#if i had self esteem

[fazcinatingblog]

hi this is a rant please keep scrolling :)))))

list of things me, dumbass admin struggling through second CPA subject, explains to new guy at work who has a CPA:

telling him that bank charges are always debit because they're an expense

and that rent received should be credit because income

when we're the last two in the office and it's 5pm, telling him to finish up because i want to lock up and get out of here (stupid newbies thinking they should work overtime to "get ahead" lmao not a thing, kiddo, go home) (he's actually two months older than me but shhhh)

drafting tax returns

explaining the accounting when client buys an investment property (I would assume he knew this part but he saw me typing up the returns and he asked about it, so i woman-explained it)

teaching him to do adjusting journal entries for the rental income of a trust

going through reversal entries for accrued expenses (he did eventually correct me and discover the correct invoice to be picked up which was conveniently paid in the year we're doing)

things i want to explain to him:

when the water in the urn gets low, he can use the jug next to it to fill it up (pretty sure it's him using the urn water because he drinks tea, i'm onto him and at the end of the day, i keep finding the urn with dangerously low water level KETTLES AND URNS SHOULD NOT BE EMPTY OF WATER ESP IF THE URN IS TURNED ON)

that he can take lunch at any time

not to go crying to the bookkeeper for help because he doesn't want to bother me while i eat lunch at 1:15pm

[kindnessoverperfection]

Please, if you can, take a moment to read and share this because I feel like I'm screaming underwater.

NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder) stigma is rampant right now, and seems to be getting progressively worse. Everyone is using it as a buzzword in the worst ways possible, spreading misinformation and hatred against a real disorder.

I could go on a long time about how this happened, why it's factually incorrect (and what the disorder actually IS), why it's harmful, and the changes I'd like to see. But to keep this concise, I'll simply link to a few posts under the cut for further reading.

The point of this post is a plea. Please help stop the spread of stigma. Even in mental health communities, even around others with personality disorders, in neurodivergent "safe" spaces, other communities I thought people would be supportive in (e.g. trans support groups, progressive spaces in general), it keeps coming up. So I'm willing to bet that a lot of people on this site need to see this.

Because it's so hard to exist in this world.

My disorder already makes me feel as if I'm worthless and unlovable, like there's something inherently wrong and damaged about me. And it's so much harder to fight that and heal when my daily life consists of:

Laughing and spending time with my friends, doing my utmost best to connect and stay present and focused on them, trying to let my guards down and be real and believe I'm lovable- when suddenly they throw out the word "narcissist" to describe horrible people or someone they hate, or the conversation turns to how evil "people with narcissistic personality disorder" are. (Seriously, you don't know which of your friends might have NPD and feels like shit when you say those things & now knows that you'd hate them if you knew.)

Trying to look up "mental health positivity for people with npd", "mental health positivity cluster bs", only to find a) none of that, and b) more of the same old vile shit that makes me feel terrible about myself.

Having a hard time (which is constant at this point) and trying to look up resources for myself, only to again, find the same stigma. And no resources.

Not having any clue how to help myself, because even the mental health field is spitting so much vitriol at people with DISORDERS (who they're supposed to be helping!) that there's no solid research or therapy programs for people like me.

Losing close friends when they find out, despite us having had a good relationship before, and them KNOWING me and knowing that I'm not like the trending image of pwNPD. Because now they only see me through the lens of stigma and misinformation.

Hearing the same stigma come up literally wherever I go. Clubs. Meetings. Any online space. At the bus stop. At the mall. At a restaurant. At work. Buzzword of the year that everyone loooves loudly throwing around with their friends or over the phone. Feels awesome for me, makes my day so much better/s

I could go on for a long time, but I'm scared no one will read/rb this if it gets too much longer.

So please. Stop using the word "narcissist" as a synonym for "abusive".

Stop bringing up people you hate who you believe to have NPD because of a stigmatizing article full of misinformation whenever someone with actual NPD opens their mouth. (Imagine if people did that with any other disorder! "Hey, I'm autistic." "Oh... my old roommate screamed at me whenever I made noise around him, and didn't understand my needs, which seems like sensory overload and difficulty with social cues. He was definitely autistic. But as long as you're self-aware and always restraining your innate desire to be an abusive asshole, you're okay I guess, maybe." ...See how offensive and ignorant that is?)

Stop preventing healthcare for people with a disorder just because it's trendy to use us as a scapegoat.

If you got this far, thank you for reading, and please share this if you can. Further reading is under the cut.

NPD Criteria, re-written by someone who actually has NPD

Stigma in the DSM

Common perception of the DSM criteria vs how someone may actually experience them (Keep in mind that this is the way I personally experience these symptoms, and that presentation can vary a lot between individuals)

"Idk, the stigma is right though, because I've known a lot of people with NPD who are jerks, so I'm going to continue to support the blockage of treatment for this condition."

(All of these were written by me, because I didn't want to link to other folks' posts without permission, but if you want to add your own links in reblogs or replies please feel free <3)

[legobiwan]

This is such a telling page for Ford. Not only does he detail his social missteps and admit to being lonely in Gravity Falls, despite the scientific wonder of the place, but he also uses what I call "Fordese 2," a scrambled version of the "Fordese 1" code we were first introduced to in Journal 3 to label himself a "six-fingered freak" and to state that "Stanley would have made her laugh." (Her, being the waitress Ford tries out his nerdy science joke on, which goes down like a lead balloon despite the fact that it is legitimately funny, given the right audience).

It's like Bill says. "Ego of a king. The insecurity of a circus freak. And totally isolated..." (Funny enough, Bill could probably turn those exact words on himself, as well.)

Ford so wanted Gravity Falls to be the place where he'd finally fit in, the puzzle to his misshapen puzzle piece.

And as we see in the missing Journal pages from BoB, that was not to be the case. And worst of all? Ford blames it on his hands at first, but the reality is that he says that "Stanley could make her laugh," meaning Ford's "freakishness" (as he would put it) has less to do with his six fingers and much more to do with Ford's personality and the way he interacts with others.

This is actually worse. Fingers, you can fix, if you want to. By the time you're an adult, most people probably wouldn't care. But to Ford, his fingers seem to be more a manifestation of something internal, something he feels is fundamentally broken about him and that's just the absolute worst hell to be stuck in.

So yeah, it's hardly surprising Ford fell so hard for Bill's shenanigans (and you can define "fell so hard" however you want, although that karaoke page in BoB is especially damning). Here's an interdimensional being who not only can guide you to unlocking the secrets of the universe and propel you towards scientific fame and glory (and thus shoving every taunt, invective, side-eye, and eye roll ever hurled at you over the decades down your tormentors' throats) - but he's (on the surface) completely glib about being a freak himself.

For Ford, this must have been like finding a shady, sparkling oasis after thirty years of trawling through the desert (especially after Stanley's "betrayal" - Stanley, who along with Fiddleford, being the only person Ford felt like he could be himself around and still be accepted as a human being).

Now, is Bill trying way too hard to show how much he doesn't care? Uhhh, yeah. Bill has almost the same hangups as Ford. Labeled a freak for a genetic mutation and ostracized by his peers. Has a rare gift in that he can see not only into the third dimension but can see even past that, into possible dimensions and futures, which is a wild skill to have. Compare this with Ford's gigantic science brain and academic overachievement. Same deal. And not only this! Bill, in an attempt to prove what he can do with his "freakishness," to prove his worth and place in the universe - he tries to show off something to the denizens of his dimension (we don't know yet what Bill did), only to end up slaughtering his entire dimension. Ford was a hair's breath away from doing the exact same thing with the portal. Because we know from Journal 3 that part of his motivation is to be famous and get accolades for his work, and that maybe "girls will finally talk to me." (Which, Fordsy, let's be real here - I don't think you're actually into these "girls" for real, but you want the acceptance that comes with fitting in with societal standards, and getting a state-sanctioned girlfriend is exactly the type of thing Ford would want to make himself feel "normal.")

Anyway, the point being that if Ford had succeeded with his initial portal attempt, he would have basically wiped out his own dimension. Just. Like. Bill. And it makes you wonder - yeah, yeah, Bill wanted to party, Bill needed out of the Nightmare Realm, Bill's a psychopath who enjoys destruction.

But honestly? I think part it all was that Bill wanted someone like him. His own puzzle piece. Another monster. A being whose collateral damage in the quest to justify their existence in this universe ends in wholesale slaughter.

And Ford had the capacity to easily fit that mould.

[valdeswan]

Cale says he is a bad person, a selfish, stone cold bastard because he spent at least 10 years believing the words he heard on his team funeral and after it.

And he had nobody to say the opposite, nobody who knew him, who cared about him. To prove them wrong, to insist that they are the actual bastards without heart for saying that to a mourning person.

He was alone, terrified of getting close to people again, and thinking that the deaths of his family was all his fault. Of course he thinks he is a bad person.

For him, people that don't protect their family are trash, so he is the worst human being that ever put a foot on the planet.

[isolophilian]

i think we need to understand the gravity of how quickly Percy blames himself and his disabilities for the way his world is. how he's been made to believe over years and years that he's weird, that there's something wrong with him. Percy saying he should've been paying attention. Percy saying there's something wrong with his brain. Percy calling himself broken.. he's just a kid man

[ed-recoverry]

I love you everyone who has a lot of acne!

I love you everyone with acne scarring!

I love you teens with acne!

I love you adults with acne!

I love you everyone with nodulocystic acne!

I love you everyone with cystic acne!

I love you everyone with hormonal acne!

I love you everyone with papulopustular acne!

I love you everyone with nodular acne!

I love you everyone with acne mechanica!

I love you everyone with painful acne!

I love you everyone who gets acne flare ups!

I love you everyone who has been brushed off or neglected by doctors!

I love you everyone who experiences acne as a side effect of medication!

I love you everyone where medication didn’t help your acne!

I love you everyone who is insecure or upset about their acne!

I love you all.

[rwby-confess]

Confession #276

[starmocha]

You know, it's funny how Sylus is very casual and nonchalant about people robbing him, but he gets highly offended if you think he's poor (spend only $1 million).

[unshallow-feelings]

I think there's an essay to be written about Mizi and Ivan both believing that Till doesn't care about them but both of them want to form some connection with him and vice versa.

[hazelkjt]

Glamtober 24- "Dress To Impress"

"And you're sure this'll help?" "If that simpleton doesn't take notice of you after this, then he is by far the most dense man I have ever had the displeasure to know."

Lady Laniaitte de Haillenarte assisting Hazel in getting ready for an outing with one Emmanellain de Fortemps, mostly for the sake of her own sanity watching the "Will They/Won't They" unfold right before her eyes.

Hazel Glam-

Boulevardier's Hat (Jet Black & Dalamud Red)

Valentione Emissary's Ruffled Dress (Jet Black)

Dirndl's Wrist Torque (Dalamud Red)

Woodland Warden's Skirt (Jet Black & Dalamud Red)

Loyal Housemaid's Pumps (Dalamud Red & Jet Black)

Rakshasa Earring of Slaying

Archeo Kingdom Choker of Slaying

[obey-me-disaster]

You're the one who should live

A/N: I am going through a terrible writer's block for a post so I decided to write about one of my older brainrots. !!This will contain spoilers for lesson 38!!

MC pointing the blade at themself when they had a choice to not point it at anyone all together makes for some fun implications

Warnings: mentions of death, MC contemplating killing themself, self depricating/low self esteem on MC's part.

Summary: After the night dagger incident Lucifer decides to confront MC about their choice in pointing the blade at themself and not at him.

Lucifer x gn!MC

Since the incident with the night dagger there has been something that weighed heavily on Lucifer's mind and that is 'why did MC pointed the night dagger at themself?'. He still has the image of the blade nearly stabbing their stomach, he could still feel how their hands slipped from his, with the knife being pointed at them. Just thinking of what would have happen if Simeon was even one second later sends shivers down his spine.

He went into their room that night to sacrifice himself and give everyone a chance to severe The Ring only to end up nearly losing the one he loves the most.

And that's what brought him back into their room, a few days later after the incident. He would have loved to confront them about their choice to sacrifice themself sooner, but he wanted to give them time to get used to the ring of light. Or at least that's what he kept telling himself.

Not wanting to think about it any longer he decided to knock on their door and get it over with. It was not long before MC opened the door for him. From the look on their face, they didn't expect for Lucifer to be on the other side of the door. It was rare for the avatar of pride to come into their room unannounced, especially since he would usually opt to call MC into his room.

"Lucifer, did something happen? You're not one to really come into my room out of nowhere, not that I mind anyway." MC moved away to let Lucifer enter their room and closing the door behind him.

"Is that weird for me to want to spend time with you? I don't have to always invite you over to my room to be with you." Taking a seat at the table in their room he motioned for them to take a sit right next to him. "But, I guess you are right, I do have something that I need to talk with you."

Making their way to the table, MC took a seat right next to him. Whenever Lucifer had something to talk it was never good. It didn't help that the demon's expression was unreadable, he was neither happy or mad. It was like he was waiting for something to happen, something to react to.

Both of them were on the edge, the silence was too loud and no matter how much they kept on shifting in their seats, they couldn't make themselves comfortable.

"I will get straight to the subject, why did you point the blade at yourself when I told you to use it on me?" MC's whole body went stiff at the mention of the incident.

They were not surprised that Lucifer wanted answers, after all, what they did was reckless and in his eyes, their decision was nothing more than a spur of the moment decision. It just that they weren't expecting to talk about it so soon, especially in their room. They thought they had more time to think about what to tell him.

"Do you really have to ask me why I didn't want to kill you? The same way you want to protect I want to keep you safe and stabbing you is the opposite of that." MC internally slapped themself at how nervous they sounded. They looked expectedly at Lucifer, trying to see if his expression changed somehow but all he did was close his eyes. He looked as if he was contemplating the next move.

"That's not exactly what I asked you, but I suppose the fault lies with me since I was not specific enough." Getting up from his seat he moved to stay in front of MC, towering over them. "Why did you point the blade at yourself? If all you wanted to do was to not kill me then you could have used your pact to make me stay, throw away the knife and refuse to use but instead you chose to point it at yourself, why?"

If MC could be described as something, then it would be a deer caught in headlights. The air around them was suffocating despite Lucifer doing nothing but question them. Taking a slow deep breath they begun to explain themself "I mean, I don't really know?" Lucifer only raised an eyebrow at them but didn't dare to interrupt.

"Wait no...what I meant to say is that I don't know how to explain it. I just saw you guiding my hands into stabbing you and I acted out of reflex. I didn't even realize that I nearly killed myself in the process." It was bullshit, the excuse was bullshit and they knew it, Lucifer knew and MC was sure that Lucifer knew how fake the excuse was.

They were expecting Lucifer to continue pressing them for the truth, to directly call them out on their lie but he did neither of those things. He knelt down before, taking their hands into his. His expression was no longer unreadable and it was not full of annoyance at being being lied to either. Instead he looked tired, even sad if MC paid close attention to him.

"MC, don't lie to me, especially with such a lame excuse." Sighing, he started to gently run his thumbs over MC's hands. "I remember everything that happened during the time I had amnesia. That includes the night dagger incident and the look on your face when you switch the blade from pointing in my direction to yours."

His speech was soft, no longer did he resembled the Avatar of Pride, all powerful and intimidating. He just looked like someone worried about his lover and that's because he was. His love nearly killed themself in front of him and he wanted answers on why. "That was not the face of someone acting out on pure instinct. To some extent, you planned to use the blade on yourself so I will ask you again." He took a moment to look at MC before continuing. "Why did you point the blade at yourself?" Seeing Lucifer in that state nearly made MC burst into tears. It felt just like the moment where he collapsed and woke up with no memories of them.

"You see, when Diavolo and Solomon announced that the power within me is the cause of both your amnesia and the weird happenings around the three worlds I didn't know what to make of it at first. It only got worse when they said there were only two ways of stopping it, the night dagger and the ring of light." Looking at the ring on their MC continued to talk. "No one knew where the ring was at the moment, severing the pacts wouldn't stop my powers from going wild and possibly hurting those around me and we weren't sure if the night dagger would even work."

Seeing MC starting to tense, Lucifer squeezed their hands as a way to comfort them. "So I came to the conclusion that if things went south I would simply kill myself, that way The Ring would die out with me." Hearing them talk about killing themself broke his heart but he didn't interrupt them, after all they needed to let out this burden they have been carrying.

"When Solomon told me that the dagger would only work if I would stab you with it, that's when I made up my mind to follow my plan. After all, I couldn't possibly bring myself to kill you..." Despite stopping from talking, it was clear they still had something to say.

Bringing a gloved hand to their face, Lucifer stroked their cheek. "There is more to it, am I right? It won't do you good to keep secrets like that..." He was aware that he sounded like a hypocrite but he could care less. There was something eating MC from the inside and he would not let them continue on like that.

"There is also what Solomon said l, about 'sacrificing a demon for the sake of the human world'...if that was the case wouldn't I be the better choice. Outside of feelings and only looking at ranks, I am only a human that in a few decades would be gone while you're a ruler of the underworld and Diavolo's right hand man. If someone were to die it should have been me-"

"ENOUGH!" The hand that was gently caressing their cheek was now covering their mouth. "I will not have you downplay yourself in any shape or form. You talk about 'leaving feelings aside' but you talk from a place of low self esteem." Lucifer was angry but not at them. He was furious at the way they looked down on themself and with the fact that he never noticed this side of them.

He wanted to say more but one look at MC and he could see how tired they were and honestly, he was in no good shape either. "It's getting, both of us should get some rest. We will continue this conversation another time." Getting up from the floor he extended his hand to MC.

"You're right, it's quite late and you still have to go to your room." MC tried to go and open the door for him but was stopped by the demon holding their hand. "Why should I go to my room? Didn't I say earlier? I don't always have to invite you over to my room, I can spend the night here with you too."

Putting a hand on the small of their back Lucifer started to guide towards the bed. "Besides, I would not dare to leave you alone when you're like this. You've already done so much for everyone, allow me to return the favor."

[bean-cookies]

[oneluckygoose]

Remus: You know the worst part about hating yourself is that you don’t think you deserve to be loved and you don’t expect people to, yet it still hurts like a bitch when they don’t

James:

Peter:

Sirius:

Lily:

Lily: Remus no

[sweetnnaivete]

i feel about dorlene how some people feel about wolfstar. like i literally cannot ship dorlene with other people they are the couple of all time

[knifearo]

everybody! quick! tell me what aro joy means to you <2

[wigglebox]

Will you be my boyfriend, y/y? [x]