#but what the teacher doesnt know wont hurt him

[thelemonsnek]

[video description: a turnaround video of an abstract clay model. It is of a creature walking forward with fin-like tendrils coming off its back in waves. End id]

Model I did for class! Probably I'll be choosing this one for my larger sculpture :)

[ants-personal]

see the reason i think randy starts to see benson in a more sympathetic light after sheppard is that well in that moment benson is third grader randy consumed by anger and choosing to lash out at his teacher with violence i think randy isnt stupid maybe when hearing it at first he would believe bensons oh no i just knew someone who was in your class excuse but after seeing how brutal and emotional benson is when beating him

i believe randy knows somethings up course he doesnt exactly know how this teacher hurt him but its clear its something horrible and randy finally has something he can relate to with benson knows how he felt being isolated by his peers his mother to lash out cause your just so frustrated and upset with the person you are and end up being the one hurt again benson is now not just the quiet coworker that snapped randy can easily paint as a violent asshole its starting to make sense what benson meant at the diner the first time

like hes been surviving and adapting to benson all day but after sheppard hes unsure how to proceed clearly benson is trying to hold it together they both know its in a tailspin now he tries to get benson to talk about it so he can help to reach out something no ones done to either of them and benson course shoots him down tries to bury it again but it doesnt work and course miss beard being added to the equation doesnt help

but it does prove to randy and us that there is a huge painful weight in benson he is losing control of his emotions while randy tries to calm him to just get him to leave to relate to him "you don't want this" and benson doesnt but its too late him taking miss beard proves it if he was nothing but a cold blooded killer he would have just killed her but he doesnt he cant partially due to his care for randy and also he doesnt have a reason to adding that she has a kid and ypu get benson making a choice to not be the same type of monster as whoever sheppard was by causing harm to a child that is innocent

and that's part of the reason why randy tells the police he isnt necessary going to hurt snyone cause at this point benson is at his peak unstable but he isnt attacking everyone and everything until they aggravate him hell miss beard isnt even tied up or hit or anything benson threatens with his gun but thats it. Randy knows benson needs to be stop so he can be helped knows he has to be the one to do it be the person who makes the choice the person benson has been pushing him to be

Randy was going to literally tell benson what he did right after he wasnt trying to hide it at that point benson wont kill him hes all benson has and he knows it hes seen it benson is just like him alone except for his ma lost and full of self loathing and if marsha hadnt shown back up and escalated the situation till benson blew up (no hate to marsha he did deserve it for being a fuckin dick) i think randy would try to get benson away from miss beard have them stand in front so he can talk to him to try to get benson to just listen and see he isnt alone anymore and randy doesnt want to lose him but he also cant let benson continue like this if he just surrender himself and if they cant help him and they just want to lock him up then randy will because benson saved him and so now its his turn to save benson

[puhpandas]

Do you have any analysis or notes on how different both dr rabbit and Gregory’s personality is like? I can’t read the book of ggy but I’d like to know how different these two are just like Vanny and Vanessa.

OH DO I. u just opened a can of worms anon. pausing tower of hell for this

thisll all just be off the top of my head but I hope itll help anyway :)

from reading ggy and analyzing the shit out of dr rabbits behavior and doing the same with Gregorys SB personality along with ruin, there are immediately 2 key differences

dr rabbit is a character that puts on a front and a show for everything. hes portrayed as a genius who never does something without it being calculated and valuable for whatever hes trying to achieve

in GGYs case, one of Rabs goals was for some reason to play a part so tony and ellis would like him by playing into each of their interests. this was probably to appear more inconspicuous and seem less guilty since no teacher would pick out a kid from their class as someone to be worried about if he has good grades and has friends and seems plenty happy

he would joke around with ellis and play games with him and hang out with him, and with tony, he would say a couple deep sounding sentences to play into Tony's interest in the meanings of life and its mysteries and stuff. he did it just enough to the point where tony would notice it and prefer him over Ellis because of it but he also wouldnt pay him any mind when he wasn't actively doing that stuff

so basically rab always acts knowing exactly what he wants to come out of every interaction and it usually works. most of his personality is fronts he puts on for whatever goal hes trying to achieve

but with Gregory, none of his personality shown in sb/ruin is meant to put any sort of front or mask on. he doesnt even try to put on a brave face most of the time. he usually isn't that scared of things and can push through it, but he also has no problem expressing fear if he actually is scared of something (shown in the lines "its pretty dark in there" and "what was that??" in response to his watch beeping)

a lot of his interactions with people and just his outward personality are really genuine. that doesnt mean hes always nice or kind, but he just does or says what he actually feels. a lot of the time in sb he happens to be in a bad mood (for a. very good reason) and snappish towards anyone interacting with him. none of the 'quips' he says are meant to be funny, it's just him complaining and it happens to sound humorous just because of his personality

so that's immediately one line drawn between the two of them. tldr rab puts on fronts and nothing of what he does is genuine but everything Gregory does is genuine just in the way that it's true to himself his personality and what he is feeling in the moment

another thing is obviously their moral code. i dont rlly wanna focus much on this because its kinda obvious. rab will obviously do whatever it takes to stay in operation and was probably created to keep vanny in check, even if it includes murdering tons of people and glitchtrap abusing vanny through him. but Gregory holds a very specific moral code that I can boil down best to "I wont help anyone who doesnt deserve it, but if they do deserve it I'll truly try my best to save them, even if it means risking my life"

the way that Gregory decides which people are worth saving is pretty basic. people like vanny obviously don't deserve to be saved because shes evil and kills people. but vanessa was forced to be mind controlled by her and puppeted around to do it so Gregory believed she deserved to be saved

and the glamrocks werent because they were killer robots trying to rip him apart for seemingly no reason. gregory had no idea about any viruses or probably that they were sentient until Freddy became sentient but that was already by the end of the game. he decommissioned them with the knowledge that they were trying to hurt him, they're robots and can be fixed, and that they probably will by tomorrow because in a few hours the place will open

rab is also patient 46 so any little quirks in those tapes also apply to him. things like disliking flowers and liking the dark and liking to watch sports are all him, but theres no telling how much he could have picked up from Gregory by being created off of him

as for just like. dialogue things and how they talk, rab is a lot more literal and blunt with the things he talks about. gregory also says what he means and takes it literal, but he talks with "uh... like... I guess.... umm" things like that. rab doesn't stutter and he has a bigger vocabulary, while Gregory calls the security badge stations "badge head things" and stuff he doesnt know what to call "things"

rab is also very good at reading people and obviously a really good liar to the point where he can get anyone to believe what he wants. but Gregory is a very very shit liar LMAO. he literally just said "I'd rather not say" to Freddy about Monty and just told the truth but changed a little with the others

with vanessa and vanny they for sure changed Vanessa's personality in SB compared to the trailers so she turned from afraid and worried to snappish and annoyed. I honestly think that now vanessa is never vanessa at all during SB but shes always vanny, just in and out of costume. this way, Vanessa's like the opposite of vanny with how shes more timid from all the trauma and naturally afraid

so with Gregory and rab it could be the same but with different things. vanessa and Vannys personalities are black and white, but Gregory and rab dont talk or act very differently outwardly so it's more of a mental change

I've analyzed the crapp out of these 2 so I hope this helped a little bit =)

[bisexuallsokka]

ok hello i have found that i have no choice but to introduce you to my "divorced zukka but slightly to the left" headcanon for a modern au. basically, a pre-transitioned zuko and sokka have a one night stand at the end of their senior year of high school, and never speak again. roughly six years later, sokka is starting his job at an elementary school (not a classroom teacher, like technology or something) and meets izumi, who is so sweet and cute and i swear thats the face katara makes when she's annoyed, and one day happens to see her dad pick up and huh he looks and AWFUL lot like that person i went to high school with and OH GOD some quick math brings an idea to mind.

So sokka attempts to confront zuko who is very much NOPE DO NOT TALK TO ME, but finally breaks down after a series of shenanigans that def do not involve mild stalking. but only to admit that yes, izumi is sokka's biological daughter, and would like to leave their interactions at that, except sokka has NO interest in SIMPLY leaving it at that because!!! he has a kid!!! that he knew nothing about!!! for six years!!!

zuko very much would like to continue living his life without sokka bc being a single young parent is hard enough but he has a good routine and good relationship with his daughter and he doesnt need this, this, SPERM DONOR to just come in here and mess everything up! the guy hasnt been there the last six years, there is absolutely no reason for his to get involved now!! BUT sokka absolutely would have been there if zuko had only TOLD HIM, but how was ZUKO supposed to know that, and did zuko really think so little of him?? except it was a one night stand and zuko didnt even realize he was a boy until right after and he originally wasnt even planning to keep izumi, and HOW could he have just given up their CHILD without ever even telling sokka about her and given him a CHANCE to take her, and WE WERE JUST KIDS AND HE WAS SCARED-

its complicated. and involves a lot of trying not to shout around izumi, who is just over the moon that her dad and her favorite teacher know each other outside of school. and there's a lot of heartache over sokka having to come to terms with the fact that yeah, hes not izumis parent, and there's only so much he can do without stepping on zuko's toes, and he only wants what is best for izumi, and zuko seeing that maybe sokka really does want to be all in for izumi even if zuko thinks sokka really doesnt fully understand what that means, and would it be such a bad thing? not that either of them are going to admit this to the other.

so it starts with small things, like sokka being allowed to pay child support (which hes been begging to do since day one), and maybe it turns out that zukos new coworker is sokkas friend and they end up at the same party where they can really see each other interact with izumi, and a chunk zuko's summer child care plans for the summer fall apart so sokka offers to babysit since his summer job is remote which feels BIG but also reallyyyyy too convenient to reject,

and then something bigger happens where izumi gets hurt at school and while sokka is blaming himself he's also panicking bc the hospital wont let him stay with her bc hes not an emergency contact so he steels himself and later tells zuko he wants to make his relationship to izumi legal. hes not going to have a custody fight, he would never ask for that, but he wants his name on her birth certificate and wants his name on her list of emergency contacts, and its the first time zuko understand that sokka 100% knows what he's getting into here and is willing to be in this 100%.

So maybe sokka moves into this "uncle sokka" role, because zuko still refuses to tell izumi that sokka is her other dad, and yeah that hurts, but sokka would rather have part of izumi's life if he can't have all of it. and sokka gets a better look inside their lives and discovers that its HARD being a young single parent, why would zuko have risked everything he worked for to mix in some guy he barely knew who might decide that zuko wasn't good enough and take izumi away? and zuko sees the pain sokka has from missing out on so many key moments of izumi's young life, and the more sokka is proving himself as a second parent, the more guilty zuko feels. they go through some shit together and its more and more evident that sokka doesnt just want to be that fun uncle, but he's ready more than willing to be a PARENT even when it means being the bad guy.

and maybe they start falling for each other a little, because they are starting to have this LIFE together and its not just about izumi anymore its the way zuko rolls his eyes and gets the new fancy ice pack out of the freezer when a limping sokka brings izumi back from the park, and its the way sokka makes zuko genuinely laugh after a long day at work, and its like their lives are getting fully intertwined-

except that they arent. and they couldn't. because if sokka decides its too much. because if zukos good favor runs out. if it didnt work out between them. they couldnt do that to izumi. what they have is good, its fine, (even if its not enough) they dont want to risk anything that could disrupt izumi's life. shes the priority. and sure, she's already asking questions about the two of them, but what if they don't work right in a real relationship? the way things are now, either of them could back out, and everyone would eventually be ok. maybe. except every time they think about the possibility, it seems like they are already too intertwined, and either of them trying to untangle would just be a disaster, so imagine if they HAD to untangle, and-

so they just end up in an awkward stage of sad pining. because theres no way it would actually work out. because it would hurt all of them. and their life has never been better, but it's never hurt this much either.

ok so i didnt realize i could still write this long in an ask, but essentially i am not a masochist like you, and they do figure it out in the end. this could happen a number of ways, such as izumi just announcing that yeah this is my dad and his boyfriend, or zukka doing the "pining make outs that we never talk about until one of us snaps and we decide to let ourselves be fucking happy", or a very funny "we both snap and bone for one wonderful night to get it out of our system and then we dont talk about it" which leads to an accidental second baby where sokka and zuko both laugh and say whelp it must be fate lets do this the right way this time.

the most important thing is that they both forget to tell izumi that sokka is her biological father, so teenage izumi is very shocked and upset that shes just had to learn this from something totally mundane like applying for a passport, and sokka and zuko do the spider man finger pointing of "i thought you told her" "no, you were supposed to tell her" "did we really not tell her?" and its absolutely disgusting how cute they are

thanks for coming to my tedtalk

i love every single thing about this! sokka wanting to be a part of izumi's life and help zuko out....zuko being reluctant to accept but eventually seeing how sokka is proving himself.....the limbo period where they are both afraid it could end any moment....TOO GOOD! i love every single option for how they could get together for real like this is my favorite take on modern au divorced zukka by far!!!! <3 <3

[simpfordemetri]

Can you do a headcanon of the Volturi guards with a human mate that is a teacher in preschool or at a daycare and always brings up wanting a baby of her own.

ALEC

Silence

Like dead silence

Pretends he used his own gift on him and suddenly he is deaf cause he will act like it

You want one?A what?Suddenly he doesnt know what babies are

He is just not good at saying no to you so he may just act like he is dumb when you bring this conversation up

Honestly he will have Aro talk to you cause he cant deal with hurting your feelings

JANE

She is more stern about it so she will just flat out NO

Without realising you were really serious and your feelings were hurt

Thats when her brain stop working and for the first time in centuries doesnt know how to deal with something

Things could have been different and a whole different conversation would have gone between you two

Cause even if you dont think so,she knows how to explain why something cant be done

DEMETRI

Oh he wishes to darling

Imagine a little you in his arms and having a family with you and his own just makes him smile

But he cant provide you that cause things wont turn out good and you are aware of that

So please dont put him in this anxious situation

You already know

The most he would do is giving you a sad smile and go away to deal with his own emotions

FELIX

His problem with babies doesnt come with the Volturi rules,he just think how he would break his baby without effort

He is scared to even break you so

He is okay with fantasizing about a family with you and sometimes you two would create your own imaginary world and invent stories where he is human too and get married

In that world you two have cats and three kids,two boys and a girls

HEIDI

She is not too fond on kids

Just not for her,i think she is more an animal person

She absolutely loves dogs but despise kids,when she is giving tours and hear babies crying and screaming she wants nothing but to be deaf

So you already know,and dont want to make her uncomfortable

So maybe a few comments here and there but not innuendos

Because she is not scared to talk herself up and tell you a big NO

[the-s1lly-corner]

If and when you have time/energy, of course:

Kind of in the same vein as the "Cuppa Joe as a dad" anon, do you have any HCs for the same situation, but with Toilenator, Stickybeard and the Count? :0

I personally think the vibes are like..."nerdy goofball uncle/dad trying to be cool", "the actual cool uncle/dad that lets you do stuff and is like 'don't tell your mom', and "basically Drac from Hotel Transylvania, but way more goofy and a bit more embarrassing", but I'm curious to see what you think! Thanks again if you answer this! :)

Toiletnator, Stickybeard and Spankulot as dads

Couldve sworn I've done at least toiletnator and sticky with this prompt but I guess not <\3 that said ueueue god i love this prompt with knd villains and i blame mr boss for this

Notes: reader is GN and a child, platonic post

CWs: none

TOILETNATOR

drops you off at school and all of your practices while loudly saying goodbye to you- also cheers for you the loudest during any of your games if you partake in any sports

number one most supportive dad, a lot of things may go over his head and he may even push you too hard but he genuinely wants to see you do your best- arguably one of the best choices of parent out of all the KND villains

if youre passionate about something hes going to get into it as well so he can understand, as well as how to help you complete your goals

just like joe in his post, he keeps a lot of photos of you on hand so he can show you off and brag

genuinely so proud of you, asides from his small feats as a villain, you give him something to be proud of

STICKYBEARD

takes you anywhere you want on his ship, you even have your own dedicated room on the ship! though to be fair im sure sticky already lives on his ship...

did someone steal something from you? well good thing hes a pirate, thats kind of in his nature! just tell him who and hes going to return what was taken, and then some

he can be a little rough, but he doesnt mean to hurt you- just wants you to have a tough skin

scolds you in front of the crew and other villains but you can see him fighting down the smile on his face, and hes going to quietly let you know that hes proud of what youve done as soon as everyone is out of ear shot

will sneak you some candy under the table during meetings and dinners

SPANKULOT

also very supportive of you and whatever you want to do! takes the time to learn about your hobbies and plans evenings so the two of you can bond! on that note, he also takes you bowling every now and then

that said hes a rule honoring man, so there are some expectations for you that you're too follow- stern about it, but i can see him having just a tiny bit of bias for you

brings treats to parent teacher meetings, a lot of the staff get to know him very well... sometimes you duck your head in embarrassment as he beelines for one of your teachers to talk to them

bonus points if youre also a vampire like him, hes going to teach you how to fly and as well as how to handle all the other powers that comes with his genetics! the first time you just... vanish.. into smoke he nearly has a heart attack

so very cautious to make sure youre not given any garlic- you wont die, but no one wants to be sick

[daughterofnoridoorman]

how does my uzi kintype affects a my identities, alterhuman and lgbt? the reason i love murder drones is because of the way the characters are portrayed. for example, n is more than just the dangerous-but-nice golden retriever. he is too nice for his own good, and by existing he goes against his designed purpose. being kind hurt him, and even though he seems fully aware of that he doesn't stop. this also applies to uzi- she's more than the angsty chosen one teenager. there are so many layers to her personality, which makes it pretty difficult to put a pin on the way that having her as a kintype affects me spoiler alert and mentions of su1cide+v1olence!

1- hooded crow theriotype in home, uzi "hacks" the mind of n (and also v's mind too. whatever) to prevent their memories from being wiped. during this, she takes the form of a hooded crow with the username 'darkxwolf17'. when i took this into consideration, i realized why my crow theriotype was so weird. i felt like a person in a crow's body, not a crow in a human's body, which is how i usually feel with my theriotypes. but being darkxwolf17, NOT a crow made so much more sense. it explained why i got bird shifts even though i didnt feel like a bird, why i felt that way, why i always wanted to make nests despite not wanting eggs. i am the body of a hooded crow, not the crow itself.

2- absolutesolver kin (violence warning) (note; when i refer to the solver, i am referring to the virus itself. not cyn, not yeva, not nori, not doll, not uzi. THE solver. not its hosts.) even though uzi neutralized the absolutesolver, it still 'lives' on in her programming. and it is a separate entity from uzi. in my mind, the absolutesolver represents intrusive, violent thoughts. that definition fits both the way i've come to see it and the canon. as someone who has struggled with intrusive thoughts for years, i've learned not to feel too much shame about them. in my experience, that only makes them worse. i know that it's not my fault i cannot control my thoughts, and i wont beat myself up about it anymore. this may sound like the thing your elementary school teacher would say if you got in a fight, but i may not be able to control my thoughts, but what i can control is whether i react to them or not. that's what uzi did. she learned how to block the absolutesolver from her mind. how to take control of what it gave her without it taking control of her. 3- monsterkin (suicide and violence warning) i am vampirekin and demonkin. for the sake of convinience, i will say 'monsterkin' and use it as a general term when i am talking about both of these identities. in cabin fever, uzi transforms into a 'monster' when she does not consume enough oil to keep herself from overheating. in my case, the consuming oil part is like seeking validation. i have always needed validation, but more than usual. i have tried too hard to be noticed and congratulated, but it never worked. and then, the overheating is like suicidal thoughts. without validation, i start to become suicidal. i need high amounts of validation to stay in a 'normal' mental state. uzi's classmates treated her as a monster, even before she transformed. just for being herself. as someone who is a queer alterhuman and has known that from a young age, this has really resonated with me. for just existing, i am a monster. a creature of sin. the subtle homophobia and transphobia i recieved from my closest friend, combined with the same hatred towards alterhumanity from even more people before i was even ten really messed me up. the way cabin fever is written just really connects to me. uzi's already so fucked up, she doesnt need another factor ruining up her life. but it does it anyways. she's proven to everyone how she's a monster. (im not elaborating for personal reasons) the fact that uzi's classmates at the end of absolute end didnt really care that much just really helps me feel better. they didnt care. why would my classmates care? 4- gender and sexuality before i even knew girls could kiss girls, i liked girls. in particular, i liked people i had a friendship with. however, my friendships were very messed up and i fell in love with anyone my age who could treat me with decent respect. i headcanon uzi as bi, and i didnt understand why (other than the doc martens) until i connected the dots that im uzi. i am bisexual. maybe? and theres also referring to v as hot at ep 8 so... angsty bi queen uzi but, although me, the almalgamation of kintypes and names that i am, the uzi part of me always feels bisexual. always. when i think of myself as uzi, i can only see myself as demisexual-bisexual and demiromantic-biromantic. this also applies to gender- i am an axenlector user. i collect xenogenders. i am cottoncandygender, i am gendersky, i am gummisharkgender, i am starricattic. i am more genders than i can count. and i dont care honestly. but once again, when i really connect to uzi, i can only see myself as feminine. this does vary from demigirl to rosegirl to just girl. 5- notes and stuff! well, thanks for reading all the way through! a like, reblog, or follow would be awesome! every time i referred to uzi as someone else it was like "why r u talking abt urself in third person! YOU ARE UZI DOORMAN!" but alas, i must differentiate between myself and my kintypes,,, maybe one day i will not have to,,, please tell me im not the only one kkkkkkkkk

[quodekash]

I could literally fall asleep any minute but im nothing if not sleep deprived and watching my favourite gay little shows!

hey nawa, I see you looking at guy as he struggles in the room on his crutches

you should kiss him

I think that you should absolutely just slam your face into his

give him another injury but its not really an injury it's just a hickey

(we're less than a minute into the episode and im already begging guynawa to make out, we're off to a great start)

we all know this is a complete lie, we've seen the trailers, we know what's gonna happen

but that doesnt mean it doesnt hurt my sad little gay soul

sailom what the hell

no way

no

you are not quitting school

is that a frikin letter of resignation or smth? can you even do that?

I love that solution and I wish it were a possibility but sailom's gonna say no, of course he's gonna say no, because the stupid bastard doesn't like accepting help for free

he doesn't understand the concept of FRIENDSHIP and FAVOURS

BITCH YOU CAN ACCEPT HELP, YOU'RE ALLOWED TO ACCEPT HELP, THEY ARE SO SO WILLING TO HELP AND GIVE YOU MONEY AND SCHOLARSHIPS AND PLATONIC LOVE AND H E L P

O4EKLGHNVWOERISDLGI HE MAKES ME SO ANGRY I HATE HIM

guy's right, and I hate sailom so much for it

BUT THAT'S THE THING, he WONT ask for help, theres no way in HELL that he'll ask for help

which is precisely how he ends up getting shot at, alone on a street corner, and why kang will have to rescue him on his bike, and why sailom will stand in the bathroom with kang holding a blanket over him as he sobs 'I have no one left'

its not that you have no one left. it's that you wont accept the help from the people who love you

(and also your brother kind of abandoned you and your parents are dead and your boyfriend also kind of abandoned you and yeah anyone would definitely feel alone in that situation so he's perfectly valid, but also ALL of his friends are offering help, his teacher is offering help, and he's accepting NONE of it)

HUG TIME

OH MAN IM ALREADY SOBBING

I LOVE MEANINGFUL GROUP HUGS SO MUCH

this could be one of the last times that they see sailom for a really long time. theres no way I could possibly be sadder holy frick

I SPOKE TOO SOON

WHY MUST THERE BE FLASHBACKS

WHY

I HATE EVERYTHING

y'know, I really thought he might hug him. but nope. he wrenched that pin off his shirt and took my heart in the process.

OMG

YES

THE PERFECT THING TO MAKE ME REMEMBER WHAT IT'S LIKE TO BE HAPPY

GUYNAWA TIME PLEASE GUYNAWA TIME

NOOOOO THE SCENE CUT BEFORE NAWA WALKED INTO THE LITTLE ROOM THINGY TO TALK TO GUY IM SO MAD

well, not really mad

mostly just sad

bitch wth

of COURSE he's not frikin doing alright

omg he's here too?

go talk to your boyfriendddd

and also ANSWER MY QUESTIONS PLEASE IM BEGGING YOU IM SO CONFUSED GIVE ME ANSWERS

awh :(

thank you krup ;-;

this man is lovely

not just for this but also just in general

but also his actor is the freaking DIRECTOR who is RESPONSIBLE for a LOT of my anguish so we can't be too nice to this guy

oh look at that. the shooting scene is right about to happen

I was expecting it to come later on in the episode but this works too I guess

who the hell are these guys???

they dont say a word

what the hell is going on

thank you kanggg

where did he come from tho

how'd he know where sailom was and that that was happening? did he just HAPPEN to be in the area?

or is he tracking sailom's phone just to make sure he's safe cos like he already got drugged once

hey man, have you ever heard of a little thing called dodgeball?

shocking, I know, but it IS possible for a gun to have been fired, and for the person being fired at to not actually get shot

I can't think of a single reason why sailom would make up this story. like sure you could argue that hes just trying to get an enemy/rival convicted, but he very explicitly stated that he has no idea who tried to shoot him, so it can't be that.

why the hell are you suspicious my guy?

acab is real man, holy frick

how do you know they're all fake tho?

maybe all of them were real reports and you're just an ignorant arrogant piece of shit who doesn't think people under the age of 20 are capable of being truthful

I hate this guy so much

OH MY-

NOW HES STARTING TO SOUND LIKE FRIKIN UMBRIDGE

I WAS IRRITATED BEFORE, BUT NOW IM ANGRY

deep breaths, deep breaths, in and out in and out, lets not destroy our laptop today

thATS WHAT I SAID!

I feel that

:(

im so sad man

oh would you look at that. ive been impaled.

yeah that whole scene was a trainwreck for me. I am very much not even slightly okay but its fine

OHHHHHHH

that makes sense

WHAT

ANSWER MY QUESTIONS BITCH

WHAT DOES THIS MEAN? WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY THAT? WHAT ACTUALLY HAPPENED THAT NIGHT CMON MAN IM SO CONFUSED

the way they fall back into old habits, kang's arm draped over sailom ;-;

I ran out of images as per usual, BUT im halfway through the episode when it happened, as opposed to like ten minutes through, so that's a nice change of pace

[natalias-pierogi]

Pimfah, Kang, comphet and lesbian agenda thoughts:

from where im standing both pimfah and kang are doing this thing where you start feeling something Gay so you just pick one person to have a Very Heterosexual Crush On. you pick a person that seems to be the perfect match: theyre right there, theyre nice to you, maybe theyre your friend. maybe its someone all of your friends had been nagging you about, jokin that you like them. in theory, theyre perfect. bonus points if theyre out of your reach and have minimal chances of returning your feelings.

so obviously, kang, whos starting to feel Something towards sailom, the poor boy, the guy hes been fighting with and who turned out to always fight him back, chooses pimfah. shes been his friend for a while, theyre fathers know each other. she obviously cares about him and likes him. he feels like his life is already laid out in front of him, a plan hes expected to follow. like he himself said, a part of this plan is getting married and having kids. and he doesnt want that (or rather, he doesnt even know what he wants), but maybe it wouldnt be that bad if it was with his best friend, who cares about him, who treats him like a person and who knows him well. and so, he chooses pimfah to have a crush on, because shes an obvious, safe option. much safer than sailom.

and then we have pimfah. i dont know if im reading too much into the whole situation with the teacher trainee, but it seems to match a little too well. we dont know too much about pimfah, other than the fact that shes an artist, has a rich father and has been friends with kang for a while. shes nice, shes smart and she knows and cares about kang. he would be the perfect choice for her Heterosexual Crush for the same reasons shes perfect for kang. but instead, she goes for sailom.

and thats an interesting choice, but it actually makes a lot of sense if you think about it. we dont know anything about her father, other than him being a head of a hospital and him being rich. we dont know anything about her relationship with him or what he expects of her, but it seems unlikely that the rich parents would be happy with their doughter dating a poor boy.

shes nice and shes smart and she knows kang, so i think she sees things. she sees how important sailom is for him. she probably sees that sailom likes kang. theres no way hed reciprocate her feelings.

and i think that sailom being out of her reach is like, the main reason she went for him. also, we queers tend to flock together and get pulled towards each other.

so yeah, im curious where this is heading and what will they do with pimfah. im rly hoping they wont just use her as a plot device to, idk, make kang jelous and hurt sailoms feeling, and i hope that the teacher trainee also isnt just a plot device to push sailom away from tutoring kang and into the waiting arms of Mr. Name and his clients.

[bride-of-frankenstein]

why do teachers always act like they know me and my things better then myself.

me: oh i cant jump rope, that hurts my knees teacher: u can at least try, im sure it wont be bad

wanna know what happened? knee pain after just 15 minutes of jumping for 4 days

oh and how about one time a different teacher working on my laptop and i explained to him that my laptop doesnt work well with whatever hes trying to do. he said he can do it. did it work? of course not

[exceptionalcameo]

18. After that 'okay' : Game mode activated. The performance she puts on when Jen and Billy show up; that's Wandavision level Agatha...putting on a show. I am mean and evil and campy.

19.side note. Jens shortened dress so cute on her.

20. Back to square one indeed

21.lol she so deserved to eat shit like that though lol

22.hehehheheh oops no more powers for you. So mad lol

23. Aww poor Jen

24. The way i laughed when they came out of those body bags...

25. "Don't steal her struggle." Lollll Agatha...

26. "no place like home" another Wizard of Oz drop 👌

27. Jennnnnnnn <3 growthh bbyyy (sidenote that pardohnn? XD)

27. Agathaaaaaaa bitchhhh lol 'oops'

but the fact that Jenn didn't know meant it wasn't their original beef : I STILL WANNA KNOW WHAT WENT DOWN BETWEEN THEM

Also jdjdhsj ma'am Jen is having an emotional moment could you not right now...we -collectively- were not prepared..i mean you do this shit all the time but WE ARE NEVER EQUIPPED TO DEAL WITH THE WAY YOU SAY SHIT

28. Pink. Not blue magic...like the colour of the road before the first trial...like BILLYS magic...and weirdly enough like Agatha's original coven's magic.

29. The way I hoped so hard Lilia would be saved when Jen disappeared because getting what you were missing meant you could leave the road...I know this was HER death but...I want more Lilia damn it

30."I wouldnt." - definitely lying "I wont." - ehhhh MAYBE...

31. Agatha Harkness Teacher time yayyyy

32. Of course she knows how many people die each minute lol

33."No Billy" comforting air because he can no longer hear her. 'Sometimes boys die' comforting herself because she can't get power if he's gone and so she can't leave the road unless she passes a made up trial on a road that doesnt exist by growing something in a place with no soil or water. And she isn't ready. She never will be. And she's alone.

34. Never enough. Never enough power. Never enough time.

35. Also was hoping Lilia saw the saving move because she was around to help : alas

36. Awww look at her learning from her coven(shame she didn't have them earlier -or in the next episode rather. They would have been exactly what she needed to maybe save Nicky. The irony that she kept seeking out coven after coven just to kill what could have saved him )

37. Lol that they can't get through a single fight without flirting..

38. Their touching heart to heart goodbye was so sweet and moving lol until SELF SERVING remember? Gotcha! Love her lol

39.sooo could they never kiss before? Or was there some kind of read between them where Agatha just had to agree to do it without words but in /intention/ which is kind of just it's own whole thing with magic.

Because if they couldn't kiss without Agatha dying....then Agatha going in for a kiss back on the road after Rio confessed her regret at hurting her.......!!!! That would mean she was ready to go. Ready to join Rio in death UNTIL Rio confirmed the boy wasn't Nicky but was Billy instead. Or maybe just until Rio kicked up old hurt and reminded Agatha she'd have to face Nicky in death but either way....she was so close, finally, to saying ENOUGH. Ooohoohoohoo

40. Despite the Nicky reminder...I do believe she did it as a calculated attempt to cheat the system. Because she knew Billy had the power, like Wanda, to make something from nothing...to bring people back from the dead...and he did it better without even realizing how he did it or that he did it.

41. Did Agatha decay like that because she was so old or (and I'm banking on this one) did Rio, The Green Witch of the cycle of life and decay, make a marker for her wife...a grave of natural beauty and decay for the keeper of her heart.

42. This poor fucker lol. Been through it...and back to Eastview and the Kaplans. What even did he tell them? The truth?

43. In a room full of reminders...oh SHIT. SHE TOLD HIM IN THE BEGINNING. And sending him away...she never planned to kill him : the others, sure. But never him.

44. Back to Teen: realizing it was his fault they died..that he killed his coven same as Agatha. And then this bitch is back as a GHOST LOL OF COURSE SHE IS

43. Loving the grey

(Don't think I'll have time to do the second episode tonight/morning : as it is w9rk is gunna be roughhh lol)

[dojae-huh]

https://www.instagram.com/p/C1hT1UbrC9d/?igsh=MzRlODBiNWFlZA==

"Evryone should be happy without a fail, but I wish good people a happier year!"

This is what he shared on New Year's Eve… and it's stuck in my mind. Just like you said, Doyoung is kind, but he shouldn't let others take advantage of his kindness or see it as a weakness. What I mean is, he mentioned that everyone should be happy in 2024, but good people should be even happier. It's clearly shows that his own character. He's kind, so he wishes happiness for everyone, but he's not naive enough to forget that there are some bad people out there. He won't forget about them, even though he wishes them happiness. He also wants more happiness for the people he considers good..He can just write it as like evryone should be happy..whatever in his head doesnt matter , weather we fans knows it or not..thats it..nd it would be great for his idol image..but he pointed out the fact that he wish more happiness for good people, as he indirectly telling ppl if u r not good then my wont get you....he is an idol he cant criticize or judge openly, but his way of showing this kind of things amazes me like wow!! He is really amazing...without hurting anyone he said the matter simply..and I love the way he expressed it.

I know..i am exaggerating simple things, but this is got on my head nd I just wants to share it with you..nd staning him these all days makes me feel like I'm getting to know his amzing character more and more. That's why I agree with you when you say he's kind but won't let it become a weakness. He'll have the courage to say no if he wants to, and his kindness won't hold him back. Nd yes ofcrs he is mentally really strong thats why he can take care of ppl around him..nd I really admire that....🦋

Link

What you said.

Do you know this image of wrathful angels? An angel with a sword, a soldier of Heaven? I think it's more of a modern fiction construct. If Doyoung is an angel, like his fans like to call him, he is that kind of righteous and judgemental one. He can and will slay those who do wrong. Taeyong forgives his antis, Doyoung doesn't.

There are many ill-meaning people who take advantage of naive and kind people. We have a saying "kindness is worse than theft" and another one "kindness should have fists". Yes, one shoud be kind, but only to those who deserve it. If a person, after receiving help, stays ungrateful or continues to ask for more doing nothing to pay back, then that person should not be given anymore help. It's also not enough to just be kind and nice, a person needs knowledge, goals, interests, beliefs, otherwise he won't do well in life.

Doyoung's kindness is his strength and not weakness because he also has ambition, judgement, hiw own morals. He charms friends but can give enemies a scare (like with sasaengs). He also can protect others (like the way he told those who attacked Taeyeon with dating rumours off), not just show them kindness with words, being empathetic ("oh, you poor thing").

His judgmental side has its downside, he is vindictive, but his intellegence lets him acknowledge it and learn to be careful.

Doyoung saying those words in the NY message is his righteousness and vindictiveness bleeding out. He can't really lash out, but he still wants to sya something back. It's similar to how he exposed that teacher who didn't stop Do's bullies in his class during middle school. He didn't directly blame him, but he insinuated that the teacher was wrong with his pacifying tactics (it's not a big deal).

Doyoung is easily swayed by emotions for day to day things (something going wrong, him being tired, his perfectionism and dissatisfaction with himself), that's when he needs the emotional support from Jaehyun, Taeyong, Haechan. On the other hand, he has a stronger foundation, an iron core, and big things (antis hate, stage fright, deep rooted insecurities) don't shake him too much, he can overcome them on his own. That's where he can support his friends, be the pillar for them. Like during the time of Jae's scandal.

[dirt-str1der]

This is gonna keep me up at night i cannot believe that people dont like saejima like i didnt even reallse this was going on i was too caught up in the bliss of finally having a protagonist with bigger titties than kiryu and constantly wears an expression that looks like hes attending a funeral. Like i didnt even see the y4 scene as saejima it was so uncomfortable and felt so .. shoehorned in. Like theres nothing about saejima that ever made a callback to that scene ever again, it came out of fucking nowhere and then its revealed later on that saejima adores kids his childhood dream was to become a kindergarden teacher he loved his little sister like crazy and if they truly wanted saejima to pin haruka so badly they could have made it because he looked at her and saw yasuko and didnt want to look away. Saejima Was and Should Be portrayed as wild and desperate during that scene but not because of ??? Lust ??? Suddenly being overcome by female pheromones ??? Its because he was so scared and cornered and he knows that hes intruding on this perfect little family and its either him or them , and if he doesnt stop haruka now then she’s going to blow the whistle and have her dad come running and then its the end for him, hes going back to jail and theyre going to kill him in there and hes never going to see yasuko or majima or anyone else ever again. If saejima grabs haruka and bowls her over and ends up on top of her , hes not going to start shaking because shes a feeeemale its because he realises that his impulsive tackle has already painted him as dangerous in her mind and shes not gonna want him around anymore and he cant let her go now because shes going to call kiryu and if he wants to escape then he has to shut her up and go for her dad next and he really really doesnt want to have to kill them because they saved him and haruka is staring up at him with gigantic eyes, hes dripping cold sweat and he sees his sister and saejima lets go of her and resigns himself to going back to jail because he cant do it, he cant hurt her. Haruka scrambles to her feet and she saejima expects her to run but she stays in the room with him and neither of them know what to say to each other and Thats when kiryu, whos checked and double checked for any plausible explanation that wouldnt point to saejima being an escaped convict and found none, enters the room from where hed been monitoring the situation with his fists balled up, he unclenches his hands and he pretends like he hadnt seen anything and sends haruka on her way on a chore of little importance so he can have a private chat with saejima and kiryu sits at the entrance of the room, leaving his back open to saejima as they have their introductory speech and saejima is like fuckkk this is the guy i was supposed to look for, gives kiryu the fakest name ever (which kiryu thinks is genius), saejima gets more and more hyped and he concocts his shipwreck story and they end up on the beach as saejimas explaining the ship i worked on crashed and im the only survivor and i need to get to kamurocho pleasee give me money how much could one banana cost ? Ten dollars? And kiryus like Oh man, youve been in prison a long time... he says knows he broke out of prison and saejima realises he still let him see his back so that he knows that kiryu means no harm and as they talk saejima understands why hamazaki was so shaken by his encounter with kiryu , he doesnt know that kiryu approached hamazaki without once considering he had a knife clutched in his fist but he saw kiryu flagrantly leaving his back open to a dangerous criminal not because he thinks that saejima cant hurt him but because he trusts that saejima wont hurt him. Kiryu was giving him a chance to redeem himself, but his stomach sinks when he hears that kiryu will only help him if hes going to turn himself in and he tells him, fucking begs him, because he has no other option, either kiryu gives him the money or he takes it from him and kiryu keeps saying no and saejima is losing it a little he casts aside kiryus camaraderie wait look at this

Anyway he is trying to be as scary as possible in order to shake kiryu down but its not gonna work and they start to circle each other, sizing each other up, and with each step saejimas exhaustion and pain fades away, his limp disappears and his heart starts to race because kiryus not fighting him for the sake of it, this is a test he says, saejima has to prove to him how bad he wants that money. He doesnt have to kill them, kiryus giving him an out here, letting him do what he does best and if its a fight he wants then a fight he will get

[corny-ass-shit]

soo i literally suck in every area of my life.

ive said in 3 different parts of my life that, “i’ll do better” and “im sorry” like 10 times. i’ll do better. i’ll do better. i’ll do better. i’ll do better. i’ll do better. its like the words wont leave my head.

my family, who barely sees me because im always hanging out because i hate them, say they miss me and need me at home. ok, im sorry, i’ll be at home more. i’ll do better. yes im at home more but now i have attitude. wow i wonder why you fucking assholes, i literally cant stand you and you’re the rudest, narcissistic, transphobic/homophobic, oblivious people ive ever be around. but fine. i’ll shut my mouth and my attitude. i’ll do better.

my boyfriend, who i love dearly, thinks hes not enough for me. hes saying stuff like ‘why arent i enough for you to pay attention to me?’ and more stuff mentioning when i accidentally ignored him or when im on my phone too much (which is a genuine problem because ive become connected to my phone with the previous reason being anxiety, and now its just an addiction), or times where it isnt my fault and someone interrupts a conversation between me and him and just starts yapping but i cant shut them up like they’re a machine or when hes standing behind us and im not directly looking or talking at him?? i suggested coming to the side of me instead of behind but that was wrong of me i guess. but whatever, i’ll do better, im sorry. no but im apparently not listening to what hes saying, im telling him to fix things instead of listening, im reading his words but not listening. what the fuck else do you want me to do? shut everyone out of my life? i would happily do so but thats not fucking socially acceptable. but still, im saying i’ll do better so why dont you believe me? im not a liar. i stopped being a pathological liar years ago for people i love, because i didnt want to hurt them. im crying, having a panic attack on top of anxiety and nausea and shaking from medication im having a panic attack. im sorry. im fucking sorry. i cant do better can i? i dont know but i know that im trying really hard, and he wont believe me. but all i keep saying is, and all ive been saying since we’ve been friends is, i’ll do better. (and honestly im sorry i cant let go of things, im sorry i hold grudges, im sorry everything you say or do affects me. i am really sorry.)

My school. im failing 2 classes. never in my life had i ever been failing a single class, never mind 2, im killing myself because of it. they’re both advanced classes too. my math teaches emails my mom (even though im not failing) saying shes worried im disconnected in class and not following the coursework. yeah, maybe thats because im doing a sport at 6 am and have to be up at 5, and i dont get home most nights until 9-10 pm. my ap world teacher doesnt gaf, ive been doing ok on my quizzes since i started doing my homework again instead of literally stealing my friends hw from that class to show to him. i think i failed the test though, i dont remember. my chem si teacher emailed my mom about me failing and being disconnected and not paying attention during class. thanks for letting her know that im failing dawg i didnt need her knowing that. i was gonna bring the grades up but wtv. i fucking failed the last test and passed the test before that by 3 points. he said we havent even reached the honors level work yet and im failing. fuck you. im not doing my hw and im zoning out during class. i dont want to be like this, im usually good. im a good kid. i’m supposed to be. im always in honors for report cards. always. i always have at LEAST an 85 in my classes, but im struggling with a 54 in chem, a 61 in ap world, and 73 in math. like what if i kill myself. the one thing i was semi-good at. theres always gonna be people better than me in every field of work. school, art, makeup, fashion, sports, everything i like theres always someone better. i know its impossible to be the best, but cant i at least be good? i wish i could do better.

i love my life, but no i dont. hence the reason im suicidal :))))))

[flovverworks]

sunflower etude ch5-10...;_;

Faust: It’s my fault that she turned into a cursed mana stone. If anything happens, please protect the children. If I am taken by the curse, take the children with you and run. Figaro should turn me to stone.

unreal things to say pt918723

Nero: .......... Haha.... Guess I can never win. Faust: What? Nero: So you’re also the type of guy who pushes his limits at the risk of his own life, huh. Man, I keep drawing the short straw.

UNWELL

scratching my head at faust & figaros convo. figaro thinks faust was the one who left him.......'you can rely on me' i also would have been pissed off faust LOLLLLLL 'i wont abandon u' FIGARRROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO (with the intention of violence) oh the first time figaro changes to a more serious expression rather than a smile in that convo is when he tells faust to trust him,,,,

Faust: Do I look unfortunate now?

PART TWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.....oh im gonna be ill actually. 'do i need you if im unfortunate?' oh this. oh i. ? uargh. figaro.........part two figaro......i forgot this convo happened too... 10/10 conversation. exellent. can not explain my feelings on it further

I recall Lennox’s words. "I think the current Sir Faust would be better off with a role of some kind." At times, we can be crushed by the weight of our duties. But perhaps there are people who become their true selves only by taking on a role. Watching the Faust before my eyes makes me think that.

akira initially hesitating toward agreeing with lenos words to thinking this way..T_T rly glad... faust is ssoooooo cool in these parts, i lov leader faust........

Nero drops a handful of still-warm sunflower seeds into my hands. I carry my palm to my face and stuff my cheeks with the seeds. Nero laughs teasingly at the crisp sounds I make as I bite away. Nero: Ahaha. You’re like a squirrel.

THIS IS UNFAAAAAIIIIRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

Rutile: Mitile, are you hungry? Do you want some of mine? Lennox: You can have mine too...... Akira: And mine....... Mitile: Th-that’s not it!

STTOOPPPPPP LOLLLLL mitile & the ppl happily giving away their food for his sake.... rly like mitile & shinos relation....(but also mitile holding a lil grudge about how shino said mean stuff about southern wizards vs shino who did Not care further LOLLL) + the voiced line for mitile saying 'i dont have parents either' sounds ssooo defiant im so fond of that voice direction. nero & lennox saying they lived a safe life but also both of them saying the other doesnt look like they have..ohhh i need more of these two interacting yesterday......

Figaro: I’m always serious. But my wish will never come true, so I pretend I’m joking around. Faust: For what purpose? Figaro: Because I don’t want to get hurt. It’s the same reason I left your side.

head in hands. no comment.

actually this entire convo...........??? ill probably return to it later cuz what the hell.............anyway the way faust continuously has angry voice lines when talking to figaro. i get it. the end part of this ch is...@_@ figaro.........................................guy whos teachers are snow & white who have e/o...................

uu the eastern wizards;-; 'lets work together, even though we're people who can't be together'........

LENNOX CALLS AKIRA BY NAME IN THIS EVENT? <-FORGOT

Before I know it, tears have begun to flow from my eyes.

;-; akira....... also the repetition of hearing a womans laugh throughout the sentences is so good..........bianca.................(started ch10) BIANCAAAAAAAAAAA oh this event is so good...........faust hugging the sunflower.........bianca......its soooo beautifully written. its such a strong early event, like its truly 'this is mhyk' to me.....sets the mood & themes of what to expect of future events so greatly.

Akira: ....Yes, I think I have it. Um.... Will something scary happen if I mess up....? I ask, timidly. Faust laughs in the rain. Faust: I am a curseworker. If that ever happens, I’ll help you out.

the way fausts voiceline is voiced..T_T the lil laugh...

me thinking i only teared up this time:) didnt cry:) bam bianca is voiced. I CANT DO THIS..............TEARS....

Faust sees the stole around my neck and pauses mid-sentence. He smiles without saying a word, then reaches out towards me and adjusts the stole.

EMERGENCY MEETING. COLLAPSING. ough his following voice line is soooo soft too............

anyway. thumbs up emoji. reread was excellent. etudes being voiced is 15/10. had a lovely time with it, lots of great voice lines in there (nero was consistently a favorite). very well worth the time. i truly do love this event with all of my heart. i dont have a lot of further thoughts about it, its just. rly rly good. love how they have the characters interact

[onmymasa22]

Right now i feel inspired. To create, to take over the world. Where i dont know what life will bring, where it will take me, but i just want to create. I want to fall in love with painting. I want thick and squeezing and hands into something. Tomorrow i hope to hashem that ill have the same desire to paint and love life. 

Hashem this year, i want to remember that you are with me. Because im human and i forget sometimes. Friends are important so that we never feel alone. 

Sometimes people come to me for advice and all i can do is tell them that they aren't alone, because im there to help or just be with them. And 

I feel like its different when ur with other people and when ur with me. I dont know exactly what it is. Maybe its a different sparkle in your eye. You look like youre happy. I just see something different in you. Like you just look at me and i melt. When you told me you wanted to make those three to ten kids with me. When you told me i couldve come in pajamas. When you didnt care that my breathe smelt like garlic. When you told me that im beautiful inside and out. I see a different light in you. The way you look in my eyes. The way you smile while looking at me. The way holding you just feels like the ocean. I love making you breathe deeply or when you give me a hard time. Or when someone said i had a boney butt, but you said u like my butt. I like it when u said ur smiling and laughing so hard your face hurts. When we're with others its ok. But when we're together, i see something different. I see a twinkle. I see how beautiful u are. You are such a beautiful man. 

I want a husband who is so inlove with me. Who is so grateful im in his life. Who needs to be around me. Who will check with me before physical stuff. Who accepts me for everythibg i am and everything im not. Who pushed me to be better. Who can communicate and is positive and happy. Who loves me when hes happy, not when hes sad or lonely. 

After a while of not being happy, but for no good reason, and then not being happy for all the reasons, i finally feel happy. And it doesnt have to do with any kind of situation differnce. Teachers are still annoying, friends share my secrets. But i stopped caring. I just call them a pineapple and keep going. They want to be upset, let them, they want to give me stumbling blocks, ill be okay. I just want to enjoy each and every day that i have. 

He texted me that im really nice and cute and I'm a good person but I'm not for him. That's ok. Maybe we'll be friends instead. It was a nice run. It's my dating for purim time. I was hopeful and i kind of treat people like we're already friends. Ahhh maybe he wants to have sex with someone. Thats cool. Its not me, but its cool. We can go to being friends. It was all fake. The wanting to be closer, the compliments, all of it. Everything he said was a lie. And im still me. Im still ok. Im pissed. Im frustrated. I saw more than maybe there was. Maybe we dont vibe. Maybe he likes eli. 

Ok. We kind of broke it off today. I dont let people see me sweat. I dont act emotional. I kind of just use my brain. I need to heal myself. That isnt his responsibility to do. Now, with myself i can be emotional. I need to heal myself. It was three weeks, but it was a good three weeks. 

I need to just go through my feelings. I kind of just clam up. Like i wont let them see me sweat. And thats ok. I love myself. Im proud of myself. I appreciate myself. I am inoove with myself and i just need to show myself love. 

I was this day old when i had a relationship where i was fully me. I was comunicative. I 

Me getting angry at you, it means i cared. See, i dont care enough about anybody and thats not always a good thing. It feels sometimes like nothing hurts me when u dont let people inside. I dont plan on anyone staying, i dont plan on people sticking by their words or actions. People get to do whatever they want. They can choose me, or wont. Ill still be here thinking i deserve the world. My worth doesnt corespobd to being chosen. Is a flower not as beautiful because no one picked it. Dalya, you are a flower no one paid attention to. The right person will pick u but people who aren't right will spend a few weeks with you anf understand that they aren't the right ones. 

Im having trouble with this life. I want to b ok. 

I want a guy who will just be good to me. Someone who loves me and accepts me no matter what. Someone who believes in hashem with all their being. Someone who stands by their word. Someone who makes me be better. Someone i can love and accept and make them better. 

A young guy says to a rabbi- im having a really hard time with with davening. How can i work on it? The rabbi then asks, what do you like? The young man said i like chessed. So the rabbi says, put davening asside. Work on chessed. Everyone is shocked. The man says well how do i work on chessed? The rabbi says- start small. When you walk into a room, and a person is in the room, say hello. If a kid is in the room, say hello to the kid. If hashem is in the room, say hello to hashem

I think youre an asshole. I think if i had lower self asteem or i actually trusted u, u would b really damaging. I think guys like you are assholes. U r just grimy, and i am not grimy. A part of me is bothered that u continue on like u r decent and ur not. Youre slimy. And a part of me wishes i could tell u how slimy u r, how i wish i never knew u, how i wish u wouldnt text me again. A part of me thinks that you should just disappear into the darkness of my past. Maybe that part of me is all of me. The part of me that wants for that to disappear. 

I just wanted to say thank you for creating a space where i can go out with my phone on 13 percent battery and know that ill be fine because its a space to connect with people and im barrly on my phone. Almost every event i find myself having a 

I just wanting to say thank you for creating a forum where I dont need to care whether I have battery on my phone. I know that I can come to an event with my phone on 13% and be totally okay because it's about deep connections with whoever is around me, and not being on a cellphone.

Dalya 

 because the energy is to connect with people, not to be on my phone. Its a space where i 

Things that show me im on the right path:

Shai barzilai told me that there's something wild about me and i need to let it out. That "i have it". To keep drawing alot. I said i work fast but not good, he said i work great.

When rachel keeny said that im an artist. And i was like what?! She was like you're an artist. I said im never sure that im in the right place. She said you are.

When meir says that what i did was interesting. When he says that it finds favor in his eyes. The smile and his eyes when he looks at it. 

Things that give me energy:

Creating art

Volunteering with old people

I want to read book, to paint and draw and sculpt. 

I started out as a star. And hashem said, do you want to go to earth for an insanely short period of time and feel every emotion that exists. 

I lived, i loved, and i felt it all. 

I love the look on yonatans face when hed sit and watch me draw and id look at him and he'd smile. Like watching me work gave him pleasure. 

I want to learn how to draw with dry pastels Marriage will not make me happy. Having a good job will not make me happy. I could be married and be unhappy. I could be single and be unhappy. I really just want to be happy. 

I was in a guest bedroom

And i remember looking in the mirror at myself and telling myself that today you are going to say everything that comes into your head. So its a memory of pointing at myself in the mirror.

The next thing is me bleeding from my face, my nose and my eyes and everything. Blood on the floor. Its sitting on the floor and knowing that im gonna live, i checked to see if i still had my legs, if i still had my arms, if all my teeth were still in my mouth. 

Saying no was scary. Because the courage it takes to say know is all the energy in your body. But then if you say no amd they ignore you, you feel invisible. And the feeling of being invisible, is the worst feeling in the world. So you would rather blame yourself for not saying anything, than deal with the fact that you clumpt together all the courage in your body and it didnt do anything. 

Yaakov was a gilgul of adam and thats why yaakov was the most beautiful- he wasnt born, he was created by hashem. 

When yosef refuses to sleep with her. It uses the word refuse. And theres a shalaheles about the word meaning a chain linking it to somewhere else. The word is found where it talks about yaakov refusing to b comforted to believe that yosef is dead until he sees a dead body. Because yosef says, he wont give up on himself, because he believes that his father didnt give up on him yet

On this purim i am letting myself breathe. I am letting myself be slow. I am letting the feeling that ive pent up inside come out. I am crying freely and letting myself feel sad and homesick and grateful at the same time. I am healing. And this is what my healing looks like. I am going through stuff that i dont want to talk about. I have a wheel of feelings that are different all the time. I just want life to stop so i can feel. But it doesnt, so i tske it easy and try to enjoy the ride. 

Im trying to convince myself that im better off without that. That I'm not missing out on anything real or worthy. Im sad now. And im far away. And i want to be back in my happy self. I just want to daven. And be who i am. I am light. I am everything good. I am perfection deep down. I have some dirt still that i got back into. But hey, i kept shabbat all year except for once. I want to be a beam of light again. I need good energy. Energy that matches who i want to be. 

I think the biggest part about my trauma is that i stopped trusting ppl enough to be hut by them. I stopped showing them i was hurt. I wont let them feel like they hurt me. It doesn't mean they didnt, but it means my guard is always up. I cant let my guard down. Duh. 

When i tell u ir try to convince u im not a good person, its a lie. Its a facade because i dont want u to know how good i am. So its like a mask. But actually, im so good and pure. And i dont know if the lie works. But its also a wall. If someone hurts me knowing how good i am, it hurts more than thinking i deserve it. Its easier to blame mysekf than to blsme someone else as just being an asshole. 

I am the girlfriend who will call and just listen to you breathe. I will make u laugh and hold you when i can. I am the type to love with such passion and loyalty. I am such a gift. I am light. I am not like other girls. I am beautiful inside and out. 

I am waiting for the one who thinks he is so lucky to have me. Who wants to spend every second of every day with me. Who answers my phonecalls. Im the girl who will stay. Who will try to gigure out how to deal with whatever. Who will have the conversations. I want everyone to love everything about me. I am the girl a guy should want to marry from first sight. He'll see me and know. Then he'll talk to me and really know. He should be the best person ever. 

I realized, there's not one teacher who will talk about my hagasha that ill respect or appreciate their opinion. 

אנחנו בשנה ג. אז היו לי הגשות שהרגיש טוב, והיו הגשות שפגע בי אישית שהייתי צריכה להרגע אחר כך כי לא ציפיתי. עכשיו הגעתי למקום שאני מרוצה, ואני צריכים להגיד את הדעות שלכם בתור מרצים, וחצי מכם לא תאהובו את מה שעשיתי לא משנה מה, רק בגלל שזאת אני. ואני אומרת לעצמי שזה משקף אתכם, לא אני. ואני לא מצפה לדברים טובים.