#if only he knew what she knows

[hippolotamus]

WIP Wednesday 🖤

tagged by the lovely and talented @tizniz @eddiebabygirldiaz mwah! 💖 the beans have taken a swift and sudden break, so I'm cheating by using segments that none of you have ever read before. not once. promise. have this bit of young Evan and Maddie from the witch!eddie/familiar!buck au

Hershey, PA - 1998

“Pleeeeease?” Evan pleads, giving Maddie his widest grin and best puppy dog eyes. In his six years and two months of being alive, this tactic has never failed him. 

Tonight she’s been tasked with babysitting while their parents are out. Which makes him happy because that means she’s the one tucking him into bed and reading him a story. As soon as she finishes their book, because it’s just them, he can’t resist asking for her magick. 

It’s not like she’s not allowed to use it, but for some reason their mom and dad never seem happy when she does. Unless it’s for a practical reason. Even then they look uncomfortable, barely being able to watch while she uses her gift. 

Shouldn’t they be happy? Not every family has magick, but they’re so lucky with Maddie. She’s a natural healer, with the power to make people better. She always makes him better whenever he gets a cut or scrape from falling off his bike, or does something tricky like that time he jumped off the swings and hit his chin when he landed. 

“I should have known you would ask,” Maddie teases.  

She takes her time putting the book back on the shelf and switching off the bedside lamp before making herself comfortable at the foot of his bed. There’s a sliver of light streaming in through the curtains, enough to see Maddie tuck her hair behind her ear and wiggle her fingers at him. The wiggling is mostly for show (he thinks) and to make him giggle. She’s always doing her best to make him smile. He wonders if everyone has a big sister like her. He hopes so. 

Maddie holds one palm out, showing him it’s empty before she turns it face up. With her other hand, she stirs her pointer finger in her cupped palm. Excitement and anticipation run in a gentle current under his skin. It’s a little like a swarm of butterflies in his tummy, or the feeling he gets when the car drives over a big hill. He clutches at his blanket, leaning forward to get a closer view of the pink and green beginning to form. 

“Ready?” She asks.

“Uh-huh,” he answers, eagerly nodding his head. 

They’re only slightly out of sync with one another as they begin counting out loud. “One… two…” Evan takes a deep breath, as much as his growing lungs can hold before Maddie exclaims “Three!”

His breath rushes out of him, blowing into the pink green glow. He watches in awe as it disperses, making the sunburst patterns on his walls light up, warm and golden, illuminating the space like fireflies. 

“You did it!” She praises him as if he had any influence on any of what just happened. He gives her an enormous grin anyway. It feels impossible not to with how content he feels. 

“No, you did!” 

“Well, you did the most important part,” she argues good naturedly, tousling his hair. 

He beams with pride, leaning into the touch. Thankfully, she takes the hint and strokes his forehead with her thumb. 

“Okay, lay down. It’s way past your bedtime.” 

“Not sleepy,” he protests through a yawn. When she gives him an incredulous look, he burrows into the covers, letting his head loll to the side. “Hey, Maddie?”

“Yeah?”

He hums as she resumes lightly scratching his scalp. “Do you think I’ll get my magick soon?”

“I-” Her movements slow almost to a stop, but start again before he can complain. “I don’t know.” 

“Hope so,” he mumbles sleepily. “Can’t wait to have mine, just like you.” 

The mattress shifts and soon he feels her press a kiss to his temple. “Get some sleep, Evan. I’ll be here if you need anything.”

The reassurance is a formality — of course she’ll be around. It’s nice to hear the words anyway. Before she leaves the room, he’s already drifting into a calm slumber, beautiful shades of pink, green, and gold dancing behind his eyelids.

np tagging @actuallyitsellie @epicbuddieficrecs @loveyouanyway @a-noble-dragon @mountedeverest

@diazheartsbuckley @weewootruck @saybiwithme mi amor @bidisasterevankinard @shipperqueen6

@ramonaflow @taketheplanspinitsideways @spotsandsocks @dangerpronebuddie @theotherbuckley

@stereopticons @kitteneddiediaz @daffi-990 @diazsdimples @your-catfish-friend

@thekristen999 @filet-o-feelings @wikiangela @underwaterninja13 LOML @lizzie-bennetdarcy

@rainbow-nerdss @steadfastsaturnsrings @inell

@theplaceyoustillrememberdreaming @rmd-writes @welcometololaland @jesuisici33 @shortsighted-owl

@queerbuckleys @bi-buckrights @elvensorceress @bucksbiawakening @giddyupbuck

@hoodie-buck @indestructibleheart @ladydorian05 @lemonzestywrites @monsterrae1

@statueinthestone @slightlyobsessedwitheverything @the-likesofus @thewolvesof1998 @watchyourbuck

@wildlife4life anyone else who wants to 😘

[zehl0w]

Zenitsu agatsuma has got to be the biggest egg I have ever seen in my entire life

[high-voltage-rat]

something I do appreciate about red vs blue is its particular brand of “came back wrong”. you were brought back, but you’re just a memory of the person you’re supposed to be. you’re just the expectations of them. you’re just the pieces everyone else saw and remembered. you’re tough like the original, but you’ll always fail no matter how tough you are, because the original failed, too. you’ve got a personality like the original, but it’s not quite right because you didn’t actually live the life they did. there’s this person you love- who you would kill or suffer or die for- but you don’t know why, you just know you’re supposed to be together because that’s what you were made for.

[b0nelessdoodles]

was feeling the sad beige mom in my soul tonight so had to doodle a her 'cause its a crime i don't draw more mystic flour tbh

also have my dumb message to my friend about it

[butterflysonnets]

yes i'm rooting for m*leven breakup because byler is neat but mostly? i'm rooting for m*leven breakup for the sake of el and mike.

to me, their romance was always a puppy love born out of a combination of social pressures, naïve curiosity, and a lack of true understanding regarding intimacy and romantic love and what it really is. it was real in that they do truly, deeply care about each other and they are close friends, maybe even shared an attraction, but a maturing romance is so much more than that. they've grown up and out of being boyfriend/girlfriend, and that's okay! i think television/film needs to show more often that most of us don't have definite "soulmates" or first childhood loves that we spend our whole lives with. it doesn't mean these relationships meant nothing and didn't impact us, it just means they've run their course and that something else is in the cards, and this is part of life!

i've always felt el was at her best and most confident self when broken up with mike, discovering who she was and what she liked alongside another girl her age instead of just relying on mike for mentorship on how to live in the real world. she deserves more of an opportunity to find herself, her autonomy, and her independence, and to love who she is, and she's made it clear she's felt insecure in the relationship with mike because she isn't being loved and understood the way she wants, needs, and deserves from someone who is her partner.

also, it's okay if mike doesn't love her in "the way he should". he is not obligated to love her romantically and stay in a relationship with her just because she's a girl, because she "needed someone", or because he cares about her a lot. he shouldn't be pressured into a romance if it's not truly coming from his heart. he deserves freedom to find out and honour who he is, too, instead of just staying in his non-functional first relationship — one he got into as a child, essentially — and defining himself that way because it's what's expected when a boy and a girl are close. he loves her in some way, yes, but it's okay if he doesn't feel comfortable or secure being her boyfriend anymore, for whatever reason that is. he's felt insecure too, and that's valid and it matters.

they are their own people and are steadily growing and changing every day. they need time to figure out who those people are, and it's become clear (at least in my opinion) that those people aren't meant to be a couple at this stage.

they deserve freedom. they deserve to grow up and be authentic to themselves and not feel like they need to lie for the sake of a relationship. they deserve to move on from this version of their relationship that isn't making them happy and rekindle the best part of their bond: their strong, beautiful friendship. they don't have to be a couple if it doesn't make them stronger and better and happier people.

i think it would be healthy and wonderful for a show, especially one consumed frequently by young adults, to show a relationship starting, progressing, and ending on good terms in this way. sometimes things don't work out, and that is okay.

[dollypopup]

"Colin should have grovelled more!" "Penelope folded too easily"

I think statements like this typically come from people who like Penelope. . .but don't really understand her. And don't really understand just why she cares for Colin, and just why him groveling would not in any way bring her peace.

Penelope and Colin are kindred spirits in their loneliness, in season 3 more than any others. Penelope had lost her friendship with Eloise, and Colin didn't really have a close friend circle to begin with. Except with Pen. Pen was the person he could put the mask down for, could open up to, (in particular with their 'dreams' discussion) and that's why he couldn't even entertain the idea of giving up talking to her in Season 2. She is a vital part of his life, and holds so much significance and importance to him.

I imagine that's what made their silence over his travels especially painful for him. They spent such a long time talking after Season 1, and he even informs her that her letters were so encouraging, that it helped him heal something inside of himself. That if she could see him in a gentle way. . .so could he. (And he repays this, because he is honest to god out here acting and looking at her like she hung the moon in the sky). But without her presence in his life, he spiraled. Didn't feel confident in being who he is, and thus put on his persona more firmly. We know this because he wrote in his journal that "I want to be less needy, less insecure, while still maintaining the core of my vulnerability that makes me who I am". That he misses his family, that he misses home.

And we know, from the books, that Home? Home is Penelope. Penelope is his North Star, is his guiding force, and who I argue he feels he needs. In his very first scene, he looks toward her house, tries to find her in the window. When he does not, he returns to his family. In the outdoor gathering, he looks for her and finds her, eager to talk. He states aloud that he misses her, and I imagine he wrote it, too. Not hearing back from her over the course of his travels was surely something that hurt him, but he doesn't hold any ill will toward her for it, only wants to reconnect again. In fact, the one and only time he brings up how he misses her and that she didn't respond, she makes very clear the reason why: she heard what he said and it hurt her. And he's ashamed of it.

Colin hears her call him cruel, and instead of ruffling his feathers about it, instead of getting upset, instead of having a chip on his shoulder as I feel so many men would about it. . .he understands why she does so.

Penelope is a woman who has been largely treated poorly in her society. She feels unheard, she feels undesired, and in her circumstances, and I can't help but ask myself. . .has anyone ever truly apologized to Penelope for hurting her, before? Her mother? Her sisters? Eloise, likely, but. . .anyone else? And the way Colin did? Because of all the characters in the show, Colin? Colin knows how to apologize. He has a lot of practice in it. And very importantly: Colin, a man of privilege in his society, apologizes. . .predominately to women. To Marina, to his mother, and multiple times to Penelope.

Ultimately, Penelope wants to be heard, Penelope wants to be understood, Penelope wants to feel desired.

And Colin checks every single one of those boxes. He informs he is not who he was before, and then he proves it to her. He hears that he hurt her, and he comments on it directly. An entire night apart, and he comes back to her 'Because I embarrass you' with 'I am most certainly not ashamed of you', replies to her 'I am a laughingstock' with 'you are clever, and warm, and I am proud to call you my good friend'. He hears her proclaim her own insecurities, and empathizes so deeply with her. He listens. He understands. He makes clear that he cares for her, and that she *is* desired. 'You lift my spirits' 'I seek you out at every social assembly'. That she helps him see the world in ways he loves, that he sees HER and how much she has cared for HIM, that she makes him feel appreciated, that he appreciates her, in turn.

And then? Then? He shows her. He tells her, and he shows her. His actions all throughout Season 3 reinforce this apology. He continues looking for her in every corner of every ballroom, he continues complimenting her, he laughs at her jokes and respects her boundaries, he is ever so gentle with her, he listens to her with an attentiveness that no one else has ever given her. To Lady Whistledown? Sure. But to Penelope? Who else in the entirety of that ton has listened to Penelope the way Colin has?

Absolutely no one.

Penelope Featherington ghosts Colin Bridgerton for months with no explanation, and Colin comes back wanting to reach out to her, and she finally tells him why.

And he apologizes. Because he listens. Really, truly listens. And really truly cares.

I need you to understand how rare that is, even nowadays, but especially back then. That Colin is the kind of man who can put his hurt to the side and realize he made a mistake, that he said something callous, and he adores her, and he can't lose her, and he has to see her and make it right.

Because that's why Penelope fell for Colin. Not because he's beautiful, not for his charm, not for his family. But for his heart. Because he shows her kindness in a world that so often disregards her. Because he seeks her out and tries to understand her, truly hears what she has to say and compliments her, says he's sorry and looks at things from her perspective.

Because he saw her when she was invisible.

Penelope Featherington, who grew up in a house that made cruel jabs at her, has Colin Bridgerton come to her and say he regrets what he said, and that he was wrong, and that he understands why she's mad at him. Penelope Featherington who has so rarely had much of anyone tell her that they're sorry for what they said about her, sits before Colin Bridgerton as he professes how much she means to him. That he cannot even spend a full day away from her knowing they're on bad terms with each other without making it right. That he sees how she is hurting and he has to in any way he can amend it. She is lonely, with no one really in her corner at the start of season 3, and she feels like she lost it all, and Colin comes to her and says 'no, I'm here and I appreciate you and you are special to me, please let me in and let me prove it'. Is it any wonder why after she shakes his hand, she stands in the sun, and she feels the warmth of it, she can smile? That she can breathe, again? That she can be truly content for the first time in the season?

Because Penelope Featherington does not want Colin to beg. She knows him. She knows the tender, full heart he hides behind the new cavalier persona. She knows the soft underbelly of Colin Bridgerton.

He never had to grovel. All he had to do was love her. Assuredly. Fervently. Loudly. Unapologetically.

And he does.

[sage-nebula]

In season 1, Powder/Jinx was viewed by most as a screw-up, and a monster.

In season 2, Jinx will be viewed by most as a monster, and a revolutionary symbol.

In neither season did the majority opinion see her as a person. Those who did care about her as a person — Vander, Vi, Ekko (though he tried hard not to in arcs 2 & 3), and Silco, in that order — were heavily outnumbered by those who only saw her as the consequences of her actions, and not the eccentric, brilliant, but heavily traumatized and mentally ill girl she actually was.

There are some people who are angry that she is being seen as a revolutionary or peaceful symbol in Zaun. "It should be Vi!" they say. "How could they do this to Ekko?!" But here is what those people are missing:

Symbols are not people. They are iconography. A symbol can last long, long after its origin has died. Hence why doves are symbols; they can die fast, but their paintings last forever. This means that it does not matter at all to Zaun what happens to Jinx, in any way, once she is their symbol; even if she dies, that just makes her a martyr. Even better if it's an enforcer that kills her. (I could see Sevika arranging that.)

Jinx is just as alone now as she ever was. Symbols need to stay pure. Meaning that Jinx's off-color jokes and wild actions will need to be short leashed or she could risk losing that status. Even IF she feels this gives her community, she'll lose that real fast.

This is not the face of a girl who feels she is among friends:

And that is simply because she isn't. They don't know her. They don't need to know her. They need her to do her part (be the face on the murals, the martyr when we need it) and that's it. Jinx's action of blowing up the council was loved. But Jinx herself? No.

This is not an enviable position and it isn't going to benefit her, at least not in terms of her mental wellbeing. Jinx needs real unconditional love and support—what she got from Silco in his final moments, not the empty veneration of the masses who view her as an icon rather than a human being.

[coachbeards]

I think something that bothers me about how the writers handled Rebecca’s actions was that,,, not only were there no mentions of it afterwards save for like two jokes…but nobody was upset with her after she apologized. everyone moved on? The people who knew, anyways. There weren’t any consequences for her, really. higgins, julie, ted, keeley, they all moved on and acted like it wasn’t a big deal. whereas Jamie’s entire three season arc is consumed by his s1 actions. he had to fight tooth and nail to get back into the team’s good graces, to prove himself to the coaches and keeley and everyone. Even in s3, the coaches are shown to not value his growth and keep thinking of jamie “prick” tartt instead of seeing him as someone capable of being better and different. idk. It just bothers me that in a show about forgiveness and being better, rebecca only had to apologize and everything was forgiven, while Jamie literally could not Not be defined by how he was

[thedreadvampy]

sometimes I forget that my experience has been. um. not 'your experiences are not universal' vibes but more like 'your experiences are EXTREMELY atypical'

[sallytwo]

Jennifer nearly jumped into the water / and she was tired like no one's ever been tired

[laurapetrie]

When Carole Lombard tackled anything it was with all her heart and soul — and that's the way she fell for Clark Gable, in a way that could have been worked only by the miracle that makes hearts beat faster on Valentine's Day. Everyone who knew Carole loved her; everyone loved Gable, too — and when they loved each other it was a romance fit for the gods. - Hedda Hopper, "Three Loves That Thrilled the World" (Modern Screen, February 1949)

[haunted-xander]

You ever think about how Ryne probably got a more honest yet closed-off Thancred while Minfilia got a more disingenuine yet open Thancred?

Like, the Thancred Minfilia knew and grew up with was the one we saw in arr, the flirty, teasing and sassy but friendly man who was clearly not very honest seeing as no one- not even Minfilia- noticed how worn out he was from his constant work. Even just by hw he's noticably more prickly and. not quite rude but. more outwardly cynical? He's always been kinda cynical, but in arr his teasing and banter hides it well, which never disappears but is more. natural? genuine? now. Krile directly points out that he's much more brusque than she expected of him based on how Minfilia described him.

And sure, you could attribute that behaviour to his grief and stress (which is certainly a part of it) but considering he acts much the same in ew, when he's finally moved on and come to terms with everything (and is also post-shb character development), I think it's safe to say that this is the most honest we've seen Thancred be.

But this is all Ryne has known him to be. She's never seen Thancred be flirtatious or as social and friendly as he is in arr, she's only seen him be brusque and cynical but still teasing and kind. But he's also far more closed off from her (and others) bc of That Whole Deal going on. Urianger has told her more about Thancred's true feelings than Thancred himself has. and even that's not a lot, for Urianger is not only not a mind reader and doesn't know everything that goes on on Thancred's head, but also is reluctant to share more than is necessary since it's not his place to divulge these things (and also he himself is not free from the folly of emotional self-isolation).

With Minfilia though, he's open enough that she's never doubted that he cared for and loved her even when he couldn't spend much time with her, and she felt comfortable enough to admonish him when he did his usual self-destructive behaviour (you know, becoming an alchoholic at 17 and All That Entails)

Just. food for thought

[roominthecastle]

Siegfried Farnon is based on eccentric vet Donald Sinclair, who Peter Wright worked closely with in his early career.

"You know, Donald died unexpectedly. And that morning, I remember the phone going, Jim Wight rang me to say Donald's died. Jim said, 'It's going to be a duller world without Donald Sinclair.' By gosh, it was. It has been."

[front-facing-pokemon]

[iguessitsjustme]

Me to Atom when he sat beside the trash can instead of getting in it

[ace-apple]

i hope qcellbit fails horribly in his goal to push everyone away from him. i hope they refuse to let him win i hope they make sure he knows that he's just hurting them and it wont stop unless he does because theyre not gonna leave. sorry i just hope this cubito heals so bad i need it more than anything