#if that current theory makes them uncomfortable and they wanna talk about why and why they agree then that's fine

[foxxsong]

Hm. Hmm. Hate to see someone you usually respect the opinion of have a bad take that could've stayed an opinion until they started throwing accusations at people that tried to have a discussion about it.

[mirrorcatcreditcard]

Everyone is doing that "things demons find weird about humans" stuff right now and to keep up with trends (lies I'll probably post this weeks after everyone is over it) I'm doing my own.

Enjoy (⁠◕⁠ᴗ⁠◕⁠✿⁠)

Transphobia/homophobia

Starting off strong, but it has been bugging me. Let us start with the trans issues we have in the human world. Demons and angels alike are shapeshifters to my knowledge. The dame event also shows that the boys are completely comfortable with crossdressing. I'm pretty this topic is not even a thing in the Devildom. I will not go into the history of transphobia, but it is completely human in my opinion. Imagine your MC is trans or nonbinary (like mine) and they havs a conversation with one of the demons about the internalized views they have on gender and the boys just going "???? Why would your family/friend(s) say that to you?" I like to imagine they know about transphobia, but do not completely understand why humans made it an issues.

"If you're uncomfortable with your current form, you can just change it..." "I'm not a demon, Asmo."

To add on to this topic in the homophobia department (though I'm talking sexualities that aren't heterosexual), Asmodeus has flirted with Solomon multiple times in-game; and the characters all (except Luke) romance you if you so wish. MC is gender neutral to make the game inclusive. Shoot, Thirteen was added to the game though she is not dateable yet. I feel homophobia/biphobia/etc is another one of those human issues they know about but do not understand. Like kiss who you wanna kiss, and date who you wanna date. Why are the humans making it complicated? I've seen no things in-game/manga/anime that even hint towards toxic mentalities like these. It just does not exist. If anything, they are mad because someone else is getting MC's attention instead of them, not because of gender being the same or different. It is a bit far out there for some, but I stand by this theory.

"And you're telling me that your (relation) thinks that it's a psychological issue that has to do with trauma that makes you attracted to (gender)?" "Yeah it's rough." "The logic just isn't there. I-"

Memory/time

These supernatural beings remember specific details from thousands of years ago like it was yesterday. Their sense of time and memory is so weird. Solomon, a human, has trouble remembering things from the past; yet somehow (and this happens often enough in-game) these non-humans can recall a random torture session or trend that was farther back than when my grandmother's grandmother was a thought. The Great Celestial War happenings can be told in detail from multiple characters. I really do not believe they have memory repression the way humans do to cope with traumatic events. They just kind of live with the knowledge in their brain forever. Now, this is not to say their memory is perfect. But, it is pretty darn good if they are paying attention or it is important to them.

"That hit the spot better than that one specialty hell's meal from a few centuries back." "Imagine remembering centuries ago when I can't even remember my trauma..." "I thought you said your traumas haunted you-" sigh "Nevermind."

Sensory differences

These beings probably have really enhanced five senses, but they also probably lack feelings that wouldn't be necessary in their respective realms. I once saw a headcanon that demons can't smell rain like humans can, and it goes along that line. I imagine the brother's sense of touch changed after taking on demon form as well as other senses. I actually have this theory that empathy is a sense like one of the five senses for angels and they can like train it. How does each species pick up emotions is a really fascinating thing. While sadness and depression seem to have universally the same effects, anger and glee are depicted differently. Also, demons definitely have a better sense of smell, but how much better? And do your senses strength vary according to which sin you are or simply from what your hyperfixation subjects of interest are? Beel has strong senses of taste and smell. Levi has sharp eyes and good reflexes. Asmo has a vivid way of describing the more sensual things. Belphegor's sense of touch seems to be the most sensitive as he is picky with his bedding. (Barbatos is just built different.) Et cetera.

"Your skin feels stressed, MC. Have you been sleeping well?" "Yeah, school's been- MY SKIN FEELS ?!"

Magic sensory is completely different through. Depending on how long and how hard you train in magic, it has different feelings. There were instances in the game where MC would feel something different from the magic than Solomon or the brothers would feel something similar but not quite the same. It depends on the nature of magic, but I feel it's also a species difference. Angelic magic would probably be irritating to a demon where demonic magic would probably be uncomfortable to an angel.

"Bless you." "Thanks, the rage Satan had is really irritating my nose." "I thought strong magic prickled the skin-"

Random quirks

I think humans, demons, and angels all have little habits that they have that doesn't make sense from an outside POV but is normal in their society. Like how humans say "ouch" when they're not hurt or demons are more comfortable in the demon form or how angels will randomly quote rules or bits of text while talking. I can just imagine MC grimacing in the hallway and the closest being trying to figure out why and they continue walking as if they didn't just make a face that resembled sharp pain. Or, MC is having tea with Simeon and he does this habit angels do at groups with friends and leaves MC thinking there is in fact someone invisible on either side of Simeon. MC falls asleep in a cuddle pile and wakes up to everyone in their demon form snoring and has a mini heart attack.

"Why do humans use theatrics so often?" "What do you mean?" "You keep shaking your head every few minutes and motion so much with your hands when talking even thought you're not giving a speech." "Satan and Lucifer are always doing the same hand thingy whenever they talk." "...that's different."

(okay that's all gonna go jump back into my void now)

[jeork]

Based on our current day standards this reading of it is definitely be a bit creepy and not a dating dynamic I would endorse to a 2023 friend haha.

I think at the core of the story lies this idea that they both represent so so much to each other, that it‘s hard to move past that. Laurie is very guilty of this, but also Ralph. In many ways Laurie (aka Spud from school, who „hasn't changed a bit“, even though the book tells us he looks different) represents the unexpected salvation, the return back in time. Ralph is at his lowest when they meet again, but Laurie doesn’t fully see this until the end. By making things right for Laurie Ralph is able to do things over for himself as well. The erastes/eromenos inspired dynamic is something they both indulge in (although Laurie feels guilty for it), even though it ends up not being the thing that ultimately resolves their issues and leads to happiness. What does it instead is the breaking of this dynamic, at least momentarily.

And omg yes the whole car ride was so premeditated on Ralph‘s part! He’s laying it all out. My theory of it is that he‘s also purposefully trying to drive them into a conversational direction where they can have a ✨moment✨. But Laurie keeps fucking it up by being self-conscious and oblivious.

I think it starts around here:

"'What is it, Spud?‹ said Ralph softly.

Laurie remembered the voice from the other day, it was charming and intimate and too experienced and left you in doubt. 'I was just thinking about Hazell, and all that.'

'Oh, Hazell,' said Ralph slowly."

I got the feeling Ralph was trying to get into romantic confidences more strongly related to the two of them, but Laurie feels embarrassed and addresses the topic of Hazell in general, even though he wasn‘t actually thinking about that.

Ralph starts talking about school, how there were certain people (Laurie) one (Ralph) wouldn't have tried it on with, because of fear of "side-tracking" them.

"Ralph broke of his thoughts with a visible jerk of impatience."

This is not where he wants the conversation to go. He tells Laurie that Hazell hated him, and asks if he knew why. From a reader's perspective it's obviously because of Hazell's jealousy. To me this almost reads as Ralph getting ready to confess to his crush during school, which would make a great lead into them having a cutesy romantic moment. But Laurie doesn't get it and instead asks about how Ralph and Hazell managed to sneak off.

They dive into the topic of the queer community and Ralph starts another attempt of guiding the conversation into the right direction. He wants to convey that he's here for Laurie, ready to be a real partner and companion to him. At this point in time he doesn't know about Andrew, and is confident enough to assume this is gonna work out.

"When all's said and done, the best way to be independent is to have all you need at home."

Laurie thinks this is about Bunny, but doesn't wanna go into the topic. Instead his reply is just this super vague and unenthusiastic "Yes, I suppose it is." This clearly doesn't satisfy Ralph, this is not the reaction he was vying for. Laurie then he goes back into the topic of Hazell. Also not what Ralph was going for, but he accepts.

This is an uncomfortable topic for Ralph, but he still powers through and lays it all out to Laurie. This vulnerability leads to a strong emotional reaction from Laurie. They feel deeply connected, the sun has set, it's quiet, they look into each other's eyes, talk in soft simple voices, there's an atmosphere. (In the '53 Laurie touches Ralph's knee.) This is what Ralph had been working towards.

And then they get interrupted.

To get snapped out of such a moment is definitely annoying, but in the case of Ralph - who had been working towards it, and had opened up a lot emotionally - it is agitating. Still, it makes logical sense for Laurie to reach his conclusion that Ralph's reaction is due to alcohol withdrawal.

That was my reading of the scene, based on which in my opinion the absence of the knee-touch adds to the intrigue, and narrative tension. But if you perceive this interaction differently definitely let me know!

That famous cut line (you know, the hand to knee moment)

@jeork @eclare1000 I had so many thoughts on this I thought I'd better start a new post......

***********************************

I do like the cuts too (including knee-touch), I feel it just improves the writing, or leaves a little bit of mystery, and I also kind of like that the 1953 edition is there like a crib where you can look to see if there is an extra line that helps to explain things.

I tend to think of Ralph’s conversation as quite pre-meditated at this stage.  Practically the first thing he does when they are looking at the view is mention public school.  If we are to believe him later, he is at first checking to see what Laurie remembers.  But I also think he does this thing of offering him something negative, as if to test him.  And then when Laurie says ‘Hazell’ he takes it as a question.  Then he’s on to the ‘vertical society’, then back to Hazell.  The words ‘full disclosure’ spring to mind.  But it’s hard to think he’s trying to put Laurie off.  It feels more to me like a sign that he is serious on some level and wants the relationship to be real.

As for the driving afterwards – is it the drink?  Could be, but in my experience most drivers are prone to delivering a ‘profane commentary’ without much provocation.  I don’t think we need the ‘hand on knee’ to explain his irritability, and I prefer it like this.  He’s opened up a lot, not sure how it’s been received, and I feel like he is simultaneously nervous about Laurie’s reaction and maybe just feeling a bit raw from reliving that experience.

But anyway, I love your idea that Laurie’s lack of experience becomes an extra draw and that feels very plausible.  But I don’t know, is it also a bit….creepy?  I wonder if that is why it feels as though Ralph seems quite anxious a lot of the time.  It does feel like he wants to give Laurie the perfect experience that he never had…….

[fullfledgedghost]

i do not have ao3 or any other fanfiction posting website so i will put my fic on tumblr instead! anyway i wrote a fic about nageki inspired by https://nageki-the-friendly-ghost.tumblr.com/post/690720841841934336/i-wanna-see-the-five-years-of-nageki-alone-in-the <- this post. thank you @nageki-the-friendly-ghost for allowing me to run with your idea lol =)

spoilers are alluded to but not actually stated. you could probably guess what im alluding too though im not great at being subtle lol.

this got really long i apologize. i hope you enjoy!

Fujishiro, Nageki. Freshman. He knew this much from the ID card found in his pocket. There was some other information on the card as well, but he didn’t think it was important. The card was blackened on the edges, almost sooty. He had tried to scrape it off more than once. All he had accomplished was getting his wingtips dirty.

He was in the library. He probably could’ve guessed this from the books scattered around, but some other birds solidified this in their idle chatter with one another.

He wasn’t sure when he had entered the library. He assumed he had fallen asleep in there before class, because that was where he had awoken. He didn’t seem to have any books on him.

For the moment, he was content to remain in the library. He was still a little tired, and when he tried to stand he became light-headed and had to sit down again. The library was comfortably warm, and he found himself drifting back to sleep if he wasn’t careful.

Eventually, the lights dimmed and the students left. Noticing people starting to leave, Nageki stood up (with some difficulty), stretched his wings, and followed the other students into the hallway.

....except he didn’t.

Nageki didn’t know why he couldn’t leave the library, but he didn’t question it as much as he probably should have. Honestly, he was very tired, again for a reason he did not know and could not understand, which made it difficult to put much effort into figuring anything out.

For the moment, he was content to remain in the library and read all day. He hoped his teachers weren’t worried about why he wasn’t coming to class. If he had teachers. He couldn’t remember if he did.

He wondered why nobirdie else was talking to him. The other birds weren’t there when he had first become aware, but they started showing up a little while later. For the most part, they stayed quiet and worked on whatever they were working on, but even when they passed by Nageki’s corner, they never tried to make conversation. Never even looked at him.

Once, he tried talking to one of them. A bird had been looking for a book on a shelf beside Nageki’s usual corner haunt, and he was beginning to grow restless.

“Hey, do you have the time..?” Nageki asked awkwardly. His voice was quiet and a little bit strained. Nageki realized he had forgotten what his own voice sounded like, at some point.

The other bird didn’t respond. They kept searching for a book.

“Um. Excuse me?” He asked again, a little louder this time.

The bird pulled away from the bookshelf, looking annoyed. They sighed and walked to the opposite side of them room, then began looking through another shelf.

Nageki felt.. strange. Was the other bird’s reaction directed at him? It could’ve been at the bookshelf, maybe, but he wasn’t sure.

Maybe everyone hated him, and that’s why they left him alone. Maybe he was just being bullied.

He felt uncomfortable, thinking this. Maybe he would take a short nap to get his mind off things.

One day he saw somebody writing in their library book. He grit his beak and mentally debated whether he should approach the vandal or not. If he really was being bullied, as his current theory stated, it would be a bad idea. But, sometimes it seemed to Nageki that he was the only one who cared about these books. He was the only one who would say anything.

He ruffled his feathers, mustered his courage, and stood up, walking over to the table where the vandal bird sat.

“Hey.” Nageki said, quiet but firm. “Is that your book?” He knew it wasn’t.

The other bird didn’t say anything in response. They didn’t even look up.

Nageki was beginning to grow annoyed.

“Excuse me, sir, but you shouldn’t write in library books. Those are school property.” He knew he sounded kind of dorky, protecting the library books, but he was resolved.

The other bird still didn’t respond. Nageki looked around nervously. What was happening? He had stood up, walked, and started talking to somebody, and yet nobody had looked up from their work. Nobody acknowledged him.

Nageki suddenly became very uncomfortable. Like he was about to remember something he’d much rather forget.

He looked back at the vandal bird. Quickly, and without thinking about it much, he picked up a pencil from the desk and threw it lightly at the other bird. Then he turned around and walked away.

“H-hey, who threw that??” An angry accusation came from the vandal bird. Nageki did not respond. The bird did not ask him to, even if he was the most likely suspect.

He returned to his corner and sat back down, picking up his book but not reading it. Instead, he watched the other birds go about their studying, then leave when the sunlight filtering through the windows started to fade. Eventually, a teacher came in to catch any stragglers, took a look around, and then locked the door. Locking Nageki in.

Nageki no longer thought he was being bullied.

People weren’t coming to the library as much anymore. He’d overheard some of them complaining about the temperature always being too cold. Others mentioned that the room smelled faintly of smoke, and it gave them headaches. One bird mentioned a ghost who stole pencils.

Nageki didn’t know what they were talking about. He hadn’t felt cold in a while, and couldn’t really smell anything either. Maybe they were just being dramatic?

Either way, the library steadily grew emptier and emptier. At first, he was worried about everyone leaving, but once he remembered that nobody could see him anyway, he resigned himself to his fate. He didn’t mind getting to read by himself, he thought. This was what usually happened to him anyway, left alone to read.

...what? What usually happened? When is ‘usually’?

Nageki wished somebirdie would put up a calendar in the library. He had no idea what year it was, or even really what month. He could tell when it was winter because of the snow, and summer because the library was suddenly crowded with birds escaping the heat, but otherwise he was completely blind to time.

He wondered when his birthday was. He wondered if he could still get older. He wondered a lot of things.

Nageki didn’t dream. But when he did, he dreamed of fire. It made him feel guilty. He couldn’t understand why.

It had probably been a while, now, since Nageki had first woken up in the library. He couldn’t quite remember.

He had read a majority of the interesting books in the library, at this point. A few of them, his favorites, he had read more than once. He wished the library would get new books, but it didn’t seem like anyone cared enough to buy any.

This library, for the most part, had remained unchanged since he arrived there. Like it was stuck in time with him. Maybe that’s why he was stuck there, in that library, that place beyond time.

Was he.. beyond time? He wasn’t sure.

He had been sporadically keeping a journal for some time now. He wasn’t sure why, since he knew nobirdie else would read it. He supposed it was nice to keep his thoughts in order.

He had never considered himself much of a writer, better suited to reading books than creating them. But journaling was...... well, it was a way to pass the time. Reading had become less of a hobby and more like the only activity he was permitted to do while stuck here. He needed a new hobby.

Nageki tried to escape from the library a variety of ways. It was sometime over summer, he assumed, because no birds had visited the library in a while. He tried sleeping through those long months, but that hadn’t worked. Eventually, he became restless.

The door, obviously, didn’t work. He knew that. He still tried a few times, but nothing new happened.

There were a few windows leading to the courtyard. Nageki wasn’t sure if they were locked or not, but upon testing them, he found they were unlocked.

He knew trying to leave via window wasn’t actually dangerous for birds, who had wings and could fly, but the action still felt dangerous. It made Nageki’s heart race to stick his head out of the library window. He hadn’t realized how long it had been since he had felt a real breeze.

Unfortunately, the windows all proved unhelpful as well. No matter how hard he tried, he was pushed back into the library much like when he tried to leave via the door.

He sighed and flopped down in the center of the library. He was tired. It took a lot of effort to attempt an escape from the library.

Laying on the floor, Nageki wondered if he could break through the floor and escape that way. As he slowly fell asleep, he wondered why he wanted to leave so bad. Was anything even waiting for him out there..?

When he awoke in a different room, Nageki was surprised. Had he finally done it? Had he finally escaped?

He did not recognize the room he was in, but from the beakers and other equipment scattered around he assumed it was some sort of science classroom. Maybe a lab room.

The presence of a human skeleton on the wall unnerved him. He hoped it wasn’t real. From the books he had read, he knew humans were endangered, and having one’s remains on a wall felt distasteful to him. Yes, that was probably why the idea made him uncomfortable.

A bird he had never seen before entered the room. He began setting up the lab equipment as if he was going to perform an experiment.

Something about this bird made Nageki want to hide from him, even though he knew he couldn’t see him. Maybe it was his suspicious, red-rimmed eyes? Or the expression on his face as he readied whatever experiment he wanted to conduct?

Whatever it was, Nageki took a step back from him. In doing so, he bumped into a rack of empty test tubes and knocked one over. It fell to the ground, shattering.

The suspicious bird looked up, annoyed. “Who’s there? I know that test tube didn’t jump off the desk of its own accord.”

Nageki’s eyes widened, and his feathers ruffled in fright. He had no idea what to do. He didn’t want to be found by this bird.

For some reason, he remembered that certain birds will fly straight up when they are surprised. This seemed like a horrible idea, but Nageki couldn’t think of anything else to try. Quickly, he flapped his wings and accelerated towards the roof of the lab room. Closing his eyes, he braced for impact......

But felt nothing. Opening his eyes, he found himself once again in the library.

What???? Had he been dreaming?? He quickly looked around and found everything as he had last seen it. He sighed.

Though, thinking about it again.... Nageki had an idea. Not giving himself any time to talk himself out of it, Nageki closed his eyes and tried to put his head through the library floor.

...no impact. He opened his eyes. He could see the suspicious bird and the chemistry materials!

He smiled. He was pretty sure this was the first time he’d smiled since waking up, minus smiling while reading.

Nageki pulled his head back into the library. Tentatively, he tried to fly up as well, into the library ceiling. Success! He was outside of the school, on the roof!

He could feel the breeze on his feathers, though it didn’t ruffle them. He assumed whatever made him able to pass through solid walls also made it impossible for the wind to touch him. But he didn’t care. For the first time in however many years it had been, Nageki could actually leave the library.

A few days later, however, his discovery had turned into just more punishment. Sure, he could move up and down, but he still couldn’t go anywhere. No matter what he could see from the rooftop, he was cursed to remain on the rooftop. He still couldn’t really leave.

Nageki was already resigned to his fate anyway. He remained in the library, and didn’t do much except sleep for a while. When he could stay awake, he re-read some of his favorite books. Though, even those were beginning to get boring.

Nageki was bored. Nageki was tired.

He had stopped getting excited when the school year began. Sure, it was fun to watch the other birds go about their high school lives, but it only made him ache for his own. And he knew it was foolish to hope that somebody would finally, finally see him, finally speak to him.

Nageki decided to forget about the other birds. He kept to himself even in the library, preferring to haunt the areas with as few birds as possible. He tried to ignore their conversations, but he still caught a few stories about a new math teacher falling asleep while teaching, or rumors about a human being accepted to the school.

If the library became too crowded, he would fly up to the roof and sleep in the sun for a while. He slept a lot more, these days. Sleep, read, sleep, read, sleep. At least it kept him busy.

And then, one day, something interrupted his routine. It was the beginning of a new school year, and he hadn’t seen many birds in the library yet. He was mostly waiting for some books to be returned, as one that he was in the middle of reading had been checked out over the summer by an unknown student.

And suddenly, a girl walked into the library. A human girl.

Nageki couldn’t help but stare at her. He hadn’t seen a human in years. Or ever. He couldn’t remember. They were such strange creatures. He couldn’t imagine a world where they were in charge. Not that he hated humans, he actually liked them, he was just fascinated by their unique characteristics. He’d heard they were very powerful. This human certainly looked powerful.

The human looked at him. No, she looked through him. He knew she couldn’t actually see him.

“Umm... did you want something from me?” She asked.

...or maybe she could?? She was looking right at him, seeming confused. He panicked and looked away. Was she actually talking to him?????

Well, there was only one way to find out. Still looking at the ground, Nageki spoke for the first time in a while.

“Not really...” he said quietly.

The human was quiet for a moment. He knew it, she was talking to somebirdie else, nobody could see him, nobody would talk to him.

“Are you sure?” She spoke again. Nageki couldn’t believe it. He had no idea what to do.

He had noticed while watching the human that she was carrying some books. He decided to switch the conversation back to something he understood better.

“Yes. I don’t want anything with you.” He told the girl. “...it’s the things you’re carrying that I’m interested in.”

Nageki looked at the stack of books, then at the table, then back at the floor. He had no idea what he was doing.

“Oh... sorry.” The girl responded sheepishly. “Ehehe, they were a little too dense and I never finished them. Were you waiting for them all summer?”

Was she teasing him? He couldn’t tell. He didn’t know what to say. So he said nothing. He simply went back to reading his book. Maybe, if he were lucky, she would just leave him alone to return to his routine.

Understandably, considering his streak of bad luck, the human spoke again. “I’m Tosaka Hiyoko. A sophomore. What about you?”

Nageki wasn’t sure what he was at this point. He had been stuck in this library for so long, he had no idea what was happening in the outside world. And despite how much time he had spent alone, he had no idea what had happened to him, either. Why he was stuck here.

“Y-you’re...?” She asked, awkwardly. He realized he had just ignored her question.

If he hadn’t figured out his past while he was stuck here, alone, all those years, maybe he never would. Maybe, just maybe, this was him being given a chance to change his fate. To end his boring routine.

He remembered the first time he had woken up in the library. How he had looked over his student ID with the blackened corners so many times.

“Nageki.” He said finally. “Fujishiro, Nageki. Freshman.”

[kyloswarstars]

ROOMMATES • Part 3

Divergent • College AU • Eric x Reader

ROOMMATES masterlist 💫 Divergent masterlist

You escaped your current living situation by moving in with your friend Christina – and five other college students. Little did you know that one of them was the guy who was your ultimate pain in the neck since your first semester. Now, you had to find a way to not strangle him in his sleep out of pure frustration. Also, you had to find a way to get rid of those weird butterfly feelings for him that slowly grew in your stomach.

Words • 2.9k

The enemies to lovers story no one needed.

/////

Still sleeping on only a mattress slowly took its toll on your back. You woke up at least three times a night. Twice because of your back and once because of some knocking against the wall. Every time that happened, it was in another rhythm how knuckles tried to keep you from sleeping.

For a while you observed how the morning sunshine dipped your room in a warm orange. Dust particles were dancing through the air and made their way to the floor. There was something about waking up to the sun on weekday mornings you never were able to enjoy during your semesters. Summer break was perfect for that.

That comforting silence didn’t last forever, though. Low knocking echoed from the other side of the room. You turned your body to face it. That rhythm was new. Different than those in the middle of the night. You paid attention.

Short, long. Short, long, long. Short, long. Long, short, long. Short. Short, short, long, long, short, short.

AWAKE?

You blankly stared at the wall and couldn’t believe it. During your childhood you had done the weirdest things, such as learning the morse code, to keep you occupied. Had Eric done that too? Or did he use a chart to knock you with little messages out of your sleep?

You didn’t care. You just wanted some little more peace before getting up. So you responded.

Short, short, short. Short, short, short, short. Short, short, long. Long. Short, short, long. Short, long, long, short.

There was a small laughter to be heard from the other side of the wall but then it stayed quiet.

Even though Eric’s teasing was quiet disturbing, you still rather lived here than back with your ex. You could somehow handle Eric whereas you never really knew what to expect from your ex after breaking up with him. After all it had not been the funniest of times.

You grabbed the nearest shorts and rummaged through the pockets to find a paper. Hilbert’s ninth problem. You focused on that. Until you heard Eric’s door making that cracking open sound. His foot steps trailed to the kitchen and when the coffee machine made its ‚PING‘ to signal it was ready to brew, you got up yourself and out of your room.

Eric didn’t say ‚good morning‘ so neither did you.

Reaching out for the shelf to grab a cup, you once again didn’t reach it. He leaned over, almost right into you with his bare chest – why did he never wear shirts in the mornings? – and grabbed two cups from the shelf. Eric placed them right next to the coffee machine and then turned, crossed his arms and just stared at you.

First, his intense eyes locked with yours. There was no way you could possibly guess what he was thinking with the harsh face he was wearing. Eric’s slightly pinched eyes made you lose some of your self esteem, though. His unapologetic stares weren’t that new to you, but only wearing your sleeping attire, a tank top and some sleeping shorts, made you feel insecure when his glance diverted to the rest of your body. You crossed your arms to have some little cover at least.

„Where’s everyone at?“ You asked, trying to fill that damn awkward silence. The apartment was empty, with all of the doors open.

„Don’t know.“

Another ‚PING‘ chimed. You walked around Eric, since he was still occupied with weirdly staring into your face, and poured some coffee into a cup. You hesitated to put back the pot into the machine and actually poured coffee into the second cup as well. Then you quickly grabbed your cup and went out to sit on the balcony. Gladly, you noticed him leaving for his room.

A morning coffee, a refreshing shower and an after shower coffee later, you continued with the study. You finally had found a way to properly lock the bathroom from the inside. The trick was to just drag your chair across the hallway and slam it under the door handle. That worked just fine. Unpleasant was, though, that there was not much that had to be done for the study today. No new data yet, still you tried to blindly swim around the model and work on some problems you weren’t able to solve yet. Free time wasn’t your favorite thing to have during summer break, especially not this summer break. You were still a little peeved that your friends had just abandoned you on the day of you moving. So meeting up with them wasn’t on your to do list for this summer.

Neither was visiting your parents since they were living out of state. You didn’t really want to head down to the hell the Florida Keys were in summer. It would be even hotter than here in Chicago. None of your hobbies sounded appealing enough to you today and all your roommates were gone. Except for one.

The only thing on your to do list was to buy a new bed frame.

„Shouldn’t you be out and do something instead of constantly crouching over your desk?“ Again, he leaned in the doorframe and you didn’t know for how long Eric was already there.

„Can’t,“ you were actually tracking down a possible solution and couldn’t be bothered to concentrate on anywhere else than your calculations.

„What is it that’s so important?“ It was the first time he entered your room. You noticed him move out of the corner of your eye and sensed him coming to a stop right next to you. He must’ve checked your computer screen and the papers in front of you. You couldn’t really care, though. Whenever one of those problem-solving-trains hit, you just physically couldn’t stop yourself. „Is that professor Matthews’ study?“

„Yep,“ you mumbled.

„I heard about it, tried to get in but that didn’t work out.“ His voice had a tone you had never heard before. „What’s your part in it?“ Was it honest interest?

„I’m responsible, with others of course, for the mathematical model. But please shut up for a few second okay? I’m almost done.“ You tried to talk and still follow your train of thoughts. „Just need to get it out of the brain.“

Eric stayed surprisingly silent while your hand was still moving around your desk, fishing for various papers and scribbling onto them in the illegible handwriting of yours.

You threw the pencil away, once you were mainly done with bringing the theory on paper. „So what do you wanna know?“ You asked and turned around in the same moment. That Eric had kneeled down next to you had escaped your attention. You blinked at him, his face only a couple of inches away. That this proximity suddenly slowed up your pulse confused you. He was too close. Way too close. You leaned back in your chair and swallowed.

Eric on the other hand didn’t seem to be uncomfortable at all. „How did you get in?“

„They asked, actually.“

„They asked?“ His eyebrows raised themselves to the top of Willis Tower.

„Yes.“ You replied, a little unsure of why that would be so odd. Back during high school there was this hype your teachers made about your mathematical skills. But that wasn’t reason for you to think that you were some wunderkind like Einstein or something. You just liked math. Like some people actually did. Not many, but those in your major all had similar experiences during their childhood and school time. So of course, when they had asked you to join the study, you accepted.

Eric let himself sink against the wall next to your makeshift desk. It was the first time you ever saw something like true recognition radiating off of him. And he didn’t hide it. He wanted to know more. He questioned a lot about the study and your part in it. He was interested in how math helped with a clinical study and it slowly dawned on you why he might’ve taken all those classes of yours. Those were all about adapting math in a way to help solve social orientated problems.

After having to compete with him for the upper hand in those stupid debates, you were a little gleeful that it was you who took part in professor Matthews’ study.

This conversation was everything but a discussion. And you found that it could be really enjoyable to have a decent talk with him. You even offered to put in a good word for him at the next meeting with the staff. No clue where this came from, though.

„Hey, Eric?“ The two of you had changed from your room to the dining table because of the close-by coffee refuels. „Would you do me a favor?“

He was currently getting the freshly brewed pot and nodded to the empty cup in your hands so he could refill it. You handed it to him. „What kind of favor?“

„I need a car,“ you stated, instantly noticing the disdain on his face. „Only for a couple of hours. Not long.“

Eric shook his head. „I’m not lending my car.“ He returned the hot cup and sat down across from you. „I can drive you, though,“ Eric added.

That took you by surprise. „Oh.“ You hadn’t thought he would give his car to you in the first place anyway. Wondering where this kindness suddenly came from left you without an answer. But you decided to accept it. „Okay.“

/////

Eric’s mission was to try every single bed in the furniture store. You tried to explain it didn’t really matter anyways since you already had a mattress. He insisted on still laying down and pulled you along with him. „A new bed,“ he said, „must meet many requirements. Not only the coziness factor of the mattress.“ His voice was a whisper next to you. That low rasp in it drew your attention to his full lips, perfectly framed by the stubble he rarely cared to shave.

Finding yourself laying in a bed next to Eric, even if it was in a furniture store and on full public display, weirdly quickened your pulse again. The way his fingers randomly touched your thigh made you nervous. He probably didn’t even notice, or cared, that his hand was in contact with the bare skin below your shorts. Still, it let your insecurities flame up again. Laying next to a perfectly built and defined man like him brought back memories you rather wanted to escape.

„That’s not the one,“ you quickly stated and rolled out of bed. There was no paper in your pockets this time, and it wasn’t the right place anyway, to distract your brain with. Instead you concentrated on the multiple bed frames. It was a tough task – nothing really suited your taste.

„How about that one, Y/N?“ Eric had been shouting through the whole store. You turned and saw him laying in a child’s bed – car shape.

The view of his legs sticking out on the bed end, because he was simply too tall for it, made you laugh out loud. You couldn’t hold it back nor lower the volume. By the time you reached him, he had joined in on the banter. Next to the car shaped bed was a pink unicorn one. He sat on it and said you could have his bed, he would buy this one. Your laughter increased.

„You think I wouldn’t buy it?“

You shook your head, biting back the laughter.

Eric got up and looked around for a salesman. When he spotted one, he raised his hand to wave him over but you were quick to grab his hand and pull it down. „Stop it!“ For a moment too long you held onto his hand. It caused both of you to look down at your hands like they weren’t attached to your arms and had a mind to themselves. Then your eyes slowly moved up to Eric’s and locked with them. Both of you probably tried to find a reason as to why your hands were still holding onto each other. When Eric’s fingers tried to intertwine with yours, you suddenly realised that you were holding. his. hand.

You instantly let it go like you burned yourself and went back to search for a bed frame. The urge to get out of here made you choose a random but simple bed frame. The salesman Eric had wanted to wave over was now at your side to take your order.

You went with him to the check out desk, Eric quietly following the two of you, and paid for your new bed. The salesman printed out some papers, stapled them together and handed them over. „The pick up station is three blocks down the street.“ He pointed to the left of the exit.

„Thank you.“ Grabbing the papers, you headed to leave, Eric ahead of you and holding the door open.

„Have fun with the new bed,“ the salesman inappropriately winked at the two of you on your way out. When your brain processed his remark, a heat in your face rose. To your luck, Eric was walking in front of you to his car and you tried to make the heat go away by fanning your face with the papers. You didn’t understand why all of this made you feel so… weird.

The short ride to the warehouse was silent. Even with the radio on. Eric waited in the car when it came to a stop on the lot. You got out to turn in the papers and get the bed.

The sun was blazing down while you waited for the employee to return with the package. You caught Eric staring in your direction but with the sunglasses on you couldn’t see what possibly was going on his brain. But to be fair, you couldn’t even pinpoint that when he wasn’t wearing sunglasses.

„Here you go.“ A trolley with two big packages was pushed next to you. If that would fit into Eric’s muscle car? You weren’t so sure about that.

As you turned around to wave at him, he was already at your side. Was he a cat? Or why was he always able to sneak up so quietly?

He probably saw the concern on your face because he just said ‚we got this’ and pushed the trolley over to his car. Eric suggested to remove the packaging so you could play Tetris and fit everything in. That worked pretty well and you were soon ready to head home.

It was Eric who tried to remove that awkward mood between you. He just started chatting about a new group of penguins in the zoo. That he usually went there once a week since the entrance was free and that he did it to stay grounded in stressful times. A while ago he adopted a penguin called Smartie. Him being so open about something not study related was surprising but even more surprising was that he basically invited you to join him some time to go and see the new ‚kids‘ as he called them.

Back home you carried all parts of the bed up to the third story. Eric left to find a proper parking space for his car and you started on building up the bed frame. The instruction must’ve been somewhere attached to the packaging you left at the warehouse because you couldn’t find it. That wasn’t too much a problem, though. Studying the parts you had for a second, you figured out a plan and already started putting pieces together when you noticed Eric, silently of course, appearing in your doorframe.

„I’ll help you,“ he offered. It didn’t sound much like an offer, though. More like a fact.

It didn’t take long with his help to build up the bed, place in the slatted frame and lift the mattress on top of it. You didn’t really have a plan where to put the bed but for some reason Eric convinced you to position it at the exact same spot your mattress had laid before.

„Thank you for your help.“ You sat down on your new bed and checked if it didn’t break with the first contact. It didn’t.

Eric’s lips parted and he wanted to say something. You couldn’t get rid of the feeling that he wanted to say something else when everything that came out was a sharp ‚Sure‘.

Before you could ask him if he’d like a beer, just to be polite after him helping you all day, he made a beeline for his room. And stayed there.

/////

He didn’t come out for dinner and you decided you didn’t care. When you finally crashed that night, after having multiple board game showdowns with Will, you instantly knew that you’d sleep well. The bed was super comfy. Eric had been right, the mattress only didn’t do the thing, everything had to match up.

You didn’t even check your phone anymore, your eyes too heavy to stay open.

A gentle knock came from the other side of the wall. You turned to it and listened.

Long, long, short. Long, short. GN. Good night? Those two knocked letters brought a faint smile to your lips you couldn’t fight. You returned the same knocks and fell asleep. Smiling.

/////

Taglist • @longlostinanotherworld • @dosentier • @dhunhdchrih

Wanna get tagged too for future updates? Lemme know 🖤

[palbabor-writes]

I have, uh, thoughts...

M’kay, I know this has likely been harped on until nothing is left but little bits and pieces, but after reading this latest chapter, I realized what’s been bothering me about this current arc. It’s the imbalance of violence and aggression that is heaped onto Shigaraki.

I don’t know if this is Horikoshi’s intention, and I’m likely looking wayyy too into this, but I’d argue you don’t have your characters say things for no reason. So, if you’ve got a minute, let’s see if I can sort through these nagging emotions of mine.

warnings: manga spoilers 220 - 285, basically, no touch if you don’t want to see the current arc 

Ok. Let’s roll the clock back and look at something Shigaraki told us at the USJ.

Now, while he has changed a lot from these early arcs, that core motivation he carries here is the same. He wants society to see just how fragile and how ridiculous their reliance on a hero state of justice really is. And, I would say that he’s absolutely right in this assessment.

The idea of heroes and villains needs a foundation of violence. They need that evil, almost as much as they need the concept of justice. It’s the age old right and wrong theory. It doesn’t leave space for grey, for nuance, for differences in ideology or upbringing.

However, heroes like to ignore what they can’t fix. Like anyone, they’re human and humans don’t often take pleasure in looking at the uncomfortable. I’d argue that’s why Gran Tourino doesn’t check back in on Kotaro. Yes, he made a vow, but those memories of that crying child being placed with a trusted friend, and not his mother, not Nana, have stuck with him. Nana wouldn’t be any wiser, or any less dead, if he checked in on her son. In chapter 281, we finally, FINALLY see Gran reflecting on that choice both he and Nana made

If he had checked in, Kotaro might have known a different memory of his mother, or he might have at least been able to see the threads of aggression and abuse that were riddling Tenko’s life. He might have seen AFO, manipulating and watching. Might, might, might. No matter how you shake it, everything changes when there’s some kind of monitoring, of looking out for your fellow man.

With that in mind, BNHA’s world state, which is based on hero work, would need a strong set of checks and balances to function properly, to catch those falling into the cracks & I’d argue we don’t see much push for that from the everyday populace.

Which is wild. Because society itself is practically Quirkless. Sure, 80% have a quirk, but in Japan you cannot use your quirk in public. If you do, you run the risk of arrest or classification as a villain.

That is why we see moments like these

Izuku is likely one of the only people in this massive crowd who really has no quirk. There is a horde of people standing there and no one is lifting a finger. It’s kinda a “bread and circuses,” mentality. They look fucking entertained and no one is freaking out except for Izuku, who knows what it feels like inside that goop thing. Instead, they’re all waiting, watching for the next hero, or for All Might to show up. But wait, aren’t there heroes there? It’s a city and this is a massive attack, it’s brought foot traffic to a standstill, surely a hero will get there and save this boy who is literally dying.

Oh. They’re there. But they’re waiting too

They are all “managing,” the situation and hoping Bakugo will survive long enough for someone with the right quirk to come along. Not polling the masses of people to see if any of them could possibly assist in the meantime, no, all these civilians get to watch this miscarriage of “justice.” Don’t worry. If the kids strong enough, he’ll make it.

So far, Shigaraki’s underlying motivation calling for a more rigorous, critical, take on heroes doesn’t feel too far fetched. Looking at chapter 1 alone, the current way things are isn’t right and it’s not fair.

Now, Shigaraki isn’t going about asking for it the “right,” way, but I bet he’d see a similar response even if he wasn’t hurting and maiming people as he goes.

The latter would let him be swept aside just as easily as the former. We see this happen with Stain. The news isn’t talking about the Nomu, or the countless people who were terrorized and hurt. No, they’re talking about the Hero Killer, because just like in our real society, that’s what get the clicks, the likes and the attention. Again, people don’t like to look at things that make them uncomfortable.

Yet, even with this horrifying fact, that Stain could go down in history books as a villain, as someone who gleefully killed others, people, both good and bad, sat up and took notice. Many even identified with his ideals: That heroes are corrupt and they are only in the field for the fame and money. Only All Might was the perfect specimen to Stain. Because this is an idea that people can get behind, to me, that means that others know things are stacked against the underbelly, the downtrodden. But they can’t be bothered to call for change.

On the flip side, Shigaraki, who has a better grasp on the true ills and neglect of hero society is often told he has no “real,” ideology, no real conviction, and this is a theme that’s repeated over and over and over.

Like most things in BNHA, it begins with All Might

Then it’s carried to Stain, Dr. Ujiko, an ally and long time supporter of AFO, to Re-Destro, and, most recently, to Endeavor. They all can’t see what Shigaraki is wanting, what he’s calling for.

It’s easier to name him a monster, a freak, scum, then to listen or to absorb any of what he’s saying.

But, as he says, he’s got convictions. He’s got his father’s, he’s got AFO’s ideas on the ethics and morals of hero society, AFO’s drive to crush OFA, once and for all, and his own deep seeded resentment and neglect toward a broken hero society. Honestly, he’s got more motivation than almost any other character.

And how is he treated? How does Horikoshi show us the “heroes” response? He gives up a heaping of violence. From chapter 270 to 285, Tomura Shigaraki is hit, punched, burned and beat around a whopping 36 times. And, for most of this fight, he is effectively quirkless.

How many hits does he get in? A grand total of 6.

And his first reaction is never to maim, in these moments, instead it’s to talk, to rattle, and to question

He only goes for Endeavor after he’s been burned, likely, without his regeneration abilities, to the point of death. These heroes aren’t aiming to subdue, they’re going in for the kill. And yes, he has just decayed an entire hospital and the surrounding area, the heroes are warranted in their anger and their frustration. After all, they’re the ones who dropped the ball here. This was a “planned” raid and they should have been the only ones in any real danger. They’re heroes, so I’d argue that it’s their job, their life’s mission to save, no matter the cost.

Besides, if they can spare AFO, not once, but twice, they should be trying to spare Shigaraki just as hard.

This has been a long and drawn out arc, with many, many ups and downs, but the one thing I don’t wanna see is the heroes getting a pass. This society has pitfalls and it’s got big ones. People are treated as lesser if they don’t have quirks, or if they have the wrong ones, the ones that don’t make them look normal. People are pressed to the side when they don’t conform and a hero, the current number one, has gotten away with mentally, and physically, scarring his family for over 20 years.

Right now, there are no checks. There is no: who watches the watcher in this world and I’d argue society has suffered for it.

Yet how are we shown how to treat those who don’t agree with us? With anger, untapped rage and physical violence, of course. And this is true of BOTH sides.

At the end of the day, as he said back at the USJ: violence only breeds more violence and while I don’t like predicting future chapters or arcs, I’m hoping that thread won’t be dropped. It’s one of the things that drew me into BNHA and I hope we get to see more, not less, of that grey morality.

[gaymershigh]

Hi, can u write headcanons of Jamil, Azul, Cater, Rook and Idia discovering that their S/O (male) is their favorite singer/idol in a disguise? Sorry if it sounds too boring

Thanks and I love your blog <3333

It's not boring at all! I love this request so much 💗 the reader has to not be a different world like Yuu so it makes sense in context as to why they're popular in twisted wonderland, just to clear things up!

Also yes, I'm doing other requests before redoing that damned unfinished draft-

Jamil, Azul, Cater, Rook and Idia discovering their boyfriend is a popular idol

You want to tell him so bad but you just don't the guts to.

It's not like you don't trust Jamil or anything. It's just that Kalim's 99% always nearby him and try don't him to overhear your confession and cause a huge hassle.

But sometimes secrets are broken by itself. You can be your own secret breaker.

While you were listening to songs from the Land of Hot Sands that was recommended by Jamil, he was picking random songs from your country.

His eyes slightly widen when one of the songs he picked's singer sounds just like you but with a different name.

“He sounds just like you.��� he stated and that made you panicked. That is one of your newer songs from a few weeks ago.

He got curious when your words started getting shaky and your face getting sweaty. This led him to researching your stage name, making you even more scared.

“He even looks like you too, could it be?.. ” if you kept lying, it will go into a dead end. The only thing to do it to spill the beans even if you don't want to.

Your hesitant nod was followed by silence and then a normal 'ok' from your lover like nothing was out of the ordinary. You were shocked.

In the inside however, he was different. He was baffled, these things only happen in fairytails!

He's not complaining though, he loves the feeling of being special.

Even if don't mind, he wouldn't be the type to be brag about your relationship together. Maybe with Kalim but other than that, nah.

“I see. Don't worry, ya amar, I'll keep this a secret. just the two of us only.”

How can you keep this secret away from him for that long? Colour me and him impressed.

Jamil is reasonable as to why he doesn't know about your secret identity because he doesn't keep up with the trends but Azul? He definitely spends more time on the internet than Jamil would ever.

But of course he would find out eventually. Of course, it's Azul.

You were giving him some song recommendations and avoiding your own so it wouldn't raise suspicion.

Unfortunately, you weren't fast enough as he realized you kept skipping a few songs right before the song hits the 3 second mark.

When he asked you why you kept skipping a few songs. You sweated and lied about the singer is not so good. You basically degraded yourself.

If course, it's not easy to fool your boyfriend. He snatched your phone away and looked at the current song you're about to skip.

He covered his mouth in shock. There was no doubt about it, that really is you. The voice, the looks, the stage name sounds like something you would name yourself, everything!

“Darling, why didn't you tell me? Do you not trust me?” You had to reassure him that was not the case and you just prefer not to get the attention and not make anyone annoy him about asking him questions about you.

You're just so special, aren't you? You're an idol beloved by everyone but you don't want the publicity and cause any problems, you're so sweet and precious.

He'll only brag occasionally. It's unprofessional for him to be cocky every single time of the day and he'll probably show off only to intentionally piss off someone.

“Darling, you shouldn't insult yourself! You're very good in singing and you amazingly breathtaking! So handsome.”

Seriously, how did you get away from him, Cater Diamond himself??

He's a social media God and even if he does suspects you several times, he's supposed to catch on sooner.

You have to admit, it was harder to hide away from him since he follows your account. Everytime he takes a selfie with the both of you, a lot of people comment asking him is that (stage name).

He would usually reply 'I wish lol but imagine if that happens 😳'. This makes you nervously laugh.

He always comments about how you always look like (S/N) all the time and you always nervously scratched your neck, feeling guilty.

He also joked about your voice being incredibly similar and how you could be the idol in disguise. My god you couldn't describe how much you want to run out of there as soon and possible.

You thought everything is going smoothly until the most dreadful statement came out of your boyfriend.

“(Y/N), do you want to go to (S/N)'S concert on Friday this week?” You had enough. You can't handle the torturous moments and can't keep up with the lies anymore. You have to tell him with a little twist to it. You said you were busy which means you have to keep denying your cute pouty sweetheart.

When you finally finished your concert, you called your boyfriend from the stage to go to the backstage. You can see the excitement in his eyes.

When you confessed that his statements about his number 1 favorite idol is also his boyfriend he's been dating for months, he went form speechless to hugging you tightly while screaming.

“Holy shit, I can't believe it, (Y/N)! I'm gonna tell everyone!” You sighed in relief as he reached out for his phone.

He's definitely gonna brag no matter what universe he's in. The publicity and increase amount of his followers in magicam is gonna be unbelievable. Just like Azul, he's gonna shove your relationship to everyone's face just to annoy them.

“(Y/N)-chan is so mean hiding such amazing secrets away from me, you're gonna pay the price~”

He's gonna be so surprised as to how you hide from him for more than 3 days. He's got good eyesight and very good at reading your heart.

You're sometimes we're scared that he caught on as he kept praising you like your fanbase would usually do. You never felt so relieved when you found out he's just like that.

He sometimes does comments how you look like your other side and how your voice sounds uncomfortably similar but that's just it.

It's a little bit easier to get away from him when it's about social media since he's not really the type to look to check social media daily.

He kept persistently asking you if that singer he adores so much was you, which you kept replying with of course, no.

But every single time you answered the same reply, your tone and confidence seems to be different, lowering down specifically. He probably already knew you are (S/N) now but he really wants you just give him a 'yes' instead of just believing in his own word.

While you were cuddling with him on his bed and about to fall asleep, you were playing a few songs as white noise to make you go to dreamland faster.

You didn't even realise your song was playing, your eyes were bleary and you could black out any moment.

Rook took the opportunity to asked you again if you were (S/N), he was both surprised and please when he finally got the answer he waited for.

With no hesitance, you said yes before drifting to sleep. He won this time, checkmate.

When you woke up, he told you about what happened last night with the usual smile while you're mouth was agape.

He might unintentionally brag by telling the whole campus how handsome you are, your angelic voice, how lovable and huggable your figure is, Vil is jealous.

“Mon trésor, there is no need to repent about your beauty, you are lovely in any shape of form, my sweet delicate dove~”

He adores your idol version of yourself and is probably the only real idol that he admires, the rest is probably his anime waifus or whatever.

Doesn't mean he doesn't love your backstage form too, he loves you too very much and thinks you're very handsome :)

It's just that your face reminds him of his favorite singer of all time. He's always making conspiracy theories about how you're (S/N)'s clone and you'll just laugh, knowing everything.

He once said that maybe you're an idol in secret, this made you sweat nervously as you shook it off.

Everytime he talks about your idol self to you, Ortho always asks if you're ok or not because you always felt a bit anxious and shaky as if you were about to get killed.

This made Idia raise suspicion. He wanted an answer as to why so he made up a plan.

He makes Ortho note your condition everytime he talks about (S/N).

His suspicions were right, you're always uncomfortable everytime he asks you if you're the idol version of yourself.

If he thinks he has enough tapes and audios of you literally shaking, he started negotiate you.

You had no escape as Ortho has trapped you in his room alone with your boyfriend. He kept taunting you with the same question 'are you (S/N)?' until you finally give in and told the truth.

Even though he got his victory, he still felt bad since you don't wanna talk to him for 3 days, causing him to cry like a baby.

He seriously can't believe it though, he just experienced something out of his mangas! He's beaming with joy.

He's only bragging on the internet only, there is no way he's gonna say anything in real life as you're wayyyy out of his league.

“You could have just told me, you know! I won't tell anyone if you're uncomfortable, I promise!”

You have no idea how much I loved writing this one but I got a creativity burnout when writing Idia lol~

-𝕸𝖎𝖗𝖎

[tinyboxxtink]

"Doppelganger" *Part 18*

Alright I went back and forth with this one, I even had a whole other idea where to take this, but I ended up here. And you know to be honest I think it ended up working out because it really does explain a LOT. I just did it inadvertently.

Also I hate to ask this but if you enjoy my stuff can you PLEASE reblog it and not just like it? It really helps me out more because more people see it, liking it doesn't really do anything.

I love you all!!!

Part 17

Part 19

Tag List

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[OMG I LOVE HIS FACE SO MUCH. I don't wanna give any spoilers but watch it when you read the line that starts: "I don't know what else to do--" . Wait, can you tell it's a face he's making like, he's about to cry because he doesn't know what you expect him to do because that's the context of the gif. It's when Alex is like I didn't do shit blah blah blah and he's like "It's all gonna come out Alex, I don't know how else to help you if you're just gonna be this way! Kinda like Cest La Vie, ya know? Did I overexplain it?]

--------------------------

The next few days consisted of a lot of cuddling and binging, you two in your own little bubble. Rafael didn’t have any big cases at the moment, so he was able to do most of his paperwork and things from home. After a long discussion, you decided that you were going to take the rest of the semester off; at least until things cooled down, people forgot about the whole ‘Nevada’ debacle, and wouldn’t hound you anymore. You were enjoying your bubble when Rafael just had to pop it.

You were in the middle of binging some courtroom drama [DUN DUN] when he turned to you and said:

“...Baby, remember when you said you’d talk to someone…?”

There it was. The other shoe dropped. The music had come, you had to face it.

“I um, yeah…” You looked down and played with the string on Rafael’s HARVARD hoodie you were currently wearing.

“Well I found numbers of some pretty good psychiatrists that deal with PTSD and--”

“Psychiatrists?!” You suddenly sat upright. “Y-You want me to go to a shrink?”

“Well, I thought that’s what--”

“I thought you just wanted me to talk to one of your-- squad, people,” You were starting to panic. You didn’t want some stranger knowing your business; how would you even begin to explain the situation?!

“I mean, if that’s what you want--”

“That’s what I want,” You cut him off. “As long as it’s not Olivia,”

“Okay, whatever you need baby,” He kissed the top of your head.

-----

That next week you had agreed to sit down and talk with Sonny Carisi. Rafael was stunned when you asked to talk to a guy, but you said it made you feel more comfortable for whatever reason. He was seriously hesitant for some reason, but then agreed. The conversation went like this:

“What are you worried I'll latch on to him, fall in love with him like people do with their mentors?” You teased.

“Ha ha….” He rubbed the back of his neck nervously. He didn’t find it amusing at all.

“....Baby I was just kidding,” You put a hand to his chest. “That takes months-- or y’know, a glance at a photo in a temp office,” You giggled, thinking about how you met and fell in love.

“Yeah no I know,” He gave you a very weird smile. “Just um, y’know don’t get into too much detail about us, okay? Just stick to the Nevada thing,”

“...Um, okay…?” You looked at him curiously.

“I just don’t want my co-workers knowing our personal stuff, carino,” He assured you. Well that made sense.

----

So here you were, sitting in an interrogation room with Sonny Carisi. He looked about as uncomfortable as you felt. Though you couldn’t understand why he would be worried, you were the one ‘on trial’ here.

“So um, Miss Y/L/N,” He cleared his throat.

“Y/F/N is fine, Mr. Carisi,”

“Sonny, please,” He nodded. “So, Y/N-- I uh, so...did you wanna talk about anything?”

“....I mean, you’re the SVU detective here Sonny. Don’t you have a list of questions you have to ask me?”

“I mean, we already know most of it. You were kidnapped by a guy who looked like Barba, you had sex with him a lot--”

“Excuse me?” You cut him off. “Is that what your little paper says? ‘I had sex with him a lot’? I was assaulted, multiple times,”

“Right,” He nodded nervously. “Yeah no, of course I’m sorry that’s what I meant,”

“...Did Olivia write this?” You narrowed your eyes.

“Excuse me?”

“Did Olivia write this report?” You repeated.

“Why would you ask that?” He asked you nervously.

“Because it doesn’t exactly sound like I’m the victim in that report,” You crossed your arms. “It sounds like someone who has a personal bias towards my fiancé, who thinks that this was my fault. That I should’ve known the difference between him and some criminal. Maybe someone who thinks they would’ve known better if they were in the situation. Maybe someone who thinks he should be with someone who knows them like they do,”

“....That’s a lot of assumption on your part, Y/N,” Sonny turned the paper upwards while he dismissed your conspiracy theory.

“...Is it?” You narrowed your eyes. “Let me see it,”

“Y’know these things are private information for the NYPD Y/N, and--” Before he could finish, you swiped the paper from him. You noticed his face go white, he stopped talking. Jesus, did everyone want to protect precious Olivia? You scanned the paper, your eyes went wide when you saw who filled it out.

“....You filled this out,” You said softly, looking at him. He was looking at the floor. “Y-You, filled this out Mr. Carisi,”

“Sonny--” He said in a shaky voice.

“Oh ok, SONNY,” You tossed the paper at him. “You--You don’t even know me. Do you? Have we met before? Did I offend you in some past life?”

“No, no of course not--”

“.....Or have I offended you by dating your mentor--oh my god, your mentor,” You suddenly remembered the conversation you had with Rafael a few days before.

“I...I have to go,” You suddenly stood up and walked out of the room briskly, Sonny trailed behind you. Rafael had been waiting in the squad room to take you home after you were done, you stomped across the room to him.

“Hey, baby done so soon--? What’s wrong?” He looked at you with concern.

“....Were you screwing Carisi?” you growled.

“Excuse me?” He asked in a panicked tone.

“WERE YOU FUCKING YOUR MENTEE BEFORE ME,” You practically screamed, causing the whole precinct to stop and stare. Rafael looked around the room horrified, then glanced at Sonny who had an apologetic look on his face. “He--”

“Oh no no no, don’t blame this on him,” You stood in front of his eyeline to Sonny. “...Is that what you do, Rafael? Y-You seduce your interns and sleep with them? W-Was I just a tick on the wall?”

“NO,” He shook his head and took your hand. “Can we-- Can we do this outside, please?”

“Why? Because you don’t want everyone to know ‘our’ personal life, or ‘yours’?” You huffed as you skulked out of the building.

“Barba I’m sorry, she just--” Sonny tried to explain.

“We are not done with this, Carisi,” Rafael growled at him before he ran after you.

-----

He caught you outside the precinct, breathing heavily trying not to have a panic attack.

“What is wrong with you?” Rafael asked you, making you stop altogether.

“A-Are you serious?” You half laughed in disbelief. “You send me into the lion’s den without any warning, and then I just get to find out that I’m just one of the many--”

“Oh knock it off, Y/N,” He stopped you. “You know that’s not true,”

“It’s not? Then what the fuck was that?”

“Okay,” He sighed. “Okay fine maybe I should have-- insist on you talking to someone else,”

“....You think THAT’S the problem here?”

“Look Y/N. Carisi and I...we... we got drunk a few times, and we-- y’know,” He shrugged uncomfortably.

“Oh God…” You wouldn’t throw up on the sidewalk, you told yourself.

“And he caught feelings from it! I can’t control how he feels!” He gestured towards the building.

“...So does that mean that you ‘y’know’ with Olivia a few times, and SHE ‘caught feelings’ from it? Because I distinctly remember you telling me that nothing ever happened between you two,”

“....Under your spell,” He mumbled.

“Excuse me?” You almost fell over.

“I--” He looked around nervously. “I said that, under your spell. You think that when I was ‘in love’ with you I was going to tell you that I fucked the woman you were threatened by?”

“...Did....did you just use quotes? Did you just air quote you being in love with me?”

“Well I wasn’t exactly under my own free will now was I?” He snapped.

“I can’t...I can’t believe you’re using that against me,” You looked to the side with a dry laugh, refusing to cry.

“Look I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to--” He tried to go for your hand, but you weren’t having it. “Look my point was, you and I-- we’re not the same. Our relationship isn’t the same as them--”

“No, it’s not. Because you slept with them WILLINGLY, right? And I just tricked you into it? Like Nevada did with me? Because we’re the same?”

“Alright now you’re just--” He rolled his eyes.

“What? What am I JUST--?” You crossed your arms, upset he wasn’t taking this seriously.

“I thought we were doing all of this to get past this, Y/N,” He sighed in frustration.

“So did I!” You stomped your foot, tears choking your throat. “But--But, what if we can’t? This whole time, this WHOLE time. You--”

“Y/N baby stop--” He tried putting his hand on your shoulder but you backed away.

“You KNEW how bad I felt about doing that to you! You told me that, that I just ‘brought out your real feelings’, but….but that’s not true, is it?” You paced while talking and then paused when you asked the question.

“Yes it is! I mean, mostly….” He added the last part with a mumble.

“Mostly?” Your blood ran cold.

“I mean I thought you were attractive, but I didn’t know anything about you. And--And you didn’t know anything about me, Y/N. You weren’t in love with me either, you had a crush on me. But that day we spent together, it really did make me fall in love with you! After I remembered how I felt, I wanted to keep feeling that way all the time! I wanted to be with you, I knew we were meant to be together after that--”

“Oh my god--” You laughed again, putting your hands over your head. “This is insane. This is...this is insane,”

“Baby look when you think about it the whole thing is insane. But we’re here--”

“No, you’re right Rafael,” You put your hands in between you, preventing him from coming closer. “We are insane. But I thought it was the ‘only in the movies kind of love’ insane. But apparently, it’s just an insane mental institution insane,” You started to walk away but he ran in front of you.

“No. Uh Uh. You’re not walking away from this. Not again, not ever again,”

“What are you gonna hold me hostage now? Like I did with your feelings?” You rolled your eyes, but then it hit you. That was your entire problem. That’s what this all boiled down to. This is what it’s ALWAYS been about.

“...That’s it,” You whispered.

“...What is?” He looked at you curiously.

“...We started this on a lie, I started us on a lie,”

“Wha--- no, no you--” He shook his head.

“I did!” You finally let tears fall. “You just said it yourself, I made you feel those things. You--- you didn’t feel anything more for me than Olivia or Carisi! You just wanted to sleep with me! But I--I made you have romantic feelings for me. And-- And ever since that day, that magical perfect day when I accepted that it wasn’t real, I was right!”

“No, no--” He tried to protest.

“YES, Rafael! And-- and ever since then, ever since you, we-- I’ve always had it in the back of my mind that you’re STILL under that influence! That-- that one day you’re going to realize ‘oh hey you know what I actually don’t give a shit about you, my bad!’,” You began pacing, thinking out loud as it all came to the surface.

“And--And, I just still have it in my mind that I’m not good enough for you, I’ll NEVER be good enough for you! And-- these things just keep happening, that are telling me I’M RIGHT. I couldn’t tell you apart from Nevada, I did things with him knowing it hurt you, I did DRUGS even though on some level I knew it would hurt you, and what it all boils down to is I’ve kept you hostage in this relationship!”

“NO, you have not,” Rafael took you by the shoulders. “I get why you feel like this, Y/N baby I really do. And-- And I’m sorry I wasn’t upfront about Sonny and Olivia but I knew you are already so insecure about our relationship--”

“FOR GOOD REASON!!!”

“NO! NOT for good reason!” He tried not to yell as not to cause a scene but he needed you to hear him.

“Look maybe we-- we started out unconventionally. But that was MONTHS ago, baby. Have I-- have I not shown you time and time again, how much I really do love you? I--I made a fucking flash mob for you, do you know how long that took? How much self esteem did I have to suck it up to perform in front of people again? But I did it for you,” He started to cry.

“I risked my life for you so many times when Nevada had you. I could have just let him keep you. Especially after--” He stopped, quickly noting that bringing that up again was only going to take three steps back.

“I--I dropped everything to stay home and protect you! Do those things not make you feel loved? Do you think that all of that is...is fabricated?” He was the one crying and laughing in disbelief now.

“I don’t--- I don’t know what else to do to prove to you that I love you of my own free will. TELL ME what I can do to prove that to you, and I’ll do it! What is going to prove to you that I won’t leave you, that I won’t suddenly wake up one day and realize I was under some spell all along? Tell me!” He begged you, tears rolling down his cheeks.

“....Marry me,” You finally answered softly.

“....What?” He looked at you quizzically. “Baby I already proposed--”

“Yeah but that’s not definite, Rafael,” You held up your bare hand. “Look! It’s not even real right now!”

“A piece of jewelry doesn’t--”

“It does to me!” You took his hands. “Look, I’m--I’m sorry I am the way that I am, but I can’t change it. I--I need physical proof. I know that you’ve done all of this heroic and crazy stuff for me, but-- but my stupid brain won’t accept that! I need something, something physical. Actual proof that I can look at, to know I’m safe. To know you’re going to stay with me,”

“....Okay,” He nodded, looking down at your hand while rubbing your ring finger.

“Okay?” You asked warily. “You’re just going to accept that?”

“....I’ve put up with all of your other craziness up to this point, have I not?” He smirked.

“Hey that’s not--” You started to argue but he gave you a look. “Alright fine, yes you have,”

“Okay,” He looked up at you with a smile. “I’ll marry you. I’ll marry you right now, we can go into the chapel in the back and--” He started leading you back to the station.

“Wha, no no no,” You cried and laughed, wiping the tears from your face. “Okay I didn’t mean this second. Just...soon,”

“Soon?” He looked at you curiously.

“Really soon?” You bit your lip.

“Like, tomorrow soon?”

“Like….I don’t know, maybe a month? Two? I kind of want a reasonably cute wedding,”

“Not a huge expensive one….”

“Rafael how many people do I know that would come to my wedding? You and Chloe. That’s it. And Chloe will be standing next to me,”

“You have Maria,”

“Maria’s your...mom?”

“Second mom,” He chuckled. “But she could sit on your side. With her husband. And if you go inside and make nice with the rest of the squad, they can sit on your side,”

“...Make nice with the people I just had a meltdown in front of?” You raised an eyebrow.

“...They’ve seen worse, trust me,” He teased.

“...Okay but after that, can we--?” You raised your hand, and he read your mind.

“I’ll call Tiffany's and tell them we’ll be stopping by,” He shook his head with another laugh.

“...Really? Fancy,” You grinned.

“You’re easy to please,” He shook his head with a laugh as you walked back into the station hand in hand.

[mostly-mundane-atla]

Okay after having some time to put my thoughts together into something cohesive i have this to say.

Don't involve me in discourse. If I haven't already addressed it, I don't want to.

My culture has existed much longer than white people writing stories with us. There are some spiritual and storytelling aspects much bigger than can be done justice in a single easily consumed hot take post. Some of these things do not fit in or mesh well with current media analysis theories regarding race and ethnicity. Shit's complicated and delicate and I can't really say anything without shooting myself in the foot if I ever wanna talk about these cultural things or giving racists something they can will take out of context to justify their bullshit if they find it.

Another aspect is that some of the discourse I'm sure people will bring up if I let this slide involves things with very racist precedent that give me physical and intense psychological reactions. (Remember kids: something being an aspect of fandom doesn't automatically make it a squick. Sometimes it's a straight up fucking trigger, and it doesn't have to make sense to you for it to be real.) I have Opinions and Experiences that I have learned attract caustic people who like to take things out on strangers on the internet. I'd really rather not get compared to people who hide needles and razor blades in cookies because I said "[x or y] makes me uncomfortable to the point of being physically unwell but it's inescapable in this fandom so I stay off of ao3"

There are incredibly kind and respectful people who post things that make me incredibly uncomfortable. Things that make me gag or worse. Things that make me wonder if they'd even see my family as real people if they grew up in Alaska. And, barring certain bigots who know exactly what they're saying and why it's harmful, I ignore that and help them learn because telling them to fuck off isn't helping anyone either. So when I say I don't want to know I really mean that I don't want to know. Don't put me on the spot like that. It's not worth my time or my health.

[ftstorm]

My take on 5x10

Welp, that was a big one!

You know, before going into this episode I reminded myself this was the first episode of a new era, the first episode completely made by the new team.

So with that in mind my expectations were "Okay, let's see what they've got."

And oh boy did they surprise me.

DISCLAIMER: this text post is long af, not kidding.

1. THE INTRO SCENE.

You guys have no idea how glad I am that we got Mac doing a usual MacGyvering in his house. It's been ages since they implemented this format of showing his dynamics outside Phoenix and around his house.

I wasn't worried about the proposal thing at all. Guys, you have to accept that MacRiley was always going to happen after that 4x04 episode.

There was also the fact that this was the intro scene (usually the most important plot issues happen in the outro scene), Bozer's weird reaction and the melancholic audio cue.

If that proposal was happening, they would've made it more uplifting.

(I gotta say that watching Monica Marcer and the official MacGyver account making damage control in Twitter 3mins into the episode was a funny experience)

So my initial questions about Mac wanting to propose were: "what are his motivations?" and "how is this not going to work out by the end of the episode?"

The second question we got the answer later on. The first question remains unanswered. If we take on Mac's words, he says:

Mac: Unexpected, I know, I know. But that's why I like about it. You know ever since I lost my dad and Jack I've been thinking about the bigger picture. A commitment to make things work it's exactly what Desi and I need. A grand romantic gesture. *cue melancholic music*

Here we're presented with a bunch of things worth analysing, in my opinion.

He's trying to see the "bigger picture" which, for me, it means he's trying to tackle down different issues from his life with one specific, efficient action [the proposal]. Those issues being:

> his current romantic relationship: make is aware they have an inconsistent relationship > his performance at work: he needs balance between his personal affairs and his work, which is based on saving the world in a daily basis and for that he needs to be focused. > dealing with his past losses: to my understanding, saying "ever isn I lost my dad and Jac I've been thinking about the bigger picture" means that he doesn't want hopelessness to take over him, he wants to keep on moving and being proactive about his life.

So... you have to understand that in some sort of way, this proposal thing is a signal that Mac is healing. In some sort of way, if you were in Mac's shoes you would see that it was a positive thing for him. A step forward.

The thing is, we [the audience] have an extended understanding of the situation and we know that an engagement would be an incredibly rushed decision.

As well as it is that Mac's trying to move forward, he obviously hasn't been able to pinpoint the true issue behind his relationship with Desi. He isn't wrong about them lacking in the commitment department, but forcing the relationship to scalate isn't the right move. He should be asking himself: "Why are we avoiding commitment?"

And that's when he'd find out that they have very deep and important trust and communication issues.

~~~~

2. Moving on. MURDOC.

Russ: I can process it more efficiently by having it all spread out ahead me, you know. I reckon see the bigger picture at once.

This is when I realized that the episode was centered on this whole "bigger picture" idea. Russ struggles to see the full picture until the very end and Mac finds out that he hasn't been seeing the full picture of his life at all by the end of the episode.

Fast forward, the team's in Mexico, Riley knows about the ring already and she has already had the talk with Bozer in which she refers to her feelings for Mac in a past tense.

Then Murdoc appears.

And as if the episode wasn't already a rollercoaster after Mac's reveal, now Murdoc shows up to put everything upside down.

First I gotta say, man Dastmalchian is SUCH A GOOD MURDOC. Excellent actor. The way he delivers his lines, his facial expressions, all of it make an original and very entertaining Murdoc.

He always gives me such a Andrew Scott's Moriarty vibes and I love it.

Secondly, his dynamic with Andrews: *cheff kiss*

I loved how Andrews was so over Murdoc's theatrics, to the point his facial expression screamed "Why did I even reclute this guy" LOL.

Back to the story.

This is something I was hoping it wouldn't happen but at the same time I don't see another way it could've happened which is the explanation behind Murdoc's escape and how Phoenix didn't know about it.

Because what they told us is that the FBI didn't let them in on Murdoc's escape, right? Does that imply that the FBI has a corrupt agent in charge? Does it imply that the order of not letting Phoenix in came from above? Maybe someone with higher clearence than Matty? A politician? Governement conspiracy?

It smells like plot hole, tbh. I feel like the Murdoc's escape is a classic "it is what it is". We'll see if they come back to this in later episodes.

~~~~

3. BIG SECRET REVEAL 1.

By now we're at the point of the rollercoaster where you're going up and up and up. Your tension building more and more as you're getting close to the drop.

Bozer and Riley's audio was the drop.

You know, during this scene I jumped from my seat, closed my eyes, cringed, squealed, my heart accelarated, forgot how to breathe...

As a person who is a little bit bipolar when it comes to romance (I can be very shy about it or very outspoken about it) that scene made me SO UNCOMFORTABLE.

Imagine having your feelings exposed not only to the person you have feelings for but also his girlfriend who happens to be your friend, your boss and the criminal that's threatening to kill hundreds of people.

I was like: "Not like this!!"

And Mac's reaction didn't help because of the lack of it. I don't know what I expected but his slightly monotone reaction broke my heart.

Thankfully, I've recovered since then and I don't mind that it happened that way.

Still, imagine how suffocating it must've been for Riley. That idea was what made me so uncomfortable and I think that's what they were going for. They wanted to make it as straightforward and awkward as possible.

But it doesn't end there. It's followed by Mac revealing the ring to Desi (and Riley). Mac's in "fuck it" mood and Desi kinda panics.

Little side note here, using GUM and a DIAMOND to break a bullet proof glass... BIG YES. That's an intrinsic MacGyverism.

~~~~

4. BIG SECRET REVEAL 2.

Then we get a breather from this drama by introducing another drama, Leanna's death.

Bozer's reaction to the news was heartbreaking for my already heartbroken heart.

I have my suspicions as to why they decided to kill her... The other episode completely made by the new team was the Quarantine one (5x06). During that episode Mac and Bozer bond over Bozer's pain. After learning about Bozer's mom, Mac chooses to share a piece of his own pain with him.

So, hear me out, I think they writers are planning to help Mac process his own grief THROUGH Bozer's grief. Keep in mind that we still have a Bozer centered episode coming up.

This is just a theory. I may be wrong, but I think it may be right too.

Back to the episode.

Once again we see a three dimensional Russ. He does something accordingly to his own judgement thinking it's the right decision [hiding Leanna's death], he realizes he screwed up, he gives Bozer a very heartfelt apology about it.

Henry's acting talent shone with this narrative. Actually, most of the actors had the chance to shine THANKS to the NARRATIVE. Murdoc, Andrews, Desi, Mac, Russ and Bozer... they all had their highlight moments (I'll talk about Riley later).

Parenthesis here... THE NARRATIVE HAS RETURNED THEIR SOULS TO OUR DEAR CHARACTERS!

WOW, they aren't brooding, angry, sad or whiny ALL THE EFFIN TIME. ABOUT TIME!

~~~~

5. LAST ACT.

For the third or fouth time in this episode my heart broke again when Mac was friendly towards Riley, after she explained herself. It really felt like he was friendzoning her.

But here's something to point out. Riley visibly relaxed when he reacted that way. What does that tell us?

> She had been so tense up until that point. Imo, she's on the defensive now. You can even see it in her wardrobe, make up and hairstyle choices. They're very contrasting to Riley's most vulnerable moments in this show (like when Audrey broke up with her).

Riley has had a year to sort out her feelings. We see in this episode that she spoke about them in a past tense. Whether she achieved it or not is unknown. We just know that she has at least tried to move on.

> She was mostly afraid of ruining her close relationship with Mac (who's her only family, along with Bozer) and her friendship (?) with Desi. We've seen it over and over again: Riley DID NOT WANT to get in the middle of them.

Keep that in mind as we go in the last scene.

It took me a while to figure out a possible thread of thought inside Mac's mind. Why did he look at the ring and decided to go to Riley's house? It really didn't make sense to me.

One moment he was thinking about his proposal and somehow that lead to him having the necessity to know if Riley still had feelings for him? Why??

My theory is that he went to her apartment for permission.

His question was a way of asking Riley for permission to propose to Desi. It was a way of reassuring himself that proposing was still the right decision.

In a way, he could also be fishing for an excuse to not do it [the proposal].

Because now he has doubts. He's confused, unsure.

Mac asks:

Mac: Hiding your emotions and letting it pass. Did it go away?

What could her answer have been? Here I wanna go back again to Riley being emotionally defensive, added her strong desire of not wanting to be in the middle of Mac and Desi's relationship.

I think she would've said "Yes, it worked."

Because it also lines up with my idea that the love triangle has changed from "Riley's a better match for Mac" to "Mac needs to win Riley's heart".

Riley's done her job. She worked out her feelings. Now it's time for Mac to sort out his humongously messed up internal self and reignite her spark. That's what I think.

Also, if anyone has any idea on how the song that played in that scene relates with the moment please share it with me because I don't really understand the song choice lol.

~~~~

6. ADDITIONAL COMMENTS

Desi. I'm not sure what's going on in her mind. She seemed stressed out by the ring, very serious about Riley, lenient with Mac... I'm really not sure.

My guess would be that she doesn't want that type of commitment but she wants to be with Mac yet she can't ignore Riley so does that mean she has to end it with Mac? That's the thought process she may have had? Idk...

I'm glad they let her be mature about it, with no overreactions, no whining, no blaming, nothing of that style that we're used to see in her.

I'm also glad about that moment when she defeats Murdoc and Andrews. THAT'S HOW YOU WRITE A TOUGH DESI. It was filmed with such a gracefulness and elegance. I liked it.

From a MacDesi point of view, she's probably being open minded and giving him space and waiting for him to come back to her... but somehow I got the vibe that she's actually... running away?

Lastly but no less important.

THE HISPANIC REPRESANTION OMG. RUSS SPEAKING SPANISH AND THAT CUMBIA MUSIC FILLED MY HEART WITH SO MUCH PRIDE!!! :')

[e350tb]

The Owl House: A Blight on Gravesfield (Chapter Four)

Four

A trying day comes to an end.

So what happened to Philip Wittelsbane?

The Wittelsbanes have always maintained that Philip and John were set upon by a roving band of ‘Indian Braves’ - their words. That John fought bravely, but Philip’s head was ‘cleaved in twain’ by a tomahawk, and that he had no recourse but to abandon his brother. That was, until recently, the generally accepted story. Except in the 1970s, historians actually bothered to ask the Pequot people what their histories said, and they were adamant that Philip could not have been killed by them.

Assuming the oral history of the Pequot is correct, and given the near total lack of any settler-Pequot contact in Gravesfield at this time in written record, we can safely assume that, what actually happened?

Another theory is that John murdered Philip, or that they fought a duel and that John emerged the victor. That’s currently the most likely theory, although the Wittelsbanes fervently deny it, but it can’t be confirmed. Archeologists have never found any human remains that might have belonged to Philip, and there’s been a few digs over the years, mostly related to the Battle of Gravesfield. Of course, the body could have been moved or dumped in the river - we don’t know.

There’s a theory that Philip lived a little longer and died of disease; but if so, why does he disappear from the record? And why would Thomas Goodfaith Masterson write that John and Philip went into the woods, and only John came back?

Then there’s the fun theory, which I love, but which is almost certainly false; the theory that the Earth opened up and Beezlebub dragged Philip to hell for his congress with witches. That theory started being popular in the late 1760s, when John’s descendent, Matlock Wittlesbane, donated Philip’s writings to the public library, but it had been suspected by Gravesfield residents as early as the 1660s. Often this story includes a nice little fight between John and Philip, which gets framed as a great battle between good and evil, and ends with a blood-covered John arriving back home, falling into Thomas’ embrace, and proclaiming; “It is done! By the Lord, it is done!”

Demons, fights, blood, this story has everything! And it’s almost certainly false.

So what is the truth? The answer might be in the personal journal of John Wittlesbane, which we know exists, but is in the care of the Wittelsbane estate, and they’ve never let anybody look at it. They say it is a private, family document.

Which doesn’t help dissuade us from the whole ‘murder’ hypothesis.

Now I want to have some time for discussion, so we’ll close the lecture here. I want to raise a question for you; apart from what I’ve mentioned, what other possible explanations are there for Philip’s disappearance?

 ....

The living arrangements were tight, but not uncomfortable.

Certainly, the pair of air beds were close, but there was enough of a gap between them (and the couch) that there wasn’t a lack of personal space. A pair of pillows and a few old, warm blankets completed the ensemble; Camila had even fished out an old plush bunny from the bottom of the closet.

Camila, who had just finished pumping the pair of beds, sat on the couch, mopping her brow.

“It’s always harder than it looks,” she muttered.

Amity rubbed her arm, looking a little embarrassed.

“You didn’t have to do this, Ms. Noceda,” she muttered.

Camila smiled.

“You’re a guest,” she replied. “It’s the least I can do.”

“Yeah, Amity, this is the Castello Noceda we’re talking about!” exclaimed Luz. “We’ve gotta keep our AirBnB rating up!”

“...Air B and what?”

The door opened; Vee walked in, carrying a fluffy red blanket and an extra pillow under her arm.

“So, uh, since you’ll be wanting your room back and all…” she said.

“Vee, no!” exclaimed Luz. “It’s okay, you can stay up… wait, hold on, don’t I have a bunk bed?”

She glanced at the two air beds in confusion.

“I thought you’d want to keep your friend company,” Camila said, shrugging. “I mean, it is her first night in a strange place.”

Luz smiled.

“Thanks, mami,” she said, giving her mother a hug. “You always think of these things.”

Camila smiled, but then frowned.

“We still need to talk tomorrow,” she said.

Luz sighed and bowed her head.

“I know,” she replied.

“And not just about the Boiling Isles,” added Camila. “Vee’s been going to school in your place. We need to work out how she can keep going now that you’re back.”

Luz tilted her head.

“Does she… want to?”

“Of course!” replied Vee. “I wanna see my friends every day, you know?”

Luz looked at her like she’d grown an extra head.

“...friends?”

She swallowed.

“Yeah, we’ll talk about that tomorrow,” she said. “I just…”

She yawned loudly.

“...today took a lot outta me,” she muttered.

“Cariño, I feel like I’ve aged twenty years in the last few hours,” sighed Camila. “I think we all need to get some sleep.”

She smiled.

“Goodnight Vee, goodnight Amity.” She turned to her daughter. “Goodnight, Luz. I am so glad you’re back.”

“I…”

Luz’ eyes shot down to the floor.

“Me too, mami.”

Camila flicked off the light, and she and Vee departed. Luz sighed, collapsing onto the air bed - then she squealed a little as she bounced.

“Forgot how bouncy these things are,” she muttered.

She turned on her side. Amity lay on her back, staring up at the ceiling. Her expression was hard to read.

“Amity?”

“I miss Ghost,” sighed Amity.

“Yeah?”

“I don’t know where she went,” she added. “I guess I was just so focused on helping you that I forgot to look out for her. Look at me; top student and I can’t even look after my Palisman.”

“Hey, I’m sure she’s okay,” Luz replied. “She’s probably just waiting for you in your room. Or maybe using Edric as a scratching post again.”

Amity snorted.

“Honestly, I kind of hope she stays away from there,” she admitted. “I don’t think my parents are going to be in a particularly good mood at the moment.”

Luz frowned. “They wouldn’t hurt Ghost, would they? I mean, they’re strict but they’re not-”

Amity turned, looking her in the eyes, and Luz trailed off.

“I feel like I’m missing something here,” she said.

“I… honestly I’d rather not talk about it,” sighed Amity.

Luz nodded.

They lay in silence for a few minutes. The rain still pattered on the window - it was starting to die down now, and the wind had almost stopped completely.

“Belos has Eda, doesn’t he?” asked Luz. “And King?”

Amity nodded.

“I’m sorry, I couldn’t do anything…”

“Amity, I’m not gonna be mad because you couldn’t stop Emperor Belos,” said Luz. “He’s Emperor Belos. You don’t get to be an evil emperor without getting really good at magic and junk.”

She lay on her back, scratching her chin.

“Or maybe you do? I dunno, I didn’t really listen to that history class on Napoleon.”

“Napole-who?”

“Human thing.”

She sighed.

“We’re gonna get through this,” she said. “For Eda, and for King, and for Lilith and Raine and… I dunno, whoever Belos has messed with. And then…”

She ran a hand through her hair.

“...then maybe I can get mom to understand… everything,” she said.

“Well, you’ve got a better chance than with my parents,” said Amity.

“I dunno, it’s still… I shouldn’t be this scared, you know?” Luz shrugged. “She’s my mom. I love her. So why does the thought of actually talking to her make me so anxious?”

Amity shrugged.

“Families are hard.”

Luz snorted, turning back onto her side.

“At least I’ve still got you,” she said.

Amity’s face turned red, and she rubbed the back of her hair.

“I’m not that great,” she replied. “Eda or King would’ve been better.”

“Hey, don’t sell yourself short!” said Luz. “And besides…”

She blushed, smiling.

“...King doesn’t have pretty eyes like yours.”

Amity laughed, her face becoming redder still.

“Hey, uh, they’re, uh, they’re not as pretty as yours…”

The two snorted and broke into giggles.

Outside, the rain stopped completely, and the world was still. Tomorrow awaited, with all it’s myriad uncertainties, but for now, they had each other.

That was enough.

[mbti-notes]

Im ISTP dude and I like this INFJ girl. Shes my friend but I like her more than that. I told her already and asked her out. She didn't reject me but thing is her answer is vague as hell. First she asked why I like her and I told her honestly that shes pretty and smart but she didnt react more than a nod. Then when I ask if she wanna be my girlfriend she said 'okay but can it be a trial period first'. I assumed its a yes so we started going out but its very weird. (1)

[con’t: It gets even more difficult to understand her and shes start asking me questions about my perspective on love and start warning me about her loving differently than other people and I might not like it and stuff like that. She also seems to be assessing me somehow? I dont know. Like shes trying to judge something about me. I dont think shes playing me or anything cause we always do things fair. She insists we split the bills on everything when we go out and she never demand anything so thats cool. We also spend time together like before. Its just very weird cause she seems more guarded around me and more jumpy and colder than usual even though shes still nice to me and all. Is this normal for INFJs? Maybe she doesnt actually like me? But then why did she agree? I mean we have same interests and we seem to have fun together so I dont understand whats wrong. Should I continue this or just go back to being friends? I like her a lot but I dont wanna waste time on relationship that goes nowhere.]

Note that you can’t improve the quality of a relationship until both people are equally committed to the task. Relationships flourish through skillful communication:

1) Self-Awareness: Be fully aware of your needs, wants, and criteria for relationships. Take full responsibility for your end, so that you do everything in your power to promote relationship success, and then the rest is up to her. It’s important that you are able to communicate clearly and honestly about what’s happening with you, including what you think is going wrong for you and why. If you can’t even make your needs and problems known to your partner, then you’ll never really know each other well enough to get any needs met.

You have not succeeded in this step because you’re putting the whole situation onto her shoulders, as though you have no say in the matter. Whether you stay or leave is your decision to make, based on your evaluation of the relationship and whether it’s what you really want. If a relationship makes you unhappy/dissatisfied, why stay? You’re the one feeling the problem, which means that it’s up to you to instigate a process of resolution. 

People usually stick it out through the down times in a relationship because they have a hopeful vision of what the relationship could become. You have a hopeful vision because you’re talking about how the current situation isn’t meeting your expectations. But what are your expectations? You say that you have fun together, why isn’t that enough? What’s missing for you exactly? Without enough awareness of yourself and being able to verbalize the problem that you’re experiencing, it’s hard to find a solution.

2) Intimacy: A relationship grows deeper over time through honest, attentive, and respectful communication. Talk about what you like, dislike, desire, hope for, etc, with each other, often. Gradually, you both become a better partner as you learn how to adjust your behavior to better suit the other’s needs. The process of becoming more intimately acquainted requires time and energy to learn new things and apply the ideas successfully. You have to be patient and put in the effort to have difficult conversations whenever necessary to grow your knowledge and understanding of each other.

You have not succeeded in this step because you’re making assumptions rather than communicating. You’re merely guessing that she’s trying to do this or that, and you end up whipping yourself into paranoia. “Assuming”, aka trying to be a mindreader, is very destructive to relationships because it causes misunderstanding. Relationships require trust, so take people at their word, and when you can’t, talk about why you can’t and solve the problem through communication. Don’t stew in negative feelings and allow them to turn into ugly conspiracy theories.

By saying that she wants a trial period, she’s basically telling you that she’s interested but not ready for a full commitment. If you’re not happy with her position, then you have a choice to make: Either respect that her pace is slower than yours and be patient, or decide that you want something faster/different and leave for greener pastures. She’s already been honest and upfront with you, the ball is now in your court about whether you accept the terms she’s proposed. If you accept, then FULLY accept.

By asking plenty of questions about your perspective, she is making an effort to get to know you better, specifically, to understand why you want to be in the relationship and whether you two are ultimately compatible. You hardly know each other at the start of a relationship, so she is indeed trying to size you up, such that she can make a well-informed decision once the trial period ends. If you don’t like people getting to know you in depth, then you’re never going to get far in any relationship. She obviously is the kind of person that needs to prepare and study situations carefully before diving in. If you don’t like that, then you are free to choose someone who doesn’t require as much preparation and observation time (this is a common J vs P difference).

3) Collaboration: Whenever either party feels unhappy or dissatisfied with something in the relationship, it is their responsibility to bring it up with the partner. When your partner brings a problem to you, it is your responsibility to listen carefully to what it is they need from you. Only then can you resolve problems maturely, together. If it is determined that your partner is capable of better meeting your needs, then make a reasonable request of them to do so. Talk openly about what should be changed in the relationship to make it more fulfilling for both parties, and implement a plan to make those changes. Keep tabs on progress made over time.

You have not succeeded in this step because you’re not being upfront about your negative experience of the relationship and what more you need from it. This means that you’re not giving her the opportunity to collaborate with you. If you don’t talk about how you feel, she’ll never know, and the change that you want won’t happen.

By talking about the way that she “loves differently”, she’s communicating something about her needs and expectations. She’s giving you an opportunity to know her better, such that you can collaborate with her to fulfill her needs. If she’s inexperienced, she may not yet know every little thing that she’s looking for in a relationship. But the most important thing is that she’s trying to communicate about it, which means it’s up to you to listen and respond appropriately. If you have no interest in getting to know her and what kind of partner she’s looking for, then there’s no reciprocity in the relationship. Are you only in it for yourself?

By asking you why you like her, she may be signalling some self-esteem issues (”I don’t know if I can do this”) and/or self-worth issues (”Maybe I don’t deserve this attention/love”). Healthy Fs are sensitive people, which means that they feel things very deeply. The deeper they feel, the more deeply they will be hurt, if things don’t work out. Therefore, it is likely that she is hesitant to dive in because she’s trying to stay in control and protect herself from getting hurt (this is typical of FJs). Forcing someone to leave their comfort zone before they are ready to is a recipe for drama and conflict. The most you can do is encourage her to open up, by providing an emotionally supportive, cooperative, and non-judgmental atmosphere to express how she really feels. Without a positive social atmosphere, FJs won’t open up. She’s moving at a pace that’s comfortable for her, which includes pulling back whenever she feels uncomfortable. Be sure to clarify whether it’s her own issue or whether you’re doing something to make her uncomfortable - don’t just assume. If you don’t like her “guarded” approach, then you are free to choose someone who is more open and carefree (you are navigating a common J vs P difference).

If you like someone a lot, it means that you’re willing to put in effort for them? You have every right to decide how much effort you’re willing to put in. The relationship is still in its early stages and you won’t lose much by ending it now. However, don’t forget that there’s a lot you can do to be better at relationships, mainly by addressing any behavior that hurts rather than helps relationships to progress.

[verobatto]

Destiel Chronicles

Vol. LXXX

It was a love story from the very beginning.

Is Not Allowed (Part I)

(12x10a)

Hi my dears! And we arrived to one of our favorite Destiel episodes: 'Lily Sanders has some regrets.'

We have a lot of Destiel to discuss here, more of it you have read for sure already in this fandom, because we are late with the subtext, but I decided to divide this meta in two parts.

Married Couple and the Third Wheel

When the episode starts, we have our little moose and Dean having this peculiar dialogue...

SAM: I don't think we have the kind of mom who's gonna stay home and make us chicken soup for dinner, you know? You talk to Cass yet?

DEAN: No.

Sam jumps from mom, one of Dean's concerns, to Cas. He has to take this chance, and he's asking because we could assume, he was seeing something odd between them going on. (Poor third wheel), he noticed, as the insightful person Sam is, Dean and Cas are not talking to each other. He had noticed the awkward silence...

I want to hug that moose...

SAM: So, what, you're just gonna keep walking past each other in the kitchen, not saying a word?

DEAN: Maybe.

I love Yockey, because he's pointing here through Sam's lines how Dean and Cas behave like two lovers fighting. Is a married couple, and he's the poor kid in the middle. And I love his body language, because he is moving the chair as if it was a game in the park, while looking at his brother like "you are two kids. You are so in love and fight like two love birds." Hope in his eyes, because he's making his brother talk with him about Cas. This is a perfect parallel to season 8, the bunker again, and Dean mad at Cas again, but this time Sam is more used to it. And kind of amused.

SAM: Look, yes, Cass killed Billie, but he saved us. He saved Mom. How long are you gonna stay pissed?

DEAN: I'm not pissed that he cares about us, you know. I'm – I'm grateful. But Billie said there would be “cosmic consequences” if that deal got broken. You have any idea what that means?

SAM: No.

DEAN: Neither do I, but I'm pretty sure it ain't jellybeans and g-strings.

SAM: My point is, Cas thought he was doing the right thing.

CAS: I was doing the right thing.

Sam is always Castiel's attorney, he was that in season 8 saying 'Is Cas!", And he is now trying to make his brother to understand why Cas did it.

Sam is saying what Dean always says about Cas, but is not working this time, because they're already married hahahaa. Sorry. But is true.

And the bickering continues...

CAS: No. This is personal.

DEAN: Meaning what?

CAS: Another angel. An old friend. He called out for help.

DEAN: Oh. Good old reliable angel radio.

May I point here how jealous is Dean? Because every time Cas mentions angels or Heaven, he is there to spread his jealousy all over. Just thinking about Cas coming back to Heaven or to his old Garrison, makes Dean lose it.

CAS: He was begging for help and then he just stopped. I need to know if he's still alive.

SAM: Yeah, all right. Well... we'll come with you.

CAS: Both of you?

There comes the sassy look, I love it, Cas is so done with Dean's attitude, but he is not aware he's acting just like him. I know Sam is saying 'Kiss already!'

DEAN: Sure. Yeah, we could help. Gotta make sure you don't do anything else stupid.

Dean's favorite quote to exasperate his angel... The level of bickering is reaching the top, but there's still even more... Are you praying for Sammy?

The awkward silence in the car makes Sam wanting to die. Is the same sensation an old friend feels when an old couple is fighting, and he knows both of them. Being in the middle of that war is stressing.

We, as spectators, don't know if we should laugh or just feel sorry for Sam.

Is a very uncomfortable situation...

Thank you Yockey for writing this clearly as two men in love fighting, making it blatant to any eye watching.

Because we have the exaggerating reactions, the rolling eyes, the frowns and the sassiest quotes and looks. And the jealousy at his maximum expression. YES, DEAN AND CAS ARE IN LOVE AND THEY'RE FIGHTING.

SAM: All right. Guys, you know what? This – this silent treatment thing, it's silly. It's not gonna work. Whatever we're walking into, we should, you know, probably have an actual plan.

Sam is so done with it, he's just throwing some reason over there.

CAS: (sighs) What do you wanna know?

DEAN: Oh, he speaks.

SAM: Enough. Cass, you said when you heard Benjamin, he – he was screaming.

Okay, Sam is scolding his brother, because he had just asked them to stop, and he keeps acting like a child, so, time to stop him.

CAS: It was, um... Look, Benjamin wouldn't call for help lightly. And he wouldn't put himself in harm's way if he could help it.

DEAN: Wow, this Benjamin seems like he's pretty cool, you know. Like he wouldn't make any half-cocked, knee-jerk choices.

Well, look at this, Dean is far from stop, he is trying to annoy Castiel even more. Trying to throw a little of irony, and Cas will reply with some acid words...

Gif set credit @shirtlesssammy 👇

CAS: Yeah, you know what I like about him? Is that he's sarcastic, but he's thoughtful and appreciative, too.

DEAN: Now what is that supposed to mean?

SAM: Okay, okay, the road, road. Dude, watch the road.

This is one of my fav scenes, because he got so jealous over Castiel's words about Benjamin, that is hilarious, he even turns around to face the angel, ignoring he was the driver, and is SO SO BLATANT, AGAIN, SO CLEAR TO OUR EYES THEY'RE TWO LOVE BIRDS FIGHTING.

What is allowed

Let's jump now into a concept that will be explored this season and the following. Something that every angel has written in his brains: Sacred Oath.

Yockey will show us in this episode the two difference about what is allowed and what is not allowed to angels about their relationships with humans.

Pay attention to Castiel's words here...

CAS: Benjamin is always very careful. Long ago, he found a powerfully devout vessel in Madrid, and her faith, it... she gave him everything – her trust and her body.

This speech Cas makes about Benjamin and her female vessel, is nothing else than a profound bond, when he says 'she gave him everything--her trust her body.' He's talking about which kind of relationship is allowed for an angel to have with a human. Sharing vessel, is an intimate act of trust and submission. But the way Cas is talking about it, the sentiment he put on those words, is talking about something else there. So maybe Benjamin and this woman fell in love, and the only allowed way to share their lives together, was through sharing vessel. @emblue-sparks has a very interesting analysis about how this premise introduced by Yockey could be taken as a theory of Dean and Cas sharing vessels since season 13. You can find their thoughts here. I based my current Destiel endgame spec on this too, and in more clues I found mostly in season 15. You can find that spec here.

DEAN: Wait. So Benjamin's a woman.

CAS: Benjamin is an angel. His vessel is a woman. But it – it's – it's more than that. She's not just his vessel.

SAM: She's... She's his friend.

CAS: Yeah. Benjamin would never put her in unnecessary danger.

And we love Yockey, shows us here the genderless nature of angels, based on the vessels. When he says BENJAMIN IS AN ANGEL, he is saying he is not a woman, not a man, even when his pronoun is He/Him.

There will be another example when Yockey shows us fem vessel! Castiel.

When Cas says 'it's more than that. She's not just his vessel." Is giving us clues, again, about the kind of profound bond Benjamin and the spanish woman shared.

I have to cut the analysis here, and I will let the "not allowed" topics for the next meta.

To Conclude:

I consider Yockey as the Destiel guide writer in Dabb's team. Each episode he wrote, he made a guide with steps our ship will follow in the incoming chapters.

This time he is putting in order a couple of concepts about angels, allowed relationships with humans and forbidden relationships.

This is very important to understand Castiel's POV about his own feelings for Dean.

He wrote an old married couple bickering, and Sam represented all of us, trying to survive to uncomfortable silences and bitterness.

Hope you like this meta, see you in the next one!

Tagging @magnificent-winged-beast @emblue-sparks @weird-dorky-little-deana @michyribeiro @whyjm @legendary-destiel @a-bit-of-influence @thatwitchydestielfan @misha-moose-dean-burger-lover @lykanyouko @evvvissticante @savannadarkbaby @dea-stiel @poorreputation @bre95611 @thewolfathedoor @charlottemanchmal @neii3n @deathswaywardson @followyourenergy @dean-is-bi-till-i-die @hekatelilith-blog @avidbkwrm @anarchiana @dickpuncher365 @vampyrosa @authorsararayne @mybonsai1976 @love-neve-dies @dustythewind @wayward-winchester67 @angelwithashotgunandtrenchcoat @trashblackrainbow @deeutdutdutdoh @destiel-shipper-11 @larrem88 @charmedbycastiel @ran-savant @little-crazy-misha-minion @samoosetheshipper

@shadows-and-padlocked-hearts @mishtho @dancingtuesdaymorning @nerditoutwithbooks @mikennacac73 @justmeand-myinsight @idontwantpeopletoknowmyname @teddybeardoctor @pepevons @helevetica @isthisdestiel @dizzypinwheel @jawnlockwinchester @horsez2 @qanelyytha

@destielle @agusvedder @spnsmile @shippsblog @robot-feels @superlock-in-the-tardis @superduckbatrebel @2musiclover2 @nickelkit @anon-non2 @cea1996

If you want to be added or removed from this list, just let me know.

If you want to read the previous metas from this season, here you have the links:

Vol. LXXV, LXXVI, LXXVII, LXXVIII, LXXIX

Buenos Aires, September 22th 2020 7:03 PM

[razorblade180]

Venqua Week:Music

“When you-gah! No, that’s not right. When- ugh! Come on Ventus, you can do this!” The boy said, frustratingly tuning a guitar. He had been at this for months now. It all started when Namine moved into the Land of Departure with him, Terra, and Aqua. The boy had stumbled upon her drawings and by extension, the arts itself. He was completely hooked. Outside of fighting, Ventus didn’t have much time to explore possible talents. He was determined to find a hobby he was good at! It took all of ten minutes of Namine teaching him about color theory for him to realize that maybe literal art wasn’t his calling.

That’s when Namine recommended music. Seemed like a good idea. He didn’t want to brag, but Ventus always thought he was a bit musically inclined. Between dancing and the ice cream beat machine, he thought learning an actual instrument would come easy. Wrong! It was critically difficult! Three months into learning guitar and his confidence was was fading like the golden sunset that washed over him as he sat at the edge of the trio’s stargazing spot. Ventus played a few more strings and sighed. It didn’t sound off. Honestly it never was. The problem was his nerves. Ventus was trying to be a perfectionist with the only song he’s been able to learn so far. All for a special someone, Aqua.

He had always had certain feelings for his friend, but expressing them was beyond impossible. Any time he tried to show her a cooler, more mature side of himself it never worked out. He’d either screw up really hard, or Aqua would do her pretty little giggle while patting his head like he was some sort of puppy. He was not a puppy darn it! Ventus wanted to at least be a cooler, older anime. Something like a fox or a leopard. Just once, he wanted to leave Aqua speechless. He thought a singing to her would be his best bet. His face face grew redder at the thought of her listening to the song in awe, her deep blue eyes captivated by his feelings.

“Geez, I’m so hopeless.” He said, covering his face. Ventus turned his head towards his master’s keyblade that rested peacefully just several feet away. He wondered if Master Eraqus had any hidden talents? No way keyblade wielding was his only gift. If Aqua’s fighting style was any indication, the old man was probably a bunch of fun on the dance floor. The thought of him doing even half the moves Aqua did was enough to make Ventus laugh lightly. Once again he strummed his guitar. “Oh master, you think I stand a chance?”

“Stand a chance at what?” A voice asked from behind. Ven’s face went bright red, then pale in a less than a second when he realized it was Aqua. She smiled her beautiful smile like she always did and held a crown of flowers in her hand.

“A-Aqua!?” He stammered, “W-What brings you up here....!?” He wanted to hit himself right now. The answer to that was quite literally in front of him.

“Changing out Master Eraqus’s flowers” she answered anyways. Aqua walked over to the memorial and did just that. The old ones weren’t dead yet, but their color was obviously starting to fade. Still, they looked rather pretty. So pretty in fact, Aqua took it upon herself to sat right next to ventus and hang it around neck. “Wow, I’m a little surprised it passed your hair so easily. I thought it would sit on top.” She teased, ruffling the wild dew.

“Hey! It’s not that spiky! Also my head would have to massive for it to sit on top!” He pouted. Why is always a head rub!? This time he was minding his own business and still wound up like this. “Do you have a thing with my hair or something? You’re always doing stuff like this.”

“Of course. You always pout and turn red. It’s cute.” She answered, watching him get redder. Aqua couldn’t help herself. Teasing Ven like this was just irresistible. “So, what is it that you were trying to stand a chance in? Maybe I can help?”

“What? Oh! Umm it was nothing! Just talking aloud is all.” Lying was not a strength Ventus had.

“Really?” Aqua said sarcastically. She reached over to the guitar in his arms and ran her fingers across the strings, making a subtle but pleasant sound from it. “Nothing to do with the acoustic currently in your hands?” She looked at the blue eyes that were inches away and avoiding contact. Aqua tilted her head, a bit confused by Ven’s shyness. “Ven, I’m not a mind reader. Tell me what’s up?”

“If you read minds then you know mine only has you in it.” He thought to himself. “I’m just having a little trouble with a song I wanna sing. I learned all the notes and everything, but I get anxious anytime it comes to playing the whole thing.”

“How come?”

“I’m...self conscious is all.” It wasn’t a lie but it was certainly vague. “Any time I think about singing it the way I intend to, I get worried if it sounds bad or if I look like an idiot.” Ven could feel his heart beating so loudly that he was afraid Aqua might here it. Here being this close was nothing new, yet it too much to deal with.m right now moved back a little by pretending to readjust how he was sitting.

Aqua could the boys hand fidget a little. He wasn’t kidding at all about feeling anxious. She had never seen him so flustered when it came to things like this. Aqua had caught him a few times over the past few months really putting an effort into learning when nobody was around. She had even secretly caught him sneaking off early in the morning to find a place to practice. Learning this song must’ve been really important. For Aqua, that only left one response to this.

“Can I hear it?”

Ven was going to have a heart attack. “What!?”

“I wanna hear it.” She repeated, “We’re often our own worst critics. If you only play with no one around then you might always think it needs improvement, so let me hear it. I’ll give my honest opinion!” She said, excited to listen.

“That’s the one thing that scares me!!!” Ventus could not believe this was happening. How was he supposed to explain to her that she couldn’t listen because he was doing it all for her!? She even gave a valid reason for helping! “Oh, no I uh- you don’t have to do all that! Hehe, I just-” he stopped when he saw Aqua move to sit on her knees. His crush sat patiently with her hands resting her hands on her lap, a heart stealing smile still on her face. Here she was. Here they were. Two people bathed in the golden light of a sunset. Warm air and breath stealing views anywhere you looked. A gentle breeze made Aqua run a finger across her face. All attention was on him. Well, no time like the present right? Ven stood no chance of resisting with a face like that.

He sat facing her, legs crossed. He new his face was still red and the sound of his beating heart hadn’t gotten any calmer. However, a comfort came from that with a mix of excitement. An honest truth about his feelings. He really had fallen for her and wanting nothing more to express his feelings with all of his heart.

“Aqua...can I ask a favor?” He somehow managed to say. “Can you...close you eyes while I sing to you?”

The request was surprising but understandable. This was more about sound then sight anyways. “Okay.” She closed her eyes in earnest. “Ready...” For some reason Aqua felt herself get a little embarrassed as well. She hoped it didn’t show on her face.

Ventus took the deepest breath he could. Mustering his resolve and composing himself, Ventus began to strum.

🎶When you walk away, you don't hear me say

"Please, oh baby, don't go."

Simple and clean

Is the way that you're making me feel tonight

It's hard to let it go....🎶

Yeah, Aqua could totally feel herself starting to blush. Ven was only a few lyrics in, but she couldn’t think of a time she heard a more stunning voice.

🎶You're giving me, too many things, lately

You're all I need, oh~

You smiled at me and said...

"Don't get me wrong, I love you

But does that mean I have to meet your father?"

When we are older, you'll understand what I meant when I said

"No, I don't think life is quite that simple"

When you walk away, you don't hear me say

"Please, oh baby, don't go."

Simple and clean

Is the way that you're making me feel tonight

It's hard to let it go🎶

Ventus felt his nerves melt away as he kept playing. His mind was too focused on the notes to worry. Too focused on the girl in front of him. He was starting to find his stride.

The daily things, Like this and that and what is what

That keep us all... busy are confusing me~

That's when you came to me and said

"Wish I could prove I love you but does that mean I have to walk on water?"

When we are older, you'll understand it's enough when I say so

And maybe some things are that simple.

When-🎶

His serenade was unexpectedly cut short. Aqua had reached for his hand and stopped him from playing. Ven’s heart skipped a beat. For a moment, nothing but dread filled his thoughts. Did she hate it? Why else would he stop him midway. He would’ve asked, but Ventus couldn’t find the words. Not out of fear, but because of the look on Aqua’s face. Her calm demeanor was entirely gone. A the warmest smile Ven has ever laid eyes on was on her face with rose red cheeks. “A-Aqua...?” He finally spoke.

“S...sorry.” She spoke, “it’s just...well....” finding the words was a little difficult. Aqua couldn’t help but laugh at her own skittishness. “You confessing to me like this might be a little more than my heart can handle.” There, she said it. She watched a Ven’s eyes start getting bigger and bigger while his face tried rivaling hers in terms of red.

“Y...You knew I-”

“Of course.” Aqua giggled, “I watch you just as much as you watch me you know? Because...I like you...too. A lot.”

Ventus must’ve been dreaming. Chirithy has to have put him in a special dream. It’s the only way this made sense. “Why didn’t you say anything?” Like he was one to talk.

Aqua rubbed the back of her neck, “I’m not very good with this kind of stuff. Even though I had a feeling you liked me, I just couldn’t find the nerve. Then I started thinking about how I could be wrong and I didn’t want to make you uncomfortable. I kept finding reasons to keep quiet. But next thing I know is I started thinking more and more about these feelings sense we got back home and I-” Aqua jumped at the touch of Ven’s hand grab hers. She’s glad he did it, or else she might’ve rambled for hours.

A pressure weighed on their chest. One that was slowly pulling them together. The two of them couldn’t speak, only lean closer. They wanted the same thing. They knew it buy all the blushing moments and not so secret glances. Aqua moved the guitar away from Ven to get even closer. Ven invited the approach by tugging her hand closer to him. Her face had to be only inches away. Way to far for his liking. Aqua finally spoke.

“I think we should both close our eyes this time.” She said, flustered by her own suggestion. She was glad she managed to say it though. The moment his eyes closed, Aqua understood why he asked before. Filled with ease and courage, Aqua pressed her lips against the ones that had just serenaded her moments ago. Neither kept track how long they remained like this and neither cared. The only thing that mattered was it had finally happened; and it was only going to keep happening for many days to come.

[many thanks to @venquaweek because fun fact, I’ve had this music idea for three years and never wrote it 😂]

[graffitiskies]

━♡ guess the 26 year old july baby just arrived to dallyeog! it makes sense, because jeon yooseul is just as wild as the month of july. wait, why do they remind me of bae suji? beyond that, they seemed audacious and impartial upon first glance. i heard someone say they’re sort of stormful and brusque though. i hope they get acquainted here in complex #3 / apartment #0722 / floor # 2 ; she seems to have a lot going on with her job as a rideshare driver.

tw: missing persons

hey everyone!!!! ;u; i’m so glad to be joining you at this ungodly hour (it’s literally after 4am here SMH!!) but hey when the muse hits you IT HITS YOU LIKE A CINDERBLOCK and i for one love when i get a weird burst of sudden muse for a new character hehe :> anyways, that character would be jeon yooseul, a somewhat asocial rideshare driver who’s been living at dallyeog for about a year now :0 pretty much all the info i have for her is below, but in case you’d rather not read a big stretch of text all together, here’s some individual page links: x, x & x :)

profile / stats basic

full name - jeon yooseul nickname/s - yoo, yoojwi ( from her aunt due to her quiet nature ) age - twenty six dob - 07/22/1994 gender identity - cis female orientation/s - pansexual / demiromantic blood type - o born - gyeonggi-do, south korea  grew up - pohang, south korea nationality - korean occupation: rideshare driver languages: korean, conversational japanese, very basic english

personality

label - the thunderstorm traits - audacious, stormful, impartial, brusque, enigmatic, aloof aesthetics - long drives with no destination, concealed crying fits, lonely shadow puppets on the wall in the waning sun, wind and raindrops in your hair, smudged lip balm, beat up messenger bags, the jingling of keys, continental drift, being left on read western horoscope - cancer chinese zodiac - dog alignment - chaotic neutral mbti - the logician ( intp-t ) enneagram - the philosopher ( 5w4 ) disc type - the architect ( Dc )

appearance

fc - bae su-ji ( bae suzy ) hair - deep brown and usually worn naturally, with little effort put in. eye color - black build - slender clothing style - simple, aimless - lots of blacks, earth tones and neutrals. owns a few leather jackets. piercings - both ears in multiple places tattoos - a small heart on her left ring finger, a heart topped with a cross on lower part of the back of her neck

familial ties

mother - jeon hyesun ( status unknown ) father - jeon soonil ( status unknown ) siblings - younger brother jeon yoohwan ( 20, currently in university ) aunt - im darae ( 49, living in pohang ) uncle - im jongho ( 52, living in pohang )

biography

yooseul was born in the muggy, oppressive heat of july to two very kind, yet very naive people. they were both young; barely 19 when they had yooseul, and were in no position to take care of a child. however, they still took on the challenge, as it was simply the kind of people they were.

while the pair meant well, they were always leaving yooseul with her aunt and uncle before traipsing off on another adventure. they loved traveling the world doing all kinds of thrilling, but reckless activities. climbing infamous mountain peaks, visiting the sites of active volcanos, boating down the amazon river with scarce supplies. the little girl would overhear pieces of arguments between her aunt & uncle and her parents. yooseul’s aunt and uncle tended to look out for her even more than her parents did, and were adamant that all the traveling was actively harming yooseul’s development. her mother and father remained steadfast that their daughter wouldn’t even remember this stretch of her life, due to how young she was.

when yooseul’s brother was born, everyone was a bit hopeful that yooseul’s parents would slow down with their jet-setting lifestyle, but if anything, it seemed to kick them into high gear. it was as though having a second child made them feel as though the clock were ticking on their lives, and off they were again on another adrenaline rush.

as yooseul grew enough to truly comprehend and lament her parents’ absence, it was only then that they seemed to finally understand the effect they were having. then again, anyone would probably start listening when their young child is on their knees, begging and crying with an intensity of someone’s whose heart was truly breaking. the trips slowed to a crawl and became every once in a while, rather than every other weekend. yooseul grew passive about them by age seven, as they were so infrequent, so when her parents told her they’d be going on a hiking trip to the south korean evergreen forests, she honestly didn’t think much of it.

she hadn’t seen her aunt and uncle in months, and she and her brother could fly kites in their spacious garden. it was a handful of positives, or so yooseul thought. ( tw begins here ) the days stretched on at their house, and it seemed to be taking a bit longer for her parents to return than she’d anticipated. she could tell something may have been wrong by the hushed conversations her aunt and uncle had, coupled with teary phone calls to people that yooseul couldn’t seem to make out.

she learned the truth while eavesdropping on a news story about her parents; apparently they had gone out hiking as planned, but they had never returned back to the hotel they were staying at. several searches had been conducted in the forest, but only scant, inconclusive traces of the couple were found.

as she was just a child, yooseul knew only hope. her parents would come back one day. why wouldn’t they? they’d been hiking before. they knew what they were doing. days turned into months, and optimism turned into doubt. the evergreen forests were so large and covered so much ground - and who knew if they were even still in there?

( end of tw ) her aunt and uncle did what they could for her and her brother, as the two had gained custody of the children due to their frequent care of them. while her brother was able to develop at a relatively normal pace, yooseul withdrew inside of herself for the most part. the hope she had once known had shifted into stinging pessimism. she loved the family she had left of course, but she was terrible at opening up about what she was feeling, and she was so reluctant for people to see any weakness in her. she had to be the strong one, and it was so much easier to be strong when you let emotions roll off your back entirely.

yooseul had difficult focusing on the things that went on around her, especially in school. she never really made socializing a priority, and her grades were abysmal. it was honestly a wonder that she graduated at all, but her aunt and uncle didn’t want her to be without a secondary diploma, so they refused to let her fall back irretrievably far.

trying to enter the workforce was even worse. she’d sworn off university, and all the small trade jobs she got never seemed to last more than a couple of months, mostly due to her lack of interest. she simply drifted from one meaningless wad of money to the next, either saving it up in a jar for goals she didn’t have or slipping it into her aunt’s purse when she’d refuse to take it directly.

having no prospects might have seemed like a downer of a life to live, but yooseul didn’t really think of things in those terms - she was solely focused on existing in whatever moment she was in and doing whatever she wanted to do. after her aunt and uncle surprised her with a fairly nice kia k8 (as they knew it was something she’d never buy for herself), she leaned into late night drives for comfort. there was something about being alone, feeling the wind ruffling through your hair, some mindless song on the radio recorded solely to push false emotions, watching the lines on the road come at you like knives when you push the limits of the car’s engine. it felt free.

after hearing word of a new rideshare app launching from her uncle, yooseul decided to apply to be a driver. she had nothing else going on at the moment, and those late night drives she enjoyed so much could actually make her some money.

she’s been doing it for a few years now and enjoys it as much as yooseul can enjoy something. the social aspect of it can be a bit awkward, so she loves nothing more than when her passenger keeps their face locked on their phone in silence. she’s since moved out of her aunt and uncle’s place and intro her own apartment at dallyeog. she figured it was finally time to move on, as her brother was now entering college and hadn’t really needed any help taking care of for some time now. maybe, deep down, she’d stuck around so long for sentimental reasons, but she’d never ever admit that.

wanted connections ( first come first serve )

anniversary of an uninteresting event ( open ) - yooseul never talks about it, but y/m saw the story about her parents on some exploitative talk show where they launched a ton of conspiracy theories about what happened. you want to set the record straight, but she doesn’t really wanna hear it.

be quiet and drive ( open ) - y/m orders a ride from yooseul with no set destination in mind. they’ve just had a really awful day and want to zoom through the city towards the sunset without looking back. lucky for them, that is just yooseul’s vibe.

needles and pins ( open ) - y/m and yooseul knew eachother before she moved into dallyeog, possibly even dating back to childhood. they actually know her better than most of the people she’s around now, which makes her mighty uncomfortable. she feels as if they hold some sort of key to a past she thought she’d locked away forever.

cherry waves ( open ) - nobody knows how y/m and yooseul came together, but every time they come into contact, they both immediately lose themselves. sitting on the beaches of busan with a bottle of whiskey, tiptoeing on the edge of dallyeog’s rooftop hand in hand, or ending up a tangled mess of flushed skin and kiss-swollen lips in the back of yooseul’s car; wherever they are, time doesn’t seem to exist.

battle axe ( open ) - yooseul can be a little abrasive when she’s irritated, and maybe that’s why y/m likes pushing her buttons so much. maybe they just like to challenge her attitude of not caring about anything. 

passenger ( open ) - somehow, every time y/m orders from the rideshare app, they end up with yooseul as their driver. it’s not that she doesn’t get them there safely and on time, but she can be...rather scary. maybe all it would take is a few conversations, and they’d see she’s not so bad, and maybe even bump up her rating to three stars?

hole in the earth ( open ) - yooseul did the unthinkable when she and y/m were together a few years ago: she actually opened up. she told them things she never thought she’d tell anyone, and y/m didn’t really understand the weight of that decision for her, betraying her trust. seeing y/m again now is just reopening old wounds and pouring on the salt.

digital bath ( open ) - for whatever reason, it is way easier for yooseul to have lengthier conversations over texts, snaps and other various digital means of communication. perhaps it’s not having to see the person’s reaction in real-time and therefor not having to process any of her own emotions. y/m is one of the only people who actually indulges her on this, and now they have become somewhat friendly as a result.

this is all i have for the moment, but i am v enthusiastic about brainstorming things based on chemistry and character traits or of course scooping up one of your open plots! 

[teacup-baphomet]

G/t Drabble (Crash landed on a hostile planet trope but NOT via the a tiny vulnerable human in a planet of mean powerful alien bigs route)

tw: a bit of censored cursing. Uh. I’m not sure what else. Maybe broaching of sensitive tops such as sexuality and religion. But not really. Mostly it’s just rlly dumb word play/lame humor and a confused alien being confused (and kinda freaked/troubled due to the confusion? you’ll see if you read it i guess). there is some sad lorg boi times. idk. no romantic relationships. just a shaky friendship is forming between a crash-landed big-arse alien (a human! *gasp*  i woulda never guessed something as vile as that o: ) and one of the much smaller, very much not human locals. most want to kill the poor dude who got stuck on this planet of hostile lil guys who think he’s a monster and immediately decide they much off him asap. so like having this one ally is kinda important to him. But it’s hard. because. lots reasons rlly. culture differences. the language tech can only do so much. the size diff creates definite issues because trust is hard in general. and trusting a big being that could easily cause havoc on your planet mostly just cuz he /seems/ nice is not a very good foundation... there is much to learn between the two before they can be truly good frens. so uh good luck to them lol *raises glass* I mean. I don’t think I’ll ever write these two again. but I’m sure they’ll end up good friends. probably.

Anyway without further adieu, here have a disappointment (read: attempt to be creative but i’m kinda lazy tbh and still kinda bitter I can’t draw for more than like 10 minutes before I start spacing out :/ )

"We are called humans or the scientific name is homo sapiens" spoke the large alien, Lyle.

"Homo sapiens? That is rather long, is it not? Why is a "scientific name" even a thing? Why would that be necessary? Scientific name versus what kinda name? Emotional name? Why are these science names two words? Seems annoying. What is wrong with just calling yourselves simply homos? Or something else just as nice and concise. Straight to the point if you will. Probably. I... Uh.. I obviously don't know what exactly is the purpose of a scientific name as i already implied... Sooo..." The much shorter – and much scalier- native being (called Torrynts) awkwardly looked off the side to stare at the plain, blank, siding of their dilapidated, isolated house as if it were the most interesting thing in the entire vicinity. Which it wasn’t of course. There was a f***ing alien 15 times their size only a few them-sized lengths way…

 Lyle gave his new comrade – and only friend on this gawdforsaken planet that mostly wants him dead- th pondering, and possibly ironically, rather colourfully scaled Torrynt by the name of Kyvlar a bemused look, bordering on coy.

"Huh. 'Straight' to the point you say?" He paused with a small snort. "Well, my not-so-statuesque friend, do I got news for you~"

Kyvlar suddenly blanched, giving a Lyle a look that was like a knife to the heart while blurting out. "Wait, wait, wait! Hold up! We? There are more than one of you? Here? On this planet? Were you just a distraction the whole time. Oh... Oh no.... Have we really been victim a secret homo invasion this whole time! I-"

 Their panicked monologue was interrupted by a most horrendous noise. Like a slowly dying tornado with the hiccups or something.

"STOP. Stop I-I can't. I can't. This is too much much!" Spoke Lyle with his hand covering the bottom half of his  and his eyes scrunched shut.

 'Welp,' thought the Torrynt, 'This is the end. This is when I die. I should have known better than to immediately put my trust in such an enormous obviously dangerous specimen. Ho-'

 Kyvlar’s dramatic internal speech was interrupted when the alien surprised them by uncovering the his face, revealing a huge grin. ‘They weren't upset? Huh?’ The Torrynt blinked owlishly at the human in confusion.

 "Sh*t, bite-size (Kyvlar noticeably paled at the impromptu nickname not 100% the foreign joking tone, well it would have been noticeable to someone their size at least), I know you don't mean to, context-wise, but you reminded me of my great aunt Karen when my Uncle Todd and Uncle Copper decide to have their friends over along with relatives for a gatherin'."

Plastering on a faux distraught look and blatantly mocking tone, he  continue with exaggerated hand gestures. "Oh no, it's the...the...," he paused with snort, "... the homo invasion... No, no, no... Not here... not in this... this good, Christian neighborhood. Aren't just two of them enough? Oh woe is me!" The alien dropped the mocking tone and smirked towards the smaller being. "Heh. Good ol' great aunt Karen could never remember Uncle Todd was Jewish and so was the majority of that neighborhood.... It’s where my Uncle Todd was raised actually…"

 The said smaller being just stared blankly at the homo-no-human they supposed as just “homo” meant something else, they weren’t sure what else, beyond just something else.

 "Uhhm. Wh-what? U-Uhm, so what exactly is “homo” then? And what’s Christian? And Jewish too. What’s that? Are... Are those other types of -uh- intelligent, sentient creatures on your planet? Y-you know, b-beside hom-er-h-humans? Or are these subtypes of humans? What kinda are you? What is a great aunt? or Uncle? Does the great indicate a larger size? Oh gawd, a-aren't you humans b-big enough regularly? Oh... W-wait. O-or are you a great- uhm- great aunt, was it? E-er, g-great something? Ohhh. Zyntall (Torrynt swear). I'm sooo confused r-right now... " The timid tiny being, sighed in frustration before their eyes snapped open wide in a panic, and they did an immediate one-eighty with their behavior, and it was off all their previously trust, as wavering as it was, vanished in an instant, squeaking out a quick "sorry. oh, Z-zyntall... I'm so-so-sooo sorry. I-I hope I d-didn't offend y-you or anyth-thing... p-please, oh please, don't hurt me" while gazing everywhere except towards the much larger alien, hoping desperately the 'bite-size' nickname was just a bad joke...

 Clearly they not only didn't get what so hilarious about the whole thing but also thought he was a monster prone to violence – still. Lyle sighed, all the mirth that was previously in his expression draining out of him leaving him with an uncomfortable grimace on their face. How disappointing... They really wish there was another human here to share in the jesting. But alas, that was not meant to be. At least as far as they knew there was no "homo invasion" in the making. Lyle wasn’t naïve. He knew humans were easy to slip into a gray moral state, at best. The role of villains at worst. And many of his kind would likely take advantage of a planet full of tiny, vulnerable people. Lyle couldn’t help but inwardly cringe at the thought, getting nervous about something that wasn’t an issue. At least now. Currently, human-wise, it was just him on this distant planet. And as far as he knew, no one - well, no other human at least- had any clue where they were. It probably just seemed he simply disappeared. Never to be seen again most likely. Trapped on this random alien planet in scenario that is akin to some sort of a personal hell of sorts.

'Wow. Hello, major depressive episode that’s making me overly dramatic. I haven't seen you since I was - what - eighteen?' thought Lyle regretfully. Calling this planet a personal hell was probably a bit over the top. But still, he couldn’t even seem to keep the trust of his single native ally. It only adds to his feelings of lonely isolation. And he feared his lonely angst will only get worse and worse. But only time will tell.

Giving a small sigh, he mentally prepped himself to try and get back his small friend’s trust. At least he was able to laugh for a wee bit earlier. It had been so long since he had done such. It was nice. Hopefully next time it will not lead to a backtracking in his attempted friendly ships with an open local, or even worse, a hostile local. The little laser guns that native being had stung like a b*tch. It reminded him when he got bit a couple times by some fire ants during a vacation as a child.

-----------

So yeah these were rando improvised characters made on the spot.

But Lyle is a guy (he/him. He’d be chill with they/them too)

And Kyvlar is… a Torrynt. So like they/them I guess. Torrynts don’t have genders. Like at all. I guess they hermaphroditic (intersex if talking by human terms but not really as they are capable of reproduction and they aren’t human so… I dunno… Not even sure if hermaphrodite is a useful term. As idk if hermaphroditic animals, in nature, are capable of reproduction… I don’t think so? But I’m not sure tbh…). There is no variants like there are with human “sex”. And male/female concepts are 200+% foreign to these wee reptile-like aliens (albeit warm-blooded minded, so perhaps more draconian than reptilian idk. Also aliens being described as reptilian gives me hives due to a conspiracy theory that is like super bigoted actually n’ stuff. Very yikes. Don’t want to talk it about it rlly…). Their reaction would def be “wtf. That’s the weirdest sh*t ever” to such a thought as male n female binary dynamics & whatnot. No exceptions. They’d be like why a lot of you guys limiting yourself because of whether or not you are a potential offspring vessel or not. I don’t understand.

So Yeah. Uh. Anyways.

Their conversation about this prolly (or close to this):

Lyle: Hi. I’m Lyle. Just some random dude form Earth I guess.

Kyvlar: a random dude what?

Lyle: uh. I’m a dude. I guess I meant that I’m a boy though dudes don’t really have to be boys I think. But not to derail too much… Yeah. I’m a man/guy/boy/brosef, whatever you wanna call the male gender. Please not by brosef actually, heh. Anyway. Yep. A boy. That is what I am. Uh. How about you. I can just tell… you ….you have uhm two legs. Oh damn. Wait. That sounded so stupid. I wouldn’t assume your gender or anything. I just… You don’t look exactly human so..uh. UGH. Nevermind. I don’t even know where I was going with that... Heh. ANYWAY, so yeah what’s your gender is what I’m trying to say. Sorry I’m awkward as f***. I’m not used to socializing much. Been doing deep space sh** on my own for a few years now and.. uh.. yeahhhh….

Kyvlar: *stares blankly*

Lyle: Uh. Yeah. So. A Gender? Do you, uhm, have one? Or…????

Kyvlar: Uh. I think so? I mean I’m mostly a day-by-day I’ll figure it out then type but I, I really want be able to fix my home up. I want to learn to cook. Kinda suck at it now. Uhm. I guess… Uh. I should probably help you get on good terms with my people so they stop trying to kill you. You seem nice n’ stuff… so yeah. There’s that. I could use a little more purpose in my life. Not to-

Lyle: wait. Huh? What are you talking about? Are you talking about an agenda?

Kyvlar: Yes????

Lyle: *snorts* I didn’t say an agenda. I said a gender. As in A. Gen. Durr. Like are male or female or maybe something off the typical binary track??

Kyvlar: Uh. Er. Huh??? I, I’m so confused right now…

Lyle: Hooo boy. I’m so not prepared for this discussion at all.

-----------

One of these days I’m gonna have a character that’s silver-tongue and smooth af and not some bumbling awkward doofus (*cough* like I am *cough*).