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"college is the best years of your life" "college is for meeting new people and expanding your mind" wrong. college is for discovering new types of grief. also the timeloop

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"wow ur so good at math" ah ha but you see. you dont ever get good at math. you stay bad, but now youre bad at harder math

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lumon sending their four craziest bitches on an outdoor retreat with the most overworked man in the company and a child as the only supervision

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rb and add your on repeat. i wish to know what everyone is listening to

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Need urgent help. Bambi is my best friend, who's been with me through chronic homelessness and homelessness in my vw beetle in the dead of winter 3 years ago. I can't lose her and I've been doing my best to take care of her. She's been having issues with urine, and I thought it was because she was getting old - she started peeing puss and blood and I've scheduled a vet appointment for Wednesday morning (soonest my vet could do).

I cant lose her, and the costs for the tests like urinalysis and bladder stone x rays etc were quoted to run 425. Please help me, I cant lose her and i need to take care of her.

Paylink: for Bambi

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The cruelty of racist white men.

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diet talk is so inexpressibly nonsensical the instant you know anything about "the human body" or "nutrition" or if you think about it for three seconds

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LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE + letterboxd reviews 2006 | dir. Jonathan Dayton, Valerie Faris

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currently reading a short history of trans misogyny, i really really appreciate that it mentions that a lot of the time that "panic" at learning someone is trans comes way before they decide to murder the person, and it's essentially a retroactive justification for violence. lines up with how many justifications for the murder of cis women end up being (for example) "i thought she was cheating on me" three weeks beforehand and not some emotional spur of the moment thing. it's an excuse that society is way to willing to take at face value and people know they can get away with it.

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being alive is like: you want to go home. you don't know where home is. you want to go home. you don't know where home is. you want to go home. you haven't known for a long time. you want to go home but you don't know where you'd go. you want to go home you want to go home you want to go home

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i was drafting a post that said “a single boba tea can replace up to two meals if you are pure of heart” and the reason i didn’t post it is because as i was typing those words i got so dizzy i felt like i was being abducted by aliens

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[nodding and gesturing with my hands vigorously] no yeah man so like see the thing is that the grief never diminishes, the sorrow and sadness never disappear, it's just that the volume of your life increases and allows more space to be filled with light and happiness, and in comparison the grief starts to become smaller relatively speaking, but yeah like the pain never becomes smaller and it will always weigh on your heart and render it into a greater burden than itself. mhm yeah it's forever. oh yeah and if you put the same amount of grief into a smaller conceptual container -- yeah like a kid alter, exactly -- it once again takes up a much larger experiential space relative to the size of its container. oh yeah no you absolutely have to keep the grief in the kid alter though, no see it's like the meta because when you keep the grief sealed up in the smallest and most frightened corner of your soul, and then keep that child within you itself sealed up deep within, somewhere that you hope you cannot find her, she becomes a capsule for the grief -- yes like mother of pearl or some kind of horrific calcified foreign body -- and, this is crazy man it's like if you can pull this shit off it's ridiculous that this works, the rest of your heart can pretend all of the grief and sorrow is gone because it's sequestered into this partition which cannot speak, and so you can feel like your whole life is filled with light and happiness, yeah I know right it's so absolutely epic, the only problem is that it forces the child you've encapsulated to exist in a permanent state of maddening agony and sorrow. oh yeah no it absolutely drives them crazy it totally breaks their brain. that's why they stay a kid. it's ok though because for that to matter they'd have to be a person and you don't actually have to consider the most tender and delicate and intimate part of your own soul a person if you don't want to. uh huh you can just pretend you cut it out and move on with your life. it doesn't even hurt. oh no yeah it's still you though. yeah it does basically mean you don't consider yourself a human being anymore. mhm it's like that davy jones shit it's like carving your heart out of your chest with a dull blade and leaving it sealed up in a lightless cavity so it can never be touched by the world.

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so as a third world transfem there's a bit of a parallel that ive noticed and it goes kinda like this:

if you live in the Imperial Core (or maybe even first world countries in general tbh), you never have to consider the third world in your worldview. what i mean is, you can be born, have a long, rich, fulfilling life and then die of old age, never having thought of any of us beyond the 5 minutes after you get shown some sort of news piece. there's vast, vast swathes of people that think of mexico, or nicaragua, or argentina, or or or or - as basically just names on a map, if that much. we're not people to them, not really. and when we stand up and say "no actually, we are human beings, people worth just as much as any citizen of the Imperial Core", they get upset! because we are shaking the fundamentals of their worldview.

and there's not necessarily any malice involved! like, obviously some people that feel like this are malicious, but their personal feelings are irrelevant. the point is that their position insulates them both from knowing us and from any consequences of not knowing us, while we most assuredly are not protected from either of those things in response.

if you are not transfem, even if you are also queer in some way, a similar concept applies. you can have a full, rich, fulfilling queer existence while never having to take us into account! you can go to queer and inclusive events, watch queer and inclusive creators and shows, read queer and inclusive books, and so on and so forth, where we don't feature at all, or if we do, we are a throwaway! and so, when we stand up and say "hey actually we deserve as much space and respect as anyone else", they get upset! because we are shaking the fundamentals of their worldview.

im not saying they're related but ultimately both of these worldviews stem from a position of privilege, and can only be eliminated by destroying that privilege. i dont really know how we do that but this is mostly meant as an observation rather than a solutions post.

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And this is how religious people should react when someone comes out to them