#if i spent more time thinking about it i could hazard an opinion about whether thats an intentional choice

[cogentranting]

Reading through A Christmas Carol for the first time, its weird how disproportionately sized the sections are. There is SO much more detail given to the Cratchit’s dinner than to anything from the ghost of Christmas Past. You get half a line from Scrooge’s sister about “father’s much kinder now, he’ll let you come home” with no explanation, a quick glimpse of an unnamed fiancée, and then Dickens swoops in like No Time for That! We Have to Know Every Single Thing that Cratchit’s are Wearing and Eating. 

[jjonglemons]

all my works can be found here

Mr. CEO

Summary: you’ve been working at a new company as a marketing manager for nearly a year. it’s clear that choi jongho, the ceo, has taken a liking to you throughout your time there, and vice versa. finally, your subtle flirtations with each other reach a boiling point.

WC: 2.8k

Tags: smut, female reader, boss!employee, ceo!jongho, dirty talk, praise, bdsm, some fluff

“Finally,” you exhaled, reaching the office building with three minutes to spare. Not that your boss, Choi Jongho, was very strict to begin with, but nonetheless, you always valued being punctual when it came to your job. Unbeknownst to you, the trains were operating on an alternative schedule due to maintenance, so naturally when you reached the station at 8 AM sharp as you always do, you began stressing when you saw the timetable. Thankfully, there weren’t any delays for once and you made it to work by the time it said you would. Today, you had a very important presentation that would be disastrous to miss.

“Good morning, Miss!” The secretary greeted you cheerfully.

“Good morning,” you nodded back, smiling kindly before making your way into your office.

For the first time, you were in a position where you weren’t stuck in a cubicle, tightly snuggled in an overcrowded space of a fire hazard quantity of colleagues. You inhaled, letting out a deep sigh and closing your eyes for a moment to ground yourself for the day. Suddenly, you heard a light shuffling of footsteps that stopped in your doorway. 

“Good morning, Y/N.” You opened your eyes to see a smirking Jongho leaning against the doorframe, “how was your weekend?”

“Not too bad. I spent most of it wining and dining by myself.” You winked playfully, leaning forward to rest your chin onto your intertwined fingers. “What about you?”

“You want the honest answer or a lie?”

“Whatever you want.”

“I was babysitting my brother’s kids,” he sighed, “I love them and all, but trying to get work done while a three and five year old are screaming at you to play with them isn’t ideal, to say the least.”

You chuckled at his annoyance. That’s something you’ve dealt with yourself, being an aunt to three little ones. “I get it. Well,” you continued, “I hope you can find some time to let loose this week. I’m sure it was stressful, and only more so that we have this huge meeting today.” You knew that wasn’t going to help him feel any better, but the blunt side of you spoke up before you even realised.

“Ugh,” Jongho groaned, extra dramatically for effect, “don’t remind me. I still have some last minute tasks I need to finish.”

“Then you better get to it,” you commanded, clapping your hands and shooing him away jokingly.

He shot one final smile in your direction before taking his leave. “Catch you later, Y/N.”

✦•······················•✦•······················•✦

“All those who vote no, raise your hand.” Jongho, said as the discussions from your presentation concluded.

You felt your throat drop into the pit of your stomach upon seeing eighty percent of the room raise their hands. You expected this. This new campaign idea of yours was a risk, but nonetheless, seeing it actually fail in front of you, despite all of the hard work you put into it, punched you in the gut. Hard.

“I think she had a lot of wonderful points,” Jongho added, “would some of you care to reconsider?”

The room stayed silent, no one seeming to change their minds. Your cheeks grew hotter as your embarrassment increased, unsure whether you wanted to scream at everyone for insulting your work or cry about being a failure. You gulped, sneaking a glance at Jongho beside you. His face was stoic. Of course being the CEO, he had to save face, but you couldn’t help but notice the concern in his eyes. You could tell he genuinely liked your idea and felt empathetic to this ordeal. But unfortunately, in order to keep democracy in the company, he couldn’t just ignore everyone else's opinions on the matter.

“Seriously?” He murmured, noticeably aggravated. No one seemed to hear or notice, though, other than you. He cleared his throat. “Okay,” he sighed, “then this idea is scratched. Todd, you will be presenting on Wednesday, okay? Everyone’s dismissed, thank you for your time.”

You stayed behind as everyone filed out, needing a minute to process your humiliation. You knew it wasn’t out of hostility, but it was hard not to take it personally, especially since this idea was one of the few you were really proud of. You truly hoped it would have been a game changer.

You were so lost in your thoughts that you hadn’t realised Jongho was still in the room with you. “I’m sorry,” he expressed, continuing to clean the whiteboard, “I know you put a lot of thought into this from the little bits you’ve shared with me throughout the month. I wish I could have done more.”

You smiled, some of your unpleasant feelings fading into a sense of affection towards your boss. He may be your authority, but he’s always treated you as an equal. As a friend, not just a colleague. You’d admitted to yourself already that you had a crush on him, but it would likely pose an issue if you were to attempt to pursue anything. Though, you weren’t stupid; you could tell the feelings were mutual. 

“It’s okay,” you sighed, “Honestly, I’m pissed. I wanted to tell everyone how much they sucked,” you laughed, “but obviously that wouldn't have helped anything. I really loved this idea.”

“I’m mad, too,” Jongho said, gritting his teeth slightly, “you’re the best marketer in this fucking company and I’m tired of people not noticing that. Or ignoring it, I don’t know. Whatever it is, you deserve so much better.” He was inches away from your face now, “If I wasn’t trying to be a good boss, I’d say “fuck it” to the votes and have your idea plastered everywhere immediately.”

Thankfully the meeting room was windowless- even the door was lacking a peephole- because if someone were to walk by at this very moment, the way you two were standing would raise suspicion. 

“That’s sweet of you,” you said softly, lightly biting your lip.

Jongho stared at you for a moment, watching your movements. He had a million thoughts running through his head. He was angry on your behalf, at how much the colleagues seemed to undervalue you. He was angry at himself for not doing more to help, but realistically, he knew he couldn’t do that without turning into an inconsiderate boss, and he never wanted to be one that didn’t listen to nor care about his employees. He kept thinking about how beautiful you are; how kind and attentive you’ve been towards him, and everyone, since you started working there. He couldn’t forget the fact that you always stood by his side when rumours about him would spread around the office, giving him the benefit of the doubt. 

Despite only knowing each other for just short of a year, you truly saw him. All of the times you’d peak into his office when you’d stay late, noticing the art doodles that decorated his notebook as you quietly said goodbye to him. Or the times he’d fallen asleep at his desk, so you’d carefully organize his folders into a nice pile just so he’d have less to think about when he’d wake up to go home. All of the little things that made him Choi Jongho as a person, not just a CEO.

Suddenly, it didn’t matter that he was your boss. All he wanted was to show you that he cared and was proud of you, even if no one else did. 

And that’s when he lost all sense of reason and forgot you were anyone but Y/N, his friend and the person he was surely falling in love with.

“Can I kiss you?” Jongho asked, his voice coming out as a gentle whisper.

You blinked a few times in shock, unsure whether you had misheard him or not.

“Sorry, that was uncalled for,” he added, scratching his head shyly as he stepped away from you. He blushed, darting his eyes towards the wall. 

“Yes,” you said, interrupting the train of self-deprecating thoughts that were beginning to form in his mind. “Please kiss me,” you finished, adding more confidence to your tone.

Jongho inhaled sharply with nervousness and excitement for a moment before his lips found yours. He cupped your chin to bring you deeper into the kiss, but he suddenly stopped and pulled back, leaving you confused.

“The door,” is all he said before rushing over to quickly lock it and return back to you.

You gripped at the lapels of his suit, pulling him closer so that your bodies closed the gap between the two of you. Your tongue found its way into his mouth rather quickly, earning a muffled moan from him. 

“Shhh,” you giggled between kisses, “you have to be quiet.”

“I know, I know,” he assured, gripping your hips so he could push up against your core, “will you be, though?” he teased. He trailed his fingers along your hips to reach the button of your trousers, tugging at it lightly.

“Is that a challenge?” You baited, biting down on his lower lip. He whimpered, causing you to erupt into a giggle again, “damn, seems like you’ve already lost.”

Jongho’s eyes became clouded with a lustful glare, your taunting pressing him in all of the best ways. He flipped you over, pushing you against the meeting table. He gripped your hair and pulled your head up so it was flesh with his chest, his head dropping beside your ear. You could feel the heat of his breath trickling down the side of your neck. “I don’t think so, love,” he smirked. 

He used his free hand to unbutton your trousers, moving his fingers closer to your sex painfully slow. You hissed, wriggling beneath his grip. “Don’t tease me, Jongho,” you scoffed, “I’m already mad, so don’t make it worse.”

While this fact was true, you both knew you were just using those words as an excuse to rowel each other up even more. He chuckled as he reached your dripping core, fingers sliding between your folds as he began to make circles on your clit with a slow, yet urgent pace.

“Fuck, Y/N,” Jongho breathed, “I knew you liked me, but I didn’t know it was this much.”

“Who said I liked you?” You hummed, fluttering your eyes shut.

“Ha,” he scoffed, pushing one finger into you, “you couldn’t lie about that even if you tried.” 

Your moans began to grow in volume as Jongho pressed the tip of his fingers against your g-spot, sending shivers through your entire body. He slowly entered with a second finger, being careful not to hurt you. He began to curl his fingers, feeling your arousal increase with each movement. “You’re doing so well for me, baby,” he hummed, watching the way you twitched beneath him. He used the weight of him and the resistance of the table to keep you steady, moving the hand that was gripping your hair to now cover your mouth. “As much as I want to hear those pretty little moans of yours, I don’t need either of us getting fired.”

“Aren’t you the one who fires people?” You managed to get out through the shifts of his hand from the movement of your bodies.

Jongho didn’t respond. He was too engrossed in the feeling of your wet pussy around his fingers. He pushed a finger into your mouth, earning a slight gag from you. You began to bite down and suck on it, causing him to hiss. He started to pump his fingers faster, placing his thumb on your clit for more stimulation.

“Fuck, Jongho,” you whined as quietly as you could, “I’m going to come too soon if you keep this up.”

“I want to see you unravel,” he paused briefly to turn you once again so you were facing him. He picked you up to sit you on top of the table, quickly pulling your trousers down to your ankles so he had full access. He kept his hands steady on your thighs, deciding to take a seat in one of the meeting chairs so his lips could meet your sex. He sucked on your clit, making sure to add a bit of teasing by playing with pressure and taking small breaks to tug at your lips. "You deserve this, baby," he moaned as he continued to taste you. 

You could feel your orgasm building up more and more by the second, but you didn’t want to cum without feeling him inside of you first. “Baby,” you moaned, “please fuck me. I want to cum with you in me.”

Jongho didn’t waste any time as he quickly stood up, pushed the chair away, and unbuckled his belt as he placed kisses on your nose and lips. You pushed his hands away from his throbbing member so you could give him some foreplay, too. You slowly moved your hands up and down his shaft, feathering the touch when it reached his tip.

“Shit,” he inhaled sharply, losing his balancing ever so slightly he had to grip the edges of table to keep him steady, “that feels so fucking good, love.”

You kept going as you slowly inched yourself towards him so your core was now hovering over his hard cock. He placed his hands onto your hips, lining himself up with your entrance.

“Can I?” He asked through heavy breaths.

You nodded, guiding him inside of you. You both let out a hum of release simultaneously, taking a moment to just savour how it felt to be connected in such an intimate way. 

“I never thought our first time together would be in a meeting room,” you joked, tugging on his arm so as to tell him he could start moving. He began thrusting into you steadily, sighs of pleasure dripping from his lips. “It’s fun, though,” you added, with a near ungodly tone as he reached the right spot at that same moment. Your mouth hung agape in pure bliss, your eyes alternating between absorbing his fucked out face and watching how he fucked you.

Your wetness engulfed his cock, Jongho choking on the moans he so desperately was trying to hold back. “I’m so proud of you, taking my cock like this.” He bit down on his lip, hard, hoping it would stop them from escaping. “Baby, I could do this every day,” he said, quickening his pace, “I could live inside this sweet pussy of yours.”

“It’s only yours, Jongho.”

Something about you willingly handing yourself over to him triggered the possessive, animalistic part of him, and he began to thrust into you deeper with one hand reaching up to grip your neck.

“Oh, fuck,” you screamed with a whisper, placing your hand over his on your neck to keep it right where you wanted it, “please, Jongho, more.”

“I might break this table if I do that,” he growled, squeezing your neck a little harder.

“Then just fuck me on the floor.”

Before you knew it, he had your legs thrown over his shoulders, back pressed against the carpeted floor. Who knew how many people had walked on it with their gross, outdoor shoes, but at that moment, you didn’t care. All you wanted was for Jongho to keep fucking you and make you cum for the remainder of the work day. 

“Baby, I’m going to cum soon,” Jongho said, pulling at your ankles to keep you as close to him as possible so he could keep pounding into you relentlessly, “Fuck, fuck, fuck,” he repeated over and over with each thrust. “Look at you, so perfectly fitting around me.”

A scream began to escape from your mouth, so you threw your forearm up to it to bite on for suppression. Your muffled whines and convulsions underneath of Jongho pushed him further to his climax, his eyes beginning to roll back as your body shook more aggressively. “Fuck, Y/N” he let out a loud grunt with one final, deep thrust, throwing his head back in pure bliss as he filled you up. This final thrust sent you over the edge, flailing beneath him. You screeched quietly, gripping his arm tightly as you spilled your juices down the sides of his cock. The two of you laid there for a moment, heavily breathing as you came down from your highs. 

You looked at each other, beginning to grin as you both reentered the present. You propped yourself up onto your shoulders, leaning up to kiss his cheek gently. He blushed, pulling you up so he could fall back onto his butt and have you seated in his lap. He wrapped his arms around you, nuzzling himself into your neck, peppering kisses along your shoulder.

“So,” you said after a few moments of quiet, “how are we going to explain this when we leave the room?”

[nicetomeetmew]

If LU was an anime (VA headcanons)

Okay so! A while back I uploaded a video (which you can find here) giving the LU boys voice actors. And in the description of said video, I promised that I was going to post a list of explanations for my voices and link it. Which I am only doing now.

These choices, bar a few, are my own personal opinion, so I'd love to hear your thoughts about them! I spent far to long working and watching anime for this but I am pretty happy with the end result, bar one (glares at Four). So I hope you enjoy! And prepare yourself. Cause this is LONG.

Legend - Vic Mignoga (Edward Elric from Fullmetal Alchemist and Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood)

So fun fact. Back when I first discovered LU, I almost immediately imaged Leg with this voice. He had strong Ed vibes for me and when I started making this list, he was the only one I immediately knew was perfect. At least to me. It just has that quality; the snark with the capability of being genuine and emotional (I do apologise if the voice clips I included in the video made you sad. That's a hazard of FMA). I didn't consider anyone else for Legend, even though I did briefly consider Vic Mignoga for Warriors (more on that later).

Sky - Aleks Le (Zenitsu Agatsuma from Demon Slayer)

Man, I considered a fair few KnY voices for this list, including the voice of Tanjiro for Wild and the voice of Giyu for Twilight. But this is the one that stuck. I was struck between Sky having a youthful, soft voice or an older, soft voice (I knew his voice had to be soft. I mean. It's Sky.)

I watched the dub of Demon Slayer solely for this and it never would've occurred to me to consider Zenitsu's voice for Sky. But as the show progressed and I heard it when he wasn't... you know... begging some poor lass to marry him, I realised he actually has quite a soft voice. And when I heard it get all serious I thought "Yep. That works." And thus I placed Aleks Le as the Chosen Hero. You could argue that his voice is a bit too youthful for him but I still think it works.

Wind - Amanda Miller (Boruto from Boruto: Naruto Next Generations)

Ugh. Ugh. *increasing sounds of disgust*. I hate this.

But let's start from the beginning. Right off the bat, I was 99.9% sure Wind would be voiced by a woman. Okay so he's not 10 (that will make more sense in a second), but he's still pretty young and I imagine him with quite a youthful voice. For him, I considered Sarah Natochenny, the current voice of Ash Ketchum in Pokémon, and also Colleen Clickenbeard's voice for Monkey D. Luffy in One Piece. But these two voices shared the same problem. They were too raspy. I just cannot see Wind with a raspy voice. I guess if you really, really, really focus on it it could work but I just could get it to work for me hfff.

And then... ugh. I spoke to a mate about. He doesn't know about LU so I just told him I was making voice headcanons and couldn't think of a good one for a 14 year old boy. And he said "have you heard Boruto's English voice?" And I think my response was something along the lines of, "Ben, I have standards." But he insisted it would probably work so I watched a clip of Boruto on YouTube and much to my horror, it did seem to work. But there was problem. None of the clips had lines I could picture Wind saying. And because of that I was struggling to actually give Wind the voice. But something told me that it was the right one so... I... *shudders*... watched Boruto. I watched I think 5 full episodes before I had no more braincells and skipped thorough a bunch more and sure enough, I could finally see Wind with that voice. I think it fits him great and it honestly might be my favourite choice just because I had to watch that nightmare.

Hyrule - Justin Briner (Izuku Midoriya from My Hero Academia)

Ah. This one is much more pleasant. First of all, I never realised this at first but Midoriya and Hyrule are kind of similar. For one thing, they do kinda look alike. And for another they have the same "I will never give up" kinda thing going on.

Roolie is another one I knew would have a soft voice. I think Justin Briner was always down as a choice for him, except for when I briefly considered him for Four (more on that later *big sigh*). This is another anime I watched the dub for solely for this and there were a ton of lines right from the get go I could instantly imagine Roolie saying. So yeah. Aside from the tiny moment I almost assigned Justin Briner to Four, this was a pretty easy one. Midoriya has a soft voice that I could easily imagine Hyrule having. And when he got angry and his voice got harsher, I could also easily see Roolie like that too. Fun fact: there's another BNHA voice on this list... heh.

Wild - Michael Sinternklaas (Dagger from Black Butler)

AW YEAH. YOU HAVE BEEN DIAGNOSED WITH BRITISH BOI.

Ahem. Anyway. Yes Wild is British. Everyone rejoice. I was unsure of how people would react to this but I think this is the only voice on the list everyone agreed on. Which I'm happy about.

As I mentioned, I considered the English voice of Tanjiro (Zach Aguilar) for Wild. There were issues with this; mainly that it was too soft, too young, and made him sound too similar to Sky. Now here's the thing. I WANTED to give Wild a English accent. I am almost certain he would have one, like most people. However the only anime I could think of with decent English accents was Black Butler (and yes I know his final voice is from it, bear with me) and there was a problem with that. Most of the voices from Black Butler are ridiculously posh. Now you may be thinking "But Kai, Zelda has a posh English accent" and to that I would say "Ah yes but she's a princess and Wild is not". And now you might be thinking "But Kai, he's a knight an probably spent a lot of time in a place with posh English accents". To which I would say "But he wasn't always". Two words. Hateno Village.

Let me explain.

I feel like a lot of people hear the words 'English accent' and immediately think of an accent like Zelda's (and no, I am not saying everyone does and I'm also not implying that there aren't people out there who aren't British and know that there are multiple accents). Anyway, English accents are different depending on the place. And, since one can assume Wild is from Hateno Village, I would imagine their accent is different to that of those born in Castle Town. So that's why I was reluctant to give Wild a voice from Black Butler. Because all the voices that weren't insanely fancy were either far too old or did not have the right vibe.

Then one day, taking a break from this, I was watching season 3 of Black Butler (one of the only anime I watch dubbed) and I heard two voices that I suddenly thought, hang on just a second. One of those was the voice of Ronald Knox, who's a grim reaper. And the other, of course, was Dagger. I was leaning towards Dagger and what sold me was one scene in particular, which I chose as the final voice clip for Wild (you cannot tell me that is not exactly something he would say). And that was it. But Wild's was easily one of the most frustrating (not the most *glares at Four again*).

Time - David Matranga (The Father from Wolf Children)

Another tough one and also one I heavily considered for Twilight (for obvious reasons). Time's was kind of tricky because I knew I wanted it to be deep but there's such of variety of deep voices. At one point I even considered dumping the deep voice idea because it was so hard. It was a this time I thought of the voice of space cowboy extraordinaire, Spike Spiegel. But my brain said "hell no". There were other voices I considered for him, loads of which I cannot find the notes for and another one which will likely appear in part two as another character (no spoilers), but when I was picking a voice for Twi, some of the lines the father said just kept ringing big old Time vibes with me. So in the end, I decided to for it. Like I said, I imagine time with a deep voice and while to father's might be a bit more... gravelly (?) than I imagined, I think it fits him pretty well. It's serious and mature but still a certain kindness I'd imagine Time's voice to have.

Warriors - Johnny Yong Bosch (Ichigo Kurosaki from Bleach)

Don't lie. You knew Johnny Yong Bosch was gonna be on here and not just because I put his name (albeit spelled incorrectly) in the thumbnail. When I started making this, I knew I wanted to fit JYB into it. In my mind, LU would be an amazing anime and almost all amazing anime have Johnny Yong Bosch in it.

Now, I spent a lot of time trying to figure out whether he would be better for Wars or Twi. At one point I was convinced he would be best for Twi and that's when I briefly thought about Vic Mignoga for Warriors (his voice for Tamaki Suoh from Ouran High School Host Club. Don't tell me Tamaki and Wars aren't at least a tiny bit similar). But I could bear to part with Vic for Legend so I decided heck it, Johnny is Warriors and I'll find someone else for Twi later. As for the voice in particular, the two voices I considered for Twi definitely did not fit Wars. And then I remembered Bleach and immediately I thought "Yep. That's the one". I imagine Warriors having an authoritative voice, not too deep and very... uh... I don't know the right word. Clean sounding? Anyway, Ichigo just seemed to fit nicely and thus it was so.

Four - Micah Solusod (Yukine from Noragamai)

Ugh. UGH. Okay. This is my least favourite. Four was, excuse my French, A FUCKING NIGHTMARES. There was not ONE SINGLE VOICE that seemed to work for him at all. I watched a bit of the Noragmai dub because I was thinking about Yato's voice for someone (I can't remember who. It might have been Wild) and I heard Yukine's and decided to put it into reserve. As in, my last resort. And I had to use it. Oh my god Four. I love you but your voice is literally a nightmare. Is it high? Is it low? Is it young sounding? Surprisingly grown up sounding? I DON'T FREAKING KNOW.

I mentioned earlier that I considered Justin Briner for him. I was thinking about his voice for Luck from Black Clover, which may have honestly worked a bit better, but I was pretty attached to Justin as Roolie by this point. So I had to whip out Micah.

Let me be clear. No, I do not think this works well at all. I appreciate the people who tried to see that good in it, but I honestly just don't think it works. The only reason I went for it is because Yukine's voice switches between older sounding and younger sounding throughout the show and since I could decide what Four's would sound like I said to myself "Fine. Four can be the same", found some clips, slapped it together and never looked back.

I am still looking for another voice for Four and if I find a decent one, I will include it in part two.

And last but not least...

Twilight - Aaron Mitchell Dismuke (Tamaki Amajiki - My Hero Academia)

Told ya there was another BHNA voice.

So Twi was another tricky one. As I mentioned, I was seriously considering Johnny Yong Bosch for him. More specifically, his voices for Giyu Tomioka from Demon Slayer and Kiba from Wolf's Rain (for obvious reasons). I did almost go for Kiba but something was stopping me. I'm honestly not sure what.

So I was talking to a mate (and by that I mean I rambled. A lot) about VA's and at one point he suggested Aaron Mitchell Dismuke but not for Twilight. I can't actually remember who he suggested it for but anyway, that didn't work out. But when I was looking through his work, I saw that we played Amajiki and I was curious. I listened to him and I liked it.

Okay to be fair I wanted a country accent for Twi. Of course I did. But I could not a find a decent one. They few I found were absolutely terrible. So I gave up on that and decided that was Amajiki. And that was that.

And that concludes the Links VA headcanons! I am happy with most of them and once more these are my opinion but I would love to hear your own ideas!

As I have said many times, I am working on a part two and as a sneak peak (sort of) I'll tell you two of the characters that will be featured (excluding Four, if I find him another voice).

Dink (even though he hasn't, technically shown up yet) and Malon (which is proving to be a lot tricker than I thought). There a couple more but my lips are sealed heh.

Oh and speaking of Dink, the voice I considered for Time and then thought it would be better for someone else? Yeah that's the voice that's currently in the lead to be Dink's :)

I hope enjoyed my long winded explanations! And thank you for reading/watching!

[mari-vargas]

How about the story of how my car earned a name?

But first: the story about getting this car. Actually wow there’s a lot of stories that are interconnected here…. Alright well I’ll leave the story about how I developed car anxiety and how it subsequently got worse for another time. Point is I had it, and technically still do although I got help and can now mostly manage it. However due to this above all else I couldn’t stand riding in a car with tight suspension let alone driving one because I could feel the road with my butt. I also didn’t want to be in a red car or a car I whose roof barely reached my chest, as both statistically increased the probability of being involved in an accident (for opposite reasons ironically and no that does not mean the combination cancels each other out). Also I have a long torso and long legs (no I’m not tall my proportions are just a bit odd) so a short car was uncomfortable to try to get into and then to sit in because my head would be brushing the ceiling and it’d be hard to look out the front window.

So with that in mind you might be able to guess how I felt when my mom sent me a picture of a bright red Chevy Spark in someone’s driveway saying only “What do you think?” Well…I told her. My grandma had had a Spark so I knew my head brushed the ceiling, I knew I could feel the road with my butt, I knew it was short and difficult to be spotted by other vehicles even being bright red, I knew it had no getup to get around other cars that hadn’t seen it there before turning or lane changing…so on and so forth. I gave her my honest thoughts through stated facts.

I THOUGHT she was asking my opinion before deciding whether to buy it from the person whose driveway it was in. TURNS OUT she had bought it as a used car from a dealership that had used it as a rental and was now selling it after it had reached a certain number of miles. The driveway she had taken the pictures of it in? Was OUR driveway and I had just completely missed that. My mom was so pissed at me. She had my dad call me because she just couldn’t deal with my “disrespect” (however accidental it had been…oof). My dad cleared up the misunderstanding between the two of us and I was ecstatic to have my own car to use up at university and my mom had gotten a really low monthly payment for it that I’ve been able to handle myself since graduating. My mom told me she knew how I couldn’t stand to “feel the road with my butt” and had taken it on a long test drive just to make sure she couldn’t before she signed for it. The seats were adjustable and I’m able to sit in it without my head hitting the ceiling. And besides it was mostly for an around town car so the other issues were less major hazards. She picked me up in it from the transport station when I came home for winter break and my dad helped me get it back to university with me at the end of break.

I was able to stand it, but I didn’t particularly like the car. It was still red. It was still small. It was still not very aerodynamic and very lightweight. To be honest I already had a year and a half experience getting around without my own car so the little red roller skate basically spent the whole semester sitting getting rained sap on in my apartment parking lot. It came home with me for the summer. That’s when I really used it. That summer (as with the previous 5 years) I was working up the mountain at a summer camp as a lifeguard (omg—the irony: I have a fear of drowning), and additionally I was volunteering at a museum that was about the same length drive as to my actual job, so long as there was no traffic (with traffic it could be 2-3 times as long).

One day on my way home from the museum, there was a HUGE wildfire that wound up jumping over and straddling the freeway I took to get home. Worse, it had already overtaken the back road through the mountains. I was stuck, along with thousands of other cars trying to find any way out. The traffic was horrendous and it took 3 hours to get from one end of the town to the other (where I’d have gotten off to take the back way if that’s how I went…not that it mattered, we were forced off anyways). About 2-2.5 hours in I heard from the radio that the mountain roads had been contained and reopened for the stretch that I needed so I planned on taking that. It had taken me almost an hour to go between two stop lights, and I had considered pulling over in a parking lot I was three cars away from being at the entrance to, but right as I got to the driveway the mountain roads were opened. Then just as I reached the turn for the mountain roads, the freeway entrance right there was opened right before my eyes. I got on the freeway and passed through still burning areas and after that passed by several cars that had overheated and stopped running. I had already swore to my car when the temperature gauge for the outside temp suddenly jumped to 140-something°F that if we got through this together I’d find a name. And while passing by those other cars I reiterated that promise and even started brain storming names.

The stubbornness and sass and indignation I could feel rolling off my car mixed with the absolute queen energy meant it wasn’t hard to decide to go with more feminine names. An obvious choice given her size and color might have been Ladybug. This of course was also strengthened by the fact I was watching Miraculous Ladybug at the time and well my car had earned her name by saving me and not giving up even when it got really tough. I didn’t want to name her Ladybug though because to me that was a name for a VW Beetle. My old dream car that stopped being my dream car at the peak of my car anxiety because VW—old and new—have very tight suspension: you’ll know if there’s so much as a pebble in your path. So then I decided perhaps Marinette? But��well I wasn’t comfortable explaining the reasoning behind that one. So instead I thought perhaps I can compromise, something with ‘Mari’ (muh-ree like Marie, not mawr-ee like the shorthand of my character my page uses the name of) so I could still pay homage to the cartoon superhero. And I was in luck: google translate provided a translation of ‘ladybug’ in Spanish as “Mariquita”. Now I don’t know a single Spanish-native speaker who has ever even heard of that word let alone using it for the red and black spotted beetles, but regardless it was ideal for my usage.

My car is now named Mariquita, Mari for short. Although to be honest we usually call her something closer to “Murrey” because it’s close to “Murphy” as in Murphy’s Law. As I’m sure I mentioned before (although as it’s been several days since I typed most of this post out, I can’t really remember) she’s a bit of a Shop Queen. But that’s ok. Despite it all she’s been pushed way beyond her initial expectations of being a little around town car. She’s gotten me through two major fires, and been prepped for evacuation for several more. She’s become a car with an hour commute each way at least five days a week on high speed freeways with nothing around for miles. She’s been a moving car and a road trip car and been car jenga’d successfully more times that I can count. She was never meant to do what the things she has wound up having to do, and yet she’s pulled through time and time again.

[fairfaxleasee]

"If you move from that spot, so help me, I will tie you down." For Alistair x Amelia?

Again, my brain takes these prompts in the last place it should (bad brain!)...

For @dadrunkwriting

Characters: Alistair, Loghain, Amelia

-----------------------------------

“If you move from that spot, so help me, I will tie you down!”

Alistair glared up at the man currently admonishing him, who for his part glared right back at Alistair.

Of all the people in Thedas Amelia could be related to...

Loghain MacTir was by far Alistair’s last choice.  And Loghain had made it abundantly clear that of all the people in Thedas his younger daughter could have picked to love, Alistair was by far his last choice.  Their mutual animosity was the only thing they actually agreed on.

Alistair’s animosity was, of course, perfectly justified.  After all, it was Loghain’s betrayal that had gotten Cailan, Duncan, and so many other people killed at Ostagar - not to mention all the times the man had tried to kill him since.  Loghain’s problem with Alistair was entirely unfair.  Just because Alistair’s brother had (repeatedly) cheated on his wife (although it probably didn’t help that Cailan’s wife had been Loghain’s other daughter) and Alistair’s father had (again, repeatedly) cheated on his wife (again, probably didn’t help that his Marik’s wife had been the great love of Loghain’s life), Loghain had it in his head that it was only a matter of time before Alistair broke Amelia’s heart.

Although that wasn’t what had brought on the current spat (by Alistair’s count in was the seventh of the afternoon, eighteenth of the day, and forty-second of the visit, and as far as he was concerned he’d won them all).  What had brought on the current spat was Loghain interrupting his time visiting with Amelia (Alistair didn’t particularly care that Amelia had asked her father to come to Gwaren to help her sort through the paperwork that she was expected to handle as Teryna and needed to finish before their wedding and Alistair had surprised her by coming down unannounced - but she had been happy to see him!).  Amelia had spent far too much of the afternoon for Alistair’s liking engaged in conversation with her father about the work she was trying to get done and not nearly enough paying attention to him (...and helping him with all the work he was supposed to do that he didn’t understand).  All he’d tried to do was get her attention a bit!  He’d moved the chair he was using to the part of the table she was at so he could sit next to her and talk to her too... and hold her hand a bit... and possibly kiss her once or twice.  He didn’t know what Loghain was getting so upset about, she was his betrothed!  And he’d done a lot more than just kiss her on the cheek (...although Loghain probably didn’t need to know about any of that... ever).

Loghain’s arms had been crossed and he was glaring at Alistair when Amelia had grabbed one of his arms to try and uncross them as she whispered, “Father, please calm down, it’s fine!”  Then she turned to Alistair and gave him her hand; he brought it to his mouth to kiss it (he was positive Loghain had harrumphed at that, but Amelia tapped Alistair’s face to prevent him reacting to the provocation).  “Alistair, I told you I need to finish this work.  I’ll help you when I’m done, okay?”

“Let the boy do his own work, Amelia.  I don’t want to watch both of my daughters waste years propping up unworthy men-”

“FATHER!  I asked you to stop saying things like that!”

Loghain shifted his gaze away from Amelia to glare at Alistair.  Alistair knew a ‘Just because I can’t say it doesn’t make it any less true’ glare when he saw one.  He crossed his arms and turned back to his own incomprehensible work.  He had zero interest in either Loghain’s attention or opinions.

“I’ll be done soon, I promise,” Amelia kissed Alistair’s temple softly, provoking an even angrier protest from her father.

But Amelia hadn’t been done soon - or at least she hadn’t been done soon enough for Alistair’s taste, and he’d just been trying to get her attention... by untying the lace on her corset... repeatedly... progressively more slowly.  Which is what had caused Loghain to come stomping over, grab Alistair with one hand and Alistair’s chair with the other, and drag them all the way across the room to the other end of the table and whisper his threat.

“You do know I’m King now, right?  You really shouldn’t go around threatening me,” Alistair replied.

“You are King because of her and her alone, and I am not going to let you repay her for it by using her and ‘putting her aside’ on the advice of Eamon!”

Alistair crossed his arms and tried to think of a response.  Fortunately he was spared having to by Amelia calling from across the room, “Are you two behaving down there?”

“Yes, love!”

“It’s fine, Amelia.”

Alistair and Loghain responded in unison.  They waited for Amelia’s focus to return to her papers before glaring at each other and picking up where they left off.  “Is it really so hard for you to believe that I love her and want to make her happy?”

“Considering the way your father and brother ‘loved’ their wives, yes it is!”

“You know, considering what you did, I’m not sure that it’s really fair for you to criticize my father.”

“I don’t care whether it’s fair!  And I don’t care whether you’re King!  I’m telling you right now, Alistair - if you hurt her, I will kill you.”

“Like you killed Cailan?”

“Yes.”

Amelia cut in again, “Are you sure everything is okay down there?”

Alistair winced when he looked to her.  She was breathing heavily and there were tears in her eyes.  Alistair hazarded a glance at Loghain, who looked about as ashamed of himself as Alistair felt.  He knew, of course, that Amelia didn’t like him arguing with her father.  He just couldn’t seem to stop doing it (even if it was entirely Loghain’s fault it kept happening).

“We’re fine, love.”

“Everything’s under control, Amelia.”

Amelia kept staring at them longer this time but did eventually turn back to her papers.  Once she did, Loghain went right back to glairing at Alistair completely unashamed of himself.

“You know, Loghain - you’re a Warden now, you shouldn’t even be visiting with nobility.”

“I am her father first and foremost, Alistair!”

“Oh?  Is that why you locked her up for a decade and kept pushing her away so you wouldn’t have to be honest with her?”

“I did that to protect her, and if you can’t understand that-”

The sound of the door slamming cut Loghain’s tirade off.  It was obvious what had happened, Amelia was nowhere to be seen and an armful of papers was missing from the table.

“Well, look what you did, Loghain.  I hope you’re happy.”

Loghain rounded on Alistair, “What I did-”

Eighth spat of the afternoon, nineteenth of the day, and forty-third of the visit...

[squidpro-quo]

oh my god oh my god please give more blind kaito im literally crying?? i wanna see him in Action

Oh my goodness, I tried my best! I hope it’s alright, I switched up the perspectives for this one! Thank you so much for asking, I had fun getting back to this!

Part 3

A tone sounded in Kaito’s ear, then the soft, barely perceptible tick of the seconds left behind before his performance began. He crouched in the grate, elbow braced against the side and kept his breathing even while he ran over what needed to happen in the next few seconds. He’d cut it close this time, leaving himself only nine hours to figure everything out fully and then to memorize it all as well. But if nothing else, tonight would bring a victory one way or another, with the added challenge of Hakuba’s close scrutiny focused on his every move it would make the exhilaration of escape even sweeter, and perhaps temper the disappointment the Ballerina’s Ballad would likely bring. 

The thought of Hakuba made him settle, which was a betrayal to his thief’s sensibilities if there ever was one. As soon as he’d heard of the detective joining their class he’d expected it to be the perfect way to spy on one of his accomplished pursuers in close quarters, but then Hakuba had to go and be so damn polite, and yet so sharp at the same time. Sharp enough to cut through any pretenses Kaito feigned at for every hazard and barb he put before Hakuba, and sharp enough to consider something no one else, not even the most crazy fans, had ever considered: that Kaito KID, the elusive moonlit phantom, might be blind. 

And that first accusation had sent his heart racing, not least because of the tone Hakuba had used, so determined and passionate about the truth of his conclusion, that Kaito had fought to keep his poker face instead of letting his smile melt into something more touched. From there, it had just kept going. The need to pull Hakuba careening towards him, testing whether it had been just a momentary delusion or something real, and then the date he’d never expected to be asked on, it was all good fun until he’d realized that in the process of trying to trip Hakuba up, he’d been swept off his own feet. He didn’t miss how Hakuba’s touch sent a shiver through him, nor the genuine excitement over the suggestion of dancing with him—hell, he’d even used the sound of Hakuba’s watch ticking as the audio for his countdown. He was well and truly caught, in one definition of the word and he had a feeling it wouldn’t be too long until Hakuba caught him out in another way too. But he was willing to play with fire, to feel the warmth that came from being near him and with him. 

The last ten seconds started and Kaito tensed, laying his hands on the cold metal in readiness and wishing fingerless gloves went better with his top-hat and cape. In the beginning, he’d worn the gloves his father had, but with so much of what he did reliant on touch, it was best not to forgo that sense on top of everything else. 

Three…

Two…

One…

Kaito flung himself into the darkness that descended on the ballroom outside his post, a wide grin spreading across his face as he heard the startled yells of alarm and the call for flashlights went up in Nakamori’s familiar boom. From the edge of the grate, it took only four long strides for him to reach the corner of the platform and another two steps along it to reach the first square that had to be triggered. 

He had to hand it to the police squad, or more accurately, the ballet director, for thinking up this kind of security instead of a conventional method of lock and key. It had certainly required more than his usual methods to ascertain the combination, but trust Nakamori to be willing to show him the way with a conveniently placed positioning tracker. Aoko’s father had never been one to forgo asking his opinion in times of quandary and the physicality of Nakamori’s fondness was one he’d always appreciated. Taking advantage of it had given him just the slightest tinge of guilt, considering how much it meant when only his mother’s voice reached him from overseas, but for the sake of his goal, he’d brushed the reticence aside. 

As for the sequence, after memorizing the dimensions of so many floor plans and furniture layouts, both for heists and for general school use, it was simply a matter of practice before he could have completed the steps in his sleep. He’d spent the last few hours of his preparation running through it over and over again on the floor of the lair, making sure he didn’t hit the bounds or overshoot his trajectory on the jumps. 

Just as he heard the lights click back on, he reached the display case and was greeted by one of the best sounds in the world: the gasps of the task force as they realized he already had the jewel in hand. It was a true pleasure to catch them off-kilter, even when he’d specifically warned them ahead of time, there was just a thrill to it. 

“KID!” And that voice, Hakuba’s yell that only made his grin grow wider as he tipped his hat in the direction it had come from. “Stop right there!”

“You underestimated my dancing prowess I see, but a magician should be as good with his feet as he is with his hands.” 

He froze in the center pretending to admire the shine of the beryl as he held it up to the newly restored light, instead listening to the sound of the approaching rush of guards and estimating just how far away they were. As soon as the first officer’s footstep changed tone, from the dull thud on polished wood to the sharp clap on the dance parquet, Kaito braced his leg on top of the case and jumped. 

His already upraised hand sprouted a grapple that snaked up to snag on the smooth ceiling, pulling him aloft at the apex of his jump and swinging him towards the door he’d marked ahead of time for an easier exit. The pile of officers that had doubtless formed behind him shouted and swore but the trap that they had so expertly set for him had sprung on them instead. 

He knew his next moves down to the inch: the door was exactly forty-five feet from the parquet, a small lobby beyond fifteen feet wide with couches arranged in a diamond pattern leaving a clean route straight through to another door twenty feet ahead opening onto a corridor. From there it would be a simple escape through a side entrance fifty feet to the right. Anyone who found him outside the building would be treated to a frail old man hobbling along on his walker. 

Confident in his path, he slid along the waxed floor when he landed and held out a hand to tap the door as he passed, starting the stride count in his head. Three feet, six feet, ni—his elbow caught the edge of something as he passed through the middle of the lobby, a pedestal he didn’t remember from his orientation of the room. It shouldn’t have been there, he wasn’t one to miss something so obviously in his path and he’d certainly made his rounds thoroughly that afternoon. Nevertheless, it had been in his way and he should’ve been able to avoid it. He twisted, hands finding the edge of the pedestal and searching for something to grab and right into place but whatever had been on it smashed to the floor a second later, the pieces raining over his shoes and the pristine tiles. 

“KID?” Hakuba’s voice sounded from far too close, somewhere to his left and Kaito startled, a shard of the mystery object crunching under his feet. He didn’t have any time to dwell on this, Hakuba was already a liability from having too many suspicions, there was no reason to give him an opportunity to have any more. Orienting himself again with a swift pivot of the heel, he raced for the corridor again, tossing a pair of smoke bombs behind him as a parting gift. 

A few seconds later, he’d divested himself of his cape and hat, donning the sweater vest and loafers of his disguise and the fire escape opened under his hands quietly and easily. He stepped into the crisp night air to let himself blend into the audience of onlookers congregated near the front of the building, the gem heavy in his pocket, waiting with possibility. But despite the success of the evening, the thought still kept coming back to him, unbidden and unnerving: how much had Hakuba seen? 

Part 5

If you want to know more, prompt me here

[avantegarda]

Original Writing: The Audition

yes my friends it’s high time for another behind-the-scenes look at the Austro-Hungarian Cinematic Universe! @ella-enchanted27 I apologize that I didn’t post this last night when I was actually talking about it, as I fell asleep, but here we are!

Starring:

The Late, Great Anna Kiraly (a 19th-century Fran Drescher)

Clara the Violin, as Herself

A Serendipitous Music Professor

A Bunch of Kids

Had Professor Strobel entered any other bakery on any other street in Pest on March 3, 1861, things might have turned out very differently. 

But, whether thanks to fate, God, or simple good luck, he did step into Sovany’s that rainy afternoon. And furthermore, he’d managed to forget the Hungarian for roll.

After a moment of staring at the baker in extremely awkward silence, Strobel was strongly considering turning tail, fleeing back to his hotel room, and making a meal out of crackers and cheese. He might very well have done this, had he not suddenly felt a tap on his shoulder. 

The shoulder-tapper was a tall, rangy woman with dark red hair piled on top of her head, dressed in a gray woollen frock and striped apron, and she eyed him with amusement. “Mister. You need help?”

Delighted at finding someone in this part of the city who spoke German— regardless of how well—Strobel nodded. “Indeed, madam. Perhaps you could translate for me?” He explained what he needed, and the woman informed the baker in incomprehensible Hungarian, resulting in a warm bag of rolls being deposited in Strobel’s hand.

“Thank you, Mrs…?”

“Király,” the woman said. “Király Anna. Who are you?”

 Remembering his manners, Strobel tipped his hat. “Professor Johannes Strobel, at your service.”

“Professor, eh? You teach school?”

“Indeed, at the Academy of Music in Vienna. Thank you once again for your help, if there’s anything I can…”

“Wait.” Mrs. Király’s gray eyes focused on him sharply. “You work at a music school?”

“A music school!” Strobel chuckled. “Madam, I work at the music school. The finest in Europe.”

“Ah! Good. Then you will come to have dinner at our flat. It is necessary that you meet my son.”

Oh, heavens, not this rigmarole. It was an unfortunate hazard of being a music professor that many people, upon hearing his profession, would attempt to foist all manner of untalented relatives on him, claiming that they were utterly brilliant and didn’t they deserve a spot at the Academy. Strobel sighed, preparing himself for the inevitable. “Your son, madam?”

“My son. He plays the violin. He is,” Mrs. Király said with resignation, “a very good boy. But he will not get the proper education here. We do not yet have a music school in Pest.”

“Mrs. Király, I am sure your son is very talented, but I am not certain...”

“I know, Professor. You will think I am prejudiced for my son, and you will not believe that he is talented. But I did help you just now, and you did say ‘anything I can do.' What you can do, Professor,” Mrs. Király said firmly, “is to come to a very good dinner, and to spend five minutes listening to my Andras play the violin, and then to go home in peace. This is fair, yes?”

Strobel resigned himself to the inevitable. If nothing else, Hungarian home cooking sounded pleasant enough. “Very well, Mrs. Király. Lead on.”

...

Upon entering the Király family flat, what hit Strobel first was the smell. A good smell—meat and onions and spices, filling up the small space and making his stomach growl. The smell emanated from a small stove in the corner of the room, where a short, stocky man leaned over a steaming pot.

“Ah! My husband makes goulash,” Mrs. Király said with satisfaction. “György! Látogató!”

The man at the stove turned around, his bushy eyebrows drawing together in suspicion at the sight of his wife’s unexpected company. Strobel noted, with some surprise, that Mr. Király—who this must have been—had a wooden leg.

There ensued a brief conversation in Hungarian, at the end of which Mrs. Király seemed to emerge the winner.  She turned back to Strobel, smiling brightly. “My husband’s German is not so good,” she confessed. “But there is no need to worry, we have plenty of food for you. Would you like to meet the children? They will be in the other room, studying.” She paused as a burst of raucous laughter sounded from behind the narrow door. “They should be studying. Children! Come now, we have a guest!”

There was some scuffling from behind the door before it opened and an assortment of youngsters tumbled out: first, two brown-haired little girls, followed by a tall, thin boy gently carrying a toddler. 

“Here you are, Professor,” Mrs. Király said proudly. “The baby is little Katalin—only we call her Kitti—and then there is Jozefa next, she is six, and Ilka is nine—and here is Andras, he has just turned sixteen. He,” she added, lowering her voice conspiratorially, “is the one I tell you about.”

To Strobel’s eternal shame, his first thought regarding young Andras was Well, he certainly looks like a musician.

He chastised himself immediately afterwards, of course—hadn’t he learned, during his career as a teacher, that musicians came in all sorts of shapes and sizes? And yet it couldn’t be denied that young Andras’ thin face, long fingers, and slightly shaggy auburn hair gave him a rather artistic air. 

Appearances didn’t factor into the matter, though. What was important was whether or not he could play the violin. Which was yet to be confirmed. Strobel was not allowing himself to entertain any high hopes.

“Children, here is Professor Strobel, who is visiting us from Vienna,” Mrs. Király said. “You will speak to him in German so you can practice. And Andras, you will play the violin for him after dinner.”

Andras frowned, glancing from Strobel to Mrs. Király. “Why?”

“Because he is from the Academy of Music,” Mrs. Király explained patiently. “And perhaps he can help you.”

The boy looked as though someone had just told him he was going to war. “Do I have to, Ma?” 

Mrs. Király raised her eyes heavenward, as if asking for strength. “Yes, Andras. You must. But first we will eat.”

...

Dinner was delicious, though Strobel was careful not to eat too much; generous as this family was, they still had four young children to feed. And generally nice children they were, at that. Little Jozefa explained, in an odd mishmash of Hungarian and German, that she could read an entire story on her own now with no help, and nine-year-old Ilka had shyly informed Strobel that Father Jonas at church had taught her to play a song on the piano and had the Professor ever seen a grand piano?

Andras, meanwhile, spent most of the meal in taciturn silence, occasionally casting worried glances in Strobel’s direction. There was an almost palpable air of anxiety around him, and when the last of the goulash had been eaten Strobel fully expected him to flee like a frightened rabbit. From the look on Mrs. Király’s face, however, it was clear that this was not an option.

“Girls, you will please help your father with the dishes now,” she said briskly. “Andras, you will go and get Clara.”

“Who is Clara?” Strobel inquired, raising an eyebrow.

“Clara is my violin,” Andras replied, a bright red flush spreading across his high cheekbones. “That’s what Mr. Batori called her...it. He taught me to play, only he died last month, so I have Clara now.”

Strobel nodded sympathetically. “My condolences, young man. If you don’t think you can play…”

“No, I suppose I’d better, if Ma says so.” Andras let out a long-suffering sigh and rose from the table. “Excuse me for a moment.”

He returned a moment later with a violin that, while it had clearly seen better days, was undoubtedly high-quality—whoever this Mr. Batori was, he must have been a professional. Without ceremony, Andras lifted the instrument to his chin and began to play.

The piece was one of Bach’s sonatas and a devilishly tricky one at that, though Andras didn’t seem particularly worried. Indeed, the minute he’d started playing, the panicky, awkward boy faded away to be replaced with something entirely different, someone who knew exactly what he was doing. A true artist.

And Strobel, who had seen so many auditions and met so many gifted young people, felt a familiar prickle of excitement, knowing exactly what he was confronted with.

Talent. Pure talent.

...

After a brief and quiet conversation with Mrs. Király, Professor Strobel left his card and the address where he was staying and returned to his hotel in high spirits. A prodigy, by God, a genuine prodigy! Certainly, perhaps he was starting a bit late—Liszt had given his first concert at the age of nine—but after all, sixteen was still young. A nice young lad like that could go very far, given the right support. The Királys would make the right decision, naturally. They had to.

Upon returning to his hotel the next evening, Strobel was surprised to see young Andras waiting for him; not with his mother, whom Strobel had expected to see, but entirely alone. 

“Professor,” he said. “Could we talk?”

Strobel nodded and ushered the boy upstairs to his room, where Andras perched on one of the chairs looking highly uncomfortable.

“What can I help you with, my lad?”

“Well,” Andras said hesitantly. “Ma says you want me to go to that fancy school, in Vienna.”

“Indeed I do. It would be exactly what you need, in my opinion.”

“That’s kind of you, Professor. I know Ma wants me to go, she’s been talking about it with Pa all day, and I’m very grateful, but I…” He took a deep breath. “I can’t go.”

“Can’t?” Strobel frowned. Had he not made it clear to Anna that there was no reason to fuss over money, that there were scholarship funds for this sort of thing? “Why on earth not?”

“Professor, you came to our home. You saw we have no money.” Andras’ German was good, schoolboy-correct, though his accent was considerably more distinct when he was upset—which he clearly was now.  “If I stay here, I can get a job in a factory or a shop, help my sisters. I can’t send money home if I am at music school.”

Strobel was not a temperamental man, but at this, he nearly could have thrown something. “Andras, how old are you? Sixteen, your mother said?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Nearly an adult, then. So I will speak to you as an adult. You are a fool, young man, for thinking that getting a job in a factory will help your family more than your getting a free education. Do you think I would be offering you a scholarship, to one of the finest conservatories in Europe, if I didn’t think it would be worth my while? Now, I cannot guarantee you professional success,” Strobel admitted. “It’s a tricky business, music. But I can tell you now that even a poor violinist in Vienna will be able to help his family more than a factory worker in Pest. And furthermore, if anyone who can play the violin like you decides to work in a factory or a shop, you may as well spit in the gods’ faces. It is unacceptable.”

“Oh.” Andras blinked, evidently somewhat taken aback. “I did not think of it like that.”

Strobel sighed, passing a hand over his brow. “I apologize if I was too forceful. But really, there is only one question that matters here. Do you want to study at the Academy?”

Andras hesitated, tapped his fingers together awkwardly, ran a hand through his already wild hair—and then nodded. 

“Good,” said Strobel. “Then there is nothing more to be said on the subject.” He smiled and gently patted the boy on his shoulder. “You will do well for yourself, I think, Master Király. And believe me, I am someone who should know.”

[variantia]

BELLUM.   once again @anarchyhorde has made me write something incredibly angsty with my own two hands

COME HATE ME !!!

-

HURTS

God, it hurts.

When Elsa drifts back into consciousness, she’s staring at the bright white lights of a hospital room.

They’re fuzzy, just like her mind. It’s the familiar dizzying, floating, blocking feeling of heavy painkillers. A feeling like if she closed her eyes, she could easily just fall back asleep.

But… wait. She hasn’t been asleep, has she? If she were just asleep, she would be at home in bed. Instead she’s in the hospital, having apparently been sedated.

She rolls her head slightly to the side, and a familiar face slowly comes into view. “H… Hawks…?”

“— Elsa? Shit, thank God.” The winged hero looks down at her for a moment; try as he might to conceal any deeper feelings, concern is etched on his face, plain to her simply because she knows him so well. “Some good luck that you woke up while I’m here. How you feeling?”

“Like some jerk gave me a cookie and forgot to tell me there was pot in it,” she mumbles dryly, trying to push herself up a little. The bed’s reclined some already, but she just feels like she has to move. Her muscles are so stiff. “Think I’m coming out of it, though. Mostly I’m just sleepy. Was… was I in a coma…?”

Hawks sucks in a breath through his teeth, waving his hand in a so-so motion. “A little one.”

“How can you be in a little — aah!” A sharp cry cuts her off when she sits too far, her arm immediately pressed against her chest. “… Dammit. How many ribs did I break?”

“Just one, I think they said. But to be fair,” he hums, “it’s not like you broke ‘em. I, uh, I doubt it anyway. Watchwoman said she found you passed out and bleeding in an alley when you didn’t report back from your patrols.” He scratches at the back of his neck, frowning. “You… remember what happened or anything?”

A few memories come back. Like everything else right now, they’re kind of hazy, yet definitely unmistakable. “Yes… sort of. I… I think a villain attacked me.”

The only thing that keeps him from being too shocked is that it’s probably the answer he expected. Unfortunately, it’s the biggest occupational hazard they have as heroes. “Get a good look at the guy? … Or gal? Or, uh, y’know—”

One thing that doesn’t change is that when she raises her hand, the response is silence. “Not the best look, but I could probably identify him. I can’t remember what kind of Quirk he had. Just tell everyone that they’ll be looking for a short man with long red hair, probably in his 20s.”

“Gotcha.” If that’s what she has, that’s what they’ll work with, so he pulls out his phone to get messages going. “I’ll put it out to police and the other heroes who were in the area.”

Elsa is about to close her eyes again when a thought occurs to her. “Wait, wait, Hawks. What day is… how… long was I out?”

The weary look in his eyes makes it clear that he knows where she’s going with this. “’Bout a week.”

She groans and puts a hand over her face, making herself wince when she feels the IV line tugging at that hand. “Now that I’m awake, when can I leave?”

His wings shift, a noise that sounds so loud among the monitors beeping. And he sighs. “Let me get these texts sent. Then we’ll get the doctor and see if they can clear you for release anytime soon. Then I will take you to see Jin. But if you want my opinion—”

“I really don’t, kylling-engel.”

“— Okay, ice queen, I was gonna be nice and give you half an hour with him, but you just bumped yourself down to fifteen minutes. You need to take care of yourself before you worry about him.”

He doesn’t look at her, specifically because he knows he doesn’t want to see that crushed look on her face. “Easy for you to say. If I could flip a switch that turns my feelings off, I would. Taking care of myself and taking care of him aren’t mutually exclusive.”

His hand raises up in a placating, defensive gesture that very obviously means he’s going to drop the subject because he’s not in the mood to fight about it. It’s not a statement he agrees with, when it comes to Elsa, but he supposes she knows her own limits and ability to balance better than he does, and the stress of him arguing with her about it is something she doesn’t need right now. “If you say so. I’ll go find the doctor and we’ll see about getting you outta here.”

“… Thank you.” Before he puts his hand back down, she reaches to take it. A gentle squeeze that tells him she appreciates everything he’s doing for her. That she knows he’s just trying to look out for her. “You’re the best.”

Though he grins, it’s a tired sort of expression. He’s trying, at least. “Yeah, I know. Return the favor once in a while, wouldja?” he teases, and gives her hand a squeeze of his own before heading off into the hallway.

She takes a deep breath, relaxing back against her pillows, and stares up at the lights.

Hang on, Jin. I’ll be back soon.

-

“She’s not coming. Would you shut — yes, she is. She’s… she’s just running late. That’s it. She got… tied up with work. No, she doesn’t want to come anymore. No… she’s gonna be here. Why would she just stop coming all of a sudden? Because she got sick of pretending she likes me! Damn hero thinks she can just switch…! Shut up, shut up! She’s coming! She wouldn’t just stop coming! I’m an idiot! To think I actually wanted to trust her again, and she hasn’t been here in a FUCKING WEEK!”

If any of the guards are close enough to hear Jin arguing with himself, or watching the video feed of his room, they probably think he’s nuts.

But more than anything, he’s frustrated and hurt. He’s spent a couple of months now unsure about whether he can actually trust Elsa again. Even though he wants to, this is the millionth time he’s been stabbed in the back and he’s just tired of it. There’s that little spark that tells him he can trust her, he probably should trust her, because she’s stuck around. If all she wanted was to turn him in, she would have done it and moved on with her life and stopped bothering with him. Right?

She didn’t. She’s been here every other day if she can, maybe every three days if she’s been really busy. She comes even when she looks exhausted from work, even after long days that drain her, even when she doesn’t look like she’s feeling her best. She hasn’t just stopped coming to see him… even when he doesn’t always talk to her, or when he’s very clearly angry, or when he’s having a bad day. Getting up and leaving him regardless of what’s going on, unless the guards tell her gently that it’s probably time for her to head out for now, just isn’t something she does.

It’s taking time, but that little ray of light is trying to take hold. Her consistent refusal to give up on him is wearing him down and he doesn’t think he has it left in him to fight her anyway.

Even so, the doubt is beginning to try and crush that small bit of hope. It’s been a whole week since the last time she was here. That’s never happened before. It’s never been longer than a few days.

He tries to think back to the last time she was here. If there was something he said or did or didn’t say or didn’t do that made her decide she didn’t want to see him again. That she was just done with him.

Despite the fact that he can’t really come up with anything like that, he still thinks it must have been something. Is it better this way, then, if she pretends they never were friends at all? If they don’t talk.

“She… she has to be coming. I’m not gonna hold my breath.”

It hurts.

God, it hurts.

[worryinglyinnocent]

Fic: Pure (14/14)

Summary: Belle wanted to wait until marriage before she had sex for the first time. It was the one thing that still stuck in her mind after leaving her small town upbringing steeped in religious doctrine and abstinence culture. When her wedding night comes, however, the purity ideals of Storybrooke’s sex education are hard to shake off, and making the transition from virgin to sexually active is more difficult than she anticipated. With the help of a patient husband, Belle begins an intimate journey into understanding her body, her desires, and her identity as a woman.

Rated: E

======

[One] [Two] [Three] [Four] [Five] [Six] [Seven] [Eight] [Nine] [Ten] [Eleven] [Twelve] [Thirteen] [AO3]

======

Pure

Fourteen

After everything that had happened the last time she had been in Storybrooke, and after it had taken her so long to recover from it, Belle thought she could be forgiven for feeling a little trepidation about setting foot there again. She couldn’t miss Rory’s wedding, not when she had spent so long on her gift, but at the same time, she couldn’t help wishing that her friend had decided to elope to Hawai’i instead of getting married in the local church.

She glanced over at Aiden as they passed the ‘Welcome to Storybrooke’ sign, and he gave her an encouraging smile. They’d chosen to stay at the hotel out of town where they’d had their reception and wedding night; even though the memories of that night were still a little sour at times, the alternative was staying at the inn, which Belle knew would be even worse.

“We’ll be ok,” he said. “If anyone starts giving you any grief, we can just leave.”

“I can’t just leave Rory on her wedding day.”

“Belle, if everything goes according to plan, she should be far more concerned with being married and enjoying the party than the fact that two of her guests have gone missing. I may only have met her in person about three times, but out of all Storybrooke’s residents, she definitely seems the least likely to kick up a fuss and the most likely to completely understand why you can’t stand to be in the same room as your father or several nuns.”

“Yeah, I guess you’re right.”

They had reached the town proper by this point, and the car slowed to a crawl as Aiden picked his way through the streets that were unfamiliar to him, but that Belle had walked so many times she could find her way through them blindfold.

“Where are we going?”

“Rory’s at the inn with her mum getting ready,” Belle said. “Then the wedding’s at the church. I can find my own way there if you drop me at the diner. It’s nice enough weather to walk.”

The day had dawned cool, but sunny, and it looked like it was going to be the perfect weather for a wedding.

“If you’re sure you’ll be ok on your own.”

Belle nodded. “Yes, I’ll be fine.” Although she was still seeing Dr Hopper every couple of months, the therapy had helped her out enormously and she knew that no matter what happened today, she’d be able to get through it and come out the other side stronger, and with Aiden waiting to kiss all her cares away.

They pulled up outside the diner, closed for the occasion since all the staff would be at the wedding, and Belle leaned over to kiss Aiden before she got out. The kiss ended up taking slightly longer than she’d bargained for; once she’d started she didn’t want to let him go. Eventually he pulled away.

“Go on, off with you. We’ll be late at this rate and that’s bad form in any town, not just this one.”

Belle gave a huff of laughter and got out, slipping round the back of the diner to the inn. There was no one on the reception desk, so she just went straight up to the rooms.

Finding Rory was easy – the entire corridor was a bustle of activity with bridesmaids in various states of dress and dishevelment running around, going in and out of rooms. Belle made her way down to the last door on the corridor, wedged open. Rory was sitting in front of the glass whilst Madame Georgette did her hair, prattling on about curls and waves and hairspray. Perhaps the presence of Rory’s mother in the background fussing over the flowers was enough to stop her launching into her spiel on waxing, or maybe that had already happened.

Rory broke into a huge grin on seeing Belle peer around the door, and she batted Madame Georgette away from her head, getting up and coming over to her.

“Belle! I’m so glad that you could come. I’d have completely understood if you didn’t want to come back after, well, you know.”

“Rory, it’s your wedding, I couldn’t miss it for the world.” She paused. “I’ve got a gift for you. I know that traditionally you give them at the reception, but I wanted to give this one now.” She looked up and down the corridor. “Is there anywhere that we can go in private to talk? I swear it’ll only take a moment.”

“Of course!” Rory left the room, ignoring her mother’s protests and Georgette’s twittering about her hair only being half set, and they ducked into the next room. The bridesmaid occupying it was happy to vacate, and Rory closed the door behind her.

“So, what’s the gift?”

Belle held out the notebook that she’d spent the last few months compiling with Aiden and Dr Hopper’s help. It was wrapped in shiny paper and looked entirely inconspicuous.

“You might not want to open it now whilst your mum’s around, but open it before tonight,” she said. “It’s for you and Philip. I don’t know whether it’ll be useful for you or not, but I know that I would have killed for something like it when I got married.” She sighed. “There’s so much that they don’t tell us and yet expect us to know. I mean, you saw me after Dad’s heart attack. You kind of know what went on. That was just the culmination of a lot of things, and I know that I could have saved so much pain if I’d known then what I know now. When I got your invitation, I knew that I wanted to save you that pain too. So…” She spread her hands with a shrug. “I really hope it helps you.”

“What even is it, Belle? I mean, I can hazard a guess.”

“Just some things that I wish I’d known before my own wedding night. And some, well, I suppose you’d call them tips for a happy and healthy marriage.”

Rory smiled, and Belle knew that she understood.

“Thank you, Belle.”

Belle left her to get ready and began to make her way to the church to reunite with Aiden. Even if nothing came of it, she knew that she’d done the right thing. It would never make up for her own experiences, but if it could someone else, then that was enough.

X

The reception was in full swing and everyone seemed to be enjoying themselves, including Aurora and Philip, which was a very good sign. Aiden was off at the bar getting refills for them both, and having his ear talked off by old Mrs Schuhmann into the bargain. Belle was about to go and rescue him before he died of boredom when someone hailed her.

“Mrs Gold. We haven’t seen you in these parts for quite some time.”

Belle turned on hearing the Mother Superior’s voice. This was the moment that she had been dreading. She knew that Mother Superior was going to be at the wedding; she was Rory’s boss after all, and in a place like Storybrooke it really paid to keep the boss sweet by inviting them to important social gatherings like your wedding. She had been going over all kinds of coping strategies for getting through the confrontation, but in the face of the nun’s deceptively kind expression masking nasty, vindictive eyes, they all flew clean out of her head, and she was left with nothing.

“You know, you should visit more often,” Mother Superior continued. “Your father hasn’t been the same since his heart attack, he could really do with some help around the house. One would hate to think that you were actively avoiding your duties as a daughter.”

Something inside Belle snapped; icy cold, logical rage flooded through her veins like an emergency glowstick suddenly giving off an intense beam of light.

“My father made it clear to me when I was last here that he no longer considers me to be his daughter since my marriage,” she said coolly. “I can be a good and dutiful little daughter, or I can be a good and dutiful little wife. Apparently in this town, it’s impossible to be both.”

“How is your husband?” The Mother Superior changed the subject seamlessly, leaving Belle even angrier. She had wanted to say more, but before she could launch into a tirade – even though she wasn’t entirely sure what she’d say if she did – something stopped her. She’d had the last word on the matter, after all, and there was no use in flogging a dead horse. If all she had to do was match wits with the Mother to get her to change the subject when it became too difficult for her to defend her ridiculous position, then all she had to do was keep matching her.

“He’s very well, thank you. He’s right over there by the bar, you can ask him yourself, but I know how scandalous it would be for a virtuous lady of the cloth to be seen talking to a man.”

The Mother Superior scowled, but she didn’t rise to the challenge.

“Still no children on the horizon, I see.”

“Not at all. We’ve very much enjoyed living in sin for this past year. It’s been most thrilling. But then, you wouldn’t know, would you?”

“You are a wicked, wicked woman, Mrs Gold.”

“Interesting. Aiden said that just last night. Of course, my mouth was full at the time so I couldn’t really respond.” Belle grinned. She was actually quite enjoying this.

“You’ll go to hell for this.”

“What, making small talk at a wedding or worshipping my husband on my knees? That’s even in the marriage vows. With my body I thee worship, and all that?” Belle shrugged. “Whatever. At least I’ll be in good company down there.”

“Have you no shame at all?”

“No. Because since our last conversation, Mother Superior, I have come to a profound conclusion. It took me a long time to come to it, because what you said hurt me so badly that I needed professional help to come back from it, but ultimately, I don’t care what you think of me. Your opinion means absolutely nothing to me. You can think me indecent, immoral, a whore. It doesn’t matter. I know I’m not, and Aiden knows I’m not, and we both know that there is nothing wrong or shameful about our sex life. So no, I have no shame. Not for you. Your opinion of me isn’t worth my time or worry. Enjoy your evening.”

She gave a little bow and went over to the bar, clutching her purse with white knuckles to stop her hands from shaking. She didn’t even know where that speech had come from; as liberating as it had been at the time, she couldn’t believe that she had actually said those things. A small part of her was worried about the consequences, before she firmly told herself that she didn’t care. What could Mother Superior do to hurt her now? Her words meant nothing; Belle had already worked too hard to make them mean nothing for them to have an impact now.

“Are you ok?” Aiden asked. “What can I get you to drink? You look like you could use one, no offence.”

Belle nodded eagerly. “Gin. Lots of it, and neat. Maybe just give me the entire bottle.”

Aiden raised an eyebrow and ordered her a gin and tonic. “I don’t want to scrape you off the floor at the end of the night, and I know that you hate neat gin. So, what’s brought on this sudden need for strong spirits?”

“Nothing. Well, nothing bad. I think I’m having an out-of-body experience. I just told off Mother Superior.”

Aiden just stared at her and passed her the gin and tonic when it arrived.

“Good for you,” he said eventually, still looking like he was having a bit of trouble taking in what she’d just said. “I’m sorry, did you say that you’d told off Mother Superior?”

“Yes. I told her that the entire reason my married life started out so fucked over was her fault and that I didn’t care what she thought of me. It was incredibly liberating. I think that Dr Hopper would be proud of me.”

“I’m sure he would be. Forget him, though, I’m proud of you.” He wrapped his arm around her and kissed her full on the mouth, a more daring kiss than Belle would ever have managed in Storybrooke before. She relaxed into it completely, bringing her arms up to curl around his neck. It was a wedding, a celebration of love. Why shouldn’t she kiss her husband? If nothing else, if Rory and Philip were watching, then it would give them an excellent example.

Belle knew that she couldn’t change Storybrooke’s mindset overnight; everything had been too ingrained for too long for that. But, maybe, if she could change at least one person’s mind, then that would make a difference. If she could help Rory get the best start in married life, then she could perhaps save Rory the same heartache she’d been through herself, and she could hope that any kids Rory and Philip had would not suffer in the same way their mother had done.

“Belle!”

Speaking of Rory, though, the bouncing bride was pushing through the other guests towards her, a huge grin on her face. Belle pulled away from Aiden to accept Rory’s hug.

“Oh Belle, thank you. We just snuck a look at your gift under the table. It’s great.” There was a fierce red blush rising in Rory’s cheeks, and Belle politely chose to put it down to the crush of people in the room making the temperature rise by several degrees. “Thank you so much. I’m so sorry that you went through what you did, though.”

“It’s ok. If I can channel that into helping you avoid the same thing, then that’s enough for me. I really hope it will help.”

“I’m sure it will.” Rory finally released Belle and turned to Aiden. “And thank you, too, for all the help that you gave Belle, and that you’re inadvertently giving me. I’m so glad that she found you.” She paused. “I’m so glad that I found Philip, to be honest. I think we were both as nervous as each other about tonight. It’s really taken the pressure off a bit.”

Belle smiled. “Just enjoy the learning curve, and don’t pay the blindest bit of attention to what Mother Superior might say about it.”

“I’ll take that under advisement.”

They exchanged another hug, and then Rory went off to find her husband. Belle took a long sip of her gin and tonic and leaned into Aiden’s side with a satisfied sigh.

“I think they’ll be ok,” she said. “They’re both sensible. Philip’s really sweet, I’ve known him since high school. I trust him not to do anything that Rory’s not ready for. In fact, I think that she might be more ready than he is, at this rate.”

Aiden just chuckled, and he kissed her cheek. “How are you holding up yourself?” he asked. “Telling off Mother Superior aside, there are a lot of other people here.”

Belle looked around the room at all the other guests. Her father was suspiciously absent, but she found that she didn’t really miss him. She would go and see him whilst she was in town, but it would only be a short visit. As great as it had been to tell off Mother Superior, she wasn’t in the right frame of mind to have such a discussion with her father yet. It would be a while before she felt like she could confront him properly about the things that he’d said and the way that he’d hurt her so badly. She knew that she’d get there in the end; it wasn’t like there was a time limit on healing and recovery.

“I’m ok,” she said. “Better than I expected to be, really. I’m so glad that you’re here, I don’t think that I would have had the courage to come without you.”

“I’ll always be here whenever you need me.”

“I know. That’s one of the many reasons why I love you so much.” Belle sighed and took another long glug of her drink, finishing it. “I don’t think anyone would notice if we slipped away. I’ve spoken to Rory, and I don’t think that there’s anyone else here with whom I’m desperate to have a conversation. Shall we go?”

“I’m happy to make a move if you are. I don’t want to cut your fun short.”

Belle raised an eyebrow. “I think that calling it fun would be a bit of a stretch. I’m enjoying myself, but I can think of quite a few things that I would rather be doing. Also, they don’t make decent tea here and I really fancy a cup right now.”

Aiden took that as his cue, and together they left the function room, making their way back to the car. The drive back to their hotel was a quiet one, but it was not at all tense, the opposite of the journey into town. Every few seconds Belle would sneak a glance at Aiden, and she couldn’t help but smile every time. She loved him so much, and she’d had more than enough proof over the course of their relationship that he loved her back just as much.

They got back to their room and Aiden set about making tea for the both of them, letting Belle take off her shoes and stockings and get comfortable on the bed. The perfect time to voice the question that she’d been wanting to ask him all evening was now nearly upon her, and she decided to go for it.

“Aiden, I’ve been thinking.”

“Yes?” He brought over her tea and settled on the bed next to her.

“I’ve been thinking about this for a while now, but I never really said anything because having thought about it so much, I always came to the conclusion that I wasn’t ready, and there was no point in bringing it up only to immediately shut it down again.”

“No… Whatever it is, you do have a point there.”

“I was thinking about Mother Superior earlier, and her being on at me about not having had kids yet.”

“Belle, I thought…”

“No, no, hear me out here. I’ve been thinking about this for ages, for way longer than just since this afternoon. And you know that I don’t care about what she thinks. I think my words to her this afternoon proved that. But I was thinking… What if we did start having sex with the intention of making a baby?”

“Oh Belle, my love.” Aiden reached across to cup her cheek, kissing her forehead gently. “My darling, you’ve always known that I would love to have children with you, but I don’t want you to feel like you have to have them.”

“I know. And I don’t. I think I did before. After Dad’s heart attack and everything else that happened the last time we were here, I felt like I probably ought to have a baby just to appease everyone, because that was what married people did. They got married and then they had kids, it was just the natural cycle of things and I thought my life would be so much easier if I had a baby. I thought everyone would stop judging me. But back then I knew that I wasn’t ready for it. And it’s only recently that I’ve thought actually, maybe I am ready for it. Actually, there’s no ‘maybe’ about it. I am ready. I want to be a mum, for no one’s sake but my own. Not because people are expecting it of me, but because I just want it for me. For us. So…” She leaned in and brushed her lips against his. “What do you say?”

Aiden didn’t reply. He pulled her in for a deep kiss, carding one hand into her hair whilst the other took her mug of tea and set it down on the nightstand so that he could push her back against the pillows.

“I love you,” he said eventually.

Belle giggled. “I love you too. I take it that’s a yes, then.”

“Yes. Yes, yes, I would love to have a baby with you, my darling Belle.” He began kissing his way down her neck, sliding his hands beneath her to fumble for her zip and Belle laughed, pushing him off her so that she could sit up and take matters into her own hands, shimmying out of her dress and pulling him back down, revelling in his kisses and nips and licks all over her chest, his tongue darting out to lap at her pebbled nipples through her blue lace bra.

“Easy tiger,” she murmured. “We can’t get started yet, I’m still on birth control.”

Aiden looked up at her and shrugged nonchalantly. “It might take us a few goes to get it right. We need all the practice we can get.”

Belle just laughed. “Well, if we are having a practice run, then you are wearing far too many clothes, my wonderful husband.” She pushed him up and got started on his waistcoat buttons whilst Aiden wrestled himself out of his jacket and tie. Although Belle had always enjoyed the act of undressing him, right now they both felt the same urgency. There would be plenty more opportunities for them to take their time in the future. After all, as Aiden said, they were going to need a lot of practice.

Once they were both naked, Aiden pulled Belle back in for another kiss, rolling them over so that she was on top. Despite her misgivings about the position when they had first begun to try it, it had quickly become one of Belle’s favourites, making her feel like she was in control, an active participant in the proceedings rather than just a spread-eagled ceiling watcher. She giggled, reaching down between them to take Aiden’s half-hard cock and stroke him a couple of times.

“God, Belle.” He threw head back against the pillows with a groan. “Oh my, love, if you keep that up I will not be good for anything, and the making of babies generally benefits from the father to be coming on the inside.”

Belle shrugged, continuing to touch him. “It’s a practice run,” she said. “We’ve got plenty of time to make all sorts of mistakes.”

“In that case, I look forward to the many mistakes we’ll make along the way. All the same though, I think that after everything you’ve survived today, and after how wonderfully brave and badass you’ve been, you deserve a little more care and attention.”

Aiden brought his hand down to comb through her curls, finding her slit and slipping a finger between her folds to touch languidly at her clit, circling the bud as it swelled and dipping down to pet at her entrance, where her warm fluids were already beginning to gather.

“You are extraordinary,” he murmured. “I’ll never get over just how extraordinary you are.”

He brought his fingers up to his mouth, licking her essence off them, and Belle wriggled at the loss of his touch. He might have wanted to take his time with her, but the heat was rising in her veins and she wanted him right now.

“Touch me, Aiden,” she moaned. “Please. I want you.” It felt so good to say it, to mean it, and to feel no shame at all from it. “I want you.”

“Then your wish is my command.” Soon enough his hand was back between her legs, touching her in just the right way to make her fall apart. Belle groaned, her hips rolling in time with the gentle thrusting of his fingers in and out of her as his thumb worked at her clit. She collapsed down onto him as she came, burying her face in against his chest, and he held her close.

“I love you,” she murmured. “Especially when you do things like that.”

“That’s good, because I very much enjoy doing things like that.” Aiden’s voice was husky and full of promise, and Belle knew that the night was only just getting started. She intended to enjoy it to the full, and once coherent thought had returned to her, she slipped her hand back down between them to find Aiden’s cock again, lining him up and sinking down onto him as he pushed up towards her.

She’d been so afraid of it hurting, but now she loved the feeling of being joined like this, and she began to move, a slow rocking of her hips at first, getting quicker and quicker until she was panting, sweat beginning to bead on her skin.

Sex wasn’t perfect; it wasn’t wonderfully special or magical and it wasn’t dirty and sinful. It was just… fun. There was no morality attached to it. No matter what they might get up to between the sheets, whether it was hard and fast and desperate like this or their long, languid lovemaking sessions in the dead of night, Belle knew that it was always enjoyable, and that she should feel no shame in that enjoyment.

Aiden came with a shout, his fingers digging into her waist, and Belle smiled.

She was definitely no longer a virgin, but the more that she thought about it, the more that it didn’t matter. Whether she had sex or not, that wasn’t what defined her. Sex was something she did, it wasn’t who she was. She was so much more than what her genitals were up to.

She knew that, and Aiden knew that, and even though it had taken her a long time to accept it, she had never felt as peaceful as she did now.

Belle let Aiden’s softening cock slip out of her and leaned in to kiss him again, feeling his hands come up to tangle in her hair.

Married life was absolutely wonderful.

[letterstosestrilles]

Dear Tyko,

Caystone's mysteries only seem to be getting deeper—which, after only a day in town, is only to be expected, it's just intimidating. I know you'll hardly have had time to read the last one before you get this, but I'm not exactly a professional detective with a notebook to get all my theories straight, so for better or worse, you're serving that purpose.

We didn't spend too much more time at the Morley household; our conversation with the rest of the family barely took as much time as our conversation with Edmur alone. They all seem tired, and tired of being asked the same questions by too many investigators, and I think they're balanced on the knife edge of knowing everything so well at this point that they've done half the investigating for us and having told it so much that it's all starting to blur together and small useful details might be getting left out. They don't have the password for her computer, and are going to see if they can come up with some ideas about it. There seems to be a variety of opinions about how tied into the town's mysteries Rowan's disappearance is, and whether there are really any mysteries at all. Sendra, the oldest daughter of the house, pretty clearly doesn't think there's magic going on, and she and Alder, the next oldest child, didn't live at home when it happened. Tomes did, and seems to be closest to Rowan, and we haven't met the youngest yet, since Erith was still in school while we were there.

The questions we asked mostly got inconclusive answers: if she's interacted with anyone else who's bound up with these mysteries, her family has no idea about it, for instance. They've never talked about them with her, so they don't know her opinions on them, and Anet, one of her mothers, doesn't think she's likely to have started investigating them on her own. Though, well—you know if there are any local mysteries, adolescents tend to spend at least a little time thinking about them. It's not like you and I ever went looking in the bridge maintenance tunnels for strange beasts like some did, but we knew the rumors, and we spent time with our friends batting theories back and forth. We just didn't bother talking about them with Alion and Tiriel, because we didn't want the fun stopped by adult logic. So we're hoping to talk to the friends she saw that morning, in case they've got different answers.

I also asked, to prepare myself for non-magical problems, what her wilderness skills are like, if she's ever taken an interest in survival, camping, that kind of thing. While she knows basic water safety, with a lake and a river so close by, and knows the basics of looking for help, they don't think she knows much more than that. (I think they thought I was accusing them of not preparing her well enough, though they'd have no reason to teach her more, I'll have to see if that needs smoothing over.) It's been four months, so if she did just fall through into the cave system, or tip into the river, one would think she would have been found by now if she were still alive, but I do want to know just how much hope she has.

It's still worth looking. If we find her body … I can't finance it on my own, but if her family can and will, I think I've done enough studying that given the materials, I could cast Resurrection. I haven't told them that, I don't want their hopes up or down or anything like that, but you know I've been studying that kind of magic. It's a worthy use, to give a seventeen-year-old girl a chance to live. I'm just hoping it's unnecessary, and that she's somewhere safe enough to be rescued. Some of these people who disappear come back, after all.

We left the Morleys after they assured us several times that we can come back to ask them anything we feel necessary, and chatted a little on our way back to town. We both agree that tomorrow we should spend some time getting to know the lay of the land—particularly the path where Rowan disappeared and some of the hazards, the lake and the river and the waterfall and the cave system, mostly. (Which later on we decided was even more important. I'll get there in a moment, though.)

After a bit of debate about who to speak to next, we decided to try Anneth Spery, who Lasym Aner told us stumbled across a treasure about five years ago, and who seems to be on the good side of these reversals of fortune. We were a little worried that maybe people with good fortune would be less willing to talk about it, but it seemed worth a try.

She's got a lovely house with a view of the river, and seemed baffled and wary but willing to speak to us when she answered the door. She showed us in to her kitchen, where she had some coffee (and offered us some but it was a dreadfully awkward visit and anyway I'd had more than enough tea at the Morley house just for something to do with my hands), and we talked.

Anneth is a very interesting person (and gnomish, so we got to sit in sensibly-sized chairs, thank goodness), and I'm still deciding what to make of her. The impression I get is that she's shrewd and slow to trust and sees and knows a lot more than she lets on, but that she's a good person who doesn't want to see anyone hurt, and who constantly is balancing to see the compromise where all those things can meet.

Our conversation was … alarming. Not that she was threatening, or anything like it, but she introduced so many questions and implied answers to so many others that it was hard to keep up. She was, after a little bit of saying that she wasn't sure how her fortune might possibly be tied to the disappearance of a young girl, willing to tell us some things on the chance. What she found was a cache, from a long time ago, mostly gems and old coins—it may have belonged to adventurers, or to pirates, or to traders, but there were no claims on it, and she stumbled on it, so it's hers. And she stumbled on it because she takes walks in the hills and forests around Caystone, and on one particular day, she decided to explore a region she'd been in before a little more deeply, and there it was.

(I'm not fool enough to think that's the whole story, and she said it was all just feelings, what she wanted to do, but I don't think she was as guileless as that, either.)

She marked the general area of the cache on our map, and it's nowhere near where Rowan is assumed to have disappeared, but it's still good to have the area. She also spent a good amount of time telling us that if we went out to that area, it would be good to stay on the animal trails, so either there are some hazards, or there's something else to that. It's easy enough to see that Maliah's got enough wilderness experience to keep us reasonably safe and oriented, which makes me wonder about all of it even more.

By then, it was clear she was talking around something, that our questions had brought something up for her that she was wrestling with. Maliah, and then I when she seemed dubious about Maliah's attempt, assured her that we wanted to hear what she had to say, and when it became obvious that it was something about the Morleys that she wanted to say, that finding Rowan is more important to us than getting pay.

Anneth asked a few more questions first—whether we were sure Rowan hadn't run away (as sure as we can be, for the moment, unless her friends change our opinion of the case radically), what the mood at the Morley house is like (tired and worried, defensive about some questions, but helpful), and whether they seem hopeless (I don't think hopeless people offer to finance adventurers to find their missing children four months after they're gone). Then, after a silence, and a lot of considering us, she came out with a rather extraordinary speech.

Probably half the people in town don't believe in these coincidences and pieces of luck as anything connected, she said, and of those that do, a lot of them aren't going to talk—quite likely, she implied, because if they came into good luck, they don't want to risk it being taken away. And that she doesn't know anything about the Morleys, but that local myths and legends, they do talk a lot about luck, and that there are ways to bring it to yourself. Children's rhymes talk about “fey rings and clever things” and about “dreams and wishes and goblins' whispers” as the kinds of things whatever's in control of this luck likes to be offered as tribute, and the water, the lake and the river, are often involved in those. When I asked if she'd had dreams and wishes and goblins' whispers on the day she found the treasure, she said something about not that day, but others, that makes me think she knows even more but won't or can't let on more than she did (though she also made a point of saying she doesn't want her good luck at the expense of anyone else's hurt).

That gave us both plenty to think about. And, since she very pointedly hadn't accused the Morleys in a way that felt very damning, I asked how long they've been around—a long enough time to be a well-known name in the area, anyway.

We didn't stay long after that, and Maliah and I found a private place to digest all of that as best we could, since both of our heads were spinning (though she found the wherewithal to renew her insistence that she's terrible with people).

If nothing else, Anneth is a reminder that we can't take what anyone says at face value, not even when that anyone is paying us. I don't think the Morleys, or Rowan, made a wish or a dream for her to disappear—again, as Maliah pointed out, they wouldn't be paying us to find her if they did, unless it was one of the children too afraid to tell their parents. But Maliah also wondered if they could have made a wish a generation or two back, and this is an unexpected price coming for them (since, after all, a goblin's whisper doesn't seem like much of a price to pay for a lifetime of luck—which makes me wonder what Anneth Spery promised for her fortune). We're going to see if we can look into the Morleys' financial records, to see if their luck turned anytime in the last generation. We're also hoping to look into that for others in Aner's files. And we want to talk to some of the local elders, and to anyone who might know the full set of rhymes Anneth was quoting from, in case they hold any keys.

We're left in a puzzling spot. Tomorrow we're going to explore the area, but I don't know what answers we'll find. We're going to look at the path where Rowan disappeared, and everywhere else of interest. The water seems involved, but there are plenty of other settlements on this lake, so it might be the river, or the waterfall, or the place where the lake and river meet. And there are caves, and we've always had such good luck in caves and tunnels before, so I have a terrible feeling those are involved somehow. I do wonder if there's a water elemental around who might know something, or have sensed something, and apparently Squirt thinks some water elementals smell different from regular water, so he'll keep his nose to the ground about it as we explore.

And what are we left with? Luck, and something that can grant it and take it away. The granting it, those are all probably wishes, though I'd be very interested to know what prices people are paying. The bad luck, though, that's more worrisome—is that wishes gone wrong? People wishing bad luck on others? People offending some entity, unknowing or knowing, and the loss of luck being a punishment? And then what about the disappearances, Rowan and the Cingas who left and came back twenty years later, and other people too? Will Rowan show up in twenty years, having worked off some kind of debt on her own behalf or her family's? If people are buying luck on credit and their descendants are paying for it, that's not something we can let stand.

And then—this has started happening more and more in the past six months to a year. Why now? Are debts coming due at once, are people seeing their neighbors' luck change and realizing old legends are true, or is whatever is granting this luck more active now for some reason?

One day in, more questions than answers. Maliah and I had dinner in the common room of the inn we're staying in, checking on the local mood, but didn't see anything conclusive. People know we're here now, though, and I hope that if any of them have anything to say, they'll search us out. And if they don't, Lasym Aner gave us plenty of files, and we can always start going through them.

Looking at the time conversion, it's probably dawn there, which means I sent the last one while you were sleeping and you'll get these both at once. Sorry for all the chatter! I'll keep you updated whether you want me to or not, since you continue to fill the role of my detective's notebook.

Love,

Elyn

[unfortunate-stranger-losers]

What are your headcannons for the kids from the four main All the Wrong Questions series?

oh geez there are so many 

Lemony Snicket

Listen every character in the Snicketverse is autistic but Lemony? HIGH.KEY. This boy cannot stand sensory overload and also stims with verbal recitation. 

After several months in Stain’d-by-the-Sea, the Associates got used to him just showing up and taking food. He eventually stopped asking, and then eventually stopped using the door. Moxie has, more than once, come downstairs to find him sitting on her counter eating cereal. 

Beatrice snuck into town once to see how he was doing, saw him and Moxie trying to jump off the roof of the diner with a tablecloth parachute and Jake dragging them back and screaming, and she just turned right the fuck around and reported to their friends, “yeah he’s fine.” 

Kit made him promise not to tell Jacques that she was almost in jail. 

MODERN AU: Gets into twitter and tumblr fights with obvious trolls. Tried to call CPS on Theodora just to see what would happen. Can recite any “Unraveled” YouTube video on command. Has an extensive knowledge of Pokemon. 

Moxie Mallahan

listen this girl is a lesbian in denial and she wrote Ellington Feint a note that said “get out of my town” because she didn’t know what else to do

She always kinda knew that her Mother was never coming back for her, but she didn’t admit it aloud until after Lemony left. 

Moxie: I can eat ten marshmallows at once. Kellar: You are a hazard to yourself. Lemony: And a coward. Do twenty 

Moxie knows how to pick every kind of lock, and how to break into every window. She takes her journalism very seriously and will get the truth even if she has to flip the world off as she does it. 

MODERN AU: Blogger. Once spent a week straight putting together a project and then passed out for forty-eight hours. Still carries a typewriter with her everywhere. Had to physically stop Lemony from eating a tide pod. 

Ellington Feint 

Had literally no idea Lemony had a crush on her because she’s just that gay. 

Actually popped up around town inbetween books constantly, mainly to chill with Cleo, Jake, the Bellerophons, and even Ornette. They just all neglected to mention this to Lemony. 

She doesn’t remember anything about her mother. All she knows is what her father told her; that her mother used to make music boxes, loved coffee, and died in a fire. 

Goes through a huge rebel/outlaw phase after escaping with Kit, because she’s completely lost and has no idea what to do or who to trust; her own father never gave a shit about her, as she now knows, so how could anyone care? Eventually she made her way back to Stain’d-by-the-Sea, where Moxie found her crying in the attic of Black Cat Coffee and awkwardly invited her to live in the lighthouse. 

MODERN AU: Has been on the run from CPS for so fucking long. Quotes Gilmore Girls almost daily and will argue your ear off about why Rory/Paris should’ve been endgame. Once ate a tide pod. Cries while watching the Addams Family. 

Kellar Haines 

Even after the Train Incident, he basically lives with Moxie. He just can’t trust his Mom anymore, and while he claims otherwise, they didn’t really have a good relationship before then, either. Lizzie stays with him. 

His special interest is in codemaking. He would’ve been really valuable to VFD if he’d gotten recruited. As is, Moxie kicks the ass of anyone who tries to kidnap him, so he’s fine. 

He’s also super good at crafting, and can make really cool art projects whenever he has the time. Lizzie used to give him art supplies whenever she could, and still hangs his drawings on the lighthouse fridge. 

He just gets so tired of his friends’ shit. He’d be a Mom Friend if he made any effort to stop them but as is he just kinda watches crap go down. 

MODERN AU: Constantly goes to the movie theater just to chill. Addicted to YouTube. Is the only one of the squad not freaked out by the Watership Down movie. Asks existential questions at random to scare the squad and then immediately says “yeet” in a deadpan voice and throws Squeak across the room. 

Pip and Squeak Bellerophon 

They took over the taxi for their Dad when he fell ill. He died a few months later, and they kept claiming he was alive, in fear that they would get separated by whoever was in charge of their case. The only person they told is Jake, because he eventually followed them home to ask their Dad why the fuck he didn’t feed them and found that they were living alone, and Cleo, because Jake can’t keep secrets from her. 

Pip and Squeak used to fight a lot, though they never intended any real harm. They slowly stopped after they started living alone, and Pip started kinda taking charge of keeping him and Squeak safe. 

They used to be very tight with Qwerty, because they were constantly at the library. He suspected their situation, but never confirmed it and was alright just making sure the kids were okay. Squeak would sometimes climb on the bookshelves and knock them over, but thankfully Qwerty thought this was funny. 

Squeak likes to “adopt” stray animals he finds in the backyard. Whenever he walks in going “gUESS WHO OUR NEW SIBLING IS,” Pip has to guess whether he’s going to bring in an injured baby bunny he can nurse back to health, or a squirrrel he just caught who is still struggling and about to destroy half the house. 

MODERN AU: Pip has a Nintendo Switch that Squeak can only play Animal Crossing on. Squeak keeps posting photos on Instagram of him and Pip driving illegally but everyone thinks they’re edits. Squeak once very seriously told Pip that he would have to marry Jake so they could keep getting free food from him (before they found out he was dating Cleo). Have slept in library closets before and will again. 

Cleo Knight 

Identifies as Demi-bi. She and Jake met as preteens, when she wandered off and got lost, and went into the diner to use the phone and call Zada and Zora. Afterwards, she kept sneaking out to visit him. 

Was much closer to Zada and Zora than her parents. She used to hang out in the kitchen with them, laying on the counter and practicing calculations or studying advanced chemistry while they cooked. 

Also very very autistic. Can only eat certain things, because she has huge texture problems. Only Zada, Zora and Jake have ever gone out of their way to accommodate her without complaint. 

Is incredibly reckless and never thinks anything through. While everyone knows she can take care of herself, it’s still nerve-wracking to see her run out the window, leaving only a note saying she’ll be back in three hours after trying to find a chemical, and coming back covered in blood that’s not her own. 

MODERN AU: Was a Guardians of Ga’Hoole kid. Would exist on a diet of cheetos, cereal and sprite if not for her boyfriend. Once, Ornette helped her break out of the house to go to the movie theater to watch Lego Batman. Super into Stranger Things. 

Jake Hix 

Literally is the only reason the Associates are still alive. He gives them food and makes sure they don’t kill themselves doing some stupid reckless stuff. 

Surprisingly, though, Cleo has had to physically stop him from fistfighting S Theodora Markson, who keeps forgetting to feed her fucking apprentice

Jake: As soon as I hit 18 I’m adopting you. Pip and Squeak, not even glancing over: Lit. 

Has been in love with Cleo since they met. Since their relationship is technically “secret”, Hungry pretends not to notice, despite how increasingly obvious it gets. She knows she should technically discourage this, but he’s just. so in love. When he’s not working, he spends his time in him and Cleo’s garden. 

MODERN AU: Has threatened to put parental locks on Lemony and Moxie’s phones multiple times. Keeps quoting The Princess Bride at Cleo, to the annoyance of the other Associates around them. Actually super into Doctor Who. Also keeps beating everyone’s ass in Mario Kart. 

Ornette Lost 

Has never once understood what was going on, but honestly she just rolls with it. “Guess we’re doing this now? Okay.” 

Keeps bringing stray cats into her Uncles’ house and adopting them. She has twelve now. There is no stopping her. 

Super close with Cleo and Jake. Mainly because she doesn’t mind third-wheeling, and will just fold origami when she gets bored, but also because she’s pretty good at dropping life advice and also is shockingly hilarious. 

Lemony: Ornette. Why did the toaster blow up. Ornette: Hm?Lemony: Toaster. Blew up. Ornette: Oh. Yeah I blew it up Lemony: why Ornette:  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

MODERN AU: Very into anime, especially Fullmetal Alchemist. Lives on ice cream. Has OPINIONS on the Disney Reboots. She got expelled from school because she graffitied GAY RIGHTS on the side of the building, and then a couple of middle fingers. 

Lizzie Haines 

INCREDIBLY protective of Kellar. She had more part in raising him than their mother; she was reluctant to leave him for her apprenticeship, but he convinced her he’d be fine. 

Sharon was a huge perfectionist in regards to Lizzie’s talents and studies, so Lizzie always felt very distant from her. When she left for her apprenticeship, she ended up bonding with Sally Murphy, to the point where Lizzie saw her as more of a parent figure. 

Lizzie noticed suspicious activity going on around town, and started investigating, even though Sally didn’t think anything was wrong. Lizzie had a conspiracy board and everything. She was kidnapped just as she was piecing everything together. 

It took her quite a few months to break out, but once she did, she immediately went hardcore and figured out how best to knock people out and keep them away from her. She had a lot of trauma that emerged after the Train Incident, but Kellar got very good at figuring out how to calm her down. 

MODERN AU: Hangs Christmas lights around her room and glowing stars on her ceiling. Knows more about Sonic the Hedgehog lore than the other Associates could ever understand. Huge Marvel/Star Wars fan. She has memorized all of Chicago, Hairspray, Black Panther, The Empire Strikes Back and Mamma Mia. 

[aparticularbandit]

Hey, have you seen the latest JtV episode yet? Wondered what you thought of certain developments.

so.  i apologize ahead of time because this will probably get long.  i plan to start with the non-rose and/or luisa scenes and then give a general idea of what i want to do with that discussion before throwing most of that one beneath the cut.  i especially apologize to those of you on mobile because i know that it doesn’t always do the read more stuff correctly and i’m so sorry.also know that i. really don’t want to write this right now, but i want to get my thoughts out because maybe then i’ll stop ruminating over it (hah!).so, first of all, i’ve seen the scenes relevant to this discussion.  which means i haven’t paid attention to the entire episode but i have seen rose’s scenes and luisa’s scenes (sort of) and then the scene in regards to mateo being diagnosed with adhd.  i very rarely see the shows live, although i saw some of last week’s live, and typically scroll through spoilers to see if anything that interests me (rose or lusia) is in the episode.  if not, i typically just don’t see it because, to be honest, i don’t care.  spoilers give me enough information and while there may be scenes or moments that i’d probably like that i missed, i didn’t want to deal with love triangle fun with michael or most stuff with raf at this point because spoilers tell me the writing is very, very poor.which means that yes i knew about the adhd diagnosis and what i suspect is the real point of the question here - rose let luisa drink?! what?! - before seeing the episode.  and definitely spent a good chunk of time ranting about the latter in the jtv discord spoilers tag before seeing the episode.  and even knowing it was coming, it still depressed me.  but that’s reactions, not thoughts, which. i have a lot.  from different angles.i do want to address mateo being diagnosed with adhd.  i’m not okay with this happening.  while i do think it’s important for characters to be diagnosed with mental illness in media and i do think that it’s important to delve into those diagnoses, i don’t think jtv will do a good job with this because they haven’t done a good job with this previously.  raf’s depression (again, didn’t see that scene, so going off of spoilers here) was mentioned once and then apparently hasn’t been brought up again (with the exception of potentially being implied with how much of a help luisa has been while he dealt with his break-up with jane and let’s be real here luisa knows more about mental illness at this point than most of the other characters except maybe petra and even then).  petra’s postpartum depression was mentioned i think once and then wasn’t brougt up again.  petra’s anxiety? i think it was? was mentioned in season one in relation to her taking pills and this was diagnosed while raf had cancer and…hasn’t been brought up again.  in fact, the biggest proponent we have outside of this with how jtv deals with mental illness is luisa alver, and her mental illness is consistently used as a joke or a way to make her unreliable.now, yes, adhd is a learning disability and you can debate whether or not that constitutes a mental illness or not.  i apologize if my lumping it in under the mental illness umbrella is a problem.  this is not an illness that i myself have (as far as i know), so please understand that i mean no offense.  my concern is that jtv does not deal with these sorts of things well.  it uses them to drum up drama and then sweeps them under the rug as if they’re a passing thing that is suddenly better or not important until, like in luisa’s case, they want to use it as a plot point or a joke again.  and the thing is that they already in the episode used mateo’s adhd to make a visual joke on what it was like to have adhd.  this is not okay.further, their focus isn’t on the character who has the disability.  they’re using the disability to drum up drama for the character’s parents.  again, this is not okay.  it is good to let the characters have that reaction to what the child is going through, but it may - or i’m concerned that it’ll turn into one of those moments where it focuses only on the pain of the parents and how they live with a child with this issue and not on the character who. actually has the issue.  as someone with mental illnesses, this does not sit well with me.and they did this with nine episodes left.  even if they were going to deal with this well, it’s hard to do so within nine episodes, especially considering the other threads they have going.  at this point, i don’t trust the writers and i’m not okay with this happening.  i dislike this development.now with regards to the rose and luisa scenes, in particular the scene they shared together and the developments from this–really there are two ways to take this as far as rose’s character interpretation (rose as a sociopath who truly loves luisa and for whom this development has an aspect that feels really out of character from what we have seen of her OR rose as a sociopath psychopath who did some has been setting up a lot of pins for a payoff that we…can guess would end with luisa finally officially choosing her? this one is a little more shaky) and two ways to take this as far as how this will work out in the show with regards to luisa (is she actually siding with rose or is she using this to fake her out and finally prove herself to raf once and for all).so.  this is a long discussion.  UNDER THE CUT.

so let’s start with the important thing: luisa signing papers while she was apparently black out drunk on rose’s submarine.the first thing i want to comment on in relation to this is that rose giving all of her bank accounts to luisa can have a lot of different implications.  the first one, and the nicest in my opinion, is that consolidating bank accounts is something married people do.  or they open a joint account.  something like that.  so, symbolically, you can have the implication of rose and luisa being married.  woo-hoo!  the second one is, again, the potential risk that rose is taking here.  just like with her kill sheet, rose is basically giving luisa the keys to the kingdom where she is concerned, and for someone who (in my interpretation) has been under elena’s thumb and control for the majority of her life to just give herself over to luisa’s control says a lot about what luisa means to rose.  the third implication will be addressed later.the second thing i want to comment on is, of course, the idea that luisa was black out drunk on rose’s submarine.  now, when i initially was going through the spoiler tag, someone suggested that this might have happened when luisa was drugged on the submarine, which would imply that this happened during the period of time when rose took her to the sub.  (i tend to not think that rose drugged luisa at that time; i actually think that luisa fainted shortly after rose revealed that she was susanna.  but that might just be me.)  however, based on the specific lines of the scene, this cannot be the case.  in fact, it has to have happened after luisa initially left the sub.  we know from s3 that during the time luisa was initially on the sub they were circling the great barrier reef (coral reef?  they were circling a reef), not taking random vacations to other locations like madagascar.  not only that, but rose says it happened while luisa was insecure about their relationship, and they were not in a relationship during the scenes we saw on the submarine.  so this had to have happened sometime after that - maybe before we met eileen or maybe during the three year time-skip sometime at the beginning of all that.  i’d guess before we met eileen, but that’s just me.  further, i did look at screencaps from the scene where they ate breakfast on the sub because the back of my brain keeps trying to tell me that one of the men was carrying champagne, but while there were tea and orange juice cups (they did each have two cups, a white tea cup and saucer and a glass with a tropical leaf pattern - rose’s had orange juice so i assume that’s what it was for), in the caps i saw, there was no champagne bottle.  but they weren’t all comprehensive screencaps so might’ve missed a thing.now, here’s where things are up to interpretation and it all depends on rose’s character.if we take rose as we have seen her throughout the series - not what people have said but what we have seen with regards to luisa - the idea that rose let luisa drink at all on the sub or while they were together feels completely out of character.rose consistently when no one else but luisa would likely know has made sure that luisa is not drinking.  even from their first meeting, when luisa reveals that she’s been sober for thirty-four days, rose accepts that and doesn’t press and continues on as if it doesn’t matter (because it doesn’t).  rose is the one who checks in on luisa after allison cheats on her to make sure that she isn’t drinking; rose is the one who brings up with raf that hey, maybe you should be concerned about your sister disappearing and when raf suggest (without any real concern at all) that luisa is probably on a bender calls luisa and tells her that she’s worried she’s drinking; rose is the one who, when luisa calls her (as susanna), chooses to stay with her and not judge her for taking rose’s death hard and actually accepts that this is hard for her; rose is the one who (as susanna) tells luisa to go back to rehab because she shouldn’t be drinking.  this isn’t even getting into the time where rose just happened to call when luisa was going to try and drink in the hotel after emilio died.  rose has a sixth sense when it comes to luisa.  it is hard for me to see rose letting luisa drink on her sub in any capacity to the point that it is easier for me to think that rose forbade any alcohol on the sub at all.  i could maybe hazard that one of the workers on the sub brought a drink back with them, and since the lettering in the sub appeared to be russian, hey, probably vodka, and we know from s2 that vodka is luisa’s drink of choice, but that’s a stretch for me.even more to the point - and this is a little off-topic in terms of talking about rose’s character - but the times we have seen luisa drawn to drinking were when her life was at rock bottom.  the first time we see this is when 1) she’s losing her job; 2) her brother has cut her off; 3) her wife cheated on her (and they got divorced off-screen??); and 4) she almost got caught sleeping with her stepmother by her father.  the second time we see this is when 1) her father died; 2) her stepmother/lover turned out to be a crime lord; 3) her father died because said stepmother killed him; 4) her brother thought her shares were more important than letting her mourn and only pretended to care about her because he needed to talk business with her and then disappeared after that yolo (and she only didn’t drink because 1) there wasn’t any alcohol in her fridge and 2) rose called her).  the third time we see this is when 1) she accidentally got the love of her life murdered by trying to turn her over to the police by using herself as bait (among her listed reasons of 1) her brother doesn’t want anything to do with her and 2) her mother and father are dead).  the fourth time we see this is when 1) luisa thinks that she is disappointing raf and failing him because 2) rose killed his mom and 3) she still wants to be with rose, albeit this last one is not something the show covers.  please note the common threads here, and also note that this last one would put her in a place to potentially be drinking on rose’s sub if she was picked up by rose instead of going to preventative rehab like she decided to do with rogelio and also assuming that she brought alcohol on the sub with her while rose was preoccupied with something off of the ship.  so, conceivably, luisa could have been in a place to drink on the sub.  maybe.  if that’s the timeline we want to go with.  but if not, luisa probably wouldn’t be at rock bottom and probably wouldn’t feel so desperate to drink.  luisa drinks when she needs to take the edge off.  when she’s with rose, rose takes the edge off.  so really i feel like this is kind of a little out of character for luisa, too.back to topic.the third thing i want to comment on is that rose has never made luisa choose between her and rafael.  she’s never needed luisa to prove that she loved her.  it’s consistently been rose proving her love to luisa because as the crime lord murderer sociopath it makes sense that rose would need to prove that she actually loved luisa (and i think i may have discussed this elsewhere - the entire point of chapter fourteen was proving that rose did love luisa, not just to her but also to the viewers - that rose’s love of luisa was not just part of the rose solano part she had been playing up to that point)  there’s been no doubt that luisa does love rose, but there’s also no doubt that luisa has consistently chosen raf over rose.but this goes back to the submarine scenes in chapter forty-seven.  the biggest conflict in luisa staying with rose is that she still loves raf.  she asks to go up to wi-fi depths to see if raf emailed her, and when there is no email, rose uses this to say look, i’m the one who is here, i’m the one who loves you.  she gives luisa the option to leave (just like she gave her the option to run away with her and respected luisa’s boundary when luisa said no; rose only took luisa with her once luisa fell in love with her again as susanna (who very clearly did not want to be around luisa or in that sort of situation with her. constantly.  luisa pursued susanna, even when susanna visibly did not want to be pursued)).  and when rose realizes that raf might have emailed luisa but they were a day off because time zones, she checks and gives luisa raf’s email.  she gives luisa an option where she can still spend time with raf and rose will just wear a mask and pretend to be someone else.  and when luisa was afraid that rafael’s cancer had returned and decided to leave and gave rose the option to stay behind, despite her certainty that rafael was working with the police, rose went with her.  rose has not, up to this point, forced luisa to choose between them.  rafael has.  so for her to do so here and now might not be completely out of character and for her to ask luisa to prove that she loves her might not be completely out of character either (because relationships require both sides together and rose might be feeling like she’s pulling a lot of weight and not getting very much in return at this point.  i mean.  she is in jail because of how much trust she has given luisa, even knowing - from her time as susanna - that luisa can’t keep her mouth shut - and i want to address this in the latter portion of this exercise) but it still feels out of character because, again, rose has never forced that choice.  rafael has.however.

if we interpret rose differently, based not on what we have seen with luisa but how maybe they want her character interpreted, then luisa drinking on the sub, as well as some other moments we really want to chalk up to rose being a useless lovesick lesbian, make more sense because as a sociopath they might be something rose would allow if she got something out of it.primarily luisa.and for this i kind of want to go in chronological order of what rose would have been doing when, which means we’ll kind of be addressing these a little bit out of order.  ish.first, rose giving luisa her kill sheet.  this is a big indication of trust.  one that does eventually come to bite rose in the ass.  and rose, because she was susanna, knows that luisa cannot keep her mouth shut when it comes to the police, so if they end up in that sort of situation, rose is screwed.  rose knows she is screwed.  rose knows she can get out of jail, so this is potentially not as big of an issue or indicator of trust as we think it is.  but for luisa, it’s an indicator of trust and an indicator that rose will do what she wants.second, rose giving luisa rafael’s letter.  we can assume from this that rose has access to luisa’s email account.  it’s possible that luisa just stayed logged in.  who knows.  for this interpretation, we’re going with the darker version of rose, so let’s assume that rose just reads luisa’s emails to make sure she’s not getting anything that would distract her away from rose.  in this case, yeah, rose gives luisa rafael’s letter because 1) there’s nothing inherently dangerous or coded in what he said, so far as she can see, and 2) it gets luisa to trust her as someone who, seeing this, would want to allow luisa to still have her relationship with raf.third, rose coming up with an idea that allows luisa to have the best of both worlds, basically.  again, an indicator that rose wants to be family and will do what she has to in regards to being with luisa.  1) rose’ll wear a mask, and 2) rose won’t kill anyone anymore.  surprisingly for this interpretation, she does stick to the second one.  but this plays into her plot anyway.fourth, rose getting luisa drunk and signing her accounts over to her.  assume that rose notices that there’s alcohol on the ship where luisa can get it or that luisa brings alcohol on the ship and rose pretends not to see it so that luisa can get drunk.  signing her bank accounts over to luisa does two things: 1) it reinforces that she trusts luisa and gets luisa to trust her and 2) it ensures that if rose gets caught luisa is part of her getting out.  no matter whether luisa wants to be part of the plot or not, she is an accomplice based on her name being on the accounts.  this makes luisa look shady to rafael and drives a better wedge between them.fifth, rose getting caught.  now, again, there’s a risk, but rose thinks she can get out of jail.  either rafael finally catching her despite luisa’s insistence that he is good will cause a final break between them or her continuing indication of doing what luisa wants and proving to her that she loves her will get luisa on her side.  even with michael - that might be about them, but it’s more about i played ball for you.  i have done everything you asked.  i have shown you nothing but love and support.  i have never asked you to choose.  now choose me.it’s a multi-year timeline set-up to make luisa trust her and her love while also simultaneously driving a wedge between luisa and raf.  and right now, it looks like it’s working.now - the problem i have with this is that it seems much more indicative of a cold-blooded psychopath than the hot-tempered sociopath that the show consistently tells us rose is, so it’s….  for me, it checks out, and it’s not too much of a stretch and i think it may be what the show wants us to pick up on but is not doing a very good job of showing.  (this would have been strengthened if one of the guys on the sub had been carrying a champagne bottle, which is why i wanted to check that - and it’s possible that’s still the case because the screencaps i checked weren’t that specific.)  but, again, it’s up to character interpretation and i do think that this is the direction that the show wants us to go in.even in this direction, we can say that rose’s continued care in regards to luisa not drinking 1) reinforces to luisa that rose cares about her (and this is compounded with rose’s sixth sense and calling just when luisa needs her - once on the bridge right before luisa jumped and once when luisa wanted to drink after emilio’s funeral) and 2) is a bit of a self-preservation habit because luisa likely talks a lot when she’s drunk and, ah, given the sensitive nature of their relationship, luisa needs to not talk about them.  in susanna’s case, the second isn’t a thing but it makes her look like a good girlfriend to anyone watching and so more solidifies susanna as a good person and not the mole.do i like this interpretation?  no.  do i think it’s what the show wants us to go for at this point?  yes.now, as far as ways this could go - there are two:1) luisa is actually working with rose.  this is the good end in the first scenario, but the bad end in the second one.  since i think the show wants us to go with the second interpretation, i think it’s more likely that2) luisa is working against rose.  this is the bad end in the first scenario, but the good end in the second one and the one that, again, i think is more likely given what we know of the show at this point.  and by what we know, i mean the instagram photos of the last day of shooting wherein yara - luisa - was at what appears to be a jafael wedding but bridget - rose - is nowhere to be seen.  and, yes, we could make assumptions that rose could be there under another mask, but i don’t think that’s the way the show is going to go.especially since jennie has already told us that a death is coming near the end of the season.  i expect luisa is working against rose, and i expect that rose will die.  that might not be what’s going on, but i think it’s the most likely scenario given what we have.

[officialjessicajewett]

There may come a time when I can look Jonathan Frakes in the eye and have a conversation without turning tomato red and losing track of basic language skills. This past week wasn’t that time.

But we’re getting closer!

We have to start way back in 1987 when the Civil War led me to the Final Frontier. I watched the second part of a huge miniseries called North and South that actually began in 1985, but I don’t remember seeing it then. I was pretty young and going through some rough things in my family. The important thing is North & South had a character called Stanley Hazard played by (drum roll, please) Jonathan Frakes, seen here in Book III in 1994. At the same time that he was making Book I and II of North & South, he was also starting to work on Star Trek: The Next Generation. Presto! I followed “the guy with the blue eyes and the chin dimple” (quickly covered by a Civil War-appropriate beard) from the 19th century to the 24th century when I wasn’t interested in sci-fi at the time.

That’s love, folks.

Most of you know me enough by now to understand that I was born with a desperate need for connection to 19th century American history, so me as a child watching a giant Civil War miniseries, despite its major historical costuming flaws, isn’t that unusual. When Jonathan Frakes narrated a documentary called Lee & Grant a few years ago, I lost my mind when I heard his voice and had to pause the TV long enough to tell everybody in my house. I’m just like that. It’s part of my charm.

Last year, I met Jonathan Frakes when my friend invited me on the Star Trek cruise. Let’s revisit that glorious moment.

He did a Q&A that week and walked right by me because I was too chicken to ask a non-Star Trek question. What I really wanted to know was whether he did any preparation to play a villainous puppet like Stanley Hazard, whether he has interest in the Civil War period in real life, etc. Stuff that matters to me, not that Commander Riker isn’t a fantastic character. Trust me – I wouldn’t kick Riker out for eating cookies in bed. But I’m so invested in American history that I went to college for it before I got too sick to continue. Rooting out other people interested in American history is my stock and trade. So after the Q&A where I remained silent last year, I silently resolved to have North & South art autographed this year just for myself.

That brings us to last week. I boarded the cruise ship armed with unfinished Stanley Hazard art and sequestered myself in a corner of the pool deck to work on it before our ship even left port. They don’t tell you when autographs are right away and I was afraid there wouldn’t be time to finish it. Portraiture is my business, you see. I was swamped with orders well beyond Christmas and I barely had time to sketch out Stanley’s bewildered, resentful face before I left for the cruise. So I had to work on the ship in between activities.

Here’s how the progress went.

At home:

On the cruise:

How did it turn out? In my opinion … meh. My problem with it was the rolling, rocking ship and the unfamiliar surroundings. I need my little artist habitat to do my best work, although I did enjoy people coming by on the pool deck to tell me they liked it.

One of the crew people on the ship in particular spent quite a while talking to me about my art. I told her all about Jonathan Frakes and showed her what he looked like in the present so she could spot him when she met him. Every time I saw her after that, she had intel for me like, “Oh hi! Mr. Frakes up in VIP lounge now,” (she was Asian, I think, so English was a little tough) or, “Ah, it’s you, Miss Frakes Girl. You see him yet? You finish your art?” She even showed me the photo she took with him one night in that VIP lounge. I never asked for the intel but she was fun. Like, really, what was I going to do? Sneak into a place I wasn’t allowed to go? That’s not cool.

Yet I did see Jonathan every day on the ship. Most of the time he saw me too, but there were a few times when he was engrossed in talking to other people or headed somewhere fast (someone with legs that long moves much faster than I do) and I just didn’t want to be a bother. I ran into him immediately on my way to breakfast on the first day at sea. A big smile came over him and he rubbed my arm and spoke familiar greetings. I hadn’t had my coffee yet but that was a better wake up than caffeine. If you’ve ever been the target of his real smile, you know what I mean. I couldn’t believe it seemed like he remembered me.

The oddest thing was that we ended up on the same tender boat headed out to Grand Cayman. A zillion boats going back and forth all day and we ended up on the same one just a few rows apart. I don’t think he ever saw me since he was with his friends and I kept to myself out of equal parts politeness and shyness. You will have seen a photo of him snorkeling that day on Twitter. He went out there to see stingrays. As soon as I got off the tender, I went the opposite direction as him. Again, I didn’t want to be a bother.

It got better from there. He always had a big smile for me when we saw each other and said things like, “There she is,” or used kind endearments like “my dear” and the like.

Apparently one night while I was trying to find Jonathan’s photo op line, Jason Isaacs very nearly bumped into me and said hello but I never noticed him. So naturally my brother, who loves Jason Isaacs, made fun of me for the rest of the night and swore he was going to tell Jonathan that I was so laser focused on him that I completely missed Jason right in front of me. He never ratted me out. I think he values his life too much. But he might have had a point. Let’s be real. I spent a lot of time looking for a dress that made me feel like a lady to wear in my photo op. I didn’t say that, of course, but I was hoping Jonathan would notice it. He has to be a mind reader or he sincerely meant it because he said, “Beautiful dress,” without being prompted. The photo here is me strolling the pool deck after seeing him. I look drunk. I swear I wasn’t. I rarely get compliments from men that aren’t followed up by unsolicited photos of nude genitalia or being propositioned to send my own nude photos, so it was a moment.

I don’t fit in this century if we’re honest about it.

The autograph session for Jonathan was close to the end of the cruise, so I had plenty of time to finish my North and South art. I never could get it the way I wanted because of poor lighting and total exhaustion on my part. If you’ve never traveled with me, then you won’t know how much pain I go through every day. I don’t like to dwell on it in the moment, which means someone like Jonathan won’t ever see me suffer. The more I smile, the more my body hurts. Traveling causes more pain and more pain causes my artistic skills to decline. You guys probably can’t see it in Stanley’s finished art, but I can see exactly where my physical struggles overrode my creative drive.

However, Jonathan sincerely seemed to like what I did. I was terrified standing in line because people say he can be indifferent or cold sometimes. They say that about Michael Dorn too. My worst fear was him mumbling hi, how are you, scribbling his name, and moving on to the next person. The reward for an artist isn’t money at all but the fulfillment we get from seeing our work touch another person, especially if they are the muse. I really wasn’t expecting back flips, mind you. I just dreaded feeling passed over.

So Jonathan’s handler took the art first and got very excited over it. She asked to take a photo and she said he was going to love it. I have no idea what she did with the photo but I hope she liked it. When my turn came, he gave me that smile and said, “There she is!” as if he’d been expecting me. He took the art from his handler and he didn’t say anything for a second while I chewed a hole in my lip in abject terror. Then looked over the paper at me and said with a grin, “Spineless Stanley Hazard!” Relief flooded my body and I burst into laughter. He spent time studying my art and saying, “This is so great.” I wanted to say that North and South brought me over to Star Trek TNG through him but I was starting to fall into the dumb, speechless, tomato red thing I do around him. Luckily he was busy trying to plan how and where he was going to sign the art to notice that I was starting to freeze.

When he asked for my name and started to write the J, his eyes slid over to mine and he said, “Don’t you have three names?” It took me a second to realize he probably meant my name on Twitter. I’m listed as Jessica Jewett Jones @JJ9828 on Twitter so people who read my books or buy my art as well as people who know me in real life can find me (Jones is my legal name, Jewett is my name for books and art). I don’t know if he saw the panic alarms going off in my head. He never replies to people, so I figured he didn’t read his tweets. I have a have a habit of live tweeting Riker-centric Star Trek episodes. I express Beardo love on @sweartrek too. Twitter has to be the only place he’d see me with “three names” unless he has a secret Instagram account.

Who knows what kinds of embarrassing tweets he’s seen when I thought he wasn’t looking? Oh well. I never truly say anything online that I wouldn’t want the rest of the world to see. You just never know who’s watching. It’s fine for him to know that the Riker Maneuver in the movie (or generally Riker in combat command) turns me into one of those Victorian women in need of smelling salts. You know what? I own it. Still, I was teased the rest of the night for being busted.

I don’t know if photos in the autograph line were exactly kosher but my brother was behind me and he knew how important that night was to me. He discreetly took a few photos while Jonathan and I were talking. Hopefully we won’t get in trouble for this since it wasn’t done obnoxiously.

All joking aside, after Jonathan signed my art and handed it back to my brother (bonus points to him for knowing I can’t hold objects in my hands without being told), he caught my eye and got serious to say something to the effect of, “It’s always a pleasure to see you. Always.” It was a crowded atrium and I was honestly overwhelmed. But he made a point to make me feel valued and wanted. That meant everything to me.

Here’s the finished art with his autograph.

The next time we bumped into each other was unexpectedly at Brent Spiner’s theater show. My brother saw him sitting in my row on the other side of the theater, which was cool, but I wasn’t going to approach him. I never approach him, in fact. I just wait to see if he notices me and he usually does. He spotted me as he was walking by and he called out, “Hey, baby!” and blew a kiss at me with his whole hand. Nope, I can’t tell you what songs Spiner sang for a big part of the show after that. And for most of the second half of the show, while Spiner sang love songs, Jonathan sat right across the aisle from me and it took all of my internal fortitude to stay focused on the show.

I had hoped to catch him one more time on the last day to thank him for being so lovely to me all week. That never happened. I slept in late and then I spent the afternoon with my brother at the bar above the pool deck, ironically not drinking any alcohol. It was just a nice place to sit and watch the world go by.

There were so many other great things that happened on my trip, like Gates McFadden accidentally shoving my chair into Wil Wheaton, but it’s all too much to write in one blog. I mainly composed this one for myself so I could remember the things that were most important to me. If you found it interesting and made it to the end, you’re the kind of person I want to know and I thank you for hanging out here. I think I might do more North and South art once I’m not so buried in commissions too. We’ll see.

Yes, I am going on the Star Trek cruise next year as long as Jonathan Frakes will be there. I’d probably go even if he wasn’t there since it’s my friend Wendy who buys my passage, but he makes it so much more fun for me. And maybe I’ll figure out how to stop blushing like a virgin and say something more intelligent than hi and thank you. That’s really irritating me. I’m a 36-year-old woman who has had almost two dozen surgeries, a dozen broken bones, I’m a domestic abuse survivor, I’m more than a decade sober, and I can’t stand women that get all shy and silent around men. I’m a goddamn warrior! I can handle a 6’4 man like a queen! Next year, I’m going to blow his socks off with my charm and intelligence. He’ll go home and tell Genie Francis how awesome I am (ha!)

Next year’s autograph art? Will Riker vs Thomas Riker. So mote it be.

Oh, PS, it’s Wendy who has the photo ops and she’s in the middle of moving house during a snow storm. I’ll update this blog when she sends me the photo ops. In the meantime, go ahead and follow my social media at the bottom of this blog for more photos and my latest art projects.

Donation

Please consider making a donation to help me keep up with the cost of art supplies, living expenses, equipment related to my disability, and so forth. The minimum is set at $10.00. Thank you for your generosity.

$10.00

Follow me on social media!

Spineless Stanley Hazard (And Other Adventures) There may come a time when I can look Jonathan Frakes in the eye and have a conversation without turning tomato red and losing track of basic language skills.

[gentlemanmendes]

Beauty and the Beast 2:

Part 1:

part 2:

Walking through the village seemed like walking through a foreign place. The villages no longer treated her the same, they wanted to do everything for her, always greeted her with a curtsy, and eyes followed her everywhere. It didn’t help having the royal guards follow her every where she went, Prince Shawn had wanted her protected at all times when he wasn’t around to protect her.

This had been happening in the last four months of their engagement and with only one month until the wedding and with every day that brought the wedding closer she felt herself regretting her decision more and more. She was no longer entitled to privacy and had her every move watched, it felt more like a hazard than a privilege to be future crowned queen and the prince was no help to that. Shawn was definitely not the person she had once known and the more she got to know the new Shawn the more she wondered whether the old Shawn was just a figure of her imagination. He was a power hungry spoilt brat who got everything he wanted when he wanted, not to mention the fact that he didn’t care about anyone but himself. He hadn’t even bothered putting any effort into his relationship with y/n, the only times she had seen him was at dinners she ate at the palace with the king and queen.

Although y/n spent practically all her time at the palace with the wedding planning and learning the names of the other royals and important figures in the land to how to dance for a ball and conduct herself in front of the public she still chose to go home to her mother. The queen had suggest that they both move into the palace and would have their own quarters until the wedding but y/n had declined the offer. Her home was the only place she felt normal even though she now had the palace guards secured all around her mother’s home.

Having had enough with all the attention in the public eye y/n jolted to a stop causing her ‘baby sitter’ to almost run into her. Demetrius, her personal guard,  apologized for his mistake, even though it was y/n who had cause it, with a bow.

“I have changed my mind, I would like fresh air elsewhere.” Y/n stated. “Take me to the stables.” She hated acting like a snob but the royal advisor had instructed her that she must act superior so then people believed her to be superior. She was already facing an obstacle by not having been born into the crown, she now had to demanded respect.

“But you are to meet with the prince for an afternoon walk around the palace grounds.” Demetrius informed y/n causing her to mentally roll her eyes, she hated those walks they were silently and agonizingly painful. Shawn didn’t care for her nor did she care for him, they only took this time because the queen instructed them too.  

“Then give him word I have changed my plans and he can meet me at the stables.” She huffed as she got into her carriage. Demetrius informed the footman of y/n’s change of plans before getting into the carriage with y/n.

Once he had gotten y/n to the palace stables safely he left to inform Shawn of y/n’s where about.

As y/n rode she was beginning to lose control, she would give the horse a light kick here and there telling it to go faster, for the first time in a long time she felt in control of something yet again. From the moment she had agreed to marry Shawn she had been told not only what to do but who to be and she had grown tired of it. She now understood why as a kid Shaw had hated the throne. At the time she had thought of him as foolish, he had everything at his face and he didn’t want it, but now she understood why. It was a nightmare. A prisoner would have more freedom than she did.

Being so distracted in her own thoughts y/n hadn’t realized just how fast or how uneasy the horse she was riding was and before she knew it she was on the ground and her horse was galloping off into the woods that surrounded the castle.

“Are you alright?” A voice called from behind y/n causing her to let out a huff. She couldn’t even fall off a horse in peace, of course she had to have someone watching her.

She pushed herself off the ground before her spectator could come to her rescue.

“I’m fine!” She huffed attempting to dust off the dirt and grass stains off the sleeves of her pink and white gown refusing to look up to see who was seated on the horse that had just approached her.

“Are you sure, that looked like a nasty fall.”  The stranger pressed causing y/n’s temper to rise.

“I said I’m fine!” but when she looked up to see who the stranger was she regretted raising her voice. “David.” She breathed out in surprise now looking away sheepishly, embarrassed by her actions. David had been one of y/n’s closest friends growing up. His father had been the stable boy and now it seemed he was following in his footsteps. Y/n had good memories with David, he had filled the void that Shawn’s silent absence had left. David was only a few years older than y/n and although neither had actually mentioned it both had developed feelings for one another and had someday hoped to marry. But someday was no longer an option.

“ I feel as though I have failed as a teacher.” David chuckled as he got off of his horse. He had been the one to teach y/n  how to ride a horse in the first place, although she had never been very good at it to begin with.  "Why don’t you take Matilda, and I shall walk with you.“ He suggested gesturing to his horse. Without agreeing y/n got onto Matilda  allowing David to take the reins and lead her back towards the stable where Shawn would eventually be waiting.

At first it was silent and awkward but nothing new to y/n considering that was how most moments spent with her prince and soon to be husband were. But David broke the silence remind y/n of the time that they went exploring in the woods less than three years ago, at the time she was convinced she wanted to run away and live a life as a bandit in the woods, scavenging for food and stealing for the rich also known as her now future in-laws. It seemed odd that less than a few years ago she was more than prepared to live a life like that but now she was living a life that was the exact opposite.

Being with David made her feel good, he didn’t treat her defiantly the way everyone else did. He treated her the same way he always had. It made her feel warm and at home. It also reminded her of why she had liked David so much but she hadn’t seen him since the proposal. She couldn’t help but wonder what David had thought once he had heard the news, was he upset, did he think less of y/n? She was curious but her pride had gotten the best of her, she refused to care what he thought. She would soon be royalty and no one’s opinion of her would matter.

When they arrived at the stable y/n was surprised not only to be met with Shawn but a furious Shawn at that. His mood only seemed to worsen at the sight of David but when David bowed he seemed to ease a bit as though he was being reminded that he was superior to the man that had rescued his damsel in distress.

"I received note that you had fallen off your horse, I trust the animal will be put down as soon as it is found and all troubles will be undone.” Shawn informed y/n causing her eyes to widen in horror.

“No!” She and David cried out in response causing Shawn’s scowl to surface once again.

“I beg your pardon?” He spat in disgust, “Remember who you are speaking with, both of you.”

“Pardon me you highness but the animal in innocent.” David said with his head bowed refusing to meet his princes gaze.

“Don’t you have a stable to attend to, I could very easily find someone to replace you.” He spat causing David to scurry off in embarrassment sending one last longing look at Y/n as he left.

“That horse did nothing wrong, it was my fault and I’m not even hurt.” Y/n justified ignoring Shawn’s previous statement. She wasn’t going to let an innocent animal die because of her stupidity.

When Shawn didn’t respond y/n turned her back on him and stormed off in disgust. She was going to marry this cruel monster in a month. He was going to be the father of her children. The thought appalled her. Her children deserved a loving father who cared for them the way hers once had before her had passed. Her father had been the most admirable man in her life, that was what she wanted for her children but they wouldn’t have that.

“Why do I get the feeling you don’t like me.” Shawn called out after her once they were far enough from the stable to be classified as alone. With that y/n stopped in her tracks and turned to face him.

“Because I don’t. I despise you with every ounce of my body!” She seethed furiously taking Shawn by surprise. Y/n had always been well behaved and shown Shawn nothing but respect when they were together. This side of her was something new to him.  "You are cruel, arrogant, and self absorbed. You will never be fit to be king.“ y/n felt relief speaking what she had been dying to say to him since the day after her proposed.  

"Really? That is what you think of me?” Shawn didn’t seem offended at all by y/n’s accusations.“Then answer one question why are you marrying me?” He smirked causing y/n’s glare only to deepen.

“Shouldn’t that question be mine to ask.” Y/n shot back causing Shawn to stare at her curiously as if to tell her to continue because he was interested in what she had to say. “You could have any girl in the kingdom, or any other kingdom for that matter. Princess are lined up for you and you went against your parents blessing and chose me. ” Y/n elaborated. “Why?”

“Because. You don’t want the riches, or the power, nor the status. I know you have never cared about any of that nonsense which brings us back to my question, why are you marrying me?” Shawn was still smiling. He was okay with the fact that y/n didn’t love him, nor was she marrying him for any reason. This was bringing him satisfaction and it was making her feel worse.

“If I answer your question will you answer one of mine?” She negotiated.

Shawn gave an easy nod while mumbling 'anything for you my bride’ giving a small bow that somehow brought more comfort to y/n. Like Shawn had mentioned, y/n didn’t care for power but seeing him bow even if it was of mockery brought her satisfaction.

“Foolishness.” She shrugged easily causing Shawn’s brows to crease together.

“Elaborate.” He instructed causing her to roll her eyes but proceed.

“I was foolish to believe that the boy I knew was still inside you, why else would you propose to me.”

“And why was that foolish?” Shawn wondered although his frown told y/n that he was not at all impressed with her answer.

“Because I was wrong, that kind boy has been taken over by a beast.” Y/n was walking on broken glass with her behavior but at this moment she didn’t seem to care. Hell to it if she lost it all, so what if the kingdom would frown upon her and the royals would make her life hard, she didn’t care anymore, she was miserable now. Whatever they did to her at least she would finally be free again.

Y/n could tell that this had infuriated Shawn but he didn’t act upon it.  Instead he spat out “What is your question.” As if he wanted this conversation to finally be over.

“Why did you stop meeting me?” Although y/n hadn’t elaborated Shawn knew exactly what she was implying which was only making his mood worse. The Prince was known for having a temper that even put his father’s temper to shame.

“As you noted my future queen.” Shawn smirked effortlessly causing y/n’s confidence to falter. “A beast came over me.” And with that Shawn turned on the balls of his feet and walked away proud of himself for not having given in to y/n.

“Burn in hell you monster!” y/ screamed after him causing Shawn to jolt to an abrupt stop, turning yet again he stalked towards y/n with a dangerous grin on his lips as he reached for her causing her to flinch away by instinct although he didn’t lay a hand on her the way  she had expected. Instead Shawn took her hand and snatched the ring off her finger surprising her. She had expected him to storm off as he previously had but he didn’t. He remained in the same position towering over her while he turned the ring over between his thumb and index finger in a teasing matter.

“No.” He gave a dry chuckle as the word escaped his lips. “I can put you through more misery if we are married.” Shawn snickered in realization as he shoved the ring back onto y/n’s finger, all the confidence she had previously felt now long gone. “And don’t even try to run or do anything that might jeopardize this marriage because if you do I will have your mothers heart.” He watched as the horror took over y/n’s face at his threat before he happily walked away leaving y/n dumbfounded and proud of himself.

[vanquisher2099]

Part Five: A Detective Walks into a Wire

There was a particular quality to the air which, John Leavitt noted, was more foul than usual that morning. The news had suggested the cause was the enormous wildfire burning to the north, and recommended minimizing time spent outdoors and even suggested respirators. John wasn’t sure why he had been so eager to chase a lead down on the west coast, but as it turned out, he hated Los Angeles.  

It wasn’t just the terrible air quality and fires that bothered him, it was something about the very spirit of the city. There was, he thought, a contradictory sense of both needing to appear completely relaxed at all times while simultaneously showing how hard one was hustling that permeated the people here, a sort of look at how much work I’m putting into not being bothered by anything that grated against his own personal inclination to put his head down and quietly work without, hopefully, attracting too much attention. Attracting too much attention was a dreadful hazard in his line of work, for one thing, and for another, there was a humility to working a thankless job that he appreciated. Harry, had he been around to hear any of this, would have probably said something about how the two philosophies seemed to be equally stupid, but John hadn’t seen Harry in over a year, so whatever opinions he might have contributed were moot.

The case, such as it was, should have been a simple one: track down some parents and let them know their daughter was dead. The problem – and the thing that had gotten John on a plane to LA, in spite of the cost – was that the parents were unusually hard to find and might not have even existed. John was beginning to have serious doubts as to the existence of a daughter as well, which meant that his client – a well-dressed fellow claiming to be the daughter’s butler, was running some kind of scam. His checks cleared, though, and for now that was good enough for John. The private detective business was unsurprisingly a little less lucrative in an era of constant surveillance, but there was still value in someone who could actually go places and physically dig through the garbage – so to speak. John at least had only been forced to go dumpster diving in search of clues three or four times since he’d left the police force two years previously.

His lead was, in this case, the address of what was meant to be the last known residence of the girl’s father – the parents had, in the history given to John, separated some twenty years previously. John hadn’t been able to get firm information on the mother – not beyond official birth, marriage, and divorce records, anyway – and her last known address had ended up being a convenience store in downtown Chicago – but the father’s last known residence appeared to be an actual house somewhere up in the hills surrounding LA. Which meant, John hoped, that he could at least show a photo around and see if anyone had ever seen the guy before. Whether or not John’s client would appreciate him trying to uncover the particulars of what the hell was going on was not something he was prepared to really think about at the moment, of course; though again, his client continued to pay him and had even reimbursed the flight without batting an eye, so it was possible John was paranoid and the parents were really just that much of a pain in the ass to find. Either way the trip to LA promised to sort all that out – either John would end up telling an old man his daughter was dead, or he would end up down a rabbit hole of yet another goddamned conspiracy.

John had hopes it wouldn’t end up being a conspiracy. Conspiracies were, as it turned out, incredibly messy and generally ended with people getting paid off, fired, or in the worst case, killed. John counted himself lucky that he’d only lost his job in the aftermath of the fiasco with the agricultural business back in 2099, and even that firing had been seemingly unrelated to the larger events. John had been certain there was more to the headless body in the alley he’d found, but the department had wanted it buried, even after the scandal had broken and (John suspected) taken down the person who’d ordered it buried. So his efforts to continue pursuing the case (and finding out what, if anything, the local vigilante had to do with it) ended up with his demotion and eventual dismissal for insubordination. Which, to be fair, he had been.

Shaking his head, John brought himself back from his reveille and focused on the present dilemma, which was that he was currently prevented from getting to his destination by what was either a completely legitimate closure due to fire, or someone was pulling of a heist under the cover of a fire. Either way there wasn’t really much reason to attempt bypassing it – regardless of the reason for the closure, it meant the area beyond was potentially lethal. It was, he figured, unlikely that he’d find anyone useful remaining, as they’d either be too busy fleeing a fire (or too busy pulling off a heist) to really offer any kind of assistance into finding someone. It would be an incredibly large risk to take for a, charitably put, tremendously minor chance of finding something out that would help put the case to rest.

Bypassing the barrier was fairly easy. There were only a few uniformed officers from a private security firm standing next to a single barrier across the road. As soon as John turned his rental car around and headed back, the officers seemed satisfied they’d performed their duty adequately. The fact that John almost immediately pulled over and exited the rental didn’t seem to raise an eyebrow, and it was a simple matter of hopping a fence between two of the houses to land him on the other side of the barrier and out of sight of the two quite obviously disinterested guards.

The neighborhood in which he found himself was, somewhat unsurprisingly, not currently on fire – although it didn’t take long for John to spot a few signs that the neighborhood had been on fire in the very recent past. There were still a few charred ruins from the last fire which had not been cleared away; either because the residents of said ruins were dead, or they’d failed to pay enough into their fire insurance premiums, which would have jumped up as soon as the companies noticed there was a fire on the way. It also became clear that whichever telecom had been responsible for the maintenance of the area network had not bothered to repair anything just yet, as John’s glasses began to display a flashing “no signal” warning.

A friendly sign set up on the side of the street flashed a friendly warning to John and anyone else who happened to be around that there was an imminent fire and all residents should evacuate as soon as possible. John ignored it, but did notice with a certain level of surprise that the neighborhood did appear to be fairly abandoned. Undeterred, he pulled up the area map from a copy he’d saved locally and began making his way to the address. It was a bit more difficult to navigate without having a view of his own location to track, but most of the houses had numbers on them (a quaint throwback to when houses were not all precisely geotagged for digital maps) which made it slightly easier to verify he was heading in the right direction.

What it did not do, however, was allow John to notice the incredibly faint glimmer of a tripwire stretched across the sidewalk. His foot, however, did notice the tripwire, mostly by tripping over it. John stumbled and swore, then found himself blinded by an enormous flash. Disoriented, he staggered a few paces before something quite blunt and immensely heavy impacted with his temple, and he went limp. A pair of hands caught him as he fell and quickly dragged his body into a neighboring house.

At the barrier, one of two security officers paused in his performative bullshitting long enough to acknowledge the report coming over their comms. “You have him? Great. I’m sure Her Highness will want to speak with him about what brought him to our community.”

“Did you see what he was wearing?” The other guard asked. “Motherfucker should have just hung a sign on himself saying ‘I’m a spy’ and saved himself the trouble.”

“Hey, maybe he’s just into long coats. Could be part of his whole aesthetic. Maybe he’s just like, a door-to-door coat salesman. Out selling long coats that make you look like an asshole.”

“What do you think Her Highness is gonna do with him?”

“What does she always do with trespassers? She’ll ask him what he’s doing here, and once she knows that she’ll give him the same choice she gives everyone. Stay and help or uh, you know. Don’t.”

“You ever seen anyone choose not to stay?”

“I don’t think anyone’s ever seen anybody choose not to stay. Pretty sure choosing not to stay is the same thing as saying you never want to be seen again, if you catch my drift.”

A voice broke over their comms. “You know she hates when people call her Her Highness, right?”

“Who asked you? I mean come on, if the shoe fits…”

“She doesn't think it does.”

The conversation was interrupted by the approach of another car. One of the two held his hand up in an apologetic wave while the other gestured to the barrier. “Sorry ma’am, this area’s been evacuated due to fire risk. You’ll need to head back the way you came.”

In the car, the driver nodded, waved apologetically, and drove off, leaving the two security guards, John, and whoever else was in the abandoned neighborhood to their own devices.

Part Six

Part Four

[nathanp11246537]

P-6. Platformer Postmortem

Although the platformer isn't as fleshed out or polished as I would've hoped, I still think I achieved a good outcome seeing as though it was my first ever real game. The readings were a big help in detailing a clear process and mindset for game design, even smaller games such as this platformer.

The four basic steps of designed, as outlined in chapters 7 & 10; foundations, structure, formal details, and refinement, were a simple but effective means of designing, and the work done on prototyping (e.g. answering questions about target market, the skills needed to play this game, and whether the game is skill-based or luck-based,) was helpful to consider in the early development phase.

Early on, I was just messing around in GDevelop seeing what I liked, but I soon settled on a "dimension switching" mechanic and a simple (but probably dull, looking back at it) aesthetic. I added the character's controls and platforms as well as a simple condition for the camera to follow the player, which ultimately lead to some camera alignment issues down the line.

I altered the camera so it only moves every room rather than locking on to the player's position constantly, and I eventually did an overhaul of the graphics, adding a bunch of assets that contributed to the heaven and hell vibe I was aiming for (although the "heaven" sprites were just recoloured "hell" ones) as well as adding a small animaton for the player's walk and jump. I think adding a hazard in the form of a spike was a simple way to increase the game's depth, to an extent, allowing for more options when designing levels, avoiding any repetition and creating a bit of conflict for the player.

One thing I'd change about how I developed this prototype game would be cutting down on time spent implementing the basics of the genre and focusing more on unique mechanics and systems. Aside from the core mechanic, this prototype isn't too unique or interesting in my opinion and I think the concept could be expanded. If I did have to redevelop the prototype I would also refine the art a bit more, adding some more frames to the walk cycle and implementing some more player rewards through some sort of collectable or point system. I think trying to aim for that "flow state" at this point may be a difficult task, but getting a platformer close to a much more enjoyable point would be a good goal for next time.

Reflection

I read through chapter 10 of the textbook. It details more of the aformentioned 4 basic steps of design, game balance, and looks at hypothetical solutions to issues brought up in the playtesting section.

The section on loopholes, especially in regard to a game's core systems and economy, and the distinction of loopholes from features, was the most interesting, and got me thinking about innovative game mechanics that weren't entirely planned out by the developers, like the LAMs in Deus Ex or trip mines in Half Life, that show that all games aren't as meticulously planned out as I thought, and that happy accidents (or issues) can occur pretty often. (Fullerton, 2018).

The sections on game balance were also interesting, highlighting the differences between balancing symmtetrical and asymmetrical games, as well as the difficulties in balancing for skill.

Fullerton, T. (2018). Game design workshop : A playcentric approach to creating innovative games, fourth edition. CRC Press LLC.