#if i was going to marry for money and stability i would have done it back in 2011

[freebooter4ever]

I think the men should love you more it's because in general terms women are gonna get the short end of the stick regardless because of how society is structured. but we can think differently about that

umm why are random men insulting Geno tf???

but you see i enjoy heartache \o/ and anyway, i am wired to prefer being alone than to be with someone im not really that into. i mean ideally it would be equal one day, hahaha (in my dreams)

also im pretty sure its jealousy. i mean you see a girl is crushing on someone like geno, it must be hard to feel like you measure up \o/ (literally and figuratively i mean he's so tall)

[mysticheathenn]

What Will Make You Financially Abundant?

Hi, Hexlings!

This pick-a-card reading is for my Patreon All Tiers. This pick-a-card reading is all about what will bring financial stability and abundance into your life.

This is a general reading, remember to take what resonates and leave what does not. This reading does not supplement your need to seek professional help. Tarot should be used as entertainment and not a for sure answer to your problems but as a guide, a sense of hope, and amusement.

Take your time when choosing your pile. Ask yourself the question and choose the picture that you can’t stop looking at. Listen to your intuition.

Extended Patreon Includes:

What do you need to let go of to bring this to fruition?

What will this abundance bring or gift me?

Extra Messages

MasterList

Patreon Link

Ko-Fi Donations

Pile l:

What will bring you Financial abundance? Tarot: 4 of Pentacles, Knight of Cups, Strength, 4 of Cups, King of Swords, Ace of Swords

Following your truth. I know you are probably looking for a straight answer like me saying your current career, a sugar daddy, or the lottery but pile l you are what will bring financial abundance to you. A lot of you are constantly sleeping on the many ideas that spirit has given you because you are either too scared to take the leap, don't believe you are good enough, your idea isn't good enough, or you believe it's already been done before. Either way, you are the key to bringing in this abundance into your life by acting on the ideas that come to you no matter how ridiculous or "bland" they may seem. You are basically sleeping on your own potential and what you can bring into your life. Some of you are even hold yourself back by having a scarcity mindset, not believing that you can bring in financial stability or abundance. Stand in your power or for a few of you stand in your purpose that keeps knocking at your door that you keep ignoring because of fear. This reminds me of a pile in my previous reading. I believe it was pile 3 from my "What Do You Still Need to Heal From?" Reading. Wake up. Smell the coffee and get to work. Stop putting off your ideas. Stop ignoring your ideas. Stop ignoring the path that keeps popping up in your life for you to take. This reminds me of the scene from Barbie where she didn't want to find out why she was "malfunctioning" but she had to find out because if she doesn't she would end up like weird Barbie. This is you pile l...if you don't walk the path you were meant to walk, listen to your ideas, and release this scarcity mindset...you will continue to struggle. Patreon Post Link

Pile ll:

What will bring you Financial abundance? Tarot: 10 of Pentacles, Ace of Pentacles, 3 of Cups, 4 of Pentacles, 4 of Cups, 2 of Cups, King of Wands

Sugar Daddy by Qveen Herby is playing in my head as I try to listen for your message pile ll. For some of you this is between a wealthy benefactor or you marrying rich. Especially with the 2 of cups being a card mostly related to romance but it can be used for business opportunities. Another song playing in my head is Finer Things by FEYI. This is my materialistic pile that wants the tips and trips to the island - Money Honey by Lady Gaga. You are all about living a luxurious lifestyle one way or another. You may resonate with wanting a soft life than constantly always being in your masculine energy and bossing everyone around. For some of you, you don't want to work because you believe that you were meant to be some CEO, NFL, NBA, or Tech's spoiled Girlfriend, and others, you want to have the option to work. Maybe you want a small side business like most Trophy Wives living in Beverly Hills where they have a side business to keep them busy instead of always shopping. I can already see you sitting at a cafe, or a spa trip, and international trips with your closest friends. You're surrounded by your spoiled girlfriend friends living the good life sipping champagne while receiving just because gifts from your lover and even push presents for those who want to be a stay-at-home wife. A push present is where you get a gift for your hard work in carrying a child. This pile reminds me of the TLC special that used to run called The Secrets of a Trophy Wife with Jennifer Stano and Layla Milani (I love both of them, especially Layla) her husband absolutely adores her and that's what you want pile ll. (Click the show name for the show trailer of what I was talking about). You want that soft life where you are adored, pampered, and living life of luxury filled with beautiful things and love. Patreon Post Link

Pile lll:

What will bring you Financial abundance? Tarot: The Fool, High Priestess, The Sun, 4 of Wands, 10 of Wands, The Hermit (reversed), 2 of Wands (reversed)

This is more my spiritual, philanthropy, and humanitarian pile. What will bring you financial abundance is walking in your purpose where you were meant to help others in some shape or form. This could be you working in the medical field, being a lawyer, a spiritual guru, life or spiritual coach, tarot reader, dietician/herbalist, whatever it is you were meant to make your abundance by being of service to other people. I feel some of you know this but you don't want to answer the call because of fear or because of the amount of hard work that comes along with doing this kind of thing. Yes it is taxing some days on the soul but overall all this is what you were meant to do, help others. Bring awareness to certain things in life that will get people talking. I don't want any of you to think the list of occupations is only it, it can also be a techer or whatever else occupation where you are making a difference for the future and in others lives. But it is something that will be hard work to the point some days you will question if it worth it because of how much you have to do in order to bring in this success but you will always be reminded in some form that it is definitely worth it and to keep going. Patreon Post Link

Pile lV:

What will bring you Financial abundance? Tarot: Ace of Swords, Ace of Cups, 3 of Pentacles, 7 of Pentacles, 6 of Pentacles, 6 of Swords

This pile is a mixture of walking away from your current job for something better, following a business venture, or even just doing freelancing (Etsy, Fiverr, Upwork, etc). I don't know what you are up to pile lv all I know is that you are unsatisfied with where you are currently because of either a toxic workplace or knowing that you can make more money elsewhere but aren't sure where to start. Here is your sign to leave and go where you are meant to go. Again this is a general reading and everyone has a different job. Leaving your job for a better environment and higher pay is one thing but for most of you I feel you want to open your own business, or just freelance your work or maybe even work from home is what I am hearing for a few of you. Either way, this idea you have is completely doable it just involves you leaving where you are currently at. Some of you aren't scared you just aren't too sure about the future and just need a push to get there while others of you are waiting for a sign or a more solid reason to leave because you listen too much to other people who wouldn't understand why you left because of XYZ and I am here to tell you to just do you. You do not need to answer to other people on why you left a job to pursue something better. Not every wave was meant to be chased or followed and this goes for where you are currently especially since you are miserable where you are now. Patreon Post Link

Thank you for liking and reblogging my readings. I always appreciate you guys on here and on Patreon.

Stay safe and be blessed

[konigsrose]

König x Unhappily Married Reader pt2

I promised there would be more, and here it is! Part 2 of 5… Come on, we’re slow burning, you know they can’t bang until at least Part 4 or 5!

It had been another shitty morning. You and your husband hadn’t argued; you didn’t bother to argue anymore, perhaps the final nail in the coffin of your relationship. It wasn’t even worth the effort of arguing, of trying to change things… But he had been an asshole, and you had simply taken it. He was looking for his favourite blue checked shirt, and had been unable to find it; somehow, this was your fault. The shirt was the one he wore whenever he had some important work thing going on, or if he was planning to go down the pub after work, which was most nights, now. That was why he couldn’t find it, of course, he had only worn it two days ago, and it was still in the wash; you had worked late the last couple of days and not had time. Of course, your husband wasn’t capable of putting a wash on himself.

This irritated your husband endlessly. Since you had been promoted, and started making more money than him, he was particularly determined to remind you that your “real” job was to keep his house clean, to make his dinners, and to make sure the laundry was done every day. Never mind the fact that you worked longer hours, or that he rarely ate the food you cooked, because he had eaten in the pub, or gone for lunch with workmates, and wasn’t hungry. And maybe, once upon a time, you would have enjoyed playing housewife for him… But that was a long time ago, when he seemed to appreciate all you did for him, and to respond with kindness, with love, with gratitude. Now, there was no gratitude, no kindness, and more and more, you were sure, no love.

You had cried on the way to work. For a long time you had become numb to the misery in your marriage, and resigned yourself to it. Recently though it had begun to hurt again, as you began to realise that not everyone’s life was like this, and that maybe, just maybe, yours shouldn’t be either. Perhaps it was the promotion that had done it, with the realisation that actually, with the money you earned now, you could manage a fairly comfortable life even without your husband’s income. That’s what you told yourself it was, anyway. Deep down, you knew there was something else. It wasn’t about the money - though of course financial freedom and stability were important - it was Colonel König.

You wouldn’t admit it, not even to yourself. But the handsome Colonel had awakened something long forgotten in you; desire. You desired him, and more than that, you wanted to be desired by him. It had been years since your husband had so much as looked at you with lust in his eyes, let alone touched you, and sometimes, when you caught the Colonel’s eyes on you, there was a brief flicker of something that reminded you of being wanted. You were probably just imagining it, so touch-starved and craving attention that you projected your own feelings onto the hulking giant of a man, who had never been anything but professional with you. Maybe if you spent less time fantasising about him wanting you, you would understand the reality of the situation; he didn’t want you. Nobody did. It was just wishful thinking.

And so, you had dried your tears while you sat in the car outside work, and fixed your running mascara, and told yourself you were being stupid. Your life was fine; you had a decent house, enough money to have a comfortable existence, and a great job. You had a husband, and although things weren’t great between you, maybe that was all you deserved. This was probably your own fault, dreaming up stupid fairytale scenarios in which Colonel König was the handsome prince rescuing you from the misery of your real life… Of course you were miserable, because you were being so unrealistic. You sniffed, shook your head as if trying to physically remove such idiotic thoughts from your mind, and headed in to the office.

On your desk there was a stack of files, always more to do, no matter how hard you worked. You didn’t mind, of course, this was what you were paid for after all, and it made you feel a real sense of achievement every time you reached the bottom of a stack, even if it was immediately replaced by another. You pulled down the first one, opened it up, and filled in what needed filling; it only took a minute, but you couldn’t complete this one without the Colonel’s signature. You glanced up at his office, and saw the door was open, as it always is these days. König was sat at his desk, looking at his computer screen. For a moment your eyes lingered on him, caressing his broad shoulders, his broken nose, and scarred jaw. You sighed, a soft little sound, gathered both the file and your courage, and walked over to his office.

Once inside, König smiled up at you, before his expression changed, and he sprang from his seat. He crossed the room to you in a single stride, and surveyed your bloodshot eyes with concern, his own blue eyes narrowing as he examined you. He wasn’t stupid, and even with the mascara cleaned from your cheeks, it was obvious to him that you had been crying; how could he not notice, when he spent so much time every day surreptitiously looking at your pretty face? It enraged him to see the evidence of your tears, acid rising in his stomach and his fists clenching. He wanted to shout, to scream, to find who had upset you, and to destroy them; but that wouldn’t be professional, would it? And so he squashed down the hatred swirling inside him, and settled instead for simply laying a massive hand on your shoulder, and grunting out a question that he knew the answer to already. He held his hand there a moment, and resisted the urge to cup your soft cheek in his calloused palm.

“Everything okay?” His eyes were glued to yours, staring into you, as if trying to see into your mind, and past whatever excuse you were going to come up with. You shrugged, your eyes dropping from König’s face, holding the file close to your chest as if using it to hide from him, and looking down at your feet instead. His hand moved from your shoulder, a couple of thick fingers gently placed under your chin, and tilted your face back up to look at him. König’s expression was a frown of concern, bordering on desperation, as he refused to drop the question. You felt your cheeks heating, the warmth seeming to spread from where his fingertips lay under your chin, through your whole face, even to your ears.

You knew, in that moment, König would not let this go without some explanation, you could see it in his eyes, and realised with shock that maybe you hadn’t imagined that look of desire before; he cares about you. For a moment you considered telling him the truth; you’re miserable, you hate your life, your marriage is a sham, and all you want is a man like him to treat you the way you deserve. What would be the point, though? You would look weak, pathetic, and you’d only be embarrassing yourself in front of your superior. Not just your superior, either, a man you actively wanted to see you as more than what you were; no man would desire a snivelling crybaby, whining about her life. You settled for something close to the truth, though without too much detail.

“Just… had a disagreement with my husband this morning. Stupid stuff. It’s nothing.” The taste of the words in your mouth were bitter, and you wished you didn’t have to say them, especially “my husband.” You hated having to claim him, having to admit that he even existed, when he barely seemed to notice that you do. König saw the shame in your face, though you were trying to mask it with a look of nonchalance, shrugging off your sadness with a weak attempt at a smile. The words remind him, though, that you cannot be his, no matter how much he wants you, and his fingers dropped from beneath your chin, as if burned.

“I’m sorry,” he muttered sadly, then tried to lighten the mood with what sounds like a joke, though it’s anything but. “Want me to go and remind him of his manners?” He huffed a laugh, but there was something in his eyes again, almost burning, despite the icy colour of his irises, that made you wonder if he meant it. “No need,” you smiled with a little huff that was the ghost of a laugh of your own. “It’s not important.” It sounded like you meant the disagreement, but really, it’s your husband that wasn’t important. When König was stood in front of you, your husband was nothing. “The offer is always there, you just have to ask.” König smiled again, a sad little smile, before stepping back from you, and directing his attention to the file in your hand. Still with heated cheeks, you handed it over, waited while he signed it, and with a soft smile of your own, returned to work.

When you had left König’s office, and returned to your own desk, he sat staring at his screen for a long time, his mind turning the same thought over and over. He would never want to see you hurt, to see you cry… but in some sick little way, knowing that your husband had made you unhappy felt like a victory. A little crack in the foundations of your marriage, that offered him the tiniest light of hope. If you were his wife, you would never cry again… except maybe with joy, or perhaps, if he could just get the chance, he could bring you to tears with pleasure. His eyes flicked up from the screen, to look over at you at your desk. König grinned when he saw you, holding a pen up to your lips in thought, and staring not at your screen, or down at your paperwork, but across the room and into his office, at him. He grinned even more when you seemed to almost jump in surprise when he caught you staring, and quickly looked down at the file open on your desk.

More than once that day, each of you caught the other’s eye. At first you were embarrassed, and tried to pretend you hadn’t seen him staring, or been caught staring yourself. After the third time though, you stopped being ashamed, and started to find it funny. From that time on, whenever either of you caught one another’s glance, you smiled, you even giggled, and König smiled too, at one point winking cheekily with a grin. It was silly, just his way of trying to cheer you up, you were sure… It didn’t mean anything more. It certainly brightened your work day, and it seemed far too short a time before it was time to leave for the night. When you left, König was still in his office, and you gave him a little wave as you finished packing up. “Offer still stands!” He called from the office, with another wink. You left grinning.

When you went home that night, you didn’t even care that your husband was in the pub again. In fact, you were quite glad of it. You spent much of your evening replaying the silly smiles, the glances, the wink, and especially the moment König’s fingers lingered beneath your chin as he stared down into your eyes. By the time your husband stumbled in later that evening, you were already curled up fast asleep, dreaming of being in your handsome, kind Colonel’s arms.

[smolvenger]

Dangerous Stubbornness (Caius Martius Coriolanus x fem! Reader Oneshot)

Summary: Life as wife to Caius Martius Coriolanus has its benefits. You married him for stability, protection, and status- not to mention the delights of his bed. You expect to be no more than his dutiful wife. Yet...it seems perhaps there is something more there then all of that....

From @muddyorbsblr's request of Coriolanus with the trope "he flals first."

Word Count: 2954 (oop, she exploded from a blurb)

Warnings: There is smut, NSFW 18+ please refer to Dick-tionary (rougher sex, dirty talk I stole from Ana Huang's books, doggy style, some light dom/sub, voyeurism), a creepy sexual harasser gets what's coming to him, Caius being a grumpy angy babygirl sharko bite blorbo who actually is soft for his wife and is wrapped around her little finger, Reader uses Caius as scary dog privilege. Attempts at accuracy to Ancient Roman culture and characterization but at the end of the day it's about the wish fulfillment and the vibes. Lots of fluff. Grammar mistakes bc i just want to get. This. Shit. Done after the wild two weeks I've had.

Dick-tionary: Smut starts at "Three little words. That was all he needed." and ends at "You felt his breaths from behind you, his touch gentler against your arm." Use to your discretion.

A03//My Ko-Fi//My Etsy Shop//Masterlist//Wattpad

Taglist: @asgards-princess-of-mischief @jennyggggrrr @five-miles-over @fictive-sl0th @ladycamillewrites @villainousshakespeare @holdmytesseract @eleniblue @twhxhck @lokisgoodgirl @lovelysizzlingbluebird @raqnarokr @holymultiplefandomsbatman @michelleleewise @wolfsmom1 @cheekyscamp @mochie85 @fandxmslxt69 @skittslackoffilter @mischief2sarawr

You were never afraid of walking through the streets of Rome because your husband walking behind you would scare all who dared to harass you. You would go about the streets, your veil fluttering on your head, smiling bright in the afternoon sunshine. Caius always had a frown and glare in his eyes that dared any fool to try to cross with you. 

The marriage was purely for status- you were a good woman from a respectable family. Yes, that was probably why it was arranged between your parents! They wanted someone with a good heart and reputation, and Caius only wanted a wife to manage his house and give him children. Why should you say no? Not that you were scared of him at all- for he never once was cruel to you. Perhaps curt and blunt on occasion, proud and stubborn- but he never bullied you. With his famous wealth, you would never go hungry. He’d be away in battles and you would be alone and be free to do as you wished for months on end. If he died in battle, you figured, the more the better! You would have his money and the freedom of a widow with the respect of his name. Besides, you weren’t in love with anyone and never thought any suitors would show interest in you. 

Such was one walk, early in your betrothal. One fellow had not heard the news or knew who you were and came upon you. Trying to touch you, invite you to dinner or the bathhouses. You kept refusing, he kept insisting.

Then, the braggart leaned over and grabbed your arm.

In about ten seconds flat was Caius, unsheathing his sword, upon the braggart, pulling him by the collar. You shoved him off and ran behind him. The man trembled as if Thanatos stood thundering before him.

“I shall be quick in work and send you to your death-do you understand, villain?”

He nodded, shaking. He already seemed to learn his lesson. You edged forward to your dragon of an intended.

“Please- don’t kill him, there are too many people out watching- just scare him!” you whispered to Caius.

Caius shoved him down. The man shook where he stood and you thought you smelled urine leaking from his bladder.

“If you ever as much as speak this lady’s name-I will kill you.” he threatened quietly.

The man, having learned his lesson, mumbled a whimpering “yes, dominae” and fled.

Since your marriage, and with your new status as a general’s wife, such incidents never happened.

As you peered about one stall in the market, admiring the fresh fruits offered, you smiled bright.

“Oh, how lovely these berries look! So ripe and fresh! Wouldn’t you agree, dear husband?” you asked.

Caius remained frowning, though eyed down the berries. The man selling them looked pale and kept eying the sheathed sword on Caius’s hip.

“They’re fine,” he said. His pride kept him from commenting further on a simple farmer’s wares. But you felt his eyes over your smile seeing them.

Caius lent his coin to buy you some. The trembling farmer scooped up some berries, and popped them into a little bag, and handed it to you. You thanked the farmer and paused to admire them.

You smiled at them, as if they were jewels in your hands. Then you tried a little handful, popping them into your mouth.

“Mhm! They’re delicious! Thank you, Caius,” you replied.

You leaned up and gave him a peck on the cheek. He blinked, and his shoulders loosened down from the feeling of your lips. You could have sworn a faint pink was on his cheeks as he continued behind you- not that he dared smile or keep his guard down in public.

You thought it would be another ordinary quiet night. But Caius Martius was many things. Quiet and ordinary were neither of them.

At home, you wanted to rest your feet from all the walking today. Your loom was coming along and weaving it felt relaxing. As you sat, you heard footsteps. Turning around, you saw Caius standing there.

You stood up. “Husband? Is something the matter?”

“...no…” he said.

“Oh…then, what…what brings you here?” you asked.

“I wish only to sit, I have…scrolls to read.”

“This is, er, not the usual room for a man,” you said, taking note of the loom and embroidery, the flowers from the garden.

“I am going to sit and read. In this room,”  he said determinately.

Letting out an exhale, you relented.

“Oh- your mother is always right! Your dangerous stubbornness- oh, you are welcome here, Caius, dull as it must be for you compared to a fight with a Volsce…” you teased.

He made no answer. But you sat and weaved. Watching how the lines all came together and became one for the latest project.

Little did you know that his eyes were more on you than on the flimsy scrolls. Seeing your profile and your eyes over the work then the dusty work.

Though as you ate dinner, His eyes were on you, the neckline of your dress, showing your shoulders.  Your tempa mesa was presented, eaten, and sent away as was the meal. He moved closer, to sit beside you. You felt him move an arm around you. Speaking to you in soft tones.

 As a slave came in to take an empty bowl, you felt him close, he held up a hand. Talking about some silly complaint with the tribunes Brutus and Sicinia. But it was useless- he only wanted to touch your hand, trace it, and bring it to his mouth as his lips ghosted a kiss onto your palm. You took in a sharp breath as he did.

You felt your breaths become shallow and saw his eyes flutter boldly to your chest. He sat beside you, one hand always lying on your thigh.

“What…is this….”

“I only want to enjoy all that is mine- my house, my meal, and my wife.”

With that, he propped you upon his lap as the slave brought more wine. You felt yourself get warm, feeling him on you. Such…intimacy sent your heart aflutter. Though…after plates were cleared before he could tighten his arms to hold you, you slid off. He let you, his blue eyes widening.

“I’m going to get ready for bed,” you announced softly.

His hand was still on your skirt. As you walked away, the fabric pulled and then slid lightly off his fingers. His hand is still in the air as if still touching you.

You sat down before the vanity. Making sure your face was washed, you removed the jewelry you had. Smiling at how lovely they were. Gifts he still found to give you even though the wedding was some time ago. Gifts he still would give you.

The slaves were still around. They kept fanned cool air with peacock feathers. Played soft music on harps and little reeds and made sure there was always water for washing and kept about.

The door opened, and your heart beat hard as he got inside. You continued your nightly routine, removing the ring and necklace as well as the belt before you. Getting ready to change- and yet…here he was. A shadow in the corner. He walked up.

“Husband! My…I’m not in trouble?” you asked, slightly teasing.

“No…”

The servants all shot a look, he gestured at them to stay. To continue their business.

His arms wrapped around you slowly. Then, he laid his head down, looking at you in the mirror.

“But…I didn’t say I wanted this evening to end…” he breathed, he began to pepper kisses down your neck. His hands running down your arms.

“I said I was going to bed…not to sleep…” you said. Enjoying the teasing and playfulness. How you could still hold this mighty, fearsome warrior like wet clay in your hands.

He whispered into your ear for only you to hear.

“I’m going to burst if I don’t have you now.”

You grinned.

“Then have me,” you replied.

Three little words. That was all he needed.

He tore off your veil to where it flew down, fluttering like feathers. He pulled you in and kissed you. You moaned into it. His hands grew bolder, feeling down your sides. You moaned in response as he slid his tongue inside. You pressed yourself next to him, feeling his desire prod against you.

Then he was on you like an animal starved. At once he began to kiss you, cupping your face, keeping a hand on your back to keep you close. You waved a hand through his short, dark blonde hair. His own were going down to feel all over your skin, though his firey kisses never stopped. The man had a craving for you in the bedroom like no other. Not that you complained about it.

You took his hand and led it to your breast to squeeze.

“Caius…yes…more…” you moaned.

“You want more…” he replied.

“Yes- give it to me…” you asked.

“All of it…”

“Yes…”

“And you will take it?”

You looked into his eyes.

“...yes. I want more. Not like on our wedding night. I want it hard. And rough. I can take it. I will take it.”

At once he threw you upon the bed. Lush with blankets and pillows, rich and comfortable. He walked towards you, eyes filled with lust, his steps slow, his head tilted, but not smiling.

“When I take you, I want you to cry out. I want all of Rome, every plebian, every senator, every person, and every animal and god to know you are mine.

He was on you, feeling a hand on your leg and kissing you. You began to grind against him. The servants blushed and looked about, he gestured to them.

“Stay,” he ordered them.

They stayed.

“I don’t want you dignified. No, wife. Show your loyalty-” he moved his hands through your dress.

“Take off your clothes.”

“If you want me naked that badly- take them off yourself,” you dared.

He obliged.

You let a sound as he roughly reached into your dress and shoved down the sleeves. You began to let a sound, a gasp as it broke open. It nearly ripped it. Shaking, you helped remove his own clothes still on him. Amazed at though his chest was filled with those dark, bloodied scars, the muscles still on them. 

He smiled.

“Such a tongue you’ve grown to have on you, delicae,” he said

The music of the slaves continued, as did their fans. Though you could feel their eyes.

 Now you were naked in his room, feeling his hands explore all over you, one squeezing your breast as the other spread around your back, wrapping you in, fingers into your skin as if to mark you.

“Then shouldn’t I be punished?” you asked coyly.

He smirked as looked at you. Then he let the last of his clothes fall. Showing his impressive thighs and impressive cock so hard it dripped against his stomach,

“It was everything in me not to take you at that table…then we’ll make up for it…”

He half threw you to the study part of the room. There sat a desk.

“Lean over that desk.”

You obliged, heart beating hard.

“Spead your legs,” he ordered.

You opened your two shaking legs, your wet sex glistening before him.

“Put your hands on the edge,” he ordered in a rasp.

Two shaking hands of yours gripped the edge. He laid your hips up. Then thrust into you at once. You let out a sound. Then roughly, he began to take you. Pounding in, his large cock straining inside you. You let out a sound.

“Yes- yes keep that- you are- you’re mine, you’re mine now- now-say it-say. it.”

“I’m” you cried between his thrusts. “I’m-I’m-your-yours-you- gods!” 

He pounded into you with a fury. His own groaning increasing. It was so filthy, so depraved, and you loved it. You had to grip the edge tightly as he pounded into you. Grunting like an animal. 

The music from the slaves continued, as did the footsteps from their business. Harps continued on as Caius took you like a whore. You could feel them still watching everything. Wondering if they were frightened, aroused, amazed, disgusted, or all four at once. 

He began to growl to you between pounding you.

“So you-” 

thrust.

 “-never-” 

thrust 

“-forget-” 

He pulled you up by your shoulder to your ear. His voice right next to it, his cock and his voice overtaking you.

“You-” 

thrust 

“-are-” 

thrust 

“-my-” 

thrust 

“-wife.”

He reached a hand, finding your opening between your legs. The bud inside you, swollen and needy and overcome.  One large finger began to strum it and you let out a whimper feeling it. His large, long fingers could already play it so easily. He let you down, and you were gripping tight to keep from losing it all. You weren’t going to last long at this rate.

“Caius! Caius please-please-Caius-”

It was already crawling up, the desk thudded loudly, perhaps breaking if it weren’t so thick and sturdy. The slaves would know he was yours and you were his. That only he and you could bring each other this.

“Yes- cum, dammit, wife- cum for me, cum- just cum, cum with me-”

“Caius-caius! I- Caius-caiuscaiuscaiuscaius-” you repeated, feeling it break. Your voice gets higher until you let out a noise, as your climax hits you.

Then with a shout from him, the seed shot forth inside you. You moaned as you panted, catching your breath. He steadily pulled out. 

You felt his breaths from behind you, his touch gentler against your arm. One wrapped around you for protection. 

“Get her something to drink now!” he barked at the servants.

They nodded their heads and ran off. Caius with one swoop got you into his arms. You felt your breath light, almost dizzy with joy- he hadn’t done that since your wedding when he brought you to this house. You could still feel his strong arms supporting you so easily. He carried you over to the bed, settling you amongst the blankets. One slave brought a cup of your drink, and you sipped at it with both hands. He made sure a blanket was draped over you for a bit of modesty.

“What kindness…I never would have guessed you would have kindness in you…” you remarked.

“I…want to be honorable…” he said quietly.

He waved a hand, and the flushed slaves left, Granting you privacy at last. You saw Caius look at you, then glance down like a shy maiden.

This wasn’t like him.

“What is it?” you asked.

“What is what?” he asked.

“You and your dangerous stubborness! Well I have some in me too. You have enjoyed me. And you wish to speak of something, I can feel it. You can tell me. Is there something you want of me? A son? I’m sure at this rate, you’ll have one…” you urged, a hand consciously at your belly.

Caius tilted his head again, his hand moving you away from yours. But touching it softly. 

“It…isn’t that. What I have…you must think it isn’t for a man to say aloud,” he said

“But you must say it! Is something wrong? Are you ill? Is your mother ill? What did Menenius try to weasel you to do? Where are they sending you now!? Caius, Why not-”

He quickly got up and cupped your face. He spoke quick, plain, and to the point.

“I love you.”

You paused your breath tight and the room spinning

“You…love me?”

“Why did I ask my mother to arrange us married?”

It struck you.

“I was…am a virtuous daughter of a respectable family-”

He looked into your eyes.

“I’ve loved you the day I met you. I wanted to have you as my wife or no one.  I couldn’t resist you if Diana herself ordered me to.”

Struck silent, you saw his face soften. The orange glow of the candlelight making him that more beautiful. 

“When…when did you know for sure…did Eros really strike the moment you saw me ”

“I…I remember it was- it was the race for the senate. All the crowd gathered to see me speak, to see the consul. I tried to ignore you there, and I could not. I was in denial all that time. But seeing you-when you looked at me, and smiled, I forgot it all. I didn’t want the seat. I wanted you. Honestly, I don’t know when it happened. But it did. And yet- all at once I-I-”

He paused.

“Maybe it was when we were betrothed. Maybe I walked with you to the markets. Or when I saw you there. Maybe it was every dull dinner and banquet I had to attend, that I still went, hoping to see you. To just see you…”

He caught himself.

“But no…I think most of all…it was each time I spoke to you. And you knew of me….and now …”

He touched your hand and you brought it to your lips, kissing it tenderly. You almost saw a tear drop despite the stillness of his face.

“I know what I am. And I thought you should hate me. Beyond whatever duty you may feel to me as your husband-”

“Caius, I don’t hate you. Not at all.”

“Then…could you-”

“I could learn to love you, and choose to love you, Caius.”

You pulled your face to his and kissed him. Then you tucked yourself into him, embracing him as you both lay on the bed. Not just as husband and wife, but as two people deeply in love.

[laugtherhyena]

I need to have ibis taken away from me so that i stop expanding Ayame's family tree-

Quite literally the most random thing ever, at one point earlier this week i remembered this throwaway from Asoot's puppetmaster arc at the scene where Akane goes to spend the night at Ayame's house;

This was, obviously, done because back then none of us had any ideas let alone designs and character traits for Ayame's family, hence the need for an excuse to why they're not present.

Cut to present year where i went and made characters for her parents and thought back to this line like "Hey i should make that", since i wrote Bashira as a single child that means this is an aunt from Ippei's side of the family; Mai Hatano!

And hey i was actually nice this time around so she's actually alive post-tragedy :] so here's some general info on her:

-She's 9 years younger than Ippei, the parents were going through a rocky part of their relationship and the mom thought maybe having another kid could save their marriage but it really only made everything worse and the husband left around the time Mai was turning 2 years old.

-The deal is that the father as some kind of businessman that was having an affair with a coworker and would excuse him coming up late or not even back home by saying he was piled up with work and blaming the wife or being “insensitive about his efforts”, but she knew he was bullshitting and could tell he had someone else. So again, she thought maybe if they had another kid that would fix things but it only led to somewhat constantly arguing for over an year until he left with his lover and cut contact with the rest of the family.

-This ties into why later in life Ippei choose financial stability over following his music career, the family struggled quite a bit over the years with just the mom and two kids, they had to move a few times and Ippei even got his job as a waiter during his mid to late teens to help out with money. I guess this also ties into why he and Bashira planned so much to have Ayame, i think his parents married pretty young and inexperienced so he wanted to avoid that and have a normal family.

-On Mai’s side she felt like she was at fault for “ruining her parent's marriage” for a good chunk of her childhood and early adolescence. She's over that as an adult, though it did lead to her avoiding serious relationships with anyone though most of her life. At most she's had some flings/one night stands, but never a proper boyfriend or anything official.

-On top of that Mai is generally pretty bad at dealing with emotions, both of other people and her own. She has no idea how to comfort anyone or help when they're in some emotional turmoil or need someone to vent to, so oftentimes she is kinda just changes the subject or gives a pretty standard response of like “Damn that sucks” before doing so and proceeds to ignore the issue as in sorta of a “forget about it” way. (As you can probably guess, she's not the one to show her hurt to others for a similar reason. When she received the news that her brother and his family had died she didn't express much of a reaction at all at the foundation and only cried when she was back home because she did genuinely care for them, though her odd reaction gave the impression to some coworkers that this wasn't the case.)

-She is a very stubborn person so she doesn't talk to people about this problem of hers, much less seek help when it comes to it because the fact that she can't truly help the people she cares for when they need emotional support really hurts her so she'd rather ignore and forget than deal with her lack of abilities in the area. 

-Stubbornness and ignorance are notably her most negative traits (“I was never taught and I will not learn” sorta thing). This extends to circumstances other than her loved ones emotional needs because a lot of the time she will be dismissive or ignorant about certain things solely because they don't affect her directly nor anyone she cares for.

-That being said, she is very outwardly nice and shows care to others. Very chatty and outgoing, pretty much the opposite of her brother and niece since she can talk to people very easily. She's on good terms with pretty much everyone from Tsurugi's division and talks quite frequently to other foundation workers as well. Though she is rather blunt and says whatever comes to her mind at any given moment.

-Before the tragedy she worked as a personal bodyguard in Towa city, this busy and sometimes dangerous lifestyle led to her distancing herself from her brother a lot as they grew older. It wasn't anything intentional, just life bringing them in separate ways so while she did love her brother and his family a lot they didn't see each other super often, it was mostly during holidays, funerals or events like some of Ayame’s competitions or similar situations. This became one of her biggest regrets late in life as she wishes she could have spent more time with them.

-She broke her arm pretty badly when a client was getting ambushed and was set to stay out of business until recovered. Once she was dispatched from the hospital Ippei and Bashira came to drive her home and help her settle back, alongside doing some catching-up. That was the last time they saw each other.

-When the tragedy broke out she became stranded in Towa city because of all the chaos and the Warriors of hope hunting down the adults. Her arm was still broken then, but Mai is a rather reckless person and went around fighting despairs and rescuing other citizens in spite of her injury, which led to her injured arm getting broken and slashed in many other places which then led her developing a nasty infection that she just kept fighting on her own for months until she and a group of adults managed to leave the city.

-She was brought to a hospital pretty much immediately after by the group's leader and by that point she pretty much couldn't feel or move her hand anymore and the whole area around her arm gave her immense pain. When she started getting treated the staff tried to contact any family member which led to them contacting the Kisaragi foundation and upon informing them that she was in their care Rei requested that Mai should be moved to the foundation’s hospital facility, which was where she stayed for the majority of her recovery.

-There wasn't much Hikaru or any of the medical scaff could do to save her injured arm so she had to have it amputated to avoid further spread of infection, but at this point Mai couldn't even think much about the fact and just told them to do whatever it takes to make the pain stop. On top of losing her arm, she also became prone to infections out of how bad hers was.

-It was when she was recovering from surgery that Tsurugi came to speak to her, he apologized for the foundation taking so long to rescue her, alongside informing her how the place functions and most importantly letting Mai know that her brother and his family had died. It was only after he left that the weight of this information and everything Mai had gone settled in and, for the first time ever since the tragedy started, she cried.

-The thing is that unlike her brother, an overthinker who thinks ahead and carefully plans everything in life, Mai tends to throw herself into things head on just hoping that it will all work out in the end and while she's going through things she doesn't stop to think much about the details until it's over. So it was only as she was recovering in the hospital that she thought about everything she had gone through, everything she had lost, and for once tried to think of what her next course of action should be while going through these feelings.

-That being said, she never fell into a depression or took the loss as hard as someone like Keisuke did because that's just not the kind of person Mai is. Somewhat similar to her ignorant demeanor, her way of dealing with grief is mainly by occupying her mind with other things, like going places she enjoys or focusing on training and work. The last one being the reason she joined Tsurugi's division pretty much immediately after being dispatched from the medbay.

-Mai’s an action woman! She has a lot of energy and loves getting into fights, especially if it is to protect others, so it's no surprise she joined his division and not Rei’s or Teruya's. But when it comes to Tsurugi's ideals Mai is by no means a follower, she thinks he's insane, way too radical, but so far his black and white mortality hasn't affected her or anyone she cares for directly so she turns a blind eye to it, this is the guy who pays her after all. (This does change post Sdra2, especially after Keisuke almost shoots Midori)

-She was assigned to be in charge of the new members basic physical combat and self defense training, especially for those like Ryutaro and Keisuke who had no experience in this line of work before. This is part of how she ended up becoming a close friend of theirs, though Mai tends to treat Ryutaro (and Midori by extension) more like younger siblings rather than coworkers.

-The foundation provides her a prosthetic for use only during missions (by Tsurugi's orders). Mai doesn't mind that since she doesn't actually like having the prosthetic on, it feels more like a trouble to put on and use than it's worth, she much prefers not having one at all.

-On a similar vein, Mai isn't a fan of the work uniform, she finds it way too stuffy and clunky so she only puts it on right before going on a mission, alongside the prosthetic arm. Tsurugi doesn't take that well, as he sees it as Mai not taking work as seriously as she should, but she is one of his best soldiers so he refrains from picking up on her.

-Onto some more miscellaneous information. Mai’s apartment is rather disorganized and messy, but for her it’s fine because she knows where everything is, even if it's not in the right place per say. Bashira used to jokingly pick up on her over it.

-She’s also a pretty bad cook, can only really pull off simple meals which is why she's a huge fan of takeout and fast food in general.

-Back in Ippei's late teens/early 20s she was the one to keep pushing him to take initiative and ask out Bashira, though that help absolutely came alongside teasing her brother for being so shy.

-They were really close then, Ippei would even pick her up from school everyday n all. This strong care stayed strong over the years even after they started seeing each other less and less after moving out of their childhood home, and even less after their mother passed away from old age sometime around the late 2000s.

-She never spent much time with Ayame but oftentimes when she would feel self conscious about her lack of femininity her parents would mention how she's just like her aunt on that aspect

-Mai has her brother's collection of music vinyls at her place, she's not the biggest fan of classical music, but listening to it reminds her of him.

[abrushwithdeath]

((So, long awaited life update on why I haven't really been around in the last couple months:

I've been working full time all year when I was only supposed to be doing part time- this is fine, though, because the extra money is good and my sister and I finally booked a trip for next summer that we've been trying to save money for for 8 or 9 years, so that's great! But that does mean that I have a little less time than anticipated, and as a night owl who now has to be used to being up between 5:30 and 6 in the morning to get ready for work, that adjustment hasn't been easy ^^; But it's been made even LESS easy by the fact that about a month ago we took in a tiny kitten who was crying underneath our house. We named him Remy (after the one and only Remy LeBeau <3) and I love him dearly... but kittens are also a lot of work because they get into EVERYTHING. And they're so small that they can fit in small spaces that you didn't expect. On top of that, he's had to be quarantined since we got him because he still hasn't been tested for FIV (he had an appointment for his shots and a check up at the beginning of the month and my sister was supposed to ask them to test for FIV while she was there but she didn't... so now he has to wait until I take him next Tuesday for his second round of shots and see if they can do it while he's there THIS time). Being quarantined has meant we've had to keep him in one room at all times (which is what we would have done, anyway, while he's this little- it also allows for slower meetings of the older cats which will help them possibly get along better when they're finally around one another more). We will also be getting another kitten if he tests negative for FIV because it's not good to have just one kitten under 6 months, even with older cats around (there's something called "Only Kitten Syndrome" and it can lead to a lot of behavioral issues). Anyway- because of watching him, I've been only getting 4 or 5 hours of sleep a night every night for a month and it's running me a bit ragged ^^; Then there's the worse stuff (tw: death, cancer, for those who want to avoid those and stop here): Early last month my grandmother passed away pretty unexpectedly after a week or two in the hospital recovering from a fall. Come to find out she'd had a stroke (and had been having a lot of mini ones that she didn't know were strokes and kept playing off as just "old age") and every time they stabilized her, she got bad again soon after. There was no funeral or anything, which somehow feels worse and has consistently given me this weird feeling of "did this really happen or not?" because I didn't even get a chance to see her in the hospital before she passed. My father also had a bunch of polyps removed from his intestines over the summer and the largest one came back testing positive for cancer. They just this week ran more tests and, thankfully, they cancer hasn't spread to his heart or lungs, but they DO need to do a pretty big surgery to remove a piece of his intestine very near to his colon which is a risky procedure because patients are more likely to bleed out when the surgery is done in that area. After the surgery, he'll be in the hospital for a few days to recover and for them to keep an eye on him, and then he'll have 6 weeks in which he can't really do anything except rest because he'll risk injuring himself and/or internal bleeding. Last week, my aunt's partner (they weren't married, but they had been together for 7 or so years) passed away and, while that didn't have a big impact on me (because I didn't know him well), it was still rough on her and some other family members, so that was also... not great.

But, yeah. It's been a rough couple of months and I'm very, very, tired. I do want to come back because I miss writing Rogue, but it's gonna be a little bit longer, especially with all the things going on with my dad. Thank you all for your patience and understanding in the mean time <3))

[dailyautophagy]

I will be done so early compared to yesterday

and the day before like this is the benefit of not texting anyone messaging whatever like terms like that fucking matter are you really trying to figure out if I have someone’s phone number and text them or if I messaging them in Another way do I mean there’s a reason people hide themselves and there’s a reason men especially do not tell the people in their real life about the people on their screen. Women don’t seem to have that problem. Women are like oh this is real life somehow can compartmentalize and like I won’t exist, I don’t know wave to be ridden and I’m like not even paddling up to it???? Really trying to miss this wave, bro

That is what I used to call having little fantasies about people fucking pipe Dreams, hello dreams

Sometimes I will say the words and they will not show up sometimes some words will be omitted or it doesn’t really matter. I mean, I’m doing a ramble. I’m allowed. I’m never not allowed sometimes I don’t have anything to say and I kind of feels like I’ve gotten like, I keep doing this just jealous

I don’t think people understand what love is honestly it’s not a feeling

Like when you feel amazing because you’re getting attention from a man like undivided attention, that’s not love attention and perhaps hyper fixation maybe I do think that men are more aware of that fact than women are men wants stability. Men want to feel useful and if being useful requires, too much effort then they’ll be useful somewhere else I guess I don’t really know I’m not a man, but it feels like most men understand that women are crazy and unreliable and therefore do not put too much stock in one and that feels incorrect even because people like my father exist or they did And he was so codependent on my mother my mother had three children, my sister and my father and I don’t know why she did that to herself. She could’ve had any man she wanted actually because they were barely they got married when they were like 26 or 27 and then they didn’t have me until they were 35 like they, enjoyed their time together, so I don’t know why I’m trying to act like they didn’t love each other. They loved each other even though it was my mother had a big heart and felt very bad that my father‘s father had died when he was 13 years old when you lose a parent that you fuck you And I guess maybe that’s why I thought I could put up with Frank because he also lost his mother when he was 13 years old your mother and losing your father I guess because my father was a man and did what needed to be done when it needed to be done like he redid houses he redid he held odd jobs and my mother was a teacher and we were fine economy. He worked until they afford a house. They bought a house and then they had kids because they’re not stupid additional people to put them in but that’s not your house, that is my house now, but I didn’t earn that like I don’t have that drive or motivation or ambition or whatever the fuck it takes to be all the money so that I can buy my own house sort of thing. I don’t think I’m smart enough to honestly I could’ve been an actuary, but I wouldn’t be smart enough because I would feel too much guilt from denying people healthcare or insurance or whatever the fuck I ended up doing like there’s no People like why is an actuary like a lawyer because you’re a scumbag because instead of helping people to make money you’re going on purpose not help people that is literally an actuary job. You’re too much reliability to ensure or is stupid but we need it. I definitely forgot to do something this morning that I need to do now, so

 I got goat milk powder and everybody on TikTok is like hey it tastes like half-and-half and I’m going to be so disappointed when it doesn’t taste like half-and-half, but I honestly took a little swig of milk I want and then I was very disappointed with the milk that I drink so Why did I buy milk? I don’t need to buy milk because I am weaned no weed like not on the tea anymore

Teet

Fucking siri I can’t lol

Sometimes I feel guilty for being happy because the world is such a dark scary shitty place. There are children being trafficked as we speak and people that are politicians and empower know that’s happening and we have declare the state of emergency at all like we care more when there’s a little virus going around, so that awful to think about all the time awful to know about the world mostly to my fucking self because everybody’s out there fucking kids

I am at Buddy for that money thing the entire time he’s been back at my house and then letting me pay for groceries and shit like piss on me and tell me it’s raining I swear to God like if he ask me for anything else I’m going to kill myself. You clean up this mess now since you can’t do anything else I swear to God if I died in that house he would pretend like he didn’t know I was dead and he would just stay there until my sister figured it out and then he would play stupid because that’s the type of person he is and that’s disgusting to me so yeah, that’s what I think about him and oh yeah it wasn’t the horror thing that made me think that really it was the let me exchange selfies with an 18 year old as if that’s a normal thing to do. Let me cultivate a relationship with a child like she sent him a picture of just her lips with a lip ring. He said it was snake bites. I only noticed one side, but, I’m sure he studied that and I’m sure those lips like I do. I’m not retarded, literally female and think that I’m just going to not have a problem with that wrong so wrong just so wrong. I wanna tell the 18 year-old that you were giving a horror money because the 18-year-old will be like well. Why weren’t you giving me that money? Because even I’m like why weren’t you giving me that money even directly to the whore who I have been texting you? She’s fucking upset that she claimed to be her friend and all this shit it’s like dude if he’s willing to betray the girlfriend, he lives with, what makes you think he’s gonna be a good friend to you a whore like what logic or lack there of whatever

My bad for expecting an intelligent deduction or a reasonable deduction or logic from a stripper cam whore and am I not also a cam whore in someway like I might not take money for it and I might only do it when I want to, but it’s on camera right so it kind of counts

Just literal minutes of rambling

Wonder if people can hear me because like my windows is down like I can’t have my window down OK please don’t tell people my job please I don’t need anymore. Emails sent from our district manager to my boss about how I’m bullying people on the Internet.

I can’t believe that happened to me honestly lol like I was not fat shaming anyone I was just pointing out that heart disease and obesity are related

That why you had me blocked because you thought I hated fat people because I kind of do like gluttony is a sin, if you care about that sort of thing 

I only care cause I think my parents would still be alive if they weren’t obese people after having children because they were in shape like they were born in 53 and 54 like they were in their 20s in the 70s they were not hippies all the way, but they looked like it and You know I’m so happy. My father told me the story of doing PCP together because he did not need to share that with me but I love him for that.

He didn’t tell me a lot of things, but I’m glad that I knew about before I learned about them from Barbara because otherwise I’d be like bitch you crazy

It’s not even 1 o’clock yet and I only have like an hour left and I should probably just slow down because what am I gonna fucking do with myself when I get home? I’m already having a spaz and I have something to do with myself so I’m not that crazy, I’m like Junior is Adderall. I’m like meth. I have melted chocolate all over the place please how did this happen? Lol it’s fine. Everything’s fine calm down calm down slow down because I’ll be done too soon

I do have some meat left so that’s good at least I don’t have to just eat mashed potatoes and vegetables tonight and Friday. I should have enough money to go get more weed so that’s good like nothing is bad really it’s just that when you have expectations things seem bad when nothing is bad, if those expectations are not met, you know

 Pretty sure if I make these too long nobody reads them and that is kind of the point because this is for me except for I can also be for you because why would I gate keep my insane thoughts do you wanna know I’m not that crazy, but this is still how crazy I am

When I was like 25 I made a Facebook status that was like I definitely have like six personalities and I’m just trying to make them all good people and that’s still how it goes

[sofiaispunk]

The Space Cowboy and his Ladybug - CHAPTER 1

Javier Peña x reader

Summary: As you return to your hometown of Laredo, Texas after more than a decade away, you can't help but feel a strange mix of excitement and trepidation. You're here with your new husband, Steven, a successful lawyer from Austin, and you're not quite sure how he'll handle the slower pace of life in this small town. You left Laredo as a teenager, fleeing an abusive father and a painful falling out with your childhood best friend. But will this place ever feel like home again? Can the wounds of the past really be healed, or are they just scars that never fully fade away?

Words: 1,3K

Warnings: angst, trust issues, violence, brief mention of past domestic abuse (mentally and physically), insecurity, references to suicide attempt, smut, TRAUMA, not proof read

A/N: hiiii beautiful people! This is my first ever fic. Please tell me what you think and what I should change. Basically just write anything that's going on in that pretty head of yours. Ideas, comments, critic everything is appreciated. Have a nice day and enjoyyyyy

You can feel your heart racing as the car approaches your small hometown of Laredo, Texas, with your new husband Steven by your side. The landscape is beautiful, with lush greenery and rolling hills that are a stark contrast to the concrete jungle you are used to. As you drive through the town, you feel a sense of familiarity wash over you. The small houses and local businesses reminding you of your childhood, and the community feels warm and welcoming. „You ok, babe?“ Steven asked, barely looking at you. 

You met Steven through a mutual friend at a networking event in the city. He was successful, charming, and swept you off your feet with his lavish lifestyle. You started dating and soon got married after a whirlwind romance. He gave you the stability that lacked in your childhood. The love and support you missed out on and frankly you were done being alone and miserable. He was at the right time at the right place.

But as time went by, you realized that your lifestyles and priorities were vastly different. Steven was always too busy with work, and when you did spend time together, it was usually at high-end restaurants or events that felt superficial and lacked depth. You longed for a deeper connection and more meaningful experiences that were more in line with your values. Austin was great, just not for you.. It never felt like home, in fact your home did not even feel like home and nothing ever felt like home since you left Chucho’s farm over 10 years ago.

That’s why you were here, back in Laredo, a place you swore you would never set a foot on again. 

Memories flood back to you as you drive past familiar landmarks. „Yeah, I think I am okay.“ You reply while opening the window feeling the light texan summer breeze.

You close your eyes and take a deep breath, feeling the warmth of the sun on your face and the sweet scent of vanilla wafting from the small corner store. You can hear the sounds of children laughing and playing in the distance, but it's the sound of your best friend's laughter that makes your heart sing. It's your weekly ritual, saving up your allowance money to buy ice cream from the store. As you walk towards the store, your excitement grows with each step. You can't wait to spend the day talking and laughing with your best friend. As you sit on the curb, licking your ice cream cones, you share your dreams and aspirations for the future. You talk about the places you want to travel to and the adventures you want to have.

„ I will be the best astronaut in outer space. And everybody will love me because I will catch all the bad guys and bad aliens with my lasso!“ your best friends raises his chocolate ice cream cone above his head signalizing his victory. „Javi, so you will be an astronaut and a cowboy? Thats not even possible.“ You laugh wiping away a little drop of chocolate ice cream that landed on his forehead. „A space cowboy, dummy! I will be the first one and therefor the best! Don’t laugh at me.“ „OK OK but lets go home space cowboy  or else Chucho Is going to really send you to the moon. It’s getting dark already. Come on. Last one pays for the ice cream tomorrow!“

„-are you even listening to me?“ Steven looks at you with raised eyebrows. „Oh no sorry. What were you saying. I was thinking of something.“ You haven’t even noticed Steven was talking to you, too caught up in your memories. „Just 10 more minutes. And please close the window. You are letting the heat in and the AC is on.“ You nod and close the window. You take another deep breath and try to push the memories of Laredo out of your mind. You know that the town holds both good and bad memories for you, but lately, the bad ones seem to be creeping to the forefront of your thoughts. Even the good memories hurt. You've been trying to stay positive since returning to Laredo with your new husband.

You want to make a fresh start and create new memories in the town that holds so much history for you. But it's difficult when every corner seems to hold a reminder of your past. You find yourself walking on eggshells, trying not to trigger any negative memories or emotions. You don't want Steven to see you in a vulnerable state. You trust him, he is your husband you are supposed to, right? But lately he is being more distant and if you really honest with yourself you never let him get to know you the real you. Always too scared to scare him off and share too much of your true self. With Steve always being at work or on business trips you try to keep busy with your own projects and hobbies, but there's only so much distraction you can find. Thats how it always been. You live in a big house in a big, beautiful house in Austin, surrounded by all the material possessions and friends you've accumulated over the years, and yet, you just couldn’t shake off the feeling of emptiness inside.

You've been feeling this way for so long, and it's getting harder to ignore. You've built this life that many would envy, but you can’t help but feel alone and disconnected. Of course you’ve tried to talk to Steven about it, but every time you bring up the topic, he brushes it off, saying that you're just overthinking things. You know he means well, but his lack of understanding and concern only makes you feel more isolated. So with time you just dropped the topic all together and returned to this persona you created once you left Laredo. This strong, fearless persona who didn’t miss her life, who could punch back and was not scared of anybody and who never suffered a heartbreak. She was everything you wished to be and so you suppressed every bad feeling, every longing and just pretended. Deep down, you know that you need to confront your past and deal with the emotions that come with it. But it's scary to face the pain and trauma that you've been trying to forget for so long. You're not sure if you're ready to open that door and relive those memories. You've become a master at pretending to be happy, putting on a smile for the outside world while masking your true feelings. You don't want to burden your friends with your problems, so you keep up the facade of having it all together. But sometimes, it feels like you're suffocating under the weight of your emotions.

You and Steven pull up to your old childhood home in Laredo. As you step out of the car and take in the sight of the old, run-down property, a sense of nostalgia washes over you.

"Well, it's certainly a fixer-upper," Steven remarks, eyeing the peeling paint and sagging roof.

You smile, feeling a sense of excitement and determination. Renovating this old house is a challenge, but it's also a chance to create something beautiful and new.As you settle into the house, you begin to envision the possibilities. Fresh paint, new floors, a modern kitchen, and updated bathrooms. It's going to be a lot of work, but you're ready for it.

Steven suggests calling in some contractors to help with the renovations, but you shake your head. "I want to do this ourselves, to really make it our own."Steven looks at you with a mix of admiration and concern. "Are you sure? It's going to be a lot of work, and we have busy schedules."

You nod, feeling a sense of determination. "I'm sure. We can do this together."

As the conversation turns to the logistics of the renovation, you can't help but feel a sense of excitement for the possibilities that lie ahead. Maybe this project is the first step towards creating a new chapter in your life, one where you can reclaim the parts of yourself that you left behind in Laredo.

Part 2

[beardedmrbean]

Washington D.C. Mayor Muriel Bowser distributed thousands of dollars to low-income moms with no strings attached as part of an "equitable economic recovery strategy" to offset the costs of childcare. In at least one case, the taxpayer dollars were used to fund a lavish trip to Miami. 

The direct cash payments were part of a pilot program to determine whether the flush of cash could demonstrate "economic improvements among participants." "Additional cash has allowed women to achieve further financial stability, financial security, food security, and health insurance coverage," Bowser's office had claimed.

But an economic policy expert told Fox News Digital the policies were a misdirection of funds that should otherwise be used for public safety and education. 

All 132 mothers who participated in the program were able to choose whether to receive monthly payments of $900 or to get $10,800 in a lump sum, which was "a unique feature of D.C.’s pilot," according to The Washington Post. 

"Quite often these handouts actually trap people in a cycle of poverty," Joel Griffith, an economic research fellow at The Heritage Foundation, told Fox News Digital. "This is not helping people build long-term wealth and to have long-term economic prosperity."

One recipient – Canethia Miller – told The Post that she took the money and spent most of it on a lavish trip to Miami. 

"Some of it I just left alone. The other side is, I wanted to blow it. I wanted to have fun," Miller said. "[My kids] got to experience something I would never have been able to do if I didn’t have that money."

Miller blew it on a "five-day, $6,000 trip to Miami," which included "a boat tour [that] exposed them to million-dollar homes and luxury yachts." 

"In what she called a rare moment of self-indulgence, Miller spent $180 ahead of the vacation to get her own hair and nails done," The Post reported. She also took her kids shopping and got them new outfits and toys for the trip.

Griffith said that the D.C. mayor would have been better off spending money on reducing crime.

"Spending money on what effectively is a lotto for city residents is the wrong thing to be doing. I think what parents want, whether single moms, single dads or married couples, is a safe city," he added. "What the mayor could do is take these resources that they're going to be distributing randomly to single moms. And you could hire, by my calculations, 25 full-time police officers. That would go a long way in some of these neighborhoods where you can't even walk safely at night." 

In January 2022, Democratic Mayor Bowser allocated $1.5 million to a direct cash transfer pilot program called "Strong Families, Strong Future DC" that was intended "to support maternal health and advance economic mobility." 

"This program is about supporting new and expectant moms with cash so that they can have the autonomy and flexibility to make the best choices for them and their baby," Bowser said. 

The Strong Families, Strong Future DC pilot was at "the heart of our equitable economic recovery strategy," Bowser added.

But some of the issues arose when the mothers were uncertain about how to spend the cash.

Building generational wealth generally requires a solid educational background, which in D.C. is lackluster, Griffith said. 

"[As a resident of D.C.], you're likely to graduate with a subpar education. And we're talking about sometimes an inability to do basic math and basic reading comprehension. And those are the core skills that in a work ethic that allow people to succeed in this country, even if they don't come from a wealthy family," he added. 

Miller seemed to share a similar sentiment when she told The Post, "A lot of communities in my area don’t know the financial gain of credit, saving for your kids; that’s why we’re broke, that’s why we don’t have nothing to pass down or no house to give down. I’m trying to get to the level where I’m passing something down that really matters, so I can be set and my kids can be set, and they don’t need to push so hard like I’m doing now."

Altogether, Miller saved $50 from the program.

"She opened up a savings account, aiming to keep at least $50 in it. She used the remaining $4,000 or so from the pilot in a matter of months, mostly on bills and a used car," The Washington Post reported.

[saemi-the-dreamer]

For the ask meme, 8, 19, and 23?

Thanks for the ask Elves ^o^ Now let's gooooo!!

8. Common fandom opinion that everyone is wrong about

I've answered it here already, but here's another thing that bugs me and I'm going to take the risk: about the games Life is Strange (1 and Before the Storm)

Rachel and Chloe were not a cute couple. In the first game "Life is Strange", it's implied that Rachel was selfish and manipulative and that she took advantage of Chloe and many people to get what she wanted, breaking hearts on her way and leaving the people behind to pick up the pieces after her. In "Before the Storm, there are many clues and foreshadowings telling us that Chloe shouldn't trust Rachel, nor get close to her, but she's just so lonely, desperate and in a vulnerable state of mind that she's tricked. This whole scene is not Rachel confessing her love or "proposing to her" - as some comments like to say - on stage / in public to Chloe while staying in character. Look well at the lines, forget they're acting a Shakespearian play, and you have a true summary of their relationship:

Rachel sent Chloe to wreak havoc for her; Chloé does and is always the one who takes the risks, always in the first line for her, and because of Rachel's influence, Chloe becomes more and more ruthless, self-centred and obsessed with Rachel, which leads Chloe to lose any friend she could make in BtS and we know how bad her relationship with both her mother and step-father is in LiS1.

After Chloe is done with a task, Rachel praises her but then immediately points out "There's more work"; even though Rachel's parents are rich and she's socially way above Chloe, she's relying on others to do everything for her. Rachel is the most desperate to leave Arcadia Bay, but Chloe is the one who has to find a car and the money to leave. What does Rachel do, except give orders and get more and more demanding? What does she concretely do for Chloe, except get her in trouble and give her some crumbs of affection/love? Nothing! She never helped Chloe find a way to go back to school, follow her studies online or anything, or even support her in finding a job! All she does is ask and take, and her pieces of advice are shit, she pushes Chloe to rebel and be unpleasant when it comes to her mother marrying again instead of telling her to talk it out with them or to give her future step-dad a chance before slamming the door shut to his face.

when Chloe reminds Rachel that she made a promise to her, Rachel either doesn't remember or pretends not to

"My liberty." "Nay, this most of all I will not grant." Rachel refuses to let Chloe go. She even has the gall to ask why! Like "Hey, why do you want to be free? Aren't you happy to serve me? Are you not having fun?"

"Yeah, but fun is not happiness!" Chloe even points out that she wants to be loved for who she truly is, not just have fun and adventures, Chloe needs something genuine, she also needs stability. But Rachel still refuses, "I hold you in my grasp" (!!!) and then even points out that seeing Chloe free, happy on her own, and seeing her thrive would make her envious. This plainly shows Rachel is an abuser! She can't stand the idea that Chloe can be happy without her, she needs to be the centre of her world!

And although Chloe reaches out for her, telling her "Then come with me, isn't that possible for you?", Rachel evades the question and basically tells her "Once we leave Arcadia Bay, I will make you so happy that you will forget that you're my prisoner and slave".

THIS IS NOT ROMANTIC! And people in the game PLUS many gamers are falling for it, since someone in the public screams "SAY YES!!" er... NO?! Chloe, run for your life!!?

Chloe was basically the caretaker of Rachel, and when Chloe wasn't enough, she looked for another. Rachel seduced Nathan (rich, abused and vulnerable but mentally ill), then Frank (an independent adult, but he was a drug dealer and not mentally stable) and then she fell for Jefferson, who had ticked all the boxes... Unfortunately for her, he was very much like her but worse!

Another point for LiS1, I don't believe David was an abusive step-father.

Is he kind of a jerk, not the most tactful, and kinda sexist? Yep, all agreed. But people also forget that this guy has fought in a freaking war! Everyone justifies both Chloe and Rachel's actions with their traumas, but no one even thinks about how this guy must be full of traumas too. What he lived explains (not justify!!) that he's a bit paranoid and adamant about following rules and laws. And we tend to forget how he had a very good intuition for many things: he was suspicious about Jefferson very early, but no one took him seriously, for one!

And back to the stepfather thing, I saw many people talking shit bout how Chloe didn't feel safe at home because of him. This is bullcrap. If Chloe didn't feel safe, then why did she take drugs in her room?! Or hid the gun she stole from him under her mattress? Because she knew she would get away with it with, at worst, a slap. A slap she pushed David to give her, which is another abuser tactic btw - one she must have taken from Rachel, as we see how her speech, manners and even clothing mimic Rachel if you take BtS into account. In Life is Strange 2, there is a scene where you meet him, and if you have a saved game with the "Chloe survived ending", we see how she and Max keep in touch with him! They write letters and send him photos, and David calls her "his daughter" and even "Sweetie" as he picks up when Chloe calls him!!! ; and let's not forget the "your old man doesn't fear the heat." So Chloe even came to consider him as her father then! Do you seriously think she would if he had been an abusive piece of shit? I don't. If anything, Chloe must have acted on her realization at the end of the first game, where she told Max that David doesn't deserve to die in the storm and reached out when she felt ready.

19. You're mad/ashamed/horrified you actually kind of like…

I'm at an age where I stop caring about the internet's opinion most of the time, I just want to chill and enjoy my things in my corner xD BUT I'm quite kind of surprised and embarrassed (sometimes) at some kinks I realised I enjoy more than I thought I should (still quite soft compared to what we can find!) like spanking for example. Or when I start a story and think "URGH this character is SO annoying, I can't stand them" then it changes to either "I love them" or "I want *insert character* to tame them"

23. Ship you've unwillingly come around to

Well, I've ranted about the game series, so I'll keep on it:

I've spoken about Rachel/Chloe, so I'm not going to expand more, but for Pricefield (Chloe/Max)? Well, in summary, I'll say that Chloe did to Max exactly what Rachel did to her.

I'm not the purist kind, if you want to ship a toxic ship, it's totally okay! I can see the appeal! But most fanworks romanticise them way too much! They cut out all the toxic traits or interesting character development and make it all "pure from friend to lover" which isn't... that at all. I'd like them more if it was addressed that the pairings are not the healthiest, or if it was explicitly written under "toxic/abusive relationship"! Or just an "everything is fine/better AU", sure, go ahead! I love these AUs too, it would be fun and heartwarming to read slices of life stories/small comics with the characters without the tragedies awaiting them!

But at the moment, all I see is that Rachel was Chloe's toxic ex, and Chloe became Max's toxic ex-best/girlfriend (in the timeline where Chloe dies).

[chaemolypi]

Sims 4 Legacy Challenge: Stranger in The Alps by Phoebe Bridgers

Heya! I like to make legacy challenges for the Sims 4 :)

This one here is based off of the album "Stranger in The Alps" by Phoebe Bridgers. I'm not done yet, but the first three gens (Smoke Signals, Motion Sickness, and Funeral) are going to be below.

Once I finish more I'll post them! There will probably be a google doc as well. If you have any pointers or ideas, please message me. I would love to hear other people's opinions.

Hope you enjoy!!

Gen 01: Smoke Signals

Talking through your emotions has always been hard, so instead you’d write about them. You lost your best friend after you got pregnant, now you focus all your attention on music and your baby. You slowly begin to rise in fame through the years, but you still have a missing piece.

Aspiration: Musical Genius

Traits: Music Lover, Loner, Creative

Skills: Two musical skills, Writing

Job(s): Entertainer (Musician Branch), AND a part-time job (Ex.- Barista)

Favorite Color: Deep Blue

Optional:

Bonus Traits: None

Lifestyles: Close-Knit and Indoorsy

Goals/Tasks (Check as Finished)

Complete “Musical Genius” Aspiration.

Master Writing and two musical skills of your choosing (Singing, Guitar, Violin, Piano, etc.).

Acquire the Close-Knit and Indoorsy lifestyles.

Have a relationship with your best friend as a young adult (which results in the heir), and lose contact until you are an elder. You can marry your best friend as an elder.

Only get pregnant/get another sim pregnant once.

Only ever have a romantic relationship with your best friend.

Get to the top of your career (Entertainer: Musician branch) while also having a part-time job.

Put all of your part-time money away for your heir. I use this one by Ravasheen.

Become a celebrity. You can quit your part-time job once you’re a three-star celebrity.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Gen 02: Motion Sickness

As a kid, paychecks barely covered anything your parent needed (until they got famous, of course), so you vowed to not let your kids grow up the same. They deserve a stable income and home. You looked for stability in the wrong person as a young adult, but maybe you’ll get a second chance later on in life?

Aspiration: Goal-Oriented (Teen), Big Happy Family (Adult)

Traits: Perfectionist, Family Oriented, Loyal

Skills: Parenting, Logic

Job(s): Doctor

Favorite Color: Moss green

Optional:

Bonus Traits: None

Lifestyles: Hungry for Love

Goals/Tasks (Check as Finished)

Complete “Goal-Oriented” aspiration as a teen.

Be a straight-A student as a child and a teen.

Go to college with honors.

Get to the top of your career (Doctor)

Complete “Soulmate” Aspiration.

Master Parenting and Logic skills.

Acquire the Hungry for Love Lifestyle

Have an on-and-off relationship with an adult or elder as a young adult. (Together one season, apart the next, and so on)

You must break up with them once one of you ages up/they die.

Date a new sim afterwards to complete your aspiration for.

Only have children as an old adult and/or elder.

Have at least 3 kids.

Become good friends with your children.

Become best friends with the heir.

Have a movie night with your whole family once a week.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Gen 03: Funeral

Your parents are your best friends, and you simply cannot imagine life without them, until the inevitable happens.

When you were younger, you were this cheerful, mischievous person who had friends surrounding you, but once your parents died, things turned for the worst. Without them, you feel like you can’t speak to anyone- except for your childhood best friend, so you two move far away to live on your own far away from your memories. Writing stories about your parents helps you a lot.

Aspiration: Master Writer

Traits: Bookworm, Loyal, Loner

Skills: Writing, Gardening, Handiness

Job(s): Self-employed (Self-Published Author)

Favorite Color: Plum Purple

Optional:

Bonus Traits: Gloomy

Lifestyles: Single-and-Loving-It, Close-Knit

Goals/Tasks (Check as Finished)

Complete “Goal-Oriented” aspiration as a teen.

Have at least 5 close friends and 1 best friend as a child and a teen.

Be close friends with all of your family members.

When your parent(s) die, leave home to live with your best friend in a different world.

Once they die, you can only have a relationship with your best friend and your heir.

Never have a real job; only get money from selling books you write. Your best friend cannot have a job either- must sell what they create.

Complete the “Master Writer” aspiration.

Master writing, gardening, and handiness.

Grow a garden, and grow the death flower.

You cannot date anyone after your parent(s) die.

You and your best friend must adopt at least 2 children.

Never leave your home- the heir can leave for school and/or work.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Thats all for now! I'm working on Demi Moore but its kinda difficult because its not my favorite song. I would love some feedback though!!

[wri0thesley]

Nat I'm so sorry, I have to marry Cass now. Yes I know he could and would kill me, but I see a Byronic, redheaded man and I go a little stupid

OUGHUGHUGH.... we probably have similar tastes anon, unfortunately. the only way i could have carefully curated him to my tastes more is to have him be a blond, but i CONTROLLED myself. the tortured artist archetype is one of my absolute faves and weird fucked up daddy issues artist in a gothic horror house with pre-raphaelite leanings . . . ah. we can All Go A Little Stupid, as a treat!!!

oh and as i am replying on a pc and not my phone have some more picrews of him (i do make art but honestly i am not as good at it, sometimes a picrew captures the vibe better!);

my beloved awful man. how i despise him.

as i love to talk about my little guys. here is some info on cass from his refsheet (that i must get around to doing a little updating of!) cw: child abuse, eye trauma, alcoholism, yandere mentality, A Guy

Cass grew up in an impoverished aristocratic family; the kind of old money old-name whose estate was crumbling to pieces, but preferred to pretend they were still in their halcyon golden days. A latent talent for painting making itself known at the tender age of five and a half meant that his family's connections were very quickly made use of - and after that, money was not so much of an issue. Cassian lost his entire childhood to work and being dragged halfway across the world to be fussed over and paint portraits, a lack of stability that he insists was thrilling but he still feels now right down to his bones. Private tutors, an education that only took art and art history and anything else related seriously, and a father who took great issue to Cass being something of a daydreamer have all played their part in making Cass exactly who (and what) he is today.

After losing his eye, he felt like he lost his entire identity. He'd spent so long thinking his only worth was in what he could make with a paintbrush in hand that it drove him to despair, and to find his solace in the bottom of a bottle - he would have done anything to regain his vision. And eventually he found his solution in a tiny bookshop in Whitechapel; first floor all children's books, second floor books entirely on the occult. A kindly bookseller gave him some assistance, and later on that night Cass found himself performing a ritual that ought to have attracted the attention of a patron deity of artists.

Things are never quite so straightforward.

Cass can see perfectly now, thank you very much. He can also hear the whispering and the chittering of the servants of the demon he made a Faustian bargain with, talking behind the patch he wears because now his eye is . . . rather distressing to look at. He has a boost in speed and strength and endurance, too - but most importantly, he has the knowledge that when he does die, there's an eternity of torture waiting for his immortal soul . . . so why not have fun now?

Cass is on the search, always, for his perfect model. His Lizzie Siddal, if you will; someone who will get in front of the lens of his camera (oil painting takes so much longer, and though he does still paint on rare occasion, his models don't always last long enough for that) and will provide for him the work that will make him immortal. He doesn't care how many models he tears through, breaks and buries in the search for just that.

After all; art is the most important thing in the world, is it not? And Cass intends to leave behind a legacy.

[throwawayformydb]

Falling in love everyday

Note: this post was originally published on /r/DeadBedrooms

Today, I realized I'm falling in love a lot. It might be a waitress, a barista, or someone I see walking by. These women aren't necessarily provocatively dressed, they don't exude sexual energy or some other magical thing.

They just seem nice.

And as I sat here in a coffee shop trying not to follow the nice-seeming barista around the store with my eyes as she went about her duties, it occurred to me just how pathetic this is. I feel like that socially-awkward, hopeless guy that we all knew in high school—the one that you just knew would never get a date, because he'd never have the courage to ask for one.

Only for me it isn't a lack of courage. It's that I'm married to someone whom I love dearly, but from whom I no longer receive any affection.

She'd kill me if she saw me looking at other women. She'd be devastated if she knew how often I find my heart beating a little faster when someone who happens to be female shows me the least big of basic human kindness. A smile, a funny remark. A little cheerful banter.

Why does all of this affect me this way? Because I haven't felt it from or for my wife in... much longer than I care to admit.

Sure—we still exchange "I love yous" every day. I do everything I can to make her life easier. I help around the house. I offer to do school drop-offs and pick-ups. I help with homework. I also work endless hours in the business we've built together and carry far more of the weight than I should, or that's even close to sustainable. For her, we're better off financially than we've been in years. But I'm the one handling all the stress of the money and daily juggling all the pressures to make sure she doesn't have to handle the difficult stuff.

And we have sex once or twice a month. I almost never initiate anymore because it feels to her like I'm pressuring her. We've talked. We've had something similar to "the talk." She's going to work on it, she really is. But things have been hard. Transitions in parenting. Transitions in hormones. Being sick. Being busy. Extra stuff on the plate.

It all adds up. But what it adds up to is, "I don't matter." My feelings don't matter. The fact that I feel unloved doesn't matter. The fact that nothing I've done (including creating more financial stability) makes her want to be affectionate towards me—not to mention have sex with me—tells me that she really is the self-centered person I always told myself she wasn't. I made all the excuses for her. I've listened empathetically as she's told me tales of trauma as a young woman at the hands of guys who were abusive—verbally and emotionally, at least. I've tried to help nurture her and encourage her through body image issues (she's always been beautiful and desirable to me and she has heard this from me for 20 years now), eating disorders, depression, parenting difficulties... you name it.

I've tried desperately to not be selfish. Don't be "that guy." You know—the one that only cares about himself. The one that treats women like shit. The one that doesn't respect the effort and hardships that come with being a woman in today's society, being a Mom, being uniquely female. I respect all of that. I've always treated her right.

Until lately. Oh sure, I still treat her right. But inside I'm dying. I'm looking for love. I'm looking for affection, for attention. I crave basic human contact. Hugs (which I get from her, but not often), kisses, affection, making out. What would it be like to be kissed passionately?

And that's what I wonder when I meet a nice female. Do they know that inside I'm dying? That I want to be with them? Not to use them lustfully or just get off over their physical attributes. But to feel connected. To kiss. To love.

We've got a list of marriage counselors. With no insurance, some of these prices seem staggering. Is it worth it for me to go to sessions with a therapist and pay all the money when I feel like I've lost hope that any of this will ever change?

Should I just accept that we have a business relationship? A domestic arrangement? At least until we're empty nesters and I don't feel the need to keep a stable household like a good father? But by then will I have any desirability left at all for any woman I meet? Old and used up? My best years wasted on someone who just didn't have it in her—not maliciously, but just as a deficiency—to love me, desire me, make me feel loved?

Do the people sitting here in this coffee shop notice me discreetly wiping a tear from my eye? Do I look like I'm dying inside? I hope not. My facade is all I have left.

[wcrldcfvtlvs]

Love Languages - Harrison in a romantic relationship & how to win Harrison's heart

In a relationship

Despite his intimidating appearance, Harrison is a very loving partner when in relationships. In a relationship, he already has a husband mentally since he dates to marry. With his background being in the system, stability is something that Harrison craves therefore relationships with him he's in it for the long haul. Typically after he says I love you he's already planning a June wedding with friends and family. However, he won't outright say that, but he will tell his friends and they usually talk him down from doing anything too crazy.

However, with being so loving and caring, Harrison does indeed get jealous and will often shut down because if he has nothing nice to say, he won't say anything at all. Of course, Harrison would never do or say harmful things to his partner but if someone disrespected his relationship in front of him, then all bets are off and he'll do what he can to make them go away and regret ever approaching his partner. Once again, with his history of being the system, Harrison holds onto things and keeps them close, as much as he hates considering partners his property ( because they're not, they are their own people ), the idea of someone touching, flirting and whatever else to his partner bothers him. He will explain his method to the madness and apologize for his behavior since some people could consider it toxic even though he means it in the best way possible.

Overall, Harrison can be the picture-perfect guy to his partners if they want him to. He's a gentleman, and family man, and he can be an amazing best friend since that is what he looks for in a partner. Someone who can laugh with him, cry with him, smile with him, and everything else that comes with that.

Love Languages - bold for what she does to others, italics to what he wants to be done for him.

Words of affirmation.

Quality time.

Physical touch.

Acts of service.

Receiving gifts.

How to win Harrison's heart

Winning Harrison over isn't really a hard task at all. If anything, out of the boys, Harrison is the easiest to please and court. Being kind, considerate, be able to be attentive, and affectionate as well as being a good communicator, are all ways that can get someone's foot in the door. However, an in-depth way to do it is the following:

Reassuring him when he feels like he is failing, this method can be applied in relationships, his work, or anything that he's doing. Harrison often puts a lot of pressure on himself to strive to do his best. His past makes him believe that he is not worthy of anyone's time or effort and he is constantly proving to others that he is worthy of being around. He won't talk down on himself or fish for compliments, he mainly shows this in body language.

Another way to really win him over is spending time with him. From time to time he does like to work at home and sitting in his office while he's working is a lot better than going to the office within the city. When he's in a relationship and has a partner he's head over heels for, he wants to spend as much time with them as possible. It doesn't have to be activities or anything that requires money, sometimes it can look like sitting in silence while he works or watching TV with him to fill the white noise. As long as he has company and someone shows they want him around? He'll be wrapped around their finger.

[vanessagable]

Van can vividly remember the first time Xavier Matthews had stood in front of her.

He'd waited outside the alley entrance of a seedy Los Angeles music venue for a chance to talk to her. At the time Van had been playing for a semi-professional girl punk band named The Heather's with a lead singer who had claimed red hair was "her thing" and had required Van to wear a wig for all performances -- a cheap, blonde bob that had made her look like a reincarnation of Vivian Ward before she'd gotten the Pretty Woman treatment.

At that time in her life music had been her greatest escape, and something that she had only done for herself. She'd been nineteen, married for a year, and working three jobs to support herself and Lee as he spent his days trying to land an agent and go on auditions. If it wasn't for X waiting outside of the bar that night to recruit her into the band Van never would have considered music as a serious career for herself.

And now that same man is standing in front of her over a dozen years later -- with a guitar playing the opening notes of a song she had written for him. Notes that had come to her as she had sat up sleepless in a hospital waiting room while doctors stabilized him after his overdose. Lyrics that had come to her as she'd cried alone in her car after she'd dropped him off at rehab.

And now he's dropping to his knee and in spite how good Van has always been at reading context clues and the fact that she knows exactly what's going on, it still manages a gasp from her.

"Holy shit."

Her hand is over her mouth for most of his speech, her welled-up eyes on his for the entirety.

In spite of the fact that she'd been married before, this was the first time she'd truly been proposed to. ("Maybe we should swing by Vegas and get married on the way to LA." had been all she had gotten the first time around.)

The man had always had a God complex, but she wondered if X would ever understand the miracle he had performed by saving her from a life of 'fine' to a life was she was remarkably loved.

The final question has only been out of his mouth for a single second before Van behaves like their own dog when he's been let off the leash -- unable to be restrained and moving immediately land on her knees on the sand next to him, taking his face in her hands and kissing urgently over every inch of it.

After she had gotten divorced, she'd always told herself that she'd only get married again if one man asked her to be his wife.

And, well, thank god she'd put her money on the right horse.

"Yes," she affirms her answer that she had already decided before a word was out of his mouth, catching his lips and kissing him several times over.

"Yes. Yes. I love you. Yes. Yes to forever. Yes to everything."

@xaviermattthews

With headlights visible in the distance, X looks like a deer caught in them for a split second. It could have been any car, but what if it wasn't -- what if it was the exact one he was waiting to pull up.

Right on time, right when he needed her to.

( Vanessa Gable had a real knack for that, it made for an easy decision when it came to what he was intending to do. )

It's a flash of red and a sprint in what he knows was heels from watching her get ready for her dinner hours earlier that confirms what he would have known blindfolded and with no hints.

There she was, the best choice he's ever made in a life stacked with plenty of good and bad ones, shoes in hand and not a single care about it.

Running to him is a good sign rather than the alternative and he would take bare feet in the sand over cold feet at what she had to know this was all for any day. Dayne starts plucking guitar strings as Van tugs on X's heartstrings, the melody no stranger to any of them and sounding all too right as it's heard again on the same beach where she had first showed him that very same song she had written for him.

The demo version would always be his favorite, nothing but her vocals and a confirmation of truths he had waited years to hear, but Dayne's take was gunning for a close second as Van rewrites her own lyrics right before him with a statement that has him grinning despite his own nerves.

"You always wanna kiss me, that ain't nothing new."

The threat of a premature answer hushes the small but present part of himself that had him concerned that maybe this sure thing of his might not be quite so sure, that the things he had put her through over the years and all the ways he had broken both their hearts might have crept to the forefront, a nasty past ready and waiting to usurp what he knows will be a good future.

There's none of that as he looks at her and reaches into the pocket of his jacket for the ring box, there's just that face of hers and how the mere sight of it made everything else fall away.

"Ah-ah, you have to let me do it, won't count if you don't and I'm only doing this once, baby."

He means that wholeheartedly, no matter what was in store for them, he would never drop to one knee like he did then in the sand under the setting sun and look up at another person with the same kind of adoration in his eyes as he did then.

Her or nothing -- that's all there was to it.

"Vanessa Gable, for the longest time, as long as I can remember really I've had this idea of myself and who I am and what I am. That I was put here for some higher purpose and that must make me above it all, including falling in love. Then along you came with that Louisiana accent in that ridiculous blonde wig and you knocked me on my ass. Right back to earth with all the rest of them pesky mere mortals, like the first dose of reality I'd had in who knows how long and God, do I love living in reality with you."

They both knew from experience how easy it was to be swept up in the lifestyle they lived, with every detriment that fame brought along with it. He had fallen to both knees for some of those vices more times than he could count, but the only reason he was there on one knee with breath in his lungs still was down to the woman in front of him.

"I knew the first time I saw you that you were going to change my life. I knew after the first time we spoke that if I kept speaking to you, I was going to fall in love with you. I knew that would hurt and I didn't care because it would hurt more to know of you and not know you. And I know you, darlin'. Everything there is to know, and I love all of you. Everything you are, everything you have been and everything I know you will be."

His hands feel as unsteady as they had at his father's funeral as he opens the ring box and reveals the ring he had deliberated on for over a year in his search for perfection. It's a similar shake that had caused her to take the eulogy he had written from them and deliver it for him, but he wouldn't let that happen there.

She had them then, he had them now.

"I'm so fucking in love with you and I tried real hard not to curse in this and I just failed at it but I won't fail at making you happy every day for as long as you'll have me. Because you're the only one who could have me and the way you love me is the way I want to be loved for the rest of my life."

He can just about hear Dayne's playing over the sound of his own heart beat as he finally makes her lyric about getting married in their heads something more than a shared ache.

"Will you do me the kind of honor I'll spend every second of the rest of forever making sure I'm worthy of and marry me?"

@vanessagable

[ufoend]

∆ please help us

we can not afford any of our basic needs

i usually try to keep this as light as possible, but i have put this off for long enough that i have to post this. me and my partner desperately need help. we are just two gay people trying to make it alone here with absolutely no support system.

who we are: im j (or jet), im 24 year old trans guy whose had this account since 2014. i married my partner in 2018, we even met on tumblr when we were younger, we've been together for years. my partner is disabled (diagnosed with autism and seizure disorder and others)

what we need: our cat had an emergency surgery two years ago that means he needs to be on a prescription diet (hills urinary food) for his entire life. the vet suddenly said we need to bring him in again to get his prescription renewed and we cant order any more food for him until then, which he will not survive without, and he is not allowed to eat any alternative food without risking his life. we have less than half of a 8 lb bag of it which will not last him through the next month. with the vet, food, and ubers to get to the vet and to the only place they sell the food = 200

to try to summarize our situation, we were kicked out by family and made officially homeless for the first time last year. this is right after we moved across states (wa to az) to support my partners family upon their request, only to be subjected to abuse and kicked out directly due to homophobia in an unfamiliar state after a few months. this left both of us and all of our animals entirely homeless. we luckily have an apartment now but our situation is still not okay. we lost all of our belongings at this time, everything, and have not been able to replace them as we have fixed income. my partner is especially affected by this situation, as it was traumatizing, and they have just had to power through trauma after trauma because of poverty, more than i can say.

i also have severe dental problems that are not covered by medicaid in az and i have no way to afford. this includes wisdom teeth, root canals, and many cavities that will turn into that crazy expensive treatment if i don't fix it. some may remember this (+this). i was only able to have a little bit of work done before we were homeless and one root canal failed. i cant keep ignoring it, because they are worried about two of the cavities becoming root canals, and i want to prevent another infection, but thats at least 250 each.

we are still not going to be able to afford rent in future months because our EBT was delayed last month and i had to spend money we don't have to afford anything, and now we are in serious jeopardy even affording rent, let alone bills. our pets (2 cats 1 small dog) also desperately need vaccinations, which is dangerous to keep going this overdue without with their health problems. our dog has also been limping for the past week and he needs to be seen when that is ever possible.

any donations would go first to the vet appointment and cat food, then the other needs in order of priority. will keep updating this, i know its a lot and i really don't expect anything, i am begging for help with any of this

we are both students, we are trying to work towards stability, while being stuck here. i do everything i can to bring in money to support us on my own. we make 200 less than rent is monthly. i am in school to become a caseworker so i am aware of a lot of resources in my area, and have applied for everything, but we can not do this alone which is why i have to ask for help. i am so sorry for having to do this but i appreciate any support that i do have because of this website. you guys literally save my life. helping out other poor people and getting helped out on here has been the most compassion ive ever been a part of. dollars, even pennies, worth of donations has kept my cat safe, has affected me in real ways. it actually matters to us, no matter the amount.

thank you anyone who reblogs, donates anything, or reaches out.

*

p*ypal email (best): ptcustomcomp@yahoo.com

v*nmo: @tobler707

c*shapp: $tobler707