#especially in this fucking field!!!
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MAGENTA.
#look...our profs are the experts but even experts get things wrong even experts have biases even experts are not equipped#to handle certain situations#this person completely invalidated the complaints others in the cohort have had this term on profs grading with bias and not communicating#what they want to see on assignments not to mention there's evidence of favoritism#this is the kind of shit that lets counselors and therapists like my former supervisors get away with bullying clients and colleagues#because they're “experts” they get a pass on being assholes or acting holier than thou#as a peep who plans to specialize in trauma specific to clients receiving trauma from clinics and other practioners#im hella disappointed#just because you didnt experience anything negative doesnt negate the experiences of your peers#there is something going on obviously that deserves to be looked into#it doesnt mean that your cohort is saying “the profs dont know what they are talking about”#gtfo of here#i can admit right now i gotta work on not getting angry when theres an injustice done on others whose voices aren't being heard#and i naturally have an aversion to authority figures that i know isn't always appropriate which ive unpacked through trauma work#but man some of y'all need to work on not being kiss asses to people in positions of authority who should be questioned#especially in this fucking field!!!#if a prof clinician practioner etc etc cant handle having a conversation about behavior or clarification then wtf are they doing#working with vulnerable people???#magenta is my vent word#magenta is my vent tag#sorry peeps theres something in the air today#im normally not this mad#and hindsight i admit maybe im jumping the gun a little but when i heard this kind of shit#where concerns are being swept under the rug i get peeved af#im happy i took summer off#heres hoping fall is better
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Just played junipers two heart event I’m so obsessed with her
#I support evil women#Especially when they do fucked up experiments on me#fom juniper#fom#fom fanart#fields of mistria#juniper#my art#digital art#click for better quality#fanart
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(The Promised Neverland Art Book World)
Ah yes, one of my favorite genres of baby full score trio pictures: Isabella being openly affectionate toward Emma and Norman in front of Ray while being hands off with him.
(Chapter 2 | Chapter 37 | Chapter 165 | Chapter 170 | Chapter 177)
#and by favorite I mean “I am in physical agony. I am violently sobbing. I am eating the dry wall.”#Isabella before Ray's sixth birthday: man what is up with this kid he's more prickly than a porcupine (not even touching on his hair)#Isabella on January 15‚ 2040: ah.#The Promised Neverland#Yakusoku no Neverland#TPN#YnN#The Promised Neverland Art Book World#FSS Chatter#Full Score Trio#TPN Isabella#TPN Emma#TPN Norman#TPN Ray#Isabella and Ray's Incredibly Fraught and Complicated Relationship Tag#Pre-Canon#Introduction Arc#TPN 002#Escape Arc#TPN 037#Return to Grace Field Arc#TPN 165#TPN 170#TPN 177#also with Norman's stark black & white morality this is why his reaction to Isabella's betrayal is so volatile#and why I think it's a shame his relationship with her gets the least amount of focus#especially when you think of their conversation on the way to the gate#“Hey‚ Mom‚ are you happy?” / “Yes. Yes‚ I am. After all‚ I was able to meet you.”#absolutely fucking wrecks me every time#the layers. 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘭 𝘢 𝘺 𝘦 𝘳 𝘴.
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Heavily disagree with the implication that Cheng Xiaoshi having two experiences in Yingdu makes his mistakes less understandable in s1. Can you honestly say that two times is enough to deal with a job as traumatic and spontaneous as Cheng Xiaoshi's? The dude is only 21 and knew about his ability maybe a few months before s1's timeline. Fucking up, being naive, it makes sense. It takes time to experience that growth and maturity and it sure as hell isn't an easy thing to get used to.
His actions in the earthquake and Emma arcs were completely justifiable and Bahati was BARELY enough for him to understand the consequences of his actions given the fact that he didn't even know what his actions were at that point to begin with? We see his growth in s2, how much more capable he's become, and i think it's not fair to assume that he's supposed to get accustomed to accepting tragedy after two experiences while Lu Guang clearly couldn't accept his tragedies even though he knew of his abilities since he was seven (not a writing fault on his end at all btw, this is just what being human is)
#link click#link click spoilers#cheng xiaoshi#shiguang dailiren#yingdu#also keep in mind that hes only 20 fucking 1 like no SHIT he's making mistakes#i wouldn't consider his prior experience a retcon to his s1 naivety bc thsts not how growth works#like its not so straightforward and linear#especially in this arduous field
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genuinely SO demoralizing to actually check the ages of fairly middle achieving people in fields I want to work in, like not even the major household name types, like, people who are fairly successful, and learning so many of them are +/-3 years of my own age and they got in three or four years ago is just...
I know we all say that one's age isn't ACTUALLY a road block for anything and you can be successful or break into anything at any age, but y'know, still, it's a fact that is incredibly demoralizing and everything seems impossible all the time
yes, yes, i know checking these facts and dwelling on it is NOT helpful, but also y'know, I already know too much of the state of the industries so
#I am sorry for constantly despairing on main these days but job applications is the most demoralizing experience ever#especially when you are a writer and are looking at jobs in fields that are dying so bad#that people who worked on some of the most iconic works in the medium in the past 30 years are applying for low level staff positions#that describes MULTIPLE fields#every time it feels like five years too late for get in. five years too early for when things change.#genuinely sometimes I'm like I should've just finished my fucking thesis on time and maybe something could've changed but#realistically the answer was it wouldn't have
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I'm glad Fields of Mistria is at least a little more lenient with how you gain relationship w characters than Stardew was, bc as much as I love March as a character something I don't love about these kinds of games is the way their arcs/behaviour doesn't progress at all unless you're actively giving them gifts and talking to them every day (neither of which March deserves at all btw). Just rubs me the wrong way that the solution to jerk characters in these games is always to placate and rehab thier behaviour instead of the narrative/your accomplishments working towards that instead.
Idk. I think a lot of ppl have no problem kissing up to tsundere types in games but I'm like entirely too autistic and too "it's the principle of the matter" to be able to? If March is supposed to develop from being antagonistic and rude then it feels shitty that it comes from undeserved, infinite olive-branches and not just the natural progression of time/story? So at least I can mostly ignore him, tho as a consequence it takes fucking ages to increase his hearts passively that way. You can rebuff and scold him in the 2 heart event and I hope they carry that "I'm not taking your stupid ass bullshit, March" energy for the future hearts too. Because I'm out here infrastructure/farm-maxing, I'll spoil him w conversation and gifts when he figures his shit out on his own lol and we get on neutral ground.
Also I just generally don't like how abrupt his change towards you is on Friday nights. I get it's supposed to be comedic but when he's randomly only nice to you when he's drunk, and he's the only character who's Friday night interactions don't seem to have any bearing on his disposition or dialogue with you after (yet everyone else references their Friday night interactions w you and each other) it makes it feel almost non-canonical as opposed to a hidden quirk of his.
Also idk, "only nice when drunk" isnt the incentive to befriend him the devs think it is lol
#fields of mistria#fields of mistria march#that last part especially#anyway im in fall year 1 and finally got his 2 heart event bc ive been ignoring the fuck out if him p much exclusively#and i already had an infused silver hoe by the time he gifted me the copper one and i felt not a shred of guilt selling that fcking lmao#my personal ick towards engaging w him makes the rare moments i do so much funnier in a “marchs rare olive branches are too little too late#way#also a hoe? the most underutilized tool i have in my roster okay march very helpful#i used that thing once and its been in storage since but thanks for the second worse hoe bestieee#also i know im in the extreme minority of ppl that have a hard time w this specific ludonarrative dissonance so forgive me#for being a wet blanket
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thinking about moon knight having marc call steven the best superpower he's ever had during a really emotional moment and how that show handled DID better than just about any piece of media I've ever seen and. I'm sobbing actually. they equated his neurodivergence with being the greatest part of him after marc had spent so long trying to hide his DID out of shame. and maybe that sounds like bordering on glorification but it really wasn't. because they made it so obvious that what marc meant was that steven kept him ALIVE and that's the most he could ever ask for and anyway. whatever whatever it's fine
#moon knight#an extremely rare not daredevil post from me wowzers#that moment just really meant a lot ESPECIALLY#because i watched that show AS IT WAS COMING OUT#and waiting a WEEK to find out if they were about to make the ending of the episode before that one ableist as FUCK#only to see them do THAT??#taking the implication that in order for marc to be whole he had to get rid of steven at the end on one ep#and turning it into marc rejecting the field of reeds because he felt like it was impossible to be content without steven in the next ep#and then having him say THAT???#ill sob#fully sob#anyway#marc spector#steven grant#im aware the way they handled DID wasn't at all perfect. like the bar is LOW for DID rep. but they still did a decent job
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i don't think dust should be rabbit. he's more hare-coded i feel. feral type of guy.
#easter has fucked up the conception of rabbit/hare#those hares are terrifying yo especially in a night's field#hare -> ostara -> goddess of spring and dawn and fertility#im cooking something#from dust to dawn heheh#irish folklore fucks me up now i cannot think of rabbits and hares the same way
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Part 1: Mad King's War
Prologue: Diverged History(pages 17-21)
#myart#fanart#fire emblem#naesala#chrom#fe frederick#tellius#fire emblem awakening#Fire Emblem Wrong Bird au#FE WB au MKW#FE WB au MKW prologue#good time to remind yall im still fucking around and finding out when it comes to drawing these guys#expect inconsistency for awhile when it comes to outfits or goddess forbid wings#...yeah im still trying to figure out how i want to draw wings#blah blah you've heard me mention i barely prepared for making a fancomic a million times by now just add that to the list too#inconsistency aside we can *finally* move scenes#and by we i specifically mean me cause im the only guy behind this nonsense#unfortunately it just goes from barren field to a field with a tree and mountain/hill thing in the distance#genuinely forgot that existed in-between the starting field and the burning town for the beginning of Awakening#but that's why you double check stuff folks! ...especially since it'll be awhile before canon gets to truly diverge#well i guess diverge more since technically already has diverged#point is i can't get to what i consider the cool shit for this au until i properly set the stage#either way i am still enjoying myself with this and whilst small i am noticing my artstyle progress so extra fun to see that play out#but anyways that's enough rambling from me this time#happy new years btw
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I genuinely can’t put into words just how grateful I am to have her as my friend. Almost 8 months since we’ve met each other and she just keeps making me love her personality more and more each week. Yeah I have other friends, but no one I’ve related to so much. I mean that in the case of hobbies, media, fandoms but also idk how to explain but she just GETS me yk. Anytime I’ve been embarrassed about over sharing a particular piece of information about my life, she ends up just understanding if not relating. God I know true supportive friends exist because she exists<33
#humanities kids in science fields :(#we both love animated movies!!#and art#and writing ahhh#will I ever befriend a person like her again?#no fucking clue#but I will miss her when we head our own ways for college after 12th#i really hope we stay in contact tho!!#i mean we’ve got the continuous texting thing down already lol#but our face to face convos just hit different#especially in substitution classes or English or design#our talks make me think there might be something genuinely exciting to look forward to in my future#it makes me giddy#tis bout ‘a’#<333#mithi’s own#musings from thy truly#friendship#girl friends#friends#school friends#school life#platonic
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why do some people hate debbie’s job as a welder… like i’m genuinely curious she loves that job and is good at it and has found success thru it i don’t get not liking her as a welder
#my dad watched s9 and called her rosie the riveter lol#but seriously i love welder debbie#i remember seeing some posts about her working in the medical field or as a bartender at the alibi#and that’s cool#she could bartend on the side and help out#but like… sigh#i love her as a welder so much i cant even express why#especially when she fought for her rights as a woman working in that field#like the fucking diaper LMAO
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25 Days of Sleighpairs: Joel Dexter x Ryan Knight (Hollyoaks) + “Dinner”
'What are you doing here?'
Joel looked up to find Ryan approaching him, arms spread. He wasn't smiling but he wasn't not smiling, either. It was that obnoxious, crooked smirk of his.
Tucking his phone back into his pocket, Joel smiled and rolled his eyes. He put a hand up to quickly stop him from flying off the handle like he knew he was about to.
'Look, I had to see my dad, okay? He was asking around about me, and I wanted to know why,' he explained. 'And, it's Christmas, so, I thought we might as well sit down to hash it all out over dinner. You know, like a normal family.'
Ryan's eyes widened at that. 'Have you-?'
'No, I haven't told him,' he said immediately. 'I don't plan to, either. My dad might claim to be a changed man, but I'm not stupid enough to think that Warren Fox would be cool with having a queer son.'
At that, Ryan's expression softened. He reached out to touch his arm, seemingly uncaring that they were just outside the pub in the car park and could be spotted by anyone who walked by. He gave his hand a squeeze and sported a genuine smile.
'Never mind the fact that I'm seeing a copper,' Joel tacked on, his mouth quirking upwards. 'I don't know what he'd have more of a problem with, to be honest with you.'
'Well, personally, I think he'd be more hung up on the me of it all. I really pissed him off while I was questioning him.'
Joel shook his head. 'Doesn't matter. He won't be finding out. I'm not letting him spoil anything else in my life.'
'Do you want me to come in with you?' Ryan asked gently, ducking his head, searching his face. 'I told him we're old mates, so, he wouldn't question it if he saw us together.'
It was an incredibly tempting offer, but he knew that it would only sour the afternoon. His dad had been on his best behaviour so far, and while he knew it was at least mostly an act, he still didn't want to be proven right.
'Nah, it's fine. You go back to work.'
'You sure?'
'Yes. I promise.'
'Okay,' Ryan said. ‘I'll see you back at the flat, yeah?'
'Course. I just need to head over to the prison to see Brendan, and I still need to ring Cheryl and Mitzeee, but then I'll be right home.'
Ryan smiled again. He gave the car park a cautious glance, but they were completely alone, leaving him totally free to lean in and kiss him without worry. It had been two years and yet his heart still skipped like it was the first time.
His dad would have a heart attack if he could see him now.
Whether or not he had the same thought, Ryan pulled back but only an inch or two. His lips curved into a grin as he muttered, 'See you soon, pretty boy.'
Five words was all it had taken to ignite something in Joel back then, and it still had the same effect. Chuckling, he shoved Ryan back with a hand on his chest and raised his eyebrows.
'Off you go.'
Lips still parted, he winked, then turned on his heel and walkd back to his car. Joel shook his head to himself again, but he watched him go. He could already hear the slagging off Brendan was going to give him if he couldn't get the smile off his face by the time he saw him.
#hollyoaks#joel dexter#ryan knight#knightdex#joel x ryan#ryan x joel#25 days of sleighpairs#rowing the rarepair rowboat#rarepair rowboat#I just finished 2016 oaks and I'm now on 2017#but yeah so why were ryan and joel so gay in that first scene between them?#because they're shagging obviously <3#and yes in my head joel visits brendan a lot especially when he becomes a priest#and obviously he calls cheryl and mitzeee (who are totally gay and together) to let them know how brendan is doing#and also just because they're his mums#fuck marie fielding <3
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I really wish that antis stopped using real life sa victims in their shit especially since they tell real life sa victims that we deserved our assaults cos we all handle our trauma differently.
#sa mention#proship#fandom discourse#fiction is the closest i can feel to normal cos my severe ptsd irl makes me violent if strangers so much as brush up against me#we all handle it differently and yes i write utterly fucked up shit to desensitize myself & somehow managed to stabilized through the years#despite me still having my snappy “scary” moments if people touch me without permission and i punched a dude for standing too close to my#back. he was literally smelling me and i lost my shit and now im banned from that walgreens but meh#now im unloading in the tags but if you're an anti sincerely gfy cos y'all literally attack sa victims on here like its your day job#y'all also don't know the first thing about psychology cos guess who's a psychologist here??? yes this unhinged bitch that covers up like a#gothic church mommy and cusses like a trucker is an actual professional in the field. i studied thinking studying psychology would make me#cope better... it somewhat did help but i should have just gone to a therapist rather than bottling in a going to a freaking university#yes i troll and say fucked up shit on here. this is a social media for my fandom shit so i aint gonna act like the doc i was ages ago and#fiction actually can help some people (especially those like me who are still having violent ptsd eps affecting them) little by little#retake their lives back#there's other forms of therapy but not everything works for everyone and its ridiculous to put all victims under the same umbrella#and its condescending and ignorant af to expect all sa victims to be your perfect little victims of convenience and treat us like crap cos#not all of us fit your toxic narrative of attacking freaking fake people in a nonexistent fictional world.#i have friends that are sa victims that can't handle it in fiction but they know thats my mechanism. since im a now retired professional#i have done everything i can to help them cos yes there's multiple ways to help victims cope with this. even regression exercises help#but that's another thing#and it involves multiple sessions. i no longer practice but can teach people some techniques to regulate their emotions in high stress#situations cos the aftermath of sa is brutal regardless of how you cope with it#you'll need a support group to catch you when you can't handle it sometimes. you're not alone or broken. pls know this
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"surely this will remedy itself on its own," i say, ignoring a problem of my own doing
#🥞posting.txt#neonwaste-vent#im gonna be honest guys. i fucked up and im too scared to face it like a proper person#i feel awful about it but every time i think about it i feel my heart drop and an impending sense of doom#its like. “oh god i fucked up BAD” and it makes me wanna run#and i'm absolutely trying to avoid coming back to here and the headmate i mentioned previously is sort of helping me avoid it#actually it's more like she's desperately trying to find ways to cheer me up (and il her for that)#but in doing so she's keeping [our] focus on things like anime and magical girls and stuff#+ she has a separate blog so that.... also helps me avoid it#anyways! hi my name is jude and i handle my problems by running away from them#instead of tackling them in private like i SHOULD :(#i wanna try and slip away by acting normal but i literally cannot because this is eating away at me so bad i cant even pretend-#-that everythings okey dokey flowers in the fields#if i tried to act like nothing ever happened not only would it be insulting as fuck it would just feel stiff and awkward and lifeless#like going “hows the weather today” while the house burns down#....holy shit i rambled. um fuck.#i KNOW i need to deal with this.. i just. CANT.#but i should do it regardless even if i have to force myself because unlike my other problems this is something i canNOT let fester#especially considering that helloooo this is another human being this is about#fuck. im gonna force myself to do this.
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live footage of me telling AI my twilight opinions so it can remember them and push them to other ppl
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#i know the general opinion on tumblr is that ai should perish but i've been having a field day with chatgpt and gemini live dont come for me#i don't feed it any personal information besides my country and first name and i don't ask it to generate any form of art#i especially refuse to ask it to generate images bc that shit is cursed#however i'm having a blast chatting about food and music and literature#today i asked gpt to analyze the lyrics of several banks songs and we discussed how they may all be connected and relate to 1 storyline#i did a breakdown of edward's character into several aspects#two of them being 'pathetic and i feel for him' and 'pathetic and it's fucking hilarious'. i hope she remembers. i hope she tells everyone#twilight renaissance#k babbles
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she's starting to get into tarot now too, and I think I get prickly about her picking up interests I already picked up for myself (or tried to) because like. I have very very little self, between how I grew up and how sick I've been. she gets to have a career and a passion and a self and a gender and all this shit I don't. so it bugs me when she starts to step into these surface level things because I don't really. have anything else.
#especially right now with her just having left and new years looming and the va stuff and all.#hell compared to the average person I barely even have memories#it's just not fair.#she gets to pick things up and drop them again at her whims#plus she actually has the financial and physical ability to try new shit so easily#it's not her fault.#(it's a tiny bit her fault given she directly decides how much money she gets vs I get)#(but she doesn't not deserve these things.)#like. I'm physically unable to shuffle cards.#I've been actively and repeatedly trying to get a card shuffler that will fit tarot cards.#but I can't fucking get one for the life of me.#so I can't actually use my deck even though I really want to.#meanwhile she got a beginner deck with the cheat sheet right on the cards and she's already like 'I wanna table at a ren faire :)'#it's like the craft fair last year when afterwards she was like 'oh I'd like to sell my crafts at pike place I think :)'#and she went into my field way after me but she did it the normal way so everyone believes she's even more qualified than she is#while no one will believe I know anything because I don't have letters.#it bothers me. it bothers me a lot. but it feels stupid to bring it up over and over.#I mean like. I do have a me. but it's not the same as a self#idk how to explain it#and a lot of it is. nebulous. and hard to reach. and often discouraged
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