#like why cant you just leave some people alone
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slight rant/vent
Though I'm also posting on twt at @bluravenite in case you want to interact with me outside of hate anons
Yk there's probably hate anons going around all the time but it's been really apparent this past week that some people genuinely don't know to shut the fuck up... I have stopped posting with the same frequency as i was bc i am working on commissions and drawing takes time but i might just keep a more sort of closed parasocial relationship/ treat Tumblr more as a portfolio than as social media if that keeps happening... Sorry that i rant in here a lot but it's genuinely exhausting sometimes when most of your mutuals on this app are getting rude anons...
#it's genuinely worrying bc it really makes you question what kinda people have it against u/ur friends#like why cant you just leave some people alone#and it makes me feel guilty too for wanting to also protect/defend my friends?? you know nothing about these people#but thats never an excuse to be such an asshole to people#once talked with someone who had me blocked here and they told me they didn't remember why but “clearly my values didn't align with theirs”#that still hurts because my values have always been to make this page safe for everyone#posting my silly little doodles and hoping it means something to people#because right now?? THIS is the closest I'll ever get to my dreams#so it really sucks that the closest thing to being a concept artist and freelance illustrator is seeing my friends getting hate for nothing#i might actually close comissions for the public after this... 1 because i need higher prices for my work#and 2 because i am unfortunately scared that im never gonna be good enough#because people who draw cant catch a fucking break sometimes#sorry for the rant again#raven vents
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Also just because you get annoyed by something someone is doing doesn't mean they are evil you can leave us alone
#this is about autistic people.#that guy in you class that is always asking questions? he always raises his hand theres nothing wrong with it#it takes time in the class but that's how he makes sure he understands the subject#and meanwhile every other student decides hes an asshole#that girl who doesnt blink and who cant seem to have a linear conversation is not doing anything wrong#you dont like interacting with her but that doesnt say anything about her you can leave her alone you dont have to bitch behind her back#that person cant read social cues? why are you getting mad? can you shut the fuck up?#it is insane how often some of my friends talk about people who are clearly autistic and are mad at them#no its not because theyre autistic theyre just always interupting!#its not because theyre autistic they just make me uncomfortable! PLEASE LISTEN TO YOURSELF#i swear youre all asshole to us#no respect fr#its so annoying to see you run in a circle trying to justify calling someone an ass for doing literally nothing wrong#youre allowed to feel how you want about other people but you always jump to bullying#and whenever i try to make them realize they get so deffensive#just because you grew up with an autistic brother does not make you a fucking expert youre not even close to him!!#ok sorry im gonna go hit my bong im getting too angry lol
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I have not posted any of my analysis to reddit yet and I think I might just post it and ghost it. I've already spent too much time looking at other people's threads on there to feel any way good about interacting with folks.
I already went in an added the "I know you're going to bring this up let me save you the time" section which is exclusively touching on the frequent topics of:
"well what about the fingerprint nostrum and finger mimics? He is clearly just a crackpot"
And
"it's definitely some weird elaborate sacrifice to Metyr thing"
#if he's drinking hallucinogenic tea in his free time genuinely good for him. whatever man. i just do not think either of those items are-#at all relevant to the quest especially the nostrum because it is a placebo medicine and aint nothing fake about this shit#also i think theres a distinction between becoming fingers vs wanting to replace metyr? idk like as ive said i think he thinks he's-#better than the fingerweavers and rightfully so#like please come to a new conclusion other than “man this guy is on drugs”#also girl... metyr doesnt need sacrifices. like? where is that textually or in set design? metyr wants us to leave her the fuck alone#she's minding her own business EVERY TIME WE SPAWN INTO HER ZONE#like why are people so desperate for everything to have a dark undercurrent? not everything has to be some dark disney ass shit#“actually finding nemo is a hallucination & Marlin is insane & nemo is dead that movie is actually super fucked up & dory is a grim reaper”#like im sorry but this is how this extra shit all feels to me#like it is already fucked up and miserable?#is he 100% a good person? like thats genuinely person to person. theres personal gain from the quest#and hes definitely very good at getting what he wants#manipulate manifest mother#tail fingers on the vision board#devon yaps#and yap I did#like I don't want to be a bitch because yeah we should genuinely celebrate other peoples theories and hcs in these games#but i dont think “lol this guy is just on drugs” is one of those things#because i like spooky theories if theyre backed up.#but to say “its this weirdly horrible thing and youre all wrong” especially in his context is not great to me#Sorry. like may my own arrogance strike me down like the scholar i think i am 😤 farewell#because again its coming down to meeting this narrative without preconceived bias and most of the reddit stuff feels like-#“he is fucked up. won't say why. but i bet you know why i actually think this 🤫🤫🤫” like just you cant wrap your brain around guy mom#i do really want to reiterate this is about reddit shit. like i am so into people who love his character but interpret him more sinister💕😚#truly eating that shit up
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so many of you talk about the cruel adults in your childhood that negatively effected you and caused lifelong insecurity yet you're still perfectly fine with being that mean stranger to any kid that has the misfortune of existing around you and thats just really gross !!!
#like i get kids can be overwhelming for a various amount of reasons but its not going to kill you to treat children with basic human decency#adults can be just as overwhelming or annoying—if not more. yet if you talked to an another adult the same way you do to a kid#then ppl would fucking hate you and not want to be around you because youre not being cool and witty—youre just mean!!!#everyone has experienced the frustration of being a kid being mistreated by an adult. some more than others#rather its ignoring your bodily autonomy (from sa and assault to hugging you when you don't want to be touched to not letting you#make your own harmless choices like a haircut or whatever). everyone has been talked down to or had their opinion treated like its nothing#or that their thoughts or input doesn't matter. everyone has a childhood experience with a mean or judgemental adult#yet over and over ppl are fine just repeating that cycle of abuse and hatred#like youre a young adult and youre still getting treated like shit by older ones. but youre able to have a drink or you graduated or smthn#so now you feel like you earned that right to be judgemental & angry & mean to a group of people that didnt fucking do anything to you#anyways. this is because im sick and had to go to the store to get groceries and meds#so its a 20 minute walk to the nearest store in 108 degrees bc i dont have gas money and then in the store im ofc using a face mask#like im sweaty and feel disgusting and like shit but this kid was SO fucking excited about his spiderman toy and wanted to talk and#his mom said ‘i told you no one wants to hear about that crap leave her alone’ and like?? no fuck off let a kid be happy?? hes not fucking#doing anything wrong?? so we talked and he showed me the little tiy that lights up and asked if i saw the new spiderverse movie#and i told him i havent! so he asked why so i explained i have photosensitivity and what that means and why i cant see it#(‘even though i heard its super cool!’) and HE WAS SO SWEET... like immediately hid the toy because oh! flashing lights can hurt me!#and then immediately said dont worry because he'll tell me about it so its like i saw it instead!#and like. guys imma be honest with you. i stilm got no fucking idea what this movie's plot is.#but you bet your fucking ass i was pretending like i was following along & was going ‘no way!’ ‘so it's a parallel universe...?’ ‘oh wow!’#like yea its unnecessary. i felt oike i was gonna collapse and im still struggling to breathe at home now. but also i been the kid#who just wanted to talk about my interests and no one wanted to or was dismissing it.#i know it's not a end of the world deal but i also know that crushing feeling. you gotta be the kindness you want to see in the world yknow#anyways. be nice to kids or im not going to be nice to you. they're one of the most vulnerable members of our society and deserves kindness
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Will I ever get over garp's scottish accent....
#i also think its kinda funny how they do a close up of zoro when they enter the baratie and its like he can sense sanji being there already#he can smell his pheromones....#nvm its because some people there seem to know him... like sanji knew him before he met him....#zoro sitting with the swords like that akdhaj that was funny#he literally has taken them off his waist before but some people looked at him funny and hes now on high alert#fullbody... your wig....#i cant with this sanji i need to stop every 30 seconds... it makes me retract from the screen#and he is SPANISH#mihawk has such a cunty voice akdhaj#and he is wearing cowboy boots....#zoro looking away when sanji gets the bill ajdhakshsksjsks he can't stand him!!!#zeff saying OIOIOIOIOI ajdjqjwk#why is nami spilling ajdhajshska girl....#also patty looks so good akdhskns#you know what i really appreciate zoro and nami moments my guy zoro cant talk with luffy about his grandpa but sees nami weird and#CANNOT leave it alone.... damn#also garps backstory must be really fucking devastating for me to even accept what he does like damn. not even related to opla just thinking#like forcing his son and grandsons into it and being SO HELLBENT ON IT YOU LET YOUR OTHER GRANDSON TO DIE#and still be kinda rogue from the marines like damn how does this work. not that that started before ace but....#imagine being zoro rn... half drunk just had an open feelings session with this girl you met a week ago and here comes your other#friend you met two days ago who is full on drunk and he brings fucking mihawk best swordsman in the world with him. imagine.#and now you have no option but to fight him and die. like that just hit him#also this being another instance of zoro protecting luffy akdhaksj. that is so good#but luffy washing plates and not breaking all of them is OOC!!!!!!!#nami trying to stop him bc they are bffs now..... yeah.....#netflix i hope this dynamic DOESN'T FUCKING DISAPPEAR. FIRST WARNING#look at this fake cynic. i saw you worrying about zoro before you made your bag to get out of there akdhaksjsk#how much time do you think mihawk stood there#he likes luffys hat.... GAY GAY HOMOSEXUAL#watching opla
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i cant fucking stand people who act like theyre seeing the world more realistically by being so negative all the time like youre not seeing shit realistically youre making everyone around you uncomfortable and miserable and you should go get councilling or somwthing
#⚠️#personal#i just wish thw people around mw could be normal for like 10 fucking seconds without bringing down the mood#like i cant take it anymore#ill be so god damn happy and then someone has to swoop in and be like hey heres something triggering like LEAVE ME ALONE#GOD DAMN.#oh yeah just mention self harm around me and when i say stop just be like ''im just seeing the world realistically you gotta tlak about this#shit at some point'' actually go fuck yourself holy fucking shit#i feel like screaming dude like ITS NOT SEEING SHIT REALISTICALLY YOURE JUST BEING A MASSIVE DOWNER#AND A PRICK#A MASSIVE ASSHOLE#i was having a fairly decent day too for once#god i fucking hate people#its always cis men too#why are men like this dude holy fuck#i mean i know why but like#god you just want ro punch them sometimes knock some goddamn sense into them#i hate being negative so much but god people have really been testing me lately#i need all the men in my life to explode
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i have no idea how to deal with people trying to get me to stop talking to them 😵💫 I guess I know im annoying so i tend to be overly talkative and kind of annoying so i suppose I tend to overthink it
#i had a long friendship for years with a girl who made me insist like several times over the course of the friendship that i wouldnt give up#on her?#so it was weird when she inevitably ghosted me i think i kept texting her for too long after but she was really skittish#and had trouble keeping up with people because she was so dissociative#i guess at some point i should just decide oh this person clearly doesnt give a shit about me? why do i keep trying but#idk im so bad at making and keeping friends. i think i tend to be a bit too open minded about clear signs i should probably#leave someone alone#i wish people would be more comfortable just saying hey its been great but i cant really fit you into my life i wish you well#sigh#regans going away tomorrow for a trip so im a bit melancholy
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The nicest person in the world is the lady who helped me tie my shoes at 5ish years old so i could go play during recess. (I elaborated in the tags but theyre fairly long,,) -???
#ive already told this story to some people but i love to tell it.#ok so when i was young i only wore velcro shoes bc i couldnt tie laces.#even now i havent learned the proper knot that literally everybody has learned. idk why i just cant commit it to memory but to be fair#i havent tried to learn it in years bc now i learned a different way to tie my shoes which takes longer so everybody is always like why do#you take so long tying your shoes.#but anyway this story is when i was around 5 maybe younger or maybe older but max 7 yrs old.#my mom only bought me velcro shoes since i couldnt learn how to tie my shoes normally and at some point trying to learn made me so#frustrated i just refused to try and cried etc.#so anyway in my old school there was this weird rule ive never seen anywhere else that we had to use other shoes in the class#i guess to avoid dirtying the floors or something.#and one time my mom bought me new shoes with laces and threw my old shoes probably thinking id have to learn it. i didnt lol.#so she tied my shoes in the morning and then i went to school changed shoes and like i had to like. put back my lace shoes on to go outside#for recess. now get that the teacher hated me. not sure why you would hate a child this age. but she was usually mean to me.#so when she saw this issue she was rlly annoyed and told me so and like the first few days she tied my shoes so i could go outside.#and idk after 2 or 3 times she got rlly tired of doing it and said i had to do it by myself. and she just like fucking left and went outside#leaving me alone on the staircase.#and now this building had a 2nd story which was like a house or flat where people lived. and they were totally unrelated to the school afaik#but the lady was always rlly nice. so she happened to be going down to go outside and about her day and she saw me crying by myself on the#staircase and said whats wrong and i told her i cant tie my shoes and she just helped me and consoled me and then i could go.#anyway she was an angel to me.#its hitting me now as i tell this that when i was a child many of the adults around me were really mean#so i really imprinted on nice adults like i thought they were really amazing and the best people ever.#anyway thank you for reading my story!!#lorisys
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as someone who went from fearing chargers, to sometimes using chargers, to maining them (and by them i mean mostly just the e-liter scope i used more in 2 than i do now)
watching people who do not play chargers play the e-liter for the first time or any sort of reason i just go YUP THATS IT START CRYING UNTIL U HIT A SICK SNIPE AND THEN BASK IN UR SECONDS OF FAME THAT NO ONE ELSE CARES ABOUT
#like i was a shooter main through 1 and 2 with some dabbling in various weapons in 2 usually chargers#during the rock paper scissors splatfest i said this was gonna be the start of me actually maining the eliter#id say in 2 my main was like...the jr.....#im also not into competitive play...i like watching videos going into things but im casual and ranked is something i only...sometimes play#but not enough to rank#chargers are like either confidant in their playing or like me stressed#and tho i cant say im like a pro charger despite the time i put into the eliter....i mean its still me after all#it is very...different from the other classes bc most of the time ur not gonna be good at holding a fight up close unless u get VERY lucky#but thats just me and i am maining the slowest charger with a scope#also watching someone talk about the comp nature of splat and how chargers will probably pick up the ballpoint like#i DO not like splatlings...way too awkward for me to play#i get one in salmon run its over its over hang up ur slops bc its over#the cool thing about the eliter is that sometimes you'll match with people who just want to leave you alone#the not cool thing is that people will also very much want to chase you down bc u got caught#mid repositioning#again im not a splat pro i just play casually so ur not gonna get actual good tips from me#also sorry if anyone acutally reads my tag rants bc they can get really long and idk why i dont kjust put all of this in the post itself any#anyway....
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today i think about how some men really think all (or at least most) women just dont like sex at all and it still kinda shocks me that they genuinely believe this! being in fandom spaces from a young age the type of shit ill see women saying about some fictional character or actor even has me flabbergasted at times
#im bringing this up cause!!!#like i finally learned about the “hawk tuah” girl and im just shaking my head#first of all i was avoiding it cause i already knew it was some shit i did not wanna know about#for various reason#but now i saw a video about it and#i just feel bad for her#like u really cant make a joke without ppl thinking its an invitation to be gross towards you#but also i dont get the obsession#i get why its happening#but from my point of view im just like...what is wrong with you ppl#is it really that shocking that a women would say that??#it also kinda had me thinking about my short flop history of trying to date#and how in the end what what i mainly got from it is just to never talk about sex ever#it really is a shame#you react positively to sex and thats the only aspect of you that matters forever#like seriously some guys will piss you off/ignore you and then try to go back to flirting with you when its convenient for them#like thats fuckin weird if you do that im sorry#people have layers come on now#someone liking sex doesnt mean....“ah yes i dont have to try to be decent or treat this person well”#yall gotta really start looking at people#like look at them#that persn has a whole inner world going on#this isnt a cartoon or game where they have one character trait#if you cant grasp this then leave that person alone lol#anyways sorry tangent#but yea thats my morning thoughts for today
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ig my biggest issue with fandoms is the almost... false closeness thats there in them? ig since i was a kid and wasnt good at enforcing boundaries and was just excited to find ppl with the same interest I didn't really think about it but be real like, there was a vibe that it was "okay" and "fine" to expose a lot about ourselves to eachother that... i think if we knew eachother irl... we'd hafta be a lot closer than that to see or hear about that stuff...
#like ig am i the only one who thinks its kinda weird when ppl would pass fanfics around??#ig its just kinda normal now or whatever but think about it. youd hafta be closer friends with someone- besides just sharing an interest-#to see their slash fics right?? doesnt it seem kinda weird that ppl used to be so willing to toss that out there#ig the level of anonymity helps but my point isnt rly about the fics so much as it is... sharing information thats personal to you#i definitely didnt know how to assert boundaries as a kid- like i just didnt know it was an option for me to be like 'no i dont want to do#that' -wow that sounds really fucked up outloud huh!#ig my autonomy was taken from me so much as a kid i kinda just assumed i wasnt the one who got a lot of choices#and no one really taught me enough about internet safety .-. my mom did once but... she didnt push very hard#and that ended me up in a lot of shitty situations- like on here. how i posted a pic of myself when i was a fuckin child#sexualizing myself and some adult commented something suggestive back to me and ig i just. thought i had to accept the situation#like i just. thought it was ok to happen. ig since i had so many ppl rob me of my bodily autonomy before that it just seemed normal#or at the very least it was something i couldnt change so i didnt try and at the time figured i had to accept as normal#and since no one intervened to tell me what any of those ppl did to me was wrong i just. didnt think about how it effected me or if that#even mattered#so why is my life so dark exactly whys it gotta be like this tho#ig its kinda hypocritical of me to post this. i mean i use my account as like a diary sometimes or that im just yelling into the void lol#but thats also kinda because of all of this honestly. i think i realized i didnt want it to be that way for a while and stopped#but after all the shit with my abuser on here its like.. i feel like i cant not be as open as i am?#idk its like... a testimony or something ig. idk how to describe it. ig i just feel like ill always hafta be defending myself online from#everything. and if i dont talk about every little thing that makes me fucked up then people wont leave me tf alone about shit i cant contro#or change. like i cant go back in the past and not do whatever. but also as far as any actual harm ive done there isnt really... much there#ive had shitty ideas normalized to me sure but i dont really feel like i passed those ideas on to anyone really
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While I greatly enjoy the subject of place making in urban design, I utterly hate the amount of pandering to capital holders a lot (if not most) of current "place making professionals" do in their work.
#also really hate some of the current trends of 'pop up events' that run for maybe a month and then never again#'its to get peoples imaginations going kristen!' until you realize that you dont actually leave any reliable framework when its done#and theres an inherent bias against creating those frameworks because that requires decentralization of your knowledge#which makes you and your work finacially threatened and even as a nonprofit you still need to make a living#idk im just pondering webs of power and the paradoxes of creating a better world using capitalism instead of dismantling it#also avoiding doing the newest academia bs and trying to avoid any fucking grades talk with the people i know here#because i havent told them that i havent turned anything in yet because depressions been kicking my ass#and they dont get the executive dysfunction part of it because their anxiety is so out of control that it still forces them to do things#and their reward circuits in their brains still work while mine dont anymore#and while they might have sympathy all theyre going to do is suggest solutions which is not what i need rn#also the solutions they will probably give probably wont work because ive tried pretty much off of them except cocaine#and im trying to avoid doing that for obvious reasons#i already know what i need is to 1- live alone; 2- live in a place with more amenities nearby; and 3- have an understanding support system#the problem is money. and circumstances. and having a support system. but mostly money and circumstances#the thing i cant figure out quite yet is why im avoiding telling them instead of just laying it out there#maybe cause it would seem like im putting part of this burden on them?#maybe something in my instincts and years of social observation is telling me that if i tell them their view of me will drastically change?#and then there goes whatever scraps of a support system i have out here#idk its probably just trauma leaking again#late night ramblings
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its like omg none of this makes sense boo hoo when actually every single seemingly bullshit ability is entirely based on the game it came from
#on the yellow arc rn#leave my girlie ALONE 😭#some people are like why are they using this move when THIS move is more powerful#or like this move doesnt even work like that#when its like actually at the time which was deadass more than 2 decades ago#u know when there was ONE generation#the moves worked like that :)#thats like going omgg this pokemon is a fairy type it should be more effective#or whatever the fuck like bitch fairy types werent even INVENTED at this point shut the fuck UPPPP#bitches cant be trusted with reading ANYTHING thats dated#im Mad#michi tag#AND EVEN THEN IT DOESNT MATTER CAN YOU NOT JUST ENJOY IT HOW IT IS 😭#do u gotta rip it to shreds like this isnt even how it works like fuck OFF
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hhdgsgddhh
#there’s something very wrong with my brain#I can’t. manage it#in the middle of the day I just suddenly switched moods and despite my friend already being over and me having been perfectly happy with#that like the whole week up til that point I just. started getting overwhelmed and now im getting annoyed by everything and I want to be#alone but I can’t just out of the blue to actually I don’t want you here. no real reason. i just. cant do it. leave#I’ve just. been getting progressively more upset by little things i reslly shouldn’t care about that much and I’ve gotttn to the point#where I’m not sure how I’m gonna get out of bed and like. interact#some of the things getting to me are decently valid but they’re not exactly his fault or things that should be making me angry or whatever#I know that logically#but yeah#I just.#im. out of nowhere not okay my mood just plummeted and I don’t wanna open up to anyone or change my routines and stuff for anyone#I don’t know man#kibumblabs#delete later#I guess I should’ve seen the crash coming.#I’ve been too productive lately to not crash at some point and go into a fun hermit depression spiral#I don’t know why I get so. mean spirited when I get like this#like I just. want to push people away and don’t trust them and I don’t know
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we are in fact closing w 3 people today thank the lord so after about an hour of recovering the store my heart has stopped racing as badly but im gonna be on register for potentially the whole night starting at like 7:20-7:30 but hopefully by then there will be so frw customers that it’ll be calm
#i started my shift literally fucking crazy#manager told me to cover cashiers break#im trying to get up to the regusters some instacart guy calls me over#man i respect the side gig people but instacart people are so fucking annoying they make you shop for them basically#like i can tell you where an itsm is located the general zone but why are you making me go item by jtem and finding the precise item#for a 10+ item shopping cart#like dude i have a JOB TO DO and its not shopping for other people thats your job !! leave me alone#and then my password to my app isnt fucking working so i cant even look up locations anyway#and then in the midst of this some lady asks me to unlock something im like give me 5 minutes#finally get away from instacart guy#get#ge the key. its the wrong key. she needed the manager only key#so i call the manager over#then i FINALLY go up to regusters#and then theres 5 people on line the phone is ringing#i was literally about to have a heart attack i was already shaky and trembling before i even clocked in#but that whole mess set me over#i was so frantic checking people out talking a mile a minute not even being a human i was just a cashier robot#got people done and checked out within like a single minufe each like get the fuck out of my sight im having a heart attack#brot posts
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Sometimes allos will say something they think totally chill but my acespec ass sees it and has to go through a whole horror spiral of remembering that literally every fucking moment of kindness and human connection gets filtered for allos through the lenses of 1)how bad do I wanna fuck this person and 2) how likely is it I will get to fuck this person
Like. This person is one of my best friends. This person is frequently overwhelmed/touch starved/ Totally Did Need A Hug. But can't describe the experience without telling me how cute and unavailable this girl is. The experience of getting a fucking hug!
#i cant even fully articulate why this is such a wtf moment#like i know! i know this friend wants to fuck! is hoping to meet someone to date soon!#is hoping that this network of people will turn up a potential partner!#and is probably used to communicating with allo dudes who would hear the account of. again. a simple HUG. and be like hsfbs gonna smash??#but jesus fcuking christ#idk maybe the idea of all the hugs in my life going through that filter is just. gross? to me? its literally a simple physical expression o#of connection and compassion and like. hey this seems like a moment you need some warmth and compression and whatever it may be that people#can offer in a hug!#and to have it go through the filter of u want sum fuck just. flattens it. in a way i cant leave alone#anyway this maybe should be a journal entry but holy fuck#ace
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