#idk why i even made that his college major. like what was i thinking who was the me that thought that was a good idea

[orcelito]

I do find it so funny that I will graduate college days away from my birthday. Like my birthday is literally in between the end of the semester ("graduation") and commencement

It really will be like a joint graduation & birthday party for me lmao

[kxllerblond]

me realizing under his silly business shit and nice clothes and coffee passion, clark is at his core a compsci man he is literally hackerman he is a fucking nerd he will develop a fucking app just to tell you how much he owned u

[mercy-burning]

…I Wonder

Pairing: Spencer Reid x fem!Reader Summary: Reader becomes a full-time nanny to three-year-old Benjamin, but what she doesn’t realize is just how hard the job will be— not because of the child, but rather her growing attraction to his father. Category: Mature (18+) Content: adults with age gap, drinking, dry humping, oral sex (both receiving), fingering, unprotected vaginal sex, “little girl” nickname, cum play, praise Word Count: 11k (idk how this keeps happening lol)

MASTERLIST

NOTE: This fic is titled after and loosely inspired by "Pony" by Ashley Monroe. It's not required listening, but obviously I recommend the song. It's been a favorite of mine since I was a teenager obsessed with Dean Winchester, so... that probably explains a lot about why I am the way I am... LMAO anyway, enjoy <3 I had a blast writing this one!!

———

ACT I: If I Had A Baby...

The first job I ever had also happened to be the best job I ever had. I was twenty years old, and I found an ad in the paper searching for a full-time nanny to a little boy. I didn't think anything of it, other than I desperately needed the money and I didn't mind babysitting. A few years out of school with no plans to attend college and no solid idea of what I wanted to do with my life, I wasn't sure if I'd even get hired. I was almost certain that no one would want a college-aged kid with no stable ambitions or previous job experience, but I was desperate. And CPR-certified.

It was a start. A shot in the dark.

By some miracle, Spencer Reid apparently was also desperate enough to be willing to take a chance on me.

He explained over the phone that he was away more than he'd like to be, and even if he tried to work from home, doing FBI work and raising a toddler alone at the same time was nearly impossible. I agreed to an interview, absolutely elated that I had a foot in the door and the bright beacon of hope for some sort of routine. Something to occupy my time and something to care about, to care for.

I was expecting the work to be... not hard, necessarily, but I wasn't naive enough to believe that taking care of a child was a walk in the park. There would surely be tantrums or bouts of "I miss Daddy!" or refusal to eat what I made him for lunch... I knew going into these interviews that I would be signing up for a major responsibility that meant a lot, not only to Spencer but also to his child. I had to prove that I could do my job and do it well. That alone was a challenge, but one I was willing to work with. I was ready for it.

What I wasn't ready for, however, was the betrayal I felt when my brain failed to warn me of the possibility that he was not only a single father, but a hot one.

The second I showed up at his door and he opened the barrier between us, I swear it felt like the sun swallowed me whole and burnt me to a crisp. He smiled brightly and introduced himself, and I was done for.

"You must be Y/N! Hi, I'm Doctor Spencer Reid."

Doctor? So he was smart, then, too. Perfect. The Trifecta of Peak Hotness had been achieved. That instantly made this new job ten-times harder than I anticipated, and I hadn't even started yet.

I wasn't sure I could go through with it at first, but the more we talked, the more I relaxed, and I felt sympathy for him. He was a genuinely kind and loving parent who wanted the best for his son, a three-year-old named Benjamin who loved dinosaurs and airplanes and Cheeto Puffs. I didn't get to meet him that day, since he was with his Aunt JJ (who, the way Spencer told it, was most likely feeding his Cheeto Puff addiction as we spoke), but if the interview went well, I'd get to meet him in the next week.

I mulled over my options and almost decided not to show up for the next interview; to call and tell him I'd changed my mind or something, but it pained me to even imagine the disappointment in his voice had he asked me why. For whatever reason, the vivid image of a toddler pouting and crying to his father because he had to leave, and that no one wanted to care for him burned itself into my soul until I relented and just took the job anyway.

It was fair to at least meet the kid first, right?

Benny was insanely talkative— but not really conversational. Most of the time I tried to keep up, but his mouth was moving a mile a minute, and the conversation always ended up falling flat on my end, so I pretty quickly decided to give up and enthusiastically let him carry it.

He had his father's brains as well. For hours that first meeting, he sat there and read me passages of aircraft encyclopedias, and in between two random sections I politely requested that we move on to dinosaurs (which were infinitely cooler). And then, in that adorable toddler voice that made it impossible to be irritated, he looked up at me with wide eyes and said, "I read all my dinosaur books last week. This week is for airplanes."

Spencer looked like he was going to divert the conversation entirely, perhaps suggest that Benny do something else while we talked some more, but who was I to interrupt the kid's routine and crush his dreams? If I was going to be his nanny, then I was going to have to make him like me. Right?

So, I nodded like I'd never considered it and encouraged him to keep going. To which he did, very happily.

Spencer seemed happy, too. He was always delighted to see Benny when he came home from work, but there was something about the way he relaxed and perked up all the same at my first interactions with his son that twisted my gut. What that man was filled with at the sight of me wasn't just joy, but hope, too, and regardless of where that joy and hope came from, it was an incredibly dangerous thing to notice as a young woman.

It was way too easy to fall into daydream territory. I was alert and attentive when watching Benny, of course, but the second Spencer walked in and completely knocked the wind out of me with that joy and relief radiating from his perfect smile, it was like a screw came loose in my brain and turned me into a feral, horny beast. And then I would return home, alone with my thoughts, and I couldn't divert them from the wild direction they took.

At first it was just your standard wet dream, a girl lusting over the older man she nannied for. It was purely pornographic and provided nothing but short-term relief until I saw him in person again, which frustrated me.

I almost thought about quitting, or saying I was looking into schooling so I could cut down on my hours, but...

That wasn't fair to Benny. He and I had actually formed a pretty stellar routine, if I do say so myself.

And every time I thought about leaving, I couldn't help but think about what I would tell him. Would I even tell him anything at all, or would Spencer just omit me from his life completely and give him an explanation in my place? Who would watch over him after I left? Someone old and mean who made him eat vegetables instead of Cheeto Puffs, and demanded he read to them about dinosaurs instead of airplanes, not giving him the option to develop his curiosity in whatever way he chose? Who would tuck him into bed on the nights his father was late or out of town, and would they sleep on the couch soundly and happily like I did?

I hated even thinking about it.

And then there was the first paycheck.

Truth be told, I hadn't even thought about the money, not after I met the boys and introduced them into my daily routine. I remembered Spencer telling me after my first day alone with Benny that he wouldn't get a paycheck to me until the start of the next month, and I was okay with it. Really, I was just focusing on trying not to drool for the entire conversation, but I digress.

Payment completely slipped my mind.

And then I showed up to do my job, and Benny was nowhere in sight.

"Where's the little guy?" I inquired, looking around and hearing nothing either. "He's usually waiting at the door for me like a dog."

Spencer laughed and concealed something behind his back. "He does really enjoy his nights with you... He's actually staying with JJ and her kids tonight, though. Our schedules opened up and she offered to take him for the night. I was going to call and tell you, but I wanted to give you this, anyway."

He handed me an envelope, folded over but not sealed. I took it with an, "Oh," unsure of what it was until I saw the corner of the check. It felt rude somehow to open it in front of him, but his presence was so overwhelming anyway, especially being alone with him, that I needed something to occupy my hands and my thoughts and just about everything else I had in my possession.

At first, I thought it was a joke. A prank. It was too good to be true; He was just messing with me and would hand me a fifty-dollar bill on my way out for my trouble. Surely, if not that, then it was a mistake.

I didn't know how long I'd stood there, staring at the paper with whatever expression was all over my face, but it must have been too long and too concerning because Spencer sounded worried when he asked, "Is there something wrong?"

I blinked for a moment, then finally had the courage to look him in the eye, my mouth completely dry. "You are not giving me five-thousand dollars right now."

"Well... No, technically, I'm giving you a check for five-thousand dollars. What you do with it and when is completely up to you, but... You deserve it. Y/N, you've been a Godsend, and Benny and I are lucky to have you around. Thank you. Very much."

I didn't even think about it. It was an insanely kind gesture, and I was in such a state of shock and gratitude and mind-numbing attraction to him in that moment that I leapt forward and flung my arms around his neck, tears stinging my eyes.

He hugged me back tightly and laughed, allowing me to cry my thanks into his shoulder as we nearly tumbled into the coffee table.

ACT II: If I Was A Lady...

The months flew by, and before I knew it, it was Benny's fourth birthday.

Spencer and his friends heavily involved me in the planning process, a gesture that surprised me, but that I obviously would never be thankful enough for. It's not like I hadn't ever known a loving family or anything, but they were all so warm and welcoming; it was like I'd been friends with them my whole life. My chest bloomed brightly with every laugh and every hug, and I don't think I could have been any happier. I felt like I belonged there.

It was a day, and night, I would never forget.

Everyone had left, and Benny was fast asleep in his bed. Spencer and I looked down at him with smiles so bright, if they'd actually radiated any light the poor boy would have woken up.

"Ah, the cake coma," I laughed quietly, Spencer guiding me out of the bedroom. I couldn't stop giggling even as we walked—Admittedly, I was a little buzzed on champagne. Still, Spencer laughed with me, and we sat down on the couch. I could tell he was exhausted, but happy.

"I still have to clean all of this up..." It was more of an amused I'll-do-it-tomorrow statement, but I had this drunken simmering need to please him so badly that I shook my head and hit his arm.

"No. That's my job. I'll take care of it, you just take your beautiful ass right to bed, you hear me?"

He raised an eyebrow but laughed at me anyway, clearly amused by my banter. "Maybe I shouldn't have allowed the underage drinking after all..."

"Oh, please. I'm not even drunk, just a little loose. Besides, I'll be twenty-one in a couple of months anyway."

"Mmmm."

I hadn't realized how much closer we'd gotten until just then, when he hummed and looked me over. I could feel his breath on my face, and our limbs were just barely touching. Suddenly it was like my entire body was numb, sizzling everywhere we touched, and the champagne had become a part of my bloodstream. The fizz was all I knew, all I was.

Spencer's eyes found mine, and they didn't look away. They pulled me in slowly. I was powerless to stop it, not that I'd ever want to...

In fact, I very eagerly melted into him the second our lips found each other. My head swam, my fingers started tingling, and I was very aware of every movement we made. I straddled his lap, and he welcomed me with open arms, pulling me flush against him as his tongue darted out swiftly to taste mine.

I couldn't believe it was actually happening. Every few seconds I kept thinking to myself, this feels like a dream... It has to be a dream... Between the pent-up attraction I'd been accumulating for him over the last few months and the alcohol that loosened me up and dissolved any ounce of common sense I possessed, I felt like I was in a different world entirely.

He hardened underneath me and my nerves went nuclear, instinctively forcing my body to roll over his. I ground my hips, aching to feel that sweet friction that I'd only felt once before with another man— so long ago and so unbelievably dull in comparison to the sensations I was feeling in Spencer's lap. I was only barely experienced with sex, but I was experienced enough to know that I didn't have anything to be nervous about; This man would take good care of me. I felt it in my bones.

The thought alone sent my body into overdrive. I whined and rolled my hips relentlessly, wishing I was completely bare and feeling him so deep inside me that his absence would leave me haunted. I wanted to feel him forever. I wanted him to ruin my life and claim me as his own, until there was absolutely nothing left of me.

His hands cradled my head reverently as he continued to kiss me deep and slow, raising his hips up to meet mine and aid in getting me off. The gentle tugs of his fingers through my hair and the warm hums of encouragement he offered to my mouth as I climbed higher and higher towards that precipice of pleasure made me weak. I felt so fragile in his arms, like I was meant to be right there, allowing him to guide me wherever. I would have done anything for him, anything so long as he kept holding me and making me sigh—making me glow.

"Fuck—I'm gonna come," I exclaimed in a broken whisper, breaking apart from his mouth to bury my face in his hair. He brought his hands down to my hips then, groaning as quietly as he could into my neck as he helped me rock back and forth across his lap.

It wasn't an earth-shattering intense orgasm by any means; there wasn't nearly enough stimulation for that. But I was so wet and aroused that even the low, quick and burning pleasure that shot through my core for a few seconds was enough to satisfy me. I wasn't in any position to complain.

That was, of course, until I reached down to touch Spencer's belt, and he pushed me away. Not aggressively, but his hands—which had been so gentle and welcoming just moments before—had gone rigid. Frozen and firm, like he'd just been scared half to death.

He scrambled out from my reach and put so much distance between us that I went cold. My name tumbled from his lips in a regretful sigh, and it stung.

"We can't ever do that again."

"Okay," was all I could manage to say. I was still tingling all over, like my whole body had fallen numb and was now just warming up to the idea of having senses again.

"That was irresponsible. And I'm too old for you."

"M-hm," I agreed absentmindedly.

"You should go home."

"Okay."

"I'll call you a cab."

"Thank you."

I went home that night with a deep twist in my gut that wouldn't go away. The rejection hurt. It scared me, too, wondering if I'd still have a job when I woke up in the morning. Was that the last time I would ever see Spencer? And Benny? Had I really just screwed up the best thing that ever happened to me?

I barely slept. Every time I closed my eyes, I was back on Spencer's couch, getting myself off in his lap and reveling in his embrace. I woke up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat, hating myself for being so reckless, and even more so for not regretting it a single bit.

After I was finally able to get a solid couple of hours of sleep, I had a text message from Spencer waiting for me when I woke up.

I sincerely apologize for last night. The job is still yours, but I also understand if you don't want it anymore. Take a few days, whatever time you need, and let me know.

I was relieved, of course, but also deeply curious to know how we would keep things professional after something like that. I guess I was just mostly surprised that he was willing to, considering he seemed pretty rattled by it.

Still, If he was willing to try, then so was I.

I'm sorry, too. I wouldn't give up you and Benjamin for the world. All is well?

He texted back almost immediately; All is well.

It only clicked into place a few months later, once the initial shock of our "escapade" had faded away and we could return to business as normal. Because, really, the truth was we couldn't return to business as normal. We tried, but he never looked me in the eye for longer than a second at a time, he refused to touch me in any way, careful not to even brush my hand as he handed me my monthly check, and his small talk was even more painful than it had been previously.

Still, I continued to be Benny's nanny—and best friend, according to Auntie Penelope, much to her dismay. I still loved that kid more than anything in the world, and I still, unfortunately, wanted his father to kiss me again.

I was willing to let it all go, though, to admit that it was a silly stupid crush that could never come to anything and just deal with it like an adult, and then I had to overhear the motherfucker when he came home one night. I was resting on the couch, about to open my eyes when I heard the door open, but then I heard a voice that wasn't Spencer's. It was his friend, Luke.

Spencer cut him off then. "Quiet, please."

There was shuffling, keys being set down, and then a small laugh as they got closer to me. I didn't move a muscle, focusing only on my breathing. "Right. Don't wake the hot nanny, got it."

"She's right there," Spencer hissed, and I tried not to laugh. My insides flared to life as he added, "And I asked you not to bring that up..."

"Oh, come on, Reid. You have the hots for her; big deal. It's normal."

"So? I'm... I'm technically her boss, and she's far too young for me. It's not right, and you know that."

"Whatever. You do what you think is right, man, but I'm telling you; Ignoring it is only going to make you more stressed."

Spencer mumbled something incoherent, and the two shuffled off into the kitchen for God-knows-what. All I could think about was that he wanted me. It was probably killing him just as badly as it was killing me not to give into each other again. My mind was racing, my heart beat violently in my chest, and I knew then that I had to pretend to wake up or else I'd sit there and burst into flames.

I had to leave. I had to do something; What, I didn't know, but this revelation had me reeling and feeling a myriad of things, and I needed to sit with them, preferably alone so I wasn't tempted to just jump him on the spot.

"Did we wake you? I'm sorry." Spencer's kind voice warmed me from the inside out as I shuffled into the kitchen to say goodbye.

I quickly gathered my things and avoided his gaze. "Oh. No, you didn't. If you're back for the night though, I'm gonna go home. I'm exhausted."

"Little guy was that rambunctious, huh?" Luke joked.

I smiled and gave him a wink. "Oh, no. He was an absolute angel, as always. His daddy raised him well. Goodnight. See you tomorrow, Doctor Reid?"

He cleared his throat, rasping out, "Yes, tomorrow. Goodnight."

"Night."

I tried not to run mischievously out the door, willing my legs to be normal. But the second there was a tangible barrier between us, I bolted to my car, high on adrenaline and unable to wipe the smile from my face; I was wide awake.

Eventually, though, I realized it would be absolutely stupid to do anything about it. Did it boost my ego and my mood? Absolutely. It also softened the blow of his avoidance and his initial rejection that night; All of his behavior made much more sense. Sure, I was a little disappointed that he wouldn't entertain our mutual desire, but as long as it was there... It couldn't be that bad, right?

Wrong.

I'd gotten a text from him earlier in the day, asking if I could come over last minute to watch Benny. I wasn't going to say no, obviously, but when I got there to see him dressed up, I shot up an eyebrow.

"A little fancy for work, yeah?" I told him, hanging my keys up and listening for Benny.

"Oh, I'm... not going to work, actually. I, uh... I have a date."

I froze. I panicked. I didn't know what to do, what to think, or how to react. Naturally my thoughts immediately jumped to the worst-case scenario—visions of Spencer sleeping with another woman, someone older and not a nanny. Someone who was distinguished and well-read and smart, someone like himself. Someone who was more inherently right for him. It... made me sad.

Admittedly, I felt stupid even thinking that way. It wasn't my right to dictate his dating life, no matter how badly I wanted him; I knew what he tasted like, knew how it felt to come undone in his embrace, and yet I wasn't entitled to him solely based on that.

Still. It doesn't mean I had to like it.

"Oh... Um... Good for you," I told him, nodding and turning away in case he tried to profile me. "Have fun."

He said goodbye to Benny a few minutes later, and then gave me a polite, transactional wave on his way out the door. It shut, and it felt like my chest was collapsing.

But I was only able to wallow for a few seconds. Benny tugged on my sleeve and looked up at me quizzically.

"Auntie Y/N, are you sad?"

His sweet face lifted my spirits like it always did, and I didn't have the energy to think about the other emotions that were swimming around in my chest anyway. So I smiled at him and picked him up, shaking my head. "Not anymore, kiddo; I get to hang out with my favorite person!"

We spent all night munching on Cheeto Puffs and building Lego sets, and it was unsurprising to me that by the time I'd finished one, Benny had finished three. Still, our sets combined to make a larger one, and then we were able to give the people names and backstories and adventures.

Either time passed very quickly, or Spencer didn't last very long on his date, because the front door opened and I was surprised he was home before I could put Benny to bed.

"Daddy!" he exclaimed, running and dropping his half-eaten Cheeto Puff in my lap. I laughed and tossed it in the trash can on my way to the door, greeting Spencer, who was hugging his son tightly and making him giggle profusely.

"You're home early," I observed as he set him down.

"Had to make it home before curfew, of course." A joke. He was deflecting. I kind of hated that I felt relief at the insinuation.

"Of course," I agreed.

"So, what did you guys do while I was gone?"

Benny jumped and grabbed his father's hand. "Auntie Y/N and I made a whole Lego village! It has a library!"

"It does?" Spencer asked bending down to his level and positively beaming. The sight made my chest tighten.

"It really does! Do you want to come see?"

"Oh, absolutely. I just have to talk to Auntie Y/N first, and I'll be right in, is that okay?" He nodded and Spencer ruffled his hair. "Okay. Say goodnight."

Benny turned and ran to me then, and I squatted down to hug him. "Goodnight, Auntie Y/N. Thank you for building with me."

"Oh, you're welcome, kiddo. You're an excellent building partner; The best in the business."

He laughed and scampered off to his bedroom, and as I stood up, I felt Spencer's eyes on me. I couldn't decipher what the feeling was on his end, but regardless, it burned a hole through me and made my heart pound in my ears.

"How'd it go?" I asked casually, dusting Cheeto off my jeans. Did you do it just to forget about how much you want me? Did it work?

He shrugged and leaned against the counter with a lazy smile. He almost looked exhausted. "I'd have much rather liked to be at home with my boy and his best friend to tell you the truth."

My heart was racing, and I couldn't help but wonder what he was getting at. Was he fucking with me? Or was he simply telling the honest, innocent truth, while I was letting my lust take the drivers' seat and go searching for some insane imaginary intention to help along my hot-single-father/nanny fantasy?

Suddenly, I was the one who felt exhausted, and Spencer could tell. He shifted and continued talking. "Thank you again for staying with him on such short notice."

"Oh, anytime. It's what I'm here for. In fact, feel free to go on all the bad dates you want."

I don't know why it came out of my mouth, but I was glad that Spencer laughed. Still, I scrambled to get my keys and walked past him to leave, kind of embarrassed by the verbalized impulsive thought regardless.

His hand grabbed my arm gently before I could leave, and my heart caught in my throat. I dared to look up at him and immediately felt that familiar heat return to my core, suddenly very fragile under the weight of his gaze.

He studied me for a moment before he let go of my arm and cleared his throat. "Goodnight."

I couldn't help the feeling that he wanted to tell me something else. He did say he wanted to talk to me before putting Benny to bed, after all... So, what? That was it?

It was stupid, and I should have just told him, "Goodnight," back, but those damned impulsive thoughts kept dancing on my tongue with reckless abandon, and I couldn't stop them from escaping. So, without another thought, I tilted my head and asked him instead, "Was she my age?"

Spencer stared at me, something darkening in his eyes when he responded, "No."

I threw back one of his considering hums, glancing down at his lips before looking him directly in the eye and giving him a firm, "Oh." There were plenty more things I could have told him, none of them appropriate. But I figured I'd already had enough pushing my luck for the night, and reached for the doorknob instead of dragging it out. The night would end like it always did, with a formal, professional farewell.

I was about to finally tell him, "Goodnight," but his hand came down very gently over mine and rendered me silent. Our eyes met once more, and a shiver ran down my spine.

"Even if she had been, she wouldn't have been you."

And then he opened the door for me, and I walked out without another word, my head spinning and my heart threatening to give out on me. He hadn't even kissed me, but he might as well have; I was just as breathless.

ACT III: He Is Nice, But He Looks So Mean.

I was actually littered with nerves walking in the door the next time I came over to watch Benny.

I hadn't heard anything from Spencer for a week, until he called and asked me to come over for the night to watch him while he went to work. I was going to do it with no questions asked, obviously, but because that insane confession was echoing in my mind on a continuous loop since it happened, I couldn't even bring myself to think about seeing him again and knowing... I had no idea what reaction my body was going to have to being in his presence again.

It scared me, but also deeply excited me.

Once my body had enough courage to step through the doorway, my heart rate sped up exponentially, and then upon seeing what was in front of me, it stuttered with a terrifying halt.

Warmth flooded my veins and brought a smile to my face when the four-year-old boy I nannied for and loved more than anything threw his hands in the air and yelled at the top of his lungs.

"Happy Birthday!"

He ran up to me and nearly toppled me to the ground, and on instinct, my arms reached out to pick him up as he hugged my neck and listed off the things he did to celebrate.

"Daddy said your birthday was yesterday, but we wanted to give you a party just like you did for my birthday! So we went to the store and got you ingredients for your cake, and we made it just for you!"

"You did?" I exclaimed, setting him down and letting him lead me to the kitchen where the cake was sitting out on the table, clearly homemade by two boys who didn't know the first thing about baking or decorating anything. Spencer was standing across the kitchen table with a proud, albeit I-know-it's-not-much-to-look-at smile, but I barely had time to thank him before Benny told me about the process, step-by-step.

As he went on, I nodded and admired the cake, complimenting the purple and green swirls of frosting (his favorite color and mine, he explained), and the trail of assorted candies in the shape of a stegosaurus in the middle (my favorite dinosaur).

"Do you love it, Auntie Y/N?"

I hugged him again with tears in my eyes. I tried not to actually cry, but the tugging at the back of my throat and the blurring of my eyes was extremely difficult to push away. I realized then, as Spencer watched me with his son and looked like he might have been ready to cry himself, that it wasn't worth trying to hide. I was extremely moved and even happier in that moment than I think I'd ever been. I loved that man and his child more than anything I'd ever known.

So, I blinked hard and let the tears silently descend down my cheeks, kissing the side of Benny's head as I told him, "I love it so much. And I love you so much. Thank you."

I looked up at Spencer and said it again. "Thank you."

He nodded, reaching for the star-shaped candle next to the cake. "You're very welcome. Benny, do you want to help Auntie Y/N light the birthday candle?"

The boy squirmed in my arms and I let him down with a laugh as he excitedly reminded us, "That's my favorite part of birthdays!"

"I apologize if you find an eggshell," Spencer warned a few minutes later, slicing the cake after the song had been sung and the candle had been blown out. He slid my plate over and handed me a fork. "Benny and I did our best to fish them all out, but it's... surprisingly harder than it looks."

As Benny nodded in agreement, I looked down at him and took a forkful of cake. "Oh, I don't have anything to worry about. I'm sure you two are excellent eggshell fishermen."

The four-year-old giggled, but his father sighed as if to say, Don't say I didn't warn you...

To no one's surprise but Spencer's, the cake was delicious. I may have played it up for dramatic effect, putting on a whole show as I chewed and considered every bite, playing as if I was unsure and really critiquing the dessert. I set my fork down and looked at Spencer with squinted eyes, then slowly to his son. The suspense was obviously killing him, his small limbs bouncing with anticipation and a smile that suggested he was going to urge the verdict out of me if I didn't announce it very soon.

I decided to spare him the wait.

"Benjamin Reid... That might just be the best cake I've ever had."

"Really? No eggshells?"

I laughed, reaching to give him a high-five as he beamed up at me with sparkling eyes and a wide-open smile. "Not a single one. You should be very proud of yourself. You and your dad, both."

Benny hugged me again, and I glanced over to Spencer, who was slicing another piece of cake and staring at me with that intense look in his eyes, a satisfied half-smile adorning his face. A rush of heat came surging through my bloodstream like a tidal wave, and I had to look away from him or I was afraid I'd collapse on the spot.

Benny didn't know it, but he was saving my life in that very moment, as the three of us ate cake together. I refused to look at his father. I needed literally anything else to keep me from even glancing his way, and my four-year-old best friend's rambling habits were the perfect focus.

He told me more about his process for decorating the cake, and while I was genuinely a little surprised at how much thought there really could have been with the task, with an ever-moving mind like Benny's, it was actually quite clear by the end of it. It charmed me to no end and filled me with pride to know that I'd had enough of an impact on him to trigger this level of detail and consideration. Again, it's not like I'd never had people who cared about me before, but when it came to the Reids, my heart sang a tune I'd never heard, and it was the most beautiful, brightly vivid sound I'd ever had the pleasure to hear—to feel.

I was thinking too much about it, letting the song swallow me whole as tears stung in the back of my eyes and threatened to fall again, when Spencer's phone buzzed on the table. The sound grounded and intrigued me, even more so when he glanced up at me for a moment, right before directing his words to his son.

"Benny, Uncle Will is outside. Is your bag ready?"

He jumped from his seat and nodded. "In my room."

"Okay. Before you grab it, say goodnight to Auntie Y/N."

I felt the toddler's arms hugging my legs, and turned all my attention to him, refusing once again to look at the man whose eyes I could feel burning me alive with something deeply ravenous, begging to be unfettered. I had a feeling, creeping over my senses like a thick blanket of ivy, that I wasn't making it up and letting my desire for him take the wheel, either; Just as the loving, family-friendly song in my heart had been—bright and vivid—this feeling was just as much the same in its intensity, only echoed with a sound that felt very much like those dark, low hums Spencer always emitted alone in my presence. I felt it all around me and hoped to God that I wasn't about to leave this place feeling like a hopeful, stupid idiot.

"Goodnight, Auntie Y/N. Did you like your birthday?"

"I did, Benny," I answered in earnest, ruffling his hair. "You're very thoughtful and kind. Thank you so much."

"I love you, Auntie Y/N."

I squeezed him tight and made sure he understood every word as truth when I told him, "I love you, too."

ACT IV: When I Grow Up, I Wanna Be Your Girl.

The apartment was quiet when Spencer took Benny outside to meet with Will. I did my best to keep myself busy, cleaning up forks and plates, and wiping down the counter tops while simultaneously ignoring the hammering of my heart against my chest. The organ wouldn't calm down, even as I hummed to myself. It's like those nerves that I had walking through the front door that night never actually went away— only subsided for a little while in favor of wholesome celebration.

Part of me wanted to flee, but I knew it wasn't an option. Not really. I had to at least talk to Spencer and thank him for the effort. Perhaps I was good enough of an actress that I could pretend to have been ignorant of his glances all night, or at least that they didn't affect me like he maybe wanted them to.

Catching myself in the act of overthinking again, I grunted and slammed a glass of water, willing the fresh liquid to wash away any insanity. There was no use going through all the possible scenarios in my head, not when there wasn't much time before Spencer returned. No matter what happened, I wasn't going to be prepared for it.

I certainly wasn't prepared for the way my heart practically leapt out of my chest when he returned, softly opening and closing the door. It took everything I had not to turn around and allow him to see how nervous I was. I kept my back turned, hoping and praying I wasn't visibly shaking as heavily as I felt. I was warm all over.

His presence behind me was dense and ever-present― almost suffocating. I took my time drying off the plates and forks I'd washed while he was away, hearing him rustle around without a word or acknowledgement of me, and then he finally spoke. I almost dropped a fork.

"Why are you doing my dishes, Birthday Girl?"

"My birthday was yesterday..."

He laughed and came up behind me, a gentle hand on my lower back as the other reached around and took the silverware from my grip. I relented, feeling myself numb at his touch and trying to steady my breathing.

"Yes, but we're celebrating today. In my household at least, that means you're not allowed to do any work."

I turned around to face him as he set the fork down on the counter, his other hand still hovering over my back. It returned to his side, disappearing into the pocket of his pants as I crossed my arms and looked up at him. Thankfully, despite the constant whirring of nerves and desire coursing through my entire being, I was able to hold a conversation without hesitation.

"You're not my dad."

Another amused grin. "No, I'm not. But I am your boss. And as your boss, I'm asking you to take the night off and enjoy yourself."

The way he was staring down at me seemingly punctuated his words with a gentle seduction that made me ache with need. I was getting stronger and bolder by the second, leaning forward just enough to be toe-to-toe with him.

"Okay, then, Boss... Tell me, are there any restrictions to enjoying myself in your household? Because..."

The second I heard that familiar hum rumble from his chest, I knew I was in danger― glorious, beautiful danger. His eyes glanced down at my mouth for a second before returning to my own, his body leaning into mine and his free hand reaching out to trap me against the counter.

I tilted my head and brought my fingers up to toy with the tie hanging from his neck. "I am all grown up now, after all..."

"And I suppose you know exactly what you want..."

"Mm-hmm," I drawled, pulling him in closer by the tie. Our lips were barely touching by that point, and I felt my head start to pulse with anticipation as he urged me to go on.

"Well?"

"I want to be yours."

He hummed again, pushing his body to mine and bringing the pocketed hand up to hold the side of my head. "Mmm, Darling, you always have been."

And then he kissed me.

He tasted like sugar, but his intentions were anything but sweet. His mouth devoured mine with a fire that threatened to turn me to ash. Every sense I had was alight, engulfing me in a heat so intense that it was all I was sure to know for the rest of my life. It's all I wanted and all I needed.

I met his intensity with eager hands, exploring the planes of his body as his tongue did wicked things to my own. This time I didn't even need the champagne; I was dizzy on Spencer alone. The fizz boiled me from the inside out and urged my limbs to cling to him like it was my life's purpose. Hell, for all I knew, it was my life's purpose― to burn for him and let him consume me. To revel in his dancing flame and allow it to become my life force. I wanted it more than I'd ever wanted anything.

And I was sure to let him know that, too, refusing to hold back the string of whines and moans that escaped me every now and again. The hand that had been resting on the counter behind me came down to grip and hike up my thigh, our hips colliding just as beautifully this time as they had the last. The memory caused another wanton sound to tumble from my mouth, and Spencer caught it greedily, pulling back for air long enough to squeeze my thigh and sing me a praise of his own.

"God, I love the sounds you make..."

His lips were on mine again before I could respond, but I didn't even need to. Not verbally, anyway; I guided his hand down the side of my face and over my chest, pushing my body into him and feeling his fingers tighten. His kisses grew hungrier, and suddenly I was starving.

I was finally able to break away from his mouth in favor of tasting the skin and stubble along his jaw. Then, I buried my face in his neck and reached for his belt, praying he wouldn't jump away like last time.

Thankfully, he didn't. His grip on both my breast and my thigh tightened again, but he didn't pull away from me. His breath didn't even hitch.

I took that as a good sign and slowly undid his belt. The sound alone was enough to send a jolt of excitement between my thighs, though the visions dancing behind my eyelids of what I planned to do in just a few moments helped my pleasure immensely. I dragged my tongue softly along Spencer's neck before freeing the belt and sinking to the ground alongside it. His hands fell away from my body and chose to root in my hair instead. The gentle tugging at my scalp admittedly made me stumble, but not out of discomfort; I was actually quite surprised at how much I liked the feeling.

Spencer noticed, humming again with amusement as I went back to tugging down his pants. Still, he said nothing, instead watching me intently as I continued my journey.

I didn't hide the desire I felt as I palmed the length of him through his underwear. In fact, I couldn't decide if I wanted to keep my sight leveled or to angle it up at him, because it was a damn good sight either way; The sensual nature of my fingers gently caressing him, knowing what was resting beyond that thin layer of fabric and imagining how it probably felt to him, or the thick and domineering air between his face and mine, his gaze committing every movement I made to wicked memory...

With a sigh, I opted to lean forward, ignoring the sharp bruising on my knees and putting all my focus into the task at large.

Spencer seemed to tell I was thinking too much, gently massaging my scalp and cooing, "Have you ever done this before?"

Yes, but... "Not with anyone I've actually wanted this badly..."

"Mmm, that does make a difference..." he observed. "Whatever it is that you need to be comfortable, Y/N― tell me. Okay? Promise me you won't hurt yourself in any way just to please me."

A surge of heat exploded through me at the intensity of it all. He was sincere, and by the sound of things, sympathetic to my overthinking. It was another show of just how much I wanted him to guide me, to hold me in his comforting, knowing embrace and show me exactly how life should be lived. Every life experience there was to know, I wanted to know it with him.

"I promise," I told him firmly, not breaking eye contact as I tugged at the cotton between us.

His eyes struggled to stay open when I finally gripped his cock, feeling the weight of it in my hand and bringing it to my mouth. I glanced down then, taking in every ridge as it disappeared slowly down the length of my tongue. I reveled in the taste, in the fullness I felt the deeper it went, and once it hit the back of my throat and caused me to choke and pull back, I angled my eyes back up at his face to find the most heavenly sight I'd ever seen.

Spencer watched me all the time. I was no stranger to his intense gazes. But when I looked up at him that time, his mouth open and eyes so deeply darkened with need that they could have drowned me, I truly thought I might have died and entered the afterlife. Perhaps that was dramatic, but there was no other possible way for me to describe the feeling that coursed through me in that moment. Suddenly I was chasing it, longing to be in that state of euphoria forever, and my mouth eagerly went to work in pursuit of it.

I took my time, exploring the ways he could fit in my mouth and the ways my tongue could cover the length of him. I went in search of any pleasure point I could find, occasionally looking up to gauge his reaction and finding nothing but those beautiful, salacious pools of liquid gold.

Eventually, I was brave enough to take him to the back of the throat again, holding him there and seeing how long it would take before I felt the air leave my lungs. I repeated the process a few times, stroking him with my hand in between gasps of air and shivering at the way he tugged my hair. My vision was starting to blur, but I persisted, aching to know what he tasted like as he came undone.

Unfortunately, it wasn't in the cards for me to find out that night.

I whined as he held my head away from him, praying he wasn't backing out.

"Stand up, please," he asked softly. It sounded like he'd been breathless, and maybe he had. The thought that I had that effect on him calmed my nerves and made me dizzy as I stood, and his hands cradled my head once again.

"You are so good," he whispered, kissing me deeply. I melted into him, only for him to pull back and continue his praises. "So beautiful..." Another toe-curling kiss, and then, "So perfect."

My eyes fluttered shut as his mouth moved over my jaw and to my pulse-point. "My good, sweet girl," he murmured, and the words caused me to clench around nothing.

"Please."

The word fell out of me with a whimper and at its urgency, Spencer's mouth attacked my neck with a gentle, hungry bite that sent a shiver down my spine.

"Follow me."

And I did. I always would.

As much as I would have loved the opportunity to look around his bedroom and make banter about what I discovered on any normal day, my brain was so overwhelmed and numb with desire that the thought hadn't even crossed my mind.

Not that I would have had the time to think about it anyway; He was on me the moment my legs touched the edge of the bed, devouring my mouth once more and pulling me into his atmosphere with fervor. Willing myself to get even closer to him, I brought my fingers up to thread through his hair and was rewarded with another gentle tug of my own.

Suddenly I was extremely hot, squirmy and anxious to break free from the confines of clothing, and Spencer could tell.

He broke apart with a laugh, bringing a hand down to trace the collar of my shirt. "Have you no patience?"

"You're the one sucking my face like it's the end of the fucking world," I breathed when he shifted the collar and exposed more of my skin to the air, earning me another low grumble of a laugh.

"You're not complaining are you?"

"God, no."

"Mmm, good," he hummed into my cheek, reaching down and tugging my shirt over my head. The fabric caught on his nose for a second, bringing a laugh to the surface of my tongue before he swallowed it with another kiss and tossed the shirt to the ground.

Warm, nimble fingers spanned my bare stomach and thoroughly explored the surface area of me, up and up until they slipped under the backside of my bra.

"Is this okay?"

I pushed myself into him and nipped at his bottom lip. "Yes, Doctor."

Goosebumps littered my arms as he deftly unhooked the bra and slid it off my body, and I barely had time to take a breath before he was kissing me again, pawing at my chest and slipping me his eager tongue. My senses were on overload, that hot pang of need pulsating between my legs as I then fell backwards, letting him lay me down and settle himself between them. His kisses traveled lower, tongue darting out to flick over my peaked nipple, and I involuntarily arched up into him.

No one had ever paid this much careful attention to my body before—It was always a quick pleasantry to get out of the way before the main course. But the way Spencer held and touched and tasted me felt like a crash course in intimacy. He was still hungry for me, obviously, but he made it feel like it wasn't just about the destination. He savored each and every second of the moment in all its pent-up, beautiful glory.

Which is why, when he finally slipped a hand down the front of my pants, he seemed delighted to find that I was practically soaked through my panties already.

His middle finger pressed firmly at my clothed heat, and I sighed into his mouth.

"Look at what I've done to you... Poor thing. You're just aching to be filled, aren't you?"

My head had no choice but to arch backwards as I moaned into the open air at his words, my legs clamping around his hand. "God, Spencer, please..."

"So I'm not wrong, then?" he mused, teasing me some more and just barely pushing the fabric aside. I squirmed and lifted my hips, trying to guide him in the right place, but he pulled away from me then, leaving me cold.

Only a second later did the heat return; Spencer stood at the foot of the bed and gently helped me scoot to the edge. He removed the rest of my clothes and stared down at my bare figure as he unbuttoned his shirt, debauchery settling in his eyes as they raked over me. With careful consideration, once his shirt was on the floor with the rest of my clothes, he came down and caressed my inner thigh, slowly spreading my legs apart.

"You're so wet and needy, I'm willing to bet you don't even need me to prep you..."

All it took was one lithe finger to prove his theory correct. It slid into me with ease, and I whined out at the contact. One finger swiftly became two, and after a few slow pumps with no resistance, he seemed satisfied. "Mmm, that's what I thought... You've been ready for me for a long time, haven't you?"

"Uh-huh," was all I could manage under the circumstances. Every word and every touch was rendering me incapable of anything more complex.

He removed his fingers from me then, and leaned down to nudge my nose with his own. "How are you feeling?" he asked me in a whisper, fluttering a gentle kiss over my lips as his cock barely teased my entrance. It was such a simple question, but it only deepened the desire I felt for him— It was gentle and attentive and intimate...

"Never better," I responded earnestly.

"Yeah?" he cooed. He pushed into me slowly then, and I gasped at the pressure. "Are you ready to take it?"

"Uh-huh," I stuttered once more, crying out silently when he finally bottomed out and ground his hips in a slow circle against my own.

"Tell me what you want, little girl," he begged sweetly against my lips. "Please, I need to hear you say it."

I gripped his shoulders and pulled back a little to hold his gaze, almost gasping out again at the way his hips pinned me down. It was difficult to form the perfect sentence, but I figured I didn't really need to say much at all― only the whimper-y, pathetic truth, which was, "I want you so bad..."

"As you wish."

The words barely left his lips before he began to move, hooking my legs around his forearms and spreading me apart further. He fucked me deeply, and with a steady pace that knocked the wind from my lungs and already had me seeing stars. That had never happened before.

Spencer could tell, a grin forming on his face as he freed one of his hands and softly traced my jaw. "Better than you thought?"

Absolutely. But there was something about that cocky grin on his face and the lilt in his voice that made me want to be difficult. I struggled to talk through heavy breathing, but I managed to choke out, "Don't... flatter yourself."

I don't quite know what I expected, but it was a bit of a shock to me when he hooked his thumb into my mouth and pressed down gently on my tongue, quickening his pace inside me and making me gasp out again.

"Aw... Are you not enjoying yourself?" he pouted without a single hint of sincerity; He knew I was.

I cried out and involuntarily closed my mouth around his thumb, my insides burning alive at all the sensations coursing through me. My cunt clenched around him, and he cried out himself, laughing softly as he did so. "That's what I thought..."

I wanted to watch him the way he watched me, to study his features and his movements and take it all in with reverence, but he was too fucking good at this. He was so skilled in the art of rendering me senseless, all I could do was lay there and take it. He gave himself to me in the most intimate, soul-crushing way, and I wanted to bask in it forever.

His other hand snaked along the inside of my thigh and held me open for him as he looked down, watching himself fuck me. I barely caught glimpses of his wandering gaze, wondering how he could be so focused when it was taking everything I had to stay cognizant. I blamed it on my lack of experience with good sex, and silently vowed to myself that one day I would return the favor.

Until then, I would lay at Spencer's mercy and take pleasure in the simple fact that he was willing to give me this― to give me a piece of himself that would no doubt ruin any other partner. He was setting the standard and exceeding it simultaneously. He was kind and caring and considerate. He was thorough and thoughtful.

And he was making me come. Hard.

The orgasm hit me out of nowhere, my body stuttering in quick, pulsing flashes of pleasure that got stronger and stronger each second. Spencer fucked me through it with ease, never missing a beat. His thumb slid out from my mouth and down my chin, allowing me to cry out for him all I wanted, which, seemingly was his goal.

"That's my good girl," he breathed, his voice tight. Perhaps he wasn't as put together as I thought. "Let it all out for me... Please..."

Please... God, that word sounded so good falling from his lips. It echoed in my mind as I gave him what he wanted, though not from choice. It was like his movements and his words were designed specifically to draw the sounds from my body. I would have given them to him anyway, but I didn't have to try, and that was the magic of it all. He knew exactly what would keep me mewling through the most intense pleasure of my life, and I was more than happy to allow him the pleasantry.

His orgasm came at the tail-end of mine, and though I was steadily growing tired at the exertion, I found the strength to clench around him again, recalling how he'd reacted before. I reached for his hand and allowed him to lace our fingers together as he came with a loud shuddering sigh.

Finally, I was able to focus, another chill running its course through my nervous system as Spencer pulsated inside me. His movements faltered as he spilled over, filling me so deep that I had no choice but to gasp again. My name sounded heavenly on his tongue as it danced in the air behind curses and sighs, and suddenly I understood why he enjoyed hearing my sounds so much. The warmth that bloomed in my chest as I watched and felt and heard him come undone above me delivered me to the most prideful of feelings.

I watched as his face relaxed, felt as his body eased and fell away from mine, and before I had time to even think of what to say, he was moving, kneeling at the end of the bed and spreading my legs again.

Oh, my God...

I couldn't even tell if I said the expression out loud, but I certainly felt its gravity in my bones, low and reverberating as Spencer inspected his work.

His fingers barely caught what had leaked out, and then his tongue followed suit, licking a gentle hot stripe up the seam of me. My fingers clutched at the comforter underneath me, searching for any sign of stability as my senses started to lose control once more.

"Darling," he praised, kissing the inside of my thigh, "you took me so well..."

I was halfway through telling him, "Thank you," when he started licking at my clit, making me stutter. He took his time, tasting me thoroughly while filling me with his fingers. Between drowning in the residual pleasure of my previous orgasm and also in the sounds he was making below me, it wasn't long before another one approached. It was sharp and quick, making my back arch up off the mattress as Spencer sucked my clit into oblivion.

Rather than incoherent cries of pleasure, the only thing that dared to leave my mouth at the sensation was a very loud, very appropriate, "Fuck!" to the evening air.

The curse tumbled out over and over again as the orgasm rocked through me, and he pulled himself away from me at the end of it with a shit-eating grin. "Such a dirty mouth..."

It took me a few seconds to catch my breath, shivering as he climbed back up on the bed and laid beside me. "You're one to talk, Doctor."

"I guess I'm a poor influence. Sorry."

It was mostly a joke, but I could tell that he believed there was some truth to his words. I did my best to reassure him, not only because he was my boss and I needed to reinstate the idea that we both made the decision to sleep together, not just him, but also because I secretly hoped he wouldn't regret the decision at all— regret me. Selfishly, I wanted to know if he'd consider keeping me around as more than just a nanny. I wanted to know if there was even a slight chance that this wouldn't end in total emotional disaster.

"You have nothing to be sorry for... Nothing..."

Spencer studied me for a moment, something settling in his eyes that I couldn't quite place, but it felt... warm. It was a different warmth than the searing heat that his gazes had radiated before. Perhaps it was wishful, foolish thinking, but I almost imagined it feeling akin to the realization that you were falling in love— the type of warmth that terrified yet excited you all the same, that triggered your nerves and also gave you hope.

It reminded me of that dangerous, beautiful hope that lingered in his smile every time he'd come home from a long day at work to see me and Benny safe and sound in the comfort of his home.

His hand gently brushed mine, I laced our fingers together, and that's when he finally responded.

"Neither do you, you know... I meant what I said. Every word." His fingers tightened in mine, and I felt myself become breathless again. "You're perfect. And I'm lucky to have you."

"You're just saying that because it's my birthday," I joked, trying to keep myself from crying in front of him. I didn't know why that was so important to me, especially considering just a few hours ago I'd decided not to hide the truth from him, no matter how emotional and teary of a truth it was.

Spencer pressed his forehead to mine, sighing my name through a smile. "You are... the best thing that has happened to me since Benny. I was afraid to admit it at the start, but... You're so good to him, and so good to me... I genuinely don't ever want to know what life would be like without you."

I couldn't help it then. My vision was suddenly obscured by tears, and I was blinking them away, letting him capture my lips in a tender kiss that rivaled any other.

I prayed in that very moment that there would be more like them in the future.

CODA: All My Rings Will Be Made of Gold.

Turns out, there had been plenty more, and then some.

It's hard to choose a favorite, though obviously I'm quite biased when it comes to my boys. So, I suppose it's easy for me to recall the night I got engaged as my favorite.

I wasn't nannying for Benny anymore; He was in school during the day (Kindergarten! I cried dropping him off on his first day, and Spencer had to console me with kisses and ice cream), and by that point I'd been moved into the apartment for almost a year.

I was out grocery shopping, and when I came home, there were flowers all over the floor, bright colors scattered in an obvious trail that led to the bedrooms. I didn't quite understand what was happening, but my heart still hammered in my chest, unable to shake that feeling of warmth and hope.

"Boys? What are you up to?" I called, dropping the bags off in the kitchen and following the flowers.

They were both kneeling on the floor of Benny's bedroom, Spencer with an open ring box in his hand, and Benny with a piece of paper in his.

"Will you be my mom?"

Really, how could I have said no? There isn't a world in which I ever would have, but even still. Benny was unable to sit still, waiting for me to answer him, and I remembered the night they presented me with that first birthday cake of many for years to come. He was the same way then, happier than ever to surprise me, and meanwhile all I wanted to do was burst into tears over how much love I was feeling.

Unlike that night, however, I was simply unable to tease him with the anticipation of an answer. I couldn't even pretend to consider it, not for a moment. It was the easiest answer I'd ever given. To this day, it still is.

Benny ran up and hugged me the tightest he ever had before, and Spencer got up from the ground to meet us, slipping a thin gold band on my finger as I repeated the word to him through the tenderest of kisses.

"Yes."

THE END.

[illubean]

Hi can I get a nsfw scenario where Chrollo gently seduces the reader during her first time and discovers she has a praise kink? I feel like this man would be literal god tier to have

Gentle Praise

Characters: Chrollo Lucilfer Type: NSFW, Oneshot, Fem!Reader, College!au because I'm a sucker for scholar Chrollo

mueheheh >:) reader is a lil shy and awko taco in this but not like cringe stereotypcial "omg im so shyy >.<" type also this ended up being super long thus turning a scenario into a full fic oopsies

Warnings: maybe ooc Chrollo idk, mentions of alcohol, he calls y/n princess a few times, praise (fem receiving), oral (fem receiving) unprotected p in v sex (wrap it before you tap it kids), reader discretion is advised

Chrollo isn't quite sure how you ended up in a setting like this. You were a pretty little thing with a look so elegant you look almost out of place at one of Uvo's rowdy house parties.

The bright LEDs, loud music and cheap beers didn't seem like your kind of scene. But there was no way for Chrollo to know that for sure.

You stood off to the side near the snack table, slowly nursing your cup of jungle juice that you didn't care much for. You had only taken it from your friend since you felt rude to turn it down. Said friend of yours was currently having the time of their life. They were plastered, dancing through the crowd of bodies and mingling with other drunk partygoers.

You're not too sure why you even came to this party. You much preferred small gatherings, and you don't even like alcohol all that much. You sighed, awkwardly scanning the room until your eyes met a pair of onyx orbs. They belonged to a face you knew all too well.

Chrollo Lucilfer.

He was a year or so older than you, a psychology major. You've seen him around campus and even though he was well known for mostly good reasons, your friends still teased you for finding him attractive. Perhaps you had stared at him for a bit too long though, seeing as a smirk made its way onto his face as he got up to approach you.

You panicked a little, looking around awkwardly seeking a quick escape. You placed your cup down but before you could flee, a voice came from in front of you.

"Hey Y/n."

Oh my god he knows my name.

You managed to spit out a response, feeling your hands get clammy as you looked into his eyes. You were completely and utterly helpless. This man managed to reduce you to nothing but a nervous, sweaty mess simply by just existing. It was kind of pathetic.

But the man responsible didn't think so. Chrollo thought it was cute how awkward you got, not being able to hold eye contact and wiping your hands on your clothes. He was no fool, and he knew exactly what effect he had on you. As a matter of fact he had this effect on quite a few people, though none of them stood out to him like you did.

He would be lying if he said he'd never thought of you in a romantic setting before. You were a cute (your choice) major who he often seen walking around with Machi. From what he's seen, you're not so much of a partier and prefer to focus on your actual studies than crazy frat gatherings. Maybe your more mellow and reserved nature is what drew him towards you.

"I didn't peg you as the party type," he says, breaking you from your previous daze.

"Oh, I'm not. My friend over there dragged me here."

You pointed into the crowd towards said friend, who was currently standing on top of a coffee table, a bottle of some sort of strong liquor in hand as the people around them cheered them on.

Note to self: make sure they get home safe

Chrollo chuckled at the deadpan look on your face after you saw how drunk your friend really was.

"Seems like they're having fun. Why don't we sneak off somewhere more quiet?"

You felt the tip of your ears burn at his offer before quickly nodding as he led the way.

Leaving the loud, hot and crowded living room AND spending time alone with Chrollo? Score!

He took one of your hands into his own, placing the other on the small off your back, leading you past all of the other partygoers and up a flight of stairs. He led you into a rather plain room, shutting the door before letting go of your hand and flopping down to lay on the bed.

"Is it ok that we're in here?" you ask, not wanting to disrespect someone else's house.

"This is my friend Shalnark's room but he's rarely ever home. I crash here sometimes so I don't think he minds."

At his words you hesitantly and awkwardly sit on the corner of the bed, facing away from Chrollo. You had no clue what to do now. The both of you were silent for a while, the light thump of the distant music being the only thing disturbing the atmosphere.

After a few moments pass, Chrollo sits up and moves closer to you, leaning in order to make eye contact.

"You don't have to be so awkward around me, y'know? I don't bite. Unless you want me to."

You look away in an attempt to hide your embarrassment from the man before you, who only chuckles and grabs both of your hands.

"You get flustered so easily, how adorable."

One of his hands reaches up to the side of your face to turn you towards him. His beautiful onyx orbs were glazed over in what you could only describe as a mix of admiration and lust.

Oh.

Chrollo began leaning closer, you doing the same. Naturally, your eyes started to close as the two of you got closer.

Closer.

Closer.

Then he stopped.

You sat there in anticipation for a moment but nothing came. You opened your eyes and furrowed your brows in confusion, only to find Chrollo already staring back at you with a small smile on his face.

"Is this okay?"

You gave him a frantic nod, a quiet yet rushed 'yes' leaving your mouth. At the confirmation the man pressed a searing kiss into your lips, gently caressing the apple of your cheek as you reached your arms out to embrace him.

His touch was gentle, yet burning with the passion of a thousand suns as he led you to lay across the bed. His large hands slipped underneath your shirt, softly caressing your lower back and waist as he continued his assault on your mouth.

You whimper softly into the heated kiss, feeling your skin practically burn where his body came in contact with yours. He pulled away from your lips, leaving you breathless as he carefully removes both your shirt and bra.

Chrollo takes a moment to take in the sight of you, panting and topless beneath him. He swore he would brand this image into the back of his mind for the rest of his days, never wanting to forget how beautiful you were in this very moment.

"God, you're gorgeous."

His hands begin roaming your body once again as he planted searing, open mouth kisses along your neck and collarbone. You couldn't help but writhe under his touch, soft but needy noises leaving your lips. His words had an affect so strong on you that was unexpected.

Chrollo's hand trailed down the front of your body, slipping underneath the waistband of your panties. Two off his fingers gently prodded at your entrance, before trailing back up to swirl around your clit. You clenched your thighs with a gasp, wrapping your arms around the back of his neck to pull him closer.

"Who knew my pretty girl would be so sensitive," he coos. "Don't worry, I'll take good care of you."

A violent shiver shot down your spine and into your core. God, if he kept talking like this you might just be able to cum from his words alone. You whimpered, arms tightening around him to pull him impossibly close. He chuckled sofly, planting a few kisses across your face before pulling away completely.

Before you could whine in protest, Chrollo pulled off the clothing left on your bottom half. He settled himself between your legs, wrapping his arms around your thighs as he faced your glistening heat. He looked up at your through his eyelashes before speaking again.

"You doing alright, princess?"

You nodded, face flushed at the nickname. But this didn't seem to be enough of a response for Chrollo.

"You're going to have to use your words, beautiful."

"Yes! God, yes just please...continue."

He chuckles at your desperation before licking a long, slow stripe up your pussy. This draws a trembled moan out of you, which only egged him on further. He buried his face impossibly deep into your cunt, going down on you like a man starved while you reached down to grip his hair. He eased two of his fingers into you as your body writhed with pleasure.

He pulls away from you momentarily, eyes flicking between the sight of his lithe fingers plunging into you and the flushed expression across your face. He felt your walls flutter around him which caused him to smirk up at you.

"You're getting close, aren't you? Go ahead, make a mess for me."

He dove back into your core, determined to make you cum. His lewd words sent you over the edge, having brought you to your first climax of the night. He sits up, making eye contact with you as he licks your juices off of his two digits.

He crawled back up the mattress so now you were both face to face, arms bracing himself on either side of your head to keep himself above you. You wrap your arms around the back of his neck and pull him down to meet you in a heated kiss. You could care less that the taste of yourself lingered on his lips. All you could think about is how Chrollo is all yours right now.

After kissing you for a few moments longer, he pulls away from you to hastily remove his clothes. Your eyes followed his movements, starting at his toned chest and moving down his abs. There was a light happy trail that peeked out above the waist band of his boxers. Finally, he hooks his fingers beneath it and drags them down his hips and oh.

He was huge.

Your eyes widened as you took in all of Chrollo's naked glory, his pretty cock standing thick and girthy. His balls sat below it, heavy and full.

How the hell would that ever fit?

The man you had been gawking at chuckles before gently prodding your entrance with his fat tip.

"Don't worry, you can take it. I know you can."

Your heart pulsed at this, heat rising to your cheeks as you look away from him, embarassed.

"Nervous, sweetheart?"

He leaned down closer to you to plant a reassuring kiss on your cheek, trailing them down your neck and along your collarbone.

"...this is my first time," you admit bashfully, moaning at the feeling of his lips on your skin.

"I'll just have to take extra care of you then."

He pushes himself into you, the plush walls of your heat stretching to wrap around him. He continues to kiss you through it as you pull your bodies impossibly close to each other. After sheathing himself completely into your pussy he begins to trust into you, slow and sensual.

He only picks up the pace after feeling your body relax, his thick shaft stretching you deliciously well and hitting all the right spots deep within you.

"God, you're perfect. It's like this pussy was made for me," he grunts, fucking himself into you deeper and deeper with each thrust.

It didn't take long for Chrollo to reduce you to nothing but a moaning, babbling mess. Not only could he lay pipe like no one's business, but his praising words sent you to heights you didn't know you could ever possibly reach. You felt your eyes well up with tears as you felt your climax approach for the second time that night.

"Chrollo, 'm gonna-"

Your words were cut off with the sound of your own moan, feeling Chrollo's dick brush against your g-spot. Your pussy quivers and clenches around him, sucking him back in every time he pulls away.

"Wait for me, sweetheart. Just a little longer, okay?"

You whine, digging your nails into his shoulder blades as he speeds up and fucks you with newfound vigor. You couldn't hold back any longer, a white hot flash hitting you like an ocean wave as you cried out Chrollo's name. The man cursed, feeling you clamp around him impossibly tight, bringing him to his climax as well.

You wrapped your legs around his hips, prompting him to burry himself deep in your womb. His cum floods your pussy, making you feel impossibly fullwhile you pant, coming down from your previous high. You let go of him, body going limp against the mattress, absolutely fucked out.

Chrollo pulls out slowly, watching his seed drip from your weeping cunt, breathing heavily at the sight of you. You press your hand against your bloated tummy, causing more of his cum to spill out of you. His cock twitches as this, and he wastes no time in mounting you again.

"I'm not done with you yet, gorgeous."

may or may not have gotten carried away with this OOPSIESSSS ;p

[sleepingnova]

imagine miles morales confessing to you that he is spider man after he saves you from something idk I love him

sure thing anon :) I don't know if you wanted this to be a pre - established relationship, so I'm just gonna go on a limb here and do that. sorry this took so long, I had a sudden burst of motivation. it's 1 am, so this isn't proofread

wc : I don't have a fucking clue, how do you check your word count if you're mobile?? I wanna do that 😭

Friendly neighborhood spider - man

pairing: miles morales x journalist reader

summary : being new york's top journalist has its perks, but it always seems to attract the wrong type of attention.

Journalism. It's not for the faint of heart. When you have deadlines to make, interviews to take care of, and people constantly yelling either at you or around you 24 / 7, everything can be a bit time consuming.

That also means you get a lot of attention. Some good, while others..not so much. Sure, its nice to have a free coffee or cake pop every now and then for the articles and the interviews you do; people have always said you have a way with words.

You really don't even know how you got into this situation. The caffeine kicked in, which made you jumpy to everyone and everything, really. Your eyebags were not very nice to look at and to be honest, you looked a mess.

You woke up late for class, you weren't really feeling like getting out of bed anyways but you did it anyway. No makeup, no nice and preppy clothing, just you; and boy did that bite you in the ass. You were 95% sure that all the things you had in life were handed to you because you were pretty. For instance, the guy who hired you literally took one look at you and said "congratulations, you're hired. we could use a pretty girl like you for coffee runs, right sweetheart?"

With balancing college and your career as a journalist, it's not too difficult. So then why'd you end up in this situation? Getting cornered by 3 guys in a dark ass alleyway, and it's 3:05 am.

No one at your job comes close to you when it comes to performance. Every single time. The newest topic of discussion is Brooklyn's number one trending for 7 years straight : spider - man.

"Who was he?" is your focus. The CEO of your job was retiring, and he held a competition to see who would take his spot. He obviously had you in mind, but he wanted to make things fair and you told him you wanted to earn it, not have it given to you.

The challenge was fairly simple: Get an exclusive interview with spider - man and have him answer a couple questions.

You've done exclusives before, not a problem. Until you realized, major problem. He swings around the city 24/7 how in fucks name were you going to catch him? Until an idea came to you. You stayed up all night, then you got hungry, so you left your dorm and walked down the street to the 24 hour convenience store. You liked documenting what you do, so you were recording on your phone where you were going.

After getting some snacks, you left and couldn't shake the feeling you were being followed. You were. By 4 different people. One of whom was none other than the infamous Miles Morales or, well, spider - man. He saw the guys five minutes ago and didn't want to do anything until he knew for sure you were getting followed.

A bit of time passes and miles realizes, he lost you. He hears a muffled shout from down the street so he runs towards it, jumping from rooftop to rooftop.

Now your mind comes back to this exact moment. You can't really make out what the guy in front of you is saying, but you think he's trying to rob you, but why would he need two other guys to rob someone? Especially in the middle of the night. You look dazed and totally not scared at all, Miles thinks, as he's literally invisible right in front of you.

You come out of your trance to one of them forcing you onto the ground. You wiggle and worm your way away, but it's not enough. Fear settled in as you realized what they were doing.

"Hey! Let her go." A voice shouts. You reach into your pocket to grab your pepper spray as you see a bunch of webs and hear hard blows hitting, but it's really dark and you can't see in the dark for shit.

You start running out of the alley and back towards your building, you look back and see the three of them running after you. So you run a little faster, and faster, until you're full on sprinting down the street.

'Thank god my parents forced me into track and field.' you thought, as you got closer and closer to the building. As luck would have it, the doors were locked, and your key was in that bag full of snacks.

They finally catch you, and in a split second, you brace for impact, but it never comes. You're in the air.

You look up and there it is. This is the story that'll get you CEO position, you'll be CEO for the rest of your life. A thought pops into your head as he drops you off at his apartment.

'Was my phone recording everything? Oh shit it was.' you think to yourself as you pull out your phone, your eyes widening.

Another thought pops up. 'oh my god, I'm in spider - man's apartment. it's not even that far from my building.' you wonder as you stop the recording.

"you do know you're going to have to delete that footage, right?" he asks as he lifts up his mask and puts something in his mouth.

"I get your job as a journalist is important, but sweetheart, I gotta keep you safe."

You raise your eyebrow, "how do you know about my job?"

he shrugs as he removes his mask.

"Miles? What the fuck is this? Don't tell me you're.. You're spider - man?" You whisper yell as you back up towards his desk.

"The one and only, love. surprised to see me?" he chuckles.

it was then that everything started to piece together. he always bails on plans, he's always late and has sudden injuries. hell, you even saw his suit in his bag once, but you didn't think anything of it.

"wait.. what does my interview with you have anything to do with keeping me safe?" you raised a brow at him as he plops down on his bed.

"think about it, baby. Me swinging around being spider - man gets pretty complicated when there's an article released by my girlfriend about how she got saved, by me. It puts you in jeopardy, because criminals can find you and use you as bait, and because I don't know that you won't put my identity out there." he explained.

"but you know I'm not like that." you replied.

"yes, I know baby. it's just complicated." he said.

you sighed with a defeated look, knowing that your boss wasn't going to be pleased, but it was for the best.

"if it's alright with you, do you mind if I just stay here for the night? in the morning, on my way to work, I can ask for another key." you asked, softly, him catching your disappointed change in octave.

"yeah sure, that's fine." he replied, walking into his room.

"do you have a spare blanket? I can just sleep out here on the couch." you called to him.

"hm? uh yeah, I think I have a spare. unless you'd like to sleep in my room, with me? the couch is kinda uncomfortable, and it gets kinda cold in here throughout the night." he offered, shyly.

"what about your roommate?" you questioned quietly.

"he won't be back for another week or so, as far as I'm concerned, he'll text if something goes south." he answered.

you thought for a moment, then nodded as you followed him into his room and climbed into his soft bed.

"woah, this is way softer than I thought it would be. what softener do you use when you wash your blankets?" you wondered aloud, cuddling all in his blankets and he chuckled.

"uhhh, I don't know. my roommate does laundry. I don't ever go with him unless he needs me to, which isn't often." he responded.

'ah.' you thought.

"aren't you going to spoon me? c'mon miles, please?" you pleaded with the tired, little puppy dog eyes miles swore he hated, because he could never say no to you when you made that face.

"I'm sorry, I have a couple of essays to write still. Why don't you get the bed nice and warm, then I'll be in bed before you know it." he cooed.

your eyelids started to get heavy as you let out a small hum as you started to fall asleep.

when you woke up the next day, it was 8 am and there was a small basket in the chair next to you.

the basket was filled with your snacks from the night before all wrapped up in the bag still, a hoodie and some clothes to wear to class, a water bottle and a nice book for you to read. on the desk, there was your favorite iced coffee and a note with absolutely beautiful penmanship.

you smiled as you read the letter.

[ hello,

spider man here!

I only have time to answer one of your questions right now, so here it is.

Being a hero isn't about being famous or rich, it's about your own morals and how you stick to them. I started the whole "spiderman" thing when I was 14 years old. It was hard, I had just lost a family member and I felt isolated from my family. You wouldn't believe me if I said that under the mask, I'm just an ordinary person, just like all of you, but I am, really.

I chose to be a hero because I believed in helping others. I really have to leave, so I can't say much more.

Remember, anyone can wear the mask.

Until next time,

—your friendly neighborhood spider man. ]

while you knew that you couldn't tell anyone about who was really under the mask, a part of you felt proud that he trusted you with his secret.

should I make another part to this? likes and reblogs are always appreciated :>

[wembleygoodboy]

Wembley, may I ask where you got your name? Were you named after the puppet?

itis actuolly kindof a Lomg Storey, so iwill let dadmom tellit! 😊👍 (it also doubols as My Orogin Storey!)

[story time! this is gonna be a long one, so strap in, ahaha

so, i went to college for music (education and performance; flute performance, specifically. i can wipe my ass w that degree now tho lol), so i was in a couple different ensembles at any given time. in 2013, we were playing a multi-movement piece called "3 Ayres from Gloucester" by Hugh Stuart. the 3rd movement is called "The Fiefs of Wembley." you can listen to a performance of it here. wembley is apparently a location within london. think "wembley stadium!"

i always joked with my fellow flutist friend (we'll call her M) who i shared a stand with that Wembley sounded like the name of a mischievous cat. "wembley get off the counter!!!" "UGH NO why always on the carpet, wembley?!" etc. it helped that the tune itself totally sounds like the theme song of a somewhat skittish yet naughty little cat, parading around causing chaos until he's spotted, then darting away.

on october 3rd, 2013, i came into rehearsal and find M looking pretty distraught. i ask whats up, and shes like "i think i saw a kitten in the middle of the club lawn, it was just laying there, maybe its hurt, idk what to do!" im like okay lets check it out together, and our conductor (huge sweetheart) gives us the okay to go investigate.

sure enough, theres a tiny black blob just laying there in the middle of the lawn; not hidden away in the bushes where a mama cat wouldve left him. as we approached, the blob got up and awkwardly darted away towards the lil decorative pine shrubs dividing the lawn from a small parking lot. we followed it, and there he was: a small black kitten, crouched in terror, hiding in the shelter of the shrubbery.

i dont remember when exactly it happened, but it suddenly dawned on me. i turned to my friend. "M... its WEMBLEY..."

we tried to coax him out to no avail- not even food would persuade him, and he looked very thin- and he was a bit too close to the road for our comfort, so i asked my roommate to keep an eye on the lil guy while M and i went back to rehearsal. after it ended, we recruited a small gaggle of band geeks to capture the kitten. it was the bassoon player who finally caught him, plucking him out of a miniature shrub he'd tried to climb.

i swaddled wembley up in a black bandana i kept in my back pocket (for the Fashion™️), hopped into my roommate's car with my stuff, and headed back with my roommate to our little on-campus apartment. as i stood in the living room, waiting for him to bring our stuff from the car, wembley began to purr in my arms :,)

(to be fair, cats may purr to self-soothe when theyre stressed; its not exclusively an indicator of pleasure. but. Still, lol.)

turns out lil wembley was only a month old: just old enough for solid food, thankfully, but much younger than the age at which kittens are generally separated from their mothers for adoption, which generally occurs after 3 months. he also had a sprained leg, which made walking very difficult and painful for him. the leg was likely the reason he was abandoned by his feral mother, as if he couldnt keep up, she couldnt afford to stop for him when she likely had a whole litter to care for. understandable, but her loss was my (and wembley's!) gain. 💚

i had to tame him, as he was feral, and EXTREMELY fearful of humans, but i spent hours that night sitting on the opposite side of the bathroom, slowly earning his trust until, little by little, i was able to scoot close enough to him to pet him. he'd obviously never been petted before; the look on his little face was pure magic. he completely opened up to me after that moment.

i totally had myself fooled, thinking id find a home for him once his leg was all healed up (my vet major pal showed me how to make him a splint), but... then he started sleeping with me and... well..... yeah. nope. he was my son, and i was his dadmom.

and i always will be. 💚

BONUS PICTURES:

the first picture i ever took of Wembley (thats the bottom of a red solo cup i sewed fabric around so he could drink water from it without risking him getting cut on the plastic):

baby's first petting 💚:

he relaxed a lot after discovering the joy of Petting :)

settling down for his first night with us, too sleepy for this world 💚:

days later, with his lil foot in a splint, sitting in his temporary makeshift litterbox. the Poopie Prince!

...TL;DR, its the name of a part of london, and i chose it because of an instrumental piece of music. coulda just said that, i suppose, but I'll ALWAYS jump at the chance to tell wembley's Origin Story and share baby pics, ahaha 💚

-dadmom]

[httpiastri]

hehe so ever since you talked about college au!pepe i’ve been… doing a lot little thinking (maybe like everyday since) so im gonna give you something to read bc YOU MADE ME THINK ABOUT IT 🫵 now you have to deal with me. hopefully this gives you some inspoooo and a lil smth to think about bc i had way too much fun just thinking ab it LOLL

FIRST OFF ure so right with sebas, chris and pepe being college besties!!! like i think instead of living in dorms, they’d definitely share an apartment together jdbdjfjdjf i tried thinking about who gets to choose the furniture and decos in said apartment but i feel like they’d be giggling at everything they see at ikea, and they’d bicker about whose choices are better so apartment decor shopping takes wayyyy longer than necessary with these 3 and in the end they probs made a google form of their choices (like couches, lamps, dining table…), make their families vote and just buy whatever the families’ top picks are 😭

and somehow, pepe SCREAMS insane pining to me. hear me out… this man is career focused. not interested in anything besides his studies, he lowkey struck me as someone who would want to be a little bit more stable on his feet before he thinks about a relationship? especially with his newfound freedom of moving away from home to live with his best friends too. sure, the thought of having a girlfriend in college doesn’t puts him off or anything but it’s not something he actively seeks either ??? it’s nice and all but he thinks spending his time studying, hanging out with sebas and chris and his other friends, and going back home to visit his family during breaks is just as nice, if not, even nicer. sebas, even more so than chris, thinks pepe should loosen up a bit and would actively TRY to set up pepe on dates after dates with the single girls in his major for like the first semester and eventually gives up because pepe would either 1. cancel on them last minute bc he “forgot he has a presentation tmrw” (he does not!) or 2. could not care less!!! the girlies in sebas major–who fell victim to his date arrangements with pepe–would glare at sebas the day after (bc of wtvr pepe did) and every time he’s like 🥲 guys? 🥲 what did i do? 🥲

that leads me back to the main point: pepe is acquaintance to friends to ??? to lovers coded. LIKEE i can only imagine him getting together and potentially entertain the idea of a relationship with someone he KNOWS. reader (or yn?!) would be friends with sebas or chris because they have classes together, or maybe yn are friends w their girlfriends bc girl power 🥺🤘🏻 and then yn became friends w sebas and chris too so now she has no choice but be dragged everywhere to their hangouts and everything bc they love her!!! (or maybe bonus reader and pepe has like 1 or 2 class together but he never noticed until now) and pepe is a little bit confused every time bc like ? why do you keep bringing this random girl to our hangouts ?? eventually he came around and just accepts that reader will be everywhere he is now bc his friends would not leave you out of a hangout plan. idk how yet but when reader and pepe’s relationship shifted friends-ish to ??? zone he’s a bit like… okay that’s weird. he doesn’t know what it is but he doesn’t like how he feels when he’s around reader anymore like how he did go from tolerating your presence to thinking about every small interactions you guys have ??? like he’s literally losing sleep over it. why does he wish for his fingers to brush yours for longer than necessary when you passed him that bag of chips ?? why is he upset because you asked mark that sits 3rd row from the front for lecture notes, like he’s literally right there, top student of the class ?? why did he offer you his hoodie when you guys’ friends are playing volleyball on a basketball court (don’t ask why and how) one tuesday night in the park nearby just because you shivered a bit ?? i can think of more but i think this is way too long already so i’ll stop here for now JDHDJFJF

up for debate but sebas looks like a kinesiology major, and pepe and chris had def make jokes about it more than necessary 😭😭 imagine sebas is like “guys, i can’t hang out my assignment is due today” and pepe is like “what? you have a curling biceps due at 11:59?” and they’d die of laughter bc. teenage boys. everything is funnier than it really is :D

- 🎀

darling. oh my GOD. this is so!!!! 😭 "now you have to deal with me" oh there's nothing id rather do 🤭

okay first off YES them sharing an apartment is so on point. istg their families would end up getting so tired of their bad taste etc that one day sebas's and pepe's sisters (ive looked all over to find info abt chris's family situation but can't find anything anywhere 😶 so if he too has sisters then they too would be there) just appear at their door for an "intervention!!!" to make sure it all looks at least a little decent...

and yn being friends with chris's and sebas's girlfriends is so 🥺😭

correct me if im wrong but i have a feeling pepe would be interested in something along the lines of maths/physics/science because i think i remember reading somewhere that he liked that when he went to school? he seems like a smart boy to me. like i feel like he would be naturally good at everything he does in school and he could've chosen anything for his major, but he wanted a bit of a challenge so he picked something most ppl would find hard. and yes like you said, career-focused and not rlly interested in much other than his studies (like he strikes me as someone who would actually enjoy studying? esp when he has to work a bit to solve something) so he definitely enjoys that part of the college life.

also he would be a bit of a popular boy (though not the type to be overly boasty about it, more like "what? me? why??"). handsome, friendly, sweet, smart.... and everyone knows he's single, it's kinda common knowledge. so when sebas goes to people and tries to set them up with pepe saying like "oh he would adore you, you're SO his type!!" they get all happy and excited because "pepe!?! im his type??!!". but then they get stood up and eventually that becomes a whole thing lol, everyone knows that he's just a little emotionally unavailable...

and maybe pepe even went through a relationship that ended a bit badly so that contributes to his "i don’t need that drama in my life, i'd rather just study and chill with my friends" 🤷‍♀️

but about his feelings for the reader.... pepe really really didn't see it coming. he's so clueless about what happened and why his feelings changed all of a sudden. why can't he focus on his studies like he used to? why does the thought of her smile cross his mind even when he's solving equations? why is he up until 4am just thinking about her the night before a super important exam?

and suddenly, it's much more likely that he agrees to hangout with the boys (instead of saying that he really has to study like he does way too often) because maybe their girlfriends will come along and maybe they'll have brought you along aswell.

and he starts doing these little things that he can't even figure out himself why he's doing them. like when he knows you're running late for a lecture you share that's always pretty much full, he puts his bag on the seat next to him to make it seem like it's occupied, so that when you make it to class, that seat just happens to be the only free seat in the entire lecture hall... or how he just happens to have a few of those granola bars you love from the campus coffee shop (he totally doesn't keep them in his bag because he knows you don't like having breakfast before your 8:30am thursday lectures and you're usually starving by the time your shared lab class starts).....

i mean ofc it doesn't take long for you to crush on him as well. in a moment of unusual stupidity (there may have been some alcohol involved), you accidentally confess this crush to the girlfriends.... and of course they tell their boyfriends, and it doesn't take long before all of them begin plotting about how to get you together. sebas wants to tell pepe instantly, but chris stops him like "no no no, we have to think this through. this can't be like one of your usual setups, this needs to be properly planned". so they start canceling plans in the last seconds but not telling you or pepe so the two of you end up alone, etc. etc. and you think they're all so obvious that you just wanna crawl under a rock and cry – but pepe is so so oblivious and has no idea. he really thinks it's all coincidences 😭

––

okay this is getting too long already but i just wanna share one other thought i had 🥲 this is ofc further down the story but one night you're all out partying at some classmate's apartment, and you drink a little much... and pepe agrees to take you home, but you're way too drunk to even remember what dorm you live in. so instead, he takes you back to the boys' apartment since it's also, conveniently enough, closer to the party. when he walks you down the hall, he's got an arm draped around your waist and you're clinging onto his shirt to even stand up straight... and when you finally get in, pepe gets some makeup wipes from sebas's room and cleans you up 🥺 and then he finds you an oversized shirt and some pajama shorts for you to sleep in. and after he's tucked you into his bed and he's about to leave, your hand reaches for the hem of his shirt.

"please don't sleep on the couch... it's not good for your back, you'll be complaining about back pains all week" (bonus points if you've already stayed over before for some reason and he let you sleep in his bed while he slept on the couch, and now you're all "you complained so much last time")

and he says "no it's fine, really-" but you bat your eyes at him and go "please? for me?" and he eventually gives in, changes into another shirt and a pair of sweatpants and gets in next to you. from there on, it's just a blur for you both... neither of you can recall how you ended up on his chest... or how his hand made its way to the small of your back, holding you against him.....

but it's especially funny because when sebas and chris come home, not only do they think it's strange that pepe's shoes are by the door ("did he come back already? her dorm is a bit away, he can't be back already can he?") – the sight of your heels a few feet away makes them freak. especially when they don't see pepe sleeping on the couch as they'd expected when having you over. and, as the nosy boys they are, they can't help but peek into pepe's room and sure enough, there you two are... cuddled up like you're something more than just a friend of a friend.....

and when you wake up the following morning, you're a little freaked because !! what are we doing !!!! but then you feel pepe start to wake underneath you and you pretend to sleep again because you can't both be awake now; then you would know you both know about this sleeping position and you'd be forced to talk about it. it's much easier if you can both just pretend like it never happened. pepe smoothly gets out of bed, making his way into the kitchen to make some coffee, but he's startled when he finds chris and sebas already in there, watching him with intrigued eyes. pepe goes like "....good morning?" acting subtle and everything, but the boys just can't hold back from the teasing. "we thought you'd bring her back to her own place?" "was that too hard of a task, huh?" & so on....

and you end up texting chris's girlfriend and beg her to bring you some clothes from your dorm, because... the skimpy/flashy outfit you wore to the party yesterday to impress pepe is not something you want to wear out in public at 1pm on a random sunday.... but wearing pepe's clothes all the way back to your dorm doesn't feel like a much better solution either 😵‍💫

—

edit: DID I NOT COMMENT ON SEBAS BEING A KINESIOLOGY MAJOR ??? wait it’s 1am so my thoughts aren’t clear rn so i can’t write a lot (about to literally fall asleep) but omg you’re SO right. pepe and chris are not letting a single day pass without making fun of him for it 😭

[iicheeze]

3 MONTHS, 3 DAYS, AND 33 MINUTES

3 MONTHS, 3 DAYS, AND 33 MINUTES MASTERLIST

SUMMARY || you've always had feelings for your gray haired senior. To the point that you'd confess to the man in front of the whole Akademiya. Pitying you, he gives you 3 months, 3 days and 33 minutes to make him fall for you. Let the roller coaster of chaos begin!

PAIRINGS || Alhaitham x Gender Neutral Reader, slight Kaveh x reader

TW || cringe, use of slangs, the opposite of funny i guess idk just read it to see 😭

TAGLIST || @star-star-fall-inlove @nachotrash @baelloraa @itonashi @tanspostsblog @kalpie

(bold means I can't tag you)

CHAPTER I — ugly person thinks they're hot and confesses to crush in front of the whole Akademiya

“ I HAVE DECIDED! TODAY'S THE DAY! ”

Your yells echoed through the dorm hall, surprising everyone currently in it. Yet everyone understands what your words meant.

“ TODAY??? ” “ OH MY GOSH, THEY'RE GONNA DO IT. ” “ HOLY SHIT PREPARE YOUR POPCORNS ”

You've always had a FAT, MASSIVE, UNREQUITED love for a certain gray haired man in your college.

Sure, his personality may not be the best, but good lord, is his tits i mean body gorgeous.

But the thing is,

You two haven't even met yet.

You only saw him when you were running for your life to get into a lecture you're clearly late to.

And boy, did you fall.

Both literally and figuratively.

You may look and be labelled as the delusional weirdo in the college for wanting to confess to the man, BUT!

You still believe you have a chance.

Even if it's below 1%, you'll take the chance.

How will you confess to him?

Easy.

“ I LOVE YOU, ALHAITHAM! WILL YOU GO ON A DATE WITH ME? ”

You yelled, getting your feeling off your chest as you kneel with one knee, hand inviting the male in front of you.

However, the man in front of you is currently horrified. Not to mention, disgusted.

First of all, WHO ARE YOU??

Second of all, WHY IN FRONT OF THE FUCKING AKADEMIYA.

Third of all, why do you look like your proposing when you two aren't even acquaintances of any sort.

“ OH MY GOD. SOMEONE'S ACTUALLY BRAVE ENOUGH TO CONFESS TO HIM?? ” “ Bro, they're gonna be executed fr fr.... in public too... ” “ oh shit man, they're gonna get barbequed 😭 ” “ honestly, i'd be down bad for him too ” “ BABE??? ”

“ YES, GO CONFESS YOUR HEART OUT SLAY ” Your friend, Yoimiya cheered at the back of the crowd.

Currently, you and Alhaitham are in the middle of a circle-shaped crowd, all facing your way.

Finally taking time to actually breathe, Alhaitham sighed.

This person definitely belongs in a mental asylum.

“ I- I don't even know your name. ” The [taller/shorter] man exclaimed, “ It's [Name]! [Name] [Last Name]!! I fell in love with you ever since I saw you!! ” You stated loudly, as multiple laughs and chuckles were heard from the crowd.

The man scoffed.

“ Look, [Last Name]. I don't even know you, your major, what you do, what you don't do. How am I even supposed to go on a date with you when both you and I clearly have no knowledge about each other? ”

“ WE COULD GET TO KNOW EACH OTHER!! ” You stated, with a brave tone. In reality, you were breaking down on the inside. Good god, is he actually giving you a chance?? Out of all 1682628272 universe??

You were so pathetic it actually made him pity you. Your attempt was pathetic, your way of confessing was pathetic, good lord, even the way you dress is pathetic. You look even more homeless than a homeless person!

Alhaitham has encountered many types of people. Greedy ones, selfish ones, spoiled ones, ugly ones, pretty ones, kind ones.

Yet he has NEVER, EVER.

Seen a being so pathetic like you.

But he can't help but find this situation a little amusing.

“ Hmph, fine then. How about we make a deal? ” The man asked, tempting the person currently still kneeling on one knee.

“ I will give you the amount of exactly 3 MONTHS, 3 DAYS, AND 33 MINUTES to get you to make me fall for you. If you don't manage to do that, we will never see each other anymore for the rest of this timeline. ”

Was this just an intimidation tactic or is he actually asking for a deal?

“ And what if I manage to make you fall for me before the time limit is up? ” Sparkles seemed to appear around you, hope once again seemed to win the bloody fight of despair.

“ .. We'll see about that. Just to let you know, I'm not an easy man. ” His face grew closer to yours, your nose almost touching his. “ Well, I'm not one to easily give up as well. ” You replied, a smirk plastered on your face.

“ Yeah, we'll see. ” The control of his voice was so immaculate, you can't help but feel shivers down your bones. And upon saying that, he left. Seeming to disappear in the crowd.

Good lord, that was so hot.

You were originally going to stand up from your bone breaking position you've been holding for so long. But....

You realize you can't move.

“ WAIT, I CAN'T MOVE. MY CRAMPS. HAITHAM, HELP ”

author's note: sorry if this chapter is short 😭 the next following chapters will be way longer than this one as this is supposed to be like a prologue or introduction if yk wat i mean HSJHSJS

If there are any questions you can ask them at the comments!! and if there are any mistakes, please tell me!!

[devyuence]

How That One Only Friends Thread Demonstrated How Misinformation Operates: A Case Study (LOL)

Disclaimer: This is not really a case study but an analysis and venting room. Lol. If you are new here, this Tumblr account was originally made for my college majors so woop de woop. I am actually about to sleep but there is this one post in X about Only Friends that made me get up and type this post. I do not want to bring drama from other platforms but yenno.

If you are going to raise your brows at me for writing this, sue me, I guess. On what grounds though? Anyway, I will also not drop names like we only assign aliases akin to psychology case vignettes. After explaining the context, I will also delve into the audience's reaction to the said thread. I may be reading too much into this, actually no, because I made this yawn. I am typing this without a filter.

Anyway, this going to be a long-ass post...

Context: There is this one big account from X who is an avid viewer of Only Friends. As far as I know, big accounts are users who have a following of a thousand and above. Let us name this account user AB. According to the pinned tweet of the AB, they will translate for their fandom--the catch is, they will only translate specific scenes of the couple/ship they support. If they see that it is not related to the ship, they will cut it.

AB's Claims (aka their translation of the book):

Boston is in love with Top. Top got Boston's heartbroken that he started sleeping around and developed commitment issues.

Boston is mad at Top so he pushed Mew to Top because he thought the two would not take each other seriously--particularly Top because he is used to one-night stands.

Boston did not want to hurt Mew.

Boston is just a pookie and misunderstood character--this implies what he did to Top just makes sense

Counter-claims (from the same OF novel)

Boston sleeps around EVEN BEFORE he met Top

It was mentioned in the book that the reason why Cheum, Boston, Ray, and Mew are friends is because they are all rebelling against the standards set by society. Fact 1: It was actually established in the book that Boston hates living in the shadow of his father who is a respected politician. Fact 2: Boston sleeps around and is popular for giving people benefits. As such, he was threatened once to be exposed by the senior with whom he had an encounter. Said senior wanted them to stay for some time so they could brag about dating the politician's kid.

2. Will not argue with this one but come to think of it, Boston knows what he is signing up for. It was mentioned countless times that Top sleeps around and thinks of people as one-night stands. Top even created a rule and once they exceeded that certain time period, bye bye. The same goes for Boston. Even in the series, Boston does not want to have romantic relationships.

3. Boston ACTUALLY wants to hurt not JUST Top but Mew

If you looked for snippets of the novel, Boston actually called Mew bland. BLAND. Idk but calling your friend bland just because you think you are the BEST and is jealous is hmmm...

This leads us to...

4. Boston is not a pookie character, folks, and it is okay to admit it

He actually SAed Top. It was even stated in his POV that Boston forced himself to Top because he wanted to show him that he was better than his bland friend Mew. Yep. He is mad. He is jealous. He called his friend bland at that time because insecurity reared his ugly head.

To be honest, people have favorites and biases. I have one. You have one, too.

What I did not actually like is how AB specifically stated that they would not translate the parts except their favorite ship but cherry-picked translating aka interpreting Boston and Top's relationship.

As such, there are specific parts that are lost: like how AB did not include the part where Boston SAed Top. In the novel, it was much more detailed. Top actually had difficulties breathing to the point of almost losing consciousness. Yep, that is how extremely unsettling it is in the novel. He pushes his lower body to Top even if does not respond to him--because at that time, he is already in love with Mew.

So why am I writing all of this? I mentioned that everyone has biases but why? It is because I disliked misinformation and at the same time, I find it amusing how a simple fan's sentiments of Only Friends is actually a prototype of misinformation operations that can be/is applied in political spaces.

How is it similar to how the dissemination of misinformation works?

ONE: The thread has a deliberate omission of some information. Certain parts of the translation are cherry-picked because of their biases and yes, this is not the first time AB demonstrated their dislike for TopMew. This time, it is done in a subtle manner.

TWO: The thread evokes certain emotions in the audience. Like I've said earlier, we all have biases and certainly, we feel sad for our favorite character or celebrity especially if we think that they are underdog. An exemplary example of this is the way people feel sympathy for underdog politicians.

See how the Philippines voted for Duterte because he is a simple man who had no machinery but an honest mouth (actually just foul-mouthed and straight-up crap anyway). They also reelected Marcos Jr., aka the son of the dictator Marcos Sr., to the position. All because of misinformation.

In Only Friends, only Boston and Nick have no definite endings. Now that the two pairs ended up together but not them, fans of the ship are more vulnerable and easily swayed by emotions.

The comments of the users who interacted with the thread goes along the lines of: "Wow! I hate Top even more!" "Boston is just a baby who is misunderstood!" "He is my pookie. Sadlyf." "They did my baby Boston dirty."

THREE: The said emotions and ingrained ideas by the sources make it easier for people to ignore fact-checking and consume only what is available to them. You might think that I am unfair for comparing fandom reactions and sentiments to much serious world problems but like I said, this is a prototype. A mini reflection. Almost.

The most frustrating part is that some people do not bother to fact-check it--like if AB really has a book and is translating it based on the content OR AB is actually interpreting it, adding and subtracting things.

In addition, AB cannot give the page number of the source material so those who have the novel can check if what they are saying is true.

I mean this is not an isolated case. Even K-POP fandoms and the like are like this.

It just happens that this case unfolded in front of my eyes like wow. I need to write/type that. LMAO.

FOUR: AB's thread is a mini echo chamber

Once a fan/internet user is trapped in their own echo chamber and only sees things they like, they will most likely think that everything is true and what they believe is true is true. This is similar to algorithms used in misinformation and disinformation operations.

Going back, if you checked AB's post, a lot of people liked it and retweeted it. It has high engagements because AB is a big account. Let us face it, not everyone has the money to buy a book and they will consume what is available to them. The very same people are the ones who will engage with the post and retweet the hell out of them to show support.

Those who will correct the information AB has given will be ignored because people choose to believe the source. Like who cares if AB is wrong? It satisfies my ego too. Lol.

This is why YouTube removed the dislike button because it is a way for people to silently agree or disagree on something. This is also true for X.

The said echo chamber makes misinformation easier to spread. What is worse is if the source has a stable following aka large audiences.

I know, people will raise their brows and say that I am in an echo chamber too by liking Mew and to a certain extent TopMew but hahaha. Anyway...

If you are still reading this, wow! I hope you are still okay. Lol. I am sorry that I analyzed this thing way too much (in reality, I do not, I am actually typing the first thing I can think of).

I am sorry not sorry that the thread and the fandom behavior is just something that I had to bring it here and write. If people will criticize me for this, then, please be my guest. Lol.

Like did user devyuance just compare a thread to misinformation? Why not other threads? Why this one? I mean, this is something that I know of soooo. Wild? I mean, I just said what I said. The reason why my username is devyuance is because of deviance.

Sidenote, if you are still a college student in social sciences and searching for a research topic, you might want to delve deeper into this!

Raise your brows. Idc. Bye.

[lustbile]

hi :)

-

-

-

I’m typing this all at like. Almost 11 at night so excuse me please if it’s at all rambling or weird idk. I just felt like since it’s been over a year since I genuinely posted anything I need to say some stuff about me just going ghost.

So hi :) to old and the somehow new followers I’ve accumulated. How are all of you? I missed you all and this account a lot and I feel really shitty just kind of abandoning it the way I did so I think it’s time I give some explanations? Or like… I don’t know, life updates? Which feels weird to say considering I’ve always been very anonymous on this account, which I will continue to do in this so. Please enjoy some basic info about my life

1) I graduated college :) Which I think was a huge part of why I had to abandon this account for a minute. Those of you who are unaware, I was a studio art major, and if you think that studio art is an “easy” major you’d be wrong! That shit kicked my ass like no other. “Art school” just used to be old rich dudes giving a little freak some money and told him to paint or sculpt some dicks and god do I wish that was how it still was. I had to like, come up with concepts and reason behind my work, and create a shit ton of it to. I put my entire soul into that shit, defend the hell out of it in critiques, and my final work means so much to me. If I wasn’t anonymous on here I’d without a doubt post it because. It truly feels like I ripped out my little dumb heart and put it on paper/canvas

But with that, I’ve had to become real adult :( I’m doing what I can to make money off my work (which is going better than imagined) while also doing some part time work. It’s great, but very tiring.

Also 2) (this part will be short I swear) I have a long term partner now. I won’t say exactly how long we’ve been together, but I do live with them. And as weird as it may sound, I’ve never told them about this account or my writing. They know I like kpop, but not this side of it. And I think part of me is still weighing my emotions towards writing smut about kpop idols while being in a committed/monogamous relationship. But I digress.

3) With how busy I became around the time that my posting schedule really took a hit, I’ve also just fallen away from kpop :/ I still listen to the music and watch music videos and stuff. But the fandom side and the non music related videos, I completely lost on that now. And I don’t like that. Being into kpop made me really happy and I liked watching boys be silly. But it just feels like I’ve missed so much now. I like a lot of groups, but more than anything, I miss nct so much :( I don’t even know what they’re really doing now. I know some of them will be entering the military soon so I feel like maybe the fandom will slow down, and as someone who used to run a 5sos account, I know what it’s like to just feel like a fandom is dying. And idk. I doubt kpop fandoms are like that but. Okay yeah now im rambling anyways!

This is all to say, I miss this part of my life a lot. Keeping up to date with music, watching funny videos of my boys, talking to you guys, and writing. I still have so many stories half finished. So many ideas that im just so disappointed didn’t see the light of day. Maybe I’ll get around to it again, but im not exactly sure if/when I’ll be in the headspace to write smut. Which I know, I can write without involving smut. But some of my ideas kind of needs it I think? And if im being honest, would anyone read my stuff if there wasn’t smut in it? Idk and I don’t know if I want to know.

Anyways if you’ve read this, thank you but like also. Im so sorry about how much there is lmao. If you want to send me a message please do. I don’t know if I’ll respond to what’s in my inbox now, since I just feel like I waited to long and I’d feel like a dick responding now. But I promise to keep an eye out. If you just want to say hi or just update me on what been going on in nct (please I want to get back into nct even if it’s not for my writing). If you have any questions for me I’m here :) and just as dumb as I was when I left. And I would recommend the inbox more than anything. I get really anxious with dms and I’m horrible about keeping conversations going there, so my inbox is really the best. I won’t promise I’ll get to it like, the second you send it, as, awhile ago I turned off my notifications for tumblr. 1) because sometimes the notifications were cringe lmao. Like I’m very liberal with who sees/handles my phone and some of those notifications were clearly for fanfiction and I don’t need to be exposed like that lmao. But also because I started getting very, very anxious about how many notes/likes a fic got and how quickly and it just was so bad for my mental health. But that’s not the point.

The point is, I’d love to hear from any of you guys again, be able to talk about kpop and just shoot the shit. Which if I’m not writing (for now, we’ll see about the future because those old ideas are still gnawing at my brain) I understand if the traction and interest in my account has worn off. But either way.

Hi :)

[moonstruckme]

Oh babe I read your post about graduation and life after. I FEEL YOU SO MUCH!!!!!!! I’m graduating Friday and I pursued a film degree in a city with little to no opportunities for that industry. Don’t know why I did that. Sorry to my parents who sacrificed a lot to put me through school. Moving to a bigger city is not an option bc I can’t afford it. Might be moving back in with my parents might not be. Everyone is asking whats next for me. Girl idk. I’m stressed I’m anxious. I hate it here. The real world sucks and I just want to skip over all this character building stuff and get to the part of my life where I’m happy with a career and can actually afford groceries. Sometimes I wish my dreams weren’t as big.

Hi gorgeous! First of all, I'm so sorry you feel that way. I promise your degree has value whether you feel like you can get a job out of it right away or not, and I won't pretend to know how your parents feel but I doubt they would have sacrified anything if they didn't feel your education was worthwhile. Graduating from college is a big deal nonetheless ! We both know I'm struggling with this too but I have some pieces of advice that have been given to me and I've found helpful if you want them <3

Obviously, "almost no one works in something related to their degree" is a really disheartening thing to hear, and I bet you've been hearing it (like I have) a lot lately. But what I think the people who say that are trying to convey is that there is no shame in just doing a job that makes some money (and preferably also makes you happy), and sometimes that financial security can help you pursue your dreams with a bit more surety since you're no longer trying to find a way to eat at the same time.

A few months ago, I talked to my mom about how guilty I feel about potentially not being able to get a job relevant to my degree after she helped put me through college, and while I know not all parents feel the same way about this, I think she made some great points. She said that college is about learning how to think, and your education and the experiences you've had in college will always be valuable no matter what job you end up with. And did you have a good time? Did you like learning all those things you did about film? Did you meet some cool friends, or get to talk about your interests with people who get it? If so, none of it was wasted.

It's so, so easy to feel pressure from others when you're trying to figure out your life post-grad, but in my experience most of that pressure is really internal. People ask what's next for you because they're interested, not becuase they have any one specific path in mind, and the vast majority of the time if you seem happy, they're happy. If you're not happy, fuck it! Then your priority should probably be getting to a place where you are happy, and those conversations really don't matter when you've got bigger fish to fry.

Last thing, but as someone also struggling to re-orient herself in her life plan, I've been taking a lot of time to figure out my priorities. I kind of got stuck in this idea of what my life was going to be, and once that seemed less certain I started questioning what I wanted if I didn't have to do that. I'm making a pinterest board (always my first course of action haha), and it's helped me figure out that whatever I do, I want to be around nature and books, and to live in a mid-size city. Figuring out what I need to be happy has really put things into perspective for me, and I'm sorry I don't mean to assume we're in the exact same mental state but I just want to give you all the stuff that's been working for me in case any of it fits into your situation too.

You can still use your passion in film while working another job, or use that job to save to move to a larger city, or maybe even reflect and find that you're content keeping the film thing as a hobby and there's something else you enjoy doing for a career (I know how heartbreaking that can sound when you love something, but that's how writing has turned out for me so I just wanted to put it out there--feel free to reject it of course). For me, trying to open my mind to all the possibilities and re-evaluate what I want from the next few years has been super scary but also kind of exciting, and I hope that whatever happens for you you're able to find happiness in the big and little things. Wishing you all the best my love!

[my-castles-crumbling]

hi cas it's career advice anon

i hope you're doing fine even with the shitty situation rn with the elections

future anon is my best friend and i mean idk if i'm happier rn than i was but i think i maybe am and honestly i feel a lot more at peace but at the same time i'm less stressed about science yes and the engineering entrance exam but my mom still wants me to have backup options for careers with my subject choice and i get why she's concerned and yes the other people have always known that they wanted to do law but no one else's parents made them make a list of backup colleges and career options. might be bc i'm from a family based in science and their families are more into humanities but yeah it's just like "what if you don't like it" but i'd be better off taking legal studies instead of physics because even if by any chance i hate it, i'd still be good at it. i don't even remember the last time i thought about space and i always told myself that physics would get better over time but this is the fourth year and it's not even remotely close to better than back in sixth grade so yeah. everyone has mixed opinions, some people are practical, others are a bit more idealistic so idk whose opinion to put my faith in bc i genuinely don't want to continue with physics but at the same time i'm worried bc what if my parents turn out to be right but as future anon said it makes no sense for me to take it and everyone interested in law is taking legal studies so logically i should but what if (what if i fall? oh, but darling, what if you fly) and i'm pretty tempted to take that leap of faith but my mom still kinda thinks that i'm dropping science because i'm "lazy" and "scared of putting in the effort required for science" and keeps saying that i'd need to study even if i took law and i know that but she thinks i'm taking it because i think it's easier (i don't). also the colleges in my country are very stupid because why would i need to give an entrance test on physics if i want to major in computer science but i'm working on finding career options and colleges where shit will work out but honestly it feels like my mom and even my dad are too focused on my backup options to actually concentrate on what i actually want to do. i want to take up legal studies, either psych or polsci, maths and computer so i can get into data science or computer science if law doesn't work out and if worst comes to worst, civil services but seriously my subject choices are supposed to be made around my backup options, which i find stupid because my mom wants five backups like okay yeah i get her concern but i'm studying to become a lawyer, not a data analyst.

sorry for the rant ik you probably have a lot on your plate rn dealing with the aftermath of the elections

Hi!

Don't be sorry at all!

So I mean I get why your mom wants you to have backups- she;s your mom and she cares. But in the end of the day, you are the one who has to live with this career, so the first person you have to please is YOU. Do what makes the most send for your goals, you know?

Is there a way to take like one backup while still focusing on law? That way you're pleasing your mom a bit while doing what you want to do?

[anelaxoxo]

November books review:

• The virgin suicides ☆☆☆☆ : 5 boys obsessed with their 5 teenage neighbors who committed suicide, they couldn't get over them and their story even 25 years later so they keep "digging for answers". The story is written from the boys' pov so there's a lot of objectifying; the boys created a fantasy in their heads and ran with it. I could write a whole essay about this book so In short it's a great one. I watched the movie right after which is directed by sofia Coppola and it's amazing too (obvi).

• No longer human ☆☆☆☆☆ : this novel lowkey messed me up. The story follows a man named yozu who cannot for the life of him understand or connect on a deeper level with humans to the point where he thinks he's just not one of them; he lives his adult life as a faulty man leading what he calls a shameful life. I'm not sure what other types of mental illnesses the character is going through but the obvious one is a lifelong depression that id say is accurately depicted. The genius about this book i think is that although it mentions heavy topics such as addiction and suicide it doesn't feel heavy...if that makes sense, it's sort of written in a way that's casual and almost friendly as if it's gaslighting you into thinking that it's no big deal, which is why i find it disturbing. Easily One of the best books i've read. Also, horiki hate club? Anyone?

• Bunny ☆☆☆☆: Honestly what a trip. I kept thinking wtf is going on the further i got in the story & I definitely did not see that ending coming. Idk how to summarize this because i want you -if you're willing to read this- to go in absolutely clueless. So I'll stick to the basics. Samantha a college student in a prestigious art school or institute with a bunch of pretentious poets and artists including: "the bunnies". A group made of 3 girls that give off major culty vibes, who also happen to take interest in her. When she gets involved with them, all hell break loose. Gotta be one of my fav books; If you like what's considered "weird fiction" (i think) you'll probably like it.

• We have always lived in the castle ☆☆☆☆☆ : idk what about this book that i love so much but i really do; i guess i love it when a book confuses me then leaves me confused lol. I also love the haunting and eery vibes.

[spaceorphan18]

Has the alleged biphobia of Kurt in BIOTA always been an issue, or is it a recent upset for fandom ? I can see what the writers were intending - Kurt’s fear he’d lose Blaine to Rachel, and that’s why he said what he said. And Blaine’s retort that he’d say bye but wouldn’t want to upset Kurt was the writers trying to joke.

But it’s become the number one criticism of Kurt? And like so much in the show that maybe wasn’t an issue in 2010 is now an issue?

I mean, yes and no. I think the younger audience coming to it is less tolerant of this kind of stuff, and can be more harsh?

[I also think - and I'm not pinning this on one demographic - that people tend to see things in black and white, and weaponize mistakes to use as reasons to not like a thing.]

To put in perspective -- I am way younger than Ryan Murphy, but when I first saw this scene it made sense to me as someone who grew up in a time period when being gay was something you did not talk about, and a majority of people of people did not tolerate it. Like, at all.

Case in point - I have an old, high school friend who is gay. He came out in college as bisexual. He used bisexual as a way to kind of test the waters to see how those around him would react. Later, he fully came out as gay. It was a thing that happened, and a thing that happened way before society became much more comfortable with people in the LGBT community.

Look - I'm not saying that Kurt is in the right here -- he's not. He should not be dismissive of Blaine's sexuality exploration. But his words come from the fear, yes, Blaine would leave Kurt as a romantic possibility for Rachel. It is not indicative of how Kurt feels about bisexuals but about how he feels threatened of losing his one hope of an actual romance. And even though this script is credited to Ian Brennan, I have no doubt that Ryan Murphy, as an older gay man, had a big hand in this storyline.

I do know that Kurt had his critics back then. But I also think it's another way people can latch onto Kurt (or the show) being bad at being queer. Or another instance of pointing at Glee's biphobia. Now, look, I'm not saying Glee wasn't biphobic, because there are some really wretched instances of it, the worst being the fact that Brittany was never allowed to openly identify as such, but this is a Kurt's being terrible because of a personal thing. Not Kurt is terrible because he's biphobic.

And, idk Nonny, some people just like to take any reason to be mad on the internet.

[pmatga]

Just found your blog and I really like it ❤️ so if it's not too much trouble more head cannons about your OC please

you didn't specify which oc you meant so fuck it. you get Multiple

blair spellman

idk if i've ever mentioned it before (i probably have and i just forgot lol) but she has fire powers like her dad! they aren't as strong as his are though bc she's still alive and fleshy and made up of water. she really doesn't use her powers for anything more than lighting a cigarette when she can't find her lighter, however; that's bc she can't control them all that well. like she's not accidentally setting shit on fire left and right (not since puberty at least), but if she has a great emotional outburst (especially an angry outburst), Bad Shit might happen. thankfully blair didn't really inherit their father's temper so Bad Shit doesn't really happen all that often. don't get me wrong, they Do have issues with anger but that's more due to trauma than anything related to bets (plus she deals with her anger issues in a different, yet still unhealthy way)

is the type to wear axe body spray in lieu of Actually showering because "it’s basically the same thing, right?"

prefers nightclubs to house parties.

another thing that i don't remember if i've ever mentioned before: they were on the track team back in high school. their coach once told them that if they worked hard enough, they could really go places (funny how that worked out). she's not nearly as good of a runner than she used to be, but she can still, say, outrun a swarm of ghosts if she tries hard enough (adrenaline is crazy man)

their last name, spellman, is a surname they decided for themself. and even after reconnecting with their mom's side of their bio family, they still keep their last name as spellman. it's Important to them.

has little to no social media presence. like they have accounts but they never post, they mostly just lurk

she accidentally burned down the last place she worked at (a 7/11). an argument between her and a coworker got heated (pun only slightly intended) and…well. i'm sure you can guess. thankfully no else aside from blair & her coworker were there and they got out more or less fine, so she didn't kill or seriously injure anyone (and she's lucky she didn't). and bc they could never really prove it was her---everything pointed to an electrical fire, even if they could never figure out how the fire got started so quickly nor why it didn't spread beyond the store---she never got in trouble for it nor did she have to pay for it. it scared the shit out of her though, and ever since she tends to stay away from the vicinity.

robert jadeite

if he were in the show, there'd be a running joke abt him having Just So Many shitty jobs. does he just quit/get fired a lot, or does he actually have 15+ jobs? we will never know. for example: waiter, late night gas station attendant, cashier at pacmart (walmart), working the drive-thru at pacdonalds (mcdonalds), pacbucks barista (or maybe starpacs? idk), the guy at a water park who tells you when you can go down the slide, etc. he has so many jobs and he hates every single one of them.

has a semi-popular youtube (pactube?) channel. all his videos are either "sitting in my car or on my kitchen/bathroom floor" style rant vids or 1-3 hour long vids on a hyperfixation-induced rabbit hole he'd gone down.

prefers house parties to nightclubs.

has pretty bad insomnia. he's lucky if he gets 4-5 hours of sleep a night.

he's a college dropout (mental health reasons + mid-semester identity crisis) and was majoring in marketing prior to that. he currently doesn't know what he wants to do with his life and doesn't like thinking abt it bc thinking abt the future scares him.

orbitalia spheros

she’s betrayus & stratos’ half-sister and her bio dad is japanese (or pac-japanese? since tokyo is called pac-tokyo). she didn't meet her bio dad until later in life, as rotunda never told him abt orbitalia's existence. things were shaky between the two of them at first (orbie & her dad i mean) but they're more or less alright now

sunny and orbitalia were best friends back in high school. they drifted apart some in college but they were still very close. orbie & zac were Also friends but weren't As close as she and sunny were.

she Does Not have a good relationship with either of her brothers; she's never really been close with either of them tbh. it's mostly why she almost never comes down to pacopolis except to pick up elliptica whenever she visits.

has made a few attempts to get back into the dating scene over the years, but each and every time these relationships end up dissolving bc her heart's just...not into it (and also bc well. never receiving closure on whatever happened to her husband kinda makes it hard for her to properly grieve which makes it hard to Actually move on). she's still friends with most of her exes though.

akahiro murasaki

was Not A Fan of his in-laws. this is mostly for two reasons: 1.) if there is one thing that both of the spheros brothers are equally good at, it’s at testing the patience of everyone forced by social convention to interact with them, and 2.) orbitalia told akahiro Some Really Concerning Shit abt growing up with rotunda as a mother and stratos & betrayus as brothers. y'know that thing where you're telling someone what you think is a funny story only for them to look at you in horror bc it was actually traumatic? yeah. so while he was willing to be civil for orbitalia's (and later elliptica's) sake, he didn't really go out of his way to be overly friendly to them.

is a transhet man (he/him), he & orbitalia were t4t

liked wearing boots with slight heels (much like his brother-in-laws ironically enough). not really so he'd seem taller (he was 5'9" and was perfectly content with that) but bc they looked good and that's it

was quietly self-confident. he looked good, he was good at what he did, he knew it, and he didn't necessarily feel the need to flaunt it (those kind of ppl annoyed the hell out of him tbh).

that being said he Did have some insecurities, mostly abt whether or not he was actually a good husband and (later on) a good father. as i've said before, he wasn't the most emotionally demonstrative person in the world and he worried abt whether or not orbitalia & elliptica knew that he loved them. orbitalia did (even if she did occasionally have her doubts bc anxiety be like that) and elliptica did too (at the time, at least. nowadays elli's not entirely sure)

gwendolyn hollow

her voiceclaim is sally from the nightmare before christmas

you know how i once mentioned that she uses secret tape recorders to record things? yeah. she does that so 1.) she doesn't have to just rely on her poor memory, 2.) she can decipher anything she doesn't understand later, and 3.) as a sort of audio diary.

is an appreciator of small things, like buttons and strings of ribbon, rocks, animal bones, and such. sometimes she will stare at little things that interest her for so long that griffin or even the good doctor pacenstein himself have to tell her to “move along, girl.”

slightly related to the above hc: pacenstein & griffin call her "girl" a lot. keep in mind she's at least 20 years old.

her middle name, elizabeth, is derived from pacenstein's ex-fiancée elizabeth from way back in the 1800s. and yes it's fucking weird that a.) griffin let his great+ uncle name his first and only child and b.) pacenstein named his grand niece after his ex. like sure it's just her middle name but still. weird shit.

isn't allowed to interact or even show her face to any visitors to pacenstein manor. this is bc the last time she interacted with a visitor (it was literally just to take their coat), they took one look at her, got freaked out, and made an excuse to leave. she was never really told Why but was led to believe it was bc she resembles her great-uncle. it's not.

genuinely doesn't know Jack Shit abt almost anything that's happened outside the castle and what little she Has learned has been history from like...200 years ago, so nothing recent. a whole fucking WAR happened within her lifetime and she's completely unaware of any of it.

griffin hollow

as the caretaker of pacenstein manor and the only one who can/is allowed to leave the castle, he’s usually the one who takes care of dr. pacenstein’s personal affairs---gathering supplies and equipment for them both (yes sometimes this includes Literal Graverobbing), arranging meetings with potential clients, and finding out any recent developments in pacworld (never hurts to keep informed!).

is really fucking cowardly and tends to bend towards dr. pacenstein's will, especially where gwen is concerned. he is Far Too Willing to throw her under the bus if it means getting his great+ uncle's approval.

much like his great-uncle (and much like most of his contemporaries tbh), he believes that his intelligence is far superior to most people’s and that others should be grateful to bask in his presence. unlike his great-uncle (and most of his contemporaries), however, he also knows that this isn’t a stance that endears him to others, so he usually shuts up abt it.

he doesn't express anger in the traditional sense. like he won’t yell (most of the time), get physically violent (again most of the time), or even directly tell someone he’s angry. instead, he chooses to express anger by doing this…passive-aggressive, just downright weird shit whenever he's mad abt something. like "accidentally" locking someone in a room/out of the house, hiding things (usually sentimental possessions or necessary items like keys), turning off the heating/air conditioner with no warning, etc..

[baronfulmen]

since you made that post, i hope it's okay to ask for info? i'm impacted by US politics but don't know that much about them

i completely agree with you about voting being a must (i'm personally a palestinian with an isr*eli ID, so even though i do not want to legitimize their govt by playing at voting, i do it each and every election to try and curb the fascism... pretty unsuccessfully i would say, but i think of all the people who cant even vote in this 'democracy' and i cast my one vote)

and i saw a post explaining how in the US system, voting for a third candidate is basically throwing your vote in the garbage (very perplexing and vexing), but HOW, out of 300 MILLION people, the only two options are 'genocider' or 'dictator'. that's, as someone put it, the illusion of choice, like a choice between eating dogshit or horseshit. sorry for the language.

i've known Biden's anti-palestine stance for YEARS, and i still posted a lot encouraging people to vote for him, and i know that this genocide under trump wouldn't have been any better for anyone, but what kind of message would it be for him to get re-elected immediately after unquestionably funding and fully supporting this horrific phase of my people's ethnic cleansing.

so if it's not naive to ask: isn't there A N Y other option? idk forcing him to step down (since he refuses to keel over already), another democratic candidate, some form of litigation, or direct action, or anything??? do americans really have so little choice that they have to basically do election charades?

sorry for the long ask, i guess i am not immune to the USA's ''''freedom'''' propaganda

Most of it comes down to it being a two party system. First of all, just to be clear, it is always POSSIBLE for our parties to change. This can happen over time with shifts in priorities and ideologies, or (way less likely but theoretically possible) by having another party show up and take the place of one of the current ones.

But to become president you need a majority of votes from the electoral college and we don't have ranked voting (which would go a long way towards fixing some stuff) so that's always going to result in two big entrenched parties. Those parties then have a primary goal of remaining in power, since if they don't they can't accomplish anything else - plus because we have no effective restrictions on how money influences politics the politicians are basically ALWAYS campaigning for their next election rather than actually focusing on doing anything good (and they're getting the money primarily from corporate interests).

On the local level you can get some good people in there, and you can even get third party or independent candidates elected. And that's one way to change things, start really pushing at the local level and pack the government with politicians that are closer to the ones you really want to see. This happened (but in the worst way) with the Republicans, really getting big with the Tea Party movement which flooded the government with absolute nutjobs. It worked so well they doubled down, which is why we now have people like Marjorie Taylor Greene or Lauren Boebert or Donald Trump.

This same thing could be done but in a GOOD way, but much like Trump didn't get elected in a vacuum we would need to get the right people into Congress first. Short of that? Biden is bad, but in the same way all presidents are bad. He's not doing anything that his party doesn't approve of, so there's no reason for the Democrats to try and oust him AND no benefit if they did since he'd be replaced by someone that's functionally the same.

So, yeah. The presidential election really is just about voting for the lesser evil, and really people need to get WAY more involved locally.

That's all applicable to stuff in general, but when it comes to Israel specifically there's some other complicated shit going on that I'm not really qualified to speak on but which doesn't actually hinge on genuine support or non-support for Israel or Palestine at all, and is actually related to some Christian doomsday shit which I know sounds like a conspiracy theory but... well... we have some very influential people in this country that are eagerly looking forward to the Second Coming and judgement day and this has had a VERY real impact on our foreign policies. Just look up our current Speaker of the House, Mike Johnson.

I hope this answers some of your questions.