#if they refuse to see and think clearly
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songmingisthighs · 1 year ago
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atinytwt is so stupid and toxic oh my god i just saw someone "shading" kq for jongho ???? like okay let me put down my points
a. we don't actually know how they decide to let or allow jongho to only receive injections and medication. jongho's condition was explained by an indonesian orthopedic surgeon who said that NORMALLY injection and medication COULD aid and alleviate the pain but considering jongho's occupation and activity (i.e. dancing), recurrence is expected and it needed a more permanent solution. also, jongho is a grown ass adult, let's not baby him too much (despite me wanna go goochie goochie goo and tuck him into bed with warm milk and cookies) and think that jongho is incapable of making a huge decision for his own health no matter the consequence
b. "kq put them in crazy schedules" it's literally the pitfalls of being idols my ghawd do you want them to not tour and expand their reach and just sit pretty with one comeback a year ??? sure, they could do that but they'll need money to get better production quality like you buying one album per comeback or one album per version is not enough to even cover the shoe budget, do you think those things are cheap ??? considering album sales are not pure as it's separated as distributor and company and from the company's cuts, it's further broken down and ateez will only get a sliver if any, they have to depend on miscelaneous schedules like radio, tv shows, joint concerts, festivals, etc. And no it's not unfair because there are calculations put in place and no matter what you do, the cuts will never be enough but at least from what we see, ateez is living rather well
c. compared to the big 4 (ion even wanna get into TS, cube, mld, mbk, etc. bc yuck) kq is a far better situation for ateez and xikers. like we haven't heard much from xikers, but we know that ateez praises kq. hongjoong even said that kq's ceo goes everywhere with them on tour (hj said this on the singapore concert) except for the show in manila bc he had a prior engagement. and dude, the gifts the ceo gave ateez and the fact that kq didn't put ateez on diets they don't want and how the staff interacts with ateez and ateez with the staff. idk, i've only been seeing green flags so far. ofc no one is perfect but again, compared to jyp who made momo eat only ice cubes to achieve her target weight so she can debut, or shoving all of seventeen in one tiny ass dorm that didn't seem like there were any blankets around during pre-debut, or putting the members on a leash and treating them like dogs like infinite, i actually love kq. I've liked kpop for over a decade now, since i was like in 5th grade and i've truly never seen a happier group than ateez.
is there a way to not read stupid ass posts on twt or x or wtv and just save pictures from there ??? really i have low tolerance in stupidity bc i have to deal with my own on a daily basis
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cantgetworsethanthistbh · 2 months ago
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dumping more of my stancest feels here because i cannot NOT think of them. i read journal 3 for the first time this week and its great because Ford acts like stanley's biggest hater which is pretty fking funny (if not absolutely infuriating at times because omfg stfu you smug prick)
but the moments like this get to me
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Ford being blinded by his quest of grandeur, accolades and praise for world changing discoveries, so obsessed with greatness, being the first name people remember, and all the other things his npd-isms tells him he wants.
And then there's "reminds me of camping with my brother. i wonder what he's up to..."
i mentioned in my previous post that stan acts quite a lot like the anchor to ford's boat, keeping him grounded and most importantly, safe from both the bitter and the sweet kinds of evils. but he also represents something so much simpler to ford too: the simple desires he represses so much because its not "good enough" for someone special like him.
he resents stan so much because he represents a "block" against that percieved good enough success he wants, the obstacle that made it impossible to get in a fancy college, become the world renowed researcher, the one who wanted to destroy his journal's and lifes work (even though it was the better, safer option if Bill really WAS that dangerous, which he was) that could still make him famous. because if ford's not "praised and weird" then he's just "weird" and being "weird" was nothing but a pain his whole life that kept him rejected and isolated from the masses. and stan prevented him from that.
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(btw "maybe he can prove himself to me" is nasty work my god ford is a douche lmao)
a lot of his projections of something greater comes through with how he treated dipper in the show (his whole spiel in damvtf) and fiddleford in journal 3 where he looks down on the happy life that fiddleford had with his wife and child and saying he was "wasting his talents" making computers. and like, we all know by the way he takes them on high stakes adventures they're not as prepared for compared to him (and end up causing more trouble than not by doing so), he's trying to fill a gaping hole left by someone else. we all know this obviously, we all know what we ship here, but what i came to appreciate the most about it is how much that gaping hole exists in the low stakes
everytime ford is thinking during the "down time" moments, his thoughts always drift back to his childhood, and one person who represents it.
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childhood memories, making fun of stans favorite snack, scribbling out a design of the stan o war, whenever Ford lets his mind wander it expresses such an intense yearning for the past before he became obsessed with wanting something more. these are his most utmost and most unfiltered thoughts, which is why he scribles them away or and writes in code. and the fact that he directly says they are about NOT getting married, followed with "wondering what he's doing right now", painting the picture of what his most ideal idylic life is. wanting a return of something lost. wanting Stan back more than anything.
he finally accepts that his dream never really changed, just the same as stan's and so they saild off together for the rest of their days, in ford's own words (which ironically sounds like a marriage to me either way so tough shit ford)
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iguessitsjustme · 5 months ago
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Something I find fascinating about Wandee Goodday is that no one has kissed yet (I know Ye and Cher have kissed but...) Like not a full on make out session despite having an established couple in the show that they could be using to show us kisses. But we get no kiss sex scenes from Yak and Dee and soft, somewhat chaste scenes from Ye and Cher. We all know both couples are fucking. But the lack of kisses where normally the show would have one couple more active in that department tells me how important kissing is to this story.
Dee has stated that it's silly but he doesn't want to kiss unless he loves that person and is serious with them. But the entire show is respecting the no kiss rule which tells me that it's not silly. The entire show is respecting Dee's boundary here. And yes, Yak and Dee have come so close to kissing so many times, but they haven't. Dee has always pushed him away and Yak has always respected it when he does.
It makes me wonder what's going to happen once the main couple does eventually lock lips. Will that open the floodgates? Will the audience get to see both couples kissing then? Or will it continue to withhold that specific moment of intimacy. There's something the show is saying about the expected parts of intimacy being taken for granted and also deserving of privacy and that's up to the people in the relationship.
Kissing can be an act of love and desire, but what the show is saying is that it is not a requirement for those things. I can be completely talking out of my ass here, but something about this is really sitting with me. Not only do we get Plakao as ace representation, someone who wants a partner to cherish and be cherished without sexual expectations, but we also get the show reinforcing the ideas that love comes in all forms with so many different acts and different people are comfortable with different things. And all of that is okay. And all of those boundaries are worthy of being respected. Regardless of societies expectations for what it means to be in a relationship and be physical, whatever is right for you is right and isn't that just beautiful?
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luvingsolace · 2 months ago
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Yall still up with this “it didn’t make sense for Nico to start dating Will immediately” bullshit ijbol😭 just say you don’t want to see Nico healing and getting better!
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pisshandkerchief · 9 months ago
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the obvious double standard with which we as a society treat amab nonbinary people and trans women who don't fit the level of feminity that they're expected to is actually disgusting.
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starlooove · 2 months ago
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No one is asking you to like cops IRL, not even the show. If you look at Arcane and what you see is copaganda, if you look at Cait and only see PoLiCe OfFiCeR and not the character, the problem is YOU.
1. I never said anyone asked me to like cops irl
2. I know that’s what I said.
#I was gonna make a long drawn out response specifying or whatever but the post is very self explanatory#idk if I see it as a#‘problem’ but like yeah that’s literally the point of the post#I already have to extend Grace sympathy and understanding to police irl being black in the south#I’m not doing it for a show I like for a character I tolerate#like the surface level analysis I do of Caitlyn has her as a well written character#I don’t care to delve any deeper than that unless it’s about how she interacts with or shapes characters I like lmao#And the characters I like are doing thing that I wish I could see more of irl#I think I made a post a while ago about how fandom as escapism for me is difficult bc the way I interact w/ media is shaped by my real life#and since fandom is majority white they just don’t get it and refuse to#this might be part of that#like idc about the redeemed bigot there’s enough of those in my spaces already#I’m sure they’re very sad and important and educational for you but I don’t care#one more time for anon I ME THATS JUST ME ALONE NOBODY ELSE JUST ME! I don’t care#uhm in conclusion cry about it?#WAAAAIT#I also never said arcane was copaganda#I quite literally specified my issues are w/ fans who can’t spare a single thought for a black characters that’s not ‘he’s so obsessed with#sad white girl 5’#again idc enough to think about the enforcers beyond what they mean to ekko or Mel#depends on s2 but so far#well now I’m thinking do I think it’s copaganda?#from a character standpoint maybe not but like any show that’s wants me to believe or root for a grown ass woman who didn’t realize cops#were bad. like there’s a lot of y’all irl but it’s a show yknow?#they diiid have that Caitlyn ekko fight and ekko was clearly correct but again the results of that are more fandom bias#um idk I’ll have to rewatch maybe! but I#did nooot say arcane was copaganda in the og post like I said I quite literally spoke on how I felt#oh but the way vi broke up that fight#hem hawwwww#conclusion vi wants to be copaganda for coochie but her common sense stops her from being completely stupid 💔 sad 💔
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swagging-back-to · 4 days ago
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i do wholeheartedly believe gifting animals to elderly patients because they're lonely is the exact same thing as giving a kid an animal because they're bored.
both situations come at great cost to the animal due to neglect, abuse. in the case of the elder they have the very likely chance of being left unattended for a significant time after the person dies and having that trauma. many animals are placed in shelters after their owner dies, and then are euthanized.
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beartes22 · 10 months ago
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Constantly thinking about how WWX thinks about JC how he thinks JFM thought about YZY but mostly as how he denied and yet carelessly commented JFM thinks (disregards) about JC
It is so, so, so fucked up and one of the reasons why chengxian is so doomed by the narrative bc no matter what JC does or says, WWX already "knows" what is about. Bc JC is his shidi and WWX knows best. And still, pre masacre, pre core exchange, it could have work. It could have, because they love each other so much but JC lost his core. WWX thinks he chose his parents. He thinks Jc choose the dead bodies of his parents, a filial duty, over survival, over him. And he never forgave Jc for it.
Bc now is WWX turn to assume the consequences of his shidi actions, now it is his turn to bear the pain for him. And he does not do it with reluctance, he does not, he does it bc he loves Jc so so much, but still. Still. The hurt it caused it. The hell it send to him. The hopelessness.
And then to see his shidi thrive were he can’t no longer. To see him shine when he is but a shadow. To see him reach for the impossible time and time again as if it was not WWX who never gave up before, who rallied his shidi over his (small, imagined, greedy) woes. To see all that and know envy, envy he had denied his whole life and envy he will repress into resentment, into sth useful bc WWX is not like yzy or Jc he is not, he does not hurt the ones he lives with his jealousy and sense of inferiority. Bc how can he not envy, when one says his dad doesn’t love him but he still has a dad? When one says he is not enough for his sect when he has such a inheritance, such a clear path at life. And WWX never cared never ever ever, how could he? He loved his shidi best, in spite of all the bad things.
And somehow, Jc himself is a thing he has to be loved in spite of. And it’s heartbreaking.
#but WWX never will say any of that aloud or even think it clearly#this man has been running form negative emotion like he’s sprinting his whole life#also that would make him the bad guy and WWX has enough guilt to carry and not talk about already try#also I love Jc and it shows sorry#this is not to say he is a perfect shidi or anything the man is a mess#but all his doubts about WWX character have it reason. it’s proof#and maybe the proof was forged but it was there#he does not deal with a single emotion gracefully but he does deal with them. he lets them simmer for eternity#which is. not ignoring them.#bad but at least real. idk how to say it.#anyway it fucks me up how much agency WWX denies Jc and how much complexity he refuses to see#like. WWX would do the impossible to make Jc the person who hates him irrationally so that he is not the bad guy in the relationship#(which is more complex than good or bad guys but I digress)#I love when they reconcile but I also hate it. bc it is never acknowledged how much WWX daily shits on Jc as a person)#you can love a person you don’t like. it happens.#but the Jc in WWX head is not the real Jc and the sad thing is that WWX loves the real Jc not the inherited prejudice from jfm#but he can’t perceive him he refuses to he can’t bc then he has to deal with what he did to him.#he lied. he lied. he lied to Jc’s (and himself) so much he can’t no longer distinguish the truth of them and is so fucking sad#mxtx#chengxian#grandmaster of demonic cultivation
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trekkiehood · 13 days ago
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#ok ramble time#classic this feels too intimate to share with anyone so everyone gets it#essentially last week there was a suicide on campus#he was not one of my students or in our department#I'm pretty removed from it#ans i really didn't think it affected me#but i guess it has#bc like i thought i was over#✨this✨#Like ok i have had active plans in the past#one of those this is how this is when this is where#just waiting for the final straw#but i clearly never did#and that plan would no longer work due to changes in circumstances and living arrangements etc#which is honestly probably for the best#bc i refuse to make a new one bc i know i do not want to go there#but im just TIRED and ANXIOUS#its not even the depression its the anxiety of living#i stay up until 3-4 in the morning bc i cant stand the idea of going to sleep#and i secretly hope each sleep will be my last#bc im not going to DO anything bc that would not be it#too many ppl care about me (unfortunately)#and then ive stopped eating (again)#and it's like idek if its bc i dont want to or bc i forget#its like i see myself self destructing but cant make myself stop#and I have not done anything physically stupid in quite a long time but ive started biting to stim#and i dont even know im doing it half the time it just helps#and skin picking. which none or this is the same as true s/h but it does scare me to a degree bc i dont mean to i just do it#anyway i don't expect anyone to read all of this i just had to get it out ot my head
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fear-no-mort · 2 months ago
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slams fists down on beautifully crafted oak desk
#uh started the rewatch Now .Earlier ;; THEY HURT ME SO FUCKING HBABBDNDFGPOGGr#I CRIED LIKE FOUR TIMES WHILE WATCGUB THE FUCKING PILOT#it just lays it all out so perfectly#the entire time morty was like protesting to rick and complaining but when jerry was kicking him out he defended him#I cant. theyre smiling because of eachother#god i looovoreergkt how much of the stuff rick says to morty is to impress him teach him or just scare him#like the way rick blows stuff out of proportion just cause he wants to see how morty will react hes . so obsessed with him#for tHE FIRST TIME IN HIS LIFE… MORTY HAS A FRIEND:&!:#and they’re so. they like speak fondly towards eachother rick is way more soft and earnest when talking to morty n morty is outwardly#impressed and fascinated with the things rick does from time to time and he trusts him#and all the emphasis on how rick sincerely only gave a shit about morty. whenever he talks to the rest of the family it’s either exaggerated#or blunt and if mortys there then hes all rick focuses on#and how it’s repeated rick Needs morty to help him . no one else not even someone more helpful and agreeable nope just morty#if it’s not morty rick doesn’t want it at all#and like even as early as the cold open for the pilot. you can see rick become impressed when morty suddenly becomes assertive once he-#actually hears the bomb and starts getting up and trying to kick rick off the drivers seat#big tough guy all of a suddenLIKE YOU CSN TELL HE DIDNT EXPRCT THAT AT ALL AND HES SURPRISED#ive been thinking a lot lately about how . one of ricks favourite qualities about morty imo is his sense of morality and refusal to just-#take stuff when it reaches a certain point. like he Loves that side of morty so much and doesn’t mind too much when it comes out because of-#something he did. yeah that part in the pilot cold open is like the first thing of that go back and look at how taken aback rick is#and i love how sheepish rick is around morty every now and then. like he so clearly tries to look cool to him and to know what he’s talking#about he needs to twist everything to be correct . all the time but also in front of morty specifically#crazyyyy crazy how he managed to find the one real morty#ohg. uitltogfo ouhkdfjrjp iuubbvv ? ledjndflfidnf#odiespeak
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laniidae-passerine · 4 months ago
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decided that in my own personal canon, Santiago’s maker looked similar to Louis, simply because Ben Daniels stated that Santiago was very likely in love with his maker. and wouldn’t it be some kind of torture to fall in love with the man who murdered your first vampiric love? to then watch him fall in love with another, who bears an eerie resemblance to that first love? to be witness to something tender and affectionate blooming, every moment a memory of how none of those you’ve adored have ever wanted you back? it would be agony. it would be torture. god, you would just hate them to pieces, loathing even as you loved them. and you wouldn’t know peace - not until the whole pack of them learnt the horror of love, just as you have.
#I like to think that Santiago was courted by his maker. that it was a genuine interest#perhaps turned to be an immortal companion before his maker saw his mind and past and realised how dull he was#imagine being sold the beautiful dream of having an immortal companion who loves you and chose you out of everyone#to be the only they spend eternity with. forever in the arms of love#just for him to see you. truly see you as nobody ever has. and then instantly recoil#abandon you in disgust. he doesn’t care what you do. he doesn’t care where you go. he doesn’t care what you call yourself. francis.#santiago is a strange inverse of claudia#she is a grown woman struggling against her body - constantly being viewed as her past rather than who she truly is#but she is capable and knowing and refuses to pretend. she is Claudia the adult woman. she is Claudia the cage breaker. Claudia the killer.#while I think Santiago is still deep down Francis. lonely and needy and wanting someone to pick him. but nobody ever will#and so he covers himself up in lies and leather and performs on stage. and nobody thinks anyone is standing there but Santiago#I just LOVE torture. imagine how upsetting all of it would be#he’s still a foul cunt. but god the agony. Armand killing the man he loves. Armand falling in love with someone who looks so similar.#and Santiago can have none of them. will only be touched in anger. so make them angry. get them to touch him.#furious desire to hurt is a kind of desire. he’ll take what he can get. he’s going to get it.#he decides to become the new master of the coven when every part of him is clearly begging#please please please want me take me need me make me yours please don’t turn away don’t pick someone else#he’s so careless with the women because life’s not fair ladies! the powerful want you then they drop you after they’ve used you#if I’m a toy you’re all toys. if I’m used I’ll use up the lot of you.#exactly my favourite kind of guy. wants to be loved eternally would flinch if he received it because what even is this?#santiago iwtv#santiago#ldpdl#louis de pointe du lac#armand#armand iwtv#armand interview with the vampire#iwtv#interview with the vampire
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gracemarkss · 12 days ago
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trying to gather my thoughts on unruhe. something about this exchange is so vital to me…about how scully maybe isn’t as natural a seeker as mulder. about how her work as a pathologist is focused on “how” rather than “why”…whereas mulder’s profiling is the inverse. a woman is dead and a man killed her and no amount of probing the inner workings of his psyche, his dreams, his nightmares will remedy that situation. discovering the why doesn’t bring about any deeper sense of justice or peace. because really, no why could ever really explain the mundane horror of a woman’s abduction and murder. if anything, it just more starkly reveals the ugly simplicity of the human capacity for cruelty.
but i also love how later, she leans on the why. she channels mulder and his profiler brain. schnauz even picks up on it (“great. now they got you talking like sigmund freud,” in reference to him calling mulder freud during his interrogation). she asks him why he does it. why her. why this. why did his sister kill herself. why did his father do what he did. part of it’s to keep schnauz talking but it’s also another example of how she reaches for him, even metaphorically, in moments of fear and difficulty.
i also love how this episode, with its themes of unrest and strife and trouble, focuses on scully. mulder is usually the more restless character, always searching and seeking and chasing and moving. but scully is just as, if not maybe even more so. her mother’s remaining daughter. her father’s disappointment. a catholic to her bones, even as she lapses. a woman in a man’s job. who imagines a life to be a husband and kids and big sunday dinners, but who can’t stop following the mad man in the basement. who always insists she’s fine, who locks it all away, who chafes and squirms and explodes in impulsive incendiary bursts. who is always always trying.
there are just some things we don’t or can’t look too deeply into. if god is real, or why the woman in front of us is dead. scully will dig and scrape for proof and explanations for many things, but some interrogations aren’t worth the effort, or the fear of what might be found. some things just are, and they’re too big to move or change or overcome. women die because men kill them. what the hell does it matter?
#the x files#does this say anything at all? you decide.#to me this is especially a specific moment that points out the difference is gender dynamic between mulder and scully#which is not to say that mulder fails to grasp the depth of vulnerability women particularly face - he often does#but there sometimes feels like there’s something a little more…academic? to his approach? as a profiler and an investigator#in the sense of like. seeking out reasons and building out the psyche of the perpetrator even once he’s caught#like there’s a woman lying dead on the road and her killers in custody so why are we talking about dreams and nightmares and psychic photos?#scully as a woman who has experienced gendered violence doesn’t need to go probing because this is how the world is#men kill women because they can.#there is something vital about living in a violent world as a woman that mulder cannot fully understand#idk if i’m articulating my thoughts on this clearly at all#like there’s so much here…the fact that it’s lobotomies…the loss of the mind and sense of self#and scully is or at least likes to think of herself as cerebral so that’s terrifying to contemplate#and then being confronted with how restless she is and refusing to look at it….#also i know at the end she says she sees the value in looking at why monsters do what they do in order to understand them#and ultimately stop them#but i think that still troubles her and#doesn’t come easily to her#IDK i’m just saying stuff ok bye
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fortune-maiden · 7 months ago
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85. "I’m not going to be sympathetic until you go to a doctor.”
tgcf, pm or swd to ling wen
Thank you <33
....I think this should have been a more hurt/comfort prompt, but with only 100 words it just became hurt, I'm sorry ;w;
Pei Ming is back again today with new grumbles and demands. So much to be done, all at once, only by her. These days, Ling Wen can barely lift her head. She can barely hear her retort. “And?” There’s a rare edge in his voice. “I’m not going to be sympathetic until you go to a doctor.” Pei Ming knows how to fight. To take away the firewood she needs to stay warm. Day by day he’ll wear her down, getting more outrageous until she finally caves, willingly or forcefully. Ling Wen knows this. Really. But she hates to lose.
I love lw but i also do think she has trapped herself in a vicious cycle of self sabotage
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itspileofgoodthings · 7 months ago
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like. Nina listens to Taylor, moderately keeps up with the front-facing aspects of her life, enjoys her quality, has her minor critiques, recognizes her place in the current culture, can set her down and do other things when she wants to, and most importantly knows who Taylor is through her art.
#you cannot engage with Taylor completely casually it doesn’t work#you won’t get to know her#you have to let her in. go on a sunset walk with your headphones in and open your heart to her and just HEAR her#and then once you know who she is you can go from there#but there absolutely is this level of refusing to get to know her#and I am truly (once again) not addressing people who have that door simply closed (my mom! my older sister!)#people whose opinions matter so much to me#but I am talking to the people who wrestle and want to love her but actually hate her and idk. I feel that it is something where—-#well it’s like people isn’t it. you have to get to know her without judgment#and without bias#you have to know her FROM her#(which does not involve Easter eggs OR celebrity headlines if you hate both of those things#and then if you don’t like her you do in fact have to leave without making that other people’s problem#especially Taylor’s!#I am thinking of this girlboss journalist who wrote a piece on Taylor the other day#that was LIVID with Taylor for sharing only positive reviews on her insta story#(as is not only Taylor’s right but literally normal behavior??????????)#and was practically foaming at the mouth about how Taylor’s level of power was getting scary#and it’s like. I’m so sorry for swearing but BITCH#a lot of the numbers are out of Taylor’s control and also NOT REAL. Taylor also DESERVES her success and is simply doing her job very well#and riding the waves of virality she knows how to create in ADDITION to that#also stop worshipping power and money!!!! the way you clearly do!!!!!!!#Taylor is not doing anything with it except her job!!!!!!!!!!!!!#she is also CLEARLY a human being who suffers#SEE HER AS SUCH#and end it THERE#INSANE#turning off reblogs for this one#because I have gotten carried away but wow
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bylertruther · 2 years ago
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some of you never grew up in a small conservative town as a (gay) nerd that was bullied, harassed, and excluded for years on end for not fitting in and for visibly and enthusiastically liking geek things—geek things that then branded you a satanist in everyone's eyes and as something Other, Lesser, and Undoubtedly Unworthy of Basic Human Decency even though you were literally just an actual child with harmless interests and not a satanist or an evil disgusting subhuman thing, and it shows.
you cannot apply modern views and beliefs to a show that is set in the eighties, especially not when it's set in conservative midwest eighties which is a whole other beast. being a socially awkward and nonconforming geek is something that people STILL get bullied for if you don't do it in a way that the majority deems "acceptable", especially if you live in a conservative, religious area.
your experiences are not universal and your inability to relate to a certain motif or story does not make it "lesser" or "bad writing."
#stranger things#mike wheeler#<- tagging and then disappearing into the mist again bc i don't like it here lol.#girls when they love stranger things because they finally see characters just like them with the same exact experiences written with such#care and respect for those that have been Deemed Other but people who have not had those experiences refuse to believe that they're#realistic and STILL happen to people bc if they're fortunate to have not gone through that then clearly that means that it doesn't exist#and if it does then it's not Traumatic Enough or a good enough plot to cause such inner turmoil in the characters who experience that#💥🛼#i got bullied for being a nerd in the 2000s and 2010s. you can absolutely get bullied for being a nerd and being a nerd is enough reason#for social exile in some places. when dustin said that no one was nice to him or mike? when lucas said that girls laughed at them? and it's#all because they're deemed freaks and satanists for liking fantasy things? that's Real and it doesn't hurt any less just because you think#it's not a good enough reason to bully someone.#i was called a satanist to my face by adults. people acted like i was some Creature or whatever just because i liked fiction and wasn't#interested in what the majority was interested in and wore dark clothing sometimes. like.. hello. school shooter jokes? the way#that neurodivergent people get treated when they're visibly ''different'' and enjoy things passionately? the way that liking star wars was#a thing to ridicule until it suddenly became Acceptable and Popular to like? i feel like i'm living in a different reality than so many#people here with the way that they talk about certain things in this show. and don't even get me started on the way people approached#the angela and el situation....#maybe just be glad that these things did not happen to you and stop acting like it's lesser or a bad story bc of that? just a thought.
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nowendil · 2 months ago
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#sorry to vent post yet again the pms is pms-ing. i am ultimately in the end ok and this too shall pass etc#cw pet death#UNNA IS FINE no worries#i just. i just really miss Pulmu. my baby my sweet old lady. jesus fucking christ#i just. idk i still hold a lot of regret over her last months. i loved her so much I DID but no amount of love#and money and guilt and open mouth sobbing could make her not Old and Sick.#i just refused to see that because i wanted her to be alright so badly#i feel so bad about letting my feelings go over her comfort. i'm so sorry baby i shouldnt have hung on to you as long as i did#of i could change one thing about the whole of world's history it would be that. so you wouldnt have to die scared in a hospital#but i cant do that. i just have to live with the memory#usually i try not to be too hard on myself about it. first of all because beating myself up about it doesnt change anything#and also because i recognize that i was profoundly mentally ill about the whole thing. (not joking)#like i genuinely dont think i have ever felt and been worse than i did when Pulmu was old and sick. i wasnt thinking clearly.#i should have been but i wasnt.#it has been 1 year and about 8 months since her passing and still sometimes i dont know what the hell to do with all that grief#some days i'm completely fine and i can talk about her without problems. and some days i sob into my pillow feeling like i just got shot#ah well. nothing to it but to keep on trucking#i hope she's fine wherever she is.
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