#if Im being the asshole here then I want to know
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chaosartisan · 4 hours ago
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You all are so pro mental illness until they forget to take their medication.
You all are so pro mental illness until they start having delusions.
You all are so pro mental illness until they develop brain fog.
You all are so pro mental illness until they start forgetting important dates.
You all are so pro mental illness until they identify neuro divergent traits that you have.
You all are so pro mental illness until they start expressing their struggles.
You all are so pro mental illness until someone can't afford to go to therapy.
You all are so pro mental illness until someone can't afford their medication.
You all are so pro mental illness until it's something that comes attached with a physical health condition or deformity.
You all are so pro mental illness until it comes to advocating for better systems.
You all are so pro mental illness until your loved one becomes mentally ill.
You all are so pro mental illness until they need your help.
You all are so pro mental illness until it comes to doing anything other than saying "I'm pro mental illness."
yall are pro mental illness until they hallucinate
yall are pro mental illness until they dissociate
yall are pro mental illness until they self-isolate
yall are pro mental illness until they're paranoid
yall are pro mental illness until they split
yall are pro mental illness until it's too Scary for your comparatively neurotypical brain to handle
#ive been saying this#yall are pro mental illness until....#tw#mental illness#mental health#i feel like the world would be a better place if people just listened more.#did you know that the SUICIDE HOTLINE listed HOW MANY PEOPLE WERE IN THE WAITLIST AHEAD OF YOU for YEARS#and if you dont get WHY thats a stupid feature either you dont have suicidal friends or you dont listen to your suicidal friends#worst yet they STILL rely on you to “rate how youre feeling”#they rely on the SUICIDAL PERSON the DEPRESSED PERSON to SELF REPORT how they are feeling#you know the group that KNOWS THEY CAN BE PUT IN A WARD OR SABOTAGE THEIR SUICIDE PLAN FOR BEING TOO HONEST????#damn sure hope that group doesnt LIE to avoid being a burden or making their life worse than it already is#and the thing that REALLY grinds my gears is that people will have every intervention known to man regarding your mental problems#but then despite YOU being the one who is suffering with whatever mental illness you have#somehow THEY are the real victims because they deal with the EFFECTS of you BEING MENTALLY ILL#Oh im sorry jennifer is annoying that i cant get much done around here?#damn imagine if you had a thousand things you wanted to do but just never had the energy or focus to do them#wouldnt that suck???#you can find ACTUAL friends who are supportive of you and recovering from your mental illness i promise#they just dont label themselves anything other than “trying not to be an asshole”#most of the time the people who are FOR a marginalized group just see it as “being a decent human being” while most posers use labels#rant#and another thing#people are so much better than they used to be i can say that as a retail worker#they can be so patient and kind#but my thing is that no one ever listens#they tell you to “take accountability” but sometimes the thing they ask you to “take accountability” for is daring to make them feel unease#they tell you to “take accountability” and sometimes theyre right#but most of the time they ask you to apologize for existing#they ask you to apologize for not bending over backwards to accomodate THEM when YOU are the one suffering
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rontra · 6 hours ago
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tell me more about these OCs. What’s their deal. How’s life where they live. Do they have games on their phones
the 4 dipshits i drew yesterday are from one of the oldest oc settings ive got (they were minted from the forge of stupid fuckheads in the year of our lord 2011) (and i'm very mean to them<3)
so because it's so old a lot of my followers will recognize them or even be familiar with previous iterations of their story/lore... there's been like. 3 discreet incarnations of it by now. and 3.0 needs some serious aid so this might be 4.0 now. so basically things people know may or may not be canon anymore. i just go in there and sift thru the entrails like fnaf mangle when im bored its my toys
but basically they live in chess world. and they all hate it. and life is bad. because of the Forever War. we should put a stop to that. but the Powers That Be are very picky about the steps that need to be taken to End the Forever War so that part sucks too. also because its chess world everybody has a lil rank and title and has to go perish on the battlefield or whatever
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yesterday''s posts,
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these two assholes are flang (blonde) and kaitlin (has games on her phone). they're part of the group of 4 main characters with kaitlin serving as the "guy everyone gives exposition to" vehicle, because she just got here, because it's also an isekai (surprise!). so she owns a phone and has games on it but she can't use it anymore because there's no phone service in Chess World. sad!
her rank is king (she/her king W), which means she has a lot of responsibilities in a lot of areas--none of which she wants or really signed up for, but her fun new wife (the black queen) just kinda recruited her into it. in the setting, king/queen are primarily military titles, then government positions; it is not necessary to be royalty "by blood", hence these unruly (albeit rare since there can only be one of each at a time) pawn-to-queen and pawn-to-king promotions happening on the board. she also has a cursed sword that is surprisingly unrelated to all of that but it has magic powers
flang (they/she) is From chess world and has grown up in alabaster. her mother is a doctor so she is too. her rank is pawn. she has a lot of issues and almost all of them are because alabaster sucks ass to live in if you're even like 1% outside of what alabaster considers Proper. it's a "reasonably stable and reasonably safe" kingdom to live and work in, but that safety and stability is always conditional; it's only stable and safe if you're born 100% conforming to it or discard your existing self to assimilate into it. this has made flang a very precious kind of insane that hurts them and everybody around them all of the time. but it can be repaired by defecting from the country, scaring their family, getting a fun haircut, almost succumbing to a fever, and finally the tender touch of a lesbian who has games on her phone
the other two people in the Main 4 are aster (kaitlin's wife, queen) and erin (the other queen) and are NOT the people i drew yesterday (BDHJBGS)
this is aster and erin 👇
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you can tell because they have the look of 2 people who have been ruining each other for like a decade now and arent gonna stop until they change or die
aster (she/they) is trying to kill the white king for Revenge Reasons and ending the forever war is just like a cool side effect for her. she's the one who got kaitlin into all of this mess which is complicated because on the one hand, she got kaitlin into all of this mess and is trying to strongarm her into doing things she absolutely doesn't want to do (like killing people). on the other hand though, being roped into all of this mess did pretty directly save kaitlin's life in the first place and somehow loops back around to improving her mental health in the long run. so who's to say whether big murder plots that only you like and want are bad to do or not
erin (she/her) is normal about that freak^ but is in a very bad position because aster getting kaitlin on the board and starting their big dumb plan is a very clear signal to erin that aster has already won, long before anyone else thinks that. erin doesn't really gaf about the white king but she has other things she cares about and is willing to die to protect. to erin, aster's victory means she's on borrowed time and it won't be long before aster will go Through Her to get what they want. there's a confrontation on the horizon where erin fully believes one of them will kill the other one. but also they're like in love. but also erin has way better gfs available. you understand
the two other bitches i drew yesterday are NOT in the main 4 theyre just some other freaks . this is zarni (short hair) and fal (blonde) 👇
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faolan (she/her) is the white queen's bishop which means she's the piece closest to the queen--basically shes erin's right hand arm man. she's erin everything. her confidant. her best friend. her silly rabbit. (is that what erin calls her?) no.
fal WANTS to be all of those things and has a weird crush on the queen but erin never lets anybody in and that includes fal. but basically faolan is the bitch who's always in it for Rank And Power and has climbed as high as she can and is still vying for erin's personal approval and acknowledgement because nothing's ever enough for her. she sucks to hang out with and almost dies very badly but zarni has her back
zarni (she/her) isnt actually from either kingdom she's with the unrelated third party pirate faction that mostly keeps to itself and has its own squabbles and drama that doesn't really have anything to do with the Forever War. an outlaw... a GRIMINAL... she met faolan way back when fal was much lower rank than she is now. fal was escorting her to the capital to receive basically a slap on the wrist for doing crimes in alabaster territory and they kinda hit it off in a weird way. right now zarni is technically like. fal's hired muscle. her right hand arm man (henchman edition). but for zarni it mostly doubles as a convenient way to have free passage into and within alabaster, for her own sidequest reasons. she ends up saving fal's stupid life because unfortunately they care about each other now and it's embarrassing for everyone. but maybe it'll distract faolan from looking at erin just long enough for her to realize she needs a big strong woman to carry her off into the sunset and build her a cottage where she can fucking retire already. or something. one can dream
anyway that's the people i drew yesterday (and the 2 in the middle that i didnt even draw but i would feel neglectful if i didnt mention). ssorry for the long post i just love talking about my ocs and these ones are 13 years old so talking about them comes Very Easily To Me MDJBSBJGS
i skimped on details just to get thru the tl;dr basics but i hope it was at least entertaining (and if anyone has more questions after this i dont mind i know i skipped a lot HDHBJG)
to me this is an oc setting entirely populated by stupid assholes who are constantly ruining at least 1 other character's life in some way. and that's how they all save each other. and that's beautiful. godbless our beautiful gay chess soldiers
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pompompompeii · 10 months ago
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sorry for this edgy moment but at this point I really do want an answer as to why I still get texts from people that I haven't spoken to in months and never texted first when we were friends. I guess its a nice gesture???? but if not even being active on discord for months and never really responding to any of the 5 messages sent to me doesn't say 'Im not gonna talk to you' then I don't know what will
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imavikingo · 2 months ago
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I was thinking on when Steve lost Bucky for the 3rd time (1st when he was drafted, 2nd when he was told he was MIA, 3rd when he fell) he tried to get drunk to forget, right? If he did that then...
What did he do when he lost him for the 6th time? (4th when he escaped, 5th when Bucky was in cryo, 6th the snap)
I mean technically Bucky died twice, but Steve lost him six times already.
And of he tried to get blind drunk once of those times- did he self-harm in other ways too?
To dull the pain? He can't get drunk, he heals quickly, he can't die easily either, so what did he do?
He wouldn't want to die when he knows for a fact that Bucky is alive ofc, but I can't see him acting normally or without a little bit of reckless energy.
To dull the pain and disappoinment (he can't feel like that, that's Bucky's choice -Cryo-. But how it hurts him tho).
(unrelated to this line of thought but it is relevant to the idea regardless)
That's why I can't fathom the idea of Steve abandoning Bucky in endgame.
He lost him 6 six (6) times already and he just... Went away? To a woman he only kissed once? After all he did for him, the pain and loss?
Even if you don't ship them, you have to think that to be really ooc on Steve's part. Everything in his character arc in the MCU is related to Bucky (and loss). Yes he liked Peggy, but he didn't suffer nor mourn her the same way he mourned Bucky (She was alive, but had dementia and was also very old, and had her own life).
His feelings for Peggy were more a "what if" and lost possibilities than anything.
She was an idea, a fantasy (that's why Wanda used that when fighting with him, right?). Not something real.
He wanted to be with her, but he didn't really knew her or love her (at least I don't think so).
She was the first woman that saw him for him after all. Before everything. But that's it.
He liked her for that (and her strong personality too) but did he love her? He didn't try to get on dates after he was defrosted because he knew people would only see Captain America, not Steve Rogers. He needed to represent an ideal and knew no one would understand (the pain, loss) and have the patience to be with him. That’s why he also highlighted the shared life experience thing.
So she was comforting, reassuring in a toxic and unhealthy kind of way (memories and fantasy aren't healthy when used like that). But still a what if and lost opportunity. He had to let her go at one point. And he did(!) But they had to fuck it up…
I mean... it's the same thing when you're still hung up on an ex. You want to think of the possibilities, the what ifs, the "what could have been" But when you go back to them nothing is like you remembered, nothing is like you wanted and you are dissatisfied and disappointed.
(Because all of that was in your head, it wasn't real).
And besides, he knew she had a life of her own (a fulfilling one at that) so what, he was selfish enough to fuck that up too? Without helping HIM? Without saving HIM? Abandoning HIM? After just being brought to life? After grieving him for another five years? Bucky was his best friend, his companion, his best pal…
He wouldn't do that to him. He would die before hurting Bucky (as they already stablished for most of the fucking movies) He even was like “You don’t understand” when Peggy talked to him in the bars ruins.
I think in canon (not ooc/EG)Steve would entertain the idea, but would decide to just keep it as that: An idea, a fantasy. And move on like he already did before.
Also the idea that it was a Peggy from an alternative universe is flawed because he abandoned HIS Bucky, even if in the other universe he helped or whatever.
In HIS UNIVERSE he abandoned his best friend? Not believable. And the logic of “oh it didn’t change their timeline because it was another one” is also stupid.
They already fucked up with Steve fighting 2012!Steve and also telling him about Bucky (creating another universe more than likely). And they were supposed to be undetected. Not create new universes. Thats also why I’m so keen on the idea of Steve being in a prison or something. He already fucked up once, twice if you think he went to the past to stay.
How can he be free while fucking up the timelines? Yeah, nah.
Also… they implied Steve can’t age in a movie if I remember correctly…. How did he become old?
And the idea that he went to Peggy because “Tony told him to have a life outside of captain america” is fucked up. So what? He relates his Bucky’s existence with work? FUCK OFF. Endgame Steve is fucked up and the worst character assassination I’ve ever seen.
They were just too annoyed with the fans because we ship Stucky (even tho they used that to promote the movies in panels and stuff, hypocrites -​I remember clearly the producers? of the movie talk about gay characters and the actors talk about Stucky in those panels for then…be one of the russos in like 1 second and have that shit ass, fuck ass ending for Steve and Bucky. That shit was vile-).
im also annoyed with some people that now shit on Steve when umh… did you see the movies? The other movies? Not only Endgame? (Btw the only one that got a “good ending” was Tony because he died as a hero in front of everyone -even tho he didn’t want to help at first because he had a good life, the ONLY ONE OF THEM might I add-, everyone else got worse, is dead or they’re neglected and treated as haha funny character or haha funny moment)
Im all for ships and ideas and headcanons (even when I hate them with passion, you do you) but don’t try and use this character assassination as an excuse to shit on Steve. If you NEED to shit on a character for your ship to work, then you’re not doing a good job at it or your ship sucks. Idk what to tell you.
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castielfucks · 6 months ago
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I wish more people realized that when someone is seeking diagnosis, it's not because we are trying to collect diseases like infinity stones. it's not to be quirky or interesting.
diagnosis is the guide to resources and community. knowing how to help yourself, being able to understand yourself, connecting with others with similar experiences so you dont feel crazy or alone, finding the right places to look for relief and support, learning about accommodations that can make your life not only easier but liveable.
and for all these reasons, people are allowed to be excited for their diagnosis, theyre allowed to lean into it and advocate for themselves with language they didn't even know existed for the way they live. it is entirely normal to be happy and relieved after finding out that not only is there a name for your experience, but also people groups communities just like you ready to talk about it and support each other.
diagnosis opens up entire worlds for people, that's a good thing. and we need to stop shaming anyone who wants/seek it.
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purgemarchlockdown · 11 months ago
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The temptation to vague about something in the milgram-confessions blog because its something thats bothered me for Actual Years about certain fandoms vs letting it go because when it is brought up its actually done somewhat tastefully and reasonably which makes me happy and this anon probably didnt mean it in the incredibly bad faith way I keep on seeing it be repeated so really Im getting upset over nothing.
#the answer is: ramble a bit in the tags just to get it out of my system#for some elaboration: Im asian! I have a knee jerk reaction when people go 'the westerners are projecting their values onto the east again'#because 9/10 of the times someone does that they're an American who wants to justify their weird racism/homophobia#by using the idea that asian countries (especially Japan) are backwards and/or ignorant but disguising it as 'being mindful of their cultur#and also then homogenizing them and pretending their all a monolith to be assholes to people!#and/or completely dismiss any possible criticism or interpretation for a series as a cultural values thing#this one fucks me up especially because usually there IS Merit in those interpretations/criticisms#but a concerning amount of people then go 'oh your just pushing your cultural values onto them' as a smokescreen to be a bunch of assholes#and/or discredit their ideas because Clearly All (insert x group here) think EXACTLY THE SAME and BELIEVE FULLY in whatever cultural#idea their using to justify this behavior#Ive Seen actual good discussion on differences in culture!#especially in another fandom of mine#but the worse option has happened so much that when I hear someone say those words alarm bells start ringing#its bad faith! I know its bad faith! But Ive engaged the worse option in good faith and came out wanting to punch someone A Lot More#Ive seen actually good faith discussions of cultural difference in this fandom sometimes! Its really nice but It scares me#cause im just Waiting for Someone to come in and ruin it#can you guys tell ive seen too many bad anime video essays? Ive seen too many bad anime video essays.
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toytulini · 8 months ago
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i know doctor who has never been Perfect, and i love capaldi, i love twelve, but christ alive its a hard watch sometimes
#toy txt post#they just made him so egregiously and blatantly RACIST? like to the point where im like was this like? an on purpose characterization#choice that i just strongly disagree with? or like? is it a consequence of the writers trying to be less racist by including more#characters of color but failing by not checking their own implicit biases so now not only is the doctor racist but like. egregiously so bc#theres so many more opportunities for him to be racist? like just#and if youre sitting here like hes not!!! how dare you: pay attention to the difference in how he treats characters of color vs white chars#he hates soldiers. okay fine thats been fairly consistent. okay but 12 RLY hates them. he hates them so much he cant stand Claras bf Danny#who should be the doctors like ideal soldier bc he was a soldier who didnt want to be anymore and just wants to chill and do good in the#world and for ppl to be safe so hes just a nice math teacher and the doctor calls him stupid and treats him as if hes fucking rambo? but#the doctor is largely fine with: kate lethbridge stewart? hes fine with ogood who may not be a soldier in her own right but shes actively#participating in UNIT as a scientist in a way thats way more ~soldiery~ than anything Danny is doing? and like they clearly wanted that to#be a point of tension to point out the doctors hypocrisy of how the doctor is like a high ranking officer/general whatever#and like thats fine and fair to point out but it just sucks that they do all that and dont seem ti realize how fuckijg racist they wrote#him? he was fucking besties with winston goddamn churchill but he refuses whatshername. journey blue? as a companion bc#shes a soldier. well bro you could make her not a soldier by removing her from the fucking battlefield maybe instead of getting morally#outraged about it? not to mention noticing how when he goes from '900 yrs of space and time and ive never met anyone who wasnt important'#wandering around being fine with UNIT apparently declaring him dictator of earth in emergencies (HELLO?) but dont worry he'll let us know#he disapproves by picking some random UNIT guy to be a really condescending asshole to. pay no attention to the fact that this UNIT#guy happens to be another character of color. ~the 12th doctor is too faceblind you cant call him racist~ well for a guy who cant tell#humans apart from sontarans his accidentaly racism beam is off the charts. its crazy. god#god i wish he'd gotten written better than this#when they do write him good they write him good. but godddddddd its so#doctor who
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floralovebot · 24 days ago
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i mean. the trix look good
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secretlythatsme · 9 months ago
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anyway dc x dp is my new fixation hell and i've had so many ideas for aus but one that's really sticking with me is a classic "danny has to run away to gotham because his home is no longer safe" au where danny is explicitly looking for other ghosts or at the very least is pulled to gotham because there are so many of them there.
he flies around for a while and finds this manor and he can sense so many nice ghosts! so he just. goes there! and stays! and this can be human danny showing up at their door injured or it can be ghost danny just flying in but regardless, the waynes would never turn him away. bruce would get suspicious absolutely, but he's seen enough traumatized abused kids to know the signs. thomas and martha? they think this new ghost kid is adorable!!
there could be angst sure but idk i love the idea of danny getting hurt by his parents or the giw and being so wary of more humans, and this place full of friendly ghosts would be so enticing. ghosts that don't try to immediately wreck his shit? ghosts that get territorial but are also extremely welcoming and have a habit of letting new kids into their haunt? the batfam who've dealt with the paranormal before and wouldn't give a shit? that's a normal tuesday for them babes. like please, danny just found heaven and it's in gotham.
despite all the "batfam adopts danny" aus i've seen, i rarely see people mention the ghosts of dead family members who would absolutely still be there and would definitely want to help danny :(
#anyway unrelated but as much as i love the concept of the batpham i do hate how all of it is soo ooc for the bats#like bruce may think danny is a meta at first but he wouldn't discount ghosts or Not believe him#and cmon the whole 'this bat doesn't even believe in ghosts' like babes santa clause is real in the dcu#ghosts is normal actually#and usually it doesnt bother me that much like i get that most people arent here for the bats#but i do really hate seeing hurt danny aus where the bats are just so... callous and uncaring about danny#like i get that its for the angst but like. the blorbos would Not say that ajkdhg#like they are The Protectors of Gotham and you seriously think theyd ever act uncaring or rude to an injured kid?#i feel like people forget that that batkids fighting each other has everything to do with family sibling issues#and specifically not wanting said siblings to be their siblings#and not like. them just being assholes to random strangers#like i get them maybe being rude if its an adoption au or secretly related au but even then#danny is also very nice and likeable and he's not gonna fight for their roles or try to insert himself in their dynamics#he's like the best random kid bruce Could pick up#anyway very unrelated to the post im just feeling some kind of way :(#i love the bats and i wish the fandom cared about them more :(#ANYWAY i love this little idea im specifically thinking alfred would be the first to figure it out#he just does man. he just Knows that someone else has been added to the family#i think itd be fucking hilarious if a new random tombstone got added to the family grave#bruce visits and he's mourning his parents and then he just sees daniel fenton and he's like who the fuck#'do i have amnesia?? concussion?? dementia????? who the fuck is this ancestor???????'#danny is eating alfred's cookies in the background and sweat laughing#danny: do i tell him or nah?#alfred: if you don't you'll get to see master bruce's detective skills in action 👨🏼‍🦳#.txt
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savage-rhi · 3 months ago
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MAGENTA.
#look...our profs are the experts but even experts get things wrong even experts have biases even experts are not equipped#to handle certain situations#this person completely invalidated the complaints others in the cohort have had this term on profs grading with bias and not communicating#what they want to see on assignments not to mention there's evidence of favoritism#this is the kind of shit that lets counselors and therapists like my former supervisors get away with bullying clients and colleagues#because they're “experts” they get a pass on being assholes or acting holier than thou#as a peep who plans to specialize in trauma specific to clients receiving trauma from clinics and other practioners#im hella disappointed#just because you didnt experience anything negative doesnt negate the experiences of your peers#there is something going on obviously that deserves to be looked into#it doesnt mean that your cohort is saying “the profs dont know what they are talking about”#gtfo of here#i can admit right now i gotta work on not getting angry when theres an injustice done on others whose voices aren't being heard#and i naturally have an aversion to authority figures that i know isn't always appropriate which ive unpacked through trauma work#but man some of y'all need to work on not being kiss asses to people in positions of authority who should be questioned#especially in this fucking field!!!#if a prof clinician practioner etc etc cant handle having a conversation about behavior or clarification then wtf are they doing#working with vulnerable people???#magenta is my vent word#magenta is my vent tag#sorry peeps theres something in the air today#im normally not this mad#and hindsight i admit maybe im jumping the gun a little but when i heard this kind of shit#where concerns are being swept under the rug i get peeved af#im happy i took summer off#heres hoping fall is better
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ghostlyerlkonig · 6 months ago
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Chappell Roan... ily..... do not regret finding you on bandcamp in 2020..... but if I see one more separatist terfy asshole say lesbians are the only ones to be able to relate to part of a song ABOUT A PAST LOVER EXPERIENCING comphet and NOT FROM THE PERSPECTIVE OF someone experiencing it, I'm going to kill myself.
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phagodyke · 4 months ago
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was gonna say smth else but this turned into a vent sorry everyone just ignore. typical weekend post on this blog u know how it is here we go👍
#wild ik so many ppl getting married meanwhile im over here struggling to convince myself my friends even care abt me or want me around#pathetic to admit but i cant even fantasise abt someone loving me bc im too insecure n emotionally unstable#my mind just shoots the idea down like whoa. unrealistic. ur incapable of expressing or receiving affection in any way that matters#no matter how badly u want to... and even if someone did well u wouldnt believe them most of the time#gotta get out of the fucking labyrinth first i couldnt inflict this shit on anyone i cared abt#but it makes me so desperately sad sometimes i dont know how im ever going to get out of this ive been trying for years and years#and im a little better at it snd i dont feel like this all of the time i know it just comes around and itll pass again#but im tired of being in so much emotional pain so frequently. and shouldering it so alone. theres such a disconnect between myself and#others and i dont know how to bridge that i don't know how to stop feeling so isolated and unwanted !!!!!! im trying so hard#it doesnt even bother me w relative strangers in my life like i dont get insecure at all around them i like meeting new ppl#bc theres like. no expectations i guess. like ik they dont care abt me personally and idk them well enough to do that either#and its fun but it doesnt satisfy needs that i have like i need to feel close + connected to ppl i need to care abt them + feel cared for#but as soon as i do start to care abt ppl it gets all tangled and i end up getting rly badly hurt over and over. thru no fault but my own#bc im constantly alienating myself and bc i struggle so much w shit like physical affection which is frustratingly rly critical for me!!!!#it wouldnt fucking matter if i didnt like or want affection ik some ppl are fine without i wish it worked like that for me#but nope instead i have to be constantly messed up over my complete fucking inability to express myself in any form#and ik it makes everyone around me so uncomfortable so it just becomes self reinforcing and eventually they drift and leave me behind#and i just do that over and over and over and every time ill tell myself ill do better ill try harder and itll get easier and someone will#and it happens again and right now im at the stage where the abandonment fear is starting to kick in which is awful n paralysing#and usually a precursor to actually being abandoned ehich is always my own fault bc i start behaving so erratically out of fear or defense#its self fulfilling and im trying. im trying so hard not to let it overwhelm me again and not to start acting out and freaking ppl out#and im coping with it okay i think but just hurts me a lot its all internal my rejection sensitivity is gradually ticking up and up#and argh!!!!!!!!! and some days im okay and some days its like this and i dont know what todo when its like this im so tired and in pain#its not even that bad today tbf. once im done typing this to get it out ill be able to do smth else and distract mysrlf for a bit#and then calling friends later too so exposure therapy innit. but itll be fun and i love them but i will probably also feel very bad after#or even possibly during but thats okay ill still manage fine im not going to let it interfere i dont want it controlling my fucking life#i am going to have a nice time and be okay despite it all. even if i do have to fucking battle this every day forever#and even if it stops me living my life to the extent i want and feeling as ok as i want i just have to come to terms with and be ok w it#and im not going to be!!! a fucking asshole abt it!!! i dont want to hurt anyone else thats the most important thing no matter how i feel#thr rest is all secondary and ik i cant help a few little bumps here and there but trying hardest to keep it separate its not negotiable
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this-should-do · 4 months ago
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i think every asshole kid that ever participated in games where they ask out the weird kid, the ugly kid, the undesireable kid, either becuz they were forced to under some games conditions to feel embaressment at having to talk to the unwanted kid amd potentially have that kid say yes or to simply embaress the unwanted kid by trying to trick them in thinking theyre desired deserve to be beat to death with rocks
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ozymoron · 5 months ago
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i cant fucking stand people who act like theyre seeing the world more realistically by being so negative all the time like youre not seeing shit realistically youre making everyone around you uncomfortable and miserable and you should go get councilling or somwthing
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bluravenite · 1 year ago
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slight rant/vent
Though I'm also posting on twt at @bluravenite in case you want to interact with me outside of hate anons
Yk there's probably hate anons going around all the time but it's been really apparent this past week that some people genuinely don't know to shut the fuck up... I have stopped posting with the same frequency as i was bc i am working on commissions and drawing takes time but i might just keep a more sort of closed parasocial relationship/ treat Tumblr more as a portfolio than as social media if that keeps happening... Sorry that i rant in here a lot but it's genuinely exhausting sometimes when most of your mutuals on this app are getting rude anons...
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moonlit-orchid · 6 months ago
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good evening to everyone except a certain few fucking anons
#go fuck yourselves like seriously what the fuck#im so sick of this#this is about the last two anons by the way. i havent gotten any more because i turned off anon asks#if you wanna know why anon asks are off blame those two assholes#seriously that stupid shits been getting to my head#you know why? because every fucking person around here (especially my mum) LOVES to criticise me and accuse me of victimising myself#literally every fucking thing i do is wrong around here down to my hair#all these fucking adults like to bully me about MY hair#fuck you if i want bangs I'll keep the bangs#literally it seems like they're just doing whatever they can to change me into someone else. someone they want#this fucking culture of mine is so shitty i swear to god#like they think that BULLYING you is people being honest with you#and that if someone's nice to you theyre shittalking you behind your back#(honestly considering some of the people i see i wouldn't be surprised)#and im not even doing anything thats WRONG either. im different and not one of these people can tolerate that#yeah my mum sent me a video of a goat with curly hair and implied she thinks my bangs are like that. in a derogatory manner btw#so yeah that's had me pissed and then the fucking anons were also making me pissed#fuck you I'm gonna be as selfish as i want when i post on MY blog#this blog is MINE#I decide what i write and how much i wanna shittalk someone who upset me to get my feelings out. if anyone wants to call me selfish fuck you#and you know what? fuck That Person too. they geniunely messed me up more than they helped me#yes. im still gonna talk about them. im still gonna complain because FUCK YOU I NEED TO GET IT OUT SOMEHOW OKAY#I NEED THIS SHIT OUT OF ME AND IT GETS BACK INTO MY HEAD SO I NEED IT OUTSIDE#and fuck you anons who gave your unwanted opinion. if you cant say anything nice SHUT YOUR FUCKING MOUTHS#i was taken advantage of and manipulated#and apparently I'm the bad guy for small mistakes like excuse me#and then that person even told a friend of theirs once to attack me (over text) like what#i just cant anymore it needs to be fucking out#and im not sorry for complaining about this because this is my blog and i will complain on here. this blog is for ME. for MY happiness.#and as such i will fucking complain shit and i will fucking post my vents because thats the only way i can send these emotions off for good
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