#especially in this fucking field!!!
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MAGENTA.
#look...our profs are the experts but even experts get things wrong even experts have biases even experts are not equipped#to handle certain situations#this person completely invalidated the complaints others in the cohort have had this term on profs grading with bias and not communicating#what they want to see on assignments not to mention there's evidence of favoritism#this is the kind of shit that lets counselors and therapists like my former supervisors get away with bullying clients and colleagues#because they're “experts” they get a pass on being assholes or acting holier than thou#as a peep who plans to specialize in trauma specific to clients receiving trauma from clinics and other practioners#im hella disappointed#just because you didnt experience anything negative doesnt negate the experiences of your peers#there is something going on obviously that deserves to be looked into#it doesnt mean that your cohort is saying “the profs dont know what they are talking about”#gtfo of here#i can admit right now i gotta work on not getting angry when theres an injustice done on others whose voices aren't being heard#and i naturally have an aversion to authority figures that i know isn't always appropriate which ive unpacked through trauma work#but man some of y'all need to work on not being kiss asses to people in positions of authority who should be questioned#especially in this fucking field!!!#if a prof clinician practioner etc etc cant handle having a conversation about behavior or clarification then wtf are they doing#working with vulnerable people???#magenta is my vent word#magenta is my vent tag#sorry peeps theres something in the air today#im normally not this mad#and hindsight i admit maybe im jumping the gun a little but when i heard this kind of shit#where concerns are being swept under the rug i get peeved af#im happy i took summer off#heres hoping fall is better
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Just played junipers two heart event I’m so obsessed with her
#I support evil women#Especially when they do fucked up experiments on me#fom juniper#fom#fom fanart#fields of mistria#juniper#my art#digital art#click for better quality#fanart
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(The Promised Neverland Art Book World)
Ah yes, one of my favorite genres of baby full score trio pictures: Isabella being openly affectionate toward Emma and Norman in front of Ray while being hands off with him.
(Chapter 2 | Chapter 37 | Chapter 165 | Chapter 170 | Chapter 177)
#and by favorite I mean “I am in physical agony. I am violently sobbing. I am eating the dry wall.”#Isabella before Ray's sixth birthday: man what is up with this kid he's more prickly than a porcupine (not even touching on his hair)#Isabella on January 15‚ 2040: ah.#The Promised Neverland#Yakusoku no Neverland#TPN#YnN#The Promised Neverland Art Book World#FSS Chatter#Full Score Trio#TPN Isabella#TPN Emma#TPN Norman#TPN Ray#Isabella and Ray's Incredibly Fraught and Complicated Relationship Tag#Pre-Canon#Introduction Arc#TPN 002#Escape Arc#TPN 037#Return to Grace Field Arc#TPN 165#TPN 170#TPN 177#also with Norman's stark black & white morality this is why his reaction to Isabella's betrayal is so volatile#and why I think it's a shame his relationship with her gets the least amount of focus#especially when you think of their conversation on the way to the gate#“Hey‚ Mom‚ are you happy?” / “Yes. Yes‚ I am. After all‚ I was able to meet you.”#absolutely fucking wrecks me every time#the layers. 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘭 𝘢 𝘺 𝘦 𝘳 𝘴.
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thinking about moon knight having marc call steven the best superpower he's ever had during a really emotional moment and how that show handled DID better than just about any piece of media I've ever seen and. I'm sobbing actually. they equated his neurodivergence with being the greatest part of him after marc had spent so long trying to hide his DID out of shame. and maybe that sounds like bordering on glorification but it really wasn't. because they made it so obvious that what marc meant was that steven kept him ALIVE and that's the most he could ever ask for and anyway. whatever whatever it's fine
#moon knight#an extremely rare not daredevil post from me wowzers#that moment just really meant a lot ESPECIALLY#because i watched that show AS IT WAS COMING OUT#and waiting a WEEK to find out if they were about to make the ending of the episode before that one ableist as FUCK#only to see them do THAT??#taking the implication that in order for marc to be whole he had to get rid of steven at the end on one ep#and turning it into marc rejecting the field of reeds because he felt like it was impossible to be content without steven in the next ep#and then having him say THAT???#ill sob#fully sob#anyway#marc spector#steven grant#im aware the way they handled DID wasn't at all perfect. like the bar is LOW for DID rep. but they still did a decent job
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I'm glad Fields of Mistria is at least a little more lenient with how you gain relationship w characters than Stardew was, bc as much as I love March as a character something I don't love about these kinds of games is the way their arcs/behaviour doesn't progress at all unless you're actively giving them gifts and talking to them every day (neither of which March deserves at all btw). Just rubs me the wrong way that the solution to jerk characters in these games is always to placate and rehab thier behaviour instead of the narrative/your accomplishments working towards that instead.
Idk. I think a lot of ppl have no problem kissing up to tsundere types in games but I'm like entirely too autistic and too "it's the principle of the matter" to be able to? If March is supposed to develop from being antagonistic and rude then it feels shitty that it comes from undeserved, infinite olive-branches and not just the natural progression of time/story? So at least I can mostly ignore him, tho as a consequence it takes fucking ages to increase his hearts passively that way. You can rebuff and scold him in the 2 heart event and I hope they carry that "I'm not taking your stupid ass bullshit, March" energy for the future hearts too. Because I'm out here infrastructure/farm-maxing, I'll spoil him w conversation and gifts when he figures his shit out on his own lol and we get on neutral ground.
Also I just generally don't like how abrupt his change towards you is on Friday nights. I get it's supposed to be comedic but when he's randomly only nice to you when he's drunk, and he's the only character who's Friday night interactions don't seem to have any bearing on his disposition or dialogue with you after (yet everyone else references their Friday night interactions w you and each other) it makes it feel almost non-canonical as opposed to a hidden quirk of his.
Also idk, "only nice when drunk" isnt the incentive to befriend him the devs think it is lol
#fields of mistria#fields of mistria march#that last part especially#anyway im in fall year 1 and finally got his 2 heart event bc ive been ignoring the fuck out if him p much exclusively#and i already had an infused silver hoe by the time he gifted me the copper one and i felt not a shred of guilt selling that fcking lmao#my personal ick towards engaging w him makes the rare moments i do so much funnier in a “marchs rare olive branches are too little too late#way#also a hoe? the most underutilized tool i have in my roster okay march very helpful#i used that thing once and its been in storage since but thanks for the second worse hoe bestieee#also i know im in the extreme minority of ppl that have a hard time w this specific ludonarrative dissonance so forgive me#for being a wet blanket
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i don't think dust should be rabbit. he's more hare-coded i feel. feral type of guy.
#easter has fucked up the conception of rabbit/hare#those hares are terrifying yo especially in a night's field#hare -> ostara -> goddess of spring and dawn and fertility#im cooking something#from dust to dawn heheh#irish folklore fucks me up now i cannot think of rabbits and hares the same way
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why do some people hate debbie’s job as a welder… like i’m genuinely curious she loves that job and is good at it and has found success thru it i don’t get not liking her as a welder
#my dad watched s9 and called her rosie the riveter lol#but seriously i love welder debbie#i remember seeing some posts about her working in the medical field or as a bartender at the alibi#and that’s cool#she could bartend on the side and help out#but like… sigh#i love her as a welder so much i cant even express why#especially when she fought for her rights as a woman working in that field#like the fucking diaper LMAO
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25 Days of Sleighpairs: Joel Dexter x Ryan Knight (Hollyoaks) + “Dinner”
'What are you doing here?'
Joel looked up to find Ryan approaching him, arms spread. He wasn't smiling but he wasn't not smiling, either. It was that obnoxious, crooked smirk of his.
Tucking his phone back into his pocket, Joel smiled and rolled his eyes. He put a hand up to quickly stop him from flying off the handle like he knew he was about to.
'Look, I had to see my dad, okay? He was asking around about me, and I wanted to know why,' he explained. 'And, it's Christmas, so, I thought we might as well sit down to hash it all out over dinner. You know, like a normal family.'
Ryan's eyes widened at that. 'Have you-?'
'No, I haven't told him,' he said immediately. 'I don't plan to, either. My dad might claim to be a changed man, but I'm not stupid enough to think that Warren Fox would be cool with having a queer son.'
At that, Ryan's expression softened. He reached out to touch his arm, seemingly uncaring that they were just outside the pub in the car park and could be spotted by anyone who walked by. He gave his hand a squeeze and sported a genuine smile.
'Never mind the fact that I'm seeing a copper,' Joel tacked on, his mouth quirking upwards. 'I don't know what he'd have more of a problem with, to be honest with you.'
'Well, personally, I think he'd be more hung up on the me of it all. I really pissed him off while I was questioning him.'
Joel shook his head. 'Doesn't matter. He won't be finding out. I'm not letting him spoil anything else in my life.'
'Do you want me to come in with you?' Ryan asked gently, ducking his head, searching his face. 'I told him we're old mates, so, he wouldn't question it if he saw us together.'
It was an incredibly tempting offer, but he knew that it would only sour the afternoon. His dad had been on his best behaviour so far, and while he knew it was at least mostly an act, he still didn't want to be proven right.
'Nah, it's fine. You go back to work.'
'You sure?'
'Yes. I promise.'
'Okay,' Ryan said. ‘I'll see you back at the flat, yeah?'
'Course. I just need to head over to the prison to see Brendan, and I still need to ring Cheryl and Mitzeee, but then I'll be right home.'
Ryan smiled again. He gave the car park a cautious glance, but they were completely alone, leaving him totally free to lean in and kiss him without worry. It had been two years and yet his heart still skipped like it was the first time.
His dad would have a heart attack if he could see him now.
Whether or not he had the same thought, Ryan pulled back but only an inch or two. His lips curved into a grin as he muttered, 'See you soon, pretty boy.'
Five words was all it had taken to ignite something in Joel back then, and it still had the same effect. Chuckling, he shoved Ryan back with a hand on his chest and raised his eyebrows.
'Off you go.'
Lips still parted, he winked, then turned on his heel and walkd back to his car. Joel shook his head to himself again, but he watched him go. He could already hear the slagging off Brendan was going to give him if he couldn't get the smile off his face by the time he saw him.
#hollyoaks#joel dexter#ryan knight#knightdex#joel x ryan#ryan x joel#25 days of sleighpairs#rowing the rarepair rowboat#rarepair rowboat#I just finished 2016 oaks and I'm now on 2017#but yeah so why were ryan and joel so gay in that first scene between them?#because they're shagging obviously <3#and yes in my head joel visits brendan a lot especially when he becomes a priest#and obviously he calls cheryl and mitzeee (who are totally gay and together) to let them know how brendan is doing#and also just because they're his mums#fuck marie fielding <3
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I really wish that antis stopped using real life sa victims in their shit especially since they tell real life sa victims that we deserved our assaults cos we all handle our trauma differently.
#sa mention#proship#fandom discourse#fiction is the closest i can feel to normal cos my severe ptsd irl makes me violent if strangers so much as brush up against me#we all handle it differently and yes i write utterly fucked up shit to desensitize myself & somehow managed to stabilized through the years#despite me still having my snappy “scary” moments if people touch me without permission and i punched a dude for standing too close to my#back. he was literally smelling me and i lost my shit and now im banned from that walgreens but meh#now im unloading in the tags but if you're an anti sincerely gfy cos y'all literally attack sa victims on here like its your day job#y'all also don't know the first thing about psychology cos guess who's a psychologist here??? yes this unhinged bitch that covers up like a#gothic church mommy and cusses like a trucker is an actual professional in the field. i studied thinking studying psychology would make me#cope better... it somewhat did help but i should have just gone to a therapist rather than bottling in a going to a freaking university#yes i troll and say fucked up shit on here. this is a social media for my fandom shit so i aint gonna act like the doc i was ages ago and#fiction actually can help some people (especially those like me who are still having violent ptsd eps affecting them) little by little#retake their lives back#there's other forms of therapy but not everything works for everyone and its ridiculous to put all victims under the same umbrella#and its condescending and ignorant af to expect all sa victims to be your perfect little victims of convenience and treat us like crap cos#not all of us fit your toxic narrative of attacking freaking fake people in a nonexistent fictional world.#i have friends that are sa victims that can't handle it in fiction but they know thats my mechanism. since im a now retired professional#i have done everything i can to help them cos yes there's multiple ways to help victims cope with this. even regression exercises help#but that's another thing#and it involves multiple sessions. i no longer practice but can teach people some techniques to regulate their emotions in high stress#situations cos the aftermath of sa is brutal regardless of how you cope with it#you'll need a support group to catch you when you can't handle it sometimes. you're not alone or broken. pls know this
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a quite simple outfit, trying to use the little blue and white apron thing (which is actually a dress I think, that I just leave un-buttoned in the back and added an apron-like tie to lol)
#self#mori kei#jfashion#NOT really but like.. it's.. adjacent I guess.. forgive me .. I may try using tags again though I kind of got out of the habit ghhj#I need to be... Seen to some degree. I want to start selling clothes and sculptures again to recoup the costs of having to euthanize my cat#and stuff . but that won't be very successful if I have like.. 15 people to sell to lol...#the eternal Hermit Conflict where you hate attention and Being Percieved in general yet in todays capitalist society it is nearly#a necessity to have some form of social network or media presence especially in creative fields. etc. etc. ... kicking screaming wailing#sobbing so on and so forth.. tearfully punching the cold mossy stone walls of my evil wizard tower...#I was also thinking of maybe opening a few sculpture commission slots and maybe Tumblr Blazing that post or something#but.. again.... sobbing crying interacting with the general public oughhf ouuch -500 HP#why can't I just be approached by some wealthy 65 year old woman who is nonsensically infatuated with my art for no#reason and gives me like $10.000 a week for food and art supplies and etc. and I can go fuck off into a cabin in the middle of nowhere#in the uk and just be left alone to work on my projects without even needing to build any form of connections or social presence because I'#already set for life and can just get funding and connections whenever lol.. WHICH not to be ungrateful like obviously I still appreciate#anyone who follows and interacts with my posts. I dont mean it in a 'grrr fuck all of you imbeciles I wish I could delete my blog!!!' or#whatever hhjkjk.. I just mean it more in a like.. I am very socially inept and my mental illness gives me severe social issues so any situ#tion where I'm expected to self promote or network or interact with others generally is nightmarish and stressful for many many reasons#and if I could somehow skip that part and just go straight to being a famous author or somethin.. that would be cool. Which I know EVERYONE#hates networking and stuff but I mean like.. on a level most people could not possibly comprehend.. I am not just an 'introvert'. I am like#doctors declare me incapable of functioning in general society very poor mental health prognosis probably should have a caretaker at#some point type Hermit lol.. ANYWAY ghbhj... alas.. I also feel weird about the sculptures in terms of what to charge for them#and always have which is part of why I stopped selling them. If I charged a fair even like $15 an hour many of them would be like#close to $150+. and nobody is going to pay that for a decoration. that doesn't even factor in like.. supplies or time spent communicating/s#etching the concept (if a commission) etc. etc. I thought it'd be better to just auction them then and let people pay what they want inst#d of a set price but etsy doesnt allow auctions and is it weird to just.. link people to an Art Ebay or something lol..#AAAANYWAY.. the outfit.. I still love these shoes. they're nice and a little Older Style looking. always into pastel florals too lol#(everything is thrifted as usual. excited about the shirt because it's so puffy! it was in the halloween section though ghjhj.. like when i#s october and they make the special aisle in goodwill for 'Costume' clothes even though theyre all just normal stuff I would wear ghg)
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im working up a multi chapter vampire march au in my head but something else that has been floating around up here is an fic where farmer has a one night stand/a fling with olric just to make march jealous and it 100% works what do we think team
#in my head in this fic olric is aro but likes the farmer physically so it's just good fun for olric#still fucked up behavior on the farmers part#do not condone#but i cant stop thinking about it especially because olric is dreamy!!!!!!#march fields of mistria#march#fom#march fom#olric#fom olric#olric x farmer#march x farmer#fields of mistria fanfiction#fields of mistria fic#vamp au
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i can almost guarantee ive said it before but. he would thrive in a zero escape game
#an octopath ze au would be kinda fun actually.. especially the octo2 party#would love to see these guys in an escape room . it would be so awful#temenos would fit in perfectly and might even make a good mc given his 'truth lies in the flame' segments..#i could see partitio doing well bc of his creativity and general demeanor#osvald is great at math but idk how trusting hed be of everyone in this situation.. especially if they assume zero is one of them early on#throné . girlie im so sorry#i think shed do fine for the most part (hard to say how much her thieving skills would be of help here) but she did not deserve this </3#do not let ochette into any pantry or food storage room. i dont trust any of that food#i wonder if shed have her partner(s) here tho.. how do u handle an owl and/or jackal in this situation..#she would be great for morale tho#same for agnea tho i worry for her emotional state a lil bit . help her#who am i missing .. CASTTI#shes good at managing stress (both hers and others) in awful situations . thank god#and shes there if anyone gets hurt 👍#not that its likely outside of bad end situations ? tho i may be thinking of the 999 map too much..#would it be more fun to use that as the setting or something else altogether.. more modern or more like octopath 2..#how the fuck would someone even make an escape room in . what is it like the industrial revolution. steam era#would it make sense to be able to use magic in universe to pull off something similar..#the canonicity of some ingame mechanics is dubious so its hard to tell how malleable magics uses and effects are..#itd probably be easier to place everyone in a modern setting but i have no idea what some of them would be that way#.. modern fantasy setting ??????#what if they had smartphones in octopath. would that be fucked up or what#also who the hell would be zero . would anyone be in kahoots w zero.. or at least Know Things but be unable to say smth abt it#i straight up forgot to mention hikari earlier but hes prolly like. fine#his intrusive thpughts would probably Suck Bad here but hed want everyone to get out alive as much as everyone else combined#wait who would even be the 9th person. would it be zero. but who..#if it were octo1 id say kit but its harder to get a good octo2 equivalent of him.. hm..#oh god im out of tags . tho what would the game style be like.. nonary game ab game etc etc.. what would be unique but fitting..#am i gonna look into actual scientific theories for this . and how would the morphogenetic field come into play.. and Why..#octotag
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Things I choose to be offended by
1. Sunfyre didn't spit out golden flames and I am SO MAD. The ruined the only green I liked.
2. Rhaenys and Meleys deal huge damage to Aegon and Sunfyre and basically lead to his injuries more than Vhagar does. And yes, show Red Queens did a lot of damage, BUT THE MELTING THE ARMOR INTO AEGON BIT IS SO POETIC, ESPECIALLY FOR BAELA'S ARC AGAINST SUNFYRE!!!! Already I'm offended that some fucking how that gigantic godzilla beast managed to sneak past Rhaenys and outfly Meleys to the drop of the cliff at rooks rest, BUT THEN YOU GO AND HAVE HER KILL MELEYS WITH A DECAPITATING CHOMP INSTEAD OF A DOGFIGHT IN THE AIR WHERE MELEYS GIVES IT HER ALL AND RHAENYS AND HER HIT THE GROUND AND PRESSUMABLY DIE TOGETHER IN A BLAZE!? LIKE!?
AND HOW THE HELL DID VHAGAR PICK UP ENOUGH SPEED TO FLY THAT HIGH UP THAT FAST!?. DID GRANDMA VHAGAR SOMEHOW MANAGE TO PUT NITROUS UP HER ASS AND FLY OUT TO THE SEA LIKE MELEYS DID AND THEN WHOOMP UP TO CATCH MELEYS NOISELESSLY AND FLY HER UP AT LIKE MACH 10!?
It's so minor, and it's so cool for the story that Aemond basically attempted regicide and fratricide and whatever but CMON MAN. I STAND IN ANGER AND ON BUSINESS FOR RHAENYS AND MELEYS
#fastest dragon in the world and she gets outflown by gigantic grandma vhagar???#the quiet thing i can let go of#BUT I CANT LET GO OFF THE SPEED#i have to rewatch bc aint no way#even with rhaenys taking a lap through the field... rooks rest isnt that big and the space between the tree line and the castle is not wide#or not wide enough that meleys cant fly through it in a hustle#especially when shes not all that hurt#AND how did they not let Meleys basically clutch and claw sunfyre as shes falling to her desth#they really took Rhaenys book viciousness away a little too much#Meleys is battle hardened and Rhaenys is fucking determined and i hate it here#meleys#rhaenys targaryen#house of the dragon#hotd spoilers
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as a media psychology researcher 85% of my job is figuring out the most horrifically academic way to say "you idiots wouldn't last a day on tumblr"
#my job really is turning band lore into observations that are abstract enough that we can do math about it#ADT my beloathed </3#time for me to rant now#you have no idea how frustrating it is for the general consensus in your field of research to be so completely off-base#sometimes the way I have to talk to get other researchers to listen to me makes me feel like I'm a traitor to my own beliefs#like yes. in a -very very basic- sense we do tend to like nice people who do good things and dislike mean people who do bad things#there are traceable social-evolutionary reasons for that#but its SOOOOOOOOOO reductive. especially when it comes to fiction (and it's not even limited to that!)#my entire dissertation is probably going to sum up like 'hey uhhh maybe sometimes people like characters because they're INTERESTING'#(cue 'what do you mean 'interesting'?')#and you'd think that's so fucking obvious (it is) but it will take me literal non-metaporical -years- of research to get that point across#when am I ever going to get further down my hit list. I also need to set aside time to destroy the concept of moral purity#and don't even get me STARTED on character identification. the measures for parasocial shit are so broken we might as well just start over#don't get me wrong I love my job. I get paid your hard earned tax dollars to do gay science#but sometimes I want to scream
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jack coming back, showing pics of the crime scene to will AND molly, pressuring him to come back and molly telling him that she would be satisfied knowing he did the right thing and that he should go and Will actually going made me actually shed a tear.
#at the scene where he started to act as dolarhyde and kill the family#specifically during shooting the kids#THAT made me lose it#i get justice#everybody wants justice#especially if it means saving families#but jack tell me why are u coming back to an agent that u wouldn't even give the title of an agent to cuz he was too unstable for the field#and got mentally destroyed by this job and so he quit and doesn't wanna come fucking back#after 3 years of trying to rebuild his life and regain normality and happiness (at least what he thought would give him happiness).#all thrown out the fucking window#GO HIRE MORE PEOPLE THAT U WILL GIVE MORE RESPECT TO INSTEAD FFS#THERES A LOT OF PASSIONATE PPL THAT WILL HELP SOLVE THE CRIMES#WILL ISNT THE ONLY PERSON IN THE WORLD#MARIAM FOR EXAMPLE EXISTS HOW COME HE LEFT HER ALONE or at least thats what was implied#anyway<3#as much as will wasn't truly happy so technically it was for the good to yk return to hannibal someone he felt truly understood by#and complete with#still. seeing him give up that carefully crafted (although full of lies) life that he thought would make him happy was SO heartbreaking#but perhaps he wanted to do it and needed the push?#ok rant over#nbc hannibal#will graham#text post#my post
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Was talking to my partner about BPD and I mentioned that BPD and DID have almost exactly the same symptoms and they were like "What no that's not true" so I looked it up and the first thing I see is a person with DID complaining about the DSM because BPD and DID have almost exactly the same symptoms
#pwbpd 🤝 pwdid#having episodes of acting entirely differently usually able to be categorized into specifc states#having dissociative derealizing or depersonalizing episodess#rapid and extreme changes in personality often based on situation#all of this being atttributable to childhood trauma#afaik the only big difference is memory loss vs impulsiveness#i think i remember a psychiatrist proposing unifying them and just calling them 'dissociative disorder with memory loss' and '#'dissocative disorder with impulsive behaviour' or something#which i support because apparently it's a common experience on both sides of the aisle to have an unclear diagnosis between the two#especially since if you have both memory loss and impulsiveness... i mean fucked if i know what you have. super disorder#i guess to be fair in order to get diagnosed with bpd you don't have to have all the symptoms that would get you a did diagnosis#especially memory loss. i've looked into it and apparently memory loss is one of those things that's associated with bpd just not a criteria#i definitely have some memory loss after especially bad episodes#somebody described them as comorbid and i was like what does that even look like.#how would you distinguish betweenhaving comorbid bpd and did vs having just one#you can have impulsiveness when you switch alters and you can have memory loss when you have an episode#so like#how can you even know if you have both vs just having one#idk i think the next edition of the dsm is probably gonna change em up something fierce#can't wait to be rediagnosed with There's Something Wrong With Your Personality: Crossover Edition#i guess this is why psychiatry is so ehhhh as a field though#everyone is different and there really isn't a hard line between disorders#fucking. i forgot. the fucking community parlance for having an episode is literally almost the sam#with bpd it's 'splitting' with did it's 'switching'#is there... is there any community overlap? like are there communities for both pwbpd and pwdid?#anyway#gonna stop rambling about psychiatry in the tags#incoherent rambling
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