saying that when i taught classes, renting a studio went from 20 bucks an hour to 180 in the span of 6 months. no significant changes to the studio were made, except they now list the place as updated and friendly. the heat still doesn't work in the building. i have literally never seen the landlord who ignores my emails. recently they've been renting it out at night as an "unusual nightclub; a once-in-a-lifetime close-knit party." they spent some of those 180 dollars on LEDs and called it renovating. the high heels they invite in have been ruining the marley.
do you want to experience the old internet? do you want to play flash games or get back the temporary joy of club penguin? you can, you just need to pay for it. i have a weird, neurodivergent obsession with occasionally checking in to watch the downfall and NFT-ification of neopets. if i'm honest with you all - i never got into webkins, my family didn't have the money to buy me a pointless elephant. people forget that "being poor" can mean literally "if i buy you that toy, i can't afford rent."
you and i don't have time to make good food, and we don't have the budget for it. we are not gonna be able to host dinner parties, we're not made of money, kid. do you want some kind of 3rd space? a space that isn't home or work or school? you could try being online, but - what places actually exist for you? tiktok counts as social media because you see other people on it, not because they actually talk to you.
there was a local winter tradition of sledding down the hill at my school. kids would use pizza boxes and jackets and whatever worked, howling and laughing. back in september, they made a big announcement that this time, rules were changing, and everyone must pay 10 dollars to participate. when im not scared shitless, i kind of appreciate the environmental irony - it hasn't gone below 40. so much for snow & joyriding.
i saw a bulletin for a local dogwalking group and, nervous about making a good first impression, showed up early. the first guy there grimaced at me. "sorry," he said. "there's a 30-dollar buy-in fee." i thought he was joking. wait. for what? the group doesn't offer anything except friendship and people with whom to walk around the city.
he didn't know the answer. just shrugged at me. "you know," he said. "these days, everything costs money."
#spilled ink#warm up#“why did u tag it warm up” bc i wrote it off the cuff while drinkin coffee lol#btw the 30 dollar buy in for the dog walking is bc they pay the organizer a small pittance so she can#run fb ads and stuff and like she does put in a lot of work i don't mind paying her#but that's exactly what im fucking talking about like.#ppl can't afford to volunteer their time anymore and we all understand it!!! everything costs money for everyone!#like we didn't have to use to say ''do you mind paying me back for the stuff we ate''#we used to be able to afford to feed our friends once in a while!!!
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OMGGGGGGG I HAVEN'T SEEN THIS ONE EITHER AND I'M SO MAD AT MYSELF FOR THIS
I'm the sweetest girl in town; so why are you so mean? Nina 'the Killer' Hopkins in Creeped PT 2: PURPOSE
PT. 1: K-12 — PT. 3: NEW MESSAGE
General disclaimer: This AU is an amalgamation of headcanons, fanon, canon, and the occasional rewrite. There is an overarching story that HEAVILY strays from their canon stories. TW for toxic relationships, murder, violence and self-harm. Please take care of yourself and only engage in content you can handle.
PURPOSE
❥After Nina attacked Claudia, she was forced back online. Back to her recluse lifestyle, hiding away from everyone she could. She didn’t want to be seen anymore. Having her social life torn away from her once again hurt. Watching her father’s face morph into disappointment in her high school’s office hurt. Receiving hateful messages from peers again hurt.
❥Her online friends were still there, thankfully. It was interesting, actually, the news they bought her. The same day she attacked Claudia, there was a brand new true crime case. She huddled beneath her blanket and called them for comfort. She stayed up until 5am researching this case, listening to her friends jokingly say that the case could’ve been Nina's crime. It happened the same day, right?
❥His name was Jeffery Alan Woods. She was 16 now, and he was a year younger than her. New information was still unfolding as the weeks went by, but this 15 year old boy really fought back. She sympathized with him upon learning about his story. He was troubled and bullied like her. He just wanted to be happy too, right? Live a good life with his brother, have fun at school, make friends. But boys at his school bullied him for it. It wasn’t fair at all to him.
❥Nina really could have been him. She watched hours of interviews, scoffing at everyone who implied he was evil. He was defending himself. Why didn’t they help him when they could have? If they stepped in, he wouldn’t have had to go so far in protecting himself. He had to do it. They failed him. Just like everyone failed Nina.
❥Nina found Facebooks, Instagrams, and even year books. She spent days scouring the internet, compiling every possible photo she could find of Jeff. He was such a cute kid, she thought! He seemed so sweet in his 2009 Christmas photo, sitting politely with Santa. She saw his older brother, Liu, in several photos. She began researching Liu obsessively too, but he was often kept on the backburner. His interviews were few and far between, as he tried to fade into obscurity. His rare public appearances always mentioned forgiveness. Liu seemed to be the only one who saw humanity left in Jeff, just like Nina did. Why did everyone have to turn him into such a monster?
❥Nina was able to find Liu’s address in a matter of days. Now she wanted to find Jeff.
❥She was thrilled everytime a new murder happened. Whenever it was traced back to Jeff, she was overjoyed. Criminal sketches began getting released, and Nina hung them all on her wall. God, the smile was cute. And it was fun! He was just as eccentric as her. She began drawing the smile on her face with makeup, sending it to her online friends and posting selfies on the internet. She received a whole slew of hate comments demeaning her for idolizing this killer, but they didn’t understand his story like she did.
❥Her mental health deteriorated rapidly. She did the bare minimum to scrape by in school. She never left her room, save for a shower once a week. Christopher brought meals to her, even if his little hands had to cook them himself. He didn’t like being in Nina’s room, really. The photos of Jeff littered the walls and the floor was filled with clothes and empty bottles. Regrettably, Christopher stumbled upon some photos of crime scenes which left him with nightmares.
❥Nina wouldn’t even look at him when he brought her dinner. Her bloodshot eyes were glued to her screen, cackling away at forums about Jeff, or curled up sobbing and begging Christopher to get the fuck out of her room.
❥Nina took one of her weekly showers halfway through her senior year. She was in there for so long, and the shower had long been turned off. Christopher needed to use the bathroom. First, it was a timid little knock, asking if she was almost done. She said to wait, so he did. He asked again, and she said to wait. It happened again and again until he was banging on the door, whining and telling her to get out of the bathroom. She was being so annoying, always doing her makeup for hours at a time.
❥That’s what he figured, at least. He didn’t think anything of grabbing his mom’s card and using it to unlock the door, just like he’d done several times before when Nina was hogging the bathroom.
❥He screamed at the sight. Nina sat on the edge of the bathtub. She was in her underwear, blood smeared all over her figure. Her biceps, stomach, and thighs were littered with hundreds of shallow, messy wounds. Nina threw her head up, big doe eyes widened in horror. Similar to the shallow cuts across her body, there were jagged scars across her cheeks. Blood bubbled and rolled off her chin, mixing with tears and snot. A foul smell came from her before he realized she had repeatedly thrown up into the tub.
❥"GET THE FUCK OUT" was all she could manage, but Christophers cries brought him to his mother’s room. Nina desperately threw back on her pajamas, rushing to turn on the shower and make up any excuse she could.
❥There wasn’t really a defense for any of this.
MISSISSIPPI
❥February 13, 2015 Nina was sent to her grandparents home in Mississippi. It was her 17th birthday, right before her graduation. Her grandparents were retired and strict. Unlike her parents, they had all the time in the world to focus on Nina. They heavily monitored everything she did. Kept track of her location, her card, her friends. Made sure she put vitamin E oil on her scars and concealer before going out. They made her get a job working with their friend’s niece. Nina didn’t connect to anyone. She simply filed in and out of work and school, finishing up whatever had to be done and barely scraping by at graduation.
❥ Her grandparents barely permitted a gap year, but she began working full time. She got better at putting on a clean, sweet persona for them. She’d often come home and ramble to her grandparents about work, receiving firm advice to stay away from anyone causing Nina trouble.
❥They couldn’t monitor her internet access the same way, though. Nina spent the next year obsessively researching Jeff all the same, but she kept it all contained to her laptop. Hundreds of hours of information compiled into thousands of different files. She had grown quite notorious in true crime communities, with her username being littered about several forums. ‘Nina the Killer’ was a silly but fitting screen name.
❥She grew incredibly close to new people, all of which just as infatuated with Jeff. They all shared similar stories of being beaten and bruised their entire life, constantly daydreaming to exhibit the strength Jeff did that fatal day. Nina felt seen, for once.
❥There was an especially interesting guy online. He went by Mark, and would email Nina very often, always asking her about her thoughts on Jeff’s latest move. Asked Nina for advice on how to kill his parents, too. She’d ramble on about several methods, and would completely melt when he praised her creativity. How sweet. He even spent time encouraging Nina’s curiosity on Liu, someone the community often disregarded. But Nina was fixated on him as well, just to a lesser extent. It felt so good to have someone care about her interests like that. Someone who engaged and encouraged her morbid thoughts.
❥A year went by. Her grandparents were so proud of her, genuinely believing she was getting better. They gave her a beautiful 18th birthday party, and quickly began registering her for their local community college. They wanted to keep her on this great path.
❥Before she could even select classes, Mark messaged her with a new rumor. Jeff was allegedly in Alabama. Only a state away from her.
❥It was crazy, and it was unrealistic, and she should have dropped it. There was no fucking shot she’d meet him, right? But…
❥Nina Hopkins was pathetic. She rummaged through her grandparents' belongings one night, grateful for their poor hearing. She stuffed everything she could into a few massive suitcases, including her grandparents' cash. After withdrawing all her savings, she hopped on a train.
COINS
❥Nina stayed in Tuscaloosa, Alabama. She began working two jobs, waiting tables at a dingy little restaurant and at a Hot Topic in the local mall. It was difficult for a while, staying in dingy motels before she could finally find a cheap apartment to rent.
❥She got along with most of the people she worked with now. The year with her grandparents genuinely helped with her rapidly deteriorating social skills, and it seemed everyone liked Nina’s spunk. She was chatty, sweet, and very pretty. Tips always found their way tucked into her back pocket.
❥Her favorite coworker was a girl named Natalie. Natalie was the opposite of Nina. Tall, lanky, with long straight hair and a mean expression. She knew how to stand up for herself from the start. Natalie didn’t let her anger boil over until she made horrible decisions, not like Nina. The speed at which Natalie would get difficult customers off Nina’s back was startling. She was protective over all the girls in the restaurant, but especially little Nina.
❥Natalie was an odd one, too. Nina could tell. She saw tiny scars littered on Natalie’s cheeks, always covered with foundation, but never fully hiding them away. She usually wore a medical eyepatch over one eye. This only drew Nina to her all the more, until they eventually began getting lunch together every now and again. Nina was 19 by then.
❥Nina would nonsensically ramble about this boy she met online, earning a raised brow from Natalie.
❥It was the same guy she met on a forum about Jeff the Killer, Mark. The one who always came to Nina for a hypothetical murder method. The one who shared gross, gorey images that he ‘found online.’ The one who told her that Jeff was in Alabama. Recently, Nina had been making plans to meet Mark. She shared this with Natalie.
❥But Nina had no clue Natalie knew Jeff. They were quite close, actually, living in the same damn abandoned farmhouse. Natalie caught lazy glances at Jeff’s phone, and she was quick to connect the dots.
❥”Don’t fucking meet him. You’re being stupid.” Natalie was blunt, as usual.
❥”You’re so dramatic, oh my god. It’s not like I-”
❥”I said don’t.” Natalie was insistent. Nina never listened to good advice.
PT. 3: NEW MESSAGE
#it's so sweet and nice and well written and awesome and mwah mwah that I can cry#the only thing I don't like about your nina is stealing he grandparents' money#but I know she wasn't in the right mind state so that's not a big deal#sigh#just bad stuff happening nice old people makes me sad#AND NINA BBG DON'T TRUST MARK OR YOU'LL BE BBQ#I know I'm not funny but guys pls laugh#I also feel like Mark is actually Jeff#like testing and messing with her as acting her weird online friend who shares same interests with her#so I hate Mark#go to hell bastard#stay away from my nina#I mean your nina#wait I forgot to make Nina with capitals#I'm that angry#ANYWAYS#NATALIE???????#OMG I LOVE HER MY WIFEY MY EVERYTHING MY PRETTY GIRL MY GAHHHHHHHHH#I love your Natalie so so much#also can we please talk about like a second how good the writing is?????#like it's so good and I really love it#it's literally awesomr#ily#ninakate creeped au writing when#can't wait for summer to hear more from you#time to dig for part 3#thanks for the yummy food#it was delicious#ilyyyyyyyy#<333333
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*family guy death pose that i don't feel like searching for and pasting here bc im fucking tried and for what tho*
ya know what i'm realizing. some ppl may have the show every line in tags option on in xkit (like me) and this would be better as a read more as to not annoy anyone bc i started rambling
i just want stuff to work. why can't shit just work lol. ive been doing the most who gives a shit task for 2 days, stayed up til 6 bc there was a problem and i am still here. each version of the app is fucking with me & the version i want to fucking use took 2 steps back when on my ereader and i wanna scream.
tachiyomi og - 👍🏾👍🏾 opens epubs, displays their titles. 👎🏾 can only use tachiyomi's folder tachiyomi og - 👍🏾👍🏾 opens epubs, displays their titles. 👎🏾 can only use tachiyomi's folder tachiyomi sy - 👍🏾👍🏾👍🏾 opens epubs, displays their titles, WILL use og's folder in an update. 👎🏾 wont open epubs on my ereader
typing this out now im like 'who cares' like there are actual things to be stressed over. but like i just really want to move to sy bc it has every setting i want, it works with epubs; and it will support og's folder next update.
all good things i need on my ereader! but i think bc the ereader is on android 11 that it's not working like it is on my phone that's on 13. and there's a reason i want to move away from using zip/cbz bc it's easier to edit epub metadata & boox will just see & apply the cover. for some reason it won't do that if you use an archive file until you click to open it... i have almost 500 manga on here. im not doing that.
i can still set everything up as normal ig, and tbf j2k can read the epubs they just don't show up on the chapter list correctly. but i might just do that UNTIL THERE'S A FUCKING FIX FOR ANYTING
im tried. imma get a migraine over this.
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Feeling. Weird...
#Sel talks#How to know when you're striking the right balance? How much trust you should you give to other people to know what that balance should be?#Especially if you can't recognize it yourself?#At what point am I sacrificing too much of my happiness for my safety or comfort?#He can try as much as he wants but it will still hurt me in the end#How full of himself can he be to say he doesn't know why we're pushing him away; recognize that there's something queer going on#And he's still talking about girls having dicks#Did it hurt when I told her I was holding on to the relationship for her sake? Because she seems to think it's a good idea?#Does she recognize that saying she had it worse/ I could have it worse doesn't help?#Why is she trying so hard to keep us as a family? I never asked that of her. She knows why we're distancing from our dad. Why?#Because she had it worse but is still in contact with her own dad? Why does she think that translates at all?#I have moral dilemma of taking money from my dad when 1) I don't like him and would rather not return the favor 2) our previous spat made i#Seem like he thought I was staying for the money 3) he keeps offering to pay for things#I want to say I can't recognize anything around me; but I know a part of that is sleapee and the other is not having the energy to go out#And be around people#But it's all too much; knowing people would rather me dead than to live happily; feeling like I'm powerless to stop the suffering of others#And I know a part of that is not being able to find people like me; lacking a community or otherwise friend group#Just. Feeling lost in my day to day. Not being able to really connect with anyone. And the one person I pay to drag that stuff out of me ma#not be the person I need#Feeling. Alone; disconnected; powerless; adrift; complacent; unable to grow; ect#Maybe I should get out tomorrow
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