#if anyone has any questions about anything I said put them in my inbox and I’ll answer

[detentiontrack]

not to be dark but do you think Sasha ever tried to khs (other than the canonical attempt)

YES 1000%. I think it happened after amphibia when even though Anne & Marcy forgave her, she still felt nothing but guilt and emptiness from the sheer trauma going through amphibia + a whole ass war at the age of 13. I think it may have happened in high school because throughout the end of middle school she tried to stay strong for Anne & Marcy (because after all she does take it upon herself to be “the strong one” who doesn’t need any support or love), but after Marcy moved and Anne and her drifted apart, she struggled with the act of being “normal” and having to live life as a normal teenager after everything she’s been through. I think her body started failing her (because there’s literally no way she’s 100% physically unscathed after the injuries and damage she took in amphibia, not even mentioning things like fibromyalgia that develop because of emotional trauma). I also think it may have been the catalyst to her dedicating her life to psychology. She always wanted to help people like her post amphibia, but she never quite knew how to do it. But when she was in the hospital and maybe the psychiatric ward (California has really strict laws on inpatient treatment following a suicide attempt), she started to realize that maybe psychology was the way to go about her need to help people. I don’t think she would have gone to therapy on her own BUT I think going to therapy might have been a requirement for her release from the hospital (as it often is, esp in patients who are minors and esp patients with complex trauma and mood/personality disorders) and as she went to ordered therapy, she realized therapy really helped her and continued going after the hospital ordered time ran out. I think she continues to go to therapy throughout her adulthood (I’m split on whether or not she tells her therapist about amphibia because frogvasion WAS on the news BUT the Marcy journal implies that a few years after people generally think it was a hoax/movie stunt or promo gone wrong so idk if a therapist would take that seriously without sending her back to the mental hospital) but she definitely goes to therapy for her obvious attachment issues and mental illnesses and other traumas (such as her parents divorce and especially because her parents both got into new relationships and left her stranded and alone at a young age). I think she struggles with a long battle with mental illness both pre, during, and post amphibia aaaaand (you didn’t hear it from me because last time I talked about this I almost got canceled) I think there’s a very real possibility that at some point in her life she struggled with substance abuse/addiction or disordered eating/eating disorders due to her need for control, escapism (less than Marcy but it’s still there), self destructive behaviors, and general addictive personality and tendencies.

[hughiecampbelle]

The Boys Preference: Suicidal Ideation

Requested: I know it’s a sensitive topic but may I please (and I do understand if you don’t) request a boys headcannon for them having you, their best friend m, struggle with suicidal thoughts?- anon

A/N: I don't mind at all my love! If anyone is struggling, my inbox is always open. I know firsthand how scary and stressful and draining it can be and I'm always around to talk. I hope you're doing okay my love! Feedback is always appreciated 💜💜💜

Butcher probably isn't that much of a comfort. He tries, he really tries, but the words don't come out right and the tone is all off and you end up comforting him ("I get what you're trying to say, Butcher", etc.) Though he's not good with words, he is good with actions. When you need someone to talk to, regardless of the time of day or what's going on, he drops everything for you, to listen and be there and let you know you always have someone. I think Butcher is familiar with these feelings. He's never wanted to act on them, but they're definitely there, especially in the years right after Becca disappears. You know, no matter what, your best friend is always there for you. Even when he's turned his back on the group, when he goes on his own and betrays everyone, he makes sure you know you're not alone.

Hughie is pretty shocked that you're talking about this kind of thing, that you're feeling this way. He never would have thought this was going on when you seemed so put together, so happy, so content. The life you two have is scary and draining and gory. Of course it would have its effects, but never would have imagined this. You end up breaking down in front of him, apologizing profusely. He's not sure what to do or say so he just holds you, hugs you, letting you cry it out. After this he makes sure he asks you how you're doing, wanting you to be honest. The idea of his best friend hiding this kind of thing from crushes him. He never wants you to suffer alone. Hughie's definitely had similar thoughts, especially after Robin and his dad pass away, but he's never wanted to act on them or anything. Still, he knows how scary it can be and he makes it clear to you he has an open door policy: if you feel like you shouldn't be alone, regardless of the reason or time, all you have to do is show up at his apartment. No questions asked.

Annie feels awful that she didn't figure it out sooner. Being part of The Seven both changed you. You left not long after she did, but you'd been with the group years before she joined. That kind of abuse for that long changes a person drastically. You began believing what Homelander said about you, you began believing that you deserved what had been done to you. Annie should have asked or said something, but you hid it so well. You smiled so easily, no one would have ever guessed. It isn't until after you've faced off with Homelander that she finds you crying. She assumed you were just tired from the fight, tired of fighting, but when you open up to her about what's really going on, it all makes sense. Years you spent under his reign, under his control, dealing with unwanted advances and words and hurt. She makes sure you know that she understand, that you can always come to her when you're having these thoughts.

M.M. knows you've been struggling for a while. You've become reckless, impulsive, careless. You throw yourself into fights without any regard for your safety or life. You weren't always like this, and it took him longer than he'd like to admit to figure it out, but when he does, it all starts making sense. He doesn't want to make a big deal or show about it, so he waits until you're alone to talk to you. You're not just putting your life in danger, you're drinking and smoking and asking Frenchie for whatever drugs you can get your hands on. He knows you're hurting. He knows you're bottling it up. But you don't have to. You shut him out, becoming defensive when finally talks to you. You call him crazy. It isn't until you're at your breaking point do you come to him and finally admit what's been going on. Marvin makes sure you know that you can always call or text or come to him, no matter what, and he will be there for you when things get scary. He also asks you to stop the self-destructive behavior and you do.

Frenchie is no stranger to these thoughts and feelings. After everything he's done, he's given these thoughts more of his time than he'd like to admit. Still, he never thought you were affected by them. You're talking to him one on one after he comes back from turning himself in when you admit you needed him. Your best friend. You admit that you haven't been feeling like yourself, that you want to do things to yourself and you're not sure how to make it stop. Immediately he's full of guilt and shame. He was so wrapped up in his own issues he never even thought something could be wrong with you, let alone something actually being wrong. He promises he will always be there for you, that you can talk to him about it no matter what. You don't want to bother him, but he makes it clear you could never be a bother or a burden. You mean everything to him. You deserve to feel happy and safe.

Kimiko knows you've been struggling. You're not acting like yourself. You're quieter, less optimistic, less willing to make a joke when times get tough or try to lift up the group when they need it. She doesn't want to make a big deal about it, so she waits until it's just the two of you before she asks what's really going on. Tired of lying, you admit that you've been having some really scary thoughts. She doesn't sign anything, she just waits until you've said everything you needed to before she comments. Kimiko understands those feelings. She had them a lot as a kid. That there was no point to anything, to living. She makes a deal with you in which you come to her whenever you're feeling like this to talk it out and, if things get worse, more overwhelming, you come up with a plan to get professional help. She knows she can only do so much, she knows her limitations, and she understands how dangerous these feelings can be.

[stagefoureddiediaz]

Hi Kym! I apologize if you have answered an ask like this before, but I am curious for your opinion.

You've talked a lot about how intentional all the Buddie parallels are in terms of costuming for several seasons now, both with Buck and Eddie together, then with their respective girlfriends, and in comparison to Bathena. We are now even getting throwbacks to season 2 and Eddie's first episode with Buck's stonewash jeans! Tim is adamant in interviews that he never planned this bisexual awakening in advance (we know that Eddie was originally meant for Maddie ofc) and that he doesn't know where the characters are going yet, but even Oliver has said he intentionally leans into the Buddie of it all with his acting, or at least into Buck's then-presumed bisexuality.

My question is, with just how pointed and intentional the costume choices have always been, is Tim is lying? Or are the costume designers secret Buddie shippers and intentionally lean into this storyline too? How much of what we see in terms of costuming is the decision of the show runners/directors vs creative expression of the costume designers? Is there a point in the show for you where it became clear how intentional it was becoming with the costuming, where they may or may not have said, "we're going to commit to telling this story in subtext until we are allowed to tell it overtly"?

Thanks :)

Hey Cookie-Kat!!

How lovely to have you in my inbox, and what a great question!

putting my answer under the cut - because it got long!!!

The answer I give is going to have to be a bit vague I'm afraid because the reality is that as I don't work on the show and I'm not 100% sure on the set up of their various departments, I can't categorically state how they are going about things in 911 land! I can share my experience and knowledge of how things can be done and try to give you some sort of framework - but I can't definitively say that this is how they are doing things.

First up let's address the whole Tim lying thing.

Tim is all about subterfuge in interviews - its literally his job as a showrunner. I would take every thing he says in an interview with a giant grain of salt. the entire purpose of his interviews is to tease and hook people, without giving anything way becasue why would he spoil all the things he has planned that make people watch the show he is creating. If he came out in an interview at the start of the season and said

'yeah, we're going to do a cruise ship disaster and all these things are going to happen, and in episode 4 Buck is going to get kissed by a guy and figure out he's bi and Eddie is going to find out his girlfriend was a novice nun and its going to send him into a catholic guilt spiral, and maddie nad CHim are going to get married, but x, y and z are going to happen before they can get down the aisle'

Why would anyone tune in to watch the show? we'd already know what was going to happen so there wouldn't be any point - there would be no buzz and the viewing figures might be ok, but they wouldn't be remotely close to what they are. I know for a fact I probably wouldn't be tuning in - people like to be surprised, they like to speculate - we in fandom take it to a higher level, but even the general audience speculate - water cooler conversations about what you watched the previous evening and how you think it's going to play out are part of a show's appeal - part of how it keeps people watching - shared experiences are a powerful commodity, especially in network television and they cannot be shared if we all know what is going to happen.

I would also add that this season is the most explicit acknowledgement of buddie that we've had in interviews and that means something. The show - writers, actors etc have all been incredibly careful before no to ensure that they haven't crossed over into queerbaiting the audience - which is something I really appreciate them for. But this season, things have definitely changed. whether that is down to being on a new network, that actually has a marketing strategy and that actually seems to care about the show and the stories that they have wanted to tell, I don't know, but it is so refreshing and exciting to see.

Tim is a clever person - he knows exactly what he is doing and every single season, without fail we have him saying things in interviews that can be read in multiple ways - none of them have ever been lies - subterfuge is the name of the game - then if you reread them in the aftermath of the season, you can see what he said did in fact play out as he hinted at - he has the context that we didn't have at the time and that is why he can subvert and talk his way around things.

I genuinely don't think Tim planned to give Buck a bisexual awakening from the start - we know he never planned on the buddie of it all, but a good writer will go where the characters take them. As soon as you create something and put it into the hands of others (the actors, directors and crew) things can very quickly take on a whole new direction and a life of its own.

If you ask me, I genuinely don't think Buck could've had a bi awakening before this point - it wouldn't have made sense from a narrative perspective (and his death and rebirth actually make the perfect jumping off point to explore) until now because of the very nature of Buck.

There isn't a single show (by show I mean one that isn't a limited series which will by definition have a planned arc) on network television that knew where each and every character would end up at the end of the show or that characters journey (by this I mean when cast chose to leave a show). Yes they might have planned a few beats to hit along the way, but they wouldn't know the end point for the character. We have a perfect example on 911 - Michael - the show hadn't intended to end Michaels arc in the way it did - his journey as a queer man coming out later in life was an important part of the show - important for representation as much as anything - they had to adapt and change in light of what was going on with Rockmond and write out a character that they would've had other plans for.

The other thing I should mention is that When Tim says he hasn't decided or written the scripts for upcoming episodes, that doesn't mean he doesn't have a plan. He very much will have a plan. There would've been clear arcs for each character laid out at the start of the writing process for the season - they would want to get character a from one point to another by the end of the season. Its the how they get there that is the unknown - at this point we don't know the end points for any characters this season, but if we take season 5 Eddie as an example - at the start of the season he is post shooting and back at work, seemingly perfectly fine. By the end of the season he is genuinely in a good place having gone through his trauma arc. The arc they would've decided on for Eddie that season was to explore his trauma and how to get him from a 'seemingly' good place to a genuinely good place. From there they would've decided on various touchstones - so Ana being mistaken for Christophers mother and them being a family is his trigger to launch his arc. Chris being scared of loosing his father a major touch stone, pushing him into leaving the 118. His then feeling on the outside - left out and replaced by Lucy is his next one, followed by the fact all his army buddies are gone, another touchstone - coming in quick succession to build momentum and leading to his breakdown. Pushing him to actually get help - therapy is another touchstone - one that helps to get him to the end of the season in a vastly different place - healing but still working on things.

So you see - they generally plan an overall direction, but how they get there is the bit that is a bit fluid and can be determined to a certain extent by audience reaction (I don't mean that they would out and out rewrite the entire plan for the season for a character, but they might chose to lean into different aspects if the audience react in a certain way - we saw this with Lucy - planned for a bigger arc, but the audience reaction to her was pretty negative, so they changed direction with her character and cut her part down).

In terms of Bucks bi arc - they will have been waiting on how it was received before fully determining how to play it out for the rest of the season - I genuinely think we'll be seeing more of Lou as Tommy later in the season as a part of Bucks arc - The way Lou has spoken about it being initially a 4 episode arc, suggests to me that its always been intended to run it longer if reaction was good - which we know it was. My explectation remains the same - that Tommy will be around until either the end of episode 9, or the middle of episode 10, to get Buck to where he needs to be by the season end.

I am on the fence as to where exactly that is - Everything from set, costuming and the script is screaming at me that it's about Buck figuring out not only that he is bi, but that he is also in love with Eddie. That is his arc for the season. What I am unsure of is how they are going to leave things at the end of the season (and I think a part of that will have been determined by audience reaction), whether or not we'll leave him acknowledging his feelings to himself, to a third party (Tommy and or Maddie), or to Eddie himself. Of course part of it will be determined by Eddies arc and how far they plan on getting him in regards to dealing with his catholic guilt and what form and direction t hat is going to take, but I cannot see any reason to start exploring that aspect of his character if you weren't going to use it for a queer arc of some description.

In terms of costuming - which was the main point of your ask - sorry I get rambly in these replies some times - I always view it as the first 2-3 seasons at the very least will be about establishing a characters look and vibe within the wider show, and from then on you can start to play into themes and colour theory etc. Somethings you can establish earlier - especially if they are centric to a character more widely. Examples of this are Eddies army green tees and shirts - establishing him visually as ex military, or the black singlets that he wears when in an emotionally vulnerable place, or Buck wearing his white trainers as part of his search for self, or his white shirts as a signal of him being in danger. You can do this, because they aren't playing on anything in relation to other characters at this early point.

So the decision to take Buck out of jeans (stone wash jeans specifically - he's been wearing jeans they've just been black or dark navy) and have him in very obviously shorter trousers, creating a specific aesthetic for him - this smarter, fitted clean cut style that is different from his season 1 looks, has been about playing into his journey of searching for self - that is his big overarching arc - the one that spans multiple seasons.

The intent to do that, wasn't about Buddie (or bi Buck) when they started to use it as a visual marker for him. It was (and always has been) about Buck. about his search for meaning in his life and who he is, who he wants to be - about being his authentic self.

The reason I got so excited about seeing him in jeans once more, when the first stills dropped at the start of the season - was because I knew that it was a signal that this bigger arc was coming to fruition and moving into its next phase. The costume team have been sitting waiting for when the time was right to do this - its being done with such intention.

Of course I hoped that it would be buddie related - things were pointing in that direction from other costuming choices. And to me at least, I still think its very much buddie related - because to do this now - for this bi awakening arc - its too loud and too big for 'just' a bi awakening arc - its about something bigger for Buck - something long term (and I'm not saying Buck being bi is't long term, because obviously it very much is - bi rep is so important!) him figuring out he is bi is a smaller part of a bigger whole for his character. The implication of the jeans returning is that this part of himself he has unlocked plays into a bigger story. Bucks search for self has always been about finding love - about being wanted and seen and accepted for who he is. As a costume designer, I wouldn't personally be putting him into jeans at this point unless it was related to his endgame - being bi isn't enough on its own for them to decide to visually show that he has fully found what he has been looking for on his search throughout the seasons (the white trainers still being in used also play into this) because he is still looking for that lasting happiness - he's just taken a massive step forward to figuring out what it is and where it lies.

With regards to colour theory and the paralleling of Buddie with other ships such as Bathena or Madney. Colour theory alone it wouldn't be enough to convince me, it is in combination with other factors such as the paralleling of Bathena and Madney that it comes into play. The thing is, creating those parallels and colour theory combinations doesn't have to lead to something. I'm going to do a terrible job of trying to explain this, but I'll give it a go.

Various people, who work on the show in some capacity have all commented over the years that they weren't expecting the level of chemistry that Oliver and Ryan have. We also know that they have played into the buddie of it all with some of the scene choices they've made - sort of an acknowledgement of what we're seeing - the elf scene in s2 is a prime example - a nod to fandom and the fact that they are being shipped together - and an acknowledgement of the chemistry - without it necessarily needing to mean more (the same goes for things like the text comments on the botfly influencer livestream call etc).

Back then wardrobe are still very much in character establishment mode - creating and defining the looks of the characters, and playing into colour theory on an individual level, not necessarily on a partnership level (S2 Bathena would've been treated in this way as they were already intended to be an end game couple so you can play into colour theory much earlier), that comes later. I wouldn't have been able to write costume metas in season 2-3 in the way I do now, because the parallels didn't exist and the ground work hadn't been laid.

Once you get past that intial establishing phase, hat is when you can start to play into the colour theory much more in relation to specific characters and pairings. One of the clearest examples of this is Eddies black shirt green trousers combo that he wears at the loft when having serious conversations with Buck. He first wears it in season 3 at the end of the lawsuit/fightclub arc (3x09), and then we dont see it again until season 5 (5x04) at yet another scene in Bucks loft.

The meaning of the colours in that scene are important sure, it is playing into colour theory, but what is happening visually is that we're subconciously connecting dots and remembering that Eddie has worn this outfit before to talk to Buck - that means it must be a serious conversation, one very much focused on something Buck has done (or hasn't done depending on which way you look at things). Eddie has been in Bucks loft on multiple occasions between those two scenes, and Buck and Eddie have had multiple serious conversations in the intervening episodes as well. so why that scene if its not meant to make us connect dots?

Now on a fundamental level, those two scenes can be read as establishing the close friendship Buck and Eddie share - that they are following through on their s2 promise to have each others backs. its entirely correct to assume that - it is after all what those scenes are establishing. But what it is also doing is laying the ground work for if they want to take Buddie further. we know that the conversations about Buddie have been happening in the writers room and on set for a good long while, and even if you don't yet know if you're going to go in that direction, you would be foolish not to lay the ground work in a subtle way if you can, so that the option is there if you did decide to take that direction.

A show will use what ever tools are at its disposal to lay various foundations that it can then pick and choose to build on as it wants or needs to. It is why we see the pictures in Eddies house moving around, why things on the fridge change (fridge theory is not as out there as some people would have you believe - there is a whole thing coming up on Eddies fridge in reaction to guts and the digestive system - which will very much be playing into his catholic guilt arc!) in Christophers room move around and change - its not just about him being a growing (soon to be teenager) boy, its also about laying foundations for story arcs they might choose to develop down the line and the Buddie groundwork is no different.

Its not about the wardrobe team being shippers of Buddie - its much more about them knowing where a season is headed (in brad strokes, even if they don't have specifics) being really good at their job and now being able to bear the fruits of their labour from earlier seasons - they had been doing the same with buck and Taylor - now they're doing it with Buck and Tommy (and Eddie). It would've been super easy to spin the costuming for Taylor into more positive colours - especially on Buck - in season 5, but they had the bigger picture and knew she wasn't going to remotely be endgame, so they were able to play into that throughout the season. Establishing Tommy as a version of Eddie is building on the Eddie groundwork they laid and using it to make it very clear that we are supposed to see the similarities between them - its steering us as viewers towards thinking 'oh Buck has a type - He's dating someone like his best friend - he should just date his best friend' is all about subtly nudging the audience in the right direction - towards Buddie - its just most people won't pick up on it in a conscious way.

I'm not sure if this makes any sense or if it even answered your ask, but essentially the show is using everything at its disposal to tell the story its telling and they have been laying groundwork that can take things in various directions - they are just choosing to push the buddie agenda to an increasing degree (and I have said groundwork far too many times in this post!!)

Thaks for the great ask 💜💜💜

[daydreamgoddess14]

Here she is! 🎉

Ella Cole - the only reject at Slough House to view her banishment as a fresh start and a chance to change her life for the better. Ella never again wants to draw attention to herself the way she did at the Park, but the past has a nasty habit of catching up with even the most cautious of people, and Ella is about to find out that keeping herself distanced from everyone is no guarantee she can keep them safe.

Taglist: @theskytraveler @moonmaiden1996 @acrackintheteacup @succulentthief

Masterlist

Warnings: *I want to be super clear on warnings so this might give away a handful of spoilers* Mentions & depictions of DV (not graphic or laboured), minor mentions of SV (not dubcon or rape, more like coercion and 'feeling obligated'), stalking, impact of all of this shit on a child, OFC is a single mother so there are depictions of motherhood. My inbox is open if you have any questions or want to talk 😘

The Escape Artist - Chapter 1

Six months. For Ella Cole, it had been six months of living hand to mouth, trying to pay for flats, bedsits or house shares with mould on the walls and mushrooms growing out of the carpet. Drug dealers on the stairs, unlicensed dogs barking night after night, bits of kids more than half her age with flick knives and vapes. She didn't bother them, and they didn't bother her. She knew this world and understood the ecosystem and flashpoints. She leaned against the front door and wiggled the key, the only way to get it to lock properly. It was still early, quiet in the stairwell bar one other person who kept his hood up and his hands deep in his pockets. 

“Lend us a tenner, El?” 

“I'm skint Dozzer, sorry.”

“Just till tomorrow?”

“No, Doz. Get down the clinic when they open, they can get you something to get you through the day.”

“Ain't allowed in there this week. ‘Ad a row with the security gaffer.” He sniffed.

“They'll kick you out for good if you keep that shit up. I've got to go, ask Mike.”

“Thanks anyway, bab.” She didn't see anyone else on the way out. The girls would still be sleeping, false lashes caked in mascara and lipstick stains bleeding into the soft lines around their mouths. She had to get out of this block, she'd only accepted it out of desperation. The black mould on the walls of the last place stank and it was wreaking havoc with her lungs. Putting her foot on a mushroom growing out of the carpet was the last straw, but after two months she'd also had enough of bumping into addicts and sex workers in the corridors, and she was sick of the girls pimp trying to enlist her. The fellas would love ya, you could make a killin’ babe he told her. Despite the early hour, the smell of weed in the building entrance was overwhelming. 

“Ugh.” A small voice next to her complained. She'd stayed quiet so far. She wasn't always keen on Dozzer, even less so when he was after money. 

“I know, baby, it's gross.” Ella wrapped her arm around her daughter's shoulders and guided her out into the street. “It's cold, zip your coat up.” If there was ever a reason to get out of their current accommodation situation, she was it. 

“Can we go to the cafe?”

“Not today, you're in breakfast club.” They navigated the street, avoiding puddles from the never-ending rain and bags of uncollected rubbish. Ella checked her watch, late again. She only had half an hour to get to the school and then on to Slough House. Lamb never said anything if she was late, just an arched eyebrow and withering stare. She still had no idea how much he knew - or didn't know - about her. She'd certainly not told him anything. She hadn't told any of them, six months of polite-ish conversation and pointed silence. Grabbing the girl's hand, Ella dashed out onto the pedestrian crossing outside the school. An approaching car slammed on its brakes and sounded the horn. Ella spun around to face the driver.

“It's a fucking crossing, you twat!” She yelled. The driver glared at her. The driver she recognised glared at her, and then quickly realised that they knew her. “Fucking hell, Cartwright, you trying to kill us?” She raised her middle finger and continued across the road and into the school gates. She waited at reception for the breakfast club staff and said her goodbyes. As she walked back towards the road, she saw his car parked up across from the school. He beeped the horn once and gestured for her to get in. 

“Sorry, I was miles away.” He said as she got into the passenger seat. 

“My own fault. I shouldn't have rushed us out.” She muttered. “We were running late.” He didn't say anything. He merged with the traffic and drove in silence to Slough House. “I didn't mean to call you a twat,” she said as he went to open his door once he'd parked up. 

“Yeah you did. You gave me the finger after you'd recognised me.”

“Yeah I did,” she replied sheepishly. “Can you umm… can you not tell anyone?”

“About giving me the finger?”

“About her.” 

“Sure.” He shrugged. “Does she… does she have a name? Am I allowed to know?”

“Thanks for the lift.” She ignored the question and slammed the car door, trudging up the death stairs of Slough House. 

“Oh, on time I see? Just about.” Lamb sneered. He perched on the edge of Ho's desk. 

“Just about is still on time,” she told him on her way past. 

“Fucking hell, a Cartwright on time as well. You pair are spoiling me today, am I dying?” He jeered as River shoved the heavy door open. 

“God I hope so.” River muttered, dragging himself up the stairs behind Ella. By the time he'd stopped off to see Louisa, Ella had made a cup of tea for herself only, and pulled on noise cancelling headphones. “Make my own then, shall I?” He dropped into his wobbly, missing-a-wheel office chair and got stuck into the files Catherine had left on his desk. An hour later, Ella looked up from her files to fingers clicking in her face. She frowned and pulled off the headphones. 

“Yes?”

“You haven't said anything for like, an hour.”

“I'm working?”

“Well, yeah but -”

“Did you want something?”

“Can I ask a question?” She didn't reply so he went ahead. “What's her name? How old is she?”

“That's two questions.” He waited, expectantly. “She's eight.” Ella sighed. 

“And?”

“You'll take the piss out of her name so I'm not telling you.”

“You really think I'm in a position to take the piss out of someone's name?” She pursed her lips to hide the small smile. 

“Her name is Clover.” She braced for laughter, or a derogatory sneer which didn't come. 

“It's nice.”

“Nice?”

“Yeah, cute. Very hippy, I don’t envy teenage Clover. Did you choose it?”

“I did. I thought… I hoped she'd bring me luck.”

“Is that why you're here? Bad luck?” She shook her head slightly and put the headphones back on. End of conversation. “Right. Good chat, at least twenty more words than usual so that's progress.” Her head had dipped again, back to the files. 

“Are you talking to yourself?” Shirley asked from the doorway. 

“No, I'm talking to… her,” he trailed off miserably when it was clear Ella wasn't listening at all. 

“Twat. Lamb wants you.”

“Two twats in one day. I am a lucky boy,” he sighed, leaving Ella alone. 

*

As much as Ella appreciated Clover's preference for the sex workers over the drug addicts in the small block of flats, it made it somewhat trickier to explain why she wasn't allowed to pop and show them her freshly painted nails - which they always loved to see - or why she couldn't hang out at their flat for any longer than it took to say hello in the corridor.

“Why do they always have visitors?” She grumbled, admiring the purple glitter polish Ella had let her have on for the weekend. 

“Because that's their job lovey, their visitors pay to come and… play games together.”

“Like monopoly?”

“Something like that.” Ella mumbled, head halfway in the oven which wouldn't light. She idly wondered how long the gas would take to kill her, then she remembered she hadn't paid the bill. “Shit.”

“What's up?”

“McDonald's for tea. Get your shoes on.” Ella sat back on the kitchen floor, stained with god knows what, and always sticky no matter what miracle cleaning products she brought. It had to get better than this. Surely it had to get better than this. She gritted her teeth, breathing in short huffs to try and keep the tears at bay. She'd felt a pang of terror after giving away Clover's name to Cartwright. For six months she'd been so careful, not daring to speak about her to anyone just in case, just in case, it somehow reached other ears. She had no way of knowing who Cartwright was in with. He appeared above board, but didn't they all? In sleep deprived delirium, she'd even researched how to change Clover's name via deed poll. She hadn't slept properly for nearly a week, hadn't paid the gas bill, but she had a fiver in her pocket and a handful of change - enough for a kids meal and maybe something for herself if she was lucky. She leaned into the door and wiggled the key, and led Clover out, passed the congregation of kids on the stairs and straight into the girl's pimp.

“Alright, El? Still got a job for you if you want it?”

“No thank you Pav, payday on Monday. I'm sure I'll get by til then.”

“A loan then? You don't even have to pay me back in cash,” Pawel Wójcik leered at Ella, a rolled cigarette caught between his teeth. 

“Nope.”

“They love a milf ya know? Could get you forty quid a go?” Forty quid sounded like a lottery win but Ella stood fast. She held Clover's hand tightly.

“Bye, Pav.” She kept it polite, always kept it polite. He wasn't a man she wanted to upset or demean, she didn't have to work for him, he still had the ability to make her life miserable. She hadn't realised how much of a sliding scale ‘miserable’ was. She'd been miserable before but at least they'd been warm and well fed. She hadn't had pimps offering her work or addicts asking for cash. Bills were paid, and Clover had her own room. It wasn't going to be for long, she soothed. She was fighting hand over fist to get back the security deposit from the flat before. The letting company were trying to lay the blame for the mould on her and were holding onto the deposit to pay for the flat to be cleaned. Another call on Monday to get them to pay up and once they did she'd be back on her feet again. Assuming she made it to Monday. They huddled in bed together, even with the lack of sleep Ella finally felt peace. Her baby in her arms, too old really to be sleeping in her mother’s bed but when there was only one bed the options were limited. Ella thought it funny how Clo proclaimed to be a big girl who wanted her own room back, her own bed back, but who suddenly became so small again when it came to bedtime. Her stomach rumbled, the small burger she’d managed to scrape together the change for wasn’t really enough. She hoped the girls down the hall would be up in the morning, they usually had plenty of bread for toast. Pawel wouldn’t allow them to go hungry, it was bad for business when the sounds of hunger got in the way of the blow jobs. 

“Fuck me, you look like shit.” Sofia told her the next morning through a cloud of cigarette smoke.

“Can we borrow some bread til tomorrow?”

“Sofia, look at my nails!”

“Oh Clo, they look beautiful! Why don’t you ladies come in for a cuppa.”

“You don’t have any visitors?”

“Nah, we’re free til lunchtime. Don't expect to see Lulu though, she's sleeping off a big night.” Clo raced through the flat to the plush pink velvet sofa and flicked on the TV. Sofia put a gentle hand on Ella’s arm. “Rough week?”

“Awful. I need to call that letting agent again tomorrow, if I had that money back we’d have a safety net. I wouldn’t be hunting for fucking change to take to McDonalds.”

“Can you even pay cash there anymore?” Sofia put a huge mug of tea down on the table. Ella cleared her throat, nodding over at the draining board which was laden with dildos. “Sorry, washing up. I’ll hide these.”

“Please don’t make me explain to an eight year old what a dildo is.” Ella grimaced. With the dildos away, a plate piled high with buttered toast made its way to the table. Ella ate until she felt sick.

“Better?”

“Thank you. I’m sorry we had to come to you.”

“Don’t be. I’d rather look after you two than a fifty year old on viagra,” she shuddered. “Heart attack waiting to happen - and my first aid at work is not up to date.”

“You haven’t heard anything?”

“If he’s out, everyone’s keeping it quiet. I’ll tell you if I hear otherwise.” As Ella left, Sofia pushed a twenty pound note into her hand. 

“I can't take -”

“You can, you will.”

“I'll pay you back.”

“You won't. I've been there babe, I promise it'll be worth it.”

*

“Cole, with me.” Lamb ordered as lunchtime drew near on Monday. Ella's face fell, she'd planned a Subway payday treat before her wages were swallowed by bills and school clubs. She glanced over at River who shrugged and then followed Lamb outside, down the stairs and round the corner into the Chinese restaurant. His usual order was on the table already. “Whatever the girl wants.” He told the staff.

“Oh, no I'm fine.”

“You ain't paying, I know you’re broke.” Ella blushed. “Saw you nicking biscuits from Ho's desk for breakfast last week.” 

“Chow mein please.” She mumbled, eyes tracing the red gingham tablecloth.

“Get her some other bits as well, will ya? Put it on my tab. Now, what I'm trying to work out is why you're so broke. It's not the old fizzy lifting powder, you're not as twitchy as Dander. Longridge is the resident gambler -”

“Just had a few big bills this month.”

“Why are you here?”

“Why are you asking me? You could just find out from the Park. Or Ho.”

“I'm asking you,” he said sternly. After a few sloppy bites of noodles, he softened. “Look, you don't seem as brain dead as the rest of the idiots upstairs. You've done everything I've asked for six months, and stuff I haven't asked for, you haven't complained, you've had your head down and got it done. Some people far more stupid than me might actually think you were enjoying it.”

“Believe it or not, I am.”

“But why?” She pushed the chow mein around her plate. 

“I was married. I am married, actually. He's a big deal in organised crime, moves things around, makes things disappear. Money, drugs, people, gold, you name it. The Park were watching the gang, he made me doctor some images and change some tracking details to throw them off. Taverner found out it was me.”

“Did they get him?”

“Only on a lesser charge. A few of the lads went down for him on the big stuff.”

“He’s a bully then. Must be if he got his underlings to go down for him?” Ella swallowed thickly. 

“Yeah. He doesn't like… disobedience.” 

“Where is he now?”

“Serving a year, but he might be out by now.”

“And Taverner sent you to me. Why didn't she have you charged?”

“My dad is a copper. Between them they made it go away.”

“Bet daddy dearest was happy about that.”

“I wouldn't know, I haven't seen him for years.”

“Disowned and yet he still saved you from the clink, eh?”

“Something like that.”

“What a pickle you're in. A fallen woman, pushed from a life of luxury into squalor. You should write a book. Make sure there's lots of pictures though, otherwise Cartwright won't be able to read it.” He laughed loudly at his own joke and followed it up with a belch. “C'mon eat up. Will he come after you?” 

“I've been staying low, I know a few people who are listening out for me,” Ella thought of Sofia and Lulu, teasing any snippets of information from clients they knew of who had links to him. Lamb nodded, seemingly happy enough with her response. 

“We'll see, shall we? And the money?”

“I ran away with nothing. I've had to get deposits and advance rent together, it's just been a bit hard that's all.”

“Let's call this your six month probationary review, eh? Congratulations, you've passed and it comes with a payrise effective right now.” He pulled a battered wallet from his pocket and handed her a wad of notes.

“No, that's not right -”

“You're on less than the others, even Dander and she's only about twelve. Someone fucked up on payroll. Accept it and say thank you, Lamb.”

“Thank you, Lamb.”

“You're welcome, now this ain't a fucking charity so that's your lot. Sort your shit out and don't bring it to my door.” Ella hesitated, feeling like she should acknowledge Clover somehow. 

“Just so you know, if everything did go to shit -”

“Oh fuck off, Standish can keep your fucking cat if the ex offs you.”

“I have a daughter.” Lamb stared. 

“What do you want? A medal?” His cutlery clattered onto the empty plate. “Alright. Say no more.”

“Thank you.” 

“Don't get all fucking weepy, you're better than that. Pull yourself together and get back to work.” Ella nodded and got up from the table, leaving Lamb alone with the leftovers and his thoughts. 

*

Feeling  buoyed by her conversation with Lamb, Ella took advantage of Cartwright going to get a coffee and called the letting agent. She was halfway through giving them an earful when he returned. She knew he was eavesdropping, the page he was reading hadn't turned despite only having a handful of text on it. Unless Lamb had been right and he couldn't read. 

“Look, you owe me that money, that flat was not fit to be lived in. I have photos from the day I moved in, I have my hospital records which show I had three successive chest infections caused by black mould and I have a solicitor who specialises in getting deposits back from fraudulent landlords. I will put those pictures on every single platform I can and tell everyone that you're putting children at risk.” She kept her voice low but it dripped with anger. The monotonous voice on the end of the phone barely registered her threats. Ella balled her hand into a fist and bit down on it to keep from shouting. She didn't notice River get up from his desk until he was leaning over hers to pluck the phone from her ear. 

“Pay her the fucking money back or I'll be down your office in an hour with the police.” Ella stared, River listened to the response. “I don't give a shit how long it's supposed to take, it's taken long enough.” There was silence again while he waited, tapping his long fingers on her desk. She watched his hand, not daring to look up at him. “Thank you.” He handed her the phone. “Check your account,” he left the call connected while Ella opened her banking app. Her jaw dropped, confirming the payment had been received. He took the phone back again, “That's come through. See how easy it was? Don't let it happen again.” When he passed her the phone again, she flinched. “Sorry, I shouldn't have interfered.”

“It's fine. Thank you.”

“You should go and get the cash out, hang on to it.” Ella frowned. Her new cash is king world was still taking some adjustment. She'd been so used to waving a platinum credit card, her phone, her watch, at a pin machine. She was amazed at how quickly she'd become frugal. The watch and her latest model phone - traded in for a basic handset - had been sold to buy a bed.

“Yeah, you're probably right.” She sighed heavily, an odd feeling settling in her chest that she couldn't quite place. Relief. For the first time in months she felt relieved. 

 

She didn't abandon her vigilance entirely, but between telling Lamb and Cartwright - a duo she never envisaged being remotely trustworthy - the bare minimum, she relaxed enough to be able to sleep at night. She ensured that her private life remained completely private. No one but Lamb knew of her ex, and no one else other than Lamb and Cartwright knew about Clover, and she intended to keep it that way. But she found herself drawn to swapping book recommendations with Catherine, and even the constant arguments between Marcus and Shirley occasionally raised a smile. And then of course, there was Lamb. 

“Turnock’s fucking teacakes?”

“They were out of jaffa cakes.”

“And you see me eatin�� marshmallow do ya?”

“Don’t turn your nose up. What’s the suitable alternative?”

“I dunno Cole, use your brain. Knew I shouldn't have told you you had half an extra brain cell than the others.”

“Hobnobs. Shall I get you some hobnobs?”

“Fucking hobnobs,” Lamb grumbled, pouring a scotch from the fresh bottle he pulled out from the bag. “Least you got the scotch.”

“As if I'd leave you hanging there.” Ella put her hand on the box of teacakes, intent on taking them back downstairs to have one with a cup of tea.

“Leave the teacakes.” He eyed her though the bottom of the glass.

“Thought so.”

“Jaffa cakes tomorrow or you’re out of here. Got it?”

“Jaffa cakes tomorrow.” She agreed. He ripped open the box.

“Oi here y’are.” She caught the airborne red and silver wrapped teacake he threw at her and beamed.

“Cheers, Lamb.”

“Off you fuck, work to do.” Ella slipped through his office door and gave Catherine a wave on her way down the stairs. She managed to find two reasonably clean mugs and made tea, popping one on the desk next to hers and one on her own desk. Headphones on, she unwrapped the chocolate covered marshmallow and took a bite.

“Bit early isn’t it?” 

“Cartwright, there is no early when chocolate is involved.” She dragged off the headset and let it hang around her neck.

“Did you get me one?” 

“Nope.” 

“So that’s how it is?”

“I made you tea.” She popped the last bite into her mouth and nodded at his desk. Next to the mug of tea was a packet of hobnobs. He smiled, small, but a smile nonetheless.

“Thanks, Cole. Still sucking up to Lamb?”

“It’s not sucking up, he actually likes me. You’ll never know what that feels like.” She put her hand to her heart and pouted. “Sucks to be you.”

“See all you've done there is lure yourself into a false sense of security,” he opened the packet and snapped a biscuit in half, dunking it in the tea, “he doesn’t like anyone.” Catherine made her way through the maze of offices with a pile of files. 

“Morning you two. Thank you for the book, Ella, very enjoyable. These are tax returns from the early 90s relating to the Havilland job.”

“Love a dodgy tax return,” Ella gratefully received her half. “I'll bring you the next in the series if you like?”

“Lovely, I've passed the first one onto Louisa.”

“That's great, I told her she'd love it.” Ella smiled. River frowned. 

“Since when is anyone actually nice to each other around here?” He muttered holding the second half of his biscuit in the tea for a fraction too long. It broke off with a solemn plop into the liquid. “Bollocks.” Since Lamb had taken a chance, Ella thought to herself. Since she'd allowed herself to feel the tiniest modicum of joy that she'd managed to escape from hell and had survived. It was far better than the self-flagellation she'd gone for originally, there might be a mountain to climb but she had to celebrate the achievement of making it to base camp. That evening, come 5pm, there was a mass exodus from Slough House and after six shit months and one less shit, almost verging on normal month, Ella felt able to actually smile at her colleagues as they departed. She walked down the slippery stairs with River, into the evening rain. 

“See you Monday,” she said, opening her umbrella. He was looking past her at the bus stop. “Oi, dickhead, see you Monday?”

“Yeah, Monday.” His brow furrowed as he looked not quite at her, his attention still on the bus stop.

“Cartwright?”

“Do you need a lift to the school? It's pissing down.”

“No thanks, I'll live. You're going to the pub with Louisa anyway.”

“You should come next time.” He said, finally looking directly at her. 

“We'll see. I should go.” 

“Have a good one.”

“You too.” He watched her leave, walking in the opposite direction of the bus stop where the figure he'd been watching had vanished. 

Chapter 2

[lemotmo]

❤️

Q. What I'm truly confused by is why they want people to hate Ryan and Oliver so much. Like they aren't attacking Eddie and Buck nearly as much as they're attacking Ryan and Oliver. I'm so confused by that.

A. Everything we are seeing is because they know, in spite of everything they are saying, that Tommy's existence on this show relies entirely on his relationship with Buck. The minute that relationship runs it course story wise he is gone, and they know it. Because of that Eddie became their enemy. Oliver wants Buck with Eddie. A significant portion of their audience wants Buck with Eddie. In their minds they needed the audience to turn on Eddie to make the case for Tommy. But their campaign didn't accomplish anything so they shifted gears and decided to go after Ryan personally. Unfortunately for Ryan, and the rest of us, in the middle of their hate campaign towards Ryan, Lou said some things during his cameo videos, and his Twitter past came to light, and people's reaction to those two things caused his fans campaign against Ryan to become even uglier. What they are attempting to do to Ryan is disgusting. He was completely out of line when he said what he said a few years ago, but he owned it. He acknowledged that he needed to work on some things and better educate himself on things he really didn't seem to understand. And he did it. He went away and genuinely educated himself, and made changes in his life that allowed him to grow and better himself as a human being. Which is all we can ever ask of one another. I will never understand how he could have said it, but that's not the point. What I can see and understand is the work he has clearly put into growing and learning from his mistakes. They don't get to erase Ryan's personal growth because it hurts their already weak defense of Lou. And that's what they are trying to do. And they're trying to do it all in the name of a temporary plot device on a television show. And that's too immature and disgusting to be allowed to happen. So we aren't allowing it to happen. And that angers them.

Their entire problem with Oliver is that he doesn't appear to be friends with Lou, and he isn't promoting their preferred ship. He promotes and talks about his preferred ship, which is what Oliver has always done. Oliver isn't doing anything he hasn't always done. What he has with Ryan is what they're trying to demand he have with Lou. They are completely dependent on Buck, and Oliver is making it pretty clear they're fighting a losing battle. Somewhere along the way someone convinced them that even though there aren't that many of them if they are nasty enough, and loud enough they can bully Ryan, Oliver and Tim into submission. It was an absurd plan and is of course a complete failure, but they're going to be as horrible as possible on their way out. We're nearing their end though, and Oliver and Ryan completely ignoring them is causing them more anger than we ever could. Our boys will be just fine. 💗

Thank you Nonny! :) Again much appreciated!

I admit that my brain has been fried by that deleted Eddie and Christopher scene we just got. So you won't get anything interesting out of me at the moment. xD LOL!

I also don't have the same insight in fandom dynamics that Ali does, so I'm just going to let her do her thing and answer this question as only she can. :)

IMPORTANT! Please don't repost this ask and/or a link that leads straight to my Tumblr account on Twitter or any other social media. Thank you!

Heads up! For anyone who is giving me the shifty eyes for reposting Ali's updates instead of reblogging. Read this.

Remember, no hate in comments, reblogs or inboxes. Let's keep it civil and respectful. Thank you.

If you are interested in more of Ali’s posts, you can find all of her posts so far under the tag: anonymous blog I love.

[savagewildnerness]

Lestat looks like he's about to faint in various parts of the trial and Sam Reid says Lestat wouldn't go to Magnus's lair on his own so he was clearly forced to be there. It's just clear Armand forced him to.

Sorry to Armandcels and Lestat haters. He was forced.

Oh dear... I did this poll as I am genuinely curious what people think on this topic, not to stir up fan-opposition.

This question popped into my inbox... and on the opposite side, I see there have also been a few comments on this poll implying anyone voting for option 2 has racial bias.

So, I just want to clarify while the poll is still running that I personally voted for (& think) option 3. I do not think we have seen any certain indication things will play out as they do in the books, but the books exist and they are what is being adapted & so the TV show could play out a similar way. Or, it might not! I am interested that a lot of people have voted the same as me, and I am interested that other people have stronger opinions and think 1 or 2 more strongly.

However, the poll is not about what definitely WILL be, but about what you *think* will be, so all answers are valid! I, personally do not think we have enough information to say either way.

To Anon's points, my personal opinions are:

Lestat looks like he's about to faint in various parts of the trial - this is totally true, but we now know Lestat is putting a great deal of energy into trying to save Louis and trying to get an entire, huge audience to do his bidding in order to achieve that. We saw what controlling the soldiers in New Orleans took out of Lestat (exhaustion, bleeding ears) and there were a lot less of them and Lestat was asking less of them too - only to walk out of a building. If anything, Lestat is likely at least a little weaker physically and in terms of his powers at the trial than he was then, following Louis and Claudia's attempted murder and the physical and psychological toll of recovering from that. *Could* this be effects of torture and/or mind control by Armand? Absolutely! It could be! Could Armand have had Lestat locked up and starved? He absolutely could have done! Do we have clear indication either way? As I see it - No we do not. We do not know. And talking of Sam Reid: he has said that he himself does not yet know Lestat's motivations surrounding the trial, thus a lot was played ambiguously or in a few ways so it could have whatever meaning was later required.

Sam Reid says Lestat wouldn't go to Magnus's lair on his own so he was clearly forced to be there - I think Lestat being in Magnus' lair is the closest we have to an indication of something going on. I do not think Lestat would go back there of his own choice. He is also very out-of-it when Louis and Armand arrive, which absolutely does not seem like just Lestat revisiting the castle and remembering... it seems more... also... there was a weird vibe between Lestat and Armand. The vibe could mean that Armand and Lestat have spoken... or it could just be as Armand and Lestat both know that Lestat saved Louis. Or it could be that we haven't seen that scene the way it really played out (as rambling Lestat who *looks small*, whispering to the walls as though back in his moment of turning is very different to a lot more in-control Lestat as the scene goes on, which feels somehow off. But there's nothing as yet to clarify the why of that or the truth of it, if anything was really different. So again - it gives clues all may not be as we have seen, but it is not definitive proof of any specific thing. Is there a scenario where Lestat could just go back to Magnus' lair of his own volition? I mean, off the top of my head, he could choose to punish himself after the trial as Louis is still locked up in a coffin, so not truly saved and he just watched Claudia die horrifically while looking towards him, as her Father. Whatever else, Lestat went to Paris to save Louis, I hope we'll all agree and would he at that time be sure he'd achieved that? I don't think so! Especially if he doesn't have contact with Armand at that time... so either he does have contact with Armand (in which case, something *is* going on with Lestat and Armand) or he doesn't have contact with Armand (in which case Louis could be dead anyway?!) Is that enough to push Lestat to starving himself in a delirious state, torturing himself with the memory of his own turning. It's a possibility! What we can say about Magnus' lair, I think, is that it is torture - whether inflicted by Armand or by Lestat upon himself. In a way, I could argue it's more of a torture if Lestat went there himself. Do with that thought what you wish, people on both "sides"...?!

Would I prefer if things play out similarly to the books? Yes. Because if not, we are VERY far from the feeling of the books. I’m good with all adaptational changes until they take us away from the feeling of the story & the truth of any character. (Apart from when it’s an improvement in a character, such as TV Louis being way better than book-Louis, or necessary changes, for example due to Claudia’s TV age.) And so I'd prefer to get as close as I can to the feeling of the books, to the true Lestat, to the true Armand (although so far, TV Armand is also an improvement on book-Armand to me, which is an absolute MIRACLE to me as I ADORE book-Armand.)

Also, I honestly don't understand. Doesn't everyone adore Lestat AND Armand?!?!?????!?!?!!????

I think most people who voted option 2 will have done so because it’s book canon. The percentage of votes it has surprises me, as an option 3 voter… not least as if the show did go for book-canon here, I would have thought it might want to shock the audience with that revelation. However this poll suggests so far that the audience here would be more shocked if things are simply as we’ve seen...?

Regarding those who’ve replied hoping nothing will ever be definitive that any character says… well, Rolin has said that he wants to leave false memory behind now. I can certainly see people rolling eyes at some of Lestat’s tellings, but I don’t see there being outright obvious *nothing anyone says is ever definitively true* going forth. What an unstable ground to build an entire series upon, if nothing will ever be truth.

I was going to wait till results to comment, but then this question came in.

I desire as close as we can be gifted to book-Lestat too, but my perspective from watching the show is that we just don't know what the story will be yet. This is an adaptation of the books and some things are different. The more I want a certain plot point to be in the show, the more wary I am of expecting it, personally. I would rather acknowledge my truth: that I have no idea what will happen...

(a) because it's true! I absolutely think there is space for them to go in any direction on the spectrum here!

(b) so I won't be disappointed if things are not like any expectation I fix in my mind... which would be only that - my own expectation.

Finally: the poll is about what we *think*, so it is perfectly fine to *think* any of the 3 options! I hope the 40% vote that we cannot know yet indicates that?

I don't understand why there has to be drama? Why is it so wrong if some people, like the Anon here expect something in some way related to the books - given the books exist and also, as the anon says, there are some hints in the show that something is likely going on? Even if they are not definitely in any way clear about what we don't yet know, or to what extent. And why is there a problem that others expect Armand had no further involvement in the trial than Directing it and selling Louis and Claudia out? Given that that's what we've seen so far?

We already know that Lestat won't be in Paris for the reason he is in the books... unless we see the whole New Orleans murder night was different... which is still possible because after all Claudia did write Lestat's last words in her diary, but we never saw Lestat say them... and why didn't Daniel bring that discrepancy up in his S2E8 summation on that topic? He read those words aloud!

But anyway, given we've seen all of the trial, I don't see it as at all likely, them going all the way back to murder night and changing everything/anything significant!!?! If we were going to have seen any change there, why wouldn't it have come out in the trial - that's literally what the trial was about, after all! So Lestat is in Paris from a different motivation and thus already things are changed from the books.

And, as I said before - Rolin has said he wants to get away from memory being the monster now.

Anyway... back to the poll. I just want to know what everyone thinks. There is no morally right or wrong answer. Nobody is deluded or racist for voting a certain option as to what they think *might* happen in the future in a TV show which none of us know the plot for S3 of yet!

I'm just intrigued what percentage of people have a strong enough opinion one way or another to think we have seen enough indication to imply one or the other... and what percentage, like me, think we haven't seen enough to say either way.

That's all. I'll share your poll results tomorrow.

[adventuringblind]

Oscar Piastri Ghoulverse HC's

Oscar won the poll I put out, so now I am subjecting you to all the ideas that have been rolling around my head. I'll do a whole fic, eventually, but to give you an idea, I present you with this!

Specific scenarios are always welcome, and my inbox is open to questions!! If you want to make a request, it's an option on my request form, which you can find HERE!

I'm super excited to share this, and feedback is always appreciated! What do y'all want to see more of?

GORE, VIOLENCE, AND NSFW CONTENT BELOW THE CUT!!

IMAGES NOT MINE

Appearance

A trait amongst all ghouls is dark eyes. Docile, unhungry ghouls have iris' but they are hard to make out if you aren't staring at them from at least four inches away. Oscar's are golden, and you can't change my mind.

See images for horn and tail references

His tail, although it has sharp ends, is olldly soft to the touch. It's nice to cuddle with and be wrapped in. Soft tails are prone to getting matted, but Oscar hates anything to do with combs. It's a struggle to get him to his tail groomed.

Ghoul horns can range in neutral colors and shades. Oscar's are black. Some horns are scaley, where others are more bone like. Oscar's horns are bone material and shed away the out layers ever so often. Oscar's are ridged, but the flat surfaces are smooth.

Similar to Max's due to the Ao3 fic. I just haven't been able to picture him any other way.

All ghouls get pointed ears and sharp, elongated canines. Oscar has a wickedly sharp set of teeth that he takes pride in.

Abilities

Reminder that all ghouls have really strong senses and are incredibly strong.

Oscar's abilities lie in smell. He's in the select group of ghouls that can pick out individual scents and discover emotions with his nose.

It smells different for each ghoul.

Like sexual frustration smells like a he snorted a sour patch kid and sadness smells like bleach.

That being said, he reads people like an open book.

Heaven forbid you lie to this man... he will know.

The good thing is that he knows when someone you dislike is approaching and can warn you.

Mannerisms

His tail has a mind of its own and betrays his inner emotions that he doesn't show on his face.

Oscar will say he's fine and doesn't need affection, but his tail will refuse to let his partner go.

It you watch carefully enough, it will play charades to reveal what Oscar is truly thinking about.

He's doesn't like to hunt. He'd rather find food sources through morgues or ghouls that do hunt.

However, he's also not afraid of it if it's truly necessary. Especially if it's for his partner.

The tribe the drivers have created usually switches off on who is tasked with finding food. Some get it through trainers that are trying to help them, some have deals with hospitals and morgues, and other prefer to vigilante style that shit.

Oscar does all three. It usually depends on where they are and who he can get in touch with, if anyone. If he can't, then he'll opt to hunt. But that's a worst-case scenario.

He always goes for the throat and the chest. Something about eating a heart is alluring to him, and his tail makes it easy to get to them.

As a romantic partner

POSSESIVE

He is not afraid to admit that he likes people knowing that his partner is claimed.

Furthermore, it's a protective instinct. Oscar knows the dangers that are out there regardless of what species his mate is.

He'd prefer not to have a dead lover, thank you very much!

It doesn't help that ghouls are rather territorial of what's theirs. Oscar behaves, but you can FEEL him growling at people he doesn't want to get too close or he wants to get away.

To the outside world, he's perfectly smiley, and nobody would ever know. In private, he's attached. He just needs to he near you and smell that you are okay and he'll be fine.

Prefers to stay in with the tribe to do anything fun. It's easier when he gets to look like himself.

The most patient of people.

If his partner is a ghoul but hates the eating human dilemma, then he'll try to make it as normal as he can.

If they are fine eating but not gathering, say no more because Oscar will take care of it.

Because he can smell emotions, he is very attentive. He knows you're sick before you even do. He knows every emotion you're feeling and exactly how to respond.

He's a romantic at heart and wants his lover to feel safe and valued. He's willing to do whatever it takes to make that happen.

Sex!

Yes, sex with ghouls is it's own ordeal

They've got feral animalistic instincts.... tell me they aren't good at it

Humans are also naturally drawn to ghouls

Easily seduced

Which is good considering ghouls have these lovely phases where they get riled up with pent up energy and emotions from pretending to be human all the time.

It depends on the ghoul how often this happens.

Oscar's is, at the very least, going to explode twice a year.

He saves it all up and just loses it at some point.

That being said, he's had consistent sex but typically, it's set up by one of the older tribe members until he learns to do it himself.

Also, it should be noted that these phases are all sorts of intense emotions and not just sexual.

Oscar is doubly clingy and possessive and WILL NOT let his partner leave him if he can help it.

Good luck getting away until he's calmed down.

His tail makes a very good rope to hold a partner where he wants them.

If his partner is a ghoul, then you can expect intertwined tails all the time, including any kind of making love.

Biting... this is a thing for most ghouls, but I felt I should mention it. Oscar bites a lot. Especially a human mate because the amount of trust that would take is ridiculous. He'd never break that and wants to show that through his actions.

Plus... you taste like the most delicious god damn meal ever, and all he has to do is lick you to be satisfied.

If you try to feign arousal, he'll lose his shit. Don't lie to him about it because he'll spend hours figuring you out and leaving you a mess in the process.

Oscar is experimental, and let's be real here... the quiet and most unassuming of people are often the kinkiest beings.

He is open to everything as long as he's not actually eating you, and it's SANITARY. Maybe he'll draw blood from a human partner and bite down on the mating bite he's already put there, but he's not insane... he's not going to rip you open in any kind of dangerous fashion.

Unless his partner is a ghoul because that brings in new factors. If his partner likes hunting then they'd do it together and have probably fucked high on adrenaline and covered in blood. He will also pay special attention to a ghoul partners' horns since they are so sensitive. As in... he'll lick them. Maybe he'll use them as guides.

Giving him head? Best believe he's gripping his partners horns instead of their hair.

Depending on the mood, he will either growl or purr during sex. There is no in-between. Oscar is patent and always tame, but when his emotions do breakthrough, then it's an extreme. This is no different.

We're on the dom Oscar agenda for this blog, btw... (if you haven't noticed already).

He can and will man handle you if he's in a mood and you're not cooperating.

You can't really tease him because he'll just give it back worse later on when you're alone. You can certainly try, though! All you have to do is bite him on the clavicle (mating mark spot) and it'll drive him insane.

Why? Because he's possesive and love when the feeling is reciprocated.

[writingquestionsanswered]

Hello I have a question on behalf of my friend who doesn't have tumblr. So, my friend has been working on her long story for about 2 years now when she found time after school. However, it was recently discovered that she has a tumour in her brain that she will have surgically removed within the coming months and while she told me the chances of anything happening is low, she is still worried and has expressed concern over her story. She told me that she has so much of the story planned out but not written down, so many details or plotpoints etc.... So her question is: how can one prepare for the worst case senario if you have an unfinished story? There are so many details and conversations that need to happen.

Friend Concerned About Surgery/Not Finishing Story

It's very nice of you to ask on her behalf. Just to clarify, though, I'm not a legal expert, so I can't give you or your friend legal advice. Just some ideas based on personal experience.

As much as I wish this would be an easy thing for your friend to address, it isn't. Our stories are copyrighted the moment they are written down in a tangible form, and if something happens to us, that manuscript and all of the pertinent documents and notes become part of our estate. That said, it would be up to the executor of the estate to determine what is done with the story based on the person's wishes as outlined in their will. If someone wanted another person to finish the story for them, they would be designated as this person in their will and the executor would contact them and give them any documents and instructions that were needed. But, ideally, this will have been arranged between the writer and other person long before. If there isn't time for those conversations, your friend could put as much of the detail and instructions as they can in a document and have it kept with their important documents.

If your friend doesn't have a will or an estate (if they're a minor, for example), this is just something that will have to be arranged between them and the person they want to finish their story, but they should also make sure to notify their parents/guardians that this permission has been given, and may even want to give the person a notarized document stating that they give the person permission to finish the story. Otherwise, the friend's family could potentially file for copyright infringement.

I worry a little because I remember getting a similar ask a while back about someone who had been reading a story in progress, and it looked like the writer had passed, and this person wanted to know if they could just finish the story since they'd talked to this person and knew where the story was going. And I'm hoping this ask isn't coming from the same person looking for some loophole that would allow them to go ahead and do this. So, just in case and to clarify: you can't finish someone else's story without their express written permission. It doesn't matter whether that story was posted online and abandoned, or whether they told you what was going to happen and you're the only one who can finish it, or even if you had a verbal agreement. The best anyone could do in that scenario would be to contact the family (who either hold the copyright or have a right to contest infringement) and ask for permission.

And, in the case of this ask specifically, if the friend wants you or someone else to finish their story if the worst happens, they need to make sure they have granted you written permission that is notarized or otherwise legally commissioned.

Ultimately, your friend probably will want to talk to a lawyer. Though, I am deeply hoping that they come through their surgery safely and successfully so they don't have to worry about it. ♥

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

I’ve been writing seriously for over 30 years and love to share what I’ve learned. Have a writing question? My inbox is always open!

♦ Questions that violate my ask policies will be deleted! ♦ Please see my master list of top posts before asking ♦ Learn more about WQA here

[oddballwriter]

Dwelling in the Night, Part Two: Neck and Neck

Series Masterlist

Pt. 1 - Pt. 3 Pt. 4

Summary: The MoonKnight system continues to have run-ins with the shadowy figure that they've come to nickname The Silhouette, lurking and dealing with crime in the same area that they do. There's more communication between the two vigilantes but still no answered questions. Simply just a mutual respect for each other despite the different methods they use. A the same time, Steven tells more about their new neighbor Y/N, and even shows them a few things. However, it seems like the more Steven gets to know them, the stranger they seem. And Jake seems to be picking up on a few things in both cases.  

Warnings: The reader (Y/N) is a vampire and their source of sustenance is criminals. The action of said method and thus killing is never written or depicted, only implied. Reader lying to the boys. Mention of Harrow. The boys kind of, technically, break into the reader's apartment if you squint. It's not depicted but the reader is in the coffin that was mentioned in the original writing, aka part one, so possibly a claustrophobia warning. The reader, in their lying, claims to be on a liquid diet and also lies saying that it's doctor ordered, so if you have any medical traumas involving diets then a warning for that. 

Author’s Snip: No one asked for a part two to the original, I just came up with the idea of adding to it. I'm aware that I still have the Unexpected Addition mini-series and have yet to work further on part three of that but I just wanted to self-indulge considering my love for vampire content and more so my desire to see more vampire content where it is the reader who is the vampire of the story. So yeah. I would gladly make more with this idea but if you all would be so kind as to put your ideas in my inbox once I open up requests again, which MAY be soon. No promises though.

Notes: When I was proofreading this I found that some parts of the story were copied into other places which was so fucking weird. I felt like I was going insane. I think I fixed it and got rid of the extra, but if anything loops, that's why.

Anyways this intro is really long, I’ll shut up now. Enjoy!

Word Count: 2300~

  There was a rhythm to the Silhouette, as the boys have named them,’s work when they looked at everything more deeply. They once a month and go for more dangerous criminals like muggers and potential assailants. They also usually stick to a particular block that has an issue with a higher crime rate. At least they used to stick to one specific block until they found another body, with the signature bitten throat, sitting hidden next to a garbage dumpster in an alleyway. 

  Marc and the rest of the system groaned together when the signs of the Silhouette started coming up. They figured that they would stay and deal with the crooks on their block while Moonknight did the rest of the city. But it seems that they weren’t free of crossing paths with this ‘fellow vigilante’ anytime soon. 

  And low and behold, here they are now in an alleyway with Moonknight, Marc, standing on the brick ground and Silhouette standing in the cover of the shadows that the lights couldn’t pierce through. The only difference this time around is that there’s no victim or dead, or just scared shitless, criminal that the other bumped into. 

  “Why the hell are you here?” Marc questioned, holding a stance that was both meant to be imposing and signaling that he was over these types of meetings. “I’m picking off perps. Same as you.” the Silhouette explains. “I thought you had your block? Why’d you move over here?” Marc demanded quickly after the figure spoke. “The criminals have dried up. There’s hardly anyone who lurks around there now, so I have to move spots.” the Silhouette explains matter-of-factually. “Gee, I wonder why,” Marc mutters under his breath before speaking to them again. “What’s your deal anyway, huh? ‘You some type of type of righteous maniac? You seem to have a theme with taking all these bastards’ blood.” Marc questions again. 

  “I need the blood. I take blood from dangerous criminals to make the means of getting it slightly more ethical.” the Silhouette claims as they stare back at Marc with their faint glowing eyes, “Do some good with the dirty.” they phrase. 

  Marc sits with that for a moment, not sure how to feel about what they just said. It feels familiar to Harrow’s ideals, but at the same time, this person isn’t making a cult and planning on making a ‘perfect and pure’ world. Instead, they’re just picking off some unpleasant bits that cruise around the streets at night. But it’s not exactly the same as their Moonknight work either. Marc, Steven, and Jake have a job of protecting those who wander and roam under the moon. This person sounds more like that of a mutual symbiotic relationship. Like how a bird can get something out of picking the ticks off of an animal's back, you, apparently, get something out of taking the blood from the crooks that dwell on a block. 

  “Can I ask what you do with all that blood?” Marc’s morbid curiosity makes him ask. “Can I ask how you got into your role as a hero of the night and moon?” the Silhouette asks back, the tone of their voice indicating that they were echoing him. “I don’t have to tell you anything. It’s none of your concern.” Marc replies. “Then it’s the same answer for you from me.” they quip back. “That’s not really on the same level…” Steven comments from the back of Marc’s mind, to which Marc just repeats back to the Silhouette. “I’m not doing anything bad with it. I can assure you that.” the Silhouette responds. 

  ”So should we just ask them the obvious question, or…?” Jake budded in from the reflection of a puddle. “No. We are not. That’s a stupid question.” Marc says glancing at his alter with a volume that was meant to go unheard, but judging by the confused movements of the Silhouette’s eyes, they still heard it. “Don’t pay attention to that,” he tells the figure.

  “Is this the part where I disappear into the darkness of this alley? Or would you like to chat more?” the Silhouette asks with a tone has Marc imagining the cheeky smirk on their face. “Depends. Have you gotten your criminal killing done?” he remarks. “I almost got one but I think they saw me for a second and decided to leave instead of do anything.” the shadowy figure mentions, “And you seem to be calling dibs at the moment. So I think I’ll do my work some other time.” they claim.

  “It was nice talking to you.” the Silhouette says before stepping back into the deeper shadows and disappearing into what was thin air yet again.

🩸🩸🩸

"Oh bugger," Steven muttered under his breath, drawing the rest of the system's attention. "What's the matter?" Marc asked. "I completely forgot that they sleep during the day and I've went and opened their door." Steven explains, referring to none other than you. "I just wanted to return the book that they gave me. I should have waited." he scolds himself.

"Well, might as well go in anyways in case you did wake them up," Marc says, "It's probably for the best since I don't see a key in your hand, so that means they had the door unlocked." he points out in addition.

Steven huffed and took a deep breath before opening the door again and stepping in. But as he looked around for what he was expecting to be you sleeping in your bed, he found no one and nothing around. Steven lets go of his breath, glad that he didn't actually disturb you like he thought he did.

"Well, this is kind of worse. Their door is unlocked and they aren't even home. Good thing it's just us." Marc comments.

"Is that a fucking coffin in their living room?" Jake asks.

Steven looks over to see the same coffin you showed him when he helped you drag in your bed frame set a while back. "Oh, yeah. It's part of their aesthetic decor. Isn't it interesting? " Steven said. "They use it like a coffee table." the Brit explains as he walks closer to the hunk of wood.

"It's a coffee-in table. If you will." Steven jokes, making the rest groan at the pun.

"It's genuine though. They said they got it from a funeral place that was selling old ones that they still had in their inventory." Steven mentions as he crouches down so Marc and Jake can get a closer look. "See. Real wood and everything." he adds as he knocks on the scratched polished wood.

"Freaky." Marc comments, both admiring and slightly weirded out by the choice of furniture. "What do they have inside?" Jake asks. "It's empty." Steven answers, "But I'm sure they could store loads of things in there." he assures.

Steven gets back up and places the book he borrowed from you on top of the coffin before he walks towards a desk and writes on a sticky note writing "Thank you for the book! But you should really be careful and lock your door when you leave. I accidentally opened it when trying to give this back. -Steven" and placing it on top of the coffin too.

"Open some curtains before you leave, Steven. It's so dark in here." Marc comments, but Steven refuses, "No. I've already gone touching enough of their stuff without them even being here.".

"I've even let myself in without asking or having a key." he adds.

🩸🩸🩸

Jake wasn't typically the brains or the planner of any of the tasks the system gets up to. He's usually the backup for when things get too much for Marc and Steven. But that doesn't mean he's an idiot, quite the opposite actually, he's often the one who notices patterns and themes that the other two don't pick up on. They call him paranoid when he points it out or thinks he's being an asshole and making snarky jokes.

But when Jake senses something, he investigates it, thoroughly.

Jake might not be able to control the front as well as Marc can, but when he's there, he can stay via focusing on something, and the others can co-front. Which makes way for Steven to see Jake at their desk looking through things like newspaper clippings and what seem to be notes.

The clippings had the same topic judging by their headlines. New Hero or New Threat?, The Killer of Killers, Brutal Killings Scare off Crime, Questionable Hero in the Shadows, Nighttime Duo?, Silhouette Follows Crime to New Hunting Grounds.

"You're looking into our acquaintance?" Steven questions. "I just want to understand what exactly their deal is," Jake answers. "We heard them and Marc's conversation. They don't want to disclose that even if it's strange and disturbing." Steven reminds, but Jake shifts in his chair unsatisfied with that answer.

"I think I already know what they do with it anyway." Jake claims. "Jake, mate. Don't tell me you're starting to think what I think you're thinking." Steven remarks. "What do you think I'm thinking?" Jake inquires. "You know what I think you're imagining." Steven exudes, "You're thinking that they're some type of vampire or something silly like that.".

Jake looks for any surface that might reflect this fellow alter on it, landing on the reflection from the glass pencil holder. "Do you not believe in vampires?" Jake asks as if Steven should. Steven rolls his eyes at such a dumb-sounding question. "Of course not? How the bloody hell do you?" Steven exclaims.

"Steven, mí amigo. We're the alters of a guy who's died and came back from the dead two separate times, which he can see in his reflections. And we work for a god of the moon and have fought a former worker of his who could kill using magic." Jake lists off all while looking directly at the Brit in his appearance in said reflection so that he can prove his point. "And you don't think that there is a chance that maybe, just maybe, other forms of the paranormal also exist?" Jake comes back around.

Steven looked back at Jake, realizing how dumb his stance on not thinking vampires exist is now. "Okay. So maybe they are." Steven says, "But why are you so concerned about it? It seems like they're just feeding themself." he asks.

"I just feel a bit off about the fact that it seems like their work in killing criminals is only backed by the fact that they can use it to get their food," Jake answers. "What happens when the crime pool dries up completely? Who will they bite the throats of next?" Jake inquired, making a new point. "Just want to make sure we know who we're dealing with then." Jake concludes.

The sudden knock on the door causes the two of them to jump a bit. "Who the hell could that be?" Jake grumbles. "Are you expecting anybody?" Jake asks but Steven shakes his head. Jake gets up once a second knock comes, heading towards that door. "Who is it?" Jake calls.

Your voice answers from the other side.

"Oh shit." Jake whispers before switching out with Steven.

Steven unlatches and unlocks the door to show you standing just beyond the door frame. "Hello." he greets, "What brings you over here?".

"They needed to check my smoke detectors with the fire alarm check." you explain, "I'm sorry if I'm bothering you or if you're busy. I just have nowhere else to really go while they check them out and I don't want to be in the same room as they do all that." you explain further.

"Oh," Steven chimes, "No problem. I don't mind you spending some time here." he smiles. "Come on in." Steven says as he walks away from the frame to let you in.

He walks deeper into his flat as you come inside. "Would you like something? A snack? Some tea, even though it's too early for that." he offers. "No. I'm fine." you say as you look around and get a good look as you slowly stride on the same path into his flat. "It might be a bit of a mess. I wasn't expecting anyone to come over today." Steven apologizes as he puts away Jake's notes and newspaper clippings into a drawer.

"It's no proble-" you speak, but stop mid-sentence and make a face. "What's the matter?" Steven worries. "Nothing. It's just..." you say as you stand in his living room, "Did you eat some garlic earlier." you ask.

"I did. I had some garlic bread last night with my dinner. Is it still around?" Steven answers as he opens up a window near the kitchen to make the remaining air get out. "It is." you confirm, "Sorry. I just have a sensitive sense of smell and garlic is just a really strong smell so it makes me pause when I smell it." you explain. "It's okay," Steven remarks, "In all honesty, I don't care for the smell much either." he adds.

"I'm making something nice for dinner tonight. You're welcome to join me, I'm able to make enough for two." Steven offers again. "No. It's fine. I have a strict diet." you say. "Oh, if you're vegan it's perfectly fine. So am I." Steven tries to say but you cut him off. "No. Like..." you stammer, "I'm on a liquid diet. Doctor's orders." you explain.

"Oh. I'm so sorry. I had no idea." Steven apologized. "I hope it's nothing serious." he concerns.

"Judging by how pale they are, it looks like they need to eat some meat." Jake mutters.

"Come to look at them, they look like they match the decor of their place a bit too well." he thinks, but Steven, again, brushes him off.

[everythingmaraudersera]

Moving forward

Hi there, it's the Duchess coming live to you from her dinner table,

I know this blog has been silent (save for one interruption) for ages, and I don't know if there is anyone still following this account (or if any of my followers are still active), but I wanted to make a bit of a statement as to where this blog is headed, giving the circumstances surrounding this fandom.

I absolutely do not condone anything Harry Potter's original author has said in the media recently. I support and am a part of the LGBTQ+ umbrella. I was torn after this became a widespread awareness, and for a while I was ready to give up something I loved since my childhood - which was about two decades ago. I felt ashamed to be a fan of something that had suddenly become so controversial, and was ready to throw out my books and tear down all my posters. I was hesitant to post anymore fan content, and stopped uploading altogether. I felt miserable. I talked about the situation with some close friends and after a while I came to the conclusion that this fan community and the Wizarding World have evolved so far beyond the works of She Who Shall Not Be Named, that I can put a big distance from her, enjoying this fandom in my own way. This means I'll try and use this blog more actively again as well.

That said, for anyone that's new, hello there! My name is The Duchess (she/her). I was sorted into Gryffindor by the Pottermore quiz, and my Patronus is a stoat of all things. I'm a big time Marauders fan and started shipping Wolfstar after reading Semi-Automatic, which is a modern AU Trans!Remus x Sirius fanfic on Ao3 (a mouthful, I know). I will post fanfiction snippets, random thoughts and anything in between on this blog, mainly about (you guessed it) the Marauders. If you have any questions for me, feel free to put them in my inbox.

I'll keep this post pinned for a while. Terfs DNI.

[im-a-king-baby]

Hi!

I'm done with my re-reading of ELYN, and THE line I will keep with me is this one :

“I don’t want anything from you.”

Simon pulls back to look at him. He’s applied concealer to the bags under his eyes, this close Wilhelm can see the streaks of it on his skin as he gives a weak smile. “You want the most of anyone.” Which isn’t fair and isn’t true. Except that it is. “I just want you to be happy.”

“Yeah,” Simon says. “That.”

This is sooo powerful ! The weight of the expectations of your loved one... 😭❤😭❤

And I would love to know why Simon gave Wille a key for his room... What was he expecting ?

And if it's not too much, what do you think made August get clean and turn his back to royalty ?

Again, thank you so much for this story ! ❤

Hiii, sorry this took so long. Can't believe I am expected to work a job instead of just having fanfic related feelings on tumblr all day every day. Very rude. None stars.

(if your ask is in my inbox I promise I am getting to it! If you still want to submit questions for any of the memes I reblogged, I will happily ramble all day every day so the ask box is always open <3 )

"I just want you to be happy."

(I need you all to know that doing this meme is really reinforcing the 'a first draft does not have to be perfect or even good' mantra because guess what was also not in draft 1! All of this!)

There is a side of Simon's character that I think is justified in canon which is that he doesn't like letting people down. He switches schools to support Sara, he agrees to date Marcus even though he clearly doesn't want to because Marcus asks. So this moment starts with Simon talking about how he started on coke because he didn't want to let the fans down by being exhausted. Originally there was another step in the middle where he talks about how Candace wanted him to get clean but also be the superstar (and do a documentary!) and he couldn't see a way to have both. And then that his breakthrough was hiring Joseph, and Keira and realising that having money means you can pay people to care about you in very specific ways.

Wilhelm swallows. “Sometimes people help you just because they want to.” Simon’s mouth quirks slightly off to the side, like Wilhelm’s said something amusing. “That’s what they tell you. But they always want something from you, you just don’t realise what until it’s too late.” “I don’t want anything.”

Wilhelm I think genuinely believes that he's telling the truth here, but Simon has had to become a lot more aware of how he is perceived and the expectations of him from having this very public career. Like, for all Wilhelm saying 'you can take time, the fans won't disappear if it takes you more than 2 months to make an album', Simon has also seen the fan tweets complaining when the tour skips certain cities/countries, when they have to wait for the album, when they don't release a tour vlog. (One of the big reasons he doesn't have a phone is to stop him from reading all of that because at a certain point you can't satisfy everyone and Candace is like 'this is not helping you so let's put a stop to it.')

So in this moment Wilhelm is saying 'I don't want anything' but also he wants them to be together and happy and Simon is very aware that the easiest way for him to be happy is by drinking and taking the drugs. He's spent the last week and a half in coke withdrawal which is basically just being miserable all the time and going into rehab is going to be more of that. And then, the Simon who comes out of rehab is going to be very different from Simme-the-popstar and different to Simon-from-high-school and current-Simon has no idea what that person will look like or if it will even be someone Wilhelm likes.

So for Simon getting clean means getting away from anyone else's idea of who he should be. And that's hard. And sometimes you hit on the perfect line to articulate what would otherwise be 5 paragraphs of rambling tumblr post and those moments are the best part of writing for all that they come so rarely <3 (and also they do not always come in draft 1 and that's okay)

2. Why does Simon invite Wilhelm to the hotel room

I think SImon's base logic is the same as why Wilhelm went, this sense of 'if we can get away from the cameras we can be Us instead of Simme and Crown Prince Wilhelm and things will make sense again.' But on top of that is this thing that Simon is doing where he is attempting to use sex to solve his problems (arguably this desire is coming from the same place as the drinking and the coke. It's the 'I don't know how to feel good when I'm not performing, but if I invite someone up they'll tell me I'm amazing and then we can have orgasms and that'll feel good for a little while').

So Simon is thinking 'I need to see him in private' but then he doesn't have any plan beyond that so it's back to the usual plan of sex=feeling good, with a side line in 'if I give him a good enough time he won't notice anything weird or ask any questions and everything will be fine.'

(I do have a while Simon POV scene of the hotel after Wilhelm leaves that will probably be posted somewhere at some point so here is a teaser:

Wilhelm must have left by now. And if part of Simon was hoping that he’d still be there when Simon opened the door - so SImon could say what, he doesn’t know - that part is quiet enough not to show surprise when there’s just Gareth in the hallway in his perfectly pressed suit with his perfectly neutral gaze. Does Gareth feel emotion? Nobody knows. He has all of one facial expression so if he’s judging Simon for bringing the prince of Sweden up to his rooms or judging him for failing to keep the prince of Sweden there for longer than an hour, or not judging him at all because he has full respect for the whore lifestyle, Simon never has to know.

3. August

Oh hey! I thought this choice might get me more hate so thanks to everyone for coming on board with me for the off-screen August redemption arc 😅

So fundamentally ELYN (and, yknow, YR) is a story about legacy and inheritance. Both the big glaringly obvious thing of the crown, but also the other things: the secrets, the class culture, and the genetic predisposition to addiction. (I can't remember right now if August's father's suicide was drug-related in the show, but for the fic I definitely had that in my mind).

So August functions as a parallel for both Simon and Wilhelm. The obvious 'was taking drugs to cope with stress, stress kept increasing, ultimately broke under it' . But also on Wilhelm's side, August is desperately trying to live up to the legacy of a dead man. He's idolising his father, wanting to make him proud and unable to acknowledge that this culture of appearing perfect and not talking about problems is what killed him.

The way I always pictured August's arc was that he hit rock bottom somewhere in the military - he'd been relying on pills to get him through stress, this was infinitely more stress than high school, plus the fallout from Sara's confession (which had been covered up by the court, but was still impacting him). I never had a concrete idea of what the exact rock bottom was (maybe stealing pills?), but he was dishonorably discharged and checked himself into rehab where he basically got a big dose of Welcome to Real Life. Meeting normal people. Realising they're not so different. 'There's a whole world out there that's not our careful circle of cultivated Heirs and Heiresses and people have problems but they also have whole entire lives where none of these things you're so worried about matter at all.'

And he did the work. He re-evaluated his biases. He grew up. He met a girl, who I think was class-adjacent but more practical than the Hillerska-royalty types (I like to think she was maybe an art assessor who came to help him auction off large parts of the estate holdings) and they got talking. Their relationship seems to have moved pretty fast, but hey August took some pride in the elements of being prefect that involved taking care of people so maybe he's ready for a family. (Originally there were going to be 8 years between the show and the fic so I gave him 3 kids, and then when I cut it down to 6years it felt mean to delete a baby so that's why he has twins.)

The 12 step program has a step for 'making amends', I think August probably got in touch with Wilhelm and was like 'I owe you an apology and amends, and I understand if you don't want to talk to me but if I can ever help you or Simon, I'm here.' And that went ignored until Wilhelm called him from basic training, and then five years later when he got a call from Simon in hospital like 'So Malin gave me your number...'

One other bonus August ELYN headcanon I have is that Wilhelm phoned August from the car on his way to the debate and was like:

"I think if I do it now I can bring it all down, but if I can't they're going to come after you, and then the children. I'm sorry I can't protect them anymore." "It's my job to look after my family," August says. "And I promise I will not let any of this shit touch them. You have my full support, go do what you have to do."

(there is a whole other tumblr post about how I don't believe in writing bad people just people who sometimes make bad choices but this is already Very Long and I'm not sure if I actually answered the questions so we'll leave it there 😅)

[infernothechaosgod]

Answearing @becacomum's questions about "any moment now" (my leosagi fic)

I hope you don't mind me making a post about it I just thought it would be easier to read it that way Than through the comments

What will Usagi's personality be like? Will it be like his series?

I did base usagi's personality and some of his morals on how he acts in the comics however here it is still quite different

Here usagi was quite sheltered from people growing up, therefore he has trouble expressing higher emotions even when he wants to, so he comes off to people as very quiet, blunt and even mean at times, the stories of him kicking people's asses in random battles don't help his image

However, despite seeming like a hard to get along person, he isn't one, he's very respectful of those around him, he Tries (and fails) to complement people and if you'll point out to him that what he said might have came off as mean in any way he'll immediately apologize and explain what he actually meant

So beasicly, he seems like an edgy mysterious shady asshole to everyone but in reality he's just akward as fuck

Will usagi's friends show up?

No, Not really but They will be a lot of easter eggs to them (I tried to put them in but it just didn't go well with some plot points, which is a shame because there great characters and deserve more love, I'll definitely put em in some one shots i'm writing when i'm bored though)

Will donnie be jealous of leo?

He's more worried for him than anything, he does not like usagi but it's less of jealousy thing and more of a protectiveness thing

I mean everywhere you go you'll hear a rumor about usagi, or a story of him absolutely wiping the floor with someone then disappearing and not talking to anyone

Then suddenly that guy starts talking with leo out of everyone, his (slightly stupid) dear brother that has abilities that could make him a target of bad people, and said brother doesn't even mention him and usagi are hanging out, they find out in a different way that I won't tell cuz it's a spoiler

Who wouldn't be worried?

But there is still some jealousy in donnie it's just in the background most of the time and not donnies main priority

Who will fall first?

Usagi, pretty hard too

Where will the story take place?

It will be mostly happening at the hidden city and new york However Usagi's previous place(s) of staying will be mentioned

Also I would like to point out Neo edo is a place made for Yuichi's series

This will be a bit confusing but the usagi I'm talking about is not Yuichi usagi, it's miyamoto usagi, they have quite different personalities and stories and I just thought that miyamoto usagi's fits a bit better both with my take (especially since it's based of comics) and leo's and his dynamic

Thank you so much for your questions, I hope I didn't give any confusing answers ^ ^ 

(Also I don't mind questions in the comments, but I would prefer for the them to go into the inbox, it would just be a bit more handy that way)

[restinsodaroni]

I'll try posting the FAQ this way lol, hopefully this works better! So read below to see the asks I will and won't accept or answers to common questions I get! I'll be linking this in my pinned post!

Alright! Please read this before sending in an ask!

REMEMBER AN ACTUAL PERSON (Me) RUNS THIS ACCOUNT NOT SUN OR MOON! KEEP THAT IN MIND BEFORE SENDING ANYTHING!! THANK YOU!!

🚫Evidently I am going to have to be stricter now since I have been creeped out numerous times on here. So yeah I will be blocking folks who keep disregarding my boundaries, constantly ignoring my FAQ, or just being impolite! Sorry! 🚫

Here's a post where I talk about said boundaries.

Hey so please don't:

• Send me any questions that ask about what would Sun and Moon do if you were harming yourself no matter the severity or the circumstances. It makes me uncomfortable and I shouldn't have to explain why.

• Spam the same ask especially everyday! That is not gonna get me to answer you. Spamming = Block I am not going to be lenient about this anymore!

• Send me an ask to change Y/N's body type.

• Expect me to answer your ask right away. If I could answer them quickly I would but that's unrealistic for me

• Nitpick my art, it's very demotivating especially if it isn't a helpful critique. Like yeah you can point out bad anatomy or perspective, but if you get on me for making Sun's eyes glow in the dark, then that's just a nitpick.

• Tell me you don't like my art style, but you like my comics. It's not the compliment you think it is!

• Be rude to me in your ask, that's just gonna get you blocked. I ain't putting up with it anymore.

• Send me roleplaying asks, this counts if you send me an ask roleplaying as an OC or character. I always get confused because I get sent info that I have no idea what they are saying because I know nothing about the Oc or character. I just don't know how to respond to it.

Alright here's some answers to frequently asked questions, or some do's and don't's to send me:

How do you pronounce your Username?

It's rest in sodaroni ! It's a play on the phrase rest in pepperoni. I made a joke about it a while ago with my sibling and decided to make it my username lol. Yes I know separating the words would have been ideal, but I'm not changing it now!

Can I draw you fanart centered around your AU?

Sure you can! As long as it’s sfw then its fine!

Are you ok with nsfw being sent to you?

I am not! I’d like to keep this blog sfw please! 

How come you haven’t answered my ask?

Well that’s because I get sent A LOT of asks. And a majority of them need comic responses which takes time to do. Not to mention my schedule is pretty hectic, even when I have free time I don't know if I'll have time to myself lol.

And I have other projects, art, and my Daycare Attendant fics I want to work on too sometimes. So just know if you send in an ask it may take me a while to answer it!

Also I may not have a good idea how to answer your ask at the time. Or I'm just overwhelmed at the moment lol 😅 And please don't spam the same ask in my inbox. Spamming = Block

Where can I read your fanfics?

You can read them right here!

‼️ Disclaimer! Please read the tags and summary for either fics! I don't want you to be blindsided when you find out the fic isn't 100% fluff or wholesome! Just gonna give you a heads up lol ‼️

When will the next chapter of your fic(s) be out?

I promise you I'm working on it! It just takes me longer because of the drawings since I am putting more effort into them now! Thank you for your patience!

Can I use one of your drawings as an icon, wallpaper, etc?

Yeah that’s fine!

Why did you draw Sun, Moon, or Eclipse like *Insert questions here*?

Why does anyone draw the way they do? Because I wanted to lol, and I like how it looks. That's basically it haha. Everyone is drawing the Daycare Attendant how they want, I don't think there has to be some deep reason for it.

Will you ever turn on anon asks again?

No I don't think so, Sorry!

Do you roleplay?

Nope!

Can you draw me/myoc/my sun and moon/a meme?

Sure! But please send a picture of what you want me to draw! I got a handful of asks that requested this but sent me no reference photos so I don’t know what to draw lol.

Also don't send me drawing prompts of your characters/You getting too intimate with Sun and Moon or even Y/n. (Yes, I have to add Y/n on here now...)

If you want a hug cool, anything more than that I will probably not draw since some people can't behave lol.

If you send a question about wanting to be mean or even hurt Sun or Moon just don't get upset by the response you are given lol. It's just a comic, it's not real and Sun and Moon are not really mad.

Where do you get your gifs/screenshots of the Daycare Attendant?

I watch a lot of Fnaf security breach sfm videos on YouTube so sometimes I come across a funny video clip and screenshot or make a gif of it. If you'd like to know which video I got the image from I can try to see if I can find it!

Who is your favorite? Sun, Moon, or Eclipse?

I’ll be honest, I can’t pick between the three lol. I like them all!

One of your drawings came out weird or bad.

Please elaborate. You aren't being very helpful if you just tell me my drawing is bad, then leave without an explanation or a way I can improve. People on here do this to me a lot and I am quite tired of it.

I don't like your art style/ I don't like how you draw Sun, Moon, or Eclipse/ You don't draw as good as the other artists.

It's fine if you don't like my art style, but please just keep it to yourself, your blog, your friends, your grandmother, or whatever. Like idk why people on here felt the need to tell this to me, but yeah don't do that. And no, telling me you don't like my art style but like my comics isn't the compliment you think it is. I wouldn't have cared so much until I got a few people telling me this pretty much every time I posted. I ignored it as long as I could lol 🤷🏻‍♀️

I don't like how you interpret/write Sun, Moon, Eclipse.

Okay 👍🏻

This pertains to a few asks so I'll address it here:

I know when someone is fetish farming, I'm not naive lol. Like it seems really suspicious when I have the same person/anon desperately trying to get me to draw a specific ask 👀 soooo cut that shit out lol. It's very creepy and goes against my consent. Also chill with the dark humor.

*Ok so I’m going to be talking about a heavy topic here so read no further if you experience thoughts of self-harm or depressive thoughts!*

I don’t believe I would get an ask like this again but this is just in case! ( Edit: nevermind I did get more asks pertaining to self-harm smh ) I don’t mind drawing you something if you had a bad day, but I will not draw something for someone who requesting me to comfort them with a drawing of Sun or Moon because they self-harmed. I’m sorry if that sounds harsh, but I just can’t. I go over my reasoning in this post. Please don't send me any self-harm related questions!

*End of the serious topic!*

And that should be it! I may update this down the line! Thank you for taking the time to read this! (I know it's a lot of do's and don't's 😅 sorry about that!)

[guhamun]

@caemthe said (inbox):

[ jiyan, for cal ] It's during a tranquil night while patrolling with the mercenary leader that the general- no, that Jiyan voices something that has been troubling him. "Being with you and thinking of you are as easy as breathing. It feels natural, to the point I don't remember how it used to be before that. But finding a reason for why that is feels like trying to put together a thousand pieces puzzle. I didn't know my mind could be so complicated." That last sentence is said with a hint of amusement, the sides of his mouth curving into a smile. Surely, Calcharo will be amused by how perplexing and senseless his revelation is, too. He... doesn't even know why he's sharing something so personal in the first place. It makes no sense, he makes no sense. He knows this, and yet... "And yet, as perplexing as it is, it doesn't displease me. Quite the opposite, in fact. I look forward to seeing and spending time with you more each time and, before I realize it, you're present in my thoughts more as well. I'm not keen on distractions, but it's different when it comes to you. Why? I have no idea." A short-lived laugh passes his lips then. Really, what prompted him to talk of things he hasn't figured out on his own yet? Is he looking for help, an answer, anything? He can't say for sure either. "Laugh if you wish, I'm aware that I'm not making any sense right now."

VERY RARELY DID CALCHARO patrol with another person. Most of the time, he often did this alone as he felt he needed no assistance with such an endeavor. For years he had monitored Huanglong like a distant shadow, Jinzou most especially, when the TD outbreaks were at their worst. His Hounds had long since ceased asking if he wanted company, all of them knowing full well that he would be quick to turn them down and continue on his way. How surprising it was, then, that he was out here with Jiyan of all people, when hardly anyone could so much as convince him otherwise. Perhaps he reached this decision merely because he knew of how stubborn the General was, and that refusing him would be met with deaf ears. That, or maybe it was just that no resources would be wasted because Jiyan was outside of his command. He could only assume these were the case…even if being confused about your own thoughts and questioning it seemed…peculiar in itself.

     It was a quiet night, the stars gleaming as brightly as they often did, the air pleasant and cool as a reminder of falls approach. Everything had been quiet as it normally was…up until Jiyan broke that silence with his words. Frowning slightly, he turned his head a little to look at the other from the corner of his eye, confused about the words that passed his lips. What was said mirrored how he felt as well, which in itself, perplexed him all the more with each uttered word. He enjoyed being with Jiyan -- this he could not tell himself otherwise. He wasn’t sure when the other managed become a normalcy within his mind the way they did as of late, though it seemed he wasn’t the only one who was attempting to decipher the ‘why’ of it. Sometimes he found himself glancing off into the distance, wondering how he was doing back at Norfall Barrens, pondering if that stubborn general was pushing himself to do a thousand things in a single day. He shouldn’t care – he didn’t, he liked to tell himself. What Jiyan did, did not affect his work in any way, shape, or form. At the end of the day, he and his Ghost Hounds would still be paid, contracts still fulfilled.

     Ah…but considering Jiyan was the one who hired them in the first place, if something did happen to him, that meant that their contract would be null and void. He'd lose an excellent business opportunity and would have very little reason to remain unless someone else opted to hire him and his people’s services. There was a logical explanation for all this, he liked to tell himself on a regular basis, Calcharo constantly putting reasons to things that still left him feeling uncertain at the end of the day (because he needed explanations -- he needed it all to make sense when it felt senseless). Glancing away, he felt that unfamiliar feeling well up in him again: embarrassment. How could anyone just rattle off words like this? Even he, as blunt as he was, would have kept all this to himself as long as it did not interfere with his work. Quiet still, he mulled over what was said, pondered his own feelings, but found at the heart of it, they held a similarity. ❝You give absolutely no lead up into whatever is floating about in that mind of yours, do you?❞

     None whatsoever.

     How was one even supposed to prepare for what passed those lips when there was no warning in the slightest? Letting out a small huff of either exasperation, or amusement, it was hard to tell as he turned his gaze back to Jiyan. ❝You are the strangest client I have ever had, and I have gone through many. Although…I can say that you are the first I have found myself thinking about every now and then as well. Like yourself, I dislike distractions and prefer to focus on my work. Everything else outside of that can be cast aside until the later hours of the night.❞ And though he did do that when it came to this man – alarmingly so, at the same time, he found his thoughts wandering during the day as well at the most random of times. ❝But…I do find your presence enjoyable in a way that I’m not used to with other people outside my Ghost Hounds. Talking to you like this, face to face rather than through a terminal or letter, has become a routine that I have long since factored into my schedule.❞ One that he, oddly enough, looked forward to. He paused, glancing away. ❝Do know this information does not factor into a discount.❞

[fandomgirlz01]

Author {Faith}: 

Omg guys… we’ve hit it. I am beyond so very thankful that you all love my work so much that you are willing to follow along this crazy journey me and Nat decided to go on a long time ago. It feels like yesterday that I asked Nat to be my editor on a book I wanted to start to try writing {my Colby Brock book on wattpad…}, but in reality it's really now it’s been since August 8th 2019 when we did start the book. The book has since grown, but over the last three almost four years now we've primarily been on tumblr and have LOVED it so so so much. As some of you probably know, I {Faith} started out on wattpad and I used to be a firm believer that writing over there was the best place to write on even though I moved over to reading on tumblr a LONG time ago, but as I read more and more on tumblr I started to make friends with writers on tumblr. As I started making those friends, wattpad seemed to change as well as some of said friends encouraging me to move over to tumblr. 

So with that being said I talked it over with Nat and together we made the decision to also write on here. I believe it was one of the best decisions I've ever made {with Nat’s help} because today I find that I absolutely LOVE writing on here so much more than I do wattpad. I Love how you guys are so encouraging and sweet on here, I don't think I've really come across one mean person on here and while I know they are out there, I am so so glad I haven't met one yet. I LOVE all of you so much and it blows me away that all of you are following us and you guys are what push me to write, really you are. I am so incredibly thankful for all of you and I’m so excited for all of you to see what’s coming next. I can’t even begin to thank you all for the love you guys have for them as well as me and Nat. More is coming soon I promise! So so much more is coming, we even have added and are adding onto who we write for. Anyway to celebrate you guys we are doing this sleepover as well as opening up requests again, although I am {Faith} very behind on writing right now so if you have already requested an imagine and We have not posted it yet, just know I am indeed working on some of them. 

Just message us and I will personally give you an update on where your request is. If you guys wish to put in a request just please remember to be patient with me as I work on all we have coming out for you. I love you all and I hope you all enjoy this sleepover that we have created for you all. Another will be out when we hit 5,000. Keep reblogging and loving our stories up so we see all of your love. Really thank you all, so so much it means the world to me, I really can’t thank you all enough. 

Editor {Nat}: 

Holy moly I can't believe we've reached 1,000 followers! We are so grateful for each and every one of you and appreciate how much love you have given our stories. Like Faith mentioned, we've been working on fanfics together for about 4 years! It seems that time has gone by so fast and as the editor, it's been incredible to watch Faith's writing skills improve so much. It has been so much fun to edit all of her stories and I am so excited for everything that is coming in the future. You guys are amazing and we love you all so much!! To celebrate 1,000 followers, you can interact with us and feel free to ask us any questions, play a game with us, or just say hello! Thank you again for enjoying our stories!!

Without further ado… have fun guys!!!

Rules:

Only Closed Nov 10th - Nov 24th 

Send to our inbox.

Be very specific with what you guys want.

Please let us know if you’d like both of us to answer or just one of us our names are above {Like you would with our get to know us questions and blooper Friday questions}

🙋‍♀️🙋‍♂️ Ask us a question! 

👾 Play a game with us! Like: would you rather, kiss marry kill, or any other game!

🎵🎼 Give us anyone from our masterlist and we'll give you a song that reminds us of them.

🔝🔟 Ask us a top ten of anything and we'll give you our top tens.

🤪🙋‍♀️🙋‍♂️Random questions that you've been dying to ask us. If you have any? If not that's ok too.

🗣🎙Just come and say hi! You don't need to do or say anything, just a hello would be nice to hear from you guys!!

🚢🛳 Ask us about any ship and we'll give you our options on them.

Again if your user has a strike though it means we were unable to tag you and we are terribly sorry. You can add yourself or remove yourselves at anytime.

Taglists here

[lemonhemlock]

Do u think otto and alicent believe in targ exceptionalism? I know this benefits her kids and all but does she actually believe this?

I dont really like all the valyrian supremacy that hotd keeps pushing. It doesn't feel like they are critical to the targs/valyrian supremacy enough for the horror empire that valyria was. When laena said we are the blood of old valyria, etc... I got really annoyed coz with all the race swapping they did with the velaryons who are actually super white, a woc saying such things which are clearly white supremacist really was jarring and off putting. I wished they didn't put that line for her.

I mean they did make aegon the only one who seems to have an aversion to incest the worst.

Similarly do u think jace becomes disillusioned with all the fire and blood and targs are awesome stuff?

I have had this question sitting in my inbox for ages and I finally get 'round to answering it.

Perhaps controversially, I am going to say yes. And I suspect that anyone would believe in Targ exceptionalism if they were transported in-universe. They can form a super special bond with fire-breathing monsters that only listen to them & only them somehow via magical telepathy? And they can fly? Let's be real here. That would be super impressive for anyone.

Impressive & badass & cool doesn't equal good, though. A few select people having access to unlimited destructive power without any checks and balances is decidedly not a good thing for the population of Westeros or of any other place. The Targaryens can be exceptional and the world can also be better off without them - these two sentences are not mutually-exclusive. I would go so far as to say that this exceptionalism is proof that what they are doing is unnatural and violating the laws of morality in the most basic sense.

George is definitely keeping us in the dark about Valyria for now. We don't know how exactly the Valyrians came to master dragons or how dragons were created in the first place, but the crumbs we did receive do not paint a pretty picture: blood magic, human-beast experiments, slavery to fund and fuel everything via literal human sacrifice. It's very likely that the Valyrians had to resort to horrible ritualistic sacrifices to maintain their dragon relationship and after that relied on incest to keep their new pets bonded to their families.

So, yeah, sure, riding a dragon would be an incredible experience & anyone who could do that would be held in high esteem, but at what cost? The whole point is that this is not an avenue open to everyone. You have to pay a hefty price for such a superpower. How much of your humanity would you have to surrender in order to transcend like that? That's the question, isn't? It's deviant, abnormal, wrong. And like anything that bleeds into the sphere of the supernatural, it has no place in this world.

Interesting point about Laena. I'm really in two minds about the Velaryons being race-swapped. On the one hand, they are extremely (and I mean extremely) white in the books; the artwork for them looks like something out of an Aryan propaganda textbook. And they are problematic in their own way, but now criticism of them is limited as a result of them being the most prominent POCs in the show. The Velaryons may be the "blood of Old Valyria", but they were never dragonlords, and that placed them at the bottom of the hierarchical pyramid for nobles. So, while they were definitely better off than the common people, peasants and slaves, it does feel like they're kind of begging for scraps when appealing to legitimacy like that.

I don't think Jace becomes disillusioned; there's nothing in the text to support that. He is a staunch supporter of his mother's cause until the end. He suggests they should attack King's Landing on dragonback and lets the dragonseeds claim dragons to help them out militarily. Those are not the actions of someone rejecting their Targaryen legacy.