#but what the teacher doesnt know wont hurt him

[thelemonsnek]

[video description: a turnaround video of an abstract clay model. It is of a creature walking forward with fin-like tendrils coming off its back in waves. End id]

Model I did for class! Probably I'll be choosing this one for my larger sculpture :)

[jasontoddspussy]

Ghost AU

Kinda inspired by a series I watched years ago that I don't remember the name of.

Tim's always been able to see ghosts, however he knows that ignoring them is the safest option. Sometimes he can't stop himself from trying to help them move on though.

Then one day he sees him. Robin.

(He knows Robins civilian identity but it feels wrong to call him by a name he's not supposed to know.)

Jason introduces himself as Jason, and Tim's like ah. that makes sense. They strike a deal. Tim is worried about batman. Jason wants to keep helping. Together they make a team where Tim will be trained by Jay, who will also serve as extra eyes and ears, and they're gonna make Tim and Jay the ultimate Robin duo.

(it helps that he already knows their identities).

Tim and Jason grows close, they're best friends, brothers..Sometimes it feels like they're more. Tim's never had connections like this before, and Jason is feeling seen and respected in ways he didn't know were possible.

(Tim made him a grave, dedicated to Jason Todd. Not to the deadname on the headstone in the cemetary. Not one dedicated to the dead wayne daughter who never existed. Jason didn't know ghosts could cry until that happened).

And then years later.. Jason vanishes. Tim’s heartbroken, confused and almost tearing the city apart looking for him.

Meanwhile, Jason wakes up in a sea of green.

He becomes Damian's bodyguard but calls himself the ghost, he's not the red hooded ninja.

damian becomes jasons. and they leave together to 'train' damian under careful watch by teachers but jason meanwhile not only protects damian but he makes preparations to return to gotham and carve his mark.

he doesnt care about the whole robin thing since he was the one who made tim robin, but he doesnt go out of his way to interact with the bats.

(which, hurts. he wants so so bad to go back to tim. he wants to show him how much he's done. who he's become. that he got to grow *up* it hurts that he wont be welcomed bcs the only one who knows jasons trans, and thus his actual name, is tim - tim is the only one who would be able to recognise him; he looks so different compared to his robin days that there's no way any of the bats, sans tim and maybe alfred, would realise and that hurts him on a deep level, but at the same time he thinks it doesnt matter because they wouldnt want to welcome him, anyway; the girl they loved died.

he was reborn, she's still dead)

but he cant. he has to make sure the streets are safe for damian first snd foremost.

But eventually he returns to gotham, not as 'The red hood' - but as Revenant.

( damian does not hide his disgust when he sees the memorial in the cave. he may not realise that jasons the second robin, maybe jay told him, but to damian it feels like an insult. it is certainly not a memorial made with jason's memory in mind, it is naught but a punishment for the beholder. tims like ok we can keep you i like you.

and then damian comments about tim fighting like his brother and showing 'crime alley' moves jason taught him during the league and tim feels like the floor disappeared from under him cause wait a damn second. then he starts to observe damian more, and it's in the small ways that damian looks and reminds him of jason, the small movements and tims like.

this cannot be a coincidence. hes like tell me about your brother. please. is he happy? is he safe? and damian tells him but not like by name but then tim starts crying and damians like ???!??? alarmed and awkward cus he doesnt.. know why he's crying. tim doesnt explain himself, either. tim decides to seek out revenant and, in true tim fashion inspired by steph, chugs an ouija board at the guy when he finds him in crime alley.

hes like "what the fu-" but then freezes when he sees tim and thats all the confimation tim needs.

next thing he knows tim all but jumps at him and climbs him like a toddler climbs ikea furniture.

and jason just stands there until his arms slowly come up and he hugs tim back.)

[puhpandas]

Do you have any analysis or notes on how different both dr rabbit and Gregory’s personality is like? I can’t read the book of ggy but I’d like to know how different these two are just like Vanny and Vanessa.

OH DO I. u just opened a can of worms anon. pausing tower of hell for this

thisll all just be off the top of my head but I hope itll help anyway :)

from reading ggy and analyzing the shit out of dr rabbits behavior and doing the same with Gregorys SB personality along with ruin, there are immediately 2 key differences

dr rabbit is a character that puts on a front and a show for everything. hes portrayed as a genius who never does something without it being calculated and valuable for whatever hes trying to achieve

in GGYs case, one of Rabs goals was for some reason to play a part so tony and ellis would like him by playing into each of their interests. this was probably to appear more inconspicuous and seem less guilty since no teacher would pick out a kid from their class as someone to be worried about if he has good grades and has friends and seems plenty happy

he would joke around with ellis and play games with him and hang out with him, and with tony, he would say a couple deep sounding sentences to play into Tony's interest in the meanings of life and its mysteries and stuff. he did it just enough to the point where tony would notice it and prefer him over Ellis because of it but he also wouldnt pay him any mind when he wasn't actively doing that stuff

so basically rab always acts knowing exactly what he wants to come out of every interaction and it usually works. most of his personality is fronts he puts on for whatever goal hes trying to achieve

but with Gregory, none of his personality shown in sb/ruin is meant to put any sort of front or mask on. he doesnt even try to put on a brave face most of the time. he usually isn't that scared of things and can push through it, but he also has no problem expressing fear if he actually is scared of something (shown in the lines "its pretty dark in there" and "what was that??" in response to his watch beeping)

a lot of his interactions with people and just his outward personality are really genuine. that doesnt mean hes always nice or kind, but he just does or says what he actually feels. a lot of the time in sb he happens to be in a bad mood (for a. very good reason) and snappish towards anyone interacting with him. none of the 'quips' he says are meant to be funny, it's just him complaining and it happens to sound humorous just because of his personality

so that's immediately one line drawn between the two of them. tldr rab puts on fronts and nothing of what he does is genuine but everything Gregory does is genuine just in the way that it's true to himself his personality and what he is feeling in the moment

another thing is obviously their moral code. i dont rlly wanna focus much on this because its kinda obvious. rab will obviously do whatever it takes to stay in operation and was probably created to keep vanny in check, even if it includes murdering tons of people and glitchtrap abusing vanny through him. but Gregory holds a very specific moral code that I can boil down best to "I wont help anyone who doesnt deserve it, but if they do deserve it I'll truly try my best to save them, even if it means risking my life"

the way that Gregory decides which people are worth saving is pretty basic. people like vanny obviously don't deserve to be saved because shes evil and kills people. but vanessa was forced to be mind controlled by her and puppeted around to do it so Gregory believed she deserved to be saved

and the glamrocks werent because they were killer robots trying to rip him apart for seemingly no reason. gregory had no idea about any viruses or probably that they were sentient until Freddy became sentient but that was already by the end of the game. he decommissioned them with the knowledge that they were trying to hurt him, they're robots and can be fixed, and that they probably will by tomorrow because in a few hours the place will open

rab is also patient 46 so any little quirks in those tapes also apply to him. things like disliking flowers and liking the dark and liking to watch sports are all him, but theres no telling how much he could have picked up from Gregory by being created off of him

as for just like. dialogue things and how they talk, rab is a lot more literal and blunt with the things he talks about. gregory also says what he means and takes it literal, but he talks with "uh... like... I guess.... umm" things like that. rab doesn't stutter and he has a bigger vocabulary, while Gregory calls the security badge stations "badge head things" and stuff he doesnt know what to call "things"

rab is also very good at reading people and obviously a really good liar to the point where he can get anyone to believe what he wants. but Gregory is a very very shit liar LMAO. he literally just said "I'd rather not say" to Freddy about Monty and just told the truth but changed a little with the others

with vanessa and vanny they for sure changed Vanessa's personality in SB compared to the trailers so she turned from afraid and worried to snappish and annoyed. I honestly think that now vanessa is never vanessa at all during SB but shes always vanny, just in and out of costume. this way, Vanessa's like the opposite of vanny with how shes more timid from all the trauma and naturally afraid

so with Gregory and rab it could be the same but with different things. vanessa and Vannys personalities are black and white, but Gregory and rab dont talk or act very differently outwardly so it's more of a mental change

I've analyzed the crapp out of these 2 so I hope this helped a little bit =)

[shakirawastaken]

dsmp if...they were teachers part 2

ANON I ACCIDENTALLY DELETED UR REQUEST IM SO SORRY IM GONNA CRY BUT here it is :D with techno too :) please people send in some requests for meee check out part 1 here!

techno: english (with 1 mythology class for seniors): - hates his english classes wishes he could just teach mythology - would make all the students do a little project on a greek mythology story - rivalry with mr soot  - “ill give u each 10 dollars if u go to mr soots class tmrw talkin about how im a better teacher” - supports each and every kid no matter WHAT even if its not english related - holds detention in his room cause no one wants to fuck with him - like dream he doesnt anyone to get fucked over his english class so he hosts after school office hours like its college - has read all the classic novels and makes his classes read them. he wont move to something else unless some kid IS REALLY passionate about it - “ranboo we will not be reading the diary of a wimpy kid series even if you resonate with greg heffley on an emotional level” - BUT for his english classes he makes them do a general book report project so he can see and appreciate his student’s taste in books  - albeit not the biggest fan of romance novels but knows it ends with us for some reason - brings all the projects home and keeps them in a big storage bin. he loves showing them off to future classes and even you - light. acadmeia. dresses formal, long sleeves, hair tamed, glasses on the bridge of his nose - “tommy please stop swearing. tubbo calm down?” - hold detention with him cause no one fucks with mr blade

phil: principal - best principal ever - has a great relationship with all the staff tbh  - wilbur and techno and tommy arent his sons wdym - no ones rlly scared of getting sent to the principals cause like yk theyre like “oh phil??? hes nice”  - everyone calls him phil - ok i lied everyone BUT tommy isnt scared of going to phils - “I DONT WANT TO GO TO PHILS” “tommy calm down-” - hates the school board, lets the teachers teach what they believe is best for the students - can deal with the consequences - once wilbur got him to play a role in on of the school’s productions - big year for the dsmp high thespians tbh - is married to the guidance counselor kristin - who by the way is a GOOD COUNSELOR - actually does guidance - phils whole office is green - always wears his bucket hat tbh - besties with the other school’s principals

foolish: architecture/woodworking - i think this one was another “duhhh” one - builder man teaches builder children - starts the year with teaching them the basics of everything and then sort of lets them go wild  - is so scared some kid is gonna get hurt - has goggles in every corner of his room, gloves, whatever safety stuff  - loves it when kids work together to make some big project - IN YOUR GUYS’ HOME YOU HAVE A SHELF full of little sharks all the kids made for him its so cute - he makes stuff for you in class and uses it as an excuse to teach  - wears muscle t-s or normal t-shirts never dresses formal  - “it would get in the way of the wood?? duh” - id want to be in his class - is besties with mr jacobs and mr punz the random coach who shows up just to coach basketball in the winter - another teacher everyone simps over - once refused to teach tommy cause he didnt want to “catch a case”

i kinda want to write for the bench trio so here’s STUDENT EDITION

tommy: junior in high school, ta to mr wastakens math class  - tommy signed up to TA for wilbur but then wilbur said “absolutely not” so he got put into dream’s introduction to stats class  - but he also has dream for the period after that for his ap stats class - so hes stuck there for like 2 and a half hours  - dream groaned when he saw who his TA was - makes tommy grade papers and stuff but never tests  - he doesnt trust him with that - tommy is a good kid and usually doesnt disrupt class but when he does its hilarious - expect mr blade doesnt give a second shit about tommy in his class  - tommy is rlly good at drama and math (even though hed never admit hes good at math)  - his locker is a mess  - besties with tubs and ranboo ofc - phil is his father dont tell anyone - he is so adamant on walking home bc he doesnt want people to know that his family works there - always has his red jacket on  - never gets school lunches says they are cursed

tubbo: junior in high school, ta for mr quackity’s spanish class - tubbo likes quackity so he signed up to ta for his class - he isnt good at spanish tho- - quackity knows that but likes tubbo so he lets him be  - sapnap ADORES tubbo for some reason - “TOBY!!! WHATS UP!” “hi mr sapnap” - sapnap thinks tubbo is such a good kid - but  - mr notfound knows tubbo is a menace - “good morning toby” “good morning mr notfound *innocent*” “sit down and get started please” - SO FUNNY LMAO  - tubbo is a menace - pulls a bunch of pranks on the teachers but then the blame always ends on tommy somehow “wHAT- TUBBO DID IT” “no he didnt” - besties with tommy and ranboo ofc - tubbo is rlly good at science but isnt so hot at english - but mr blade is rlly nice and takes him time to help tubbo  - tubbo appreciates it so he gets mr blade a gift at christmas - mr blade teared up - runs thru the hall dragging tom and ranboo behind him no regrets - “STOP RUNNING THROUGH THE HALLS” “no” ranboo: junior in high school, ta for mr blades mythology class - lOVES ta-ing for mr blades class - mr blade kinda lets him chill in the back, stapling papers - no interaction whatsoever - he also now cant wait to take that class next year - mr blade refers to him as my protege a lot  - i hope i used that word right - besties with tommy and tubbo - all the teachers are nice to ranboo and kinda sorry that hes friends with tommy and tubbo LMFAO  - “hi ranboo u doing ok” “yes thank u mr jacobs” “RANBOO! LETS GO! PUDDING DAY IN THE CAFETERIA” “thats my cue mr jacobs” - ranboo usually doesnt get into trouble when he does oh boy its good - not pranks on teachers but school wide pranks - is shy but when someone picks on tommy and tubbo he GOES OFF - attacks them through words - when he gets comfortable in a class he lets out these small comments that get the whole room laughing - so not the class clown but people know hes funny and people respects him 

[bisexuallsokka]

ok hello i have found that i have no choice but to introduce you to my "divorced zukka but slightly to the left" headcanon for a modern au. basically, a pre-transitioned zuko and sokka have a one night stand at the end of their senior year of high school, and never speak again. roughly six years later, sokka is starting his job at an elementary school (not a classroom teacher, like technology or something) and meets izumi, who is so sweet and cute and i swear thats the face katara makes when she's annoyed, and one day happens to see her dad pick up and huh he looks and AWFUL lot like that person i went to high school with and OH GOD some quick math brings an idea to mind.

So sokka attempts to confront zuko who is very much NOPE DO NOT TALK TO ME, but finally breaks down after a series of shenanigans that def do not involve mild stalking. but only to admit that yes, izumi is sokka's biological daughter, and would like to leave their interactions at that, except sokka has NO interest in SIMPLY leaving it at that because!!! he has a kid!!! that he knew nothing about!!! for six years!!!

zuko very much would like to continue living his life without sokka bc being a single young parent is hard enough but he has a good routine and good relationship with his daughter and he doesnt need this, this, SPERM DONOR to just come in here and mess everything up! the guy hasnt been there the last six years, there is absolutely no reason for his to get involved now!! BUT sokka absolutely would have been there if zuko had only TOLD HIM, but how was ZUKO supposed to know that, and did zuko really think so little of him?? except it was a one night stand and zuko didnt even realize he was a boy until right after and he originally wasnt even planning to keep izumi, and HOW could he have just given up their CHILD without ever even telling sokka about her and given him a CHANCE to take her, and WE WERE JUST KIDS AND HE WAS SCARED-

its complicated. and involves a lot of trying not to shout around izumi, who is just over the moon that her dad and her favorite teacher know each other outside of school. and there's a lot of heartache over sokka having to come to terms with the fact that yeah, hes not izumis parent, and there's only so much he can do without stepping on zuko's toes, and he only wants what is best for izumi, and zuko seeing that maybe sokka really does want to be all in for izumi even if zuko thinks sokka really doesnt fully understand what that means, and would it be such a bad thing? not that either of them are going to admit this to the other.

so it starts with small things, like sokka being allowed to pay child support (which hes been begging to do since day one), and maybe it turns out that zukos new coworker is sokkas friend and they end up at the same party where they can really see each other interact with izumi, and a chunk zuko's summer child care plans for the summer fall apart so sokka offers to babysit since his summer job is remote which feels BIG but also reallyyyyy too convenient to reject,

and then something bigger happens where izumi gets hurt at school and while sokka is blaming himself he's also panicking bc the hospital wont let him stay with her bc hes not an emergency contact so he steels himself and later tells zuko he wants to make his relationship to izumi legal. hes not going to have a custody fight, he would never ask for that, but he wants his name on her birth certificate and wants his name on her list of emergency contacts, and its the first time zuko understand that sokka 100% knows what he's getting into here and is willing to be in this 100%.

So maybe sokka moves into this "uncle sokka" role, because zuko still refuses to tell izumi that sokka is her other dad, and yeah that hurts, but sokka would rather have part of izumi's life if he can't have all of it. and sokka gets a better look inside their lives and discovers that its HARD being a young single parent, why would zuko have risked everything he worked for to mix in some guy he barely knew who might decide that zuko wasn't good enough and take izumi away? and zuko sees the pain sokka has from missing out on so many key moments of izumi's young life, and the more sokka is proving himself as a second parent, the more guilty zuko feels. they go through some shit together and its more and more evident that sokka doesnt just want to be that fun uncle, but he's ready more than willing to be a PARENT even when it means being the bad guy.

and maybe they start falling for each other a little, because they are starting to have this LIFE together and its not just about izumi anymore its the way zuko rolls his eyes and gets the new fancy ice pack out of the freezer when a limping sokka brings izumi back from the park, and its the way sokka makes zuko genuinely laugh after a long day at work, and its like their lives are getting fully intertwined-

except that they arent. and they couldn't. because if sokka decides its too much. because if zukos good favor runs out. if it didnt work out between them. they couldnt do that to izumi. what they have is good, its fine, (even if its not enough) they dont want to risk anything that could disrupt izumi's life. shes the priority. and sure, she's already asking questions about the two of them, but what if they don't work right in a real relationship? the way things are now, either of them could back out, and everyone would eventually be ok. maybe. except every time they think about the possibility, it seems like they are already too intertwined, and either of them trying to untangle would just be a disaster, so imagine if they HAD to untangle, and-

so they just end up in an awkward stage of sad pining. because theres no way it would actually work out. because it would hurt all of them. and their life has never been better, but it's never hurt this much either.

ok so i didnt realize i could still write this long in an ask, but essentially i am not a masochist like you, and they do figure it out in the end. this could happen a number of ways, such as izumi just announcing that yeah this is my dad and his boyfriend, or zukka doing the "pining make outs that we never talk about until one of us snaps and we decide to let ourselves be fucking happy", or a very funny "we both snap and bone for one wonderful night to get it out of our system and then we dont talk about it" which leads to an accidental second baby where sokka and zuko both laugh and say whelp it must be fate lets do this the right way this time.

the most important thing is that they both forget to tell izumi that sokka is her biological father, so teenage izumi is very shocked and upset that shes just had to learn this from something totally mundane like applying for a passport, and sokka and zuko do the spider man finger pointing of "i thought you told her" "no, you were supposed to tell her" "did we really not tell her?" and its absolutely disgusting how cute they are

thanks for coming to my tedtalk

i love every single thing about this! sokka wanting to be a part of izumi's life and help zuko out....zuko being reluctant to accept but eventually seeing how sokka is proving himself.....the limbo period where they are both afraid it could end any moment....TOO GOOD! i love every single option for how they could get together for real like this is my favorite take on modern au divorced zukka by far!!!! <3 <3

[simpfordemetri]

Can you do a headcanon of the Volturi guards with a human mate that is a teacher in preschool or at a daycare and always brings up wanting a baby of her own.

ALEC

Silence

Like dead silence

Pretends he used his own gift on him and suddenly he is deaf cause he will act like it

You want one?A what?Suddenly he doesnt know what babies are

He is just not good at saying no to you so he may just act like he is dumb when you bring this conversation up

Honestly he will have Aro talk to you cause he cant deal with hurting your feelings

JANE

She is more stern about it so she will just flat out NO

Without realising you were really serious and your feelings were hurt

Thats when her brain stop working and for the first time in centuries doesnt know how to deal with something

Things could have been different and a whole different conversation would have gone between you two

Cause even if you dont think so,she knows how to explain why something cant be done

DEMETRI

Oh he wishes to darling

Imagine a little you in his arms and having a family with you and his own just makes him smile

But he cant provide you that cause things wont turn out good and you are aware of that

So please dont put him in this anxious situation

You already know

The most he would do is giving you a sad smile and go away to deal with his own emotions

FELIX

His problem with babies doesnt come with the Volturi rules,he just think how he would break his baby without effort

He is scared to even break you so

He is okay with fantasizing about a family with you and sometimes you two would create your own imaginary world and invent stories where he is human too and get married

In that world you two have cats and three kids,two boys and a girls

HEIDI

She is not too fond on kids

Just not for her,i think she is more an animal person

She absolutely loves dogs but despise kids,when she is giving tours and hear babies crying and screaming she wants nothing but to be deaf

So you already know,and dont want to make her uncomfortable

So maybe a few comments here and there but not innuendos

Because she is not scared to talk herself up and tell you a big NO

[daughterofnoridoorman]

how does my uzi kintype affects a my identities, alterhuman and lgbt? the reason i love murder drones is because of the way the characters are portrayed. for example, n is more than just the dangerous-but-nice golden retriever. he is too nice for his own good, and by existing he goes against his designed purpose. being kind hurt him, and even though he seems fully aware of that he doesn't stop. this also applies to uzi- she's more than the angsty chosen one teenager. there are so many layers to her personality, which makes it pretty difficult to put a pin on the way that having her as a kintype affects me spoiler alert and mentions of su1cide+v1olence!

1- hooded crow theriotype in home, uzi "hacks" the mind of n (and also v's mind too. whatever) to prevent their memories from being wiped. during this, she takes the form of a hooded crow with the username 'darkxwolf17'. when i took this into consideration, i realized why my crow theriotype was so weird. i felt like a person in a crow's body, not a crow in a human's body, which is how i usually feel with my theriotypes. but being darkxwolf17, NOT a crow made so much more sense. it explained why i got bird shifts even though i didnt feel like a bird, why i felt that way, why i always wanted to make nests despite not wanting eggs. i am the body of a hooded crow, not the crow itself.

2- absolutesolver kin (violence warning) (note; when i refer to the solver, i am referring to the virus itself. not cyn, not yeva, not nori, not doll, not uzi. THE solver. not its hosts.) even though uzi neutralized the absolutesolver, it still 'lives' on in her programming. and it is a separate entity from uzi. in my mind, the absolutesolver represents intrusive, violent thoughts. that definition fits both the way i've come to see it and the canon. as someone who has struggled with intrusive thoughts for years, i've learned not to feel too much shame about them. in my experience, that only makes them worse. i know that it's not my fault i cannot control my thoughts, and i wont beat myself up about it anymore. this may sound like the thing your elementary school teacher would say if you got in a fight, but i may not be able to control my thoughts, but what i can control is whether i react to them or not. that's what uzi did. she learned how to block the absolutesolver from her mind. how to take control of what it gave her without it taking control of her. 3- monsterkin (suicide and violence warning) i am vampirekin and demonkin. for the sake of convinience, i will say 'monsterkin' and use it as a general term when i am talking about both of these identities. in cabin fever, uzi transforms into a 'monster' when she does not consume enough oil to keep herself from overheating. in my case, the consuming oil part is like seeking validation. i have always needed validation, but more than usual. i have tried too hard to be noticed and congratulated, but it never worked. and then, the overheating is like suicidal thoughts. without validation, i start to become suicidal. i need high amounts of validation to stay in a 'normal' mental state. uzi's classmates treated her as a monster, even before she transformed. just for being herself. as someone who is a queer alterhuman and has known that from a young age, this has really resonated with me. for just existing, i am a monster. a creature of sin. the subtle homophobia and transphobia i recieved from my closest friend, combined with the same hatred towards alterhumanity from even more people before i was even ten really messed me up. the way cabin fever is written just really connects to me. uzi's already so fucked up, she doesnt need another factor ruining up her life. but it does it anyways. she's proven to everyone how she's a monster. (im not elaborating for personal reasons) the fact that uzi's classmates at the end of absolute end didnt really care that much just really helps me feel better. they didnt care. why would my classmates care? 4- gender and sexuality before i even knew girls could kiss girls, i liked girls. in particular, i liked people i had a friendship with. however, my friendships were very messed up and i fell in love with anyone my age who could treat me with decent respect. i headcanon uzi as bi, and i didnt understand why (other than the doc martens) until i connected the dots that im uzi. i am bisexual. maybe? and theres also referring to v as hot at ep 8 so... angsty bi queen uzi but, although me, the almalgamation of kintypes and names that i am, the uzi part of me always feels bisexual. always. when i think of myself as uzi, i can only see myself as demisexual-bisexual and demiromantic-biromantic. this also applies to gender- i am an axenlector user. i collect xenogenders. i am cottoncandygender, i am gendersky, i am gummisharkgender, i am starricattic. i am more genders than i can count. and i dont care honestly. but once again, when i really connect to uzi, i can only see myself as feminine. this does vary from demigirl to rosegirl to just girl. 5- notes and stuff! well, thanks for reading all the way through! a like, reblog, or follow would be awesome! every time i referred to uzi as someone else it was like "why r u talking abt urself in third person! YOU ARE UZI DOORMAN!" but alas, i must differentiate between myself and my kintypes,,, maybe one day i will not have to,,, please tell me im not the only one kkkkkkkkk

[quodekash]

I could literally fall asleep any minute but im nothing if not sleep deprived and watching my favourite gay little shows!

hey nawa, I see you looking at guy as he struggles in the room on his crutches

you should kiss him

I think that you should absolutely just slam your face into his

give him another injury but its not really an injury it's just a hickey

(we're less than a minute into the episode and im already begging guynawa to make out, we're off to a great start)

we all know this is a complete lie, we've seen the trailers, we know what's gonna happen

but that doesnt mean it doesnt hurt my sad little gay soul

sailom what the hell

no way

no

you are not quitting school

is that a frikin letter of resignation or smth? can you even do that?

I love that solution and I wish it were a possibility but sailom's gonna say no, of course he's gonna say no, because the stupid bastard doesn't like accepting help for free

he doesn't understand the concept of FRIENDSHIP and FAVOURS

BITCH YOU CAN ACCEPT HELP, YOU'RE ALLOWED TO ACCEPT HELP, THEY ARE SO SO WILLING TO HELP AND GIVE YOU MONEY AND SCHOLARSHIPS AND PLATONIC LOVE AND H E L P

O4EKLGHNVWOERISDLGI HE MAKES ME SO ANGRY I HATE HIM

guy's right, and I hate sailom so much for it

BUT THAT'S THE THING, he WONT ask for help, theres no way in HELL that he'll ask for help

which is precisely how he ends up getting shot at, alone on a street corner, and why kang will have to rescue him on his bike, and why sailom will stand in the bathroom with kang holding a blanket over him as he sobs 'I have no one left'

its not that you have no one left. it's that you wont accept the help from the people who love you

(and also your brother kind of abandoned you and your parents are dead and your boyfriend also kind of abandoned you and yeah anyone would definitely feel alone in that situation so he's perfectly valid, but also ALL of his friends are offering help, his teacher is offering help, and he's accepting NONE of it)

HUG TIME

OH MAN IM ALREADY SOBBING

I LOVE MEANINGFUL GROUP HUGS SO MUCH

this could be one of the last times that they see sailom for a really long time. theres no way I could possibly be sadder holy frick

I SPOKE TOO SOON

WHY MUST THERE BE FLASHBACKS

WHY

I HATE EVERYTHING

y'know, I really thought he might hug him. but nope. he wrenched that pin off his shirt and took my heart in the process.

OMG

YES

THE PERFECT THING TO MAKE ME REMEMBER WHAT IT'S LIKE TO BE HAPPY

GUYNAWA TIME PLEASE GUYNAWA TIME

NOOOOO THE SCENE CUT BEFORE NAWA WALKED INTO THE LITTLE ROOM THINGY TO TALK TO GUY IM SO MAD

well, not really mad

mostly just sad

bitch wth

of COURSE he's not frikin doing alright

omg he's here too?

go talk to your boyfriendddd

and also ANSWER MY QUESTIONS PLEASE IM BEGGING YOU IM SO CONFUSED GIVE ME ANSWERS

awh :(

thank you krup ;-;

this man is lovely

not just for this but also just in general

but also his actor is the freaking DIRECTOR who is RESPONSIBLE for a LOT of my anguish so we can't be too nice to this guy

oh look at that. the shooting scene is right about to happen

I was expecting it to come later on in the episode but this works too I guess

who the hell are these guys???

they dont say a word

what the hell is going on

thank you kanggg

where did he come from tho

how'd he know where sailom was and that that was happening? did he just HAPPEN to be in the area?

or is he tracking sailom's phone just to make sure he's safe cos like he already got drugged once

hey man, have you ever heard of a little thing called dodgeball?

shocking, I know, but it IS possible for a gun to have been fired, and for the person being fired at to not actually get shot

I can't think of a single reason why sailom would make up this story. like sure you could argue that hes just trying to get an enemy/rival convicted, but he very explicitly stated that he has no idea who tried to shoot him, so it can't be that.

why the hell are you suspicious my guy?

acab is real man, holy frick

how do you know they're all fake tho?

maybe all of them were real reports and you're just an ignorant arrogant piece of shit who doesn't think people under the age of 20 are capable of being truthful

I hate this guy so much

OH MY-

NOW HES STARTING TO SOUND LIKE FRIKIN UMBRIDGE

I WAS IRRITATED BEFORE, BUT NOW IM ANGRY

deep breaths, deep breaths, in and out in and out, lets not destroy our laptop today

thATS WHAT I SAID!

I feel that

:(

im so sad man

oh would you look at that. ive been impaled.

yeah that whole scene was a trainwreck for me. I am very much not even slightly okay but its fine

OHHHHHHH

that makes sense

WHAT

ANSWER MY QUESTIONS BITCH

WHAT DOES THIS MEAN? WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY THAT? WHAT ACTUALLY HAPPENED THAT NIGHT CMON MAN IM SO CONFUSED

the way they fall back into old habits, kang's arm draped over sailom ;-;

I ran out of images as per usual, BUT im halfway through the episode when it happened, as opposed to like ten minutes through, so that's a nice change of pace

[natalias-pierogi]

Pimfah, Kang, comphet and lesbian agenda thoughts:

from where im standing both pimfah and kang are doing this thing where you start feeling something Gay so you just pick one person to have a Very Heterosexual Crush On. you pick a person that seems to be the perfect match: theyre right there, theyre nice to you, maybe theyre your friend. maybe its someone all of your friends had been nagging you about, jokin that you like them. in theory, theyre perfect. bonus points if theyre out of your reach and have minimal chances of returning your feelings.

so obviously, kang, whos starting to feel Something towards sailom, the poor boy, the guy hes been fighting with and who turned out to always fight him back, chooses pimfah. shes been his friend for a while, theyre fathers know each other. she obviously cares about him and likes him. he feels like his life is already laid out in front of him, a plan hes expected to follow. like he himself said, a part of this plan is getting married and having kids. and he doesnt want that (or rather, he doesnt even know what he wants), but maybe it wouldnt be that bad if it was with his best friend, who cares about him, who treats him like a person and who knows him well. and so, he chooses pimfah to have a crush on, because shes an obvious, safe option. much safer than sailom.

and then we have pimfah. i dont know if im reading too much into the whole situation with the teacher trainee, but it seems to match a little too well. we dont know too much about pimfah, other than the fact that shes an artist, has a rich father and has been friends with kang for a while. shes nice, shes smart and she knows and cares about kang. he would be the perfect choice for her Heterosexual Crush for the same reasons shes perfect for kang. but instead, she goes for sailom.

and thats an interesting choice, but it actually makes a lot of sense if you think about it. we dont know anything about her father, other than him being a head of a hospital and him being rich. we dont know anything about her relationship with him or what he expects of her, but it seems unlikely that the rich parents would be happy with their doughter dating a poor boy.

shes nice and shes smart and she knows kang, so i think she sees things. she sees how important sailom is for him. she probably sees that sailom likes kang. theres no way hed reciprocate her feelings.

and i think that sailom being out of her reach is like, the main reason she went for him. also, we queers tend to flock together and get pulled towards each other.

so yeah, im curious where this is heading and what will they do with pimfah. im rly hoping they wont just use her as a plot device to, idk, make kang jelous and hurt sailoms feeling, and i hope that the teacher trainee also isnt just a plot device to push sailom away from tutoring kang and into the waiting arms of Mr. Name and his clients.

[bride-of-frankenstein]

why do teachers always act like they know me and my things better then myself.

me: oh i cant jump rope, that hurts my knees teacher: u can at least try, im sure it wont be bad

wanna know what happened? knee pain after just 15 minutes of jumping for 4 days

oh and how about one time a different teacher working on my laptop and i explained to him that my laptop doesnt work well with whatever hes trying to do. he said he can do it. did it work? of course not

[exceptionalcameo]

18. After that 'okay' : Game mode activated. The performance she puts on when Jen and Billy show up; that's Wandavision level Agatha...putting on a show. I am mean and evil and campy.

19.side note. Jens shortened dress so cute on her.

20. Back to square one indeed

21.lol she so deserved to eat shit like that though lol

22.hehehheheh oops no more powers for you. So mad lol

23. Aww poor Jen

24. The way i laughed when they came out of those body bags...

25. "Don't steal her struggle." Lollll Agatha...

26. "no place like home" another Wizard of Oz drop 👌

27. Jennnnnnnn <3 growthh bbyyy (sidenote that pardohnn? XD)

27. Agathaaaaaaa bitchhhh lol 'oops'

but the fact that Jenn didn't know meant it wasn't their original beef : I STILL WANNA KNOW WHAT WENT DOWN BETWEEN THEM

Also jdjdhsj ma'am Jen is having an emotional moment could you not right now...we -collectively- were not prepared..i mean you do this shit all the time but WE ARE NEVER EQUIPPED TO DEAL WITH THE WAY YOU SAY SHIT

28. Pink. Not blue magic...like the colour of the road before the first trial...like BILLYS magic...and weirdly enough like Agatha's original coven's magic.

29. The way I hoped so hard Lilia would be saved when Jen disappeared because getting what you were missing meant you could leave the road...I know this was HER death but...I want more Lilia damn it

30."I wouldnt." - definitely lying "I wont." - ehhhh MAYBE...

31. Agatha Harkness Teacher time yayyyy

32. Of course she knows how many people die each minute lol

33."No Billy" comforting air because he can no longer hear her. 'Sometimes boys die' comforting herself because she can't get power if he's gone and so she can't leave the road unless she passes a made up trial on a road that doesnt exist by growing something in a place with no soil or water. And she isn't ready. She never will be. And she's alone.

34. Never enough. Never enough power. Never enough time.

35. Also was hoping Lilia saw the saving move because she was around to help : alas

36. Awww look at her learning from her coven(shame she didn't have them earlier -or in the next episode rather. They would have been exactly what she needed to maybe save Nicky. The irony that she kept seeking out coven after coven just to kill what could have saved him )

37. Lol that they can't get through a single fight without flirting..

38. Their touching heart to heart goodbye was so sweet and moving lol until SELF SERVING remember? Gotcha! Love her lol

39.sooo could they never kiss before? Or was there some kind of read between them where Agatha just had to agree to do it without words but in /intention/ which is kind of just it's own whole thing with magic.

Because if they couldn't kiss without Agatha dying....then Agatha going in for a kiss back on the road after Rio confessed her regret at hurting her.......!!!! That would mean she was ready to go. Ready to join Rio in death UNTIL Rio confirmed the boy wasn't Nicky but was Billy instead. Or maybe just until Rio kicked up old hurt and reminded Agatha she'd have to face Nicky in death but either way....she was so close, finally, to saying ENOUGH. Ooohoohoohoo

40. Despite the Nicky reminder...I do believe she did it as a calculated attempt to cheat the system. Because she knew Billy had the power, like Wanda, to make something from nothing...to bring people back from the dead...and he did it better without even realizing how he did it or that he did it.

41. Did Agatha decay like that because she was so old or (and I'm banking on this one) did Rio, The Green Witch of the cycle of life and decay, make a marker for her wife...a grave of natural beauty and decay for the keeper of her heart.

42. This poor fucker lol. Been through it...and back to Eastview and the Kaplans. What even did he tell them? The truth?

43. In a room full of reminders...oh SHIT. SHE TOLD HIM IN THE BEGINNING. And sending him away...she never planned to kill him : the others, sure. But never him.

44. Back to Teen: realizing it was his fault they died..that he killed his coven same as Agatha. And then this bitch is back as a GHOST LOL OF COURSE SHE IS

43. Loving the grey

(Don't think I'll have time to do the second episode tonight/morning : as it is w9rk is gunna be roughhh lol)

[rosiethedragongeek]

(telling u here bc i didnt wanna hijack the fic post jdbddbbfskdvb)

the main reason I DON'T/WOULDN'T want a canon Spitelout redemption is because I'm not confident Dreamworks could do it well. Riders Of Berk and Race To The Edge do the job of making sure we understand that we are NOT meant to sympathise with Spitelout. Three's a pattern and off the top of my head there are atleast three "spitelout bad!" episodes ("Thawfest", "Snotlout Gets The Axe", "Notlout") and a couple where it is featured as a B plot ("Race to fireworm island"). The writing for Snotlout specifically is probably what I'd pin down as the best in the show, so i guess I never thought to narrow it down to bad writing. I knew that (apparently) it was never commited to one way or the other in the end, but Ive expressed numerous times that the constant back and forth is VERY interesting to me. I love that Snotlout keeps forgiving him. I love that Spitelout keeps getting worse. I love that even though Spitelout causes him pain, and its acknowledged that its wrong, Snotlout still admires him and pines for his attention. Its very special and relatable to me that it takes a lot for Snotlout to learn his lesson, that hes constantly optimistic, and that it always hurts him because he knows he should expect that by now. But he doesn't.

Dreamworks gave us a fair share of Spitelout episodes, seemingly testing the water of what they could get away with showing each time (High amount of pressure -> degrading him infront of his friends -> causing extreme delusion and paranoia). I think they knew that if we were going to get a conclusion, which we had to, it would have to be an important part of the episode - maybe even of the season. Maybe Spitelouts following them around for the episode, and Snotlout's doing perfectly fine, but Spitelout keeps criticising and jumping in to set an example. Maybe things go wrong and someone gets injured. Maybe its Hiccup, or Hookfang, or snotlout himself. and Snotlout has to stand there with a weapon - because I highly doubt Spitelout would take it seriously if there wasnt one involved - and say for the final time that he doesnt need him. That hes had enough of the criticism and the backhanded praise and the stupidly high standards. That he loves him like the father he has failed to be, and that thats what stings most. And Spitelout wouldve had to make a choice. And dreamworks did not have the anything neccessary to do that.

It would have had to been so carefully crafted. So many things would have had to be balanced. Snotlout shouldn't be too soft because then he wont listen - but he cant be too harsh because Spitelout is a survivor of the same mentality that he himself has. They cant put every single bit of blame on him - but to not do that would be irresponsible because they are his actions. They probably csnt use the word 'abuse' - but to use anything else would be downplaying it. It would have been so extremely difficult that I dont know if i wish they had even tried.

It just upsets me to know that they dont have a conversation. They never even have one. (english teacher voice) Maybe their relationship is less of a redemption arc, but more of a tragedy on the endless cycle of abuse perpetuated on war-ridden homelands like Berk.

DUDE

DUDE

This is such a thorough analysis I’m obsessed (and I am SO sorry it took me so long to get here omg)

They really do have a very cyclical, Snotlout gives and Spitelout takes type relationship. Most of their episodes include Snotlout looking up to Spitelout in the beginning, Spitelout being pretty awful to Snotlout in one way or another, and then a sorta positive interaction at the end that doesn’t necessarily address their conflict or what Spitelout did within the episode. It is then assumed that Snotlout and Spitelout have made up and are good again. Only for it all to happen over again.

It really upsets me too that they never have a real conversation where they actually talk about what’s going on, and that there is no indication that anything will ever change between them (aside from Snotlout’s character growth and his new complete understanding of his self worth and the fact that he can live his life outside of the box Spitelout’s created for him.

Thank you so much for this dude this is insane

[the-s1lly-corner]

If and when you have time/energy, of course:

Kind of in the same vein as the "Cuppa Joe as a dad" anon, do you have any HCs for the same situation, but with Toilenator, Stickybeard and the Count? :0

I personally think the vibes are like..."nerdy goofball uncle/dad trying to be cool", "the actual cool uncle/dad that lets you do stuff and is like 'don't tell your mom', and "basically Drac from Hotel Transylvania, but way more goofy and a bit more embarrassing", but I'm curious to see what you think! Thanks again if you answer this! :)

Toiletnator, Stickybeard and Spankulot as dads

Couldve sworn I've done at least toiletnator and sticky with this prompt but I guess not <\3 that said ueueue god i love this prompt with knd villains and i blame mr boss for this

Notes: reader is GN and a child, platonic post

CWs: none

TOILETNATOR

drops you off at school and all of your practices while loudly saying goodbye to you- also cheers for you the loudest during any of your games if you partake in any sports

number one most supportive dad, a lot of things may go over his head and he may even push you too hard but he genuinely wants to see you do your best- arguably one of the best choices of parent out of all the KND villains

if youre passionate about something hes going to get into it as well so he can understand, as well as how to help you complete your goals

just like joe in his post, he keeps a lot of photos of you on hand so he can show you off and brag

genuinely so proud of you, asides from his small feats as a villain, you give him something to be proud of

STICKYBEARD

takes you anywhere you want on his ship, you even have your own dedicated room on the ship! though to be fair im sure sticky already lives on his ship...

did someone steal something from you? well good thing hes a pirate, thats kind of in his nature! just tell him who and hes going to return what was taken, and then some

he can be a little rough, but he doesnt mean to hurt you- just wants you to have a tough skin

scolds you in front of the crew and other villains but you can see him fighting down the smile on his face, and hes going to quietly let you know that hes proud of what youve done as soon as everyone is out of ear shot

will sneak you some candy under the table during meetings and dinners

SPANKULOT

also very supportive of you and whatever you want to do! takes the time to learn about your hobbies and plans evenings so the two of you can bond! on that note, he also takes you bowling every now and then

that said hes a rule honoring man, so there are some expectations for you that you're too follow- stern about it, but i can see him having just a tiny bit of bias for you

brings treats to parent teacher meetings, a lot of the staff get to know him very well... sometimes you duck your head in embarrassment as he beelines for one of your teachers to talk to them

bonus points if youre also a vampire like him, hes going to teach you how to fly and as well as how to handle all the other powers that comes with his genetics! the first time you just... vanish.. into smoke he nearly has a heart attack

so very cautious to make sure youre not given any garlic- you wont die, but no one wants to be sick

[dojae-huh]

https://www.instagram.com/p/C1hT1UbrC9d/?igsh=MzRlODBiNWFlZA==

"Evryone should be happy without a fail, but I wish good people a happier year!"

This is what he shared on New Year's Eve… and it's stuck in my mind. Just like you said, Doyoung is kind, but he shouldn't let others take advantage of his kindness or see it as a weakness. What I mean is, he mentioned that everyone should be happy in 2024, but good people should be even happier. It's clearly shows that his own character. He's kind, so he wishes happiness for everyone, but he's not naive enough to forget that there are some bad people out there. He won't forget about them, even though he wishes them happiness. He also wants more happiness for the people he considers good..He can just write it as like evryone should be happy..whatever in his head doesnt matter , weather we fans knows it or not..thats it..nd it would be great for his idol image..but he pointed out the fact that he wish more happiness for good people, as he indirectly telling ppl if u r not good then my wont get you....he is an idol he cant criticize or judge openly, but his way of showing this kind of things amazes me like wow!! He is really amazing...without hurting anyone he said the matter simply..and I love the way he expressed it.

I know..i am exaggerating simple things, but this is got on my head nd I just wants to share it with you..nd staning him these all days makes me feel like I'm getting to know his amzing character more and more. That's why I agree with you when you say he's kind but won't let it become a weakness. He'll have the courage to say no if he wants to, and his kindness won't hold him back. Nd yes ofcrs he is mentally really strong thats why he can take care of ppl around him..nd I really admire that....🦋

Link

What you said.

Do you know this image of wrathful angels? An angel with a sword, a soldier of Heaven? I think it's more of a modern fiction construct. If Doyoung is an angel, like his fans like to call him, he is that kind of righteous and judgemental one. He can and will slay those who do wrong. Taeyong forgives his antis, Doyoung doesn't.

There are many ill-meaning people who take advantage of naive and kind people. We have a saying "kindness is worse than theft" and another one "kindness should have fists". Yes, one shoud be kind, but only to those who deserve it. If a person, after receiving help, stays ungrateful or continues to ask for more doing nothing to pay back, then that person should not be given anymore help. It's also not enough to just be kind and nice, a person needs knowledge, goals, interests, beliefs, otherwise he won't do well in life.

Doyoung's kindness is his strength and not weakness because he also has ambition, judgement, hiw own morals. He charms friends but can give enemies a scare (like with sasaengs). He also can protect others (like the way he told those who attacked Taeyeon with dating rumours off), not just show them kindness with words, being empathetic ("oh, you poor thing").

His judgmental side has its downside, he is vindictive, but his intellegence lets him acknowledge it and learn to be careful.

Doyoung saying those words in the NY message is his righteousness and vindictiveness bleeding out. He can't really lash out, but he still wants to sya something back. It's similar to how he exposed that teacher who didn't stop Do's bullies in his class during middle school. He didn't directly blame him, but he insinuated that the teacher was wrong with his pacifying tactics (it's not a big deal).

Doyoung is easily swayed by emotions for day to day things (something going wrong, him being tired, his perfectionism and dissatisfaction with himself), that's when he needs the emotional support from Jaehyun, Taeyong, Haechan. On the other hand, he has a stronger foundation, an iron core, and big things (antis hate, stage fright, deep rooted insecurities) don't shake him too much, he can overcome them on his own. That's where he can support his friends, be the pillar for them. Like during the time of Jae's scandal.

[dirt-str1der]

This is gonna keep me up at night i cannot believe that people dont like saejima like i didnt even reallse this was going on i was too caught up in the bliss of finally having a protagonist with bigger titties than kiryu and constantly wears an expression that looks like hes attending a funeral. Like i didnt even see the y4 scene as saejima it was so uncomfortable and felt so .. shoehorned in. Like theres nothing about saejima that ever made a callback to that scene ever again, it came out of fucking nowhere and then its revealed later on that saejima adores kids his childhood dream was to become a kindergarden teacher he loved his little sister like crazy and if they truly wanted saejima to pin haruka so badly they could have made it because he looked at her and saw yasuko and didnt want to look away. Saejima Was and Should Be portrayed as wild and desperate during that scene but not because of ??? Lust ??? Suddenly being overcome by female pheromones ??? Its because he was so scared and cornered and he knows that hes intruding on this perfect little family and its either him or them , and if he doesnt stop haruka now then she’s going to blow the whistle and have her dad come running and then its the end for him, hes going back to jail and theyre going to kill him in there and hes never going to see yasuko or majima or anyone else ever again. If saejima grabs haruka and bowls her over and ends up on top of her , hes not going to start shaking because shes a feeeemale its because he realises that his impulsive tackle has already painted him as dangerous in her mind and shes not gonna want him around anymore and he cant let her go now because shes going to call kiryu and if he wants to escape then he has to shut her up and go for her dad next and he really really doesnt want to have to kill them because they saved him and haruka is staring up at him with gigantic eyes, hes dripping cold sweat and he sees his sister and saejima lets go of her and resigns himself to going back to jail because he cant do it, he cant hurt her. Haruka scrambles to her feet and she saejima expects her to run but she stays in the room with him and neither of them know what to say to each other and Thats when kiryu, whos checked and double checked for any plausible explanation that wouldnt point to saejima being an escaped convict and found none, enters the room from where hed been monitoring the situation with his fists balled up, he unclenches his hands and he pretends like he hadnt seen anything and sends haruka on her way on a chore of little importance so he can have a private chat with saejima and kiryu sits at the entrance of the room, leaving his back open to saejima as they have their introductory speech and saejima is like fuckkk this is the guy i was supposed to look for, gives kiryu the fakest name ever (which kiryu thinks is genius), saejima gets more and more hyped and he concocts his shipwreck story and they end up on the beach as saejimas explaining the ship i worked on crashed and im the only survivor and i need to get to kamurocho pleasee give me money how much could one banana cost ? Ten dollars? And kiryus like Oh man, youve been in prison a long time... he says knows he broke out of prison and saejima realises he still let him see his back so that he knows that kiryu means no harm and as they talk saejima understands why hamazaki was so shaken by his encounter with kiryu , he doesnt know that kiryu approached hamazaki without once considering he had a knife clutched in his fist but he saw kiryu flagrantly leaving his back open to a dangerous criminal not because he thinks that saejima cant hurt him but because he trusts that saejima wont hurt him. Kiryu was giving him a chance to redeem himself, but his stomach sinks when he hears that kiryu will only help him if hes going to turn himself in and he tells him, fucking begs him, because he has no other option, either kiryu gives him the money or he takes it from him and kiryu keeps saying no and saejima is losing it a little he casts aside kiryus camaraderie wait look at this

Anyway he is trying to be as scary as possible in order to shake kiryu down but its not gonna work and they start to circle each other, sizing each other up, and with each step saejimas exhaustion and pain fades away, his limp disappears and his heart starts to race because kiryus not fighting him for the sake of it, this is a test he says, saejima has to prove to him how bad he wants that money. He doesnt have to kill them, kiryus giving him an out here, letting him do what he does best and if its a fight he wants then a fight he will get

[corny-ass-shit]

soo i literally suck in every area of my life.

ive said in 3 different parts of my life that, “i’ll do better” and “im sorry” like 10 times. i’ll do better. i’ll do better. i’ll do better. i’ll do better. i’ll do better. its like the words wont leave my head.

my family, who barely sees me because im always hanging out because i hate them, say they miss me and need me at home. ok, im sorry, i’ll be at home more. i’ll do better. yes im at home more but now i have attitude. wow i wonder why you fucking assholes, i literally cant stand you and you’re the rudest, narcissistic, transphobic/homophobic, oblivious people ive ever be around. but fine. i’ll shut my mouth and my attitude. i’ll do better.

my boyfriend, who i love dearly, thinks hes not enough for me. hes saying stuff like ‘why arent i enough for you to pay attention to me?’ and more stuff mentioning when i accidentally ignored him or when im on my phone too much (which is a genuine problem because ive become connected to my phone with the previous reason being anxiety, and now its just an addiction), or times where it isnt my fault and someone interrupts a conversation between me and him and just starts yapping but i cant shut them up like they’re a machine or when hes standing behind us and im not directly looking or talking at him?? i suggested coming to the side of me instead of behind but that was wrong of me i guess. but whatever, i’ll do better, im sorry. no but im apparently not listening to what hes saying, im telling him to fix things instead of listening, im reading his words but not listening. what the fuck else do you want me to do? shut everyone out of my life? i would happily do so but thats not fucking socially acceptable. but still, im saying i’ll do better so why dont you believe me? im not a liar. i stopped being a pathological liar years ago for people i love, because i didnt want to hurt them. im crying, having a panic attack on top of anxiety and nausea and shaking from medication im having a panic attack. im sorry. im fucking sorry. i cant do better can i? i dont know but i know that im trying really hard, and he wont believe me. but all i keep saying is, and all ive been saying since we’ve been friends is, i’ll do better. (and honestly im sorry i cant let go of things, im sorry i hold grudges, im sorry everything you say or do affects me. i am really sorry.)

My school. im failing 2 classes. never in my life had i ever been failing a single class, never mind 2, im killing myself because of it. they’re both advanced classes too. my math teaches emails my mom (even though im not failing) saying shes worried im disconnected in class and not following the coursework. yeah, maybe thats because im doing a sport at 6 am and have to be up at 5, and i dont get home most nights until 9-10 pm. my ap world teacher doesnt gaf, ive been doing ok on my quizzes since i started doing my homework again instead of literally stealing my friends hw from that class to show to him. i think i failed the test though, i dont remember. my chem si teacher emailed my mom about me failing and being disconnected and not paying attention during class. thanks for letting her know that im failing dawg i didnt need her knowing that. i was gonna bring the grades up but wtv. i fucking failed the last test and passed the test before that by 3 points. he said we havent even reached the honors level work yet and im failing. fuck you. im not doing my hw and im zoning out during class. i dont want to be like this, im usually good. im a good kid. i’m supposed to be. im always in honors for report cards. always. i always have at LEAST an 85 in my classes, but im struggling with a 54 in chem, a 61 in ap world, and 73 in math. like what if i kill myself. the one thing i was semi-good at. theres always gonna be people better than me in every field of work. school, art, makeup, fashion, sports, everything i like theres always someone better. i know its impossible to be the best, but cant i at least be good? i wish i could do better.

i love my life, but no i dont. hence the reason im suicidal :))))))