#if we're just hurt by something we're not supposed to be hurt by or if we're also imagining it on top of that

[sugurus-thoughts]

04. cindy lou who

❆pairing — suguru geto x reader!

❆summary — I saw you laughing in one of his pictures But you'll be the one with his ring on your finger There's red and green everywhere, but l'm so blue Cindy Lou Who

❆w/c — 8,48k

❆warnings — nsfw, friends to lovers, jealousy, angst, fluff, smut, touching, MDNI

a/n — this is the longest fic I have ever written I swear. I did not think it would be this long but I certainly got in my feels as I related with the reader. Hopefully you'll stick until the end and read it, I really hope that you enjoy this long fic I honestly put so much into this so, I hope you enjoy!! 🤍🍰(I got to admit I have a soft spot for geto) I was gonna make it a part 2 but it wouldn't make sense honestly.

10 December 2024

The room buzzed with quiet chatter, the hum of conversation floating softly around the group. You sat there smiling, fainting as you always did, content to be near him— Suguru with his effortless charisma and mysterious persona seemed to always brighten the gloomiest days. He was leaning against the chair with his arms crossed, calm and collected as effort. But then his voice cut through the room, soft but yet so clear that it stopped every sound in the room.

“We're engaged” Suguru announced, his tone soft and his smile uncharacteristically tender.

The words hung in the air for a moment before anyone reacted. Shoko was the first to recover, her sharp whistle breaking the silence. “Finally!” she exclaimed, grinning with excitement.

Saturo clapped Suguru on the back, his laugh loud and infection. “About time man. Congratulations!”

Nanami nodded, offering a polite “Congratulations”, while Haibara beamed with happiness as his usual self ,excitement brimming with every word.

You didn't move. You didn't blink.

Engaged.

The word echoed in your head, bouncing around in the hollow space where your heart had been just moments before. It was a strange feeling, this heavy emptiness, like the floor had been ripped out from beneath you, yet you were somehow still sitting there, rooted to your seat.

Your hands tightened around the edge of your chair, knuckles going white as the smile on your face stayed frozen, the one you always wore when you looked at him—Suguru, who could never see what you’d been hiding all these years.

Two years.

Of course, you knew about her. Of course, you knew they’d been together. You told yourself you were happy for him, that you’d cheer him on from the sidelines like the good friend you were supposed to be. But the word engaged made it real in a way you hadn’t prepared for.

“Y/N” Shoko’s voice dragged you out of your spiral thoughts. You realized everyone was looking at you, waiting for your reaction.

You forced your lips to move, pulling them into something resembling a smile. "That’s... amazing news," you managed, your voice sounding foreign even to your own ears. "Congratulations, Suguru. I’m happy for you."

You didn’t even know if he noticed the slight tremor in your voice. You hoped he didn’t.

Suguru’s gaze met yours, and for a moment, you saw the gratitude in his eyes, the warmth of someone who thought you were genuinely celebrating with him. It hurt worse than you expected.

The conversation shifted after that, the others diving into questions about wedding plans and dates. You stayed quiet, nodding along and laughing when it felt appropriate, but your mind was elsewhere.

Years. You’d spent years loving him, dreaming of a moment that would never come. And now you realized that the tiny, flickering hope you’d buried deep inside you had finally been extinguished.

You excused yourself before the first tear could fall, muttering something about needing air. As you stepped outside, the cold evening breeze hit you like a slap, and the tears you’d been holding back spilled over, hot and bitter.

They’d said love was beautiful, but all you felt was the ache of something unspoken, the weight of what could have been, and the sting of words that could never be unsaid.

In the cold night, the snowflakes slowly fall like a weeping willow. In that moment of grief, your tears could only dry down as the cold air buries them as if they were never meant to be seen. You look out into the dark night on the balcony as mountains surround your tiny frame , Switzerland surely was a sight indeed.

To think that you once dreamed of having an all-white wedding with Suguru here, in the same place where your story together had quietly begun. The memory slipped into your mind like a cold breeze, subtle and uninvited, piercing itself together from fragments of the past. You were so young when your families first came here, deciding on a joint holiday in the picturesque Swiss Alps.

Even then, as a child, your heart skipped a beat at the sight of Suguru. His shy smile and the way his dark hair stuck out from beneath his knitted hat warmed something inside you, even in the biting cold. That trip had marked the start of what you thought might someday become more a quiet connection that belonged to the two of you.

Over the years, it became a tradition. This snowy haven turned into a cherished secret getaway, first for your families, and then, as you all grew older, for your tight-knit group of friends. The memories blurred together: late nights sitting by the roaring fireplace, voices overlapping as the six of you shared dreams for the future. You and Suguru would always sneak off to steal the last pack of marshmallows, giggling like children as you toasted them over the fire and talked about things that felt too fragile to share with anyone else dreams, hopes, and love.

In those stolen moments, you allowed yourself to dream of his love. You pictured what it might feel like to have him look at you the way he looked at the snowflakes falling softly against the window, with quiet wonder. You dared to imagine a future where you were more than just friends, a future where this place, this beautiful, snow-covered haven, could host an all-white wedding with you and Suguru at the center of it all.

But that dream had shattered the moment he met Cindy. She wasn’t just a passing crush or a fleeting romance—she was everything he had chosen, everything he had committed himself to. The warmth you once felt in his presence now left an ache, a reminder of all that could have been but never would be.

And now, as you stood here again in Switzerland, surrounded by the same breathtaking views that once held so much promise, the memories were sharper than ever. It was no longer just a place of dreams but a place where the reality of loss lingered in the air, mingling with the scent of pine and snow.

Your sudden nostalgic memories were interrupted by the creaking sound from the door behind,you slowly turned around.

Him.

He stood there, slowly his usual relaxed self approached you, softly the heels of his favorite Wyatt Jodhpur boots clicked against the wooden floor. The only sound that could be heard was the door closing behind him, not a word was spoken between the two of you and finally he reached your fragile figure.

The silence was the only thing that held the atmosphere in place.

“It's cold outside, what are you doing here?”, he took off his coat to cover your figure. As if the words just woken you upon a dream you had, you tugged it against your flaying skin. Seemingly you forgot about your earlier meltdown,and for some reason the dark night was hiding your tear stained cheeks.

“The sky looked beautiful, couldn't miss the opportunity” you exhaled softly,like a secret only to hear by the sky itself.

Not once have you dared to look into his eyes, for you knew it would only stir the motions further. You smiled softly as you reached out to catch a few snowflakes, Suguru could only smile at your playful nature.

“Are you going to the Christmas Market Wednesday?” you asked.

A sigh escaped him as his fingers rubbed his temples. “Ah yes I almost forgot, I still need to pick up Cindy from the airport”

Cindy.

The name hung in the air like a bittersweet melody, a reminder of what might have been. She was the woman who had unwittingly stolen the future you had once dared to dream of, a future that now felt as fragile as glass.

“I understand Suguru, you don't have to apologize” a response so dimly that only at night could hear you cry.

You slowly got up from your crouching position and for the first time your eyes met. For a moment it felt like the melancholy of a storm-laden sky, looking into his eyes and they reminded you of the deepest earth crust that no one could understand, but sadly you were reminded that only you were an admirer.

“I'm sorry but I need to go to my room, it's been one….-” slowly you were searching for your words, something that wouldn't give it away. “One memorable night” you smiled up at him.

His smile reached yours, as you tried to mimic his actions. Finally your words cut through.

“I'm so happy for you and Cindy, Suguru. I only wish for the best, for both of you”.

Before Suguru could utter a word you were through the door, leaving him in a timid state of unawareness. You had to leave, you had to get away from him, for he didn't know the way he held you so captive like a bird in a cage,that never saw the day in light. As you walked your way out of the restaurant, you bumped into Shoko.

Her eyes widened slightly as she took in your expression. Shoko had always been perceptive, and tonight was no different.

"Hey," she said softly, her voice carrying concern. "You okay?"

You forced a smile, one that didn’t quite reach your eyes. "Yeah, just tired. Long night, you know."

Shoko tilted her head, clearly not convinced but wise enough not to push further. "If you need anything, you know where to find me."

You nodded, offering a quiet, "Thanks, Shoko," before brushing past her and stepping into the cold night air.

The walk back to your room felt endless, each step weighed down by the ache in your chest. Memories of Suguru's smile, his laughter, and the way his eyes used to light up when he looked at you played in your mind like a cruel montage. And now, all of that was meant for someone else. Cindy.

Finally, you reached your door, fumbling with the key as your vision blurred with unshed tears. Once inside, you let the facade crumble. The weight of the night hit you all at once, and you collapsed onto your bed, burying your face in your hands.

The sobs came in waves, raw and unrelenting. You cried for what was, for what could have been, and for the pieces of your heart you’d so willingly given to someone who could never see you the same way.

Between the tears, you whispered into the silence, "I just wanted him to choose me... just once."

But the only answer was the stillness of the night, a cold reminder that some stories aren’t meant to end in love.

12 December 2024

The chalet buzzed with excitement as everyone prepared for their outing to the Christmas market. The morning sunlight filtered through the frosted windows, casting a golden glow over the snow-covered peaks. You busied yourself with adjusting your scarf, focusing on the small task to keep your thoughts from wandering.

“Are we all ready?” Shoko called out, her voice cutting through the chatter.

“Just waiting on Haibara, as usual,” Nanami replied, sipping from his steaming coffee mug.

You smiled faintly at the banter, grateful for the distraction. This trip was supposed to be about making memories, about enjoying the company of your closest friends. But as much as you tried to focus on that, a nagging feeling stirred in your chest an ache you’d tried to ignore since last night.

The others finally gathered, bundled up in thick coats and gloves, and you all piled into a couple of cars for the short drive down to the village. The road wound through snowy forests, the trees heavy with frost, their branches forming an archway over the path.

By the time you reached the market, the quaint streets were already alive with the hum of holiday cheer. Wooden stalls lined the cobblestone paths, their roofs dusted with snow. The air smelled of roasted chestnuts, spiced cider, and freshly baked pastries.

“Alright,” Gojo said, clapping his gloved hands together. “Let’s split up and meet back here in an hour. Everyone, try not to buy something completely useless.”

The group laughed, and you found yourself relaxing just a bit. But as you turned to follow Shoko toward one of the stalls, a familiar voice cut through the festive noise.

“Suguru!”

You froze, the smile slipping from your face. Cindy’s voice.

Turning slowly, you saw them—Suguru and Cindy walking toward the group. Suguru’s arm was slung casually over her shoulders, her hand resting on his chest as they leaned into each other. Cindy looked radiant in a cream-colored coat, her hair falling in soft waves around her face. She laughed at something Suguru said, the sound warm and light, and he smiled down at her with an ease that felt like a knife twisting in your chest.

You hadn’t expected her to arrive so early. You’d thought you had more time to prepare yourself, to steal your emotions before being forced to face them. But there she was, as if plucked from the pages of some perfect holiday romance, looking every bit the part of Suguru’s fiancée.

“Hey, sorry we’re late!” Cindy said, her voice bubbly as she greeted the group. She gave you a quick hug, her perfume lingering even after she pulled away. “Suguru thought it’d be nice to come early and surprise everyone.”

You forced a polite smile, though your heart felt heavy. “It’s nice to see you, Cindy.”

She beamed. “You too! Isn’t this place magical? Suguru was just telling me about how you all used to come here as kids. It’s so sweet.”

Her words hit harder than you expected, a reminder of the memories you shared with Suguru that now seemed to belong to someone else.

As the group began to move through the market, you found yourself trailing behind, your gaze occasionally drifting to Suguru and Cindy. They were inseparable, holding hands, sharing whispers, laughing together. At one point, Suguru adjusted Cindy’s scarf with a tenderness that made your stomach twist.

“Hey.” Shoko’s voice pulled you from your thoughts. She had fallen back to walk beside you, her sharp eyes studying your face. “You okay?”

You nodded quickly, not trusting yourself to speak.

She sighed, slipping her arm through yours as the two of you wandered toward a stall selling handmade ornaments. “You don’t have to pretend with me, you know.”

“I’m fine,” you murmured, though you didn’t believe it.

Shoko didn’t press further, but her presence was a comfort nonetheless. As the morning went on, you tried to focus on the market: the glittering lights, the cheerful music, the scent of holiday treats. But no matter how hard you tried, your gaze kept drifting back to Suguru and Cindy, and the realization settled in your chest like a weight: this trip wasn’t going to be as simple as you had hoped.

You told yourself it was time to let go, but the ache in your chest wouldn’t subside.

“Shoko, I'll be back in a bit”, before she could protest you turned into a quieter part of the market, drawn to a small stall tucked away in the corner. The vibrant hues of oil paintings caught her eye landscapes of snowy peaks, quiet villages, and vivid sunsets.

“You have a good eye,” a low, smooth voice said.

You turned, startled, and found yourself face-to-face with a man who could have stepped out of one of the paintings himself. His dark coat was tailored to perfection, his scarf loosely draped over his shoulders. His eyes, a deep, piercing shade, were focused on her with quiet curiosity.

“Oh, I was just looking,” you said, your voice soft as you turned your gaze back to the painting in front of you.

“And now you’re being modest,” he replied with a small smile, stepping beside you. “That one’s my favorite too. The way the light plays off the snow it’s tricky to capture that feeling.”

Your eyes widened slightly. “You painted these?”

“I did.” His smile grew, a touch of pride glinting in his eyes. “My name’s Shui. I’ve been exhibiting in Europe for a while now. And you?”

You hesitated. “I’m just... here with friends. We’re visiting for Christmas.”

“Well, whoever your friends are, they’re lucky to have you. You seem to notice details most people overlook,” he said, his voice gentle, as though the words were meant only for you.

The compliment caught you off guard, and you felt a blush creep into your cheeks. “I’m not sure about that.”

Shui tilted his head, studying you like a puzzle he couldn’t quite solve. “Tell me, what brought you here? To this part of the market?”

You hesitated. The truth felt too heavy to admit to a stranger. Instead, you shrugged. “I guess I wanted to get away from the noise. This place feels... quieter.”

He nodded knowingly. “Quiet is good. It lets you see things more clearly. Like this.” He gestured toward the painting you had been admiring. “That piece was inspired by a winter I spent alone in the Alps. Sometimes solitude brings clarity.”

You looked at him then, really looked at him. There was something grounding about his presence, a quiet strength that made you feel like you didn’t have to pretend.

“You sound like you’ve figured things out,” you said softly.

“Not entirely,” he admitted with a small laugh. “But I’ve learned that the right people and moments come when you least expect them.”

The words hung in the air between the both of you, heavy with meaning. For the first time in days, the weight on your heart felt a little lighter.

Shui’s smile returned, warmer now. “If you’re not in a rush, I’d love to show you a gallery nearby. They’re exhibiting some of my larger works. Call it an artist’s shameless self-promotion.”

You hesitated, glancing back toward the bustling part of the market where your friends were. But the thought of facing Suguru and Cindy again made your heart sink. “I think I’d like that.”

“Good.” Shui extended his arm. “Shall we?”

You looped your arm through his, and together, you both walked into the snowy morning , leaving the noise of the market behind. For the first time in a long time, you felt like you were stepping into something new, something that didn’t revolve around Suguru.

16 December 2024

Over the next few days, Shui kept appearing inviting you over for coffee, joining you for a quiet walk in the snow. His presence helped you feel seen in a way you haven't before, igniting a sense of independence and hope.

The ice rink shimmered under the warm glow of fairy lights strung above, their golden light reflecting off the smooth, frozen surface. Laughter and the soft sounds of skates gliding over ice filled the air. You found yourself gripping Shui's arm tightly as you wobbled on the blades, trying not to fall for the third time that evening.

“Easy there,” Shui said, chuckling. His hand steadied you, resting gently on your waist. “You’re not bad at this; you just need a little confidence.”

You laughed softly, feeling the tips of your ears burn from both the cold and his touch. “You’re just being nice. I’m pretty sure I’m a danger to everyone on this rink.”

“You’re doing great,” he insisted, flashing you a warm smile that made your heart skip.

Unbeknownst to you, Suguru stood at the edge of the rink, leaning against the wooden railing. His dark eyes followed your every movement, the cigarette between his fingers forgotten as it burned down to ash. Each laugh you shared with Shui, every time you leaned into him for support, sent an unfamiliar pang through his chest.

“What’s with the long face?” Shoko appeared beside him, her wine glass still half-full, her sharp gaze cutting straight through him.

“I’m fine,” Suguru muttered, his tone clipped. He exhaled slowly, the smoky patterns of his breath mixing with the cold air.

Shoko raised an eyebrow, unconvinced. She followed his gaze, landing on you and Shui spinning awkwardly on the ice, laughing like children. “They look good together, don’t they?”

Suguru’s jaw tightened, and he looked away. “I guess.”

Shoko smirked, taking a sip of her wine. “You guess? You don’t sound too thrilled about it.”

He frowned, the irritation in his chest growing. “Why would I care? She can do whatever she wants.”

Shoko tilted her head, studying him like a puzzle. “You know, for someone who doesn’t care, you’ve been staring at her all night.”

His silence betrayed him, and Shoko’s smirk deepened. She leaned in closer, her voice lowering. “You know what your problem is, Suguru? You’ve spent so long convincing yourself you don’t feel anything for her that you actually started to believe it. But seeing her with someone else? That’s not jealousy, is it?” She paused, letting the words sink in. “It’s regret.”

Suguru’s chest tightened, her words hitting harder than he wanted to admit. He didn’t answer, couldn’t answer.

Shoko straightened, brushing imaginary dust off her coat. “Figure it out, Suguru. Before it’s too late.” With that, she walked off, leaving him standing there, his thoughts swirling as heavily as the snow falling around him.

Later during the night, the rink cleared out a bit as the group reconvened, some of them sitting by the edge with hot chocolate while others skated lazily around. Cindy was chatting animatedly with Haibara, completely unaware of Suguru’s distracted state.

You had just stepped off the rink to fix your skates when Suguru appeared beside you, his hands shoved deep into his coat pockets. His presence caught you off guard.

“You’re getting better out there,” he said, his voice softer than usual.

You looked up at him, surprised. “Thanks. Shui’s been helping a lot.”

At the mention of Shui, Suguru’s jaw tightened, though he forced a small smile. “You seem... happy.”

You blinked, unsure of what to say. “I guess I am. It’s been nice.”

He nodded, glancing down at the ice. There was a tension in the air, a silence that felt heavier than it should. Finally, he spoke again. “Can we talk? Just for a second.”

The sincerity in his tone caught you off guard. You nodded, following him a few steps away from the group.

“What’s on your mind?” you asked, your breath visible in the cold air.

He hesitated, his dark eyes searching yours as though trying to find the right words. “I just... I wanted to say I’ve noticed how different you’ve been lately. With him.”

You blinked. “With Shui?”

He nodded, his gaze dropping to the ground. “Yeah. It’s... good. You deserve to be happy.”

The words felt forced, and you could hear the strain in his voice. Before you could respond, he stepped closer, his warmth cutting through the cold air between you.

“But…” He stopped, his breath hitching. “It’s hard to see you with someone else.”

Your heart pounded in your chest, his words hanging heavy in the air. You couldn’t move, couldn’t speak, as he leaned in slightly, his gaze. His words hung in the air knowingly, as he moved a bit closer,the space so small closing in as your breathing, became much more rigid.

What was this feeling?

Frustration? Guilt? No. This was entirely different. This was pure, unfiltered anger.

For years, you had swallowed your feelings, buried them deep beneath the surface where they couldn’t hurt you—or him. You had watched him love someone else, choose someone else, while you stayed silent, convincing yourself it was better this way. And now, just when you’d started to heal, just when you’d found someone who made you feel seen and whole again, here he was. And for what? To pull you back into the storm you’d barely survived?

Your hand moved before your mind could catch up, the sharp sound of the slap cutting through the cold air. Suguru’s head turned slightly from the impact, his dark hair falling into his face. He didn’t flinch, didn’t even raise a hand to stop you.

“How dare you,” you said, your voice trembling with emotion. “How dare you make me feel like this. After all these years after ignoring me, after choosing her—you think you can just show up and ruin the one thing that’s finally made me happy?”

Suguru turned back to face you, his cheek reddened but his expression unreadable. His dark eyes, however, betrayed him. There was something there—something raw and vulnerable that you didn’t want to see.

“I never meant to hurt you,” he said quietly.

“Then stop,” you snapped, your voice rising. “Stop doing this. Stop making me feel like I’m losing my mind. You don’t get to do this to me, Suguru. Not now.”

He stepped closer, and you instinctively took a step back, but he reached out, his hand brushing against yours. “I didn’t realize,” he started, his voice breaking slightly, “how much I was losing until I saw you with him.”

“That’s not my fault,” you said, your voice shaking with anger and hurt. “You don’t get to want me now just because you’re scared of losing me. You made your choice, Suguru. You chose Cindy. And I chose to move on. For fucks sake you're engaged Suguru!”The last sentence cut through him like a blade,almost as if he forgot.

His grip on your wrist tightened—not enough to hurt, but enough to stop you from walking away. “I was scared,” he admitted, his voice barely above a whisper. “I thought I could ignore it, that it was just in my head. But it wasn’t. It’s never been in my head, and now it’s too late, isn’t it?”

You opened your mouth to respond, to throw another fiery remark at him, but before you could, his lips crashed against yours.

The kiss was desperate, almost feverish, like he was trying to say everything he couldn’t put into words. You froze, every part of you screaming to push him away, but for a moment—just one moment you let yourself feel it. His hands moved to your waist, pulling you closer, and it was as though the entire world disappeared.

Reality snapped back like a whip. You shoved him away, your breath ragged as you stared at him in disbelief. “What the hell is wrong with you?” you hissed, your hand trembling as you wiped your lips.

Suguru's lips parted, his dark eyes filled with regret and something else—something you didn't want to name.

"I—" he started, but the words caught in his throat.

Before either of you could say anything else, a voice cut through the icy tension, slicing it in two.

"What’s going on here?"

You froze, your blood running cold as you turned toward the sound. Cindy stood a few feet away, her arms crossed tightly over her chest, her gaze shifting between you and Suguru. Her eyes narrowed, her usually soft features hardening into something unrecognizable.

Suguru immediately straightened, his expression unreadable as he turned to face her. “Cindy,” he said, his voice unnaturally calm.

“Don’t ‘Cindy’ me,” she snapped, stepping closer. “I saw it. I saw you kiss her.”

Your heart plummeted to your stomach, panic rising like a tidal wave. “It’s not what you think—”

“Oh, spare me,” Cindy cut you off, her voice sharp enough to draw blood. Her gaze locked on Suguru, her voice shaking with anger. “How long has this been going on? Was this some kind of sick joke between the two of you?”

“It’s not like that,” Suguru said quickly, his voice firm but tinged with desperation. “It just... happened.”

“‘It just happened’?” Cindy echoed, her voice rising. “Are you kidding me, Suguru? We’re engaged! Or did that just ‘happen’ too?”

The group, drawn by the commotion, began to gather nearby. Shoko was the first to approach, her sharp eyes darting between the three of you as she pieced together the scene.

“What’s going on?” Shoko asked, her voice steady but laced with concern.

Cindy turned to her, her voice cracking. “What’s going on is that I just caught my fiancé kissing her.”

The words hung in the air, heavy and suffocating. You wanted to disappear, to run and never look back. Instead, you stood frozen, your gaze fixed on the ground as everyone’s eyes turned toward you.

“Cindy,” Suguru said again, stepping toward her. “I know how this looks, but—”

“Don’t,” she interrupted, her voice breaking. Tears filled her eyes, but she blinked them away, refusing to let them fall. “I trusted you. I believed in us. And this—this is what you do?”

For a moment, Suguru looked utterly lost, his calm facade shattered. “I didn’t mean to hurt you,” he said quietly.

“But you did,” Cindy shot back, her voice trembling. “And the worst part? You didn’t even think about me. About us. Not for a second.”

She turned on her heel, walking away before anyone could stop her. The group stood in stunned silence, the festive air of the rink now heavy with tension. Your brimming eyes caught Shui, and your heart broke at the sight.

Shoko was the first to move, stepping closer to you. “Are you okay?” she asked softly.

You shook your head, unable to speak. Your gaze flickered to Suguru, who stood there, his shoulders slumped as he watched Cindy’s retreating figure.

“I should go,” you whispered, your voice barely audible.

Shoko nodded, her hand resting lightly on your arm. “I’ll come with you.”

As the two of you walked away, you could feel Suguru’s eyes on your back, the weight of his gaze like a physical pull. But you didn’t look back. You couldn’t. Not this time.

24 December 2024

The amount of days that has passed and the amount of guilt that surrounded your heart was unbearable. Your eyes swollen from all the tears you've spilled these past few days,are now stained through a soaking wet pillow.

Cindy.

Your mind drifted. The pain in your chest could never compare to the heartbreak she might be feeling now, the weight of guilt still clung to you like a heavy cloak, threatening to drown in despair. You never wanted to be the other woman, never in a million years have you thought of yourself that way,but yet here you are.

The other woman.

A knock was heard from your cosy Swiss Chalet. It was nearly seven—in the morning, who could be here so early?

With a deep sigh, you pushed yourself out of bed and made your way to the door. Opening the door widely, there she stood.

Cindy as perfect as ever, with her long black hair and red lips. The way she looked at you you couldn't tell if it was pure anger or if she felt sorry for you. The silence was erupted, softy by her sweet tone, “May I come in?”.

You nodded as, you opened the door widely for her to enter. The clack of her heels and long brown coat made her look so elegantly, you couldn't help but admire her.

You both seated, in the living room. Not one of you uttering a word so far.

“Cindy.. I-” you interrupted.

“I always knew he loved you”, she whispered as her eyes caught yours. The confession made your heart swell for a moment but yet break for her.

““...he always found reasons to be near you,” Cindy finished softly, her voice cracking just slightly. She looked down at her hands, fidgeting with the gold bracelet on her wrist, and you could see the weight of her words pressing down on her.

You swallowed hard, guilt surging through you like a tidal wave. “Cindy, I… I didn’t mean for any of this to happen. I never—”

She raised a hand to stop you. “Please, don’t. I’m not here to point fingers or assign blame. I’ve had weeks to process this, and… I’ve come to terms with it.” Her red lips curved into a faint, bittersweet smile. “Suguru and I… we weren’t meant to be. I see that now.”

Her words stung more than you expected. You knew she was right; there was no denying the unspoken connection between you and Suguru. But the last thing you ever wanted was to hurt Cindy.

“I broke off the engagement,” she continued, her tone steady but void of the anger you half-expected. “We’ve decided to go our separate ways. It’s for the best.”

“I’m so sorry, Cindy.” Your voice was barely a whisper. “If I could go back, I’d—”

“Don’t,” she said again, her gaze sharp but not unkind. “What’s done is done. Suguru… he loves you. He always has. I just—” She took a deep breath, as if steadying herself. “I just hope you’ll take care of him. That’s all I ask.”

You nodded, tears threatening to spill as you reached out to touch her hand. “I promise.”

Cindy stood then, her heels clicking softly against the wooden floor. She adjusted her coat and gave you one last look, her expression unreadable. “Goodbye,” she said simply, and then she was gone, leaving behind a whirlwind of emotions.

The door had barely closed behind her when you felt a presence behind you. Turning, you saw Shui standing in the hallway, arms crossed, his face clouded with a mixture of hurt and confusion.

“Shui…” you began, guilt tightening your chest. “I didn’t know you were here.”

He scoffed, shaking his head. “You didn’t need to. I saw everything.”

You stepped closer, desperation creeping into your voice. “I’m sorry, Shui. I never meant for you to get caught up in all of this.”

He exhaled heavily, running a hand through his hair. “You don’t have to apologize to me. But you should’ve been honest—with Cindy, with Suguru, and with yourself. This didn’t have to end like this.”

“I know,” you said quietly, your voice barely audible. “I know I messed up. I’ll fix it, I promise.”

Shui studied you for a long moment before nodding slightly, his expression softening just a fraction. “Just… don’t let Cindy’s sacrifice be for nothing,” he said before walking away, leaving you alone with the crushing weight of everything that had happened.

You sat down on the couch, the silence of the room pressing in around you. Cindy’s words echoed in your mind, and for the first time, you allowed yourself to fully acknowledge the truth: you had to make things right, not just for Suguru, but for everyone who had been hurt in the process. And this time, you wouldn’t let them down.

25 December 2024

Finally, it was Christmas morning. Suguru busied himself with last-minute touches, his hands steady as he arranged the garlands around the hearth. The soft hum of laughter and chatter filled the room as friends gathered near the twinkling Christmas tree, their faces lit with joy. Despite the warmth and festive air, Suguru's thoughts were elsewhere, swirling with unease and anticipation.

“Suguru,” Gojo’s unmistakable voice broke through his focus. Suguru turned, only to find his friend wearing a knowing grin. “Stop pretending you’re not looking for someone,” Gojo teased, clapping a hand on his shoulder.

Suguru opened his mouth to retort, but then his breath hitched. There you were, standing by the doorway, wrapped in a soft sweater and scarf, snowflakes still melting in your hair. The world seemed to still as his gaze locked onto yours for the first time in weeks. A flood of emotions, relief, longing, and something deeper rushed through him as your lips curved into a tentative smile.

“Hey,” you said softly, stepping further into the room.

“Hey,” he replied, his voice barely above a whisper.

The morning unfolded in a whirlwind of torn wrapping paper, shared laughter, and playful banter. But Suguru’s focus never strayed far from you. When it was his turn, he reached under the tree and pulled out a small, carefully wrapped package, his hands trembling slightly as he handed it to you.

“This is for you,” he murmured, his dark eyes watching your reaction intently.

You blinked, surprised, before carefully unwrapping the gift. Inside was a delicate necklace a simple gold chain with a tiny charm shaped like a star. It sparkled faintly under the warm glow of the Christmas lights.

“It reminded me of you,” he admitted, his voice low. “You’ve always been the brightest thing in my life.”

Your heart clenched at his words, and for a moment, you forgot everyone else in the room. “Suguru… it’s perfect. Thank you.”

As the day slipped into evening and the snowstorm outside intensified, the group gradually dispersed, leaving you and Suguru alone by the fireplace. The flames crackled softly, casting flickering shadows on the walls. Wrapped in a shared blanket, you both sat close, the warmth of the fire chasing away the chill in the air.

“I missed this,” Suguru said, breaking the comfortable silence. He glanced at you, his gaze tender. “Us. Talking. Laughing. Just… being.”

“I missed it too,” you admitted, resting your head on his shoulder. “I missed you.”

The hours stretched as you reminisce about old memories—late-night adventures, inside jokes, and moments of unspoken connection. The weight of the weeks apart seemed to dissolve with every shared smile, every stolen glance.

At some point, the conversation lulled, and Suguru tilted his head to look at you. His hand reached up, brushing a stray strand of hair from your face. “You’re beautiful,” he whispered, his voice thick with emotion.

Before you could respond, his lips met yours. The kiss was slow at first, soft and exploratory, but quickly deepened as weeks of longing poured into the moment. Your fingers tangled in his hair, pulling him closer as the firelight danced around you.

“Suguru,” you breathed against his lips, your voice trembling with both desire and uncertainty.

“Come with me,” he murmured, his eyes dark with intent. He stood, pulling you to your feet, and without a second thought, the two of you slipped away into the stormy night.

His room was dimly lit, the faint glow of the snowstorm filtering through the curtains. The air was thick with unspoken words as he guided you inside, his hands warm and steady against yours.

Your skin was greeted by the soft kisses of his lips. There was no worries, no longer the wait that you have spent years on waiting for this man. Finally he had you all to himself.

Your heart pounded as his hands came into contact with your satin shirt. His kisses didn't fail once as the goosebumps seem to appear on your skin. A lowly chuckle could be heard from him as his hands made their way to your breasts only to squeeze them together.

Slowly the remaining clothes you both wore were on the floor. You laid there naked, on this very day just for him. Your voluptuous body made it hard for him to breathe in this now hot room. His now dark eyes ranked over your figure,imagining all the dirty things he can do to you.

Slowly his hands explored your now naked thighs,squeezing the soft flesh. A moan treated to escape your now red lips.

“The way, I used to imagine this, fuck”, his thick voice now clouded with lust. He pulled your now burning body, close the edge of the bed only to get down on your knees.

Never in your dreams have you thought this would happen. Suguru Geto down on his knees for you. His tongues darted out as he finally reached your waters, a low groan escaped his throat just enough to wake your core. The taste of you on his tongue was like heaven itself, a lustful man like himself has finally tasted the meal he most surely has been craving for the longest time

“Oh my-...” the muffled moans that were drawn from your pretty mouth, and your now arched figure was something he could now control. His tongue interned your now tight hole, with this action your hands flung to his long luscious locks.

“Suguru, oh my gosh”, a smirk invaded Suguru’s lips as he finally looked at your face. His one finger slipped in without permission, he slowly pumped the digest, driving you to ecstasy.

“So damn wet, can you hear yourself?” the question came out vaguely as he chuckled,proud of himself was an understatement. He made a mission for you to hear the sounds that escaped your now wet core.

“Suguru, please… ” you moaned louder as he started to go faster,and started licking your clit.

“Oh - Oh-Oh my.. fuck” your hands gripped onto him for dear life as you felt that familiar feeling creeping.

“Did you sleep with him?” What stupid questions was this man asking you? , while you were on the verge of coming. A loud slap could be heard as his one hand came into contact with the soft flesh of your thigh along with a sudden gasp from you.

“Answer me, I asked you a question”, his tone low and demanding as your eyes made contact with him.

“No…. I didn't” the words finally came out in a low cry.

“Good because you, belong to me” he murmured softly to you.

With his fingers so deep in you, his kisses made their way to your breasts only to sucked on your now sensitive nipples. Your breasts bounced slightly the faster his fingers went.His kisses finally reached your ear only to whisper the dirtiest secrets to you.

“Cum for me baby”his voice haled, and just like that he made you feel true ecstasy. His name rolled off your lips as he continued his ministries,until he rode out your orgasm.

The soft rhythm of your breathing filled the quiet space, and Suguru’s dark eyes roamed your face, searching for any hint of hesitation or concern. For the first time, you could truly see him—not just the man in front of you, but the intensity and passion that had always burned beneath the surface. It was overwhelming, almost too much, yet it felt right.

His lips found yours again, slow and deliberate, as though he had all the time in the world. His kiss carried a tenderness that made your heart flutter, and your hands instinctively cupped his cheek. A smile tugged at your lips as you remembered slapping him not long ago. The irony wasn’t lost on either of you.

His deep voice broke the moment, pulling a laugh from you. “At least I know my girl’s got a mean slap,” he teased, his grin devilish.

“You deserved it,” you shot back, your voice softer but still firm. “For everything you put me through.”

He didn’t deny it. Instead, his smile deepened, an unspoken acknowledgment that your words were true.

When he kissed you again, it was different. The slow tenderness gave way to something rougher, more urgent. His hands framed your waist as he lowered himself, his body fitting perfectly against yours. The warmth of him, the weight, the unspoken promise—it was enough to make your heart race.

Suguru hesitated, his movements slowing as his dark eyes met yours. He knew your boundaries, understood the reverence you held for yourself and your body. It hadn’t been years for him, but he knew it had been for you—since before you left high school, since the last boyfriend you had allowed close. That thought only made him more careful, more determined to handle you with care.

He pressed his lips to yours once more, a silent reassurance. His touch was reverent, patient, yet full of the fire that only Suguru could bring. He was ready—but only if you were, too.

Your eyes met for the slightest moment before his member stretched you out softly. A low moan could be heard from you as you wrapped your thighs around his hips.

“Fuck, you feel good” he mumbled against your skin kissing your colrbone—sucking on the soft spot to ease the unfamiliar feeling. Slowly he started to pump his member in and out of you stretching, your now tight woman hood just for him.

Your moans didn't go unnoticed by his actions ,as started sucking onto your right nipple.

“You feel that baby?” he asked you as you looked at him. A simple nod and moan slip your mouth.

“Fuck” he cursed underneath his breath. Without a word, you were on your stomach only for him to lift you slowly, pulling your hair slightly as he slid into you again.

“Oh my fuck, Suguru” this position made everything much more pleasant.

A loud slap was heard for the second time that night against your ass, a sign of dominance. You cried out loudly, the stinging feeling bringing a whole new sensation.

“Mine, all mine. It's like you were for me” he repeated his words as you felt his member twitch inside you. You couldn’t help but squeeze around him, only making him hiss at the pleasure.

“Come on baby, I'm close. Fuck” he gave you one last smack as he let go of your hair.

“Suguru I'm close” he hummed at your response and he started going faster and faster. Your second orgasm was finally approaching for the night,the tingling feeling starting to swell up in your core as you felt the way Suguru hit that one spot over and over again.

Finally you came along with him,the feeling of him filling your core with such ease, didn't go unnoticed. Your trembling figure laid out before him, as Suguru milked his way out, making sure none of his seeds go to waste.

The exhausted sound which came from him as he collapsed on top of your now, wet body.

Silence was all that could be heard as you lay beneath him, the storm outside a faint whisper against the windows. Suguru’s warm breath fanned against your skin, and for a moment, neither of you moved, both lost in the intensity of what had just unfolded.

Then, with a tenderness that made your heart ache, he gathered you against him, pulling you into his arms so you rested against his chest. His fingers traced lazy circles along your back, grounding you in the moment as you both basked in the quiet intimacy.

“You’re incredible,” he murmured, his voice soft and full of awe. “I never thought this would happen… that I’d have you like this.”

You tilted your head to look up at him, a small smile tugging at your lips. “I guess Christmas miracles do exist.”

He chuckled, the deep, rich sound vibrating against your ear. “If you’re my miracle, then I must’ve been really good this year.”

The two of you fell into a comfortable silence again, the weight of unspoken emotions finally lifting. Suguru’s hand moved to brush a strand of hair from your face, his touch so gentle it sent shivers down your spine.

“Do you regret it?” he asked suddenly, his tone hesitant, as though he feared your answer.

You shook your head, pressing a soft kiss to his chest. “Not for a second. I’ve wanted this—wanted you—for so long, Suguru.”

His arms tightened around you, as though he couldn’t bear to let you go. “I’ll spend the rest of my life making sure you never regret it,” he promised, his voice thick with emotion.

“You already have,” you whispered, your voice catching as your heart swelled with love.

The storm outside seemed to ease, the wind quieting as if nature itself was giving you this moment of peace. Suguru leaned down, pressing a lingering kiss to your forehead, his lips warm and reassuring.

“You’re everything to me,” he said softly, his dark eyes searching yours. “I want to build a life with you. Whatever happens, I want you by my side.”

Tears pricked at your eyes, but they were happy ones. “I’m not going anywhere, Suguru. This is exactly where I’m meant to be.”

He smiled, a rare, unguarded expression that made him look almost boyish. “Good. Because I don’t think I’d survive losing you again.”

Nestled together, you both drifted into lighthearted conversation—talking about future plans, inside jokes, and everything in between. Suguru shared stories about his childhood, his dreams, and even the little things he loved about you that he’d never had the courage to say before.

By the time the storm completely passed, dawn was beginning to creep through the curtains, bathing the room in a soft, golden glow. Suguru’s arms tightened around you one last time as you both lay there, utterly content.

“Christmas will never be the same again,” he said, his voice laced with affection.

“No,” you agreed, pressing a final kiss to his lips. “It’ll be better.”

And as the morning light filled the room, you knew that this was just the beginning of a lifetime of happiness with Suguru by your side.

©suguru's-thoughts 2024, do not copy or translate my work. art work does not belong to me all credit goes out to the the artist. my banners are from the lovely @adornedwithlight!! 🤍

☃︎ taglist — @getobitchs 🍰🤍

a/n — just a reminder I was tired when I wrote the smut part, so there was less passion in my opinion . My writing usually has so much passion in the especially in those scenes I dislike it so much when I write smuts so vaguely :') I'll make sure to make it better when I do the rest of the ingredients for Fruitcake !! 🍰

[doberbutts]

My would-be rapist died earlier this week and I have been having a lot of Complicated Feelings about it since being told. Long story short he died because he was once again being a creep and someone intervened and ended up cracking open his skull and he died from a brain bleed two days later. And I'm just thinking about how 18 years ago this guy was actively attempting to groom me in the middle of church and bible study and only stopped because my parents believed me when they pried the truth out of me. And how that stopped him from pursuing me but not from just switching to Someone Else until it became multiple Someone Else's and the above situation happened.

Truthfully I don't really know what to feel, or think. I am not sad that he is dead. I'm not really happy either. I think he is an excellent example of the multiple failures we have as a society to protect our most vulnerable populations. He is who I think of when I ask what we do with repeat offenders who do not seem to be getting the message that they are making bad choices, and how we're supposed to protect vulnerable people from predators like him.

I do think, for the most part, that prison reform and prison abolition is a good thing. I do think that the death penalty sets a dangerous precedent.

But what do we do with a man who has hurt person after person after person, who even when confined to a facility for the rest of his life (ie, effectively a prison) continues to prey upon patients and staff alike, until he is sent to an all-male facility and even then tries it with a female CNA before another male patient witnesses it and does something about it?

I don't even know if the other guy realizes what a service he's done to this dude's victims, or the collective sigh of relief his victims took upon the news of his demise.

I will not light a candle for you, Joel. Not even your own family is attending your funeral, or pressing charges against the facility or the man who killed you. But it does make me think about how this could have been better resolved, if it could have been, if a better outcome than a long string of sexual assaults and rapes ultimately ending in a violent death could have been had.

He never did manage to get me. But he would have, if my parents hadn't stepped in on my behalf. He was bold enough to try it while they were just downstairs, reading and discussing from religious texts. Bold enough to put his hands on me in the middle of church as the pastor spoke and everyone could see. To my knowledge, I was his first- or was I? Was he bold because he was inexperienced in doing this, or because he was riding the high of having gotten away with it before? Clearly getting caught just taught him to be more subtle, rather than that he shouldn't have been doing it in the first place.

I think if he had succeeded with me, I would currently be very glad to hear about his death.

But he didn't, so now I am thinking about these things. And feeling a little, play stupid games win stupid prizes.

[fellow-fandom-fruitifier]

AU where Edwin knows he's gay from the start would be fire me thinks.

Imagine if he thinks he deserved Hell but still wants to escape and feel so wrong and selfish for it. So he never tells Charles what actually happened between 1916-1989, Charles only knows whatever happened was very bad no good. Edwin would be horribly, painfully aware that he was falling for Charles. But that's wrong, isn't it? Boys can't like boys.

So he tries so hard to ignore it, tamp it down. He can't let Charles know. If he knows then he'll know why he's avoiding the afterlife, that he deserves to go to Hell.

Charles knows Edwin is scared of Death and the afterlife, he assumes that something happened from 1916-1989 that convinced Edwin he was damned but there's just no damn way someone as good as Edwin deserves Hell. But, selfishly, he never tries to convince Edwin to go. To leave for his beautiful afterlife.

Then Port Townsend happens.

Crystal is no idiot, she can tell Edwin's jealous from the start. She can tell Charles thinks it's because they're best friends, she can tell it's because Edwin's in love. That doesn't stop her though, she deserves one good thing after everything, doesn't she?

(I think Cat King would go very similar to canon, but it's less of "I'm not gay" and more of "I know what I am but these urges aren't okay".)

Niko loves love, she can tell Edwin loves Charles. She can tell Edwin doesn't know it's okay. Niko helps him through it, becomes his confidant, the first person he confesses everything to. I think they would have a huge conversation that ends in them both crying -- Edwin bemoaning his unrequited love, Niko mourning for him -- and cuddled up watching Scooby-Doo. (The sprites get teary eyed too but still mock them, Niko calls them out and they deny it. "It's dusty as shit in this old ass glass!" "Yeah, we're getting fucking pick eye in here!" "When's the last time you even washed this shit-ass jar?")

It all comes to a head with the Night Nurse. We all know her spiel, "I'm taking Edwin back to Hell and Charles to get processed." But Charles doesn't know Edwin's been processed. Charles doesn't know Edwin's assigned to Hell.

Niko is empathetic, not forcing Edwin to explain but not once thinking he did anything to deserve it. Crystal is up in arms, demanding to know what he did to deserve Hell, demanding to know why he hid it from Charles. Charles is confused, conflicted. Edwin's his best mate! There's no way he deserves Hell! But... but why didn't he tell Charles? Edwin is overwhelmed and panicked and no, no, no! Charles was never supposed to know!

Now, listen. Niko isn't one for confrontation, she doesn't like to fight. But hearing Crystal rip into an unresponsive Edwin while Charles lingers unsure on the back has her heart breaking, has her head hurting. So she steps in, shouts at them to stop, that they'll talk tomorrow when they've cooled off. And drags Edwin off to her room for the night. She doesn't demand answers and he doesn't give them.

The next day, everyone's off. The tension is high and only building. Crystal keeps sending Edwin pointed comments and Edwin is actively ignoring her existence. Charles is conflicted, caught between Crystal and Edwin; taking both their sides without taking either. And Niko doesn't know how to soothe any of it, so she sticks close to Edwin.

Eventually the four are leaving the graveyard, Crystal and Charles arguing when she rounds on Edwin. "And you! Don't think I forgot about you!" Niko tries to step in and stop it like she did last time but Edwin's tired, he's had enough, he breaks. "I was sacrificed! I was sacrificed and spent seventy-three gruelling years fighting to escape! There, happy? Might we please move on now?"

He storms past them all and for the first time since this dispute started, Niko is angry. She tells Crystal that wasn't okay, that it was cruel. And takes off after Edwin, leaving Charles and Crystal standing uselessly.

"I didn't know..." Neither remember who said that.

[4linos]

the gingerbread fix.

kim seungmin x gn!reader

synopsis: after seungmin unintentionally ruins the gingerbread house you’ve worked hard on, the two of you rebuild together, learning the importance of compromise and enjoying the process.

wc: 989

part 5/8 holiday series. 🎄

The week before Christmas, you’d come up with a fun idea, a gingerbread house decorating competition. You were excited about it, knowing that you and Seungmin could have a fun, festive time together. You’d gathered everything, the gingerbread kits, icing, sprinkles, and candy. It was going to be a lighthearted and playful competition to see who could create the best house, but you didn’t anticipate just how seriously you’d take it.

The night of the competition arrived, and the air was filled with a delicious smell of sugar and gingerbread. Seungmin was enthusiastic at at first, but when it came to decorating, he turned into the class clown. You concentrated on the house, carefully decorating every inch, placing the candy, and ensuring the frosting stayed neatly piped. Meanwhile, Seungmin slapped some frosting here and there, paying little attention to any kind of structure.

With each passing minute, you became more focused. You couldn't help yourself, it wasn't just about winning; it was about doing something special, showing that you cared about doing it right. Seungmin, on the other hand, was having a good time, nonchalantly bothering you as he randomly added candy canes and took nibbles out of the candy pieces. Every time you looked over, he gave you a grin, as if the whole thing was a joke to him. You tried to hold back your increasing frustration, but it came out when Seungmin, chuckling to himself, leaned over and touched your gingerbread house, just to tease you.

The whole thing crumbled.

You froze, staring in disbelief at the pile of crumbled gingerbread. Your heart dropped. You'd worked so hard to make that house perfect, and now it was ruined. Seungmin, still chuckling, stared up at you with wide eyes. He hadn't realized how serious you were about this. "Seungmin," you asked, your voice tight with rage. "What did you do?" His face fell, and he moved back. "Wait, I didn't mean to—" "No! "I've been working on this for hours, and you just…ruined it," you snapped, your words coming out harder than intended. His expression showed guilt, but the frustration was too much.

“I’m sorry,” he said quickly, his voice genuine. “I didn’t mean to mess it up. I was just joking around…”

You shook your head, biting back the anger and disappointment welling up inside you. “I don’t need you to joke around. I thought this was supposed to be fun, but now you’ve ruined it.”

Seungmin stood there, looking helpless. “I didn’t realize you were taking it so seriously.”

You folded your arms across your chest, hurt. “It’s not about that, Seungmin. It’s just… I wanted this to be something special. I wanted to share something with you, but instead you made me feel like it didn’t matter.”

The room fell silent for a minute. Seungmin, for the first time all night, looked completely serious. "I'm really sorry. "I didn't mean to hurt you." He hesitated, then looked down at the mess on the table. "I’ll fix it. "I promise." You didn't respond immediately away, the anger still simmering, but you were beginning to feel the sting of guilt yourself. You snapped at him when he didn't deserve it. You were frustrated and disappointed, but it didn't mean he deserved to be on the receiving end of it.

Later that evening, you went to the kitchen to grab a snack, still giving Seungmin the silent treatment. You were hurt, but you didn’t want to escalate things further. But as you opened the fridge, you heard him come in behind you.

"Sit down," he urged gently, putting you onto the table. "We're not giving up on this." Before you could argue, he had left the room, returning shortly after with two new gingerbread house kits and an apologetic look on his face. "I'm sorry for messing around," he said cautiously, placing the boxes on the table. "Let's do it properly this time, together." You sighed, but couldn't keep the slight smile tugging at the edges of your lips. Despite everything, he was trying. He really was.

“Okay, fine,” you said, sitting back down. “Let’s do it again.”

So the two of you began again, this time more focused and serious. Seungmin, who had not been trying too hard before, now worked quietly beside you, delicately piped the icing, and set the candies with care. His gingerbread house was still a little disorganized, but there was something adorable about how hard he worked to improve things.

As the night progressed, you both began to relax. Your frustration gradually faded away, replaced with laughter as you giggled about how horrible Seungmin's house was looking. Even his decorating attempts failed miserably, but you couldn't help but laugh at how hard he was trying. "You're not winning this time," you mocked, staring at his house, which was leaning to one side and consisted of more sweets than actual construction. Seungmin grumbled, obviously dejected but taking it in stride. "Alright, fine. "I’ll let you win."

You grinned, finally feeling the tension dissipate. “Thanks for letting me win. That’s very generous of you.”

Seungmin smiled sheepishly, giving you a playful shove. “I’m just happy we’re not fighting anymore.”

You both sat back, looking at your respective gingerbread houses, your hearts lighter than they had been earlier. “I’m sorry, too,” you said, your voice soft. “I shouldn’t have snapped at you like that. I was just really excited about this.”

He smiled at you, and the warmth in his gaze made you forget about the previous tension. "It's okay. I'm just glad we're doing this together." "Yeah," you replied, leaning against him. "Next year, though, we're definitely doing this seriously." Seungmin laughed and wrapped his arm around you. "Next year, we'll have an even bigger competition. But for now, let us just enjoy this." And with that, you both giggled together, enjoying the moment while the Christmas lights flickered softly in the backdrop.

//

[taglist: @lixies-favorite-cookie..]

[velvetvexations]

Saw your tags on that binder post and I thought I’d share that my first introduction to chest binding was actually through the lolita community! A lot of big name japanese brands are not exactly size inclusive and did NOT cater to anyone with more than an A cup, so I did see quite a lot of safe binding advice and methods on blogs and forums back in the day before more inclusive brands became available, ranging from sports bra to actual proper binders. I’m probably not the only example of the “binding to fit into an angelic pretty dress” to “binding to fit into an angelic pretty dress and gender reasons)” pipeline, but plenty of other lolitas I know are still cis women who just do it on occasion or for specific pieces that aren’t very forgiving on the tits! I doubt that a single niche fashion subculture is the reason for those binders being marketed towards cis women so heavily, but I thought this was a funny anecdote :)

Fascinating!

patricia taxxon shit really fucking hurts. i dont want to be effected by a random internet microcelebrity not liking transdudes, that happens often enough. but god her music and essays got me through really rough shit and it really hurts to see someone i looked up to for well written essays and work fall back on the bullshit arguments used to deny my lived experiences. it really really fucking hurts, especially with how it feels barely anyone will talk about or call it out. i thought trfs were something id have to look hard for, and seeing their rhetoric creep into the fucking music i listen to and tumblrs i follow really truly scares me

I'm sorry, anon. I love you a lot. <3

“You shouldn’t break up the trans community into groups!” The TRFs literally came up with a way to break up the community via TMA/TME. They are actively distancing themselves from the community by baking fearmongering into their ideology. God forbid we create a term about sticking together against a group within the community that’s inherently dividing?

lmao literally

Just had my first time getting sexually harassed by a woman as a percieved cis man and commiserating afterwards with a cis man about how we're all just supposed to be cool with being treated like that. It's a weird experience and somehow going through the same things mostly from women as a girl then nonbinary then a trans guy it feels the same but the flavors change. I know the discourse is literally nothing but it makes me feel like my feelings shouldn't matter because of the male privilege. And I even did my civic duty and took the brunt of it away from the other trans man who was getting it worse because of his percieved feminine traits which people also like to pretend doesn't happen. All of it is just stupid.

It's fine, she was a woman and you're a man so that was praxis sexual harassment.

honestly i think a better predictor of how much autonomy a child is able to have over their presentation is probably whether the child is disabled moreso than agab, like i not only wasn't allowed to have my hair too short, i also wasn't allowed to have it too long for a chunk of my childhood because it took me awhile to understand how to brush my hair (because i was afraid to because i am hypersensitive to touch and my mother would always brush my hair in a way that hurt so much i would cry), and my mother would bitch and moan about how difficult i was about it (because she was hurting me and did not listen when i told her this) and so i wasn't allowed to have longer hair until i could brush it myself. ultimately the biggest factor is always the attitude of the parents though

God, so much of my shit with my mother was over my hair, it still really gets to me.

TRF is like the whole voting for face eating panthers. But it’s like TERFs are the panthers and TRFs are a cheetah, like “I’m a kind of cat too so they won’t eat my face as long as I eat faces too right?” WRONG they see you as prey, they won’t spare you because they see a fellow cat, they’ll eat your face cuz you’re not a panther!

cis women will like me if I explain to them how I'm -taxonomically- a woman

it’s insane to me that ‘it’s bad to hate someone for an uncontrollable part of their identity no matter who they are’ is a controversial take now

we've regressed

when people say ‘um ackshually i can say i want all men to die and if you tell me “men see these things and go far right because they think it’s true” then you are blaming women for men’s bad behaviour’ i just immediately assume that this person is stupid as fuck like. if a teenage boy goes online to see what feminism is about and is bombarded with ‘kill all men’ ‘all men are rapists’ etc then OBVIOUSLY he’s not gonna want to be feminist. it is really not that fucking hard to understand. people don’t wanna be in spaces that are cruel to them for an aspect of their identity that they cannot control it’s not ‘blaming women for misogynistic men’ to say that. it’s just fucking true. people are so stupid it actually pains me

unfortunately radfem juice is addictive

[alexxncl]

‼️NIGHTBRINGER LESSON 60 SPOILERS‼️

masterlist | all lessons | season 3 | lesson 59 | lesson 60.2

the end of 5 years...so much time and some money spent on this game and i'm scared about how it's gonna end. ik for a fact we won't get proper closure and there's gonna be a fuck ton of loose ends that we never get answers to, but i've come to accept it bc there's nothing else we can do

onto lesson 60!

one part in and i'm already confused. why are we throwing curveballs in the last lesson of the game 😭 tf is a super moon and what does it have to do with mc

unless this has to do with sol and mc going back in time i'm not seeing the point. and even then is there really a point ??? we haven't touched on time travel AT ALL in season 3, not in any meaningful ways, and if this is how they're tying it in...that's an interesting choice

...this feels extremely low stakes

like yes this is a big deal and yes it could be disastrous, but the fact that we know it'll be resolved in less than one lesson just makes it feel forced and rushed

mc's power staging ? power gauging ? power grading ? whatever the term is, has always been inconsistent to the point that now they're basically god. like why should a human singlehandedly be able to stop the moon from colliding into the devildom

granted, they'll probably have help from the brothers through their pacts and diavolo & barbatos bc duh, but like...couldn't the brothers just use their powers on their own? idk it feels like a shoe horn

and i'm not surprised that it has to do with time travel. they had to talk it about eventually

with the way this is going i'm probably gonna be complaining a lot so fair warning 😭 i wish i could be more happy and enthusiastic but FUCK

thirteen crumbs. i'll take what i can get. i'm gonna miss her 💔💔💔💔💔

the fact that they had to use a scroll bar bc you could choose between all 7 of them 😭

obviously chose my fave. my man. the loml

and obviously the spell didn't work on the first attempt

WHAT

so he's on his deathbed damn near and we're supposed to just be fine with it and go to class like nothing is wrong ???

also the devs are evil for making us choose our favorite and having them get hurt to protect us 💀 why would they play in my face like that

my love :((((((( it's bittersweet to see her this much in this lesson when we barely see thirteen at all in the main story or the event stories. feels like a "here, damn" from the devs

oh so now we can say "i love you" out in the open 😑 yes i'm bitter.

this is vile 😭 not the brothers didn't even know. they got slapped in the face just like we did

.............

every bit of praise i had for the game is void. why would they do this. WHY would they do this. it's like we're back at the beginning of the game all over again

ik it's not "set in stone" or "guaranteed", but it's basically guaranteed. i know it doesn't set back his growth entirely but it feels like it. especially since we barely saw human simeon when he wasn't masking as an angel in og season 4, and he was depressed and sick for the entirety of nb season 3

like i can't even put into words how mad i am. i can't even put into words why i'm so mad. i'm just. sigh

THIS is how they end the game ??? i'm sick. actually. like i have no words

the lucifer fanservice is unsurprising but i didn't expect it to be THIS serious. like what. WHAT.

well. that's the game ig. lesson 60 was...something

[torturingpeople]

@detective-and-dreamer

this is an interesting idea. could we argue that gant acts like a parasite or a brain worm? obviously it isn't a living thing and it's usually not even visible but if we're going with my pseudopsychobiology (<- what a term) it makes sense that the chewing could be interpreted literally

i feel like this doesn't cause the damage that irrigo or violant do but it just causes pain. because i don't think i'd like to have my nerves chewed on quite frankly considering how sensitive they are and how mind-splittingly painful that would be

i wonder in that case, to negate the effects of gant, could one treat their synapses with violant? surely the casing would be effective against it, and it would work somewhat like a cast over your nerve but have the effect of a painkiller without having to take morphine

i was also thinking about viric and cosmogone (thank you @thegreatyin for bringing it up to me), and i feel like they work more like a chemical transmission than something that clings to the nerve, because they affect you emotionally/chemically (viric making you drowsy, cosmogone making you feel nostalgic) rather than actually impacting your ability to think

i could see people who are well-versed in the neathbow using viric in the same sense as melatonin supplements? however i can also see a very very clear risk of comatose - this could even be a method of permanent death

viric would essentially cause what moonlight does (stimulating the production of melatonin in the brain) to the nth degree: it would stimulate so much melatonin production that you basically fall into a coma state permanently, and if nobody inhibits the melatonin production you basically get softlocked out of your body and i suppose stuck in parabola until you can return to your body

i think cosmogone also has a very strong potential as a recreational drug. it would work in a similar way to prisoner's honey but just trigger a lot of nostalgia and reminiscing, and i can see that becoming addictive for people who are not happy in the present and want to return to what once was... then again i don't know *too* much about cosmogone so someone else might have a better theory/concept on this

i already talked a bit about apocyan in this reblog but i see this as a supplement, as opposed to violant which is more like steroids. it needs to be taken frequently in controlled doses to have a positive effect but basically it strengthens your memories over time and helps you to be able to recall things in a safer way than violant's insta-fix: however overdosing on apocyan i figure isn't hard to reverse but is painful because you need to do it with irrigo and essentially erode your synapses which is going to hurt like hell

i've been thinking about how irrigo and violant work recently. so of course i had to make diagrams about it

i don't think the plaque is like a literal tangible thing like it is on your tooth or in your blood vessels, but it's more of a residue that either snaps the synapses immediately and makes it impossible to reconnect the memory or builds up over time on the synapse and makes it harder to access a memory

"with resistance" in this case refers to someone who uses or has been exposed to irrigo frequently over an extended period of time. it works in the same way as drug/antibiotic resistance does in the sense that your synapses grow more resilient to the effects of the plaque and don't just immediately break. think of it like going from dental floss to rope

i also think violant can provide resistance too - in this way it would more likely cancel out the effects of the plaque and it's like placing a casing over your synapse, but at the same time now you have both a violant casing (with violant being impossible to erase so the casing is there basically forever whether it's effective or not) and irrigo plaque on your synapses so it's not something you can do repeatedly without eventually damaging the synapse and doing something fucked up to your memory

there's also potential for the buildup of irrigo and violant causing toxic shock in the brain in the same way foreign objects do - it's only in a long-term sense and if left unchecked the body will start attacking itself and engaging an immune response to remove the buildup, which will in turn inevitably damage, weaken or break the synapse entirely

the way to treat violant+irrigo buildup is with exposure to apocyan. in essence this has the ability to remove the plaque buildup and the casing, essentially breaking it off your synapses, and can help to heal any damage caused by an immune response or the synapse being freed from the casing and plaque. in this it would return the neuron to its natural, unaffected state, and the pathway would neither have the benefits or drawbacks of using violant or irrigo

[itsahotminuteinbetween]

'...you know jokes like those actually hurt me, right?'

"who said I was joking?"

.

.

.

'oh.'

[ourceliumnetwork]

i think i'm like. really in denial sometimes about how much pain i'm just Casually In...

OH NO WAIT HANG ON WAIT ACTUALLY MY MEDICINE WORE OFF AND I DID LIKE A LOT OF UNANTICIPATED ACTIVITY NEVER MIND I'M DUMB I'M HURTING FOR ACTUAL REASONS THIS TIME

[thelemonsnek]

[video description: a turnaround video of an abstract clay model. It is of a creature walking forward with fin-like tendrils coming off its back in waves. End id]

Model I did for class! Probably I'll be choosing this one for my larger sculpture :)

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[raimi]

the problem with nice pretty pain scales is that sometimes you are slowly coming to the realization that you don't properly know what "not pain" feels like in the first place

[guinevereslancelot]

why do i feel weirdly guilty for taking a day off of work to have necessary surgery 🤡

[koi-does-emotions]

i feel like my parents or at least my mom is so close to GETTING it. like. she has a certain viewpoint on the whole political climate. as a whole. and the way she describes it. you're SO CLOSE to getting it but YOU'RE not the one they're going after right now.

you're SO SO SO SO close where if you just applied this same train of thought to trans people or disabled people or jewish people or people of color and thought even SLIGHTLY harder about it you'd realize that you're supporting the people who'd LIKE them to just Shut Up And Die!!! that you're so fucking close to getting it but its being applied to THE SIDE THATS DOING THE FUCKING OPPRESSING!!!!!!!!! and i wish i knew the right things to say to make that Happen. But I Don't. and i HATE it

[noxtivagus]

i shld sleep oh my god