#if you can acknowledge and respond to that. it's gonna help you learn when it's time to walk away. when this person at this time is not

[thespacesay]

ID: tags. #nuance dies on this site so of course people are interpreting this as saying everyone is innocent. #you should never be enthusiastic to punish regardless of the target #because when you run out of targets the need for that enthusiasm persists #and even among your true targets injustice can be perceived as justice in that enthusiasm. / End ID

it is actually very common for people to say “there are no innocents on the side of my enemy.” against such an opponent you can theoretically justify anything

[kindnessoverperfection]

I want to break down a common point of conflict when addressing NPD stigma.

A lot of hangups people have tend to be along the lines of "but I DO see a lot of people with actual NPD who are acting in toxic or abusive ways".

This will be kind of long, so bear with me.

Point #1: People are way more likely to be diagnosed if they exhibit "stereotypical" symptoms.

There's this image of NPD as a disorder that is only present in those with patterns of destructive behavior towards others. Many therapists have this conception. (Shockingly, the mental health field is not perfect & without stigma.)

Gonna copy-paste this here from my other blog (so forgive me if you've seen it before), because it's a good example.

Three people are criticized at work. Their boss yells at them for their performance in front of everyone. Person A gets mad and defensive. They yell back, using cutting remarks as a way to try and ease the distress they feel. Person B acts really mature and responsible the whole time, nodding along and agreeing and promising to do better, just desperate to maintain and improve their status. Desperate to be liked. Later they go home and handle their distress through self-destructive means, and spend the next few months overworking themself to the point of illness. Person C doesn't seem to respond much at all. They go quiet and seem distant. They don't lash out or lash in, but for the next month or so, their productivity drops. They simply aren't able to focus on work or self-care, no matter how hard they try. The stress is overwhelming. All three of these people have the same root issues, but only the first would be labeled a narcissist. Outwards behaviors and presentations don't reflect the pain, distress, and difficulties with life that are underlying them.

So, three main things happen.

There ends up being a higher rate of people with destructive behaviors who are diagnosed with NPD

The people who don't particularly exhibit behaviors and are considered ""too nice to have it"" are overlooked entirely (and never get any sort of help for their underlying issues, yayyy)

People are more likely to be more honest about "ugly" symptoms / symptoms that are frowned down upon than they are in other mental health communities.

(Also some people decide to act super edgy about it, which is annoying but here we are. Some of them are trolls.)

(And while I'm at it, some people are misdiagnosed with NPD because a psych sees someone who committed a violent crime and is like "uhh slap them with the Evil Asshole™ disorders!! no further thought given.")

Point #2: People who have messed up are not inhuman monsters who deserve no help or support

While I do think it's important for people to understand that patterns of toxic behaviors aren't the ONLY way NPD can present, I'm not going to let the conversation stop at "some of us are nice though!!"

Human beings aren't RPG characters who can be sorted into "monster" or "ally". Every single person has done something hurtful, has messed up, exhibits some sort of behavior that puts strain on their relationships sometimes.

So I'll bullet point some aspects of this that need to be talked about.

People without NPD also commonly exhibit toxic behaviors, but people ignore that nowadays. Either they armchair diagnose anyone who's slightly rude, or they only focus on it in pwNPD and ignore it in themselves or others. NTs can be jerks too, and they're probably less likely to acknowledge it than pwNPD who are constantly watching and checking themselves and analyzing their behaviors and attempting to do better.

Assuming that NPD makes someone abusive doesn't help anyone. Can it impact behaviors, and make it more difficult for people to be self-aware? Of course. But an important step in healing from any mental health condition (especially personality disorders, ime) is realizing that you're not inherently ""bad"", and that you can take responsibility for your actions and learn to deal with things in constructive ways. Just going "NPD makes people bad, full stop"- other than being a mean shitty thing to say- absolves people of guilt and asserts that there's no reason for them to try and improve.

Yes, it's okay for people to hate their abusers. Their abuser. Not an entire community of people who happen to (maybe) share a trait with them.

Building on the above point, people tend to go in defense mode when they hear things like "pwNPD who have acted in toxic ways can learn to improve their behavior", "people shouldn't be saying awful things about folks with this condition", etc. because they automatically try to apply this to their abuser. Interpersonal situations are very different from society-wide mental health access. No, don't stay with your abuser expecting them to change, and don't hold onto the hope that they will. No, don't censor yourself or your hatred or anger towards them. Just don't make blanket statements about a disorder that they may or may not have- blame their abusive actions, not their mental health.

"I hate you for your abusive actions and the harm that you caused me." =/= "I hate a group of people because of an inherent unchangeable part of them that's tied directly to severe childhood trauma they suffered. Because of it, they're evil and unlovable and are incapable of change. They're inhuman and will never experience real connection with others." ..........See the difference??

Even if there were a disorder with a 100% rate of toxic douchey behaviors, I'd want the conversation around it to be changed. I'd want different words to be used to divide up the spaces and conversations and resources, so that survivors of abusive or toxic behavior can get help, but that the disorder still has space to be treated. Otherwise, there are zero resources for healing. Nothing is being done to help these people or solve the issue. They're just told they may as well not try. They're blocked from healthcare entirely, despite how the entire point of being diagnosed with a condition is supposed to be to treat it.

There's a wide range of people who have NPD- it presents in many different ways, a person who has it may or may not exhibit harmful behaviors- but no one deserves to be denied treatment or told they're unlovable because of a condition they have that was formed from trauma.

Speak out against abusive behavior. Don't destroy healthcare for a medical condition.

[sophieinwonderland]

Sysmed Horribly Misunderstanding My Little Pony!

This is gonna be fun!

Let's see how this sysmed thinks the ponies would respond to endogenic systems!

And... right out of the gate, they've instantly torpedoed their own argument. It's almost impressive how quickly they managed that.

For anyone who hasn't watched My Little Pony, Pinkie Pie has an ability she calls the Pinkie Sense, where she will start twitching in ways that can predict the imminent future in some way, such as warning her about things falling or when there's a crocodile in the bathtub.

The first episode this appears in is Feeling Pinkie Keen which revolves around Twilight not believing in Pinkie's Pinkie Sense because it seems too farfetched. It challenges Twilight's understanding of how the world works so she rejects it outright!

One could draw parallels between Twilight's initial actions in this episode and system medicalism.

By the end of the episode, Twilight learns to accept that there are some things in the world that can be true even if she can't necessarily explain them.

Mentioning Pinkie Pie's Pinkie Sense only serves to highlight how Pinkie being anti-endo would make zero sense for her character.

I genuinely question your understanding of anything in the show if you think Fluttershy is going to take a "this group of people existing isn't nice" stance.

Like, this is the girl who befriended the embodiment of chaos.

But... you think she'd be so hateful as to say this about a group of people just because they're plural for reasons other than trauma? Really?

Why would Applejack reach this conclusion?

I mean, for starters, in-universe, the first episode has them fighting Nightmare Moon who is an alternate personality of Luna. Luna/Nightmare Moon could definitely be seen as a non-traumagenic system.

Or at least close enough that I can't imagine Applejack would have reason to doubt other non-traumagenic systems.

Even if you stripped that experience away from her though, Applejack would not be the type to doubt someone's personal experiences for no reason.

Additionally, we see in the Pinkie Sense episode that Applejack is one of the strongest believers in the Pinkie Sense, not needing to understand it to trust that it works.

Meanwhile, what do you think Applejack would think of sysmeds?

Because the entire sysmed philosophy is based on dishonesty. They will claim again and again that you need trauma to be plural. They will say it's scientifically impossible to be plural without trauma. That plurality can only be caused by disorders. But they have absolutely no sources for this claim, and THEY KNOW IT.

At best, they will try to overwhelm you with sources that don't back up their points at all. Usually, random articles saying DID is usually caused by trauma (not even saying "always") but won't address non-disordered plurality at all.

And most sysmeds respond to being corrected on facts not by acknowledging those corrections and accepting that they were wrong, but by BLOCKING the people who correct them. See the OP as an example, who falsely claimed "plural" was popularized on Tumblr, was corrected by a user, and subsequently blocked for it.

Applejack isn't just honest, but she's also pretty good at sniffing out dishonesty in others.

Do you honestly think Applejack would look at sysmed arguments and decide they were honestly representing their facts?

I don't have much to say about these beyond pointing out the overall theme of these screenshots which is that the OP isn't actually writing how the Mane Six would respond to endogenic systems, but is writing their own opinions on endogenic systems in the voices of the characters.

These characters, on the whole, are pretty accepting ponies.

Keep in mind, it took all of a few seconds in the Equestria Girls movie to convince the human versions of the characters that Twilight was actually from a magical pony dimension. To be fair, the talking dog helped. But overall, the ponies are all very open-minded and accepting of new idea.

This is pretty consistently shown throughout the series.

🙄

You know, of all the ponies to be anti-endo, I actually do think Twilight would be the most likely to be, based on how she behaved in Feeling Pinkie Keen.

But by the end of the episode, Twilight learns her lesson and becomes more open-minded.

Even if we were dealing with Twilight before that episode though, Twilight has something anti-endos don't. Which is a brain.

First, if Twilight had access to studies on endogenic plurality and read the opinions on academic on the subject, like those in this document...

I think she would have no problem accepting endogenic plurality. I have no doubt that Twilight would read through every single academic paper in the doc, then track down all the sources for those papers and read them too.

But even if not for those studies, Twilight still wouldn't just disbelieve in endogenic systems the way sysmeds do.

See, even when Twilight was skeptical about something, when she was certain that Pinkie Pie was wrong, she didn't stop there. She wanted to prove that she was right. She conducted experiments. She observed her target closely.

A sysmed would just say that you're wrong, and try to shame you for your beliefs so that you would conform. But Twilight needed evidence.

She needed to prove to herself that it wasn't true.

If Twilight Sparkle wanted to prove that endogenic systems didn't exist, what do you think she would actually do?

Do you think she would be content to say this for certain without testing it?

Here's my take on it:

I think that Twilight would respond by trying to make a headmate herself. Provide her with a good tulpamancy guide, and I think she would experiment with herself, trying to make a tulpa just to prove it wouldn't work.

But remember that even that scenario... it assumes a world where Twilight hadn't encountered Nightmare Moon and Princess Luna, and wouldn't relate them to endogenic systems. It assumes a world where Twilight would have some sort of pre-existing bias against the possibility of non-traumagenic systems and have a false belief that all systems are caused by trauma. And it assumes a world where she also didn't have access to the research into non-traumagenic that would show her that this is something many reputable doctors have supported.

Remember, sysmeds have been provided links to academic papers affirming endogenic plurality's existence time and time again. They deny these studies and cling to willful ignorance out of sheer, irrational hatred.

Not one of the Mane Six would support the hate inherent in system medicalism. I frankly can't think of any characters in the show who would.

The Mane Six would be pro-endo!

Deal with it!

[strniohoeee]

idk what to ask but something super angst enemies to lovers with matt

Disregard(Matt’s Version)

Pairing: Matt Sturniolo X Female Reader

Synopsis: Matt and Y/N hate each other. However one night at a party things take an ugly turn, and Matt’s there to help her. Feelings are expressed but are these feelings mutual? 🌷

Warning⚠️: None really some guy tries to take advantage of reader.

Song for the imagine: R U Mine?- Arctic Monkeys

And satisfaction feels like a distant memory

And I can’t help myself

All I ever wanna say is “are you mine?”

“You at a party with Matt? How’s that going to work” my friend asked me over the phone laughing

“It’s going to work because I hate him, and I will be far away from him duhh” I said raking through my closet looking for an outfit

“I just don’t know how you can hang out with him and his brothers when yall can’t stand one another” she said

“Well Nicks my friend mostly sadly and Chris is cool, but Matt’s just always there” I said huffing when I couldn’t find the shirt I wanted

“Why don’t you and Nick just hang out” she responded

“I mean we have, but they are always together. I’ve learned to just not acknowledge him” I said laughing

“Man I don’t know how you’ve been sticking it out this long” she said to me

“He was at his worse in high school, so if I got over that I can get over anything” I responded back

“Mmm that’s true he was an annoying little shit” she said giggling

“He really was, and he was such a dick” I said rolling my eyes

“He was, but I’m gonna let you go girl. I know you have to prepare for this party, and I’m about to head out with my man on a date” she said to me

“Alright girl I love you, and have fun I’ll talk to you soon” I responded

“Love you too, and have fun as well” she responded

I hung up and finished looking through my closet for another outfit.

“FINALLYYYY” I said as I found the shirt I’ve been hunting for

To be honest I’m not too sure why my hate for Matt was still there. I’ve been friends with Nick for 5 years now, and although Matt was an asshole in school I couldn’t stop my hate towards him.

He just was always there, and swore he was hot shit. He wanted to be cool and mysterious so badly and it annoyed the shit out of me.

I agreed when Chris called him “tough” because it was true. He acted like this big bad guy, and like he was too good for everybody. Hated it and I hated him

Initially I really liked him, but he destroyed all of that when we were in high school. It haunted me daily…..man fuck Matt

I finished getting ready and decided to Uber over to the triplets house since Nick wanted us to carpool

I headed into their house and walked up to nicks room

“Nickkkk” I said as I walked in and hugged him

“Heyyy” he said pulling away

“Excited for tonight?” I asked him as I sat on his bed

“Very! I haven’t been to a party in a while” he said looking in his closet

“Oh my gosh sameeee” I said

“Should I wear a pink shirt or a black shirt?” He asked

“Mmmmm pink, that color looks good on you” I said back

“I was thinking the same” he said laughing

Suddenly Chris and Matt barged into his room

“YOOO” Chris yelled coming in

“Hey” I said smiling at him

“Stop fucking screaming like a bafoon” Nick said

“Uhhh who brought the negative Nancy” Chris said rolling his eyes

Nick just rolled his eyes at Chris as he finished getting ready in his bathroom

“Nick I have a question” I said getting up

“What’s up?” He asked

“Do you have my perfume I left here a while back” I asked

“Mmm I should, might be in my top drawer” he said

“Yeah you might want to mask that smell” Matt said laughing

“Ew….youre not funny” I said giving him a dirty look

“Yeah and youre ugly” he said making an ugly face

“You act like a two year old” I said not even looking at him

“Alright children enough” Chris said rolling his eyes

“I’m going to wait downstairs, I’m not going to allow Matt to ruin my night” I said after I sprayed myself with perfume and leaving Nicks room

About 10 minutes later they all came down and we decided to head out. Matt drove us to this influencers house who they knew and we headed in

“Alright guys don’t get too wild and try not to fight anyone” Nick said

“Got it” we said laughing

We walked in and started to say hi to the people we knew. I headed into the kitchen to make myself a drink because this was going to be a long night.

I was sitting in the kitchen sipping on my drink while people watching when I saw someone from the corner of my eye.

“Hey” he said, I looked over at him smiling as I swallowed my drink

“Hi” I said properly

“I’m Grey, but most people call me G” he said sticking his hand out for me to shake

“I’m Y/N” I said shaking his hand

“Are you here alone?” He asked as he began to make himself a drink

“Oh no I’m here with some friends, but we branched off” I said to him

“Oh nice yeah I did the same. I think my friends with some girl or some shit” he said shaking his head

“Ahh yes the classic party hook up” I said

“So cliche right” he said laughing

I went to answer but Matt walked into the kitchen clearing his throat and shoving in between us to get a Pepsi

“Oh uh am I interrupting something?” Matt asked looking between Grey and I

“No, go away Matt” I said sighing

“Cant I get a drink?” He said cheering my cup and giving me a shit eating grin

“I’m going to uhhh I’m going to head out” Grey said before walking off

“You fucking dick” I said punching Matt

“I came to get a drink” he said shrugging his shoulders

“You’re such a fucking asshole I hate you” I said finishing my drink and going to make another one

“Not sure why you hate me” he said scoffing

“Tuh- you’re not sure?” I said grabbing a coke to mix with Malibu

“Mmm no not really” he said shaking his head

“Oh well let me jog your memory shall I? You were an absolute piece of shit in high school. You called me every terrible name under the sun. You turned our whole grade against me. Let’s not forget that so-called prank you pulled on me. Calling me telling me you liked me when you knew I liked you asking me out and then telling me it was a joke and that you truly hated me. Oh not to mention you recorded it and sent it to the whole fucking school. You humiliated me in front of everyone” I said mixing my drink

“It wasn’t that serious, you know. I was hanging around asshole guys and I thought it was cool” he said nonchalantly

“You’re still the same way though” I said scoffing

“I’m really not” he said

“You are Matt….you are. I don’t know what I ever did to you, but I know I don’t deserve this shit” I responded

“Oh don’t act innocent you weren’t a saint” he said

“Yeah maybe in high school I got you back a few times but nothing compared to the shit you out, and that was high school were 21 now” I responded

“I have my reasons and you have yours” he said

I looked at him and scoffed…what is he even saying

“Grow up Matt” I said lifting off the counter to walk away

“Right back at you” he said shaking his head

“And stay the fuck out of my way” I said shoving past him

I walked off angrily and decided to look for Grey because I really needed to take my mind off of Matt. He was making my blood boil and my head spin

I saw Grey sitting on a couch scrolling through his phone

“Hey stranger” I said walking up to him

“Oh Heyy Y/N” he said smiling and locking his phone to put it away

“Sorry about that back there he can be a bit annoying” I said sitting next to him

“Ex boyfriend drama?” He asked

“Oh god no. Rival since high school” I said laughing

“Damn since high school” he said

“Yeah” I responded taking a seat next to him

Grey and I had been talking on the couch for a while. His fingers and hands often becoming loose and touching me. Nothing that made me uncomfortable, but it was certainly strange.

Unbeknown to Y/N Matt was watching her and Grey the whole time. He had a weird feeling about him, but couldn’t put his finger on it. He didn’t like that Grey was touching her, but she didn’t seem bothered so he stood back.

“Hey want to head up to a room I can’t really hear you” Grey asked nicely

“Ummm yeah sure” I said

“Nothing weird I promise” he said laughing

“Oh no worries” I said laughing and getting up to follow him

Matt was sitting as he watched them get up and head to the stairs. His ears perking up at this…..something was telling him to follow them.

Slowly Matt got up following behind them at a good distance. Listening in on their convo as best as he could. Didn’t seem strange, but he still wanted to make sure Y/N was okay.

Grey and Y/N had walked into a room shutting the door behind them, and Matt stood a few feet behind. He didn’t want to listen in, but he also wanted to make sure nothing weird was about to go down

“So tell me more about you” Grey said as we both sat on the bed

“Mmm well I’ve been living here for a while now, I’m originally from Boston” I said scanning my brain for more things to say

“Nice nice” he said staring at me

“I’m not sure what else to say” I said giggling

But Grey didn’t say anything he just stared at me….it started to bother me

“Is there something on my face?” I asked getting nervous

“Oh uh no sorry you’re just gorgeous” he said

“Oh thank you” I said looking down

At first coming up here seemed like a good idea, but now I’m worried he got the wrong picture. I did not want anything to do with this man other than a possible friendship. This was started to bug me out

Suddenly he started to lean in, I jumped up

“Oh no no that’s not why I came up here” I said backing away

“Oh? Well then why did you come up here” he asked shocked

“Umm because I thought you wanted to hear me better not try to kiss me” I said looking at him weirdly

“Well one kiss wouldn’t hurt” he said getting up

“No I’m good” I said nodding my head at him

“Just one come on” he said in a sleazy way

“And I said no. No is a full sentence” I said getting upset

“Stop being a tease already” he said

“I’m sorry if I gave you the wrong idea, but I do not want to kiss you” I said

He came closer and I backed away banging into a table against the wall

“Back away” I said

On the other side Matt heard the muffled conversations and the scuffling going on between two people, but he didn’t know what was going on.

“Please stop” I said pushing him off of me as we struggled against the table causing some things to fall

“Come on baby” he said getting upset

“FUCK OFF” I yelled pushing him off and grabbing the front door

My eyes surprised me when I made eye contact with Matt who was standing infront of the door

“Matt?” I asked confused

“What’s going on?” He said looking behind me into the room

“Nothing” I said pushing him back trying to get him to leave

“Your little bitch is a tease” Grey said to Matt

“She’s not a bitch, and if she said no then it’s no” Matt said looking the dude up and down

“She doesn’t want you either, so don’t try to be Superman” he said scoffing

“Fuck you. I’m being a decent human being respect her” Matt said

“What are you going to do about huh?” He said laughing at Matt

“Come on stop” I said trying to pull Matt away

“No” he said pushing my hand away

“You’re a piece of shit” Matt said walking towards Grey

“Don’t care” he said still laughing

Matt looked at him before punching him in the jaw

“MATT WHAT THE FUCK” I yelled out

They both started to scuffle around throwing punches

“Stop it” I said trying to pull Matt away

Matt hit the guy again in the nose causing him to stumble backwards

“When a woman tells you no that means no” he said backing away from Grey

“Matt we have to go now” I said pulling him away

Matt and I ran down the stairs and to his car

“Are you okay?” He asked me as we got in the car

“Yeah I’m fine” I said bluntly

“What a sick fuck” he said turning his car on

“Why do you care?” I asked

“Well I got a bad vibe from him okay, and I just didn’t want you to get hurt” he said as he pulled off

“Matt caring about me” I asked

“I don’t care about you…..I just didn’t want some creep to take advantage” he said scoffing

“Mm don’t care about me sureeeee” I said sitting back in my chair

“I don’t fucking like you okay Y/N” he said getting upset

“Feelings mutual I could’ve handled my own” I said

“Didn’t seem like it” he said

“I had it” I said getting upset with him

“You’re so stubborn” he said

“And so are you” I said

“Just stop okay” he said gripping the steering wheel tighter

“Stop what? Just take me home and shut up” I said rolling my eyes

“You’re such a bitch I try and help you and this is what I get” he said

“Stop the car” I said bluntly

“No” he said

“Matthew stop the fucking car now” I said

Matt looked over at me and pulled over. I hopped out and began to walk

“What the fuck are you doing?” He asked

“Shut the fuck up” I said continuing to walk

Matt hopped out the car following behind me

“Get in the car now” he said sternly

“You’re not my dad, go away” I said shooing him

“I’m not asking you again. Get in the car now” he said trailing closer to me

“GO AWAY” I yelled at him

Matt ran a little faster and grabbed my arm pulling me to turn around

“IM NOT LEAVING YOU HERE STOP BEING STUBBORN AND GET IN THE CAR” he yelled at me

“Let go of me” I said pulling my arm away from him harshly

“Get in the car. I know you hate me. I get that, but get in the car. I’ll take you home and I’ll never bother you again” he said

“Matt no I’m not going anywhere with you” I said

“Stop being so stubborn holy shit” he said pulling at his hair

“No one told you to save me, no one told you to take me home and no one told you to follow me out here. You don’t like me so go away” I said turning around to keep walking

“Yeah I don’t like you because…..because I love you” he said

I stopped in my tracks and slowly turned around to face him

“What?” I asked

“I love you okay” he said shaking his head

“No no you’re not doing this. After all these years of being a piece of shit you’re not about to pull this I love you card” I said pointing at him

“I’ve been a horrible person I know, but I truly didn’t know how to express myself. And i know these words probably mean nothing. But I want you to know I can’t do this anymore. I can’t hide my true feelings by pretending to be mean to you. When I saw you and that guy I got so jealous because that….that should be me” he said

“I don’t know what to say to you” I said shaking my head

“That’s okay. Just get back in the car, let me take you home. And you don’t have to see me ever again” he responded

“Matt I… I don’t know what to say because I love you too. I have loved you since high school, and I masked these feelings with hatred because it was the easiest thing to do” I said

“I’m sorry, okay. I never meant to hurt you the way I did” he said

“I don’t know if I can accept that apology right now. You hurt me badly” I told him

“I get that, but just let me take you home and we can talk about it tomorrow” he said

“Ok” I responded in a whisper

I got back into Matt’s car and he drove me home. The whole ride was silent. My thoughts racing in my head about what he told me….did he really love me?

Matt got to my apartment complex and walked me to my apartment door

“Thanks Matt” I said looking at him

“Oh yeah no worries can’t have you walking alone at night” he said

“No. I mean for everything tonight thank you” I said smiling

“Oh yeah. Of course” he said smiling back

“Ummm I really like you, and you did hurt me, but I want to work this out” I said

“Yeah yeah I do too” he said looking at my eyes

“Well goodnight Matt” I responded opening my door

“Can I have a hug?” He asked shyly

I smiled at this and pulled him in for a hug, kissing him on the cheek

“I appreciate you truly for tonight” I said smiling weakly

He nodded his head at me

“I’ll call” he said

“I’ll answer” I responded

And with that I walked into my apartment locking the door behind me.

Matt drove back to pick up his brothers. Once he was home he laid in bed smiling to himself.

I can’t wait to hear her voice again.

The End

I hope you enjoyed this one I love yall sooo much omgg🥹🖤🖤

-J💅🏽

[pastel-charm-14]

having incredible confidence

one thing that i've learned throughout my life is that confidence is different from what you think it is. confidence is not about being the loudest in the room or never feeling insecure. real confidence comes from within and it’s something anyone can take hold of. i am getting some of the best confidence i've ever had in my life currently and it feels so good, so i wanted to share some tips with you guys to help y'all feel it too :)

get to know yourself!!

spend time figuring out who you are, what you like, and what you’re good at. when you understand your strengths and acknowledge your weaknesses, you become more self-assured, because confidence isn't about being perfect, it's about being comfortable with who you are, even with your flaws.

show yourself some compassion!!

treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding you’d offer to your best friend. when you make a mistake, don’t beat yourself up. remember, mistakes are learning opportunities. everyone has setbacks, but it’s how you respond to them that really matters.

set small goals!!

every time you accomplish something, no matter how minor it seems, it boosts your self-esteem. those little wins add up and over time, and you're gonna start to feel more confident :)

step out of your comfort zone!!

try new things, even if they scare you. the more you challenge yourself, the more you’ll realize that you’re entirely capable of handling absolutely anything! each success will make you more confident in your capability to face challenges.

surround yourself with positivity!!

spend time with people who lift you up and support you. negativity can drain your confidence, so cut the toxic people out of your life! having a good friend group is so nice.

[kinkandkreep]

♡︎ 𝐂𝐖: 𝐑𝐞𝐭𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐚𝐭𝐨𝐫�� 𝐜𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠, 𝐞𝐦𝐨𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐚𝐥 𝐦𝐚𝐧𝐢𝐩𝐮𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧

♡︎ "__" 𝐫𝐞𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐬 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐧𝐚𝐦𝐞 

♡︎ 𝐏𝐫𝐞𝐯𝐢𝐨𝐮𝐬 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞

♡︎ 𝐍𝐞𝐱𝐭 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞

♡︎ 𝐓𝐚𝐠𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭: @missgab @sucidalbutpretty

You almost pity Mikey. 

You can't know in the moment how thin the line between sanity and snapping he treads really is, but you do know you're only about to exacerbate the issue. 

And you even think you're going to enjoy it. 

In any other circumstance, you might have been appalled by even the thought of doing something so underhanded. 

But you can’t see how else you’re going to make Manjiro learn his lesson. 

Simply destroying his things and kicking him out will only cause him momentary distress, yelling and screaming will only tire you out. Both options, though they may be fleetingly satisfying, will still leave room for Manjiro to return to you, begging and pleading. 

Even if he will be on his knees. 

No, you want him to hurt the same way you hurt. Though you may not have fully acknowledged and felt out that hurt, you recognize that it’s there. 

You’ll give yourself time to cry, but only after Manjiro does first. 

It’s later in the day when you see Manjiro again. He’s come downstairs from presumably taking a nap, and you’re in the kitchen, earbuds in, making yourself something to eat. 

You can feel Manjiro’s eyes on you from where you stand, jigging slightly to the music. You begin singing aloud, hoping he picks up on the message in the song. 

I hope you both feel the sparks by the end of the drive

I hope you know she's the one by the end of the night

I hope you never ever felt more free

Tell your friends that you're so happy

You can see from the corner of your eye how Manjiro freezes up as he approaches you. A small grin curls your mouth, and you continue singing the next section of the song. 

I hope she comes along and wrecks every one of your plans

I hope you spend your last dime to put a rock on her hand

I hope she's wilder than your wildest dreams

She's everything you're ever gonna need

And then I hope she cheats

You pause a little longer than the music does before singing the last of the lyrics. 

Like you did on me

Manjiro still hasn’t moved, and you can practically feel his thoughts racing. 

You continue humming as though you’re unable to tell he’s there, just waiting for the moment when he finally addresses you. 

After quite a few moments have elapsed and he still hasn’t said anything, you take it upon yourself to say something first, pretending to be surprised when you see him.

“Oh! Manjiro. You know, it’s bad to sneak up on people like that.”

You chide him gently, teasingly pinching his cheek. 

Manjiro watches you with wide eyes, and you return his gaze evenly, brows quirked expectantly. 

“Do you need something?”

With those words, he seemingly snaps out of his reverie, shaking his head. 

“U-uh, no. I just…I just came to let you know I’d woken up.”

You hum, turning back to preparing your meal. 

“Alright. Well, I’ll be in the living room in a minute. Why don’t you go wait for me there?”

You can’t help but feel like you’re talking to a small child, and like an obedient little one, Manjiro nods and begins making his way towards your living area. 

As he turns, Manjiro suddenly stops, moving to face you again. He approaches swiftly, placing a hand on your shoulder and gently turning you to face him. You watch as he leans in for a kiss, this time unable to stop yourself from pulling away. 

Manjiro clearly notices, brows furrowed as he pulls back. 

“You ok?” He mumbles, and funnily enough, you can see the slightest hint of wetness begin accumulating on his lash line. 

Resisting the urge to roll your eyes, you nod, before easing out of his grasp. 

“I’m fine, Manjiro. Just go wait for me, ok?”

You don’t wait for him to respond, and eventually you feel his presence move away. 

After a few minutes, you’re done with your preparations. Moving toward the couch, you see Manjiro staring out of the window, seemingly lost in thought. 

‘Hopefully he’s considering the consequences of his actions.’ 

You know it’s probably a long shot, but hope was left in the box for a reason. 

Just as you’re about to sit, your phone begins to vibrate. Curious as to who it could be, you fish the device out from your pocket, exclaiming excitedly when you see who it is. 

“Shuji!” 

This catches Manjiro’s attention, and you silently delight in the frown that forms on his face. 

The aforementioned man is requesting a video chat, and you can see him moving about before you accept the call. 

“Ji-ji! What’s goin’ on friend?”

The man gives that signature lazy smile upon hearing your voice, eyes seeming to light up once they’re fixed on you. 

“__! Long time no speak, huh? You doin’ alright?”

You’ve taken your seat now, steaming bowl of udon and onigiri balanced carefully in your lap. You talk as you get settled, setting your tray down on the table beside you. 

“I’m doin’ well, thanks for asking. How’s work been keepin’ ya?”

“Pretty busy. But considering my line of work, that’s always a good thing.”

You nod, slurping up a bit of udon broth. 

“Indeed. Where are you now?”

“I’m actually back in Japan, at least for a little while anyway. Got a client here who wants me to photograph her vow renewal.” 

“Aww, how sweet! Let me guess, it’s an older couple?”

“Ding ding, you are correct. Her and her husband are really nice people too. I went to their house for the consultation- lovely, quaint little place by the way- and they fed me. The wife is an excellent cook.”

You giggle, and you can see Manjiro’s still present frown twitch slightly at the sound. 

“Well, free food is always a plus. When’s the big event?”

“A few weeks from now. They’re currently stuck between two dates. Their renewal will be a more intimate affair, so they’re not too worried about it.”

You nod again, having made your way through about half of your meal while you two chatted. 

“Well that’s good. So, other than that, what’s up? You need anything? I wanted to ask just in case.”

Shuji shakes his head, fiddling with something out of the frame. 

“Nothing much, just wanted to chat with my favorite girl. It’s been some time since we last talked, I figured now’s as good a time as any to catch up.”

You’re sure the slight purr in Shuji’s voice is audible to more than just you, and you’re proven right when you see Manjiro shift out of the corner of your eye. He’s moved a little closer to you, trying to slyly get a better look at the man on the screen.

Ignoring Manjiro for the moment, you can't deny that hearing such compliments from Shuji makes your chest warm. 

Perhaps Mikey can sense this, because he chooses that moment to make his presence known. 

"Hanma." 

The man hums, his smile faltering as he lays eyes on Manjiro. 

"Mikey! Long time no see. How ya' been, bud?" 

There's an edge to Shuji's voice, which Manjiro clearly doesn't appreciate. 

"Fine. Thanks." Manjiro's eyes narrow slightly, and you can see that his jaw is clenched the most minute amount. 

Shuji hums, before turning his attention back to you. 

“So, I was thinkin’ about comin’ over for a visit. Seein’ your pretty face over the phone is nice but it’s just not the same as seein’ you in person.”

The warmth from earlier, which hadn’t fully dissipated spreads, and you can hear Manjiro scoff quietly. 

You give him a warning glance, one which he pointedly ignores. 

“Sounds good to me, we’d love to have you over. How soon can you be here?” 

Shuji hums, looking upwards with a thoughtful expression on his face. 

“Got anything planned for the rest of the day? I’ve been so dreadfully bored for the last little bit, and you know boredom and I aren’t a very safe mix.”

The two of you chuckle, both plenty cognizant of how much Shuji loathes being bored. 

“Oh, I know all too well. I don’t really have any obligations so you’re free to stop by whenever you like. I’ll be here.” 

You exchange a few more words with Shuji, smiling and laughing all the while, before finally ending the call. 

“Well, we’re having company. Guess I’d better make the place look presentable.”

“Why go through the trouble,” Manjiro mumbles, looking very clearly off-put. “It’s just Hanma.”

“Yes, it might “just” be Shuji but he hasn’t visited since around the time of our wedding. That makes it special, to me anyway, and the thing you do when someone special visits is straighten up your house.”

“He’s “someone special,” huh?” Manjiro is looking at you know, an accusatory look in his eyes. 

You resist the urge to scoff, unbelieving of his hypocrisy. 

“Yes, Shuji is someone special to me. Is that a problem?” Your tone is stern, and Manjiro quickly finds himself unable to maintain eye contact with you. 

“No it’s…it’s fine. I just…”

Manjiro trails off, and with a sigh, you turn your back to him. 

“If it makes you so uncomfortable, then why don’t you visit Ken at the shop while Shuji visits? I’m sure he could use the help.”

Manjiro’s head snaps back towards you, an incredulous look plastered across his face. 

“You’re sending me away?”

“You don’t have to go, Manjiro. But unless you can behave yourself, you’ll have to leave. I won’t have you being moody and passive aggressive toward our guest.” With a wave of a hand over your shoulder, you make your way out of the living room, leaving Manjiro to stew in his thoughts. 

Once you’re out of view of Mikey, you quickly shoot a text to Ken, informing him of the plan. 

You

I’m sending Manjiro your way. Shuji’s coming for a visit. 

Ken Bes Fren 🐉

Are you sure? I’m not sure I’ll be able to keep myself from punching his adulterous face. 

You

😂 Oh Ken, you’ve always had such excellent self-control. I’m sure you’ll be able to handle it. We can’t let him know that you know yet. And we especially can’t let him know that you were the one who told me about his infidelity. He’d definitely try to fight you then. 

Ken Bes Fren 🐉

Alright, I trust you __. Send him over whenever. I’m at the shop, but I’m sure you knew that already. 

You

Of course. Thanks Ken! 😁

Once that’s done, you begin the process of cleaning and organizing your space in anticipation of your guest. Manjiro is no help, but you can’t be too bothered by that right now. 

Finished in the kitchen, you now make your way over to the living room. Manjiro’s gone, and you assume he’s upstairs getting ready to head over to Ken’s. You’re just finishing up there when the doorbell rings. 

‘Huh, he got here quicker than expected.’ 

You excitedly make your way over to the door, smile widening upon seeing Shuji’s face. 

“Ji-ji! You’re here!”

“I’m here.” The man chuckles, extending his arms for a hug. 

You slide easily into his embrace, only slightly having to reach on your tippy toes. 

The two of you stay connected for several moments, long enough for Manjiro to round the corner and catch you. 

“Sorry, am I interrupting something?”

You and Shuji slowly detach from one another, not at all seeming bothered by Manjiro’s presence or words, much to his chagrin. 

“Manjiro, say hi to Shuji.” Your brows lift expectantly, and Manjiro can feel the hairs on the back of his neck prickle at being addressed like a child. Hanma’s teasing smirk doesn’t help matters either, and Manjiro can’t shake the feeling that the tall man knows something he doesn’t.

“Hello Hanma. __, I’ll be heading out now.” He makes his way over to you, intending to leave a peck on your lips, but instead, he comes into contact with the soft flesh of your cheek, you having turned your head slightly at the last second. 

“Alright, have fun. Be safe out there on the road.”

“See ya’ later, Mikey.” Hanma drawls, giving a teasing little wave to the shorter man. 

Manjiro, being aware that you’re watching, only gives a silent nod, before hopping onto his 250, starting the engine and peeling away. 

Finally alone, you usher Shuji into the living room, instructing him to sit while you head into the kitchen. 

“What can I get ya’ to drink Shuj?” Your voice filters in from the adjacent room.

“Whatever you’ve got’s fine,” he hollers back. 

There's some clinking and shuffling, and a few minutes later you move back into the living space, a tray with two drinks and plates of edamame and harumaki in tow. 

"I hope you don't mind tea. I'm just…in a tea mood." 

Shuji hums, a lazy grin plastered on his face. 

"That's fine with me hun." 

You can feel the heat from earlier return with a force. Hanma looks so relaxed and at home, long limbs spread comfortably underneath the chabudai. He munches lazily on some edamame, eyes meeting yours. The corner of his lips quirk up as he chews. 

You can’t deny that you wouldn’t mind seeing him like this all the time.

The sudden realization hits you like a brick being thrown at your head. You’d always recognized that Shuji was handsome, in a, as much as you hate to say it, sleazy kind of way. Once he cleaned up his act, however, he’d become much more conventionally attractive. His shoulder length hair certainly added to the “sleaze appeal,” as you’d decided to call it. 

“Take a picture, it’ll last longer.”

You snap out of your daze, quickly looking away at his words. 

“Sorry. I didn’t mean to stare.” 

Shuji chuckles, popping the last bean in his edamame pod into his mouth, chewing and swallowing. 

"I don't mind, pretty girl."

Something inside you screams that you're treading a dangerous line, but you pointedly ignore it, deciding that you like a little of this kind of danger. 

'I suppose Manjiro does too.'

The thought causes you to sneer and scoff, both actions being noticed by Shuji. 

"You ok?"

"Yeah, I just…had a bad thought."

Scooting closer, Shuji places his chin in his upturned hand, elbow resting on the table in front of him. 

"I'm all ears. If you wanna talk about it, that is."

You sigh, and internally debate whether or not you should tell him about Manjiro’s unfaithfulness. 

You know you should keep private things private, but other than Ken you haven't spoken about it with anyone, and you know Shuji is trustworthy, despite his appearance suggesting otherwise. 

You feel like you just need to vent to someone, someone with a fresh, outsider's perspective.

"Manjiro's cheating on me." You rush out the words over a long-suffering sigh, already sensing the wetness wanting to build along your waterline. 

Shuji shifts and you look up only to find one of the darkest expressions you’ve ever seen him make on his face. 

“So Mikey’s a two timing bastard, huh? I always did get a bad vibe from that guy. And that’s saying something coming from me.”

You chuckle wetly, reaching up to wipe at a stray tear. 

Shuji beats you to it, however, thumb tenderly brushing away the traitorous wetness on your cheek. 

“Hey hey, no need to cry over a piece of shit.”

“Believe me, I’ve had to tell myself that a thousand times at this point.” Your smile looks more like a grimace, and Shuji has nothing but the desire to comfort you in this moment. 

He does so the best way he knows how, wrapping his lithely muscled arms around you and pulling you into yet another tight hug. 

You quickly sink into the embrace, sighing for the nth time, this time out of relief. 

‘He’s so warm,’ you think, somewhat deliriously. ‘And he smells nice.’

You feel Shuji’s tattooed hands rubbing soothingly up and down your back, which causes you to relax even further. 

“I’m sorry, __.” He whispers, and he sounds so genuine.

Another squeeze, and the two of you separate. 

Meeting Shuji’s violet eyes, you find them swimming with something you can’t quite place. 

Lust? Rage? A mix of both? You can’t exactly tell. 

Your eyes drift down to his lips. 

They’re slightly chapped from the air, then shining from a thin layer of spit as Shuji lightly runs his tongue over them. 

Your eyes remain fixed for a few seconds more, before Shuji’s hand moves to tilt your chin upwards.

“__,” he warns. “I know you, and I know you’re not the type to do something like this.”

“Maybe once upon a time I wouldn’t have been,” you return evenly, eyes silently pleading. “But circumstances are different now.”

“Are you sure,” he speaks lowly, face inching closer to yours. 

You reply by pressing your lips against his, hands coming up to tangle in black and gold locks. 

Shuji presses back immediately, humming into the kiss. He leans back, pulling you into his lap, big hands massaging your sides and ass. 

You kiss languidly, though there’s a slight edge of desperation and longing that colors every touch of your lips against his. 

“Do you…do you want-,” Shuji’s unable to finish the sentence, violet orbs frantically searching yours.

“Make me forget about him, Shuji. Take the pain away, even if just for a little.”

With a low growl, Shuji stands, taking you with him, carrying you up to your bedroom and proceeding to do just that. 

ᵃ/ⁿ: 👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀 

ˢᵒ…..ʷʰᵃᵗ ᵈⁱᵈ ʸ'ᵃˡˡ ᵗʰⁱⁿᵏ ᵒᶠ ᵗʰᵉ ᵉⁿᵈⁱⁱⁱⁱⁱⁱⁿᵍ? 🙂

ʷʰᵒ'ˢ ⁿᵉˣᵗ? ʷʰᵒ ʷⁱˡˡ ᵇᵉ ᵉⁿᵈᵍᵃᵐᵉ? ʷʰᵃᵗ ʷⁱˡˡ ʰᵃᵖᵖᵉⁿ ʷʰᵉⁿ ᵐⁱᵏᵉʸ ᶠⁱⁿᵈˢ ᵒᵘᵗ ᵃᵇᵒᵘᵗ ᵗʰᵉ ʳᵉᵃᵈᵉʳ'ˢ ᵖˡᵃⁿ? ʷⁱˡˡ ʰᵉ ᶠⁱⁿᵈ ᵒᵘᵗ? ʷʰᵃᵗ ʷⁱˡˡ ʰᵃᵖᵖᵉⁿ ʷʰᵉⁿ ʰᵉ ᶜᵒᵐᵉˢ ᶠᵃᶜᵉ ᵗᵒ ᶠᵃᶜᵉ ʷⁱᵗʰ ᵏᵉⁿ? ˢᵒ ᵐᵃⁿʸ ᵠᵘᵉˢᵗⁱᵒⁿˢ, ˢᵒ ᵐᵃⁿʸ ᶜʰᵃᵖᵗᵉʳˢ ᵗᵒ ᵍᵒ. 

ʰᵒᵖᵉ ʸ'ᵃˡˡ ᵉⁿʲᵒʸᵉᵈ! ᵗʰᵃⁿᵏˢ ᶠᵒʳ ʳᵉᵃᵈⁱⁿ'! 👋🏾

[blueeyedheizer]

hii can you do 6 for the cassie howard event? thank youu :>>

6 - "Guide me." | 18+, smut under the cut

"Aren't you worried it's going to make things awkward between us?" Cassie asks.

"It doesn't have to be awkward. This is for...strictly educational purposes." you shrug. "I just want to learn how to do it, for when I get a girlfriend. And I know you're a lot more experienced than I am, so..."

"Okay." Cassie agrees. "I'll help you out."

"Really?"

She laughs softly and nods, dragging her body to the end of the bed.

"What are friends for, am I right?”

-

You wipe your clammy hands against your knees, watching as Cassie drags her jeans down her legs and kicks them to the side. She spreads her legs and you move to position yourself between her thighs - suddenly making this whole thing a lot more real.

"Are you sure this is okay?"

Cassie nods again, looking directly at you as her fingers move to her underwear, pushing the fabric to the side and revealing her pussy to you.

For a moment you just stare, taking in the sight with wide eyes, mouth slightly agape.

"Like what you see?" she teases.

"Uh - sorry." you snap out of it, blinking rapidly before looking up at her expectantly. "Guide me, please?"

"There's no specific rule. Just focus on the clit and pay attention to how my body responds. You can start by licking or teasing me with your fingers, whatever feels right to you. Then you just let my reactions guide you." She explains. Then she nods, giving you the green light.

Hesitantly, you bring a hand between her legs and spread her labia, your middle and ring fingers slowly gliding up and down her folds, getting her nice and wet. You do this a few times, making sure to stimulate her clit in the process, trapping it between your fingers and rolling it gently between them, Cassie's body giving a surprised jerk at the feeling. Your eyes rarely ever leave her face as you touch her, studying her every reaction and waiting for her to tell you what to do next.

"That's..." she swallows, brows furrowing in pleasure. "Yeah, that's good. You can use your mouth now."

You oblige without a word, leaning forward and softly kissing her clit before circling it with the tip of your tongue, your movements slow and still a little unsure. Cassie exhales at the sensation, her breath hitching. She bites down on her lip, her fingers coming to gather your hair into a makeshift ponytail. "That's it. Keep going."

You simply hum in acknowledgment and bury your face deeper between her thighs, making sure to hit her clit with every up-and-down motion of your tongue, your technique improving by the minute and confidence growing. Cassie's breathing starts to get heavier, her fingers tightening in your hair every time you hit just the right spot, the softest noises spilling from her mouth.

You continue to lap her up and stimulate her clit, paying attention to every noise and reaction her body has to your ministrations like she told you to do, experimenting with different pressures and places to see if you can draw out any more of those sounds.

"Oh my god." Cassie shivers as she tugs on your hair, pretty blue eyes eagerly watching the swipe of your tongue between her legs. There’s a flush of colour dashed across her cheeks, her hips lifting off the mattress every now and then. "Jesus, fuck. That's really good, Y/N. You're doing so good." she says, a little breathless.

You hold onto her gaze, any shred of self-restraint you have been holding onto completely dissolving as your lips seal around her clit and suck, your tongue flicking the sensitive nub simultaneously.

From then on every swipe and suck and flick is met with an involuntary jerk of Cassie's hips, her cries urging you on. Her chest rises and falls with deeper, heavier breaths and she falls back on the bed, her arm giving out.

"I'm gonna come—" she gasps. "Don't stop."

You wrap your arms around her thighs in response, locking her into place as you concentrate your efforts on her clit, working your tongue as steadily as you can. Her hips rock against your mouth with a mind of their own as her head digs into the mattress, gasping and moaning in pleasure.

“Oh yes. Yes, fuck, right there — i'm coming!“ She cries out, her legs clamping around your head as her orgasm washes over her, whole body shaking as one of her hands flies to your head to hold you in place, her hips rocking against your face as she rides it out. You let her use you as she pleases, your moans of satisfaction prolonging her pleasure.

Cassie eventually shivers with one last aftershock before relaxing, her chest heaving as she catches her breath.

"Your girlfriend's going to be really fucking lucky."

[ashenquill]

“What’re you working on?" Scar lounged in a plush chair, pushing aside the cane that was resting across his knees. Cub sat at his desk a few feet away, focusing intently on several sheets of paper in neat, orderly piles. "More superhero stuff?”

“Yes, actually,” Cub responded. Scar sat bolt upright in his chair, leaning forward eagerly. “But it’s not for you,” he clarified.

Scar faltered for only a moment, his disappointment quickly replaced by intrigue. “Ooh, is it for Cuteguy? Are you making his suit? Can I see it? Are we gonna match?”

“Woah, slow down there, Hotguy,” he said with a half-smile. “I’m just doing some mock-ups, there’s no guarantee that any of this will be permanent.”

“But I wanna see,” he whined.

Cub rolled his eyes. “I never said you couldn’t see it, I just said–” Cub was cut off as Scar rushed up to him, peering over his shoulder and gazing wide-eyed at the handful of sketches that he’d done.

“Wow, Cub! These are amayzin’!” 

“Thanks,” he said. “Cuteguy and I have been in correspondence since he left the gym earlier. He’s uh… not exactly Picasso, but he’s got some good ideas.”

Scar hummed in acknowledgement, distracted by the drawings. “What’s all this stuff about the back?” he asked.

“Trying to come up with the best solution for his wings,” Cub said, bringing his pen to his mouth. “He said an open back is the best way to allow unrestricted movement, but I also want to make sure there’s enough compression around the shoulders to prevent injury. Plus, he needs to be able to fight without it falling off, but it has to be easy to put on.” Cub sifted through his sketches, revealing various designs, each with a slew of notes and alterations in red and blue ink. He furrowed his brow as he revisited them, and Scar recognized his expression as being the same one he wore when he was doing a puzzle. With a quick glance at the pages closest to him, Scar picked out one and held it up to Cub, disrupting his focus.

“What’s wrong with this one?” Scar asked.

“Mmm. That was a good one,” he acknowledged, eyes flicking back down to the half-finished sketch he was working on. “Proper compression, relatively open back, good security. But Cuteguy pointed out that it was impossible to put on, so we scrapped it.”

“Why not just add a zipper or something?” Scar asked, tilting his head.

“He said zippers are the work of–” Cub froze, stopping mid-sentence. He lifted his head to stare at the wall with narrowed eyes, and Scar could practically see the gears turning in his brain. “Zippers might not work,” he mumbled, “But maybe a snap would still be enough? Or those magnets I was working on… let me see that,” he requested, reaching for the paper in Scar’s hand. He gave it back with a small smile on his face, and a surge of satisfaction fluttered in his chest at being able to help.

“Well, I’ll leave you to it, then! Unless you want some help…?”

Cub mumbled under his breath as he took out the red pen and began making marks on the page, then spoke more clearly for a moment. “I’m busy with this, so do you want to do a few sketches of the costume as a whole? You’ll do it more justice than either of us can.”

Scar felt as if Cub had just lit fireworks in his chest, and he struggled to keep himself contained. I get to help design his costume! Okay, stay calm, Scar, be cool, you got this. “For real?!” Okay that was not calm OR cool. “I mean– ahem, sure, sure! I’m happy to help out in any way I can.”

Cub snorted, not bothering to look up. Scar could picture the way he rolled his eyes, even without seeing his face. “Sure thing, Hotguy. Pens and paper are over there.”

Scar moved in the direction he gestured, grinning wildly. He didn’t even care that he was letting himself get carried away — his mind was already swarming with ideas, the inspiration making his hands twitch as it struggled to escape. I have never been more grateful that I learned how to draw in my entire life.

“How do you think he feels about pink?”

»»———————     .°•*⁀➷     ———————««

That was an excerpt from my fic, This Profession is Not Scar-Safe on AO3! If you're interested, feel free to check it out :]

I mainly just wanted to post these sketches I did a few weeks ago. For some reason, writing and drawing work incredibly well together to fight off inspiration blocks lmao.

They're kinda messy, but that's sort of the point. It's more like a recreation of the mock-ups Cub did for Cuteguy's suit, specifically the back design.

[rabbitinashell]

Part One: The Obsession Begins

---

Luke Hobbs wasn’t the kind of man who obsessed over anyone. He was a powerhouse, a hunter who only focused on the mission. But the moment Dom introduced you to him, something inside him shifted, and it was as though his mind couldn’t function the same way again.

You were different from anyone else he’d met—soft in all the ways he wasn’t. You carried a quiet confidence in your curvy frame, your smile easy but guarded. Hobbs had been trained to notice every detail about a person, but with you, it wasn’t just an assessment. He felt drawn to you, a strange, almost primal need to protect you.

It all started at a high-stakes operation where Dom had brought you along as an extra set of hands. You had a sharp mind and a calm demeanor that everyone relied on, and even though you weren’t into the whole "street racing adrenaline" lifestyle, you stuck close to Dom’s crew. You kept them grounded.

When Dom introduced you to Hobbs, you noticed the way he stared. He wasn’t like the others who threw flirtatious looks your way or acted like they were doing you a favor by acknowledging you. Hobbs wasn’t subtle, though. His gaze was intense, like he was analyzing you from the inside out. At first, you chalked it up to him being all business, a guy who didn’t trust anyone until he had sized them up. But you’d soon learn it was much more than that.

---

Weeks went by, and Hobbs found himself lingering in places you were. You worked with Dom, handling logistics and keeping everyone organized, but Hobbs made sure he was always around. He started calling you for random updates that weren’t necessary, showing up at the garage under the guise of checking in, and he even found excuses to take you out for coffee to “talk strategy.”

You started noticing it too. At first, you thought he was just trying to be helpful—he was Dom’s ally, after all—but then it became too much. He’d text you at all hours of the night, always asking if you were home, if you were safe. If you didn’t respond fast enough, he’d show up outside your apartment “just to check in.” He was protective in a way that felt suffocating.

One night, you finally confronted him after catching him outside your place again. He was standing by his massive truck, arms crossed, his eyes watching the street like he was a bodyguard you didn’t hire.

“Hobbs,” you said, trying to sound more confident than you felt. “What are you doing here? It’s late.”

“I was in the area,” he replied casually, but his tone was firm. “Wanted to make sure no one was giving you trouble.”

You sighed, frustrated. “I told you before, I’m fine. I don’t need you checking up on me every other night.”

He stepped closer, his massive frame making the distance between you feel even smaller. “You think I don’t see what’s going on? This world—Dom’s world—is dangerous. You don’t belong in it. And if something happens to you, it’s on me.”

You felt a chill creep up your spine. Hobbs wasn’t just watching out for you—he was obsessing. “I’m not some damsel in distress, Hobbs. I can handle myself.”

His jaw clenched, eyes narrowing as if your words had hit a nerve. “I know you can handle yourself. But that doesn’t mean I’m gonna stand by and let anything happen to you.”

You backed up, shaking your head. “This isn’t normal. You’ve been following me, calling me constantly—this isn’t protection. This is stalking.”

Hobbs’ expression darkened, his voice low and menacing. “You call it what you want. But the way I see it, you’re too important to let out of my sight. I don’t trust anyone around you—not even Dom.”

Your stomach twisted at his words. He wasn’t just concerned about your safety—he didn’t want anyone else around you. He had crossed a line, and there was no going back.

---

The next few days were quiet, but not peaceful. You tried to put distance between yourself and Hobbs, avoiding the places you knew he frequented and not answering his messages. But you could feel him everywhere—his presence like a shadow, always lingering, always watching.

Then one evening, it all came to a head. You had just finished up at the garage and were heading to your car when you saw him. Hobbs was leaning against his truck, arms crossed, waiting for you.

You froze, heart racing. “What are you doing here?”

“I gave you space,” he said, his voice dangerously calm. “But it didn’t feel right. I can’t stand knowing you’re out here on your own.”

“I’m not on my own,” you shot back. “I’ve got Dom, I’ve got the crew. You don’t need to watch over me.”

Hobbs shook his head, stepping closer. “Dom doesn’t get it. He thinks you’re just part of the crew. But you’re more than that to me.”

You felt a lump form in your throat as his words hung in the air. “Hobbs… you’re not making any sense.”

He reached out, gently grabbing your arm, his touch firm but not rough. “I’ve been thinking about this since the day I met you. You and me—we’re supposed to be together. I’ve seen the way you handle things, the way you take care of everyone. But no one’s taking care of you.”

You yanked your arm back, trying to keep your voice steady. “You’re wrong. I don’t need anyone to take care of me.”

Hobbs’ eyes darkened, his frustration bubbling just beneath the surface. “You don’t understand. I don’t just want to protect you. I need you. You belong with me.”

Your heart pounded in your chest as the weight of his obsession hit you full force. He wasn’t going to let this go. No matter what you said, no matter how much you tried to distance yourself, Hobbs had decided you were his. And with his strength, his authority, and his single-minded focus, you knew that trying to escape wasn’t going to be easy.

---

Part Two: All His

The next thing you knew, you were waking up somewhere unfamiliar. A large, industrial-style room with no windows, sparsely furnished. You had no idea how you got there, but you knew one thing for sure: Hobbs had taken you.

Your head pounded as you sat up, trying to make sense of your surroundings. The heavy metal door creaked open, and Hobbs stepped inside, his presence filling the room with an unsettling calm.

“You’re awake,” he said, his voice gentle but unyielding.

You stumbled back, fear gripping you. “What did you do, Hobbs? Where am I?”

“This is where you’ll be safe,” he replied, completely unfazed by your panic. “No one will get to you here.”

“You kidnapped me!” you yelled, backing against the wall. “You can’t just lock me up like this!”

He stepped closer, his massive frame casting a shadow over you. “You’re not locked up. You’re being protected. The world out there? It’s full of threats, and I’m the only one who can keep you from it.”

Your breath came in quick, shallow bursts as you realized just how far Hobbs had gone. His obsession had reached its peak, and now, there was no escaping him.

“You can’t do this,” you whispered, tears stinging your eyes. “This isn’t love. This is control.”

Hobbs crouched down in front of you, his eyes locking onto yours with an intensity that sent a shiver down your spine. “You’ll come to understand. I’m not doing this to control you. I’m doing this to save you. You’re mine now, and nothing’s going to take you away from me.”

The terrifying reality set in—you were no longer free. Luke Hobbs, the man who once fought for justice, had turned into the very thing he used to hunt. A man driven by an obsession so deep, he couldn’t see reason anymore.

And now, you were trapped in his world, all his, with no way out.

---

Hobbs' unwavering dedication becomes a frightening force, turning his once protective nature into dangerous obsession, leaving you completely at his mercy.

[helluvabossrewrite45]

Hey. I've seen some of your rewrite of Helluva Boss scenes and I really like them. I enjoy how you fixed the issues with the writing and how incredibly spectacular your writing of the improved dialogue within the scenes are.

Honestly, I feel inspired by your work. I have an idea for my own Helluva Boss rewrite where I not only fix issues the show has (ex. tonal shifts, inconsistencies & plot holes, worldbuilding issues, etc), but also integrate my HB OCs into my rewrite (ex. my main HB OC Alice Lola (Ally for short), who is an assassin at I.M.P. and an aspiring writer).

I was wondering if I could ask you this: do you have any advice & tips you could give for who have an idea for starting an HB rewrite, or a rewrite in general? I ask out of curiosity as an aspiring writer myself.

Feel free to respond back when you get the chance. Thank you and have a wonderful day/afternoon/night. Keep up the great work! 👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻 🤗💕❤️🧡💛💚💙💜💖💕🤗

Thank you, im glad you enjoy my rewrites and of course, I can offer up some advice for rewrites;

I think one of the best things in writing a rewrite is that you can use these minor details the piece your rewriting has and use them to you advantage. For example, I noticed that Octavia listens to music whenever she hears her parents arguing or at the dinner table where her parents would be and probably would have at least some awkward tension so from rewriting seeing stars, I use that minor detail to highlight her character and her arc of using music or the moon festival to ignore her problems even though it clearly doesn't help. It also contrast with Loona in my rewrite ignoring her problems that she later acknowledges and the two would open up, closing the character arcs in a nice neat bow. Another would be that Millie is often depicted as either moxxie's wife or a murder machine and from the little time we see with her and her family, I rewrote millie growing up having to be in her sisters shadow and just wanting to be her own person instead as inferior or someone's tool. This would establish why she has a rivalry with her sister while also giving her more character for her to be explored (which we should've gotten from harvest moon tbh), Any details you find in helluva can be a tool for you to explore whether it be for the characters, world etc...

Something that even I learned is that when rewriting, you gotta plan what your gonna do with the characters, with the worldbuilding you establish, with all of these plots/ideas your rewriting. Most of the problems helluva has is because vivziepop didnt plan the show out until season 2 rolled around and if we wanna rewrite the show to be better, we ourselves cant make the same mistakes. If you already started the rewrite however, i suggest you look back on the rewrite your already doing for as much as you can to remember in order to not fall into the same mistake the show itself has

When planning an oc into rewrites, I think the main thing is to ask what are they doing here, what purpose do they serve to the plot and what is their character overall (their motive, personality, character arc, likes, dislikes, relationship with the characters, how they bounce off to the other characters etc...)

As another aspiring writer who has a lot of original stories in the works (there's even an original story inspired by helluva boss and some of my rewrite ideas for it), I think its important to approach criticism as a helpful tool rather than an insult. Especially when its rewrites. I always want whatever I'm writing to at least be of decent quality and is regularly curious of how people would react to my original stories still in the works so receiving it and even given criticism for it can help, you know? Since you have an established audience and them offering criticism can be your tool that you can use to improve. It should be noted though that their is a difference between criticism and personal bias/subjectivity. For example, if someone wanted to point out a plot hole or a mistake in your work, that's criticism you can use. But if someone just tells you to go touch grass for your rewrite or something like that, then its not criticism, that's personal bias/opinion they have of rewrites in general so it offers nothing you can use to improve it.

That's all I got so far, I hope this helps!

[edbloves]

https://www.tumblr.com/edbloves/755049232191389696/httpswwwtumblrcomedbloves754938770487476224

THIS IS EVERYTHING TYSM

But once she starts to get more comfortable with them, he realizes that she's just a mini John and he falls even more in love with her

He enjoys talking to her and getting her books to read as she learns her ABCs and hearing her three-year-old (sometimes strange) opinions on things,

This and this absolutely killed me cause hello! She’s just a little John, of course she is the most animated toddler to exist who just babbles all the time

Gale is awake in the middle of the night thinking and spiralling and trying make mental tallies of all the things he has to do and learn and help her with and holy shit he's so unprepared and what are they going to do with a child, let alone a girl?? So he climbs out of bed and unthinking of the late hour, phones Marge and asks her how she does her hair.

Gale learning how to girl dad? Stop it right now, could there be anything cuter? A very fair thing for him to freak out over, if I’m being honest

She has them instantaneously wrapped around her finger and they literally struggle so hard to say no to her ("You tell her she can't do that, John." "Why me? You tell her!" "I don't want her to be upset with me!" "You think I do?!") Good cop, bad cop is literally impossible to do with them, and Gale can't stomach it anyways, not with how his father was

OH MY GOD?? I can so see this. Like I can picture it in my head so vividly. The best part is they KNOW they are so wrapped around her finger and so does Marge who probably jokes that she will be the most spoiled girl in the world (it’s ok because they spoil her with love and affection)

Now I’m thinking about her first time getting sick, the way they probably fret so bad and are heartbroken that their baby isn’t feeling great

So sorry for the delay in responding to this! The first time she gets sick is giving me all the feels too!!

Here's my HC for their sick kiddo:

Gale is trying to keep it together because he worries that if she sees them panicked, she'll panic too. But internally, he doesn't know what to do and doesn't feel prepared to handle this, and calls Marge every two hours who has to talk him off the cliff

John is wreck, almost worse than his daughter, fretting over everything ("Does she have a fever, Buck?" "When do we take her to the hospital, Buck?" "I'm gonna stay up all night and make sure she is okay")

When it happens, it's unlikely Gale can get out of work (as he can't legally be acknowledged as a parent since they're in an illegal relationship) so he hovers all morning, piles blankets upon blankets upon blankets on her feverish frame and then calls home every hour to check in on them

John meanwhile does his best to cheer her up when he's not freaking out and tries to get her to laugh, gives her all the ice cream and juice she wants just to get some solids in her

They also call Croz multiple times a day with their worries because he has a child and has experienced it before (he laughs at them in a respectful and understanding way but teasing nonetheless)

They both absolutely dote on her for anything she wants: Chocolate? Have a Hersheys bar. Ice cream? Done. They read her every children's story they have while she's laid out on the couch and then go buy more. John makes up elaborate tales of princesses slaying dragons lets he interject her ideas whenever she wants.

Logically, they both know they should be careful or they'll end up sick too, but on the first night they barely last five minutes before they go collect her from her bedroom and have her sleep in between them (she doesn't even have to come and ask them to sleep in their bed)

She tucks her frame into John's chest and falls asleep holding Gale's hand with her favourite stuffed animal on the pillow next to her

They both struggle not to cry themselves when she comes to them in tears, feverish and saying "I feel bad, Daddy." in the middle of the night, and nothing they do seems to make her feel better, she's just gotta let it run its course

John tries to yell at the doctor tells them this, tries to get him to magic up a cure and says it's unacceptable to leave his baby feeling like this. Gale feels similarly but recognizes its not the doctors fault and apologizes on John's behalf

[mayfast]

You don’t think there’s ANYTHING suspicious about a white Italian crying crocodile tears after 30 seconds in the ring with an African woman, the ring of course being the fucking OLYMPIC BOXING RING, which is meant for people who are actually capable of performing well in the sport they’re there to do?

Both of them are women, one is just apparently shit at the one thing she was there to do. Can’t take a hit? Don’t go into a sport where you’re gonna get hit, overwhelmingly in the face. Euros stay seething that they can’t own Africans anymore and have to make shit up.

Greetings,

First, I want to apologize in advance for any grammar or punctuation errors. English is my first language, but I’m dyslexic. Regardless, I will do my best to make this response readable. Secondly, I apologize for getting back to you so late. I visited my siblings and left my laptop at home, knowing that if I tried to respond via my phone, the quality would suffer greatly. Thirdly, thank you for genuinely asking me a question. Don’t get me wrong—I love a good death threat as much as the next person, and I’ve already received plenty of those. But I suppose the way I see it is this: if you disagree with me on a topic, having a screaming match on the level of a presidential debate isn’t going to help either of us. Besides, I like learning and changing. I’m human, and that’s kind of what we’re meant to do. Talk with me so I can see and learn. If you show me why I’m wrong and convince me, I’ll acknowledge it and say, "I was wrong with the information previously presented to me. Thank you for correcting me; I appreciate it." As petty as it sounds, I like being right—not in terms of "my opinion trumps yours," but in knowing I have the correct information and now understand the right thing to do or say. Make sense?

Next order of business: my perspective. Normally, I keep my nose out of political and social issues for several reasons. Firstly, I don’t typically have enough information to give an informed opinion. I don’t see why I should preach my views if I lack the data or experience in the subject matter. Instead, I prefer to listen and learn. Furthermore, I strongly believe in the cookie/diet analogy. Most of the internet is familiar with this analogy, but to reiterate: me being on a diet does not mean you cannot eat a cookie. Similarly, my beliefs should not dictate how you live your life. In simpler terms, I drink water and mind my business.

However, let's adjust the analogy a bit. (I use analogies a lot, and I acknowledge that they are not always perfect, but they help get my point across.) If my diet forbids me from consuming alcohol, it doesn’t mean you can’t drink. I even hope you enjoy it because you’re doing as you please and having a good time. But if you decide to drink and then drive, you are actively impeding on my right to be safe. As stated in Article 2 of the American Declaration of Rights: “Every human being has the right to life, liberty, and the security of his person.” Yes, I am American, so perhaps this analogy only applies to Americans. Again, a limitation of the analogy. In this case, I have enough reason to get involved. It’s not about you drinking or you driving separately; it’s about the intersection of the two. (Bet you didn’t think a dumb jock knew what that was, huh?)

For those who are younger or unfamiliar, intersectionality is “a metaphor for understanding the ways that multiple forms of inequality or disadvantage sometimes compound themselves and create obstacles that are often not understood among conventional ways of thinking.” Alternatively, intersectionality is “a sociological analytical framework for understanding how groups' and individuals' social and political identities result in unique combinations of discrimination and privilege.” Basically, when two identities (like race and gender) intersect, they create a unique perspective, thus an intersection. This concept was identified by Kimberlé Crenshaw, a civil rights advocate.

One of the first examples given to me about intersectionality involved a mechanic shop. In this shop, Black male mechanics did the physical labor, while white women worked as secretaries and in the office. A Black woman faced discrimination when she was unfairly turned away for a job. When she took her case to court, the company argued they were neither racist nor sexist because they hired both Black people and women. However, all the women in the office were white, and all the Black employees were male mechanics. It's a complex situation, right? I'm not sure of the specifics or the case name, but I believe it was real, and she ultimately won her case.

Anyway, what I’m saying is that I have a unique intersectionality that gives me specific experiences. In no way am I claiming my perspective is greater than anyone else's, but it is particularly relevant to the topic of trans women in sports and high testosterone performance. My point of view comes from my intersectional identity as an AFAB cis female, a mixed-race individual (Black, White, and Native American), a former Division 1 women’s athlete, and someone with a Master’s of Science in Biochemistry and Molecular Biology, along with other degrees in Biophysics, Biochemistry and Molecular Biology, and Psychology. I am currently deciding whether to pursue a PhD, a medical doctorate, or both.

Therefore, for anyone who thinks I am ignorant about the biological aspects of this issue, I urge you to reconsider. I was an accelerated student, graduated with departmental honors, and maintained a physically demanding job. If you have an issue with my presentation of biological and genetic information, please take it up with CHEA or the U.S. Department of Education for providing me with such "ludicrous" information and expecting me to look out for the health of the U.S. population.

Additionally, while on the topic of education and biology, one key concept was emphasized from the first day of schooling: gender is not sex, and sex is not gender. These are distinct topics. Sometimes sex aligns with gender, and other times it does not. Gender is more of a spectrum, which is fine by me. I know where I fall on that spectrum and am at peace with it. I do not claim to know what a woman is definitively. However, I have lived every day of my life—over two decades—as a woman. I may not encompass everything that the title "woman" entails, but I believe I can at least identify some aspects of what it means to be a woman. Wouldn’t it be silly to tell a woman that she has no idea what is included in the title of a woman?

I've scoured the internet and cannot, for the life of me, find the name of the process where you describe things around a concept to define it, despite not having an exact definition. I learned about this in philosophy; if someone could provide the term, that would be wonderful. For example, let’s say I am an elephant, and I see red and white stripes in the tent where I perform, smell peanuts, see the ring where I strike poses, the boss with his top hat to my left, the acrobats above me, and the clowns in front of me. I may not describe everything that constitutes this concept, but you can probably guess that the topic is a circus. The elephant may not be the entire circus, but it’s part of it and knows bits of it. Could you tell the elephant that it’s not describing parts of the circus correctly? I could say, “Elephant, you’re right that those are parts of the circus, but there are different angles to it as well.” Again, I’m aware that my analogies are not all-encompassing and fall short in some details.

So, while the exact definition of "woman" is ever-changing and based on societal, emotional, mental, and other criteria, I do not seek to define this term. It’s not my area of expertise, nor is it my concern. I know what I am, and I am content. I don’t place others in a box with me; I am happy in my own square. Instead, I stick to what I know: the facts and definitions of what a female is, which are based on biology—facts that have been studied with hard data for me to analyze.

Before I continue, I want to reiterate that I am a "cookie/diet" person. Everyone has the right to life, liberty, security, and the pursuit of happiness. I could never hate a stranger I’ve never met. I believe everyone, regardless of race, gender, identity, sexual preference, age, or other parameters, should have peace and public respect. No one should be actively threatened for their opinions within the boundaries of universal truths. For example, if you think someone should die for their sexual preference (excluding minors, as I do not tolerate pedophilia and believe it is something a person must address immediately), skin color, or religious belief/spirituality, that is an infringement on another person’s safety. With that said, I think transgender, nonbinary, and queer individuals should live their lives to the fullest. They are people too, just like anyone else, including me.

Back to my original topic: I can define a biological female in terms of biology. A female is one denoting the sex that can bear offspring or produce eggs, distinguished biologically by the production of gametes (ova). (Note: not all females are naturally fertile due to genetic variations.) Biological sex is an assigned label given at birth based on medical factors, including hormones, chromosomes, and genitals. These are measurable factors assigned at birth. Hence, terms such as AFAB (Assigned Female At Birth) and AMAB (Assigned Male At Birth) help medical providers give their patients the best treatment and diagnosis regardless of gender. Because, again, sex is not gender, and gender is not sex.

It is also significant to mention that the medical factors assigned at birth are not limited to genitals. This is important because, although rare, intersex persons are real. They exist. One of the things that used to irritate me during my undergraduate and high school years was that medical professionals knew of intersex persons, but they never had a significant amount of data on them to establish the medical boundaries of what could be classified as “normal” for them. It’s like knowing dragons exist but not being able to tell you more about them—like Hiccup with the Night Fury page in the first movie. Moreover, individuals with mixed chromosomes also occur, such as those with 25% XY and 75% XX. Even if their sex presents in a binary fashion, their DNA may be ‘abnormal,’ and they may categorize themselves however they please. I use the word 'abnormal' in a scientific manner, not as a slander, but merely because it literally translates as 'not normal.' One of the genes that defines sex presentation is the SRY gene (7).

If I harp on about DNA, I apologize, but as someone who has spent so much of her life studying this specific detail of human anatomy, I can't help but carry on. I have asked a few of my colleagues with PhDs and specialties in hormone activity, mainly about regulation, because I wish to be well-informed. At a basic level, everyone understands genetic variances and that traditional male and female individuals have different chromosomes—XY and XX, respectively. Otherwise, the genome is mostly identical, with differences in SNPs (single nucleotide polymorphisms) and epigenetics (the regulation of genes typically found in the non-coding regions of DNA). DNA influences the production of chemical structures found naturally in the body, including steroids.

I'm sure most people are familiar with steroids, whether from a "don't do drugs" perspective or in the context of cholesterol. Either way, your body produces various forms of natural steroids to help regulate biochemical pathways. The interesting part is that everyone's body produces all of the necessary steroids (at least every healthy body), just in varying amounts. If you notice that these steroids are similar looking, you're right. This similarity helps us classify them and understand their behavior. They are derivatives of each other, but their varying side chains allow them to bind to specific receptors.

Granted, 'binding' is a loose term because, due to Brownian motion and other physical laws, most molecules just float around. Binding depends on various factors such as the shape of the molecules and the energy of their interactions. Additionally, protein turnover rates (which may not directly be the steroid hormones, but affect growth hormones via the Hypothalamic-Pituitary-Adrenal [HPA] Axis, Hypothalamic-Pituitary-Gonadal [HPG] Axis, Insulin-like Growth Factor 1 [IGF-1] Pathway, Steroid Hormone Receptor Signaling, including the ER and AR pathway, and Cytokine and Growth Factor Pathways), which refer to the rate at which proteins are synthesized and degraded, can influence the availability of proteins for binding, though they are not directly related to binding specificity itself. Binding specificity relies more on the geometry and chemical groups themselves. (Long story short, molecules can float into a receptor, but they rarely stick around long enough for a reaction to occur unless it is the correct compound.)

Androgens are hormones that contribute to male traits and reproductive activities, although they are also present in females in smaller amounts. The main androgens include:

Testosterone: The most well-known androgen, produced primarily in the testes of males and in smaller amounts by the ovaries in females.

Dihydrotestosterone (DHT): A more potent androgen derived from testosterone.

Androstenedione: A precursor to both testosterone and estrogens, produced in the adrenal glands and gonads.

Androgens are responsible for male characteristics such as facial hair, a deep voice, and increased muscle mass. They also play a role in libido, bone density, and overall health in both males and females (8).

Estrogens are hormones crucial for the development and regulation of the female reproductive system and secondary sexual characteristics. They are present in both males and females but are typically found at higher levels in females. Key types of estrogens include:

Estradiol (E2): The most potent and predominant estrogen during the reproductive years.

Estrone (E1): The primary form of estrogen produced after menopause.

Estriol (E3): The weakest form, mainly produced during pregnancy.

Both androgens and estrogens are essential for maintaining a healthy and functioning body, though they operate in different amounts and have distinct functions in males and females. While individual hormone levels can vary due to genetic differences, standard distributions are often used to represent general populations. It’s important to note that athletes, for example, may fall outside these standard distributions in areas like skill levels and genetic traits such as height. Hormone levels also vary depending on the specific aspect being examined, and studies have established typical ranges for these hormones.

Estradiol (E2) is the estrogen most involved in muscle health and building in women. It plays a key role in muscle growth and maintenance by enhancing muscle protein synthesis and influencing muscle mass, especially during periods of hormonal change like menopause. I found this straightforward information on a website, but I’m hesitant to cite this since it doesn’t come from a formal medical paper or research journal.

Results are given in picograms per milliliter (pg/mL). Normal levels for estradiol (E2) are:

30 to 400 pg/mL for premenopausal women

0 to 30 pg/mL for postmenopausal women

10 to 50 pg/mL for men

While these values provide a general reference, I would not rely solely on this information without formal publication backing. For more reliable data, Frederiksen et al. have a formal publication that aligns with these numbers (1). However, it's worth noting that their research was published around 2019-2020, and the publication process can sometimes extend over several months. Additionally, the E2 levels measured in these studies refer to blood serum. Since estrogens and testosterone are also present in other tissues, such as muscle and genital tissues, these values should be interpreted with some caution.

Moving on to testosterone, here are the normal measurements according to a straightforward website I found (uncited here since it’s not from a medical or research journal):

Male: 300 to 1,000 nanograms per deciliter (ng/dL) or 10 to 35 nanomoles per liter (nmol/L)

Female: 15 to 70 ng/dL or 0.5 to 2.4 nmol/L

Fortunately, I found research that supports these values. For example, a study by S. L. Davison et al. measured androgen levels in 1,423 cis-women of varying ages, excluding those at the extremes of the distribution curve to minimize misjudgment (2). Their findings align well with the cited measurements of blood serum testosterone and provide additional details, such as measurement averages, ranges, and a box-and-whisker plot for various androgens. Their comprehensive analysis is quite impressive.

However, it is worth noting that Davison’s study is considered relatively old by research standards, having been published in 2005. Further supporting evidence can be found in research by Zitzmann et al., which also aligns with the previously mentioned male normal ranges (3). Additionally, Mohr et al. conducted a separate study on males that supports these general numbers (4). It should be noted that Mohr's study did not include men under 40 years of age, which may limit its applicability to younger populations.

Besides this point, what practical usage does this information have? These are just ranges of sex-specific hormones. However, when diving deeper into the performance enhancement effects of these hormones, particularly testosterone, we find a plethora of research dedicated to understanding its impact on athletic performance.

Testosterone affects physical abilities, with one of the main differences being height. For instance, Schappi (11) found that "women were, on average, 166.2 cm (SD 6.5) tall and men 179.2 cm (SD 6.5)." While this study was limited to a population in Geneva, its findings are consistent with data from Medical News Today and Our World in Data, both of which conclude that males are roughly 12-13 cm taller than females on average. Interestingly, this 13 cm difference is two standard deviations outside of the female average. Additionally, a person's wingspan is typically equal to their height, meaning that males not only have a height advantage but also a reach advantage when extending their arms overhead. However, height isn't everything; in some sports, like diving or gymnastics, excessive height can be detrimental.

Still not convinced? Let's talk about strength. Although this study is old, it highlights a well-documented difference. Bishop, Curton, and Collins found that "percentage mean differences in absolute strength between males and females of each group ranged from 75% to 173% for the curl and bench press strength measures, whereas differences for the lower-body strength measures were smaller, ranging from 20% to 64%" (12). This indicates that males are distinctly stronger in the upper body and only partially stronger in the lower body. It's important to note that these data reflect both non-athletes and collegiate swimming athletes, meaning the height categories align well with our previous discussion.

Now, let's touch on VO2 max, an important measure in endurance sports like running, where muscle mass and height may not play as significant a role. Recall the SRY gene I mentioned earlier, which is involved in the differentiation of male and female reproductive tissues. During the first six weeks of development, the reproductive tissues of males and females are identical. Around week seven in utero, the SRY (sex-related gene on the Y chromosome) initiates the development of the testes. In the absence of a Y chromosome and the SRY gene, ovaries develop instead. Fetal ovaries do not produce adequate amounts of testosterone, so the Wolffian ducts do not develop. Additionally, the absence of Müllerian Inhibiting Substance (MIS) leads to the development of the Müllerian ducts and female reproductive structures.

Testosterone also stimulates erythropoiesis, which results in a higher hematocrit (the proportion of blood volume occupied by red blood cells) in males compared to females (13). Erythropoiesis, the production of red blood cells (RBCs), plays a crucial role in determining VO2 max because RBCs are responsible for carrying oxygen from the lungs to the muscles during exercise. RBCs contain hemoglobin, a quaternary structured protein that binds to oxygen in the lungs and carries it through the bloodstream to the muscles and other tissues. The more RBCs you have, the more oxygen can, in theory, be transported to your muscles. During exercise, your muscles require more oxygen to produce energy. RBCs deliver this oxygen efficiently, enabling your muscles to sustain activity. VO2 max measures the maximum amount of oxygen your body can use during intense exercise (14). Since RBCs are responsible for delivering oxygen, the number and efficiency of RBCs directly influence your VO2 max. A higher RBC count generally means more oxygen can be delivered, potentially increasing your VO2 max.

In the past, some athletes have tried to enhance their performance by increasing their RBC count through methods like blood doping or using erythropoietin (EPO), a hormone that stimulates RBC production (14). Others prefer altitude training to stimulate the same effect. At higher altitudes, the body responds to lower oxygen levels by producing more RBCs to improve oxygen delivery. This adaptation can lead to an increase in VO2 max when the athlete returns to lower altitudes.

What’s the point of all this research? These numbers represent facts that were measured and observed. While research is ever-changing, these findings were scientifically validated at the time the data was collected. Is it the same today? Maybe, but that's why new research is always conducted—to update and refine our understanding of the facts.

So, if we establish that there are differences in testosterone levels, why is this important? Recently, while traveling, I met a young man named L. We began by discussing his interesting keychain, and our conversation soon expanded to broader topics. Eventually, we touched on my experiences and perspectives on a contentious issue I had been involved in on Tumblr. I shared my background with L and asked for his views.

L, who had no previous experience in sports but expressed a desire to participate, and I both developed similar theories on how to make sports more inclusive without the need to define categories such as "woman" or "man" or to address issues like non-binary participation. We proposed eliminating gender classifications altogether and instead focusing on identifying the 'strongest' or 'best' athletes based purely on performance.

I mentioned that increased muscle building due to androgen effects (as previously explained) would naturally favor individuals with XY chromosomes in muscle-reliant sports. Eliminating gendered sports entirely might render Title IX ineffective, which serves as a protective measure for sex equity in athletics, as well as the amendments to protect gender identity and sexual orientation. However, I will discuss my concerns with Title IX's clumping of these categories later.

L suggested exploring sports events that are more sex-specific, such as gymnastics, where events are designed to accommodate general differences in the center of gravity. He proposed categorizing events based on the center of gravity or allowing athletes to choose from a limited number of events (e.g., four out of eight). L also suggested that weightlifting could be divided into weight classes to ensure fairness.

Overall, L's ideas were creative and thought-provoking, offering innovative ways to address fairness and inclusivity in sports. However...

I want to clarify that my comments about L are not meant to be critical of him personally. L has never participated in competitive sports, so his ideas about sports regulation are not informed by personal experience. For instance, Olympic weightlifting already uses weight classes for both males and females, making L’s suggestion to split events by weight class not a new concept.

To use an analogy (and I apologize in advance for this), if I were a programmer with no background in art, I might develop a program that generates artwork. While I could claim to have created art through the program, it would not make me an artist in the traditional sense, nor would it make my program the originator of any art movements. This comparison highlights that expertise in one field does not automatically translate to expertise in another. Artists of Tumblr, I am sorry I used your craft in vain, but I’m trying to make a point.

With this in mind, I asked L whether my viewpoints made me an "asshole" or a "transphobe." I strive for self-awareness and constantly reassess my perspectives to ensure they are fair and respectful. L, a fan of philosophy, reassured me that my views, while not aligned with his own, did not reflect poorly on my character. He appreciated that I had well-reasoned arguments and was open to discussing and understanding different perspectives. L valued my willingness to engage in dialogue and my intention to support an institution that is important to me while respecting others.

Thank you, L, for your thoughtful feedback and for contributing to a constructive discussion.

Shifting focus away from DNA-related topics, I'd like to discuss another area relevant to my perspective: college sports. College athletics vary in competitiveness and rewards and are governed primarily by two bodies: the National Association of Intercollegiate Athletics (NAIA) and the National Collegiate Athletic Association (NCAA).

The NAIA generally aligns with the competitive levels of NCAA Division 2 and Division 3, with Division 2 being more competitive than Division 3. NCAA Division 1 represents the highest level of competition, with the most demanding physical and legal requirements. Notably, Division 1 athletes often face legal issues related to the intense demands placed on them by coaches, including overworking that affects their academic performance and personal well-being.

For instance, Division 1 athletes frequently deal with legal contracts that dictate their commitment levels, including the number of hours they can be required to train during the offseason and academic breaks. These contracts, often presented as voluntary, are perceived more as mandatory. Athletes are expected to sign them, and while participation in collegiate athletics is a choice, the reality often feels like being caught between economic or physical hardship. With student debt already so high, the stakes are incredibly high for student-athletes.

I also want to touch on something that came up in a Tumblr discussion. I expressed my concerns that men might enter women’s events not out of genuine reasons but rather for athletic achievement. I was told I seemed paranoid and somewhat transphobic for thinking this way, but let me share a personal insight: very few people truly understand what it’s like to be a college athlete. I'll discuss the actual numbers later, but once you sign that contract, you lose a lot of autonomy over your own life.

Before college, I had a healthy body and made my own choices. But once under the coaching staff's control, they dictated everything—my weight, sleep schedule, dietary habits, and even how much sun I got. I had no say in these decisions; it was all up to them. Any college athlete would tell you the same.

Given the differences in hormones, genetics, and epigenetics that I’ve discussed earlier, a coach’s main goal is to win, often by any means necessary within legal boundaries. Transitioning is not off the table. The athlete’s role is to comply with the coach's demands or face the possibility of being released from the team. If you think I’m being dramatic, consider the media’s sexualization of college athletes. Some coaches will have their women drop to dangerous weights to gain attention from the male audience. You should probably look into Tennessee’s women’s teams. I’ve seen coaches who, desperate to turn around a losing streak to keep their jobs, might consider extreme measures, and since the legal case of Lia Thomas was won by her, this would not exclude pushing athletes to transition. Coaches have been known to dope athletes without their consent, track their location illegally, and manipulate their academic schedules to benefit their athletic careers. The latter happens far too often. But an athlete cannot argue—it’s so easy for the school to find a way to make you ineligible. With a long line of people happy to take your scholarship, you sit down and shut up.

How do I know? I was there. I’ve seen the situations that have happened. Very few of you have the same insight.

I bring up my experience as a student-athlete because I’ve faced the reality where a poor performance could jeopardize one’s ability to afford an education. You might wonder, "So what if you get cut from the team? You can just take out a loan or get an academic scholarship like anyone else." As I mentioned earlier, I was an accelerated student, which meant I qualified for significant academic scholarships—hundreds of thousands of dollars that would have covered tuition, board, housing, and more. If I had taken the academic scholarship, it would have deprived someone else who genuinely needed it. That would have been silly, especially since I had other means to fund my education.

Contrary to media portrayals, most athletes aren’t as academically challenged as they might seem. To participate in high school and collegiate sports, you must maintain a minimum GPA. And while sports outside the major men’s sports—like football, basketball, and baseball—don't offer much financial reward, the reality is frankly more stark from an insider’s perspective. For instance, Caitlin Clark, despite being a top draft pick, earns significantly less than a male athlete in a comparable position. This disparity is something most athletes are acutely aware of.

In many countries, sports like golf or tennis might offer better financial prospects, which could explain why over 60% of NCAA tennis players are international. The point I’m making is that many student-athletes pursue sports to avoid college debt. At least 90% of my teammates were in the same situation, with many majoring in pre-med or health-related fields. It’s almost like understanding the body’s functions can indeed enhance performance.

Sorry for the snark, but this is something that has bothered me throughout my college years. The persistent stereotype of college athletes has been evident from the moment I met my academic peers. Being unfairly judged and excluded based on preconceived notions about my extracurricular activities has been frustrating. I made it a point to excel academically, partly in response to this bias. Contrary to what some may believe, athletics often integrates cutting-edge research. For example, many training programs are designed to align with circadian rhythms—lifting in the morning when testosterone levels are highest and practicing in the afternoon when coordination and reaction times are optimized. It’s about applying principles of biochemistry and biophysics to enhance performance.

I want to discuss being a college athlete for another important reason. It seems reasonable to address the issue of lawmakers and other individuals making decisions about areas where they lack firsthand experience. Take, for example, women’s reproductive health and abortion. It’s a well-known issue where decisions are often made by those who don’t experience the consequences firsthand. Similarly, when it comes to transgender athletes in sports, the situation is analogous.

To illustrate, let’s look at some statistics. According to the NCAA, in the 2021-2022 year, there were over 520,000 collegiate athletes. This number is consistent with this link's  reports from the NCAA and NAIA combined. In high school, there were approximately 3,850,771 male athletes and 2,954,034 female athletes. It’s important to note that these figures might include multiple team members and varying grade levels, and some high school athletes participate in multiple sports.

The likelihood of playing at any collegiate level, not just Division 1, is much lower, with about 298,424 male athletes and 239,611 female athletes making the cut. This translates to approximately 7.74% of high school males and 8.11% of high school females having the opportunity to offer an informed opinion on this matter. According to theKids Count Data Center, in 2021, there were 258,418,544 people over the age of 18. This means that for every college athlete, there are roughly 500 individuals who can impact their experience.

This approach highlights an important issue: ensuring equality for nonbinary athletes. They deserve the opportunity to showcase their talents and pursue college sports without facing prejudice or having to conform to the standards set for men’s or women’s teams.

One key aspect of Title IX that many people may not be aware of is that college sports programs must reflect the sex distribution of the student body. When there is a significant imbalance in sex representation—such as more females than males at a school—the ratio of sports scholarships and teams must be adjusted accordingly. As a result, many universities are now adding more female teams to meet these requirements, rather than cutting male programs, which often generate more funding. Interestingly enough, I find it odd that the sex ratio is what influences gender opportunities in athletics, because as we’ve learned, sex is not gender and gender is not sex. Why does sex ratios influence gendered sports?

I propose creating a nonbinary category in sports, with Title IX regulations adjusted to reflect this inclusion. This would ensure that schools offer fully funded nonbinary athletics teams with the same benefits as traditional teams, including scholarships, housing, media coverage, and outreach programs. This way, a trans woman or gender-fluid athlete would not face issues related to hormonal treatments or eligibility, as they would have a designated team that understands their unique challenges. By doing so, we can provide a supportive environment where nonbinary athletes can thrive and connect with teammates who share similar experiences.

If I didn’t care about the well-being of nonconforming genders, I wouldn’t have invested hours researching NCAA guidelines and the CFR to develop solutions. I’m committed to finding resolutions rather than merely voicing complaints.

Now, you might be wondering if I’m advocating for a "separate but equal" approach. Let me clarify: as a Black woman in sports, I’ve experienced firsthand the disparities in treatment and opportunities. Women’s sports often receive far less attention and funding compared to men’s sports. The funding for most college sports programs primarily comes from men’s teams—football, baseball, and men’s basketball being major examples. Additionally, women’s games are frequently scheduled at inconvenient times, like mid-day on a Tuesday, while men’s games are typically held on Friday evenings, attracting more viewers and creating fewer conflicts with academic commitments.

Despite my frustrations, I was thrilled to see the South Carolina vs. Iowa women’s basketball game in 2024 become one of the most-watched college basketball games in ESPN’s history. It felt like a long-awaited recognition for women’s athletics. While the 9.9 million views from the previous year were a notable achievement, it’s clear that women’s sports still have a long way to go in terms of equality and visibility. I’m getting beside the point. Those who would argue that sports are completely based on being unequal, that there are those who are genetically taller or stronger than others, make the point of regulation seem completely unjust.

I assume everyone here is familiar with the standard distribution curve, or the normal z-distribution, which is based on deviation away from the ‘normal.’ Athletics can be understood within this framework. With the Olympics at the very right side of the curve, the top 0.1% of their sport. Top-performing college athletes are well beyond three deviations from the mean. In fact, they are so far above the curve that they are considered outliers. If we examine the case of Lia Thomas, I ran the numbers, comparing her swim performance to the previous top three medalists of the 500-meter freestyle for the 2016-2024 seasons. Lia almost fell perfectly on the mean for the top three medalists, even landing slightly higher within the first deviation of the previous gold medalists within the past eight years.

A "freak of nature" would fall into the +2 or +3 categories. This is also what helps tip off the NCAA about drug enhancement usage. Again, what really threw most of the nation off about Lia Thomas was that she won in her first year in the women’s category. But what fails to be recognized is that her numbers were in the normal range for winning. Granted, this led to other speculations about her being ‘too perfect’ in the category of normal, but that’s not the point nor does it have any data relevance. She did lose a valuable 15 seconds from her personal best after undergoing hormone therapy. I won’t call Lia, when she swam in the men’s category, a bad or prime athlete. Lia, like many athletes affected by COVID, had an extra year to compete, which happened to be her last year of collegiate athletics. Looking at Lia’s numbers and rank alone is not a good indicator of her potential as a swimmer. Lia was always a good swimmer in longer-distance freestyle, even before she transitioned. Looking at Lia’s ranking as a sophomore pre-transition, she was ranked 65th among males for the 200 free that season. For a sophomore, that is not bad at all. I personally ranked a bit higher my sophomore year, but there’s always the number of people in your sport to take into account. I would estimate that if Lia had continued to swim with the males without hormone therapy, she most likely would have been on the national podium nonetheless. What irks me is the lack of data that I can find on Lia’s junior season when she was undergoing hormone therapy while competing in the male category. I know many statements place Lia as ‘bouncing’ from a low-ranking male to a top-ranking female, but I don’t believe that is the case. If someone could point me to the data set, I would love to examine it. Regardless, Lia’s lower rank in her junior year would be explained by the lower levels of testosterone, mitigating towards that of an AFAB (assigned female at birth) woman. If Lia was an ‘average’ champion her senior year, then that low rank position in her junior year is where a women’s average national champion would rank among AMAB (assigned male at birth) men.

Now, someone correct me if I’m wrong, but I doubt that much of Lia’s shift in rank her junior year could be attributed to a change in technique. She did lose muscle mass and gained the typical body composition of a female. So, really the only significant alteration was her testosterone suppression. Clearly, testosterone does something. Granted, due to the private policy of athletes' health, I don’t think much of the public has access to her health records, including her T levels. But if they were under 5 nmol/L, the NCAA would not have allowed her to compete, which she did. So clearly, they were above that level. Regardless, Lia lost muscle mass and bone density post-hormone therapy. Granted, for a non-contact sport in water, how prized is bone density?

If you really want to get into the chemistry of it, females with higher fat content float more easily due to buoyant forces. “In fact, it is the density of lean muscle tissue that differentiates it from fat. The density of mammalian skeletal muscle tissue is about 1.06 kg/L. This density can be contrasted with the density of adipose tissue (fat), which is 0.9196 kg/L” (Etchison). Normally, in any other sport, this is a hindrance, as fat adds to resistance via pulling in a downward motion, which your muscles would need to act counteractively to not only keep you up but also move forwards. Back to distributions, sorry for the weird tangent.

These physical attributes that are so valued in sports—heights, testosterone levels, skeletal structure—have distribution curves among females, or at most people have heard of as percentiles. This is a natural distribution. I don’t think I need to explicitly state that, in general, males are taller, stronger, and faster (due to testosterone). As a female athlete, these are facts I accept without feeling inferior. However, a height of 6’4” or 193 cm will land very differently on the distribution scale of males and females. I mean, Lia’s own teammates wrote a letter urging the school not to pick a fight with gender and sex, as they classified the two as separate and unrelated. While others wrote that Lia was a perfect example that transgender athletes should have an equal opportunity in a safe and positive environment (which I’m not disagreeing with), they are no longer biologically in the binary. Lia’s gender was not the same as her sex during her years of competition.

Next, my other issue with how Lia was regulated was that the NCAA measured her blood serum testosterone. "Evidence that the concentration of testosterone in the athlete’s serum has been less than 5 nmol/L (as measured by liquid chromatography coupled with mass spectrometry) continuously for a period of at least thirty-six (36) months before the date of application" (NCAA Guidelines 19.4.6.C.2). As we have already discussed, 5 nmol/L is already double the standard maximum amount for females, but half the amount males have.

Then let’s discuss the paradox presented. Clearly, testosterone plays a role in performance. However, Lia’s gender and hormones matched those of a female, even though other aspects of her sex did not match that of a biological female (genitals and chromosomes). However, if women’s sports shouldn’t be policed by hormones, genitals, or chromosomes, what defines the original intent of Title IX by the separation of sex? Even when cases in the past have disqualified cis women, whose genitals also align with their sex, if their hormones were too high—cases like Caster Semenya, Dutee Chand, Francine Niyonsaba, Margaret Wambui, and Annet Negesa. Did you know about those cases? Did anyone care then? The typical causes were hyperandrogenism, more common in women of African descent. As a mixed woman, I’m well aware of this. And how have those cases been handled before Imane Khelif? The IAAF, now World Athletics, required these women to either undergo surgery or take medication to bring those T levels down. So, do we go back and award those women their medals and prize money?

Taking this tail-chasing a step further, Lia Thomas didn’t undergo a sex change (understandable, as surgery and hormone therapy would be a lot while competing and preparing for law school), but we regulated her hormones. Her testosterone was just as natural as Imane Khelif’s. If hormones don’t define what a woman is, why was it okay in this case? To further complicate matters, Imane Khelif is a boxer, which is high-contact. Fine, sure, sports sometimes include contact; it’s just part of them. But as you read earlier, testosterone affects tissue, not just blood serum, strength, VO2 max, and other factors like bone density. It definitely affects net force for strikes. One major reason the sports were originally separated wasn’t because women didn’t deserve an equal stage, but to account for the natural differences in anatomy and physiology, such as net strike force and bone density.

People get hurt in contact sports nonetheless; however, those injuries occur along the standard curve due to natural differences between athletes. Without regulation, there is a shift in the curve that would make serious injuries far more common, with death being on the far-right side of the distribution.

Genetic differences and unfair genetic advantages occur all the time in sports. All the time. I was a Division I athlete; do you think I didn’t recognize that? That I wasn’t used to craning my neck up to talk with volleyball or basketball players? That is laughable. But even between the same sports, with men and women, there is a natural distribution. Females are 95% of the time shorter and less muscular. Swimmers, divers, runners, jumpers, throwers, rowers, basketball players, tennis players, fencers, and water polo players—it's all the same.

So, what do we regulate? Hormones? Chromosomes? Genitals? Gender? All of these are out of the question.

Once again, I propose an enhanced visibility program for equal opportunities for non-conforming individuals. The interpretation of Title IX is problematic. The LGBT+ community and others agree that gender is not the same as sex. But for some odd reason, gender and sexual orientation are protected under the title of sex. We should not pick and choose when definitions are convenient. We need to make a distinction and protect these categories individually with more specific definitions. Women: Chromosomes, genitals, gender, and hormones align. Men: Chromosomes, genitals, gender, and hormones align. Non-Conforming: None of the categories need to align.

This model would allow parents to feel more at ease about their children participating in primary education without worrying that their children’s opportunities are being stolen. Every category can have distinct role models. Yes, there can be a genderqueer Simone Biles. This reduces the backlash from societal norms. There would not need to be heavy regulation of sex or gender for the non-conforming group. Thus, they would not have to change to compete. And there would be respect for athletes who do not want to compete against non-standard competitors. Some athletes are fine with whoever is in the competition, while others are not, and whether we like it or not, we have to respect their wishes as well. They are people too, just like trans athletes.

Title IX, enacted as part of the Education Amendments of 1972, represents a critical piece of legislation designed to prevent discrimination based on sex in educational programs and activities receiving federal financial assistance (9). Since its enactment, Title IX's scope has broadened to incorporate evolving understandings of sex, gender, and sexual orientation, and I’m not opposed to protecting each category. This evolution reflects both judicial interpretations and regulatory updates aimed at providing comprehensive protections. However, this broadening also raises concerns about the implications of conflating sex, gender, and sexual orientation under a single legal framework.

Title IX mandates that no person in the U.S. shall be excluded from participation in, denied benefits from, or subjected to discrimination in any federally funded education program or activity based on sex. This includes provisions for ensuring non-discriminatory practices in areas such as athletics, admissions, and employment. Again, this is completely reasonable.

The phrase "Scope of Title IX" refers to the range and extent of Title IX's applicability, including its limitations and exceptions. It outlines the contexts in which Title IX's provisions apply, such as educational programs and employment practices. However, societal changes and legal developments have prompted a broader interpretation. Notably, the U.S. Supreme Court's 2020 decision in Bostock v. Clayton County recognized that discrimination based on sexual orientation and gender identity constitutes sex discrimination. This ruling has influenced the interpretation of Title IX, leading to protections that encompass sexual orientation and gender identity. This is where I have questions about the interpretation. As we have discussed several times, sex isn’t the same as gender, nor is sexual orientation. So why does this fall under the same category? We have early distinctions between the two by John Money in the 1950s and 60s. We also have the Transgender Rights Awareness movements of the 1960s and 1970s, which emphasized that gender identity is not strictly determined by biological sex. Let us not forget the academic development and recognition between the 1970s and 1980s, where gender studies emerged! Scholars like Joan Scott and Judith Butler explored and expanded the idea that gender is a social construct distinct from biological sex. Butler’s work, particularly in the 1990s, was influential in articulating gender as a fluid and socially constructed phenomenon.

I agree completely that the ruling in Bostock v. Clayton was a step in the right direction. Gerald Bostock being fired due to his sexual orientation was discriminatory. His being gay had no impact on his job performance as a child welfare coordinator. However, the court’s ruling that firing someone for being gay or transgender is inherently tied to their sex contradicts the concept that sex and gender are not related. It’s not about sex; it’s about presentation. They aren’t being discriminated against based on sex but rather on sexual orientation and gender identity. How do you know I care about this topic? You have me reviewing 172 pages of Supreme Court files….

So, to put it plainly, sexual orientation and gender identity need to be protected but should not be classified under Title IX as they are unrelated to sex discrimination, as seen in the code of federal regulations; 34 CFR 106.61(10). Additionally, Bostock’s case was related to employment, where it is clear that no sex difference would affect job performance. As an asexual individual, I find it important to recognize and protect distinct sexual orientations alongside gender identities. I was raised in an environment where it was firmly believed that women should be barefoot and pregnant on the farm, and homosexuals needed to ‘repent’. I think that’s all poppycock. But this regulation of Title IX doesn’t align with the previous information on sex and gender.

So now that that’s all said and done, let me review my arguments clearly: Gender and sex are not the same thing. Testosterone affects performance. We have cases that regulate gender as if it’s the same thing as sex and then contradict each other, such as Lia vs. Imane. Are we policing testosterone or not? Why is a large group not directly involved in this debate having such a significant influence over the voices that are actually affected? Title IX shouldn’t protect sexual orientation and gender identity because these topics are unrelated to sex. Finally, we need to address this issue by creating a third, non-conforming category that has equal rights and access to both male and female sports. And crocodile tears? I know this sounds silly, and nepotism happens, but doesn't it strike you as odd, that a trained fighter, some one who should be use to getting hit goes down in under a minute? I'm not saying she was or wasn't dramatic or not, but I am saying that's not normal.

Once again, I’m not an asshole, nor am I transphobic. I drink water and mind my business and, as so lovingly pointed out by other accounts, I do like to write fanfiction because I find it a good way to escape the real world. But if you think you can judge a person’s entire personality and intelligence based on a hobby, I seriously believe you should reevaluate yourself. Do I find the case of Imane suspicious? Yes, for the reasons previously discussed. Would I find the case of Imane suspicious if we had a third category for athletes to compete without needing to conform to the standards of each sex? No. Furthermore, I find it very disappointing that Russia’s whistleblowing on Imane, which could directly endanger her life, is unacceptable. Also, I enjoy learning. If you think I’m wrong in my stance, please, by all means, provide me with some papers to read so I can be better informed. Show me your data and how you’ve interpreted it. It’s important to communicate ideas so we, as a collective people, can move forward. As you might have noticed through my essay, I lean towards a moderate political stance and am always open to hearing other perspectives.

Last note: If you write an insulting or derogatory letter to me, just know I have siblings. “KYS”? “TERF”? Really? Please, get a little more creative with your insults; I want to feel something. I have a father who disowned me for believing it’s okay if people aren’t heterosexual. So, up your game. If you post a death threat with an anonymous tag, you should be ashamed of yourself. Your behavior is unbecoming, and you know it. If you’re going to hate me, do it with a tag; let everyone know you disagree with me. I wouldn’t hate you for it. In fact, I’ll ask for your opinion because I think understanding different viewpoints is important, and I want to see what you see. But if you hide, I cannot see you as anything more than a ‘liberal blue-haired’ screeching.

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M Zitzmann, E Nieschlag, Testosterone levels in healthy men and the relation to behavioural and physical characteristics: facts and constructs, European Journal of Endocrinology, Volume 144, Issue 3, Mar 2001, Pages 183–197, https://doi.org/10.1530/eje.0.1440183

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https://www2.ed.gov/about/offices/list/ocr/docs/tix_dis.html

https://www.ecfr.gov/on/2024-08-01/title-34/subtitle-B/chapter-I/part-106/subpart-D/section-106.41

Schäppi, J., Stringhini, S., Guessous, I., Staub, K., & Matthes, K. L. (2022). Body height in adult women and men in a cross-sectional population-based survey in Geneva: temporal trends, association with general health status and height loss after age 50. BMJ open, 12(7), e059568. https://doi.org/10.1136/bmjopen-2021-059568

Bishop, Phil & Cureton, Kirk & Collins, Mitchell. (1987). Sex difference in muscular strength in equally-trained men and women. Ergonomics. 30. 675-87. 10.1080/00140138708969760.

Nassar GN, Leslie SW. Physiology, Testosterone. [Updated 2023 Jan 2]. In: StatPearls [Internet]. Treasure Island (FL): StatPearls Publishing; 2024 Jan-. Available from: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK526128/

Robach, P., Calbet, J. A., Thomsen, J. J., Boushel, R., Mollard, P., Rasmussen, P., & Lundby, C. (2008). The ergogenic effect of recombinant human erythropoietin on VO2max depends on the severity of arterial hypoxemia. PloS one, 3(8), e2996. https://doi.org/10.1371/journal.pone.0002996

[egg-emperor]

Has anyone ever tried telling you "eggman probably isn't as evil as you think" If so, how did you respond?

Side note. I really appreciate your account. We need more people who embrace Eggman as the irredeemable monster he is.

Yes, often and well they're either coming from a place of not being knowledgeable enough about Eggman and overlook all his crimes, or it's a case where they turn a blind eye because they don't want to believe he's actually that evil because it's not to their tastes and makes them uncomfortable. And I get it but it doesn't change the facts. I enjoy getting to help people learn the solid unbiased facts about game canon Eggman, by bringing up all the canon examples of what makes him such a terrible person and try to note as many of his actions as possible that prove he really is that evil.

Being a totalitarian fascist dictator who wants to own the world and strip freedom and free will away, a war criminal who causes mass destruction and is willing to commit genocide, will try to kill anyone who gets in his way even children as young as 6-8, has been sexist, will manipulate/gaslight and abuse people and animals in various ways and enjoy it, wants to build intentionally dangerous theme parks that can kill people in brutal ways as we hear all about in Colors, and knows he's evil and acknowledges it proudly and revels in it is the most evil of evil!

We've seen many examples that show just how low he'll stoop and he hasn't been known to have a single limit in canon, besides things that get the entire planet and himself destroyed so he can't rule it, obviously. Besides that purely selfish reason, he isn't shown to have any good morally based limits and doesn't show any hesitance or remorse for his actions, despite clearly being fully aware that he's the bad guy doing the bad thing, calling it evil with glee. He's ranged from completely apathetic towards the evil he commits to downright sadistic as he smirks cheekily and laughs through it!

Those aren't actions to be downplayed or overlooked, they're important traits that define his character and are involved by countless significant plot points, including his whole motivation and methods in his plans. They're the very things that establish him as a villain and a threat in the first place. It's what puts the "evil" in "Ivo (ee-vo)." He's not the villain and not the Eggman, or even the same character at all without it, I'm not even exaggerating. But yeah point is, if someone is to deny or ignore all these intentionally or not, then they're not gonna think he's as evil as I say he is. XD

From my experience, they haven't been able to provide solid proof and evidence, nothing I couldn't disprove with my own stacks of evidence taken right from the games, if they do have any they claim to be at all. Because a lot of the things I see that they tend to try to use are things that actually prove my own point instead, when looking at them in actual context and what they really mean. So what I'd also do is debunk anything they try to use to attest to the idea that he's really that evil of a guy, using those very same things they're trying to use for their statements and much more.

I really like having sensible discussions and debates where I get to put all my heavy passionate research and analysis to use but I don't really get the chance very often because people take it the wrong way. I think if people didn't take disagreements as so hostile, we could be having some really interesting discussions. Like sure, when someone says "Eggman isn't as evil as you think" I'm like "ah hell no, no way lol" but I'm not angry or insulting, I'd just like to discuss why I disagree and share some of the reasons why, which are based in fact. I encourage others to do it to me too.

Anyway, these are usually the points I bring up when I do get the chance. Then I ready all my tons of excerpts and sources right from the games explicitly written into the text, and with some further analysis adhering to that knowledge, and sometimes additional creator commentary that's solidly backed up by the game canon as a bonus. People I've talked to have been upset by being asked for sources but I'm always passionate about gathering all my sources the second someone asks because I'm like finally I get to do something with all this information lol

Thank you so much! I'm really happy you enjoy my stuff. :D I'm just super passionate about gushing over, analyzing, and educating over how Eggman is a lovable nasty evil bastard man and I'm really happy that I'm not alone, I have so much fun making the posts and to know that y'all enjoy it too makes it even better. Here we love and embrace this handsome horrible man always and I'm delighted for you to join me in it. We make fine loyal members of the Eggman Empire for it hehe 💜

[mischief-and-tea-by-the-sea]

Fandom asks for MCU <3! 3, 5 (Loki), 6, 9, 17 (Tony), 22 (Emma)

3. NoTP?

Scott Summers/Jean Grey, Logan/Jean Grey, Anyone/Jean Grey (I mean, if I have to have her around in a fic and shipped with anyone, it's usually another character I don't dig either), Steve Rogers/Peggy Carter, Anyone/Peggy Carter, Steve Rogers/Sharon Carter, Steve, Bucky, Sam/Brock Rumlow, Tony Stark/Pepper Potts (I mean, I can deal with their relationship as a past relationship turned best friends, but I'm not gonna read or write their ship as I think they weren't really healthy for each other - like Ross and Rachel.) Loki/Grandmaster (I will make references to it as a past thing that Loki did for survival but he hates it). Loki/Thor (There's some pretty-pretty artwork out there, and I will acknowledge that it's gorgeous and can enjoy it as artwork, but as an actual pairing, no. Just not my thing.)

5. Out of all your fanworks that include [Loki], which is your favourite?

Obviously, my on-going WIP series Hemispheres would be the top of that favorite list, but then I'd have to say I'm torn between these two:

What's on your mind, half of the time, (brother mine)

and

A little shy and sad of eye but very wise was he

Both of them feature Loki in vulnerable moments. The first one, he's like 5 and tiny and adorable and scared of the storm. He gets to meet a stranger who boosts his confidence a little. And the second one, he comes back after a grueling time in Asgard with Thor, who's still being far too bullying, and his friends and is really low about it, and Tony gathers everyone up to make a blanket fort (as Loki's never experienced one before), order Loki's favorite take-out, and watch movies to comfort him. Wholly self-indulgent on the comfort side.

6. Show us a bit of a WIP!

From "Too weird to live, too rare to die" (Justin Hammer/Loki)

“So Loki made friends with Natasha by helping her with mission stuff?” Justin roped them back around to the other topic. 

Nodding, he answered, “Yeah.  He did some spellwork for her.  Imbued it into a piece of jewelry that essentially all she’s gotta do is think about how she wants to look, and that’s how she looks.  The spell lasts as long as she needs it to, and then when she’s ready to not look different, she just thinks of herself and bam.  Nat again.  No more dying her hair unless she wants to, no more contacts, no more tech that can blitz out on her.” 

Justin looked impressed.  A little skeptical, him being a tech and science guy like Tony, especially tech, but still impressed.  He wondered how Loki’s ‘magic’ could be utilized in their own tech, but he figured Tony had already been thinking about that. 

“Nice.  Sounds like he’s much better as an ally than an adversary,” Justin remarked as he finished with the last of the dishes.  He dried his hands and hung up the towel again. 

Tony took in how easily Justin took on the domestic task of dishes.  Seems like he learned some humility in prison, after all, and wasn’t looking to be waited on anymore.  Perhaps there was hope for guys like them after all. 

“Much better as an ally, though don’t let the gentle smiles and the fun tea parties he has with Morgan fool you.  He’s still dangerous when he wants to be.  He’s like a cat.  Don’t rub him the wrong way or you’ll find his claws slashing your hamstrings,” he joked, but the serious look in Tony’s eyes said he wasn’t actually joking. 

Justin walked over to the fridge, grabbing a glass along the way, and filled it up with ice and water.  He took Tony’s glass from him to fill it up, too, and handed it back, refusing to see the pleasant surprise in that gaze that followed him around to take a seat at one of the tall chairs at the counter.  Cold, pure water rushed down his throat and gave him time to think of how to respond to what Tony said.  Setting the glass on the counter, Justin turned it around and around, watching as the water remained calm even in its movement. 

“You think Loki’s dangerous to people here and you let him stay?  He’s really close to Morgan from what I hear.  I don’t see him much.  Passing in the halls, when we eat.  That’s about it, but your kid adores him.”  Justin let out a breathy laugh.  “I think she adores all of us, though, so I think that’s just her.  Big heart.”  Like her dad. 

Moving across the kitchen so he could belly up to the counter next to Justin, Tony took a drink of his water and set the glass down.  Two men, both at one time consumed by the big buck, by reputation and prestige and power, by controlling the playing field where weapons and tech were concerned, rivals – not bitterly so but rivals nevertheless, now sitting side by side, drinking fucking water for fuck’s sake, when they used to be dripping in the finest whiskey and women.  Burying the hatchet, and not in each other’s skulls. 

Tony never would’ve believed it could happen, especially not after he and Rhodey had to face down Vanko and the shitstorm he brought that Justin bankrolled. 

It was kind of nice, though, given that one of the last people Tony’d wronged in the past had injected his ex with Extremis, which still made Pepper a fiery handful to deal with, but at least, they’d gotten a handle on it for her so that she did set people on fire with her fists anymore.  While he’d never specifically wronged Justin the way he had Aldrich Killian (and really wronged was a little strong for just saying he’d been a spoiled dismissive asshole), he had been a dismissive asshole, which pushed Justin to make one of the worst decisions of his life. 

“I don’t think Loki’s a danger to Morgan ever,” Tony finally stated and tilted his head to meet Justin’s curious stare.  “I don’t think Loki’s a danger to me or Bruce or probably not Thor anymore.  Not since we’ve all sorta ganged up on Thor and told him not to be a dick to his brother.  The stabbing’s stopped at any rate.  You, though.  He doesn’t know you well enough yet, so I’d just say...tread carefully.  You never know when you’ll end up on a mission with him.” 

“Yeah, about that,” a voice from behind them announced. 

Tony and Justin swiveled their seats. 

Phil Coulson met their eyes. 

9. Write a recommendation of someone else's fic you enjoyed!

Okay look, I have so many bookmarks and fics I could recommend that are tear-jerkers, kept me on the edge of my seat through months and months, that made me swoon, and I could easily give any and all of those. I could and I would! But this asks for one fic, and I'm gonna go with one that made me LOL so hard it woke up dog up from a nap in the other room and had my sister asking me if I was okay because for a second, I couldn't breathe.

Clark's Chicken by @kleenexwoman

I don't normally read DC fanfic. I like DC okay enough to know generally who the major players are, but I'm not invested. However, I am invested in my friends and their creative sparks, unless I'm just really not at all into a particular fandom. I can't really write a full review to say what it's about other than it's not exactly safe for work, definitely not for kids, though teenagers would love this, I think. I think that's why I love it - I'm still 12 and masturbation and fart jokes make me giggle. (There are no fart jokes in this, but discussion around masturbation is.) I want as many people as possible to read this fic because all the laughter in the world could finally heal humanity, I think, and if we could all laugh our asses off at this one, it could drive out the darkness all around us these days. Seriously, I believe this fic has the potential to lighten the world, to drive out the fascists, to heal the sick and sad, to build a protective bubble around the vulnerable - all through the laughter that this fic will grace people with. READ IT AND LEAVE KLEENEXWOMAN SOME LOVE ON IT.

17. What's a book, movie, or show you think [Tony] would like?

Book - American Gods - He really rooted for the New Gods at first, especially Technical Boy and Media, but somewhere in it, he really dug Mr. Wednesday, Mr. World (and especially Mr. World's reveal).

Movie - Real Genius

Show - McGyver (remake)

22. Give us a headcanon for [Emma]

So many people give Emma shit for being cold, stand-offish, and snobby, and because of this, Emma performs that to perfection. However, around those who see past this barrier, she's loving, warm, tender, kind, encouraging, compassionate, and has one of the biggest hearts they've ever met - and she uses her big bucks to take care of the people she loves.

Thanks for the asks!!!

Fandom Ask Game.

[beecreeper]

Yippie new ask list! 13, 21, 26, 30

13.) Does your OC have a rival? How did it start?

Hm. I guess for Briar I would have to say Orin but like. Briar did NOT give Orin the time of day. That rivalry was ENTIRELY all on Orin’s side while Briar ignored Orin completely (which, of course, just infuriated Orin even more).

And I dunno. Neither Molli, Ferox, or Poppy are ambitious enough to have rivals. Molli’s has such nothing self-esteem that her grandest aspiration is “semi-regular tavern performer”, Ferox is like “please i do NOT want attention or praise for anything please but ESPECIALLY not for the things that I am good at (namely reducing people to piles of wet meat). I want to disappear entirely please and thank you”, and Poppy is just chillin’.

I think I might kinda describe Myrala and Nine Fingers as rivals? Kinda? In Myrala’s tav timeline, when she’s living in Baldur’s Gate and trying to do Eilistraee missionary work, Nine Fingers/the Guild keeps popping up in her life and making things difficult by like, recruiting Myrala’s refugees into guild crews or running projection rackets on people that Myrala is trying to help. Nine Fingers also learns that Myrala used to be a very competent thief in her day and keeps trying to recruit her. And Myrala, who is getting REAL disillusioned with failing to substantially help anyone and constantly struggling to make ends meet, is getting REAL close to taking her up on it.

21.)What song best describes their relationship with their enemy?

Answered here!

26.) What flower do you associate your OC with?

Briar:

Ghost pipe! It’s all white because it doesn’t photosynthesize. Instead, it’s a parasite that feeds on fungi!

Molli:

Daisies. Cute and simple and also my personal favorites

Ferox and Myrala:

They both get Forget me nots. Myrala particularly loved any sort of small, weedy common flowers because they were very emblematic to her of the difference between the surface and the underdark and an example of a small, common piece of beauty that you can find literally everywhere as long as your look for it and appreciate it. But forget me nots were her favorite and, accordingly, they were Ferox’s favorite also.

Poppy:

Well duh

30.) My OC and your OC are friends. This isn’t a question. I’m not asking. (How do they respond?)

Okay I know we’ve already established that Briar and Sunflower are somehow inexplicably best friends. Sunflower manages to strike exactly the right balance of being a good influence on Briar without getting on her nerves and (through what I can only imagine as incredibly clutch persuasion rolls) says exactly the right thing to make Briar doubt herself long enough to not kill Isobel, which in turn starts the chain of events leading to “redeemed” Briar. I like how subdued and not obvious their friendship is. Briar is absolutely not acknowledging that they are friends and not acting necessarily acting like it either, but like it or not Sunflower is somehow the closest person in her life. Really extreme black cat / golden retriever energy.

Also obviously Molli and Sunflower would get along really well, jamming as bards together especially and just being chatterboxes.

For Valora I think, out of my OCs, Poppy would get along with her the best. They both got that yolo zest for life, wanderlust, and curiosity. I can imagine Poppy telling stories about all the places she’s traveled and all the people she’s met and Valora just hanging on her every word. Conversely, Poppy would think Valora is just super cool, ESPECIALLY if/when she learns about the whole Bhaalblob thing.

I gotta ruminate more on the all specific dynamics between my ocs and yours but I’m gonna stop here for now lest I keep typing forever.

[lemoncom]

Knuckle Velvet

Miguel O'Hara x Gn! Reader

(Cross Posted on AO3 under the same)

You must make each other the perfect evenings. Something like that.

Or

Kinship in Snapshots.

Chapter 1 - Crack Baby

Neither of you really know how it started, much less how it would end. In a sea of red and blue spandex there was somehow an interim where you both fit, and that confined space of existence, the split second of locking eyes in a crowded hallway before pivoting back to static, was enough.

Perhaps it was a mutual understanding of happening upon each other in the cafeteria during ungodly hours. He grumbled over stale pastries and cold coffee, you complained about poor lighting to sew up your suit. It wasn't so much that you talked to each other, but at each other, and if you sat at the same table it was coincidence (or so you swore, because how much coincidence can there be in consistently trailing to the same space in a sea of empty seats and tables?). Either way, the silence was velvet on the skin, and it was more than enough.

x

"Bergamot oil helps with that." Was the first thing of substance you told Miguel, probably ever, eyes flitting to his split knuckles for a mere moment before returning to your sewing. He didn't respond and you repeated it, halfway in a stress that yes, it would work, thank you very much, and a childish need to not be ignored. Didn't stick. It wasn't necessarily disappointing, even if it made you feel petulant and petty to the point of considering changing tables, but it wasn't out of character for him either. And being able to exist in this interim of twilight zone peace meant conceding to these kinds of boundaries between them.

Even then, there was a bottle of the stuff sitting on his desk the next morning, glaringly homemade and labeled with the shaky handwriting of a last minute endeavor. The same bottle you found returned,washed and empty in your own room a week later.

'It's a bit sour', reads the only note he left with it, and it's so deadpanishly him that you almost can't roll your eyes at it. You get it, he's not the only one stubborn to the point of refusing to acknowledge that he'd needed something in the first place, let alone thank someone else for it, but if nothing else you have some sort of living proof that Miguel O'Hara does exist. His figure opposite yours on a near nightly basis isn't a trick of the light, or your head frying itself in exhaustion to hallucinate companionship.

Best of all, perhaps, he has shitty handwriting. It makes you smile.

x

He tells you one night - when you nearly swallow a needle rested on your lips with sheer surprise at even hearing him speak - that you must be careless to rip your suit so much that you repair it by his side. You tell him he's gonna have a heart attack with how much coffee he drinks every night. In truth, both of you have gone out of your way to maintain this nightly limbo. You let your suits snag in conspicuous edges, he forfeits morning cups to have them here instead. Both of you ignore any meaning in your actions. You break a needle, he finishes the coffee.

Neither of you move.

x

"You look like shit."

"Learning from the boss!"

x

It's not a problem when he gets hurt, or so he insists, and you've learned to know when he is, because the pastry section of the cafeteria has been scoured, but he's not there. Searching for him bears no fruit, like he's hidden specifically from you (you're reluctant to allow yourself such self importance), and when he finally shows himself like nothing is out of the ordinary, you fume with the bitter trepidation of having to acknowledge that you do worry for him more than you let yourself believe.

"Would it kill you to get help?" You forfeit the needle this time, arms crossed and instantly defensive, like you're trying to remove yourself to match what he doesn't give.

His eyes roll, the slightest twitch of his shoulders that reads as a shrug. "It wasn't a big deal, I handled it."

And he always does it, doesn't he? The hypocrisy of him, to micromanage everyone around him while shrouding himself with separation.

You generally don't let him negate proximity, but tonight it's irked you, and you set a coffee cup in front of him with enough force to splash and burn your own hand. He grabs it, and were it not for tunneling silence in your ears you'd laugh at the irony.

"You're careless."

There's cotton in your mouth. You let him run your hand under the faucet.

x

Miguel thinks you're hiding things. You must be, no one is that intimate with a needle. You threaten to stick it in his eyes instead of allowing him to decipher further into the reality of your presence in the cafeteria. There's holes in the suit, anyway, you change it around so often that you've never sprung for good fabric. So your needle gets use and you get a renewed excuse, stretched just a little thinner.

He begrudgingly (you roll your eyes, it was his own damned idea) grumbles that he ought to make you a suit like his own.

"And flash the entirety of New York if it malfunctions? No thanks." You are quick, too quick, to refuse what is realistically a perfectly good offer. Even if you didn't trust Miguel's hands, which you did, you could've trusted LYLA's input. But then you'd have run out of excuses. If he's clocked it, he doesn't say anything.

You don't mention he hasn't sat down with coffee or food in a week, either.

"What's the point in constantly fixing something that's just going to break again?" He rolls his eyes at you this time, and you truthfully don't have a reply with sufficient rationale. None that doesn't sound like a tide pod commercial, at least. You worry your lip between your teeth absentmindedly, trying to think of a worthy response. Nope, nothing but marketing 101 slogans.

You end up making a noncommittal grunt, very sexy of you, and he blinks at you like you're stupid. "You overwork, I fix holes in my suits. I don't think either of us is winning prizes on mental management." You end up saying, a grumble under pouted lips, one you hope suffices even if it makes you look boring. Better that than introspection on how it's actually kind of nice, this, finding comfort in sewing kits and split knuckles.

He acquiesces, or so you convince yourself.

x

There must be a reason why it's oddly comforting to just exist like this. It's cheaper than therapy, surely, and that's what you tell yourself at least, because you've never been close to Miguel. You aren't really close to anyone, which in itself doesn't make you special. Spider-Man and trauma is an oxymoron, after all. But these evenings have morphed into the one time you don't feel alienated from yourself, either. You feel as if you're floating a few feet from your body at all times, except here. Here, the press of your toes on the ground is palpable, tingles. You feel the indent your thin needle leaves on your index finger, on your lower lip when you hold it there.

You've been able to hear his breathing steadily opposite you and it hasn't been entirely overwhelming. You don't crave sensory deprivation as you always seem to. Miguel touching you (a rarity, yes, but an extant occurrence) isn't painful, doesn't sap your energy, perhaps because he's never verbalized the meaning behind it.

He steadies your posture often. One hand on your spine, large and warm and lingering only as long as necessary, and the other pushing your collarbones back with due gentleness. That's one thing too, warm hands. Yours are awfully cold, and so you feel he cheats the blessing he's been giving by avoiding touching others so often. You consider joking that he'd make a good heater. You'd probably jump off a window for saying it, however. So you don't, you straighten your back and hum and remember to breathe once he's removed his touch from you.

You start replicating homemade versions of the pastries he likes. Neither of you say anything about it.

x

You see him crumble for the first time and don't know what went wrong. He's gasping, angry, trembling. His talons dig into the table and you leap from your seat, seeking proximity rather than to create the space that would most likely have been a safer bet on your general well-being.

"I think the table's innocent, if I'm honest."

He doesn't think it's funny. He snarls something about incompetence (you learn he's projecting his own sense of it), and a coffee cup shatters when he swipes angrily at the space before him. Breaking shit is fun, but something went bad in one of the missions, you figure, really bad. His temper is hair-trigger enough to make you ponder several routes of possibility, but a blessed aid from LYLA's flickering form frees you of the uncertainty of guessing. G - A - B - I, she spells in the air before leaving you to handle the fallout. Traitor.

"I don't promise talking about it helps, but neither does mutilating a perfectly good table. Penny for your thoughts?" You try again. He'd never been one for humour, but given who you both are, it's inescapable. He gives you a look, stares at you silently to see if you'll fold, but you're nothing if not stubborn. So he huffs out a sigh, and looks down at the scratched up table.

"I'm very careful about not going anywhere where I might see her. I don't know what happened, she wasn't supposed to be there. "

"But she was." You finish for him. It's a minefield to be navigating, this, one you're not ready to see blow up if you fuck up. "You saw her?"

He nods, looking down like he just wants to go ahead and turn the table into figurative minced meat. You're not sure where to take this, not believing in giving back a piece of your own trauma just to seem relatable. The topic feels uncomfortable because it is , and there's no name for someone who's lost a child for a reason. So maybe you don't have to relate. Your fingers curl around his wrist loosely, tightening only with involuntary flexes, and that's enough. You both count the scratches on the table in silence. You look straight ahead when he starts crying.

"Thank you.

"Yea."

x

When he sees you break, it is entirely by chance, too. You'd been on edge the whole night, fidgeting, feasting on the skin of your lips until they were sore and raw. You dropped your needle once, then again, and even after that you managed to break it, let it snap under your fingers, hissing a tepid excuse of having had too much caffeine that day. You leave early and dissolve into nothing on the way, not expecting him to follow. Haha, he does. It's jarring, you've left your shared sanctum of stale confectionery and therefore the bond is broken and you're barely there coworkers in a hallway. He's not supposed to see you like this, like a choking deer, agonized over nothing concrete but the numbing pressure of the self that you can't always maintain. Not even there, it seemed.

He says your name a few times, though you hear it as if underwater.

" Por dios , snap out of it, you look like you're going to throw up."

Maybe you are, and then you'll make a hole in the wall and escape like a cartoon because you've just puked on your friend-boss-friend-person. Whoever he is. Your eyes are blurry from tears and internal dissonance, fighting to get back in your body and speak, speak godsdamn you.

"I don't, I, I uh…" You're about as coherent as if you were drunk, without the added bonus. You blubber a little, eyes scrunching shut in an attempt to focus, to quell the thumping in your chest that's lost its rhythm.

His hand plants itself at the back of your neck and pulls you forward. Your forehead thuds against his chest and there's a strangled sob dying in your throat. He covers your ears, and stays, as you wade through your disconnect of reality to fear soaking him with your tears. There's the smell of Bergamot coming from somewhere on him, with a bitter edge that squeezes from you the memory of something you made him. And his heart, badump, badump. Countable. Badump, badump. Anchoring.

Miguel O'Hara is real, therefore you must be too.

Neither of you was built to give advice, and in truth you're not great at receiving it either. There's hypocrisy in both of you. You are objective and open to the faults in others that you reject on yourself, and Miguel is blind to the lot of it, writes his off as weaknesses and projects them forward carelessly. So for the both of you, pulse points and heartbeats do the talking.

For now, at least.