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vagueconfusion · 4 months

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VESSEL FULLY POKING AT IVY WITH THE MIC STAND; from the New York ritual

Video taken by mmaannddeerr on tiktok

#sleep token #song: the summoning #I KNEW I WOULD FIND IT #VESSEL. BUDDY. WHAT THE FUCK.#if i find a longer one ill post it but #asfhdhelalldk #sorry i full on laughed out loud when i saw this #fully unhinged behavior #vess what are you DOING #can't tell if IV is trying to move away from it or miming biting it

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emergingghost · 8 months

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get callous stay tender.

stone butch blues - leslie feinberg // relative fiction - julien baker // favor - julien baker // stay down - boygenius

#read that one line and went AAAH #just started reading stone butch blues but i sense ill find many more things along the way #wanted to wait and make this a longer post with more variety but just had to post this asap #julien baker #boygenius #stone butch blues #leslie feinberg #web weaving #tender

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icewindandboringhorror · 2 years

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................ he

#i feel like I posted this already but I also can't find it in any recent posts so...#......he #cats #EVEN if I did post it.. why not poast himb again? it's he #I'm like halfway through actually editing aforementioned costumes and stuff and i WANT to work on sculptures again and I have video #s and that worldbuilding slideshow and all of these things so hopefully like.. more usual stuff soon maybe.. to be posted #for now though yeah.. just cats #The end of the year is also when I panic about the passage of time and how little I've gotten done and how I will never actually be a #sucessful game maker slash author slash cat cafe owner slash set designer slash costume designer slash psychologist #who lives in like Scotland or somehting and also owns my own candle company or something ghbjhb #and will probably just be a mentally ill hermit recluse all my life who dies early of mysterious health issues with 5000 projects left #undone and blah blah the crushing weight of chronic illness and capitalism and so on and so forth #So then I scramble to get projects done to try and meet some goals but usually that means I scatter between projects #so it takes longer to finish all of them. Like instead of dedicating 8 hours to one thing and finishing it one sitting. I'll do 2 hours on #this then 2 hours on that then 2 hours on another things. so they all get done slower even though I'm still technically making progress on #them all. This is also a very poo poo pee pee stink brain way to work and is not like. the most efficent thing but it's just how my brain #organizes tasks sometimes lol #***#(<ignore this its part of an OCD compulsion lol. anytime you see me type three asterisks I'm not bleeping out a curse word #it's just a Special Secret Foolish Thing I Have To Do At Specific Uncontrolable Times When Brain Says So gbjhhj)#ANYWAY... eeeee #Still haven't resolved my mystery chest injury though so being at te computer for too long is also kind of achey-inducing #Better get over it though because I have like 30+ hours of slideshow vidoe to edit hahaha hee hee hoo!!!!!

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writer-room · 9 months

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Honestly Rayla is equally 100% ride or die for Callum too.

That's so true I almost mentioned it in that post. They're so ridiculously feral for each other it's hilarious to watch. Callum's the legitimate "we ride AND die together" whereas Rayla is the "I will ride and die FOR you" sort of deal yknow?

Could be literally any situation, no matter how dangerous, and she's already decided she will die here. Does it ensure Callum lives? Then batter-up buckeroo we're going in swords blazing! Everyone cheer and clap for her human or she'll blow this whole place up. Kinda person who says "even if you hate me I'd still lose everything if it meant you were okay". She thinks they're in a tragic love story where she's always at risk of losing him but that's okay as long as it keeps him safe and happy like y'know Viren parallels, she'd risk losing her very self for him over and over. Except Callum would wait until the end of the world itself, and even beyond, and she wouldn't even have to ask.

The difference between them, really, is that Rayla will die for Callum on any given day. Callum will kill for Rayla on any given day. Something something matching sets

#tdp #the dragon prince #asks #rayllum #tdp callum #tdp rayla #talk #someone in the tags of that post said 'raylas self loathing works hard but callums devotion works even harder' and they own that post now #its theirs. they summed it up beautifully. they own it #'yes hes cringe but hes MY cringefail loserboy!!!!! get your OWN'#everyone else would say the 'hes a 10 but--' except for rayla. shes just 'hes a 10. hes just a 10 striaght-up'#he is not. he is so not a 10 i love him but hes not a 10 shes just so ill for him #so insane that the girl who has issues abt not being or being wanted by anyone or not good enough for ppl to stay/want her #proceeds to find maybe the 1 guy in the entire world who will choose her no matter WHAT #and even when SHE was the one who left & he was pissed he was still 100% sticking by her. hes staying #oops she showed him affection. now hes stuck forever! shame. welp guess thats how it goes!#and its partially bc of that she'd die for him. she needs him to b okay even if shes not there. mix of that loathing like #'he could still b happy without me so i need to ensure he lives so he can STAY happy at my own detriment. he means more than me'#girl if you died he would literally crumple into dust. fold in like cardboard in the rain. lay face-down in the sand & just die there #same w callum hes like 'i can hurt myself over & over for her if shes alive. if the danger is dead then she can live longer. i will live bu #tear myself apart so long she is safe'#bestie. if you reach the point of no return she will sacrifice herself to get the old you back WHAT THEN

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toastsnaffler · 3 months

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yeah I'm not gonna talk abt it am I...

#well thats okay. eventually itll come up naturally. and if not well. it doesnt make me feel very okay. but its not a big deal #and i guess ill meet ppl in the future who will curate a different idea of me and maybe therell be fewer misunderstandings #<- coward who CAN communicate to save their life but not in any lower stakes situation for their happiness n quality of life #we <3 repression n insecurity. maybe if i keep digging at the corner of this bit of the labyrinth with my spoon ill get out someday 😌#anyway.. theres my daily vague vent post got it out of my system #wanted to do it earlier but ended up not having much time after work n then called friends which was nice :^)#also i never have signal at work these days.. my boss has said shell get me on the staff wifi tho cuz i do need it for work reasons #its rare to need it for work purposes bc we all use work pcs n stuff anyway and not rly supposed to use mobiles in the lab #but yeahh.. god i have so much admin shit to sort out also gotta text family back before i sleep i forgot to earlier #its all good.. also my memory foam pillows turned up so i no longer have to steal my roomies extra one for my neck pain <3 #ik she was missing it... not to sound like a creep but it was nice that it smelled like her a little. just familiar innit #we're always around each other so its just what being home smells like to me.. listen i have a sensitive nose 😔✋️#if we were a lot closer i would ask if i could sleep in her bed while shes away but we're not so it would come across sooo weird..#and i would feel rly weird abt someone sleeping in my own room without me there. well maybe not actually. as long as they werent snooping #<- guy whose mother used to go thru their shit all the time n struggles to not feel paranoid and distrustful when it comes to privacy #was thinking recently my ideal living situation w a partner would be separate rooms but we still share the bed sometimes #but not every night bc im a sensitive sleeper... but we can switch bedding so i can still smell them if i wake up in the night alone #like how new mothers trying to get babies used to cot sleeping each have a cloth or blanket and swap every night #so the baby is comforted by the blankets smell and sleeps more peacefully.. and momma finds it easier being apart from the baby too #sorry this is getting gooey and weird my meds have been wearing off the last couple hours im so sleeppyyyy 😭#well.... maybe everything can wait until tomorrow..... bed is calling..#goodnight everyone muah #.diaries

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arcaneyouth · 2 months

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theyve gotta stop doing this to me

#spider right up next to my bed again :/#vent post #negative #its whatever. it didnt reveal itself to me a terrifying way this time so im not freaked out more just annoyed #and theres no other spiders in our spare room so i can sleep there #its just stupid?? like come on man. stop that #kinda tempted to ask that we get rid of the top bunk of my bed #which would mean i dont.... get my nice comfy lil bed cave anymore #but it would mean i no longer have to be terrified theyll yknow. crawl onto my face again.#i dunno if i could give my bed cave up tho its so nice #ill have dad check out the sealing on my window first before i think about that #cause i knowwww those lil shits are coming in from there #they pretty much always spawn in my room from there #unless its the lil babies in which case they try to fall on my computer from the vent above me #but i can handle the lil babies i can put those ones outside theyre literally tiny #tho it might be fuckin useful to put the damn vent cover back on my vent finally.#gaugh. i hate summer. i hate that my fucking room is a spider magnet. go awayyyy #i think that last spider encounter tho may have been genuinely traumatizing tho #cause i can HANDLE spiders. i cant get rid of them but i can cope with them existing #if theyre out of sight theyre not my problem!#but i like. couldnt handle not knowing where this one was. i needed to be sure or i wasnt gonna rest #and when i did find it it was in kind of a bad spot so the shit im scared will happen again was totally possible #so while normally it wouldve been Fine the moment it went out of sight #this time im sleeping in the spare room. sighs loudly #whatever. the spare beds comfy and i managed to grab all my stuff so im all set up #just annoyed

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toestalucia · 4 months

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guy whos gonna feel like a fraud whenever they end up supporting someone to move on

#stardust speaking !#gbf spoilers//#i have a longer post about this at the back of my mind but i cant form the words. ive thought about this a lot lately #no regrets & all that but definitely a bigger understanding for ppl like freesia & aglovale after this #well. at least part of freesias motives. to this day one of my favorites #how many yrs do u think i have to wait until orchis & orchid talks about seeing loki #i like erste cast a normal amount #anyway anytime i think of the whole 'go enjoy your journey rather than be pulled around by the world' i....#'which way is forward' aauuughhhhhh #noas words of 'are u fine with it ending like this' too.............letting go of the letter <-critical dmg i was not rdy for that one #guy whos gonna stand there like 'ummmmmmmmmmmmmmm' whenever these subjects comes up #yeah sure u should move on but mayhaps u should get that talk from someone else......................#cheats death thanks to lyria & then decides to attempt to undo death again funniest crew in the world #also thinking about characters like vaseraga whos crew made sure he stayed alive #ill have the words for it one day but its very. how do i look ppl in the eye after this. no regrets tho #rubs temple im worried about the dad situation as well considering. um. uh. yeah #ok enough tagtalking i WILL form a proper post. eventually. whenever i find the words. lots of things spinning in my head #OR itll be joining the 'tried to do extreme things to get my friends back' club

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orcelito · 5 months

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Oh tho. Despite being at a concert at a bar with easy opportunity to have drinks. I looked at the menu as if I was gonna order anything, then thought to myself, "You don't drink anymore, hon" and went "Oh, right" then just got water.

So???? Given how matter of fact that thought was, maybe I really am fully sober from alcohol now. Interesting thought.

#speculation nation #cant say im fully sober all the time completely bc i may or may not have done a weed or two in recent weeks #but that's neither here nor there #well ok it is in fact here. in this conversation. bc it's relevant.#i just dont want to drink alcohol anymore. period. even when i was having a breakdown i didnt want to drink.#and even when i was at a concert venue having the time of my life. i didnt want to drink.#the thought of alcohol just does not appeal to me anymore. not with the connotations it has now.#but in lieu of that. i gave a little edible or two a try. since i already knew i fucking hated smoking weed #still wont do that. but a little recreational dabbling in a social setting... yea ok ive done a little #not interested in doing this kind of thing alone tho. or even regularly.#but for special occasions. in a social setting. since i dont drink alcohol anymore. this is a Way To Go.#alcohol ment/#drugs ment/#i think ill b posting about the drinking thing less now. bc this felt pretty conclusive to me.#ive been wavering on it for 2 and a half months now. unsure whether it was just the trauma and grief of it all.#i mean. it is. that's precisely why i am so suddenly no longer drinking.#but time is going by and ive had several opportunities to drink. times i wouldve taken in the past.#but my heart solidly told me No. i didnt want that.#and ykno what even with 0 alcohol i had the time of my fucking life at that concert.#26 going on 27 and suddenly completely sober because my dad died from alcoholism.#one of those things where. well. drinking isnt good for you anyways.#so if i dont wanna do it. well thats actually better for me in the end. so might as well lean into it.#idk whether this will be an actual longterm thing. but i suppose i'll find out!#for now at least. i have no interest in drinking. and so it shall remain in the near future.

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twin-disaster-tutel-brainrot · 6 months

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Guess who finished their fanfic and sent it to their beta readers??? 👀👀👀

(I'll give you a hint. It's me. I'm probably gonna post it in the following week.)

#you dont understand how busy i was #the earliest scene in this fic was written in november #amd the first draft was finished at the end of January #and then i started the second draft and just couldn't find time to work on it properly #i was so sure id be done with it on February at the latest #and now i actually finished and it's almost 7k words #it's been so long since i finished a one shot and it's the longest one shot i wrote to date #and i have a longer one shot planned that im thinking i may need to devide into three chaoters after i write it #anyways yay!!! it's done!!!#im working on formatting it for ao3 so it'll look good and then after my beta readers finish reading and ill finish editing ill post it #rottmnt #rottmnt fanfiction #remi rants #rise of the tmnt #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #rise of the tmnt fanfiction

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fuckmeyer · 2 years

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(Jacobsbadwig) with all due respect, when the fuck did you get back! I missed you!

never left, only reincarnated :)

#i missed you too!!!!!! how's the fanfic going???? well i hope :)#it has been a Time #my burnout & mental illness got the better of me. i intended on divorcing myself from fandom & deleting my blog #i wanted to make myself as small as possible so i could spend whatever energy i had on work and drugs #i was afraid my presence was negatively affecting the fandom at best & contributing nothing at worst #it didn't feel like there was any place for me anymore - not because of anything anyone said or did but bc #many posts i made i no longer agreed w/ & bc i was too burnt out to write new theories i figured no one would notice or care i was gone #so i got super drunk and deleted everything #people contacted me about my blog but i was too anxious to reply #bc i didn't want to admit i had made a mistake #i kept the handle in case i ever wanted to post #but for a long time i had nothing to say about twilight outside of what my fanfiction had to say about it #i lurked for a while & at the end of the day i missed the community that came with participating in fandom #really tho - what helped was quitting my crushing job and taking several months to travel around the pacific northwest #(burnout is REAL!!!!!!)#and the admin of the twilight Discord server recognizing my handle & taking the time to talk to me - which was very sweet of them #plus - i am rereading Eclipse for the fanfic rewrite and began to have Thoughts #tbh i've been finding it amazing that anyone ever noticed i left or remembered my handle! im kinda blown away #anyway here's all the information you never asked for LMAO #i am happy to be back in the circle :)#cheers to you #<3

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dragons-and-yellow-roses · 1 year

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Ignore the mess and my wet hair, just appreciate the gorgeous shawl that I made!! I'm in love with this yarn and everything that it makes

#the reason the steipes are all different sizes is because the yarn is color shift #so there's the same amount of wvery color #but as the shawl gets longer it cant make as much #but i like it tbh #i got to pack so many fun colors into one cute little shawl!!#and it didnt take me that long either #just in time for the fall season i get a gorgeous fall shawl!!#my next project (that i started immediately after the shawl) is a cat ear beanie!!#idk why i decided to make it #but i went through my yarn stash to find a good color and i found black yarn!#it was fate. its perfect #its gonna require me to lwarn a new skill #but thats a problem for future me #not sure how itll qork out but it was marketed as a beginner project #with me luck! ill post pictures when im done (hopefully soon)

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mbat · 2 years

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💀💀 bruh some anon just tried to send me hate about being a furry and being against proshippers "cause furries are into beastiality and thats worlds worse" my guy literally 99% of furries fucking hate the beastiality losers and being a furry can very much coexist with being anti proshipper, get a better argument that hurts next time

#these hate anons ive been getting have been so weak #i havent gotten much. only two really #but both sucked so bad #like the other was trying to say how wednesday is a bad show but like. thats all they said. 'wednesday sucks' but slightly longer and #trying to insult me for liking it #like... get a life? or at least try and be more hurtful if youre going to send hate at all?#i talk endlessly in tags. case in point. you have so much to work with in terms of trying to hurt me LMAO #my post #ask to tag #like get personal or something. tell me my father will never accept me and ill never find a place i feel truly comfortable or something #or at least be creative with it. god will send you to a mega hell for being a fruity trans bitch or something stupid funny like that JFJDJF #weakest bitches. wheres that one post about getting weak anons that cant even send good hate

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spade-club · 2 years

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Disorder disorder. Why must you fail me so.

Its so annoying that like. I can have a 2 day flashback and then just forget entirely about it and go "yeah so that trauma literally cant have happened" shut the fuck up. It did. It happened. And it probably happened a lot. If this was just a one time event we wouldnt have at minimum 2 people holding the trauma of it. Unless of course everything else is also really fucked up but either way shit fucking happened to us. We cant just sweep this under the rug. Now is the best time to address it. Lets think about it. Lets consider all avenues. When did it happen? Where did it happen? Is this two+ isolated events? Or was it one repeat event? Or did it only happen once? Was it the church we went to? Was it that group trip we went on? Was it family? We seem to have a mental block on all three of those for a reason. Which one of them did this specific thing to us though? There has to be a reason we have such a bad religious trauma response and no memory of ever holding a religion. What happened there? Why cant you remember a face or voice or a single word said by whoever was in charge? But you can remember the other kids... why? You know you were there for years, right? Years. And you dont remember it. That has to mean something. The parking lot did always confuse you. Maybe theres a reason. Maybe theres a reason. Why are your memories trying so hard to change themselves right now? You see that too right? They're changing. They're hiding something. I wholeheartedly believe it happened there. Why else do you think Bee is so obsessed with morality? Why else does she taunt us like that? What power dynamic is she imitating? Of course something happened there. Of course we had to insist on going to church... of course we insisted it would be good for us... and we did stop wanting to, didnt we. Do you remember what we were told when we asked to stop going? We were told we wanted this. We asked for this. This is what we wanted. So we kept going. We did ask for this after all. When do you think he had the time to do it? I mean, if he had to take you all the way out of the building, when did he have the time? Stop doubting me. Listen to me. Listen. This is real. This happened. We need to get to the bottom of this. Maybe it didnt happen at church, maybe. But something did. And we have to figure something out.

Fuck. I lost it all. Another time I guess...

#context: im rambling to myself ab my trauma #trying to find something and typing bc its easier #its a personal one but im posting it because fuck it. my blog.#ill delete it if I no longer feel safe with it up but it should be fine

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ottitty · 2 years

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Its okay to let yourself fall out of love with art or a craft if its not bringing you enough joy to be worth sustaining. You're worth more than what you create, and that's not something you have to apologize for. Thats a lot of grief to handle sometimes too, so be gentle with yourself and remember to not let yourself get weighed down by other people's guilt.

You are not dead. Continue on.

#this post keeps showing up on my recommended thats like #'no longer creating art is the DEATH of an ARTIST'#like no im pretty sure the death of an artist is death.#im only now realizing that like... its okay to put things down #and im only now letting myself sit with the fear of 'maybe ill never write or do x thing again after this break'#instead of working myself to death in fear of the idea that if i stop i stop for good #and im looking at the other writers and artists ive talked to who share this fear and thinking about these arts i consider my lifeblood #and also thinking of all the ways ive both taken a break and come back and still have yet to come back to a hobby and....#im okay.#i still smile i still live life and laugh and cry and enjoy it thoroughly.#my days are full and even the lazier ones are not riddled with the same depression i had anticipated #the world didnt end #everything is okay #and i think its such a bs thing to encourage thinking otherwise #because even if you never did another form of art again (which isnt likely since the way we create tends to just transform)#you would STILL be walking this earth and breathing #the universe wouldnt stop spinning. the day wouldnt suddenly decide to stop coming. there will always be something if you can find it #otter talks #sorry this is a ramble

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tkbrokkoli · 7 months

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wanted to write smth abt top surgery ⬇️

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akihikosanada · 8 months

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persona 5 is a video game that exists

#will forever be mad i couldnt finish yusukes confidant. makes me feel like when i didnt finish chies sl in my first playthrough of p4g #anyways why did they change it so that you have to manually get the items from your maxed confidants instead of them simply #giving them to you at the end of their link -_- like if one were to miss out on any by mistake theyd not get the hot #abilities and ability to fuse the ultimate personas yk #the least they could have done was tell you who you were missing and where to find them like p4 did #i dont mind the walking around stuff to see them im not complaining about that. and why would i anyways you do the same in p3 and p4 #140 hours on a first playthrough of vanilla p5 is too much. thats how long i took in ng+ p4g #between the new content and the third semester i would have been like. fucking 200 hours #too many hours spent on a game which i didnt even like much #and i do know at least vaguely about many of the additions in royal but i refuse to think the re-release would have made me have a #completely different opinion on the game #ANYWAYS. i no longer have any excuses preventing me from finishing my p3p ng+ playthrough 🥲#ill probs finish it during the weekend much to my chagrin ☹#final thoughts on p5: goodbye ryuji my number one boy 💔 i will forever miss you king #my post

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