#if people assume am idk but it not word use self

[kittentism]

also weird think abt how see so many people say "am nonverbal but can still hear you !!!" like that cool !!! but uhm .... kitty cant . why is "still able hear !!!" this like ,, save grace thing . like you apologize not speak by able understand people .

because issue aware issue process any sensory input and just need for very intense sound cancel or else bad meltdown kitty cannot hear ,, and even if COULD hear what say many times not even understand unless use simple language ,, get confused too easy and am lost in own head very much . am lesser because ? do need apologize because ? won't do .

i nonverbal and no cannot speak and cannot hear you well . and even if could very few people know how talk me .

[krockat]

hi i was randomly reading tags late at night on videos, and i saw yours you added onto https:// www dot tumblr dot com/krockat / 726501511214022656 a while back asking for the source of the music and not sure if you ever figured it out so apologies if you did, but its part of the ost from the anime black butler, not a game! but if someone did use it in a game i hope you find it too!

ouffh..... anon........

see... in that post in those very tags you speak of.. . I.. i did promise i would give plenty praise and love to those who would help solve my mystery.....

and you did nothing wrong anon.

you are a beacon of light, a shining example of a person just randomly going out of their way to be a nice little light-shedder-on-er-er, while prev just doing some'n simple n pleasurable (as pleasurable as the mixed crockpot of reading random strangers tags Can be) for themself.

but.. lemme tell you.... this is rough news.

to have a rare glance of something so similar to this great (i mean no, the quality of said game itself might be questionable, but a great soundtrack and alternative Weirdness and nostalgia of a seemingly never discussed old playstation game relic of my memory lossy past - it is despite it all quite great a) mystery -

it was so hopeful and enticing!

and then i learned.. and then i learned.. it was actually from my number one enemy-anime Black Butler!!

you see, black butler and I have history.

apart from it being a creepy show where two adult demons thirst for a child boy (that for some further context also had an unfairly banger ost that deep inspired my youth), it was, infact, and here comes an actual Real trigger warning for the content ahead:

.

.

warning you, here it comes! the tags will have what specific triggers this is about.

.

.

a tool used in grooming me.

so, while i really am grateful for your kind message and explanation - to find that this music that was so similar to what i remember from the soundtrack of the game - was actually from that show? Oh real unfortunate. just realllll unfortunate.

lemme tell ya when i woke up to read i got a notif w the beginning premise that someone had figured out this mystery song - meaning also maybe the coveted mystery game?

even barely awake and conscious as i was, and just really there initially wanting to check what time it was, because my alarm certainly hadn't called yet and the darkness seeping from my curtained window spoke of other promises -

and when then i ofc immediately opened that shit up and was left face to face with the reality of KROCKAT ENEMY-ANIME NUMBER ONE - ?

oh i knew it was gonna be a special kind of day.

so, sorry for no earlier reply but i was put into a certain state of reflection these last couple days.

and it's been interesting, actually

which might sound a tad bit morbid to those inclined,

but well you know us Aquarius Suns(TM) Hahoo - who often find morbid and sad stuff fun and entertaining to think about and toss and turn around like an old sausage in a corporate bodega hot revolver grill. just a lil interest in that

it actually got me to get into a creatory headspace. thinking about all that shit.

so yea pretty good now, but the first hour of gripping w that? yeah. idk how or that i would or could or would want to explain perhaps why or how or in what way that little fact did affect me.

but. you've still done me a great service. and i intend to make good on that reward i did promise whoever would solve my inquiry.

thank you you kind little folk! very very nice of you to come in to my ask and give me answers! you seem like a nice type.

...

but yes a post this long and involved (?) does got to have an end, and one useful trick to end things you don't know how to end is to put music at the end of whatever it is.

now, Best ending would be to have the music of the Actual game's ost i was talking about. but i still don't know what the game is.

Worst ending is probably just that bl*ck b*tler song that baited me (yes i am now "blurring" it out as this is the end part of the post that's meant to end as a reprieve)

and not to say that would necessarily be a bad way to end the post. hells, it might be the interesting (♒🌞) way to conclude this post.

but i think i will just leave you with this.

(sorry that it is a link to spotify. and that it is a from a corporate-y compilation album. and w songs i haven't vetted. i had no choice in what release it was. do you still like me)

(here also comes a youtube link. )

[image ID:

Black and white picture of Swedish jazz singer Monica Zetterlund - on a youtube thumbnail and link to a video upload of her singing the song "Att angöra en brygga".

end image ID.]

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

I don’t know if you already wrote about this so forgive me if this is a repeat question but, what do you think about Leona’s depression? I feel it’s pretty obvious in game and yet it’s always glossed over as him being ‘lazy’ idk but I don’t find many talking about his really shitty mental health with any seriousness.

Surprisingly I haven't addressed this (at least not in detail)! So thank you for bringing this to my attention; I definitely feel like I've heard people (especially Leona fans) discuss this quite frequently. If you look in the right places, you’re sure to find insightful commentary on the subject! I know I certainly have, but I've yet to say my own piece on it yet.

Now, before I actually get to actually rambling, I want to preface this post with a few points so we can walk in knowing the perspective I'm coming from. Analysis isn't a "one size fits all"! My experiences and background will color the lenses through which I view Leona’s mental health.

First and foremost, I usually don't go out of my way to claim, "this character has X condition" beyond what is outright stated or implied in canon. That does NOT mean that I disapprove of fans who may have their headcanons that say otherwise or project onto or relate to characters' mental health. You can consume the media you like however you want! I am just saying that I don't have this preference so I feel somewhat uncomfortable speaking on this matter.

Secondly, I am trying to approach this situation from a very clinical viewpoint (as I do have knowledge in this area). This means that when I look for “implications” or read between the lines, I am doing so as objectively as I can. It’s how I choose to process and understand characters from a health angle. This does not mean that my opinion is certain; you could very well find someone else in this area that gives you the opposite opinion. As always, I warn you that my response is for fun, it is NOT meant to be taken as medical advice.

Lastly, PLEASE READ THE ENTIRE POST before you comment or share your own thoughts. I'm up for having a discussion, but I ask that you not do so without getting the full context of my thoughts. It’s a lot of information, and I did my best to break it down in a way that (I hope!!) is easy to understand.

CONTENT WARNING: due to the nature of the question at hand, I will be discussing or mentioning potentially triggering topics such as ***depression, suicidal ideation, dieting, homophobia, and substance abuse.*** Please look away if you are not in the right headspace to read about such topics.

Okay, let's rip the band-aid off now: I don't think Leona is clinically depressed.

Pause. Rewind. Take note of my careful wording there: clinically depressed. I don't think Leona is clinically depressed. What does that mean, and how does that relate to "being depressed"?

I think when people describe Leona as "depressed", they commonly mean that he "has depression", not that he is just feeling sad or has low self-esteem. By "having depression", I'm going to assume they are referring to "major depressive disorder", which is the technical term for the condition.

"It's just an abbreviation of the longer term. What's the issue with using 'depression'?” you're probably wondering. “You understand that we mean major depressive disorder.” Well, equating the two does NOT a diagnosis make.

Mental conditions such as major depressive disorder are documented in a handbook known as the DSM (or the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders). The latest version, the DSM-5-TR (5th edition with text revisions), was published in 2022. The DSM is a manual that sets forth criteria for each diagnosis in its pages. Of course, this includes major depressive disorder—and it may surprise you to learn that Leona does not meet its diagnostic criteria.

A diagnosis of "depression" (the term I will henceforth be using as shorthand for the disorder) is much more than having persistent feelings of sadness or hopelessness, being unmotivated/lazy, and wanting to sleep often. (I bring up these three things specifically because they are the ones I see being pointed at most frequently to “prove” the diagnosis.)

In order to be formally diagnosed, an individual must be experiencing at least 5 or more of the following symptoms during the same 2-week period:

Depressed mood most of the day, nearly every day.

Markedly diminished interest or pleasure in all, or almost all, activities most of the day, nearly every day.

Significant weight loss when not dieting or weight gain, or decrease or increase in appetite nearly every day.

A slowing down of thought and a reduction of physical movement (observable by others, not merely subjective feelings of restlessness or being slowed down).

Fatigue or loss of energy nearly every day.

Feelings of worthlessness or excessive or inappropriate guilt nearly every day.

Diminished ability to think or concentrate, or indecisiveness, nearly every day.

Recurrent thoughts of death, recurrent suicidal ideation without a specific plan, or a suicide attempt or a specific plan for committing suicide.

At least one of the symptoms should be either 1) depressed mood or 2) loss of interest or pleasure in activities they previously found enjoyable. Furthermore, the symptoms must cause what is known as "clinically significant distress", which is defined by impairment in important areas of functioning. This includes, but is not limited to, socialization, occupation, and/or education. The symptoms must also not be the result of substance abuse or another medical condition, and the individual must ever have experienced mania or hypomania.

Let’s briefly go through each criterion + additional documents and see what evidence there is or isn’t to support it:

We do not have his medical records to cross reference, so for the sake of convenience let’s assume no underlying or additional medical conditions.

We must consider additional context about family, lifestyle, etc. which can confound his symptoms. For example, as a prince, Leona has grown up having most things done for him by servants. This is what he is used to. So when we observe Leona not doing basic things for himself (getting food, doing laundry, making his bed), how much of this can we truly attribute to an underlying condition and how much of this can we attribute to Leona being accustomed to a certain kind of lifestyle?

Leona (at least from what we know of) does not experience mania, nor is he depicted as taking mind or behavior altering substances.

Of the first two criteria, Leona must fit into one: either 1) depressed mood most of the day, nearly every day, or 2) markedly diminished interest or pleasure in all, or almost all, activities most of the day, nearly every day. These depend on how you interpret his actions and behaviors. Personally, I don’t think Leona strongly fits into 2 because he still has an interest in his hobbies like Magift/Spelldrive and playing chess (though his involvement in it varies depending on the context). I will concede that there is stronger evidence for 1 over 2, as Leona has definitely expressed sadness and despair regarding himself and his future prospects. It is these thoughts that drive him away from home and keep contact with his family at a minimum. It is these thoughts that prevent him from seeing himself as worthy or even capable of change—a sentiment he shares in book 6, when he encourages Jamil but does not grant himself the same kindness or optimism. For this reason, we will go with the first criterion.

He has not experienced notable weight loss nor gain, nor a notable increase or decrease in appetite. Regarding his general diet, Leona has expressed a preference for meat and rejects vegetables. This by itself does not really provide any useful information in of itself; many people have this preference.

Leona does not experience a slowing down of thought. He is still very sharp and quick-witted in responding to his surroundings, especially in potentially dangerous ones, and coming up with an appropriate plan to counter. It can be argued that Leona has had a reduction in physical movement, as many characters often make remarks about how they perceive him as lazy or not doing much. However, this criterion actually refers to the speed at which one completes an activity and as far as I know, Leona is not said to be moving sluggishly, he only conducts himself in a manner that can be described as "lazily elegant". Even if we stretched the definition to encompass long-term goals he is putting off (like graduation), this criteria is still not counted for Leona since the wording used in the DSM-5-TR states “slowing down of thought AND reduction in physical movement” must be present. In other words, both must be true, not just one of them.

Leona does seem to experience some level of fatigue or loss of energy. This could be one way of interpreting his desire to sleep excessively instead of tending to more meaningful matters (like class). Fatigue, in this case, can also refer to emotional or mental fatigue. The sleep, then, can serve as a means of escape from reality for Leona, but it does not indicate actual physical tiredness. Rather, the tiredness can be intangible. This is also a potential explanation for his lack of motivation when it comes to some activities, especially those that demand him to take charge.

Leona does appear to experience feelings of worthlessness, though perhaps not excessive or inappropriate guilt. In fact, I would wager Leona does not demonstrate the latter, although this could be attributed to the fact that we are not in his head and he does not open up to others about his feelings. For example, we still don't know what his feelings are on almost killing Ruggie in a fit of rage. This does not discredit this criterion though, as the wording in the DSM is “feelings of worthlessness OR […] guilt” meaning one or the other suffices. It is no secret that Leona seeks recognition for his skills—something he was denied as a child and even put down for. While he is aware of his strengths, he has moments when he doubts himself (stating that he can’t change, or giving up when he realizes his plans won’t work so what’s the point in trying?), the contributions he can make (even when his older brother reassures him he can help their country), and encouragement from others (Jack telling him his play inspired him).

As I've said before, Leona does not have a diminished ability to think or concentrate. It has been shown to us time and time again that he doesn't do schoolwork not for lack of trying or lack of understanding, but because he thinks of himself as above it. Leona has already been tutored by the finest teachers royal money can buy, so he believes there is not much else for him to learn. He is also not shown to be indecisive--he can make decisions very quickly and can guide others or at least convince them to go along with him.

Leona does not have suicidal ideation or have recurring thoughts of committing suicide/death. While it's true that this is a game rated for ages 4+ (and therefore has restrictions on what content is and is not allowed in it), TWST has demonstrated to us that there are ways to imply suicidal ideation and other dark themes without explicitly saying it. (One notable example is Idia in late book 6, where he drops lines like "I'll go with you" and expresses dissatisfaction with "this world" to Ortho, who is known to be dead. To this, Ortho reassures him and encourages him to keep living. In fact, I could go on a whole tangent about how Idia better fits the criteria for major depressive disorder, but we're not going to get into that here.) The fact that TWST does not really imply this about Leona makes me think this is not true of him.

It can be said that the symptoms Leona does have are clinically significant, as his behavior is shown to have significant impact on his studies to the point where he was held back a grade. This was not because he did not know the material, but because he failed to find the motivation to attend class and to do his assignments. It also appears that Leona didn't really make an effort to work toward his future until book 7, when he actually talks his internship plans and about wanting to graduate.

We may guess that the symptoms persisted for two weeks or more (given Leona’s history and involvement in the main story), but the frequency of the symptoms is unclear since the game controls what we see of Leona and what we don’t.

Taking all of that into consideration, Leona does in fact exhibit depressive symptoms, but only 3 at most (I say “at most” because we have no idea about the true frequency at which some behaviors occur; we aren’t with Leona 24/7, nor has he reported it to us) out of the 8 total criteria. That’s 2 short of a diagnosis.

“But wait, there’s a lot of information missing here! We don’t have medical records, his weight and appetite changes, etc.” That’s true—but see, the main issue I take with diagnosing fictional characters in the first place is that we oftentimes do not know a character in detail enough to understand the full scope of their lives and symptoms. Noticing a few details is one thing and valid to an extent, but to evaluate an individual is not purely observational. This is particularly true for TWST characters, as even though there is plenty of content to refer back to for behavior, there is still a lack of really going into daily activities or deep feelings (beyond the one post-OB flashback for the OB boys). We cannot observe their behavior extensively. Because of this, tons of key criteria may not be visible to us from the audience’s perspective, let alone a medical history or other data to consider for assessment. We will almost always have an incomplete profile of a fictional character. Health is holistic and not entirely based on what we as individuals see or on all anecdotal evidence.

Just as health considers all parts of the individual, we, too, must consider individual cases of depression. It is possible for depression to exist without a diagnosis—many people (especially older adults), unfortunately, go undiagnosed for their condition. At the same time, it is possible for Leona to have depression which manifests in an atypical way. Each person with depression presents differently than the last, so I so not intend to make any blanket statements about the general population with this condition. The only statement I am making here is that based on my own interpretation of the current lore TWST has granted is, Leona Kingscholar does not satisfy the criteria for a formal clinical diagnosis, at least not for major depressive disorder as is defined by the DSM-5-TR.

Interestingly, Leona does fit the diagnostic criteria for a subclinical form of depression in a 1994 version of the DSM (IV). Minor depression or minor depressive disorder, colloquially known as “everyday depression”, is defined as having 2–4 depressive symptoms persisting for more than 2 weeks. One of these symptoms must be either depressed mood or loss of interest. It should be noted that this terminology is no longer recognized, as new information is added and dropped from the manual all the time. The information is flexible based on the consensus of a panel of hundreds of experts. Older versions of the DSM can be horribly outdated and it is not advised to reference them over newer ones. (As an example, "homosexuality" was legitimately listed as a mental illness in the very first version of the DSM. Yikes. Thankfully, this was dropped from the DSM-II. Other conditions like "multiple personality disorder" are granted new names like "dissociative identity disorder" or reworked altogether as our studies and understanding of mental health and science improve. It is important to keep up with the research coming out and update our approaches accordingly.)

We do not currently have a label for Leona’s situation aside from perhaps experiencing depressive episodes (periods of notable sadness lasting under 2 weeks) and exhibiting some depressive symptoms. I must stress that just because we lack a full-blown diagnosis, it doesn’t mean that it doesn’t impact his life. Leona is shown to very clearly be struggling with his mental health. He spends a lot of time in bed, typically cannot be motivated to attend class or do complete assignments, and has moments where he thinks very lowly of himself in spite of the confidence he exudes to others. What's more is that because Leona does not speak to others about what he's going through, it comes off as laziness or arrogance to his peers. Think of it this way: if you have a bad day and snap at a stranger or an acquaintance, the stranger/acquaintance is far less likely to grant you grace or forgiveness for your behavior compared to, say, a friend. They are not as familiar with you, so they will have less patience and are less likely to consider what you may be going through on a personal level. This also applies on a fandom level; if a fan is not actively reading between the lines, they, like Leona's peers, may miss the depressive symptoms he is displaying because they aren't looking for it. How many people can we say are close friends with Leona for him to open up to them about his circumstances? I would say Leona barely even lets his own dorm members be intimate enough with him to let them know about this part of himself. He has Savanaclaw backing him, but he probably does not talk to the mobs extensively. Ruggie is his errand boy, but I doubt Leona pours his heart out to him. And Jack is the newbie who did technically betray their dorm, so Leona might not trust him. Forget about people beyond his dorm. Even his family is not much better off; we've seen that Leona tends to brush off his brother's friendliness and attempts to make amends. There is no strong support system in place for him, which is tricky because Leona perpetuates it by keeping others at bay. In the light novel adaptation of book 2, Leona has an inner monologue about how he is afraid of letting others give him hope because it will encourage him to try again, only to fail another time. I imagine similar logic applies here; he is afraid of showing his vulnerable side because it might give him hope for change when he as late as book 6 expresses that he has given up on himself. I think that this is the detail about Leona most look to when they consider his mental health. The hallmark of depression is, after all, the feeling of perpetual sadness and despair itself. Most do not realize that other factors are considered.

From a clinical lens, it is not “obvious" that Leona is depressed. However, I understand why the prevailing sentiment tends to skew in the opposite direction. For the layman, it may be difficult to distinguish what is and is not clinically significant enough to warrant an actual diagnosis. Again, most will cite the same three pieces of information to support the depression reading: Leona's irritability, his unwillingness to participate, and the rejection he experienced as a child (which has now manifested as self-doubt and low self-esteem). Characters are often judged based on fans' own experiences, and this naturally comes with biases and subjectivity. Thus, some fans may project their own understanding or preconceived notions of what the "typical" depressed person acts like in their head onto Leona. This is normal human empathy at play. I believe that other fans see depression in Leona either because they experience it themselves or are familiar with someone in the same shoes. It can be difficult, and at times we can find solace and solidarity in fiction, especially if we find a character that “speaks to us” and seems relatable. That character may be Leona for some people. If you see do see him in this light or relate to his situation, I’m not invalidating your feelings. On the contrary, I'm happy that you were able to find comfort in him and that a piece of media you love can serve as a coping mechanism. You keep on doing you!

It is at this point that I will reiterate what I said at the start with a little extra nuance: I do not think Leona clinically depressed BUT I do believe he has depressive symptoms and poor mental health as the result of his cumulative circumstances. It is possible for him to have major depressive disorder, but we cannot determine this for certain with the information available to us right now. We are still missing several key components that would typically be considered in the evaluation process.

I think it's important to step back from focusing on labels and instead focus on the individual experience, and how you can still grow as a person and not let a perceived label define you. Leona is definitely working on himself! Changing, particularly changing a deeply ingrained mindset, takes much time and effort. We may not see the progress since Leona tends to hide it and/or we have limited intractions with him. We may not always see giant strides because the process is difficult. Even so, Leona is trying to jump over those mental and emotional hurdles. He's putting his all back into Magift/Spelldrive training. He's attending classes and doing the assignments. He's going home for the holidays. He has an internship planned. He wants to graduate. I've enjoyed following Leona's journey of growth and self-development and seeing all the intense discussion surrounding that. It all comes from a place of love and wanting to support the characters we care about, no matter how we may individually view him.

[speakofthedebbie]

@manicali still inspiring me to chase my dreams so have some hazbin hotel incorrect quotes i made a while ago + four actually new ones (dividers cuz the last one hurt my eyes lol)

---

alastor: overall, id say that experience was a net positive! vaggie: YOU KILLED AN ENTIRE BLOODLINE! alastor: net positive

kill em with kindness saga

charlie: if you kill someone with anything, kill em with kindness! angel: instructions unclear, i killed them with a tommy gun named kindness

---

vaggie: alastor, why the fuck is there a dead sinner at our dining table?!? alastor: first of all, how dare you assume it was me- vaggie: literally who else would it be. alastor: -second of all, charlie told us the other day to "kill em with kindness" so i baked them a pie alastor: it was poisoned

---

alastor: i toe the line between confidence and arrogance every day lucifer: i thought we all agreed that you are like. firmly on the arrogance side

--- (i altered the next one but you wouldnt know that)

alastor: you roughhouse with a guy one time and suddenly youre in timeout vaggie: alastor, you tried to kill him. and he was a guest alastor: key word being tried. hes still kicking, so i think i shouldnt be in trouble vaggie: do you know how many fucked up people would be walking the streets if that was how the world worked? alastor: i know. im one of them

---

alastor: i only kill people who kinda deserved it vaggie: then whats with the dead sinner at your feet? alastor: he was saying something about women belonging in the kitchen vaggie: vaggie: ...fair

---

charlie: al, what are you doing? alastor: stress release! charlie: ...youre stabbing a very life-like doll of my dad alastor: as i said, stress release!

---(the hotel needs a therapist frfr)

lucifer: who doesnt have a bit of existential dread in the morning? charlie: ...everyone??? husk: thats not normal? alastor: damn it angel: fuck! vaggie: oof niffty: *maniacal laughter in the corner* charlie: should i call someone???

---(charlie please get everyone a therapist trust exercises arent enough)

charlie: and what do we do when we feel overwhelmed? angel: drugs! alastor: go on a murder spree! niffty: a roach murder spree! lucifer: self-isolate for millennia! husk: drink until i forget what feelings are vaggie: irrationally hate on everyone! charlie: no!

---(luci the typa guy to talk to his cat frfr. maybe he actually understands her idk) [these next ones are actually new. yeah i had a bit of a backlog]

lucifer: hmm.. what about you, keekee? keekee: meow lucifer: my thoughts exactly

---

lucifer: pancakes are the best breakfast food! alastor: id beg to differ lucifer: Then beg.

---

lucifer: shower thoughts in the rain are still shower thoughts. if you think about it alastor: why am i in love with you again lucifer: i ask myself that question everyday :)

---

alastor: what can i say, i aim to please lucifer: you have never said a nice thing to me in your life alastor: i love you :) lucifer: you have said one nice thing to me in your life

oki bye

[genderkoolaid]

idk if you're the best person to ask but you always seem to have great resources for all kinds of shit so I'm just shooting my shot I guess

tw: healthcare stuff?

I just got invited for my first cervical screening, and I am 100% legitimately terrified. I do not want to go. I know I should, I know its in my best interest, I know I'll probably have to anyway before my hysto that I've been referred for, but I am just. so scared

maybe it's just immense dysphoria. maybe it's fear over the state of trans healthcare lately. but the last time I went to my local hospital for anything, I got ferried straight to the women's services and was repeatedly misgendered to the point I disassociated the whole time. this was pre top surgery, but I was still out and no one even tried to address me correctly

I seriously don't know if I'll be able to go and I'm wondering if you or your followers have got any resources or advice I could use. anything would be so appreciated

I completely get being terrified, especially if you are going back to a place where you've already experienced transphobic mistreatment.

First of all, know your rights as a patient. The AMA has a list here. You may also want to check out the medical guidelines on trans gynecological care, and this Scarleteen article which goes into detail on pelvic exams, what to expect and your options.

You have the option to do the swab yourself. I would suggest calling or emailing your hospital, explaining that you are uncomfortable with a pelvic exam and asking about self-collection.

This article goes over medical self-advocacy tips for queer people. I definitely recommend asking someone you trust to accompany you to the screening, and/or to see if your hospital has patient liaison to help you advocate for yourself. Having someone to back you up, especially when you yourself will be in a vulnerable position, is extremely helpful. If there are any LGBT organizations local to you, you may want to contact them and ask if they have any resources or support that might help you. You can use the LGBTQ+ Healthcare Directory to find affirming healthcare providers near you (in the US and Canada). You can also check out this short list of words and phrases to use in an appointment that help you assert yourself and get what you need from your medical provider.

Assuming you end up making an appointment, you should practice ways of staying calm (breathing, affirmations, stim toys, etc.) and go over phrases you can use to advocate for yourself beforehand. Be compassionate with yourself and let yourself feel how you feel- and don't be afraid to feel angry if you are mistreated. It isn't right and you don't deserve it. If you can, plan something nice to do after the appointment to reward yourself. You should also educate yourself on reproductive health and keep track of things like discharge, vaginal pain, pain while urinating, etc., especially if you don't end up getting a screening.

[queenwille]

are you pro-israel/anti-palestine?

hi, first, i appreciate you asking very politely and not assuming things.

i’ll say i’m a zionist, which isn’t an offensive word. i believe in the right of the jewish people for self determination in the form of a jewish state in the land of israel, the promised land of the jewish people.

i find calling israel, the only jewish state in a sea of muslim/christian states, an “ethostate” and mocking the jews for feeling the need in one, as very antisemitic rude and offensive. that goes without mentioning how ignorant and rude it is to claim all jews are white europeans. literally cancelling the whole rich history of the jewish people in the arab countries (which they were mostly chased out of as well).

the need to live within your given or chosen community is such a natural thing, even animals do it. for some reason, when it comes to israel and the jews, it’s wrong. before anyone starts, please let me remind you that within this very large jewish community, there are 2.5 million arabs (mostly muslim, some christian). they share equal rights, a citizenship and an israeli ID/passport. yes, even the sister of the top hamas man (who was arrested this week for having documents and money linked to hamas, a terror organization).

that being said, i am in no shape or form, nor never was i, anti palestine. i think it’s just not as simple as some people who joined the hot trend across the world see it. the state of palestine was never established for many reasons that don’t involve the jewish people. i do mean this when i say i do wish the palestinian people a safe and established land, but it’s simply not that easy. it really isn’t no israel=yes palestine. they have so many other needs other than demolishing the land of israel. their inner conflicts are very much alive to this day (google fatah/hamas conflict), their lack of actual support from neighboring countries and other reasons they have there. they’re really not at a good starting point, but no one ever talks of that. it’s just easier to masturbate to the idea that protesting in favor of demolishing israel and sending +-7,000,000 jews to fuck knows where will be enough.

let me make it clear, the fact that civilians are being killed and hurt breaks my heart. i say this knowing fully well that many took part in the oct7 massacre. generations, on both sides, being brought up with nothing but hate and fear of each other boiled up to this disaster. which is why i find the whole western pro pal movement, spreading fake news and hate and deepening the conflict, as not just offensive, but also very dangerous. for both sides (+diaspora jews). calling hamas freedom fighters and not the terror organization that they are is as dangerous to the palestinians as as it is dangerous to israelis/jews. they are given actual legitimacy for actions that are considered extremist and terror on an international level. yes, they do hide in UN protected facilities, using inocentes as human shields. and when we say the west is next, it’s not just a spicy slogan, it’s not really about the jews, but the western culture.

i am very angry of the way the hostages are being ignored or bluntly canceled (ripping off their posters everywhere). it’s hypocritical and very upsetting. i will also mention that i seriously don’t appreciate using the jewish holocaust and appropriating it’s terms and the well known generational jewish trauma and mocking it.

lastly, i would like to mention that a lot of what’s happening right now around the world just proves the need in a jewish state. being close with an army that’s main goal is protecting its people literally feels safer for jews even under missiles and terror attacks. let me inform you that the main reason that israeli casualties are lower, is the invention of the Iron Dome, operated by the IDF. It has saved thousands of civilian lives since it’s first use. no, it wasn’t hamas’ more humane ways or idk what i read. israel literally spends every last dime to keep it’s people safe, while hamas won’t even let the palestinian people have a safe hospital. instead of mocking our worries and constant feeling of being persecuted and in danger, to the point that a jewish state feels like a life or death matter, maybe try to think what you can do to change that. saying we’re delusional or closing mouths when we claim for antisemitism isn’t helping, and it sure isn’t what’s currently happening in the world and social media.

again, thanks for asking. i have so much more to say and that’s before actually going into current antisemitism or even into october 7th, i just think i’ll stop here for now. i hope this somewhat answers your question.

[pastadoughie]

Read over what was going on with anon asks and your posts, and tbh, if you are 16 and you are reaching this kind of critical thinking and actively trying to better yourself through meaningful debates and convos, you are doing god's fucking work from early. I couldn't even begin to form the kind of arguments you are articulating at your age in your posts, so fucking kudos.

I have a similar opinion of sexism being bad no matter the form it takes, patriarchy affects everyone because it imposes roles on everyone, not only women. Breaking those roles on all sides and genders should be the ultimate goal, not try to benefit from the system to become the oppressor.

In any case dude, good luck with the unavoidable influx of people who will misinterpret your posts. Also, your art is hella cool!

i think that alot of ppl just have a rlly hard time like, getting over the gut response to defend themselves when they recieve some kind of serious critisism, like, i think ppl understand on some level that sexism as a concept is stupid, but it can be hard to fully see all the nuances it takes and like, actually recognize it when its subtler

sexism is bad and when i point out that alot of you guys believe ideas that are like, really sexist then thats like, im assuming none of you are like "YEAA SEXISM RUELZZZ!!!! I HATE PEOPLE BASED ON THIER GENDOR" and u rlly rlly dont wanna be lumped into that group

its rlly normal to not wanna be mischaracterized and if you dont self identify as sexist then when someone points out sexist retoric it feels like an unfair and reductive veiw of u

and its like, you really really really need to work past that, im talking abt this stuff because i want ppl to change and be better and if you want that for yourself u have to like rlly chew on these kinds of things

i think what alot of people have issues with is like, relatability in artwork, like "of course im gonna like art with queer women in it more and find it more valueble if im a queer woman" but i think that this points to a really rigid and uphelpful veiw of gender

ive discussed before that, because the mind numbing ammount of biological differences people have theres no actual objective definition of sex or gender, its socially constructed and entirely arbitrary and subjective

i think that labels for sexuality and gender are useful shorthand in our current society though ideally we wouldnt need them, but you need to remember that these things arent rigid

butch lesbian is not a definable group, gay man is not a definable group, they are arbitrary words that mean something different for literally every different person

likewise acting like those meaningless labels somehow make some artwork more or less valueble just points to a bias against people with a certain label

like, the labels dont mean anything they shouldnt change your veiw of a work, if you resonate with a peice of work why does it matter what label is put on it? why does that affect your veiw on the peice?

and yes you are objectively going to relate to some experiences more then others, but i dont think relatability should effect how you value the work, infact id argue seeing perspectives different then your own is incredibly incredibly valueble and, if your disregarding (even subconciously) certain things because theyre made by men then that not only hurts men but it hurts you, it isolates you

maybe i didnt word that perfectly im not always the most articulate but like, i think most of the issues people are having with this are coming from me articulating things maybe not as intuatively as i could or from people refusing to properly engadge with what i have to say

idk, regarding the people accusing me of transmysogeny i just wanna say that like, I AM NOT ALLERGIC TO TALKING TO YOU ABT THIS!! i want to be better and i dont want to be mysogenistic! and if you do see concerning behavior in me i want to be told of it, you keeping these kinds of things to yourself or refusing to engadge with me when i actively am trying to be like, thourough and nuanced about things is just kinda, not productive

[katyspersonal]

I see so many similarities between Messmer and Melina, idk if all of them are intentional but if they were. Could it be a hint of them being twins ? Or even different aspects of the same person like Marika&Radagon, Miq&Trina?

Yeah, I've been wondering about this too, actually! 🤔 They both have their left eye sealed, both have theme of fire, both are Demigod children of Marika that were removed from the contest for the throne, both were given a more specific purpose by Marika herself, both know some secrets no one else in the family does.. And just like you said, it is not an outlandish concept for a Demigod to have two alters! Melina is willing to help whatever worthy Tarnished to advance, whereas Messmer, from what we can conclude, mocks the very idea. The contradiction between their motivations is not dissimilar to how Marika and Radagon are in the conflict between each other! @swallowtail-ageha also suggested the idea that they could be two alters of the same person!

fdsjhfdshdgsdf OKAY OKAY SO

PERSONALLY I do not subscribe to this idea yet, as I believe that Messmer became banished (?), if not erased from the memory of the family, even before Malenia and Miquella were born! I shared more of my current thoughts on Messmer in this ( x ) post, but in short, for me it seems like Messmer knew more about Marika's secrets than any other Demigod.. He was doing her most secret biddings. So, Miquella searching for the secrets of his mother brings a question, how came he never got any hunch from the guy?

( x )

Melina states that she "knew previous owner of Torrent", which was Miquella! But I think that she was even closer than just this! Some time ago I wrote my own theory post ( x ) on what Malenia's Rot spawn exactly are and concluded that they represent relationships she's been forgetting according to the very interesting weapons choices! So, Finlay, her teacher, Godwyn and... well, Melina. Melina and the twins were close, and she was left with the purpose to one day help to burn the entrance for the 'worthy' one, which originally were supposed to be one of the Demigods! This makes me assume that Miquella would've known.

And another bit that makes me go 🤔 is that Melina states that she is "burnt and bodiless"; whereas the cases of separated 'body' and 'astral projection' is known not just in Demigods but even in simple people (like Sellen and Dung Eater), and there are cases of splitting body of the same person (two Godwyns), so far I haven't seen the soul split? When Melina burns herself, she burns that 'astral projection' as she no longer has her real body, it is a complete annihilation, true death without any compromise or backtrack.

Not only her sacrifice would have questionable value if her 'other self' was still alive somewhere, but also.. do you really annihilate your soul if that's only a part of your soul? How does the 'split' between Demigods work? I do not think that you can kill one alter without killing another, even as a 'superior' being! I am sure Marika would love to destroy Radagon, but since she despised him and he was the "lesser" one yet he existed, I feel like she... could not? Without destroying herself as well? These are her words, "Let us both be scattered"; so, when she corrupted herself by scattering the Elden Ring, Radagon could not have avoided the same fate! Since Miyazaki confirms that player's progress in the main game would have no bearing on the DLC story, I assume it means that letting Melina burn would not affect Messmer in any form; thus, they're not the same person!

______________________________

Again, this is just what I think so far, and I am open for the actual DLC to completely prove me wrong! I do not have any solid counter-evidence against the theory that Melina and Messmer could've been twins; for all we know, Messmer could've simply been very secretive. I am just settled on the idea that they're less likely to be the two sides of the same Demigod!

[oh-shtars]

Hey Saph! @wings-of-sapphire/ @signed-sapphire

Stupid tumblr tends to glitch and not let me edit my drafts for some damn reason so sorry for the inconvenience and that it took so long. I have to screenshot your ask and my response down. 😭😭😭

- Interestingly enough, Mag’s main motive is not really to gain more power. (It’s still one of the benefits though, so sure. He’ll take power. Yayyy.) But most of the evil actions he does is out of vengeance. Losing his village took its toll on him. The universe turned its back on him so he feels like he’s justified to take something back for himself.

So now, he finds pleasure in putting others under distress in the same way he used to be.

- So as I said in my previous point, Magnifico loves toying/playing with his victims. Giving them that fake sense of hope and security just to see their look when they realise they’ve been fooled. (But this hypocrite hates being the laughing end of that stick lmaooo)

- He can be superficially charming and manipulative to get what he wants. But it is relatively easy to break down his facade compared to Amaya because of his anger issues.

- He would project his own insecurities/issues towards other people to lower their own self-esteem. An “I’m down, so other people are coming down with me” mentality.

- Just like Star, and being a parallel of Star, Magnifico assumes that people only really like him for what he could offer them. So he could be already suspicious and assuming the worst whenever you ask him for a favour. It’s a contradicting feeling. One, he loves the attention. But on the other hand, he’s so pissy on how ungrateful people are and always expect something from him no matter how much he tries.

(Especially with his belief that his father only valued him as a potential heir and never really saw him as a son. This isn’t true. Oliver is just horrible at communication)

- I imagine Magnifico’s relationship with King Oliver is similar to Shen and his parents from KFP2. How both believed their parents “hated them” for never reaching what was expected of them.

- Magnifico is highly likely to underestimate things and can be impulsive. Amaya usually helps with giving him some second-thoughts and opinions before he could go and do something stupid.

- Mag smiles at the smallest compliments and gets a tiny bashful at certain flirts.

- Magnifico does get symptoms of PTSD from time to time. He can be set off just with the look of uncontrolled fire and he overthinks and gets stressed when things are beyond his control in the kingdom.

(I am just now remembering Aled’s drawing of the Starboys burning the kitchen down. Hmmmmm……)

…….

And tbh, that’s really all I could think of right now. Idk, he makes more sense in my head and I think it will click when I actually start to get into writing his scenes. I’ve made him quite complex that even I couldn’t put it into proper words. 😅

But if you really want to get to know his vibe, I think these songs might help give you an idea. The first one is like, my go-to song when I think of RFTS!Mag’s character though:

………

Also, @signed-sapphire, I read through your TFS!Au and if I understood it correctly, our Magnifico’s are basically:

“I’ve suffered through so much, so I’ll do anything I could to keep our people safe and not let it happen again.”

Vs.

“I’ve suffered through so much, so the ungrateful btches of this kingdom will feel my wrath because I say so-“

Saph.

Look me in the eyes. Are you sure our AUs aren’t made to be this hilarious Swap!version of the other or something? This is getting freaky-

[bitchy-w1tchy]

My predictions for the Master Rules

Spoilers, obviously, for Undead Unluck

#1

Soul

After chapter 191 I can most definitely assume this is Soul just from this panel here

Not only that, he deflected Andy's soul based attacks. It would make sense. I can also see him being Light or something but I am 95% sure this is Soul.

#2

Death

I am banking on this one being Death because of a few things. They said she smelled like "blood and guts". Self explanatory. But she also seems extremely close to Luck and they've even shown her giving Luck a piggy back ride which is a huge parallel with Andy and Fuuko.

She could be religion but I highly doubt it, especially if #1 is confirmed Soul.

#3

Change, been revealed

#4

Luck, been revealed.

#5

I'm going back and forth between Fair and Justice

Idk I've always seen knights as people who defend all that's just (justice). But, then again, his character design. He has spurs. And his vision is impaired by his helmet. Which is kind of a parallel to Billy. So he could be fair. This one stumps me tbh

#6

War

He looks like a wartime general and the dude summoned a tank against Andy?? Also his face is burned which is a common injury to receive in war

Time

War has most likely been a part of every single loop as well. War is, for lack of better words, human nature. It's been around for CENTURIES. Without war, the world would look a ton different.

#7

Pretty self explanatory, considering he uses it in his power callouts. He could also be Past since we know a UMA Past exists (revealed in the first few chapters)

#8

Language, already revealed

#9

Beast, already revealed

#10

Sick, already been revealed

[physalian]

Back in high school, we had the mandatory abstinence lecture (Floridian). Every now and then I’ll think about it and laugh. I didn’t know there was an Agenda back then, I was just happy to not have to run laps in 99-degree heat. But they brought us all to the auditorium and had this guest lecturer. I don’t remember her name or how she got AIDS (I assume it was consensual sex, no way she would have floated the dreaded r-word around us) although… if her point was no sex before marriage, a ring on your finger doesn’t instantly cure all your pre-existing conditions so, but she told her story about how she had it, and then passed it onto her four children.

And all I could think while listening to her moral be “abstinence is key”… while sitting there dooming four innocent children to this terrible disease because she did not have abstinence. Fuzzy on the details but I distinctly remember “now my kids have it”. Idk if she was medicated or they were medicated and I don’t really care anymore. It was 2016.

So anyway. I don’t think someone can “become” a sexuality over one event in their lives—you always were, the “event” was just your “oh” moment—but I remember sitting there and having to stare at pictures of chlamydia and shit. And an epiphany rained down from the heavens, I swear.

Someday, if the stars aligned and I ever had the chance to meet that lady again, I’d love to tell her that her “abstinence is the only way” argument was right. It worked! No sex before marriage!

And she’d probably smile, be all smug and self-satisfied. Victory for Jesus or something.

Yeah! I might say. It worked so well I’m never fucking anybody. And never having children. I’ll adopt! With my wife! We’ll raise them to be proud, independent people who can choose whichever faith they want!!!

And I’d just *love* to see her face fall.

Abstinence fear-mongering sure does work… so well in fact that I probably went from “nah not really interested in sex” to “omg sex is disgusting, bodies are disgusting, I am not at all attracted to those bits on anyone whatsoever”. (I shouldn't have to clarify but I did not just say that people with STIs are disgusting) Which, yes, I know the whole point was that those pictures were of diseases and not healthy tissue or whatever and they were likely even doctored up like anti-abortionists just love to do to make it look even worse. I’m not at all sitting here judging sex-favorable people. I get it. But man that shit was traumatizing, especially if that’s your first exposure to pictures like that.

Although quick aside, I’d pass the anti-abortionists on campus sometimes shouting their shit with all their gruesome pictures, and I’d look at all the fake dead babies and think “oh that’s what a fetus would look like inside of me? Nuh-uh. Ew. Pregnancy is disgusting. No thanks.” So that fear-mongering didn’t work either (once again no hate on people who want to become pregnant, the thought of doing so myself is horrifying).

It just makes me laugh sometimes. Bitch, you did your work too well. The clearest memory I have from that lesson was that these people are so selfish, they’ll give AIDS to their children in the name of procreation. Nothing of what she was trying to say.

Certainly don’t think about it on a daily basis, but whenever the thought crosses my mind of “hey I’m single I’m curious about changing that” beneath all the ‘ugh relationships are exhausting’ fog is definitely ‘but bodies are so gross’ that was, if not caused by that fateful day, awoken that fateful day.

[fiction-justanotherstateofmind]

Would you mind explaining why some people don't like Allison? And no I don't think she would be good mother, considering she's been dead for a decade and never graduated so yeah definitely don't mind ignoring Jeff and his bad writing for scallison.

Idk if you were responding to a particular post, so I'm gonna answer as if it were a random question.

Actually I don't like Allison myself. I liked her back in the first season: she was sweet, innocent and a good match for Scott. The problem for me is how insane she became after her mother died.

She had never been taught to hunt, had never hurt or killed anything or anyone in her entire life. And yet, as soon as she discovered her mother's suicide, she transformed into a Kate Argent 2.0.

And the problem to me is not even the anger towards Derek, it's the repeated attempted murder of people who had nothing to do with it.

Erica and Boyd were innocent. Apart from the fact that Derek was innocent too, even with all the brainwashing done to her by her aunt and grandpa, if you are not the kind of person who enjoys hunting and killing, you never will be. No matter what they tell you.

I'm not joking, I was (and still am) shocked by the scene of Allison on the bike chasing Erica and Boyd and shooting arrows at them. I watched the scene again just right now and she shot seven arrows at Boyd. SEVEN arrows in the body of a 16/17 year old boy just for the fun of it, because it wasn't even about revenge since according to her Victoria had died because of Derek.

Also, Erica yelling "Please, Allison, stop" and Allison not batting an eye... Chris Argent had to stop her. The same Chris Argent who hunted and killed werewolves all his life, who hadn't had his character development yet, the same Chris Argent who helped his wife commit suicide realized that if he didn't stop Allison, with that one last shot she would kill Boyd.

When she was hallucinating a the party, her other self teased her that she's always yelling for help. You see? It's not revenge, it's always been power.

And what's worse is that she never apologized. Even after learning that Derek had bitten Victoria to protect Scott, she continued to play the victim. She has erected herself on a pedestal assuming the right to judge the actions of others, Derek in the first place.

Somehow in her mind loosing a parent entitles her to get away with multiple attempted murders. She despised Derek from start to finish and she never stopped to think about the pain her family had brought him, and this time on purpose.

And we want to talk about Isaac? She stabbed Isaac several times, and then they got together despite her not really being interested, and it shows in her last words before dying: not a thought, a gesture or a glance at poor Isaac.

And I'm deliberately ignoring her complete forgetting -in the movie- that she was once Isaac's girlfriend and not Scott's.

However, some might say that for some reason she convinced herself that Erica and Boyd were equally guilty of their mother's death and that therefore, in her view, it was right to kill them. Fine, then how do you explain the fact that in the movie, as soon as she wakes up, she doesn't just try to kill Derek but chases, hunts and even tries to kill a 15-year-old boy who is practically not even a real werewolf?

I like Kate for how her character was built, I even like Victoria. I don't like them as people but I like them as villains. The problem is that Allison acted just like Kate but neither the other characters nor part of the fandom see her as a villain.

They did the hunting in the forest (thrice btw: 1) season 2 with Derek and Scott; 2) season 2 with Erica and Boyd; 3) movie with Eli and Scott) for telling us what? That she's a badass, that she's powerful? What is it? A twisted way of saying girl power?

If we don't want to call her a villain, at least we need to realize that she's the female version of Peter Hale (only Peter at least had valid reasons. Questionable actions, but valid reasons). She helps when and how she wants, and especially just to help some specific people: she does it for Scott and Lydia, if it weren't for them, she would never have helped Derek.

She is not good. And we have to come to terms with this. She did wrong things and not only never apologized for it but she never even realized she did something wrong in the first place.

Btw I laugh at the idea that she, 17, (girlfriend of a 30+ man) should be a mother to the boy she tried to kill and almost succeeded in killing his father, not forgetting whose family was killed by her own family members... because if I stop to think about it, it would only make me cry.

So... yeah. This is it. This is why some people, myself included, don't like Allison.

The real question, at least to me, is why some people do like her? She is a Kate Argent evolved into a Peter Hale but praised as a Scott McCall.

Let me know your opinion about it.

[neopuppy]

don't know how to say this but I do agree jaemin just looks perfect.. And it was before I even started reading fics he kinda gave me manipulator vibes idk.. He has definitely used his looks and words in his favor at least once in his life ( I too would have done the same if in his place) they all try to maintain the perfect green flag image but we all know reality is by far from it... Anyways sorry for bringing practical stuff to a place where we are supposed to be in fiction

well yeah I don’t want to change anyones opinions or feelings on him or anyone else! at the end of the day they are idols doing their job and we are JUST fans!!! so it’s REALLY not that deep and I can’t tell you anything about that guy or my biases aside from what we see which is fact: he is a VERY beautiful man

like he’s the type that can walk into a room and make every woman go silent bc you have to stop and take in how gorgeous he is. there’s no way anyone can receive that type of attention and not have a bit🤏 of a complex, it is simply human nature. we should all know that if you stroke a mans ego too much…..he’ll rly run with that shit.

as an outsider who simply enjoys observing people, I think it’s safe and not overstepping to assume that he’s very confident and in return wants someone who matches up to his level. first of all… have you seen that head of hair on him? men with full thick hairlines have a different type of self assurance lmao(especially with how popular surgical hairlines have become in kpop🤐🤐🤐 and before anyone asks I’m not speaking on anyone in nct!!!)

do I think he’s a great person? WELL, NO! because I don’t think that about anyone that I do not know personally. I believe celebrities have proven time and time AND time again that we should not worship them nor put them on a pedestal because they will always disappoint.

this includes idols, just this week Hyuna for example… I don’t buy into the kpop image of perfection. I enjoy the music firstly and then look for a fav member from there bc we all want a fav🤷🏻‍♀️ but yeah I just dont think its that deep. I am a fic blog but maybe thats also why I dont have strong parasocial relationships with my fav idols, bc im actually cool with keeping it fictional, its way more fun this way imo.

I figure I wont be as heart broken or devastated if my favs ever get exposed for being terrible people(or y’know, just human💀 bc who in actuality is that perfect. absolutely no one.) cancel culture, its silly.

I meet awful people all the time, and if theyre good looking even worse. why are we so convinced that celebs who get praised and worshipped every hour of their lives and hold more money/power than most of us would be better than the average person??😅

ESPECIALLY a man! WHEN DID WE START TRUSTING MEN?😭😭

[teshadraws]

Okay, so I’m curious about something if you’re willing to share.

What is your process for writing Seekers? I think I remember you saying at some point that there was at least one other draft, and I assume you have some sort of habitual writing schedule for when you write each chapter (how else could you release a chapter almost every week?). 

Another thing I am wondering is how you’ve had such experiences that enable you to write so accurately and deeply about things in the story? I mean, not only were you able to show the trauma of Tobias losing his family and thus his whole world, but you are also keenly aware of the effects that would have on him after eight years. What experiences have you had that makes you understand these sort of things???

There’s more to this too, like I thought for the longest time that Nia is pretty close to your personality (possibly a self-insert at times), but even still you’re able to shape so many other characters personalities to the point where they are incredibly realistic. Like, how can you have so much experience and knowledge, and only have lived one life so far? I assume that many of the main characters have something about them that comes from your actual life.

I dunno, maybe it’s just me since I’m so passionate about it. This is one of the few stories I’ve been able to go to when I’m feeling down, to neutralize me and remove any stress or anxiety I have. (Although maybe it’s not perfect because it also makes me feel the same strong emotions that the characters feel? Idk). Either way I love your story and I am unreasonably attached to your characters and storytelling.

Thank you!!! ^^ Really happy you're enjoying the story so far.

As for process, I don't really have a set writing schedule. I'm on a school schedule since I'm a teacher, so I just write when I have time and when I'm feeling up to it! I map out the most important parts of the chapter using a few bullet points, then write the first draft in the Notes app on my phone. Then I do a final editing pass in Word on my laptop!

I don't think I have as solid an answer for how I write the characters and their experiences, though. Sometimes they reflect aspects of myself and the people I know in real life, like how Maggie is a mix of my mother and one of my former professors. For experiences I'm unfamiliar with, I consume a lot of character-driven media, and I do a lot of research to cover any blind spots in how people tend to act/react in certain situations. I read a lot about PTSD and survivor's guilt before diving deeper into Tobias' story, for example.

So basically, just taking from real life, taking from pre-existing media, and doing research! Hope that answers some of your questions. :D

[i-may-be-an-emu]

New intro post because I lost the old one and I should probably have one

Hello! I’m emu (nickname) and my pronouns are he/him. I’m ftm trans and aroace, mostly.

I might also like they/them as pronouns though I’m still figuring out how I feel about those, but by all means use them unless I say I don’t like them anymore. Whatever is in my bio should be fine :)

I don’t tell people my age :) and I very very rarely tell people what country I am from. I haven’t shared my name on here and am uncertain about wether I will or not. Don’t take it personally, it’s just for safety and my own peace of mind.

I’m a Christian! And yes I’m also queer. Please don’t be mean to me because of my religion.

I block people easily but also follow people easily! Don’t be scared to talk to me :)

I care about people a lot! (Hyper empathy yay! (/sarc))

I use “:)” and “<3” a LOT (not <3 if you don’t like that)

I use tone tags but not always, mainly just assume I’m not meaning things in a mean or romantic way and it’ll be alright.

I try to trigger warm posts as best I can and cw for bright colours, gifs ect.

I don’t swear but I reblog and might post images/clips that have swear words in them.

I have dyscalculia, audhd and anxiety and depression! I’m trans so I also am affected by dysphoria a lot! (I’m getting better with some of this stuff and am medicated most days for adhd.)

I think I have ocd but I’m not sure because I have a lot of overlapping disorders already that could be causing those symptoms. And also just so you know, my memory sucks.

I am EXTREMELY obsessed with shoot from the hip. EXTREMELY. (They’re @shootimpro on youtube, insta and tiktok- go check them out if you want!!!) this is almost a fan blog for them at this point. If you get annoyed by my almost constant posting about them feel free- nay encouraged, I don’t want to annoy people- to filter the tags:

#Sfth

#shoot from the hip

#shootimpro

#sfthposting

These are good tags for sfth fans to filter within my blog if you want sfth posts, too :)

If you’re a sfth fan but not a patreon just know that I sometimes talk about patreon things here (its not against the rules to talk about) and if you don’t want to see sfth patreon content talked about or screenshots of things because of whatever reason then you can filter the tag #sfth patreon things

and if you’re a sfth fan and you want to know more about them or you need screenshots or clips feel free to ask!!!!!! I’m always happy to talk about them and I have over 500 screenshots and more I can easily access through discord.

if you are a sfth fan and want to be on the fan discord just ask and I can dm you the join link! :))

I’ve had other hyperfixations that may resurface from time to time such as the shows Community, Loki, f.r.i.e.n.d.s and B99. I also have been obsessed with Spider-Man and marvel in general.

I might tag things as #emu rambles if I’m randomly rambling in the tags or #self rb if I’ve reblogged something from myself, these tags don’t really mean anything and idk why I do it :)

(oh yeah and barely anything here is organised)

I probably missed something but who knows.

:)

[perfesh]

How I See Manifestation!

♡ Flipping your assumptions.

I can't manifest. -> I am always manifesting (because that's the truth).

It's hard. -> It's easy (because that's the truth).

I can't manifest instantly. -> I have always manifested instantly (because that's the truth).

I can't manifest effortless. -> I have always manifested effortlessly (because that's the truth).

I am doing everything wrong. -> I am doing everything right (because that's the truth).

It's important to switch unfavourable assumptions. Because your assumptions are what manifests.

Assuming is deciding.

How to decided? The same way you decided what to eat, where to step your foot next, to read this text, etc. You don't have to feel an emotion when deciding, because emotions don't manifest (unless you assume it does, but why would you?), and it's fine if you do feel happy, excited, etc when you're manifesting.

♡ Methods

You don't need methods if you don't want to. Some people use methods for fun. I certainly do! I only do these methods to remind myself that I already have my desires. Some people use methods to get their desires. Both works! You can choose more than one method if you like. Here are three top methods that I know of (these aren't the only one, btw):

》》》 Affirming.

I know people get mad when people put affirming as a method, because affirmations are your thoughts. But I see making yourself repeat the same word(s) over and over again as a method 🤷🏻‍♀️. Anyways, I find affirming helpful. So like I said, people repeat one or a set of affirmations in their heads or out loud. There is two ways people use this.

1. To get something.

2. To remind yourself that you have your desires.

Which is better? Idk. I see people with success stories using both. So I guess do what feels right for you.

》》》 Visualising.

You imagine your desires. Know that it shall manifest if you choose to.

》》》 Scripting.

There's ways to do this. You can script what your life is like when you wake up with all your desires, script what your average day would be if you had all your desires, write down all your desires, etc.

♡ Mental Diet

If you get contradicting thoughts about your desires, you can affirm, visualise, etc in your favour to remind yourself that you do or will have your desires. Or you can simply manifest contradicting thoughts away or simply know that they are powerless.

♡ Tip for manifesting: Self-concept.

DON'T GO! I know when people see self-concept they run away. They think that it's a waste of time to work on your self-concept when they could use that time to manifest their desires. They don't know that working on your self-concept also gives you your desires. You can just choose to have a top teir self-concept or use methods to achieve it!

What is self-concept? @starliet made a great post on that! Tap her username, then press on basic mastery and in the bottom is says self-concept. Click on that and read it. She also has a longer version if you like. Same process. Tap her username, then press on basic mastery and tap the fourth link on that page.