#if enough people see this post I'll make a list of reasons for each of them

[pixiltalks]

Genshin/Kagepro fans, hear me out on this...

Please

[muddyorbsblr]

my whole life in a moment

'one look and they'll know' collection masterlist See my full list of works here!

Placement: pre-dating era; years before the events of 'one look and they'll know'

Summary: Your boyfriend presented you with a challenge to "walk a mile in his shoes"…imagining what life would be like if you weren't in a relationship with him

Pairing: Tom Hiddleston x Reader (but not quite yet); OC x Reader (toxic…and soon to be ex)

Word Count: 2.6k

Warning/s: toxic boyfriend with more than questionable loyalty; condescending side characters (hissss); language [let me know if i missed anything!]

Things to be aware of: Reader in her sad era

It doesn't mean anything, everyone does it, your boyfriend's words tauntingly echoed in your mind. Right before you two had gone on to attend separate conventions for work, yours in Anaheim, and his somewhere closer to Big Bear, you'd caught a glimpse of his phone, seeing all the pictures of half-naked influencers in the making that he was liking and commenting on like his life depended on it.

And somehow it was your fault that you found out about how he moved around online, "because if you trusted him, you wouldn't even have reason to look". Even if he was the one who just left his phone face up and unlocked for anyone to see.

Joshua even made it seem like you were the "weird one" for admitting that you never have and you never would do that. You would never imagine what life was like with someone else because you were already in a relationship. Loyalty meant something to you, and his actions were borderline maliciously blurring the lines to the point that you had this sinking feeling in your gut.

That one day he'd blur the line so much that he would feign innocence even if he was caught with his whole three and a half inches inside someone else.

Shouldn't the only thing that matters be the fact that no matter what happens, we come home to each other? His words practically had you seething. Of course not. What mattered was that even if you were far apart, you could still manage to feel secure enough in the relationship that he would never do anything that might betray your trust.

He presented you with a challenge for this weekend, to try it out, even if just to yourself. You didn't have to talk to anyone, like anyone's posts, you just had to imagine. To just meet eyes with a random stranger and imagine what life with them would be like, how the story would play out.

To walk a mile in his shoes, he said. Which bothered you more than you cared to admit. How many lives did he already envision with other people? How many times did he look at some random stranger, or God help you, someone you already knew, and fantasized about how life would be if he were with her instead of you?

"Iced americano for Y/N!" the barista called from the counter. You had to resist the urge to roll your eyes at the way he shamelessly checked you out. "Pretty girl like you, you're probably here for the Marvel thing upstairs? Let me guess, you got the hots for a certain blond super soldier? Or maybe a blond god?"

You gave him a tight-lipped smile…or maybe it was a grimace. "Yeah no…I'm actually here for the convention next to theirs."

Joshua's challenge began to rear its ugly head in your mind again, almost daring you to assess the leering man and what life would be like if you entertained his cheesy quips. Of course, all those thoughts were shot down immediately after he opened his mouth a second time, snorting before letting out a condescending laugh.

"The stuffy nerd assembly? What, you got a thing for rickety old men with pocket protectors talking about loop-the-loops and conditioners?"

Wouldn't even get past the first date. I'll happily waste a glass of Balkan and pour it on his pants and light the fucker on fire. But then of course I'd get arrested, probably assault, possibly attempted murder. Not worth it, you thought to yourself. Damn I hate this game already.

You gave him an equally condescending smile, shifting your stance to one you were much too familiar with, having to stand up straight and square your shoulders so that the men with over-inflated egos would actually shut up and listen to what you had to say. "I'm guessing you were a jock in high school…a popular one. Maybe even Prom King. Best four years of your life?"

His smile immediately dropped, looking like you injected pure ice into his veins. Good. "H--How--?"

"You're too easy to read," you said dismissively. "For the record, it's loops and conditions. If you're gonna make fun of an entire profession, at least get the words right so you don't look too much like an idiot when words come out of your mouth. And also, I'm one of the stuffy rickety old bats presenting in the 'nerd assembly'. Have a day."

You walked away from the coffee kiosk shaking your head in disbelief. You couldn't fathom how visibly unremarkable people found the sheer audacity to pass judgment the way they did. Especially to people who worked in the very industry that was steadily taking over the world.

The very websites these people used to poke fun at people they deemed lesser to them were quite literally built by the nerds they were talking down about. With the way the world was advancing, it wouldn't be long before scams started popping up left and right that would drain people like Mr Glory Days back there of every cent of his life savings.

Hell, with the skills you had, it would just be a few keystrokes away.

You decided against playing the challenge on passing strangers, considering that the glimpses that you were getting from your two to five second eye contact with them already unsettled you.

Two dates maximum, then he'd lock eyes with someone prettier and way out of his league and stop replying to texts. Not worth it.

Clingy, mama's boy that probably wants me to quit my job and my career and all my hobbies so my life revolves around morphing into some sexualized version of his mother. Definitely not worth it.

Would beg me not even six weeks into dating to try anal, and leave me on Week 7 for his male best friend. Week 8 if I peg him. For sure not fucking worth it.

All of them led to you internally yelling "absolutely not" in the solace of your mind, and ultimately opting out of the game altogether. It was steadily turning you into a cynic, and that was the last thing you needed to be considering how you chose to spend your free time.

If you kept at this path, the next time some random actor or musician or public figure reached out to you in the dark recesses of the internet begging you to keep their debauchery secret and protect them from the scrutiny of the public eye, you might just choose to leak it yourself. That particular part of your life needed you to hold on to compassion. Needed you to remember that just because some people chose to be extra freaky behind closed doors, it didn't necessarily make them deserving of being exposed.

The only time you needed to step in was when they were actively doing harm.

So instead of the strangers passing you by, you turned the challenge on its head, in Joshua's direction. With what you knew about him, how would your life play out?

You had just moved in with him last month, although most of your belongings still remained packed in boxes because he couldn't find space in "his place" yet for some of your "girly shit". He set aside about half of one of his dresser drawers for your clothes and your instincts told you it was wise to keep a police baton there for easy access.

Just in case he'd come home a little too drunk, a little too disorderly, and a little too wishy washy on consent.

The near incendiary conversation that you two had just before you parted ways on your separate conventions served as the largest red flag that you weren't in the right place. It wasn't just the likes and the comments to the bikini-clad women, it was the text message notification that popped up before he could swipe the phone off the desk and guilt trip you into apologizing for "snooping".

It was from Tracy, one of your coworkers that was assigned to the same convention as him. I can't wait to see you later! x

Seemed innocent enough, if you hadn't known for a fact that she'd been putting the moves on him for the last few months. If you hadn't glanced upon his desk at just the right second while they were talking and you saw her hand on his leg.

His words played back in your mind again. Shouldn't the only thing that matters be the fact that no matter what happens, we come home to each other? If that was his mentality, then perhaps you had every reason to be suspicious about the times when he wasn't home.

And right in those thirty seconds that you placed your relationship under that big of a microscope, the conclusion made itself crystal clear. "I have to leave him. He's gonna betray me and I have to leave him," you said with a defeated sigh.

At least I haven't unpacked yet, you quipped at yourself. You decided to go into the large function room that was booked for your event, carving out a few minutes to make sure that your resume was in order. That was the next logical step, leaving the company. Working with him wasn't going to be an option; you knew he would twist everything to make it seem like you were belligerent and someway somehow the downfall of your relationship fell squarely on your shoulders.

And people would believe him. Why wouldn't they? He put in insurmountable amounts of effort -- not to mention money -- to shower everyone in praises and gifts and free coffees to make sure they remembered him when promotion season rolled around. He was the self-proclaimed king of small talk, and you preferred silence over menial conversation.

Of course you would have to leave the company, too. Your self-respect all but demanded it.

You pulled out your little flashcards once you finished your coffee, mentally going over your points and anticipating any jabs from Nick that might throw you off. He was the unfortunate soul that was assigned with you, and he seemed hellbent on making sure you "knew your place" being one of the younger developers on the team.

As if it was age that had anything to do with experience.

It was in having your head buried nose-deep in the cards that had you violently bumping into someone walking straight into you, knocking the cards out of your hand and nearly making you fall off balance.

"I'm sorry I wasn't looking--" you sputtered, already moving to pick up your cards.

You didn't expect for the other person to crouch down with you and lend a helping hand. "Neither was I, luv, I apologize."

Good God, what a voice, your inner whore was practically moaning in your head. That voice turned into an all out scream when you looked up and realized who you bumped into. No one could scroll on any website the last few months without his face popping up on the page at least three times in five minutes.

The knowledge that the actor actually dyed his fucking hair and now the sharp angles of his face were even more prominent being framed by the onyx curls nearly took you out. And then he looked at you, stormy blue eyes widening just the slightest as he took your own features in and you could hear his breath hitch.

"I'm terribly sorry," he said again, offering his hand to you once he stood to his feet.

Once you placed your hand in his, you could feel sparks spreading up your arm, and then quickly through the rest of your body. You couldn't help but keep his gaze with how there was this tenderness in his eyes, only breaking when he looked down to place your cards back in your hand.

"You're speaking in the convention next door, I see?"

"I uhh…" Dammit Y/N, pick your panties off the floor and use your big girl voice, you're embarrassing yourself. "I am," you told him. You couldn't fight the urge to smile, even if part of you was still bracing yourself for a reaction similar to Mr Glory Days earlier.

"Fascinating, perhaps if there are still some available seats I could stop by."

Your eyes nearly bugged out your head. "Really?" you blurted out. "You don't think they're boring and stuffy?"

He didn't miss a beat in telling you, "Not when they're facilitated by interesting people. It's always rather enlightening to get to see intelligent people in their element." He placed his hand over yours, holding them for just a moment before stepping away, as if he had to break himself out of his own thoughts. "Well erm…best of luck with your speech."

Play the game, your inner whore taunted you. Come on, it's the hot actor from Avengers, play the fucking game. You're never gonna cross paths with him again.

"You, too. Good luck, I mean. I mean you'll do great, of course you will, y'all have so much training for this--" You bit your tongue, taking a deep breath before speaking again. "I mean, thank you."

Come on, Hiddles, your pessimistic side reared its ugly head. Give me a red flag, I can't be swooning over you and your stupidly pretty face, seriously what the fuck that face with that voice shouldn't be legal.

A moment passed, and another, before his eyes flickered for a fraction of a second to your lips. But never lower. He took another step back once he broke eye contact, letting out a nervous chuckle. "I'm Tom, by the way."

"I know." The words burst out of you like you had zero filter left between your brain and your mouth. "I mean, I'm--"

"Dammit, Y/L/N, now how did I know you're dawdling about out here trying to score with an actor?" The shrill sound of Nick's ornery voice broke the moment. "Your generation really doesn't know the first damn thing about being a professional, huh."

You took a breath, clutching your cards to refrain from reaching in your bag and giving in to an intrusive thought of stabbing your coworker with a dull pencil. When you looked back at Tom, he was slowly taking a few steps backwards, pointing to the much larger hall room of the convention center. "I'm this way."

"That way," you shot back, jabbing your thumb in the opposite direction. You'd given each other an awkward wave goodbye before you finally turned and walked toward the comparatively quieter room.

Play the game, that whorish inner voice pleaded. You know you want to.

The images you allowed yourself to indulge in painted a decadent future. Picturesque date nights balanced with perfectly blissful quiet nights in. Constantly checking in on you when you were in social gatherings to make sure you were still doing alright. Goodnight and good morning and "just because" calls throughout the days, especially when you were apart.

And sweet mercy, the sex would have probably been something out of the filthiest books you'd ever read. You knew what stories about him were floating around in the forums. No stone unturned, no corner unchristened.

And he sure as shit would be packing more than three and a half inches, the voice finished off. Conclusion? Absolutely would have been fucking worth it. Now look back and see if you can check out his butt.

You decided to indulge the voice one last time, looking over your shoulder to see if you could still make him out among the crowd. And when you found him, your heart jumped straight to your throat, rendering you speechless.

Because he was looking back at you, too.

A/N: Who's gonna tell these flirty babies that they reunite again in a few years and get married? 🥹👀 Also I've been thinking on what Reader's backstory before crossing paths again with Tom at the set of Ragnarok would be, and so some of the bits that I'll write for the series will be Reader-centric, kind of building on her character and touching on the ways she was constantly going "Yeah no way I get with someone like him" only to end up with Tom at the end of her sad meow meow era 💖

Also…Tom's basically the only male character in here that I didn't want to pummel with a baseball bat, and I can confirm that I have had "men" in my life that treated me the way Joshua treats Reader, scoffed at me the way Mr Glory Days barista did, and belittle me the way Nick the coworker did. It's been a rough 8 years 🤪

Ooh, also this is the song that inspired this story:

'everything' taglist: @simplyholl @loopsisloops @imalovernotahater @coldnique @loz-3 @huntress-artemiss @salempoe @vickie5446 @athalialaufeyson @lokiprompts @kats72 @kikster606 @asgards-princess-of-mischief @lokixryss @thomase1 @mischief2sarawr @lovingchoices14 @lunarnights95 @goblingirlsarah @iamlokisgloriouspurpose @creationsbyme @maple-seed @mjsthrillernp @ladyofthestayingpower @mygfloki @sititran @glitterylokislut @ozymdias @fictive-sl0th  @lokidbadguy @mochie85 @silverfire475 @joyful-enchantress @elizabethmidnight2017 @holdmytesseract @smolvenger @gigglingtiggerv2 @lokidokieokie

@superficialdomina @kmc1989 @november-rayne @goddessofwonderland @buttercupcookies-blog @peaky-marvel @lokiified @dryyoursaltyoceantears @herdetectivetheorist @alexakeyloveloki @lulubelle814 @jaidenhawke

[hewasverycinematic]

Psychological warfare has been committed

So in-ho is my second favourite character from S2 of squid game (After the salesman cause daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaamn)

anyway

he's so complex and layered so I thought I'd list all the times I noticed him just fucking with Gi-hun

Sang-woo styling

So the first one has been said before many a time and it's how he's obviously styled his hair similar to Sang-woo. This works in two ways; One being that he's showing familiarity to Gi-hun, making him instantly comfortable around him, but ALSO that he should not be trusted in the same way Sang-woo definitely shouldn't have been. But also in a way that's so subconscious to Gi-hun that he wouldn't even register it. The other way this works is that the fluffiness makes him seem literally soft just from looking at him, making not only Gi-hun trust him but the rest of their little squad. So even if Gi-huns sub-conscious kicks in with the "maybe lets not trust him, he looks like that dude who betrayed me last time and he's got that same number as someone else I shouldn't have trusted" he would look insane (Rightly so.) This also makes Jung-bae not telling him he's suspicious of 001 even more painful.

Mingle

Then grabbing his best friend in the mingle game. Not much to say on this one, I originally thought it was odd bc why Jung-bae? It makes itself clear by the end of the season that he needed Jung-bae to stay alive for the gut punch at the end. It's also very clear, however, that Dae-ho would 100000% have paired up with him, so why did In-ho need to take him specifically? Well, he knows there's not being enough rooms for everyone. So he knew he would probably have to kill someone and this also makes sure Gi-hun doesn't see this side of him and cause tension/distrust early on. (He saw his reaction with Sang-woo and the glass bridge remember)

X O

He originally votes to continue the game, telling Gi-hun that he did it because of him. This really is a double blow, because he's basically shifting the blame of the games continuing onto Gi-hun. If he hadn't been there to give faith to "Young-il", he possibly would've voted X and this set of games would have ended. But he's also, once again, makes Gi-hun believe he has the power to make change and help people. The tone in which he speaks to him, whilst also being a bit told off, makes him come across as meek and clueless i.e. harmless. He does this alot in front of Gi-hun, the amount of times he apologises and says he must've misunderstood or didn't know adds to this.

The second time he votes, he changes to X. And, again, says it's because of Gi-hun. Repeating the same steps as before backwards, but getting the exact same result. Gi-huns ego is boosted (literally showing he can change O's minds) and appearing powerless as a follower.

Late night talking

Narratively, I love this scene, we get to hear directly from In-ho his motivations for going into the first game. But we also get to see how messed up he is that he's lying about something so deep and personal. Using it as a way to get closer to Gi-hun, appearing to let his guard down, I honestly think In-ho needed that conversation as he seemed to have disappeared to Jun-ho before he could properly grieve and process. Then again there's a gap in his history that we as the audience do not know about. After he won and before becoming the Front Man (I'll probably make another post on my theories for S3) In terms of Gi-hun this conversation is probably the one which solidifies his trust in 001 as he's showing he does care about someone so much he is willing to risk his life and ensure others death. The reasoning mirroring Gi-huns in the first series, they are one and the same in that aspect. But it's so evil because In-ho knows all this and uses their shared grief against him.

"We'll have to hope more of the other side died"

After the Mingle game, Gi-hun suggests counting how many people are left on each side, and In-ho responds with "We'll have to hope more people from the other side died". This instantly made me think of the scene in the first season where Ji-Yeong is mock praying that they can send more people to their deaths for their own survival. This is so on the nose that I'm surprised Gi-hun didn't pick up what In-ho was putting down. He's slowly drip-feeding into Gi-hun that he's thinking the exact way the hosts want them to. Us vs. them as opposed to us vs. the machine, which is a direct link to when the frontman tells Gi-hun that the games won't change unless the world does. He's also got a slight smirk in his eyes which is essentially him internally going "I told ya so"

"Is that really what you want?

Before the third vote Gi-hun & co are discussing how to make sure they win the vote. Whilst Gi-hun wants to go over to try and persuade them to change from O to X, In-ho says "If we provoke them now, we may end up in a big fight before we even get to vote. Is that what you want Gi-hun"

And then after the tied vote and during the conversation of The Plan™ Gi-hun asks "Are you going to kill each other all night and hope you survive? Is that what you want Young-il?"

This is so ironic because they're saying the exact same thing back to each other "Are you sure you want to fight?" Which has sooo many layers. Yes, they're talking about the players being split into X vs. O but what Gi-hun doesn't realise yet is that he is the O (player) and In-ho is the X (host). As In-ho says as the frontman, the games only work if there are players. And the games stop if there's no one to host (If society changes and there's no wealth disparity making VIPs obsolete).

And that's just the literal meaning of what they've said. The fact that this is the first time Gi-hun has repeated In-hos' behaviour, in a somewhat catty way and not in an "I'm just like you, you should trust me" way. It still shows how similar the two are. I think this is why people theorise that Gi-hun will be the next front man. I think the point is that during the rebellion, he already is the frontman, just to the players following his orders.

Also, can I just add the cinematography of the beam separating the two is *chefs kiss*

Repeating Jung-bae

So we all saw the jealous look In-ho had when listening in to Gi-hun and Jung-baes conversation. I, actually, think he saw it as another way to toy with Gi-hun later on as we see. In the conversation with Jung-bae they're laughing about how much of a cheapskate Gi-hun was when they were friends. In-ho is in a totally non 457 way showing he can be the same as his best friend, but with it being such a common thing to say, if this wasn't a show it'd be something to easily overlook. With it being a show, I cannot overlook the parallel.

Rebellion things

Smaller things I noticed:

When discussing the special game he only said "you" instead of "we" - "How are you going to get the guns" etc.

Until he says "Small sacrifice for the greater good? In that case, I'm with you" - Further pointing out how similar they have become.

He didn't shoot the guards when they were in the stairwell/corridor unless he was speaking. Possibly to cover up the fact he wasn't shooting - Was he saving ammo? Doubt it - Says he's nearly out of ammo without checking - Not wanting to be hit in the crossfire? Maybe

Saving Gi-hun

So he saves Gi-hun twice, once when he's about to be shot and again when he shoots Jung-bae instead. I don't believe this is just because he's grown fond of him but because, as Gi-hun said in the limo, the games are so much more entertaining for the VIPs with him in. Unfortunately, I have to speculate that him being in there has caused more money to be donated by the VIPs, further upholding the games. The reality is Gi-hun was never going to be killed. He has plot armour both for us and the VIPs watching.

The final fuckery from In-ho as Young-il is the "Are you sure" with the most suspicious look on his face. People kept saying that that was the ammo that shot Jung-bae, but it wasn't, it wasn't even the same gun. It was really the last of the ammo they had, and giving it to In-ho was just leaving them defenceless, being the catalyst to the retreat and end of Jung-baes life.

Other sass

Joking about the umbrella dalgona as if he wasn't watching

"Besides, we've got a previous winner with us" as if he wasn't also a winner

Making dad jokes about his name

Disappearing in mingle to reenforce to Gi-hun that he cares about his wellbeing

unrelated note: people saying why would he kill his own guards, as we see with no-eul, they're seen the same as the players. (trash) he doesn't care about them either

[menlove]

[image id: an ask from @harbingerofskulls that reads: "im gonna b real i only knew the jerking off i would love to hear you elaborate more if you want to go on the whole situation" /end id]

answering here so i can save as a draft without risking the ask disappearing bc tumblr's been doing that lately but

oh god </3 for everyone else- it's talking about this post. sooo i'm gonna go through each one bc i've been feeling insane for several weeks. i'll do my best to cite my sources lmao

i don't know (johnny johnny)

this is referring to this unreleased VERY early beatles track from 1960. the audio quality is absolute shit & as such unfortunately people love to put words to it that don't make much sense in either direction (i.e a lot of mclennon fans want to hear "you're in love with me" and a lot of people that hate mclennon will just make up the weirdest lyrics that make 0 sense so it's Not Gay). some of the lyrics that ARE clear make it obvious this song is about the two of them running away together- at one point i'm fairly certain paul says "how am i gonna tell my father that we're leaving town?" probably referring to them leaving to hamburg. which would be fine but some of the other lyrics areeeee..... very..... Hm. like multiple times paul refers to john as "my boy" and there's bits of them talking about not knowing what to tell their friends & wanting to just run off together alone. if i were the other members of the band having to record this i would have killed them with hammers <3 also the entire end is just paul going "oh johnny" like 1 million times. okay. sure. also since the lyrics ARE so garbled i mean i guess people could be right about it saying "how am i gonna tell my father you're in love with me" but i just don't hear it. still, a very gay song about running off together and getting away from everything and everyone, complete with moaning the other's name </3

2. paris

this one is a huge part of McLennon Fandom Lore lmao but for good reason. not citing sources on all this bc it's one of those that's just Fact & can be found in like any beatles biography or thebeatlesbible.com (my savior) but. for john's 21st birthday, he got 100 pounds from a rich relative. instead of taking his girlfriend or any of his other friends, he decided to use the money to take paul to spain. but they stopped in paris on the way and just decided to stay there. which i mean like. taking your best friend over your girlfriend to the city of love is a little weird but it's not THAT weird. it's everything else that makes people want to chew glass about it. including some of the other things on this list. like this audio of john just goofing around singing about paris and paul, with such hits as "my cheri, my pau pau my pau paul." which is :| okay best friend. and paul has this picture hung up in his house that he took of john sleeping in paris. okay. sure. why not. (although ig there's some doubt about if the photo is from paris? either way it's a picture paul took and has framed in his house which is incriminating enough my man). also NOT in the original post but may pang, a woman john had a brief affair with in the 70s, wrote a book called loving john. in it, there's this quote:

After a late lunch, Linda launched into a long paean to the joys of living in England. When she was finished, she turned to John and said, “Don’t you miss England?”

“Frankly,” John replied, “I miss Paris.”

okay! also in an interview once he said:

The thing was all the kissing and the holding that was going on in Paris. And it was so romantic, just to be there and see them, even though I was twenty-one and sort of not romantic. But I really loved it, the way the people would just stand under a tree kissing; and they weren’t mauling at each other, they were just kissing.

(interview with david scheff for playboy in september 1980)

3. if i fell

this one i already made an insane post on that started my spiral into posting about the beatles publicly </3 but, essentially, the song "if i fell" by john is..... well it's most likely about paul. he said it wasn't about his wife but that it was auto-biographical and he never really had any public affairs that weren't flings, certainly not a lover. but most damning is he wrote the complete lyrics for the first time on a valentine's day card addressed "to paul with love" with some hearts and arrows pointing to where the lyrics were written. absolutely insane. made me insane.

4. oh! darling

rawest paul song of all time if i do say so myself lmao. but it's just.... Highly Suspicious, that's what it is. a Lot of beatles fans/historians will admit this song is most likely about john but they won't admit that it's fucking romantic if it is. like.

like that is so blatantly romantic idk what to say other than that. also, in the official recording on abbey road, there's Several points where paul says "darling" that sound more like he's saying "johnny" which is what he called him. people brush it off by saying it's his accent, but there's a very clear difference between when he's saying "darling" and when he's saying "johnny". i mean the Lore behind this is that it was written right when things were splitting up between them (& the rest of the band) so it makes sense and it's why most people are willing to accept it's about john. it's just insane to me that they'll accept it's about john without considering the implications of that.

5. the real life demo

this one made me want to light myself on fire i won't lie to you. but here it is! john had a song called "real love" and this is a very early demo of it. but instead of the lyrics that came to actually be in the song (which are thought to be about yoko but let's not get into the fact that it was on a tape labeled "for paul" but whatever), it includes john fucking crying as he sings saying:

"was i just dreaming or was it only yesterday? i used to hold you in my arms. and now a baby and another on the way... la la la la farm..."

which can quite literally be about no one else but paul, as this demo was recorded when he'd just had two children with his wife linda and linda was pregnant with their third child. they'd moved to a farm in scotland. hearing this audio clip did genuinely make me want to lie down in the dirt for a week. also "i used to hold you in my arms" just... yeah. god. when people think it was unrequited idk what to say, really.

6. If Paul Were A Woman-

shoving these two together but. in april of 85, paul said in an interview about john and yoko's relationship:

"I mean, I couldn’t stand in the way of someone who’d fallen in love. You can’t say, 'Who’s this?' You can’t really do that. If I was a girl, maybe I could go out and…"

okay bestie <3 and what would make your relationship different if you were a woman? interesting! and yoko had something similar to say. in this audio, she says:

"I’m sure that if he had been a woman or something, he would have been a great threat – because there’s something definitely very strong between John and Paul."

just reminds me of being a kid and telling my best friends "if i were a boy i'd date you" lol. incredible. does anyone here know about bisexuality.

7. stuart!

not much to say here except that john had a best friend, stu sutcliffe, who died young & before that had been the bassist in the band. paul fucking hated him sooo much oh he SEETHED. a lot has been written on that relationship but it was.... very interesting to say the least. it could have just been about the band, or just jealousy over john's friendship, but take that with a lot of john biographers suspecting john had feelings/even a sexual relationship with stuart and it paints a very Interesting picture to say the least

8. john's bisexuality

here's a compilation of quotes about it, but john was more than likely bisexual. which has nothing to do w paul, really, but more to do against people that like to claim they were both Heterosexual Men. although an interesting quote in this compilation is him saying he's "had paul" lmfao

9. paul's post-beatles work

there's just.... there is so so so much here i don't even know where to begin. @ringompreg has a good compilation of paul songs here. a lot of them do take a bit of Lore but like..... it comes down to the fact that both him and john have/had admitted many times to using their lyrics during The Breakup Years to talk to/reference each other and sooooo many of these lyrics are insanely blatant. the two i mentioned were tug of war and let me roll it, both of which are acknowledged to be about john by most people WITH NO ONE BOTHERING TO ACKNOWLEDGE THE IMPLICATIONS OF THAT which..... tug of war has this:

we could stand on top of the mountain with our flag unfurled? dancing to a beat played on a different drum? this is what gaylors think gaylor conspiracy is but paul mccartney is really out here saying this shit.

and let me roll it is so fucking blatantly romantic but every reviewer is like haha! what a cool song that's "making fun" of john and clearly in his style! like are straight people stupid genuinely. anyway:

bonus to that but about JOHN'S solo work :)))))) he wrote a song called "watching the wheels" and when you consider he very much responded to MANY of paul's solo stuff it's :)

which as a response to let me roll it would just be... so devestating but it may be a stretch idk if i'm onto anything there it's just worth Mentioning

and there's a lot of others, a lot of them in that post up there. like far too many where paul mentions falling in love with a friend like Alright.

10. paul's first lsd trip with john/"i know" "i know"

this one is less blatantly romantic but it is just insane. here's an article. and a quote from george martin about it. the first time paul tripped on acid w john was bc john accidentally took some and he took him home & then took acid w him bc he didn't want john to be alone on the trip :( but, notably:

"And we looked into each other’s eyes, the eye contact thing we used to do, which is fairly mind-boggling. You dissolve into each other. But that’s what we did, round about that time, that’s what we did a lot," the singer recalled, "And it was amazing. You’re looking into each other’s eyes and you would want to look away, but you wouldn’t, and you could see yourself in the other person. It was a very freaky experience and I was totally blown away."

he also apparently saw john as the, and i quote, "emperor of eternity" during this trip??????? okay

SOMEWHERE i can't find it rn and i'm getting lazy but somewhere they (i think paul?) talk about the fact that they used to just stare into each other's eyes and then say "i know" "i know" which. considering john's song "i know (i know)" makes me crazy

11. in my life/i will

these are really just some devastating songs with lyrics that make you really raise your eyebrows. for in my life, written by john, it's just an incredibly romantic & sweet song that is again, not about his wife. given that the lennon estate is still out here posting pictures of paul to those lyrics i have to say it's a liiiiittle suspicious. and i will is...... it's one that paul insists is not about his girlfriend at the time, jane asher. and when you look at the lyrics vs how him and john met.... like. the song goes:

and the story of how they met was that paul saw john repeatedly before they ever met, when he didn't know who john was other than that he thought he looked cool & admired his sideburns (lmfao). and when they did finally meet, it was when john was singing at a garden fete (party) and paul was in the crowd just Mesmerized. so. well. you can see.... you can see how fitting that is. makes me crazy makes me want to chew glass actually

12. "we were each other's intimates" and other insane quotes

"we were each other's intimates" is a paul quote about john which is just insane but that's not even the tip of the iceberg. here's a ton of quote compilations.

13. "literally everything else"/honorable mentions

some honorable mentions go out to: john going on stage w elton john & playing i saw her standing there and introducing it as "a song by an estranged fiance of mine" okay! the "just like starting over" demos. okay! which isn't even to MENTION the fact that paul locked himself away in the studio listening to "just like starting over" on repeat for DAYS after john died like???? john saying repeatedly that he considered paul & yoko to be his two major partners in life including in an interview the literal day he died. a whole ass rpf movie where they kiss & talk like they're ex-lovers and dance in central park (two of us) made by the same dude that made the let it be movie like. he knew them personally? he worked with them closely? and the only thing paul had to say about it was just essentially that it was what he wished would've happened like???????? i can't find a super reliable source for this so take it w a grain of salt, but apparently paul referred to mclennon fanfiction as "beautiful stories" and doesn't mind them being written. paul also had a cat that had kittens & he named two of the kittens pyramus and thisbe after fictional lovers he and john played and he gave pyramus (the character paul played) to john :|

and literally so much else like all of this and it's not even all of it. it's not even close to all of it. i didn't even get to talk about the way in "get back" the documentary, paul started talking about john leaving the band for yoko and how john would choose her over them and then he got teary eyed, started choke laughing, and then started singing "build me up buttercup" before looking at the cameras and stopping. what the FUCK was that about! IT'S NOT EVEN GETTING INTO THE SONG "TWO OF US" THAT'S SO OBVIOUSLY ABOUT JOHN THAT IT HURTS. it's. it's not even scratching the surface. they were just genuinely insane about each other.

[emmett6]

i am being attacked by antis.

this is emmett. emmettnet, emmettverse, emmettland, emmettundead, emmettlab. whichever blog you knew me from.

i am a whump creator. i've been in the whump community for a few years now. and now, i am unable to share my work with the community on here because people are mass reporting me for being a proshipper, and Tumblr keeps deleting my blogs as a result.

(if that isn't the reason why, i would be more than happy to get the explanation from @staff that i've been asking for.)

now, that is speculation on my part based on the timing of each termination (it's after i put my pinned post in the whump tags).

but here are the facts:

months ago, i became comfortable enough to share proshipping content. seeing as how every other artist would link their nsfw work on here, i thought it was acceptable for me to do the same so long as the preview image did not violate any rules.

an anon asked if i was a proshipper, and i said i didn't ascribe to that label*, but i agreed with the philosophy.

*i don't have any choice BUT to use it now because my posts get removed for describing what the content is

note that this anon asked multiple people in the whump community if they were proshippers. it was the same person each time, same copy-and-pasted responses.

i kept posting my proshipping content, all with links and extensive content warnings.

i started getting anon hate.

my account was terminated. after further reflection and rereading the terms of service AGAIN, i figured maybe links are not allowed and so i switched to DM only.

this time, the anon hate was consistent. every week was something new. every day felt like bracing myself to open my inbox. i kept anon on, since i have so many people who feel uncomfortable sending asks off anon and didn't want to take away their safe space.

months pass. i go on hiatus for all of July. i find out someone stole my old nsfw art and reposted their edited versions of it to rule34, a site that i never wanted my work to be on. this person waited until the exact starting day of my hiatus to do this.

i come back to more anon hate in my inbox.

suddenly, out of nowhere, my account is terminated again.

i make a new blog. more anon hate. another termination.

lather, rinse, repeat.

i stopped doing DM only stuff. i figured, if i just link my other platforms and only post safe things on Tumblr, there's nothing in the rules against that. everyone has links to their social media.

i still get terminated. and again, i keep getting terminated after i post my pinned post in the whump tags. which -- speculation again -- leads me and others to think that these antis are stalking the whump tags, waiting for me to show up so they can mass report me and get me terminated.

i have NO idea what they would report, aside from claiming i'm trying to "dodge being blocked". which, i'm not. in fact, i say every single time i come back that i WANT people to block me if they need to.

but regardless, it keeps happening.

i'm losing a place i considered home.

i'm being forced out of a community on here i love so dearly.

and you want to know something funny? for some strange reason, i'm unable to block my anons. yup. an 'error' message comes up. and i'm apparently unable to report them too -- like reporting the one who called me a 'tumblr tranny' and said i would 'always be a woman' for hate speech. oops, sorry. error message.

by now, i've been called evil. told to listen to my intrusive thoughts. told that i should be on a watch list. told that it's disgusting that someone's mutuals still interact with me. told that i have no place in the whump community.

i know that's not true.

i'm so sick and tired of being treated like this. i'm tired of being dehumanized. and i'm disgusted with this behavior.

at this point, i'm just screaming as many times as i can. i'll keep losing blogs, because i know my attackers will read this and just keep on reporting me. what do they have to lose? nothing. they don't have enough of a conscience to care. and why should they? clearly, i'm a monster. i'm a piece of shit. i don't deserve basic respect, and i apparently don't deserve to keep my 'platform'. to stay in my community and to keep my livelihood.

my discord is emmettnet. send me a DM if you don't want to lose me, because there is no point in following me repeatedly just for every blog to be terminated.

if you want to reblog this to spread the word and show your support, i would be eternally grateful. but i understand if you choose not to; i don't want anyone to be subjected to what i'm going through.

thank you for reading.

[goldenshrikecomic]

FAQ

Please read these before sending asks! It's also good to check the tags listed on the pinned post to see if it's already answered. Where can I read GS? On Comicfury or DeviantArt. Two pages ahead on both Patreon and Ko-fi.

Who works on this comic? Only me, ratt/doeprince. You can call me either, I usually refer to myself as doeprince when it's more official, otherwise ratt or some secret third thing. I'm an amateur artist and I draw these comics for fun without much ambition to gain greatness. I want to make enough money to be able to keep working on more comics, and buy trinkets.

How can I support what you do? Why thank you for asking! All my income comes from making comics, so the support on either Patreon or Ko-fi is literally making my comic endeavours possible.

Do you have other projects? I work on some secondary comics. Jet and Harley and Honey are currently updating, Corpse is finished. You can find my other art on doe-prince.

How long will Golden Shrike be? I don't know how many pages. I hope it's less than 1000.

What programs do you use? SAI for lineart, CSP for coloring and bubbles, PS for text and backgrounds. Hoooow do you draw the antlers from different perspectives? I've made 3D models for each recurring antlered character.

Is GS going to have physical merch? Will it be printed? Consider this a no, but I won't say never.

Does GS have a map, official wiki or dub or something like that? No. There's a fan wiki out there full of inaccurate information so take everything in there with tons of grains of salt. There's no map. The dub on YT is separate from me, I've had no hand in it.

Can I make a fan character? Can they interact with yours? You can absolutely make a fan character! I just ask you not to make them interact with mine, at least not in any kind of heavy way. It's a slippery slope and I've seen people treat my characters very rudely to make them suit their needs.

Can I make fanart/writing? Yes! All sfw and well-meaning works are welcome. Just tag me so I can see them! Why are the borders black and sometimes white? White borders means it's a flashback.

Deer don't do that!!!!! Or birds!! Or plants! The moon shouldn't be that shape right now. Everything in GS is fictional for this very reason. I shall not be shackled by the chains of realism when there's entire new worlds in my fingertips. I aim to make things believeable in its context, not realistic. Are other animals sentient, can they talk? Sure they are and can, but not outside their own species. A frog can't hold a conversation with a deer, but a deer and antelope could possibly make it work. There's exceptions though.

How old are main characters? They're fawns right? No they are not, they'd all be in their early 20s if they were humans.

What does sire mean? It keeps popping up in different contexts. You can liken this term to 'father', as in your dad but also something like a priest. The priest isn't your dad but "father forgive me for I've sinned". So sire is a) respected stag, b) very formal way to address your father. Dame is the female counterpart. Why are the does so small compared to stags.... are you a freak... do you just hate women..... Listen when I started GS I had been dwelling in a place where monster deer characters had insane size differences and it became some kind of norm to me and of course it found its way into my comic. Now I just have to keep drawing those tiny women to keep up the consistency. I've created bigger ladies nowadays because I too think it's a little silly now.

Please please will this character ever get a mate? Will this pairing be canon? Will you please make this pairing canon? I won't spoil any pairings, I think it'd be the most boring thing to do to my own work! I'll only confirm the ones already established in the comic.

Is this a speck of ember? Is it snow? What is that floating thing, is it relevant to the plot? IT'S JUST MY DUST BRUSH LEAVE ME ALONE.

[psychelis-new]

pick a pile: "Your true colors - (7/7) Violet"

take a breath and choose the photo or number that calls you the most to read a message for you from the color violet, the seventh and last of the 7 rainbow's colors. in this serie of readings about the rainbow's colors, I will try to channel about your true colors, so to help you look inside and see your most beautiful self, appreciate yourself more and hopefully provide some type of guidance if necessary. as cindy lauper would say: "your true colors are beautiful like a rainbow", so let's look at them and hear what they have to say to you and how they (you) can help you look at things in a more positive way.

violet is the color of luxury, mystery, elegance, ambition, royalty, awareness, intelligence, wisdom, miracles, passion, enlightment, knowledge (crown chakra)... in this reading, I'll try to analyze this side of your character.

you can find the other colors' readings in the pacs list in my pinned post

don’t take the reading too seriously. only take what resonates with you and leave the rest. if you're not called by any pile, let this reading slid as it may not hold messages for you. if you're called by more than one pile, there may be messages in each of those piles. remember that is a general reading and some things may not resonate with you. energies can change and readings are based on present ones (as you read); you're always in charge of your life.

(photos found on unsplash)

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pile 1

Let's start off noticing that you have a triangle shape in your pic: this is a sign of the Divine, and a very strong-based shape, often connected with the masculine and feminine too. I do think you're spiritually protected and have a good connection with the 5d, no matter if you're aware of it or not. Despite this though, at times you may doubt and spiral a bit: your wounded ego/mind may get in between your downloads and make you doubt of yourself and your ability to receive messages/your knowledge. I think you are called to shed a light onto this habit of yours so to be more in control of your abilities and self power/grounded and trust them and yourself more: this would totally help you get further in your life and more easily towards your goals (or at least give yourself the permission to try, which is something you may have learned to avoid doing for different reasons: fear of judgement, lack of self control, downplay yourself to leave space to others... you're as deserving, dear). You're ambitious and powerful, so just give it a try and you may even receive.

I feel like at times you may lose trust in the 5d too? It's like... you may stop believing. You feel like you need to focus more on your material life and get away from the spiritual one, as you need to get more practical (probably again in order to feel included and appreciated by other people around you or cause you feel like you're not being listened to as you're not receiving anything and it brings you to feel disappointment as it's probably what you've often had to experience in your life -but honestly, this could be just a test). Such feelings are normal, especially if you come from a specific background/environment: things may get confusing for your mind, you may lose hope or come back to your old self victimization pattern ("I'm not deserving/not enough"), and your doubt and self trust issues as well, may make it all more complicated, but... You have a lot inside of you, also as per your spiritual abilities, so do not let them slid away cause you fear no one would get them (if that's the case). You're the only one in need to welcome and understand them and believe in them and use them the way you feel they may resonate with your life (meaning you don't have to become a spiritual figure, you can become a doctor, for example, and still also trust your intuition when it comes to healing someone or any other kind of download).

You can manifest miracles in your life if you want to. And, especially if you're someone already into spiritual practices/divinations (but not necessarily), you can also bring enlightment to those who want to listen to you (but you need to be the first one believing in what you download and how). At times it's only a matter of finding the right people for us instead of insisting with those who are just not for us. It's okay to be different. Take your time to dig within, to bring enlightenment within yourself first and to really know yourself, your triggers, your fears, to welcome and nurture them and to realize what you really want to do and who you want to be. It's all for you, and it's up to you. Remember you're free to do what makes you feel better, but if you started trusting and being more confident in yourself at least, you could become unstoppable. Take a time out to realize all I mentioned above, follow your guts and the signs you may get (number 3, 6 and 9 may be around you or you may be born on those days/months or your astrological chart may have a focus on those houses. Whatever it is, these numbers may also hint to the Divine, self balance/enegetical balance and spiritual awakening/soul mission). Insects may sign change and transformation (you may see/hear them around you): be kind with yourself as changes are hard to deal with, so doubts and insecurities and triggers may arise more often and harshly (take it slow when it happens, give yourself time). Take care of you and stay hydrated (water may also cleanse you/help you relax).

songs: blue moon | the marcels; miss perfect | abs, nodesha

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pile 2

Pile 2, it's okay if things are unclear and confusing. The veil may not be removed for you yet, or not entirely, and you're probably called to trust and believe at this time. Even believe that your personal changes that you may be experiencing now (and may indeed add confusion to your life), are just for you and your good. Similarly to pile 1 but not exactly in the same way (you're more an evolution of that pile): I feel like you already know about this. You're already trusting, at least 99% of times. It feels as you have decided to trust yourself and fate or the Universe, despite you may not understand it entirely or be sure about it. You know that things can change at any time, that transformations require time and that you cannot control it all but can only let it flow. I feel like, deep inside, you have the belief that things are gonna be okay and you are even kinda hyped about it (despite you tend to keep yourself grounded still and not let this thought sweep you away: I think that's an okay approach, just keep being hopeful though). You can feel there's something in store but you cannot grasp it and even if at times you try to get more about it and end up hitting a wall, you know that things will still be clear at the right time. And you don't mind a little surprise here and there: like it's good to know, but it's also good to not know everything.

You seem passionate, smart and someone who likes to learn more and more. At least on your best days (which is what you're trying to move forward to, leaving pile 1's energy, almost). Your learning happens in different fields (and fields that are "different" from the usual) and maybe also your career or something about you is different or unusual; you have many interests, you like different cultures and stuff, but you also feel an attraction towards the occult and unknown and ofc you want to know more about spirituality too. If this is speaking to you, please do not block yourself and ask questions or search for resources (on youtube, books, websites...) or even through travels if you can or will get the chance (it's still a travel even to move in a different side of your town). You're someone transforming, shedding old skin like a snake, and a change of environment and mental pattern is what can make you feel renewed (also from a creative point of view, if this resonates with you: you may try to start a creative career but feel blocked. I think your crown chakra may get more downloads and guide you better the moment you find a new balance under different circumstances or in different places, seeing/experiencing something new. The more you grow comfortable in your whole new self).

Indeed try something new, do something for you. Gift yourself something. I do think you are already doing this or are on the way to, so take this as a confirmation for you being on the right track. You're slowly moving towards holding more control over your emotions (at times you may still get overwhelmed so please do also find ways to recharge/sleep/nap and set clear boundaries that won't make you downplay your needs in order to make others feel better), keep believing that you will be able to even if now you have no idea of how you'll get there. You're being guided from above even if you'r enot noticing it, so trust that you're going to be where you are supposed to be (and very likely where you want to be too). Stay open to receive and follow yourself and your guidance in the weirdest places, even where you think there's nothing for you: you never know what are Universe's plans and what can pop up for you even from a slightly negative situation (or what you perceive as such). The moment you'll find ways to be even more in control of your thoughts and fears, you're gonna reach your peak of abundance. You'll get miracles falling in your lap without you having to move a finger exactly cause you're trusting Universe's guidance. Keep going, keep trusting, keep working on you and be hopeful as you can. You're being cleansed to start a new amazing trip. And also, if you're trying to close with the past, you'll make/you're making it. Universe has your back and you kinda already know it.

song: touch | shura (canvas remix); never change | jeremy passion, melissa polinar

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pile 3

Hello pile 3, it's an honor to be around you. You know your worth, your energy is very refined, almost high mantenance. You almost feel otherwordly. Woah... You have lot of wisdom in whatever is your field, you're also gaining more and probably will get some recognition too like you may be posting online lot of stuff and have many people recognize your effort and resonate with your words. I am getting astrologers but also people good with words/communication in general. Ofc you may just be writing about some particular studies you're doing or scientific researches or anything else (maybe a thesis?). Maybe even a book. I do feel a lot of writing-communication related energy but ofc it could also relate to other fields like therapy. At times though, or for some of you, this refined energy may be more of a mask you wear to feel better about yourself or to feel like you're deserving, especially if you resonate with the online world or public world versus private world. It feels like in real life (or in private) you may look or act or be different from how your energy feels online/publicy, and you're kinda avoiding it or neglecting that. I think you may still fear being judged for your looks(?) or for what you believe, while online it got easier for you to find your audience and even more your place. Do not block your light: let it shine. It's okay to be different (I said it in another pile too, so if you were called by it as well.. well, confirmation x2) and it's so very okay to be you.

Let yourself shine the way you're supposed to. Others will judge you anyway, let them be triggered and don't mind. They're just projecting their insecurities and fears onto you, it's not you the problem anyway. You have a way with words and you can bring so much clarity to others for the way you connect all the infos and dots, and maybe you also have clairs' abilities that support you in this, so do not stop yourself when you feel like you can use your words to help: cause you can really help and heal those around you, even simply through your presence and true energy (the one you show shamelessly online). Stand strong, be true to yourself and follow your heart guidance. And heal your heart too (I suggest you to take the Green and Blue pac too, if you want/feel called to).

I think you have many dreams, you are ambitious and a huge desire within you, and honestly the moment you learn how to take control over your mind and balance it so that your insecurities and past throat chakra blockages (you may have been downplayed or shut up/talked over often, or not listened to, so you kinda lowered your voice out of habit, feeling unworthy and not good enough.. but it was others not being able to listen to your wisdom and inner knowledge -you may download directly from the Source, how amazing!), you'll find your place, your happiness and your stage and public. You'll shine so much and be a very important figure in the life of many. Be it online or in your area/where you're gonna be (Erin Brockovich-style). Keep working on your emotional side, ground yourself, and see your worth most of all. Don't shut down please, we need you and your abilities. I think you may be called by a specific field/volunteering/association maybe even human rights-related ones, so just follow your own guidance and take your own time to let your voice be heard also irl. You're here to help us but also to make yourself happy the way it resonates the most with your soul, so do not close off to that to let others have control and power over you. You're a special being, please shine bright and let yourself be found, seen and heard with no fear.

song: nowhere fast | ateller; one of a kind | the gaia corporation

[amber-sekio]

One-shot Prompt

Title: And if you can forgive, love will truly live

Fandom: BSD -Bungo Stray Dogs

Ship: Dazai x Reader

Prompt: “'Sorry for showing up like this.’ You sighed, your shoulders relaxing in silent defeat. ‘Come in.’” 

TW: mentions of death (Oda), mentioned bad home life though not explicit

!Gender of reader is not specified!

A/N: I do plan on making a 2nd part where the reader and Dazai talk things out and get in a relationship, not sure when I'll finish it though

The word count for chapter 1 is roughly 2k

Also, this will be posted on my ao3, link on my master list

You had known Dazai for a long time, perhaps not as long as Chuuya has, but that’s beside the point.  

While you had grown up around shady people and been dealing with said shady people’s shady shit pretty much your whole life, courtesy of your shitty, shady parents, you hadn’t actually joined the Port Mafia until you were 17. Two years older than Dazai and Chuuya, but joined the Mafia around roughly the same time Chuuya had.  

With your ability, it didn’t take long for you to begin to climb the ranks. It wasn’t like you were trying to specifically reach the rank of executive, but gradually, you crept closer.  

About a year and a half after you had joined you had made a name for yourself, and that was also about the time you had met Dazai and Chuuya for the first time during a bigger mission.  

You had somehow managed to become something like friends with them on that mission and had become a somewhat regularity to be paired with them on large missions. You were tough enough to handle both their eccentric personalities as well as teasing enough to get along with Dazai and passionate enough to friend Chuuya.  

It was a weird trio you had formed, often being the one to defuse them when they began to bicker. And of course, apologizing when they disturbed the everyday citizens with their fighting when the three of you had time off to just be kids.  

Over time, you had begun to grow closer and fonder of Dazai, being able to relate to him more often than one probably should, but whatever. Sometimes, the two of you would find each other silently sitting at the docks staring off into nothingness, neither of you would talk, just simply get lost in your endless thoughts while enjoying the presence of someone who was similar enough to understand you.   

On one such occasion Dazai had broken the endless silence of the waves below your feet; inviting you to join him to meet with his bar friends. That was when you met Ango and Oda. They were pleasant company and you had found yourself growing attached to them just like you knew Dazai was, though he would’ve probably denied it at the time.  

So, when Dazai disappeared one night with no traces, followed by learning of Oda’s death. You knew.  

That didn’t make it hurt any less of course. Especially with how his sudden departure shed light on your feelings for him.  

While Chuuya presented himself to be finally rid of his presence, you both knew that Dazai leaving had hurt both of you. You had chosen to tell Chuuya Dazai’s reasons for leaving, not wanting the anger of Dazai’s leaving to grow into hatred, besides, Chuuya would’ve pieced it together eventually.  

And like that. Everything continued. The Port Mafia didn’t mourn over its losses. Executive duties called.  

So, when after 4 years of no contact, to say you were surprised at his being in the ADA would be an understatement.   

You hadn’t had the chance to see him yet like Chuuya had but you were there to witness Chuuya’s drunken midnight rant after having invited you over.  

“Oh, trust me, he’s as shitty a mackerel as he always has been. He hasn’t changed a bit.” Chuuya slurred off, grumbling under his breath as he laid his head down on the counter.   

You were both sitting at the kitchen island, a bottle of some expensive wine brand, open and mostly empty now, was on the counter between you.   

You sat with your body facing Chuuya, your head resting in your palm, elbow against the counter.   

“Mhm. He hasn’t changed a bit huh?” You spoke more for the simple sake of speaking, entertaining the drunk man before you. You didn’t need clarification of something you already knew.  

Dazai had always been capable of doing good. He just didn’t care between doing good or bad, it made no difference to him. He’s only working for the light because it’s what Oda wanted. Dazai not changing wasn’t a surprise. So Chuuya’s following words were a little less than expected.  

“Actually…” He paused, slurring off again before clarifying his words, his head remained poised on the counter. “He looked… brighter?” He seemed to question his own words before continuing. “Brighter and healthier. He seemed…” Chuuya trailed off again but not due to his drunken state. He stopped himself from finishing his train of thought.  

“Happier?” You finished for him.  

He didn’t respond.  

After that, you had practically forgotten about Dazai now being in the ADA, too busy with missions and the seemingly never-ending, growing stack of paperwork.  

That was until tonight.   

It had been a grueling past few days, rainy weather, long meetings, missions to assign, missions to report and file, and of course your endless stack of shitty paperwork that had somehow found itself in your home office, taking up even more of your own time which was already short considering your importance to the Mafia.  

After you got home, sometime around the dead-ass crack of dawn, you had only grabbed a cup of coffee, one of the larger mugs you owned, before heading to your office for more work.  

Sometime, while in the middle of reviewing some report, you had fallen asleep, lulled by the endless pitter-patter of rain hitting the window in your office.   

You had slept most of the day away and upon waking, it had already grown dark outside, probably around 9 or 10 at night now, and you were thankful to whatever divine being had granted you a day off today because you would have been so fucking late. You chose to willfully ignore that Mori-san was technically the one who made your schedule. He was a good boss, competent in his decisions, but he was no divine being.  

Stretching in your chair, you could feel the soreness of your muscles from the previous day of work. There was a tightness in your back, worse than it normally was, courtesy of sleeping in your chair.  

A knock sounded on your door, soft when it made its way to your ears but still clear as it cut through the silence of the penthouse you called home.  

You dragged your body to your door, still completely dressed head-to-toe in your typical Mafia outfit with the addition of a few wrinkles, your shoes clacking noisily on the floor.  

“Coming!” You called out before the person waiting behind your door could think to knock again.  

Reaching your door, you work through your security system before opening your door, behind, a man you hadn’t seen for 4 years.  

Your tiredness slipped away from your body as you gasped. Your body now on alert as you stared at him.   

He was dressed in, presumedly, his ADA outfit, light in color. His bandages still covered his neck, probably the rest of his body, but the ones that used to cover his eye were gone. He had clearly gained weight since you had last seen him, though he still lacked a significant amount of meat on his bones someone his age and height should have.  

Chuuya was right, he looked happier. No. That was wrong. He didn’t look happy. He looked… sad? Guilty?  

They weren’t emotions you were familiar with seeing on him. Sure, you had seen both emotions on people in the Mafia during interrogations… but on Dazai? No. He hardly ever even faked them.  

He did look brighter though. Healthier.  

He also looked- no was drenched. His clothes were darkened by the rainwater still pouring outside. Dripping water on the carpeted floor. You could see a few dark spots on the floor down the hall, marking his trail.  

He beat you to a response.  

“Sorry for showing up like this.”   

You sighed, your shoulders relaxing in silent defeat. “Come in.”  

You stepped to the side, letting him in.  

You closed the door behind him as he observed the expensive and modern decorations. It lacked any personality, at least to an untrained eye. If one looked closer, you could make out a knick-knack here or there that didn’t quite fit the rest of the rather drab decorations.  

It lacked vulnerability.  

Your bedroom, though, where only you went into, your interests bled out.  

“I assume your room has more personality than this, no?” Dazai’s tone was off. A half-hearted attempt to lighten the mood.  

“Vulnerability isn’t something Mafia Executives have the luxury to indulge in often.”  

He didn’t respond.  

“You can hang your coat on the rack.” You spoke, staring at his back as he walked into your home. “And take your shoes off.”  

You turned down the hall towards your room, leaving Dazai to settle.  

As you walked you called out to Dazai, not facing him. “I should have some clothes that fit you.” Then as an afterthought, “I want you to take a shower.”  

When you walked back into the living room with some clothes, Dazai had actually listened, his coat was hung up and his shoes were in the genkan, he had also taken off his socks, probably soaked after being out in the rain.   

You walked up to him, handing him the clothes. “Go take a shower. There should be some rolls of bandages in there, though I’m not sure how many I have left.”  

He took the clothes from you silently, then: “Thank you.”  

You looked him in the eyes, trying to discern how much you didn’t know about him anymore. How much you needed to learn about him.  

“Have you eaten?” You spoke calmly, trying to ignore the thoughts and feelings swirling inside you without end.  

“I-…” He hesitated. “No. I haven’t.”  

Without another word, you left him to go take a shower. It was probably a good idea to make something to eat anyway, considering you were currently running off of a single cup of coffee.  

You decided to not bother to cook and instead pulled out two packets of ramen in part because you were still tired as fuck, and you didn’t know if Dazai’s eating habits had changed or not.   

It was better to settle for something simple that he might eat if you were lucky.  

It didn’t take long for the ramen to finish heating up and for you to place it in two bowls so you placed them on the table. You were about to go check on Dazai when he turned the corner into the living room.  

Something was off, he had changed into the clothes you got for him, and his hair was still wet, dripping water off of his soft curls. He seemed… hesitant -nervous? More so than he had been before taking a shower.  

“I made ramen.” You spoke, realizing you had been looking for a bit too long. You gestured to the table with the two bowls full of still steaming ramen.  

“Thank you…” His voice was quiet, low. He clearly wasn’t bothering to hide his hesitancy, or perhaps he was just failing miserably in trying.   

You sat down at one end of the table and busied yourself with eating. You watched him shift over to the seat adjacent to you. 

Your eyes widened in upon noticing. “You’re not wearing your bandages?”  

He shifted in his seat, avoiding your gaze.  

“The hoodie and shorts are soft…”   

The ‘and I trust you’ went unsaid but understood.

Your face softened around the edges.

“Eat.”  

He responded with a nod before picking up his chopsticks.  

Soon enough you had finished your food, and though Dazai only ate half, it was more than you were expecting him to eat. You placed your dishes in the sink to deal with another time before returning to the table, though you remained standing. Dazai had yet to get up.  

“Do you want to watch something? I have a day off so…” You trailed off awkwardly.  

He looked up but he didn’t quite meet your eyes.   

“Sure.”  

The only light currently on was the blue light emitted from the television that was playing some show you were hardly paying any more attention to. After a few episodes, you had shifted from sitting awkwardly on opposite sides of the couch to where Dazai was now practically lying on top of you. He was lying his head on your chest with his face turned towards the screen, invested in whatever show it was that was playing. You had let him pick. You were far more interested in watching as he relaxed into you as you ran your fingers through his now, mostly dry, curls.  

“Tired?” Your voice no more than a whisper.  

“No…” He responded; a hint of a tired whine interlaced in it. A tone his voice always had when he was tired just didn’t want to sleep in lieu of whatever he was currently doing, which at the moment was watching a show while cuddling with someone he hadn’t seen in 4 years.  

“Sure~.” You teased as your nails gently scratched at his scalp.  

He grumbled something softly into your chest.  

You knew how bad, how dangerous your next thought was. It could end badly for both of you, but you couldn’t help when the words slipped from your tongue.   

“Why don’t we go to bed hm?”   

He responded with an unintelligible whine, pressing his face further into your chest, as he wrapped his lanky arms around your back.  

You sighed softly but even if he had clearly put on more weight, he still wouldn’t be able to put up much of a fight against you physically speaking. You gathered what remaining strength you had in you as you wrapped your hands around his waist before shifting to a sitting position. Then you secured your arms under him to lift him up in your arms.  

“Come on, you lanky beanpole. Time for bed.”  

The talk could wait for tomorrow, after all, he couldn’t leave with his clothes still in the washer.

PT 2

[a-s-levynn]

I'm terrified to post this. So watch me sprinting away into the distance after dropping this.

Open love letter to -in extension to the wider ST community on tumblr, but especially- to the fellowship of Sleep because without you, life would be much more lonely

My Friends,

It was today when it finally dawned on me that you gave me the most undescribably precious gift. Many of you probably going to relate to this to some degree because i am not unique in any sense but i had to get this out. And by just the sheer lenght probably not many of you will read it. But i still need to put this out there, even if i'm being obnoxious and probably sound overdramatic and maybe even cringy.

I struggle with a lot of things. Anxiety, self doubt, depression, paranoia, self destructive tendencies, self isolation and the list goes on to even darker places. All in all i have a suboptimal mental state to put it lightly. I feel inadequate in many ways. Especially with connecting to people.

To this day, i struggle every day, seeing my friends, you, talk on a daily basis, have inside jokes and wonderful conversations and whatnot and either i like it or not, thoughts intrude: "am i doing enough? Am i a good enough of a friend? Do i really have a place among these wonderful bright souls? Am i intruding? Am i inserting myself into spaces i do not have any right to be? Am i forcing myself into your circles?"

For the longest time, on most days the conclusion was no. I do not belong. You were just being nice to the pathetic little creature in the corner because by nature you are simply kind. But as the weeks went by i learned that you are also awkward people with your own stuggles and hardships which are far harder and more painful than mine. That you are choosing to be kind every day, in spite of what life threw at you. Because you know.

I started to see you also crave a particular type of companionship and you reach out with the same trembling hands, hoping that someone sees it and grabs it. That someone finally says: you are not alone. I am here. For you. With you.

And you did. You've seen a bunch of hands fumbling in the dark, desperate to hold onto something and went: yeah.. i think i'll grab all of them. Because we are coming from the same darkness. And if i can help pull you into the light than you might have the strenght to do the same for me, so we can all sit in the warmth of the fire. The fire we built together. A fire that is growing ever brighter and allowes us to see even more hands on the edges to be pulled and invited into the circle.

So we have. For a while sitting almost silently, showing the things we found along the way. Tentatively feeling out the boundries. Than we broke the silence. You even started to call me your friend at some point. I already considered you mine because i'm painfully lonely and just the gesture, that you included me among the hands you grabbed was enough for me to see you mine. But all in all, for some unknowable reason, we became friends.

The weeks turned into months and i felt a bit more comfortable to approach you on my own clumsy and awkward ways. Many of you know by now that Tiny Token was born because i was too afraid to send a happy birthday ask to someone. I still apologize regularly just for adding thoughts to posts even if i only do it in tags. I am afraid. Of so many thing.

We still don't talk daily. Yet we still call each other friend. We have actual plans now. I still stuggle with the though of not being enough. There are still days when i feel you just feeling pity towards me.

But lately there is an other thought there. Which makes me feel bad for thinking that way. A thought that's never been there before. "If i was truly bothersome or annoying or any way too unpleasent, you could simply walk away. This is the internet after all. You could just block me. You have the option to walk away but you are time and time again choosing not to. No matter how many days pass by with us not talking, you are there. I can count on you. I'm still hesitant to reach out and dump my superficial adversities on you. But i also see you keeping the door ajar, leaving the option there to be approached if anyone needs it. So it would be not just a disservice but an outright insult to you if i'd think you are just acting out of pity. But if you like me than.. there has to be something about me to actually to be worth knowing?"

And that is doing something that ten years worth of failed therapy could not. You made me question my self doubt. It is still there and will be for the rest of my life. But now there is a steady counter balance i never had this solidly in my life ever before.

I'm still afraid to ask even if anyone would be up for a talk, let alone a call because i have little to offer in conversations. I don't talk much by default and that is not a good base for conversations. I'm still terrified of overstaying my welcome. But i also know now that you probably wouldn't mind from time to time. Because you understand. Maybe one day i will get there. I don't know when but there is a hope i never truly had before.

This is something i will never be able to repay you. Thank you for understanding that we all have different levels of anxiety and fear and not holding it against one and other. I'm writing this to you with immens love and eternal gratitude i cannot truly express in any way that does it justice: Thank you for showing me hope. Thank you for being the way you are.

You gave me the biggest gift there is to give.

You gave me your friendship.

I love you.

Yours in friendship,

Levynn

[writingquestionsanswered]

Hiya! Not sure if you’ve answered something like this before, but if you feel comfortable answering, I’m wondering what tips you might have for writers with ADHD/ADD.

I haven’t been able to write well for years and thought it was laziness/lack of self-discipline, but it very well could be that my brain just wants to work a certain way and I didn’t know about it.

Of course, there’s no “one-fits-all” answer, but some ideas about where to start the journey of understanding what works for oneself would be nice.

Thanks!

Writing with ADHD

There are three sub-types of ADHD (inattentive/formerly ADD, hyperactive, and combined), so tips depend somewhat on which type you have. As luck would have it, I'm combined type, so I have tips for both. (And these tips can be helpful even for writers who don't have ADHD but still struggle with keeping their butts in the seat...)

Writing with Inattentive ADHD

My biggest struggle with writing is difficulty staying focused and getting sidetracked easily. Here are the things I do to work around that:

Dedicated Writing Time/Place - I'm fortunate to have a writing room with a desk, but even if you don't, just having a dedicated space for when you write can be really helpful. It also helps to make sure your chosen writing spot is tidy and free from built-in distractions, like people traffic or a distracting view. And, if you can aim for the same general writing time each day, that can help train your mind to go into writing mode when you sit down to write.

Minimize Distractions - this is a "must do" for me when I sit down to write. Phone goes on silent, no TV, no music with lyrics, no social media, and if it's a busy day outside I close the shades and put on headphones. Also, nicely ask anyone else in the house not to distract you during your writing session.

Regulating with a Timer - When I'm really struggling, I've found that timers are very helpful in keeping me on track. If I need to stop to research something along the way, I set the timer for 10-minutes. If I can't find out what I need to know in that time, I note it for later research and keep going with a placeholder. I'll also set the timer for breaks, writing sprints, or anything that might pull me off course.

Scene Lists & Timelines - Having a scene list to follow was a real game changer for me early on in novel writing endeavors. When I start to feel my mind wander, just putting my eyes on the scene list to see where I'm supposed to be and where I'm supposed to be heading can be enough to get me back on track. Checking off each scene and plot point along the way makes it more task-driven which also seems to help keep me on track. You could do this with a timeline, too. And even if you're not a planner but like to write organically, you can still keep kind of a general scene list or timeline to keep you on course.

Writing with Hyperactive ADHD

My biggest struggle with the hyperactive side of my ADHD is fighting the constant need to get up and be anywhere but in my chair typing. I've actually been working on this post for an hour because I haven't done any of my safeguards, so I've been out of this chair probably 20 times since I hit the answer button. Here's what I could have done to prevent this...

Start Writing on a Full Stomach - Nothing gets me out of my chair more often when I'm writing than feeling like I'm hungry. So, I get up, eat a small snack. Sit down and type for a few minutes. Then decide I need another small snack. Whether you write after you've eaten a meal, sit down to write with something to drink and munch on, or just make sure you've got your big water bottle there, eliminating hunger pains as a reason to get up makes all the difference.

Do Writing Sprints - Set a timer for anywhere from five minutes to an hour, and write as much as you can during that time without stopping to edit or evaluate your work. Writing sprints are a great way to focus your energy to make sure writing is getting done. Five-minute intervals work great for me, but sometimes I can do ten-minute intervals. When the timer goes off, I set it again and get up to do a few things like stretch or get something to drink. Preferably anything that won't take longer than the timer or snowball into something else. This way, if I'm only writing for an hour I still get a solid 30-minutes of writing in even if I'm up and out of my chair every five minutes.

Keep a Basket of Fidget Toys - This doesn't always work for me, but sometimes it helps to have something to fidget with during the moments when I pause to think. Thinking putty, fidget spinners, stress balls... Anything you can do for a second while you're thinking and immediately put back down. That way you don't get up out of your seat looking for something to direct that energy toward.

Speech to Text App - If you really need to be up and moving, try getting a speech to text app for your phone and writing your story verbally while you do other things.

I hope that these tips will help you be able to sit down and start writing again. If you need ideas for exactly how to outline your story or general ideas for how to get started, see my guide to How to Outline a Plot as well as my Plot & Story Structure master list of posts.

Best wishes on your ADHD writing journey! ♥

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

I’ve been writing seriously for over 30 years and love to share what I’ve learned. Have a writing question? My inbox is always open!

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[which-item-poll-archive]

Submissions are open for new polls

Since it was a majority yes vote on my survey about whether or not people want to see more polls from this blog, I'm opening up submissions! Please note that my tagging system will probably differ from the original posts, but I will still include the website in the tags.

If you'd like to see a new "which item would you prefer" polls on this blog, please feel free to submit posts now.

How to submit

If you submit me two links, I'll make a poll for those items. I have a google form here for submitting links (since the ask box doesn't let you link to websites)

If you submit a week long completed poll on mobile - as in one that has pictures of the items, I will post it as is. (Barring some limitations. If I feel I can't post what you submitted I'll reach out to you.) Please include either the name of the website or links to one or both of the items for tagging purposes.

If you can't or don't want to do either of those, you can send an ask with the names of two items and the website that you found them on. (However there is a risk that I might not be able to find the items if you choose this way to submit)

If you are submitting your own etsy page or own work as an independent artist, I will happily create a poll if you request me to pick two items from your store. To do this you can send me an ask with the name of your store, or you can link it in the google form. You can also pick two items yourself and submit those as usual if you want.

In the spirit of the original blog, if you are sending someone else's etsy or similar items please do not pit two different artists against each other. If anyone for any reason submits two different independent artists for the one poll, I will have to instead run them as separate polls and pick a second item myself for each artist

Like on the original blog, Etsy pages and other independent art pages will be linked to, but product pages for bigger sites will not be linked. The tags will have the site listed

There are some finer details to point out:

There will be tags for the new polls to differentiate them from the old polls. Both for the sake of making it clear what's new and what's not, and also so that people who don't want new polls can ignore them lol.

I know some people wanted it, but I am going to continue to uphold the lack of a "neither" option. Especially considering some items are likely to be somebody's etsy art and that would be disheartening for them to see.

At this time I cannot accept requests based on general themes. For example, if you send me an ask requesting a poll between two dresses, but you do not link the specific dresses, I unfortunately don't have the brain space to turn that into a poll at the moment.

I will not be posting any of these polls until all of the archived posts are out of the queue, so that it's clear which posts are new and which posts are from the original blog.

I will most likely queue submissions and polls to be once a day.

I still have to decide if I have time to create polls that aren't based on submissions, and will update later. I have some ideas but not enough to build a proper queue with my own ideas. For now, the only polls that get made and posted will be based on submissions.

My time zone is in Australia, so that would likely lead to posts going up at weird times for most people. To mitigate this, I'll either reblog the posts after they go up at a particular time in the EST time zone, or I'll change the time zone for the sake of the queue. Probably to EST because that's what the original blog was in.

[tellmegoodbye]

Now that I finally posted my fic, until the end of time, I wanted to make a separate post for the playlist as well!

I shared a couple of these songs for music monday, but I'm going to do a more in depth analysis of the entire playlist, listing each song in order, talking about which lyrics inspired me, and sharing which moments in the fic they reminded me of.

Listen to the full playlist here.

---

Overcome - Nothing But Thieves

This was the first song I connected to 4x18 back when I first started writing this fic back in June of last year. The playlist opens with it because it introduces the overarching theme of choosing love in life's most difficult moments.

Bringer of the calm, your arms wrapped around when the fever took Thought I was gone for good, you brought me back

But I've been thinkin', babe, maybe you're right When you said the pain weathers in time We're just waitin' for a change to follow We don't always get all that we want Redefine the pain to somethin' more And we shall overcome as we've done before

Stay - The People's Thieves

I see these lyrics as a sort of a back and forth between TK and Carlos.

The first verse is TK feeling helpless when he watches Carlos spiral. He knows that he has to wait for Carlos to come around. They'll leave the darkness when he's ready.

The second verse is Carlos understanding his own weakness. He knows he can't fight this alone even if he's too blinded by obsession to admit it. He needs TK (and Owen) to help him escape it.

The chorus is TK and Carlos comforting each other. TK was scared for Carlos, but Carlos came back to him as he always will. Carlos was lost, but he found his way back home to TK.

I can find a place where no one feels the rain We'll huddle while the storm goes Leave here when you say so Hang on I pray the day will come when you can feel the sun And wipe off all the marks of days spent in the dark love Hang on

I'm only just strong enough I'm slowly sinking through the ground below So hold me Just long enough to show me How to find my way back home

Stay When you feel afraid Where you are is where I'll always go When you've lost your way Where you are is where I'll always go

Sleep Deprivation - Chance Peña

This is where Carlos' head is at. He's lost within his grief and relentlessly persuing justice at the same time. He wants to do right by his family, but he can't do that without losing himself in the process. He still needs to realize that he is allowed to slow down to process his grief and take it one day at a time.

Lost and ambitious I've been on a mission I won't stop till I'm done I toss and turn almost every night I pray to God I'm doing right By all my family's wishes Lord knows I miss them Their love outshines the sun

So when I break down I list off the reasons I'm here and I'm still breathing I'm hanging on Try to break ground, make way for tomorrow I'll find a way through the sorrow One day at a time

Discoloration - Dawn Golden

This reminds of the scene where TK is trying to rationalize with Carlos, but Carlos isn't hearing him. He's too sucked into his obsession to see that he isn't alone.

You took my hand and brought me down in the morning And I was sitting waiting for the telephone to swallow me whole

And I watched your mouth moving like a tired machine trying to plead with me. Trying to swallow me whole

And the whites of your eyes blackened with a hardened decay And you talked to me in a broken voice

Fade In / Fade Out - Nothing More

I wrote an analysis on this song here, but I think these lyrics are the perfect encapsulation of Carlos and Gabriel's relationship. A lot of these thoughts would be haunting Carlos in his persuit of Gabriel's killer.

Son, I have watched you fade in You will watch me fade out When the grip leaves my hand I know you won't let me down

Go and find your way Leave me in your wake Always push through the pain And don't run away from change

We all get lost sometimes trying to find what we're looking for

Are You Really Okay? - Sleep Token

(cw: references of self harm)

This is a song about self harm from the outside perspective of a loved one. This is where TK really starts to realize that something is wrong with Carlos, and he doesn't know what to do. Carlos is engaging in his own version of self harm when he refuses to let himself sleep, eat, or grieve.

I raised you in the dark Caught you reading by the sunrise You wandered from the path Through the silence of the hillside

You woke me up one night Dripping crimson on the carpet I saw it in your eyes Cutting deeper than the scars could run

And don't you know I can see it in you even now And don't you know I want to help you but I don't know how And are you really okay?

I cannot fix your wounds this time I don't believe you when you tell me you are fine Please don't hurt yourself again

Promises I Can't Keep - Mike Shinoda

This is probably my favorite song on the entire playlist. In the aftermath of everything that went down, Carlos is in shock. He's upset, but he doesn't really have the chance to process the gravity of the situation until he gets home to TK. It's a feeling of relief mixed with that sinking feeling of realization when he comes back down to earth and his head is finally clear enough for him to see how bad it got, and how bad it almost became. He now has to accept the fact that he may not be able to keep his promise to Gabriel. He may not ever find his killer.

What's the difference between a loss and a forfeit I tried to make it better, but I made it more sick I tried to make it right, now awake at night I know reality was getting in the way

I used to think that I knew who I was Never saw it coming unglued I used to think that I knew who I was Now it's time to see if it's true

I had so much certainty Til that moment I lost control And I've tried but it never was up to me I've got no worse enemy Than the fear of what's still unknown And the time's come to realize there will be Promises I can't keep

I Am Not Who I Was - Chance Peña

Carlos has come to terms with the decisions that he made, and now he has to figure out where that leaves him. Is he still going to be a person TK can love? Is he going to keep going down a path of isolation, or is he going to hold on to what's most important to him? In the fic, he pleads with TK to not give up on him, and of course, this is never a question for TK.

You keep me steady on the ground When my head's lost in the clouds That spotlight, though it shines bright Could never drown you out I know it's hard when I'm away I'll just hope you don't lose faith 'Cause I told the truth when I said to you That I'll be back someday

So if I fly too far Will I still have a place inside your heart? And when you've seen what I've become Will you love me for who I am, not who I was?

Life's Gonna Kill You (If You Let It) - Man-Made Sunshine

TK approaches Carlos with more understanding than most people would have, because he's lost a parent too. He knows just how dark Carlos' thoughts are. And he has the experience to know what to expect. Carlos' grief is different from TK's, but having someone who loves him and who has been there is important when he hits his lowest point and can't see how he can drag himself out of it. TK isn't going to let Carlos get to a point where he can't come back.

You know I see your troubles from a continent away And they take me from my own And I know you feel your mind gets ugly every day And I know you know what it's like to feel insatiably alone

I won't let you get ill, I won't let you give in 'Cause this life will only kill you if you let it Don't you let me get ill, 'cause you know that I will My pain loves the company My life only kills me when I let it Yеah, life's gonna kill you if you let it

Back To One - O.A.R

This song is all about starting over. It's about changing your perspective when life becomes too overwhelming that you start to lose sight of the good things. When Carlos comes home and sees TK, his whole world who was right there waiting for him all long, he's reminded of the love he still has, and the happiness that he still has the ability to feel. He is not entirely lost. Looking back on his father's death isn't going to help him move forward. And moving forward isn't forgetting either. This song is an anthem of what it means to live through the worst moments of your life, and that's what Carlos is learning how to do. Live.

I see you there, but you don't look right You got a ten-mile stare in your eyes tonight Time ain't fair, like it used to be

We're all dressed up, nowhere to go We lost our way, about halfway home And we hurt the ones who get too close

Don't look back, you'll never find your way There's a million different people Who break the same way When everything has come undone We got to bring it back to one

I know forever always asks so much Don't you let it scare you, don't you lose your touch When your still waters start to run, bring it back to one

Can I Sleep In Your Arms - Willie Nelson

This is the song TK and Carlos were dancing to in the fic! I chose it for a couple reasons. I have my own (vague) hcs of the kind of music TK and Carlos like, and I do think there is some portion of Carlos' music taste that is dedicated to older stuff. I see him listening to old country loves songs like this one as a kid and imagining the day he'd find a love like that of his own. He found it with TK. He fought to hang on to it because this thing that he has with TK is so beautiful and precious, that he'll be damned if he ever lets it go.

In regards to the actual lyrics, this song is simply about how when you fall down, when you struggle, the person who loves you is always going to be right there by your side to help you get back on your feet. It's a song about healing, comfort in weakness, and devotion.

Can I sleep in your arms tonight, lady? It's so cold lying here all alone And I have no hold to hold on you And I assure you, I'll do you no wrong

Meet The Moonlight - Jack Johnson

This is a callback to the theme of choosing love. Carlos lost sight of it momentarily, and couldn't see a world where he could exist outside of this mission that he was on. But he can. He can choose to live and to pormise himself to TK forever. His dreams that he couldn't allow himself to have most of his life are still real and attainable. He can take control of his destiny.

Well, you can meet the moonlight Any night you really wanna It's waiting in your own backyard You can make the flame Meet the kindling, make the fire Don't let anybody say it's too hard

It's funny how blind dreams can be It seems like they look off too far But it's good to be right here It's good not to miss too many chances to follow love

Emerald Eyes - Anson Seabra

I didn't include any moments from the actual wedding in this fic because it would have defeated the purpose of the whole thing, but I do love this song for the wedding in particular. Carlos is looking at TK, this man who he loves with everything he has, who he's been through hell and back with - and he knows that this is meant to be. He knows their love is strong enough to survive anything. The road to their wedding wasn't easy, but now he's here and now he gets to take it all in. He gets to have forever with him.

A subtle breeze, it's you and me Chest to chest, no in between And every moment's better than the last Anything and everything That I could ever want and need Is standing right beside me in the grass

The birds they sang a melody My heart was keeping time and we Were dancing on the edge of something new Slow at first but still it seems That we'll go down in history As lovers from the start, just me and you

'Cause I've spent a thousand nights Lost in your emerald eyes Lost in a place where I know You can see my soul Make me lose track of time You and your emerald eyes Finally found a place that I can call my home

Tennessee Whiskey - Chris Stapleton

I had to include at least one song that had a somewhat sexy vibe, and this was it. This is the way it feels for TK and Carlos when they go home and give themselves over to each other as hubsands with a foundation of years of pining, building trust, heartache, and every obstacle in between. No matter what happens or where they go, the love that they have is never going to die.

But you rescued me from reachin' for the bottom And brought me back from being too far gone

You're as smooth As Tennessee whiskey You're as sweet As strawberry wine You're as warm As a glass of brandy And honey, I stay stoned on your love All the time

Baby I'm Yours - Arctic Monkeys

This is the "end credits" song. We revisit the theme of choosing to live. After this entire journey it all comes back to the love Carlos feels when he's with TK. He makes a promise not only to TK, but to himself, that no matter what happens or where life takes them, he will always remember this feeling.

Also, I saw that the fic title was a lyric in this song (this was on accident, I didn't come up with that title with any song in mind) and I knew I had to include it!

Baby, I'm yours And I'll be yours until the stars fall from the sky, Yours, until the rivers all run dry In other words, until I die

Baby, I'm yours And I'll be yours until the sun no longer shines, Yours, until the poets run out of rhyme In other words, until the end of time

I'm gonna stay right here by your side, Do my best to keep you satisfied Nothin' in the world could drive me away 'Cause every day, you'll hear me say Baby, I'm yours And I'll be yours until two and two is three, Yours, until the mountains crumble to the sea In other words, until eternity

Bonus: I ended up removing the song only because I didn't like how it affected the overall flow of the playlist. But an alternative "end credits" song is Adore by Prince. The lyric "until the end of time" also makes an appearance in that, and it's a song about loving someone and knowing that love will never go away.

Tagging some people who've read the fic in case y'all are interested in song analysis. I also just wanted to thank you all for being so wonderful and supportive and leaving such lovely comments. Y'all are the best. ♡

@herefortarlos @strandnreyes @sapphic--kiwi @paperstorm @firstprince-history-huh @literateowl @ironheartwriter @theghostofashton @nisbanisba

Also tagging some people who expressed interest in this fic. If you want something to listen to while you read, here you go!

@heartstringsduet @lightningboltreader @reyesstrand @emsprovisions @lemonlyman-dotcom @carlos-in-glasses @butchreyes @whatsintheboxmh

This can also double as an inspiration saturday tag. I should really participate in that more often, but I think this counts so consider yourselves tagged!

[nearestend]

will be moving blogs at some point in the new year. not sure when exactly (i'm busy right now) and it might just be temporary, but if you're interested in following me there, you can let me know. (feel free to like this post or send me a message on disco, anything really works.)

might make some changes? a lot of it is still being considered, but here's how i think it will go. (a lot of it is just me thinking out loud. that helps me. and i also just want to be transparent.)

canons will probably be secondary priority, if not lower. still really happy to write them with friends if we have ongoing plots or discussions, but generally not eager to put them at the forefront. for a lot of reasons. (i could say that i think a lot of canons get treated as trends that will die out eventually... and it's fine if that's your thing, but i don't really like it for myself and don't want to do that. there's a whole convo to be had about that. now is not the time for it.)

i think my general rule is going to just be, if i don't see potential for developing a character in depth, i'm not going to list them on my roster. there will still be some that are more developed than others, but if there isn't at least potential for me to do that, i won't be listing them. it's just a priorities thing right now.

honestly, if we're good enough friends and i've written someone previously that you want to continue interacting with, you can ask about it. just because they aren't listed, doesn't mean i won't write them but it will just be slower. that being said, i probably won't do this unless we know each other pretty well and you're still willing to write with the ones i prioritize.

in terms if who i will/won't follow ... eh i don't like this topic but i do think i should say that there is a chance i won't follow some people back. i don't have any actual beef with anyone, but there's been some stuff over the past year that wasn't really fun to even witness from afar (most of it pertains to how ableism and racism were handled). i don't care enough to hold that against anyone in a serious way or try to have that conversation with people who aren't willing to respond constructively, but it's not especially nice to see and better not to engage. idk. my general thing is that if it's not safe and enjoyable to engage with a certain aspect of this webbed site then i'm just not going to.

there might also just be some instances where i won't follow back because i don't know if we have anything to talk about. and that's fine! i think it's okay not to click with every person you know. but i'm not going to rule anyone out entirely — it's situational and i like to give anyone who expresses interest in being friends/mutuals a chance. no hard feelings to anyone if something doesn't work out.

i probably won't advertise my new url that much just because i like a small circle, but i'm not going to hide it either. most likely just going to privately message my new url to friends who want to follow. if you come across it in the wild, you're welcome to perceive it anyways!

in terms of what my actual priorities are ... we already know that it will always be alice (number one gal). probably lozzie and noah too (she's number two and he is number three but they're kind of interchangeable). hmmm everyone else is still to be determined because they usually fluctuate. i think mostly everyone on the current oc roster will stay though. might do a thing like "permanent roster, always available" and "who knows about these guys — they're here if you want 'em but (vague gesturing)". that being said, if i added any muses specifically for a friend, i'll keep them around because that's half the fun of this for me.

will continue to prioritize disco stuff, especially if it's for longer in-depth threads with more plotting. i think that disco's platform just makes it easier/more relaxing for me. tumblr tends to be a bit harder to write very intricate plots just because i'm conscious of perfectionism here, but i don't mind it for fun casual stuff. you can always let me know your preferences, i'm pretty open-minded.

triggers will be present. unfortunately, they will always be present due to the nature of a lot of these characters. and i'll include warnings for everything, but i do want to emphasize this very much. just be aware of your own needs and comfort, i'm available for a respectful and open dialogue as needed too, but ultimately i want us to make our own choices and not feel obligated to partake in anything just for the sake of it.

well. i don't know if any of this made sense because i did not plan this out when i began this post. but that's the general / important stuff that i wanted people to be aware of before following. i'll probably do the official move soon-ish, depending on my availability, and keep you all updated when i do.

AS ALWAYS! i'm on disco. if we are friends who talk regularly (or even semi-regularly) on there, you will probably get a follow from me regardless. pretty much anyone who i currently have an active server with will get a follow from me unless they don't want one (which you're welcome to actually say, if you want. i won't be offended even if you say "nah i'm good, see ya". honestly that would be pretty funny and i hope someone does that sincerely.)

[yakool-foolio]

Phoenix Wright

Just gonna go off of what's listed on the shipping wiki, cause if I tried to rate every single pair with him with the amount of characters in these games we'd be here all month.

Phoenix x Iris: 8/10; very cute, me likey. Iris genuinely caring for Phoenix while pretending to be Dahlia is super sweet, and Phoenix instantly being able to tell the difference between Iris n Dahlia is concrete evidence he knows her like the back of his hand. While I personally don't see them dating again post-Bridge, they'd definitely stay good friends forever.

Phoenix x Mia: 4/10; can't imagine this relationship lasting very long before death knocks on their door, but the utter grief is suffocating. Their relationship would just be full of sadness on both ends; they'd probably date for a short time just to try to forget Mia losing Diego and Phoenix being betrayed by Dahlia. Romance as a coping mechanism.

Phoenix x Maya: 0/10; nuh uh, they're siblings to me. I refuse to see them in a romantic light personally, but it certainly isn't the end of the world if I come across it. I don't care what anyone else does, I just don't ship it in the slightest.

Phoenix x Dahlia: 4/10; only fun if it's one-sided. I wanna see either Dahlia silently hating Phoenix's guts as he boasts the pretty lil necklace she gave him, or Phoenix cursing under his breath at the thought of talking to Dahlia again while she's possessing Maya. I need them to be bitter or I shall turn my nose up at it.

Phoenix x Doug Swallow: 2/10; this is a thing apparently, according to the wiki. I mean, I can guess why people might ship it; Doug basically saves Phoenix from the impeding doom of Dahlia and then they make out about it. Only reason it's rated so low is cause I haven't seen anything about this ship to really get a sense for their chemistry, but I do get the baseline concept.

Phoenix x Godot: 6/10; a ship I see a surprising amount of content for and I think it's getting me to like it more. Another relationship sunken in grief, but it's a much better fit on them in my eyes. Coffee dates are the best dates. Imagine all the coffee shop AUs that exist just for them.

Phoenix x Gumshoe: 5/10; neutral on this one, but I do like the concept! Just a couple o' guys staking out crime scenes together, lovin' their work. The best dudes for the job. They're supposed to be rivals but it never works. They're homies for life.

Phoenix x Kristoph: 7/10; if I liked Kristoph more, I might like this ship more than I already do. I am a sucker for toxic yaoi, so I'll gladly take it! Kristoph definitely has respect for Phoenix, as much as he hates to admit it, so why not seal the deal by making them have a very shaky relationship that ends in one framing the other for murder. Phoenix is suffering Edgeworth withdrawal and it's leading him to dark places. Kristoph is the Maria to Phoenix's James (n Edgeworth's Mary) and no one can tell me otherwise.

Phoenix x Lang: 5/10; I have no idea where this ship materialized from, but it just sounds funny. Alpha Wolf hot shot and his sassy lawyer boyfriend. If you thought Phoenix's sass was apparent enough already, Lang just intensifies it by being around him and they have a blast gossiping about the competition. I wanna see them interact in canon now.

Phoenix x Edgeworth: 10/10; A CERTIFIED CLASSIC! ONE OF THE FOUNDING FATHERS OF MLM SHIPS! THEY ARE A PART OF INTERNET HISTORY! It's so hard for me to ever think of them not being hopelessly in love with each other. They're husbands to me. They have matching wedding rings you just need to look closer.

Phoenix x Larry: 3/10; I don't like Larry so in turn it's really hard for me to like this ship. I think it could be interesting if teen Phoenix is in his bicurious era and does practice dates with Larry who is more than willing to help him out. Two men realized they're bi that day.

[post-punk-revival]

you lifted up my rock and now I have to make a pinned post

About:

This isn't an alterhuman/otherkin blog. It definitely used to be but this has been a personal main (that happens to be run by a nonhuman plural system) for a while now, so alterhumanity is on the list of things we post about frequently just because it's part of our lives. We probably post more about music and antipsychiatry and the biologist from Jeff Vandermeer's Annihilation (due to being normal), I'm a "we" and we're not human but I'm not here to "participate" "in" "community."

I don't think of myself by any particular name or even really as having one, so anything I call myself or list anywhere are just provided options. Myriad (plural) and Ekho (singular) are safe bets. I go by a few different names and change/add too often to carve anything into stone. You can also call me whatever your heart desires and if I like it I'll keep it

Switching mid-sentence between "me" and "us" for self-referral all the time is normal

This is not an NSFW blog and I am not a big NSFW poster so it's not 18+ only here HOWEVER I myself am farther and farther from 21 with each passing moment and once in a blue moon I may post things under 18+ community labels. If you're a minor it is YOUR responsibility to make sure you gave Tumblr your actual age so you don't see those posts, NOT ours to sift through hundreds of followers checking bios and blocking every one where we can't find a number higher than 18

I'm pretentious in all trades and a college graduate in none. I have trite opinions on erudite subjects. If I start having erudite opinions on trite subjects, take me out back and put me down, I'm sick.

I post bugs. We post bug photos and up-close bug photos. We don't tag them "tw bugs". We definitely don't tag them "horror." No matter what species you think should be the exception. Not even spiders. Especially not centipedes. I am literally a bug and this is a neutral and maybe even cool good thing. I will block you if you call me, photos of my species, or posts about my identity "graphic" or "body horror" and I'm not joking.

FAQ: "What is fictionflickering" See here. "I have something mean to say to you" Yay 💖 "I have something nice to say to you" Setting my self on fire ok "I have something nice to say about your art/writing" That's even more me than I am, haven't I suffered enough "I've decided you're not actually (x) for (y) reason" Duly noted, fragmentizing you

I change drastically a lot. It's normal for us. Don't worry about it. I try not to!

Literally physically not a human. Red-tailed hawk, house centipede, phantasmagorical raven, disordered raccoon, montane wolverine, possibly other things, biological creature that used to not be. Physiologically: not quite anything on its own, actually. Psychologically: a lot of things. Perpetually: figuring things out. If you want to know, you can ask. For followers not familiar with alterhumanity: "clinical lycanthropy" is an acceptable starting point.

Favorite hobbies include becoming the very thing I sought to destroy, destroying the very thing I sought to become, romanticizing the tormentuous, metaphorizing the objective, and iNaturalist :>

Audiophagic arthropod, nyctophonic carnivore, birdthing, feathered quadruped, flesh-cento, frequently fictional, former ghost, satellite that came back wrong, capable of passing the Turing test on a good day, enjoys becoming concepts, alleged "complicator," undiscovered deep sea invertebrate falling in love with the sky. Constant process of esotericizing.

פֿון טײַך ביזן ים װעט פּאַלעסטינע פֿרײַ זײַן

Current blog title: quote by Alan Watts

Current banner is "The Most Unwanted Painting" by Komar and Melamid, part of a satirical series of paintings and songs based on poll results of what people liked and didn't like to see in their art; most people polled disapproved of abstract or modern art.

Current PFP is us/our 'sona by defrostedvertebrae

We've also been: swiftfoxn (Nov 2020–Nov 2021) → novachaim (Nov 2021–Feb 2022) → technodance (for like a week) → chrysochus (Feb 2022–Aug 2022) → hraefngeyst (Aug 2022–Feb 2023) → a8c3bc (Feb 2023–May 2023) → stillflight (May 2023–Jun 2024) → myriadeyed (Jan 2024–Oct 2024 <3) → fallingsatellive (Oct 2024–Dec 2024) → radiocmyk (Dec 2024–Jan 2024) → post-punk-revival → ???

"LOVE THIS PLACE OR IT WILL KEEP YOU"

[skepticalcatfrog]

My Secret Shanghai Playlist

Finally, the playlist is FINISHED! I gathered all the songs a while ago, the reason it took this long is because I wanted to make a nice cover for it, which I did! See above.

Click here for the playlist!

Now when I say "finished", I don't believe any playlist is ever REALLY finished. I may add songs later on, and if I do, I'll add them to this post! I'm also always open to suggestions.

As promised, under the cut I'll be putting brief descriptions of why I added each song! If you want a full, line-by-line analysis, I definitely encourage you to send an ask about any specific songs to my inbox!

~~~

Song List:

1. Chinese Satellite by Phoebe Bridgers - Everyone already knows my feelings about this song and OVE-era Benedikt (if they looked at this other post I made that is).

2. Stiletto by Billy Joel - Again, if anyone looked at this second other post I made they'll know why this is Roma and Juliette, but SPECIFICALLY from Benedikt's POV.

3. Killer by Phoebe Bridgers - This is Roma and Juliette, specifically in TVD/OVE (see also the drawing I made inspired by this if you so choose).

4. Salt in The Wound by boygenius - This is Rosalind and Dimitri to me, they may also appear again later in this list.

5. Eat Your Young by Hozier - I mean. I feel as though this is quite obvious if you've heard the song.

6. The Bomb by Florence and the Machine - See, as I said up above, this one is Rosalind and Dimitri once again.

7. Wish That You Were Here by Florence and the Machine - I've posted about this before too, not in as much detail, but this one is Benedikt and Marshall to me, specifically in early OVE.

8. Funeral by Phoebe Bridgers - This is on here for Juliette, I need to go in depth about this someone PLEASE ask me about it.

9. Please Stay by Lucy Dacus - If you read my fic you already know, this is on here for Benedikt and Marshall.

10. Abstract (Psychopomp) by Hozier - Honestly this one is on here for pure vibes, feel free to match it specifically with whoever you like.

11. Queen of Peace by Florence and the Machine - It's possible that this one may not fit EXACTLY exactly, but it just really gives Celia to me and there are enough lines in the song to prove it.

12. Dream Girl Evil by Florence and the Machine - Again, this is Rosalind and Dimitri, I know this is happening a lot but it's because I listen to just enough songs about messed up relationships.

13. This Ain't a Scene, It's an Arms Race by Fallout Boy - This one is also on here for pure vibes, it just works very well.

14. Sedated by Hozier - This one is sooooooo FLF/FHH, I don't make the rules.

15. Broken Crown by Mumford and Sons - This is Roma to me, in the way I interpret this song and these lyrics.

16. No Choir by Florence and the Machine - I've also posted about this but I don't think many people saw it, this gives me sooooo Roma and Juliette after they flee the city.

17. Dinner and Diatribes by Hozier - Roma and Juliette. I have no explanation for this other than how antisocial Roma is and how absolutely horrendously they want each other throughout the entire series but specifically LVC.

18. Hospital Beds by Florence and the Machine - This song can be associated with so many things in these books that I will simply let YOU choose what it means.

19. Alone Together by Fall Out Boy - This gives me many feelings about the main four in TVD and where they all end up after the two books.

20. Fourth of July by Fall Out Boy - This one is for Roma and Juliette, specifically in OVE when their relationship has become infinitely more complicated.

21. The Calendar by Panic! At The Disco - This one is on here for OVE-era Roma and his conflicting feelings about Juliette.

22. Hungover in the City of Dust by Autoheart - Dear god this song is so good, and it's here for my beloved Benedikt, once again in his depression era.

23. Share Your Address by Ben Platt - I feel like this one could be very sweet for Rosalind and Orion, from his POV. I just like it for them.

24. New Invention by IDKHOW - If you like Orion Hong and you want to feel MISERABLE about him, this is the song for you I promise.

25. Guns for Hire by Woodkid - Another pure vibes one. Give it a listen.

26. My Immortal by Evanescence - This is another one that I feel could have a number of interpretations, but to me it is Benedikt Montagov (in early OVE, obviously).

27. Wouldn't It Be Nice by The Beach Boys - An unconventional choice, I know, but I put this here for Roma and Juliette, because wouldn't it be nice?

28. Romeo & Juliet by Peter McPoland - I mean. Come on.

29. Vienna by Billy Joel - Again, so many interpretations, choose your own adventure.

30. Francesca by Hozier - I don't know if this is more romajuliette, more benmars, more rosorion, or more olivercelia. Obviously I lean towards benmars (you know me) but there's evidence for all of them

31. I Love You Too by Peter McPoland - This one is for Oliver and Celia, in honor of that one scene in FHH. You know the one.

32. Back to December by Taylor Swift - Thinking about romajuliette to this song makes me incredibly sad so it goes on the playlist.

33. peace by Taylor Swift - Again. Romajuliette. I'm right.

34. Ease My Mind by Ben Platt - This is benmars to me and no one can change my mind.

35. Run Away by Ben Platt - Think of this as Roma and Juliette and if you don't become deeply emotional I don't know what to say to you.

36. Absinthe by IDKHOW - Pure. Vibes.

37. Bleed Magic by IDKHOW - I dare you to listen to this song and NOT think it's FLF.

38. I Wish I Was by The Avett Brothers - Something about this just feels like olivercelia to me in a way I can't describe.

39. Marjorie by Taylor Swift - Imagining this as Alisa after Roma “dies” made me very emotional so I had to add this one.

40. Just A Girl by Florence and the Machine (or whichever version you prefer, but this cover is my favorite) - I feel like if I say Phoebe Hong I won't need to explain more.

41. Things We Lost in the Fire by Bastille - This definitely gives OVE to me in a major way.

42. Mermaids by Florence and the Machine - Okay this song does reference England twice but if you just ignore that then the vibes are ON POINT for specifically TVD.

43. Out of the Woods by Taylor Swift - Chloe Gong herself said this is Benedikt, so I must add it.

44. Jump Then Fall by Taylor Swift - Same as above, but for Marshall.

45. mirrorball by Taylor Swift - Again, same as above, for Celia this time.

46. Murder in the City by The Avett Brothers - Just the very first verse of this is Marshall to me, but the rest of it (give or take a few lines) is very Roma.

47. Soon You'll Get Better by Taylor Swift - WHATEVER YOU DO, don't imagine this as Roma visiting Alisa in the hospital in TVD.

48. Hunger by Florence and the Machine - This is very very TVD duology Rosalind.

49. ivy by Taylor Swift - I know this song is about infidelity, but through another lens, it's actually about romajuliette.

50. Safe & Sound by Taylor Swift - This is here for TVD/OVE Alisa and her only.

51. Honest Man by Ben Platt - Sooooooo rosorion.

52. Agoraphobia by Autoheart - This song is Benedikt to me, not in any particular instance just in general.

As I said above, I 1000% encourage you to ask for more details about any songs you're curious about! I'm happy to discuss. Enjoy!

53. Impossible Year by Panic! at the Disco - This is really everyone at the beginning of OVE, but I put it here specifically for Roma.

54 (Addition #1). Love From The Other Side by Fall Out Boy - This is romajuliette in the TVD/OVE era.