#to me this is especially a specific moment that points out the difference is gender dynamic between mulder and scully
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trying to gather my thoughts on unruhe. something about this exchange is so vital to me…about how scully maybe isn’t as natural a seeker as mulder. about how her work as a pathologist is focused on “how” rather than “why”…whereas mulder’s profiling is the inverse. a woman is dead and a man killed her and no amount of probing the inner workings of his psyche, his dreams, his nightmares will remedy that situation. discovering the why doesn’t bring about any deeper sense of justice or peace. because really, no why could ever really explain the mundane horror of a woman’s abduction and murder. if anything, it just more starkly reveals the ugly simplicity of the human capacity for cruelty.
but i also love how later, she leans on the why. she channels mulder and his profiler brain. schnauz even picks up on it (“great. now they got you talking like sigmund freud,” in reference to him calling mulder freud during his interrogation). she asks him why he does it. why her. why this. why did his sister kill herself. why did his father do what he did. part of it’s to keep schnauz talking but it’s also another example of how she reaches for him, even metaphorically, in moments of fear and difficulty.
i also love how this episode, with its themes of unrest and strife and trouble, focuses on scully. mulder is usually the more restless character, always searching and seeking and chasing and moving. but scully is just as, if not maybe even more so. her mother’s remaining daughter. her father’s disappointment. a catholic to her bones, even as she lapses. a woman in a man’s job. who imagines a life to be a husband and kids and big sunday dinners, but who can’t stop following the mad man in the basement. who always insists she’s fine, who locks it all away, who chafes and squirms and explodes in impulsive incendiary bursts. who is always always trying.
there are just some things we don’t or can’t look too deeply into. if god is real, or why the woman in front of us is dead. scully will dig and scrape for proof and explanations for many things, but some interrogations aren’t worth the effort, or the fear of what might be found. some things just are, and they’re too big to move or change or overcome. women die because men kill them. what the hell does it matter?
#the x files#does this say anything at all? you decide.#to me this is especially a specific moment that points out the difference is gender dynamic between mulder and scully#which is not to say that mulder fails to grasp the depth of vulnerability women particularly face - he often does#but there sometimes feels like there’s something a little more…academic? to his approach? as a profiler and an investigator#in the sense of like. seeking out reasons and building out the psyche of the perpetrator even once he’s caught#like there’s a woman lying dead on the road and her killers in custody so why are we talking about dreams and nightmares and psychic photos?#scully as a woman who has experienced gendered violence doesn’t need to go probing because this is how the world is#men kill women because they can.#there is something vital about living in a violent world as a woman that mulder cannot fully understand#idk if i’m articulating my thoughts on this clearly at all#like there’s so much here…the fact that it’s lobotomies…the loss of the mind and sense of self#and scully is or at least likes to think of herself as cerebral so that’s terrifying to contemplate#and then being confronted with how restless she is and refusing to look at it….#also i know at the end she says she sees the value in looking at why monsters do what they do in order to understand them#and ultimately stop them#but i think that still troubles her and#doesn’t come easily to her#IDK i’m just saying stuff ok bye
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which is gayer? SIX or Adamandi (real)
adamandi
#like. gotta break it to you. one of these musicals is canonically lgbtq and it's not the one where women sing about their dead husband yknow#like. idk what to say! but <shrugs>#ask me stuff???#must say the fandoms are really quite different. i'm quite fascinated by the dynamics tbh#also i realise a lot of the queendom(? forgot that was the name for a hot sec) go mad about women in shiny pretty costumes slaying#but also hmmmm adamandi is very much gender for me.( for all the characters. but specifically vincent and beatrix)#and the thing about queerness is it literally gets woven into the narrative. and it's Obvious.#smth about canonical lgbt+ rly is just. it hits. the representation is real? as opposed to fandom interpretations only#(and like... i love fandom interpretations and when people can see a new side to the character that they feel seen in!!!)#(but having it be in the original content is just... yeah... you do feel kinda especially seen)#watching adamandi was a bit like first watching firebringer for me? like except for sexuality it was gender o.O#firebringer was the first musical i saw with a canon wlw couple. and like i'd known that girls could like girls for a while but#there was the small italicised oh moment where i was like ''this is actually real'' <it's maybe worth noting i wasn't very active on soc me#about consuming things other than content. so i wasn't very exposed to the community at large. so representation in media mattered!!>#similarly it's been a while since then and both online and irl i've found people who are more open about it and accepting. i've been very#very lucky in that sense. to have specific irl friendgroups where we're all out to each other <based on sentiment? i think most of us#including me. aren't openly out irl> ... and online i'm really glad to have friends who Get It and are similar to me. but the representatio#... !!! omg hsnfjkfgdsdsghf yknow?? the representation in adamandi really got me. the pronouns thing especially.#and because the core source material is Like That.. existing fandom is all accepting already. so bonus points i guess#sorry i have turned this silly little question into a reflection prompt.. but. thoughts.#[wow. on further retrospection i've never outed myself at all online either people just saw the ship art and Inferred and]#[to be fair they were Not Wrong. idk. tumblr avvy is very vastly different from irl me but neither of us feel comfortable stating it so-]#[also worthy mention of the musicals fandom that exposed me to the whole concept of lgbtq+ being a Thing at the ripe young age of 14]#[what a way to discover it. really. i say this with extreme fondness. conversely i have friends who decided through genshin or anime so idk#<i'm aware of the diverse casting thing for six!! i think it's very cool!! i also realise the show plot doesn't really have much to do w it
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How to Hunt Your Alpha
Yandere Gender Neutral Omega Reader x Male Alpha
CW: Extremely dubious consent, stalking, mention of voyeurism, knotting, pheromones, scenting, scent marking, biting, marking, claiming bites, a/b/o dynamics, omegaverse, breeding cycles/heat, rut scratching during sex, feral sex, general yandere behavior, knotting, breeding, baby trapping, manipulative reader Word Count: 1.2k (This is a commission for @kittycatkandies who was very patient with me. I hope you all like it, this is the first fic I have written with a yandere reader.)
From the moment you saw Clark and caught a whiff of his scent, he had snagged your undivided attention. Now, you weren't the type of omega to just start swooning and let yourself be taken in by any nice-smelling, tall slab of alpha.
No, that's how you had been treated poorly in the past. There were many alphas who just wanted to slick their knots in any omega and didn't care about a relationship or even making sure the omega was satisfied during sex.
But when you passed an alpha on the street, caught his scent, glanced into those kind brown eyes of his, you suspected he was better than the fuck boys, douche weasels, and assorted sad soggy pieces of old toast you had encounters with in the past.
Still... it was just a suspicion... you had to get to know him a good bit better. He may not even be single, though he did not smell as if he was paired up and lacked any fresh marks on his neck. The best way to see if he was right for you was, in your warped mind, to follow him and see how he interacted with others. He definitely passed the test.
You had discreetly followed him back to his place so that following him in the future would be possible. After that you tailed him stealthily several different times. The first time you did so you learned that he volunteered at the nursing home keeping old folks company, another time you caught him donating to and doing volunteer work at the local soup kitchen, and the final proof you saw that he was wonderful and perfect in all things was when you learned that he worked at an animal shelter that specifically took care of elderly animals and those with health conditions.
On occasion you had even caught him wanking through his window. He was perfect in that regard too. The sight of that cock made you drool.
Throughout your many “information gathering” sessions you had ascertained that his name was Clark and he was, as he had initially seemed, single.
But you had a plan to change that. You’d have him begging to mark you up and slick his knot inside you.
You began volunteering at the animal shelter he worked at, making sure to ask him lots of questions, work diligently, and show off your compassionate, caring, stereotypical omega side that alphas always seemed to appreciate.
It worked! Well... kinda... not as well as you had hoped. The two of you had become friends to some extent, but he hadn’t put any moves on you in a romantic or sexual way. You’d just have to step up your game.
You knew he was the type of man to take mating and biting marks seriously. You just had to get him to that point, get him in your heavily scented apartment. And so, you formulated yet another scheme.
The next time you were in heat you endured it as best you could. Full force and with no suppressants. You rubbed your scent over your entire apartment. Every room was scent bombed with your pheromones. Especially the bedroom, of course. Then you wore a scent diffusing scarf and clothing. Then you went on to the animal shelter as usual.
The scarf and special clothing would hide your scent well enough. They were designed so that those who couldn’t or wouldn’t take suppressants could still interact with society without their smell causing chaos during ruts or heats. They did nothing for the other symptoms of a heat though. You’d still appear spaced out, flushed, and feverish. Which was just perfect.
Clark noticed and at the end of his shift he thought you were ill. He wanted to take you to the doctor, you refused though what he asked next was exactly what you had wanted.
“Please at least let me drive you home, you’re in no condition to drive!”
“Well… o-okay… if you insist…”
And so he drove you home and even walked you to the door. When you opened it he was hit by the scent of needy fertile omega and clearly distracted. He didn’t protest as you nudged him in.
Then you stripped off your scarf and clothing and he was hit point blank by fresh pheromones too.
“I… I um… wh-what… um I need some air.”
He tried to collect his wits and step past you but you blocked the exit.
“Just take a deep breath, I think the air is pretty good in here don’t you?”
He muttered something incoherently as you rubbed up against him and nuzzled into his muscular chest.
“Ah y-you’re in heat… Not clear headed… I sh-”
You took his hand and led him into the bedroom.
“Yeah, I’m in heat and you should help me with it~”
This was it. All your efforts were about to pay off. Your heart was pumping faster than it ever had before and your veins felt as if electricity was flowing through them.
Clark’s brain was short circuiting, though you could tell by his aroused scent and the bulge in his pants that he was going to do exactly as you wanted him to. He let you take him to the bed and push him onto it. You removed his clothing for him and stared at his full beauty, finally revealed to you. Well... finally revealed close and in-person.
He grabbed your sides and you wiggled your slick leaking hole right on to his large throbbing cock. He hardly needed to thrust, not with how eagerly you were bouncing up and down on his cock. He came in you quickly. The smell in the air and the feeling of your tight slicked up hole squeezing his length as you bobbed up and down on it were too much for him.
But he had plenty more loads to fill you with. And you weren’t going to stop until you were sure you were impregnated.
His knot swelled inside of you, locking the two of you together and reducing the fervency with which you could slam down on his dick. But the stretch felt amazing and the friction of it rubbing up against all of the most sensitive spots inside of you made you scream his name as you orgasmed again and again over the course of the next few hours.
The two of you were entwined in a near-feral frenzy of pure fucking. Scratching, biting, marking each other up in every place reachable by tooth and nail. Pheromone laden fluid leaked from your neck where he had put his claim mark and from his neck where you had put yours. Both of your eyes were glazed over, consciousness pretty much lost, bodies running on instinct alone.
You awoke the next morning with a smile of contentment on your face. You had successfully seduced the man of your dreams into a rut during your heat and had most certainly gotten him to fuck you pregnant. He was snoozing peacefully underneath you with his arms hugging you protectively. You wrapped your arms around him and let yourself fall back asleep on top of him, relaxed with the knowledge that he would never leave his well marked, pregnant omega.
#Yandere Reader#gender neutral reader#my ocs#My OC Clark#yandere reader x himbo#Yandere reader x cinnamon roll#a/b/o#omegaverse#alpha x omega reader#yandere a/b/o#yandere omegaverse#omega reader
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Mix Sahaphap gets to perform (and has the performance chops to perform) in a style that I’ve never seen any other male actor get to embody. Mix gets to unironically play the #strongfemalecharacter. The Beatrice, the Elizabeth Bennett, the Jo March. Strong-willed, emotional, kind-hearted.
Not only do the plot points line up, but Mix, more than any BL actor I’ve seen, fully leans into the embodiment of this archetype. In his roles, he rolls his eyes, pouts, banters flirtatiously, softens his posture and expression at small details. He doesn’t over-exaggerate and imposition other characters but his face also doesn’t hold back his character’s thoughts and judgments. And when the moments arrive, he lets all the hurt and anguish pour out in shatters of tears and visible heartbreak—the star-counting scene, anyone????—in a way that harkens to the operatic emotionality of well-done melodramas, soap-operas, and their contemporary Thai equivalent of Lakorn. It’s only that these have never been men’s roles in those.
It’s no surprise that one of Mix’s roles—Cupid’s Last Wish—is explicitly a gender body-swap, and Tian in A Tale of Thousand Stars is (albeit explicitly denied within the show) heavily connected to gender body-swapping. What Mix specializes in as an actor, and does exceptionally well, has been defined as feminine. To depict a kind of queer expression in this style is novel because it’s not camp, it’s not okama, it’s not a soft or femboy, it’s not a BL twink (Mix has been mostly excluded from the schoolyards and quads of the BL universe except for a role as a senior crush in Fish Upon the Sky). It’s too sincere and too adult for any of that.
In Moonlight Chicken we get to see, without the pretense of gendered mysticism, this performance style’s seduction, warmth, wit, and explosiveness within the framework of a general gay form of expression. It says that this kind of femininity might just be a gay thing. Not all gay men exhibit it, obviously—queer men aren’t a monolith. Still, it gives us something to consider about how we observe performance of queerness on screen, especially in front of an audience that puts so much more emphasis on ships, heat, and pairing chemistry to assess how well they perform a BL role. Could we look for other features to judge performance of queerness instead of how well they kiss?
Seme and uke roles would be the major performance style categories loyal BL fans assess actors with, yet even within the archetype his character’s fill within BL narratives, Mix’s performances differ from the typical uke depiction in BL because he really doesn’t perform them as passive. Rather, Mix’s characters and his portrayal of them are dynamic and demanding. It certainly fits certain stereotypes of ukes (Gilbert!) and their gay stereotype equivalent of bottoms as pillow princesses and brats. Mix’s characters, though, have more drive, agency, and compassion than that, and he plays them with all of those currents running underneath.
We certainly have openly gay writer/director Aof Noppharnach to thank for writing this kind of queer character for Mix to play in Tian and Wen. But for Mix’s specific commitment to the performance starting off with his (debut!?) role in ATOTS, we first have Earth to thank for believing in Mix’s ability and recommending him to portray the role of Tian, and then Aof’s acceptance despite his differing initial expectations for the character. Mix, Earth, and Aof have all been open about how Mix in his personal life and nature holds a lot of similarities to both his role as Tian in ATOTS and Wen in Moonlight Chicken. Some people might knock points off his performances because he’s like them. But his relationship to the characters, rather than dampening my enthusiasm for Mix’s performances, helps me appreciate his willingness to give an authentic performance in a style that hasn’t been encouraged on screens previously. It’s made more impactful that he chose to risk vulnerability to bring something personal that had previously been excluded from screens because of its gender deviance (and in broader society explicitly condemned). This doesn’t make a claim on Mix’s actual identity, but simply shows his willingness to understand and perform the expressions of his queer characters with an effort at empathy that many other actors would feel challenged to bring.
Some actors are chameleons, but some actors have a gift of a type within which they can explore depths and range that no one else can best. For me, that’s what Mix does in his work when directors and casting understands his talent. There’s a BTS video of Mix actually fainting during a scene while in Earth/Phupa’s embrace on the mountain that immediately brought to mind the wildly famous final scene in the film Camille where Greta Garbo as Marguerite dies in her lover’s arms.
For Mix, it was a serious incident due to regrettably extreme conditions and requiring the on-set paramedics, but these levels of theatrics, for me, are emblematic of what Mix is capable of as a performer, as well. After all, he had to faint in Phupa’s arms multiple times on purpose. It’s the kinds of Old Hollywood and heightened sentimental romance realms Mix takes his performances to! Then he can turn around and make it look easy to take that same character into grounded quips or dedicated everyday tasks. It only takes writers, directors, and audiences willing to see that men can feel this way and act this way. Mix has paved the way.
#mix sahaphap#earthmix#atots#moonlight chicken#cupid’s last wish#mlc#ossan’s love th#futs#fish upon the sky#ofts#Thai bl#queer history#queer performance#there’s a reason Mix can walk into the last five second of only friends and make such an impact#again I’m soglad to see more exploration of different queer embodiments in bls#but mix specifically changed my life#moonlight chicken was my second series after only friends#and I had just never seen a gay character in any media get to act like that with such earnestness#it was the first time I felt like I saw myself on screen#the jungle the series
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― test drive ⭑.ᐟ

― the ways in which they drive you (crazy) ⋆⭒˚.⋆
contents: gojo x gn!reader, geto x gn!reader, nanami x gn!reader, choso x gn!reader, toji x gn!reader, megumi x gn!reader, yuuta x gn!reader, yuji x gn!reader, the term passenger princess is used but is not gender specific, nicknames (baby, darling, my dear, love, doll), kissing, fluff, slight crack for some, jjk men and their driving habits (stay safe on the road guys jhdshdj) a/n: title is based on test drive by ariana grande and i wrote this to celebrate me getting my driver's license so yipeeee !!! this is much longer than i was expecting it to be (especially for a headcannon/drabble) so sorry for the delay on my behalf, as always, reblogs, comments and likes are always appreciate and much love from me to you all <33
gojo satoru fights with you over who gets to be passenger princess loves to take you out for spontaneous drives whenever and wherever that you begin to question if this might be a secret addiction or guilty pleasure of his.
(his real secret addiction is just you but it doesn't take a detective to figure that out)
"hop in!" he shouts as he arrives at your front door in a shiny white convertible. it seems that he's decided to whip out an old classic of his, though you can't deny that he keeps you on your toes whenever he pulls up in a new or different ride seemingly every time he picks you up.
you wonder to yourself what he does with all his other cars in that massive collection of his.
"we're going on a trip to the beach you've been telling me about for weeks and plus, i already booked a hotel suite for us." he announces eagerly and though his eyes are currently covered by a pair of black sunglasses, you know that they're practically glimmering with palpable excitement. he opens his hand towards you as his way of beckoning you to come along with him.
you take his hand and he pulls you towards his side to the point where you're almost resting atop his door before he presses his lips against your intertwined hands in a lingering kiss.
"toru, is this a cry for help? are you on the run from something?" you joke, a look of mild amusement on your features, and he rolls his eyes light-heartedly at you.
"please, baby?" he slides up his sunglasses so that they're perched up on his snowy white locks and looks up at you with those big puppy-dog eyes that you know you could never ever say no to no matter how ridiculous the request was.
you silently think over his proposition for a moment.
looking up to the sky, you notice that today is a particularly sunny day and despite the sun being smack dab in the middle of the sky, it also wasn't boiling hot on account of the light breeze which made this a special type of sunny day that was a once in while occurrence for summertime. to be fair, it had also been a while since you and satoru went out anywhere together on account of your clashing schedules so it wasn't necessarily the worst thing to be spending some time off with him.
(you also wouldn't mind the sight of him shirtless on the beach but that was a different conversation to be had)
you look back at him and after careful consideration on your behalf, decide to indulge in this whim of his.
"okay, fine but did you-"
"yep, i already made all the arrangements so it's all cleared up for the two of us." he cuts you off smoothly with a cheeky wink.
"i don't want you stressing about anything in that head of yours, alright?" as if to punctuate his point, satoru lightly taps on your forehead which earns him a small smile and a soft shove to the shoulder from you.
you quickly head in to grab some stuff from your place before returning outside and jumping into the passenger seat. he leaps out of his seat and over the hood of the car to open the door for you before you can even reach for the handle and you sink in comfortably into the expanses of the plush leather seat beneath you.
"you better make this worth it, mister." you remark playfully at him. he returns the smile on your face with one of his own as he leans over to place a deep kiss against your lips, taking his time to savour the taste of you on his tongue.
"trust me, baby. i'll make it worth your while."
geto suguru always makes you his designated passenger princess when driving. no matter what vehicle it is, be it a car, motorcycle, or even a bicycle (you're still not sure how he managed to do that), suguru has seemingly decided that the title of passenger princess belongs to you and only you.
he takes this so seriously that he even goes so far as to specifically reserve the front seat for you in any vehicle he's driving in and makes sure that you're the only one who can sit there. just ask satoru, who unfortunately had to learn that the hard way when he tried to call shotgun one time on a road trip and was chased off by suguru who went to the extent of blocking the door to the front seat until you arrived which he graciously opened the door for you whilst also sending satoru a warning stare.
now, this isn't because he doesn't trust your skills, he does wholeheartedly and would gladly put his life in your hands. it's just that he thinks that you deserve to relax and that you deserve the princess treatment at all times (his words, not yours).
of course, if you do want to drive, he'll let you but he always insists on helping you out in any way that he can even if it is the smallest things like clipping on your seatbelt for you before surprising you with a fleeting kiss against your cheeks, though the sensation is gone before you know it and you're left wondering if it really just happened.
he always does it in a way that's so subtle that by the time you notice, it's already too late and he just smiles at you with an oh-so-innocent look on his face that makes it impossible to even accuse him of any wrongdoing, although this wasn't really a wrongdoing in most senses of the word per se.
though, it seems that this time, you're able to catch him red-handed in the act.
as the car pulls into the parking spot, you make a move to reach for the handle to open the door on your side when suddenly, it seems that someone has apparently beaten you to the punch.
you pause for a moment as your brain attempts to catch up with what has apparently just transpired.
"sugu, wasn't my hand on there?" you ask, quickly flicking your eyes back and forth from where you were sure where your hand used to be and where suguru's hand was now residing.
"hmm?" he raises a curious eyebrow in your direction, as if completely oblivious to his own actions. "oh, i'm not sure what you're talking about, darling." he remarks, brushing off your concern in a nonchalant manner as he leans over to unbuckle your seatbelt for you.
"suguru." you chide, there's a warning edge to your words as you cross your arms at him. thinking about it now, you're definitely sure that it was suguru who moved your hand out of the way just so he could open it for you.
it's not that you were necessarily mad about him doing this, quite the opposite in fact as you can't deny the way he makes your heart flutter whenever he goes out of his way to treat you like royalty, but rather, you're more interested in finally being able to get a confession from the ever elusive geto suguru.
he stops for a second, as if to weigh up the options in his mind, before a small sigh escapes his lips as he reaches over to gently caress your cheek. "i'm just saying that why do you need to do something so small when i'm here to do it for you."
maybe it's the way you seemingly become putty in his hands or the velvety cadence of his voice that you're pretty sure could convince people to walk into a wall without them even realising or perhaps it's just him, but you find yourself hard-pressed to try and come up with any sort of rebuttal on your end so you settle for a silently 'humph' of defeat.
a soft chuckle escapes him at your response. he presses his lips against your temple before tilting his head ever so slightly sideways so he can get a better look at you. "if you really don't like it, i'll stop. but, if you don't mind, then just let me treat you, alright darling?"
nanami kento might just be the best (and most distracting) driving teacher you could ever ask for.
it wasn't that you didn't know how to drive, you did, but rather, you wanted to get better at it because you always felt a slight pang of guilt whenever you noticed how he would occasionally try to fight off a small yawn when you're in the car with him. you know how much his job drains him already so you're honestly just worried that he might be overexerting himself when he should be trying to take the time to catch up on some much-needed rest instead.
when you originally approached him with this idea, he tried to reassure you that there was nothing to worry about and that he was fine.
"really, my dear, it's no trouble. you know i enjoy driving you around." he insists, an arm curling up around your figure as you nestle into his embrace one friday evening on your living room couch.
"that's not the point, kento." you pout slightly as you gaze up at him from your position. you gently run your finger underneath his eyes as you take in just how dark his eyebags appear to be. "just think of it as me wanting to help lighten some of your burdens when you're tired, that's all."
he rests his chin upon the crown of your head, silently mulling over your request for a moment in his head before agreeing. "alright then, but don't think i'll go easy on you, dear."
you giggle softly at his answer, brushing off his words as a joke before you lean in for a kiss.
you should have really paid attention then.
true to his words, it seems that kento was really making true to his promise as you have never met someone this meticulous and so dedicated to all the small details when it came to driving in general. hell, this might even be more difficult than when you first took your driving lessons to get your license.
it also doesn't really help that he might be one of the most distracting teachers you've ever had as well as you've never had to fight this hard to focus until now when he's reaching over to smoothen out any wrinkles that might have appeared on your clothes because of your seat belt and brushing his hands against yours when you reach for the gear shift.
"you have to pay attention, my dear." he reminds you as he delicately tilts your face so that you're facing forward at the road instead of stealing glances at him. "eyes on the road, not me."
a shaky breath leaves your lips as you try to concentrate on driving, just like he says, but you're beginning to wonder if this is a test of your strength as a person instead when his large hands envelop yours as he helps readjust your hands to the correct position on the steering wheel.
at least when you do something well, you're rewarded with a kiss from him so he definitely understands how to incentivise you even more which is a strong strategy in your books that has no complaints.
when you decide to surprise him one day by picking him up from work, the look on his face is absolutely priceless when you roll down the window and he realises that it's you. once inside the car, he laces his fingers with yours as he brings your hand up to his lip for a soft kiss.
"you've passed with flying colours." he congratulates you, a smile playing on his lips as he gazes at you with utter adoration in his eyes.
although, there will forever be a part of you that misses being able to experience teacher nanami kento. maybe you can convince him to teach you something else.
kamo choso needs to have his hand on you at all times and this extends to driving as well.
it was like a mental checklist that he would run through every time the two of you got into the car, no matter who was driving. doors locked? check. nothing blocking the car? check. all mirrors are angled correctly? check. his hand on you? he gives your hand a cursory glance and quickly intertwines his fingers with yours before he squeezes it softly, soaking in the feeling of your hand enveloped in his. a satisfied hum leaves his lips as he checks off another box in his head.
if it was up to him, you two would just stay home all the time so he could remain glued to you forever but unfortunately for him, it seems that the world doesn't agree with his fantasies.
you never really questioned this habit of his, rather just writing it off as another one of his adorable quirks that you were privy to as his significant other, much like how he likes to trail behind you like a lost puppy whenever you walk anywhere together or how he insists that you should wear his hoodies since they're much better at helping you stay warm even though you both bought hoodies at the same store. small things, like that you know?
however, one day, it seems that your curiosity has seemingly gotten the best of you as you decide to pull off a harmless prank on him to just see what would happen if there were to be a snag in this routine of his.
when the two of you get into the car that day, choso runs through his usual checklist before starting the car and when he gets to the specific step involving you, you evade his attempts to hold your hand. the moment his hand is met with the cold emptiness of air instead of the warmth of yours, he freezes up for a second as his mind tries to comprehend what just happened.
"did i do something?" there's an immediate switch in his demeanour as he almost visibly shrinks and shrivels up in his seat like a cartoon flower that has been deprived of water and sunlight. his voice is delicately soft, as if scared to break this newfound silence between the two of you with one wrong move on his behalf, with a small pout on his lips that reminds you of a kicked puppy.
with one look at his face, you can feel your resolve start to waver and you're extremely tempted to throw your little prank out of the window to go and comfort him and reassure him that he's done nothing wrong but you steel yourself in an attempt to hold your ground.
"you didn't do anything, cho." you reply plainly, trying to keep your voice as relaxed as possible to avoid giving anything away.
you're pretty sure his pout gets even poutier, which you weren't sure could even possibly happen, at your response as he asks again in a thinly veiled plea. "then why won't you let me hold your hand when i drive?"
"well, why do you want to do it in the first place."
"because it's my good luck charm." without even missing a beat, he replies in a tone so matter of fact, you can hardly find any good reason to protest.
"that's all?" you probe, curiosity eagerly egging you on.
"well, i also like being reminded that you're right to me."
"you could just look at me, cho." you giggle softly. he shakes his head at you.
"yeah, but it's not the same as holding you. i like feeling you in my hands. so, can i have your permission to hold your hand?" he reaches his hand out towards you earnestly as he anxiously awaits your response.
you lean over to give him a quick peck on the lips before breaking into a small smile, seemingly satisfied with his heartfelt words, as you take the initiative to entwine your fingers with his. this earns you a soft grin and blush from choso who eagerly peppers your face with kisses with barely-contained joy and relief from being able to hold you again.
after this, you sometimes decide to surprise choso by making the first move to reach for him instead of vice versa and his heart always skips a beat as he tries and fails to fight off a smile whenever you do.
fushiguro toji scares you slightly with the way that he drives. hear me out, that's not to say that he isn't good, he's a great driver truth be told (but you would never say that to his face because you could just imagine the smirk on his face if you did), but he does
to be fair, toji is far from being a novice driver so it makes sense that he's comfortable enough in his abilities to be able to pull off such risky manoeuvres in your eyes but you can't help how your heart skips a beat or two when he starts pulling moves straight from movies like fast & furious.
whenever you lightly chide him for making such moves like how he effortlessly weaves his way around tight corners and such, he always brushes off your concerns with ease.
"doll, do you think that i'd ever risk doing anything stupid when i have precious cargo in here hmm?" he quips back at you with a raised eyebrow and one corner of his lips slightly upturned in that classic crooked smirk of his that makes your heart flutter in more ways than one.
you think for a second about how you want to wipe off that grin with a kiss, to give him a taste of his own teasing, but then you're reminded that you don't wanna give him this victory so you turn off to the side with a small huff leaving your lips. he chuckles to himself under his breath at your antics before leaning over to your side of the car.
"no comment, doll?" he teases. you don't take the bait but you can feel your cheeks rising with heat with how close he is to you to the point you can feel his breath against your neck.
after seeing that you're not budging, toji leans back into his seat though not before intertwining his fingers with yours and bringing the back of your hand to his lips for a quick kiss. he lets go of your hand shortly after and reassuringly squeezes your thigh with his calloused hand.
"have some more faith in me, would 'ya?" he hums and you expect him to let go of you when he starts to drive again, but he doesn't and his grip on you remains there for the entire ride and the next ride after and so forth to the point where it becomes an unspoken habit for him to do so.
he does take a bit more caution when driving now, which he can tell is much to your relief when he notices that you seemingly have much more free time to try and tease him when he's driving for your own amusement.
but after all, old habits die hard and sometimes, they slip through every now and then like when he suddenly pulls off a rapid turn but this time, you can't deny the adrenaline rush that comes along with it.
fushiguro megumi has the most infuriating driving habits in the way that they're also the most attractive driving habits you've ever seen someone have.
you might be biased on account that he's your boyfriend but put anyone in your shoes and in that close proximity to him when he leans over the console to check your seatbelt for you and brushes against you or how he never fails to catch your eyes when adjusting the rear-view mirror and you're sure that they would have the same reaction as you which would be a blushing mess.
ironically, he also drives you up a wall with how oblivious he's acting to the effect it has on you. it has to be an act right? you think to yourself. there's no way that he can be so oblivious to the fact that whenever he looks at you, your face is always flushed red and you're sure that he can't truthfully buy your weak attempts at brushing off his concerns as you stutter an excuse out.
probably one of his worst offences in your book was when he would roll up his sleeve before putting his arm behind your seat to get a better view while reversing. you couldn't even try to logically come up with an explanation for why he does this since no way having his sleeves rolled up affects his ability to do this in any way, shape or form. plus, his car has a rearview camera on the dash monitor so he doesn't even need to look back like this!
well, there's a part of you that knows that you shouldn't probably complain that much since it gives you a good excuse to stare unabashedly at the way his lean muscles flex slightly with each move he makes. but still, the point remains that you have to try and pretend like you're perfectly fine despite
this has to be some form of torture right? you think to yourself, being able to only stare and not do anything else because he's busy driving and you don't want to distract him but yet you're being constantly subjected to stuff like this. you try and fight the growing red blush that seeks to consume your face as you continue to test the limits of your own resolve.
it seems that you're far too lost in your own head and have completely zoned out when suddenly, a voice interrupts your train of thought. "are you looking at my arms?"
at megumi's question, you're instantly brought back into reality as you realise that you had zoned out whilst blatantly staring at his exposed arms and therefore was just caught red handed in the act of shamelessly ogling.
you can feel a strong sense of embarrassment starting to set in as your mind runs through hundreds of different possible responses to his question that range from outright denial to a full-on detailed rant on the way some of his driving habits make you feel before you finally decide to settle on a simple "yes."
a beat of silence passes between the two of you before megumi awkwardly attempts to clear his throat as he brings a hand up to run through his hair.
"o-oh, okay." he stutters out as he tries to turn his attention back to the wheel.
neither of you speak any more on the topic for the rest of the journey though, there seems to be a shift in megumi as he seemingly becomes much more observant towards the apparent effect he has on you when he drives and although you can't confirm it, it also seems that now his actions are much more intentional instead of accidental as he'll purposefully linger on you now rather as if to draw out your reaction rather than pull away normally like before.
you're also sure that there's a ghost of smile on his lips when you do get flustered because of him.
however, he can't hide the fact that the tips of his ears burn bright red whenever he catches you staring now.
okkotsu yuuta loves to shower you with all the love and attention he can offer you at all times. if this was a job, he would be the employee of the month every single month and he would never fail to clock in for his shift. it's not his fault if he gets so distracted by this that he forgets that he also has to do other things as well.
this is probably also why yuuta isn't a very good multitasker when you're next to him.
as much as you love it and him, you had to strike a compromise with him that he could hold it in until you were at a red light in order to make sure that one, his attention would stay on the road and not you, and two, you two would stop getting honked at or angrily stared at by the other drivers on the road who were unfortunate enough to be in the same lane.
whenever the light does turn green and he has to return his attention back to driving, he always pulls away with the most regretful look on his face and you can't help but picture him as a little sad puppy whenever he looks at you with those large, seemingly bottomless eyes that threaten to pull you in whenever you stare at them too long.
you're currently stopped at a red light, a surprisingly long one at that, and it seems that yuuta is fully taking advantage of this opportunity by reaching over the console and capturing your lips in his with such vigour you might think he's been deprived of your touch for the last century (not that you're complaining, of course)
you hear the beeping of the traffic light coming in from your right side, informing you that the light is going to change soon and you break apart for a breath of air to quickly inform him. "yuu, the light's gonna turn green soon."
"just a few more seconds, love." he murmurs against your lips. he has his fingers hooked around your chin as if to hold you in place so he can savour the taste of your just a bit longer. it's clear that he has no intentions to pull away with how his other hand is slowly snaking its way around your waist.
"yuu," you huff out as your eyes flick to the rear window, taking stock of the seemingly endless line of cars waiting behind yours. "i'm pretty sure the car behind us is honking at us to go."
almost as if right on cue, there's the loud screech of a car horn from behind you which goes on for what is probably longer than necessary but yuuta gets the message as he quickly scrambles back into his seat with a small yelp of surprise escaping from his lips and the car jumps back to life as he presses down on the accelerator.
he offers you a sheepish look and you roll your eyes light-heartedly before leaning over to his side to place a chaste kiss against his cheek. the tips of his ears burn bright red the moment your lips grace his skin and he almost visibly deflates when the sensation proves to be a fleeting one.
you can almost see the cogs turning in his mind as he scans the road ahead for any traffic lights or intersections and you know that he's already hoping that they turn red as soon as he gets closer to them. he squeezes your hand twice before returning to the steering wheel and you can't help but smile to yourself at him.
at least you have something to look forward to at red lights now.
itadori yuji makes it his personal job to make every drive with him the most fun drive you could ever have.
originally, it started out with him trying to find a way to make driving more enjoyable for you when you were practising for your driver's test since he knew how much it stressed you out and it hurt his heart to see you so panicked.
if it was up to him, he wouldn't mind being your personal driver 24/7 but he also knew that this was a really big milestone for you and you were insistent on learning this life skill and so it became his life mission to make driving enjoyable for you in any way, shape or form that he can.
of course, with any new thing, there was a slight learning curve for yuji, especially since he was going from what he was used to with his role as the driver to a passenger, but soon enough he became an expert in this to the point where it was almost like he was a mind reader with how well he could anticipate your wants and needs.
carpool karaoke? he's already got a playlist loaded up with all your favourite hits on there. feeling peckish? yuji has a stash of snacks that he knows you love ready in the trunk and is always willing to hop out at a local gas station and go on a late-night shopping spree with you. a bit tired? he's got a pillow and blanket with your name on it in the back seat and he's ready to take over from you at any second.
even when you're not driving, he still tries his best to take care of you whilst also paying attention to the road and although sometimes the balance is a bit more towards you, you don't mind jumping in to help a bit here and there.
when you do try and thank him for his efforts, he always brushes it off with ease as he insists that he's only fulfilling his duties as your boyfriend and that he doesn't need any thanks for doing something as simple as this.
whatever you need, yuji's prepared and ready to help you out in any way that he can and all he could ever ask for in return is to see that smile that he loves so much on your face.
after each drive with him, you always remember to pepper his face with kisses before leaning in for a peck against his lips, which inevitably turns into something much longer as he chases after the fleeting feeling of your lips on his, as your own way of thanking him.
#dividers by cafekitsune#jjk x reader#jujutsu kaisen x reader#jjk drabbles#jjk x you#jujutsu kaisen drabbles#jujutsu kaisen x you#jjk headcanons#jjk fluff#jujutsu kaisen headcanons#gojo x reader#gojo x you#satoru gojo x reader#satoru gojo x you#geto x you#geto x reader#suguru geto x reader#suguru geto x you#nanami x you#nanami x reader#kento nanami x reader#kento nanami x you#toji x you#toji x reader#fushiguro toji x reader#fushiguro toji x you#choso x reader#choso x you#choso kamo x reader#megumi x reader
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spencer bf hcs? I've read all the spencer tumblr fics too :,)
request: spencer bf hcs? i’ve read all the spencer tumblr fics too :,) / from the lovely @earspop! thank you for giving me the opportunity to write some spencer content, i love his sm so i had a lot of fun with this request. i think i got far too into and it turned out to be a little longer than i was expecting but i hope you enjoy it <33
pairing: spencer agnew x fem! insinuated reader — i’m sorry not all works i do will be gender specific, i’m just a sucker for spencer saying ‘pretty girl’
a/n: yayyy! this is finally my first ever work on tumblr and it’s also my first time doing hcs / x reader so bare with me if it’s not so good lol. i’m so nervous yet excited to share this. i just hope you all enjoy. and by all means, if you see any errors or mistakes, please feel free to point them out. it’s not edited yet because i wanted to get it out quickly, so a little note if you see any would be greatly appreciated! if you have any requests you’d like to see, please leave them <3

for spencer, meeting you was what he could only describe as love at first sight.
from the moment you had first walked through the smosh doors and introduced yourself as their newest addition, he was smitten.
not only did he think you were the most beautiful person he’d ever laid his eyes on, but he was completely infatuated by your personality and how well you immediately got along with everyone.
you quickly found out you both had very similar humour and could riff off of each other effortlessly.
so, it didn’t take long for the two of you to become friends. best friends, in fact. spencer had made it his own little secret mission to ensure it.
and before you knew it, you were attached at the hip. between spending your lunch breaks and most weekends together, your friends found it almost impossible to catch either of you alone.
he wouldn’t admit it out loud, but he was always trying to impress you. especially by making you laugh with his silly jokes. he had loved the sound of your laugh since the first time he’d made you fling your head back, mouth open wide and hands clutching your stomach. he was in awe of your bright smile and he vowed to never stop trying to make it happen.
falling for you was inevitable, he was a goner from the beginning. and the feeling wasn’t much different on your part, your crush on the man only grew stronger each day.
getting together wasn’t an easy process though, it took far too long for either of you to admit your feelings to yourselves — never mind one another.
you were both too worried about about the consequences of it going wrong, not wanting to ruin the cherished friendship you’d established.
much to the dismay of your friends, of course, who were all progressively getting more and more annoyed at the both of you for being so clueless. it was like everyone but you two could see how in love you were with each other.
it was spencer who built up the courage to admit his feelings first, although he hadn’t actually intended to.
it happened during your weekly movie night. you noticed there was something off about him immediately, sensed it as soon as he had walked through the door and plonked himself on the furthest end of your sofa — quite a distance away from where he’d usually sit, right by your side.
he was fidgeting the entire time and seemed like his mind was else where. you’d barely gotten an hour into the movie when you’d had enough and pressed pause.
you urged him to tell you what was wrong and without a second thought, all in one breath, he admitted his feelings for you.
you were beyond shocked but it didn’t take you long to return the favour.
that night you’d finished the movie in each others arms, whispering sweet nothings.
to this day, spencer regrets how he told you. he wishes it was more romantic and better thought out, but you wouldn’t change it for the world.
and you’d been together ever since then.
spencer is the sweetest boyfriend ever and you loved being able to witness this new side of him.
turns out, he’s the biggest hopeless romantic.
from day one, his silly nicknames for you had taken a romantic turn. he started calling you “my love”, “baby” and even “pretty girl” — which you were obsessed with (if you don’t like nicknames, just discard this part!).
the guy literally praises the ground you walk on. he can never seem to shut up about you, always finding some way to bring you up in conversation. usually, he’s bragging about you.
he always says he‘s not entirely sure why you like him or how he managed to bag you, but he’s grateful it paid off. sometimes he’ll make a joke that he knows is really nerdy and he’ll follow it up with a “i don’t know why they like me either” or a “they’ll never want to touch me again”.
he will randomly use the cheesiest pick up lines on you. you could both just be chilling and out of no where he’ll hit you with a “baby, if you were words on a page, you’d be fine print” just because he “felt like it”.
at work, he loves to bring you lunch and leave you a cute little note.
at home, he will sit you down on his lap and teach you how to play his favourite games so that he can play them with you. though once you get the hang of it, he does get very competitive. god forbid you get more kills than him in fortnite, even though he is super impressed — “that’s my girl.”
he also likes to play his games with you laying your head in his lap. there’s something about you being interested in what he’s playing that makes him want to take his shirt off really happy. even if you end up falling asleep during, at which point he’ll make great effort not to wake you up until he’s done. which usually doesn’t take too long because watching you sleep so peacefully in his lap has him eager to cuddle up with you in bed.
speaking of, when cuddling, he usually really likes to lay his head on your chest with your arms wrapped around him or have your whole body weight on top of him. he’s happy to be either big or little spoon.
although he may not be the biggest fan of over the top PDA, he does like to be touching you in some way or other. he’ll usually have his hand placed on you, either on the bottom your back or on your waist. he enjoys playing with your fingers and the hem of your clothes. when sitting, he’ll definitely have his arm wrapped around the back of your chair.
he really loves to show you off and as a result, his insta feed is full of your pictures. it may as well be his personal fan account for you. furthermore, he comments on every single one of your posts. he’s always your biggest hype man.
big fan of sending you memes on any and every social media platform you both have. if you don’t react to them, he will send you either an angry or sad face emoji.
he has made custom memes for you and your relationship, with a number of them featuring in who memed it videos. very easy points for the cast members.
he likes to save videos he’s seen that remind him of you or the stuff he thinks would make you laugh, immediately showing you when you’re next together.
spencer is a very good, active listener. he’s always willing to hear you talk, whether it be about your interests or something that’s bothering you and he will always have a question to ask or solution to provide. he even remembers the smallest things you tell him, which he’ll bring up to you months later and you’ll be pleasantly surprised.
he definitely writes down every important date between you both.
he’s a very thoughtful gift giver and likes to spend time just planning what he wants to get you. he believes you deserve nothing less and likes every last detail to be perfect.
you’ll usually get each other a funny card with the presents though. it’s become a tradition for you both to draw a little silly something inside (like a character from a show you’re both watching together)— even if it turns out very poor. the messages inside are pretty romantic and heartfelt, no matter the occasion.
spencer is very quick to notice when you’re upset and when he does, he’ll do everything in his power to cheer you up. playing one of his characters usually works pretty fast, especially the chosen and fred darts. they’re so ridiculous, they end up distracting you.
he definitely makes you playlists of songs that remind him of you or that he recommends and he absolutely listens to all the songs you recommend him, without skipping a second. if he likes them, he’ll let you know it.
whenever he has a new idea for a video or a character to play, you’re the first person he will run it by. he really values your input.
you guys definitely have cat babies and he absolutely will send you pictures of them if you’re away. they’ll have a caption that says something like “we miss you” or “look how cute our son/ daughter is, they definitely take after you”.
a/n: and this is all the hcs i have for now, however i will definitely be updating this list.
#spencer agnew#spencer agnew x reader#spencer agnew nation#smosh#smosh cast#smosh games#smosh x reader#fan fiction
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crashing out over hiroaki nakamigawa being genuinely the best bpd rep i have ever seen in media. i’ve been in this fandom for barely 3 weeks now but he’s already come to mean so much to me as a character and i’m so so attached to him, like i will never stop being amazed by tetro danganronpa and how honest it is when it comes to underrepresented topics that are an uncomfortable reality for so many people that never really get to feel seen that way.
(impassioned analytical rambling & tons of spoilers ⬇️)
so many things that often get glossed over in fiction or get left implied are CONFRONTED in tetro, bluntly and unapologetically, while showing the consequences in a way that’s so raw but still so empathetic. especially things like the less “palatable” aspects of disabilities, like how dissociation is fucking annoying and severely inhibits your life and makes people see you as helpless when you cant even do anything about it with ojima, and how humiliating it can be to ask for help even when you really REALLY need it with kamimura. especially gendered issues like misogyny in teen girls’ home lives and being forced to grow up too quick with watari, male relationship abuse, its normalization & dismissal, and its effects on self esteem (not to mention when combined with child abuse) with yanagi, and how strong women realistically often have to become strong out of necessity (rather than just being built different girlbosses by nature) with hayashi. tsuno was also an amazing portrayal of ongoing successful recovery while at the same time one of self-imposed pressure and burnout.
then there’s some that become more apparent with outside perception, like isono getting straight up mischaracterized for being A Woman and not having enough screentime to be really understood, and sasaki. oh my god sasaki. sasaki being a victim of SA in school, then vilified for taking on a MUCH needed leadership role in an otherwise unruly group of equally scared teenagers, and fuck, of course she did some awful shit, but she was scared. all of them were. and hiroaki, her most dedicated hater, was the only one to realize that wasn’t who she truly was afterwards and empathize with her.
hiroaki specifically is such painfully and uncomfortably realistic bpd rep, but honestly? it’s a needed perspective. definitely for me, at least. a lot of the vile shit both other characters and fans say about him, real people in my life have said to me, and he’s not exactly recovery goals by any means but god dammit he is TRYING when all odds are against him and holy shit is that difficult enough as it is. he’s trying so fucking hard. i saw myself in him, a version of myself that struggled and felt how he felt, and i was rooting for him the whole time. i cried with him and i cheered when he made progress and i got emotional when someone empathized with him and was patient and forgiving like i wish someone had been with me.
what i love especially about hiroaki is how well-rounded he is in terms of bpd portrayal. he doesn’t just have splitting episodes or obsess over an fp or have super black and white views/opinions, but he also has horrible self-esteem issues that he hides behind an exaggerated ego and lashes out to hide how much he cares and feels crushing, overwhelming self-hatred because of things other people say or think. and even then, we see the less discussed aspects of more acknowledged symptoms with him too. when he splits, he feels immense remorse after. case in point, the sheer horror he felt at the end of [low talk]. he still sometimes tries to make things right where he can even though he can’t stop self-sabotaging. he has moments of kindness with multiple people to varying degrees of closeness.
and despite all this awful shit happening to and around him, he is making a valid fucking effort and god i will always defend him for that. he’s emotionally self-aware and he has goals and values and he cares about people in his life even if he’s bad at showing it. sure, he’s trapped in bad habits and a bad lifestyle, but also… he’s just a kid. he’s 17 years old doing and believing and enduring things no one should have to at that age. he’s been on his own since he was even younger too.
people fault him for backsliding in his attempts at Being Better but that is so fucking unfair, because it is never that goddamn simple. ever. you hear “recovery isn’t linear” just about everywhere, but it’s so rare to see that process explored so thoroughly in fiction and when it’s just brushed under the rug to make him out to be an irredeemable villain because it’s annoying or not entertaining enough, it’s… so painfully real.
the [stairwell] episode in particular was fucking brutal for me. i’ve been him in that situation, except instead of someone like tamba it was someone much closer to me than that. it was such a personal gut punch hearing her scream at him that he just can’t be a better person no matter how hard he tries because that’s just who he is. because he doesn’t want to change bad enough, because he’s innately selfish and cruel and evil and doomed to die alone and unloved. and he stands there and takes it while she hits him everywhere it hurts most, and while i will acknowledge tamba is just as scared and flawed as the rest of them, she says some of the most deplorable shit to him a person can say to someone until he just can’t take it anymore and proves her right. and just like that, he’s regressed back to square one again.
and tamba is never held accountable for how horribly she treated people, or even truly acknowledges how fucked up what she said to hiroaki was. it’s not even clear if she realizes the depth of it. that part is uncomfortably real for me, too. tetro is such peak fiction dude because the only reason i can’t like her is personal beef with her actions related to me and not her.
anyway i’m a shameless tetro glazer, hiroaki is my beautiful & beloved bpd princess, and everyone should be nicer to him and should also keep in mind that some of the shit you say about fictional characters you could inadvertently be saying about someone close to you as well. this fangan is doing something extremely rare and extremely valuable, and at the same time creating such a vulnerable space for people, so always be nice & be considerate <3
#hiroaki nakamigawa#tetro danganronpa pink#tetro danganronpa spoilers#tetro pink spoilers#i wrote this a few days ago but oughhh he’s so important to me
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Trans Storytime!
So I went to a small private school in the Deep South, which was especially hard as a trans woman. The transphobia there was usually never outright. Just weird looks in the halls and a LOT of offhanded comments made around me. This all changed my Senior year when our big senior project rolled around. Basically, my school had this year long, year-long project that is split across the whole school year. Basically the first semester is a lengthy research paper on a topic of your choice, including an annotated bibliography with a bunch of scholarly sources. The second semester was mostly making a slideshow presentation out of your research paper, which had to include a bunch of extra elements, like interviews, polls, Q&A's, etc. You would then have to present this presentation to nearly the whole school and your family (both in person and over Zoom). As my school's GSA club head (I know), the presentation portion was incredibly easy as I had been making similar presentations for club meetings every week.
So for my paper and presentation I obviously chose a topic relating to queer rights, more specifically Gender Affirming Care and the science behind it, as well as Anti-Trans Legislation and who exactly was responsible for these laws. I knew I would get at least some backlash for this but the moment I even suggested my topic the admin was essentially on my ass about what I could and couldn't include. After all of the suggested edits by Admin I would essentially be presenting a watered down version of my paper where I would say "These laws are very rare and we don't really know who's responsible!" Except THEY'RE NOT and we know EXACTLY who is responsible because I literally showed in my research. At that point I essentially said "Either I can present my presentation properly or I won't present it at all" and they backed off. To be honest, my presentation was scathing. I essentially called out some of our outwardly transphobic students by featuring their responses to a poll I sent the student body (the replies of which were honestly depressing) and I also had a section where I highlighted the transphobic rhetoric spread by our own state's Governor, as well as Trump himself.
Surprisingly the student body received my presentation pretty well, except for one kid who went on a pro-trump rant during my Q&A, but the teachers never really looked at me the same. I knew a lot of their beliefs but they treated me like any other student before presentations. After presentations it was just different. Like at first they thought I was one of "the good ones" before. This sentiment was also echoed by some of the student body, especially those whose responses I had featured. Regardless of all of this I still somehow won the best presentation award for my school!
In conclusion, fuck that school admin :)
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so i read your fic and i really really like your bc of kaito smelling like vanilla and how shinichi finds comfort in that scent, it’s cute how he gets all sleepy all around kid, not because he’s bored but just because he’s tired and there’s finally some sort of comfort it’s actually so sweet, i love how you wrote their dynamic.
are there any other things you headcanon about these two sillies? i wanna know some other peoples opinions on them
HELLO HELLO
tysm for reading my fic, I'm glad you liked it, I was worried about it not being up to people's expectations bc it was my first ever kaishin or dcmk fic in general.
You did get the point I wanted to let out through the fic perfectly. Shinichi gets sleepy around kaito because he feels comfort around him for a reason he doesn't really know, and because kaito smells like vanilla, he associates said comfort to that scent, and that's why he gets a candle at the end of it hehe
I do have some more headcanons about these two, I think about them a lot and I kind of had a whole ass list in my head,
Okay a little list here of my kaishin headcanons just bc i said so
- shinichi likes a lot of things about kaito, they're very specific and very little but he wants to always be around for those specific things.
Those include Kaito's morning voice, the way he smells like vanilla (because of his shampoo or shower gel or whatever), his hands for whatever reason (he thinks they're interesting to watch them at work, especially if picking locks), and the way kaito can always make shinichi laugh when he's trying to act serious (he would never admit it though)
- kaito also likes a buncha things about shinichi, he thinks they're stupid and would never admit them to shinichi.
Those include the way shinichi smells like coffee (but he's dramatic and acts like he hates it), the way he rants about his interests and keeps going on and on for god knows how long (but kaito will sit and listen to every damn word like the idiot in love he is), shinichis focused face when he's trying to figure out something (his furrowed eyebrows and hand on his chin and all), and also.... his "football thighs"
- they're both hopless for one another in different ways .
Shinichi is more of quiet, just yearning from afar, his ass would never make a first move
Kaito is more out going about it, he flirts and kisses and has no sense of personal space and acts like they're already together before they even get together
- autism 🤝 adhd couple fr
Shinichi has autism, I'm 101% convinced and no one can tell me otherwise. I'm self projecting. And his special interest is sherlock holmes because his ass knows too much and won't stop .
Kaito is adhd, he diesnt have it, he IS it. That's just how it works.
- they're too gay, I need his about that as well
I was thinking bi shinichi, starts as fem leaning when he first figures it out but over time finds out he's more men leaning.
Then there's pan kaito, he gen likes anyone, he doesn't give two shits about gender anymore
- top kaito, bottom shinichi, pls and thank you
- I think in uni they'd have total different paths.
Shinichi going for police dep obvi just bc he has to be his detective self as always, kaito is no way near, he hates cops and will act allergic to his own boyfriend of he ever sees Shinichi wearing a cop outfit or something like that, would probably hiss at him like a cat hisses at water until he changes his clothes
Kaito would do gemology in uni, he knows a lot about gems, he's seen a lot of gems, he's stolen a lot of gems, so why not do things related to it for a living. He's probably opening a little jewelry shop after that, maybe after all the kaitou kid stuff is over a d he just wants to settle calmly
That's all I got for now, somehow I forgot everything else I had in mind the moment I was asked ahahaha
#dcmk#kudo shinichi#kuroba kaito#magic kaito#shinichi kudo#kaito kid#kaito kuroba#kaishin#kaitou kid#kidshin#kidcon#kaicon#shinichi x kaito#kaito x shinichi#headcanon#headcanons#hcs#my babies#i think about them a lot#gay gay homosexual gay#快新#conen talks dcmk#conen answers
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it’s interesting to me how the politics of writing romance (in general I suppose but rn I’m specifically talking about sci-fi/genre fiction) can often get in the way of writing good romance
I saw this post a couple days ago talking about why k/s as a romance feels more satisfying to a lot of people than a lot of the actual queer rep on star trek — how because they weren’t written with romance in mind, they were allowed to develop a dynamic of genuine camaraderie, mutual respect and chemistry.
and the thing is, I don’t even think this is unique to how queer relationships are written, or at the very least there is a non-queer version.
like I have a huge soft spot for kira/odo, but you can obviously tell when the writers decided to start explicitly writing for them as a romantic couple rather than simply two people who had chemistry together. and the moment they were being written as a romantic couple they were immediately forced into this very cishet model of what relationships are supposed to look like. there are some good moments I feel (pining!odo will always be a highlight for me) but that in itself— the fact they chose to focus so heavily on odo’s perspective is very telling.
the arc leading up to the two being canonically a couple is very focused on odo needing to “win” kira, with kira becoming an object of desire in odo’s arc rather than another fully rounded character with agency in the romance. which is very jarring because 1) again, before the romance arc was set in stone their dynamic was not written this way and 2) outside of this plot, kira is very well rounded and has a shit ton of agency.
it also doesn’t help that there is a lot of room for queerness to be explored within their relationship and especially odo’s character when it comes to gender, an opportunity which they just never take, not explicitly anyway. and having such fertile ground to explore those themes and then simply not and in fact doing the opposite, forcing them into a dynamic the characters are ill-fitted to, missing the point of their core appeal as a couple in the first place it’s… frustrating.
and I just wonder how many great dynamics and storylines we miss out on due to this heteronormative view of romance and what different types of relationships are “supposed” to look like.
#shut up abe#spirk#tos#kiraodo#ds9#star trek#I think about kiraodo and their canon portrayal a LOT#I love them they deserved better#which isn’t to say there’s *nothing* to like about them in canon if there was I doubt I’d ship them in the first place#but i think their story very much was hindered by this stuff#(his way my beloathed)
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Happy rant about a BFB Four x reader I found
This is also a sort of reply to kittycoffeeheart's post in a fanfiction community where they said something about cliffhangers. Four simps might wanna read this if they are looking for a good x reader fic or two (links and details to the fics below)
A fic that was also greatly written in my opinion had the reader be a human turned object who was physically incapable of telling any of the objects or Four about them being a BFB fan because they'd get really sick and pass out somehow. It was also supposed to be some kind of post-BFB dream the reader was in? It was nice, but it was left on a cliffhanger where conflict between Four and the reader doesn't really get resolved. And the fact that there was no specific reason for the reader getting sick ever mentioned ticked me off so bad. Though the one upside is it's more likely to be updated soon because the last update was in January this year.
(WARNING, THIS GETS REALLY LONG) The one I REALLY wanna talk about though had everything I wanted, like the reader being human and meeting Four in the human world, Four being aware that the reader is a big fan of BFB almost right off the bat, and it was WEEKS before romantic feelings actually got involved, which was awesome for me because I think way too many people put love at first sight in their reader inserts, it's unrealistic, ESPECIALLY for a character like Four. It even had stuff I didn't know I wanted, like Four being the reader's math tutor for some college worksheet. Bonus points for Four being up to the reader's knees in height and reader gets to pick him up often, and the reader getting his autograph. I think the fic captured Four's personality perfectly, and when he had out of character moments down the line, it was addressed either indirectly or verbally by different characters, and not just ignored for convenience.
Also want to add that the writing itself as in the grammar was perfect in my opinion. No script format, no typical "this happened then this happened then that happened and this character did this and this character did that", I don't even remember spotting a single spelling mistake. Unfortunately I can't comment on the presence of epithets because I wasn't paying attention, but I get bothered by them too if they show up in abundance, so if I didn't notice or get annoyed by them in this fic, then they shouldn't be an issue. The reader is gender neutral by the way!
The reader does get to go to the pillary ruins at some point and gets turned into an object, so those who wanted to be an object in the fic don't have to worry, and you get to switch between the human world and the BFDI world. One thing that confused me was when Four introduced the reader to the final fourteen and X as Y/N instead of O/N, I didn't know whether he meant the reader's real name or object name, but I guess it gives the reader the choice of picking either which is nice. I personally stuck with my real name because that's what I'm used to reading Y/N as.
The events of BFB 17 and onward are different, but in a way that makes the reader a relevant character instead of just a bystander with literally no reason to be there other than as Four's crush. Though not much happens after this when it comes to BFB episodes. The reader and Four return to the human world one more time, and this is around the time the reader and Four realize each other's feelings, and while there isn't an emotional kiss scene or some shit like that, they do agree to be romantic partners from that point on, and while there haven't been any new chapters since July 28 2023, that ending was good enough for me, because it didn't end in angst or unspoken feelings. I love angst, but not in the form of a cliffhanger. While I'm still waiting to see if the fic will be updated one day, I wouldn't be surprised to come back and find the fic marked as complete instead of ongoing. I'd be perfectly fine with it.
Link to this fic that I love so much and recently finished my FOURth reread of:
Link to the other fic I mentioned at the beginning of the post:
#four bfdi#four#four bfb#bfdi#battle for bfdi#battle for dream island#bfb#bfdi x reader#bfb four#bfb x reader
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I'm going to skip over the cute egg moments of childhood and say I've always felt wrong and I've always been masculine. I just am. When I was adopted my mom specifically stated she wanted a "little china doll" to dress up and do mommy daughter things with. What she got was a big, hairy, mentally ill Eastern European who sobbed when she tried to dress me in her handsewn pastel dresses and who's pretty blonde ringlets turned brown around 9. I've had to take estrogen since I was a kid. I've never fit physically what a girl is by what everyone told me they are. Especially my mom.
She fought and fought and physically wrestled me at a few points to make me wear skirts and makeup and do my hair. It didn't feel right. It felt bad, but over time I learned to just fucking do it because it made my mom happy and my life easier. Waxing stops hurting. The hair dye stops burning. The leg cramps can be massaged out, but you can't be muscular. Just thin. Dainty. Pretty. Hairless. Don't tan, you're already too dark. Pale. Use this lotion to be softer, paler, smell pretty. Use this body spray. Use this glorified cheese grater on your feet so they're not rough.
My mental health went to hell around 14 and I ran away after graduating early due to bullying and how bad my home life was getting. I got lucky and found a group of people who took me in, loved me, took care of me. They convinced me to go to college and I did. At college I fell into the hands of some very bad people.
At the time I was so sure they were my friends. This group of women who just wanted to help me. They were lgbt+ and they were progressive leftists who said all the right things. I was 16 and I didn't know I was being groomed. I didn't know that what those women were doing to me was the same fucking thing my dad had been doing and what I ran away from because they had me so convinced that it was good. It was different.
They were helping me come to terms with what he'd done to me. Showing me porn. Touching me and worse. Telling me shit that wakes me up out of a dead sleep still. Coaxing me into this soft meek gentle thing that they kept like a lap dog. Exposure therapy they called it. Men were evil. I wasn't a boy, I was a girl. I was a good girl. I wore pink and lace and my collar was so cute and my nails were perfectly done and I had all these fucking adults doing things to me no adult should be doing to a child. I was addicted to it. I'd have done anything they told me to just to not lose the attention and love.
It wasn't until they lied about one of their boyfriends sexually assaulting them that I realized something wasn't right. They outed him as bi and lied about so much shit he'd never done and I knew because I'd been there. I realized they were liars and they really enjoyed lying and causing this guy pain. Then I realized it wasn't just him, it was all men. Then I realized I'm men and I felt like a fucking clown. I felt so stupid and gross in that dress with the makeup and everything else. How could I have let them do this to me? I was some terfs blow up doll.
I went to the school faculty, told them the girls were lying, gave my first hand account and all the chatroom receipts of them talking about what they were doing, and transferred out to another school in another state that was willing to pick up my credits.
I had so much damage to undo. I worked so fucking hard in therapy. I still blame myself. I'm never going to get over what they did to me. At the time it was just surviving the shame of it and I did. I stuffed down all my emotions about it and my gender until the last five years. Life slowed down and it felt safe to think about beyond just hating myself and my body.
It was hard to parse through what was that old misery about the body I had and what was the new because of the accident. Sometimes I still can't tell if I hate something because I'm disabled or because of the dysphoria or even because I'm fat. It feels like who I should have been is hidden under layers of wax and I'm peeling at them with a spoon and just not making a dent. I'm stuck with who I am. I can kind of see them under there. Just enough to be mad about it.
I called myself nonbinary at first and kept it to myself then finally I came out as a trans man socially and really sank my fingers back into being LGBT+
I have never felt more fucking policed by people who had no damn business in my life. All that shit that didn't matter when I was enby was suddenly a big fucking issue. What you shaved your face? What you can't bind? What you aren't doing your voice training? What you aren't on testosterone? What you aren't doing this or that or whatever the fuck. It suddenly became this nightmarish passing game where if you weren't putting your whole pussy in that blender then you weren't a real trans man.
And I did it. I reached a point where you couldn't fucking tell I was a woman once when I spoke. Crushed my tits until they were blue. Cut my precious hair. Even planned on going through with surgeries that scared the living shit out of me and results of weren't at all what I wanted just so I could pass that much more and maybe feel just a little bit better in my skin. I took medication that was dangerous because of my hormone disorder to try to be a good trans person who did it right.
I was still struggling with my grooming though and undoing all that evil and no one gave a fuck because I triggered them by just existing. God forbid I speak about it even in spaces where they dumped oceans of trauma because mine was triggering and bad.
And the culture? Repelled me. Those same fucking women that abused me were suddenly all around me in all shapes and sizes and getting praised for everything they did to me. The same art that had been used to get me comfortable wearing lolita pink bullshit and collars was being mainstreamed. The uwu baby speak I'd been trained to speak in to be cute for my abusers was mainstreamed. I was surrounded on all sides by orientalism, bio essentialism, and this tits deep hatred of men. Of masculinity.
You can't be a man and be safe to these people. "You're going to turn out just like your dad" "Why would you want to be a man after what they did to you" "All men are abusers" "All men are oppressors" "So when are you going to start raping" Treating me like I was some kind of threat when they found out I'm not fucking white then doubling down when they found out I was a man. Suddenly I was aggressive and harsh and scary when I had not even slightly changed my personality from when I was enby and they loved me.
Worse than all of that though was the pity. They pitied me for being a man, wanting to be a man, trying to be a man and it made me sick. I didn't want their fucking pity. They sowed these seeds of doubt in the post petty passive aggressive ways. Telling you it's ok if you dont pass then praising others when they do right in front of you and talking about gender euphoria and how good it all feels when you do while you're left sitting there feeling like some kind of disgusting freak of nature.
I watched people glorify this objectified take on gender and sexuality until I just couldn't anymore and I left all those rancid fucking spaces and said "I'm not a man. I'm done." and just started laughing. That's all you can do. I hit 30 and realized this is all fucking bullshit. Why am I obsessively checking myself for someone else's standard of a man? I don't need to be a man to exist.
And saying that unleashed a very special hell. Did someone hurt you? Did someone talk you into doing this? Did someone talk you out of doing this? You can tell us. You know you can just be a girl if you want to! I'm sorry that society is preventing you from realizing who you are. It gets better, I promise. Just keep trying.
Or you were never really trans.
Noooo, never mind I've never felt like a girl. Never mind all that hate I have for myself physically. Never mind my medical issues. I'm not doing enough so I was never trans. It can't be the entire community is full of toxicity, ablism, racism, sex pests, and tribalism. You would all gleefully accept a pedophile as long as they came with some kind of label then praise Kendrick at the Superbowl for calling Drake one in front of thousands. Let someone bang on a keyboard for a minute and you'll become a debate rapist when it comes out they jacked off in calls with unknowing minors or god forbid ones they damn well knew as long as they have a deadname.
So, yeah. Sure. I'm a failure. I failed to be a girl. I failed to be a woman. I failed to be a man. I failed to be trans. I failed to be cis. Detransitioning fixed as much as transitioning did. Not a damn thing. What actually helped was not obsessively checking myself and being in a space where gender is treated like an eating disorder. I'm worlds less dysphoric outside of the community because I'm not being inundated with what is and isn't trans. What's helped is therapy. What's helped is genuine friendship that isn't built on what I am, but who I am. What's helped is having a job I'm damn fucking good at and hobbies I enjoy. What's helped is turning 30 and realizing I'm done living for other people and by their standards. It's my time now.
I'm a happy failure.
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Who Am I, Really
So, I’ve made it no secret I love Rise. She’s bar none my favorite Persona 4 character. So, I wanted to talk about her Shadow, named Himiko, and more specifically what she represents. (I won’t be covering her connection to her namesake, Queen Himiko, as I’ve done so in a previous writeup.) I also want to talk about Rise’s dungeon in the anime, but this will cover game content as well.
I’ve stated before I believe Himiko is the embodiment of two things:
1. Rise’s resentment towards the isolation and mistreatment she faces as an idol
2. Rise’s fear of not being able to unmask and what she finds beneath being nothing but the objectified versions of herself that the public sees her as.
But why do I assert this? Well, for one, see Himiko’s in-game dungeon dialogue as you traverse the floors of Marukyu Striptease. This is an example from the fourth floor of her dungeon.
She’s pretty much performing for an audience the whole way through. The previous dungeon Shadows, Konohana Sakuya and Take-Mikazuchi, while both performing, both have moments where the performance slips, such as Konohana Sakuya on Floor 6 of Yukiko’s dungeon. Himiko never has that. Best you have is Rise on the advertisement you see at the beginning of the game, which is still a performance.
Furthermore, Himiko is the only one that constantly addresses the audience. Konohana Sakuya and Take-Mikazuchi don’t always acknowledge the presence of the Investigation Team, Himiko does.
Also, the way Himiko is probably the most blatantly sexualized Shadow, wearing JUST a golden bikini in human form, a representation of two things:
1. Rise’s desire to “open up” to others and not “wear a costume,” as she constantly has to hide who she is.
2. The internalization of the young sexualization Rise faces as an idol.
To elaborate on that second one, I want to discuss sexualization of the idols within the industry, especially teen idols (which is what Rise is as of the events of the game, she is 16 years of age), and show how it connects to Rise. Ng Lay Sion (surname first) writes in her essay View of Never-ending Gender/Sexual Cannibalism? about the way this sexualization is intricately linked to consumerism in Japan.
The scenes of a late adolescent female idol in a swimsuit at a pool, followed by her wearing pyjamas in bed, then her donning a maid’s costume in a restaurant—all these separated scenes accompanied with different clothing offer a great deal of excitement and perverted space for the male otakuto gaze and fantasise freely. Furthermore, through the process of gazing into/knowing about her body, the male viewers gain a kind of perverted dominating power over the idol’s body. Here, the lack of any genital exhibition enforces a decentered eroticism that not only maintains the purity of the idol but also exhibits an urge to visualise, ‘a cinematographic perversion’ (Galbraith 196). Ultimately, this perverted, erotic and dominating gaze leads to the consumerism of more photographs or videos that are associated with the images of the female human idols.
[Source]
We see examples of this a few times during the game, such as Rise pointing out that Himiko, right before Rise is thrown in, can't be her because Himiko is noted to have larger breasts than Rise.
In the anime, we also see Rise look at a gravure magazine featuring mainly herself in a swimsuit, and it shows how teen idols like herself are sexualized. There are a few explicitly romantic lines shown within the magazine, but what struck me was the first image's text.
That literally just says "Rise's perfect body," with "perfect body" being in English katakana. (the little bump is Rise's hip, she's wearing various swimsuits in this image.)
Marukyu Striptease is quite a bit shorter in the anime than it is in the game, as the team is pretty much shown to walk onto Himiko’s stage almost immediately. But I want to talk about the scene where a bunch of different “cognitive Rises” as I will call them rise up on the stage.
It’s a very evocative image, using multiple different Rises being present, as these Rises are all facets of what the public sees of Rise Kujikawa, and a piece of her identity crisis. Also, do you remember my word choice of “wearing a costume?” All of these Rises are putting on special costumes for commercials they’re in—costumes and makeup for a performance. It’s all performing for Rise. All the way down. And hell, Himiko is literally on a stage.
To go back to Ng's essay, she also talks about the fictionalization of idols and how this is important to their images.
Constantly present and exposed, the female human idols become real only through the production of their images. As John Fiske suggests, ‘[i]mages are made and read in relation to other images and the real is read as an image’ (qtd. in Galbraith 186); images lead to more images, not to a real person. In Japan, exhibitions on idols, portraits of anime and video game characters are often displayed alongside portraits of idols, emphasising the female human idols as images (Amano 2007). This parallel position between human idols and fictional characters frequently attracts a lot of attention from the male otaku.
[Source]
This is part of the reason Rise kept insisting that the various masks she puts up are not truly her, as she knew she had to put up a specific image in order to work as an idol. And also why Himiko insists this as well, in her rant to Rise, when she tells Rise she's tired of putting up the mask as Risette. This rant I feel is obligatory to mention when it comes to talking about Rise and her Shadow.
Also, one commenter made a very astute observation that Himiko's Supreme Insight, foreshadowing Rise's status as the Navigator of the Investigation Team, may be her way of lashing out at stalkers like the one the Investigation Team and Detective Adachi found and arrested right before Rise was kidnapped. Rise got no privacy whatsoever, so in Himiko's eyes, nobody else deserves it either.
Rise also discusses in Rank 7 of her Social Link how she was deeply isolated because of the image she had to keep up.
This brings us back to Himiko herself, who as you likely can tell is in part the embodiment of Rise's resentment towards her isolation caused by the images she has to keep up. But I’ve stated the other factor is fear. Fear of the people who consume her like a product and sexualize her being correct.
There are pretty clear hints Himiko is this fear in game, but I think the anime spells it out, so I’m going to discuss it here.
During the anime, in Episode 10 after Rise argues against Himiko's assertion that she's the "real" Rise, Himiko in a rage demands she tell her who the "real" Rise is, to which all the cognitive Rises surround the complete Rise and each one starts insisting she’s the real Rise as their eye colors collectively change to gold, as Himiko asks Rise who the real one is. Rise panickedly exclaims she doesn’t know, letting her fear completely break loose. (Honestly you should watch this scene, Laura Bailey did a great job).
Himiko's berserk design also enforces this idea. Her face is meant to resemble the patterns of a kaleidoscope. Kaleidoscopes are pretty interesting things. They use a bunch of mirrors and other things like colored glass to create unique, symmetrical patterns. And you never see the same pattern twice--there are infinite patterns. [Source]

But also, Himiko doesn't have any notable features distinguishing her connection to Rise other than her twintails. Her body is in a million colors and her face is a kaleidoscope pattern to represent how there are so many different ways to see her that Rise feels like a husk. Like there's nothing beyond what she portrays to the public.
Not to mention that as Rise begs Himiko to stop, Himiko just straight up uses a slut-shamey insult on her, emphasizing how deep this fear runs.
Himiko, as Rise's Shadow Self, represents Rise's fear of having no identity, and rage over having no control over her life, whether as an idol or outside of the industry's bounds. Which makes me really like how Rise apologizes to her as she accepts her--she knows that Himiko is doing all this, analyzing the people around her so they can't hurt her and lashing out at Rise herself, because she's just as afraid as Rise is. After all, she is literally her suppressed fear and anger that's been left unaddressed for way too long.

And immediately after this, Rise acknowledges to Himiko that she is a part of her, and that Risette and the various forms of her, as well as the various ways she expresses herself to others, are all equally valid. Even her performances still have Rise Kujikawa shining through somewhere.
This is reiterated in Rise’s Rank 10 dialogue.
I love Rise. And I really love how they handled Himiko in the anime. There was such clear care put into her dungeon, and as someone who has her as my favorite character, that greatly pleased me.
#Rise Kujikawa#persona 4#persona 4 the animation#fun silly time#tbh i wonder if Himiko is my favorite Shadow#I certainly think she's the most terrifying exactly because of her relationship with identity#it's either her or Konohana Sakuya#persona 4 golden#analyzing the fog
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more asks ^_^
YES IT IS.
in my mind they're the actual toxic yaoi. isatona only gets called toxic yaoi because I draw tona cutting or lobotomizing isa but that's like isa's mentally ill fantasy. edentona is just a failing, dying relationship between someone who has accepted it and wants to move on and someone who is in denial of it just to not be alone.
I said this in another post but didn't elaborate on these aspects of their relationship, but they are both undocumented immigrants, though eden lives in the us under deferred action. they have also both lost a parent in their lifetime. similar experiences that allowed them to bond at first, but what they've internalized from their experiences cause them to eventually clash. especially around the idea of their parents' sacrifices, both literally and figuratively. eden is more of an optimist and has accepted staying in america as a way to honor what his parents did to let him "have a better life" than in his birth country and to make something out of the loss of his mother. tona on the other hand is greatly pessimistic and angrier about his circumstances and the death of his father makes it incredibly difficult for him to give a single fuck about wanting to contribute to american society.
it boils down to their values and I want them to have a very tragic relationship. it is to me. they're tom and jerry beating each other over the head with pans and shovels because they just keep getting angry at each other because they ultimately want different things in life.
honestly, my biggest inspiration for their dynamic was this quote from exquisite corpse:
"I love you, Jay" "I can't say that. […] But I know you, Andrew, and that's something I've never said to anyone else." "I know you too."
(and maybe it will get referenced in game)
I'm not gonna lie I was really hoping one day someone would ask me about tona's gender because I think about it like every day. I'm not sure if I have a specific egg cracking moment in mind, however. as a story that takes place in modern times and as a character who is online, it wouldn't be too off base to just say she found out about being nonbinary through forums or social media at least. she was an emo kid after all, which would have allowed her to experiment with her gender expression.
but I imagine her feeling very off about her gender identity since she was younger but never fully processing her feelings until after graduating from high school. a lot of her gender dysphoria is social rather than anything physical. I don't see her having any of the latter really. but socially, she is uncomfortable being seen as a man, as "the Man of the house", in her romantic life, etc etc. especially after the death of her father, she was forced to step up to take care of her mother, and that role always bothered her for more reasons beyond resentment of not being able to process her own grief.
her relationship with her mother is pretty important and as an adult, tona being more feminine would serve to be an exercise in freedom away from that role.
related to the political aspect, I enjoy the intersection between her being an undocumented immigrant and a nonbinary person. where she has always been victim to the limits of these social constructs drawn around her. that she is neither mexican or american enough, nor man or woman enough. post canon, I think she would go on e for a little bit, but stop eventually after reaching a certain point :)
I had this in my drafts and tried to write out an answer like five different times, I just had no idea how to word anything concisely.
I guess firstly, it's a visual novel with point-and-click elements where you play as both isaias and tonatiuh in their early 20's with callbacks to them in high school around the time an arson took place in their city in southwest arizona.
isaias' story is about the aftermath of a suicide attempt where he was interrupted by someone who resembles jesus christ. this kickstarts his journey in seeking redemption for his past growing up with poorly managed conduct disorder, while also battling his want to be punished. he has had previous suicide attempts, the first being at 18 where he cut off tonatiuh, who was his best friend at the time. where he was violent and abrasive as a teenager, as an adult, he is now very meek and remorseful.
tonatiuh's story is about the aftermath of being cut off by isaias, and how much being abandoned has affected her in personality and in her relationships. you start out with her being in a middle of a failing relationship (eden), find out about her other previous failed relationships (tristan), and soon see her reconcile with isaias— all while she reflects on her own desperation to feel some semblance of security due to her circumstances. where she was known to be unassuming and polite as a teenager, she is now very miserable and passive aggressive as an adult.
my vn is about their friendship, how it fell apart, and how much they've both changed in the meantime to both of their surprises. much of it is about immigration, grief, and mental illness, while more abstract concepts that inspire my story are shame, anger, and agency.
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The Yona Rant.
Some people will say that this game came out months ago already, and everybody is over it, and even kinda like her now, and to that I answer
First of all, I would like to remind you, reader, of the old texts. *blows into the sacred n64 oot cartridge*
The Zora royal line have proven itself to be very obviously Linksexual. If you haven’t played, Ruto proclaims herself Link’s fiancée, the spiritual stone of water being a litteral engagement ring. It is clearly brought into BOTW, with Mipha actively making him an engagement present according to current Zora tradition.
Sidenote: Link accept both gifts, and as the player you never get to clear it up or refuse. Make it what you will.
Why am I mentioning this?
She’s Link’s Zora-sona.

(((If you want to bring gender into this, BORING. Link is canonically nonbinary. (neither male of female, able to be related to by anybody, those are things expressed multiple times by the creators))))
Everything about her that is different from the other Zoras is intended to be Link-like.
The way she has the droopy sleeves instead of the shoulderpads
The purple ribbon cutting into her silhouette in the same way the straps of his outfit do
The golden jewelry instead of Domain Silver
The horns simulating the spiky Hylian ears
Her head-tail is smaller and pointy, way closer to the shape of the classic hat
GREEN. A specific shade.
Babyfaced she-twink
She is the PEAK of Zora beauty standard, how silly of you to judge her with your human beauty standards. Yona is a bimbo, a barbie, everything hot under the sea. Literally evolved to be Link-like. She’s a trophy wife, a sex symbol, an idol. She has a dedicated Zora entourage simping for her.
Now, the way she suddenly shows up, without having being mentioned in BOTW… how do yall feel about surprises? I don’t think there would have been any moment in the game where it would have been natural for any Zora to bring her up, with the crisis happening, and the feelings about Mipha being so fresh to them. It made me feel like it was a world that was alive! Sidon is a hundred years old but you expect to meet everybody important to him in the first game he appears in?
Also, I do think Yona’s existence was hinted, with Muzu there, and every other Zora looking like they could be Sidon’s sibling or child… I personally really felt like the Domain looked inbred in comparison. Was the only other option blue Mipha? Lame.
Can you imagine a young Muzu? Vibrant green, chibi-headed, Dorephan's very own "best friend". Come on.

Sidon is just like his dad fr
What about not getting married at all?
The thing with kingdoms, is that it specifically depends on a royal line, especially in Hyrule where abilities are given from parent to children. There was always going to be a need for a Zora Queen at some point.
What was the other option, simply not meeting Yona? Not addressing it? How tragic to imagine her absence, a lonely King with an elderly father, no mother, no sister, just a monogamous mass of subjects. And Muzu.
No, there needed to be a fiancée, a weird Link-like gremlin, who was there to accept their love. I don't believe Sidlink could have a better happy ending than this, given nintendo.
SQFD: If Sidon was to marry anybody to continue the royal line, it’s Link’s Zora-sona of course. Which is Yona.
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Stardew Valley bachelor headcanons for when they realize they've fallen for you (gender inclusive)
Alex
His first impression of you?
Something along the lines of, "Oh wow, that new farmer is eye candy."
Or if you're male or more masculine-presenting, probably something like, "Whoa, I don't know why, but I wanna be close to them."
And if you're very androgynous or your presentation is very fluid, the poor boy has an identity crisis.
Cue him having an awkward talk with his grandpa about how to make more friends (Alex ain't talking about being "just friends," but George doesn't know that.)
Evelyn, however, can tell pretty easily that he definitely has feelings for someone, but she doesn't know who, at least not right away.
Before you rolled into town, Alex was always very dedicated to his dream of becoming a gridball champion.
But after? He'd make sure to stay outside longer than before.
He's not super self-aware about why he has this urge to show off, especially if you might catch a glimpse of him.
"I don't know who I am. I don't know why I'm here. All I know is that I must keep the farmer's eyes on me." -Alex, probably.
He flexes and trains extra hard when you're nearby.
Sure, he may be a little standoffish sometimes at first, but that's because he doesn't want to be too distracted from his career goal.
But of course, sooner or later, you're always taking up a portion of his mind.
It was honestly refreshing to have someone genuinely believe in him and take an interest in his goals.
For the longest time, he also thought that he was "playing it cool" around you when he was actually just a bit rude.
It took his grandma gently scolding him for acting like a high schooler for him to realize how cocky he had been acting.
I mean, bless his heart, but he's a dumbass.
He apologizes to you and is grateful when you stick by his side.
Also, in my own personal imagination, if you're female, let's say that he actually grows a pair and apologizes for the sexism specifically.
But the "official" moment he falls for you is just after you find him crying about his late mother on the beach.
He honestly expected you to make fun of him for being so vulnerable, but you comfort him and offer him some appreciated words of advice.
After this event, he can finally gain the self-awareness that, holy shit, he has a crush on you.
Evelyn has also figured out that it's you he's crushing on, at this point.
She doesn't have a talk with him about it, so as not to embarrass him, but she does tell him that he can invite you over for dinner and cookies a lot more.
And if you mention that you like being there, she says that you're basically a part of the family at this point and looks at Alex and does *eyebrows eyebrows* and he's madly blushing, because he knows she knows.
I feel like, for a little while, if Alex was somewhat flirting with you before, he eases up on it a bit because he realizes that he's actually caught feelings.
Flirting just hits different when you're actually more vulnerable to rejection because you're in love.
That's right, the bravado was kind of an act. Partially as a coping mechanism to keep himself motivated despite having a dad who tried to bring him down.
But he can let his guard down around you, and when he does... c'mon, he's a fucking sweetie.
He trusts you not to make fun of him when he lets his softer side out, so you'll start seeing it more.
He would absolutely be winning you stuffed animals from the claw machine game at the movie theater, taking you out to eat, playfully roughhousing with you (and if he pins you down, he'd just bite your nose softly and let you go), and asking you to go to the beach with him a lot (not just to see you in a bathing suit anymore :))
He's totally not dropping heavy hints that he likes you because that's easier than just outright confessing...
Elliott
Okay, I'm not a big Elliott fan, but for the sake of this being wholesome, I won't make him a disgusting caricature of himself lol.
Let's be real, this is a man who believes in love at first sight.
(I personally don't, but I do think that there can be attraction and curiosity at first sight, which is what I think he's experiencing!)
He's so honest with himself about his feelings, like this man is confident that he finds you attractive.
Also I think he's probably confidently bi.
The minute he meets you, he's shaking your hand and acting a little more friendly and welcoming that he would for someone who... isn't as attractive, haha.
Don't you see how kind and approachable he is? He hopes you do.
The night he meets you, he goes home and writes about it in his diary lmao.
"Dear diary, today I met the most captivating individual..."
He spends some more time outside than usual, hoping to catch a glimpse of you or even have a conversation.
He can't help it; you're interesting and he's dying to know what's going on inside your mind!
As soon as he's reasonably confident that you won't be cruel and that he's not asking too much of you, he'll show you his works in progress and ask you what you think.
Say he has an ego, but he wants to show off his best skill!
The more you interact with him, the harder he falls for you.
He spends his evenings sighing dramatically and writing love poems in his journal that he's not ready to share.
Either that, or he's at the saloon, laying his head on a table and talking Leah's ear off about his crush. He won't outright say it's you, but if she happens to see the way he acts when you're around, it's painfully obvious.
He might be a little... over the top, with how he tries to be chivalrous.
(I mean, have you seen the way he demands Gus fetch him and the farmer a drink after smoothly bragging about his "eight hour writing session"??)
But if that's endearing to you, and you actually flirt back with him, he's such a mess. I'm talking blushing, sweating, and then apologizing for the way his body is reacting, haha.
Even if you're married to him, he keeps up the charade that he's the one human in the world who doesn't fart, smh.
Harvey
I feel like, because he's a little more reserved at first, it takes him a little while to realize he's fallen for you.
He can't even think of people as being attractive if he doesn't know what their personality is like.
Demisexual? Maybe a little.
Another confidently bi dude.
But probably at your first checkup, if you express being nervous...
His heart flutters, and he gets an overwhelming urge to reassure you that he's there to help.
I mean, that's what he'd do for any of his patients, so he's not quite sure why he has this urge to be particularly comforting to you...
And that time you catch him doing dance aerobics??
He's soooo embarrassed. Like, if anyone were to find out, he'd rather it be Haley than you, honestly.
If you reassure him that you won't tell anyone and that doing dance aerobics isn't nearly as embarrassing as he thinks it is, he gets that fluttery feeling in his chest again.
I think that that's when the thought first occurs to him that he might have a thing for the farmer.
He tries to dismiss the thought immediately, but just thinking about that being a possibility has his face so hot, his glasses are fogging up.
I know it's been said before, but he would be pining.
A lot more absent-minded at work, to the point where Maru would catch him staring off into space, blushing, and gently kicking his feet frequently enough to wonder if he's got a crush on someone.
Once he finally realizes without a shadow of a doubt that he like likes you, he's just so flustered every time he sees you lol.
Like, you come into his office, and he drops his muffin, hits his head on the counter when he tries to pick it up, and then stumbles backwards, stepping on the muffin.
I mean, his anxiety flares up bad. Too bad he's miserable, because it's so adorable.
He also starts keeping his apartment even cleaner than usual. Not sure if he believes you'd spontaneously come over or if he has an imaginary audience complex...
Not going to lie, I think he also keeps a diary. And he starts writing about you in it probably every day once he realizes he's in love.
So babygirl.
I think he'd be overthinking about the possible ethical consequences/moral implications of confessing to you, so if you get together at all, you're making the first move, hun.
Once you officially become a couple, he's constantly worrying about coming across as too eager or forward, so he deals with that in private in his own... special way.
(Maru: Harvey, you've already doodled your and the farmer's wedding invitation!
Harvey: No, that's our joint tombstone!)
We love our bespectacled Luigi.
(Bonus points if you got the two Brooklyn Nine-Nine references I sprinkled in here lol.)
Sam
Like Alex, I feel like he's not the most self-aware guy on this list.
He sees you, and he's like, "Whoa! I don't know why, but I really wanna be good friends with this person!"
So he follows that impulse without questioning it, the little ADHDiva.
He just wants to show you everything! He wants you to know about his hobbies, his job, his family, and he's real curious to know if you've got anything in common with him.
Not to say he'd be oversharing, at least not on purpose and not often, lol. He may be impulsive, but he understands boundaries.
I honestly think it would take Sebastian pointing out how chummy he is with you for him to realize that he's got a crush.
Also, if you're a dude/male-presenting, he'd probably have a brief moment of awakening.
"Wow, I might be pan. Huh. ...I'm gonna go eat at least four pieces of bubblegum and an MnM I found on the floor."
The realization doesn't make him spiral like Alex lol.
But then he kinda realizes that, looking back, he's definitely caught feelings for people of every gender under the sun.
I feel like he probably channels his feelings and passion into his music.
He writes songs about you, without directly saying they're about you, but Sebastian and Abigail know they're about you.
I feel like you'd be walking by when he's practicing his skateboard tricks, and he'd say, "This one's for you, farmer!" and then fail the kickflip and land on his butt.
You'd both laugh about it once you make sure he's okay.
His butt would lowkey become an inside joke haha.
You could teasingly ask him if the scrape on his butt is in the shape of an L, and he'd giggle childishly about it for days.
I think he'd be asking his mom if he could invite you over for dinner a lot more frequently.
Jodi would catch on and probably give him a talk about safe sex, to which he'd blush and whine that he's not a teenager.
Since Sam is such an open book, there's no doubt in my mind that Vincent knows about his crush.
I bet Vincent accidentally tells on him during a family dinner with you, too, lmao.
Out of the blue, he'd pipe up and say, "When you and the farmer get married, will they be my big sibling, too?"
When.
Poor Sammy would choke on his appy juice/Joja cola (he probably hasn't drank plain water in six years) and try to play it off as Vincent just saying nonsense.
Later, when you're hanging out with Sam, he'd try to be smooth about it.
"Haha... Vincent is such a stinker... But, y'know, it would be funny if we actually got together to humor him...?"
Please don't reject him, he's totally pouring his heart out to you right now ;-;
Sebastian
He likes to appear stoic and act like a lone wolf.
But I think the moment he sees you, his heart is going BA-DUM, BA-DUM
Like, he thinks you're hot from the get-go, but he's still pretty reserved.
So if he's at the saloon with Sam and Abigail and you walk by, he literally just says, "Hi, farmer."
And the minute you're out of earshot, Abi and Sam are teasing him and laughing. "Wow, keep it in your pants, Seb!" "Yeah, you basically just threw yourself at them!"
His ears get all hot from the teasing and he has to go excuse himself to take a smoke break lmao.
I think he's known he's bi/pan for a while now.
I mean, look at him and tell me he's not at least half a twink, hehe.
Outwardly, he's not very emotionally expressive.
But inwardly, he has a mini heart attack when you talk to him.
He tries to be as cool as a cucumber, but he gets pretty anxious around you and can accidentally come across as standoffish.
I bet he's, like, really socially awkward, especially with strangers.
He gets so fidgety around you and he's always bouncing his leg.
He tries not to smoke around you, until he's sure that you wouldn't judge him for it, but that makes him stressed and so he wants to smoke even more.
Poor baby is so awkward, hehe.
Like Sam pushes him into you, and he's quietly apologizing and then saying, "Uh, sorry, I'm, uhh... late to... leave..." and speed-walking away.
Sam facepalms and later, he's like, "Dude, what was that??"
Abigail just goes ahead and makes a group chat with the four of you, which is such a smart move.
When he's talking to you in person, he's so baby and he doesn't know what to do with his hands.
But in the group chat, you actually get to see how funny he is, and his personality shines through.
You guys even start texting privately, and he's always sending you music, memes, animal pictures, and funny videos.
This is how he flirts.
He's like your best friend through the screen, but has no clue how to act in person.
Don't get me wrong, he'd love to hang out with you in person. He's just so damn anxious.
I feel like once you get to be good friends with him, he'd be super clingy and get nervous if you take more than a few hours to text him back.
Which, of course it does, you're super busy with the farm and running errands for villagers.
Eventually, it would either come down to you confessing to him or him being high at 3:00 a.m. and leaving you a series of long, rambling voicemails about how he misses you and is really into you.
Shane
Look, if you read my recent very unwholesome Shane nsfw fic, I'll still stand by the idea I wrote in there that he'd glance up from his beer, think you're hot, but assume he has no chance with you.
He knows he's not relationship material, at least not when you first meet him.
And even if he was, he gets defensive when he thinks people are trying to pity him or treat him like he needs a babysitter.
Like bro is positive that Emily just feels sorry for him, and that causes tension between them sometimes.
But even if you keep pestering him, he'll start to think fondly of you as long as you aren't a total goody-two-shoes.
Enemies to drinking buddies to friends to lovers???
But yeah, drink with him once and he'll be like, "Okay, they're actually not half bad."
Actually validate him and show up for him non-judgmentally?
I'm sorry to my fellow Shane lovers, but I'm pretty sure he'd fall for the first person who doesn't treat him like he's a burden.
Especially if that person is more female-presenting.
It'll take him a little longer to figure out that he's in love with you if you're a dude.
Poor baby, having his sexual awakening in his thirties.
I feel like he also tries vehemently to deny the notion that he might be falling for you, regardless of your gender, because he doesn't want it to be true.
Like, his only real friend in the valley? Of course he's not going to screw that up by confessing to you.
What if you think he's a creep and never want to talk to him again if he does?
He may not show it, but babygirl is overthinking.
He's kind of under the assumption that if he just shoves these feelings down deep, they'll go away. After all, it's just a fleeting crush, right?
(It isn't.)
Once he starts seeing a therapist, I think they'd inform him not to shove his feelings down deep and just talk about them either in session or with a friend.
They'd also probably tell him something like "risk is a part of life, don't let fear hold you back from living, I know this farmer is really special to you but even if they reject you, you've still proven that you can work on yourself and if you want a partner in the future, you can be confident that you wouldn't be a burden on them, and having a relapse doesn't erase your progress..."
Yadda yadda yadda.
(Can you tell how much therapy I've been through)
I feel like if he confesses first, it would either be after a really bad lapse when he's crying and really drunk...
But more likely, he'd be tipsy and do something impulsive.
Like giving you a quick smooch when the Tunnelers score.
He panics about that retroactively, but he'll be over the moon if you reciprocate his feelings at all.
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